Funnies Extra Midcoast Maine April 2013

Midcoast Maine’s Monthly Funnies Newspaper! Your Local Source for Comics, Puzzles, Word Games, and Humor Columns! To Advertise, email [email protected] or call 557-3261 FREE!

FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | VOL 2 ED 2 - APRIL 2013

FREE MIDCOASTEDITION

w w w . P e n o b s c o t M a r i n e M u s e u m . o r g

Penobscot Marine Museum brings history to life! Visit our campus and experience a 19th century village on the gorgeous coast of Maine. The Penobscot Marine Museum campus of ten historic buildings is open from late May through late October. May 25 through October 26 come see For Those in Peril: Shipwrecks, Memorials and Rescues.

2 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 2 ED 2 - APRIL 2013

BIZ by DAVE BLAZEK OFF THE MARK by MARK PARISI CAPTION CONTEST

Congratulations to last issue’s winner, Greg Bingham, who submitted the following caption to last issue’s contest: “Hey, Pal! This river is closed to fl y fi shing.” Send your best caption to this week’s contest to: [email protected] and type “Caption Contest” in the subject line.

The winning captions will be published in the next issue with the winner’s name, age and city with permission. Void where prohibited.

Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

Chris & Heather [email protected] | [email protected]

www.funnies-extra-maine.com91 Lang Hill Highway, Brooks, Maine 04921(Chris) 207.557.3251 (Heather) 207.557.3261

Deadlines: Thurs during prior week of Wed circulationOffice Hours: Monday - Friday, 9-5 Eastern Time

FUNNIES EXTRA!, LLC6822 22nd Avenue North, #134, St. Petersburg, FL 33710

www.funnies-extra.com ~ [email protected] Kellogg - Editor

[email protected]

Bill Kellogg - Marketing [email protected] ~ 907–441-6882

Richard Cross - [email protected] ~ 727-343-1243

© 2012 Funnies Extra!, LLC. All rights reserved.

The views and opinions expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of the publisher, advertisers or employees of NachoTree Print & Digital Design. NachoTree Print & Digital Design is not responsible for any advertising errors beyond the first printing of any Display Ad. Additional contributor informa-tion can be found on the website URL’s above. Contents of this publication may not be reproduced or copied without permission from Funnies Extra, LLC.

print & digital design

VOL 2 ED 2 - APRIL 2013 | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | 3

BC by MASTROIANNI AND HART

TUNDRA by CHAD CARPENTER

EEK! by SCOTT NICKEL

HOOSIERVILLE by MARK BRAYER


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Country Styles

161 Lang Hill Highway, Brooks207.722.3551

FAMILY HAIR CARE

FACT OR FICTION?

*Every day 400,000 babies are born, and 140,000 people die on average. *Babies are born without knee caps. They don’t appear until the child is 2-6 years of age. *Colgate faced a big obstacle marketing toothpaste in Spanish

speaking countries. Colgate translates into “go hang yourself.”

spokesandjokes.com207.557.3251

Enjoy clean and hilarious standup

comedy and music for all ages from

standup comedianChris Quimby.

VARNEY MEMORIAL BUILDINGRoute 7, Downtown Brooks, Brooks, ME

March 30, 2013, 7:00pm

THE NITE SHOWwith DANNY CASHMAN

WABI-TV5April 6, 2013, 11:30pm

LIGHTHOUSE CHRISTIAN CAFE453 Wilson Street, Brewer, ME

April 13, 2013, 7:00pm

GRACE BIBLE CHURCH40 Douty Hill Road, Sangerville, ME

April 20, 2013, 7:00pm

FAIR HAVEN CAMPS81 West Fair Haven Lane, Brooks, ME

April 27, 2013, 7:00pm

IMAGINE THAT by BRIAN MARTIN STRANGER THINGS by TIM THOMSON HARA KIWI by LECTRR


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THE DOOZIES by TOM GAMMILL

FRANK AND STEINWAY by WIL PANGANIBAN

FUNNY PAPER by DANIEL COLLINS

AGAINST THE GRAIN by RON THERIEN


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*The only part of the body that has no blood supply is the cornea in the eye. It takes in oxygen directly from the air. *The plastic things

on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

FACT OR FICTION?

PLANNING A WEDDING, PARTY, REUNION OR CORPORATE EVENT?

The sky's the limit and we will help you make some History, at Fort Knox and the Observatory.

Now Booking for 2013

PHONE 207-469-6553, EMAIL [email protected] SITE: FORTKNOX.MAINEGUIDE.COM

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~~~ Save with Pre-Registration! ~~~$15 Adult pre / $20 day of

$25 Family (2a, 2c) pre / $30 day of $50 Team of 5+ pre / $60 day of

MARIN

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MarinerMother’s Day

5K Run / WalkMay 12, 2013

Kids events @ 830 a.m. 5K @ 9 a.m.

Pre-registration avail. onActive.com or download

form online

©2011 Mia Vonne / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

Men ages 18+ are invited to join us for a weekend of food, competitions, and fellowship. We encourage

fathers to bring their sons aged 13+.

Friday, May 3 at 6:00pm throughSaturday, May 4 at 5:00pm

MUSIC PERFORMED BY:City on a Hill

Guest Speaker: Author, Speaker, & Professor,Buddy Davis from Answers in Genesis.

FAIR HAVEN CAMPS81 W. Fair Haven Lane, Brooks, ME 04921

[email protected](207)722-3456

143 High Street, Belfast, ME 04915

207.338.3500 x121 (office) 207.322.3392 (mobile)207.338.0192 (fax) 800.860.0528 (toll free)

( ffi ) ( b

JUDY BROSSMERJUDY [email protected]

WORD FIND National ParksBY MIA VONNE

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CRANKY GIRL by CRYSTAL JONES

SQUID ROW by BRIDGETT SPICER


FUNNIES EXTRA IS PRINTED IN MAINE,KEEPING MONEY IN THE STATE


FACEBOOK: /NachoTreeTWITTER: /NachoTreeDesign

Garden Celebratingthe people

who grow stuff and the stuff they grow.

© 2011 Campbell & Schotsch / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

FUTURE SHOCK by JIM & PAT McGREAL

THAT MONKEY TUNE by MICHAEL KANDALAFT

DINGERS by CAMPBELL & SCHOTSCH




Join Funnies Extra Maine on Facebook and Twitter!

Q. Tell me a short history of KSW.A. KSW started when some mill workers in Waterville wanted to put their assets together to create a Credit Union for their place of work back in 1954. This took off so well that they had to get a bigger place. The growth continued with some challenges, and a Belfast offi ce was added in 1994 when KSW (then known as Keyes Fiber) was invited to take over a credit union formed by the poultry workers. In 2001, a merge with Keso Federal Credit Union brought a name change to KSW. In 2011 membership was offered to more Waldo county towns and the bank is continuing to grow.

They depend on us for our business and we depend on them. They are the backbone of a vital,

sustainable local economy.

SHOP& DINELOCAL

Shop Thoughtfully. Shop Locally.

Spring is a great time to get out and support our local businesses, run by our neighbors and friends. ADVERTISER SPOTLIGHT:

KSW Federal Credit UnionLocation: 135 Waldo Ave., Belfast | kswfcu.org

Q. What does the letters KSW stand for?A. Kennebec, Somerset, and Waldo counties. These are the counties where the bank’s business comes from.

Q. What is the weirdest item or product that you offer here?A. “Fashion Friends Magnetic Dress N Play” This is one of the many gifts that a child 12 or under could pick from the rewards of their Monty Moose account.


WIZARD OF ID by PARKER & MASTROIANNI & HART

HOLY MOLÉ by RICK HOTTON

DOGS OF C-KENNEL by MICK & MASON MASTROIANNI

HALF BAKED by RICK ELLISDistributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

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RALF THE DESTROYER by SCOTT LINCOLN

SUNSHINE STATE by GRAHAM NOLAN

PICKLES by BRIAN CRANE

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4, 2013 at 2 PMall (above Town Hall)r and Union Streets)ERFAITH FUEL FUNDdult, $4.00 Studentsntertainment and more.able at intermissionap accessible.


You might have read back in Octo-ber of last year that I was planning a crazy adventure. Beginning on April 28, I will push myself into a pair of Spandex shorts and cycle to Texas. I will also be wearing a shirt.

Why, you ask? Well, in the past couple of years I started asking my-self deeper questions about who I was, what my purpose might be and whether my life was set up in such a way that facilitates or frustrates what my intentions for life are.

I am a believer, also, that each per-son is uniquely created by God to love and serve Him and others, but in man-ners largely consistent with their gift -ings, opportunities and desires.

When I looked at my life, I saw the results of a combination of fear and conformity. Without an understand-ing of who I was and what I should be doing, I settled for fi nding a comfort-able job so I could get a paycheck so I could pay my bills so I could continue existing long enough to continue get-ting a paycheck and paying my bills.

Th e people to whom I pay my bills were in favor of the trajectory of my life.

But I felt like a change was neces-sary. I left my full-time job of eleven years with no idea what to do next.

I would not recommend this.However, the next diffi cult year

forced me to think way deeper than I had to before. A weekly paycheck with benefi ts is a huge blessing, but one of-

tentimes cashes in something greater for the perceived security of some-thing predictable.

So, I considered that I want to in-spire others, to see people look beyond stale religion to a deeper, more event-ful and real relationship with God, whether or not they currently have or want one. I want to meet and build relationships with other people. I en-joyed biking. I wanted to stop living in fear of failure. I wanted to do more with what I had at my disposal.

I didn’t have a full-time job, so I didn’t have to be any-w h e r e . I was able to do s t a n d u p comedy, so I had a way to make money on the road. I have a sup-portive wife who trusts my judgment. I have two children who are homeschooled, so we have fl exibility with where and how we educate them.

So, the plan, aft er a few modifi ca-tions and one episode last December where we abandoned it altogether, is to leave at the end of this month and bike about 60 miles per day, 5 days per week for 8 weeks until we reach Rockwall, Texas. I have a friend who lives there whose encouragement was a huge catalyst for me to decide to take

a more active attempt in creating a healthy context for the next season of my life.

I will mostly be staying with strang-ers along the way, friends and/or fam-ily of friends and/or family or families whose hospitality I’ve become aware of by social networking. Th ey will pro-vide us lodging and good company. We will make a lot of friends across

the country.What’s been inspir-ing to me is the

c on f i r m at i on of my theory

upon the genesis of this idea - that p e o p l e w o u l d r a l l y a r o u n d the ridic-

ulousness of this plan

to assist in its formation. Be-

lieve me, I am far from being fi nan-

cially wealthy enough to consider this mission. It’s

happening because of the thousands of dollars that have been donated at my comedy shows over the last few months, stand-alone donations, lend-ings of a friend’s van, voluntary eff orts by complete strangers to house me and book gigs for me, prayers of close friends, a purchase of a GPS as a gift .

Th e list is even longer than that. It’s been amazing.

So now all I have to do is bike over 2000 miles. No sweat.

Or, perhaps that’s not correct. Th ere will be plenty of sweat and, unfortu-nately, probably a lot of dogs who will chase me around the country, looking at me as if I we re a juicy bike-riding steak.

A juicy, sweaty steak.Funnies Extra will still be around.

Th e beauty of what we do is that we can still put it together on the road. Th anks to technology, and for good or bad, there are a lot of things one can do with a laptop and an internet con-nection.

Heather and our new salespeople, Jessica and Chris, have done a great job preparing us with support so we can still off er laughs and smiles to the area during our brief absence.

Th ank you for reading and support-ing Funnies Extra and, by extension, my family. We really enjoy off ering this unique publication to the area and are excited to see it grow.

If you wish to join me in a fare-well performance the night before I head out on my adventure, please be at Camp Fair Haven at the West Lodge at 81 West Fair Haven Lane on Satur-day, April 27 at 7:00pm. Even with a GPS, it’s almost an impossible place to fi nd, but once you get there you’ll have a good time.

Admission is free, but I welcome any donations that can help me with needs while we are traveling.

I’ll be sharing a lot about how this trip has come together (in addition to the blogs I’ve already been post-ing on www.spokesandjokes.com). I’ll also share some of my song parodies, which people tend to laugh at.

It’ll be a good time. We hope to see you there.

Have Funny, Will Travel

by Chris Quimby

Chris Quimby is a husband, father, and publisher of Funnies Extra in Maine. A graphic designer and standup comedian, Chris has over ten years experience in the print industry. Chris and his wife, Heather, are excited to offer Funnies Extra to Maine, offering a fun and attractive departure from the norm. Chris can be reached at [email protected] or facebook.com/ChrisQuimby

A Message from the Publisher Guy

print & digital design207.557.3251 | nachotree.com

Swanville, ME(207)338-4586

www.mooressepticinc.com

.tsal seilppus elihw ,srelaed gnitapicitrap tA *

Spring Spectacular

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“sweetheart, i’m so proud of you.

you’ve made a complete fool of yourself.”

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HOXWINDER HALL by DANIEL BORIS

15 MINUTES by ROBERT DUCKETT


© 2011 Robert Duckett / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC


*The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of ni-trogen gas bubbles bursting. *Human hair and fi ngernails continue to grow after death. *It takes about 20 seconds for a red blood cell to circle the whole body.

FACT OR FICTION?

207.217.2534cdcomputerroom.com | [email protected]

Repair/TroubleshootingVirus/Spyware Removal

Software InstallationHardware Installation

Wireless/Wired NetworkingTraining/Tutoring

System Upgrades/UpdatesData Backup

Data RecoveryRemote Support

More experience. Less expensive.

Professional Repair

iPhone | iPod | iPad

CRIME-QUIZ by WERNER WEJP-OLSEN THIN LINES by Randy Glasbergen


© 2011 Werner Wejp-Olsen / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

Contact Funnies Extra Headquartersfor information on starting your own lucrativeFunnies Extra! publishing business. Hurry!

Limited licensing opportunities availablein select territories across the U.S. and Canada.

For details, go to: www.funnies-extra.com.

NO FUNNIES EXTRA IN YOUR NECK OF THE WOODS?

No problem!

Gift Certificates & Layaway Always AvailableOpen Mon-Sat 9:30 - 5; Sun 9:30-4 6 miles from Belfast

THEOTHER PLACE368 Augusta Rd, Belmont 342-5872

WELCOME SPRING!Potting soils, cedar mulches, & peat moss in stock

Rubber boots for mud season in stockLots of new merchandise arriving almost dailySingle roll toilet tissue - 59¢ each or 2 for $1

Minute instant white rice - 14 oz for $1

©20

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For answers, visitfunnies-extra.com/puzzles.php

1 2 3 4

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5 6

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Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC in North America only.



LAST MONTH’S ANSWERS

© 2011 Sheila Anderson / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC

CHUCK DOWNS Cartoonist

Haikus amuse meBut sometimes can confuse me

Refrigerator

I always fi nd random things in my pockets at the end of the day: paper clips, gum wrappers, dry cleaning receipts and the ever-present lint. These drawings are what’s left in my head when the day is done: the random “pocket lint” of my brain.

Chuck Downs is a carbon-based form of cartoonist who lives in Florida with his wife and two children. By day, he is vice president of marketing for a company that clearly does not conduct very thorough background checks. By night, he fi ghts crime. Now that he is old-er, his experience only walks the gamut for fear of pulling a ham-string. He often “misuses” quota-tion marks, and likes to frequently split his infi nitives.

Funnies Extra! will feature at least four straight issues of comic strips and panels from aspiring, non-syndicated cartoonists. Comic strips or cartoon panels may be published from cartoonists of any age, with a short bio. For submission guidelines and information,go to: www.funnies-extra.com/submissions. Send each furnished strip as a PDF fi le along with your name, age, address and phone number. Send 5 to 10 color submissions to: [email protected] and type “Spotlight” in the subject line.Good luck and have fun! (participation void where prohibited)

HOLLYWEIRD by MARK SIMON



Agency Liquor Store On High Street In BelfastTagging Stations On Route 52 In Belfast And Morrill

BELFAST VARIETY

MORRILL GENERAL3 Sizes Of Thin & Thick Crust Pizza (Sm, Med, Lrg)HOT & COLD SANDWICHES

CHECK OUT OUR HARDWARE STORE

Downtown Belfast | Open Every Day! | Downtown BelfastCOLBURN SHOE STORE | 338.1934

www.ColburnShoe.com | Like us on Facebookeboo

OWYHEE

CORONADO

COLBURN SHOE STORE | 338

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COLBURN SHOE STORE | 338

CORONAD

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MARK SIMON Producer/Director/Cartoonist

Mark Simon is 25-year fi lm & TV veteran amassing over 3,000 production credits including animation producer on Larry the Cable Guy’s latest movie, Tooth Fairy 2. His storyboard and animation companies, www.Storyboards-East.com, have included clients such as Disney, Uni-versal, Viacom, Sony, HBO, Nickelodeon, FOX, Steven Spielberg, USA Networks, ABC Tele-vision and many others. His experience selling original TV series le d to his founding www.SellYourTvConceptNow.com to mentor other creators. He is also the author of ten popular industry texts, and lectures around the world at major conferences, entertainment trade schools and universities.

POCKET LINT by CHUCK DOWNS

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ACROSS1 Madonna, e.g. 62 3, to 1/3 26 Send payment8 Canopy support 63 Spartan 29 18-wheeler

15 Oblivious 64 Traveling trunk 31 Junction points16 On the way 65 Oven setting 32 Ritzy digs17 Cassette 34 Big bully

collection DOWN 35 Funnyman 18 Porky Pig's 1 To ___ it mildly... Williams

problem, when 2 Stop ___ dime 36 Pass into lawspeaking 3 Soft food 38 Kyoto cash

19 Calligraphy tool 4 Used a broom 39 Insect stage20 Goblet feature 5 Police weapon 41 Watering holes21 Lots of fun, 6 Athletic venue 44 Pest-catching

slangily 7 Abbr. in some pooch22 Word after military titles 46 Fundamental

general or 8 Grant principleindependent 9 Intestinal 47 Insurance broker

26 Went on inflammation 48 Complete a horseback 10 Snare or tom-tom crossword

27 Commando 11 Poker prize 50 Use an S.O.S. weapon 12 Income's pad

28 Put in new cable opposite 51 Drunkard30 Beethoven's 13 Home follower 52 Calendar unit

birthplace 14 To the point 54 Campus 32 Kennel 20 Ballroom move quarters

youngster 22 Raised to the 57 Actress 33 Vocal quality third power Thompson37 Reveled in 23 Atmospheric 58 Commencement39 Blast furnace layer wear

output 24 Japanese 59 I told you so!40 Make numb mercenary 60 Baseball stat41 Public transport 25 Icky buildup 61 Allow42 Hefty horn43 Catch in a sting45 Nervous twitch46 Quartet member49 Workplace

trouble,sometimes

53 Long, long ____54 They're some-

times connected55 Dove sound56 Box office

success58 Courtroom figure

The Weekly Crossword

Answer to Last Week's Crossword

by Margie E. Burke

Copyright 2012 by The Puzzle Syndicate

O B S E S S P R O C A P SM O T L E Y R A P A B U TE N A M E L W A R E P O R EN E T V O T E R I D E A

E R R A N T E S T E E MS I M I A N L O T T OA D E P T M E N T A L A G EM E N A V E Y A M P O LE S T A T E T A X M A R E S

P A N E L R E W I R ES V E L T E L A U R E LC A M E T I E I N F L UO P E N I N G L O R I O U SP I N T A T E F U R O R SE D D Y N O D F E E L E R

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14

15 16

17 18

19 20 21

22 23 24 25 26

27 28 29

30 31 32 33 34 35 36

37 38 39

40 41 42

43 44 45

46 47 48 49 50 51 52

53 54 55

56 57 58 59 60 61

62 63

64 65

THE DEEP END by TYSON COLESPECTICKLES by BILL ABBOTT


No minimum balance or monthly fees.

Available with VISA debit card- just like writing a

check, but accepted anywhere you see VISA.

KSW@Home Home Banking. Allows you 24/7 account access online.

CUe-Statement View and store statements online- eliminates paper waste.

Online Bill Pay One-time $5 setup fee- pay virtually any bill from one site.

Mobile Banking Check balances and make transfers anywhere, anytime, from a mobile device. (text/data rates may apply)

e-Servicesenjoy our convenient

also...Free Personal Checking Accounts

135 WALDO AVENUE, BELFAST, ME 04915 | (207)338-5160 FAX: (207)338-6129222 COLLEGE AVENUE, WATERVILLE, ME 04901 | (207)872-5602 FAX: (207)872-5776

www.kswfcu.org

© 2011 Bill Abbott / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC


Answers to last month’s crossword

We empower boys and girls from grade school through the teen

years and from various backgrounds with the truth that centers on

the gospel of Jesus Christ. Our summer camp staff works with all

campers on their level in discussing important issues of life in cabin

devotional times and our high quality guest speakers encourage

and motivate our young people during chapel sessions happening

daily. We challenge the young people from Maine and beyond who

enter our doors as summer campers to become spiritually, socially,

mentally, and physically healthy and to become responsible leaders,

with creative thinking, self-motivation, and healthy relationships.

F A I R H A V E N C A M P S81 W. FAIR HAVEN L ANE - BRO OKS, ME 04921 - (207)722-3456 | [email protected]

Want to learn more about Funnies

Extra!? Scan this tag with your

smartphone. Don’t have the app? Enter

the URL on the bottom-right to

download the FREE Mobile App on

your smartphone!

KARMA CAFE by RICHARD CROSS and BILL ABBOTT

SPEED BUMP by DAVE COVERLY CHUCKLE BROS by BRIAN & RON BOYCHUCK


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Funnies Extra Midcoast Maine April 2013