Parenting 3 prov 24 3 4 043010

Perfecting Our Parenting

Direction Out of DysfunctionProverbs 24:3-4

An Experiential Exegesis of the Plight

of Step-Parenting1. One of the

greatest parenting challenges that exists is trying to be a step-parent

An Experiential Exegesis of the Plight

of Step-Parenting2. It is harder

to manage a home when the children arrived before the marriage

An Experiential Exegesis of the Plight

of Step-Parenting3. When we discuss perfecting

our parenting, we are referring to many different kinds of family configurations

Thesis:•We insist on a strictly

biblical model for families, and not all families in the Bible were simple nuclear configurations.

Challenges to Blended Family Functionality

1. Issues of relational management

Point 1.

•Step-families don’t have a family tree; they have a family forest!

Challenges to Blended Family Functionality

1. Issues of relational management

2. Issues of managing loss

Challenges to Blended Family Functionality

1. Issues of relational management

2. Issues of managing loss3. Feelings of guilt, failure and

grief are compounded over time and get dragged into the early days of a blended family

The 3G Strategy

A. Grieve the lossB. Grant forgivenessC. Get on with life

Challenges to Blended Family Functionality

4. The parent-child relationship predates the couple relationship, and that naturally produces rivalry, jealousy and competition

Challenges to Blended Family Functionality

5. Relationships with stepchildren develop slowly, especially in the first two years

Challenges to Blended Family Functionality

5. Relationships with stepchildren develop slowly, especially in the first two years

6. Adding the Ex-factor complicates an already complex situation

Challenges to Blended Family Functionality

7. Blended families receive far less emotional, physical and spiritual support from the church, their families and friends, than do “normal” nuclear couples

Challenges to Blended Family Functionality

7. Blended families receive far less emotional, physical and spiritual support from the church, their families and friends, than do “normal” nuclear couples

8. Probability of a step-family breakup is 55 to 75 percent, and are 50% more likely to fail than a first marriage

Handling Up on Blended Family

Business

1. Slowly, prayerfully, and

carefully pick the person you are going to parent

with

Handling Up on Blended Family

Business

2. If you are married to the

biological mother or father of some

or all of your kids, use Bible

principles to make the marriage work

Handling Up on Blended Family

Business3. If you are now blended in your

family, view it providentially, and recognize the fact

that you are charged by God with a

responsibility to perfect your

parenting biblically

Element of Encouragement #1.

•Parenting a blended family is hard, but endure hardness, because it is supported by God’s providence.

Element of Encouragement #2.

• In order to succeed you are going to have to activate God’s providence by prayer.

Element of Encouragement #3.

•Prayer will enable you to be persistent by allowing you to gain perspective.

Element of Encouragement #4.

•As you do what Jesus did, you will be empowered with a radical vision, strategy and sacrificial love to do the same.

Point 2.

•One of the most important qualities you can have as a parent in a blended family is teachability.

Seven Strategies for Success

1. Advance as a team

Seven Strategies for Success

1. Advance as a team2. Avoid step-parent

bashing

Seven Strategies for Success

1. Advance as a team2. Avoid step-parent

bashing3. Admit the truth on

issues of discipline

Point 3.

•You can always come to a negotiated solution by walking to the center from the extremes.

Seven Strategies for Success

4. As your kids age you have to out-think them

Seven Strategies for Success

4. As your kids age you have to out-think them

5. Acknowledge that relationship precedes setting rules

Point 4.• If you go out of control

because your child or your spouse will not do what you want them to, then you have lost control of the one thing you were to maintain control over during their disobedience.

Seven Strategies for Success

6. Appreciate everything until further notice

Seven Strategies for Success

6. Appreciate everything until further notice

7. Appeal to a higher authority