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lssue 68/Pesach 5773
Basking in the FreedomCrowned or Drowned /12Salt Water for My Seder/26Our Veterans Speak/60
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Mid-Atlantic Region:(347) 799-0496
E-Mail: [email protected] • Washington
Virginia • DelawareFlorida/E-mail: [email protected]
Jackie Horowitz
Monsey:25 Robert Pitt Drive• Suite 207
Monsey NY, 10952Phone: (845) 517-4347
Fax:(845) 517-4348E-Mail: [email protected]
Midwest Chicago:E-mail:[email protected] • Chaya Spil
England:107 Dunsmure Rd.• Suite 2London N16 5HTPhone: 44-208-800-2153Fax: 44-208-211-1773E-Mail: [email protected]
Israel:Rechov Gad 1/5 • Beit Shemesh 99545Phone:0523-770-444E-Mail: [email protected]
Services24 Hour Referral Helpline • ATIME Publications • Book & Audio Libraries• Committee for Halacha & Technology • Family Builder Program • Phone Support Groups• Insurance Advocacy & Support • Medical Referrals & Research • Menorah Adoption Project • National Medical Conferences • Online Support Network • Peer support • Pregnancy-LossSupport Program/ Extreme Grief Services • Refuah Network • Seminars/Educational Events • Shabbos Near the Hospital • Support Groups • Website • Weekend Retreats
Board of Directors• Avrumie Ausch • Moshe Blum • Naftali Einhorn • Yechiel Eisenstadt • BenyaminFeit • Shabsi Fuchs • Rabbi Aron Grossman • Avi Hager • David Jacobowitz • AlterKatz • Rabbi Dovid Lefkowitz • Rabbi Sendy Ornstein • Moshe Dov Stern • RabbiAron Twersky • Rabbi Benyamin Weiser • Rabbi Naftuli Weiss • Shmuel Zafir
Medical Advisory BoardNatan Bar-Chama, M.D. • Samuel Bender, M.D. • Alan Berkeley, M.D.• Jessica Brown, M.D. • Jerome Check, M.D. • Owen Davis, M.D. • Dan Goldschlag, M.D.• Marc Goldstein, M.D. • Richard Grazi, M.D. • Victor Grazi, M.D. • Jamie Grifo, M.D.• Lawrence Grunfeld, M.D. • Joshua Hurwitz, M.D. • Peter McGovern, M.D.• Nachum Katlowitz, M.D. •Harvey Kleinman, M.D. • Zalmen Levine, M.D.• Harry J. Lieman, M.D. • Prof. Bruno Lunenfeld, M.D. • Darius Paduch, M.D.• Steven Palter, M.D. • Andrei Rebarber, M.D. • Zev Rosenwaks, M.D. • Eli Rybak, M.D.• Daniel Salzman, M.D. • Mark V. Sauer, M.D. • Jonathan Schiff, M.D. • Peter Schlegel, M.D.• Geoffrey Sher, M.D. • Sherman Silber, M.D. • Michael Silverstein, M.D.• Richard Scott, Jr. M.D. • Glen L. Schattman, M.D. • Aaron Weinreb, M.D.
Support Services Advisory BoardProgram Director/Mrs. Sara Barris, Ph.D.Event Coordinator/Mrs. Miriam Fishoff
Mr. Meir BertramMrs. Rivky BertramMrs. Joy EhrmanMrs. Rivka FeitMrs. Myriam KalchsteinMrs. Malky KlaristenfeldMrs. Vivienne Moskowitz
HelplineHelpline Director/Rebbetzin LandauHelpline Coordinator/Esty Zafir• Shaindy Blau • Goldie Blum • Raizy Eigner • Shani Feit• Yehudis Grunwald • Chevy Jacobs • Chaya Kar• Malky Klaristenfeld • Devoiry Langsam • Elky Miller• Vivienne Moskowitz • Chaya Gitty Nissin • Feigy Schneid• Faigy Singer, RN • Miriam Tisser • Rivky Wertzberger
• Rabbi Mordechai Koenig • Rabbi Chaim Aron UngerRabbonim trained by the A TIME Institute of Halacha and TechnologyA listing of Mashgichim and Mashgichos are available by request only.
Magazine & PublicationsEditor in Chief/ Devoiry GoralnikManaging Editor/Mindy LowyContributing Editor/Chana Ruchy FriedAdvisory Editor/ Perry EksteinYiddish Editors/Yoel Z. Lowy/Chaya R. VitriolDirector of Advertising/Mr. Avrohom GutmanGraphic Design/Chanoch Glick
Founder & President/Rabbi Shaul RosenDirector of Operations/Mr. Avrohom Gutman
Director of Medical Affairs/Rabbi Mordechai KoenigDirector of Referral Services/ Rebbitzen Mindy Landau
Director of Services for Pregnancy loss/Mrs. Malky KlaristenfeldDirector of Member Services/Mrs. Brany Rosen
Staff Advisor/Blimy SteinbergShabbos Near the Hospital Program Coordinators
/Chaya Kar, Vivienne MoskowitzDirector of Volunteers/Perry Eckstein
Director of Community Affairs/Alter KatzMedical Consultant/Vivienne Moskowitz
Bookkeeper/Sender BrachfeldAdministrative Assistant/Ruchy Reinman
Office Manager/Malky SegedinEvent Coordinator/Miriam Fishoff
Insurance Advocacy/Zissy NeustadtHashgocha/Rabbinical Supervision Coordinator/Devoiry Langsam
Mailing Coordinator/Gitty GreenLibrary Coordinator/Shaindy BlauGraphic Designer/Chanoch Glick
A TIME welcomes your signed letters, articles and poems. Allsuggestions, comments and constructive criticisms are welcome. Allsubmissions become the property of A TIME and may be edited for
length and clarity. Articles and letters published in A TIME express theviews of the individual writers and may not necessarily represent the
views of A TIME. Please address all correspondence to:
A TIME 1310 48th Street, Suite 406, Brooklyn, NY 11219or email: [email protected]
A TIME, a non-profit organization that supports and educates those inthe Jewish community experiencing infertility, publishes this
newsletter 4 times annually (April, June, September, and December).A TIME does not assume responsibility for the kashruth or reliability ofany product or establishment advertised in its pages. We reserve the
right to reject any advertising for any reason. We shall not be heldliable for non-publication of any submitted advertisements.
Office: A TIME, 1310 48th Street, Suite 406, Brooklyn, NY 11219.
Main Office:1310 48th Street, Brooklyn, NY 11219
Phone (718) 686-8912 • Fax (718) 686-8927Helpline (718) 437-7110
Hashgacha (718) 686-8912 ext. 280E-mail: [email protected]
Mrs. Chaya OstreicherMrs. Brany RosenMrs. Sara SelengutMrs. Feige SingerMrs. Dassy SternMrs. Rachel TuchmanMrs. Rachel Welfeld
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Table of Content
EditorialLetter from the Editor 4Mailbox 6Timeline 8
ChizukCrowned or Drowned 12It’s Always Darkest Before Dawn 16The Seder Night 18A House of Hopes 20
Chizuk from WithinPesach Retrospective 24Salt Water for My Seder 28Drive On 30With Loving Care 32Legacy of an Adopted Child 33Piety at Its Peak 34Unanswered Cry 33
SupportDaunting Dilemmas 40Maintaining Friendships 42Avoiding the Breaking Point 44The Stress of Infertility 46
InterviewOur Veterans Speak 48
MedicalSubclinical Hypothyroidism 52How to Improve Fertility 54Celiac Disease and Infertility 56Myth of Bed Rest 58
HumorA Time to Cry… 60A Typical IF Seder 62The Segulah Hotline 64Laugh at Life 66
Forums 68The Little Girl in Me 73
Yiddish Section 78-97
A TIME was founded in memory of:rw hrnhw c”r tvri g”v • rw nrsfh g”v c”r tprho ruzi b”h
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Letter from the Editor
Dear Friends,Spring brings with it freedom. The butterflies prettily wing their
way upwards, unshackled, unrestrained, as they revel in the meta-morphosis they have undergone after being confined in their co-coons over the winter. The birds take to the sky in merry chirpingtones, spreading their wings in luxurious sweeps and happily re-claiming the outdoors.
And Pesach comes and we feel the freedom so tangibly. We sit atthe Seder and chant the age-old words of the Hagadah and withmuch gratitude speak of the bondage of Mitzrayim and the freedomwe were granted when we were taken from its shackles.
Gone are the winter coats and shawls, the layers without whichwe couldn’t brace the outdoors. We feel unloaded and carefree, in aspiritual as well as literal sense. We just feel so liberated…so free…
Or do we?We don’t always feel so blessed with liberty. We’re chained to our
circumstance and often might feel imprisoned by the things wedon’t have; locked in and looking through the bars at the unattain-able. We’re bonded by the odds against us and detained fromachieving what so many effortlessly do. We have heavy burdensbuckling us down, and we might wonder where our freedom hasgone. The innocent breeziness, the luxurious inhaling of the air on acrisp spring day; how can we find ourselves in this freedom?
We can view our troubles as heavy burdens, impeding our flight,leaving us grounded, and depriving us of the freedom so tangible allaround.
Or we can think of this story. A newly born bird was taking stock of her life. She tried to walk
upon her tiny feet but found it so difficult. She looked around atother creatures and wondered. Why was only she burdened by heavylimbs upon her back? They made functioning and carrying on so dif-ficult and exhausting. And so she took step after painstaking stepbeneath the load of those wings whose weight was giving her suchtrouble. She miserably went about her day, sulking at the injusticeof being given something that was just too difficult to carry.
And one day, her perspective entirely changed. Under the tute-lage of her mother, she flapped about her wings, those heavy, cum-bersome burdens that had made her life so testing and hard, andwith them she flew and reached heights none of the other carefreecreatures could. Those “burdens” upon her back suddenly changedfrom miserable and unwanted loads to the very key to her freedom.
Trials are wings, too. With these challenges that seem to be
weighing so heavily and impeding our flight and accomplishmenttoward being just like everyone else, we can reach heights attainedonly by baalei nisayon, only by burden-bearing individuals. We canfly way above our situation and troubles and rise to altitudes justbecause of the nisyanos weighing upon us.
We read in Tehillim (60:6), “Nasata liraiyecha nes lhisnoses.” Thisphrase can be translated in two ways. Nes is the root of the wordsboth nisayon and flag. We can translate this as, “I have given Myfriend a flag with which to rise.” And this can also be read as, “I havegiven My friend a test with which to rise.” Just coasting the terrainof life gets us to places, and a life lived in accordance with the will ofHashem brings us tremendous schar. But, carrying baggage alongwith us as we do so, and using these challenges as stepping stones,gives us an opportunity for even more, an opportunity to rise tolofty heights, above what is averagely attained.
In Tehillim (69:19), we find the words “Karva al nafshi geula:” Bringredemption upon me. We may be baffled by the singular term usedin this phrase. Since when is the geulah an individual thing? Whenthe redemption will come, it will include all of Klal Yisroel. Why don’twe use a plural term when davening for the geulah in this chapter ofTehillim?
The Baal Shem Tov answers this: Every person can bring redemp-tion upon himself. How? When faced with a challenge, a person isin a situation to bring a geulah upon himself. When a person oblit-erates his will to submit entirely to the will of Hashem, he is zocheto a geulah pratis, and he will liberate himself from any difficult sit-uation he may be in. He will be able to rise above his challenge, be-
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5“Freedom is the ability to do what’s righteven when you feel wronged.
cause in reality there is no freer person than an eved Hashem.Even more so, aside from the geulah and loftiness he will attain,
as we read in Avos (2:4): “You should fulfill His will in the same man-ner as it were your own, and He will fulfill your will and give youthe good which your heart desires.” So not only do we experienceredemption and liberation by accepting the will of Hashem as ourown, we are actually bringing our yeshuah closer, as those who en-tirely submit to and do the will of Hashem will have their desiresfulfilled.
So not only can the spring butterflies, birds, and kites soar un-fettered in the sky. We can fly too, to a freedom that only exists forthose who entirely submit to retzoin Hashem, and we can actuallybring yeshuah and salvation upon ourselves. Let’s view our wingsas tools for flight… and enjoy the freedom!
Wishing you all a wonderful and easy Pesach,
The Editors
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Dear A TIME,I recently had the opportunity to read the latest
Chanukah magazine and I want to thank you for a re-ally unbelievable production. I am B’H an SIF’er but still need alot of chizuk, and I felt so invigorated and inspired after read-ing the magazine. Thank you to every single one of you whostand behind this and make it happen. Your zechusim are envi-able.
R. K.
Dear A TIME,Thanks for the Chanukah magazine of this year. You
did a wonderful job in both the English and Yiddishsections. They are truly ‘Shaarei Tikvah!’
May you have lots of luck and further hatzlacha in all yourendeavors.
Yours,
S. R.
Dear A TIME,I just received my first copy of your magazine, and it
is just fabulous. It is so encouraging, inspiring and in-formative. Both my husband and I devoured it. I really appreci-ate all that your organization does for us. You’re a lifesaver.May Hashem repay you for your great work.
Sincerely
M. S
Dear Readers,
We would love to hear from you!Please email your submissions, comments, and suggestions [email protected].
Editorial
Mai
l Box
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This poem was received in response to the interview inour last issue, “Our Parents Speak.”
To My Dear Mother ,תחי’
In this dark night,I’m writing this letter to you,Along with my worries and agony in my plight,That surrounds us every day through.
It is so aching,And such a painful bother,But what is now overtaking,Are my thoughts of you, my dear mother.
Mommy dear,I do realizeAll your fears,And all your cries.
You cry along sadly,And it aches,To see nachas, you want so badly,And your heart breaks.
When I meet you every day,I see the desperation in your eyes,But you put on a nice play,And deep inside you stifle your cries.
You wonder when this will ever end,As you watch silently from the side,You wish to help, fix and mend,But you stay with hands so tied.
You raised me with all your heart,With love and warmth so good,You prepared me well for the task,Of my future motherhood.
You never thought,Nor did we,That the trap in which we’re presently caught,Will ever be our sad reality.
So yes, Mommy, to me it is clear,That tonight your eyes you can’t yet close,You’re anxiously praying with tears,That Hashem should help us in all our woes.
And in this dark night,When all my pain rises to the outsideI think of you, my dear mother’s plight,And I know how much you cried.
Mommy, I wish that our pain you no longer need toobserveBut it is not in our hands,We dream of giving you the nachas that you deserve,But it is up to Hashem, and He best understands.
One day, Mommy, it will come,You’ll reap the fruits of your harvest,With simcha, you’ll watch us build our own homeAnd you will see the answers to the tefillos that youinvest.!אמן
Your daughter who is thinking of you.
Feedback on Articles:
Mid-Atlantic Region:(347) 799-0496
E-Mail: [email protected] • Washington • Virginia • Delaware
Jackie Horowitz
England:107 Dunsmure Rd.• Suite 2
London N16 5HTPhone: 44-208-800-2153
Fax: 44-208-211-1773E-Mail: [email protected]
Dear Friends,
The Pesach A TIME Shaarei Tikvah Magazine is probably themost anticipated and appreciated publication. Pesach can be sohard. We know.
Remember that you are not alone. We are here for you. We knowwhat you are going through, and we will do whatever we can tomake it better.
Hold the magazine tightly and think of all the love and caringthat went into bringing this magazine to your mailbox.
A lot of wonderful people were involved. The A TIME magazinestaff works tirelessly and so happily in the most organized fashionto bring Shaarei Tikvah to you. Love the magazine? Drop the editorsa line…[email protected]. It means so much to get your feed-back. You are the reason we are so passionate.
Everyone in A TIME has been down the road you are traveling.We all know the roadblocks and turns. Although every couple’s jour-ney is unique, the feelings are pretty much the same.
You don’t have to navigate your medical journey on your own.The A TIME helpline is staffed with the most knowledgeable andkind people. For the best medical referrals, call A TIME. Need med-ication, need blood drawn on Shabbos, having insurance issues,
ready for supervision, want to join phone support, love great com-pany and creativity, need a knowledgeable dayan, nurse, advocacyby your doctor, file review, more guidance, a listening ear, a meal, ormore? Call us!
All of us at ATIME have one mission in mind; we want to makethis journey easier and faster for you.
Writing the timeline gives me a renewed appreciation for ATIME. In these past few months we have launched a new program,Meals with Heart. Meals with Heart will provide you with a warmand nourishing heimishe meal on a day when you need it most. Wehave a group of devoted volunteers who will prepare these freshmeals especially for you, of course keeping the most stringent stan-dards of kashrus, based on the guidelines that we provide. For now,we are starting out with the following locations: Boro Park, Williams-burg, Monsey, and Monroe.
To order a meal or to volunteer please send a text to 347-871-5177.
Our phone support is a very popular program run so efficientlyby our events planner, Mrs. Miriam Fishoff. A lot goes into the pro-gram, and it is rather expensive to run, but we know how much it isloved so it continues to happen. Thank you to all our moderators.
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Timeline
T • I
You make the program the success that it is. If you would like a schedule of phone support, e-mail us
at [email protected] a group; you’ll love it.
The new series, The Road to Resolution followed a beautifulphone series on pregnancy loss, Grief… Thank you Mrs. Malkie Klar-istenfeld for once again being the brilliant innovator.
The Road to Resolution will commence with a live in-office con-ference on March 12, 8:00 pm. Customizing Treatment to MaximizeSuccess will be presented by Lawrence Grunfeld, M.D. After hiscomprehensive presentation, he will be answering questions. Dr.Grunfeld is a great friend to A TIME and cares so genuinely for allour patients. I am sure he will be fascinating and extremely helpful.
Dr. Joshua Klein, Director of RMA of NY-Brooklyn presented Ef-fectively Diagnosing and Treating Infertility on Wednesday, February13, in the A TIME Conference Center. He was brilliant and very kind.We are so excited to have him in Brooklyn.
Mrs. Malkie Klaristenfeld and Rabbi Klar visited Phoenix, Ari-zona to help launch A TIME services for their growing community.
Mrs. Dvora Entin, our representative in Phoenix wrote this beau-tiful review on the presentations and meetings:
The Rabbanim meeting was especially successful with a solid at-tendance of all local Rabbanim. Mrs. Malkie Klaristenfeld spoke tothe women in the community in the most awesome home…theycried…they were inspired and moved and ready to help make a dif-ference.
Just a few weeks after the program, Mrs. Dvora Entin attendeda stillbirth and with her newly attained training was able to bringreal comfort to the grieving parents.
Mrs. Malkie Klaristenfeld told me recently that she had threebirths attended by A TIME grief counselors in three corners of theworld! Chevrah Kadisha for these precious babies is alsoarranged and subsidized by A TIME.
Once again, I’d like to thank Mrs. Chavie Klein for keeping thedrop-off and pick-up centers for pregnancy loss packets fullystocked at all times. Most packets get hand delivered the day theyare ordered in about twenty neighborhoods around the world!
The Shabbaton this year was the best ever. I am not sure whatit was that made it so special. The program was awesome. All thespeakers were fantastic, and the crowd was amazing. Ruchy Wald-man, our very talented party planner, made every room “WOW.”
The planning that went into the Shabbos was really apparent.We thank our extremely devoted host couples for a job well done!What’s truly amazing was that most couples thanked us for givingthem the opportunity to be involved…so impressive.
We thank Rabbi Uren Reich, Rabbi Y.Y. Rubinstein, Rabbi Naftuli
Weiss, Rabbi Ungar, andRabbi Shmelka Leifer for their amazing speeches. Thank you
Miryam Kalchstein for joining us this year as the guest therapist.And a very special thank you to our most sensational guest andspeaker, Mrs. Yendelle Roitenberg, a favorite A TIME Shaarei Tikvahwriter from Bnei Brak! Yendelle spoke so incredibly and beauti-fully...I never heard a speech like that! A pin-drop silence reigned,and we felt everyone’s heart connect to her. To sum up her pres-entation in one word: “Awesome!”
Thank you Rabbi Mordechai Koenig , Rabbi Ungar, Mrs. Vivi-enne Moskowitz, Rebbetzin Mindy Landau, and Mrs. Yidis Grun-wald for giving of yourselves so completely at the Shabbos andalways. It was such a treat for everyone to see the people behindthe names.
Our singers were also awesome. Thank you R’ Michoel Shnitzler,R’ Isaac Honig, Mr. Shimmy Engel and our special guest, Yossi Green!
Thank you Mrs. Baruch Kaller and Fraylich Ochestra.Thank you R’ Benyamin Feit for the most moving Siyum Hashas.
One of the sound people for the band on Motzai Shabboswas so impressed that he donated DVD’s of the most recent Ohelconcert for all A TIME couples!
Excerpts from a beautiful letter from Yendelle:...It was an amazing Shabbos. I met some of the most UNBELIEV-
ABLE people. …I saw the most fantastic views, I saw the steepest cliffs and the
rockiest paths, and I saw that all those walking that route have rock-like strength and keep climbing holding on tight to Hashem Who istheir rock of support - Hashem Tzuri vegoali. I saw yonosi bechagveihasela – those caught between a rock and a hard place – those inthe crevices of the rocks on the cliffs who know that if that’s wherethey are then they must be Yonosi – His dove who is able to fly –AND THEY REALLY DO SOAR! And you know where I feel like I sawall this from, from the bottom of a VERY LOW hill with my binocu-lars, craning my head upwards to catch a glimpse of all of you.
…We heard some fantastic talks, moving speeches, had greatworkshops, and poignant messages all delivered eloquently withheart and sensitivity. We sang and enjoyed heartwarming songs. Ourhands clapped, our feet danced, our hearts united and I hope withall that was on the packed fabulous program that I left some mean-ingful messages. You were a fantastic audience. I love speaking forATIMERS - such a “participative“ audience, thirsting for chizuk, drink-ing in every word - YOU ARE THE BEST!!
…I met and heard amazing speakers who shared fantasticthoughts - every word a gem to cherish. I met Rabbonim and theirwonderful Rebbetzins and met so called “ordinary“ people who areso “extra-ordinary” that I can’t believe Moshiach is not yet here. I wasin awe of Rav Naftoli Weiss who has been part of ATIME “for longerthan it has existed” if that is possible - he packaged his own pain away
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and even humored it, but for everyone else he cried and infused uswith strength and inspiration. Even before he opened his mouth, justto see him at the podium was a loud message of EMUNAH and Yid-dishe koach. I felt new meaning when I recited the brocha of sheloosani goy……how would we do it without emunah ubitachon andYiddishe rachamim where one Yid is always there to pull the otherYid up and help him along?
…We were treated like kings and queens, served too much food,slept on king size beds in a palace, but were depleted of sleep. Ourenergy was restored not with rest or sleep, but with chizuk, talks,workshops, creativity, laughter, friendship, empathy, compassion, un-derstanding, humor, song, dancing, choir, beauty, extravagant meals;each one laid out with unmatched creativity and so much thought. Isaw snow but felt only warmth. I saw some of the darkest, deepesttunnels, but I did not see darkness; in fact the light was blinding – itwas a light of kedusha, the light of kulonu ke’echod be’or ponecho. Itwas truly like the theme of Shabbos, a journey of song and miracles…
…Rabbi Rosen, Brany, Rabbi Weiss, Vivienne and every single per-son involved in the Shabbaton and all those who work belev sholemfor ATIME, may Hashem repay you all…sheyeshalem Hashem kefelkiflayim.
Mr. Avrum Gutman, our managing director is excellent,B”H. Everything is run so efficiently. He was so impressed with thestaff and how they worked under so much pressure.
In his words:….clearly it seems that B”H it was a wonderful weekend and, once
again, a super Shabbaton. The reality is that nothing happens byitself and that each of you in this office played an integral part inmaking this success. The fact that we had a great Shabbaton andthat it happened in such a calm manner here in the office is anothermajor compliment to everyone for working together on a commongoal and pitching in to help wherever you could. Everyone deserves ahuge pat on the back for a GREAT job done.
The A TIME Shabbaton in England was stunning in everysense of the word. Thank you to the wonderful U.K. staff for anamazing Shabbaton. Rabbi and Mrs. Yanky and Mamele Stern andRabbi and Mrs. Yitzchak Elya and Henny Englander and their in-credible team put so much heart and detail into every minute. I
personally loved their centerpieces at the Melaveh Malka. Thetheme was on the Mishkan and it was talked about all Shabbos. AtMelaveh Malka every table had another miniature of the Mishkanor one of its keilim. It was so spectacular and meaningful. It was nicethat there were couples from all over England, Belgium, Israel andVienna!
I was invited to speak to the mothers of our couples while inEngland. It was special. As a result we will be launching an interna-tional mothers’ support group! The first one will be before Pesach.Look out for the details.
Reminder: If you would like to be notified about A TIMEevents…text the words follow atimeevents to 40404.
All of our lectures and programs will IY”H be featured on our fu-ture “Kol Chaya” phone line dedicated to Mrs. Yocheved Weiss. Wehope to be able to launch this project soon. We are still exploringdifferent ideas for funding.
If you have time and would like to volunteer please email PeriEkstein at [email protected]. We are in the midst of set-ting up new crews for some of our services.
The A TIME Auction is out and in full swing. People are tellingus how much they like the stories in the booklet. They are all true.We hope that it will IY”H be successful. Join us for the live drawingon Wednesday, 28 Iyar, May 8. It is always a very entertaining andinspiring show. Listen live at 718-AUCTION or watch it live atatimeauction.org.
I’d like to sign off by wishing all of you an amazing Pesach wher-ever you are. May this be the year that Hashem will free all of youfrom this difficult nisayon and may we experience the geula she-laima together.
Sending you my best,
Brany RosenDirector of Member Services
“If you want something done, ask a busy per-son to do it. The more things you do, the
more you can do.
PROGRAMS & SERVICES
ADVOCACYGrant lobbying for infertility funding; bringing awareness of need
for new legislation to elected officials; keeping A TIME couples
apprised of changes to infertility-related legislation.
ANNUAL WEEKEND RETREATA Time’s annual relaxing and awe inspiring weekend getaway is
exclusively for infertile couples from around the world who join
together for the chance to escape their challenges. It provides
our members the opportunity to speak with other couples
experiencing similar stresses.
EDUCATIONAL EVENTSEducational and inspirational monthly seminars run by leading
doctors and therapists, providing comprehensible medical
information in a warm and friendly atmosphere.
AVERAGE OF 75 ATTENDEES PER EVENT
FAMILY BUILDER PROGRAMA large resource that aids our couples during every aspect, of
their medical consults, diagnostic testing, treatments,
medication, and counseling.
HASHGOCHA SERVICEUnder strict Rabbinical guidance, through the A
TIME Hashgocha program we ensure the
continuity of Klal Yisroel by providing
professionally trained Mashgichim / Mashgichos
for all procedures requiring Hashgocha .
90 supervisions per month in 8 Centers
HELPLINEProfessionally trained volunteers answering all
questions regarding infertility, and providing referrals guidance
and support to anyone who turns to A TIME for assistance.
OVER 1,900 CALLERS PER MONTH
IN-HOUSE THERAPYA Time provides professional therapists specializing in the
treatments of couples dealing with the challenges of infertility.
Our counselors are available by appointment.
INSURANCE ADVOCACY & SUPPORTOn Staff professional representatives fighting rejected insurance
claims and providing a resource network for infertility-related
insurance coverage.
LENDING LIBRARYThe A TIME library is a fully stocked reference library providing
the most up to date information available in books, magazines,
periodicals, and lectures (audio and visual). Materials cover
procedures, medications, inspiration, motivation and anything
else related to infertility.
250 VISITORS PER MONTH
MEDICAL REFERRALS & RESEARCHWhen it comes to referrals to medical specialists for the infertile
couple there is no better place to turn to then A TIME. Upon
request, our staff will consult with medical specialists to assist
and educate the couples. A TIME will do the research on any
recommended treatments available to our couples.
1300 REFERRALS PER MONTH
NATIONAL CONFERENCESNationally recognized medical conferences where leaders in the
field of infertility convene for a full day program of lectures and
workshops. A TIME couples attending have the opportunity to
learn from and meet with the best in the field.
PREGNANCY LOSS SUPPORT PROGRAMImmediate contact with couples who experience a pregnancy
loss or stillbirth. Arrange with Chevra Kadisha for burials. A
TIME also offers support groups and 1 on 1 counseling. A
compassionate, supportive package including inspirational
stories, soothing music, uplifting poems, and chocolate, is sent
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90 PACKETS SENT PER MONTH
QUARTERLY MAGAZINEA comprehensive and very popular magazine exclusive for A
TIME couples and for fertility centers is published 4 times a year.
Each magazine offers informative articles from medical
professionals on the advances in infertility; uplifting stories from
A TIME members sharing their experiences; lists of available
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humor, inspiration, information and a readers
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4,500 ISSUES MAILED
REFUAH NETWORKInterest-free loans as well as a comprehensive
list of lending society’s providing free items and
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SHABBOS NEAR HOSPITAL Full accommodations for hotels, food, local information, and all
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TIME arranges for a nurse to assist in Shabbos Courier services
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15 COUPLES PER MONTH
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Jewish Law.
WWW.ATIME.ORGA TIME’s website, provides our couples with a plethora of
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Crowned or Drowned
Seasonal Thoughts - Pesach 5773
There is an anecdote told from ancient times of a king whohad a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and
watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of theking’s wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by but simplywalked around it. Many loudly blamed the king for not keeping theroads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out ofthe way. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables.Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burdenand tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After muchpushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasantpicked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the roadwhere the boulder had previously been. The purse contained many
gold coins and a note from the king indicating that the gold was forthe person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peas-ant learned what many of us never understand! Every obstacle pres-ents an opportunity to improve our condition.
This story is a great analogy for the obstacles we so often en-counter on our own paths in life. At times we reach an impasse; theroute we are taking appears to be blocked by huge boulders and wefeel hindered, disappointed and disillusioned. We wonder whyHashem has put such enormous obstacles in our path, and we failto realize that hidden beneath the overwhelming challenges, liesconcealed a treasure or fortune for us to disclose.
When Hashem told Avrohom Avinu that his children would be
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We wonder why Hashem has put such enormous obsta-cles in our path, and we fail to realize that hidden beneaththe overwhelming challenges, lies concealed a treasure or
fortune for us to disclose.slaves in Mitzrayim and would be afflicted and suffer in-tensely and immensely, He also promised Avrohom and as-sured him, “Ve’acharei kein yeitzu be’rechush gadol.” Whenthe long years of unbearable affliction would be over theywould leave Mitzrayim with a Rechush gadol – with fabu-lous gifts, enormous acquisitions and great wealth.Weknow that this is in fact precisely how it transpired. At theend of 210 unbearably long years of bondage, servitude andsuffering, the Yidden were not only liberated, but they leftMitzrayim with a Rechush Gadol and incredible wealth.
It is brought down that this promise to Avrohom Avinureferred not only to Yetzias Mitzrayim. The nameMitzrayim comes from the root word meitzar and tzar.Anytime a Yid finds himself in ‘Mitzrayim and in Metzorim’strained, restrained and with restraints, he is guaranteedthat he will emerge with a Rechush Gadol. When we findourselves with boulders and obstacles blocking our way;when we are confined, oppressed or in a tight place; thenwe should remember Hashem’s promise to our forefatherAvrohom. We should feel assured that not only willHashem take us out from the straits and restraints whichconfine us, but in addition to that, He has promised He willgive us a Rechush Gadol.
Like the peasant in the above story, we face huge boul-ders and enormous hurdles and we carry heavy loads. How-ever, if we put our loads down and push the rocks out ofour way, we will find that The King – the Melech MalcheiHamelcohim has placed hidden treasures for us to find. Ourcircumstances might be unique, challenging and difficult,but because of our situations and our struggles we growand reach new heights. Our faith and trust becomestronger, and we become happier and learn to appreciateso many things that we might otherwise have taken forgranted. We meet incredible people, and we are given op-portunities that might otherwise never have been part ofour lives. The challenges transform us; we become moresensitive, selfless and spiritual. We learn coping mecha-nisms, strategies and skills; we gain experience and findtools not only to help ourselves but to help others too. Notdespite of, but because of our circumstances, we build aclose relationship with Hashem, form new and specialfriendships, develop talents, learn new skills and becomeinvolved with people, events and organizations that wemight never have even heard about had our circumstancesdiffered. The path may be a steep one and the boulders
may be massive, but there is so much to gain and to be ac-quired along the way. At times it might be dark and cloudy,but doesn’t every cloud have a silver lining? We are so for-tunate; we have a wealth of knowledge, the gems of Torahand chizuk, pearls of wisdom, rich meaningful lives, our pre-cious friends, the golden hearts of so many who help usnavigate our way on this journey, as well as numerous othergifts which enrich us and shine like sparkling diamonds.These are just some of the goldmines we discover on ourjourney. Can’t we view all this as a Rechush Gadol, a treasuretrove?
The Rechush Gadol received when leaving Mitzrayimpales into insignificance next to the real gift, which we weregiven only later on, after Krias Yam Suf in Midbar Sinai.Then Hashem chose us to be His nation: “Ve’atem tiyhu limamleches kohanim vegoy kadosh.” He picked us to be HisAm Hanivchar and to receive the Torah Hakedoshah, whichis the real Rechush Gadol.
We are told that when Hashem offered Klal Yisroel theTorah, “Kafah Hakadosh Baruch Hu aleihem es haharke’gigis ve’amar lahem; im atem mekablim haTorah, mutav;ve’im lav, sham tehei kevuraschem.”
Hashem told us that if we accept His Torah and sayNaaseh Ve’nishma we will become the Am Hanivchar, butif we do not, then we will be destroyed – necherav, buriedright there under the mountain.
There were two options “nivchar or necherav” -נבחר“ orThese two words are comprised of the identical ”.נחרב“letters, but depending on how the letters are juxtaposed,they mean entirely different things – nivchar meanschosen, whereas necherav means destroyed.
Not only at Matan Torah, but in whatever situation wefind ourselves, Hashem says to us, “This challenge can eitherbury and destroy you, or you can be mekabel RatzonHashem and realize that you have been chosen andselected to make a Kiddush Hashem.“
He wants us to take the challenge and to understandthat He put us in the situation not to destroy or crush us,but to shape and build us. We can feel either nivchar,selected and chosen for a specific, unique task and mission,or we can allow the challenge to crush, bury and destroyus and we will be necherav. It is just a minor change aroundof letters but a huge change around of attitude. To feelselected, to be nivchar, we have to say Naaseh Ve’nishmaand accept that this is the route Hashem wants us to take.
It is an arduous path with boulders and barriers but it alsooffers us tremendous opportunities and holds hiddentreasures.
At Matan Torah, Hashem gave every Yid two crowns.One crown was for having announced ‘Naaseh’ and theother crown was for having declared ‘Nishma.’ At times,Hashem gives us challenges, He selects us to make aKiddush Hashem, but we feel limited and confined. This isnot Hashem’s intent. He does not want the struggles todrown us; He wants us to declare Naaseh Ve’nishma; Hewants to crown us.
The word צרה, which means trouble, is connected tothe word רצ which means narrow, oppressed, restrictedand confined. It is from the same root word as מיצר and,מצרים and it conveys a similar message. צרה is also linkedto the word ,צורה which is defined as shape or form.Difficult situations are designed to mold, form andtransform us. The letters of the word צרה can berearranged to spell צהר. The word tzohar is found inconnection to Teivas Noach. It was either a jewel or awindow that allowed light to enter the teivah. Thisteaches us something remarkable. Every tzarah can beturned around and changed to a tzohar, to a window ofopportunity.
Mostly, we perceive difficulties and challenges asdarkness, but in reality every trial is a window ofopportunity and a jewel to treasure. Complexities andproblems in our lives keep us connected to Hashem. Theydo not darken our paths; they actually light up the way,help to keep us focused, and guide and direct us to findHashem and our inner selves. Our struggles are jewels totreasure; the nisayon itself can be the Rechush Gadol. If weallow it to be a jewel it will coronate and crown us, but ifwe view it as nothing more than a hindrance and anannoying obstruction it will subjugate and drown us.
David Hamelech tells us in Tehillim: “.בצר הרחבת לי“When he was in צר - narrowed in, oppressed and in troublethen הרחבת לי- Hashem brought him to expansiveness andrelief. The word הרחבת from the root word רחב – wide, alsohas the same root letters as the words נבחר and ,נחרב onlyrearranged in a different order. The tzarah does not haveto stifle and suppress us, it can offer us new and differentopportunities. Hashem does not want us to feel crushedand restricted; rather the challenges can broaden ourhorizons and make us bigger and better.
As the Am Hanivchar, we are oft-times chosen to carryout formidable tasks. Going into Pesach and especially into
Leil Haseder can feel like an enormous, insurmountablechallenge. Pesach is the Yom Tov of Zman Cheiruseinu, butinstead of feeling relief, liberation and freedom, we perhapsfeel shackled, suppressed and hindered. Our tears mightprovide us with a ready supply of salt-water, and we mightfeel bitterness long before the Maror is brought to thetable. Perhaps, though, on this night, when we recall thefabulous nissim of Yetzias Mitzrayim, we can also try tothink about how the Yidden left Mitzrayim with a RechushGadol, with tremendous wealth, possessions and gains. It istrue, at Har Sinai there was another everlasting RechushGadol - Kabbolas HaTorah, however, already at YetziasMitzrayim, prior to Matan Torah, there was also a RechushGadol. While we wait and daven fervently for the mostsplendid Rechush Gadol, for our tables and lives to be filledwith kinderlach and nachas, perhaps we can try to look forand enumerate some of the other benefits, gifts andtreasures that are already present in our lives now.
It might not only be very difficult, but also awkward anduncomfortable to have no one to ask us the MahNishtanah, but we can ask ourselves, “How has thisenormous boulder, the nisayon of infertility, made adifference, a positive difference to our lives? Whatopportunities has this boulder presented to us?”
Even if there is no one to take our Afikoman, we can stilltake the messages that Pesach offers us. Afikoman is calledTzafun which means hidden.We can attempt to look forthe hidden treasures that lie concealed beneath theboulder of infertility. Infertility is an obstacle, a huge barrierblocking our path; but can we find the opportunities andthe Rechush Gadol that this obstacle offers? Can we feelpicked out, chosen and elected rather than picked on,crushed and belted? Can we try to feel exclusive rather thanexcluded?
When we sing Halel on Seder nacht let us try to think,not about what we don’t have, but about what we haveand what we have gained. On this night when we drinkarba kosos and our cups are full, let us try to see our owncups as half full and not half empty. Even if now we aresinging from the confines and even if now there areoverwhelming boulders in our paths, we can try to take thetzarah, allow it to be a tzohar and use it to grow and glow.
There is a huge stone blocking our path, but we can lookat it as a precious stone, a jewel to treasure. We might nothave chosen this jewel, but once we have been chosen let’sfeel nivchar and not necherav. We can sing a heartfelt Halel,not brokenhearted but wholeheartedly because we know:
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Chizuk
If we allow it to be a jewel it will coronate and crown us, butif we view it as nothing more than a hindrance and an an-
noying obstruction it will subjugate and drown us.
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when we call out from the narrow -מן המצר קראתי קהstraits and confines then
Hashem answers us lovingly, lavishly -ענני במרחב קהand expansively.
• • •Just a few weeks ago at the amazing A TIME Annual
Retreat, Rabbi Y. Y. Rubinstein suggested that we keep an‘idiot-book.” Both his humor and this suggestion werefantastic.
I want to tell you about another book, one that I keep. Ihave a “Rechush Gadol” book. This idea, and in fact, muchof what is written in this article is another one of the manywonderful thoughts and ideas I learned from Joy Ehrman.My “Rechush Gadol” book is called, ”כוסי רויה“- My CupOverflows (Tehillim 23).
I once read a poem called “My Cup Has Overflowed.” Inthis rhyme the author describes how so many things in hislife have not transpired how he had hoped, envisioned orexpected, but he nevertheless counts his blessings and so hewrites:
I thank G-d for His blessings,And the mercies He’s bestowed.
I’m drinking from my saucer,Because my cup has overflowed.
One line of this verse has become a favorite quote of mine.Every day I find something about which I can say, “I amdrinking from my saucer”and then I write it in my ‘RechushGadol’ book.
Recently I received an amazing Rechush Gadol. KosiRevoyoh – my cup was so overflowing that I could not evendrink from the saucer. I had the amazing opportunity to joinyou all for the A TIME Shabbos retreat in America. I am stilldrinking in all the words of chizuk that we were offered overShabbos. I am so grateful to have met all of you. I amespecially grateful to have met so many wonderful peoplewho literally give their lives, day and night, heads and hearts,
love and compassion, knowledge and talents, abilities andstrengths 24/7-365 to help others. There were so manydevoted people, all cogs in the wheel who helped to arrangemy trip and made it materialize. You did a great job; it wasso smooth and enjoyable. I appreciate every one of you! Iadmire all those who are involved and work lovingly be’levsholem for A TIME, and I am grateful that in some smallways I can be part of and contribute to this tremendousKiddush Hashem.
I forged new friendships and learned so much from everysingle person who attended the weekend retreat. I lefthumbled but on a high. I came to inspire and to give, and Ileft inspired, having gained far more than I gave. I can thusequate with some more lines from the same poem, and so Iquote;
And as I go along life’s way, I’m reaping better than I sowed.
I’m drinking from my saucer, Because my cup has overflowed.
Thank you for inviting me, and thank you everyone whoparticipated; it was great to meet you and to get to knowyou all. This was an amazing and uplifting experience for me;it was not just a retreat, but also a great treat. I will treasurethe precious memories of this Shabbos forever. It was trulya musical journey of Nissim Ve’niflaos, filled with valuablesuggestions, Torah gems, pearls of wisdom, golden heartsand precious friends. It was definitely a RECHUSH GADOL– a goldmine, a tremendous opportunity that came aboutonly because of the obstacles that Hashem has placed onmy path!
When we fill our cups on Seder night, very likely some ofthe strong red wine will spill over and when it does we willthink about Kosi Revoyoh. We will raise our voices in song,and we will raise our cups as we sing the words כוס ישועותWe will remember the Rechush Gadol .אשא that has beenpromised to us. ובשם ד’ אקרא and we will count ourblessings, grateful to be ‘drinking from the saucer, becauseour cups have overflowed.’
“We don’t see things as they are;we see them as we are.
The sky is inky black, the moon but a small slice of light, barely visible in thenight. Yet, that luminous sliver signifies to us the start of a new month,heralding Rosh Chodesh.
One might expect the observance of Rosh Chodesh to take place whenthe moon is full – when its luminance is most pronounced. But RoshChodesh is celebrated as the moon rejuvenates, when its presence is essen-tially invisible.
Rabbi Soloveitchik explains that while Shabbos and Yom Tov are sanc-tified due to their association with specific historical or religious events, thesignificance of Rosh Chodesh stems from the Jewish belief in renewal. By cel-ebrating the new moon, the Yid identifies with the moon’s revival – ex-pressing our belief that illumination can stem from a state of darkness. Ourhistory is defined by periods of darkness that would have erased any othernation. Yet, despite our oppression, we have risen regenerated. Thus themessage is permeated: There is light after dark.
The Yid is imbued with a “Rosh Chodesh Personality” that is defined byfaith in a redemption that is yet to come. The Yid looks to the future. TheRosh Chodesh personality sings and dances. One only has to look at DavidHamelech to see this character trait exemplified. Despite constant travails,David composed Tehillim, singing his praise through every facet of his belief.Though our redemption tarries, it will come! No matter how difficult thecircumstance, a Yid embraces life with hope. When it is darkest, the lightmust surely follow.
Parshas Bo tells of the last three plagues. Also included in the parshah isour first commandment as a community – the keeping of the new moon
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Rabbi Eliyahu Safran
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and Jewish calendar, as well as Pesach.
The parshah speaks of the concept of redemption that is implicit inRosh Chodesh. Hashem tells Moshe why the plagues are happening:“So that you (the Hebrews) will tell in the ears of your children and yourchildren’s children that Hashem acted upon Egypt and put signs in theirmidst, to let them know it was Hashem Who was acting on their behalf.”The lesson must be internalized: Redemption comes, and light followsdarkness!
Conversely, the message of the culminating two plagues taught acompletely opposite message to the Egyptians – that of darkness with-out the hope of redemption. When darkness first befell Egypt, it was sodeep that a man could not see his hand before his face. This darknessweighed upon the Egyptians until Pharaoh relented and told Moshe hecould take the Children of Israel into the wilderness. However, therewas a catch: Only the people could exit; the animals had to remain.
However, the final plague brought him to his knees: the type of dark-ness without the hope of light to follow. This miracle took place on thefourteenth day of the first month – Pesach. In the middle of the night,every firstborn of Egypt was killed. Throughout Egypt there was loudwailing, for no house was without grief.
Pharaoh demanded that the Jews leave. As the Jews fled, they carriedtheir unleavened dough upon their backs before it could rise into bread.But the truth had already been imbibed before the actual exodus. Re-demption follows slavery; light follows darkness. Hashem decreed thatthe Jewish People would celebrate this Yom Tov for seven days through-
out the generations. Every Yid will remember and retell the story of re-demption.
The mitzvah of Rosh Chodesh is to perpetuate this power of salva-tion. Rosh Chodesh encompasses every moment of Jewish experience,promising hope when hope seems furthest away, and beckoning withlight when the night is darkest.
The Talmud tells us that Yidden use a lunar calendar, while the na-tions of the world make use of the solar calendar. The reason, says theSfas Emes, is that the nations of the world can only function and existwhen conditions are favorable and their environment is sunny. Whentheir sun sets, so do their empires. Yidden, on the other hand, live andexist even in darkness; they continue to shine even when persecuted,just as the moon lights the world even in the thickest darkness.
The process of proclaiming a new moon was replete with this mes-sage. The new moon was only declared by two witnesses – people ofintegrity and faith. They would appear at the gates of the High Courtin Yerushalayim, the seat of Jewish spiritual renewal, and they wouldtestify that they had seen the new moon in all its splendor. Thus, newdays of celebration would then be declared. This established the pre-cept: Hope and survival can only be maintained when human eyes de-tect the appearance of a new moon, when we see the glimmer of lightwithin the murkiness of darkness.
Reprinted with permission from Ami Magazine
It’s Always DarkestJust Before Dawn
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ChizukChizuk
The Seder NightWe all know the reason that we call it “Seder Night.” Tzaddikim said that
one’s actions and behavior at the Pesach Seder have a direct influence onone’s behavior throughout the year. That said, it becomes the “seder” for the wholeyear.
The Maharal M’Prague tells us something profound. He cites an additional, deepermeaning to its name. Seder night is symbolic of all the miracles and wondrous actsHashem has performed for us in Mitzrayim, which is the foundation of all the miraclesHe has done for us in all generations and the ones He will do with us until the comingof Moshiach. All is performed with a set seder, in a set plan and order. It has all beenplanned and predestined since the world’s inception. There is not a single miraclethat happens, which was not predetermined to happen as part of this seder.
The same goes for all the oppression and challenges we Yidden have enduredthroughout the years. It is all with a preordained seder, completely calculated by theOne who governs our world. Things don’t “just happen.” Were we to remember that,we might not get completely overwhelmed by the hurdles of life. How comfortingit is to know that all has been predestined by One Who loves us. And the Seder nightis but a friendly reminder for that.
L. Gluck
Etymology fascinates me. Take my name, for ex-ample. Chava means mother of all living. As a lit-
tle girl, I remember learning from my parents thatnames are very meaningful. Quoting the Talmudicsages of long ago, they told me that parents are granteda moment of prophecy when they choose their new-born’s name.
I took their words to heart. Surprisingly, childrenhave always made me weak in the knees. The fact thata 1955 bout with polio made me very weak in the kneesnever deterred me from my dreams of motherhood.My name was prophetic; surely it would contribute tomy destiny.
But in spite of my name’s all-embracing quality, itlooked unlikely that anyone would want to embraceme or, consequently, that I would ever know the joy ofembracing a child of my own. So, in spite of my repu-tation as a disability rights activist, I hardly protestedwhen the entrance to my hometown’s new mikvahboasted a long stairway. Mikvah and motherhood:Frankly, I never thought I’d enter either institution. Thebarriers to the first were architectural; the barriers tothe second, attitudinal. Together, they made me feel —not always, but often enough — powerless, insignifi-cant, and isolated.
In His infinite mercy, the Master of the Universe felt
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Chava Willig Levy
Chizuk
A Houseof Hopes
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my pain and, through the subtlest of orchestrations, sentme a wonderful husband. Today, mikvah and motherhoodare two responsibilities I embrace with infinite joy. Andnow that the privilege and pleasure of using the mikvah ismine, I find myself once again intrigued by etymology.
The word mikvah means a gathering of water, as statedin Beraishis (1:9): “Let the waters be gathered below theheavens to one place.” For me, this verse evokes an imageof powerless, insignificant, isolated droplets of water con-verging and ultimately becoming a mighty force. Maybethat is why the mitzvah of Mikvah is so precious to me: Itreminds me that Hashem can transform trouble into tri-umph in the blink of an eye. It re-minds me that having a disabilityis not tragic. What’s tragic is thestigma people attach to disability.What’s tragic is being isolated,being left out. And Mikvah — de-rived from the concept of gather-ing — subtly reminds all of us thatwe must prevent that tragedy bygathering in each member of ourcommunity.
Mikvah is also linked to theword hope. It is the placewhere tikvot, “hopes,” reside. Howmany of us have come to the mik-vah to pour out our hopes toHashem? And isn’t it interestingthat for our tevilah, “immersion,”and the tefillah, “prayer,” accom-panying it to be kosher, we haveto stand before Hashem just as Hemade us? He cares about ourhopes, attaching no stigma tophysical imperfections, be theylarge or small.
My first mikvah visit fulfilled alifelong hope for marriage. Onscores of subsequent trips, the mikvah renewed my hopethat someday my husband and I would be blessed with achild. For six years, the fulfillment of that hope eluded us.I’d pray for other women struggling with infertility — par-tially, I confess, to hang my hopes on the Talmudic princi-ple that one who prays for a friend is answered first.
One thing I could never hope for was privacy. Likemany women, I cherish the anonymity surroundingthe mikvah experience. But ironically, whenever I have togo to the mikvah, sometimes as many as eight womenknow about it, simply because of the help I need getting
to and from, and in and out of, the mikvah, not to men-tion my wonderful neighbors’ busy schedules.
Before experiencing the miracle of seeing my hopes fora child — indeed, for children - fulfilled, there were manyemotional mikvah visits. As the seasons turned, I felt likea member of the U.S. Postal Service: “Neither rain, norsnow, nor sleet, nor hail...” would deter me from my “ap-pointed rounds.” There had been rainy trips and snowytrips. There had been Friday nights and Seder nights,Purim nights, Rosh Hashanah nights, and post-Yom Kip-pur visits. Many were somber, tension-filled experiences.But one visit stands distinctly apart. It occurred on a win-
ter evening, two years before ourfirst child was born. Ourmikvah lady greeted me with asolemn face.
“You shouldn’t have cometonight,” she disclosed in her thickEuropean accent. “We have a terri-ble problem. In fact, you should gostraight home.”
My heart sank. Preoccupied withinfertility, I believed timing waseverything; a day lost could mean amonth lost.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.She replied, “Our heater broke.
The mikvah water is ice cold.”I burst out laughing. “Is that all?
I thought you were going to tell methat the mikvah had no water!”
Needless to say, I took theplunge.
And, time after time, I feel theexhilaration of that plunge.The mikvah waters transform mefrom a woman with four atrophiedlimbs into — a ballerina! For a fewglorious moments, my arms extend
effortlessly. And as I ascend unassisted the three bottom-most steps, I marvel at the miracle of human grace andmotion.
Of course, with one more step, gravity returns. Themood, however, is anything but grave as my helper assistsme up to the landing, back to our room, and into myclothing. Our conversation, ranging from the sublime tothe ridiculous, flows so easily (“We’ve got to stop meetinglike this,” we often tell each other, sotto voce). It is in-evitably the end of a long day. I ought to be exhausted; I’mthoroughly energized.
Maybe that is whythe mitzvah ofMikvah is so
precious to me: Itreminds me that
Hashem cantransform trouble
into triumph in theblink of an eye.
The mikvah waters are the primary source of my re-newed energy. But coming in a close second is the mik-vah bulletin board, whose array of business cards andannouncements never fails to dazzle me as I head for theblow dryers. Promoting the services of psychiatrists,swimming instructors, social workers, and seamstresses;podiatrists, pianists, and public relations consultants; at-torneys, artists, and advertisingexecutives; caterers, cardiolo-gists, and calligraphers, it puts torest the stereotype some slap onthose women committed tothe mitzvah of Mikvah: “victims”of an “archaic, oppressive, offen-sive ritual.” The way I see it, thesewomen resemble the mikvahwaters: a mighty force to reckonwith, even if they enter thishouse of hopes one by one, withanonymity, without fanfare.
Perhaps that is why manywomen concludetheir mikvah immersion withthe Yehi Ratzon prayer, a plea for the rebuilding of theBais Hamikdosh. They are busy women, but not too busyto shift their gaze from a tiny, holy house of hopes —where they pour out their personal dreams and dilem-mas — to the holiest house of all, whose reconstructionwill coincide with a universal dream come true and the
resolution of all dilemmas:“Behold, I will bring them from the northern land and
gather them from the ends of the earth, among them peo-ple who are blind and lame, pregnant and childbearingmothers together; a great congregation will return here.”(Yirmiya 31:8)
I believe that glorious gathering will occur be-cause of the women who, monthafter month, generation after gen-eration, have whispered thisprayer, relinquishing their claim onHashem’s personal attention for agreater cause. Surely, in their merit,Hashem will never relinquish HisPeople. Surely, in their merit,Hashem will rebuild His house ofhopes.
––––––––––––––––Chava Willig Levy dedicates this
essay to her mother, Ella Willig, ofblessed memory, “The first personto immerse me in mikvah waters
and surely the person who prayed the hardest for thatmiraculous moment’s arrival.”
Excerpted from the book Total Immersion: A MikvahAnthology by Rivkah Slonim and published by Urim Pub-lications. This book is available on Amazon and whereverJudaica is sold.
“Being defeated is often a temporary condition.Giving up is what makes it permanent.
Surely, in theirmerit, Hashem willrebuild His house
of hopes.
Israel:Rechov Gad 1/5 • Beit Shemesh 99545
Phone:0523-770-444E-Mail: [email protected]
Florida:E-mail: [email protected]
Jackie Horowitz
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Chizuk
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The table is resplendent in white, bedecked with shimmering silver goods polished to a high sheen. My hus-band’s “hesev-bet” is ready, pillow plumped to perfection, afikomen bag at the ready. The lump in my throatwon’t go away. I can’t believe we are making our own first Seder. I thought this day would never come.
Pesach has always been an intense time for me. Every year when the weather changes and spring is crisp inthe air, I am awash in waves of deja vu as I recall many Pesachs of the past. Some years the torture of the familytogetherness was unbearable. Some years were better; there were times I was finally on the road to motherhood,only to have it snatched from me shortly after Pesach. On Pesach I find myself in a time warp, reliving the Sederspast and the emotions that accompany them.
As my husband raises the becher to start Kiddush, and I look at the beaming faces around the table, tearsbegin prickling in my eyes. I am lost in another world, a world of memories - memories that I have thankfullybeen able to put behind me.
PesachRetrospective
Mindy
Chizuk from Within
1996I excitedly turn the pages of the brand-new, leather-
bound hagadah I have received as a Yom Tov gift from myfuture mother-in-law. My choson even wrote a cute littlenote to it: Lkovod Zman Cheiruseinu’ It should be bimheirab’yomeinu. I am getting married in 3 months. My stomachturns. What will be in store for me? Will I be sitting at theSeder table a year from now in maternity clothes? I havehad irregular cycles since I became a teenager and that wor-ries me. Maybe it’s nothing? Plenty of people have lots ofkids even though they’re irregular. I try not to dwell on ittoo much.
1997Nope, no maternity for me. It’s not that bad though;
we’ve only been married for 9 months. 9 months - ha! Butall three of my best friends became mommies last monthand I’m feeling really left out. I’m still as irregular as ever butI started seeing all kinds of alternative practitioners. I’m tak-ing vitamins and homeopathy and seeing a chiropractor/ki-nesiologist. Hopefully this will work.
1998My second anniversary is looming. We waited the req-
uisite two years even though it was really difficult. We finallymet with a medical consultant who recommended a fewdoctors. I think it’s time to start thinking about it. I spoketo Retek Insurance and she set me up with GHI. I’m gettingkind of anxious. My sister is getting married in two months,right before my anniversary. Uh oh. Will she be the one toturn my parents into grandparents? This can’t be allowedto happen! I have to have a baby before her! Oy.
1999This has been one crazy year. I’m in the middle of Clo-
mid Cycle #8. It’s taking a horrible toll on me. I’m moodyand cranky. My desperation is through the roof. I can’t bearto look at my sister, who is nine months pregnant. Mynightmare has come true. My parents will become grand-parents very soon - and I won’t be the one to do it. I will bethe nebachdige older sister, the one everyone will look atwith pity in their eyes at the bris. She better have a girl, atleast. We’re approaching our third anniversary. Wheneversomeone is married for longer than 3 years, they’re auto-matically a rachmonus. I really can’t believe this is happen-ing to me.
2000We’re in the next century... but our dreams were left be-
hind in the previous one. This year my sister is out of townfor Pesach, so I don’t have to watch my parents cooing overtheir one and only ainikel. Thankfully it is a girl, and I didn’thave to endure being kvatter at my younger sibling’s child’sbris. I secretly love her; babies are cute. But when will it bemy turn? Since last Pesach we took a long, Ten month breakfrom treatment because it was putting a tremendous strainon our marriage. It was the best thing we did. Rejuvenatedand renewed, we resumed treatment two months ago. Twomore Clomid cycles, both in conjunction with an IUI, failed.Last month I did a Hysterosalpingogram which revealed apossible bicornuate uterus. Oh boy. Not enough that I havePCOS, I now have a uterine anomaly too! Right after PesachI’ll be doing an MRI to determine exactly what’s going oninside, and if I don’t need surgery, we will proceed with ourfirst injectable cycle. I’m extremely nervous. Shots! All I’vebeen reading about in old A TIME magazines is Pergonal,Metrodin, and the new subcutaneous shot called Fertinex.There’s also Follistim, and I heard there’s a brand new drugcalled Gonal-F. I wonder which one my doctor will pre-scribe. I hope it won’t be too hard to self-administer thoseshots. With my most recent Clomid cycle I needed an HCGshot and had to go to the nursing home to have a nurse ad-minister it.
2001I sit at the Pesach table with very mixed feelings. I am
delirious with excitement and anxiety. This is our fifth Pe-sach, and for the first time, I’m enjoying the spring air. I canfinally dare to dream. Yes, I’m expecting. Finally. It’s almostfive years and we can finally put this terrible chapter of ourlives behind us.
It has not been smooth sailing. Last June I did my firstcycle of injectables. And it worked! The first time! We could-n’t believe it! On our fourth anniversary, we went in for theultrasound. We were over the moon with excitement. Wewere brought back down to earth with a rude awakeningwhen the ultrasound showed that there was no heartbeat.I experienced the heartbreak called miscarriage. I had aD&C and we even know the gender of the ‘baby’. I wouldhave been due around Purim time. It was really hard to pullmyself together after the miscarriage. I failed two more In-jectable + IUI cycles this winter, but the third one finallytook. I am now 8 weeks pregnant. But there is some sadnessin this pregnancy; a week ago, on Erev Pesach, we went tosay goodbye to our Reproductive Endocrinologist, Dr.Quagliarello (also known as Dr. Q.) He was very excited forus because we were expecting twins. But during the ultra-
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sound his face fell, as he revealed to us that one baby nolonger had a heartbeat. Our second loss! But at least thereis still one left. This pregnancy is still filled with complica-tions; bleeding, bed rest, OHSS. Please, Hashem, don’t takeaway this pregnancy; we worked so hard and long for itand You know just how much we want this. I won’t be ableto survive another loss, chas v’sholom. This has to be good.Pesach has such a different flavor when you’re filled withjoy. True, I’m jaded after two losses and am not enjoyingthis pregnancy like a ‘regular’ person would. But I’m filledwith hope.
2002Not only are we not sitting at the Seder table with our
should-have-been four-month-old baby, we are in the low-est, most depressed place possible. We just failed our firstIVF cycle.
Last year, just two weeks after Pesach, I found out dur-ing a routine OB visit that our second twin was also gone.I cannot tell you how hard this was on me. I couldn’t col-lect myself for a long, long time. I fell into a deep depres-sion from which I thought I would never emerge. Followingthat third loss, we had to cancel two cycles because I over-stimulated again. Dr. Q. finally told me to go to an IVF cen-ter because they would be better able to control the eggproduction. That is exactly what we did; it took manymonths to get the cycle off the ground, and it was a pictureperfect, beautiful cycle, with dozens of eggs retrieved andfertilized. Two perfect blastocysts were put back, but theresult was a chemical pregnancy which took weeks to re-solve. I sit here at the Pesach table in tears, a few monthsaway from our sixth anniversary. I can’t believe we stilldon’t have a baby. All I have is PCOS! And an unexplainedmiscarriage issue! Why should this be so hard?
My younger sister, meanwhile, had another baby. Myyounger brother got married just as we were starting theIVF cycle. Now I have another younger sibling to worryabout having a baby before me.
The only silver lining in all of this is that I finally quit myfull-time, monotonous, high pressure job. I can finally con-centrate on enjoying life, maybe starting a home-basedbusiness, taking some courses, and just relaxing from thestress of the past few years. We’re doing a frozen cycle inJune - we had plenty of embryos frozen - and I’m hopingthat this will finally be it. If it doesn’t work, my doctor at
NYU IVF wants to do a laparoscopy. She thinks I have aseptate uterus, even though the MRI clearly showed an ar-cuate uterus. As if I don’t have enough on my plate...
2003Nope. No baby yet. First frozen cycle was another
chemical pregnancy. How many of these can I take??? ThenI had the laparoscopy. Then I did another frozen cyclewhich failed completely. After that we simply ran out ofmoney and I started working part time. I really don’t likemy job. The only bright light in this job, and this life ofmine, is another frozen cycle planned for June. Maybe thiswill finally be it?
Of course my little brother had a baby this winter. Andof course it was a boy. Of course I was kvatter, and ofcourse I sat through the pidyon haben with gritted teeth.Grrr.
This winter, A TIME had its first Shabbaton. I didn’t go,and I regretted it bitterly when I came motzei shabbos tothe melaveh malka and saw how much fun everyone had.Next year, if I’m not pregnant yet, I definitely want to go.
2004I’m sitting at the Seder with an empty lap and an empty
heart - again. It’s not even funny - our eighth anniversaryis creeping up on us. This is ENDLESS. Will we ever havechildren? Who knows?
The frozen cycle in June was yet another chemicalpregnancy. But I was filled with hope. The numbers didgo up to the 800’s and there was an empty sac. It was abitter defeat. My doctor then made an extremely bom-bastic declaration: She does not think I am capable ofcarrying a pregnancy and I should resort to using a sur-rogate. She’s out of her mind! I was ready to throw inthe towel and just give up forever but our A TIME con-sultant did not let me give up, and he sent me to a newdoctor in Long Island. That doctor did not let me giveup either, and he told me my PCOS had never beenproperly addressed and I don’t even need IVF. He mademe go on Glucophage and modify my diet to omitwhite flour and sugar. I did an injectable cycle right be-fore Pesach and my pregnancy test is scheduled onChol Hamoed. Will changing doctors change our mazel,too?
Of course my little brother had a baby this winter. And ofcourse it was a boy. Of course I was kvatter, and of course I
sat through the pidyon haben with gritted teeth. Grrr.
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Chol HamoedIt’s positive! I cried when I heard the news. My husband,
on the other hand, shrugged his shoulders and didn’t thinkit meant a thing. “I’ll rejoice when we hold our baby in ourarms.” How right he is. This is pregnancy number six. Willthis one finally make it? Oh Hashem, please.....
I went to the Shabbaton this winter. It was amazing. Itgave me a boost for a long time. I really hope I don’t get togo back next winter.
2005I did get to go back to the Shabbaton this winter... two
weeks after Pesach we saw a heartbeat on the ultrasoundscreen. And four days later I awoke in a bloodbath. It wasall over.
Miscarriage #7. This is NOT FUNNY.I was still recovering from the mis when my husband
went to Meron and promised if we have a son we willname him Shimon.
Will we ever have that zechus?I am sitting at the Seder, tired and jaded and just plain
exhausted. But it’s for a good reason. I am fifteen weekspregnant. Yes, fifteen weeks. I never got this far. Last win-ter my father called up a cousin in Eretz yisroel and askedhim go to the Zhemigrader Rebbe, who is known for writ-ing kemayas that protect against miscarriage. I am wear-ing that kemaya like my life depends on it. I am alsowearing an even tekuma, known in English as a klapper-stone. And a red ruby. And I say my tefillos from the seferRani Akara every day. This pregnancy has been incrediblycomplicated so far. I have a subchorionic hematoma andhad to quit my job and go on bed rest. Nothing in my lifecan be drama-free, not even this long-awaited pregnancy.I don’t know how I’m going to survive the next sixmonths. I’m on shpilkes. I can’t even picture a baby at theend of this, that’s how scared I am. It was really scary to
see the note on the obstetrician’s form: Gravida: 7. Para:0. OUCH.
Okay. I’m going to close my eyes and visualize. No waycan next year’s Seder be with no baby. NO WAY.
2006I’m not sitting at the Seder table because I’m out on
my parents’ porch, frantically rocking the stroller. Shimiis refusing to sleep. He is very spoiled. Is it any wonder?Born after 9 years of marriage, he is entitled to be spoiled.His entrance into this world was truly dramatic; he wasborn 7 weeks early in an emergency. But who cares? Thisnightmare is finally over. No longer do I have to sit withmy eyes glued to the hagadah and pretend I’m not hear-ing the many other kids at the table saying Mah Nishtanah.I’m part of them now! I still have to pinch myself.
2012Shimi is now 6 ½ years old, and his little brother is 3 ½ .
Time flies! We’re doing a Seder for the first time this year. Istill can’t believe it. I have to pinch myself that this is not adream.
I think of all the couples who are still waiting. Pesach isone of the hardest times of the year for couples strugglingwith infertility. Two weeks ago I was asked by the powersbehind the Chazak hotline to speak a little bit about thisissue. I hope I did the subject matter justice. (718-258-2008,story #131). I hope it gives hope to other women still wait-ing, and that it opens up the eyes of their families a littlebit.
Have a Kosheren, Freilichen Pesach, and may all yourdreams come true this year, so that you can sit at the Sedertable next Pesach with true simcha.
The author can be contacted at [email protected] forany questions or information.
“Your dream doesn’t have an expiration date.Take a deep breath and try again.
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“Baila,” Zeidy would call in his soft voice, “Did you –“ “Yes,” Bubby was quick to reassure him “I prepared the salt
water, for the Seder, just the way you like me to, like real tears,Yanky, like real tears.”
I wonder how come Zeidy never asks me to prepare thesalt water. I can do even better than “just like real tears.” Afterall, everyone knows that even the best imitation does notstand a chance next to the original.
And I have the original; plenty of those real, real tears togo around.
Maybe this year everyone will dip their tiny piece of po-tato or celery or radish into my bowl of real tears. And theywill chant “Avadim Hayinu;” We were slaves to Paroh.
Oh, but I can tell them all about slavery; being enslavedto my doctor’s office, to my calendar, and to my hopes thatkeep on being dashed; running around like a chicken withouta head, enslaved to the orders of “Those Who Say That They
Can Help Me,” except I’m tired of empty promises. Yes, I canteach everyone at our seder about slavery.
And then we dip our finger in the wine to sympathize withthe Egyptian blood that was shed. It is good that everyone isnot sympathizing with my blood, or they would have to pourout their whole cup and start over.
I don’t like being cynical, but at times I feel I can’t help it,I also want to have that idealistic glow that my newlywed sis-ter shares with her husband as they glance towards her mid-dle and blush, and I also want that rosy look that mysister-in-law (six years younger than me and expecting herthird child, just saying…) has when her big four-year-oldstands up and woos the audience with his charming rendi-tion of “Mah Nishtanah.”
But I’m glad no one is asking me, “Mah Nishtana?” becausemy answer would be one simple, sad word. “Nothing.”
Nothing.
Salt Waterfor My Seder
Chizuk from Within Chevie Shiffrin
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29Nothing. Eight years of marriage. And nothing new. No little fin-
gerprints, no little undershirts, and no big boy showing offhis Mah Nishtanah; just plenty of real, real tears, enough togo around.
I dig my fingers into my palm, to try to find the beautyin the seder, but I find myself still wondering how come noone asked me to prepare the salt water.
And then I hear my husband’s beautiful voice, strong. Hiseyes are closed, and though we are surrounded by a table ofpeople, he is alone in his song. It has become a prayer, andit is just him, me, and Hashem.
“V’ Hakadosh Baruch Hu matzilenu miyadom.” So manywere out to destroy us, year after year, month after month,week after week, but Hashem in His kindness, saved us fromtheir hands, again and again.
It is a prayer. We are enslaved to this infertility that, likethe worst of the Parohs, gives us no peace.
But Hashem has saved us in the past. And we believe our salvation is coming. He will save us again. Next year, Zeidy, I’m preparing the salt water, they will
be from…My Tears of Joy.
But I’m glad no one is asking me, “Mah Nishtana?” becausemy answer would be one simple, sad word. “Nothing.”
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Aaron Weinreb.ai 1 1/26/2009“Perhaps our eyes need to be washed byour tears once in a while, so that we can
see life with a clearer view.
Chizuk from Within
Drive OnS. Kleinberger
As a student, I often wondered how teachers al-ways managed to have a personal story to share
relating to the subject of their studies. Upon analyzingthis, I realized that such stories happen to me, too. Reallife teaches us many things. We just need to be aware ofthem and be open the lessons they have to offer.
One of the common discussions is Bitachon vs. Hish-tadlus, and many times I have wondered what the rightbalance of each is. The following story, which I experi-enced recently, showed me how these two work soclosely hand in hand.
Although I love my hometown, I must admit to oneof its negative traits. Those familiar with the streets ofBoro Park can sympathize with me. It is called the parkingdisaster. Due to this, many joke that a better name for
this thriving city would be Boro-No-Park. It’s not unusualfor one to spend ten minutes in search of a parking spotonly to find out that as much as the most experienceddriver will try, there’s no way this car will fit into the spacebetween the two Honda Odysseys.
It was a pleasant fall night when my husband and Iwere returning from a family simcha in another town. Atthat late hour, we were both exhausted and looking for-ward to bedtime. As we were approaching nearer to ourhome, we were debating whether we should start oursearch for a prized parking spot.
My husband turned to me and suggested a betteridea. “Hashem, help us find a parking spot just in frontof our house,“ he whispered. Several minutes later, whenwe turned onto our block, we saw a parking spot in
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which our car would fit perfectly. We were thrilled! It wasjust a few houses down from ours; Hashem had heededour tefillah. We walked the short distance, and upon ar-riving in front of our house we saw that Hashem had re-ally listened to our tefillah and answered. There was anempty parking spot waiting for the next car. We had in-terpreted the empty spot near the corner as the answerto our tefillah.
After all, it was very close, but Hashem had somethingmuch better in mind - exactly what we had asked for!
Because we had accepted that our first parking spot
was an answer to our tefillah, we had walked a half blockuntil home. Had we had real bitachon we would havedriven until arriving to the spot in front of our house andsaved ourselves the walk.
Many times when I’m in need of chizuk, I think backto this little incident, and I’m inspired once again.Hashem really does listen to the tefillos of his belovedchildren, and I know that when the time will come andthe answer to my tefillos for a child will be yes, all thosetefillos will be answered far beyond my sweetest dreams.
May that day come very soon!
Due to this, many joke that a better name for thisthriving city would be Boro-No-Park.
“Worrying is like paying interest in advanceon a loan you may never take out.
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It felt like we were living in dream world. After manyyears of waiting we were, Boruch Hashem, zoche to have
a precious neshama entrusted to us through adoption. Lit-erally overnight, our home was transformed into a babyfurniture store. Among family, friends and co-workers, ouradorable little girl had quite a bunch of visitors. The simchawas tangible as everyone piled into our house to wish usMazel Tov. It was heartwarming to see how excited every-one was to share in our long-awaited simcha.
These past few weeks have been filled with interestingand different experiences. It was so touching to see howmany friends and family made Shabbos arrangements andwalked long distances so that they can attend the Kiddush,which we made in honor of our little princess. So many oldclassmates, acquaintances and neighbors eagerly attended.Then there was the joy of motherhood without needing aphysical recovery. I had some humorous experiences suchas when I heard the UPS delivery guy mutter under hisbreath, “I really don’t think she looked pregnant.” And thenthere were comments of how in shape I looked so soon
after a baby. The experience that left a profound impression on me
took place on a Friday night, when we started settling intoour new pleasant reality. I was feeding a bottle to the baby,when I realized that she had finished the formula and wassucking air. I gently took the bottle out of her mouth sothat I can refill it. Loud cries filled the air as the baby ex-pressed her disappointment with my decision. I quickly re-filled her bottle, and she was once again content. It hit mewith such clarity. When I took the bottle out of the baby’smouth, I did it because I care about her and know thatsucking on air will ultimately be painful for her. Her criesdidn’t stop me from doing what I knew was in her best in-terest.
It was so calming for me to internalize this message. Iam in the loving care of my Father. He knows what’s in mybest interests. If, at times, there are disappointments andpain, it’s because my Father loves me and is giving me ex-actly what I need at that time. The security which I’ve beenfeeling since that Friday night has been empowering.
Chizuk from Within
WithLoving
Care
Surie Gross
Once there were two women who never knew each other.One you do not remember, the other you call mother.Two different lives shaped to make you one.One became your guiding star. The other became your sun.The first one gave you life, and the second taught you how to live it.The first gave you a need to love; the second was there to give it.One gave you a nationality; the other gave you a name.One gave you a talent; the other gave you aim.One gave you emotions; the other calmed your fears.One saw your first sweet smile; the other dried your tears.One sought for you a home that she could not provide.The other prayed for a child and her hope was not denied.And now you ask me through your tears,The age-old question unanswered through the years.Heredity or environment, which are you a product of?Neither, my darling, neither; just two different kinds of love.
Chizuk from Within
Legacy of anAdopted Child
Author Unknown
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PieIts P
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I am an ATIMER. I’ve been one for many years now. Yet Ihave to say that I have a role model whose example gives
me strength of spirit in this challenge, as I’ve been born to afather about whom I sometimes ponder if he’s human ornot. I’m certain all Yiddishe fathers out there are very specialand try their utmost, but come along with me on my jour-ney, and you’ll realize that some people are out of the ordi-nary.
My father was always a hardworking man; successful butworking oh-so hard for every penny. Although he was ultra-busy, he always made time for us, his children. I rememberpreparing my notebooks on the kitchen table at night. WhenI’d get up in the morning I would find neatly covered note-books in contact paper. He invested so much in us. He gaveus so many extracurricular activities.
My father is the president of a prestigious business, yethis business stature is not what defines him. He displays hispriorities in life and how he knows them well Rain or shine,he gets up at 5:00 in the wee hours of the morning to delivera shiur to several yungeleit. By 8:00 he’s davened and ready tostart his day. I must comment that he works in an extremelycompetitive field, which is overwhelmingly stressful and ex-hausting. Despite this, after a full day at work, he comeshome upbeat. He engages in family time a bit and then donshis ipod’s earphones to review the shiur he will be giving overin the evening.
Many of you readers might very well relate to whatthey’re reading; a typical day in a beloved father’s life. Yet,what happens when adversity hits you so strongly that youfeel you’re reeling in terror? And what happens when the ad-versity is multi-faceted and you’re dealing with the insur-mountable on many fronts?
Listen to the tale of my dear, beloved parents and youmight understand why, at times, I feel different.
Around ten years ago, my dear mother, may she live andbe well, was diagnosed with cancer. She was so young at thetime with young children at home who needed a mother’scare. I pray that no Jewish soul shall be privy to the havoc acancer diagnosis wreaks on a family. And yet Hashem, in Hisinfinite kindness, blessed us with an illuminating light; mydear father. He made everything seem so nonchalant, so nor-mal, that the blow was a bit easier for us to bear. Althoughfor us children it seemed life had come to a standstill, to mynoble father it had definitely not. He became my dear
ety atPeak
Chizuk from Within
mother’s most devoted nurse while coaching and makinglight of the situation throughout.
I work for my father and I can say I’ve seen him bekiso,bekoso, uvekaso. And I tell you he’s passed all three testswith flying colors. While he’s up through entire nights com-forting and assisting my mother, at 5:00, come what may,he’s out of the house ready to begin his shiur. And then asif life was a bed of roses, he heads for his office to begin an-other day. Let me tell you from experience; business istough, so very strangling and tough. I witness throughoutthe day numerous people that come into the office, de-mand and scream. There’s a part of me inside that wantsto shout out loud, “Do you know this man was up the en-tire night? Do you know this man’s wife is dangerously sickhovering between the damage cancerous cells are inflictingon her body? Who are you to yell at this noble man who’sa living example?” But my lips remain sealed as I behold myfather’s calm demeanor, his radiant smile, his ever presentattempt at humor. No, my father definitely does not allowadversity to control his life. While running from one doc-tor’s appointment to another with my mother, while beingon the phone with the most elite of specialists, he’s com-pletely functioning in all his roles. And never – not evenonce throughout the heart wrenching years did I ever hearhim complain.
At times, I think to myself, from where has he got hisunyielding strength? From where has he got the courageto keep face? The answer, I know, is his unwavering faith inHashem; his staunch trust in the Only One.
And so, while chatting at an A TIME gathering, I do feelsomewhat dissimilar. If I’ve been blessed with health, howcan I shed copious tears for being tested with childbearingdifficulties? If I’ve been blessed with the most sensitive, un-derstanding husband, how can I go on, living in my own
lonely, miserable bubble only because I’m still waiting? IfI’ve been blessed with a father as such, who am I to com-plain?
Don’t get me wrong, dealing with infertility is tough. Butwhen I sit beside my mother and she cries to me how sheso much wants to be zoche to her life’s dream, to see myyounger siblings under the chuppah, everything else palesin comparison. My early morning doctor visits, blood tests,and injectables all seem so trivial. I can do so many thingsand with Hashem’s help there is so much hope. For thosewhose hopes seem dashed, it is incredibly hard. But you canstill live a life, give of yourself and do so many things.
My dear friends, yes we were given a nisayon. But pleaselet it not overtake you and your lives. There’s a lot more outthere that’s beyond our vision.
So lift your feet, dear readers; take your husband into thecircle and dance and dance until you can dance no more.Dance for all the gifts you do have. Dance for the opportunityto live life to its fullest. It is true; at the present time you cannothold those pudgy little fingers and circle the room with them.But circle the room you can.
Thank you, dear parents, for being my life’s inspiration.
Writer’s note: I have written about my own biological fa-ther, yet all of us out there have got a Loving Father we cancall our own. Just like my father, our Father Above is always atour side. Just like my father, He holds our hands and caressesour wounded hearts. And just like my father whose staunchfaith never leaves him, let us channel all our energies and con-nect to Hashem. Our own nisayon will be so much easier tobear; for yes, my father, too, gleans his strength from the Fatherof all fathers.
If any reader has gained chizuk reading this article, may itbe as a z’chus for a refuah shelaimeh for my dear mother.
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36 “A heart full of faith and trust has noroom left for worries and fears.
Dance for all the gifts you do have. Dance for theopportunity to live life to its fullest.
At GENESIS our mission is to help patients realize the dream of parenthood. We deliver high quality,comprehensive care for infertility in an environment that addresses the personal needs and privacy ofevery patient. Our board certified reproductive endocrinologists, Dr. Richard Grazi and Dr. David Seifer,have consistently been voted New York’s Best Doctors by MAGAZINE.
In recognition of the needs of observant couples, GENESIS offers on-site rabbinical supervision. In aneffort to reduce the risk of transmitting certain genetic disorders, such as Cystic Fibrosis or Tay Sachs,Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis is offered in conjunction with in vitro fertilization.
1355 84th Street, Brooklyn, NY 11228 • 1855 Richmond Avenue, Staten Island, NY 10314(718) 283-8600 • www.genesisfertility.com
Most Major Insurances Accepted
GENESISFertility & Reproductive Medicine
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BrooklynMonseyLakewoodEnglandIsrael
917-783-9514
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Unanswered
Cry
ChanaChizuk from Within
His blue knitted socks, unwornHis bedtime lullaby, not sungThis parenting book, not read“I love you,” to my child not said
Her pink ruffled headband, sits untouchedHer delicate cotton shoes, lay with their tagDarling, your parents faithfully waitFor you to shine light upon their fate
Two bassinets, unoccupiedA three bedroom house, unclutteredWarm, little hands, out of reachI look Upwards silently, no need for speech
This longing pain, unyieldingThe flowing tears, unceasingNo children in my lifeI’m not a mother, just a broken wife
Yet I continue to pray, year after yearFor my steadfast hope won’t let me despairWith my faith, unshaken, I firmly believeThat my very own miracle I will yet conceive.
INQUIRE
REQUEST
NOTIFY
.
R’ Mordechai KoenigDirector of Medical Affairs for A TIME.
Please call 718.686.8912 Ext. 280
[email protected] set up Hashgacha
Under the Leadership of:
Harav Hershel Ausch
REQ
deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeechc ai Koenigal Affairs for Aff TIME.
86.8912 Ext. 280
r the Leadership of:
Hershel Ausch
האפו ור
מכון שערי הלכה
Th
e C
om
m
ittee of Halacha and Technolo
gy
, In
c.
A Project of
A TIME
*Please let us know at the start of a cycle as to the approximate time when you’ll be needing this service *Please give us at least two days notice, so that our assistance can be ensured.
The leading Rabbonim with expertise in all halachic issues pertaining to infertility and reproductive medicine are available to you through The Committee for Halacha and Technology. These Rabbonim have been educated by the Rabbonim of our
Machon and by top medical physicians regarding all aspects of fertility treatments and can answer all your halachic inquiries. The Committee provides Hashgacha in all major IVF Centers. Under the leadership of R’ Hershel Ausch, these services are
available exclusively through the Committee. The Committee has done extensive research and has arranged with various specialists to obtain permission for Hashgacha during IVF and IUI procedures. It is imperative that each couple call the
Committee for Halacha and Technology for full details before beginning an IVF or IUI procedure.
t h e C O M M I T T E E f o r
HALACHA & TECHNOLOGY
What every
couple
experiencing
infertlity
should
know
Inquire about the level of Hashgacha allowed in the IVF Center of your choice. (Inquiries must be made by
each couple.)
Request to have Hashgacha at the IVF center must be
made by the couple.
Notify the Machon in a timely fashion and keep the Machon updated about all
progress*.
A: Many people can identify the purpose of a nisayonin theory, but have difficulty taking the concept from
the training ground to the actual battlefield. I am moved byyour ability to see infertility as an opportunity to becomestronger and better and your determination to rise to the oc-casion. Although you pose your thoughts as a question, yourvery words provide the answer to your dilemma, and showme that you are the biggest expert on how to set yourself upfor success and reach your goal of maintaining a positive at-
titude while growing from your struggles.
In therapeutic terms, there is a concept referred to as adialectical dilemma. The idea is that there can be two con-trasting truths, and by identifying both of them, we reach aplace of growth. By pressing against two opposing moun-tains, we can lift ourselves upwards. So it is true that you needto maintain a light, optimistic attitude. You achieve it by oc-cupying yourself with fun, self-nurturing activities, creativeoutlets and giving to others. And it is also true that in orderto make your struggles meaningful, they should be used as a
DauntingDilemmas
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Support
Q: I know that the purpose of nisyonos is so that we can become stronger and better. Therefore, as I’m still waiting formy yeshuah I feel I should be taking stock of the situation and learning and growing in all areas. However, too often I
find myself occupied with treatments and daily life. In order to cope, I try to keep myself busy having a good time and takingmy mind off things so that I remain positive even while I am sent numerous disappointments. I also keep busy with chesedand projects that give me fulfillment. I find that I have no time for introspection and self-improvement in areas where I amlacking. I feel like I’m not doing what I’m supposed to be doing now. How can I create a proper balance of maintaining aneasygoing and light attitude while also analyzing my struggles so that I actively grow from them?
catalyst for introspection and growth. As you clearly state “it’sall in the balance.” One need not exclude the other. It is pos-sible to do both.
You seem to be well aware of your strengths; a good atti-tude, the ability to self-nurture and think of others even in atime of personal stress. These are all wonderful qualities thathelp a person persevere through difficult situations. I encour-age you to give yourself credit for your healthy coping skillsand strengthen them, rather then doubt yourself or put your-self down. Your attitude is inspiring and will lift up others alongwith you.
Keeping busy in a positive way does not have to interferewith your personal growth. Perhaps you are getting stuck, be-cause you speak of analyzing struggles in a vague way. It is help-ful to realize that many individuals will find different aspectsof infertility specifically challenging to them. Here are somecommon examples. For some, it is interacting with friends andfamily that becomes troublesome. They are quick to interpretcomments as negative and insensitive, and struggle to com-municate, connect and see the good in others. Some womenhave difficulty appreciating and finding the joy in YomimTovim and Shabbosim. Others find Tefilla challenging and wishthey could connect more to Hashem, whether informally, orthrough their Siddur and Tehillim. And yet others grapple withissues of emunah and bitachon.
You can use your individual struggle with infertility as acompass to direct you to the exact area that you feel needsstrengthening. Once you have your destination, it will be easierto start the journey. And once more, the journey is an individ-ual voyage, based on your style and personality. Whether youtackle your goal individually, with your spouse or a partner isup to you. Choose a sefer, join a class, or do research on varioushotlines and websites that are available with a plethora of top-ics and speakers that are dazzling. Pick a topic that piques yourinterest and commit to learning or listening to the shiur for aset time daily or weekly. It may be worthwhile to keep a journaland record your favorite or most inspiring points and take note
of your progress.
Pesach is soon approaching. This most beautiful Yom Tov,with its emphasis on and attention given to children can be asource of stress and pain for a couple experiencing infertility.It is a perfect illustration of how to address your dilemma witha two-pronged approach. Take care of yourself so that you canmaintain your positive attitude. You know what you need todo for yourself in order to feel good and to enter Yom Tov witha positive mindset. Continue to reach out to others who areless fortunate; it will put your situation in perspective and fos-ter feelings of gratefulness and appreciation. Most of all, rec-ognize that strengthening your strengths is in itself an area ofself-improvement.
At the same time, you may wish to identify a specific areathat you want to improve in, whether it is interpersonal or in-volves your relationship with Hashem. The following sugges-tions can help you choose a plan of action. Are you determinedto develop a better relationship with your sister-in-law? Whatsteps of action do you need to take? Do you think you wouldbenefit from a deeper understanding of the Haggada? Perhapsyou want to get a more mature perspective and insight intothe powerful Tefilla of Hallel? First chart your destination. Onlythen will you be able to put a concrete plan into place.
Another stumbling block in the growth process is the errorof time. We often miscalculate that if our plan is not BIG it isalso not worthwhile. On the contrary, your upward flight ismost likely to succeed if you operate “under the radar.” A com-mitment of a few minutes a week adds up, and small acts andsteps of change quickly accumulate.
In the zchus of your fortitude to stay positive while growingfrom your infertility experience, may Hashem answer all yourtefillos bkarov. May you be zoche to a personal yeshua, alongwith the added benefit of a deep internal Simcha that developsas a result of self-improvement.
Rivky Bertram, LMSW
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You can use your individual struggle with infertility as acompass to direct you to the exact area that you feel
needs strengthening.
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Before the infertility journey, we have traveled the accustomed streets of life together with our friends and companions. It iswhen we notice that we have missed the bandwagon and will never be ‘normal like everyone else,’ that reality sets in and whatwas once a happy dream turns into a nightmare.
But there is no need to lose our friends over this. By friends, I mean those we have established comfortable and deep relation-ships with. The ones who only know how to chat about the same ages and stages are probably not the ones you want to have avery close bond with, anyhow. With a good friend, it is possible to maintain a relationship even without discussing formulas,diapers and potty-training. The point is about staying connected while going through what can be a truly lonesome experience.
MaintainingFriendshipsDespite the Differences
Support
Ruchie Herzka
The ball is in your court.Get an authentic conversation going. DMC’s aren’t just for teenagers; there’s nothing like a meaningful conversation centered
on life’s aspirations, challenges and personal growth. Mentioning your latest good read or most recent project can start a greatchat.
Be your real self.Ignoring the elephant in the room isn’t easy. But if you keep up with your friends and share tidbits of your productive life
(no need to include the reproductive parts :)! ) you will show them that you are a person in your own right and have what tooffer besides pediatrician’s experiences.
Take an interest in their lives.By genuinely showing an interest in your friends’ lives you will not feel ‘out of it.’ On the contrary, you will have more control
over the conversation and can steer clear of issues that spell sorrow.
Be a good hostess.Chances are, your home is the nicest place to visit these days! Hosting cozy get-togethers, fun nosh parties and even a Shabbos
morning Kiddush minus a baby, will maintain your friendships as well as your dignity. This doesn’t mean that you need to speak to them all the time. IF friends take center stage! But if you don’t take the effort
to preserve your current relationships, you will only deepen the chasm between you. We can’t control our fertility, or lackthereof, but we can choose to deny infertility to have control over our relationships!
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Experienced a loss?You are not alone.Support and help is justa phone call away.
ATIME Support Line
718.437.7110For a Pregnancy Loss Support Packet
please call the A TIME Office:718.686.8912
or email: [email protected].
For immediate assistancecall Malkie at:917.627.5528.
A TIME is the premier, internationally acclaimed organization that offers advocacy, education, guidance, research and support through many programs to Jewish men, women, and couples struggling with reproductive health, pregnancy loss and infertility.
Vacation always brings to mind the idyllic, the waves leisurelymeeting shore and diffusing a relaxing aura all around. Lux-
urious hotel rooms or quaint little cottages, picturesque villages andsnow-topped mountains all depict a break in routine. I’ve always beena vacation lover and welcomed the breaks my work schedule occa-sionally afforded me with an adventurous spirit.
And then, one day, I learned a new meaning of a break, when I wasgiven a guilt-free, indefinite permission slip from my doctor for vaca-tion. But, I was not in the least bit interested in one.
Yes, I know the hassle of early morning appointments, and I knowwhat hormones do to an infertile woman. I am a seasoned traveleron the cyclers’ route. But I don’t want a vacation. Not a forced oneanyhow. I want to continue on and on until I am rewarded with suc-cess.
Looking at the endless months stretching ahead with no chancesof advancement to obliterate that stubborn “in” in IF, I started gettingrestless. Of course, I believe in miracles. I really do. But with theamount I’ve heard and saw it was not very practical at that point tostart unrealistically expecting one.
I had a long break, longer than I’d ever imagined I would ever beable to withstand. Surprisingly I came out of this time period not feel-ing like I’ve pushed through the years, but rather that it was time wellspent.
The following are some things that alleviated the loneliness whileI was idyllically vacationing upon the resort village that banned anyform of treatments. I’d longingly glance at the village beyond, its in-habitants awaking at the crack of dawn and being worn down by the
schedule I was pining for.
• The first thing I had to do was take pregnancy completely outof my mind for the time being. I found that just focusing on othergoals made the going easier and allowed me to stop fretting over whatI couldn’t do. Remember that Hashem is in control here, and if it’s nothappening now, it is just not meant to be for the time being. Nowould’ves, should’ves, or could’ves would ever bring that elusive mir-acle closer. My pet peeve is when I hear, “I could’ve had a five-year-old by now.” Well, guess what. You could’ve been a five-year-old too,had you been born five years ago.
• Take on a project, something worthwhile to invest your talentsand time in. Lose sleep over it. Work yourself to the bone. Be ex-hausted to the point that you’ll say, “Whooo, am I ever glad I’m notcycling! I’d never be able to swing it now!” This will give you tremen-dous satisfaction and make you yearn for more hours of shut-eye as
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Support
Devora Hollander
Avoiding theBreakingPoint
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opposed to wanting to awake early. Use your creativity insideyour house and out and do something for your husband andyourself, as well as the klal.
• Go out, out, out. Take major trips and minor trips, ad-venturous trips and shopping sprees, and treat each event asan outing worthy of getting an entry in your diary. A snowywinter day calls for an excursion in your most ridiculous hat
and scarf and boots, trotting the mounds of white powderwith your long-suffering husband. Organize trips with fellowIF’ers. Make sure to try every affordable eatery within the 10mile radius of your home, and leave no sport untried. Is it anywonder that my entire extended family and neighborhoodalways call me for recreation ideas?
• Know that you’re not the only one. While all IF’ersaround you seem to only talk about cycling and appoint-ments, that which you’d give up all your precious freedomto be busy with, know that there are more silent listenerswho feel just what you feel. Scattered across the plane of in-fertility there are so many people waiting for go-aheads. Isometimes felt inadequate, like I was doing some kind ofcrime by just living and not doing any active hishtadlus, buthow wrong my thinking was. I was doing exactly what wasexpected of me then and what Hashem desired for me at thegiven time.
• Enjoy your independence and free time. I know howpeeved you become when the fertile sector of society triesto ooh over your independence and all the free time youhave to sleep (right) and to just enjoy yourself. Well, whenyou are on “vacation” you do get these perks. No alarm clockson Shabbos or Sundays. (Unless your schedule is really thatbusy as mentioned in pointer B.) Time for manicures andspas and whatever leisurely activities you desire. Try mid-night rides with no particular destination in mind, its onlypurpose to rebelliously spite our president by burning somegood gasoline.
• Know that one day, when Hashem deems it right, every-thing just clears up. Just like that! It’s mindboggling how fastthings move when our Master Conductor sets the wheels inmotion.
Take it easy ‘till then!
“There is more to life thanincreasing its speed.
Well, guess what. Youcould’ve been a five-year-old too, had you beenborn five years ago.
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Chizuk
The experience of feeling stress is part of our biological survivalmechanism as human beings. It is a signal that danger is impending andaction must be taken to seek safety. While it is a simple matter to obeytraffic signals in order to cross a busy street safely, it is a much morecomplex matter to manage the chronic stress experienced in a situationwhere there is no simple solution. Infertility is just such a complex prob-lem and requires effective stress management skills.
The level of stress that couples experiencing infertility feel is com-parable to those fighting illness. Typical problem solving techniquesand hard work just can’t cure the problem. So what can a couple do toeffectively navigate themselves through the stress of infertility?
COMMUNICATE:First and foremost in managing any type of stress is to communicate
your thoughts and feelings, no matter what they are. All thoughts andfeelings are valid, no matter how irrational they might seem. Listen toyour spouse in a non-judgmental way and don’t pressure yourself tocome up with a solution to make their feelings “go away.” In most cases,the infertility journey is a marathon, not a sprint. Practice patience andunderstand the roller coaster of emotions associated with a treatmentcycle. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst is the optimal placeto be when embarking on a treatment cycle.
SEEK SUPPORT:While most couples choose to keep their treatment private and confi-dential, seeking support from trusted others in your life will help to dif-fuse some of the pressure. Your support system should be educatedabout your treatment process in order to offer understanding and toavoid insensitive remarks borne of lack of knowledge. Availing yourselfof discussion with others who have been through treatment can pro-vide a road map so that you don’t take a wrong turn. Professional helpcan also be accessed if you are feeling overwhelmed, confused, or im-paired in your daily life.
EDUCATE YOURSELF:Read useful and helpful books on fertility treatment that demystify
the problem. Learn that your reactions are normal for the situation youare confronting. Find out what all the ART options are and understandthe progression from one option to the other. Feel free to ask your treat-ment providers any questions you may have. No question is off limits ifit helps you to clarify your situation. Both members of the coupleshould educate themselves and discuss what they have learned to makesure they are on the same wavelength about the treatment plan.
Tending to the emotional and psychological stress of infertility is es-sential in maintaining balance in your life and in your relationship. Ex-pressing your feelings, seeking support, and educating yourself areimportant ways to keep on track as you confront the complex challengeof infertility treatment.
Mary V. Speno PhD is a licensed Clinical Psychologist serving as a con-sultant to InVia Fertility in all matters related to ART.
The Stress of Infertility:How Do I Handle This?
Mary V. Speno
Are you worried about delay in starting a family?Are you confused by the many treatment options?Are you unsure about how to start, where to turn, what to do?
If you have questions,
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Make use of our invaluable services:A Time has knowledgeable, experienced, highly trained men and women who are available to you whenever they are needed. A Time also has trained Rabonim who are available for both medical and halachic guidance and for support. These affiliates are fully trained in the physical and Torah aspects of infertility and are ready to help you. They can be reached through our 24 hour Helpline.Please note: our helpline is answered live every evening from 8 to 10 p.m. All calls are kept strictly confidential.
At first it is a month that is interminable. One by one,they seem so endless as they pass by with no new promisesand smarting disappointments to bring the next one to thefore. And when these months move by and morph into oneyear and two and three, it feels like it has been an excruciat-ingly long time. Then the years follow each other in un-changing waves of challenges, and sometimes we don’t thinkit will ever end. Whispers of despair get in the way, and wewonder if things will ever change. And although these pass-ing years bring with them healing and easing powers, thereis also anxiety that comes along. At a weak moment, we dareto think that perhaps the going will never end and circum-stances are truly hopeless.
We have selected a few interviewees, each of whom hasexperienced a decade or more of infertility prior to movingon to motherhood. There were many times throughouttheir journeys that they had reason to despair and think theywill never be zoche to build a family. We hope their perspec-tives make yours all that much brighter.
The Interviewees:Ruchy: Throughout all her years of infertility, Ruchy had
a smile and twinkle in her eye as if nothing was amiss in herlife and her little world was just perfect. All day and everyday she was occupied with helping others and was alwaysrunning on a new mission to spread her chesed and kindnessto those who were able to use them. For many years she ranA TIME events in the area where she lives and made a dif-ference in so many lives.
Avigail: Avigail has an attitude that is impossible not tobrighten those around her and refused to take her troubles
too seriously. She always had a big smile, one that never lefther face, no matter what the situation. She is fun to bearound and always found the humor in infertility and all thechallenges it brought. She was very open about her situationand made others feel comfortable around her. Her daughterwas born after their fourteenth IVF cycle and after manyyears and pronouncements that she will not have children.Amazingly, she gave birth to a baby boy two years later with-out any medical intervention!
Bracha: An extremely devoted and committed person,Bracha used her time to help others and accomplish goodthings. She always made sure to keep busy volunteering andnever had an empty moment, first for A TIME and then forother local organizations. Thus, she was and still is in a posi-tion where she has the opportunity to make the lives ofmany easier and to bring her empathy and skills to wherevershe can make a difference.
Can you share with us one thing that helped youthe most while you went through especially tough
times?Ruchy: What kept me going was to meet or speak to oth-
ers who had gone through or were going through infertility.A TIME was a lifesaver, and I still thank the person who in-troduced me to them. She was right past many years of in-fertility and was my sounding board both medically andemotionally, until I got onto my own feet and made my ownnew friends. The A TIME Shabbatons were very special, andat each one I made at least one new friend that I stayed with.
Also, I believe I learned more from other patients’ expe-riences than from any doctor! I would attend any and every
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medical conference available and enjoyed adding informa-tion to my growing accumulation of knowledge.
Avigail: Laughter helped me the most throughout myIF journey. My husband helped me to enjoy life. He taughtme not to look at our failed cycle as “not being pregnant,“but as a cycle in which we had gained information on whathad not worked and what, if anything else, there was for usto try next. We never just sat at home and did nothing; wealways looked toward the next step. Yes, it was hard, butbeing sad, depressed, and devastated was not going to helpus. I needed to feel that I was trying my hardest to havechildren, so I met with doctors to see what else we coulddo. I tried not to sit in my home and dwell on the fact thatI did not have children. I went to simchas, I tried to join inconversations, and I tried to make the best of the situationthat I was in. I won’t lie and say that it was easy; it wasn’t.I did leave some conversations when all that was spokenabout was pediatricians, schools, camp, and vacations withthe kids. I was in charge of what I wanted to hear andwhom I wanted to hang out with, so if I didn’t “fit in,“ I re-moved myself from the situation.
Bracha: I, Baruch Hashem, have a wonderful marriage.My husband and I were always there for each other. It wasamazing to see how when I was down, he was okay, and ifI got him pulled down, I was usually okay by then, too!
We both chose the attitude that whatever is, is, and wewon’t wallow in self-pity. We really took everything verymuch in stride. I didn’t let the situation get in our way andwas accepting that if Hashem sends us the bracha we arewaiting for, it will be so wonderful, and if that will not bethe case, He will be sending us brachos in other areas!
What were thoughts of chizuk or stories that youheld onto that gave you the strength to go on?
Ruchy: At one Shabbaton, Rabbi Wosner, a fellowATIMER from Manchester, gave aspeech where he said that at one point he was too downto approach the Yomim Noraim, so he decided that thatyear he would daven for another couple and not himself.He started out like that, felt good about it, and eventuallywas able to daven for himself as well. I liked the idea andtried it one year, but was frustrated when the next yearcame around and I have not seen too much change in thatyear, so I, too, came up with a new approach and decidedto focus on being grateful for what I do have. I decided tozoom into the plenty blessings Hashem has granted me, asopposed to the heavy package I was still carrying and thethings I still needed. Those Yomim Tovim turned out to bethe most uplifting ones that I had experienced in all mymarried years. I was literally looking forward to each tefillahagain and felt like the luckiest women in the shul. AfterYom Tov I was so recharged that I faced yet another winterof treatment and infertility with new kochas. The punchline is that we had our baby ten months later!
Avigail: I didn’t listen to others’ stories or chizuk. To me,I was going through this journey and I felt as if others could-n’t relate to my unique situation and the challenges I faced,nor did I want to share mine with people. However, myhusband always made it a point to say, “When we will havechildren.....” and not, “If we have children.” He had a lot ofemunah and bitachon and that gave me strength to wantto move on and believe that one day we will have children.
Bracha: My wonderful friends! (mostly from A TIME)
Interview
OurVeteransSpeak
Can you share your best and/or worst memorypertaining to your infertility journey with our
readership?Avigail: My worst time in this journey was having a mis-
carriage. It was after four years of trying and our fourth IVFcycle. We were finally told that I was pregnant and saw thebaby’s heartbeat on the monitor. It was unbelievable. Thenat 11½ weeks, at our last RE visit, before moving on to anOB, we looked at the monitor to see our baby. He had noheartbeat. The doctor started crying, and my husbandfainted in the room. I was in shock and denial. I had somany questions that I knew would never be answered, suchas: Why? How could Hashem do this? Why is it so easy forothers, and for me it was so difficult? I started writing ajournal that helped me vent and cope during this unimag-inably difficult time. I also had my family who was therefor me. The night I had my D & C, my parents came by tomy house. They sat on the couch with me and said noth-ing. There were no words that would have soothed me.
But just the fact that they sat on the couch for a few hoursmade me feel better. I knew that they were there for meand that comforted me. My husband brought home myfavorite cookies that night. My friend came over two dayslater and pulled me out of bed and dragged me to go shop-ping for clothes, because she knew that I had to get out ofthe house and “move on.”
Bracha: The best moments I had were the ones I spentwith my husband. Opportunities for going on vacationsand places that the ones with a family of children don’t getto do were definitely a treat.
Worst was when I HAD to attend simchos early andfrom the beginning to end, because after all, I didn’t haveany children to put to bed beforehand and no babysitterto relieve. Another hard memory I have is when I did go outto social events, conversations were so dull with people
around me. All they would do was ask, “Hi. How are you?”smile, and walk off. I had a life other than children! A verybusy one, in fact! (And no, it was not I who stopped theconversation; it was they who didn’t think that there aretopics to discuss other than child rearing...)
Do you ever look back at this time period withnostalgia, or would you rather not spend time
thinking about those hard days that have BaruchHashem passed?
Ruchy: I may look back at certain vacations, gatheringsor outings with ATIME friends with nostalgia, but the pe-riod of IF per se is something that I am so grateful that it,Baruch Hashem, passed. Honestly, I thank Hashem for thefriendships I formed, and if this was the only way I madesome of them, which added so much quality to my life, Iam grateful for it.
Avigail: I look back at my IF journey as one that mademe strong and really tested my emunah. I still rememberhow life was without my children, and it was quiet andempty in some ways. However, Baruch Hashem, I am nowbusy with my children. But I will always still feel my nisayonin some way. I am one of the oldest parents in my daugh-ter’s class, and while my friends are having bar mitzvahs fortheir sons, I am dealing with which nursery to put my kidsinto, so I do still somewhat feel as though I don’t fit in.
Bracha: I must say that I get a lump in my throat when-ever I think of the time… so No. I prefer not to think aboutthose days.
In hindsight, is there anything you would do dif-ferently from the way you did it or acted?
Ruchy: Emotionally and spiritually, I believe we all didthe most we were able to. Medically I would have donethings slower when I started out, so that I would be leftwith more energy later on when aggressiveness was morenecessary. However, nobody could have prepared me orconvinced me as to the future that awaited me. It is justsomething I observed once I saw the full picture.
Avigail: I wouldn’t change anything about my IF jour-ney. I switched doctors three times and kept in contactwith my first just to continue to foresee everything and askhim questions. I tried not to let this journey take over mylife, but to still have fun and enjoy what I do have.
Bracha: Both my husband and I have the attitude thatwhatever we did at that time was due to the circumstancesthen, and there’s no point in dwelling on it. It’s muchhealthier to move on!
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Can you share with us a happening or storythat you’ll never forget?
Ruchy: I so clearly remember a bris where an auntmade a full show of making me hold the baby beforethe kvatter took it over. It was the first and only timethat I burst into a full-blast crying show in public, be-cause I was so embarrassed and hurt. The story, how-ever, does have a happy ending, as our daughter wasborn exactly a year later. I believe it was not the segulahof holding that baby , but rather the embarrassmentthat I had experienced.
Bracha: We were once on vacation, and the personsitting near us during dinner asked, “So how many chil-dren do you have?” I was going to answer, “Oh, who saidwe have children?” or “I’m sorry, but we don’t have.” Butbefore I knew what was happening, my husband shotan answer! With a very straight face, he said, “Five.” I’mnot sure what color I turned, but I just played along. Ihad to make up ages and furnish the imaginary details.I thought it was over until I met the couple again in theairport, and they were asking me what I’m bringinghome for the kids. Somehow I got out of it, but I mademy husband promise me that he’ll never do that again!
Is there anything about your IF journeythat you miss?
Avigail: I do miss getting together with all theamazing people I met at ATIME functions. I enjoyedgetting together with people who just made me laughand helped me forget about the difficult journey thatI was living in. I enjoyed going to the Shabbaton andseeing all different kinds of people uniting and feeling
the achdus of one another.
Bracha: NOPE! Maybe for a millisecond here andthere I can miss my freedom, friends, and the outingsI had... but not for longer, because I am, BaruchHashem, so thankful for my miracle!!
What message do you have for the onesstill struggling?
Ruchy: TRY to take each day as it comes. The biggerthe part of the picture you try to tackle or think of atonce, the heavier the burden will be. Also, try to thankHashem for at least one good thing in your life or day.It lightens the load, brightens the day, and is the mostpositive segulah you can do. As I mentioned earlier,this is a practice that changed my entire perspectiveon Yom Tov when I felt too down to daven in shul. Andamazingly, that was also the year that we were zocheto our yeshua.
Work on your relationships; the most importantones are your shalom bayis and your connection withHashem. IY”H when you move on, you will never findthe time or such an opportunity again!
Avigail: My message for ones still struggling is tonever lose hope and try your hardest to go out andenjoy the good things that Hashem has given you.
Bracha: Life is like a ‘black and white.’ Sometimeswe see the black, but we have to strive to see thewhite!
Also, never feel like you are a failure and that youdidn’t fulfill the rest of the world’s goal. You are doingthe will of Hashem by just being you!
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Both my husband and I have the attitude thatwhatever we did at that time was due to the circumstances then,
and there’s no point in dwelling on it.
“Someone once asked me how I hold myhead so high after all I've been through.I said, “It's because no matter what, I am
a survivor, not a victim.”
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ChizukMedical
It has been suggested that the upper limit of normal for Thy-roid Stimulating Hormone (TSH) in infertile women who are tryingto conceive should be 2.5 mIU/L instead of 4.5 mIU/L as is used bymost laboratories. A TSH level greater than 2.5 mIU/L, in the set-ting of a normal serum free thyroxine (T4) concentration, is asso-ciated with a disorder known as subclinical hypothyroidism.People with subclinical hypothyroidism tend to be asymptomatic,but it has been associated with adverse pregnancy outcomes ininfertile women.
Infertile women who have subclinical disease are at increasedrisk for miscarriage, preterm delivery, low birth weight, as well asneuropsychological and cognitive impairment of the child. In lightof the adverse outcomes associated with subclinical hypothy-roidism, thyroxine replacement is recommended in those who areinfertile and wish to become pregnant. The goal of therapy is toreduce the patient’s serum TSH concentration to 1-2.5 mIU/L. Iusually give the lowest dose of thyroid hormone to normalize theserum TSH concentration and to avoid over replacement.
With a positive pregnancy test, it is also important to remem-ber to increase the thyroxine dose by 30% because thyroid require-ments increase during pregnancy. Serum TSH levels should bemeasured 4 to 6 weeks after conception and after any change inthe dose of thyroxine, and at least once each trimester. Adequatereplacement of thyroid hormone in infertile women with subclin-ical disease may help to obviate some of the adverse outcomes as-sociated with this disease.
Should InfertileWomen withSubclinicalHypothyroidismBe Treated?
Dr. Hyacinth Nicole Browne, MDSher Fertility Clinic - Westchester, NY
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A ge related infertility is something we routinely deal with at InVia. It is a fact that one cannot change ones biologicalage. The question is if anything can be done to at least partly reverse the reproductive aging process. Exciting new
research has suggested simple changes in diet and lifestyle may improve fertility and increase your chance of conception.Interesting? Read on.
According to Dr. David Meldrum and his colleagues (Fertil Steril 2013;99:1–4) the answer lies in minimizing the effectsof oxidative stress (OS).
What is oxi dative stress (OS)?The oxidant-antioxidant balance in the body is an extraordinarily complex process. OS is an imbalance in this process
with the release of reactive oxygen species (ROS), which in turn damage cells. Basically there is release of toxins (peroxidesand free radicals), which damage various components of the cells (body proteins, lipids, DNA, telomeres, and mitochondria).The body has defense mechanisms against OS, but when the system is overwhelmed, there is cellular death (apoptosis).
How can one reduce OS?A diet with antioxidants may be the answer. Great antioxidants include: blackberries, blueberries, strawberries,
pomegranate, cranberries, green tea, dark chocolate, cooked vegetables and spices such as cumin, turmeric, ginger andoregano.
Lower dietary content of antioxidants has been found to be associated with reduced semen quality, and diets containingmore antioxidants have been associated with greater pregnancy success in women. The lifestyle habits of many men andwomen (e.g., lack of physical activity, overeating and high-sugar and high-fat diets) promote oxidative stress.
Overcooking of foods, which creates advanced glycation end-products (AGEs) is also extremely common. AGEsaccumulate with age and promote OS.
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How toImprove
Fertility andIncrease IVF
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Dr. V. KarandeInvia Fertility
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Overeating leads to the cells (mitochondria) to release more ROS. On the other hand, caloric restriction is one ofthe most successful ways to counteract the aging process. Obesity increases with age and is commonly associated witha 50%–100% increase of calorie intake just to maintain weight, thus offering a partial explanation for the reducedfertility associated with obesity.
What about men? Increased OS in semen correlates with increased male age, with reduced sperm motility and withincreased sperm DNA fragmentation. The good news is that high daily doses of antioxidants for 2 months (1 g/dvitamins C and E) may reverse these changes.
Increased OS in follicular fluid correlates with increasing female age, granulosa cell (GC, the cells that surround anegg) apoptosis, reduced egg and embryo quality, and reduced pregnancy success with IVF. One of the most importantdeficiencies of antioxidant defenses in aging cells is in the production of glutathione, which is reversible with antioxidant.Depletion of glutathione induces GC apoptosis, and increased GC apoptosis has a very strong relationship with reducedembryo quality and failed embryo implantation.
OS and blood flowAnother effect of OS on reproductive functions is by reducing blood flow to tissues. Blood flow to the reproductive
organs is determined by the molecule nitric oxide (NO), and NO production and stability are remarkably sensitive toROS and require extensive antioxidant protection. NO thus plays a key role in erectile and vascular function.
The OS of smoking reduces NO and subsequently blood flow to the reproductive organs. Smoking by both themale and female partners significantly reduces IVF outcome.
High doses of vitamins C and E for almost 6 months, similar to those used for reducing sperm DNA fragmentationdiscussed above may reverse this effect.
A commercial preparation of antioxidants, pycnogenol (Horphag Research and Natural Health Science), togetherwith a moderate dose of L-arginine (the direct precursor for NO), may improve sperm density, motility, morphology,and circulating testosterone levels.
Omega-3 fatty acids may improve sperm morphology. Omega-3s increase NO, decrease prostanoids (which narrowthe blood vessels), reduce OS and increase antioxidant effects.
Fish contain a lot of omega-3s. Fish consumption has been correlated with improved embryo implantation.According to Bob Casper and his group in Toronto, Coenzyme Q-10 may improve the quality of aging eggs
(improving mitochondrial function). This group of investigators is on the verge of defining a way to improvemitochondrial. Coenzyme Q-10 may even correct chromosome misalignments characteristic of the older oocyte.
Dr. Meldrum has created a website www.lifechoicesandfertility.com which is an excellent resource for up to dateinformation on this exciting subject.
Here is a summary of his recommendations:
Recommended for all:1. A healthy diet with fruits (especially berries) and vegetables, less red meat and no trans fats (doughnuts, French
pastries, fried foods)2. Omega-3’s (fish oil) 500-1,000 mg daily
For men over age 40 and/or with abnormal semen(low count, motility, and/or morphology) add to the above:
1. Increase antioxidants- 500-1,000 mg vitamin C, 200 IU vitamin E, green tea (1-3 cups per day); consider addingpycnogenol, 40-60 mg twice daily (this may replace or be added to the other antioxidants already mentioned).
2. Consider increasing omega-3 s to 1,000 to 2,000 mg. In one study of 1840 mg for 8 months all semen parametersimproved, particularly strict morphology.
3. Consider adding folic acid, 400 micrograms and zinc, 15-30 mg per day as some studies have shown benefits forsperm. These are in many multivitamins.
4. Consider adding 2 gm of L-citrulline.5. Dark chocolate is another strong antioxidant- use a low sugar brand.6. A small amount of vitamin C added to green tea aids absorption of antioxidants.7. Consider adding Co-enzyme Q-10, 200 mg twice daily. In one study it stimulated sperm motility.Details on the rationale for these recommendations are available at Dr. Meldrum’s website.
Note: These suggestions can be progressively added but that will require more time as at least 30 days should beallowed to see an effect (a full effect could take up to 90 days).
Celiac disease is primarily an intestinal disorder thatemanates from an abnormal immune system response togluten, a common dietary protein encountered in bread,pasta, and other wheat-containing foods. The antibodiesthat develop in response to gluten are capable of cross-reacting with several normal body proteins, especiallythose of the digestive tract, and this can lead to a digestivedisorder characterized by malabsorption, vitamin defi-ciencies (B-12, folate, iron), and abdominal distress (pain,bloating, cramping). The incidence of Celiac Disease is es-timated to be approximately 1 in 300 people.
There is increasing evidence of a link between CeliacDisease and infertility related to abnormal immune re-sponse, increased rates of amennorhea, endometriosis,and earlier menopause in women with the condition.
Symptoms of Celiac DiseaseThe symptoms of Celiac Disease can be mild or mis-
leading, thereby allowing its presence to go undetectedor misinterpreted. To illustrate this point, I had a goodfriend who was told since childhood that his symptomswere due to lactose intolerance. So he dutifully stayedaway from lactose as much as possible and took his lac-tase supplements for years. His symptoms of stomachupset were only minimally helped by such interventionsand, despite eating like a horse, he could never gainweight. It was only when he was about 25 years old thatsomeone considered he might have Celiac Disease, andtesting revealed this to be the case. In his case, as in nearlyall cases, the symptoms, antibodies, and intestinal dam-age disappeared within several months of gluten avoid-ance.
There is very limited published data currently that hasinvestigated the effect of Celiac Disease upon fertility inwomen, but the preponderance of this data seems to sup-port a negative effect. This is in line with what we knowabout the effect of other autoimmune disease upon fer-tility, especially that of autoimmune thyroiditis. There isa well-established link between the presence of anti-thy-roid antibodies and recurrent miscarriage, and this asso-ciation persists despite adequate thyroid hormone
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Medical
Celiac Diseaseand Infertility
Drew Tortoriello, MDMedical Director
Sher Fertility Center NY
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repletion. This suggests that an as yet to be understoodfacet of the immune flare-up itself is the actual culpritrather than the hormonal aberrations that can accom-pany it.
Celiac Disease and Gluten-free DietsAlthough not all papers support a higher incidence
of Celiac Disease in unexplained infertility patients,some have shown the incidence to be much higher, ashigh as 8% of those scrutinized. Several studies have re-ported that unexplained infertility can be successfullytreated with a gluten-free diet, while others haveshown that there are factors other than malabsorptionof nutrients that result in infertility, delayed menarcheand early menopause. In two large case-control studiesexamining women with Celiac Disease, researchersfound that those women who were not on a gluten-free diet had their first menstruation up to 18 monthslater than those who were following the right diet.
Moreover, nearly 39% of women not on the diet expe-rienced bouts of amenorrhea, while only 9% of womenwho were on the gluten-free diet. Dramatically, thosewomen who were not on the gluten-free diet werefound to enter menopause up to 5 years earlier thanwomen who avoided gluten. This suggests that the ab-normalities stemming from Celiac Disease have bothshort and long term consequences, these beingmonthly ovulatory disturbances and a hasteneddiminution in the ovarian (or oocyte pool) lifespan, re-spectively.
Women diagnosed with Celiac Disease also seem tohave a higher predilection towards developing en-dometriosis, another inflammatory condition in whichan altered immune environment is present and per-haps causative.
Effects of Celiac Disease on Egg QualityWhat is the effect of Celiac Disease on oocyte health
and implantation potential? This would be best ad-dressed by studying women with Celiac Disease whoare undergoing IVF so their egg “quality”, embryo de-velopment, and implantation potential could be ad-dressed. Unfortunately there are no such studies
available. It would seem that if Celiac Disease can exerta negative effect on ovarian lifespan, i.e. oocyte count,then it would indeed be hurting egg quality andthereby diminish the number and competency of theeggs retrieved, but this requires large future studies toconclusively demonstrate.
Should women with infertility be screened forCeliac Disease? Researchers who have studied womenwith infertility have found that they test positive forceliac disease-related antibodies at a rate that is ten-fold higher than the normal population. In addition,women with Celiac Disease may not present classicallywith gastrointestinal symptoms; their symptoms cannon-existent (about 4% of an asymptomatic adultpopulation that has donated blood are positive for theCeliac antibodies) or even manifest as seemingly unre-lated immunologically mediated illnesses such as der-matitis, alopecia, or apthous ulcers. Therefore it makessense to consider screening infertile women for CeliacDisease as its presence is not infrequent, treatment is
safe and simple, and its effects if left untreated can besubtle but profound.
Diagnosing Celiac DiseaseThe diagnosis of Celiac Disease begins by first per-
forming blood tests that look for the presence of anti-bodies that develop in reaction to gluten such as tissuetransglutaminase (tTG), anti-endomysial antibody(EMA), and deamidatedgliadin peptide (DGP). It ispossible, however, to have positive results to theseblood tests and to not have symptoms or tissue dam-age, and conversely also possible to have Celiac Diseasebut not have positive blood tests. For these reasons,most doctors also recommend endoscopy to assess forthe physical damage caused by these antibodies,namely inflammation and “blunting” of the intestinalvilli.
It is also important to note that gluten insensitivityoccurs on somewhat of a spectrum, and there arethose women with more mild gastrointestinal symp-toms or physical findings, who, after ruling out otherpotential maladies, may also benefit from a trial ofgluten avoidance.
The symptoms of Celiac Disease can be mild or misleading,thereby allowing its presence to go undetected or misinterpreted.
One of the old wife’s tales, which still plagues every IVF patient,is the myth that they need “strict” bed rest after the embryo transfer.Many patients are scared that the embryo will fall out if they walkaround – after all, if it was inserted artificially, isn’t there a risk thatit can “fall out” through the “track” through which the doctor in-serted it?
I remind my patients that G-d designed the body with enoughsense that walking, running, coughing, and sneezing do not causean embryo to fall out! Embryos are safe and secure in the womb,and just because they have spent 48 hours in the incubator in theIVF lab does not change anything! IVF allows us to mimic nature,and once the embryo has reached the uterus, it’s exactly like an em-
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Putting the Myth ofBed Rest After IVF to Rest
Dr. Aniruddha MalpaniInvia Fertility
bryo “made in the bedroom” (embryos do not have a memory!)After all, when fertile couples get pregnant naturally, they continueleading a completely normal life, so why should IVF make any dif-ference? Enough medical studies have been done by many IVF clin-ics, which prove that embryo implantation and rest does not affectpregnancy rates; and patients can walk out just 10 minutes afterthe embryo transfer.
In fact, enforced bed rest can have a very unhealthy effect on thepatient. Being forced to lie down in bed when you are well can bedemoralizing, to say the least. Taking a bed pan (during “strict bedrest”) can be extremely humiliating. Also, if you are forced to lie inbed, then you tend to spend all your time thinking about what theoutcome is going to be – a very unhelpful process, because the out-come is no longer in your hands. As it is, during the dreaded 2ww(two week wait between the embryo transfer and the pregnancytest), each minute seems to last for an hour. Lying in bed makes thetime crawl even more slowly!
So why do some doctors still insist their patients take “bed rest”after embryo transfer. I think this is a very clever way of “victimblaming!” If the patient does not get pregnant, they can always“blame” the patient for the failure, because she did not “rest” prop-erly. The biggest tragedy is when the family members start believingthis untruth.
I think patients (and their loved ones) need to understand thatactivity does not have any impact on the embryo inside the uterus,because it is protected from external influences in its uterine haven.Implantation is a biological process, which is not affected by exter-nal activity – or by gravity! We suggest patients take it easy at homefor 48 hours after the embryo transfer, after which we encouragethem to resume work, so they can keep themselves gainfully occu-pied. This is actually more for their peace of mind, rather than be-cause it changes the outcome. I always tell patients that if restinghelped to increase pregnancy rates by even 1%, we’d happily keepthem in hospital for even 15 days after the transfer!
There is a difference between transfer and implantation! Whileembryo transfer is a simple mechanical procedure, implantation isa complex biochemical event, which involves a dance of exchangedsignals between the endometrium and the embryo – somethingwhich cannot be influenced by diet or activity.
Being infertile is bad enough – don’t make it worse by forcingyourself to rest in bed when you don’t need to!
Lingo Guide for Beginners2ww = Two week wait after ovulation
AF = Aunt Flo (flow) A.K.A., your periodAI = Artificial InseminationAO = Anovulation ART = Assisted Reproductive TechnologyASA = Anti-Sperm AntibodyBB = Bulletin BoardBBT = Basal Body TemperatureBCP = Birth Control PillsB/W = BloodworkCD = Cycle dayCM = Cervical MucusDPO = Days Post-OvulationDx = DiagnosisE2 = Estradiol (Estrogen)EPT = Early Pregnancy TestET = Embryo Transfer (IVF)FET = Frozen Embryo TransferFSH = Follicle Stimulating HormoneHPT = Home Pregnancy TestIF = InfertilityIUI = Intrauterine InseminationIVF = In Vitro FertilizationLAP = LaparoscopyLH = Luteinizing HormoneLP = Luteal PhaseLPD = Luteal Phase DefectMC or m/c = MiscarriageO or OV = OvulationOPT = Ovulation Predictor TestOTC = Over the CounterPCOS = Polycystic Ovary SyndromePCT = Postcoital TestPI = Primary InfertilityRE = Reproductive EndocrinologistSA = Semen AnalysisSI = Secondary InfertilityTMI = Too much information!TTC = Trying to ConceiveUR = UrologistUS or u/s = Ultrasound
Embryos are safe and securein the womb, and just becausethey have spent 48 hours inthe incubator in the IVF labdoes not change anything!
Had you seen me dancing at the wedding a short while ago, youmight not have believed it.
I myself couldn’t believe I was not only dancing at this wedding,but joyfully so. After all, this chosson was someone at whose birth Icried, raged, ‘tantrum’ed, fill-in-your-own-nasty-blank here. As a mat-ter of fact, the poor, innocent baby was the subject of a few of myTIMEpieces over the years, starting with this excerpt from my very firstarticle, called “What’s so Funny about Infertility?”
I’ll never forget the night my sister-in-law had a baby boy: the veryfirst grandchild in my husband’s family. I was a wreck, as I’d mar-ried the oldest, and now had to watch this special zechus be-stowed upon a younger sibling when we’d already been married
a few years. I cried for hours in a jealous rage.
Baby and family lived in a small, un-noteworthy city hours awayfrom us; let’s call it ‘Boise.’ (How appropriate: “Boys. EEEEEEE!”)Through my tears I kept screaming that I would NOT go to Boise….. No waaaaay would I be kvatter in Boise at a younger sibling’sbaby’s bris. Boise was OUT. I was NOT going to Boise.
Finally my poor husband calmed me down. We started talkingabout the weather, work, an upcoming vacation, anything exceptthe B words (Baby, Boy, Bris, Boise).
We were doing pretty well there, distracting ourselves. My loudracking sobs slowed down to brief, intermittent sniffles.
And then came the top-of-the-hour-news, blaring from the radio
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A Time to Cry… And a Time to Dance
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61in the room next door: “….and today police authorities in Boise,Idaho announced………….”
I was ready to start bawling again, but we both burst out laugh-ing so hard that I just couldn’t.
And that’s when I decided that Hash-m has a sense of humor,K’vyachol.
Boise has not since been on the news.
And I am quite sure it had never been on before, either.
(And I didn’t find HKB”H’s sense of humor ‘K’vyachol’ remotelypresent upon our return home from the ‘trauma’ of his bris, finger-pointing/whispering/”IY”H-by-you-auf-simchos” kvattership and all.A message on my answering machine informed me that one of myclosest friends- who got married TWO years after I did- had givenbirth to a boy. Not even time to catch my breath.)
And here’s another, from my “Infertility Resume”:
Three years- A younger sibling brings the first grandchild intothe family, throwing me into a deep angry bitterness and de-pression that lasts a very long time. I decide that if the humil-iation of being kvatter at a younger sibling’s bris is not enoughto bring us children, while everyone around is whispering andgossiping and ‘tsk Tsk’ing the older childless sibling, then noth-ing ever will.
Well, the humiliation ISN’T enough. I vow to bli neder neverbe kvatter again, and to keep away from that baby.
Four years- I am keeping my vows. I ignore my nephew when-ever I see him. His mommy is already expecting again but hashad someone ELSE tell me, when she’s in her fifth month. (Whydo people always assume it’s easier on us that way??!)
In other words, I did NOT like this nephew of mine (understate-ment of the decade). The other siblings that came after him, andthe many other nieces and nephews ka”h that arrived in the totalof eight years before we were blessed with parenthood—- were allhard. But HE- he was IT. The one who, I selfishly felt, stole my zechus;my title, as the wife of the bechor. He took away the privilege of let-ting me give our great-grandmother the first name for her husband.
By the way, he was the first einikel on his mother’s side, so I didn’tfeel like I was being too selfish - there was room for each of us tohave a ‘first’. And not only that, but she didn’t get pregnant imme-diately; it took a few months. I was already davening for her! So Ifelt a huge slap in the face when my tefillos for her were answeredbut not those for myself.
I thought I’d never get over him. I felt that no matter what, even
if I did by some miracle have children one day, it wouldn’t make a dif-ference. He already was ‘the first’ everything, and now he’d IY”H be-come the first Bar Mitzvah, and so on and so on. So it didn’t matter.Mrs. Sel-IF-Centered.
The poor, innocent child, and those nieces and nephews who fol-lowed in the years after him, probably remember me as the grouchyaunt who either never left her room on Yomim Tovim when we gottogether, or ignored them or scowled at them when I did venture out.
I did become finally a mom, after ka”h 6 more einiklech joined thatfirst, which includes offspring of another sibling who got marriedafter us. (That doesn’t even count my side of the family!!!). By thetime First Einikel’s Bar Mitzvah rolled around I was already okay.No longer seething with pathetic ‘it should’ve been MINE’ jeal-ousy. As the years went by, we actually became friends. My sis-ter-in-law and I became closer, and were able to share with eachother what it was like to be on ‘our own’ side of the IF picture.
But his wedding? That was something else altogether.
I was sooooo excited. Beyond excited. Telling everyone aboutour upcoming family “FIRST einikel’s wedding!” Chatting with mysister-in-law and the chosson on the phone about plans … mak-ing Mazel Tov signs…. And dancing at the chasuna like a typicalTanta. And the whole time- from the engagement through theChasuna itself—I kept saying to myself, “This is an ATIME arti-cle…. I MUST get this on paper!”
Because, guess what everyone?
NOBODY remembers who got married first or had the babyfirst.
You might not believe me now, as you watch younger siblingshave babies before you. And the pain—- yes, I know exactly howit feels….. But you WILL get over it IY”H!!
No one recalls that I ‘should’ve’ had that first einikel (accordingto my own selfish, apikoresdike calculations, anyway).
And if they do, it’s only because I kept talking about it thatnight, and telling everyone, through my tears of joy, how gratefulI was to H”kbh.
Had someone told me 20-something years ago that I’d one dayget over that initial ‘pain’ of his birth, I don’t think I would havebelieved it. I still clearly remember, over two decades later, the“It’s a Boy” phone call. I’m sure his parents were thrilled that itwas still Shabbos in our city so they could talk to our machineand not tell us in person…. and they didn’t hear my anguishedcries.
Dancing at his wedding? I never dreamed that one day I’dbring myself to even attend his wedding, let alone be so b’simchaat the occasion, when for me, his arrival on earth was just the op-posite.
Hashem is good. Yes, one day, IY”H, it will NOT make a differenceb’shaa tova….and may it arrive for you b’karov b’yameinu!
I’m sure his parents were thrilled that it was still Shabbos in ourcity so they could talk to our machine and
not tell us in person….
KADEISH: Mazel Tov to the kiddushin of DH and DW, who are standing at the threshold of a new life. DW becomesquite experienced at donning her white niddah kittel.
URCHATZ: DW washes herself in the mikvah… a time too many perhaps?
KARPAS: DH and DW go see their local OB. She prescribes the small pills- less than a kezayis- Metformin, or maybeClomid for some… and yes, it’s dipped in its own saltwater. The side effects can be pretty nasty. They make a brachaand ask Hashem that this be their salvation.
YACHATZ: Their hearts are broken as their dreams are unfulfilled and their wallets emptied. Nope, Clomid was notthe miracle drug they had hoped it would be.
MAGGID: Time to tell their story. They contact ATIME. Ha Lachma Anya- this is our sorry state of affairs… Mah Nish-tana, they ask. Why are we different from our friends, family, neighbors? Avadim Hayinu- we’ve already seen a doctor.Amar Rabi- their Rabbi at ATIME says, Higiya Zman, the time has come to move on.
ROCHTZA: They wash their hands as they prepare for the next step, and go see an RE.
MOTZI MATZAH: They try Clomid and injectables, all carefully monitored, so that it shouldn’t ch”v turn intochametz, and become a waste of a cycle.
MAROR: It’s pretty bitter for them right now, as things haven’t been met with success, yet.
KORECH: The meds are sandwiched and put all together for an IVF cycle. They whisper a prayer, hoping for success.
SHULCHAN ORECH: All is set, the lining looks good. There is even a beitzah or two.
TZAFUN: Embryo is hidden in DW’s uterus, and one is put away (in the freezer) for next year (when TTC again).
BEIRACH: They bentch and thank Hashem for successful implantation!
HALLEL: Pregnancy achieved, couple is discharged to an OB. They sing Hallel, and praise Hashem for bringing them tothis point!
NIRTZAH: Their wants have been fulfilled. Chasal Siddur Pesach, they have finished their IF seder for now. In theirdreams, they think of having a chad gadya one day…
Leshana Haba B’Yerushalayim!!!SHA
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A Typical IF Seder
L. Gluck
Humor
Hi, you’ve reached 1-800-SEGULAH. I’m sorry I’m not in to answer your call. But I’m sure that you have mybest interests in mind. Currently, I am out drinking pomegranate juice and RESTING (both tried and truesegulahs apparently), but I would hate to miss the segulah that you are offering, so please listen to themenu and press the correct option.
Press One if you are offering Kvatter.
Press Two if you are offering Kvatter.
Press Three if you are offering Kvatter.
Yes, 1-3 are all for Kvatter since it is our most popular offer.
Press Four on the chance that I don’t want the Kvatter offer but you’d like me to find for you a friend whoalso needs this segulah.
You will notice that options 1-3 don’t work and that is simply because I DON’T want the offer, but thanksfor asking. Number 4 also doesn’t work because my friends dn’t want it either.
Press FIVE if you have a nest with a mother bird in it.
Press SIX if you actually have any idea how to do this mitzvah.
Press SEVEN if you found 39 women to bake challah in my zechus and if you’re just trying to find out if I’dagree to be the 40th woman.
Press EIGHT if you want me to hold your newborn the entire night so that you can sleep, (at least in thisoption you recognize that I too have many sleepless nights, but your baby isn’t going to help me sleep bet-ter.)
Press NINE If you want to offer some labor cake (but only chocolate flavored.)
Press TEN If you are offering me a ruby necklace.
You will notice that 9 and 10 are the only options that actually work, and that is because I never refusegood cake and jewelry. Hey, I’m a lady :) and anything with chocolate or gems is a definite go. Thank you somuch for thinking of me! If you have a segulah that is not on my list please just press 9 or 10 and have awonderful day.
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The Segulah Hotline
Chevie Shiffrin
Humor
Not much, but if we give you some examples, maybe you can give us a few back!Do you have a smile or funny story from your IF journey - during, about, and/or hopefully after BE”H - to share with us?Please send it to [email protected] so we can spread the giggles around!Don’t worry, we’ll be sure to only use your first name, maiden name, home address and social security number so that no onecan figure you out.Tee hee. KIDDING!!! We’ll make up a set of initials and change anything you ask us to.
Fyna Lea Mom
Laugh at LIFEI was browsing through a local heimishe newspaper. As always, I broke into goose-bumps as soon as I started with the Gemachsection, reading about one beautiful idea after another. My eyes started to fill. Mi K’eamcha Yisroel!
But my mouth nearly hung open when I got to one of them.Waiiiiiiiit a minute. How did that get in here?Donate EggWhat on EARTH?? My roaring, ranting, and raving phone call AND email AND Letter to the Editor, however, were all cancelled when Igot to the next line, which read...Cartons for Moving
My pal, now a Bubbie ka”h from the two children she was blessed with, shared this giggle with me from when her kids wereyoung.
Son: Guess what - the Cohens had a baby girl and are making a kiddush this Shabbos. Can we have a baby and make akiddush next Shabbos?Mom: That would be nice, but it does take longer than that to have a new baby.Son (unconcealed exasperation): Ma, you’ve had five years. How long do you need?
When my post-IF son was in 1st or 2nd grade, his friend Izzy had just gone home from a play date at our house. I guess theirteacher had already been working on spelling, as my son seemed to be figuring out how to spell his buddy’s name.You can imagine my shock when after a few minutes, he asked me very slowly, “Um, what does I-C-S-I spell?”I glanced at my DH with a wink and wondered if it was time to put our ATIME/ Shaarei Tikvah issues upstairs and out of reach?
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What’s so Funny about Infertility?
Humor
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Posted by: Black’n’white Mar 13 2011, 10:41 PM
Its been the second person in a short while telling me theiryeshua came after being so desperate and crying to Hashem nonstop. They then felt there is no way they won’t be helped shortly.They just couldn’t go on that way anymore. One of them evenquoted from Chany Juravel what she said at one Shabbaton that ifthe yeshua is not here yet we don’t want it bad enough.
It made me think...Does Hashem want me to become that desperate? Or maybe its
just the opposite. Maybe Hashem takes away the desperation fromthose who still have a way to go? If I’m calm and take things easierdoes that mean I have a longer way ahead? Can the yeshua come ata moment when I’m not so desperate? Will taking things more per-sonal and crying more bring the yeshua closer?
Posted by: momtobe Mar 14 2011, 12:19 AM
“if the yeshua is not here yet we don’t want it bad enough.”
This statement rubs me the other way. Oh, so if you are strug-gling, it’s YOUR fault! You don’t have emunah, you don’t want it badenough.. How dare anyone say such judgmental and davka un’-torah’dig things? Isn’t there such a thing as a gezeira minHashamayim? The madreiga we should be striving for is trustingthat whatever Hashem does is best (bitachon). Of course we shoulddaven, and articulate our wants to Hashem but believe that what-ever He desires will happen and only He knows what’s best for us.It’s a very hard madreiga to get to, but that should be the focus, noton crying and wanting it “bad enough”.
Did R’ Meir Shapiro and many gedolim who never had kids nothave emunah or want it bad enough? Come on!
Sorry if I came across angry, which I am. Usually people who havemoved on talk that way. Like obviously, if they got their yeshuah
and you didn’t, they must be doing something right and you mustbe doing something wrong, and they feel entitled to give you allthese self-righteous lectures, “because they were in our shoes, andthey only want to help”.
Posted by: hopeful mom Mar 14 2011, 12:33 AM
Reminds me of my friend who got pg a month after wedding:told me she knew she was pg bec kallah teacher had told her if mik-vah is hard will get pg and she went 2 mikvah during purim seudah!
Well guess what I had a lot of hard mikvah nights and I’m stillwaiting!
Ill 2nd that all these things make me upset. Hashem know whatwe can handle and doesn’t need us to start acting desperate to wakeup and say hey, maybe they can’t handle, let me send a child!!!!!!!!!!!C”v for anyone to think that hashem waits for this to know whenits enough.
You just keep dealing with emunah and don’t think it will hap-pen any faster or slower based on desperation!
If anything there is a big inyan to through the burden to hashemand truly believe He can even if teevah “says” otherwise.
May we all have a yeshuah very soon-may this purim truly be atime for simchafor all of us!
Posted by: bezrashashem Mar 14 2011, 12:55 AM
feeling desparate doesnt bring the yeshua - but davening does.Some people dont realize that hashem is waiting for our tefillos.. Hewants us to turn to him and acknowledge that without him NOTH-ING will ever materialize.. He needs us to beg him IN DETAIL - yes -tell him exactly what we need..
But if you are sure that you are being mispallel and are using yourpower of tefilla to you utmost.. Then turn away the desparation.You can then be calm and exercise all your emunah tools. Just makesure there is a fair balance between the 2
CAN YOU HELP ME SORT THINGS OUT?
Chizuk
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Please please dont ever think you have to waver in your strengthand let go even one drop - no - continue being the wonderful personyou are all the way, with a tefilla too.
Hatzlucha. I hope this is helpful
Posted by: miriamk1 Mar 14 2011, 09:26 AM
GRRRR! The other day someone implied that I need to daven moreand aquire more zichuyos. It made me mad! I understand that it maybe true, but look at all of the people out there who have davened wayless for children than us, people who arent frum, who all have chil-dren!!!! There is a much bigger plan and sometimes, no matter howgreat our desperation or how intense our tefillos, the answer is “notyet”. HKBH has a plan for each an every one of us, but I believe that al-though it will be impacted by tefillah and mitzvot, it may not neces-sarily hasten our yeshua. There are so many stories about Hashemusing tefilos meant for one thing for something else. We dont knowHKBHs cheshbon and just have to believe that it is for our good, andone day, maybe after 120, we will understand.
Until then, daven, do mitzvos, becuase it brings you closer to HKBHand leave the calculations up to Him.
Posted by: What’sNext Mar 14 2011, 11:13 AM
Just this past shabbos my husband ‘incidentally’ chanced by aChasam Sofer where he says that when we are mispallel for childrenwe should do so bsimcha.... B&W, your doing a good job at that. Don’tstart walking around teary eyed pleassse!!!
Posted by: Monsey PIFer Mar 14 2011, 12:06 PM
This was the question I brought up at the Shabbaton. Should I workmyself into a depression?? Do I have to feel depressed and sad andachingly empty and cry my eyes out and feel like I can’t go on like thisfor another day?? Some pple say when they felt they hit rock bottomand sorta “told Hashem” that they can’t manage another day withouta kid thats when they were helped. So me working on myself to keephappy and accepting my lot is my ruination?? that doesn’t seem right!Should I rather cry and chew over every single comment and look??Should I dwell on what I’m lacking?
From the answers I got Shabbos, was to “let Hashem know” what Iwant and to accept what he decrees. That doesn’t really answer thequestion, that if I would carry on and throw a tantrum it may forcethe yeshua earlier. but do I want to live my life in depression? no. Doesit mean that if we weren’t helped yet we weren’t desperate enough? Idon’t know. Will we ever know the answer? not until our tafkid hereis complete. So I guess we are left with our question.
Another aspect to this question which I have yet to get a satisfac-tory answer was - do we have a certain amount of pain that we needto go through or is it a certain length of time. If its the amount of pain;then taking everything to heart will get you there faster. If its the lengthof time than enjoy life until then. This too we will not know for sure.
So my conclusion is to try to ride the roller coaster and come tothe end and say BH I made it through in one piece and tried to makethe best of the ride.
Posted by: tzeepor Mar 14 2011, 12:43 PM
This was discussed by the Shabbaton... It doesn’t depend on you.Hashem has it all planned out.
Posted by: writer Mar 14 2011, 01:15 PM
This was discussed at the Shalosh Seudas Panel at the Shabbaton.Our tafkid is to work on accepting our Nisayon. I think anyone goingthrough infertility, once they are helped will say they were desper-ate. Noone will say, “I wasn’t ready, I didn’t really need a baby yet”.
I’ve also heard from countless ppl. how they felt desperate orwent through a very difficult time and were sure that their yeshuawould come then and it didn’t. Hashem has a masterplan for eachof us. We just don’t see it.
We have to keep our focus on accepting the package Hashemgave us, davening and doing our Hishtadlus. Atzvus doesn’t have aplace in Klal Yisroel.
Posted by: naamimara Mar 14 2011, 01:44 PM
rochel immenu was “desperate” and said she was like dead. yether yeshua did not come for another bunch of years. sforno pointsout that when her yeshua came, it was from her hishtadlus (of thedudaim) and from her hishtadlus of giving her maidservant (whichdid not happen until AFTER she was “desperate” and untilAFTER she got mussar from yaakov) and from her 7 yrs of tefila.we don’t know the cheshbonos.
there are many people who get a yeshua before they hit rockbottom. i would say if you are able to keep spirits up and keepcalm, then this is very good. and if you are feeling desperate,then turn to hashem and channel it into tefila if you are able.
Posted by: Black’n’white Mar 14 2011, 01:59 PM
“B&W, your doing a good job at that. Don’t start walkingaround teary eyed pleassse!!!”
:) I’ll do whatever it takes to bring my yeshua closer... Isn’tred eyes nice on me? Instead of makeup maybe.
“But if you are sure that you are being mispallel and are usingyour power of tefilla to you utmost.. Then turn away the des-peration.”
How do you know what your utmost is?Sometimes I feel I just don’t want hard enough. If Hashem
says not yet it’ll be easier for me not to want it so much for now.Its been too painful for me otherwise. These moments which Ido feel it is just too intense.
I’m always worried I’m not mispalel enough. Don’t get mewrong. I pray to Hashem all day long. But mainly for otherthings. My calculation is if Hashem wants my prayers and itsthere. And He knows very well what I want too. If I want to keepmy simcha to it all I can’t want it too much. I got the ‘not yet’for too long.
Sorry for rambling. Do I make any sense?
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Posted by: Chh Mar 14 2011, 02:03 PM
This outlook is absolutely wrong! The number of years that itsbashert for us to wait is not changed if we become so so desperateand cry nonstop. A friend recently told me how DESPERATE she isfor me, and she cant understand why I dont sound desperate. I triedexplaining her that I do wish, hope, and want very badly to have ababy soon, but what will being DESPERATE help me?? Why shouldI go through this nisoyan in misery? Hashem gave this nisoyan tous so we can get closer to him and grow to be better people. Doyou think that crying nonstop and being miserable is what hashemwants from us?
We can definatly try davening more and harder, do more chesed,and become better people, but surely not become totally de-pressed.
Smiling and being besimcha is surely the way to go!!
Posted by: unexpected Mar 14 2011, 02:46 PM
CHILDREN MENTIONED:I’m not god, so I can’t answer your question. I could however say
that for me, I got pregnant with my twins when I thought all hopewas lost and that was going to be the last time we were going tocycle - ever. Does that mean that that’s why it was successful? No. Ihonestly believe that it happened when it was supposed to for meand I think it’ll happen when it’s supposed to for you too.
Posted by: butterflies Mar 14 2011, 03:56 PM
“Does Hashem want me to become that desperate? Or maybeits just the opposite. Maybe Hashem takes away the desperationfrom those who still have a way to go? If I’m calm and take thingseasier does that mean I have a longer way ahead? Can the yeshuacome at a moment when I’m not so desperate? Will taking thingsmore personal and crying more bring the yeshua closer?”
Being a deeply sensitive person inside, but not too teary in theemotional department I often have this question. Recently I askedDH if I need to cry whenever I daven. In my case, crying=despera-tion. In other words, do I need to be desperate for my tefillos to beanswered? DH answered beautifully and it really put things in per-spective for me. The Sharei Tefillah (Gates of Prayer) aren’t alwaysopen. But the Sharei Di’maos (Gates of Tears) are. Tears have apower that can storm the heavens. But that doesn’t mean we actu-ally need to cry. It’s the tefillah itself that needs to be worthy of tears,meaning the tefillah should be heartfelt, deep and true. (Soundsbetter in Yiddish-an emes’dig tifa hartziga tefillah) That is what andhow we need to daven.
In the techinos of Shabbos Mevorchim/Rosh Chodesh Benchingwe actually ask Hashem to answer us before we even ask. (Again,sounds better in Yiddish!) That is a major part of tefilla to Hashemwhen I daven; to please send our yeshuos and brochos w/o desper-ation and w/ simcha.
Made me feel better. Hope it helps you too!
P.S. Planning to utilize my Purim morning this year to the fullestiy”h—dividing Sefer Tehillim w/ DH and hope to finish. Good ideafor those of us who have too much time on Purim day! It’s an eisratzon we don’t want to pass up on!
Posted by: HappyAnyways Mar 14 2011, 03:59 PM
I couldn’t agree more with Chh. Being desperate and depressedis a recipe for disaster. Maybe you should daven as if desperate, butgo about your day b’simcha and pleasant to others. Honestly, thebiggest compliment I ever got was from someone I work with whoI met at the RE’s office who commented- I would never have guessedthat you need treatment! (She started working with me not toolong before that and didn’t know my background....)
Accepting your lot and davening when able, is the way I believe,the best way to go about it....
And remember, Purim’s coming! Take advantage!
Posted by: Black’n’white Mar 14 2011, 06:09 PM
Thank you all so much for all those beautiful answers!I’ve got things sort out BH. We do NOT need to get desperate
in order for the yeshua to come. (As a friend said she tried but itdidn’t work for her.)
We can accomplish with simcha more than with tears. As we allknow the story of Baal Shem Tov. Once on a motzai yom kippur hewanted to make kidish lavuna but saw no moon. He went into hisroom and cried out to Hashem. Nothing helping. Until his chasidimall started dancing and out came the moon. The Baal Shem Tovcame out saying you ppl accomplished more with your simcha thenme with all my prayers!
His chasidim didn’t even ask for the moon to come out. Hashemsaw their simcha He gave them what He knew they want.Lets keepup our simcha!! Keep up our smile!! Hashem will see how happy weare despite all hardships He will grant us what we really want reallysoon!
Posted by: Kayza Mar 14 2011, 11:22 PM
“GRRRR! The other day someone implied that I need to davenmore and aquire more zichuyos. It made me mad!”
This reminds me of an incident that happened to me when I wasabout 12 years old. I was in a bungalow colony, and was one of thevery few “older” girls, and so was often asked to run small errandsfor mothers with little pitzies. There weren’t a lot of bungalows, butthe grounds were fairly large, so going across that colony was a bitof a mehalach. One day, a mother asked me to get her something,and I saw that she needed it fairly urgently so I ran both ways. I cameback to her panting and handed her the item. She thanked me andthen said “Really, you should be thanking me for giving you a chanceto do a mitzvah.” I just smiled and walked away. (In retrospect, Isuppose I should be thanking her for the chance to do yet anothermitzvah,,,) SHortly thereafter, I vented about the matter to my fa-ther. His empathetic response provided some life lessons to me.Among them was what he told me. He said that she was right inthe we should always be grateful for the chance to do a mitzvah, al-
though the reality is that mostly we don’t reach that madreiga, but,she seemed to have forgotten the part about how we should not belooking to give people chances to do mitzvos that benefit us. Like-wise, you tell YOURSELF “mefashfesh beMa’asov”, but you NEVERtell that to someone else.
Your friend must have “been absent” when that part of the lessonwas taught, or maybe it “wasn’t going to be on the test”
Whatever her reason, I can imagine it must have been hard todeal with.
Posted by: 4chun8 Mar 15 2011, 04:22 PM
Rav Nachman of Breslov said
“Tears get through the gates but songs break down walls.”
We are all always singing in an orchestra. Hashem orchestratesand conducts and we sing whatever he tune He asks for. If He hasasked for a solo, I’ll step forward, step up and rise up and I’ll sing withmy whole heart and I truly believe that if I sing with a smile “whole-heartedly“ and not with tears “hole-heartedly“ that is what Hashemwants. He wants us to be happy not only in Adar. In Adar there isincreased simcha but we can only increase the simcha if we are al-ready besimcha.
IVDU es Hashem besimcha - IVDU it’s not always easy, it requiresavodah to be besimcha.
After Modeh ani every morning before stepping into the day be-fore I continue on the journey of life I add one small Tefillah - TefillasHaderech
“Yehi rotzon milfonecho shetolichenu lesholom vesatzidenulesholom vesadrichenu lesholom vesagienu limchoz “CHEFTZECHO”lechaim ULESIMCHA ulesholom
I really do believe these few words (that by the way I don’t say ISING!) help me get through every
single day and every single challenge with a smile.The word song in Hebrew is SHIR which has the same letters as
YOSHOR straight - I sing and I live with the adage that “A smile is acurve that puts everything else straight”. kovech lo yevoshu veloyikolmu lonetzach kol Hachosim boch
תשועתם היית לנצח, ותקוותם בכל דור ודור..להודיע שכל קוויך לא יבושו, ולא יכלמו לנצח כל החוסים בך
Have a happy Purim and let’s remember A Ganz Yahr Freilich!
Posted by:01:21 PM
Thanks 4chun8. Very well said.
Posted by: G.E. Mar 16 2011, 01:57 PM
this sentiment got me so angry! I am responding before I readother responses because I feel so strongly about this!
we have no idea why our life turns out as it does! but we do knowthat everything comes from a place of love and rachamim with acheshbon!
I sincerely believe that a purpose of nisyonos is to lead us togreater dveikus to Hashem the Mekar Habrachah! To reach the levelof “katonti mi’kol hachasadim” whatever I have is more than Ideserve. Hashem knows my pain and is suffering along. And as soon
as He says so everything can change literally from one extreme toanother in a blink of an eye.
The knowledge that nothing is coming to us and nothing in lifeis in our control is a cornerstone of Yiddishkeit.
We are children of the Avos who were molded by life not turningout as they dreamed. They never were zoche to see the rechushgadol they were promised. The am Ha’nivchar was never a reality intheir lifetime. The resulting bitachon that Hashem is truly in chargeand ne’eman lishaleim schar in the best possible way, exactly as Hesees fit even though we can’t see it is a cornerstone of Yiddishkeit.
Yes, despiration to some extent is expected to be associated withthe pain of infertility. That emotional pain is described many timesin tanach...But Rochel Emeinu was punished for saying “im ayinmeisa anochi” i.e.”I can’t take it any more” Yaakov Avinu responded“hatachas elokim anochi asher manah mimeich prei beten.”Herdesperation was viewed as a lack of bitachon and unfortunately,though she was zoche to two wonderful children, she was not zocheto reap the nachas in this world.
So hang in there! every day of this nissayon is part of a Masterplan! it was given to you specifically from a place of love andrachamim. and though it hurts, Hashem know what He is doing! Youwill not get one extra moment of pain than is necessary!
May you be zoche to simchos mitoch simcha Be’karov!!Chazack V’amatz
Posted by: G.E. Mar 16 2011, 02:34 PM
I now read the entire thread and would like to modify myresponse. Simcha from bitachon is the ultimate serenity of knowingthat everything is exactly as it should be from His point of view. Thatis the gevaldiga simcha of Purim. V’nahfoch Hu! in this topsy turvyworld, Hashem is running the show, orchestrating every event forthe ultimate nitzchius of Klal Yisroel even in galus.
But sometimes we forget the middle of the megilla...the “sackv’eifer” part.
while going through a difficult time, the occasional pity party iswarrented. When something hurts emotionally, it is ok and properto feel that pain. Aveilus is a mitzvah! taking out the time to mourndifficulties in life is proper.
Mourning disappointments and lost dreams is good and healthyand part of avodas Hashem. It isn’t the same as atzvus-dispair. Wecan acknowledge that every bit of pain is with a cheshbon. Thatwhen Hashem squeezes us like olives, the ultimate oil will besomething we will very much appreciate. But the squeezing processhurts-a lot! And Hashem created us that when we are in pain wescream and cry and can’t always function optimally! That is ok andas it should be. we must sometimes mourn and let the uchyemotions wash over us but that doesn’t take away from the inherentbetachon that Hashem runs the show and knows what He’s doingeven when it hurts so so so much!
Hugs!and a freilichen Purim!!!!
Posted by: Black’n’white Mar 16 2011, 06:18 PM
Thank you G.E. for your reply. As you always do this too is sobeautiful and to the point.
I wasn’t clear enough in my first post. I always go with the attitude
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to live with simcha and exceptance for whatever Hashem sends ourway. I do think a smile is worth alot. And I know everything is witha cheshben. I’m not the type to sit and cry over things either.
After hearing from 2 ppl that they really cried alot before theiryeshua. And other telling me that Hashem sends us nesyonas tohear our tefila I just wanted to make sure I’m on the right track.
I did get my answers. Hashem wants our tefilas and connection.But that doesn’t have to be with crying. As someone said tears arestrong but simcha is even stronger. The highest medrayga is toexcept what Hashem had sent us with simcha! And what I quotedhere from your post is another point that proves me right.
Posted by: G.E. Mar 16 2011, 11:16 PM
Thanks for your kind words!Don’t worry, everyone here knows how much you strive to
always serve Hashem with simcha and how you always present ahuge kiddush Hashem by the way you are mekabel be’ahavaheverything that comes your way!
I am sorry if my post came across judgemental in any way.Also, I would like to reiterate in case my first post was too strong,
as I wrote in the second post, sometimes I find that a breather fromthe joyous mode is very helpful. Being in pain, really in pain, whenthings go wrong or are diffiucult for whatever reason, is not a stirahto simchah or bitachon at all. It is OK to function on a lower level,relax more, and even to cry a bit when it is a time to mourn. I call itsweating of the soul. Just as we sweat naturally when we do funexercise, we cry naturally when put in a situation of hardship. Itdoesn’t mean we don’t accept Ratzon Hashem, just that we aregetting an emotional workout because we are being hit where ithurts-a lot! There are hilchos Aveilus for a reason...
Being one year away from an extremely traumatic event, stillwondering “will this nisayon ever end, how much more can I takeof this, why does Hashem think I can handle it way beyond when Ido...” causes a lot of pain. It is ok to really feel that pain. It is safe.
Sure! in public we try to put on our shining rishus harabim face.But in private it can really hurt. and it is ok to mourn with thosewhom you trust. After all, it says about Hashem “B’nistoros Aoyanafshi” (in private my nefesh is in pain). If it is ok for the Ribono shelOlam to c’v’yachol experience inner pain over the difficulties ofgulus, how much more so are we allowed to greive.
So chin up! And hold your head high! You sure have a lot to beproud of!!
But yeah! Hugs! Its really very very hard sometimes!A freilichen Purim!!!Rejoice in the knowledge that Hashem is a kol yachol and knows
what He’s doing for thousands of years!May you be zoche to a real v’nahafoch hu this coming year.things really can shift in a blink of an eye! Purim has that
gevaldiga Koach of v’nahafoch hu! Teaching us that in the hester of
gaulus life circumstances can shift from one extreme to anotherm’eivel l’yom tov, m’yagon lesimcha on both a personal andcommunal level!
May we takke all see yeshuos from this Purim on!!
Posted by: Black’n’white Mar 17 2011, 02:40 AM
Now its my turn to say thanks for your kind words.I know it ok to cry. Especially when you turn your tears to
Hashem. I know its ok to feel pain. I just hope its ok not to cry andnot to feel the pain. I sort of made too much ‘peace’ with mysituation. I said Hashem wants this zul zan azoy.. (should it be thisway.) At least most of the time...
Don’t get me wrong. I want a child very very much! IF does hurt.I’m just afraid to change my status. Who knows what challengesthat will bring. With this nesoyon I’ve learnt to cope already. Orcould be too many disappointments made me tame down. I wentthrough as you called it ‘extremely traumatic event’. That changedmy whole outlook in life.
Posted by: Kayza Mar 17 2011, 08:54 AM
Yes, it’s very much ok. No one can tell you that “you must notwant it enough” or that wallowing in pain is “required”.
Posted by: G.E. Mar 17 2011, 08:59 AM
By “changing your status” do you mean afraid being perceivedas less of a coper? or do you mean afraid you are not preservingyouself to be emotionally ready for being “the best mother ever”when BeH the sheffah arrives sooner and thicker than you think?
Boy can I relate to both those sentiments!The pride of being a coper always and cases of how traumatic it
can be to go from pif to the prospect of 2 kids in 15 months.As I wrote so many times over the years and wish it would be
easier to internalize, Yeshuas Hashem K’heref Eiyin... on His timeline!may we all have the emesa bitachon to accept everything He sendsour way sincerely and with grace!!
anyway, for now,A freilichen Purim!!!! Just for one day, may you be punch drunk
(get high on sugar or something) and revel in the knowledge “v’cholkoyvecha lo yeivoshu la’netzach”
Hugs!2 years ago, my mishloach manos was colorful specialty jelly
beans in sectionals I put together myself! DH thought I was nuts tospend so much money but I needed that sticky sweet color to getin the mood!...especially b/c I was fasting in prep. for uterine surgerythe next day!...
so yeah! I sorta can relate! hugs! and hold your head up high thisPurim!
May your avodas hayo’m mi’toich simcha despite inner aveilusstorm the heavens and break all the mechitzois in shamayim for ayear of only wonderful obvious sheffah bracha personally and forgantz klal Yisroel!!
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Chizuk
I flew away on a magical flightWhen I stroked my doll’s hairAnd to that dream I held on tightBut it vanished into thin air
In place of dreams the nightmares hauntOf the tantrums the little girl would throw If only she knew how life will tauntThe tears would never cease to flow
She fed, clothed and soothed when she’d playShe dreamed of being nurturing and niceWhy were her dreams torn away?Why must she pay such a steep price?
The black and white has faded in timeReplaced with shadows and harsh tonesLife has no sense or rhymeI must figure it out on my own
I once felt anger and bitternessBut my heart and soul have been takenBy an impenetrable numbnessFrom which I occasionally awaken
It is then that I cry relentlesslyScreaming as if awoken with fright“Where is the family?That fills my life with light
“My home is so empty and silentWhere is the home full of laughter?
So alive and radiantWon’t I live on forever after?”
Sometimes I get tired of prayingAnd guilt is forever loomingPlease Hashem, hear the words I am not sayingSee the pain that is all consuming
See the love in my heart before it had diedThe soul that never wanted to be apartAnd if You are still not satisfiedSee the little girl clutching her doll to her heart
Chizuk
The Little Girl in Me
momtobe
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Dorothy Prey, RN (845) 928-6296 Fee (A/S)
Eileen Grimes, RN (845) 928- 8269
Monsey: Nechama Abou, RN (845) 352-0117
Chaya Becker, RPA (845) 352-0969
Sherry Broidy, RN (845) 928-3391 Fee
Samuel Feder (845) 362-6080
Avital Lehmann, PA (845) 517-5730 NF
Brocha Lichtenstein, RNC (845) 356-0939 NF (D/O)
Leah Lichstein, RN (845) 362-0990 NF
Goldy Malek (845) 323-7718 NF
Yossi Malek (845) 323-7717 NF
Miriam Schiffer, RN (845) 918-1708 / (914) 419-2894 NF
Malka Weinstein, RN (845) 362-0288 NF (D/O)
Wesley Hills Rachel Raice RN 845-354-5455 / 845-721-4487
Spring Valley Blimy Brill (845) 354-1211 / (845) 558-1447 NF
Spring Valley Yehudis Reichman, RN (845) 354-0682 / (845) 499-5216 NF
Spring Valley Chevy Ungar (845) 729-8474
Wesley Hills Wendy Schindler, RN (845) 354-6536
Queens: Far Rockaway Rena Gordon, RN (718) 471-8985 NF
Far Rockaway Esty Klein, RPAC (718) 501-3860 NF
Far Rockaway Rochel Lieberman, CM Pager (718) 206-6081 #16460 NF
Far Rockaway Faigy Singer, RN (718) 868-3935 NF
Far Rockaway Yehudis Brown, RN, BSN (410) 522-8879
Far Rockaway Sarah Schechter, RN (718) 327-3250 NF
Far Rockaway Avigail Weiss, RN (917) 841-8693 NF
Flushing Anat Benjamin, MD (718) 539-7736 / (917)224-8487 NF
Flushing Yael Kluyov, RN (646) 881-3111
Flushing Miriam R. Heimowitz, RN (718) 261-4373
Flushing Ruty Koenig, RPAC (718) 793-9666 NF
Jamaica Esther Natanov, RN H: (718) 380-9730 / W: (718) 283-6587 Fee
Kew Gardens Irina Aronova, RN (718) 544-0367 Fee
Kew Gardens Shifra Niman, PA-C [email protected] Fee
Kew Gardens Sheva Turk, RN (718) 263-6521 NF
Kew Gardens Esther roman (718) 487-3754 NF
Staten Island: Marcia Brathwaitte, RN (917) 841-5273 Fee (A/S)
Arlene Jacobson, RN (718) 983-0138 NF
Esther Kay, RN (718) 370-3515
Ohio:
Cleveland Heights Aviva Kupfer, RN (216) 932-8933 NF
Cleveland Heights Leah Kushner, RN (216) 371-1265 NF
Columbus Aliza Feingold, RN (614) 239-6356 NF
CANADA:
Montreal Mrs. Demercur, RN (514) 739-1462 NF
Montreal Faigy Hershkowitz, RN (514) 341-6399 Fee
Montreal Flora Sasportas, RN (514) 735-8145
Toronto Aldith Baker, RN (416) 667-1276 Fee
Toronto Ruby Bailey, RN (905) 470-7379 Fee
Toronto Fay Conville, RN (905) 727-6207 Fee
Toronto Eve Gallingan, RN (416) 787-5154 Fee
Toronto Chavie Kestenbaum, RN (416) 787-0067
Toronto Joanne Lang, RN (416) 783-8782
Toronto Elisheva Lightstone, RN (416) 256-0470
Toronto Malky Meckler, RN (416) 789-0893
Toronto Rachel Ohayon, RN (416) 781-1218
Toronto Rochel Travis, RN (416) 631-9409
ENGLAND:
London A TIME England office 020-8800-2153 / email: [email protected]
If a nurse is needed on Shabbos, call Chaya at 718-258-5002 or Vivienne at 917-783-9514
A/S=Available Shabbos, D/O =Doctor’s Order, NF=No Fee
If you know of any other nurses who would be willing to provide this crucial service, especially in neighborhoods not yet covered, please letus know. And many, many thanks to all those listed above. A TIME is not responsible for any treatments administered by any of the Nurses or
Nurse Practitioners listed herein. Nothing herein constitutes medical advice and all readers are recommended to consult their physician.
For More Information, Please Call (718) 686-8912 ext. 202
Dedicated to the Memory of Charlie Weiss נתן קרפל בן משולם ע"ה
State city Name phone Fee State city Name phone Fee
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[email protected]@atime.org
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For general library information call:Shaindy Blau (718) 686-8912 extension 209
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nhhbg dgstbegi/
thl vtc zhl sgrntby pui nhhi ctzul tptr ygd murhe chh
nhhi gkygrg auugxygr/ nhhi auugxygr thz btr uutx tvhh-
ndgeungi pui thhbeuhpi tui zhl dgprhhy mu uuhhzi ptr thr phb;
hgvrhdg ytfygrwk sh ekhhs uutx zh vty ptr thr tvhh-
ndgcrgbdy/ zh vty gx tbdgntxyi tuhpi ehbs tui gx thz thr
dgaytbgi muegr zhx/ phhi c"v’ gx thz thr dgkubdgi sh thh-
beuhpi vhhby tui ngi uugy tuugekhhdi sh ekhhs tuh; sh eung-
bshdg zunngr th"v/ nhhi bhfyg vty tcgr tbdgvuhci mu uuhhbgi
tui ptrphri tz zh uuhk auhi ntrdi tbyuvi sh ekhhs/ nhhi au-
ugxygr vty pruchry mu grekgri ptr thr nhhsgkg/ "vgr
nhr mu nhhi ehbs’" vty zh dgztdy’ "hgmy thi sh uuhbygr thz sh
ekhhs mu shi ptr sh prtxyi/ gx uugy shr zhhi etky/ thi sh
zunngr uugy gx zhhi pubey duy/ sh
ekhhs thz yteg t duyg ztl ptr shr’
tcgr hgmy - thi sh mhhy’ ptrayhhy
shhi ntng tz gx thz bhay duy ptr
shr/
zgv thl bhay tuhx sh zgkcg? vtc
thl dgyrtfy/ vah”, vty nhr dgdgci
t uutubsgrkhfg du;’ dgzuby’ napjv’
prhhby tui btl tzuh phk duyg ztfi/ sh
tkg ztfi uuhhzi nhr uuh aytre vah",’
vty nhr - zhhi ytfygr - tzuh aytre
khc’ tui btl sgrmu vtc thl zhl hgmy
tbdgayrgbdy mu yuvi zhhi rmui - sh
eckv uutx thl vtc zhl tubygrdg-
bungi/ tz sh chhsg muztngi vtci
bhay dgcrgbdy sh rgzukytyi mu uutx
thl vtc tzuh dgdkuxy’ nuz zhhi tz gx thz st t xhcv uutx
thz ptr nhhi yucv’ tui mukhc sgo vty vah”, nhr btfbhay
dgdgci uutx thl vtc dgcgyi/
thl chi zhfgr tz vah”, vty dgzgvi hgsg ,phkv tui hgsg
tbayrgbdubd/ gr uuhk tui uugy nhr dgci stx uutx thl gru-
utry’ yteg bhay tuh; nhhi xegszaugk tcgr tuh; zhhi
thhdgbg xegszaugk uugi gr uuhk tui uuhtzuh gr uuhk’ uuhhk rmui
vcurt thz tzuh xtl drgxgr tui yhpgr uuh nhhi ekhhbg nj/
nhhi ekhhbg nj zgvy sh whgmyw btr sh hgmyhdg hgmy’ tcgr
vah”, thz wnjacu, kcu ksur usurw - zhhbg njacu, dhhgi pui
thhi sur muo muuhhyi/ stx nhhby: thl uuhk zgvi t haugv - auhi
hgmy’ tcgr vah”, zgvy tkg suru, uutx eungi ptr nhr tui
tkg suru, uutx eungi btl nhr/ stx uutx thl uuhk hgmy tzuh
aytre vtci’ thz tuhl t jke pui zhhi pkti’ tcgr’ gr vty
zhhi thhdgbg uugd tui xsr uuhtzuh gr uugy gx tuhxphri/ hgsg
ztl uutx thl yuv duy vty t vapgv tuh; sh pkti’ tcgr sh
gbsdhkhdyg ctakux uugi nhr mu agbegi nhhi haugv )uutx thz
t jke pui sh pkti( khdy thi sh vtby pui vah”,’ tui thl chi
zhl nfbhg ptr zhhi pkti’ uuhhk vah”, thz wnjacu, kcu ksur
usur/
thl sgrnti zhl uugi nhhi ytyg vty nhr sgrmhhky sh
ngav pui shbv/ uugi ktv tnbu vty tuhxdgpubgi tz zh uutry
btl t ehbs’ vty zh zhl zhhgr nmgr dguugi tuh; thr auugxygr
rjk/ zh vty dgztdy ptr vah”, tz zh thz nuu,r pui zhl sh
acy uutx uutky uugi dgstrpy truhxeungi pui sh ehbs’ tui
sgntkyx vty sgr ctagpgr dgntfy tz sh ehbs uutx ktv
vty dguutry thz thcgrdgsrhhy dguutri mu t nhhsk’ tui shbv
thz dgcuhri/
nhr uuhhxi tkg pui sh argekhfg ngav uutx gx thz
dgagvi nhy shbv uugi afo vty thr ptrftpy/ ktv vty
dgegby vtci tzuh phk eahu, tui ygbu, tuh; sgo/ btfi nuu,r
zhhi tui tuhpdgci’ btfi yuvi tzt druhx ztl’ vty btl vah”,
dgntfy tzt argekhfg ztl?! kngav’ uuhhxi nhr tkg sh
nurtwshdg xu;’ surl sh ptxhrubd
vty shbv dgvty t ehbs txb,’
uutx thz apgygr dgeungi ehhi
nmrho’ tui tzuh vty vah”, tbdg-
drhhy sh uuhhc ptr hux;/ txb, thz
dguugi sh thhbmhdxyg ths thi
nmrho’ tui tzuh vty hux; dgegby
j,ubv vtci mu thr/ hux; tui txb,
vtci dgvty muuhh ehbsgr’ tui pui
ktv thz surfsgo truhxdgeungi
tbayty thhi acy’ muuhh acyho/
vah”, vty pubeykhl tuhxd-
grgfby t pkti’ tphku gx vty
thbtbvuhc tuhxdgzgvi tzuh
argekhl tui bhay dgrgfy/
uugi t eckv uutx ngi vty zhl
thbygrdgbungi’ tui ngi vty zhl tzuh dgrtfyi ptr rgzuky-
tyi thz surfdgptki’ cteungi nhr t nurtwshdg dgkgdbvhhy
zhl mu cuhgi thi tnubv tui cyjui/ phk ntk thz sh gcusv tuh;
tnubv tui cyjui puk jaucgr uuh sh eckv tkhhbx/ vah”,
ztdy: thl zgv shhi tbayrgbdubd’ tui hgmy uugxyu cteungi
sh afr xhh ptr sh eckv’ muztngi nhy sh tnubv tui cyjui
uutx su vtxy tzuh auugr dgtrcgy mu grrhhfi/ shhi afr uugy
zhhi tunatmctr druhx/
ht’ gx thz nhr auugr/ sh tbyuhaubdgi rhhxi ayhegr pui
nhr’ thl vtc tzuh phk mgr tui ptrdhx yrgri’ tcgr thl ztd
shr ytyg: chsu tpehs rujh - thi shhi vtby dhc thl thcgr
nhhi dhhxy’ nhhi dtbmg ayurgo tui tkg dgphki uutx zgbgi
thi thr/ thl dhc shr gx’ uuhhk thl uuhhx tz su chxy t yuc
unyhc/ thl dhc tuh; hgsg rmui ptr shr’ uuhhk thl uuhhx tz shhi
pkti thz sh ektrxyg tui cgxyg uutx egi btr zhhi ptr nhr/
thl stbe shr ytyg ptr sh dgkgdbvhhy uutx su vtxy nhr
dgatbegi tuhxmutrcgyi tui surfmutrcgyi nhhbg njacu,
tui mueungi mu t vgfgrg srdv thi tnubv tui cyjui/
)thcgr dgarhci pui t anugx dgztdy tuh; wyk ak ,jhw(
chsu tpehs rujh -thi shhi vtby dhc thlthcgr nhhi dhhxy’ nhhi
dtbmg ayurgo tuitkg dgphki uutx zgbgi
thi thr/
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jhzue
tx ntk chi thl dguugi zhfgr tz xwthz dguugi sh
rhfyhdg va,sku, tui nhhi haugv thz auhi st/ gx
thz nhr dguugi tzt vercv/ tzuh phk dhhxyhag fuju, vty
gx pui nhr dgbungi/ thl vtc dgaphry tz thl vtc dgyti
nhhbx’ tui vah", vty zhfgr tbdgbungi nhhi erci/
gx thz dguugi thhi btfy ptr muuhh uutfi murhe uugi thl
vtc dgaphry t aytreg dkhxygbha’ t dkhxygbha uutx
thl pruchr tkgntk mu ptrayhei yh;’ yh; thi nhr/ hgbg
btfy thz gx tcgr truhpdgeungi tuhpi tuhcgrpktl/ thl
vtc bhay dgegby ptrntfi nhhbg tuhdi/ thl vtc tzuh dgu-
utky’ tzuh dgdtry’ tzuh dgdkuxy auhi mu uugri dgvtkpi/ hgbg
btfy vtc thl dgntfy nhhi ctakux/ thl vtc dguutuxy tz
nhy nhhi ptrbungbg xsr vhuo uugy gx zhhi auugr’ tcgr thl
vtc dgztdy: "ytyg’ thl uuhhx tz nhhi ,vhkho ztdi str; t
,heui/ thl pruchr yteg st tui stryi trhhbmuftpi t et-
phyk’ tcgr thl uuhhx gx thz bhay uuhphk thl uutky dgngdy
tuugedgci pui zhl/ ytyg’ thl bgo zhl ptr th"v pui hgmy
tn,wshd mu pruchri mu ztdi t huo ,vhkho hgsi ytd’ tui
ytyg’ thl cgy shr su ztkxy zgvi nhhi tbayrgbdubd tui
ztkxy nhr vgkpi nhy t haugv// "
bhhi’ gx thz nhr bhay tbdgeungi drhbd stx ztdi sgo huo
,vhkho hgsi ytd/ thl vtc zhl tcgr pgxy dgvtkyi sgrmu
tui dgdkhhcy tz thl yuv nhhi rhfyhdg va,sku,/ thhi btfy
thz gx tcgr tbdgeungi xpgmhgk auugr/ thl vtc dgstrpy
ftpi sh ctx uutx vty nhr dgstrpy phri mu t btbyg
napjv anjv/ phb; nhbuy ptri truhxdhhi mu ftpi sh ctx
vtc thl zhl sgrntby pui nhhi huo ,vhkho/ bhhi’ thl vtc
bhay dgegby ktzi sh ,vhkho ztdi tuh; apgygr uuhhk gx
thz auhi dguugi dgmhhkyg nhbuyi mu sh zni ngrhc/ uutx yuy
ngi? t bgexyg ctx thz bhay st’ tui stx nhhby tz thl
uugk nuzi mtki txtl dgky ptr t etr uutx ztk nhr muphri
tvhi/ sgrbtl uugy eungi tkg atku, pui nhhi ntng tui
dgauuhxygr/// gx thz cfkk bhay t pauyg dgagpy/
ctagpgr uutx yuy ngi? thl vtc dguutuxy uutx thl uugk
yuvi’ thl uugk nerhc zhhi sh ctx’ thl uugk tuugekhhdi sh
cuau, thi t zhhy’ tui tuugedgci sh mhhy mu ztdi ,vhkho tui
cgyi pui vah", ptr nhhi haugv///
gx vty ctn, dgbungi pui nhr fuju,’ tui thl vtc
tn,shd dgaphry tz thl vtc dgcrgbdy t erci’ tui vhhby’
tptr ygd apgygr vtc thl cteungi tzt tbyuhaubd/// ti
tbyuhaubd uutx thl vtc dgaphry tz thl egi bhay trt-
pakhbdgi/// gx thz dguugi mu auugr/ ctagpgr? vtxyu bhay
dgzgvi nhhi tbayrgbdubd?! vtxyu bhay tbdgbungi nhhi erci
uutx thz nhr ctn, tbdgeungi auugr? ptruutx ctagpgr?
ptruutx?
thl vtc dgaphry tz thl vtc auhi dgbud dgvty’ thl vtc
bhay dgegby uuhhygr tbdhhi’ thl vtc dguutuxy tz thl nuz
uuhhygr tbdhhi’ tcgr thl vtc euso dgnuzy ntfi xsr thi
דמחשבות לבולדור ודור
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sh ngbya tui sgntkx yrtfy ngi auhi bhay pubgo tnubv ucyjui/
sh nj nhy sh vtr. zgbgi tzuhuuh muuhh ctzubsgrg ngbyai/ sh nj thz
rtuci tui sh vtr. thz angui/ sh gcusv thz tz rtuci ztk tuhxkgrbgi
ptr angui tnubv ucyjui’ tui sh nvkl uuhtzuh stx tuhxmukgrbgi thz
surl neck zhhi tkgx nhy anjv/ nhy anjv egi ngi tbeungi zhhgr
uuhhy/ ngi str; stx btr thhbuutrmkgi thbgo ytd ygdkhfi kgci’ tui
kgci aygbshd nhy t anjv uuh uuhhy ngdkhl/ tui btr tzuh uugy ngi
egbgi zhl ctvgrai tui bhay uugri ptrkuhri uugi gx euny t nmc uutx
sh vtr. uuhk thcgrbgngi sh nj/ sh dgphki aytrei zhl thcgrwi afk
tui ktzi bhay yrtfyi drts’ nnhkt egi ngi zhl bhay vtkyi tui
nwuugry mucrtfi pui sh auugrhehhyi thi kgci/ sh fj pui anjv vgkpy
tcgr gx ztk zhhi nj akhy gk vkc’ tui ngi ztk uuhxi zhl mu ctbumgi
nhywi nj’ zhl mu njze zhhi tui vtkyi aytre nhy sh rhfyhdg tnubv
ucyjui/
stx tkgx tui btl txtl ngr pui sgo’ zgbgi sh pukg ctdtzagi uutx thl vtc nhl thhbdgvtbsgky chh sgo ahhbgo ac,/ stx zgbgi ti ehhi xpe
dganteg phru, uutx uugki zhl vtkyi tuh; zhhgr ktbd’ thl ztk stx egbgi bumi kfk turl vsrl’ uugi thngr gx uugy zhl ntfi tz thl uugk strpi sgo ayup
tui jhzue uuhhygr tbmudhhi uugy stx nhr dgci sh fuju,/ tphku sh tkg dgstbei uutx thl vtc nhl bhay sgrntby tuh; sh nhbuy cag,wi tparhhci sh
uugrygr’ dkhhc thl tcgr tz uugi gx uugy eungi kngav’ uugi gx uugy tuhxeungi bvbv mu zhhi pui sh tkg scrh jhzue uugy stx zhfgr truhpauuhngi tui dgci
sh nuy tbmudhhi nhy anjv/
cnal sgo vgrkhfi ac, vtci nhr zhl sgreuuhey nhy sh ztpyhdg phru, tui aytreg scrh jhzue’ uutx nhr uugki tuhl nhybgngi tuh; uuhhygr zhl mu
egbgi xprtuugi nhy xhh uugkfg auugrhehhy/ tui vtpbykhl uugki nhr tkg auhi ceruc zufv zhhi mu prtuugi t jnav gar xgusv nhy rhfyhdg’ kgcgshdg’
ztpyhdg tui dganteg phru,: zhxg ehbsgrkgl’ t dpi purhw’ cbho fa,hkh z,ho xchc’ nhy phk bj, tui anjv/
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vtci nhydgntfy/ sh pxue vhhcy ti "nmtubh va�unrho vxuccho cghr
vfubh pmtubh uduw’ thshag ehbsgr zgbgi cnal sh htri thi dku, dguutri
muektpy tui muctky nhy mru, mruru,/ chygrg auugrg htri pui hxurho
unftucho’ dzhru, burtu,’ ,"j u,"y’ sh muuhh chygrg uugky nkjnu, ufuw/
ztdy aknv vnkl stry thi pxue jw’ "va�cg,h t,fo cbu, hrua�ko’ to
,nmtut, sush nv ,dhsuku’ a�juk, tvcv tbh/" tz uugi gx euny tcgr
mu ,pkv’ uugi nwthz n,pkk tui nwuuhhby zhl tuhx mu vah",’ yuy ngi bhay
sgrntbgi sh tkg mru,/ nwyuy btr ckuhz sgrntbgi ptr vah", tz wfh
juk, tvcv tbh’w sh dkhxygbha pui tvcv mu vah",/ thl uugr nna ertbe
tui thl dhh tuhx mu zhhi btby mu shr/ nwsrhey tuhx sh dguutkshdg ,auev
tui nwcgvy ckuhz tz thl uuhk uugri btby nhywi curt guko/
zgvy ngi pui sgo uutx sh tn,wg jahcu, tui ,fkh, pui tkgo thz’
tui sh gher uutx nwstr; kgfmi tui cgyi tuh;’ thz mu uugri btby mu
vah", tubzgr ctkhcyg ytyg thi vhnk/ tui tz stx uugy grphky uugri
uugki nhr nnhkt auhi zhhi dgvtkpgbg’ zhhgbshd thbgo ptryul pui tubzgr
sgrctrgnshdg ytyg sgr tc vrjni’ uutx vty tubz khc nhy t aytreg
tvcv tui thz tubz drhhy mu dgci uutx nhr strpi/ tui uuh t dgyrhhg ytyg
nhhby gr nhy tkgx btr tubzgr yucv/
ac, chhytd chh sh xgusv: vr"r atuk rtzgi akhy"t - nbvk vnuxs
ehhbntk bhay tuhpdgcivr"r atuk akhy"t vty trundgrgsy pui sgo tz tphku thi sh auugrxyg
mhhyi’ uutx xwztk btr bhay dgagvi ytr ngi ehhbntk bhay tuhpdgci/
sgrmhhkbshd grayvtbyhdg xhpurho pui pgkgr uutx xwvty tuhxdgzgvi sh
grdxyg uutx gx egi btr zhhi’ tui ehhbgr vty zhl bhay dgdkhhcy tz thi tzt
nmc egi ngi cfkk bgngi wyrhgyngbyx/w tcgr surl sgo uutx nwvty bhay
tuhpdgdgci tui ht dgytvi uutx nwvty mu ytvi nhy sh rhfyhdg tnubv ucyjui
thz ngi c"v tbdgeungi zhhgr uuhhy tui gbsdhkyhd yteg dgvtkpi dguutri/
aka xgusu,: vrv"d rw trui rhhl akhy"t - r"h uutskghe
jhzue canjv ucahrv tphku thbgo auugrxyi nmc
sh jaucg cgk srai akhy"t vty tbdgvuhci sh anugx chh aka xgusu,
nhy sh etphyk uutx nwzhbdy sti thi sh znhru, srhh ntk - nznur ksus ufuw’
tui surfdgdtbdgi sh tkg znbho tui auugrg mhhyi uutx sus vnkl thz tsurl
thi zhhi kgci uugi ehhbgr vty bhytntk dgegby jkunwgi tz gr dhhy btl tntk
zhhi t egbhd’ tsgr murhe uugri sh nkl hartk/ tcgr tkgntk thz dguugi
wnznur ksusw’ gr vty tkx dgzhbdgi tui zhl njze dguugi/
gr vty dgztdy acyl - xhh uugi thl cteuo ekgp’ unagb,l - xhh uugi su
yuxy nhr tubygrktbgi tui su vgkpxy nhr’ vnv hbjnbu yuy gx nhr tkx
yrhhxyi/ bhay ehhi jhkue mu xwthz duy tsgr xweuey tuhx akgfy’ tkgntk
zhbd thl mu shr nhywi zgkci nznur ksus/ uuhhk thl dkhhc tui thl ptrktz nhl
tuh; shr ctagpgr tz su uuhhxy uutx gx thz duy ptr nhr’ tui tkgx thz
zhfgr ptr nhr kyucv/
zubytd thbsgrprh: vr"r bp,kh uuhhx akhy"t
tvi anjv thz ,urv u,pkv dtrbhayuugrs tuhci thi vhnk
gr vty btfdgztdy pubgo vhhkhdi ch, hartk pui dur zm"k’ sh ygo
ptruutx sh nbvd thi dur thz mu zhbdgi ub,bv ,ue; tuo r"v tui huvf"p nhy
t ntrya bhdui’ uutx kfturv kuhy uutx ngi ztdy thi sgo dgvuhcgbg ,phkv’
euny bhay stry trhhi mu zhbdgi kgcgshd/ btr uuhctks surftuhx sh gcusv
thi r"v uhuvf"p egi ngi j"u mueungi mu nrv ajurv tui tvi anjv uugry
bhay tbdgbungi tuhci thi vhnk ehhi auo gcusv’ uugdi sgo zhbdy ngi ub,bv
,ue; nhy t kgcgshdg ntrya bhdui/
zubytd thbsgrprh: vr"r h/ h/ ruchbayhhi akhy"t
narha zhhi thi sh ytd ygdkhfg kgcitnubv ucyjui surl anjv
muo akux pubgo ahhbgo ac, vtci nhr dgvgry t dtr aytreg srav
pui t jaucgwi dtxy rgsbgr vrc ruchbayhhi akhy"t/ gr vty
trundganugxy thcgrwi gbhi uuh tzuh nwegi zhl vtkyi thbgo ytd ygdkhfi
dghgd nhy tnubv ucyjui/ uuh tzuh egi ngi tsurfauuhmi auugrg znbho? vty
gr dgztdy tz thgsg ths uuhhxy tz xwthz st t ctagpgr tuh; sh uugky’ tui
thgsg ths vty cyjui thbgo thhcgraygi/ sh jxrui thz btr’ tz stx uuhhxy
ngi btr thi nj’ uutx yrtfy trhhi thi hgsg ztl’ tcgr uugi xweuny gx mu
bumi thi auugrg mhhyi rj"k ufsuw’ stry bgny sh dgphki pubgo vtr. thcgr
prhhytd mubtfyx ptr eck, ac,: vr"r bp,kh uuhhx akhy"t - huac rta vac,
ha nbvhd kchrvvr"r bp,kh ztk zhhi dgzuby vty fsrfu nhy t aytrehhy tbdgvuhci
sgo ac, tui trhhbdgcrgbdy sgo guko thi ti tyntxpgr pui
v,jzeu,/ gr vty tuugedgyrtdi sgo guko tuh; t rhhzg nhy t cti/
uugi gr vty nhy zhhi v,kvcu,wshdg ayhng tbdgvuhci nhy t ptxhrubd
pui t cti nhy ptxtzahri uutx thz dgptri t ktbdi uugd pui ktbsti
ehhi crhxk’ tui thbnhyi uugd vty zhl dgstfy ptr dguuhxg rhhzbsg tz
sh etbsteytr thz truhxdgytbmi pubgo yrghi/ gx thz dguutri t
nvunv uutx yuy ngi st/ thhbgr vty zhl abgk ptrchbsgi tvhho uutx
vty tbdgrupi muo ptrktngby thi ktbsti zhh ztki ahei vhk; tui zgvi
uutx nwegi st yuvi/ zhh vtci ,hf; trtpdgahey muo xmgbg t prhai
etbsteytr nhy ti vgkhetpygr/ pui sh vhhgl vty tcgr sh vgkhet-
pygr thbnhyi tczgruuhri sh ptrbsg cti ctngrey uuh sh yrghi dhy zhl
t uuhksi atek tui t atrpg srhh mu khbex’ vtci zhh tpdgntfy tz bhhi’
sh cti ptry zhfgr bhay tkhhbx/ gx uugry ht dgphry surl t etb-
steytr’ uuhhk tz gx egi zhl srhhgi rgfyx tui khbex thz zhfgr tz sh
wyrghi vty t srhhuugr/w
vty rw bp,kh tuhxdgphry nhy sgo dgstbe’ tz pui sgo uutx nwzgvy
tz stx kgci dhhy tntk bhay tzuh duy’ gx srhhy zhl mu khbex’ stx thz
sh drgxyg xhni tz thhbgr phry sh crhtv/ tphku gx dhhy bhay uuhtzuh
nwuuhk’ tui nwdhhy trhcgr auugrg mhhyi’ ztk ngi tcgr uuhxi tz hgsg
yrhy tui arhy muo duyi tsgr dtr ptregry jkhkv’ uugry dgphry surl
t druhxi etbsteytr tuhci thi vhnk’ tui tkgx vty t pubeykhfg
jacui ptruutx gx str; zhl tzuh srhhgi mu rgfyx tui mu khbex/ tui
wha nbvhd kchrv!w
prhhytd mubtfyx chh sh xgusv: vdv"m rw angket khhpgr akhy"t - tsnu"r njuxy
anjv crgbdy sh haugvsh jaucg dtxy vtsnu"r njuxy akhy"t vty ntrhl dguugvi thbgo
gbhi pui anjv’ truhxcrgbdgbshd tz stx gmo wzhhi canjv crgbdy sh
haugv/w gr vty cbugo scrhu sgrmhhky t xhpur bpkt pui t ths uutx
thz dgvtkpi dguutri nhy ehbsgr chh vrv"e rw nrsfhwkg nbtsuutrbt
zmue"k’ btr surl sgo uutx gr vty zhl bhay nhhta dguugvi/ tphku gx
thz dgeungi mu t nmc uugi gr vty auhi tphku dgvtkyi tuhpwi uugd mu
dgci t dy ptr zhhi uuhhc rj"k’ xwvty tuhxdgzgvi tz xwthz bhay st
ehhi vtpgbubd’ vty gr zhl njze dguugi nhy anjv tui yteg sgntkx
thz tbdgeungi sh haugv/
ac, thbsgrprh chh sh ehsua: vrv"d rw jhho tvri tubdtr akhy"t - sun".
,fkh, vcrhtv mu vtci tnubv ucyjuithi auugrg mhhyi
sh shhi akhy"t vty truhxdgcrgbdy dguutkshdg scrh jhzue thi sh
gbhi pui tnubv/ gr vty nctr dguugi sh ntnr jz"k weav nzubu,hu ak
tso - prbx,u ak tso ferht, ho xu;/w thz stl ctetby sh eaht: sgr
ctagpgr thz stl t fk hfuk/ dtrbhay thz bhay auugr ptr druhxi
ctagpgr tuhxmuphri/ nnhkt uutx thz st dguugi sh auugrhehhy ptr
vah", tz xwayhhy sgruh; eav ferht, ho xu;?
sh ,hru. sgruh; thz’ tz sh auugrhdehhy uutx sh thhcgraygr vty
dgvty mu aptkyi sgo ho xu; thz dguugvi tz uugi sh thsi zgbgi dgayt-
bgi ptrwi ho xu;’ pui thhi zhhy thz dguugvi sh ho tui pui muuhhyi zhhy
zgbgi dguugvi sh nmrhho’ vtci sh thsi zhl dgyrtpi thi t nmc thi uutx
zhh zgbgi btl ehhbntk bhay dguugi cgptr/ zhhgr tnubv ucyjui thbgo
thhcgraygi tz gr dhhy zhh rtyguugi thz dguutri gpgx tuhxygrkha
aytre/ tui uuhctks sh ,fkh, vcrhtv thz stl zhl mu vtkyi aytre
nhy tnubv ucyjui tphku cag, auugrg mhhyi’ thz dguugi ptr vah",
zhhgr auugr mu aptkyi sgo ho xu; uutx surfsgo uugki thshag ehbsgr
tpdgvtey uugri pui zhhgr sgntkxwshdg aytreg tnubv ucyjui thi
vah",’ uuhctks zhh dhhgi auhi zhhi dgvtkpgbg/ stx thz dguugi ptr vah",
zhhgr t auugrg arhy tpmurhhxi sh thsi pui sh dgvuhcgbg nsrdv surl
aptkyi sgo ho tui surfsgo muaygri sh ,fkh, vcrhtv uutx vah",
vty zhhgr vbtv sgrpui/
sh gher pui ,pkv n,pkk mu zhhi nwztkuugri btby mu vah",
btfsgo vty gr btfdgztdy sh pxueho thi ahr vahrho etphyk vw
)pxue zw-jw(’ uuh gx uugry tuhxdganugxy sh tkg auugrhehhyi uutx thsi
SHA
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I TIK
VAH/P
ESA
CH
577
3
83
jhho htbetuuhya - zkni yuhc jhzue
פירות זאפטיגעthgsg htr uugi gx euny mu dhhi sh vhhkhdg huo yuc jnav gar cacy’ yuy ngi zhl drhhyi nhy druhxg vfbu,/ ngi ktzy zhl truhx watphbdw
thhbmueuhpi dganteg prufy kfcus huo yuc pui sh agbxyg tui sh cgxyg/
tzuh ayhhgbshd thi dgagpy uugr thl thbdtbmi munhay/ thl aytkpgr nhl ti thi t rhzi vuhpi nhy mgbskhdg nhbh phru,/ hgsgx htr eungi
ti prhag xtryi/ gx uutexi truhx nna jsaho kcerho’ prhag’ ntsbg prufy htr hgrkhl’ nhy hgsg xtry ntx tui dgaygk/ thl uugr nna
ptrkuhri thi tzt druhxg etnpkgmhryg phru, pgks/ thl egi nhl bhay ti gmv dgci uutx thhbmueuhpi tui uutx thcgrmuktzi/ nwstr; stl
euhpi nhy t jacui xwztk bhay thcgrckhhci tui uugri ptrstrci’ tcgr pui sh tbsgrg zhhy uuhk thl stl bhay ptrptxi sh dganteg ygnho
uutx sh ztpyhdg tui btrvtpyhdg phru, ptrntdi/
stx thz hgsgx htr’ tcgr vhh htr vty nhr tpdguutry dtb. t muuhhyg xtry jnav gar’ t jnav gar uutx thl vtc nhl cfkk bhay
tuhxdgwnakwy tui ptrdgaygky/ vhh htr thz jnav gar cacy tuhxdgptki tuo ac, eusa pra, cakj’ ac, ahrv’ uutx thi sgo ac,
thz ptrdgeungi sgo druhxtryhdi gh-yhho ac,’ uuh thl chi dgptri muo grayi ntk nhyvtkyi/ nwvty nhr mudgztdy tz stx dhhy zhhi t ac,
muo dgsgbei’ t ac, uutx ngi ytr bhay ptrptxi/ tui vhh htr euny btl tuhl mu ptrayhhy zhl t wjnav gar cacyw muo dgsgbei’ uuh thl
uugk vtci ti tuhxuutk pui kgcgshdg phru, uutx thl uugk egbgi nhybgngi ptr t dtb. htr tui uugy ehhbntk bhay uugri ptrstrci/
gx thz ctetby sh ngav pui t dguuhxg jxhs uutx vty zhl thhbdgeuhpy txtl yhhgrg phru, kfcus jnav gar cacy’ tui gr vty gx
dgcrgbdy mu zhhi rchwbx yha uugkbshd vtci sh zfhw nvbv mu zhhi sgrnhy zhhi rchwi/ vty tho sh rch dgprgdy: "su vtxy zhl stl txtl nyrhj
dguugvi mu egbgi thhbeuhpi sh tkg phru,’ tui hgmy dgcxyu nhr tkgx tuuge?" vty sh jxhs dggbypgry: "sh jahcu, pui sh jnav gar
phru, vtc thl zhl tuhxdgkgrby chho rchwi’ euny sgo rchwi sh afr mu cteungi sh phru,/ "
tzuh tuhl aphr thl ptr t pkhfy tkx t yuc, vbtv’ tz thl vtc yteg dgvty sh dgkgdbvhhy nhymuvtkyi tzt rhhfi ac, nhy gh-yhho’
t ac, uutx thz nhr trhhi thi sh chhbgr uutx thl uugk ehhbntk bhay ptrdgxi/ uuhk thl gx yteg st nhyyhhki thi sh rtngi pui sgo ahhbgo
gh-yhho tuhxdtcg/ tui thhl ptraygki uutx thl vtc zhl thhbdgvtbsgky chh sgo ahhbgo jnav gar xgusv tui cnal sgo vgrkhfi ac,’
txtl yhhgrg tui dganteg phru, uutx thl vtc zhl tbdgztngky uutx uugy cgzvah", zhfgr zhl vtkyi prha t dtb. htr/
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VAH/P
ESA
CH
577
3
84
sh beusv/ tui ztk thz ayhk’ tkg tuhdi zgbgi mudgbt-
dgky muo chnv tui vgri uuh rw trui ptrmhhky’ uuh
wnhhe yrgxw ptrbshd mu sh wsh ph ktdgri’w vty dgu-
utky aktpi suuet thi sh ctrtei/ thl uuhk zhhi nhy
nhhbg crusgr vty gr dgptsgry/ tvhho thz gr tbg
ztegi thcgrktzgbshd ptr t buhyctsgrpgbsg/
ayhhy thi sh ,urv uhdsk nav uhmt tk tjhu uhrt
cxck,o’ ptruutx thz nav truhx’ uuhhk tz zhhbg
crusgr khhsgi uuhk gr nhy khhsgi nhy zhh/ vhkgfy tp
sh ayhng pui rw trui akhywwt/ nav rchbu vty bhay
dgegby ptrdrhbdgri sh khhsgi pui sh thsi’ tcgr tz
nhhbg crusgr khhsgi uuhk thl nhy zhh yrtdgi zhhgr
pgek/ ty sh yhpg ptrchbsgbehhy zgy ngi st tzuh
aytre/ gx thz nhr t zfhv mu zhhi tuh; tzt ac, nhy
tzgkfg uutx vgkpi sgo jcr tui yrtdgi nhy tho
zhhi pgek/
nhr ftpgi tpar bhay tzuh aytre sh beusv’
tcgr ptr t sruhxgbshdgr thz gx zhhgr ngrectr tui
mhy ctn, truh; t rgxpgey tui gvrg/
sh ctdtzai zgbgi pui nhbuy mu nhbuy dguutrgi
uutx tntk phkgr tui phkgr/ tui mu sgr zgkcgr mhhy
thz tbdgeungi sh nhbuy uutx ngi cruhl zhl ahhsgi pui
sh zhxg nhbuygi pui uutx ngi vty bhay tuhpdgvgry
mu euugki dtb. ac,/ tchxk ti tungyhdgr dgphk vty
tbdgvuhcgi rhbgi thi vtr. yrtfygbshd tz ngi dhhy
auhi uuhsgr tntk murhe muo tkygi/ tcgr drts vh-
hcgi ti truhpmuauuhngi sh yhhgrg uugrygr phk nhy
jhzue tui btbyatpy muo thhchraygi’ tz gx uuhk zhl
suuet ht murhe dhhi mu sh ygdkhfgr dghgd tui
prteyhmhri sh tkg gbhbho thi uutx ngi vty zhl
dgetfy kgbdtuhx sgo ac,/ uutx sh rhfyhdg vbtv
thz bhay chho vgri btr chho kgci sgrnhy/
tuhpdgkhhdyg tui duynuyhdg vtcgi nhr zhl
dgzgdby tui nhy phk ertpy murhe trhhi thbgo ygd-
khfg kgci auutubd/ ch, hartk uhrth vao hfcsu uhusu
anl vao!
j/uu/
מעלדונג!די מוסד "מפתח של בנים" אין ארץ ישראל
גיבט ארויס מידי חודש בחדשו א גאר רייכע אינהאלטפולע גליון (בלה"ק)אנגעפילט מיט דברי חיזוק ואמונה התרוממות ושמחה.
[email protected], צו באקומען דעם גליון חודש'ליך בחנם שיקט א אימעיל צו אדער צו באקומען אויף די פאסט קען מען זיך פארבינדן מיט מו"ה מנחם בנימין פאשקעס הי"ו
347-496-5657 אויף,
• • •
A monthly Gilyon "Mafteiach Shel Bunim" (in L"h) full of inspiration & Chizuk for couples going through
infertility, is being published & distributed for free in E. Yisrael monthly.
Now also available to get it in the US by email or by regular mail.
To get it please request, [email protected]
Or u can call M. B. Paskes 347-496-5657.
SHA
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I TIK
VAH/P
ESA
CH
577
3
85
ac, eusa bpah juk, tvc,l/ ac, eusa bpau,
hartk cmk fbphl hjxhui hruhi nsai ch,l/ vhhkhdgr
ac, nhhi zgvk dhhy tuhx ptr shhi tvcv/ thi shhbg
pkhdgk ahmgi zhl sh thshag ehbsgr tui zhh zgyhdi zhl
pui shhi rhhfehhy/
ac, eusa cakj ac, ahrv/ zgbgi sh uugrygr
dguugi ctshhybxpuk tui dtr ytpgshd uugi nhr vtcgi
muztngi ptruuhhky thi sh agrtygi vtygk tubygr
sh ac,wshdg atyi nhy tzuhphk crusgrkhfehhy tui
btbyatpy/ gx thz dguugi bpa fh btbjv ct ac,
ct nbujv’ thbdtbmi tuuge tui tuhxdgahhky pui sh
dtbmg truo/ sh dtb. hgrkhfgr dghgd tui xsr thz
dgeungi mu t ytytki tpaygk uuh btr ngi thz
ptrakhbdgi dguutrgi tubygr sh uugby pui sh vtygk’
uuh ngi thz uutrho tuhpdgbungi dguutri surl sh
uutrhng thhbdgaygkyg/ sh "druhxg ctkti" uutx
vty hgsgo tbyptbdgi vty phk mudgdgci mu
ptrkhhfygri sh btl prgnsg dgphk/
tcgr pui st tui uuhhygr thz tkgx dgdtbdgi thi
t ehhy/ pui sh sgkhetygxg gxi uutx vtcgi zhl
dgdtxgi nhy phk crhhyehhy’ chz sh rhhfg thbvtkyx-
pukg prtdrtngi tui srau, ctdkhhy nhy tzuhphk
vtr. tui dgphk pui sh gxebho ugxebhu,’ ucrtao
sh dgyrhhg rtzgi ptnhkhg/ tui nhy zhh tubzgr
tkgngi dgkhcygi tui dgagmyi rw bp,kh’ uutx nhy
zhhi aytreg ayhng tui thhsgkg aprtl gpgby gr
tuh; sh ac,’ tui ptsgry tz ngi ztk zhl truhxmuuhb-
dgi pui sh tkg njacu, tui dgphki uutx khhdy zhl ti
tsurl sh htr’ uutx ptraptry sh vtr. tubygr tuh-
pdgcgshdehhy tsgr tbsgrg bgdgyhuug dgstbegi/
rcu,h! vty zhhi ayung dgshbgry’ tz t cti
ntfy t atrpi khbex vty stx t srhhuugr dgyui/
nhr uugri dgphry surl t srhhuugr/ gx dhhy bhay pui
zhl tkhhi/ tzuh vty gr ptrakgpy sgo guko tuh;
t rhhzg nhy t cti uutx vty t druhxi srhhuugr -
tubzgr ctkhcyg ytyg thi vhnk/
rw nhftk nhy zhhi crhhygi anhhfk tui dhy uutry
mhy truh; t anhhfk’ rw akuo dhxy trhhi uutrhnehhy’
tui rw thhzhe phky ti sh vtr. nhy tzuhphk dgphk pui
vtpgbubd tui tnubv/ ugk fuko sh ekhntex pubgo
ac, uutx crgbdy tzuh aytre muzto sh bpau, tui
njze sh vgrmgr’ thz sh yhpg btbyatpy uutx
pkhxy thi sh kupy/ gx thz t btbyatpy uutx thz
phk nhy vtpgbubd tui uuhkhdehhy thhbgr ptrwi muuh-
hygi/ trunsrhhgbshd zhl ac, thz nhr phk ntk truh-
pdgauuhngi sh bhdui’ "nhhi crusgr tuhc xwthz auugr’
gx ptky shr t yrgr’ ntl tuh; shhbg vgbygkgl tui
bgo/ thl uugk shr dgci pui tkgo’ ncarl tk ,,gko’
uuhhk fkbu cbh tha tjs cbh vao/" pui sh pgbhngr
khhby zhl trtp tzuhphk rmui tui tvcv/
akua xgusu, vty sgrdrhhfy mu ti vuhfpubey
uugi vdtui rw trui rhhl akhywwt vty nhy t yrgri
dgayheyg thcgrdgbungbehhy truhx dgcrgbdy ty
jhzue
כלנובני איש אחד,
א ברודערליכע קשר...
h/ ckuo
SHA
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VAH/P
ESA
CH
577
3
86
zhl tzuhphk dtuuv tui aytk.- dguugi? ptruutx vty gr dtrbhay
dgztdy? nhr ftpi tz nhr vtci zhl dgsrhhy uuh bgrbho tuhpgi ntre
sh kgmyg srhh pgryk htr’ gx thz dguugi zhhgr uuhhytdkhl///
sh uugky ptrmhhky t ngav: thi sh ptrdtbdgbg nhyk tkygr
vty ngi tntk ptraptry t ngbya thi ,phxv/ ngi vty tho
mudguuhzgi t aytbd pui t nhvk uutx vty
zhl truhxdgaygey pui sh uutby thbsruhxgi
tui tho tbdgztdy gr ztk gx srhhgi tui
ntkgi uuhh. uutx khdy tuh; sh tbsgrg zhhy
pubgo uutby/ gr vty nhy jae hgsi ytd
dgsrhhy sgo auugri aytbd mu ntki sh
uuhh.’ uuhxgbshd tz gr yuy gpgx tuh;/ btl
muutbmhd htr uugi sh ngbya thz ctprhhy
dguutri tui truhx pui ,phxv vty gr dgzgi
tz gx thz dguugi t ckuhzg aytbd’ auhi
dtrbhay ehhi nhvk/// sh tkg htri vty gr
ckuhz dgtrcgy auugr tunzhbxy srhhgbshd
t ckuhzi auugri aytbd’ thz gr pui druhx
mgr tuhxdgdtbdgi/ uuhhk tzuh thz gx’ tz
ngi pktdy zhl ptr dtrbhay thz gx zhhgr
t auugrg dgphk/ uuh tubz zgv nhr tuhl chh prgv tz gr vty tuhl dgu-
utuxy sgo xus/ uuh xwuugry dgcrgbdy tz gr vty hgsi xu; ytd muu-
utrpgi stx uutx sh thsi vtci zhl dgpktdy tui dgcuhy nhy ckuy
tui auuhhx’ tui muntrdgbx vtci zhh prha dgstrpy tkgx murhe tuh-
pcuhgi/
gx thz t dguutkshdgr mgr’ btfsgrmu zhl ptraygkbshd tz gx
egi dtr zhhi tz uugi nhr uutkyi uugi dguutuxy sgntkyx uutkyi nhr
auhi vhhby dgvtkzy t ehbs/ tcgr nhr zgbgi stl thsi ntnhbho cbh
ntnhbho’ tui nhr uuhhxi tz ha nbvhd kchrv’ tui gr vty stx tkgx
pubeykhl tuhxdgpktby’ tui sh dtbmgr srhh pgryk htr thz cfkk
bhay dgdtbdgi kthcus/ uugi nhr dkhhci tzuh’ crgbdy dtr sh dtmg
ngav tchxgk ruthdehhy ctyrtfygbshd tz thl chi bhay tkhhbx’
thhbgr phry nhl/ hgmy zgy gx btl yteg tuhx yubegk’ tcgr sgr
phrgr phry nhl muo khfyhdehhy’ ha nbvhd kchrv/
gx dhhgi tsurl tptr uutfgi’ tui nwvhhcy ti mu ntfi sh buhyhdg
mudrhhyubdgi’ uugi nhr vtci zhl tbdgayuhxgi tui t ctrd uutx vhhxy
wt ahhbg ptr yuhzgby stkgrw/// pui uuh ztk t ptrptke uutx thz
tuhxdgyrhbegi pui dgky’ atpi ty sh
xfuo? trtpktsgbshd nhhi pgek ptr
nhhbx t btbygr hshs ztdy gr nhr drts tz
gr uugy nhr muaygki phb; vubsgry
stkkgr’ dtb. t ctshhybsg xfuo’ tcgr
ptry dtr uuhhy pui uutx ngi rgsy/
gx dhhy bhay surl ehhi dtbmgr ng,
kg,’ tui sgr hshs rupy nhl ti’ "hgbek!
thl vtc ptr shr sh dtbmgr xfuo!///"
ptrmhhky gr nhr scrho fvuhh,i/ ptri dhhi
mu sh trcgy vhhby thz gr pubey dgzhmgi
tptr agv nhy dtr t druhxgi guar’ tui
cnal sh mhhy zhmgbshd nhy tho’ zgbgi
fxsr trhhbdgeungi dgky dhhgrx/ tzuh thb-
sgrnhy vty zhl sgr guar zhhgr druhx tuh-
pdgyuvi uutxptrt cgk msev gr thz’ thi uugkfg sh ptbytxyhag
xungx gr yhhky tuhx t ytd/ vtc thl tbdgbungi eurtza tui dg-
prgdy’ "ngd thl tuhl vtci sh jumpv mu cgyi gpgx?" ztdy gr tho’
"ht’ bhay ehhi prtckgo/ egbxy cgyi/" ztd thl tho tz thl vtc t
jcr uutx dhhy tsurl auugrhdehhyi nhy ehbsgr vtci’ tui hgmy str;
gr txtl dgky/// "tv’" aprhbdy sgr guar tuh;’ "stx thz thhbx pui
nhhbg ctkhcxyg nmuu,/ uuhphk str; gr?" tui dhcy t arhhc tuhx sh
dtbmg xfuo! tcgr’ khhdy gr mu t ,bth’ gr uuhk tz sgr ctyrgpg-
bsgr ztk bhay uuhxi pui nhr///
uutx vtci nhr dgvgry sgo ptrdtbdgbgo ac, v,jzeu,? tz
sh cti ntfy t atrpi khbex vty stx t srhhuugr dgytvi/ tui stx
thz uutx thl vtc dgaphry thi hgbg nhbuywi/// tusl fh tbp, ch!
gx dhhy bhay surlehhi dtbmgr ng, kg,’tui sgr hshs rupy nhl
ti’ "hgbek! thl vtcptr shr sh dtbmgr
xfuo!///"
יש מנהיג לבירה
h/ ptdgk)dgvgry pubgo cgk vngav(
SHA
ARE
I TIK
VAH/P
ESA
CH
577
3
87
h dtbmg uugky thz btl dguugi yh;
ptrzhbegi thi sh btfy akt;/ sh
yubegkehhy vty btl dgvgray nhygi puki ertpy uugi nhr vtci zhl
truhxdgktzy hgbgo ptrytdx muo steygr/ sh uugd thz dguugi dtb.
dganhry’ sh etr vty dgakhbdgi nhhk btl nhhk’ tui uutx t nhbuy ap-
gygr vty sh tupe tbdgvuhcgi mu khhfygi tui sh zui vty zhl uuh ngr
truhpdgrhey tui ptruuhay sh tungyhdg btfy/
zui tuhpdtbd thz dtr ahhi’ tcgr ptry vty gx bhay nmkhj dguugi
tubz tuhpmuvhhygri/ sh gbsktzg atku, tui xpheu, thcgr sh tuhxdtbd
pui sh vhhbyhdg ygxy uutx thz zhhgr sgmhshrgbs’ uutx dhhy ngdkhl ht
tsgr bhay yuhai sh dtbmg uugbspubey thi kgci/ vhhby dhhy ngi dguutr
uugri mu thz gx ckuhz t atkv pui mhhy tui tkgx uugy dgaygky uugri
thi pkt.’ mu tpar dtr thz gx ehhi atkv btr zhfgr’ tz btr btl druhxg
tbayrgbdgbha uugy ngi tbeungi’ tcgr tuhl btr mu dgmhhkyg/
truh; ptrbshd tuhpgi dhdtbyhagi uutahbdyti crhe thz tubz sh zui
egdbdgeungi dtr aytre/ sh ptbtrtng thz dguugi tunctarhhctr/ sh
mhfyhdg ckuhg vhnk ti ehhi uutkei pkge tui sh uutxgr yubey zhl thi
sh ctdhksgyg ayrtki pui sh zui/ ztdy tubz sh zui ptr duyg cauru,’
tsgr dtr rhhmy gr zhl nhy tubz?
trhhbptkbshd thi sh aytyhag vhmhdg ptregr uuh tkgx htdy zhl
tbtuhpvgr’ uutx st thz btl ht dtb. yubegk uuhhk sh zui uugry
ptrvtkygi trhhbmueungi pui sh vuhfg uutkegbertmgr uutx ayhhgi
vtby chh vtby thhbgr kgci muuhhygi’ zgbgi nhr ctmuuhbdgi dguutrgi
muo rhtkhygy truhx pui sh tkg dgstbegi/ ngi cruhl zhl muztnbgngi
uuhhk ty ty str; ngi auhi etbpgrhri nhy sh vtryg vtbskubd pui sh
uutx eungi ckuhz mu yuvi zhhgr szatc’ tui ctvtbskgi tk. tui tkgo
uuh ngi ztk cfkk bhay rgsi pui ngbyagi/ tui pui tzuhbg durkwshdg
nhbuygi ntfgbshd sh ygxy’ thz tuh; zhhgr pbho tuhxsrhegi dguugi sh
zgkcg uuh chh ruc tngrhetbgr uutx uutryi mu vgri sh tuhxdtbd pui sh
uutki/ uuh dgztdy sh ht nhy sh bhhi dhhy tubz thhbhd prhhkhl ntfi’ zhl
cfkk bhay rgfgbgbshd nhy tubzgrg ptrmhygryg tui gntmhtbtkg
ckhei/
sh ygxy thz tsurl uutrpgbshd cgybsg ckhei uutx cgyi’ ztd nhr
gpgx uuhphk sh uuhhxy/ ckhhci tubzgrg ckhegi tzuh vgbdgi thi sh kupy
uugi zhh ahei ckuhz murhe thhz etkyg ckhei’ uuh mu ztdi’ st thz st t
xhxygo churtertyhg nhr ytri dtrbhay ztdi chz sh steygr zgy stx/
nhr dhhgi tvhho’ sh vgrmgr yrhhxkgi tui sh dgphki muuhhpkgi/ gx dhhgi
surl srhh ktbdg ygd uutx euegi tuhx gbsktz’ hgsg ekhbd dhcy t mtpk’
thz stx sh steygr?? tcgr sh steygr vty bhay dgrupgi! ptruutx
vty sh steygr btfbhay dgrupi? prgdy zhl nhr/ uutx egi zhhi sh xhcv?
zhfgr uuhhk gr auhby tubz/ bt xwegi bhay zhhi gr auhby nhl bhay/ btl
phr ygd bgo thl ti sh aytrehhy tui thl ru; trhhi/ tui sh bhurx ztdy’
"tv tkgx thz tegh tui cgxyi trsgbubd c"v/" thl cgy ngi ztk ahegi
t etph pui sh rgptry’ tui thl khhd trtp sgo ygkgptui nhy t yhpg
ptrkhhfygrubd/ c"v nwthz tpdgeungi ckuhz nhy arge/
stx thz dguugi ptr purho ,ag"c/ tzuh thz surl t srhh pgryk htr/
ptr jbufv ,ag"d vtci nhr dgyuhay mu ti tbsgrg steygr mukhc
ygfbhag xhcu,/ chho grayi anugx vty gr surfktpgi tubzgr phhk’
uugi nhr yrtfyi nhy chyuk tz gr nhhby gr uugy tubz gpgx njsa zhhi/
nhr zgbgi zhhgr ektr uutx nhy tubz dhhy ptr’ tui nhr zgbgi dgeungi
nhy t pgryhdgi pkti uutx nhr uuhki yuvi/ pkumkhbd uugry zhhi murv
thhbdgmuhdgi tui gr uutrpy ayuhbgbsg ckhegi tuh; sh ptr ptke uutx
zhmy st egdgi tho/ "uutx dhhy nhy thhl ptr?" prgdy gr/ "vty thr
bhay dgzgi sh ygxy?" ptfgy gr nhy sh ygxy uutx nhr vtci dgbungi
fngy t htr murhe/ gr dgy t uutr; trtp sh ctncg/ st ayhhy ektr
tz tuh; sh pauyg uugd thz bhay st uutx mu ntfi!// zggbshd tubzgr
ate prgdy gr’ "nwvty gx thhl bhay dgztdy?" tubzgr dgpruhrgbg
ckhegi vtci tho zhhgr ektr dgaygky tz nhr zgbgi dguugi btthuu chz
dtr/ "bhay st uutx mu mgdgri’" ztdy gr’ "tuhc uuhky thr ehbsgr vty
thr thhi gmv///"
thbdtbmgi ptryhhcy zgbgi nhr tvhho dgdtbdgi/ vgray thbsgrvhho
zhl tuhpuugegbshd pui sh ate’ thz t atrpg tui ktbdg srhzk tsurl
dgktpgi thi sh chhbgr/ vhhxy stx tz pui uutx nhr vtci tzuh dgmhygry
thz t ptey/ tui uuh thz sgr druhxtryhdg steygr-uutx aprhmy pui
ד
SHA
ARE
I TIK
VAH/P
ESA
CH
577
3
88
tui hgmy///
thl dkhxy tui dtr’
tuh; t haugv tui t xu; mu nhhi mgr’
tcgr sh xhcv thz bhay sgrptr’
uuhhk thl uuhk zhhi uuh hgsi -btrntk/
gx yuy nhr auhi bhay ctbd’
thl vtc auhi tuhpdgvgry pui ktbd’
mu pruchri btfmukuhpi sh btrntkg "hgsbwx" dtbd/
thl kgc ptr zhl -btrntk/
thl uuhhx tz stx thz sh mhk thi kgci’
hgsgr nhy uutx sw vty zhh dgdgci’
mu zhhi sh cgxyg str; zh ayrgci’
tphku bhay uuh hgsi’ stx vhhxy dgkgcy btrntk/
stbei sw hgsg nhbuy’
ptr sh tkg jxsho uutx gr yuy’
kuhci tui cgyi tuh; yrhy tui arhy/
ht’ stx vhhxy dgkgcy btrntk/
tbgregbgi tz nhhi kgci thz btr nhhi’
bhay ptrdkhhfi’ uuh "hgsi" str; thl bhay zhhi’
thl vtc t kgci ptr nhr tkhhi/
tv! stx vhhxy dgkgcy btrntk!
thl stbe shr sw ptr sh bhhg eue’
ptri gpgbgi nhhi ckhe’
mu egbgi kgci t kgci nhy dkhe/
tui mu uuhxi uutx gx nhhby dgkgcy btrntk///
SHA
ARE
I TIK
VAH/P
ESA
CH
577
3
89
hl chi tuhpdguutexi tkg htri’
thi xeuk nhy nhhbg ptri’
muztngi tuh; thhi dtbd thz tubzgr kgci dgptri/
tzuh uuh hgsi -btrntk/
truhx pui xeuk thz dgeungi sh mhhy’
dgyrtpi t duyg trcgy drhbdgrvhhy’
muztngi nhy nhhbg jcrwygx dganugxy uuhtzuh sh trcgyxkgci dhhy/
tzuh uuh hgsi -btrntk/
pubey thi mhhy c"v dguutri t fkv’
dgdtbdgi’ dgeungi’ grkgshdy -tzuh uuh tkg’
thi sh zgkcg mhhy nhy zhh’ sh jcrwygx’ bhay ehhi atkv!
tzuh uuh hgsi -btrntk/
nhhi abv rtaubv nhy tzuh phk prtfy’
sh prhaytdx tui nhytdx tzuh dgyrhh dgntfy’
tuusth’ muztngi nhy nhhbg jcrwygx pui sh kgci dgktfy/
tzuh uuh hgsi -btrntk/
tcgr///
thl vtc tbdgvuhci mu vgri’
st tui stry dguutur mu uugri’
pui sh bhhgx chh nhhbg jcrwygx uutx yuy zhl ngri/
thl chi bhay uuh hgsi -chi thl btl btrntk?
thl sgrnti zhl uuh thl vt; tui cgy’
zhl nhy muftpi nhy "hgsi" ptr gx uugry mu apgy’
ptr thgsgr zgvy’
tz thl chi bhay uuh hgsi -btrntk/
sgrbtl///
thhi nzk yuc tui btl thhbx’
uugi euny sh rhhg nhhbx?
mu ckhhc thl tkhhbx?
bhhi’ thl chi bhay uuh hgsi -auhi bhay btrntk/
uuhhxyu uutx///?
nhhi bxhui vty dggpby t yhr’
gx vty dgcrgbdy muztngbmuyrgpi phk ngbyai nhy nhr
ngbyai uutx ntfi nhy bxhubu, ti t ahgur/
tphku bhay tuhpi dtbd pui hgsi’ stl zgbgi zhh tzuh btrntk/
zhh dhhgi surl hgsi ytd’
tzuh phk uuhhytd tui pktd’
tui stl’ vgr uutx thl ztd:
nhy zhhgr anhhfk’ zgbgi zhh tzuh btrntk/
jhzue
א
בין איך נארמאל?
SHA
ARE
I TIK
VAH/P
ESA
CH
577
3
90
thhcgraygr ztk zhl sgrctrgngi tuh; tho’ tui tho ahei sh haugv
tuh; uutx gr euey auhi tzuh ktbd truhx/ tz gx ztk auhi
truhxaprtmi t prhag yruhcgkg pui zhhi muuhhdgkg’ gr ztk egbgi
tbphki zhhbg vgby nhy t zhxg ctwjbwyg ehbs/
ptrbshd tuhpwi ktbdi uugd pui "thbpgryhkgyh" vty hrjnht-k
tuhxdgbumy t dgkgdbvhhy mu ptri tuh; neunu, vesuaho thi
thhrtpg’ thhbrhhxbshd chh sh mhubho pui tubzgrg vhhkhdg rchwx’ tz
vah", ztk auhi uuh thbdhfi tuhxvgri zhhi dgcgy’ tui tho ctagbei
nhy zrg ak ehhnt/
muuhai sh uugdi tuh; sh tubdgrhag ayrtzi’ uugi sgr ctx mhk
thz dguugi tbmueungi mu btl t mhui’ thz rw hrjnht-kwx tuhdi dgptki
tuh; sh uuhhbdgrybgr uutx mhy zhl nhhki ktbd tuh; sh tubdgrhag
pgksgr/ uuh ctuutuxy eungi ctrhnyg
uuhhbgi pui nshb, tubdtri’ uutx thrg
btrvtpyhdg uuhhbdgrybgr dhci truhx
nhy vah",wx fj/
hrjnht-kwx tuhdi vtci zhl bhay
dgegby tbzgyhdi pui sh vgrkhfg ptb-
trtng uutx sh uuhhbdgrybgr vtci
dgaphdky thi zhhbg tuhdi/ hrjnht-k - t
aytyhag thhbuutubgr uutx vty thi
zhhi kgci bhay dgzgvi uuhhbdgrybgr’ tui
zhhgbshd nhy t duygr dgphk btl uuhhkbshd
chh pukg ecrh msheho uesuaho’ thz sgr
chks dguugvi ptr tho uuh t ptrcbrhhfg
xmgbg uutx zgyhdy sgo zgvk/
ty sti vty tuhpdgckhmy thi
hrjnht-kwx nj sgo dgstbe’ uutx gr
vty jae dgvty nhymuyhhki nhy tubz-
grg jaucg "agrh ,euv" khhbgr/
• • •
su uuhhbdtryi’ chzy yteg vgrkhl
tui ahhi’ su ckhvxy tui uutexy nhywi
aygrexyi etbphsgb./ su mhhdxy ptr
sh uugky shhi ahhbehhy’ su zgyhdxy sh ngbyavhhy nhy shhi
tuhxzgvi/ uutx su dhcxy ptr sh ngbyavhhy thz ckuhz duyx’
yagpgxy bhay ehhbgo’ aygrxy bhay ehhbgo/
tcgr uutx yugi nhr nhy shr tubz ngbyai? tphku su vtxy
tubz dtrbhay akgfyx dgyuvi’ rhhxi nhr thhl trubygr pubgo cuho’
nhr muaygri thhgr prgfyhdg nthgxygyhaehhy/ ehhi zfr pui thhgr
ahhbg yruhci ktzi nhr bhay thcgr ptr thhl’ tkgx uugry trt-
pdgpkhey nhy t uuhksehhy’ tcgr thr pui thhgr zhhy rgtdhry cfkk
bhay’ tui thr ktzy stx mu pui thhgr zhhy/
khdy thr auhi "yruhci" thi druhxg atfykgl ruvhd tui dgn-
hykgl’ thr aygry uuhhygr bhay ehhbgo’ tcgr nhr ngbyai zgbgi
btl tk. bhay muprhsi pui thhgr ruvhdehhy/ nhr uutrpi thhl trhhi
thi t "prgx ntahi" nhr mueuugyai thhgr dtbmehhy’ nhr auhbgi
bhay thhgr ruv’ ngi muektpy thhl’ ngi musrhey thhl’ ngi mueu-
ugyay thhl/ ngi ktzy thhl bhay rugi chz uugi pui thhgr dtbmehhy
tui ahhbehhy ckhhcy bhay ehhi zfr’ btr gpgx t pkhxhdehhy uutx
chz dgmhhkyg ygd sgruh; uugry thr zuhgr tui chygr’ thr uugry
dtr tphku tundgzuby mu yrhbei/
yhhgrg "yruhcgkg"’ tphku uugi thr zgby thi tzt apk vnmc
zhmy thr ayhk tui rgsy bhay ehhi uutry/ bhay ehhi jhkue uutx
thr ntfy nhy’ uutx nhr yugi nhy thhl’ zhmy thr ayhk tui cuhdzto/
uuh tzuh egby thr stx ctuuhhzi? khcg yruhci’ dhy tubz chyg
truhx sh xus pui thhgr aytrehhy’ uuh tzuh thr vtky zhl ruvhd
surftuhx sh ktbdg tuhxdgntygryg uugd uutx thr dhhy surl?
sgr ,hru. thz ektr: "sgr ahhbgr ctyk uuhhi thi dgagpy///"
uuh sgr uugky ztdy: uugr gx ktfy sh kgmygr/// hhar fj thhl
ngbya ptrwi nhr dgci sh dgkgdbvhhy
nhymuntfi tzuhphk/ t stbe sh tkg
rshpu, uutx thl vtc nhydgntfy’ thz
truhxdgeungi tzt ahhbg prtsuey pui
nhr’ uutx thr ngbyai zgbgi drhhy mu
trcgyi auugr tui ntfi dgky’ fsh thr
ztky nhr egbgi euhpi tui vbtv vtci
pui nhr/ uugi ngi xgruuhry nhr tuh;
egbhdkhfg yhai tui chh prhhkhfg ntng-
byi’ euo thl truhx sgr zhdgr/ yrt.
uutx thr ngbyai vtci nhr dguutky
ptryhkhdi tui ptrkgbsi’ chi thl hgmy
thcgr thhl’ tui thr euey truhx tuh;
nhr’ thl ztk thhl muaygki t ptrdgbhdi/
chh hgsg ptrcrgbd tui dganteg
muztneuo’ rhry ngi zhl bhay ti nhr’
thl vhhc dtr tuh; sh dgnhygr tui thl
ntl hgsi prhhkhl/ chh kgfyhdg tui
prhhkhfg anju, chi thl dtr t vuhpy
nju,i’ uugi ngi uuhk nfcs zhhi t dtxy
bgny ngi nhl tphr/ chh vhhkhdg
sgrvuhcgbg znbho’ ac,ho tui hnho
yucho’ uugr rgsy btl pui t hu"y purho
tui t xsr btfy’ ptrntd thl t
xpgmhgkg jahcu, tui tui tkgx srhhy zhl truo nhr/ uuh gkygr
tui ptrszatuugy thl chi’ tkx jaucgr dhy ngi zhl tp nhy nhr///
• • •
uuh ti tuhxdgbhfygygr vty zhl rw hrjnht-k tuhpdguugey pui
zhhbg dgstbei’ tui zhl dgftpy tz sh yruhci rgsi mu tho’ zhh dkgyi
tho tui ctruvhdi tho/ pubey uuh nhr’ dhhy thr surl auugrg mhhyi’
gx thz zhhgr uuhhytdkhl’ ngi uugry tbdgzgmy tui ngi ptky surl/
tcgr muo xu; uugy th"v truhxeungi ti vgrkhfgr prtsuey’ tui
nhr uugki dgvtkpi uugri nhy t kgfyhd ehbs’ uutx thr at. vty
bhay ehhi uugry/
nhy t muprhsgbg nhbg gbypgry rw hrjnht-k murhe: uuhhbdtryi/
uuhhbdtryi! vtxy nhr dgyrhhxy’ tui nhhi bxhgv vty zhl auhi
tuhxdgmtky///
yhhgrg "yruhcgkg"’tphku uugi thr zgbythi tzt apk vnmczhmy thr ayhk tui
rgsy bhay ehhiuutry...
SHA
ARE
I TIK
VAH/P
ESA
CH
577
3
91
uuhhbdtryi’ uutx ptrt vgrkhfg xgnpk zgby thr?!
uutx ptr t ahhbg tuhxsrhei cteuny thr mukhc thhgr
ahhbehhy?! thr egby ruvhd zhl vhhci vgfgr tui vgfgr’ nhr euei
ptrdtpy tuh; thhgr aytkmg btyur uutx aygky ptr nhy zhl
t ctdhhxygrubd pui sh crhtv/
ti gexygri har fj pui tubz arhhcgr ptr thhl uuhhbdtryi///
thhgr gezhxygb.’ tui dtbd pui thhgr ahhbg cuho dhy tubz dgbud
ayt; mu ctuutxgri ti tryhek’ bumbshd thhl mu ctrhhfgri t
ctarhhcubd tk. chhaphki pui ahhbehhy tui ruvhdehhy/ dgbuh uuh
tubzgrg vhhkhdg rchwx vtci thhl dgbumy mu ctmhhfgbgi tubzgr
vhhkhd ptke’ uuh zhhgr tuhxsrhe kuhygy "fro ch, hartk"’ uuh
thhgr ahhbehhy aprtmy tui ckhvy mu hgsbx ctdhhxygrubd’ dgbuh
tzuh thz stx nhywi vhhkhd ptke hartk/
thhi muuhhdgkg pui ty sh ahhbg uuhhbdtryi uutx rupy zhl
"hartk"’ thz tubzgrwx t hshs rw hrjnht-k/ uuh duy vty zhhi ytyg
mudgyrtpi nhywi tho ctekhhsgi nhy sgo btngi’ hrjo-t-k’ sgr
jhzuegehct ayhhi
אא וויינגארטן...
SHA
ARE
I TIK
VAH/P
ESA
CH
577
3
92
uugi gx vgray t druhxg anjv
phk dkhe thi vtr. thl aphr
ahey nhhi nj prhhs xhdbtki
mu tkg dkhsgr uutx thi nhr
ahhbgi tuh; sti nhhbg tuhdi
nhy t dkhekhl kgfyhd dktb.
tui sh phx pui ptrdgbhdi
vhhci zhl tkhhi thi t ytb.
pkhxy t ertpy surl nhhbg phbdgr
gbgrdhg chh hgsi rhr
tuhl sh ctei puk nhy bj,
ptrci zhl thi ruhz etkhr
muaprhhyi zhl nhhbg khpi
thi t anhhfk druhx tui crhhy
muzhbd thl zhl t kuxyhd khsk
uugi thl yuv aphri dkhe tui prhhs
uugi gx vgray t aytreg yruhgr
yhpg mgr tui angr. thl aphr
ahey nhhi nj phhi xhdbtki
mu tkg dkhsgr uutx thi nhr
ptrgny zhl t shegr ebuhk
thi nhhi vtkz - gx akhbdy zhl auugr
tui thi nhhbg phhfyg tuhdi
dktbmy zhl stry t vhhxg yrgr
tuhl sh pux pui ekgo tui tungy
uugi pkumkhbd auugr uuh ckhh
tui sh vgby chh sh zhhyi
tzuh nuyktz vgbdgi zhh
uugry sgr aygri mtndgmuhdi
tui sh ctei ptki thhi
t yhpg ergf. gx rhhxy zhl truhx
uugi thl yuv aphri mgr tui phhi
btdy tcgr sh prtdg sti
uugi sgr pktbygr uugry ptrebhpy
tui nhhi nj ahey xhdbtki
btr stx vtr. - vtky bhay nhy
nhhi nj atky nhy gexytz
kuxyhdehhy tui dkhe sheyhry
stx vtr. sgrdgdi agpagy ygbgr
tzuh thhsk prtygxyhry
ztdy nhhi nj ptr sh khpi
hgmy euny t anhhfk puk nhy ji
tui tzuh ayhk tui mtry’ nhhi vtr.
vhhxy ptrdhhi thi t dguuhhi
egi nhhi nj bhay ptrayhhi
xwthz stl tzt anjv druhx
uuhki nhhbg tuhdi ahhbgi
rhbgi yrgri dtr truhx
thl egi zhl bhay ti gmv dgci
thl ayhh ptruuheky thbsgrnhy
egby thr bhay cakuo kgci
vtr. tui nj’ ahhi tui duy ?
uuhtzuh ztk thl zhl xprtuugi
nhywi khsk kuxyhd zhx
uutx euny truhx pui t vtkz
uutu t shegr ebuhk stry thz ?
vhhc thl tuh; nhhbg tuhdi
mu shr druhxgr duygr vtr
t ceav muo naphg
pui hgsg xtry prhhs tui mgr
vgk; nhr khcgr ptygr nhhbgr
sh jfnv tui sh fj dgc
nhhi nj aygbshd ztk zh zhdi
tui zhhi akhy gk vkc!!
j/uu/
על הלב מח שליטsh stzhdg tryhek thz dgarhci dguutri uugi nhhi hubdgrg auugxygr vty dgvty thr grayg thbdgkg/ thcgrdgbungi nhy ayurgnhag dgphki’ phk pui zhh tzuh
egdbdgzgmy’ vtc thl dgaphry ti thbgrkhfg ctsgrpgbha tuhxmuektri nhhbg vrdaho ptr zhl tkhhi/ thcgrkhhbgbshd gx tmhbs’ fngy srhh htr apgygr’
btftkx uutrygbshd tuh; nhhi haugv’ ekgr thl tz gx egi mubu. eungi ptr tbsgrg thi ti gbkhfg nmc/
SHA
ARE
I TIK
VAH/P
ESA
CH
577
3
93
tui stx kgrby tubz tuhl sh nmuv pui ehsua kcbv’ uutx tz ngi yrtfy
trhhi zgy ngi tz stx thz sgr dtbmgr mhvk ptruutx sh kcbv ctbhhy zhl
hgsgi tbvhhc jusa/ "je uzni b,i kvo akt habu t, ,pehso"/ t ctpgk
uutx zhh ptrayhhgi bhay - uuhhk je nhhby uutx ngi ptrayhhy bhay - tz zhh
ztki bhay ptrgbsgri zhhgr ,pehs/ "aaho uanjho kgau, rmui eubo" zhh
zgbgi prhhkhl mu yuvi sgo rmui pui zhhgr vtr/ "ukkcbv tnr" tui ptr sh
kcbv vty sgr rcawwg dgztdy: "a,,jsa gyr, ,ptr," zh ztk zhl ctbhhgi
nhy ahhbehhy tui prtfy’ "kgnuxh cyi" ptr sh ngbyai/ ptruutx? "avo
g,hsho kv,jsa fnu,v" uuhhk zhh - sh ngbyai - dhhgi zhl btl pubey tzuh
ctbhhgi uuh thr/ kgrby tubz sh ctbhhtubd
pui sh kcbv tz ctn, ptrayhhy ngi
dtrbhay/ sh uugky thz thhi ayhe
tunptraygbsgbha ptr tubzgr ctdrgbh-
myg ptraytbs tui ygrnhbgi/ tcgr
uutx nhr uuhhxi tui dkhhci thz’ tz "ubtni
vut cgk nktf,l ahako kl afr
pguk,l"/ gx uugy drhhfi sh huo vdsuk
uvburt’ uutx sti uugy tkgx ektr uugri’
tui ngi uugy ctmtky uugri ptr hgsg
ekhhbhehhy nhy t pukg vtby/ tui tuhl st
thbgo vx,r’ uugy tbeungi sgr ytd pui
ctbhhtubd’ uugi sgr rca"g uugy zhfgr sh
haugv ahei/
tui stx thz sh vdsv uutx ngi ztdy
khk v,esa jd’ sgr btfy uutx thi sh
xprho vesuaho ayhhy’ tz thi sh btfy
eungi trtp xpgmhgkg vtru, uutx
ctkhhfygi tui sgrvhhcgi sh banv/
pgxgr pui tnubv tui aytrehhy ptri
muektpyi ths uugrgi dgdtxgi thi sh
khfyhdg btfy/ ngi dhhy murhe tui ngi
ptryhpy zhl pui tbvhhc ti/ euso tcrvo
tchbuwx dgrtbdk thi tur fasho’ sgrbtl
sh phhi tui khhs uutx nhr zgbgi surl thi nmrho’ tui ngi gbshdy cmt, hartk
nnmrho’ uutx sti vtci sh thsi dgzgvi tui ptraytbgi uutx st thz
ptrdgeungi/ tzuh uuh sgr vhhkhdgr ap, tn, ztdy’ "uhrt hartk ufuw rt,v
apjv gk vho"’ sgr rcawwg vty dguuhzi nhy t dguutkshdgr ektrehhy tz
sh ekgbxyg nj ztk tuhl zgvi uutx ngi vty ptrshby pui sgo dku,’ tz
sh thsi vtci dgztdy ptr tztbx zgbgi nhr drhhy t prhag dku,/ tui stx
euny ptr khk vxsr/ ngi aphry sh tnubv’ bhay ckuhz ngi dkhhcy/ tui
stx thz fsh ngi ztk vtci thi rgzgruu ptr t dtb. htr nhy mu bgngi tuh;
mhsv ksrl’ ytngr ztk ngi jwwu cruhfi murhe khhdgi sh ytrcg tuh; sh
texgk tui uuhsgr aptmhri tuh; sh ayuhchdg dku, uugdi ztk ngi egbgi
aytre zhhi/
nhr ztdgi thi sh vhhkhdg zuvr tk. vesnv muo xsr’ uutx stry uugry
truhx dgcrgbdy uutx gx yuy zhl tp bhay btr canho btr yteg thi hgsg
thshag ayuc’ uuh sgr rcawwg rupy sh dtbmg pnkht ak ngkv vgri uuh
thshag gkygri crgbdgi trhhi sh tnubv thi sh ehbsgr/ tcgr phk t drgx-
grg bj, ruj vty tchbu acanho uugi gx euny sh wufti vci autkw’ tui
sh ctjbwyg ehbsgrkgl prgdi nhy zhxehhy wytyg kgciw’ tui cgyi sgo
ytyi’ "thl vtc shl dgprgdy phr euahu, zhh nujk gbypgr nhr t ,hru."/
zhmy tcgr chh sh zhhy t hubdgrnti uutx rgsy sgntkyx drts muo
thhchraygi’ tui cgy ytyg kgci: nv ba,bv’ nhy uutx chi thl tbsgra?
thl uuhk tuhl nehho zhhi sh gher nmuv pui sh btfy pui wuvds, kcblw/ ty sh
euaht thz zhhgr t vtrcg euaht tui thz zhhgr uuhhytdkhl’ tui abhhsy surl
tza chz muo fxt vfcus/ gbypgry sgr rcawwg’ sgr tc vrjnho’ uutx mu
zhhi rjnbu, thz bhay st ehhi ge: nhhi yhhgr khc ehbs’ cjsrho ,cfv bpah’
thl uuhhi tui khhs nhy nhy shr/ tcgr shhi zhl aytrei thi nhhi tnubv’ shhi
kgci nhy vtpgbubd tui bhay tuhpdgcgi tphku gx euey tuhx auutr./
tphku tkg arhhgi buta’ bhay st ngr uutx mu yuvi’ su dkhhcxy thi nhr/
su dkhhcxy tz fh hcut huo afrh’ tz thl uugk
shl ctmtki cfpkh fpkho/ su uutryxy nhr
tuhx’ tui su dkhhcxy tz ckuhz thi nhhbg vgby
thz tkgx dguutbsgi’ tui thl uugk shr btl sh
haugv ahei/ stx thz ptr nhr sh drgxyg
fcus/ uutry nhy dgsuks/
tzt ngav vty tubzgr tkgngi ctkhcywi
tui dgagmywi rw bp,kh akhywwt ptrmhhky’ uuh
tntk zhhgbshd chho steygr vty tho sgr
steygr dgztdy tz gr zgy bhay ptr tho
ehhi uugd/ vty gr nhy zhfgrehhy zhl tuh-
pdgaygky tui dgdgci tbmuvgri tz gr thz
st ckuhz mu vgri ngsgmhbhag rty’ tcgr
ty sh ztfi vty cfkk bhay ehhi ahhfu, nhy
shr - vuhfdgagmygr steygr/ nhr vtci t
ytyi thi vhnk uutx ntfy ptr tubz sh tp-
ntfgi/ tui bhay ehhi jhkue uutx shhi ct-
drgbhmygr tuhd zgy’ chi thl ektr thbgo fk
hfuk tz gx thz ptr tho ehhi auo tpvtky
bhay st’ tui gx thz bhay st sh ztl nhy
uutx su egbxy nhl sgrargei’ vtc txtl
vmkjv!//
stx thz uutx nav rchbu vty- thhsgr
gr vty thcgrdgdgcgi zhhi phrgratpy tuh;
fkk hartk ptr zhhi ,knhs btni- dgnuxrwy sh thsi uutx stx thz nabv
,urv/ ayhhy thi pra, ut,jbi pxue uw’ "uanr,o ugah,o fh vut jfn,fo
uchb,fo kghbh vgnho"’ vhyi sh nmuu, crgbdy truhx tubzgr ekudatpy
tui ptraytbs thcgr sh pgkegr’ "tar hangui t, fk vjeho vtkv"’
uutx uugki vgri sh tkg dgzgmi uutx nhr vhyi nhy dgyrhhatpy ti ptray-
hhi sh xhcv’ uuh sh kaui jev thz/ "utnru"’ uugki zhh tuh; sgo ztdgi’ "re
go jfo ubcui vduh vdsuk vzv"’ uutx ptrt druhx ptke uutx thz thhi ayhe
yhpehhy tui jfnv/ crgbdgi zhh uuhhygr truhx zhhgr v,pgku,: "fh nh duh
dsuk tar ku tkueho erucho tkhu fvw tkuehbu cfk ertbu tkhu"’ uugr btl
thz tzt ptke uutx uugi thngr zhh rupi mu tho uugri zhh dgbypgry’ uutx
stx zgbgi tkg steyurho nusv tz chh sh thsi zgvy ngi phkg ntk uutub-
sgrkhfg tuhxbtngi/
cgyi nhr tcgr t vhhxg ,pkv’ "erc huo tar vut kt huo ukt khkv"’
ytyg zhxgr’ sgrbgbygr sgo ytd uutx thz bhay ytd tui bhay btfy’ sgr
ytd uutx tkgx uugy auhi zhhi ektr/ uutx sgntkyx uugy zhhi "jsu aknt
cnh,h"’ dtb. uugy zhhi sh anjv uugi vahww, uugy eungi "ubusv kl ahr jsa
gk dtuk,hbu ugk psu, bpahbu/ tni
zhmy tcgr chh shzhhy t hubdgrnti uutxrgsy sgntkyx drtsmuo thhchraygi’ tuicgy ytyg kgci: nvba,bv’ nhy uutx chi
thl tbsgra?
kv,buxx npbh euay xkv" su vtxy dgdgci ptr shhi prhhbs t bxhui’ fsh zhl
mu sgrvhhcgi/
tui uutx dhcy yteg fj ptr sgo tuhxdgntygryi dku, ths zhl mu vtkyi
uugi ngi rhhxy pui tho ayhegr ti rjnbu,? nhy uutx sgrvtky zhl sgr
tuhxdgntdgrygr egrpgr uugi tzuhphk hxurho unftucho dhhgi tuh; tho
trhcgr? ty sh euaht prgdgi sh duho’ yteg sh uutx zhfgi tubz tubygrmu-
crgbdgi uutx zhhgrg tuhdgi aprhmi ebtv tui rmhjv uugi zhh zgvgi thshag
ehbsgr nhy sh thhsgkg thshag tuncuhdztng aytk. uutx pui sh ruthdg
anhhfgkg tuh; zhhi murv khhby zhl ektr: whvush tbtw’ thl chi t ths/ thi tkg
mhhyi uugi sh thshag ehbsgr pui druhx chz ekhhi vtci nhy anjv tui tvcv
tuhxdgayrgey sh vgkzgr tui dgztdy sgo duh’ "bgo nhhi du; thl vtc ptr
shr ehhi nurt"’ tui nhy scheu, tuhxdgvuhfy sh rhhbg banv uugi sh tjs ck-
hhcy vgbdgi thi sh kupy/
prgdi sh duho nhy uutubsgr "nbi unti vut rjhnl" pui uutu tui uugr thz
shhi khcvtcgr’ "aphrt crhu,t" su ths uutx chxy tzuh ahhi thi tuhxzgvi’
"truo cdbhv xph, nsur trhu,t" tz uugdi tho vtxyu zhl dgktzy trhhi
uutrpgi thi uutuhbubd pui sh khhci? uutx thz sgr dgvhhngr euutk nhy uutx
su chxy neuar tui dhcy shl fj tkgx thcgr mueungi? tui uutx thz pay
tz tkgx chxyu drhhy tuhpmudgci ptr sgo’ "rgu,l bgchs khl" shhi uuhki uugki
nhr yuvi ptr shr’ thl chi drhhy tkgx mu muaygki tcgr btr shhi tnubv
ztkxyu tuhpdgci?
gbypgry tho sgr ths "rcu,fui nv jahct" uutx thz gbegr druhxehhy
uutx egby thr nhr cfkk dgcgi egdi uutx gx dhhy nhr eungi? "fs nyht
ag,t" uugi sh mhhy uugy eungi’ uutx ptr ty sh mhhy dgci nhr tkgx tuuge’
tui stx thz tubzgr dkgzk naev chz sgo ergyang’ tubzgr cyjui tui
tnubv sh vubsgry prtmgbyhdg ctdkhhcyehhy uutx sgr rcawwg vty chh
hgsgi ths thi vtr.’ tz "kpunhv sgchs,t" hgsi mshe kuhy zhhbg ngaho
"gchsi nykk,t" uugy ngi tho ntfgi t jupv/ hgsgr ths uuhhxy tui dkhhcy
tz ptr hgsgr ekhhbhdehhy dhhy gr ctmtky uugri tui nhr uutrygi nhy dgsuks
tui zhfgrehhy wtcyj ukt tpjsw/
SHA
ARE
I TIK
VAH/P
ESA
CH
577
3
94
hjzetk ertb.
trntygry tui tungyhd thz fkk hartk dguugi’ uugi
nav rchbu vty dgztdy "peus pes,h" uutx stx vtci
sh thsi dgvty ceckv pui zhhgrg gkygri’ tk. xhni ptr sgr rhfyhdgr dutk/
zhhgr auugrg mhhyi zgbgi zhh surl chz sti/ gx vty auhi cfkk bhay
tuhxdgeuey uuh ngi dhhy btl pui st tntk truhxdhhi’ tcgr gbskhl thz tb-
dgeungi sgr ytd uutx wdpi nnmrho ,xhgw/ sgr rcawwg vty nhy druhx uu-
tubsgr tui fcus zhhi ptke truhxdgrhxgi nfur vcrzk/ uutx surl sh hmhtv
vty sh dtbmg uugky tbgregby thbgo thhchraygi tui nxfho dguugi tz
vao tjs uanu tjs/
tcgr uuh ctetby’ ayhhy thi sh ,urv tz bhay dtb. fkk hartk thz truhx:
wujnuaho gku cbh hartkw ckuhz t phpyk vty zufv dguugi truhxmudhhi/ dtbmg
phr jkeho- stx yhhya sh drgxgrg jke- thz stry dgckhcgi/ zgbgi sh
xprho vesuaho nctr’ tz chh nf, jal’ uugi ngi vty dgegby trhhi dhhi thi
sh vhhzgr pui sh nmrho tui zgvi tkg zhhgrg tumru,’ vty sgr thhchaygr
ctpuhki tz ngi ztk ckuhz euei’ tui bhay murhri/ tcgr sh vtcgi ht dgbungi’
ty sh zgbgi thi nmrho dgckhcgi’ uuhhk tz sgr rcawwg vhhxy uutryi cruhl
ngi uutryi tui vtci dgsuks bhay bgngi ptr sh mhhy/
tzuh uuh sgr tkahl vesua thz nxchr’ tz stx thz dguugi sh jyt pui juv/
sgr aktbd thz dgeungi murgsgi mu gxi sh g. vsg,/ ayhhy thi pxue wu,rt
vtavw tui sh pruh vty dgzgi’ wfh yuc vg. kntfkw gx vty t duyi ygo mu
gxi’ wufh ,tuv vut kghbhow gx thz rhhmgbs ptr sh tuhdi ufuw/ sgr rcawwg
vty dgztdy ptr tso vrtaui’ "st thz st t cuho uutx vty tkg ygnho
tui etkhri/ stx ztkxyu bhay gxi tui thhbvtkygi sh ,tuuv tui dgante
chz gx uugy zhhi sh guko v,heui’ uutx sti uugy zhhi sh rhfyhdg zni vbtv mu
vtci sgrpui"/ thz sgr aktbd dgeungi ygbvwi ptr juv’ "uutx cruhfy gy.
uutryi tzuh ktbd? ngi egi stl auhi hgmy vtci sh tkg zhxehhyi uutx sgr
rcawwg vty mudgztdy"/ tui zhh vtci zhl dgktzy thcgrrgsi tui dgdgxi/ zgbgi
zhh ctayrtpy dguutri ptri bhay uutryi’ uuhhk tz sgr rcawwg vhhxy uutryi
cruhl ngi uutryi/
tz ngi euey trhhi tchxk yhpgr thi sh mhvk pui dku, nmrho’ zgvy ngi
thi t esnui uutx crgbdy truhx dtr t yhpgi sgrvgr/ tcrvo tchbu prgdy
pubgo thhchrayi chh crh, chi vc,rho wcnv tsg fh thrabvw/ pauy nhhby
stx’ nhy uutx uugk thl zhhi ptrzhfgry tz nhhbg ehbsgr uugki hrabwi stx
ktbs? gbypgry tho sgr rca"g’ whsg ,sg fh dr hvhv zrgl ctr. kt kvo
ugcsuo ugbu tu,ow/ uuhxi ztkxyu uuhxi’ tz shhbg ehbsgr uugki zhhi prgnsg
thi t ktbs uutx dhvgr bhay mu zhh’ tui ngi uugy zhh auugr phhbudgi/ str;
ngi ptrayhhi’ uutx gbypgry tho sgr rcawwg? gr prgdy uuhtzuh gr uugy
zhhi zhfgr tz zhh dhhgi hrabwi stx ktbs’ tui sgr rcawwg gbypgry tz ngi dhhy
zhh phhbudgi/
btr thbwtn,wi zhhi euaht thz cfkk bhay dguugi uugdi hrabwi tr. hartk/
tcrvo tchbu vty tuh; t xgeubsg ehhi atkv tsgr xpe bhay dgvty thi
sgo/ tcrvo tchbu prgdy’ thl vtc sgrdrhhfy nhhbg nsrhdu,’ uuhhk tjs vhv
tcrvo’ thl chi dguugi thhbgr tkhhi/ nhl vty ehhbgr bhay dgkgrby ehhi
tnubv thi shr/ ngi vty nhl dgphhbhdy tui dgruspwy ptr nhhi tnubv tui
dgyrhhatpy mu shr/ tcgr nhhbg ehbsgr uugki auhi vtcgi t ytyg tcrvo’
uutx vty ptr zhh auhi tuhxdgyrgyi sgo uugd’ tui zhh uugki bhay zhhi tkhhi/
surl uutx uugki zhh mueungi mu ty sh nsrhdu,?
tuh; sgo vty tho sgr rcawwg dggbypgry’ thl vtc ti gmv’ thl uugk
zhh trhhbkhhdi thi nmrho’ uutu ngi uugy zhh phhbudgi yteg sgrptr uutx zhh
zgbgi thsi’ tui zhh uugki zhl srtpgbgi tui zhl vtkyi pgxy nhy sh tnubv’
uugki zhh pubey uuh shr zhl sgrvhhci mu sh vuhfg nsrhdu,/ tui stx thz yteg
sh ,hru. pui whsg ,sgw tui sh ,hru. tuh; tkg dkhu, tui mru, uutx thshag
ehbsgr ntfi nhy cfk neunu, nuacu,hvo’ cfkk tui cpry/ "b,, krgl bx
SHA
ARE
I TIK
VAH/P
ESA
CH
577
3
95
jhzue
פ
אמונה או� האפענונג
אי� אלע אומשטענד�
SHA
ARE
I TIK
VAH/P
ESA
CH
577
3
96
c"v
kfcus sh truhxdgcgr pui sh vgrkhdg
tuhxdtcgx "agrh ,euv"/
graybx uuhk thl nhl ctstbei ptr sh vgrkhfg
tuhxdtcgx uutx thr dhcy truhx’ gx thz nkt jhzue tui thb-
vtkyxpuk’ gx dhy sh fj tbmudhhi tuhpi ytd ygdkhfgi dghgd
thbgo thbpgryhkgyh uugd nhy tkg thrg auugrhehhyi/
hgmy uugi gx euny sh vhhkhdg hu"y pxj tui ngi drhhy zhl
sgrmu nhy prhhs’ thz stx tcgr ptr tubz ptrpgkegr thb-
dtbmi stx ptregryg/ thi tkdgnhhi thz sh hu"y pui sh ag-
bxyg hnho yucho’ t hu"y pui anjv tui prhhs’ t hu"y phk nhy
dgantehhy uuh nwptrcrgbdy thbthhbgo sh dtmg napjv/ ptr
tubz ptrpgkegr aygky zhl tcgr truhx sh hu"y ptr sh au-
ugrxyg mhhy thi htr/ sh dtbmg hu"y srhhy zhl truo sh ehbsgr’
sh nv ba,bv’ xhpur hmht, nmrho’ t/t/uu/ sh ktbdg xsrho
tui xgusu,/ gx thz t hu"y uutx zgvy zhl dtr aytre ti sh
khhshdehhy thi ayuc’ sh ehbsgr vtci thi sgo hu"y t
xpgmhgki yhhk/
uugi nwvtky ty ty chho trhhhbyrgyi thi sh vhhkhdg hu"y’
bgny truo ti tungyhdehhy tui tbdgmuhdbehhy uuh tzuh uugy
ngi tsurl ayhpi sh tkg auugrgehhyi? tbayty uutx nwztk
truhxeuei tuh; sh vhhkhdg xsr btfy tui zhl drhhyi sgrmu nhy
t prhhkhl dgnhy uuh gx str; mu zhhi/ dgagvy tcgr stx
ptregryg’ tz nwuuhk zhl auhi zgvi sgrbtl/ sh ufti vci autk
nhy tkg thrg xduku, tui ngahu,/// sh ytyg kgci nhy sh
phr eahu, ayhhy ptr sh tuhdi tui dgy t mhp thi vtr.’ nw-
prgdy zhl tkhhbx sh nv ba,bv’ ptruutx chi thl thi tzt
nmc? ptruutx chi thl tbsgra pui nhhbg dgauuhxygr? ptru-
utx vtky thl btl chho zgkci aytbspubey pui ptrhtr tui
ptr muuhh htr?!///
sh eahu, gdcgri tui ntfi auugr sh hu"y’ uutx uutky
tbayty dgstrpy dtr zhhi t khfyhdg tui prhhkhfg zni/ tui
ctn, thz stx yteg t dgvuhcgbg prhhkhfg zni’ tphku thi
tubzgr auugri xytyux thz tuhl st t khfyhdehhy uutx nwegi
dgpubgi sgrhi/ tui tsrcv’ tz nwyrtfy tchxk trhhi uugy ngi
zgvi’ tz ctn, thz stx thi t dguuhxi zhi t zni uutx thz dtr
dgthhdby zhl tuhxmuanugxi nhy tubzgr ytyi thi vhnk tui
tho ptraygki tubzgrg prtdgx/ pxj chhbtfy thz t zni
uutx hgsg ehbs cteuny t ,hru. tuh; sh eahu,’ nnhkt zgnhr
tubz dtrbhay tbsgra/ vah", thz tubzgr ytyg’ tui ptray-
hhy dtr duy tubzgrg eahu, tui gdcgrbhai’ tui gr thz tubz
drhhy tuhxmuvgri tui ptrgbypgri tkg tubzgrg prtdgx/
sh prtckgo thz btr tz sh nmc thi uutx nhr dgpubgi zhl’
ptryhbeky zhhgr sh aytreg khfyhdehhy uutx khdy thi sh
ygd/ tui uuh prhgr gruugby’ thz gx tphku dtr ptr tubz
xpgmhgk khfyhd thi t dguuhxi zhi’ tui gx thz t aytreg ats
tz nhr euei bhay tkx sgruh; nhy sh rhfyhdi ckhe ektr-
grvhhy’ tui ptraygbskhl zgbgi nhr bhay aukshd sgrhbgi/
st euny tcgr trhhi sh ahhbg tuhxdtcg uutx thr yuy
ptraygki ptr tubz thi tzt ptxhdi zni/ nhy sh dguutkshdg
jhzue ctnubv ucyjui’ vgkpy thr truhx tz ngi ztk zhl egbgi
drhhyi nhy sh rhfyhdg vfbv mu sh vhhkhdg hu"y’ tui
truhxbgngi sgrpui tubzgr xpgmhgki yhhk/ sh ptxhdg dgst-
bei pui jhzue yuy tubz ctdkhhyi tui vgkpy tubz tsurfayhpi
sh tbdgayrgbdyg mhhyi’ tui cgher gpby gx sh tuhdi tui yuy
tubz tbuuhhzi tuh; sh ctvtkygbg shtntbyi uutx khdy
ctvtkyi thi tzt ahhbg hu"y xpgmhgk ptr tubz thi tubzgr
nmc/
sh tkg ctetbyg tui tunctetbyg xduku, uutx nwvgry
zhl ti pui tkg ctetbyg thi tzt hu"y uuh tkgntk’ uugkbshd
pui mhhy mu mhhy tbyrtdi ptrahsgbg tundgcgygbg vhk; --sh xdukv pui "ufti vci autk"’ sh xdukv pui kgrbgi sh ctet-
byg ayhek thi tur vjhho vew pxj chhbtfy’ t/t/uu/ --sh tkg
ztfi uugry dgvgry nhy t ptztyhuugri uugd uugi nwthz
ptrdgdrhhy nhy t aytkmg dgphk pui tnubv ucyjui/
tar g"f uuhk thl tuhxsrhei nhhi vtrmhdi stbe ptr sh
jaucg truhxdgcgr pui sh ahhbg tuhxdtcgx tui ptr sh
jaucg nuxs nhy thrg nhyvgkpgr uutx grngdkhfi sh thb-
vtkxpukg uugrygr ztki tbeungi mu sh uutx buhyhdi zhl sgrhi’
tz ngi ztki egbgi tbdhhi nhy t prhhkhl dgnhy tui surfayhpi
xhh uugkfg znbho nhy t ptztyhuui ckhe tui t tnubvwshdi
dgphk/
nhy phk stbe tui agmubd ptr thhgr dguutkshdg trcgy/
z/ y/ --uuhkhtnxcurd
ptr etngbytri’ crhuui tui tryhekgi’ ahey ti th-nghk mu: gro.emita@enizagam
jhzue
SHA
ARE
I TIK
VAH/C
HA
NU
KA
H 5
773
97
c"v
euso uuhk thl tuhxsrhei t druhxi hhar fj ptrwi truhxdgci sh
vgrkhfg tuhxdtcg uutx crgbdy trhhi jhzue tui khfyhdehhy thi ayuc
hgsgx ntk nhy prhag turu,/ tzuh tptr ntk t htr’ uutx thz fnho
erho gk bpa ghpv’ mu egbgi tsurfaprhhzi fk nhbh nmcho canjv ucyuc
kcc/
ugk ak gfahu ct,h’ hgmy btfwi dgvuhcgbgo ac, v,tjsu,’ uutx
nwvty truhxdgbungi pui stry vuhpgbgx crgi ayt; tuh; t dtb. htr/
tbdgptbdgi pubgo gmo zhl muztneungi thbthhbgo tzuhphk
ptrpgkegr’ uutx hgsgr thhbgr dgcy sh dgphk ptrwi muuhhyi pui gnu tbfh
cmrv tui mr, rcho jmh bjnv’ tui nwptrcrgbdy tzuh ahhi muztngi t
ac, cac, tjho do hjs cmuu,t jst/ btfsgrmu uugi nwrgsy pui sh
phkg ,ufbwpukg srau, tui anugxi uutx thz dgdgci dguutri surftuhx
sgo ac,’ uutx hgsg rgsbgr ctzubsgr vty truhxdgcrgbdy tuh; zhhi
tupi tui ayhhdgr zhhgr aytreg tui rhhfg beusu, yucu, uutx nhy-
mubgngi ptrwi dtbmi htr’ uutx ptr hgsg srav tkhhi vty zhl auhi
dgkuhby sh dtbmg ac,/
ztk vah", trhhbdgci t crfv cngav hshfo tui thr ztky egbgi uuh-
hygr gk nh nbuju, tuhpyuvi tui ayhhi crta pui sh tkg duyg pguku,
nhy txtl anju, ceruc nna/
h/m/ --ctrt ptre
בריוון פון ליינער
Bulletin Board
VolunteerBecome a part of the ATIME Family
Help our very best office Staff
Distribute Labor Tehillim Packets to doctors’ offices
Deliver Magazines to Doctors’ offices
Coordinate fundraisers in different neighborhoods
Help with our annual Chinese Auction
Email [email protected]
ServicesLabor Tehillim Program
Our labor tehillim program is set to roll.Our beautiful brochure along with a list of names of couples to daven for while
in labor is soon to be in the local ob/gyn’s offices.
To list your name please email
[email protected] call 718-686-8912
Please call to remove your names when bezras hashem you no longer need
this service.
SeronoCompassion Care
A free fertility medication programfor those who are eligible.
EMD Serono Inc.Contact InformationFertility LifeLines™1-(866) 538-7879 (phone)1-(781) 681-2940 (fax)1-866-LETS-TRY (vanity_phone)
MiscCollection Kits are available at the g'mach
in our offices in Monsey and Boro Park
Affordable Drugs Fertility drugs at reduced PricesTel: 718-972-5750 Fax: 718-972-7288
Doros Interest-Free LoansPlease call Mr. Schwartz at 718-633-5455
Great News!
You can now receive text reminders &
announcements of all upcoming events
by sending a text message with the
words "follow atimeevents" to the
number 40404. Alternately, you can
follow us on Twitter at atimeeventsComing Soon! Look out for our newly designed
updated web page.
A Time
Support Groups
Join our phone support groups from the comfort
and privacy of your home!
Phone Support Groups on the following topics:
-Primary Infertility
-Secondary Infertility
-Unsuccessful IVF
-Pregnancy Loss Support
-Male Factor Infertility
-Men’s Support Group
-Mothers of Couples Experiencing Infertility
Email [email protected] or [email protected]
or call 718-686-8912 for the info
Need to be near
your center for
Shabbos?
Call Chaya 718-258-5002
or Vivienne 917-783-9514
for assistance
Car RidesRides to and from your center from Williamsburg and backcall Chesed 718-218-9000
Rides to and from your Manhattan center from Boro Park and back call Chesed 718-854-4341Rides to and from your Manhattan center Lakewood and backcall Lakewood Bikur Cholim 732-905-3020 Ext. 117
Need to have your
blood drawn on
Shabbos & delivered to
your center?
Call Chaya
718-258-5002 or
Vivienne 917-783-9514
for assistance
Coming soon.. New Hotline!Kol Chaya - A lifeline with chizuk and inspirationBrought to you by A TIME in loving memory of our unforgettable Chaya Yocheved bas Dovid
Look out for more details!
