Conversations with SeniorsConversations with SeniorsPresented byPresented by

Catherine Stelianoudakis Prochaska, CSACatherine Stelianoudakis Prochaska, CSA

Most Difficult TopicsMost Difficult Topics

42 % Needing to leave home42 % Needing to leave home 30 % Giving up driving30 % Giving up driving 11 % Having enough money/finances11 % Having enough money/finances 11% Maintaining health and well being11% Maintaining health and well being 5 % None5 % None

Home Instead Senior CareHome Instead Senior Care

Study by Liberty MutualStudy by Liberty Mutual

75% of adult children say they haven’t 75% of adult children say they haven’t talked about driving safety issues. talked about driving safety issues.

58% think their parents would find the 58% think their parents would find the conversation ‘uncomfortable’conversation ‘uncomfortable’

38 % believe their parents would be 38 % believe their parents would be angered by such a discussion.angered by such a discussion.

24% of seniors say they would find the 24% of seniors say they would find the

conversation ‘uncomfortable’ conversation ‘uncomfortable’

9 % say they would be ‘angered’9 % say they would be ‘angered’

92% of seniors say their adult children 92% of seniors say their adult children ‘have a right’ to raise the issue with them.‘have a right’ to raise the issue with them.

What do these statistics tell us about the What do these statistics tell us about the adult child’s perspective of the adult child’s perspective of the conversations with seniors?conversations with seniors?

What do these statistics tell us about the What do these statistics tell us about the senior’s perspective of the conversation?senior’s perspective of the conversation?

What can you see about your willingness What can you see about your willingness or reluctance to bring up the topic?or reluctance to bring up the topic?

Webinar OutcomesWebinar Outcomes

Help clarify your intentions and Help clarify your intentions and commitments in your conversations with commitments in your conversations with seniors.seniors.

Be aware of and practice removing Be aware of and practice removing barriers to good communication.barriers to good communication.

Provide tools for structuring conversations.Provide tools for structuring conversations. Build your comfort level in having those Build your comfort level in having those

important conversations.important conversations.

AgendaAgenda

OverviewOverview Pre-workPre-work THE conversationTHE conversation Continuing the dialogueContinuing the dialogue Getting additional assistanceGetting additional assistance

Faith is takingFaith is takingthe first step even the first step even when you don’t see when you don’t see the entire staircase.the entire staircase.

Martin Luther KingMartin Luther King

I. Pre-WorkI. Pre-Work

Understand the seniors’ worldUnderstand the seniors’ world Identify the barriers to effective Identify the barriers to effective

communicationcommunication Know your preferred outcomes, potential Know your preferred outcomes, potential

pitfallspitfalls Have a flexible agendaHave a flexible agenda Allow for mistakesAllow for mistakes Create for the futureCreate for the future

Do unto others as they would have Do unto others as they would have them done unto.them done unto.

The Platinum Rule

Understanding the SeniorUnderstanding the Senior

ChangesChanges- PhysicalPhysical- CognitiveCognitive- Social StructuresSocial Structures- Financial ConcernsFinancial Concerns- LossLoss- ResiliencyResiliency

Physical ChangesPhysical Changes

Physical ChangesPhysical Changes Sensory Sensory

-- HearingHearing-- SmellSmell- Taste- Taste

- Vision- Vision

Physical ChangesPhysical Changes

HeartHeart LungLung MuscleMuscle BoneBone

“Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes along.”

Samuel Butler

Cognitive ChangesCognitive Changes

Decline in mental processing speed Seniors can process information as well or

better as younger people, with adequate time

Slower storage of new information Reaction time slowed

How do you see the signs of aging How do you see the signs of aging manifesting with your seniors?manifesting with your seniors?

How could you begin to change your How could you begin to change your communication now that you know the communication now that you know the physiological and cognitive changes of physiological and cognitive changes of aging?aging?

Social StructuresSocial Structures

Families

Caregiving

Housing

LossLoss

Adapting to changes in physical Adapting to changes in physical functioning and limitationsfunctioning and limitations

Social statusSocial status New RolesNew Roles Challenge of giving or receiving careChallenge of giving or receiving care Dealing with the death of peers and their Dealing with the death of peers and their

own impending demise.own impending demise.

Time, which changes Time, which changes people,people,does not alter the does not alter the image we have image we have retained of them.retained of them.

Marcel ProustMarcel Proust

To lose one parent To lose one parent may be regarded as a may be regarded as a misfortune, but to lose misfortune, but to lose

both looks like both looks like carelessness. carelessness.

(The Importance of Being (The Importance of Being Earnest, 1895)Earnest, 1895)

II. THE conversationII. THE conversation

Key Ingredients:Key Ingredients:A Safe SpaceA Safe Space

ControlControl

Know yourself – acknowledge your Know yourself – acknowledge your concerns – your fears – your hopesconcerns – your fears – your hopes

Take this as an opportunity for soul Take this as an opportunity for soul searching and valuing your relationship searching and valuing your relationship with your senior.with your senior.

Put away your hopes, concerns and fears Put away your hopes, concerns and fears in order to serve your seniorin order to serve your senior

RequirementsRequirements

CourageCourage Generosity Generosity CompassionCompassion Honesty Honesty PersistencePersistence Willingness to change your mind!Willingness to change your mind! When all else fails, see point 1When all else fails, see point 1

Barriers to CommunicationBarriers to Communication

JudgmentsJudgments Having ‘the’ answerHaving ‘the’ answer Being argumentativeBeing argumentative Getting angryGetting angry Getting defensiveGetting defensive

ApproachesApproaches

DirectDirect Yes or no answersYes or no answers

IndirectIndirect May involve a personal anecdoteMay involve a personal anecdote Could ask reflective questionsCould ask reflective questions Give an example of a friend, or a newspaper Give an example of a friend, or a newspaper

storystory

Direct QuestionsDirect Questions

““Dad, is it true you hit the mailbox Dad, is it true you hit the mailbox yesterday?”yesterday?”

““Mom, are you having trouble keeping Mom, are you having trouble keeping track of when you take your pills?”track of when you take your pills?”

““Would it be okay if we had someone help Would it be okay if we had someone help you clean the house?”you clean the house?”

Personal AnecdotePersonal Anecdote

You know, Mom, the doctor’s office had me complete You know, Mom, the doctor’s office had me complete Advance Directives recently when I had my surgery. It Advance Directives recently when I had my surgery. It was overwhelming at first, but I was glad to get it done was overwhelming at first, but I was glad to get it done – and now I have it filed in my desk file drawer. – and now I have it filed in my desk file drawer.

Have you thought about your Advance Directives – or do Have you thought about your Advance Directives – or do you want to see mine?you want to see mine?

I know it’s an awkward subject, but I want you to have the I know it’s an awkward subject, but I want you to have the information you need – and vice versa – should we ever information you need – and vice versa – should we ever need it.need it.

Reflective QuestionsReflective Questions

What do you like about where you live What do you like about where you live now? now?

What else could we do to help you get a What else could we do to help you get a ride to events downtown at night?ride to events downtown at night?

What do you think about Mr. Smith’s What do you think about Mr. Smith’s retirement? retirement?

How would you see yourself retiring? How would you see yourself retiring? What concerns do you have?What concerns do you have?

Using ExamplesUsing Examples

Hey Mom, did you see the article in the Hey Mom, did you see the article in the newspaper about medical identity theft?newspaper about medical identity theft?

Maybe we should take a look at your Maybe we should take a look at your pharmacy records again?pharmacy records again?

There was a story on the news about a new There was a story on the news about a new senior service providing transportation for senior service providing transportation for seniors. Isn’t that a great idea?seniors. Isn’t that a great idea?

Ask questions from Ask questions from the heart,the heart,

And you will be And you will be answered from the answered from the

heart.heart.

OmahaOmaha

Sample AgendaSample Agenda

Acknowledge the difficulty of the situation.Acknowledge the difficulty of the situation. Changing rolesChanging roles Difficult subjectsDifficult subjects

Look at the facts – be gentle (be sensitive! If there’s any resistance, Look at the facts – be gentle (be sensitive! If there’s any resistance, back-up and create a safe space before proceeding.)back-up and create a safe space before proceeding.)

Ask questions – be curious – look for ways to have the senior Ask questions – be curious – look for ways to have the senior control the conversation.control the conversation.

Identify the outcome you’re both looking for – the future you want Identify the outcome you’re both looking for – the future you want to create. Be open to their thoughts and thinking outside the box.to create. Be open to their thoughts and thinking outside the box.

Inquire into what would help the senior create the next stage of Inquire into what would help the senior create the next stage of their life as the best part of their life?their life as the best part of their life?

Concrete action items if appropriate.Concrete action items if appropriate.

The ConversationThe Conversation

The danger of ‘formulas’The danger of ‘formulas’ The importance of a planThe importance of a plan The value of understanding the individualThe value of understanding the individual The commitment that the senior has a The commitment that the senior has a

high quality of lifehigh quality of life To continually create pathways for To continually create pathways for

conversations.conversations.

PitfallsPitfalls

Taking things personallyTaking things personally

Becoming defensiveBecoming defensive

Falling back into old patternsFalling back into old patterns

You know, Aunt Sue, I really don’t want to You know, Aunt Sue, I really don’t want to argue with you. I really do care what argue with you. I really do care what happens here. Can we back up and take happens here. Can we back up and take another look at your home care? Is there another look at your home care? Is there something else we can look at?something else we can look at?

So Mom, I know you don’t want to go to So Mom, I know you don’t want to go to the doctor, why don’t we try calling the the doctor, why don’t we try calling the nurse? Will you think about talking to nurse? Will you think about talking to someone in the doctor’s office?someone in the doctor’s office?

You can’t hide your true colors as you You can’t hide your true colors as you approach the autumn of your life.approach the autumn of your life.

Reaffirm Your CommitmentReaffirm Your Commitment

You may need to take a break.You may need to take a break.

Ask a sibling for help.Ask a sibling for help.

Get outside assistance.Get outside assistance.

Continue the conversation at a later date.Continue the conversation at a later date.

Additional ResourcesAdditional Resources

For more information:For more information:Catherine Stelianoudakis Prochaska, CSACatherine Stelianoudakis Prochaska, CSA

CareMinders Home CareCareMinders Home Care67 Lacey Road – Suite 667 Lacey Road – Suite 6

Whiting, NJ 08759Whiting, NJ 08759