Conflict Management

Candyce Reynolds, Ph.D..

University Studies

Conflict

What is it?

Conflict

Why do we do it?

Conflict

Why do we care?

Goals for Today Understand the nature of conflict in

human relationships Identify ways that conflict can be positive

or negative Examine a framework for analyzing

conflict situations Analyze a personal conflict

What we know….

Conflict is a naturally occurring phenomenon for human beings

People do not get involved in conflict situations unless they have some stake in the relationship or outcome or both

What we know….

One can never truly resolve conflict, one can only manage conflict

The costs of unmanaged conflict can be high, but the gains from using differences creatively can also be great

Conflict can either be productive or dysfunctional

First Trick for Conflict Management

Know Yourself

What feelings do you have when you are in

conflict situation?

Common Feelings Associated with Conflict

Anger

Frustration

Fear

Excitement

Common Actions Associated with Conflict

Fight Flight

Your History with Conflict

How was conflict perceived in your family/community?

How did your family/community deal with conflict?

You can decide...

Understanding the impact of your family and community on your ideas about conflict can allow you to make decisions about how you deal with conflict now

We are our history We make our history

What is your conflict style?

Conflict StylesRELATIONSHIP

High Importance

Low ImportanceHighImportance

GOALS

3 5

1 2

4

Conflict StylesRELATIONSHIP

High Importance

Low ImportanceHighImportance

GOALS

3 5

1--Turtle 2

4

Turtle--Withdrawing

Avoid conflict as all costs Give up their personal goals &

relationships Believe it is hopeless to try to resolve

conflict Feel helpless Easier to withdraw than face conflict

Conflict StylesRELATIONSHIP

High Importance

Low ImportanceHighImportance

GOALS

3 5

1 2--Shark

4

Shark--Forcing Try to overpower opponents by forcing them

to accept their solutions Not concerned with needs of others Do not care about how others perceive them Believe in winning and losing Winning gives them a sense of pride Try to win by attacking, overwhelming, &

intimidating others

Conflict StylesRELATIONSHIP

High Importance

Low ImportanceHighImportance

GOALS

3--Teddy Bear 5

1 2

4

Teddy Bear--Smoothing

Relationships most important, goals of little importance

Want to be accepted and liked by other people

Believe conflict should be avoided in favor of harmony

Fearful that conflict will hurt someone

Conflict StylesRELATIONSHIP

High Importance

Low ImportanceHighImportance

GOALS

3 5

1 2

4--Fox

Fox--Compromising

Moderately concerned with relationships and goals

Willing to sacrifice part of their goals and relationships in order to find agreement for the common good

Conflict StylesRELATIONSHIP

High Importance

Low ImportanceHighImportance

GOALS

3 5--Owl

1 2

4

Owl--Confronting

Value their own goals and relationships View conflicts as problems to be solved See conflicts as improving relationships

by reducing tension Seek solutions that satisfy both parties Not satisfied until solution is found and

tension is reduced

Which style is better?

Some styles are more useful than others

when...

Uses of the “Turtle”

When issue is trivial When potential damage of confrontation

outweighs the benefits To let people cool down & reduce tension When gathering information When others can resolve the conflict

more effectively

Uses of the “Shark”

When quick, decisive action is vital On important issues where unpopular

actions need to be implemented To protect yourself against people who

take advantage of noncompetitive behavior

Uses of “Teddy Bear”

When you realize you are wrong To learn from others When issue is more important to the

other person than to yourself As a goodwill gesture to maintain

cooperative relationship To allow others to experiment

Uses of “Fox”

When goals are important, but not worth the effort or disruption

When opponents with equal power are strongly committed

To achieve temporary settlements to complex issues

Uses of “Owl”

To find an integrative solution when both sides are too important to compromise

When your objective is to learn To work through hard feelings which

have been interfering with a relationship

Second Trick for Conflict Management

Understand Process of Conflict

Expectations (explicit)

Anticipation (implicit)Experience Unfulfilled

Expectations

Resentments Build

Gather evidence for a case

Give up

intervene

Why & how do we get in conflict situations?

The issues The facts: present situation, problems The goals: how things ought to be, the future

conditions sought The methods: the best, the easiest, the quickest,

the most ethical The values: the beliefs about priorities that

should be observed in choosing goals & methods The history: what has gone on before

Components of a Conflict Situation

Frustration--when you feel blocked. Conceptualization of problem-- “What’s

going on?” Conceptualization of behaviors &

intentions-- “What does that mean?” Outcome--emotional, cognitive,

behavioral

Types of Conflict

Positive Dysfunctional

Productive Unproductive

Depersonalized Personalized

Focused on Issues Focused on Feelings

Cooperative Competitive

What can we do???How do we intervene???

Accept that you will have conflict Work toward having positive vs.

dysfunctional conflict Use conflict management skills

– De-escalation

– “I”- Messages

Indicators of Escalation

Competition Righteousness Not Listening Spreading to new

issues

Dealing in personalities

Threats Intentional Hurt Violating Social

Rules

Indicators of De-escalation

Listening. Trying to understand.

Showing Tact. Concern for other’s feelings.

Goodwill gestures.

Appeals to De-escalate.

Airing feelings. Finding

alternatives.

“I”-Messages

Describe: Behavior Feelings Consequence

Beware of war words!!

Analyzing a Conflict Situation

Conflict was between________ It centered around_________ I wanted___________ and felt frustrated because __________ In my view, the key issue was _______ The other person probably thought the

key issue was ___________

Analyzing a Conflict Situation

Predominant conflict style I used_____ Escalation behaviors I used________ De-escalation behaviors I used______ Major outcomes_____________ Differences over: facts, goals, methods,

values, history___________ What would I do differently next time?

Small Group Break into small groups Take 7 minutes to fill out sheet. Write about

problem that you are willing to share with group. (Could be something that has happened in your group!)

Share worksheet with group Get feedback about possible alternative ways of

viewing and/or handling conflict Discuss common themes

Large Class

Each group share their common themes Questions, comments