Getting Back With Your Ex - An Exercise in Concession Building

By Ade Adewolu

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In the human race, quarreling and separation are age-long phenomena. As humans, we agree, and, at times disagree. In getting to know a partner or a friend better, a level of closeness is involved. This may include sharing a living space, living together or sharing a workspace, depending on partners' circumstances. The side-effect of this closeness is a situation where one party unconsciously let his/her guards off, stepping on the others sour toes - literally. Depending on their tolerance and understanding, this may lead to friction, separation or even a total break-up of the relationship.

The process of rebuilding a broken down relationship with a former partner (referred to as 'Ex') is the subject of this article - this is also known as 'Getting back with your Ex.' In order to rebuild a strained relationship, this article recommends a number of steps to be taken. They may be taken in any order, depending on the circumstances of the partners. There is no logical sequence in their arrangement.

Communication

Effective and unambiguous communication has proved to be the key to every successful relationship in life. Unfortunately, 45 per cent of communications in romantic relationships are conducted through body language. This is convenient while it lasts, but when it is misjudged or any other communication error arises, it is often difficult to control the effect of lack of verbal communication.

Listening, Active Listening

In efforts to get back with ex, it is absolutely necessary to listen. Obviously, the more aggrieved party would feel more opinionated and might be more expressive of the hurts suffered during the relationship. Active listening must be shown in order to pacify the aggrieved person. This is a crucial factor if not the first step towards a true reconciliation effort. One may have to be extra-patient, especially if the other party is already getting involved in another relationship. There is always a hope.

Give Your Ex a Treat of a Lifetime

A wonderful treat in a superb restaurant could do wonders in such situations. Arrange a date with your ex but this should be tactfully done. This should never be presented as a first step as s/he might still be upset and angry. Any miscalculation of this gesture could for a long time discourage any possible reunion or reconciliation.

The overall strategy, skill and patience with which you handle the process of how to get your ex back will depend largely on you. Your tact and overall readiness to take your relationship forward will determine the level of success.

Do a Due Diligence

Examine yourself and find out what precisely went wrong. How did you upset your ex? Would you say you appreciated your ex? Did you endeavor to meet his/her emotional needs? Could it be that some things have happened in your life that made your ex feel unappreciated, hence s/he started looking elsewhere? How are you managing your work-life balance? If your work is taking the better part of your attention, review it. Whatever your ex gender is, humans react negatively when they feel unappreciated or unrecognized. Always strive to make him/her feel appreciated and recognized. Remember the important dates in his/her life - anniversaries, birthdays, Valentine Day, etc

Conclusion

Relationships are known to have their 'ups-and-downs' but a committed party can always win their ex back at any time. Nothing can replace an open, frank and sincere discussion among people in relationships. When things go pear-shaped, nothing can equally replace an expressed verbal apology. It is a crucial factor in establishing a basis for true reconciliation. To get back with your Ex can prove to be hard work, but it is ultimately rewarding. Never allow a cleverer person to snatch your partner for anything. Relationships are built on trust and emotions, work on them and you can be sure to get back with your ex.

ADE ADEWOLU

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