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5-1-1991

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tovotoReporterLoyola Law School, Los Angeles, CaliforniaVolume 14,Number 6May 1,1991

·Inside:'photos ofLibel & Slander 1·991

CONGRA'fS GRADS!Ya YaYaEVERYTHING I

I LEARNEti IN

/'tIEEDED TO KNOW

tAWSCHOOLBy Leslie Reeks

It was a bright cold day inApril, and the clocks werestriking thirteen.

Justice Is Relative.Clarity Is Redundancy.Fiction Is Real.

-1991

WhenI thought about whatsort of column I wanted towrite for the last issue ofthe Reporter this year-- andthe last one I would everwrite-- I thought of a piece .that would sanehow inspire;that would take a long pas-sage of time and put it in api thy ball arid sanehowserve.to put it all in perspectdve ,In other words; THIS is ~notthe piece I had in mind, Butthat's okay i I never foundperspective. But I proffiise I'llbe brief., I owek>yoli:l a favor , It's

been very helpful to me in nov-ing toward my goal of dumpingan·irritating perfectionisticmind-set. We've seen in earlierReporter writings that, defylogic though it may,'a success-ful legal education c:X:nes by ig-noring detail, and skimniilg--never reading. Detail wastesissue-spotting time; readingbogs you down with detail. WhenI started all this, I had some-thing else in mind.

It is my fourth (But far moreimportant, LAST) year here, soI grant myself standing to assertsome things unabashedly. Whathasinterested me most about thiswhole ever-stimulating experienceis that law school is very muchlike tv: SUspend your ccmronsense, .ret the material dictateits own reality, and pretendthe reasonable person would findit rational. '!his madness lurksun-self-Consciously everywhereyou look: Rules, decisions, crassitself. .

Here's a rule to illustratethe point: '!he concept of thefertile octoqenar Lan, Wy amidwestern housewife standingat the checkout line in the super-market would believe that an 80-year -old wanan was pregnant, de-spite the hysterectomy she hadin her forties. CXX>ps,I meanthe housewife and a plethora ofknowledgeable attorneys.

Or take jury nullification.'!he rule is that the judge in-structs the jury on what theymust consider in reaching-a ver-dict, and what they absolutelycannot consider. The fun of itis that there's a secret rule

that the jury isn't allowed toknow about providmq that theycan just blow it all off andconsider whatever they feel likeconsidering. Shh, don't tell.

I'd like to write an articleabout this saneday for the lay-person, and sell it to ReadersDigest. NO, wait ••• toreallyget the word out to potentialjurors, I'll sell it to the mag-azine at the checkout: Line, pro-vided its publishers woh't bedissuaded by veracity.

criminal law is actually a . -primary authority to turn tofor tv-esque logic. Legal im-possibility, for example, is adefense tq attempt since D'sact, if carried out, would notbe criminal. However, factuaL im- .possibility mayor may not be adefense. If D has a mistakenbelief of what the facts are,and that mistaken belief would. be a crime if it were true, then·-the_re is no defense.

'!his means that if Dmistaken-ly believes his would-be murdervictim is ali ve-- when in facthe is not-- and D attempts to killhim, then factual impossibilityis no defense since it is criminalto attempt' to kill •.

So what we've gqt is the legalimpossibility of committing acrime (killing a dead person) re-_eulting in liability since if theperson were alive the act wouldhave been cr imina l ,

This all becanes particularlyintriguirig whenemploying theALI approach: Liability dependssolely on what D believes the factsto be. So, a D who brandishes a'stuffed Garfield is liable forattempted murder if he believedthe victim (whose actually dead)would die by being forced to lookapon a stuffed animal. And itcould happen. But I genuinelyurge anyone still skimning whocan explain these things to getback to me before the bar.

The average reasonable personis another good example of proof.While it's a cliche in legal eom-mentary to try to' peg this guy/gal,I '11 do it anyway. After drivingto and fro wyola for four years,I assert the average reasonableperson applies mascara whiledrrvinq, never pulls over foremergencyvehicles, and thinks"Yield" means speed up and changelanes without looking. Tell me,is this a local standard?

Because proof is found in lawitself, it is also -found in theclassrocm. Remember that thingyou had in those early yearscamonly referred to as your"thinking cap"? You ruid to wearit to school everyday to avoid.the dreaded wrath of Miss Who-ever?

LawSchool, being an elite shownme that justice is relativeinstitution of advanced educa- and fic.tibn is real and claritytional pursuit, is more subtle. is redundancy and tlarity is re-Lawstl,ldents may'not even be dundancy and the theft if ideasaware of their caps ~ But like is in the eye of the thief, I havethe olden days, they have to stolen ••• Been inspired by Marcwear them everyday to avoid the Mostman's cartoons. I distinguishdreaded layperson's logic. our efforts on the grounds thatThey're cal led "brain booster he has artistic Went. You'11bonnets" and they keep your find them on the last page andanalysis lawyer-like. I just want to take this oppor-

So what happens if you go tunity to say that abSolutely noto class without your brain ill will is intended in the profbooster? You correctly- incor- Tributeseries-.rectI y answer a prof's inquiry *on what's required for the auto Yes.! 2+2 CANequal 5, depend-exception to apply with the ing on the skill-of the advocate.words••• "Uh, an autcirobile." I said it, so now I can go.Makes sense to me, though I. ~_

\ never did spring for the bon- And,'yes, YAYAYA, I know Inet. said I'd be brief. B\,lt in Legal-

But hey, nothing wrong with city, brevity is but a merefic-a little fiction-- legal or other- tion, a conundrumof the reason- .wise. Really, wiloamL to speak able person; a thing, idea orof law in such terms? Afterall, concept relative in nature to thepoets- say that sometimes you person or people contemplating itshave to lie to tell the truth. true meaning, its distinction franAnd in the realm of poetry, that . lack of brevity, and the thres_holdmakes sense. Philosophers have beyond which it passes into l5ecaningbeen noted for doubting their own thin Ld -""'"ch Ls no" t t that th ' trunk ,a g or 1. ea wu1.exl.S ence, excep ey , long b" fand insisting that the next time· er raer ,you, count, 99 might not follow 98. Suc·ces· s.And in the realin of philosophy,that makes sense too. St A

Truth be known, I've learned a 0ry: ".lot around here. L' , L·

About myself I've discovered awy er sin ethat it isn't a sense of humor that ByTal Finneyhas me .pondering the absurd in . Libeland Slander1991 wasa-things, but that 'absurd' is just smashingsuccess. From thethe way I think. I'll simply scintillating "Sex,Laws, and'think' myself a poet and conclude Videotapes"to the intellectual"Art orthat I must be reasonable to be Food," the showwas the biggest,absurd. brightest,most action-packedever.

And I've learned that this Actors,dancers, musiciansandplace has changed the way I think. bountifulrefreshmentskept the crowdI can.no longer enjoy a leisurely intoxicated. The showhad manygreatdrive without thinking, 'oops , moments,and evena little practicalprobable cause again.' I'm hopmq advisefor younglawyers:the.Iawthat -wears off. doesboil downto one rule ("Don't be

Arid I've learned things about a Dick");and "shouldtimesget roughother law -students. '!here Is a in our professionalfutures, rememberhighly irritating image I have to give thema lawyer's line."in my nund ' s. eye that I just (See the photomontage inside, yourcan't shake. It's an image of this personal memento.)guy who hops in his SUbaru afterlecture, brushes his hair justso before starting the engine,and searches the glove box forthat tre<isured AC/OCcassettewhenhe hits the first stopsign. It Ls there he waits topull onto the main thoroughfareat 5 mph until he can do soright in front of a car movingat a swiftly comfortable speed.Never mind that there was noone else caning.

. CArr law student driver checkshis hair out in the mirror onemore time and his logic shinesthrough at the-next blOck,where he turns right. "Hey,"yqu hear him thinkirig as you

, lay on your horn, "I was onlygOing a block. Oti.llll ouuuut,man!"

Anyway,I see this guy aroundcampus and I get this horriblevisioo of him behind the wheel.Pretty heady stuff for only 4years.

So, what amI talking about?'!hat I can't answer. It's been long,not too fun, but for all intentsand purposes it is O-V-E-R. Andbecause an insider's view has

t-,'jft'f ....

"

LO.YOLA LAWFall 1990, Day Division:George Randolph BarlosThomas Richard CahillTimothy V. P. GallagherFrank Andrew GroveKimberlee Ann KonjoyanElizabeth Jean MecklenburgStephen Matthew Paul MoranThomas Charles MorganKaren Lynne MundErica Lisa PassmanCynthia Renee PollockSusan Jill SaltsmanNed Michael ShanahanAntoinette Susan WallerLawrence Lee WeskerWilliam Andrew WolfeVincent Yanniello

Fall 1990, Evening Division:Varoujan Bakhshian .Robert Eugene BrakewoodMichael M. X. BuchetH. Robert ConlinTania Grace DetweilerBarry Alan GordonJohn Alan HarbinJanet Louise JonesStanley Ning Yee LiuTerrence Manning MasonSheila Ann NewmanLowell Harris OrrenSheila Maria PistoneAndrew Harding Simpson

Spring 1991, Day Divison:Leslie LYnn Abbott .Lisa Ann Abdalla

. Robert Ari Ackermann'Katherine E. AdkinsMojgan AghaiSima Gohar AghaiLeslie Reeks AldenRichard Ian ArshonskyMarc Henry Baer

Matthew BanashekClaudia Bassin 'John Joseph BeaghanMichael David BeaupreAnthony Evan BellRobert Michael BergerChristine Elizabeth BergrenMara Quint BerkeBrian Mark Berliner~Lori Beth BernsteinAngela Marie BerryHillary Sue BibicoffLaurie Ellett BiermanScott Thomas BlackBrent Robert Bohn .Gregory Mark BordoColeen Kae BottBrian Donald BoydstonJoseph Ante BrajevichValerie Armelle Brown.. Dana Calvin Bruce .:Marta lillian BurgKaren Theresa BurkeBreht Christian BurriMatthew John BurrowsLaurie E.BtirsteinJamie Lynn Busching ~Carla Miriam ButlerGisela CaldwellJodi Michelle CantorMarnie Susan CarlinGrant Andrew CarlsonSuzanne Marie Cate-JonesStacy Nicole ChapmanCarolyn Sue ChermanJohn Shean-RongChouTheodore Aaron ClappSonia Ariella CohenMatthew Stewart ColeWhitney Hartford ConantSusan Ann CondonJamie CoopersteinRichard Joseph CorboPatrick Dean CotterMarita Teresa Covarrubias

Julie Anne CovellMathew Thomas CurrieAlan Ira CyrlinRenee Christine D' AgostinoCynthia Lynn DaltonDenise Karen DanielsMichael Anthony Dauber 'Garrison Holt DavidsonLori Anh DavisDavid Maurice De CastroKenneth Thomas DemmerleJill Elizabeth DeSantisKathleen Diane DeVaneyMichael Gabriel DibbNina DjanbatianScott Bradley DormerM. Susan DoyleJacqueline Diane DubinMynette Marie DufresneGregory John DukellisWilliam Meade DunlapEva Epelbaum DworskyMartha McKellar EarlyKim EconomJennifer Allison EllisCraig Jon EnglanderAndrea Louise EstersonEudene May E~queDavid Lowell EvansDouglas Corey FabrickYvette Claudia FajoluRenee Theresa FortainAnne Marie FournierStephanie FreidenreichJonathan Daniel FreundJohn Martin GallagherLisa Karen GamerSteven Geoffrey GatleyJonathan Harold GellerPaul Vernon GerstRonald Dean GetcheyKaren Lisa. GichtinDavid Michael GillenKevin Francis GillespieCynthia Beth Glasser

Theresa Elizabeth GlennDaniel Joseph GoldbergAndrew Joel GoldmanDonna Ann GolemWilliam Joseph GonzalezMark Craig GoodmanGuy Jeffry GorlickHugh Jeffrey GrantAdam Mitchell Greely ..Peter Neil GreenfeldAllen Brooks GreshamJoshua Barnett GrodeGuy Robert GruppieBrian Charles Gura .David James GyepesMichael Edward Hagan'Mindy Sue, HalpernNorman Joseph HamillStephen Gregory HammersDenise Marie HansenCheryl Lynn HardtPamela Joyce HarringtonMichael Todd HarrisonJames Paul HartLydia Ann Hervatin

. Robert Oliver HessRanlyn Tilley HillJoseph E. HohenwarterAllison Marie HoldorffKaren Ann HollowayAnne Marie HuarteSteven Daily HuntJean Rose HutarSteven' Edward IpsenMichael William Irving .James John JacksonJennifer Raines JacobsFrank James JanecekMary Linda JenkinsCarolyn Anne JohnsonClare Rosland JonesDenise Zahava KabakowJennifer Louise KarasKate Doreen KardosDeron Adam Kartoon

ANGELES I ·CA L I FOR NI AKyle Joseph ScottCarol Elizabeth SeidlerLori Ann ShaffunVirginia Laura SharpeEdmund Joseph ShermanMichael John ShultzSteven Daniel SicklePaul Johnson SieversLora Silvermansteven John SimerleinMark Louis SkaistSanders Eugene SmithCarolyn Meredith SneiderLisa Ellen SocranskyJennifer Lee SokolGary Steven SpitzerKimberly Sue StentonKathleen Erin StephensonFredric William StemRonald Mark StoneTheresa Marie SullivanBruce Ira SultanTracy Ann ThomasKristin Ann TibbittsEllen Marie TippingJulie Frances TompkinsNancy Renne TragarzJohn Eric TrommaldMichael Sean UdovicLisa Gaiser UrickRonald Steven VaisbortEdward ValachovicMichele Margaret VanRiperPeter Scott VereggeMauricio Eduardo ViolaMarcy Lee WaltersEric Ariel'WannonGregory Robert WarnagierisLisa Roseann WashingtonEileen Brigid WatersMark George WeidmannSteven Lawrence WeinbergPeter Lawrence WeinbergerSusan Beth WeingartenAnne Elizabeth Wells

Mary Kathryn WhiteMeghan Ann WhiteMelody E. Williams-DappRobert Alan WillnerKimberly Gail WinerRisa Beth WinogradBradford Dean WixenTimJoon YooYana YudelevichDaniel Zeke ZeidlerLawrence Jerimiah ZernerCorey Daniel ZimmermanStan Zipser

Spring 1991, Eve. Division:Monique de Quay-JonesDavid Brett AbelJohn Byron AlanGay Tokie AwakuniSusan Smith BakhshianAndrea Patrice BeaubienHenry James BieberDavid Charles BolstadTerry Lynn BrownColette Marie Cameron,Pei-Wen ChangJoyce Mu ChaoDarrell Charles ClappMichael ComptonL. Rae ConnetArturo Martinez CoronaVital D'CarpioRichard. Henri DuvalMichael Hugh Elam'Darcy Leiko EndoElaine Janet EricksonEric Jeffrey Fleetwood 'Gerhard Steven GackleRichard Orlyn GirePaul Michael GleasonMitchell Ellis GreenJacqueline Gold GrunfeldJonathan Edward HarrellMark Richard HarveyRoss Steven Heckmann

Martha Kathleen HelppieRobert Francis HuntRonald Joseph Insalaco.Kurt Edward KananenJeanne Marie KaraffaKaren Hebert KawanoBarbara Metzger KaySherilyn Cullen KempfDavid Sean KilloranNorman J. KreismanPaul Martin KronheimCassandra Green LangstonDeborah Ellen LelchukRebecca Hairston LessleyJohn Lawrence MaxinDeborah Sue MayberryKathleen Ann McCormacDeborah Ann MorrisC. Christopher MulderRobert W. MurrayNeal Edwin NakagiriJohn James O'ConnorDaniel Gordon ParsonsDavid Anthony PlumleyLee Joel RittenburgKenneth Daniel RozellRobert Peter SainburgBarbara Ruth SaltzmanKaren Beth SharpLeslie Michele Stafford.Lawrence Steven StraussTerry Tetze TaoJonathan Ariel TolkinAbel TorresDonald Lee WilkersonAmy Lynn WitttchJohn Ernest Woodhead

Summer 1991:Elaine Lillian BrittonIrene I-Chun ChenAnetta Vivianne EkenbergTal Clifton FinneyLinda Grace Hillman

SCHOOL,TheClass 0/1991, by Semester and Division

Julie Michelle Kaufer Elizabeth Jane MillerJeffrey Scott Kaufman Robert MillsMitchell Fred ,Kaufman Elizabeth C. MoellerMark Joseph Kelson' Susan Elaine Montgomery

. Timothy Donald Kevane Brigitte MullerKenneth/Paul Kingshill . Mary Theresa NachmanDavid Stewart Kitchen .Wendy Upham NaranjoRobert John Koltai Ash NarayananJulia Elizabeth Kress Dana' Marie NasserChristina SUZIIII,IleKruger Laura E. Monus NeedhamStephen Harold KuktaArthur Bruce NorrisPatricia Peterson Laiacona Rita Marie 0 NeillJohn Lamoutte Ellen Ann O'DonnellJean Marie Landry Anthony John O'FarrillElizabeth Mary Lascheid Steven Yutaka Otera-Hydee Joy Laska Robert Walter OttingerTerri Ann Law Garrett Brett PaddorHerbert Ferdinand Layton Kristianna M. PardeValerie Lynn Leatherwood Sam ParsiScott Michael Leavitt Michael James' PatinelliAndrew Seymour Lee Miranda PickenSimon Shau Leo -Letizia Rosa PingitoreMatthew.Paul Lewis John Mark PolsonErika Susanna Lipcsey Jason Scott PomerantzRebecca nus Lobl Paul Mulholland PorterEdward David Lodgen Daniel Werner PritikinMarcy Beth Lyon David Paul PruettFrances Yuen-Fun Ma Henry Mackattee QueenWilliam Alan MacArthur Richard James RadcliffeDavid Berry Madariaga Jonathan RavenSarah Margaret Makowsky Doran Brooke RichartErin Anne Maloney Cassandra Jean RicheyCraig Howard Marcus Jean-Baptiste Roger RobertKenneth Roger Markman Daniel Stewart RodmanB. Brenda Marshall Michele Elizabeth RoseThomas Richard Matteson Randy Wayne RosenblattCarol Anne McDermott Matthew Bonner RothmanMartha Albina McMahon Wayne Michael RozenbergJane Maris McNamara Boris RubinsteinBrian Hanley McPherson . John Scott RussoDavid Eric Mead Hiroaki Robert SakaniwaMonique Sona Megerdichian Kim SantiniAnn Catherine Menard Ann Atsuko SatoDavid Fredric Meyer Thomas Patrick SchmidtPatricia Marie Michelena John Michael Scott

•

Libel & Slander 1991: .A LAWYER'8 LINE, ,

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