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Dr. V.Veera Balaji Kumar BHMS., M Sc., M Phil (psychology)
INTER PERSONAL SKILLS Interpersonal skills is how
people relate to one another.
IPR is used often in business contexts to refer to the measure of a person's ability to operate within business organizations through social communication and interactions.
DEFINITION
The mental and communicative algorithms applied during social communications and interactions in order to reach certain effects or results.
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Interpersonal Skills
listening
conflict handling
using feedback
questioning
Speaking
ESSENTIAL IP COMPETENCIES
Self awareness Control Motivation Acknowledging the interests of
friends/co-workers Communication skills
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Self Awareness
That which allows us to stand apart and examine even the way we ‘see’ ourselves – our self-concept.
It affects not only our attitudes and behaviours, but also how we see other people.
Who am I ?
Know yourselfOur MIND contains many individual selves,• each with its own way of perceiving the world, • each with its own personal history, physical characteristics, emotional and physical reactions, and opinions on how we should run our lives
When do you introduce yourself ?
When you• Meet a person for the first time.• Go for an Interview•Want to make new friends• First day at college• First day at work• Want to start a new conversation with a person
Image & Self-Projection
Your Parents
We are shaped, consciously or unconsciously by the upbringing of our Parents.
Your Parents
Our Parents have gone through difficult times to make us what we are.
Your Parents
They suffer silently. Do not expect return in money
My Family
Our families have emerged after trial and tribulations of various types – financial, psychological or physical.
-- ThirukkuralThe best Original source on Inter-personal skills
DEVELOPING IP Skills
Developing Assertiveness Accepting Responsibility Managing Conflicts
Avoiding Accommodating Competing/Forcing Collaborating Compromising
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Factors Hampering Interpersonal Interactions
Poor Listening Emotional Arousal Lack of Time Differences in Attitude/
Values/beliefs
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Steps Toward Changing Behavior
Steps Toward Changing Behavior
1. Unconscious Incompetence
1. Unconscious Incompetence
2. Conscience Incompetence2. Conscience Incompetence
3. Conscience Competence3. Conscience Competence
4. Unconscious Competence4. Unconscious Competence
BEHAVIORBEHAVIORBEHAVIORBEHAVIOR
The New YOU!The New YOU!The New YOU!The New YOU!
Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis
Transactional Analysis A unified system of individual
and social psychiatry Focuses on the individual but
also one’s relationship to others
A model for explaining why and how:People think like they doPeople act like they doPeople interact/communicate with others
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Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis
Transactional Analysis People have three ego states: parent,
adult, child
Parent: when a person thinks, feels & behaves in ways copied from his/her parents
Child: thinking, feeling, behaving as one did as a child
Adult: thoughts, feelings, or behaviors that are a direct result of current happenings
Key point: people shift in & out of these states
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Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis
Transactional Analysis – further development Parent & child ego states subdivided
Parent state: controlling or nurturing
Child state: free child (FC) or adapted child (AC)
• AC – a person conforms & adapts to demands of others
FC – a person acts & feels like an uninhibited & impulsive child
Adult state: focus on current self – problem solving
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Ego Portraits
People have favorite, preferred ego state, depicted by larger circle in a diagramParent Adult Child
P
A
C
P
A
C
P
A
C
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BASIC HUMAN EGO STATES(PERSONALITY STATES)
THREE BASIC
EGO STATES
FURTHER BREAKDOWN OF EGO STATES
P(PARENT)
A(ADULT)
C(CHILD)
CRITICAL PARENT
NURTURING PARENT
ADULT
ADAPTED CHILD
NATURAL CHILD
LECTURING, CRITICIZING, MANY “OUGHTS”, “SHOULD” &”DON’TS”
CONSOLING, “TAKING CARE” OF OTHERS, SYMPATHY
OBJECTIVE, RATIONAL, ORIENTED TOWARD PROBLEM SOLVING, DE-EMPHASIZE EMOTION
MODIFIED BEHAVIOUR TO CONFORM TO ADULT EXPECTATIONS, MANUPULATIVE, SUMBISSIVE
PLAYFUL, IMPULSIVE, NATULRALLY CURIOUS &CREATIVE, FUN LOVING, REBELLIOUS
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TYPICAL WAYS OF EXPRESSING EGO STATES ON THE JOB
CRITICAL PARENT
NURTURING PARENT
ADULT
“CAN’T YOU TURN IN A REPORT ON TIME JUST ONCE?”“YOU SHOULD CLEAN UP YOUR DESK ONCE IN A WHILE!”“I’M SURPRISED AT YOU… THIS PRODUCT SHOULD HAVE BEEN COMPLETED A MONTH AGO.”
“I’M ONLY TRYING TO HELP YOU”
“LET ME CLEAN UP THAT DESK FOR YOU, MR. SMITH”
“YOU’VE DONE A SWELL JOB, TOM.”
ADAPTED CHILD
NATURAL CHILD
“WHAT ARE THE ALTERNATIVES?”
“CAN’T WE REACH SOME SORT OF COMPROMISE?”
“WHAT CONSEQUENCES WILL THIS ACTION HAVE?”
“ANYTHING YOU SAY, SIR!”
“SORRY, I’LL TRY TO IMPROVE.”
“WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PICK ON ME… THE OTHERS WERE IN ON THIS TOO!”
“LET ME SEE HOW THIS GADGET WORKS.”
“WONDER WHAT HAPPENS IF WE DO IT THIS WAY?”
“LET’S KNOCK OFF FOR TODAY! WHO WANTS TO WORK ON A FRIDAY AFTERNOON ANYWAY?”
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Types of Transactions
Complementary Transactions: Appropriate and Expected Transactions indicating healthy human relationships.
Communication takes place when transactions are complementary. A stimulus invites a response; this response becomes a stimulus inviting further response and so on.
Complementary transaction between supervisor & employee
Supervisor EmployeeP
CA
P
CA
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Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis
Transactional Analysis occurs when the ego states of 2 people interacting is assessed
Complimentary interaction: one person in a nurturing parent ego
state
other person in their adaptive child ego state
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Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis
Transactional Analysis occurs when the ego states of 2 people interacting is assessed, cont’d.
Crossed transaction: A leader in the adult ego state deals with A subordinate who responds from their free
child ego state with somewhat negative, rejecting input from the leader
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Transactional Analysis Types (II)
Crossed transaction
Supervisor EmployeeP
C
A
P
C
A
Crossed Transaction: This causes most difficulties in social situations.
“May be, you should improve your study habits”.“You always find fault with me whatever I do” Parent-Child interaction.
Ulterior Transactions
Occur when the words seem to be coming from one ego state, but in reality the words or behaviors are coming from another Sometimes when people don’t know what
they want or how to ask for it in a direct way, they resort to ulterior transactions
Best to avoid ulterior transactions because they tend to waste time
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Transactional Analysis Types (III)
Ulterior transaction
Supervisor Employee
Supervisor Employee
P
CA
P
CA
P
CA
P
CA
(T.A.) Strokes
Strokes are the recognition one person gives another
These begin in infancy as hugs
Later in life become more verbal/abstract
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STROKINGTHE TYPES OF STROKES YOU SEEK DEPEND ON YOUR OKAYNESS
PRAISE
COMPLEMENTS
RECOGNITION
AFFECTION
REWARDS
SYMPATHY
CONSOLATION
SELF-SATISFACTION FROM JOB WELL
DONE
PUT-DOWNS
CRITICISM
DEGRADING
RIDICULE
SCOLDING
PUNISHMENT
DISCOUNTING
POSITIVE STROKES
NEGATIVESTROKES
CONDITIONAL STROKES
STROKES WITH ULTERIOR MOTIVES
STROKES GIVEN FOR WHAT YOU DO,
RATHER THAN FOR WHAT YOU ARE:
(1) PERFORMANCE ORIENTED STROKES
(2) ACCOMODATION & CONFORMITY ORIENTED STROKES
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Life Positions
I’m OK — I’m OK —You’re not OK You’re OK
I’m not OK — I’m not OK —You’re not OK You’re OK
Attit
ude
towa
rd O
nese
lf
Attitude toward Others
Negative Positive
Positive
Negative
TA Life Positions
I’m not OK, you’re OK
‘I wish I could do it as well as you do’
ME
YOU• CHILD-TO-ADULT EGO STATE ACTIVATED.
• FEELINGS OF INFERIORITY; • HERO WORSHIP; • LOOKING FOR PARENT
SUBSTITUTES. • SEEKS DOMINANCE FROM
OTHERS.
TA Life Positions
I’m OK, you’re not OK
‘You’re not doing it right, let me show you’
ME
YOU• USUALLY CRITICAL PARENT EGO STATE ACTIVATED.
• MAY EVOLVE FROM HURT OR DISCOUNTED CHILD GIVING HIMSELF STROKES.
• FEELS DISTRUST, ANGER, SUPERIORITY.
TA Life Positions
I’m not OK, you’re not OK
‘This is terrible, we’ll never succeed’
ME
YOU• POOR MENTAL HEALTH• LACKS TRUST IN SELF &
OTHERS. • FEELINGS OF
HOPELESSNESS OFTEN • EXTREME DEPRESSION.
TA Life Positions
I’m OK, you’re OK
‘We’re making good progress here’
ME
YOU• THE “WINNER”,
HEALTHY, OPTIMISTIC, PROACTIVE
• WIN –WIN ATTITUDE• USUALLY ADULT-TO-
ADULT EGO STATE.• IDEAL LIFE
POSITION
Building Positive Relationship
Use of ‘I’ Focus on problem solving Don’t Deceive Empathy Listen
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Building Positive RelationshipUse of Praise
Be specific Praise progress Sincere Don’t overdo Timing
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Past ExperiencesPast Experiences
Ouch!
Ouch!Ouch!
Ouch!
Ouch!
Ouch!
Ouch!
Ouch! Ouch!
Dealing with Criticism
Understand the Reason behind Empathy Don’t personalize criticism Do not be Judgmental Do not overload
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Steps Involved
Planning Impersonal Relationship
Building Exchanging Task-Related
Information Persuasion Agreement
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Managing Conflict Styles
Assertivebehavior
Aggressivebehavior
Accommodatingstyle
Collaboratingstyle
Compromisingstyle
Avoidingstyle
Forcingstyle
Passivebehavior
High concernfor others’
needs
Low concernfor others’
needs
High concernfor ownneeds
I’mnot OK —You’re OK
I’m OK —You’re OK
I’mnot OK —
You’re not OKI’m OK —
You’re not OK
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Negotiation Tactics & Behavior
Location Time Buyer-Seller Relation Extreme Behavior Promises/Threats Using Silence
Tactful Conversations
T = Think before you speak
A = Apologize quickly when you blunder
C = Converse, don’t compete
T = Time your comments
F = Focus on behavior – not personality
U = Uncover hidden feelings
L = Listen to feedback
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