Mastering Conflict in the Mastering Conflict in the WorkplaceWorkplace

Evelyn ButricoEvelyn Butricobutrie@eastgreenbushlibrary.orgbutrie@eastgreenbushlibrary.org

DirectorDirectorEast Greenbush Community LibraryEast Greenbush Community Library

NYLA 11/5/11NYLA 11/5/11

ObjectivesObjectives

Conflict: What is it and the factors that effect itConflict: What is it and the factors that effect it CommunicationCommunication Identifying difficult people: Who are they?Identifying difficult people: Who are they? StrategiesStrategies

Conflict Conflict

Two factors determine how we respond to Two factors determine how we respond to conflictconflict

Personal AgendaImportance put on

relationships

Conflict StylesConflict Styles

DirectingI win/you lose

HarmonizingI lose/you win

AvoidingI lose/you lose

CooperatingI win/you win

CompromisingWe both win some/we both lose some

Factors that affectFactors that affect

Self conceptSelf concept ExpectationExpectation SituationSituation PositionPosition CommunicationCommunication

ActivityActivity

CommunicationCommunication

Knowing how to communicate is powerfulKnowing how to communicate is powerful

The essence of conflict resolutionThe essence of conflict resolution

Communication ProcessCommunication Process 7% of what you communicate is what you say7% of what you communicate is what you say 38% of what you communicate is what you sound 38% of what you communicate is what you sound

likelike 55% of what you communicate is what “they” see55% of what you communicate is what “they” see

CommunicationCommunication

Be aware of your non-verbal communicationBe aware of your non-verbal communication Body LanguageBody Language Eye ContactEye Contact Facial ExpressionFacial Expression PosturePosture GesturesGestures

Practice Mindful CommunicationPractice Mindful Communication

AwarenessAwareness InsightInsight CompassionCompassion ChoiceChoice

Traffic lightsTraffic lights

Red Light: Notice when you Red Light: Notice when you become defensive and closed become defensive and closed offoff

Yellow Light: Pay attention Yellow Light: Pay attention to the limbo between open to the limbo between open and closed.and closed.

Green Light: When your Green Light: When your state of mind is open, state of mind is open, explore!explore!

Be Aware of who you are talking toBe Aware of who you are talking to

Traditionalist – born pre-’46:Traditionalist – born pre-’46: loyal, hardworking, financially conservative and faithful to loyal, hardworking, financially conservative and faithful to

institutions. institutions. Baby Boomers- born ’46-’64: Baby Boomers- born ’46-’64:

Loyal, optimistic, connected to their achievements, respect based Loyal, optimistic, connected to their achievements, respect based on achievement, wait to be told what to doon achievement, wait to be told what to do

Gen Xer’s- born ’65-’77: Gen Xer’s- born ’65-’77: Independent, tech savy, skeptical, resourceful and hardworkingIndependent, tech savy, skeptical, resourceful and hardworking

Generation Y- born ’78-’89: Generation Y- born ’78-’89: Idealistic, optimistic, empowered, tech savy, collaborators, reject Idealistic, optimistic, empowered, tech savy, collaborators, reject

rigidityrigidity

Communication style exercise Communication style exercise

Communication Style RevealedCommunication Style Revealed Mainly triangles:Mainly triangles: Pragmatic, confident, assertive person who Pragmatic, confident, assertive person who

focuses on objectivesfocuses on objectives

Mainly circles:Mainly circles: Thorough, analytical and objective who focuses Thorough, analytical and objective who focuses on getting the process right. on getting the process right.

Mainly squares:Mainly squares: Persuasive, loyal and empathetic you are Persuasive, loyal and empathetic you are concerned with other people’s feelings and tend to avoid concerned with other people’s feelings and tend to avoid confrontation.confrontation.

Mainly diamonds:Mainly diamonds: An idea person, you love to think up new An idea person, you love to think up new ways of doing things and are usually the most enthusiasic ways of doing things and are usually the most enthusiasic supporter of new ideas.supporter of new ideas.

Consequences Consequences

What are they?What are they? Are you ready for them?Are you ready for them? What are the consequences if you don’t?What are the consequences if you don’t?

Difficult people: Recognize any of Difficult people: Recognize any of these?these?

The Passive or Silent Type

The Yes person

The No person

The know-it-allThe do it all person

The Difficult BossThe Difficult Boss

The Vague OneThe Vague One The MicromanagerThe Micromanager The BullyThe Bully The NarcissistThe Narcissist The BFFThe BFF

The Passive OnesThe Passive Ones

The silent typeThe silent type The yes or no personThe yes or no person The vague oneThe vague one The BFFThe BFF

The aggressive onesThe aggressive ones

The do-it-allThe do-it-all The know-it-allThe know-it-all The micromanagerThe micromanager The bullyThe bully The narcissistThe narcissist

Dealing with Difficult PeopleDealing with Difficult People

You chooseYou choose Realistic expectationsRealistic expectations Be mindfulBe mindful Build empathyBuild empathy Stay strongStay strong

EmpathyEmpathy

From empathes – emotionalFrom empathes – emotional From pathos – experiencing From pathos – experiencing

the intellectual identification with or vicarious the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another. attitudes of another.

WhyWhy

Building Empathy ExerciseBuilding Empathy Exercise

Techniques for Difficult Techniques for Difficult SituationsSituations

Pacing- Communicates being in sync, Pacing- Communicates being in sync, establishes common groundestablishes common ground

Backtracking- repeating what a person says Backtracking- repeating what a person says not what you think they saidnot what you think they said

Intent- state early in the conversation to Intent- state early in the conversation to establish the same goalestablish the same goal

Clarify- ask questions, get all the infoClarify- ask questions, get all the info

Effective Responses for Disarming Effective Responses for Disarming Difficult PeopleDifficult People

When people:When people: Try This:Try This:

Push your buttonsPush your buttons Have a humorousHave a humorousresponseresponse

Make an outrageous Make an outrageous Be silent, then Be silent, thenaccusationaccusation redirect redirect

Are complainingAre complaining Reflect backReflect back

BlameBlame AcknowledgeAcknowledge

Won’t stop ArguingWon’t stop Arguing Agree to disagreeAgree to disagree

Keep asking questionsKeep asking questions Answer with a Answer with a question question

Scenario #1Scenario #1

Patron Alice Smith explodes when told she has Patron Alice Smith explodes when told she has fines. She rages uncontrollably about fines. She rages uncontrollably about injustices she has suffered. She is injustices she has suffered. She is inconsolable. She declares that no one listens.inconsolable. She declares that no one listens.

Type of DP?Type of DP?

Aggressive or Passive?Aggressive or Passive?

Strategy?Strategy?

Scenario #2Scenario #2

Your boss is an expert on the subject of her Your boss is an expert on the subject of her work. She knows what needs to be done and work. She knows what needs to be done and how to do it. She is so sure of herself that she how to do it. She is so sure of herself that she never invites or even permits your input. She never invites or even permits your input. She dictates what to do and expects you to do it her dictates what to do and expects you to do it her way with little to no tolerance for innovative way with little to no tolerance for innovative thinking.thinking.

Type of DP?Type of DP?Aggressive or Passive?Aggressive or Passive?Strategy?Strategy?

Scenario #3Scenario #3

Helen always listens attentively as you relate Helen always listens attentively as you relate the goals for the week. She agrees that she the goals for the week. She agrees that she needs to work harder, be more attentive. This needs to work harder, be more attentive. This never happens and she never gets as much never happens and she never gets as much work done as the others.work done as the others.

Type of DP?Type of DP?

Aggressive or Passive?Aggressive or Passive?

Strategy?Strategy?

Questions & ShareQuestions & Share

THANK YOU!THANK YOU!

Evelyn ButricoEvelyn Butrico

butrie@eastgreenbushlibrary.orgbutrie@eastgreenbushlibrary.org

DirectorDirector

East Greenbush Community LibraryEast Greenbush Community Library