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Day #3 of 8Types of Attachment
&Communication
Day #3 of 8Types of Attachment
&Communication
Roster: Handouts:
Please verify yourinformation and put a checkmark next to your name or add your name.
Please pick up a copy of today’s handouts.
http://www.canyons.edu/faculty/rafterm
Love & Loss Day #3 of 8
3 Types of Attachment FormationMary Ainsworth
Attachment Formation & Adult Relationships
Men’s vs. Women’s Communication Styles
Deborah Tannen2
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3 Types of Attachment Formation
Mary Ainsworth
Secure(Anxious) Avoidant
Anxious Ambivalent Resistant
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A video clip on our Day #3 Information Page The Strange Situation – Mary Ainsworth (3:15)
Mary Ainsworth’s “Strange Situation” Parent & Baby play
Parent as a secure base - Parent sits while Baby plays
Stranger Anxiety - Stranger enters and talks to Parent
Separation Anxiety - Parent leaves – Stranger lets Baby play & comforts if needed
Reaction to Reunion - Parent returns, greets Baby, comforts if needed, Stranger leaves
Separation Anxiety - Parent leaves
Stranger Anxiety and Ability to be soothed by stranger - Stranger enters, comforts if needed
Reaction to Reunion - Parent returns, greets Baby, comforts if needed, lets Baby return to play
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Four Attachment Types Secure Attachment: A child who is securely attached to its caregiver will
explore freely while the caregiver is present, will engage with strangers, will be visibly upset when the caregiver departs, and happy to see the caregiver return. The child will not engage with the stranger if the caregiver is not in the room.
Anxious-Ambivalent Insecure Attachment: A child with an anxious-resistant attachment style is anxious of exploration and of strangers, even when the caregiver is present. When the caregiver departs, the child is extremely distressed. The child will be ambivalent when she returns and will seek to remain close to the caregiver, but will be resentful, and also resistant when the caregiver initiates attention.
Avoidant Anxious-Insecure Attachment: A child with an anxious-avoidant attachment style will avoid or ignore the caregiver and show little emotion when the caregiver departs or returns. The child will not explore very much, regardless of who is there. Strangers will not be treated very differently from the caregiver. There is not much emotional range displayed regardless of who is in the room or if it is empty.
Disorganized/Disoriented attachment: Characterized in Ainsworth's "strange situation" task as a child who exhibits behavioral disorganization or disorientation in the form of wandering, confused expressions, freezing, undirected movements, or contradictory (i.e. "unorganized") patterns of interaction with a caregiver.
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Attachment Style
Nature or Nurture?
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Identical TwinsSeparated at Birth
Twin Female Teenagers
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Attachment Style
. . . and memory.
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Attachment Style
measured at 12 months old.29 Secure and 24 Insecure
(Ambivalent & Avoidant)
. . . and memory for good events & bad events
measured at age 3
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3-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN AND THEIR MEMORY FOR EVENTS
ChildAttachment Type
at 12 months
Memory forGood Event
Memory forBad Event
Secure
Insecure
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3-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN AND THEIR MEMORY FOR EVENTS
ChildAttachment Type
at 12 months
Memory forGood Event
Memory forBad Event
Secure Very Good Very Poor
Insecure
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3-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN AND THEIR MEMORY FOR EVENTS
ChildAttachment Type
at 12 months
Memory forGood Event
Memory forBad Event
Secure Very Good Very Poor
Insecure Very Poor Very Good
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Attachment Formation&
Adult Relationships
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See the last page of today’s notepages.
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REJECTION SENSITIVITY
is related to poor attachment formation. Insecure Attachment
FormationMania love style
Safety & Belongingness needs
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Rejection Sensitivityis related topoor attachment formation.
If Relationship Involvement is
Low…
…The person will likely terminate the relationship at any sign of rejection. 17
Rejection Sensitivityis related topoor attachment formation.
If Relationship Involvement is
High…
…The person will likely become jealous, controlling, hostile, and
then abusive at any sign of rejection.
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Communication Styles
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21
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Eden & MandyThey have been
married8 years
and have3 young children.
(14:12)
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A Brief Break, during which…
Please ask someone else, what they thoughtwas most importantfrom today’s classso far.
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ROMANCE
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DESIRE&
“THE BASES”
TO INCREASEROMANCE & DESIRE
INCREASETHE NUMBER OF “BASES”
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See Gottman’s 7 Principles on our Day #3 NotePages.
LOVE &COMMUNICATION STYLES:COMMUNICATION STYLES:WOMEN’S AND MEN’SWOMEN’S AND MEN’SDEBORAH TANNENDEBORAH TANNEN
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ExpressiveExpressive
InstrumentalInstrumental
FEMALE COMMUNICATION - EXPRESSIVE - The person already feels intimate
(willing to share concerns) and expresses (shares) thoughts, emotions, and behaviors as a means to express and enhance the intimacy.
Sharing a concern is an expression of intimacy.
Silence = no intimacy.29
MALE COMMUNICATION - INSTRUMENTAL –
The person wants to change the universe (solve a problem or increase status) communication is an instrument (a means) to change things.
Silence = no problem. Sharing a concern may decrease status.
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HOMECOMING GREETINGS
AND COMMUNICATION
STYLES
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John Prine’s Angel from Montgomery“How can a person go to work each dayCome home in the evening And have nothing to say?”
LOVE & SEX
AND
COMMUNICATION STYLES
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LOVE & SEX
1st 2ndFemale Love - Sex
Male Sex Love
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“Sex” as a mode of communication:Expressive of love felt or Instrumental in
getting love
Two versions of “The Love Song”Female & Male
LOVE or SEX?
#1Female Love
Male Sex
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Which is most special?
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TREASURE TREASURE MOMENTS MOMENTS TOGETHER.TOGETHER.
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“May you find your treasure
everyday!”
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The End.