Appreciation Series: Do You Feel Unappreciated As a Wife/Woman? (1-4)

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Do You Feel Unappreciated as a Wife/Woman? Womanhood

Appreciation Series By

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Table of Contents Part 1 The Unappreciated Wife/Woman Part 2 Feedback from the Men folk Part 3 What does a Woman Want? Part 4 Schooling our Men in the Art of Appreciation WINC



PART I

I wonder if it is normal to feel Unappreciated by your husband/man at times. Do husbands/Men generally take their wives for granted and assume that they don't need TLC especially after children have come on the scene?

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This is quite troubling, I have experienced it and heard so many stories from friends and I wonder why so many women feel this way. Husbands/Men generally take it for granted that their wives/women will run the home, raise the kids and also contribute to the household income by working. Whoops we must be "super powers" from Venus, because it sure isn’t easy to achieve. This is an uphill task for any woman. Most days you end up physically and mentally exhausted and ready to drop with your man not even appreciating your efforts or offering some much needed TLC. What we really need at that time is a cuddle, some small talk and the assurance that we are loved and appreciated. We don't even mind the tasks of homemaking and Child rearing, what galls us is that the men generally think that it is not such big deal to do; - School run – Chauffeur WINC



- School homework – Teacher - Medical checkups – Nursemaid - Shopping – Housekeeper - Cooking, Cleaning and Maintenance – Housekeeper - Taking the kids out for fun or parties – Chaperon/Carer - Nursing them in Ill health – Nursemaid - As well as you own 9-5 job [with regular overtime] – Employee/Entrepreneur As a working mother and wife/woman we are generally tasked to the hilt wearing so many “hats” concurrently and a little appreciation often goes a long way. The truth is that after work, homemaking and child rearing you most probably will have no time for yourself. And this "sucks" because you begin to lose sense of self because you have no "Me Time".

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Even if you are a house wife you would really relish some appreciation for running the home and taking care of the kids 24/7. Do you feel the same way? What do you think? Women I think we need to take our men in hand and also work on creating some "Me Time". We all need some "Me Time" to even appreciate our selves, dream and work on some new ideas. I work mostly with men and I rubbed minds with them - on showing Appreciation to their wives/partners and I was aghast to realize that they are Clueless! Totally Clueless!! It seems most men don't even understand why we need appreciation and how to go about appreciating their wives or partners. So women let's help our men answer the question - "What does a woman want/need?" because the men sure don't know.

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PART II

Here I will discuss the feedback from our men folk. Based on my findings during my discussions with my predominately male colleagues, one thing that struck me and was common amongst to all their feedback; was that they all felt their women/wives also took them for Granted. They echoed that Appreciation should be a two way street. WINC



I took this home and discussed with the hubby and he also shared the same opinion...........this is so surreal but true [apparently]. Another thing that was common to all the men I rubbed minds with was that they loved their wives/women more than they could say, but that sometimes they just get lost in the art of living, working & parenting. The third thing that was predominately common in my discussions was that they actually did not know "how" or "when" their women would love some appreciation. It seemed they could not answer the big question - What do women want or need? My hubby said he loved me dearly but also asked me to help him answer the big question - he also asked me to nudge him/or alert him when I see him getting too immersed in work or in general living, he said this will bring him back to the surface[the art of relating and loving].

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We both agreed that we were both guilty of sometimes neglecting the other and made a pact to remind ourselves not to get so caught up in the art of living and working. We also agreed that we had to constantly device ways of re-invigorating our relationship/marriage, as well as finding some “we” time no matter how short. [This is not easy feat with two active children of 5 and 3 years] This made me realize that we as wives/women may also guilt of neglecting our husbands/men as we often get caught up in the art of mothering, homemaking, daily living and career making. My deduction is that appreciation is a two way street and is required by both partners. In my experience men want to be taken in hand like one of the kids and this fact is often ignored or neglected by us women as we already have more than we can handle. This brings to the fore that Appreciation and Love in a marriage/relationship is pull-push relationship. But one thing that I gleaned from all my interactions with my several male colleagues and hubby was that men are

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often laid back in marriages and relationships they expect the women in their lives to take charge and also take them in hand. So as wives/women how can we take our men in hand and teach them how to appreciate us by showing them appreciation and love so as to get a double dose in return? A Big question that needs answers!!!! Still Ahead... WINC



PART III

Here I am going to try to answer the big question – “What does a woman want? “ – This question is actually a quote by Sigmund Freud the father of psychoanalysis. The answer to this question eluded him in all his years.

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From my own perspective I would say A Woman Wants Love and Appreciation from her husband or man. This is broken down into the following; Good Memory: We all want a man who remembers all past and present remarkable moments in our history [e.g. the day we met or our honeymoon moments] as well as birthdays and other celebrations. Women feel betrayed and unimportant when a man does not remember which is quite often…….If you ask me. Female thinking is that – If you love me you would remember all that is important to me and us. A tall dream you may say, but this is how the female brain has been programmed to think. Good Listening Skills: Women want a man that takes them seriously by listening to all their ramblings. Most men then to over look their women in this regard, they plague us with all their own issues and happenings and never really wonder if we too have anything to discuss or say. Acceptance: We want our men to accept us for who we are and not what they want us to be. Do not box us in a corner

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in trying to build your dream woman [Who actually does not exist] Partnership: Women would love their men to consider them as equal partners in the marriage and home as we invest so much in our homes/families; homemaking, child rearing, and even financial contributions - leading to the smooth running of the home. Kindness: Women appreciate kindness and compassion from their men. Little acts of “kindness” and “flattery “goes a long way [e.g. Saying thank-you and praising her efforts when she cooks you a meal, even if it is not the best you have tasted – Remember she gave it her all] Protection: This is taken for granted by most women, we expect our men to protect us from “the big bad world”, even when we can ably take care of ourselves. We want them to offer and grant us protection from all negativity. Expressing all these qualities listed above will assure us that we are loved and we will feel cared for by our husbands/men. WINC



Women despite all this we must be realistic in our expectations as there is no perfect man or even woman. We should also remember that you cannot receive what you do not give so let’s practice showing love and appreciation to our husbands or the men in our lives. Let’s take them in hand and teach them. The buck stops here. Let’s start acting now! WINC



PART IV

In the part 3 of this series we attempted to answer the Big question “What does a Woman Want/Need? So men I hope you understand us a bit better now. Wives/Women we are going to enumerate ways of showing appreciation to our husbands/men in this section. WINC



I am sure that we will all be quite familiar with all the appreciation tips we will get today, the burning question would be - Do we practice them in our daily lives? Women we have to take our men in hand and show them how to "Appreciate" by appreciating them ourselves. Here we go! 1. Remember to say Thank-you when he has done some good around the house or for you. 2. Remember to Ask about Work or Business to show you care. 3. Flatter him with Compliments when he has put on new shirt or tie or got a new haircut. 4. Make him Romantic dinners or take him to a Romantic hide out; where the two of you can have some quality “WE” time. 5. Call him up at work or send a text just to Enquire how his day is getting along. WINC



6. Make his Birthday a Special family event filled with love goodies, presents and some loving. 7. Make out Time solely for him in your daily motherhood journey. 8. Listen to his fears and worries and do not throw them back in his face when you are ticked or angry. 9. Encourage and Motivate him when he is down in the dumps. 10. Let him be the Man in the home, even when you practically run things. The list could be endless, so make up your own list women and start Appreciating with Love and with God’s magnificent grace. We should expect to get a “double dose of Appreciation pressed down, shaken together and running over with WINC



Love from our husbands/Men in return”, which is all good if you ask me! Remember you can’t expect to receive what you can’t give. Change your attitude and perception start learning to give your hussy/man little bits of your time, self and showering appreciation along the way! It is Imperative to note that; “to get something you have never had, you have to do something you have never done”. Go ahead and start building a different but vibrant relationship today. Good Luck as you as you make the decision to inject positivity in your lives, marriages or relationships today. The time is here; hop on the cycle of Appreciation and “ride off into the sunset”.

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If you enjoyed this article feel free to pass this on to your Husbands, Partners or Friends. Go to the Woman-Incorporated blog for more feminine inclined rambles, experiences, thoughts on Marriage, Motherhood, Relationships, Life and Love.

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Appreciation Series: Do You Feel Unappreciated As a Wife/Woman? (1-4)