Calamity in Miami- Preview Edition

8/3/2019 Calamity in Miami- Preview Edition

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An unabashed tale of the journey to International Party City.While going Dutch, with your boyfriend, here we go.


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Hi everyone, Kenneth Neal here (call me Ken).

After returning from an eventful stay in Miami, this scholarshipwinning poet and sci-fi novelist felt compelled to share his

not-to-be-missed experience with readers across the globe.

Follow this adventurous lad ashe provides an insiders look ofthe perks and pitfalls of travelling while in an open-relationshipfrom an honest yet sarcastic/humorous point of view.

Missed flights, public tantrums, a possible Obama encounter,a really bad Mnage trios attempt, and a 6AM return flight.

Think "The Hangover" meets "Planes, Trains & Automobiles",only this is the non-straight version. Only to return with arelationship in ruin and all delusion of love lost and famished.

So yeah, join us in the trip into ridiculousness, I bring you:


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-Dedications:

To RobertWithout you, none of this would have been possible,and for that, I'm truly thankful.

To "David"Your hospitality was more than appreciatedBut dude, are you OK?


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Sample Table of Contents:

-Buckle Up, The Prelude ............................................... 7

-Arranging The Event ................................................. 12

-Friday 7AM ............................................................... 15

-Departing Gate E14... Or A7??? .................................. 20

-Checking Into Ma-ma-ma-madness ............ 25-Boardwalks & Ocean Breezes .................... 29-Texting The Ambassador .......................... 33-Foot Soldiers For Starbucks ....................... 37-The Club: Getting Twisted! ....................... 41-Crusin Lincoln Mall Drive .......................... 51

-Michelangelos David ................................ 73-Party Of Three ......................................... 84-Sunday 4:30 AM ....................................... 90-A Viper Returns, Part 1 ............................. 94-A Viper Returns, Part 2 ........................... 101

-Sunrise & Sunset .................................... 106


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-Buckle Up, The Prelude

I wanna double check to see if everyone is buckled in securelybefore we start this rollercoaster. Everyone good?

Ok!

We start this tale in August 2008 with origin of Robert & I. Similarto most modern romances, we first connected online through the use ofvarious chat rooms. We have been inseparable ever since the anxiousand elusive 1st face-to-face encounter. Now surpassing our 3-yearanniversary, Robert and I have been a live-in couple nearly 2 of those

years. This after colliding into one another without the intent of lettinggo anytime soon.

***Gasp*** An interracial gay couple in the Deep, TraditionallyConservative Southeast:

1-African American. Military Brat, Computer Geek hailing from theWest Coast. Above average intelligence and height, athletic or what

some might call "lanky" build. 1-of strong European decent. Roamingscholar with dual citizenship originating from the U. K. Hits the gym atleast 4-times a week and it shows... And he shows it off well.

There was talk of Rob's work visa preparing to expire and having togo back to the U. K., plus he wanted me to go there with him.


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He would jokingly claim that he would have to fold me into his luggageand smuggle me into England. I knew that was extremely far-fetchedback then, but you'll never know. Of course the discussion of marriage,or using the more P. C. term as forming a union has been tossedaround on numerous occasions (mmmm, being tossed around, YESPLEASE, whoops, going off topic there, apologies).

Current guidelines/regulations of our progressively developing Stateand Country have been long-time opponents of a union that is less thantraditional. So instead of adorning ourselves with shiny bands ofcommitment, we share personalized Military Dog Tags around the neck(and no, there not the glittery & bejeweled kind neither) in order tomeet our symbolicneeds.

Both are fairly well traveled; all the while enjoying each otherscompany. Both sharing similar interests in shopping, gadgets, Electro-House and Progressive Trance music, Project Runway and Celebrity

Apprentice, who knew?!? We also focus on providing each other withenough personal space so that we do not appear to be a pair ofconjoined twins as well.

The foundation the relationship has been built upon was of a non-monogamous, open season type of philosophy set from the verybeginning. Generally, any opportunity is fair game, either go on thehunt solo, go on the hunt for prey together, or what prey we find on ourown and bring it home for both to share. And yes, if sex is the finalresult of this meeting of the minds, hooray! So be it, the more the

merrier.Its a great pastime really, and a wondering eye has never killedanyone before nor has it done any bodily harm, just "bodilyappreciation". One can only hope that their fellow man can exchangethe complement and reciprocate the same gesture with subtle looks andglances. No need to fight an urge we, as human beings, are


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predisposed towards flirtation andstranger-danger on a daily, hell,even on an hourly basis, we all know this much is true!

The optimum goal while engaging in this usually exhaustive, yetcarnally rewarding experience, has been to achieve overall mutualsatisfaction for both of us. Engaging in P.A.W. (ParticipatingAndWatching) has been an unspoken fringe benefit Rob and I have longtime established as an exciting routine.

Its instinctual and a primal form of male conquest we all share andjuggle within ourselves. Select discretion is the solution if one wouldopt to continue this kind of power-couple dynamic. There are frequentconversations to engage in, along with comparison shopping byshowing the other who has contacted them, but ultimately coming hometo open arms at the end of typical day.

Almost two years before meeting Robert, I purchased a small homethat could be considered to be a fixer-upper in most opinions. Sure itwas constructed in the 1960s and required some cosmetic attention anda helpful dose of curb-appeal. However, the real estate market during2006-2007 was ripe for a young investor who was secure in purchasinga home that is a scant 15-minute commute into the big city. Jump to2010 and the house degenerates to 1/3 its value, and the number ofsmall repairs has converted this investment into money-pit status.

The need to downgrade was imminent; the procedure of bothRobert and myself combing our incomes appeared to be proper course

of action. The decision was final; the house has to go-go-go! Afterthree real estate agents, multiple postings, countless man-hours burned,the house would not sell, it was never going to sell. The tension beganto build, an old cigarette habit began to reemerge (oh, how did thosepacks ofMarlborosget into my briefcase???). Which made this trip for


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hopeful relaxation/rejuvenation even more an imperative stress-crackingvenue.

Our previous trip to Miami was a mixed bag of highlights and not sohighlights during our stay. Confirmed, the beaches, delicious tropicalclimate, and the scores arrestingly gorgeous passersby are, without adoubt, main elements for making the migration to this shimmering city.We collected a scrapbook full of memory-filled photos, many of themtaken showed the two of us as a happy pair making the best of what wehad at the time (the photos with blurred faces placed before the Preludeas such examples).

It is also customary for a trip such as this; we (either Rob, myself,or both of us) would make an effort to locate a contact point-personwithin our vacation destination. Locating a possible local host via onlinechat rooms has proven to be fairly successful in the past, we have bothindividual and joint profiles used to communicated with other users.

These local hosts orambassadors" are usually willing to share theirtime and their city with fun loving out-of-towners. Going out for drinks,showing us the best clubhouse, or whatever actions that might takeplace, the phrase "When in Rome" definitely applies. Mutualunderstanding of P.A.W. potential is key at the time of arrangement aswell. Which is never a requirement, however if agreed on both parties,it can be considered, again, a fringe benefit. We, of course, make sureto return the favor once someone would embark on our hometown.

Ive read somewhere that the first cardinal rule within the Laws ofAlchemy and Magic: To gain you must give up something of equal value.So I figured this would apply with the experience of meeting potentialambassadors as it would benefit both parties involved.

Cheers!


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Our Fate Lies With The Holy Itinerary


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-Arranging The Event

Friends, family and workmates have been notified well in advanceof our ritual pilgrimage back to Miami. Of which has been highly

anticipated with months of build-up, most importantly due to theconstant daily stressors life and being contributing members of societyhas to offer. Traveling arrangements have been confirmed and dividedbetween the two of us. After a rapid-fire series of negotiations, traveldates have been, at last, etched in stone. We are now on our way,starting with an 8:40 AM flight departing and our return flight back homeon Sunday morning at 6:30 AM.

Why so early you might ask (which was the same thing I asked aswell, mind you...), it was to maximize our travel day upon arrival.Once we arrived, we can have nearly a full days worth of leisure andrelaxation. The departure time to fly back home was also set early inorder to take the majority of the day to ease back into a regular workingweek. At first I was thinking to myself,

Rob, what is this? Are you mad at me and trying to punish me or

something?

Although I was not purchasing the tickets this time around, I makesure to smile, clinch my teeth, and say,

"Excellent, sounds great Rob!"


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I'm sure the early flights are generally less expensive than thenlater flights, which must have been the general concept consideredduring the purchasing process as well. Mmmmhmm

Factors of price, convenience, and location were requirements wehave been able to filter though the tried and true method of trial anderror. Our hotel budget was a bit more generous during this outing,specifically due to our previous experiences while staying at a "thisdefinitely not a 4-Star hotel" hotel. Hell, I'm certain that it barelypassed for a freakin' 2-Star hotel, of which will remain nameless for thetime being.

While the atmosphere of that location was nestled within was somesort of "artist market" slash restaurant galleria part of town, it was alsolocated nearly 5-blocks away from the beachfront itself. There was anold-world feel carried throughout this area, as if you have beentransported back when roads were paved with bricks of clay and cobblewith street vendors selling their art and craft.

This might appeal to some; it left a lot to be desired with maybetoo much action surrounding us during our stay. Mostly because ofthe overabundance of energy during the night hours proved that facadeto be very contradictory to its intendedeasy-goingtheme. Surprise!

Your 3-story hotel has a number of lively discotheques on the groundfloor that operate well after 2 AM, spewing club and salsa hits for all toenjoy. While our primary focus was finding a cheap hotel to lay our

heads and getting to the beach with little effort, we wont purposefullysubject ourselves to that kind of ruckus any time soon.

Success, the hotel I found is literally 1-block away from thecoastline, and looks like a dream in comparison to our previous stay.I locked-in our reservation without hesitation and become even more


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eager to our D-date as the days go by. To continue this surge of thisuncharacteristically good momentum, I was also able to connect with anew Miami "ambassador" with the use of my favorite online chat-room.The week leading into our Miami arrival, our "ambassador", namedDavid, will be on the lookout for us as well, hopefully being able torendezvous at a popular and familiar South Beach nightclub.

Back at home, our condo is literarily across the street to one of ourcity's rail stations. Fortunately, its ultimate destination would be ourairport and our gateway to Miami freedom. The plan of attack would beto bolt across the street, hop on the Southbound train, then checkourselves in at the airport. All of which should take an 1-hour'stimeframe from door to airport security line (crossing fingers).

All-righty, everything could not have been arranged any more perfectly.Let us now light a candle at the Altar of the Travel Gods to ensure thatthis trip is successful and hassle-free. Salt over the shoulder.

To which we say: Ah-men


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Here I am, waiting on the #@$&$* train Come on! Wheresthe #@$&$* train?!?!

-Friday 7AM

One would think that waking up in the morning of your travel datewould be filled with smiles and giddy laughter between two grown men.To my disappointment, I wake up in a hurried state as Rob has beenstirring around before my personal alarm clock was set to go off at6:45AM. This was an odd sight to see, specifically since its 6:35AM andhe appears to have been awake for some time now, nearly fully dressedand did not bother to wake me...

I didn't over sleep at all, so what gives? Putting that aside, its timeto get my ass out of bed and finish the last of my carry-on packaging,STAT! Brush the teeth and gums, wash the face, and throw on shorts &t-shirt, ready for the much warmer Miami climate, yeah baby!!!

Even still, I wasn't able to acknowledge any sense of joy norexcitement from Rob's steel veneer. He packed his carry-on bag aswell, however quietly and robotically, I'll go ahead and presume this to

be a drowsy response to the early morning start.

Thank the Lord that our condo is a stone's throw away from the railstation. On the way out the door, I mentioned to Rob that I will needto get a rail token at the station. Rob already uses the rail system on a


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daily basis with a monthly pass in hand, so I heard his response in theform a grunt and a scoff; the only human emotion his has displayed thusfar. . .

Moving on, speeding ahead into the station, now with rail token inhand, we arrive and wait on the rail platform. Therein lies 8-stationsbetween home and the airport, so that leaves us with 30-45 minutes oftransport time. Easy-peasy, which should put us at the airport around8AM and give us 40 minutes for security check-in and board once wearrive!

All aboard, 7:10AM and we manage to grab separateseats amongstthe surge of morning commuters. Separate seats still, even afteradjacent seats progressively become available; Rob continues to cowerinto his current state finding adequate seating for himself. Appearing asif he's flying to a family funeral, yet another uncommon gesture since wenormally sit paired up on extended trips.

I decide notto infer, knowing him, even the notion of asking abouthis current state could erupt into volcanic proportions. Not something Iwanna deal with this early in the AM while in a moving tube and inpublic no-less. I'd rather sit down, shut up, locate my MP3s and clutchourjoint check-in bag closer to my leg.

Strangely enough, the train has been making what seemed to beextra-long stops between stations. Elements of concern begin to gatherwithin both myself and now visible on Rob's face as he makes repetitive

nervous glances toward his watch. Only 3-stations have past and thetrain seems to make exaggerated pauses at each stop. The train doorswould open to allow the patrons to come and go, but they would remainopen for what seems like minutes at a time. Whether it was a technicalglitch or based by some human means, each stop is costing us anadditional 3-5 minutes!


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Dammit Just face-slap me now please Were gonna be sofucking late man.

Who could have foreseen anything to this scale, there was verylittle wiggle-room to begin with, time wise, that was something weneglected to factor into our morning schedule. Although, I have usedpublic transportation for nearly ten years now, Ive learned that there isa 65% chance that your ride would be a smooth one. You can nevergauge when fate would place you within the other 35 Shit Happenspercentile. Once we finally arrive to the airport station, we rush likedogs to the check-in kiosk at 8:20AM praying for a miracle.

After entering our confirmation code, big/bold red letters aresplashed across the screen:

***PLANE STATUS: NOW BOARDING.***UNABLE TO CONFIRM.

***NEXT FLIGHT IS 9:20. PLEASE CONFIRM TO CHANGE FLIGHT.***UNABLE TO CONFIRM. PLEASE SEE TICKETING AGENT.

Fucking great.

Rob, myself, and my suitcase on wheels U-turn it back towards theticketing counter, whizzing past the roped off columns and a member ofthe airline floor personnel. This helpful employee stops us in our tracksasking "excuse me sir, do you need any assistance checking in?"Well-panicked at this time, I claim my nerves in order to make acoherent response:

"Yeah, the kiosk can't check us in; we have to go to the counter.""Oh, ok then, please continue and head to the ticketing counter."

"VERY GOOD, THANK YOU."


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Fucking sheep-dog, she has been assigned this position to ensureall of herd of customer cattle are pushed along and stays within theherd... Like a fucking sheepdog... Entering the ticketing queue, weare at last called to the live counter agent.

"The kiosk says our flight is now boarding and its 8:20.""Yes sir, you needed to be here at least 35-minutes before departure."

Rob and I look at each other with a silent tempest in our eyes.

"You will need to change to the 9:20 flight. That will be $50 please.""Wait, what, the kiosk didn't list any fees!"

"That's odd, there is always a transfer fee, can you show me what thekiosk showed you?"

"By all means, let me show you."

The dedicated ticketing agent walked around her counter to anunmanned kiosk and enters the series of codes & numbers.

"Yes sir, I see, there is no charge to fly on stand-byfor the 9:20 flight.""Stand-by? Where does it say stand-by on screen?"

"Well that's what this screen displays, the current stand-by options.""That doesn't guarantee that we will have a seat now does it?"

"No sir, that's why there's a $50 transfer ticket fee. You have missedyour flight; please follow me to confirm the 9:20. "

Stomping back to the ticketing counter, the agent proceeds with a

rampage of random keystrokes:

"Have you gentlemen checked in your bags?""No, wejust arrived."

"Ok, will these be covered with cash or Visa?""Visa."


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"Ok, baggage and transfer fees totals $125. ""Wait, that transfer fee, is that $50 each?"

"Yes sir, each ticket.""WHAT THE F... "

Before I could finish my sentence, Robert places his Visa card to hushmy mouth and secure the deal. Rob responds:

"I thought baggage fees were $22?""Yes sir, only if you check in bags online (gives him a subtle wink of the

eye, charmed by his English accent no less)"I further the debate by asking "How can you check bags online? Whose

gonna weight it? You know what, never-mind, lets just go... "

"Thank you gentlemen, enjoy your flight :c) "


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Caution- Doors now closing and will not reopen

-Departing Gate E14... Or A7???

The security checkpoint was filled to the brim. Ahead of us; a seaof disrobing commuters from wall to wall being funneled into availablerows for scanning purposes. The all-knowing, watchful security

personnel make sure they maintain order within the herd. Once we passthrough this frenzy and re-gather our belongings, we proceed onward toour next stage; finding our gate of departure.

The long escalator ride down towards the airport'sGate-Tran provided a short window of welcomed motionless activity.This allowed, at least for me, a few moments to digest some of theaggravation from earlier. It also gives me some time to rub my eyes,

give myself a couple self face-slaps and realize "holy shit, I'm notdreaming this up! This is terrible!"

Early morning eyes can also deceive you, grabbing my covetedboarding pass, I can see what looks to be the equivalent to alphabetsoup printed on the pass. Each of the gates are broken down intostations, each station is listed in alphabetical order. With the sequencearranged: Station T (as in Terminal), A, B, etc. Once we load into the

Gate-Tran, a few symbols on our pass stood out to me are "E14" and"A7", with "E14" in bold.

"Ok Rob, we need Gate "E", sit tight."


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He complies with a silent head-nod. Minutes continue to pass by,just the commuters continue entering and exiting the Tran. This dancecontinues as we drive through each of the gate-stations "B", "C" andhold up a second... Its 9 o' clock now and I take another glance at theboarding pass, forming together additional letters amongst the alphabetsoup on the printout.

"Oh crap, Rob."E14" isn't the gate, its my freakinseat number!

Not the gate. Its "A7"!We gotta go back! We gotta get off the Tran now!"

The intercom overhead announces:

***Now approaching Gate "C". C as in Charlie***

Rob whispered response is barely heard amongst the moving crowd:

"That's okay, we can just ride the tran back 'round to "A".

"What? No! We gotta U-turn it now!"

I gesture towards the exit door and Rob has not moved from hisretired/resting position.

***Gate "C"-Doors now opening***

I proceed to haul ass out of the Tran among the surge of exitingpassengers with my carry-on in hand. Turning my neck, I'm notsurprised that Robert is nowhere in sight.

***Caution- Doors now closing and will not reopen***


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Having to continue the push back to the parallel platform, myanxiety levels begin to breach past a tolerable state. Shallow breathsbegin to follow as I realize that one of the worst case scenarios is aboutto unfold. Weeks of preparation has lead to this; with Rob and I,separated within this massive international airport, minutes before ourre-routed outgoing flight.

The southbound Tran promptly arrives to take me back to the "A"Gate, now two stations away. With little hesitation, I find a seating placein the new Tran, glancing back to the boarding pass to re-re-re-confirmat this point. Of course, the only letters I was able to retain was "E14" inbold, totally throwing me off track with morning weary eyes.

As I approach the correct concourse, I can't help to self-evaluate;did I fuck up? Yeah, totally I did. Although, I would have hoped mytravelmatedidn't resort to stubborn donkey-like behavior during thisescapade. Further, I didnt see any effort on his part to look at histicket to correct the situation. Perhaps if we were walking into atowering inferno or into a barrage ofMatrix-likegunfire, he would havenoticed something wasnt quite right.

But nope, now solo, I exit the Tran and plot my course towards thecorrect gate, frantically keeping a vigilant watch over my cell phone. Noincoming calls from Rob, after making a half a dozen calls to him; I canonly surmise that he is probably still riding another Tran in a tunnelunderground thats well out of cell phone range.

No time to fret, these tickets have been paid for, this vacation willnot go to waste and I will be flying to Miami with or withoutRob.Fortunately enough, as I approach gate "A7", the gate agents announcemy seat zone has the all-clear to begin boarding the cabin. Its now9:10, ten minutes until departure as I make one last cell phone call to


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him and still nothing. Can't stand around the gate like a strandedtoddler, I gladly hand my pass to the agent to gate-scan.

During the boarding procedure, I clutch both my carry-on satcheland boarding pass with a pit-bull grip. While making my progress downthe narrow cabin, I have to make sure that (a) I do not slap/side-swipethe already seated passengers with aforementioned satchel(b) confirming and reconfirming my seating arrangement by making theoccasional glance downward at my ticket.

Standing at a natural height at 6'2", this resulted to become moreof a daunting task than expected. Out of some sort of interior designinspiration, the Aisle Markers on this aircraft are mounted on super-lowdisplays. Like, near the Flight Attendant call button/dome light switch,super-low. Which meant that giant ogres, such as myself, would have toconstantly squat their bodies in order to make the markers visible andeye-level. Pure genius, vertically challenged indeed. Yes! Seat "E14" isdead ahead and its neighboring seat totally unoccupied.

Two Trans, three line queues, and one flight transfer has lead meto my rightfully deserved window seat. The rest of the herd continuestheir waddle down the cabin aisle, with all faces unfamiliar, and frankly,quite unflattering for the most part. Robert is still nowhere to be found.Strangely enough, the pilot makes an announcement over the intercom:

***Attention passengers, we're on the lookout for Robert N_______.Robert N______, please proceed to Gate A7***

Anonymity has its perks, of course I'm freakin' embarrassed andirritated at this point, but nobody has to know that this "Robert N_____"is attached to me. So I roll my eyes and groan like the rest of thepatiently waiting crew members, as the clock strikes 9:20.


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Buckling my seatbelt and securing my carry-on, I look outside mywindow with a heavy sigh, then whip out the cell and send one lastdistress text to Rob:

** Im on da plane, will wait at Miami airport**

Shoving my phone back in my pocket in disgust, I tilt my head in abackward recoil and gaze into the cabin ceiling above.

"Why, why has it come to this? If I wait for him, our bags are still goingto fly to Miami without us... He's gonna miss the fuckin' flight..."

Thoughts race in my head as I tilt my head to a normal positionand see the last passenger bringing up the rear, Mr. Robert N_____himself, making his final waddle down the cabin aisle with an odd smirkon his face. I make sure our eyes do not meet by shutting them tightlyin order to mask the personal shock and awe of his arrival. As he findshis seat next to mine, I jump,startledanddisturbed, looking into hiseyes with me, in a bewildered state.

So you made it after all huh? I was gonna leave your ass here.They called my name on the intercom, do you hear it? Rob inquired

with great curiosity.You were holding up the entire plane. We were allwaiting for you.Im sorry. I got some bottled water and was talking with a friend of

mine at the store.You whereTalking with a friend?

Yeah, I cant believe I ran into him here at the airport, then I heard myname over the intercom!I cant believe this, I was a nervous wreck, I thought I was gonna

leave you. Unbelievable!Oh,stop worrying. Im here now so we can go now!


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Calamity in Miami- Preview Edition