Boto Advises Sage 08.02.06 - 18kb

7/27/2019 Boto Advises Sage 08.02.06 - 18kb

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Jedi_Master_Sage stands atop of the garden wall thatstands ajacent to the Terrace, every third pillar in thewall has a statue of some kind, the lone jedi stands onan empty pillar, his stance resembling one of those

statues t was moving though the gardens, having been kickedout the hospital again two weeks now.. it felt like two

years... it sucked, he hated this.... and it hurt. Hethought he was alone, so he saty in the gardens andburied his head in his hands... letting >

t himself release the tears he had been holding backall day... Allan had come by, and Edge and Harry... sorather than look a big bloody baby.. he waited til he wasalone

Jedi_Master_Sage stands precariously balanced, he sharplyfocuses his awareness of the winds to ensure he is notswept off.. to a casual onlooker, he could appear asanother statue, save for his flowing robes, at a closerinspection, it is clear he has much on his mind

t wasn't even paying attention to the 'statues'... hewas lost in his own grief at the moment, and fear, aseach day passed and Dinay remained in her coma, heworried a little more she may never wake

Jedi_Master_Sage looked down as in his introspection, hefound a clue to the neverending cycle that preventedhim from saying three simple words, each bearing only asingle syllable.. and saw Boto

t had his knees pulled to his chest, his elbows on hisknees and his face now laying across his arms. He lovedDinay so much, wanted so much for them to be thefamily they should be... for her to be awake, her usualself... to see their son, for him to be>

t able to treat her how she deserved.. as much as ithurt, as much as their arguments could cut... as much asitt killed him right now, he would never give up on love..it hurt so much when things were bad, but when theywere good... it made him fly.

Jedi_Master_Sage spoke from his narrow perch, his voicecarrying as if amplified with speakers but with not as


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much echo, but no one else was near "Do you seekconsolation or solitude?"

t jumped slightly at the voice and rubbed quickly at hiseyes, looking around until he spotted sage on the pillar

"dinnae really matter... " he said quietly, but loud enoughhis voice would carry on the still night air.. if he hadconsolation, his tears >

t may cease, solitude, they may continue... it would bethe same either way... but, where as he couldn't speakso much with his friends.. his peers... he felt morecomfortable speaking to a fatherly presence... like Sage,he didn't understand it..

Jedi_Master_Sage : I didn't ask if it mattered, I asked whatyou prefered

Jedi_Master_Sage flips forward as he leaps down, slowinghis descent with the force

t watched sage land and shrugged softly, taking adeep breath to try and quell his emotions a little "Idinnae" he answered truthfully, both helped in theirway... "'f I knew I woulda picked... "

Jedi_Master_Sage : I know of Dinay's coma, but that aloneisn't what troubles you

t "I worry as each day passes, she ain't gunna wake"

he said softly... "tha' she feels she has nae reason tae...she were leavin me when she fell... coz I weren't th' manshe needed, tae wrapped up in me past, me painsbefer... rather then talk tae her >

t about em, move past em.. hear her... I shut out, hidaway...'t hurt her... she felt... uneeded, unwanted Iguess... like Robin... mebbe... Robin lef' me... so manytimes, each time cut me up a little more.. each time tho,befer... growin up... when i did>

t try tae talk tae someone... hell even when I weremarried tae Robin, each time I'd open up, I'd git beatenmetally, physically.. one way er another... I git scared...so I shut Dinay out.. I dinnae physically push her downth' stairs, but emotionally"

Jedi_Master_Sage : If Dinay is any bit as strong as youmake her to be, why would she throw herself down when


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she could just walk away? You cannot bear the weight of aperson's world on your shoulders

t :she slipped, she were upset.. hurtin, in her haste tae git away...she slipped... tae git away from me... coz I hurt her... I keep hurtin her...

Jedi_Master_Sage

:You can't hurt someone unless theycare about you.

t sighed softly, trying to swallow back more tears "aye,I knae" he said softly "still dinnae make 't righ'.. shewan's tae be in me life.. I wan' her in me life... so Idinnae why I keep her out..."

Jedi_Master_Sage : Did you tell her you loved her? t many times... I asked her tae marry me.. " he said

softly and sighed "bu' I love ye... as wonderful wordsthey are, kenna heal everytin, said tae many times tae

heal wounds, tae hide behind... 't loses 'ts meanin, yegotta show love tae... "

Jedi_Master_Sage : Why do you say those words? Why didyou, why would you?

t : coz I mean em... coz shes me world, I ain't whole witout her... shemakes me feel safe, feel needed... when I hurt... she makes me smile...

shes jus'.. th' light in me darkness... when I'm blind she makes me see..

sounds so cliche... bu' tis true

Jedi_Master_Sage : But you manage to see things that she

did not change, you say things to shut her out, how is thattrue if she was able to do those things?

t :I hide me heart, I do love her, she does do these tings fer me... bu'I dinna let her in.. she knaes so little, I knae so little o' her... ye ken love

someone fer their heart, fer who they are, witout knaen 't all... someone

ken make ye feel so much, but>

t : when 't comes tae th' crunch, when tings hurt.. an' they wannahelp, git ye past, ye freeze up, are scared, they're gunna stop lovin ye, 'f

they knae th' truth o' who ye are, knae yeer pains.. tis hard tae explain...

I dinnae 'f I'm makin sense

Jedi_Master_Sage : So you allowed her in part of the way..and you feel that wasn't enough.

t 't ain't enough... " he said softly "when someoneloves ye, an unconditionally... as 't should be... they ain'tgunna hate ye... they wanna knae, they wanna see ye at

yeer mos' naked... yeer soul... 'f yeer love someone... ye


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wanna see th' same from em" Jedi_Master_Sage : Did Dinay open herself to you

completely and unconditionally, right away or did it takesome time?

t :she were always more open wit' me then I were wit' her... she tellsme how she feels, wha' she fears... she wan's tae open up, i dinnae lether... coz o' me own fears... I dinnae mebbe I am more twisted then I

think...

Jedi_Master_Sage : But it did take some amount of time,didn't it?

t : a lil... Jedi_Master_Sage : So really, your failing is that you took

too long.. or maybe, you simply lack patience with yourself.She clearly did not.

t : nae, me failin tis.. rather then talk tae her.. I shut her out... Ithrow meself intae other parts o' me life... so I ain't there tae talk, so I

dinnae have tae face th' truth...

Jedi_Master_Sage : But you only shut her out part way, notcompletely. Do you believe that in time you would open upto her completely?

t once... nae... " he said quietly "I hate me life, mechildhood... I hate rememberin' 't, 't hurt so much... I'mscared shes gunna hear tings she dinnae like, an' I'll lose

her.. I shut her out mos' th' way Sage... " Jedi_Master_Sage :You seek to spare her truths you fearshe might not be ready for, to protect her, in the hopes thatshe'd stay so you could tell her you loved her another day..why?

Jedi_Master_Sage : Why is it so important to have her closeenough to hear those words?

t because they're true, th' words are true... she makesme feel safe... sumtin I ain't ever felt in me life.. " heblinked a little and wiped at his eyes "tae have her tha'close, because... her nearness makes me feel whole... th'words say tings, I dinnae>

t how else tae say.. feelins nae even I ken explain inwords... tha' them tree lil words say... "

Jedi_Master_Sage : Do you still love Robin? t Robin were murdered nae long after we divorced..."


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he said quietly "when I look back, I cared fer her a lot..tho' I dinnae tink twas love.. yeer dinnae dread goinhome when ye love someone... yeer wanna go home...

yeer wanna see em... "

Jedi_Master_Sage :You didn't love her at all? Not even for atime? t :I tought I loved her... at th' time I did... I tink... Jedi_Master_Sage : What makes Dinay different? t :she accepts me... fer me flaws... she wants tae see me

imperfections...

Jedi_Master_Sage : Alright, suppose Dinay never wakes up,do you believe one day you'd move on? Find someone elseto tell that you love her?

t nae" he gave softly, but it was definate... he was just

like his father, his father had found his soulmate in Paulsmother, when she had died, he had fallen apart "shesme heart an' soul an' as long as there tis breath in herlungs, I will wait fer her>

iKahnRex sits on the Terrace, quietly sipping tea andreading a local news-pad

t all me life 'f I have tae... she makes me whole... somepeople ken move on, love again... bu' I couldn'..."

Jedi_Master_Sage : Do you think you would say that twenty

years from now? t aye" he said quietly "me da' los' me mum when I

were 14... I am nearly tirty... he still hasn' moved on... Idoubt he ever will"

Jedi_Master_Sage : I think I understand why I've had somuch trouble in saying those words to Jenine.

t wiped at his eyes, he had been weeping a little asthey spoke... "why do ye tink?" he asked softly, taking adeep breath, trying to settle his head a bit more

Jedi_Master_Sage : Because I still remember her. Its beendecades but I still remember the sound of her thoughtsinside my mind. To share the words with Jenine, that I onceonly to T'Penn, makes me wonder if I approved of hermurder. Had she not been killed, we would still

Jedi_Master_Sage : be married t listened quietly and sighed softly... "how does tha'


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make ye approve 't... she were stolen from ye... 'f ye kencare fer another, love another, yeer wife would prolly

yeer happy.. I knae, I am a hypocrite to say tha' after all Idid... bu' ye never knae >

t how ye'l react til yeer faced wit' th' situation" Jedi_Master_Sage : But why should I be able to move on?You couldn't, if faced with that situation.

t :ye'll^) t I will remain true tae dinay fer as long as there tis

breath in her lungs... " he said softly "should i ever loseher... should she pass on... I dinnae how I'd react, I ain'tin tha' situation.. "

Jedi_Master_Sage : Do you feel you know dinay wellenough to know if she would want you to move on or not?

t aye... she would... she loves me, she wan's me tae behappy... tae stop livin in th' past... 'f she died... an' therewere th' opportunity fer happiness again.. I tink... she'dwan me tae move forward... " he closed his eyes "bu' sheain't gunna die, so >

t tis a moot point" Jedi_Master_Sage : Would you feel able to say that you

loved her if you didn't believe that she would want you tomove on and be happy?

t was silent for a few moments, the discussion nothelping calm him much "she wouldn' tho.. she loves meas i love her... 'f I died... i'd wan' her tae move on..i'dwan' her happy...so, i kenna answer yeer question"

Jedi_Master_Sage : Maybe part of loving someone somuch, that the idea of not being with them is overwhelming,is the knowledge that they would want you to be happy ifthey passed on, and vice versa

t prehaps... er prehaps tis true... when someone loessomeone... they wanna see em smile, they wanna seethem free o' pain, they wanna see em fly" he bit his lip alittle blinking down tears... love ain't selfish... people are,fears make us selfish"

Jedi_Master_Sage : So it is right to move on? t aye" he said softly and lowered his on his arms Jedi_Master_Sage : Do I have your permission to look


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inside Dinay's mind, just to see whats going on inside of hermind? Nothing more, I would not touch any memories.

t he took a shakey breath, and nodded softly unable tospeak for a few moments "aye... an' tae give her th'

image o' our son... " he whispered "I wan' her tae wake,seein her trapped in her own mind tis heartbreakin" Jedi_Master_Sage : I can't guarantee that this will awake

her, nor that I'll actually reach her at a level that she willrecognise

t :I'm willin tae try anytin... Jedi_Master_Sage : Alright, I'll do what I can. And thank

you, there may someone else who'll thank you as well t yeer welcome" he said softly... and wiped at his eyes

again... Jedi_Master_Sage : But before I can do that, there is

somewhere I must go, something I must do.. I will after I seeDinay...

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Boto Advises Sage 08.02.06 - 18kb