10 December 2016critiqu

If any of you have memories that span at least a year, and assuming you read this column instead of just using it as a spot to put your ketchup, then you recall a very impassioned article I wrote about the top five best Christmas movies.

It seems we have come full circle, since that was the first thing I ever wrote under the guise of this column. It is only fair that the cynicism I have gained over twelve months has led me down a path that could only lead to this month’s crackling top five list: the top five most peculiar Christmas movies.

5. Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christ-mas

World-renowned sitcom star Kirk Cameron has led modern day Chris-tianity in a way only Jesus himself has topped. The man got costars fired because of their sinful antics and single-handedly proved the existence of God with a banana. It was no ques-tion that his first holiday-oriented film would be a zany rollercoaster that Dr. Ben Carson praised as a modern classic. It is a strange film that tries to relate modern commercialism to true Christianity in a baffling series of fantastical flashbacks, resulting in some unintentional hilarity and a very convoluted message, which, as the tagline says, puts “the Christ back in Christmas”.

4. Silent Night Deadly Night Part 2This sequel to the highly controver-

sial holiday slasher shows the brother of an orphan who dressed as Santa Claus and murdered innocent people who decides to basically do the same exact thing. Along the way, he moves his eyebrows a whole lot and makes some seriously hilarious contortions with his face. After this movie, you will never look at garbage day the same way again.

3. ElvesIn this attempt at a Gremlins ripoff,

the late Dan Haggerty plays a mall Santa who has to face off against an evil elf. That is correct, elf. Singular, despite the title. That, surprisingly enough, fails to even be the weird-est aspect of this movie. The main heroine also has a little brother with incestuous feelings for her. Of course, the movie passes that off as typical family troubles and revolves around the far less disturbing story about a killer elf. Also, there are Nazis. I felt that was worth mentioning.

2. Santa Claus Conquers the Mar-tians

The title should explain it all for you. Oddly enough, the “martians” look like they are from Devo’s “Whip It” music video. Basically humans with pots on their head. Spoiler alert; Santa conquers them.

1. Santa ClausWhile it may be the most normal

sounding film on this list, Santa Claus has components to the plot that are not made so apparent in the title. As you might guess, this is another adventure surrounding everyone’s favorite fat bearded man. The only twist is that he is here to battle. Not with martians this time, but with something far less tangible: the Devil. That’s right, it’s the ultimate fight between good and evil. I dare anyone to pass on this epic clash of the 20th century.

What says you, dear reader? Are there any more holiday gems that transcend the mainstream criteria of weirdness? If you are aware of any, it’s nice to know that there is someone in the world with a more pointless life than mine.

Peacock Road Family Farm has been a long-standing staple of my family’s Christmas tradi-tion. Located in Lains-

burg, the farm has everything you could ever want in a Christmas tree-buying-endeavor.

Every December since I was little, the Swartz family has been trekking out to the tree lot to cut down that year’s tree. If you don’t want the lumberjack experience, they also have pre-cut trees, ready to be taken home.

Visitors may also choose from a vast selection of different kinds of trees to find the one that best fits their style,

home, family, etcetera.No visit to Peacock Road is com-

plete without lunch in the restored 100-year-old barn lovingly named “The Feed Trough.” They serve their famous pulled pork sandwiches, which are very good, hamburgers, soup and a myriad of other things guaranteed to warm your chilly, pine tree-cutting, hands. (Insider tip: The Polar Express and a light show are usually playing, it is worth checking out even if you are not hungry.)

Another worthwhile stop is the Sugar Shack, a little restored cabin that perpetually smells like woodsmoke, cinnamon and, you guessed it, sugar! The tiny house offers anything that could not be satisfied by your pulled pork sandwich. Donuts, hot apple

cider, caramel and baked goods are all served by a toasty warm wood

burning stove. Need I say more?A farm would not be complete

without animals. That is why, for the young or young at heart, a visit

Natalya SwartzStaff Reporter

Johnny MocnyEntertainment Editor

Luis BorreroStaff Reporter

Peacock Road Tree Farm offers family fun

to The Animal Park is another nec-essary stop. As a lifelong visitor to

the farm, I can vouch for the fluffiness of the rabbits, ador-ableness of the alpacas and the insatiable hunger of the goats. (Insider tip: make sure to check out the barn, if you are lucky they might have some baby animals.) Also offered at The Animal Farm are Pig Races, Cowboy Games and real-life reindeer.

If animals are not really your thing or Black Friday just didn’t do it for you, the

Christmas Shoppe is the place to be. The Christmas Shoppe caters to all your needs for Christmas orna-ments, wreaths, toys and Rosie and

Ralphie, the store’s two huge stuffed animal reindeer, a prime picture op-portunity. It is the perfect place to find all the little stocking stuffers, ornaments and holiday cheer you need.

What is Christmas without a visit to Santa? Families are welcome to take a train ride on the Peacock Express past a herd of reindeer, over the river and through the woods to Santa’s cabin! After telling jolly old St. Nick what you want for Christmas, you can enjoy a cup of hot cocoa and a roasted marshmal-low before your train ride back to the farm. (Insider tip: Santa is a very busy man and many kids want to see him. Reservations are strongly encouraged.)

Hopefully I have convinced you to start your own Christmas tradition at Peacock Road. Happy Holidays!

Childish Gambino’s Awaken, My Love! does not disappoint staff reporter

Zaytoon Holt provides delicous array of unique Mediterranean dishes

Spoiler Alert

With the release of Don-ald Glover’s third a lbum “Awaken, My Love!” Glover

proves yet again that he cannot be labeled as singular title, but several.

Under his alias, Childish Gambino, the comedian, actor, producer, rapper and songwriter took a sharp turn in his musical creativity with “Awaken, My Love.” as it transitions from the hip-hop/rap genre Gambino fans were more used to, to a thoroughly funkadelic, ‘70s R&B style.

The transition has provoked a bit of unrest in Gambino’s fan base, as some hoped to listen to the Gambino they were used to, not the musician express-ing a new artistic passion.

As a personal fan of Gambino, I’ve been long awaiting the release of more music, ever since his 2014 EP release of “Kauai,” and as a fan of his previ-ous style of art, I intend to share my thoughts on the album, song by song.

“Me and Your Mama” - As the first song released prior to the album drop, and the first I had the pleasure of listening to, I was very excited for the upcoming project. From this first experience, I could tell the album was going to be very different than older Gambino styles, and I wasn’t too unsettled. The song starts off with some calming, pleasing singing, then progresses to an almost tumultuous mix of singing and guitar. The lyrics are all about love, specifically deple-tion of, in a relationship, something that’s been a theme throughout Gam-bino’s career.

Have Some Love - This song is all about having love for one another, and probably a way of Gambino get-ting in touch with his roots, as the use of the word brother is used heavily. All in all, it’s a great, positive song consisting of funky sounds that are easily enjoyable.

“Boogieman” - Do not let this up-beat tune fool you, the song’s lyrics are quite dark. It’s a song that can put

you in a nice groove, but with actual analysis, it can be a little eerie. With lyrics like “With a gun in your hand, I’m the boogie man, I’m gonna come and get you.”, the song can surprise you, but still, it’s a pretty good song which I enjoy.

“Zombies” - Another seemingly spooky song focusing on simply zombies taking over. Gambino de-scribes a situation, through song, in which zombies are coming to feed and there’s no place to hide. So the song is a little dark, but it’s still funky and has actual vocals from Gambino, so that’s a plus.

“Riot” - Nothing like a groovy song about progression. Seemingly influenced specifically by the ‘70s, Gambino combines funk and social uproar from this time period. The song describes revolution and how things may seem hopeless during change, but you must stay strong. “No good fighting, world we’re out of captains, everyone just wants a better life, they tried to kill us, love

to say they feel us, but they won’t take my pride,”

“Redbone” - Hands down my favorite song of the album. The sounds remind me of old school music, and the vocals are on point. Of course, it’s a love song, but with Gambino, the love songs never get old.

“California” - California is one of the songs I have trouble getting into. It’s funky nonetheless, but the vocals are very odd. It’s really just a song praising California’s way of forcing a desire to live there on people, but everything is not always what it seems.

“Terrified” - Yet another spooky song, but this particular one is meant to sound a little creepy. It

starts off with signature scary sound effects and only gets more creepy. Slow vocals fused with fear-ful lyrics contribute to the spook, but it’s still a good song to listen to.

“Baby Boy” - A very sad sound-

ing song that takes a nostalgic look at Gambino as a baby. It depicts a mother somehow losing her touch with her baby boy, and her sadness that corre-lates. If you hear the song, you won’t think about the lyrics as much as you would if you were reading them online. Still, they can touch you; they’re quite deep.

“The Night Me and Your Mama Met” - No vocals, this song is a medley of pleasant sounds. Positive, and a bit relaxing, it’s good to listen to. A bit dis-appointing that there was no singing to jam to, because that’s what I appreciate the most in a Gambino song.

“Stand Tall” - A song that has poten-tial to inspire, Stand Tall is all about not backing down and staying strong. On initial listen, it could be mistaken for a show tune, showing similar sounding vocals, leading and backup. Following your dreams and carrying on is a recur-ring theme throughout, and honestly, it’s a bit too positive for me. I personally sort of like the darker songs over the superbly positive songs I guess.

To Holt residents, the space of 1979 N Aurelius has been somewhat of a lo-cal folklore. A magical place, just left of the 7/11, where restaurants come to die. Many businesses have attempted to break this curse and many have failed.

Of course, that was until October of 2016.

Enter, Zaytoon Holt.With lines out the door and a warm

inviting interior, Zaytoon seemed too good to be true. Knowing the infamous history of prior resturants, I was initially apprehensive. Could I survive another

restaurant heartbreak? My doubts were silenced with my

first bite of falafel. This is some seri-ously good food.

Then, like music to my ears, I found out that Zaytoon offers an extensive vegetarian menu.

My personal favorite is the falafel combo, which consists of a big ol’ pile of tabouli salad, four freshly fried falafel and quite possibly the best hummus that has ever graced my taste buds.

For the more carnivorous indi-vidual, Zaytoon caters to you too, my meat-loving friend.

Proudly claimed “home of au-thentic chicken shawarma,” Zaytoon cooks their chicken on a vertical

broiler along with free-range New Zealand lamb. The use of quality ingredients is made apparent by the flavor.

Zaytoon does not disappoint. Another element of Zaytoon that I

really appreciated was the excellent customer service.

Zaytoon Holt is family owned and operated, and that truly shines through along with the fantastic food.

For anyone looking for a healthy, yet delicious, meal with a comfort-able atmosphere, Zaytoon Holt is worth a stop.

Zaytoon Holt is located on 1979 N Aurelius in Holt and is open 11 am to 8 pm Monday through Saturday.

Bernice GajdaEditor-in-Chief

Photos by Natalya Swartz

After telling jolly old St. Nick what you want for Christmas, you can enjoy a cup of hot cocoa and a roasted marshmallow.

Peackock Road Tree Farm features live reindeer, Rosie and Ralphie (huge stuffed animal reindeer), and a large selection of ornaments. Of course, fresh-cut trees are part of the experience.

December 2016 11critiqu

Ralphie, the store’s two huge stuffed animal reindeer, a prime picture op-portunity. It is the perfect place to find all the little stocking stuffers, ornaments and holiday cheer you need.

What is Christmas without a visit to Santa? Families are welcome to take a train ride on the Peacock Express past a herd of reindeer, over the river and through the woods to Santa’s cabin! After telling jolly old St. Nick what you want for Christmas, you can enjoy a cup of hot cocoa and a roasted marshmal-low before your train ride back to the farm. (Insider tip: Santa is a very busy man and many kids want to see him. Reservations are strongly encouraged.)

Hopefully I have convinced you to start your own Christmas tradition at Peacock Road. Happy Holidays!

Childish Gambino’s Awaken, My Love! does not disappoint staff reporter

Zaytoon Holt provides delicous array of unique Mediterranean dishes

Allison MurrayStaff Reporter

Arrival, a film that is filled with mystifying sights and sounds, along with a mind-

bending storyline, seeks to bring a new age to the sci-fi genre.

Before heading into this review, I’d like to point out if you have not seen Arrival, please DO NOT read on.

This will be filled with spoilers, and this particular film has one of those crazy endings that ruins the movie if you know it.

Here’s the basics: unknown, half-spherical spacecrafts land on earth and cause massive unrest.

Scientists must meet with the creatures in the crafts, which are later named Heptapods, to decipher their language and learn why they came to Earth.

Gabe HalesStaff Reporter

Science Fiction film Arrival filled with mind-bending mystery

Illustration by Gabe Hales

Spoiler Alert

Of course, there is so much mixed into this that creates the delicious plotline that follows, so let’s dive in.

First off, writer Eric Heisserer and director Denis Villeneuve are the per-fect team to deliver this story.

Creating an abstract plot can be hard in the first place, but adding multiple time sequences and mixing the film’s layout, much like Christopher Nolan’s ‘Memento,’ adds just enough chaos to make this almost impossible to decode.

Coming out of this movie the viewer is likely to be confused, but if you look back at the piece, everything is there for you, in many cases right in front of your eyes.

You just didn’t know it yet. The added hints and brief flashbacks,

or forwards, if you will, make Arrival seem like a puzzle for the viewer to solve, which we will address later.

Along with the magnificent cin-ematography and plot line, composer Johann Johannsson created a stellar score for the film, making you grip the sides of your seat at the stressful moments, and audibly sighing in relief when those moments have passed.

Coupled with the long shots and slow moving pans, the viewer discov-

ers the movie on their own, and feel as if they were experiencing the events, not only with, but as the main character, Dr. Louise Banks portrayed by Amy Adams.

As stated above, this movie is laid out much like the early 2000s film Memento, where the plot is fed to you in a different order than how it actually played out.

The trick with Arrival is that you don’t know this is happening until the last ten minutes.

The sequences at the start show Banks playing with who we are led to believe to be her daughter as she grows from a baby to a teen, at which point she ends up dying of cancer.

The film is shown in a way that makes the viewer think that it all took place chronologically, even having

Banks get flashbacks through-out the plot.

But what the viewers don’t know is that these are actually flashforwards; the Heptapods are slowly letting her see her future and access time in an open, linear aspect.

Another astonishing aspect is the writer’s portrayal of time: by the end of the movie we find that Heptapods can actually see time in its entirety in a linear fashion.

Essentially they can access all points of their lives and know what’s going to happen at any given moment, so everything that plays out in the movie, they knew about beforehand.

This is the entire reason they come to Earth and choose Dr. Banks to be the one to decipher their language—they knew that in thousands of years, the Heptapods would die out, so they needed humans to be able to help them survive.

But if the humans never knew they existed, that would be impossible. This led the Heptapods to come to Earth to establish first contact, thus starting the story.

If you are looking for a movie that will make you walk out of the theater and think, not only during the drive home, but maybe even into the next few days, Arrival does just that.

If you have the time this holiday weekend, take a trip to your local theater and see this movie.

You won’t regret it.

Holiday Trap Remixes

Carol of the Bells- Goblins from Mars Trap Remix

Sometimes I can’t tell if this really is a remix of “Carol of the Bells”, but it still kind of bangs. I’d listen to it just about anytime during the holiday season probably. I prefer it to the original but nothing compares to the Trans Siberian Orchestra version.

Jingle Bells- Steviie Wonder & Keeanu Trap Remix

Not a lot of words from the actual song more than maybe the first line. A fun electronic beat. I would probably play it at a Christmas party, but towards the end of the night when people would be less inclined to question it.

Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree - Prophet Trap Remix

A lot of actual lyrical content. Prob-ably the best option if you plan on play-ing trap remixes for your family over break. It’s a good one. Even your older family members would probably like it if they had a couple drinks in them.

Frosty the SnowDub - Nave

Surprisingly enough, when it comes to “Frosty the Snowman trap remix” not a lot pops up. How-ever, Nave’s remix includes the cheerful tune as well as character voices from the movie. Not a lot of actual lyrics from the song. There’s a lot going on at once but I think it works. I don’t think I’d play this for anyone but myself, though. I feel like this one is better to appreciate on your own.

Jingle Bell Rock - Blitz Trap Remix

This one holds a lot of the original lyri-cal content which I enjoy. I’d give it a few listens just for fun. It gets really funky around a minute and 30 seconds. I’d play it at a holiday party as long as there weren’t a lot of old people to complain about the song’s odd qualities.

Nutcrackers TRAP - NoXuu Trap Remix

Really nice beat. Weird little voice that pops up about a minute into the remix. Kind of spooky. Not the biggest fan of that bit. I think maybe some bark-ing noises in the background too? Not quite sure. Makes for nice background music at family gatherings over the holidays if you keep the volume low.

Nightm are Before Christmas - Nate Maelz & StickyBeats Trap Remix

Pretty funky beat. Spooky and festive. A good listen. Would play at any event any time of year, especially during October through December.

Sleigh Bells - PhatCap! Trap Remix

More lyrical content. The bass goes in and out consistently throughout the song. Kind of trippy if you listen with earbuds. I’d play it at a Christmas party at any point throughout the night. Probably even in the car just to enjoy.

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Photos by Natalya Swartz