CONFLICT MANAGEMENT AND

MEDIATION IN ELDER CARE

Talk Listen Resolve

Lawrie Parker, Executive Director

Piedmont Dispute Resolution Center

November 21, 2013

www.PiedmontDisputeResolution.org

540.347.6650

To give service providers conflict management strategies that can be used in a variety of situations.

To provide information on professional mediation in elder care issues.

TELECONFERENCE GOALS

SOURCES OF ELDER CARE CONFLICTThe following concerns reflect some of the

most difficult issues in the lives of older adults and their families:

Future health and personal care Landlord and neighbor difficulties Communication and caretaking responsibilities among

siblings and/or service providers Bill paying, home upkeep and repair, financial planning Trusts and inheritance End of life decision-making Driving restrictions and transportation challenges Health care proxies and power of attorney Assisted living and nursing homes Fair use of family resources Tension among parents, children, and grandchildren all

living together.

MYTHS CONCERNING CONFLICT The presence of conflict is a sign of a poor

service provider or poorly managed business.

Conflict is a sign of low concern for the elder, his/her family, or the situation.

Anger is negative and destructive.

Conflict, if left alone, will take care of itself.

Conflict must be resolved.

The best kind of conflict is the kind that is ‘nipped in the bud. Awareness and early intervention are two key components in the conflict management toolbox.

While tension and dissatisfaction erode positive relationships, effective conflict management helps promote harmony, cooperation and success.

Conflicts come in all sizes and shapes. There is the casual disagreement, or blip, between two people who generally like each other and get along.

There is the more serious disagreement that has been smoldering for awhile and is beginning to erode mutual respect and trust. This type of conflict can be categorized as a clash.

Then there is the deeper conflict, called a conflict crisis, that can potentially escalate into serious consequences. Each type of conflict calls for a specific set and level of conflict resolution skills.

While complex conflicts and conflict crises require the intervention of professional mediators, with the proper training and support materials, blips and clashes can be handled directly by service providers and/or family members. A conflict resolution technique called Self Mediation can, in fact, be handled by the disputing parties, without intervention of a third party.

Managerial Mediation, another conflict resolution technique, requires the participation of a manager. After the manager calls a preliminary meeting with the parties in conflict, he or she arranges for and conducts a mediation meeting to address the issues at hand.

The focus is on the future and the

solution to the problem is created

by and agreed to by the disputing parties.

Both Self Mediation and Managerial Mediation involve easily learned communication techniques and conflict management skills that can be taught in short, one-day seminars.

For many, these conflict resolution skills are considered core competencies in today’s workplace.

  INCOMPLETE COMMUNICATION: I/he/she did not hear the

whole story

INACCURATE INFORMATION: At least one of us/them has the wrong information

STRESS OVERLOAD: At least one of us/them was confused, overloaded, and stressed

DIFFERENT VIEWPOINTS: We/they see things differently. They have different beliefs or values

LIMITED RESOURCES: We/ they can’t have it all because there is not enough to go around

UNMET PSYCHOLOGICAL NEEDS: My/his/her need for identity, security, recognition, control, or fairness is threatened.

ID THE PROBLEM CHARACTERISTIC: AT ITS CORE, WHAT IS THIS CONFLICT ABOUT?

FIVE PRINCIPLES OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION Separate the people from the problem.

Be soft on the people and hard on the problem.

Focus on interests, not positions.When positions look incompatible, look at interests.

Generate options for mutual gain.Work for a win/win approach.

Assure a fair process.Process is just as important as the outcome.

Practice direct communication.Talk with others, not about them.

THE PIN PYRAMID

P.I.N.Positions:What We

State

Interests: What We Want

Needs: What We Must Have

PROFESSIONAL MEDIATION OFFERS HOPE TO FAMILIES & PROVIDERS

In professional mediation, a neutral third party (mediator) helps to facilitate conversation in a positive, productive way so that family members and service providers can reach workable solutions. Mediation works on strengthening the family relationship. It also decreases stress, arguments, it saves time and money, gives closure, and enhances relationship skills.

Professional Elder Mediation experts understand the complex family dynamics, unique circumstances and high emotions that accompany difficult conversations and challenging decisions. In the initial phone call, the mediator will listen as you share the challenges facing you and the family and they will answer questions about the mediation process

ROLE OF THE MEDIATOR: Guide the parties to a mutually acceptable settlement.

Mediators are not judges or arbitrators and have no power to decide who wins or loses.

Mediators are not counselors or therapists.

MEDIATION IS. . .Time-Limited

Issue-Oriented

Future-Focused

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS Do I need an attorney? You are welcome

to bring an attorney if you need expert advice, but it is not required.

Is mediation confidential? With very few exceptions, mediation is entirely confidential.

How do I get the family on board? The mediator can help you determine the best way to invite family members to be a part of the process.

WHERE CAN I FIND A PROFESSIONAL MEDIATOR?The Virginia Association for Community

Conflict Resolution (VACCR) can direct you to a non-profit mediation center in your locality.

Visit: www.vaccr.org or call 1-888-VAPEACE

You can call the Dispute Resolution Services office at the Virginia Supreme Court at 804.768.6455. For general mediation in Virginia visit: http://www.courts.state.va.us/courtadmin/aoc/djs/programs/drs/mediation/home.html