Recapping the end of the last lecture Common modifier mistakes That versus Which Subordinating...

Recapping the end of the last lecture

• Common modifier mistakes

• That versus Which

• Subordinating conjunctions

Bad modifiersPage 83 makes a note about two common errors:• Misplaced modifiers

– “You must enter the room where the experiment is taking place quietly.”

• It sounds like the experiment is quiet, not you.• “quietly” is a misplaced modifier. Put before “enter”.• To be even clearer, try: “You must be quiet when you enter the

room where the experiment is taking place.”

• Dangling modifiers – “In monitoring the emissions carefully, air quality was

significantly improved”• It sounds like your monitoring caused the improvement.• “In monitoring the emissions carefully” is a dangling modifier.

Where is the noun phrase that it is supposed to modify?

2 important types of subordinates

• “That” and “which” clauses

• Subordinate conjunctions like “if”, “although”, “because”, …

That or Which?

• People often get them confused. It’s generally more likely for a “which” to be wrong than for a “that” to be.

In other words, “which” gets overused. Sometimes you say “which” but should have said “that” Another way to say it: if the sentence still sounds correct after replacing the “which” with a “that”, the that is probably correct.

The bottom of page 84 and top of page 85 give a formal answer.

Which

• “Which” is a pronoun, so it should refer unambiguously to a previously mentioned noun.– Page 84 gives a good example of a which that has

no such noun to modify. • On one hand, you could argue that the sentence still

makes sense.• On the other hand, the alternative does sound better.

– So “which” should connect to a noun– Sometimes the best solution to a dangling “which” is to rewrite

the sentence without the “which”

That• “That” clarifies meaning

– The ball that has a blue stripe on it is gone.

• Insert a “that” when it is needed to prevent a misreading

• Sometimes the “that” can be dropped:– The director feels [that] we…– But it would not be wrong to keep the “that”, so, when in

doubt, keep it.• The example “We discovered the problem was not in the new

software but in the firmware for the system.”– The reader thinks that you discovered a problem

– Actually, you discovered the source of an already known problem

– Such an error is easy to miss in revision, because it sounds right to you (but to no one else).

Subordinating conjunctions

• There are many subordinating conjunctions– Temporal: “after”, “since”, “while”, “when”, …– Causal: “because”, “as”, “thus”, …– Conditional: “if”, “although”, “though”, ….

• Each of these has a different meaning, and you should choose the right conjunction carefully. – Technical writing uses these words precisely– Consider the p 85 example of when and whenever

• “Since” and “while” are evolving words in the English language.– They begin to be used not only for temporal conjunctions– If you are overusing the word “whereas”, you can use “while”– If you are overusing the word “because”, you can use “since”

New material for today

1. Exercise 3.2

2. Making your draft coherent

3. Introducing The Elements of Style

Look at Exercise 3.2• Technical writing is not a meant to be about

the words but about the content.

• Exercise 3.2 passes the content test: its meaning is clear and organized.

• But Exercise 3.2 also shows there is more to writing than clarity. When very overused, simple sentence become sentences miss an opportunity to help the reader awkward.

• Beyond awkwardness, simple follow logical connections between sentences

Look at Exercise 3.2• Technical writing is not a meant to be about

the words but about the content.

• Exercise 3.2 passes the content test: its meaning is clear and organized.

• But Exercise 3.2 also shows there is more to writing than clarity When very overused, simple sentence become sentences miss an opportunity to help the reader awkward.

• Beyond awkwardness, simple follow logical connections between sentences

Look at Exercise 3.2• Technical writing is not a meant to be about

the words but about the content.

• Exercise 3.2 passes the content test: its meaning is clear and organized.

• But Exercise 3.2 also shows there is more to writing than clarity. When very overused, simple sentence become sentences miss an opportunity to help the reader awkward.

• Beyond awkwardness, simple follow logical connections between sentences

Fix it!

• Think about what is wrong with the paragraph in Exercise 3.2.

• Any suggestion on some ways to fix it?

How about this version: The eye’s primary protections against foreign substances are: the

sclera, the cornea, the lacrimal glands, the eyelashes, and the eyelids. The sclera is the “white of the eye,” an opaque, fibrous coating that covers all but the anterior portion of the eyeball. The cornea covers this anterior portion. It is transparent but appears colored because it lies on top of the iris. The lacrimal glands, though not part of the eyeball per se, produce tears that serve to lubricate and clean the cornea of foreign particulate matter and organisms. These glands are roughly the size and shape of a small almond, and are located at the upper outer margin of each orbit. The eyelashes provide some additional protection against foreign particles; not only because of the hairs themselves, but also because these hair follicles produce their own, additional, lubricating fluid. The eyelids, those folds of skin above and below the eyeball, are provided with yet another protective mechanism: a mucous membrane lining on their inner surfaces.

How about this version: The eye’s primary protections against foreign substances are: the

sclera, the cornea, the lacrimal glands, the eyelashes, and the eyelids. The sclera is the “white of the eye,” an opaque, fibrous coating that covers all but the anterior portion of the eyeball. The cornea covers this anterior portion. It is transparent but appears colored because it lies on top of the iris. The lacrimal glands, though not part of the eyeball per se, produce tears that serve to lubricate and clean the cornea of foreign particulate matter and organisms. These glands are roughly the size and shape of a small almond, and are located at the upper outer margin of each orbit. The eyelashes provide some additional protection against foreign particles; not only because of the hairs themselves, but also because these hair follicles produce their own, additional, lubricating fluid. The eyelids, those folds of skin above and below the eyeball, are provided with yet another protective mechanism: a mucous membrane lining on their inner surfaces.

How about this version: The eye’s primary protections against foreign substances are: the

sclera, the cornea, the lacrimal glands, the eyelashes, and the eyelids. The sclera is the “white of the eye,” an opaque, fibrous coating that covers all but the anterior portion of the eyeball. The cornea covers this anterior portion. It is transparent but appears colored because it lies on top of the iris. The lacrimal glands, though not part of the eyeball per se, produce tears that serve to lubricate and clean the cornea of foreign particulate matter and organisms. These glands are roughly the size and shape of a small almond, and are located at the upper outer margin of each orbit. The eyelashes provide some additional protection against foreign particles; not only because of the hairs themselves, but also because these hair follicles produce their own, additional, lubricating fluid. The eyelids, those folds of skin above and below the eyeball, are provided with yet another protective mechanism: a mucous membrane lining on their inner surfaces.

How about this version: The eye’s primary protections against foreign substances are: the

sclera, the cornea, the lacrimal glands, the eyelashes, and the eyelids. The sclera is the “white of the eye,” an opaque, fibrous coating that covers all but the anterior portion of the eyeball. The cornea covers this anterior portion. It is transparent but appears colored because it lies on top of the iris. The lacrimal glands, though not part of the eyeball per se, produce tears that serve to lubricate and clean the cornea of foreign particulate matter and organisms. These glands are roughly the size and shape of a small almond, and are located at the upper outer margin of each orbit. The eyelashes provide some additional protection against foreign particles; not only because of the hairs themselves, but also because these hair follicles produce their own, additional, lubricating fluid. The eyelids, those folds of skin above and below the eyeball, are provided with yet another protective mechanism: a mucous membrane lining on their inner surfaces.

How about this version: The eye’s primary protections against foreign substances are: the

sclera, the cornea, the lacrimal glands, the eyelashes, and the eyelids. The sclera is the “white of the eye,” an opaque, fibrous coating that covers all but the anterior portion of the eyeball. The cornea covers this anterior portion. It is transparent but appears colored because it lies on top of the iris. The lacrimal glands, though not part of the eyeball per se, produce tears that serve to lubricate and clean the cornea of foreign particulate matter and organisms. These glands are roughly the size and shape of a small almond, and are located at the upper outer margin of each orbit. The eyelashes provide some additional protection against foreign particles; not only because of the hairs themselves, but also because these hair follicles produce their own, additional, lubricating fluid. The eyelids, those folds of skin above and below the eyeball, are provided with yet another protective mechanism: a mucous membrane lining on their inner surfaces.

How about this version: The eye’s primary protections against foreign substances are: the

sclera, the cornea, the lacrimal glands, the eyelashes, and the eyelids. The sclera is the “white of the eye,” an opaque, fibrous coating that covers all but the anterior portion of the eyeball. The cornea covers this anterior portion. It is transparent but appears colored because it lies on top of the iris. The lacrimal glands, though not part of the eyeball per se, produce tears that serve to lubricate and clean the cornea of foreign particulate matter and organisms. These glands are roughly the size and shape of a small almond, and are located at the upper outer margin of each orbit. The eyelashes provide some additional protection against foreign particles; not only because of the hairs themselves, but also because these hair follicles produce their own, additional, lubricating fluid. The eyelids, those folds of skin above and below the eyeball, are provided with yet another protective mechanism: a mucous membrane lining on their inner surfaces.

Moving on to the next section:Making your draft coherent

• This final section of chapter 3 is all about transitions:– Between sentences

– Between paragraphs

– Between sections

Transitions• Transitions are so important

• Novice writers rarely consider transitions, because you don’t need them – its your readers who need them.– You know why you just said what you said

– You know why are now going to say what comes next.

– But your readers don’t know. They need transitions.

Transitions• Transitions are so important

• Novice writers rarely consider transitions, because you don’t need them – its your readers who need them.– You know why you just said what you said

– You know why are now going to say what comes next.

– But your readers don’t know. They need transitions.

Transitions• The place where transitions are often

neglected is where the topic changes.– Journal papers often switch topics– Paragraph topic sentences, in particular,

should always have appropriate transitions– A badly organized outline hinders transitions

• When I was in high school, I though adding a transition meant adding the word “also.” It does not mean this.

Transitions• The place where transitions are often

neglected is where the topic changes.– Journal papers often switch topics– Paragraph topic sentences, in particular,

should always have appropriate transitions– A badly organized outline hinders transitions

• When I was in high school, I though adding a transition meant adding the word “also.” It does not mean this.

Transitions• The place where transitions are often

neglected is where the topic changes.– Journal papers often switch topics– Paragraph topic sentences, in particular,

should always have appropriate transitions– A badly organized outline hinders transitions

• When I was in high school, I though adding a transition meant adding the word “also.” It does not mean this.

Transitions• The place where transitions are often

neglected is where the topic changes.– Journal papers often switch topics– Paragraph topic sentences, in particular,

should always have appropriate transitions– A badly organized outline hinders transitions

• When I was in high school, I though adding a transition meant adding the word “also.” It does not mean this.

Transitions• The place where transitions are often

neglected is where the topic changes.– Journal papers often switch topics– Paragraph topic sentences, in particular,

should always have appropriate transitions– A badly organized outline hinders transitions

• When I was in high school, I though adding a transition meant adding the word “also.” It does not mean this.

Transitions: pages 86-93• There are 3 main transition devices:

– Substituting pronouns for nouns– Repetition

• Words• Sentence structures

– Using explicit transitions• Simple words (like however, therefore, etc.)• Connecting ideas (phrases, sentences, even

paragraphs)

Transitions: pages 86-93• The material written on pages 86 to 93

–Is very important

–Is very well written

• As I was preparing these slides, I found that I could not summarize it because I didn’t want to lose any of the words.

• So let’s instead open to page 86 and look at it together, sentence by sentence

Transitions: pages 86-93• The material written on pages 86 to 93

–Is very important

–Is very well written

• As I was preparing these slides, I found that I could not summarize it because I didn’t want to lose any of the words.

• So let’s instead open to page 86 and look at it together, sentence by sentence

Transitions: pages 86-93• The material written on pages 86 to 93

–Is very important

–Is very well written

• As I was preparing these slides, I found that I could not summarize it because I didn’t want to lose any of the words.

• So let’s instead open to page 86 and look at it together, sentence by sentence

Transitions: pages 86-93• The material written on pages 86 to 93

–Is very important–Is very well written

• As I was preparing these slides, I found that I could not summarize it because I didn’t want to lose any of the words.

• So let’s instead open to page 86 and look at it together, sentence by sentence.

Pronoun substitution

Two (three) errors:

“The following steps explain to the beginner how to load a roll of film into their Okati III camera. It does not describe its mode selections.”

Pronoun substitution

Two (three) errors:

“The following steps explain to the beginner how to load a roll of film into their Okati III camera. It does not describe its mode selections.”

Pronoun substitution

Two (three) errors:

“The following steps explain to the beginner how to load a roll of film into their Okati III camera. It does not describe its mode selections.”

Pronoun substitution

Two (three) errors:

“The following steps explain to the beginner how to load a roll of film into their Okati III camera. It does not describe its mode selections.”

Problem 1: beginner is singular, their is plural

Pronoun substitution

Two (three) errors:

“The following steps explain to the beginner how to load a roll of film into their Okati III camera. It does not describe its mode selections.”

Problem 1: beginner is singular, their is plural

Problem 2: ?

Pronoun substitution

Two (three) errors:

“The following steps explain to the beginner how to load a roll of film into their Okati III camera. It does not describe its mode selections.”

Problem 1: beginner is singular, their is plural

Problem 2: ?

Pronoun substitution

Two (three) errors:

“The following steps explain to the beginner how to load a roll of film into their Okati III camera. It does not describe its mode selections.”

Problem 1: beginner is singular, their is plural

Problem 2: ?

Pronoun substitution

Two (three) errors:

“The following steps explain to the beginner how to load a roll of film into their Okati III camera. It does not describe its mode selections.”

Problem 1: beginner is singular, their is plural

Problem 2: It is an ambiguous substitute

Pronoun substitution

Two (three) errors:

“The following steps explain to the beginner how to load a roll of film into their Okati III camera. It does not describe its mode selections.”

Problem 1: beginner is singular, their is plural

Problem 2: It is an ambiguous substitute

Problem 3: ?

Pronoun substitution

Two (three) errors:

“The following steps explain to the beginner how to load a roll of film into their Okati III camera. It does not describe its mode selections.”

Problem 1: beginner is singular, their is plural

Problem 2: It is an ambiguous substitute

Problem 3: ?

Pronoun substitution

Two (three) errors:

“The following steps explain to the beginner how to load a roll of film into their Okati III camera. It does not describe its mode selections.”

Problem 1: beginner is singular, their is plural

Problem 2: It is an ambiguous substitute

Problem 3: ?

Pronoun substitution

Two (three) errors:

“The following steps explain to the beginner how to load a roll of film into their Okati III camera. It does not describe its mode selections.”

Problem 1: beginner is singular, their is plural

Problem 2: It is an ambiguous substitute

Problem 3: Its is an ambiguous substitute

Pronoun substitution

Two (three) errors:

“The following steps explain to the beginner how to load a roll of film into their Okati III camera. It does not describe its mode selections.”

Problem 1: beginner is singular, their is plural

Problem 2: It is an ambiguous substitute

Problem 3: Its is an ambiguous substitute

Repetition

• Word

• Structure

Explicit Transitions

• Words

• Connecting logic

Page 94

• The standardized format presented on page 94 is dated. It is designed for typewriters.

• Follow any format that you see and like from other technical papers in your field.

Page 95

• The material on page 95, however, is not dated.

• It contains the same advice that chapter 2 gave about outlines.– This is not surprising because these outline

entries often become the literal section and subsection titles.

The Elements of Style

William Strunk was an English Professor who designed a booklet on writing almost a century ago. He stressed brevity. And his booklet embodied it: it was short and practical, with real examples and no theory.

One of his students was E.B. White, a future author who would later use what he learned in his own writings. After White’s death he was asked to update the booklet. He also added a new chapter on style.

The Elements of Style

• Some of the tips in the book are not needed in computer science technical writing, but most are useful.

• When I entered the Ph.D. program, my advisor had me read it.

• I remember being impressed by the book; In just 38 pages, it cleared up for me many questions I had about grammar.

Homework

• Exercise 3.3: 1, 2

• Exercise 3.4

• Read chapter 4

• Review questions (p. 129-130):1, 6 - 14