Elizabeth M. Vera

Loyola University Chicago

Chicagoland Partners for English Language Learners (CPELL)

Loyola University Chicago

funded by the Office of English Language Acquisition,

U.S. Department of Education

School of Education · Loyola University Chicago 820 N. Michigan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois 60611

Phone: 312.915.6318 E-mail: cpell@luc.edu

The importance of parents….

Parents: Lay the foundation for a child’s attitudes toward school

Parents: Provide love, encouragement, and support for their

children’s successes and hard work

Parents: Establish work habits and expectations that allow

children to build skills related to academic success

Today’s program We will provide an overview of the essential parenting

strategies related to children’s academic success and to reducing stress in your home

We will describe common mistakes that parents make, often out of good intentions

We will answer questions you may have about your child or your parenting

Parenting Strategies that Work Children need routines:

From the time your child is born, routines are a way of life. You keep track of eating patterns, sleep patterns, diaper changes, etc.

As your baby becomes a child, you continue providing routines (e.g., nap time, snack time, quiet time, bedtime).

No matter how old your children are, they NEED you to keep setting routines for them.

Why???? The brain of your child develops and matures every day.

However, the parts of the brain that are responsible for planning, decision making, and self-responsibility are not mature until 23 years of age.

This means that most “children” do not set their own routines consistently until they are young adults.

How to make routines less stressful?

First, have realistic expectations: The average child complies with requests from parents no more than 40% of the time (and it often takes 5-6 requests before a child obeys). STRESS IS UNAVOIDABLE.

However, there are ways to make YOUR stress more manageable.

-Make some routines as automatic and predictable as possible (use charts, music, etc.).

-Reward compliance (and have natural consequences for lack of compliance).

3 Keys to Success

Predictability

Consistency

Appropriateness (expectations,

consequences, developmental differences)

This being said . . .

It is really hard to be predictable and consistent and to tailor things to the developmental needs of your child.

You have to have a “tool box” of parenting strategies, not every approach works with every child.

Scheduling for Kids Kids are capable of following a routine. However, they need a lot of visual cues to know what the routine is. You can help them by providing a daily and weekly schedule with the key tasks for the day. Use an erasable board, list activities with times and allow for the activities to be checked off when completed. Post the schedule in a child friendly space (refrigerator, bedroom door).

Common Stressors: Transitions Many children have particular issues handling transitions from one

activity to another. To improve transition times: 1) Make transitions predictable by using schedules that they can see every day (daily in addition to weekly). 2) Give your child sufficient notice that a transition is about to take place. 3) Allow enough time for transitions.

5 minutes before transition, warn child that it is about to occur. Choose a cue to use each time such as a timer or a song. (“Play

time is over, over, over . . . time for lunch!”) 4) Make sure your child knows what is expected of him/her during transition time (e.g., cleaning up play area).

Try to rely on positive motivation to keep your child on schedule We all overuse punishment to curb behavior (e.g.,

losing privileges), but good behavior gets ignored in the process.

Allow your child to work toward rewards by following the rules (the routine) and keep track with charts and stickers or smiley faces.

Use social rewards (a special activity) not rewards that are unrealistic (e.g., money, unaffordable treats)

Do not worry that you are “bribing” your child to behave well, their internal regulation of behavior takes a long time to develop.

Natural consequences Our tendency as parents is to try and be responsible

for all our children’s behavior.

Natural consequences are what happens to the child as a result of their non-compliance (e.g., homework is not completed, they get a bad grade; refuse to get dressed, they miss the bus and are late to school).

This will not work for everything but it does work for many things.

Challenge is allowing natural consequences to happen and not letting it change the way you see yourself as a parent.

Monitoring your own stress level Every parent gets to the breaking point with the stresses

of parenting.

Know what your “red flags” are (excessive yelling, heart racing, feeling out of control).

Take a 1 minute break (breath slowly, walk around, count

to 10).

Ask for help (if there is another adult available).

Know what stress management skills work for you (exercise, music, reading, venting to a friend, bubble bath).

What home routines are most important to success in school

and good mental health?

Routines connected to learning Sleep

Your child needs 8-10 hours of sleep every night and adolescents (teenagers) need even more sleep than do children.

Set a bedtime and a wakeup time that gives your child enough time to get the rest he/she needs and the time necessary to prepare for the school day. Make sure your bedtime and wakeup time are sufficient for what you need to take care of as well.

Eating

A balanced diet is essential for children to have the attention span and energy they need to do well in school.

Sugar, fatty foods, and caffeine should be minimal parts of your children’s diets.

Routines connected to learning (continued)

Routines connected to learning (continued)

Exercise

Children need a lot of physical activity for healthy development.

Make sure your routines include plenty of physical activity and exercise for your children.

No matter how much your children love computer games, television, or texting their friends, it is important to not let these activities substitute for physical recreation.

Routines connected to learning (continued)

Monitoring media use

A recent study found that the average 10-16 year old child spends 53 hours per week engaged in media (texting, Facebook, video games, television, etc.).

Only 30% of parents surveyed in the study set any limit with regard to their children’s media exposure.

Most experts recommend that you not have a computer or television in your child’s room because it makes limit setting much more difficult.

Routines connected to learning (continued)

Monitoring homework time

It is NOT essential that you help your child do homework.

There are many resources (e.g., homework help lines, websites) that can assist them on specific problems.

However, it IS essential that you monitor when and how much time your child spends on homework.

Routines connected to learning (continued)

Help your child keep their school materials organized and in a convenient place (e.g., a desk or table.)

Provide a quiet environment in which your child can work on homework every day. Make this a routine that happens at the same time and place.

Children are not good at doing more than one thing at a time (e.g., watching television and doing homework) so keep your child’s distractions to a minimum.

Keep track of school announcements and events Teachers send important information

home with children, often in their

book bags, and children forget to give

this information to their parents.

Establish a routine where you either

check your child’s book bag or ask your

child to look for parent notices on a

daily basis.

Many schools translate parent

information into the native languages

of the parents.

Convey a love of learning to your child

The activities you engage in with your child can communicate important information about the values of your family about school.

Read to and with your child DAILY in your native language so that he/she realizes the value you place on literacy and learning.

Communication with teachers Teachers welcome the questions and input of parents

in the U.S. educational system.

One of the most important ways you can support your child’s school success is to have good communication with the teachers.

Communication with teachers (continued)

Ask your child’s teacher for specific advice on what you can do at home to help him or her improve his or her performance.

If your child’s report card contains any confusing information, ask your child’s teacher to explain it to you until you understand it.

Remember that teachers are allies and RESOURCES.

Parenting Mistakes

Even though every parent wants his or her child to be successful in school and in life, sometime parents with good intentions will create bad habits for their children.

Bad Habit #1 Teaching your child to over-rely on parents for help.

While tempting at times, it is not good to do an assignment for your child, even if asked for this kind of help.

Children need to solve their own problems, both in and out of school.

Parents can support children in getting help but should not try to “save” them by getting the help for them or by doing the work for them.

Bad Habit #2 Assuming that what works for you will work for your

child.

Research on learning styles tells us that different approaches to learning work more or less well depending on your individual personality (e.g., visual vs. auditory learning).

The same is true for studying habits, memorization skills, and test preparation.

Allow your child to have some input on what works best for him or her (e.g., studying on the floor or on a bed).

Bad Habit #3 Allowing your child to set and monitor his/her own

routines.

Children are not mature enough to monitor routines the way parents can.

Children cannot focus attention the way adults can and often like the idea of “multi-tasking” (e.g., working on homework while updating a Facebook page)

Bad Habit #4 Having unrealistic goals

Parents who put too much pressure on their children to be successful can sabotage their learning.

Punishing your child for not meeting your expectations makes them fear failure more than desiring success.

Fear of failure is related to cheating.

Reward your children’s efforts and successes but love them regardless of their performance.

Bad Habit #5 Parental disagreements on school or family matters

being aired in front of children.

When parents (mothers and fathers, mothers and grandmothers) express disagreement in front of children, it sends children mixed messages and can lead to manipulation of one or both parents.

If you disagree with what your co-parent has to say with regard to a routine or discipline, do not “undo” what they are trying to accomplish. Rather, talk to him or her in private and work at staying as a “united front.”

Bad Habit #6 Not taking care of yourself

Airplane metaphor (put your oxygen mask on before you put it on your child).

The advice given about eating, sleep, exercise all apply to us adult.

Every parent needs help from time to time (talk to other parents, friends).

You are teaching your child about self-care by how you take care of yourself. (“Do as I say, not as I do” does NOT work.)

Remember…. Parenting is the most difficult, poorly paid job in the

world!

Parents do not get the credit they deserve, so support one another.

All parents need help at some point with their children. Seek advice from fellow parents, teachers, school counselors or social workers, or other trusted parties.

Questions?????

What strategies do you use with your children that reduce stress in your home? (Please share your successes.)

What are the biggest challenges you face on a day to day basis?

How do you handle the challenges of having kids who have different developmental needs (e.g., small children vs. teenagers)?

What did we NOT talk about yet that you want to learn more about?