A Cup of Coffee With God Part 4

7/28/2019 A Cup of Coffee With God Part 4

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A Cup of Coffee with God Part 4

Husband Wife Relationship(An Uncommon dialogue between God and Me)

Gan, Chennai

Me: Very pleased for calling on me, I wish I ask youregarding Family, Husband Wife Relationship etc.God: Good that you have TRUSTED me. Carry on!

Me: Tell me about our Humans way of Living. Are wegood at managing ourselves?God: FAMILY SYSTEM is one of the BEST CONCEPTS humanshave developed. Any system has its inherent problems.Naturally every family will have its own problems. But,thats ok. Family is the best logical conclusion toeffectively manage the human existence. You must

understand that even ATOMS maintain a PERFECT FAMILYSYTEM. The Solar System with Sun and its planets are yetanother family system. But, unfortunately HUMANITY isitself a very big FAMILY, which you are yet to understand.You have to go one step beyond the PERSONAL FAMILYSYSTEM and think about the HUMAN FAMILY SYSTEM also.Humanity is an undivided whole. There you are lagging toomuch.

M: What should we do then?G: Go one step further and think about what you can do forthe Humanity. If every Human thinks about doing a littlefor the Humanity, the world would not have been in such a


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mess. You know the 80-20 Principle. 80% of the worldresources are controlled by 20% of the Top Rung people andbalance 20% goes to 80% of the people. You people arehighly SELFISH. You must cross the family boundaries and

think for the HUMANITY as a WHOLE. Think, if Jesus andMahatma Gandhi were selfish, what would have happenedto humanity?

M: I agree with you. But, still we cannot effectivelymanage our Family itself. Please clarify my doubts on ourFamily System, viz. Husband, Wife relationship etc. Whydisharmonies exist in some families?

G: First one should understand the MALE and FEMALEPRINCIPLES if one has to understand the relationshipbetween HUSBAND and WIFE. The functioning of brain andhormonal production of Men and Women differ quite a lot.Naturally, they differ from each other. Even before birthyour brain is hard wired for your traits and characteristics.Your DNA has all these imprints.


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No MEN WOMEN1 DOMINANT in nature SUBMISSIVE in Nature

2 Physically strong Physically weak

3 Aggressive (Aggression moretowards Men, rarely againstwomen)

Soft

4 Assume the role of Protector Assume the role of Member

5 Accomplishment oriented Helping Oriented

6 Independent Behavior Dependent Behavior

7 WEAK MIND STABLE MIND

8 INSTINCTIVE by Nature INTUTIVE by NATURE

9 More Knowledge, LessWisdom

Less Knowledge, More Wisdom

10 LESS EMOTIONS More EMOTIONS

11 THINK from MIND (Intellect) FEEL from HEART. Women arethe primal source of Love andAffection.

12 Basically WORKERS (Earners) Basically FACILITATORS(Family Makers)

13 Good at SINGLE TASK (LikeResearch)

Good at MULTI TASKING(Management)

14 Physiology needs more SLEEP Physiology needs less SLEEP

15 POOR Environment, Societyand Beauty conscious

BETTER Environment, Societyand Beauty conscious

16 Good at Higher Educationespecially at Masters andDoctoral Levels

Good at School Education(Better learning capacity atages 13-15 Years than boys)

17 Poor Memory Better Memory

18 Speak Less Speak More

19 More focused on outsideworld. Public and SocietalInterest

More interested in Family andDomestic Management.

20 Broad Minded Not so broad minded21 Less Gossiping More Gossiping

22 Less attached to Parents More attached to Parents

23 Mingle Easily. Easily formgroups and gangs.

Confined. Intimate Groups andFriendships. Less stablegroups.

24 Generally fit for PrimaryRole (More Leaders)

Generally fit for SubordinateRole (Less Leaders)

25 Prefer any Authority Prefer Male authority toFemale Authorit


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The above listed inborn tendencies are natural andcommon to respective genders in most of the socio-culturalgroups. There is nothing to be proud or ashamed aboutbeing so. These tendencies have been passed on forgenerations in the genes of every human being according tothe gender. Nobody can too much infringe upon the inborntraits of the other gender. The interchanging of roles ofMen and Women will only lead to chaos.

In every Male there are Feminine Principles and in everyFemale there are Male principles. Its the BiologicalDifferences and difference in the Male and Female patternof Principles make one attracted to the other. TheOPPOSITE POLARITIES usually attracts. When the patternsare similar, LIKE POLARITIES usually repulse leading tostrained Husband and Wife Relationships.

Both Husband and Wife should understand their inbuilt

limitations and behave accordingly.

M: Can you name top reasons which are the source ofconflict between Husband and Wife?Ego, Money, Children, Elders, Freedom, Sex, Suspicion,Addictions, are the main reasons for conflicts amongHusband and Wife. When both Husband and Wife are

employed, it is usually, the Wife who has to take the extraburden of managing the household chaos, and naturallythey are subject to extra burden. Even, if the wife does notgo for a job, her household work will be enormous. Manyfamily women work 24x7 hours. Every husband should


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understand this. Every wife is worth being saluted by herHusband.

M: What about the Role of EGO in Husband Wife

Relationship?

EGO itself is a great illusion. Its the False Pride thatexhibits as EGO. Why should EGO raise its ugly head in theclosest relationship? Be the first to shed the EGO. It doesnot matter between Husband Wife Relationship, but in allrelationships.M: Should there be secrecies within Husband WifeRelationship?G: Secrecies are Secrecies. It does not matter what therelationship is. If certain genuine secrecies, like pre-marital relationships, if revealed may spoil the HusbandWife Relationship, better they may be kept Secret forever.This does not mean that forth coming actions can be

purposefully done wrong and kept as secret. Genuinenessof the secrecy is very vital. Genuineness matters.M: Children as point of conflict in bringing up betweenHusband and Wife?G: Children sometimes become source of conflict amongparents. One may like to give better freedom while the

other may abhor it. Any freedom in excess of desired limitswill ruin the childrens future. Freedom should be given tochildren only after consensus between Husband and Wifealong with riders and hence explaining the consequences isvital.


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M: How about Divorce?G: Even, if one in the conflicting pair is MATURED theremay not be need for a divorce. If both the persons are

immature Divorce becomes unavoidable. There can be noalternative to Divorce if there is continuous PhysicalViolence, Addictions, Mental Torture etc. These are theactions of a Lower Self. If a person persistently live as aLower Self with Animalistic Characteristics what else couldbe the alternative except to seek a divorce? Peace is moreimportant than to live always in conflicts.

Seeking Divorce merely for Egoistic Issues is really absurd.M: What about Elders in Family?G: Elders should avoid giving unnecessary advices togrownup couples. Many mistakes lie with elders also as theydo not understand REALITY of the present day lifesituations. This does not mean that elders should be dumb

spectators. Their advice must be much limited. Eldersshould also understand that they become redundant after aparticular age (especially after 70), try to become moreaccommodative, and know to keep mute.

The above advice for elders in NO WAY DIMINISHS theresponsibility of youngsters taking care of Elders at theirold age irrespective of their lineage whether from HusbandSide or Wife Side. It is the LIABILITY and BOUNDEN DUTY ofYOUNG to take care of ELDERS without sending them to OldAge Homes, except in case of extraordinary circumstanceslike being permanently transferred to remote and far offlocations.


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M: What are your advices for husband and wife?My advices are as here under:

1. Mutual Understanding: Most Human Relationships areMutual, like two way traffic. Mutual Understanding is thePrimal Objective in Husband Wife Relationship. EitherHusband or Wife with GENEROUS MENTALITY is absolutelyessential for sustenance of relationships. This becomesmore important during the first few years of marriage till achild is born. The child usually becomes the integrator ofthe family usually.

2. Character: Character is the most valuable possessionone can ever acquire. Character is the inward values thatdetermine ones outward actions. Flawed character is themain reason for all breakage in Human Relationship.

3. Trust: Trust is the most important factor for allRelationships. When trust is broken it leads to end of

relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion. Suspicionleads to anger. Anger creates enmity. Enmity leads toseparation.4. Words: Words can make or break relationships. Usewords cautiously. Frequent exchange of harsh words willplant the seed for bad relationship.

5. Love: True love begins only after marriage. Till suchtime Love is merely a hypothesis. If the excitement of lovewears off after marriage, they discover that marriage is nota bed of roses. Everyone look forward to being loved andrespected.


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6. Pointing Fingers: Bear in mind that nobody isperfect. Constant accusations will only harm therelationship. Pointing fingers is the easy way out! Take anextra step and really think about the situation. Do not

point fingers.

7. Perception: Perceptions always arise from Mind.Perception is the process of obtaining awareness andunderstanding of sensory data. Dont perceive imaginativestories and make your life hell.

8. Patience: Patience is the greatest of all virtues.Patience is the level of endurance one can take duringnegativity. Patience and Silence can altogether change theway an argument proceed.

9. Lowering the Expectations: Sometimes lowering theexpectations is the only thing you can do in order to enjoya happy husband wife relationship. Be happy with what youhave and just be satisfied.

10. Go elsewhere and speak openly: When in tussleplan for a travel and discuss openly. A change of place willopen up the HEART. Go to a Restaurant; Go for a Walk,Watch a movie in a Theatre etc. Change of place has agreat bearing in understanding.

Husband and wife are co-equals,Partners, one in purpose as Soul

Husband is the provider and protector of FamilyWife is the primary nurturer of children

A home built on Love and Affection,

Where children can growMentally, Emotionally, Physically and Spiritually,


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Is a Paradise on Earth!

M: Thanks for your explanations on Husband and Wiferelationships. Take leave of you.

G: Everybody knows the Truth. But, who follows only wins!Thanks for listening! Love you so much!

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A Cup of Coffee With God Part 4