GETTING MEN OUT OF THEIR HEADS (AND INTO THEIR

LIVES)

Jason Fierstein, MA, LPCCounselor for Men and Couples

Saturday, May 2, 2009

GETTING MEN OUT OF THEIR HEADS (AND INTO THEIR

LIVES)

Jason Fierstein, MA, LPCCounselor for Men and Couples

Saturday, May 2, 2009

GETTING MEN OUT OF THEIR HEADS (AND INTO THEIR

LIVES)

Jason Fierstein, MA, LPCCounselor for Men and Couples

Saturday, May 2, 2009

WHAT’S IN STORE TODAY

WHAT’S IN STORE TODAY

Why I Counsel Men

On Relationships with Women

Myths and Messages about Men and Masculinity

How Men Usually Cope

Men and Anger

The Gestalt Therapy Approach

Counseling Men

MEN ARE FROM EARTH, WOMEN ARE FROM EARTH

Guys are Emotional Beings; We Want What You Want!

Connect/Disconnect Cycle and its Problems

Autonomy vs. Avoidance

The Critical Tools and Right Languaging

THEMES OF MASCULINITY

Boys to Men

Cultural Schizophrenia

Denial of Authentic Self

Video Clip: Disney and Masculinity

FATHERS AND SONS

Father/son relationships as seeds for growth/stagnation in relationships

Understanding our roles and needs as sons; the concept of learning to parent ourselves.

The Role of the Absent Father

Harry Chapin clip:Cats In The Cradle

MESSAGES (AND MYTHS) ABOUT BEING A MAN

MESSAGES (AND MYTHS) ABOUT BEING A MAN

Not “being a man” by asking for help

“I’m weak if I have to ask for help.”

Reducing your “image” to friends, family

“Strong, silent type” of man (Tony Soprano)

The OWC Philosophy (“Only Women Cry”)

“I can handle it myself/I’m in control of it.”

HOW GUYS OFTEN COPEAvoidance of people, situations, and self

Seven Deadly Sins:

Sports, Alcohol, Drugs

Pornography, Intellectualization

Work, Gambling

The use of control

Depression

Repression of anger

HOW GUYS OFTEN COPEAvoidance of people, situations, and self

Seven Deadly Sins:

Sports, Alcohol, Drugs

Pornography, Intellectualization

Work, Gambling

The use of control

Depression

Repression of anger

MEN AND ANGER

Bad Phone Call

2 traditional ways men get angry: Stuff it (the internalizer), or build up and explode (the powderkeg)

Cultural messages + learned behaviors + personality = problems

MEN AND ANGER

Bad Phone Call

2 traditional ways men get angry: Stuff it (the internalizer), or build up and explode (the powderkeg)

Cultural messages + learned behaviors + personality = problems

MEN AND ANGER

Fear of anger is sometimes worse than the anger

Learning to access felt sense of anger

Talk talk - lessons of languaging

The Apple and Tree

Satisfying, not suppressing, our needs and feelings

Being vs. doing: sitting with & unfolding of “what is”

THE GESTALT THERAPY METHOD

KEY IDEAS IN GESTALT THERAPY

The Role of Awareness

The Here and Now - The Present Moment

The Use of Creative Experiments

How, Not Why

Identifying Polarities

The Paradoxical Theory of Change

A short clip with Fritz Perls: The Gestalt Prayer

APPLYING GESTALT TO WORKING WITH MEN

Keep them in their experience, not in their head

Work with the resistance

Compassionate Feedback

Invest in the “I/Thou” relationship; counselor authenticity

Analysis “feeds the beast”

Collaboration, not collusion

Tease out the polarities (i.e. Top Dog/Underdog)

POWER AND KNOWING

Residing in the unknowing place

Power/control vs. being: gender differences

Working with “what is” in discovery of the emptiness

Control as a defense against pain, sadness, helplessness

MORE ON WORKING WITH MEN IN COUNSELING

Interpersonal homework assignments

Risk taking in session, and at work and home

Exploring what works, and what doesn’t, and how

Identification of values, and how authenticity arises from living in synch with them

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY

WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY

On Relationships with Women

How Men Negatively Cope

Myths and Messages about Being a Man & Masculinity

The Role of Anger in Mens’ Lives

The Gestalt Therapy Approach

Working with Men in Counseling

THANK YOU, AND HAPPY COUNSELING