A priest who was confronted by a soldier while he was walking down a road in pre-revolutionary Russia.

The soldier, aiming his rifle at the priest, commanded,:

1. Who are you?

2. Where are you going?

3. Why are you going there?

Unfazed, the priest calmly replied, “How much do they pay you?”

Somewhat surprised, the soldier responded, “Twenty-five kopecks a month.”

The priest paused, and in a deeply thoughtful manner said, “I have a proposal for you. I’ll pay you fifty kopecks each month if you stop me here every day and challenge me to respond to those same three questions.”

The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your

life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on,

rely on, or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey

- and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is

the day your life really begins.” Anon

Courage is fear that has said its prayers. Dorothy Bernard

Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose

sight of the shore.  Andre Gide

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that

something else is more important than fear.  ~Ambrose Redmoon

If I am what I have and if I If I am what I have and if I lose what I have who then am I? lose what I have who then am I?

Erich FrommErich Fromm

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands

in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and

controversy

Martin Luther King, Jr.

A good habit, consisting of three elements, is defined as “the intersection of knowledge”

1. Knowledge: the what to do2. Skill: the how to do3. Desire (motivation): the

want to do“ We are what we

repeatedly do. Excellence, then,

is not an act, but a habit ”

AristotleFrom The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Stephen Covey (1989)

Motivation is what gets you started. 

Habit is what keeps you going. 

Jim Ryun

Watch your thoughts, for they become wor

ds.Watch your words, for they become act

ions.Watch your actions, for they become

habits.Watch your habits, for they beco

me character.Watch your character, for i

t becomes your destiny

.Attributed to Mahatma Gandhi

Freedomto

Choose

Stimulus Response

Independent Will

ConscienceImagination

Self-Awareness

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our

growth and our freedom. Viktor Frankl

From The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Stephen Covey (1989)

CIRCLE OF

CONCERN

CIRCLE OF INFLUENCE

( Negative energy reduces the Circle of

Influence)

REACTIVE FOCUS

Sir, my concern is not whether God is on our side; my greatest concern is to be on God's side, for God is always right. Abraham Lincoln

From The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Stephen Covey (1989)

It makes no sense to worry about things you have no control over because there‘s

nothing you can do about them, and why worry about things you do control? The

activity of worrying keeps you immobilized. Wayne Dyer

Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday.Author Unknown

Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of years. If

something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself not to worry: Worry never

fixes anything.Ernest Hemingway

CIRCLE OF

CONCERN

CIRCLE OF INFLUENCE

(Positive energy enlarges the Circle of

Influence)

From The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Stephen Covey (1989)

PROACTIVE FOCUS

Concern should drive us into action and not into a depression. No man is free who cannot control himself. Pythogoras

Ever more people today have the means to live, but no meaning to live for.

Viktor Frankl From The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Stephen Covey (1989)

The habit of mutual benefit

Win-Win means seeking solutions that allow every one

to win.

Successful relationships are built on a win-win

foundation. A Win-Win character consists of three

traits: Integrity, Maturity & Trust

Emotional Bank Account:

1. Understand the individual; show empathy

2. Attend to little needs; show kindness

3. Keep commitments & promises always

4. Clarify expectations

5. Show personal integrity and loyalty

6. Apologize sincerely when you make a withdrawal.From The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Stephen Covey (1989)

To truly understand, we must listen to more than words.

Empathy is listening with the eyes and the “heart.”

Empathic listening is deep, active, reflective listening, and showing the person that you are following, understanding and participating in his feelings besides his words.

Empathy is not sympathy or pity and never manipulative.

You have to really care; false or put on empathy sucks and people realize immediately.

Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution.

Kahlil Gibran

PhysicalExercise, Nutrition,

Recreation and Fun as an individual, couple and family

& Stress Management

Social/EmotionalFamily Sharing, Couple

Sharing,meaningful relationships and

activities, Service, Empathy

MentalReading, Learning,

VisualizingPlanning, Writing

SpiritualValue Clarification

& Commitment, Study & Prayer and MeditationFrom The 7 Habits of Highly Effective

People. Stephen Covey (1989)

Have fun in your command. Don't always run at a breakneck pace. Take leave when you've earned it: Spend time with your families.

Colin Powell

From Motivation and Personality by Abraham Maslow 1954

If your treat an individual... as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

If you plan on being anything less than you are capable of being, you will probably be unhappy all the days of your life.

Abraham Maslow

People who give up easily, habitually say:

It’s me. It’s going to last forever.

It’s going to undermine everything I do.

Those who resist giving in to misfortune say:

It was just circumstances.

It’s going away quickly anyway.

Besides there’s so much more in life.

Permanence

Pervasiveness

Personalization

from Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman

The last of human freedoms - the ability to chose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. Viktor Frankl

From various authors whose work is based on that of Beck and Ellis

Negative view of the self (e.g., I’m unlovable, ineffective)

Negative view of the future (e.g., nothing will work out)

Negative view of the world (e.g., world is hostile)

From various authors whose work is based on that of Beck and Ellis

Negative thoughts about yourself, your world, or your future

ATs are not given the same consideration as other thoughts but rather they are assumed to be true

They originate from shadow beliefs vs conscious beliefs For I know the plans I have for you,”

declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29: 11-12From various authors whose work is based on that of Beck and Ellis

1. I need love and approval from those around to me.

2. I must avoid disapproval from any source.

3. To be worthwhile as a person I must achieve success at whatever I do.

4. I cannot allow myself to make mistakes.

5. People should always do the right thing. When they behave obnoxiously, unfairly or selfishly, they must be blamed and punished.

6. Things must be the way I want them to be.

7. My unhappiness is caused by things that are outside my control – so there is nothing I can do to feel any better.

8. I must worry about things that could be dangerous, unpleasant or frightening – otherwise they might happen.

9. I must avoid life’s difficulties, unpleasantness, and responsibilities.

10. Everyone needs to depend on someone stronger than themselves.

11. Events in my past are the cause of my problems – and they continue to influence my feelings and behaviours now.

12. I should become upset when other people have problems, and feel unhappy when they’re sad.

13, I shouldn’t have to feel discomfort and pain.

14, Every problem should have an ideal solution. From various authors whose work is based on that of Beck and Ellis

Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue. One must

have a reason to “be happy.” Once the reason is found,

however, one becomes happy automatically. As we see, a

human being is not one in pursuit of happiness but rather

in search of a reason to become happy through actualizing

the potential meaning inherent and dormant in a given

situation. Once an individual’s search for a meaning is

successful, it not only renders him happy but also gives

him the capability to cope with suffering-to express it

in plain words, to become aware of what can be done about

a given situation

Man’s Search for Meaning - Viktor Frankl

.

1. Filtering.

2. Polarized Thinking.

3. Overgeneralization.

4. Jumping to

Conclusions.

5. Catastrophizing.

6. Personalization.

7. Control Fallacies.

8. Fallacy of Fairness.

9. Blaming.

10. Shoulds.

11. Emotional Reasoning.

12. Fallacy of Change.

13. Global Labeling.

14. Always Being Right.

15. Heaven’s Reward

Fallacy.

From various authors whose work is based on that of Beck and Ellis

www.eqindia.com29

Emotional Intelligence is “the capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships. Emotional intelligence describes abilities distinct from, but complementary to, academic intelligence.” Daniel Goleman (1998)

Emotional Intelligence, (Daniel Goleman)Working with Emotional Intelligence (Daniel Goleman)Primal Leadership - Realizing the Power of Emotional Intelligence (Daniel Goleman)

Emotional Intelligence, (Daniel Goleman)Working with Emotional Intelligence (Daniel Goleman)Primal Leadership - Realizing the Power of Emotional Intelligence (Daniel Goleman)

Emotional Intelligence, (Daniel Goleman)Working with Emotional Intelligence (Daniel Goleman)Primal Leadership - Realizing the Power of Emotional Intelligence (Daniel Goleman)

© 2006 Monika Lumsdaine

Analytical

Technical

World

Organized Controlled World

ImaginativeTrailblazing

World

CaringNetworke

dWorld

The Whole Brain Business Book (Ned Herrmann)The Creative Brain (Ned Herrmann)

AuthoritarianMaterialisticAcademic Realistic

ReliableTraditionalTask-driven Bureaucratic

ExperimentalFuturisticInventive Flexible

Value-OrientedHumanistic Cooperative

The Whole Brain Business Book (Ned Herrmann)The Creative Brain (Ned Herrmann)

•Learns by:organizing and structuring content •sequencing content •evaluating and testing theories •implementing course content

•Learners respond to:•through planning •sequential order •organizational and administrative case discussions •text books •behaviour modification •programme learning •structure •lectures

•Learns by•acquirng and quantifying facts •applying analysis and logic •thinking through ideas •building cases •forming theories

•Learners respond to:•formalized lectures •data based content •financial/technical case discussions •text books and bibliographies •programme learning •behaviour modification

•Learns by:•taking initiative •exploring hidden possibilities •relying on intuition •self discovery •constructing concepts •synthesizing content

•Learners respond to:•spontaniety •free flow •experiential opportunities •playfulness •future oriented case discussion •individuality •aesthetics •being involved

•Learns by•listening and sharing ideas •integrating self experience with self •moving and feeling •harmonizing with content •emotional involvement

•Learners respond to:experiential opportunities •sensory movement •music •people oriented case •discussions •group interaction

What?

ANALYZER

Logical thinkingAnalysis of factsCritical evaluationProcessing numbers

What if?

VISUALIZER

ConceptualizingStrategic thinkingImaginative designBig-picture viewpoint

Detailed organization Operational planningManuals, schedulesPreventive action

ORGANIZER

How

Social, interpersonal Care giving, sensing Spiritual, intuitiveExpressing ideas

PERSONALIZER

Why?

Three Basic Concepts: Parent, Adult and Child

Transactions: Among P, A and C P < -- > P A < -- > A C < -- > C There are 9 possible transactions

Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis. Eric BerneI’m OK–You’re OK by Thomas HarrisBorn to Win by Muriel James And Dorothy Jongeward

Parent- “Do as I do” Thoughts, feelings, attitudes, behavioral patterns based on

messages or lessons learned from parents and other ‘parental’ or authoritarian sources

Shoulds and should nots; oughts and ought nots; always and never

Nurturing views (sympathetic, caring views) Critical views (fault finding, judgmental, condescending views)

Child- “What shall I do?” Thoughts, feelings, attitudes, behavioral patterns based on

child-like emotions, impulses,

Adult- “I will be frank with you” Thoughts, feelings, attitudes, behavioral patterns based on

objective analysis of information (data, facts) Make decisions based on logic, computations, probabilities,

etc. (not emotion)Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis. Eric BerneI’m OK–You’re OK by Thomas HarrisBorn to Win by Muriel James And Dorothy Jongeward

Child Adult Parent in our Transactions. Biological conditions and chronological age

are irrelevant to these ego states. We shift from one ego state to another in

transactions.

Parent- “Why don’t you prepare a time-table?”Child- “What is the point when one cannot follow

it?” – Becomes an Adult.

Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis. Eric BerneI’m OK–You’re OK by Thomas HarrisBorn to Win by Muriel James And Dorothy Jongeward

Parent Ego State – It consists of experiences from the first five years in life. It is the state from which behaviors to control others are employed.

Child Ego State – It is “recorded” during the parent ego state. State when feelings rule.

Adult Ego State – By monitoring the parent and child ego states, it alters automatic behaviors that would normally occur.

Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis. Eric BerneI’m OK–You’re OK by Thomas HarrisBorn to Win by Muriel James And Dorothy Jongeward

See and hear what you see and hear, rather than what you are supposed to see

and hear.

Think what you think, rather than what you are supposed to think.

Feel what you feel, rather than what you are supposed to feel.

Want what you want, rather than what you are supposed to want.

Imagine what you imagine, rather than what you are supposed to imagine

Seek to avoid being created by others in their image and to create others in

your image.

Avoid judging others

Be there for people when they need you, not for the purpose of giving advice

or for being appreciated, but just to be there for them.

Enjoy the validation and support from others when it comes to you, but do

not expect it or be disappointed if it does not happen.

Practice sharing your genuine thoughts and feelings, your joys and your

successes, your concerns, and your fears with the people your trust and

love, and who embrace the same values as you. You will be amazed how your

life will be enriched.

“Never give in, never give in, never; never; never; never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense”

Winston Churchill