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CINDERELLAby Nigel Holmes

(c) Copyright

All rights reserved

www.PantomimePantomime.co.uk

You may NOT perform or rehearse this scriptwithout a written license from the author, Nigel Holmes.

A licence and current performance price are available via www.PantomimePantomime.co.uk

Any production group or company found using the wholeor any part of this script without a licencewill be prosecuted for copyright infringement.

The rights of Nigel Holmes to be identified as the Author of this work has beenasserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act.

CINDERELLA - CAST LISTCINDERELLA: Daughter of Baron Hardup. An honest yet naive girl.

BUTTONS: The valet, boot boy, P.A., general servant of Baron Hardup. He is secretly in love with Cinderella. A cheeky chap, full of bounce.

BENIDORMINA: One of two Pantomime Dames. Played by a man. Part of the “Ugly Sisters”. Brash and loud. Almost enjoys being bad.

MAGALOOPHIA: The second Pantomime Dame. Played by a man. Part of the “Ugly Sisters”. Always a little behind her sister in thoughts, but catches on very fast.

PRINCE CHARMING: Played by a female. A self assured Prince.

DANDINI: The valet of the Prince.

FAIRY GODMOTHER: Magical fairy who looks after Cinderella. Perhaps older and more serious than a young flighty fairy.

BARON HARDUP: The owner of Hardup Hall and Father of Cinderella. A typical “Country Gent”. Frittered away all his money and is now broke.

SALT: Part of the comedy odd job duo. With…

VINNIE: Part of the comedy odd job duo. Salt and Vinnie are the clowns of the cast.

HERALD: A Royal servant. Perhaps an "over enthusiastic" gay man?

VILLAGERS SAM, CHRIS, PAT: These can be played by male and female. They have a couple of lines each.

VILLAGERS and CHORUS: A mixture of ages and types that form the chorus and dancers.

ACT I SCENE 1: THE VILLAGE SQUARE

THE CURTAIN GOES UP ON A TYPICAL PANTOMIME VILLAGE SQUARE. THE VILLAGERS ARE DANCING AND SINGING. CINDERELLA IS MIXING IN AMONG THEM.

MUSICAL NUMBER. The Villagers etc.

Suggestion: On A Wonderful Day Like Today. From - The Roar of the Greasepaint. Bricuss and Newley.

AT THE END OF THE MUSICAL NUMBER BEFORE THE FINAL BARS DIE, CINDERELLA AND VILLAGER SAM COME FORWARD TO APRON.

VILLAGER SAM: Cinderella, isn't your Father due home today?

CINDERELLA: He is, and I think I can see him in the distance. Shall we all go and welcome him back?

CINDERELLA AND ALL THE VILLAGERS EXIT AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE IN EVERY DIRECTION. BUTTONS ENTERS RUNNING.

BUTTONS: (TO AUDIENCE) Hello Boys and Girls. Hello Mums and Dads. Hello Grans and Granddads. Hello Kings and Queens. Well you never know do you? (PAUSE TO LOOK INTO AUDIENCE) I think there might actually be some Queens in here somewhere.

My name is Buttons. You probably knew that anyway didn't you? This outfit is a bit of a give-away. You'd think they would have modernised this panto by now and renamed me Zipper or something. What about Velcro?

Who's been to a panto before? (AUDIENCE REACTION) Well in that case you don't need reminding that you have your own part to play in this show. Yes... Your part is written into the script. It's almost written into the history books.

Your job is to cheer for the good guys and boo the baddies. Wow! What a great job. Do you think you can do that? (AUDIENCE REACTION) Let's give it a go so we can warm your lungs up a bit. Come on, cheer the good guys. (ENCOURAGING AUDIENCE) Not bad, not bad, but you can do better than that. Try again. (ENCOURAGING AUDIENCE) Better! Now why don't I pretend to be a bad guy and you can have a test boo? I'll go out and come back in pretending to be a bad guy and I want you to boo me really loud. Ready?

BUTTONS RUNS TO THE WINGS GRABS A LARGE SILLY FALSE BEARD AND MOUSTACHE THEN RETURNS CENTER STAGE IN ONE MOVEMENT, FITTING THE BEARD AND MOUSTACHE AS HE GOES. (AUDIENCE REACTION.)

BUTTONS: (LIFTING THE BEARD A LITTLE) Confusing isn't it? Look, it's me. Buttons.

Not a bad Boo there, but not really loud enough. We want you to be heard in (NAME OF NEARBY LOCAL PLACE). Do you think you can do that? (AUDIENCE REACTION) Let's try again. Louder this time.

Cinderella - © Nigel Holmes - Page 2

BUTTONS RUNS TO THE WINGS AGAIN BUT THIS TIME HE REMOVES THE BEARD AND MOUSTACHE LEAVING THEM BEHIND. HE RETURNS CENTRE STAGE IN ONE MOVEMENT. (AUDIENCE REACTION.)

BUTTONS: That was much better, but not very observant of you. Look! . . (Pointing to face) I'm Buttons again. Not the bad guy this time.

Another thing you can do to the bad guys is hiss at them. No Sir . . . HISS at them.

Ready? Let's do one huge hiss. (AUDIENCE ARE ENCOURAGED TO HISS LOUDLY) Come on, come on. You just sound like a small scale gas leak. More hissing at the back please. No Madam. Hissing! Someone get her a new battery for her hearing aid.

Hissssss! That's better. Try not to spit on the person in front of you.

Well done. (MOTIONS TO STOP HISSING) Isn't it great to know we have all had a good hiss before we start? At least you shouldn't need another hiss until the interval.

You know your part now. Cheer the good guys. Boo and hiss the bad guys. You can even wolf whistle the pretty ones if you know how to do it. Right let's get back to the panto.

Cinderella, you've already met her. Well her Father is Baron Hardup. He wasn't always hard up but since his wife was sent to... well... (POINTS TO CEILING AND SPEAKS IN A STAGE WHISPER) up there, (NORMAL VOICE) the death duties and taxes have meant he has no money left. Cinderella has sold everything to help. Even her dresses. But still they can't pay the bills. Then the Baron had a good idea. To go to the big city of (LOCAL NEARBY TOWN OR CITY) to find a new wife. It seems that he did find a very rich one and married her last week. We haven't met her yet but the local paper (LOCAL REFERENCE TO NEWSPAPER) has reported that she has so much money that it's silly. Even more than the King (OR LOCAL REFERENCE TO AN IMPORTANT OR KNOWN PERSON IN YOUR AREA).

I'd better go as I think that's Baron Hardup coming and I have things to do back at the Hall. Ladies and Gentlemen... A big round of applause for Baron Hardup and his lovely daughter Cinderella. (EXIT.)

BARON HARDUP AND CINDERELLA ENTER FROM THE OTHER SIDE FOLLOWED BY HAPPY VILLAGERS FROM ALL DIRECTIONS.

CINDERELLA: Welcome home Father.

VILLAGERS CHEER AND WELCOME HIM HOME. "HOORAY FOR THE BARON" "THREE CHEERS FOR THE BARON" ETC.

BARON: Thank you all for such a lovely welcome. It's good to be back.

VILLAGER PAT: We heard the news in the paper (LOCAL REFERENCE) and we're really pleased for you Sir.


CINDERELLA: I was sorry not to be at the wedding Father but I can't wait to meet your bride. My new stepmother. Naturally no one can replace my real mother but it's exciting to be making a new future. (EXCITED) What is she like. Is she beautiful? Is she kind? Does she love kittens?

BARON: Ah... Yes... Well... She has lots of money.

CINDERELLA: Money? We don't need money Father. Just love.

BARON: Love doesn't pay the bills my dear. (TURNS TO VILLAGERS) My new wife is very rich. Pots of the stuff. So if I owe money to anyone here then I will be able to settle your bills soon. Please bring them to the Hall when my new wife arrives and she will make sure they're all paid.

VILLAGERS CHEER AND EXIT IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

CINDERELLA: That's wonderful Father. We'll soon be back to our old selves. Just the two of us plus my new stepmother.

BARON: Not quite my dear. There's one thing you need to know. Your new stepmother has two daughters.

CINDERELLA: Two daughters? But that's good news isn't it? I'll have extra hands to help me with the chores. And two new sisters. Well, they'll be step-sisters I guess. (EXCITED) We can go shopping together and choose new dresses and shoes and handbags. I can't wait. When do I get to meet them Father?

BARON: Today I think. They're coming on ahead to see if they like the old pile and let me know if they want to stay. Actually I think I can hear them now. Over here girls. (HE WAVES TO THE BACK OF THE THEATRE)

THE SISTERS - BENIDORMINA AND MAGALOOPHIA (THE UGLY SISTERS) - ENTER AT THE BACK OF THE AUDITORIUM.

BENIDORMINA: Coo-eee daddykins. We're here. We're here.

MAGALOOPHIA: This can't be right. Who are all these nasty people? Ugh! It's the peasants. The lower classes. Hold on darling, I'm going in.

MAGALOOPHIA RUSHES TO THE FRONT STEPS WHILE BENIDORMINA PLAYS WITH PEOPLE AMONG THE AUDIENCE.

BENIDORMINA: Oooo! Over here! You were looking for someone to have a fling with.

MAGALOOPHIA: Yes, but most of these look like they need flinging back.

BENIDORMINA: Here's a nice one darling. (TO A MAN IN THE AUDIENCE.) This one would look nice on your arm.

MAGALOOPHIA: You're leading up to the 'armless joke aren't you. I wouldn't bother darling. They don't look intelligent enough to get it.

BENIDORMINA: (PICKING OUT A MAN) Smile lover boy!


MAGALOOPHIA: Leave him alone. He looks like he's not seen any good looking women like us in years. He'll want all sorts of unnatural unmentionables.

BENIDORMINA: He's got lovely teeth though.

MAGALOOPHIA: Who do they belong to darling? Joey Essex?

BENIDORMINA: You know how you like lovely teeth. You said it was a sign of virility.

MAGALOOPHIA: On a horse darling. A horse! Is he a horse darling? I don't think so.

BENIDORMINA: Actually I think he might react well to a hunting crop. (SHE MIMES HITTING THE MAN WITH A WHIP.)

MAGALOOPHIA: Don't be too familiar with the lower classes darling. You know how they get over excited. We don't want them dribbling all over us do we?

BENIDORMINA: (FINDING ANOTHER MAN IN AUDIENCE) I wouldn't mind this one dribbling all over me. (TO LADY NEXT TO HIM) Does he dribble Madam? (WAIT FOR ANSWER) They all do, when they're sleeping in front of the telly, don't they?

MAGALOOPHIA: Hurry up darling, I think the peasants are starting to get restless and we don't want to be down here if any of the men start to rise up.

BENIDORMINA: Here's two together. Look! Mine's okay, but I'm not sure I fancy yours

BOTH SISTERS SHOULD HAVE NOW REACHED THE FRONT STEPS AND START MAKING THEIR WAY ONTO THE STAGE.

MAGALOOPHIA: Coo-eee daddykins. We're here.

BARON: Welcome to the village.

CINDERELLA: Yes, welcome.

MAGALOOPHIA: (LOOKING AROUND DISGUSTED) Is this it?

BARON: Is this what?

MAGALOOPHIA: Your gaff? The place where you're the big bad Baron?

BENIDORMINA: Is this where we're going to live? I don't like the look of it.

BARON: We live on the hill. In Hardup Hall.

CINDERELLA: You'll love it here. All the village folk are really nice and help each other when things go wrong.

MAGALOOPHIA: (LOOKING DOWN HER NOSE AT CINDERELLA) And you are?

BENIDORMINA: Obviously the Baron's skivvy. Tell her to get our bags.

MAGALOOPHIA: We left them out there (POINTING TO BACK OF THEATRE) They were far too heavy for us little girls. Get them and bring them to our rooms.

BARON: No, you've got it wrong. This is my daughter Cinderella.


BENIDORMINA: She still looks like a skivvy.

CINDERELLA: (SHE CURTSIES TO THE SISTERS) Welcome to our family. I'm sure we'll get on well together as new sisters.

MAGALOOPHIA: Sisters! We don't want another sister. We like it as we are.

BENIDORMINA: She still looks like a skivvy.

CINDERELLA: (IGNORING COMMENTS) I'm Cinderella your new sister. (SHE GOES TO SHAKE THE UGLY SISTERS HANDS BUT THEY TURN AWAY) I hope we'll be able to be friends and go shopping together and all sorts of fun things.

MAGALOOPHIA: (TO EACH OTHER) Is she talking to us?

BENIDORMINA: I don't think so.

BARON: Come on ladies. Surely you can all be friends?

MAGALOOPHIA: Not with skivvy'ella here.

BARON: Ladies please.

MAGALOOPHIA: (RELUCTANTLY TO CINDERELLA) My name is Magaloophia and this is my sister Benidormina.

CINDERELLA: What lovely names. (PRONOUNCED TO EMPHASIZE THE "MAGALUF AND BENIDORM" PARTS OF THE NAMES) Magalooph...ia and Benidorm...ina? They have a slightly Spanish ring about them.

BARON: Quite unusual.

MAGALOOPHIA: Quite posh.

BENIDORMINA: Nearly as posh as the Kardashian Sisters.

MAGALOOPHIA: Actually... Our mother named us after the place where she was when she was... well... where she was when she was having a good time. Don't you think that's posh?

CINDERELLA: (SARCASTICALLY) Oh yes. Very posh. Up-market even.

BENIDORMINA: In fact my sister is so up-market herself that she takes a Waitrose carrier bag when she shops in Lidls.

MAGALOOPHIA: And my sister is so up herself... (PAUSE THEN TO AUDIENCE) What? (BACK TO CINDERELLA) ...that she cuts out designer labels from the charity shop and sews them onto her Primark clothes.

BENIDORMINA: So yes little skivvy'ella, we are truly up ourselves and posh with a capital "osh".

CINDERELLA: And your clothes are so lovely. (POINTING TO THEIR FEET) Are those Jimmy Choo's. Choo's shoes?

MAGALOOPHIA: (JUMPING BACK) Uggh! She just sneezed on us.

BENIDORMINA: The shoes darling. She means the shoes.

MAGALOOPHIA: Oh! They're not just anyone's shoes you know. They're OUR shoes


BENIDORMINA: Stupid skivvy'ella.

MAGALOOPHIA: Stupid! Let's look at you then? If you're so fashion conscious why look like a skivvy?

CINDERELLA: It's all I have left.

BARON: Cinderella sold her most expensive dresses when we lost all our money. When I lost all the money. She sacrificed her lovely clothes to buy bread and cheese.

CINDERELLA: That's all right Father. I was pleased to be able to help. You've done so much for me in the past that...

BENIDORMINA: (MOCKING IN A SILLY VOICE) Oooo! You've done so much for me in the past daddykins that I sold all my dresses to pay the nasty bills. (NORMAL VOICE) It nearly makes you weep, doesn't it sister?

BARON: I'll leave you girls to get better acquainted. (EXITS)

MAGALOOPHIA: And this is all you have to show for selling all your clothes? This poor excuse for a dress?

BENIDORMINA: Let's have a look at you skivvy'ella.

THEY CIRCLE AROUND CINDERELLA AND POKE AND PROD HER.

AS THEY PLAY AND FLAP CINDERELLA'S CLOTHES ABOUT THEY PULL HARD AND ONE OF THE LAYERS OF HER DRESS IS RIPPED OFF LEAVING HER STANDING IN A DRESS OF RAGS.

THE UGLY SISTERS STAND BACK TO ADMIRE THEIR HANDIWORK AND LET THE AUDIENCE SEE CINDERELLA LOOKING SHOCKED. THEY WAVE THE RIPPED OFF PIECE OF CLOTHING IN THE AIR IN TRIUMPH.

CINDERELLA EXITS AT A RUN IN TEARS.

MAGALOOPHIA: Whoops! (STILL WAIVING THE REMAINS OF THE DRESS)

BENIDORMINA: At least she can use it as a duster.

MAGALOOPHIA: Quick, don't let her get away. We don't know the way to the Hall.

THE UGLY SISTERS EXIT IN A HURRY. BUTTONS ENTERS FROM THE OTHER SIDE WITH A RATHER LARGE PHALLIC LOOKING CACTUS (WITHOUT A FLOWER).

BUTTONS: (TO AUDIENCE) What's happened? Where is everyone? I thought Cinders was here. I've just bought this cactus to always remind her of me.

I can't keep carrying it around though. It might droop. No lady likes a droopy one, do they?

I was hoping that I could give it to her. And tell her that I loved her. I do love her you know. Always have. But I'm not sure she loves me. I'm only the Baron's valet so it doesn't seem right for her to love me does it? But I think she does. I hope she does.


I don't think she'd hold it against me just being a valet. I'm gonna work my way up and one day... who knows where I might be? I do the lottery every week so I'll soon be able to marry her when I win. Last week I only missed the jackpot by six numbers.

What can I do with this cactus? I know. I'll put it over here in the shade where you can all see it. (HE PLACES CACTUS TO THE FRONT OF THE PROSCENIUM ARCH IN FULL VIEW AT ALL TIMES) Can you all keep an eye on it for me? I think it's going to flower soon and I wouldn't want anyone to steal it before I give it to Cinders. If you see anyone trying to touch it you will tell me won't you? (AUDIENCE REACTION) Shout out my name, "Buttons", and I'll come back to stop them. Do you think you could do that?

Shall we have a practice? I'll pretend not to be me and be someone trying to steal my cactus. You shout "Buttons" when you see me going for it. Ready?

BUTTONS TURNS AWAY FROM THE CACTUS AND TRIES TO LOOK INNOCENT, HANDS BEHIND BACK WHISTLING AT THE SKY. THEN HE TURNS TOWARDS THE CACTUS AND DOES AN OVER THE TOP TIP-TOE WALK TOWARDS IT. (AUDIENCE REACTION)

BUTTONS: Very good. I think I should be able to hear that, but don't forget that I might be asleep so you need to shout very loud. Let's just try again to see if I can hear it while I'm snoring.

HE GOES THROUGH THE SAME ROUTINE AGAIN. (AUDIENCE REACTION)

SALT AND VINNIE ENTER RUNNING AND BUMP INTO BUTTONS SENDING EVERYONE TO THE GROUND.

SALT: (AS THEY ALL GET UP) What's all the shouting about? Is there a fire?

VINNIE: A fire? Is there? (RUNNING ALL OVER THE STAGE IN PANIC, SHOUTING.) Fire! Fire! Don't panic! Fire! Help! Fire! Don't panic! (LOOKING INTO THE AUDIENCE) Fire! Is someone out there on fire? That lady at the back looks like she getting hot. Probably her age. Don't panic. I'll get a bucket of water. (HE EXITS RUNNING)

BUTTONS: There's no fire. It was just my friends shouting because someone was stealing my cactus. (POINTS TO CACTUS)

SALT: That's a nice cactus. I could do with one like that for my windowsill.

BUTTONS: Well you can't have it. I'm going to give it to my one true love. Cinderella.

SALT: Oh look. (HE POINTS OFF STAGE AWAY FROM CACTUS) I think that's her coming down the road.

BUTTONS: (LOOKING TO WHERE SALT IS POINTING) Where? I can't see her.


BEHIND BUTTON'S BACK, SALT STARTS TO DO AN EXAGGERATED TIP-TOE WALK TOWARDS THE CACTUS. (AUDIENCE REACTION)

VINNIE: (RUNNING ON CARRYING A BUCKET OF WATER AND MAKING FOR THE AUDIENCE) Fire! Fire! Don't panic! Don't panic! (NEARLY THROWING THE WATER INTO THE AUDIENCE)

SALT: Whoa! Don't do that?

VINNIE: Why not? We can't let this place go up. I've not had my sandwiches yet and I don't want them toasted. (LOOKING AGAIN INTO THE AUDIENCE) Who want's it. I don't know if I can reach the back row from here.

SALT AND VINNIE NEED TO MAKE A SHOW OF THE FACT THAT THERE IS REAL WATER IN THE BUCKET BY SPLASHING SOME ABOUT GENTLY ON THEMSELVES OR BUTTONS.

SALT: No one here's on fire.

VINNIE: It must be out the back then. (HE EXITS WITH THE WATER SPLASHING A LITTLE AS HE GOES.)

BUTTONS: He wouldn't have thrown that water would he?

SALT: You obviously don't know Vinnie.

VINNIE RUNS BACK ON WITH WHAT LOOKS LIKE THE SAME BUCKET - THIS TIME IT IS HALF FILLED WITH SMALL PIECES OF POLYSTYRENE COVERED IN COOKING FOIL (TO MAKE THEM TRAVEL FURTHER). HE STOPS AGAIN TO LOOK INTO THE AUDIENCE.

VINNIE: There's no fire out the back. It must be in the audience.

VINNIE RUNS DOWN THE STEPS INTO THE AUDIENCE AND PRETENDS TO THROW THE CONTENTS OF THE BUCKET AT A FEW PEOPLE. EVENTUALLY AS HE HAS THE AUDIENCE STARTING TO PANIC HE ACTUALLY THROWS THE CONTENTS HIGH INTO THE AIR OVER A FEW ROWS OF THE AUDIENCE.

VINNIE RETURNS TO THE STAGE.

SALT: Now look what you've done. You've alienated half of the audience against us.

VINNIE: And the other half won't like us either, once they know that we're here to collect taxes.

BUTTONS: Tax collectors? Who exactly are you?

SALT: (SHAKING HANDS WITH BUTTONS) I'm Salt and he's Vinnie. How do you do.

EVERYONE SHAKES HANDS WITH EVERYONE ELSE.

VINNIE: How do you do.

BUTTONS: How do you do too.

VINNIE: How do you two do too.


THEY END UP SHAKING HANDS WITH BOTH HANDS UNTIL IT IS SO CONFUSING THEY HAVE THEIR HANDS CROSSED OVER WITH EACH OTHER FORMING A CIRCLE. THEY START GOING ROUND IN A CIRCLE DANCING LIKE ROUND A MAYPOLE STILL HOLDING CROSSED OVER HANDS AND SINGING "HOW DO YOU DO TOO" ETC.

BUTTONS IS THE FIRST TO BREAK THE CIRCLE AND STOP THE JOLLITY.

BUTTONS: Salt? And Vinnie?

SALT: Yes. We're almost twins.

VINNIE: Identical twins. Look at us. People can hardly tell us apart.

BUTTONS: I can see how that might happen.

SALT: To avoid the confusion we do the same thing as Ant and Dec.

BUTTONS: What, muck about in the jungle?

VINNIE: Not that. No! One of us always stands on the left and the other one stands on the right.

SALT: Then people can tell who's who.

BUTTONS: So who stands on the left.

SALT: It doesn't matter.

BUTTONS: How come?

VINNIE: You don't get it do you? We're identical. So we can be whichever one we like.

BUTTONS: Who's Salt today then?

SALT: I am.

VINNIE: And I'm Vinnie.

SALT: He always is.

BUTTONS: Now I'm totally confused. Actually I'm not sure it matters. Can we get back to the story? Why are you here?

SALT: We've come to collect taxes.

VINNIE: From Baron Hardup.

SALT: He hasn't paid his taxes for this year and he owes this much. (HE PULLS A LONG PIECE OF PAPER OUT OF HIS POCKET AND UNROLLS IT. HE SHOWS IT TO BUTTONS. THIS IS A LONG LIST LIKE A SUPERMARKET TILL ROLL BUT ENLARGED.)

BUTTONS: Wow! That's more than I earn from my part time job at (LOCAL SHOP OR SUPERMARKET.)

SALT: Actually tax collecting is a part time job for us too.

VINNIE: In fact... It's our only job.


SALT: Once we collect this debt we'll have no more work.

VINNIE: Both of us. Him as well.

SALT: Thankfully we don't know where the Baron lives so it might take days for us to finish this job.

VINNIE: Unless someone tells us where he lives of course.

SALT: You don't happen to know do you?

BUTTONS: What me? No. I have no idea.

VILLAGERS ARE STARTING TO GATHER AND ENTER ONE AT A TIME FROM EITHER SIDE EACH CROSSING THE STAGE AND STANDING ABOUT IN GROUPS. AS THEY ENTER, SALT AND VINNIE ASK THEM IF THEY KNOW WHERE THE BARON LIVES.

SALT: Do you know where Baron Hardup lives?

VILLAGER SAM: Yes he lives up... (BUTTONS GESTURES TO KEEP QUIET)...I don't think I remember.

VINNIE: Baron Hardup. Does he live 'round here?

VILLAGER CHRIS: Oh yes, the Baron lives... (BUTTONS AND VILLAGER 1 GESTURE TO KEEP QUIET) ... Oh that Baron. No, I've never heard of him.

SALT: Where does the Baron live?

VILLAGER PAT: In the big house... (OTHERS GESTURE FOR QUIET) ... Oh no, I thought you said the Darren.

VILLAGERS COME ON FASTER AND FASTER AND SALT AND VINNIE ARE ASKING ALL AROUND. GRADUALLY THE PEOPLE IN THE CROWD ARE GESTURING TO

THEIR FRIENDS TO SAY NOTHING. SOON THE STAGE FILLS WITH ALL THE VILLAGERS.

SALT: We'll have to look somewhere else then.

BUTTONS: I'll show you somewhere you haven't looked. (HE TAKES SALT AND VINNIE WITH HIM AND THEY ALL EXIT.)

VILLAGERS SING AND DANCE.

MUSICAL NUMBER. The Villagers (Song and Dance.)

Suggestion: Those Lazy Hazy Crazy Days of Summer. - Nat King Cole.

CLOSE TABS AT END OF SONG.

END SCENE.


SCENE 2: ON THE WAY TO THE WOODS

THIS IS PERFORMED ON THE APRON INSTANTLY THE TABS CLOSE FROM THE PREVIOUS SCENE.

PRINCE CHARMING AND DANDINI WALK OUT AND STROLL BACKWARDS AND FORWARDS ACROSS THE FRONT OF THE STAGE DURING THE NEXT CONVERSATION. SOMETIMES ONE MIGHT JUST STAND WHILE THE OTHER WALKS ABOUT.

PRINCE: This looks like an interesting place.

DANDINI: It certainly does my Prince.

PRINCE: Do you know, I get fed up with all this "My Prince" lark. Yes Prince, no Prince, three bags full Prince.

DANDINI: Yes but you were born a prince so it's never going to change. It's your position in life.

PRINCE: Naturally you're right, but sometimes I wish that I could just mix with all the normal people.

DANDINI: Take care what you wish. Sometimes wishes come true.

PRINCE: Oh Dandini. You have this gift of believing everything you're told. And seeing good in everyone.

DANDINI: You don't believe in wishes then?

PRINCE: Not really. I've wished for many things in my life and have never found that they come true.

DANDINI: Well if I was a prince then I would think that everything I ever wanted had come true. You have money, a good education, servants like me to help you with everything. What else is there to wish for?

PRINCE: My life might seem that way, and let me say Dandini, I don't see you as a servant. You are more like a friend and guide.

DANDINI: But I am your valet. I may have become your friend over these years but I am never going to be in a situation like yours. After all, I wasn't born a prince as you were.

PRINCE: Hmmm! Would you like to be a prince?

DANDINI: Who wouldn't?

PRINCE: I wouldn't.

DANDINI: That's never going to change is it? You will always be a prince and I will always be a servant.

PRINCE: Ah! But...! But what if we swapped places?

DANDINI: You mean...

PRINCE: Yes. You can be me and I can be you.

DANDINI: It would never work.


PRINCE: Why not?

DANDINI: Well for a start your parents would notice.

PRINCE: The King and Queen needn't know. We could just swap when we're outside the palace grounds.

DANDINI: So, like now? I would be Prince Charming?

PRINCE: And I would be your valet Dandini.

DANDINI: To me it sounds like a great idea, but what would you gain? You would have to stand back and watch people bow and scrape to me.

PRINCE: It would be fun wouldn't it? I could be a nobody. Oh that sounds bad. Sorry Dandini.

DANDINI: That's fine. I understand what you mean but do you think it would work?

PRINCE: I think we could fool the people with no trouble. It would also give me a chance to meet a few girls of a different type. At the moment all I get to meet are stuck up princesses from neighbouring kingdoms who all think they are a gift of a wife for someone like me. They all want to be Queens when I eventually become King, so they don't really look at me for who I am beneath the robes. I want to meet a real girl. Someone who will love me for the person I am and not just my title.

DANDINI: And I get to be the Prince?

PRINCE: Not forever. We just pretend for a while and see how it goes.

DANDINI: I think I could do that. What could be easier? I become a prince...

PRINCE: Only for a few days.

DANDINI: ... which gives me the power to do all sorts of things that I couldn't have done as myself.

PRINCE: Yes.

DANDINI: And you get to mix with the common people and look for a bride.

PRINCE: That's about it.

DANDINI: When do we start?

PRINCE: Right now if you like. Let's see... the next person we meet, I will introduce you as me, Prince Charming.

DANDINI: Should we swap clothing or something?

PRINCE: No, you look quite regal as you are.

DANDINI: Perhaps I should wear the Royal sash to make it more believable.

THE PRINCE PASSES THE SASH WITH THE ROYAL COAT OF ARMS TO DANDINI.

TABS START TO OPEN FOR THE NEXT SCENE.


PRINCE: There! Now you are the Prince. (LOOKING DEEPER INTO THE STAGE) But what is this? Where are we?

END SCENE.


SCENE 3: THE WOODS.

THIS SCENE SHOULD JUST FLOW FROM THE LAST.

THE SCENERY IS A DARK AND HEAVY WOOD/FORREST AREA. AT LEAST ONE BUSH WILL BE STANDING TO ONE SIDE FRONT, ADJACENT TO (OR PART OF) THE WINGS.

DANDINI: It's the woods my Prince.

PRINCE: I am not your Prince right now. Remember?

DANDINI: I fear this might be harder than we thought.

PRINCE: Well here is our chance to try it out. I can see someone coming along the path. Why don't we stand over here and watch for a moment to see what happens?

THE PRINCE AND DANDINI STAND TO THE SIDE OF THE STAGE WHILE CINDERELLA MAKES HER ENTRANCE ON THE OTHER.

CINDERELLA IS CARRYING A BASKET IN WHICH SHE IS GATHERING STICKS FOR THE FIRE. SHE PICKS UP SOME OF THE STICKS THAT ARE AROUND AND PLACES THEM IN HER BASKET.

CINDERELLA: There isn't much firewood about today. But at least I should be able to find enough to light a fire and keep us warm. (SHE COMES CENTRE STAGE AND LOOKS DREAMILY INTO THE DISTANCE.) What an interesting life it must be to live in the woods like a rabbit or a squirrel. No taxes. No worries. As long as you remember where your acorns are buried the day is yours to spend as you wish.

MUSICAL NUMBER. Cinderella.

Suggestion: I have a dream - Abba. (Or Westlife?)

AS THE SONG FINISHES, THE PRINCE (PRETENDING TO BE DANDINI) COMES FORWARD.

PRINCE: I couldn't help hearing you. You have an enchanting voice.

CINDERELLA: Thank you kind sir. I thought I was on my own and didn't expect to be heard.

PRINCE: I'm sorry that I disturbed you. Let me introduce myself. I am Prince..... I am principally Dandini. Valet to the Prince.

CINDERELLA: The Prince? You know Prince Charming?

PRINCE: I work for him. In fact we were just walking in the woods together and we saw you gathering wood.

CINDERELLA: You mean the Prince is here somewhere?

DANDINI STEPS FORWARD OUT OF THE SHADOWS.

DANDINI: (OBVIOUSLY ACTING) Hello young maiden. I am sorry that we startled you.


My Man and I (THE REAL PRINCE SMOTHERS A GIGGLE DANDINI:

BEHIND HIS HAND) were just happening to come this way and found you on the path.

CINDERELLA: (CURTSYING LOW) Your Highness. (TO THE REAL PRINCE) Please tell the Prince that I had no idea that anyone was about. If I had known that his Highness was...

PRINCE: You can tell him yourself.

CINDERELLA: But he is Royalty and I am just a girl of his people.

DANDINI: Feel free to speak directly to me as if I was just like a servant. Rather like Dandini here. (THE REAL PRINCE GIGGLES BEHIND HIS HAND AGAIN.)

CINDERELLA: (CURTSYING LOW) Your Highness it is an honour to meet you. If I had known that you were on the path ahead of me I would have stepped into the bushes and made way for you.

DANDINI: You should do no such things. And anyway, if you had, then we would not have heard your lovely song.

PRINCE: And seen your lovely face.

CINDERELLA TURNS AWAY IN EMBARRASSMENT.

DANDINI: Perhaps we should be on our way now. It's getting late and we will be expected back at the palace.

PRINCE: A good point my Prince. But why don't you go back alone. I am sure they won't miss a lowly servant like myself. (IN A STAGE WHISPER TO DANDINI) Clear off and leave me with this lovely girl. (EXAGGERATED ACTING VOICE) As a Prince I can see that you need to be back at the palace to carry out your Royal duties.

DANDINI: (EXAGGERATED ACTING VOICE) Ah yes! That would be so. I should go. I had not thought of that, my servant. I will go with all haste and speed. (STAGE WHISPER TO PRINCE) I'll be over there if you need me. (EXAGGERATED ACTING VOICE) I go now. See me go. Farewell lovely maid. I am going. I go to the palace to do... er... prince type things. (EXIT)

CINDERELLA CURTSEYS.

PRINCE: Now we are alone, can I help you in your task.

CINDERELLA: Thank you, yes. I was collecting wood for the fire. If you can help me find any kindling sticks or fir cones then we will have a good warming blase tonight.

CINDERELLA AND THE PRINCE PICK UP A FEW MORE STICKS WHILE CONTINUING TO CHAT.

PRINCE: It must be nice to be free to do what you want and go where you please.

CINDERELLA: Don't you have the same freedom? The palace must give you some time to yourself every now and then.


PRINCE: They do, but I have never ventured out this far before. This is a interesting place, and to find someone as lovely as you here was a nice surprise.

CINDERELLA: Why thank you for the compliment Sir. But look how the sun is starting to dip. It's getting late and I must finish my task. Father will be waiting for me. And thank you for your help with the wood. You can think of my family warming ourselves around the fire tonight.

PRINCE: I will think of nothing else.

CINDERELLA EXITS

PRINCE: (CALLING AFTER HER) When can I see you again? (HE GETS NO ANSWER) Dandini! Where are you?

DANDINI: (ENTERS, SPEAKING IN AND EXAGGERATED ACTING VOICE) I am here my trusty servant.

PRINCE: You can stop acting now.

DANDINI: Oh!

PRINCE: Who is she Dandini? I think I'm in love. I need to know who she is. We need to find her so I can meet her again.

DANDINI: She is a girl from one of the large houses in the kingdom I'm sure. But I've no idea how to find her. Did you get her name?

PRINCE: No she didn't give it. We must find a way for me to meet her again.

DANDINI: I know. Why don't we put your profile on the social networking site "TwitFace"? Handsome Price, looking for girl in woods for love and marriage. Must be kind and have a lovely singing voice.

PRINCE: Do you think that would work?

DANDINI: Not a chance. All the weirdos of the world would come out of the woodwork at the thought of being a princess. Some of them might even be cross-dressers.

PRINCE: You mean, men dressed as women, and women dressed as men?

DANDINI: There are some strange people about who go in for that kind of thing.

PRINCE: We don't want any of that do we?

DANDINI: I've an idea. What about we hold some balls?

PRINCE: Who's balls.

DANDINI: Your balls.

PRINCE: (LOOKING DOWN) I'm not sure that's possible.

DANDINI: No, I mean dance type balls. A ball. In the ballroom. A masked ball perhaps. Or fancy dress. And we invite all the ladies from the area to attend.

PRINCE: That sounds a wonderful idea. Then she will be there and I can reveal who I really am.


DANDINI: I'll go and organise it right away. Will you be all right on your own?

PRINCE: I'll be fine. I'm told there are a few woodland creatures around here and it would be nice to observe them. They don't come out when there are lots of people about. I'll see you back to the palace.

DANDINI EXITS AND THE PRINCE COMES TO CENTRE FRONT.

Musical number. Prince.

Suggestion: It's a Beautiful Day - Michael Buble.

THE PRINCE MUST SING THIS AS NORMAL AND AS SERIOUS AS POSSIBLE AND MUST TOTALLY DISREGARD ANYTHING GOING ON BEHIND HIM OR ANY AUDIENCE REACTION.

AFTER THE FIRST VERSE OF THE SONG A LARGE GLOVE PUPPET RABBIT POPS UP FROM BEHIND A LOW BUSH AND STARTS SWAYING IN TIME TO THE MUSIC.

AFTER A FEW MOMENTS HE IS JOINED BY ANOTHER DOING THE SAME THING.

AGAIN AFTER A FEW MOMENTS ANOTHER WOODLAND PUPPET POPS UP AND JOINS IN WITH THE SWAYING.

A FEW MOMENTS LATER A FOURTH WOODLAND PUPPET POPS UP AND SWAYS, BUT THIS ONE IS HOLDING A SMARTPHONE WITH IT'S LIGHT ON. STILL SWAYING.

IF THERE IS TIME THE OTHER PUPPETS CAN POP BACK DOWN AND RETURN WITH THEIR OWN SMARTPHONE LIGHTS. OR THEY CAN SNATCH THE PHONE FROM PUPPET FOUR AND SQUABBLE AMONG THEMSELVES WHO IS GOING TO HOLD IT.

(NOTE: Spread this business throughout the song so that the last puppet doesn't arrive too soon.

AT THE END OF THE SONG THE PRINCE QUICKLY LOOKS BEHIND HIM KNOWING SOMETHING MUST HAVE BEEN HAPPENING, BUT THE PUPPETS DUCK DOWN BEFORE HE TURNS. HE LOOKS BACK AT THE AUDIENCE, SHRUGS, TURNS AND WALKS OFF. (EXITS)

THE WOODLAND PUPPETS REAPPEAR FOR A BOW.

CLOSE TABS.

END SCENE.


SCENE 4: ON THE WAY TO THE WOODS.

PERFORMED IN FRONT OF THE TABS ON THE APRON.

THERE IS A FLASH AND STANDING IN THE CORNER OF THE APRON IS THE FAIRY GODMOTHER. SHE CARRIES A LARGE CLOAK.

GODMOTHER: No pantomime is ever right, if magic does not rule the night.My wand will help poor Cinderella, when she goes off to meet her fella.I need to know she's pure and kind, before I show what's on my mind.I know the future and can see, that any moment she'll need me,to show some magic big and strong, when things have gone so very wrong.But first I need to prove she's good, I'll hide beneath this cloak and hood.She will be tested with a task, that I will hint, and never ask.And should she pass this test and all, she will go to Prince Charming's ball.Now here she comes, I must disguise, before she sees with her own eyes,she has a fairy, which is me, who guides her life. So watch and see.

CINDERELLA ENTERS CARRYING HER BASKET OF WOOD AS THE LIGHTING COMES UP ON THE MAIN STAGE (EVENING) AND THE GODMOTHER'S SPOTLIGHT GOES OUT.

THE FAIRY GODMOTHER THROWS ON HER LARGE CLOAK WITH A HOOD. THIS COVERS UP HER FAIRY COSTUME. SHE WALKS WITH A STOOP, PRETENDING TO BE AN OLD LADY.

THEY MEET IN THE CENTRE FRONT.

GODMOTHER: Hello child? I see you have a basket of wood. Can you point me in the direction of where you found such a nice amount? Then I can collect some for myself.

CINDERELLA: Yes of course. But it's getting late and it will be dark soon. I don't know if you will be able to see by the time you get there.

GODMOTHER: I must try. I can't go through the night without a fire in my hearth and I have no more kindling wood to get it started.

CINDERELLA: But you can't be without a fire at night. Here, I will share some of my wood with you.

GODMOTHER: That is very kind of you. I am so cold that if I am unable to keep my fire going then...

CINDERELLA: That can't be allowed to happen. (SHE PASSES OVER HER BASKET) There, you can have all my sticks. We have a few logs left at home and I am sure that Buttons will manage to build them into a fire for us even if it's small.

GODMOTHER: Thank you my dear. Is there anything that I can do for you in return?


CINDERELLA: Oh, I don't need anything. Father and I have been managing for quite a while now so I'm sure we'll be fine tonight.

GODMOTHER: Thank you again my dear. I will return this kindness when you need it most.

CINDERELLA: When I need it most?

GODMOTHER: Yes. When you need it most I will return the favour? Now go, you are needed by your family. Go home Cinderella.

CINDERELLA: How do you know my...?

GODMOTHER: Home with you.

CINDERELLA EXITS.

GODMOTHER: And so she goes and doesn't know, that fate will strike an awful blow.But I will watch and use my magic, when things get bad or thing get tragic.She proved her worth and kindness too, I will not leave her in a stew.My wand will wave and in a flash, she'll look a girl with lots of cash.Oh look, a cactus growing fine, I think that I could make it mine.

THE FAIRY GODMOTHER POINTS TO THE CACTUS ACROSS THE STAGE AND THE AUDIENCE SHOULD (HOPEFULLY) SHOUT FOR BUTTONS.

BUTTONS ENTERS ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE AND MAKES A BIG DIVERSION SO THAT THE FAIRY CAN SLIP AWAY POSSIBLY UNNOTICED.

BUTTONS: Hey, thanks for waking me. I was asleep and snoring a bit. Has someone been trying to steal my cactus? It seems fine now. But thank you anyway.

I can't stay long as our story is moving along very fast.

In fact, via the wonder of pantomime, we are skipping forward 24 hours. Ready?... Zwoooosh! There. We are now in the next day. You didn't feel a thing did you?

My darling Cinders is still having problems with her new step-sisters so I must try to help her out.

A HAND BELL RINGS FROM BEHIND TABS.

BUTTONS: That's one of the step-sisters now. They have a bell which they ring whenever they want anything. I've got to go.

TABS OPEN.

END SCENE.


SCENE 5: HARDUP HALL KITCHEN.

AS THE TABS OPEN BUTTONS WALKS INTO THE SCENE DIRECTLY FROM THE PREVIOUS ONE.

THE UGLY SISTERS ARE SEATED AT THE TABLE. EACH HAS A HAND MIRROR. (FACING EACH OTHER, CENTER FRONT) ONE IS RINGING A SMALL BELL.

MAGALOOPHIA: At last! The Bell Hop answers the bell.

BUTTONS: I am not the bell hop. I am the Baron's gentlemen's gentlemen. In fact I guess in today's world you would call me his P.A.

MAGALOOPHIA: Does P.A. stand for Pretty Appalling?

BENIDORMINA: Which is exactly what you are. We've been ringing this bell for so long that it's giving us a headache.

MAGALOOPHIA: Find little skivvy'ella for us then.

BUTTONS: Her name is Cinderella. And that's not my job.

MAGALOOPHIA: Well it's certainly not ours darling. Just do it.

BENIDORMINA: We need her to help us make ourselves look even more beautiful for the ball.

BUTTONS: (TO AUDIENCE) It's going to take a few trips to B&Q and a lot of Polyfilla to make these two look any good.

MAGALOOPHIA: Find her and send her here. The last time we saw her she was cleaning the windows in the scullery. Or was she scrubbing the bathroom floor?

BENIDORMINA: I think you'll find she was sweeping out the soot from the fire. She looks so right covered in dirt.

BUTTONS EXITS.

MAGALOOPHIA: What do you think darling? Should I wear white to the ball? Is that sending the right signal?

BENIDORMINA: Signaling purity and innocence you mean? When was the last time you were pure and innocent?

MAGALOOPHIA: Last Friday. I said "No!"

BENIDORMINA: You? Said "No" to something pure an innocent?

MAGALOOPHIA: Yes. To supersizing my Big Mac. Well a girl has to keep her young and fabulous figure.

BENIDORMINA: And where exactly do you keep yours?

MAGALOOPHIA: This darling... (STANDING AND POSING) is in the best shape it's ever been.

BENIDORMINA: I'd hate to see it when it's fat and aging then.

MAGALOOPHIA: You don't think a sexy little black number might be better? I want to send a signal to the boys that says - Come and get me lover. I've got more than enough to throw around and if you're lucky a handful of it will be coming your way. (SHE GIVES A HIP THRUST.)


BENIDORMINA: A message like that would need nautical signaling flags. Plus a few sailors to help get you ship shape.

MAGALOOPHIA: Now you're talking. I could use a couple of sailors below decks.

BENIDORMINA: While they're there you could get them to hoist the main brace.

MAGALOOPHIA: That would be nice but you don't want to be branded as a flirt do you? I mean, I always find it's best just to give in easily.

CINDERELLA ENTERS.

CINDERELLA: Hello sisters. How exciting. A glamorous ball. In the palace. With a prince attending.

MAGALOOPHIA: You'd better help with my hair.

BENIDORMINA: No, I need her to help with my make-up.

MAGALOOPHIA: But she's helping with my shoes.

BENIDORMINA: What about me? I need her to help with my dress.

CINDERELLA: Yes, yes of course. I'll give you all the help you need before I get ready myself.

MAGALOOPHIA: Get ready yourself? You don't think you're going do you?

BENIDORMINA: For one thing, you've nothing to wear.

MAGALOOPHIA: So you can't go, even if we allowed it.

CINDERELLA: Actually I do have a dress. It's nothing much but it will have to do. Buttons and I put it together out of one of my Mother's dresses. We altered it to fit.

MAGALOOPHIA: I don't believe you.

BENIDORMINA: Nor do I. Where is this stupid dress?

CINDERELLA: It's hanging in the cupboard. (SHE RUNS HAPPILY TO THE CUPBOARD AND GETS THE DRESS.) Look how lovely is it. Not as lovely as yours of course but at least it's better than nothing.

MAGALOOPHIA: Let me see. (TAKING THE DRESS FROM CINDERELLA) Oooo, look at this sister (SHOWING IT TO BENIDORMINA) A darling little dress that looks so flimsy, floaty and fragile.

BENIDORMINA: You should take care with it as it could catch on something and be ripped to pieces.

THE UGLY SISTERS ARE TEASING CINDERELLA WITH THE DRESS. WAVING IT HIGH IN THE AIR LIKE A FLAG AND THEN DRAGGING IT ALONG THE GROUND.

CINDERELLA: Please. Please. Take care. It's the only dress I have. If I'm to go to the ball it's my only hope.

THE DRESS IS LOST FROM SIGHT FOR A MOMENT BETWEEN THE TWO UGLY SISTERS THEN APPEARS AGAIN RIPPED IN HALF FROM TOP TO BOTTOM.


CINDERELLA LOOKS ON HELPLESS AND IN SHOCK AS THE UGLY SISTERS STAND ON EITHER SIDE OF HER WITH HALF OF THE DRESS EACH.

THE SISTERS HOLD THE TWO HALVES ON THE FRONT OF CINDERELLA AS IF TO MAKE IT FIT BACK TOGETHER AGAIN.

MAGALOOPHIA: Oh dear. Now look what you've done.

BENIDORMINA: See skivvy-ella. If you hadn't made such a fuss this would never have happened.

CINDERELLA: (DISTRESSED) But what am I going to do now? I need a dress to go to the ball.

MAGALOOPHIA: I think I saw another one in the cupboard.

CINDERELLA: Really?

BENIDORMINA: (SURPRISED) Really?

MAGALOOPHIA: Yes, didn't you see it sister? (WINKING AT HER SISTER.)

BENIDORMINA: Oh... THAT dress. The one IN the cupboard.

MAGALOOPHIA: Yes, IN the cupboard.

CINDERELLA: (RELIEVED) Do you think it will fit?

MAGALOOPHIA: Oh I'm sure it will. A least the cupboard will fit.

BENIDORMINA: Don't you mean the DRESS will fit?

MAGALOOPHIA: I know what I mean. Let's see shall we?

THE SISTERS GUIDE CINDERELLA TO THE CUPBOARD, WHERE THEY OPEN IT, PUSH HER INSIDE AND SLAM THE DOOR.

BENIDORMINA: Suddenly it's gone all quiet. A few moments ago there was lots of chatter about three ladies going to the ball. But suddenly...

MAGALOOPHIA: ...One has disappeared. What a shame.

BENIDORMINA: Yes. Shame.

THEY GO BACK TO THEIR DRESSING TABLES AND MESS AROUND A BIT MORE WITH THEIR IMAGES IN THE MIRRORS. MAGALOOPHIA PICKS UP A BOTTLE OF GUINNESS AND DABS SOME ON HER WRISTS, BEHIND HER EARS, AND FINALLY DRIPS A LITTLE DOWN HER CLEAVAGE AND JIGGLES HER BUST ABOUT.

MAGALOOPHIA: Got to give the boys a taste for it haven't you? (LOOK IN THE MIRROR) Oh no! Disaster! A spot! What I really need is some new face cream. To make my baby-like skin even softer.

BENIDORMINA: Aloe Vera?

MAGALOOPHIA: What? Someone in the audience called Vera?

BENIDORMINA: No... Aloe Vera.


MAGALOOPHIA: It's Hhhh-ello darling. Not 'allo. Don't go dropping your aitchs like that. People will think we're common.

BENIDORMINA: No... Aloe Vera.

MAGALOOPHIA: Hhhh-ello Vera please.

BENIDORMINA: No you don't understand. There's this fantastic stuff called Aloe Vera that's good for skin and it helps prevent wrinkles.

MAGALOOPHIA: Too late for you then darling.

BENIDORMINA: Apparently it's a plant oil that you get from... well... plants.

MAGALOOPHIA: What sort of plants.

BENIDORMINA: A type of cactus.

MAGALOOPHIA: Ha! Where are we going to find a cactus around here?

BENIDORMINA: Actually I thought I saw one earlier.

MAGALOOPHIA: Where?

BENIDORMINA: Look! Over there. (POINTS TO CACTUS)

MAGALOOPHIA: Do you think anyone would mind us borrowing it?

BENIDORMINA: I don't know if we could call it borrowing. We'd have to cut it into pieces, pummel it about a bit then crush it to extract all the juices. There might not be much of it left.

MAGALOOPHIA: Could we still call it borrowing though darling?

BENIDORMINA: I think so. We would be giving some of it back. The flower-pot.

THE SISTERS STAND UP AND START TO GO TOWARDS THE CACTUS. (AUDIENCE REACTION) BUTTONS RUNS ON STAGE.

BUTTONS: Who's touching my cactus?

BENIDORMINA: Yours? (TO AUDIENCE) Oh no it's not.

BUTTONS: Oh yes it is.

THE UGLY SISTERS SHOULD LEAD THE AUDIENCE IN A RAUCOUS SHOUTING MATCH.

ALL: Oh yes it is.(Oh no it's not.)Yes it is.(No it's not.)Is, is, is.

MAGALOOPHIA: (TO AUDIENCE) Who just said "Snot snot snot"?

BENIDORMINA: We need that cactus.

MAGALOOPHIA: To help with our skin.

BUTTONS: I can't let you have it. It's for Cinders. When it flowers I'll be giving it to her as a token of my love.


BENIDORMINA: Love! You and little skivvy-ella? Don't be silly. WE need it. And we need it NOW! Because we're worth it.

BUTTONS GRABS THE CACTUS AND SO DO BOTH THE SISTERS. THEY PUSH AND PULL EACH OTHER ABOUT AS THEY WRESTLE FOR THE PLANT.

MAGALOOPHIA: Give it to us. It's ours.

BENIDORMINA: We need it. Let go. Do as you're told.

DURING THE TUSSLE A DOORBELL RINGS AND THEY STOP FIGHTING. BUTTONS GENTLY PUTS THE CACTUS BACK IN PLACE.

BUTTONS: That will be the Royal Herald. They said someone would be coming to bring the tickets for the ball. (BUTTONS EXITS.)

MAGALOOPHIA: (EXCITED) Oh goodie. We're going to the ball.

BENIDORMINA: (EXCITED) Dancing with the Prince. All night.

MAGALOOPHIA: How can he resist us?

BENIDORMINA: Not when he sees us in our glad rags.

MAGALOOPHIA: He won't know which one to choose.

BENIDORMINA: He'll choose me.

MAGALOOPHIA: No, me. It's obvious darling. He'll choose the good looking one.

BUTTONS ENTERS WITH THE ROYAL HERALD.

HERALD: His Royal Highness, the ever so lovely Prince Charming with the cute little dimple on his chin, has proclaimed that all eligible ladies, lovies and gentlemen are invited to dance on his balls. Sorry, AT his ball. I am to deliver one ticket to Baron Hardup...

BUTTONS: (TAKING TICKET) I'll give that to him.

HERALD: ...and I have three swanky wanky tickets for the ladies of the house.

BENIDORMINA: But there's only two of us.

HERALD: Uno momento mine dingo. His Royal Highness was insistant. He can be a right little tarter when he want's to you know. He foretold me there were one, doss, tree, ladies in residention here.

MAGALOOPHIA: There's just us two little chickies.

HERALD: No no, oh no mon duet der pimpy. My written down writing says that I should deliver three. And I know that the little Princie wincy's instructions must be obeyed or else it's the jelly mould for me again.

BUTTONS: There IS one more. Cinderella. I'm not sure where she is at the moment but I'll give her the ticket later.


BENIDORMINA: (GRABBING ALL THREE TICKETS BEFORE BUTTONS GETS TO THEM) Don't worry. We'll make sure she gets the message next time we see her.

MAGALOOPHIA: Will Prince Charming be at the ball?

HERALD: The Prince is looking for a bride so he will be pealing his eyes and ogling only the most pretty faces.

BENIDORMINA: Good job we're coming then.

THE HERALD BOWS LOW TO THE SISTERS AND EXITS.

MAGALOOPHIA: Three tickets. We don't need three tickets.

BUTTONS: Give me the one for Cinders and I'll make sure she gets it.

BENIDORMINA: Don't worry. We saw her earlier and she won't be needing it.

IN OBVIOUS VIEW SHE TEARS THE TICKET IN HALF AND THROWS THE BITS TO THE FLOOR. BUTTONS RETRIEVES THE TWO HALVES. JUST AS HE STANDS UP WITH THE PIECES THEY ARE GRABBED FROM HIM BY MAGALOOPHIA WHO TEARS THEM AGAIN AND STUFFS THE PIECES DOWN HER CLEAVAGE.

MAGALOOPHIA: It would be a brave man who digs for gold in them there hills.

BENIDORMINA: Are you ready to be my bridesmaid sister.

MAGALOOPHIA: It will be me he falls in love with darling.

BENIDORMINA: Let's go to the ball and see.

THE TWO SISTERS MARCH OFF WITH BENIDORMINA PROUDLY HOLDING TWO TICKETS HIGH AND IN VIEW BUT SLIGHTLY BEHIND HER EYE LINE. AS SHE PASSES BUTTONS HE MANAGES TO PLUCK ONE OF THEM OUT OF HER HAND UNNOTICED. THE SISTERS EXIT.

BUTTONS: (TO AUDIENCE) Has anyone seen Cinders? (AUDIENCE REACTION) What? In the cupboard? How did she get in there.

BUTTONS GOES TO THE CUPBOARD AND RELEASES CINDERELLA.

CINDERELLA: Oh Buttons, my step sisters were helping me and the cupboard door closed accidentally. I got stuck inside. I can't go to the ball now. I don't even have a ticket.

BUTTONS: Don't worry. I've managed to hold a ticket back for you. Get your dress and you can make yourself ready.

CINDERELLA: That's just it. The dress has been ruined. (SHE SHOWS HIM THE DRESS) I have nothing else to wear. And my step sisters will have already gone in the family carriage so I couldn't even get there if I wanted to.

BUTTONS: I see what you mean. But don't worry. We can have our own ball right here. Just you and me.


CINDERELLA: Oh Buttons. You're so kind. How can we?

BUTTONS: We can do that thing called pretend!

BUTTONS GETS A TABLE CLOTH AND DRAPES CINDERELLA IN IT.

BUTTONS: You look fantastic my lady.

CINDERELLA: Thank you my dashing Buttons.

SHE DANCES AROUND LIGHTLY.

HE THEN GETS A COLANDER AND MAKES A BIG SHOW OF PLACING IT ON HER HEAD.

BUTTONS: Your diamond crown my lady.

CINDERELLA: Oh Buttons. You certainly know how to spoil a girl.

BUTTONS GOES OFF AND COMES BACK WITH A ROW OF CARROTS ON A STRING, LIKE A NECKLACE. HE PUTS THIS ROUND HER NECK.

BUTTONS: A 9 carrot necklace for the most beautiful girl at the ball. Can I have this dance?

BUTTONS AND CINDERELLA DANCE TOGETHER (BALLROOM DANCE STYLE) FOR AT LEAST THE FIRST FEW BARS OF THE FOLLOWING SONG TO GET THEM TO THE SIDE FRONT OF THE APRON. CINDERELLA REMOVES HER DRESSING UP THINGS AND HANDS THEM TO BUTTONS, THEN THEY TURN AND FACE THE AUDIENCE AND BUTTONS GOES INTO THE SONG.

MUSICAL NUMBER: Buttons.

Suggestion: Three Times a Lady - Lionel Ritchie

THE TABS CLOSE BEHIND THEM DURING THE SONG.

CINDERELLA: (SAD) Oh Buttons. You're so kind to me. Trying to change my mood. I really wanted to go to that ball, but it was not to be.

BUTTONS: Hey! I have an idea to cheer you up. My pets. I keep them in my room. Would you like to see them?

CINDERELLA: Well... (SIGH) All right. I suppose it might take my mind of the ball for a moment.

BUTTONS: Wait there. I'll be back. Who said that?

CINDERELLA: It was you.

BUTTONS: No. Who said "I'll be back"? In the film?

CINDERELLA: Film? What's film?

BUTTONS: Whoops! I forgot. We haven't invented film yet, have we? What year is this?

CINDERELLA: Buttons! Even you should know that. It's the year that all pantomimes are set in.

BUTTONS: Yes, right. Anyway, don't go away. (VOICE LIKE ARNY) I'll be back. (EXITS)


CINDERELLA: (WHILE SINKING TO THE FLOOR) Buttons is so lovely. I know he means well but I don't feel like being cheered up at the moment. Everything has gone wrong and my dream of going to the ball and meeting the Prince again have all come to nothing. Who said "Dreams can come true"? Certainly not me.

MUSICAL NUMBER: Cinderella.

Suggestion: Secret Love Song (Kiss me on the dance floor) - Little Mix.

Note: Some of the Jason Derulo words may have to be changed to the feminine version. Example "When you're with HIM, do you call HIS name?" becomes "When you're with HER, do you call HER name?"

THE LIGHTING CONCENTRATES DOWN ON CINDERELLA DURING THE SONG, WITH THE MAIN STAGE FADING TO DARKNESS AND CINDERELLA IN A FOLLOW SPOT. THE FAIRY GODMOTHER ENTERS IN THE DARKNESS ON THE OTHER SIDE.

AS THE SONG FINISHES CINDERELLA STARTS TO SOB AS SHE SINKS TO THE FLOOR EVEN MORE WHILE SHE CUDDLES HERSELF INTO A BALL.

THE SPOTLIGHT GOES OUT ON THE LAST NOTE OF THE SONG.

THERE IS A BRIGHT FLASH NEAR THE FAIRY GODMOTHER AND ALL THE LIGHTS COME BACK TO NORMAL.

GODMOTHER: As I foretold, the time is now. She needs my help. We all know how.Her deed of good will be repaid, when all is lost, and hope duth fade.So watch and learn you sinners all, for Cinders WILL go to the ball.

SHE CROSSES TO CINDERELLA AND ASSISTS HER TO HER FEET.

CINDERELLA: Who are you?

GODMOTHER: Do not be sad my child. I promised that I would come to help when you were at your lowest. Now is that time.

CINDERELLA: But... Do I know you? I don't remember any promise.

GODMOTHER: Do you remember the old lady in the woods who you gave your bundle of sticks to?

CINDERELLA: Yes indeed. But...

GODMOTHER: That was me. I am your Fairy Godmother.

CINDERELLA: I didn't know that I had a Fairy Godmother.

GODMOTHER: Everyone does. All children and some a little older have someone looking after them from afar. Hardly anyone ever knows we exist, but we are here, keeping watch. And in times of need, yet only if that child is a good person, we will step forward to reveal ourselves.


CINDERELLA: And you are mine?

GODMOTHER: I have come to your aid in your deepest hour of need.

CINDERELLA: I am not in need of anything. I have a loving Father and people like Buttons around me to keep my spirits up.

GODMOTHER: Yet they do not have the same powers as me. They are not able to summon huge magic with the swish of a wand. Tell me your hearts desire child and I will make your wish come true.

CINDERELLA: This is where I should ask for World peace and wanting to work for charity isn't it?

GODMOTHER: Please don't make jokes at a moment like this. Time is running out. Any spell that I cast on you tonight will only last for this day. Until midnight.

I know that you wanted to go to the ball. Is that still your wish?

CINDERELLA: Well yes. I wanted to go, but my dress got ruined and the ticket got torn, and my sisters have already left with the family carriage. I don't see how...

GODMOTHER: Cinderella my child. When you have a Fairy Godmother on your side, anything is possible.

BUTTONS ENTERS HOLDING A BOX.

BUTTONS: Have I missed anything. (SEEING THE GODMOTHER) Ooooh! It this a fancy dress party?

GODMOTHER: What do you have in the box?

BUTTONS: Who want's to know?

CINDERELLA: This is my Fairy Godmother. We all have one it seems.

BUTTONS: I don't.

GODMOTHER: Oh but you do Buttons. Well actually in your case it's a Godfather...

BUTTONS: Not Marlon Brando?

GODMOTHER: ...and he looks after you without you knowing.

BUTTONS: Was it him who gave me the knitted reindeer jumper at Christmas?

GODMOTHER: That would probably have been Father Christmas.

BUTTONS: No relation then?

GODMOTHER: Naturally we all chat to each other and know if you've been good, but... Enough of this. We need to get Cinderella ready for the ball. Buttons, what have you got in the box?

BUTTONS: It's my two pet mice. Snowy and Disney.

CINDERELLA: Oh how sweet. Snowy is such a lovely name. But why Disney?


GODMOTHER: (TO AUDIENCE) I fear an awful joke coming.

BUTTONS: I call him Disney because he Dis-ney have a name.

GODMOTHER: Hmmm! Tonight your mice will pull Cinderella's magic coach.

BUTTONS: (HE PULLS THE MICE FROM HIS BOX AND HOLDING THEM BY THEIR TAILS, DANGLES THEN AT THE AUDIENCE IN HOPE OF A REACTION) These little things will never pull a coach.

GODMOTHER: Hold them high.

BUTTONS HOLDS THE MICE HIGH AND AT THE CENTRE OF THE TABS. SOME "MAGICAL" HANDS COVERED WITH A LONG GOLD GLITTERING GLOVES COME THROUGH THE UNOPENED TABS AND TAKE THE MICE THROUGH.

GODMOTHER: I will turn them into white horses. Is there a pumpkin in the house.

BUTTONS: Shouldn't that be "Is there a Doctor in the house"?

CINDERELLA: I think there's one in the kitchen garden.

BUTTONS: Didn't we use that on Halloween? I'll go and look. (HE EXITS)

GODMOTHER: I will turn the pumpkin into a beautiful coach for you to ride to the ball.

CINDERELLA: But I don't have a dress to wear.

GODMOTHER: From your dress of rags I will create the most wonderful ballgown. It will be covered in jewels and you will look like a princess. You will be called the Princess Crystal.

BUTTONS: (RETURNING WITH THE PUMPKIN) Is this big enough? It's the only one I could find.

GODMOTHER: Send it with the mice and stand back.

BUTTONS HOLDS THE PUMPKIN AT THE CENTRE OF THE TABS AND THE SAME "MAGICAL" HANDS AS BEFORE TAKE IT FROM HIM AND PULL IT THROUGH THE CURTAINS.

THE "HANDS" ACTOR MUST INSTANTLY GET OFF THE STAGE SO THAT THE LIGHTS BEHIND THE TABS CAN COME UP READY TO REVEAL THE COACH.

CINDERELLA SLOWLY MOVES CLOSE TO HER EXIT POINT READY TO MAKE HER TRANSFORMATION.

AT THE SAME TIME THE FAIRY GODMOTHER MAKES A FEW "MAGICAL PASSES". POSSIBLY SOME TINKLING STYLE MUSIC PLAYS OR A SET OF FAIRY BELLS ARE SHAKEN BACKSTAGE. THIS SHOULD BE BIG AND BOLD TO MAKE A DIVERSION FOR CINDERELLA TO SLIP OFF STAGE HOPEFULLY UNSEEN.

CINDERELLA STEPS OFF STAGE FOR AN INSTANT. AT THIS POINT THE TABS OPEN TO REVEAL THE COACH.


See production notes for ideas on transformation.

NOTE: This transformation scene is the end to the first half, so should be as big and flashy as you can make it. Giving the audience something exciting before the interval. Use all the theatre toys at your disposal to produce something spectacular. Smoke, flashing lights, exciting music. Make it a BIG production.

CINDERELLA ENTERS IN HER BALLGOWN. BUTTONS GOES TO HER AND ESCORTS HER TO THE COACH.

BUTTONS: Doesn't she look lovely? Like a princess.

GODMOTHER: She is the Princess Crystal.

BUTTONS: You look a million Dollars Cinders.

GODMOTHER: Remember my child, everything I have created will only last until midnight. You MUST leave the ball before then. When the clock strikes twelve the coach and horses will disappear. Your dress will return to rags. Do you understand?

CINDERELLA: Yes Fairy Godmother. I understand. I will be home before midnight.

GODMOTHER: Then go my child. Our wishes are with you. GO CINDERELLA. GO TO THE BALL.

THE COACH STARTS TO MOVE OFF AS BUTTONS AND THE FAIRY GODMOTHER WAVE.

CLOSE TABS.

END SCENE.

END ACT I.

INTERVAL.

NOTE: During the interval, stage crew should unobtrusively set a flower on the cactus.

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