Conflict Management - An Introduction

1 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com


Conflict

Ø Oxford Dictionary: ö A serious disagreement or argument, typically a protracted

one.

Ø Merriam Webster: ö Fight, battle, war

ö Competitive or opposing action of incompatibles: antagonistic state or action (as of divergent ideas, interests, or persons).

ö Mental struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external or internal demands.


Conflict

Ø William Wilmot and Joyce Hocker: ö An expressed struggle between at least two

interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from others in achieving their goals.

Ø Susan H. Shearouse ö Conflict is when what you want, need, or expect

interferes with what I want, need, or expect.


Conflict

Ø Erik A. Fisher and Steven W. Sharp ö At the root of all conflict is a perceived inequity in power.

Ø Leigh L. Thompson ö Conflict is the perception of differences of interests among

people.

Ø Herb Bisno ö A process of social interaction involving a struggle over

claims to resources, power and status, beliefs, and other preferences and desires.


Conflict

Ø Ho-Won Jeong ö A conflict situation is represented by perceived goal

incompatibilities and attempts to control each other’s choices, which generate adverse feelings and behaviour toward each other.

ö Conflict is manifested through adversarial social action, involving two or more actors with the expression of differences often accompanied by intense hostilities.


Conflict Definitions – Main Points

Ø Serious Disagreement

Ø Opposing Action

Ø Expressed Struggle

Ø Interference

Ø Goal Incompatibilities

Ø Perceived Inequity

Ø Between Two or More Actors


Conflict – The Definition

Ø A state of “Being Different” among two or more parties or beliefs, which has caused “Hardship” and “Unhappiness”.

Conflict is: A Discomforting Difference


Primary Components

Negative Emotions Difference

Conflict is: A Discomforting Difference


The Interpretation of the Reality

Reality

Perceived Reality Past Experiences,

Future Hopes and Expectations

Senses

WorldView

Paradigm

Time Lag Paradigm Shift


Senses


Senses


Experiences

Ø Learning Approaches ö Self Experience

ö Others’ Experiences


Experiences

Quote “If you learn from defeat, you haven't really lost.” ― Zig Ziglar


Being Different

Reality

Perceived Reality Past Experiences,

Future Hopes and Expectations

Senses

WorldView

Paradigm

Time Lag Paradigm Shift


Conflict is Natural

Conflict is not an atrocious anomaly; on

the contrary, it is rather a very Natural

phenomenon in human societies


Practice

Ø Try to find as many differences as you can, between you and one of your family members (spouse, brother, sister) or a close friend of yours.

Ø Repeat this until you have discovered any possible differences between “you” and all your family members and close friends.

Ø Now, try to identify any difference between any two of the people in your close circle of family and friends.


Conflict = A One-Way Highway

Conflict Negative Emotions

SCARS Wounds


Spiral Nature of Emotions

Emotion Decision

Consequences Action


Spiral Nature of Emotions

Disunity Discord

Dispute Quarrel

Feud Confrontation

Clash Animosity

War Fight


Practice

Ø From the previous practice, identify those differences which may cause any discomforting feeling in you or either parties.

Ø For those that bother you, why do you think they create discomforting feelings?


The Environment


Myth #1

Conflict should not occur

in a friendly environment


Myth #2

I need to be more

powerful to resolve my

conflicts


A Book to Consider

Ø Toffler, Alvin (1984): The Third Wave ö Settled Agricultural Society

ö Industrial Age Society

ö Information Age Society


Sources of Power

Ø Muscles!


Sources of Power

Ø Muscles!

Ø Mind

Ø Knowledge

Ø Perspicacity


Myth #3

For a team to be effective,

they should all be good

friends


Conflict Positive Organisations


Myth #4

Anger is the main sign of

a conflict


Wheel of Emotions

Plutchik, Robert. 2000. Emotions in the Practice of Psychotherapy: Clinical Implications of Affect Theories. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association


Myth #5

To resolve a conflict,

every difference between

the parties should be

eliminated


Conflict is a discomforting

difference; hence, for a difference

“not to cause” a conflict, it should

be a “not discomforting one”.


Myth #6

If they argue too much,

they don't want to reach a

solution


Myth #7

If the head of a team has

the true control, there

must be no conflict


Suppression will drive

disagreements

underground and un-

manageable


“Freedom” is a

strategic opportunity to

Observe and Manage

people


Sources of Conflict

Perception of Reality

Reality

Communication Problems

Structural Problems


Sources of Conflict

Ø Communication Problems ö Miscommunication (Noise)


Concept Encode Channel Decode Decoded Concept

Communication Process


Concept Encode Channel Decode Decoded Concept

Communication Process – Sample Reporting

Intended Information

Creating the Message

Delivering the Message (Send, Transit,

Receive)

Reading the Message

Perceived Information

Language / Mind-set (1)



IntendedInformation


Delivering the Message(Send, Transit,

Receive)

Reading the Message

PerceivedInformation



Noise in Communication

v  Encoding – putting the concept into a message

v  Medium of Transmission – letter, voice, image, gesture

v  Creating the Message – handwriting, gesture of a hand,

a wink of an eye

v  Transmission Channel – post, cable

v  Receiving – telephone, eye, ear, TV

v  Decoding the Message


Intra-Organisational Information Flow




Formal Communications



Formal Communications Political Parties



Social Groups



Influences and Leaks



Conflict in an Information System


Conflict in an Information System


Sources of Conflict


Ø Semantics, Words with Different Meanings

Ø Cultural Difference


Semantics Ø Bathroom (UK / US)

Ø "It went down a bomb" (UK: great success / US: total failure)

Ø First Floor (UK / US: ground floor)

Ø I will be there momentarily (UK: for a moment / US: in a moment)

Ø Tube (UK: Metro / US: Television)

Ø Gift (En: Present / German: Poison)

Ø Pavement (UK: Sidewalk / US: Road)

Ø Table the Issue (UK / US)


Sources of Conflict


Ø Semantics, Words with Different Meanings

Ø Cultural Difference

Ø Listening ö Listening vs. Hearing


Effective Listening

Ø Listening is a deliberate act of hearing and comprehension

Ø Listening requires understanding what you are hearing.

Ø Effective Listening requires conscious efforts to fully understand what is being said.


Practice

Ø How could you be sure that you are hearing what is intended to be said in the first place?

Intended Information


Delivering the Message (Send, Transit,

Receive)

Reading the Message

Perceived Information




Effective Observing

Ø Seeing is a deliberate act of looking and comprehension.

Ø Observation is actually a Discovery process

Ø Observation is a deliberate and careful combination of Monitoring, Watching, Discovering, Discerning, and Comprehending


Effective Observing

Ø Observing requires understanding what you are seeing.

Ø Effective Observing requires conscious efforts to fully understand what is being shown.


Listening and

Observing are the

most genuine forms of

paying respect to your

fellow partner in a

conversation


Sources of Conflict

Ø Structural Problems ö Overlap

ö Distribution of power

ö Limited resources

ö Goals incompatibility

ö Uncertainty


Flexibility

Ø Flexibility is not the same as uncertainty.

Ø Flexibility requires clearly defined Inputs and precisely detailed Outputs


Sources of Conflict

Ø Personal Differences ö Values and Beliefs

ö Character

ö Prejudice - Judgment


Roots of Conflict

Ø The Reality – to be or not to be?

Ø The Goal – shall or shall not?

Ø The Way – which is the best? ö Vision, Hopes, Expectations

ö Value System


A Look Back

Ø Survival Instinct

Ø Reasoning ö transforming physical combats to verbal ones, hence

reducing the costs and fatal risks!

Ø Solon (638 BC – 558 BC): Athenian Democracy

Ø Adversary System

Ø The Concept of “Winning and Losing”

Ø The Art of Reasoning


Reasoning

Ø Reasoning is generally seen as a means to improve knowledge and make better decisions. However, much evidence shows that reasoning often leads to epistemic distortions and poor decisions”

Ø “the function of reasoning is argumentative. It is to devise and evaluate arguments intended to persuade.”

Mercier, Hugo, and Dan Sperber. 2011. “Why do humans reason? Arguments for an argumentative theory.” Behavioural and Brain Sciences 34 (2): 57-74



Even if there is an agreement between

parties, the conflict has not been

“resolved” yet, unless you make

absolutely certain that “all” the parties

have come to exactly the same “belief”


People Behaviour

Ø Assertiveness ö The extent to which a person tries to achieve his/her

own goals

Ø Cooperativeness ö The extent to which a person tries for the

achievement of other people’s goals


Conflict-Handling Behaviours

Cooperative Uncooperative

Unassertive

Assertive

By Kenneth W. Thomas Ralph H. Kilmann

Accommodating Avoiding

Competing Collaborating

Compromising


Competing

Ø Competing is an assertive-uncooperative style.

Ø A competing individual needs to reach his or her goals even in the expense of the other party.

Ø This style is based on power, so we use whatever gives us the upper hand.


Competing is about insisting on

your position and not backing up.


Practice

Ø Think and identify each situation in which you have competed.

Ø Where do you mostly compete? At home, or at work?


Accommodating

Ø Accommodating is an unassertive-cooperative style.

Ø you do not value much your own needs and goals, rather this is other party’s goals that are highlighted and pursued.

Ø The root to this extreme behaviour can be traced back to either “love”, or “fear”.


“Greater love hath no man than this that a man

lay down his life for his friends.”

― King James Bible - John 15:13


Avoiding

Ø Avoiding literally means “clearing out” (from Latin word “vacare” meaning “vacate”)

Ø This is an unassertive and uncooperative style.

Ø The individual, who is avoiding in face of a conflict, does not address his/her concerns nor those of the other person’s.

Ø it may also be used as a “Diplomatic Tactic or Manoeuvre”.


Practice

Ø Write down any conflict situation, in home as well as in business that you have avoided.


Collaborating

Ø Collaborating is absolute assertiveness and absolute cooperativeness.

Ø In this style, you will never back down from your interests; in the meanwhile, you always insist on the other party to gain everything they want.

Ø Collaborating requires both parties to work together and discuss the issues in depth.

Ø They “learn” from each other.


“I can accept anything, except what seems to be the

easiest for most people: the half-way, the almost,

the just-about, the in-between.”

― Ayn Rand (Alisa Zinov'yevna Rosenbaum)


Compromising

Ø This is a midway between two extremes: mid-level assertive and mid-level cooperative.

Ø you will not be that assertive to neglect other's interests, and in the same time, you are not that cooperative that you ignore yours.

Ø The idea is to find a middle ground between two players that both parties can accept.


“A good compromise, a good piece of legislation, is like

a good sentence; or a good piece of music. Everybody

can recognize it. They say, 'Huh. It works. It makes

sense’.”

― Barack Obama - "The Candidate" in The New Yorker

(31 May 2004)


Do's and Don'ts Conflict Style When to Use When not to Use

Avoiding

•  The issue is trivial and unimportant

•  Emotions are soaring high and there is a need to calm the situation

•  Costs are more than benefits

•  It is your responsibility to manage the conflict

•  There is a need for a long term solution

•  There is a need for commitment

Competing

•  The time frame is narrow

•  There is no good solution, each one has some negative points

•  Others are not competent

•  The issue has an extreme importance for you

•  The issues are complex •  There is a need to receive

more information and other's opinion

•  Others are competent •  There is a need for a long •  term solution •  There is a need for

commitment


Do's and Don'ts (Cont’d) Conflict Style When to Use When not to Use

Accommodating

•  The issue has little importance to you

•  Your knowledge or skill regarding the issue is low

•  You are planning for a give and take

•  You have no power

•  Your values are at stake

•  You are absolutely sure that you are right

Compromising

•  There is a power balance between two parties

•  The goals are obviously incompatible and inconsistent and there is a need for a middle ground

•  A quick solution is needed

•  One party is more powerful than the other one

•  The issue is complex •  There is a need for a

long •  term solution •  Your values are at

stake


Compromise = Conflict Management?

“Discourage litigation. Persuade your neighbours to

compromise whenever you can. As a peacemaker, the

lawyer has superior opportunity of being a good man.

There will still be business enough.”

― Abraham Lincoln



“The ability to compromise is not a diplomatic politeness

toward a partner but rather taking into account and

respecting your partner's legitimate interests.”

― Vladimir Putin



“But just as they did in Philadelphia when they were

writing the constitution, sooner or later, you've got to

compromise. You've got to start making the compromises

that arrive at a consensus and move the country

forward.”

― Colin Powell



“That is why everyone in politics, and we do it, must

make sure that they do not depend on one single interest

group. A good compromise is one where everybody

makes a contribution.”

― Angela Merkel


Seeking a Compromise in a Complex Conflict is like

wandering in a desert, running for mirages.

― Ali Soleymaniha, Embrace Happiness: The Art of Conflict

Management

Compromise


Compromise

The “Middle Ground” is actually a “No Man's

Land”. It’s not mine; it’s not yours.

It is a Temporary Settlement


Practice

Ø Write down any conflict situation in which you have Compromised, while you were not supposed to.

Ø What were the results?


Practice

Ø Write down any conflict situation in which you have Competed, while you were not supposed to.

Ø What were the results?


Do's and Don'ts (Cont’d) Conflict Style When to Use When not to Use

Collaborating

•  The issues are complex

•  There is a need to receive more information and other's opinion

•  Others are competent •  There is a need for a •  long term solution •  There is a need for

commitment

•  The time frame is narrow

•  The other party is not competent or not willing to collaborate

•  Your values are at stake


Know Yourself

Ø How do you feel when you are in a conflict situation?


Know Yourself (Cont’d)

Ø Some emotional reactions in conflict situations: ö Anger

ö Frustration

ö Fear

ö Anxiety

Conflict Manager of the Month!


Emotional Reactions

Ø What do your emotions tell you?


Know Yourself (Cont’d)

Ø Two main reactions: ö Fight

ö Flight


Emotional DON’Ts

Ø Do not engage in a power struggle.

Ø Do not diverge from the conflict.

Ø Do not let conflict manage you.

Ø Do not talk when you are emotional.

Ø Do not talk, before effective listening.


What is Your Conflict Management Style?

Minimum Importance

Goals

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1 - Turtle 2 - Shark

4 - Fox

Rel

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Maximum Importance


Sources for Avaricious Mind! Ø  Soleymaniha, Ali. 2014. Embrace Happiness – The Art of Conflict Management. iUniverse LLC

Ø  Dues, Michael. 2010. The Art of Conflict Management - Achieving Solutions for Life, Work, and Beyond. Chantilly, VA: Teaching Co.

Ø  Cummings, Stephen. 2002. ReCreating Strategy. 1. SAGE Publications Ltd.

Ø  Bisno, Herb. 1988. Managing Conflict. Newbury Park, CA: Sage Publications Inc.

Ø  Deutsch, Morton. 1983. “Conflict Resolution: Theory and Practice.” Political Psychology 4 (3): 431–453.

Ø  Fisher, Erik A, and Steven W Sharp. 2004. The Art of Managing Everyday Conflict: Understanding Emotions and Power Struggles. Praeger Publishers.

Ø  Jeong, Ho-Won. 2010. Conflict Management and Resolution. Abingdon, Oxon: Routledge.

Ø  Kilmann, Ralph H, and Kenneth W Thomas. Interpersonal Conflict-Handling Behavior as Reflections of Jungian Personality Dimensions. http://www.kilmanndiagnostics.com/interpersonal-conflict-handling-behavior-reflections-jungian-personality-dimensions.

Ø  Lewin, Kurt. 1947. “Frontiers in Group Dynamics: Concept, Method and Reality in Social Science; Social Equilibria and Social Change.” Human Relations (Sage Publications Inc.) 1 (1): 30-40. doi:10.1177/001872674700100103.

Ø  Mintzberg, Henry, and Alexandra McHugh. 1985. “Strategy Formation in an Adhocracy.” Administrative Science Quarterly 30 (2): 160-197. doi:10.2307/2393104.

Ø  Shearouse, Susan H. 2011. Conflict 101: A Manager’s Guide to Resolving Problems So Everyone Can Get Back to Work. American Management Association (AMACOM)


Sources for Avaricious Mind! Ø  International Encyclopedia of Social & Behavioral Sciences, 2001

ö  By N. J. Smelser and P. B. Baltes

Ø  Brain and Behaviour: Critical Concepts: Critical Concepts in Psychology (Critical Concepts), 2000 ö  By: Jules Davidoff

Ø  Conflict Resolution (SAGE Library of International Relations), 2006 ö  By: Daniel Druckman and Paul F. Diehl

Ø  Managing and Coping with Anger, 1998 ö  By: Leonard Ingram

Ø  Beyond Neutrality : Confronting the Crisis in Conflict Resolution, 2004 ö  BY: Bernard Mayer

Ø  Solving Tough Problems: An Open Way of Talking, Listening, and Creating New Realities, 2004 ö  BY: Adam Kahane

Ø  The Complete Guide to Conflict Resolution in the Workplace, 2002 ö  BY: Marick F. Masters, Robert R. Albright

Ø  The Dynamics of Conflict Resolution: A Practitioner's Guide, 2000 ö  by Bernard Mayer

Ø  Conflict: From Theory to Action (2nd Edition), 1999 ö  by Roxane S. Lulofs, Roxane Lulofs

Leadership & Management

Conflict Management - An Introduction