Chapter 11

What words do you think

of when you hear “conflict”?

Conflict

An expressed struggle between interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals.

Points about Conflict• is an expressed struggle

• occurs between interdependent parties

• is about goals the parties see as incompatible

• arises over perceived scarce resources

• includes interference from other person

Characteristics of Interpersonal Conflict

• is natural

• has content, relational, and procedural dimensions (rules)

• can be direct or indirect

• can be harmful

• can be beneficial

Common Sources of Conflict Personal criticisms Finances Household chores Children Employment In-laws

Sex Holidays Vacations Spending time in

general Meta-

communication

Researcher: Larry Erbert Married Couples

Sex & Gender Affect Conflict Passive Aggression

Less direct tactic of hiding aggression in seemingly innocent behaviors

Women more likely to use this strategy

Demand-Withdraw PatternUsually the woman makes a demand and

the man withdrawsMen more likely to disengage

Online Conflict Disinhibition

Removal of constraintsDoing something in online environment we

wouldn’t do in other situations“dis” means “apart” or “away”

StrategyDon’t respond immediatelyClarify any misunderstandingsPut yourself in their shoesUse emoticons to express tone, if appropriate

Power:

The ability to manipulate, influence, or control other people or events.

Characteristics of Power

Depends on context/situation Is always present

Symmetrical relationship = fairly equal powerComplementary rel. = unequal power

Influences CommunicationOne-up message—expresses dominanceOne-down message—expresses submissionOne-across message—neutral

Can be positive or negative

Types of Power (French & Raven) Reward

One person can reward another Coercive

Ability to punish another Referent

Based on liking, admiration, or attraction Legitimate

Status or position gives a person rightsRepresent an institution

ExpertWe perceive the person to be an expert

Types of Conflict (not in text) Pseudo

Someone thinks there is conflict when there really isn’t

EgoWe are emotionally invested in the decision

ValuePeople have different ideas about right and

wrong Content

People disagree over matters of fact, information, or an issue

Problematic Behaviors during Conflict

CriticismComplaints about someone elseGunnysacking—save all arguments and let them

all out at once Contempt

Insult someone and attack their self-worth Defensiveness

View yourself as a victim and deny responsibility for your behaviors

StonewallingWithdraw from a conversation

Lose-Lose

Win-Lose Win-Win

Lose-Win

Relational Goals

Personal

Goals

I Win Some-You Win Some

Another Perspective

Another Perspective

Passive, Aggressive, Assertive Passive

Don’t try to satisfy own concerns

AggressiveOpenly express needs, wants, ideas even if

doing so hurts others

AssertiveCommunicate honestly, clearly, directly;

stand up for what he/she believes without harming others or self

Assertive Behavior

Own FeelingsOwn Feelings

AvoidAvoidConfrontationalConfrontationalLanguageLanguageMaintainMaintain

Eye ContactEye Contact

Specify Specify BehaviorsBehaviors

Maintain Firm,Maintain Firm,Pleasant VoicePleasant Voice

Speak ClearlySpeak Clearly

Avoid Hemming/HawingAvoid Hemming/Hawing