fireflies at absolute zero

fireies

erynn rowan laurie

Danvers, Massachusetts

at absolute zero

Copyright © 2012 Erynn Rowan Laurie

All Rights Reserved. Th is book may not be reproduced, in whole or in part, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitt ed in any form or by any means without permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages.

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First Edition 2012

Cover and text design by Jason KirkeyCover photograph © fotosutra.com / Shutt erStock

isbn: 978-0-9835852-9-9

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Special MarketsHiraeth PressP.O. Box 1442

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Published by Hiraeth PressDanvers, Massachusettswww.hiraethpress.comwww.hiraethpress.com

for James Lockedecades and a continent lie between us

our hearts are never partedremember I love you

vii

Contents

seeking the spring 3 · Brigid Dreams the Poet 5 · Forge 6 · Muirgen 7 · Danu 9 · Brig Ambue10 · Suibhne 111 · Suibhne 212 · Suibhne 313 · Miach’s Gift14 · Airmed’s Reason15 · Descent21 · gates23 · Venatio Apri: The Boar Hunt24 · Hadrian’s Beard25 · Kernophoria26 · Nemesis27 · Abraxas28 · Seshat29 · your light32 · Lost Text

walking to charlemont37 · Standing on a Pier, 196439 · On the Battenkill40 · Sugaring42 · Smallboat43 · Bangor, 198244 · psns (Puget Sound Naval Shipyard)46 · empty spaces47 · Willamette Valley Winter48 · Hoh, February 199649 · ceilidh50 · all the stars are falling

viii

51 · Walking to Charlemont 53 · age 54 · Digressions

the night sutra 59 · The Night Sutra 60 · On the Nature of Dreams 64 · Mandrake 67 · Insomnia 68 · On the Origin of Dreams 73 · On Seeking Dreams 76 · Forest Action Barbie 78 · On the Species of Dreams 88 · The Restless 90 · Spell against nightmares

poetics of desire 93 · poetics of desire 95 · Duchamp’s Bride 97 · animus 99 · the first time100 · friends101 · the land between102 · heat wave103 · touch105 · Orca Heart

in cedar time109 · in cedar time110 · From one astray, seeking soul-stice111 · My Feathers Grow Out at Night112 · for angie113 · Song for the Dead114 · Reefs116 · poetry’s seed117 · That Slow Fire119 · incubation120 · Seun against cold

ix

121 · tongue of hearts 123 · Book of Secrets 126 · Joandinee128 · Diver Down129 · Babalon131 · Small Things133 · Speak the drum song135 · their secret136 · all there is

seeking the spring•

3

I want a poetwith words of honeyand bitter dregsof red Hungarian winedressed in the bones of birdswith wildecstatic eyesand feet that dance the bonfire’s rim

I want a poetwith many soulssouls of miceand tigerssouls of ravenoushungry ghostsand the singing souls of riversof wallowing, bellowing buffalosouls of moths and geckos

I want a poetwith eyes of crystal shardsthat see through fleshand spy the hearts of treesand mountains’ boneswith thin, strong fingersto pluck the hawthorn’s bloomin Beltain’s dawning dews

I want a poetwith ballads for breathand chantsto scatter fear from the deeps of nightor call the wrenfrom her nestwith spells to lay children to sleepand bind the rising moon

Brigid Dreams the Poet

4

I want a poetwith fur and clawsand hot, panting tonguethirstyand seeking the spring

5

Forge

I make this poem for youmaker of poemswith dunadh-endingwith singing soundswith liquid labialsflowing

I raise up my voice to youmaker of throatsframer of bodiesshaper of handsand tongues

flow through mesing through mespark me andmark me

for I am yoursI make this poem for you

6

Muirgen

long among kelp strands I wanderedswimming the seasilver with scalesmy voice a song in the wind

no salmon’s mouth have Ibut human lips and tonguehuman eyesbright poet’s mindfingers like finsmy silver tail flicking

I long for the landshape half-shiftedno foot shall strike stonenor leave wet trails in sand

all traces of me vanishedonly my song remains

7

Danu

A mountain is shestanding as the highest peak,her blood flows clear waterrising across the plain,lips spread wideto speak her names into the world.Canyons fill with her,the rising gorge wallsher vast domain.

Mother mountainriver mother

older than the Hawk of Aichillmore ancient than language,spring and autumn alike her bold epiphany,lips spread wideto birth all things into the world.

Mother mountain, river mother

rooted fast in glacier’s path,strong as stonethat stands against the sea,lips spread widein loudest of groansthat separates birth and deathcarrying all that livesinto the cradle of earth,embracing our bonescupped in the hands of timelike fruit in autumn sun,or wolfcubs in dark dens, asleephigh on a mountain’s side.

8

Mother mountainriver mother

arc of her breast caressed by skywhose winds are lover’s hands,a mountain is she.

9

Brig Ambue

if you believe I am the comforting mother you are wrong if you believe only in the creation of my forge you are wrong if you believe my songs are only to praise you are wrong

I am the cainte singing curses on my enemies I am the destroying flame I am the wolf who lays low the tyrant I am wrath and fury blazing I am the brown swan rising from the lake I am the torch in the hand of every díberg I am the poison of satire and pain I am the anger that calls to justice I am the foot that treads upon evil I am the fear in the hearts of oppressors I am the shield against every attack I am the courage that streams in your veins I am the death of every illusion

my children shatter every binding chain

10

Suibhne 1

my verse is sharpas the sword of wintercold and cuttingevisceratinglike a black feather on a raven

like a black feather on my wing

my voice is sharp as a raven’s croakhollow in frostbiting and raw

my poems burn like starsthey fall like spears from the oil-black sky

11

Suibhne 2

my madness is like yours the horror of events astray blood all around us terror of truth storm of sounds thunder and bird cries howling of wolvesmemory mangled the past will not leave us no peace is persistent everything mocks us breaching the borders evil abounds

I am free in the forest far from all fields only the voice of the wren will soothe stags in company belling babble of brook the sound of my heart

forcefully fleeing you leap from the ledges I fearlessly follow spreading my wings I fly

12

Suibhne 3

down at Gleann Bolcainmoss and watercress growwe meet and speak in councilbirds of a featherour cloaks are ragged wingswe flew oncein bright, bloodied battlebut blood was too muchred in our sleepingred in our wakingred in our wordshere by the water wedancelike craneshere under hazelsspeaking of flyingwearying travelsfear in our bloodno healing the pastwearing our feathers wespeaklike starlingsperched on precarious branchesour colloquy of madnesswild-eyedsoul-barrenwe whisper of times to come

13

Miach’s Gift

they say my father was jealous they say i had more skill

they say a lot of things

yet without him Nuadha would have no silver hand

without him no diagnosing no charm for thorn no healing skill no well of sláine

without our battle without my wounding without my death

without that cairn of stones

no herbs for wounds and strains no green and verdant cloak no cures for all your ills

my body is your garden my fleshyour healing meat each joint and sinew a day of the year growing from fertile soil

14

Airmed’s Reason

my brother’s knife is sharper than any cainte’s tongue severing sickness surgeon supreme

i laid my cloak upon his cairn plucked the herbs laid them in lines sorted by symptoms parted his bones rising from stone

Dian Cécht when i was done he shook my cloak he cast the herbs

they fled on the wind blown like feathers in the sky

there was a reason

knowledge is earned wisdom grows like trees still slow subtle

no one should be immortal even stars and planets die

so my wisdom must be sought sown like seeds tended in the garden of your heart

15

Descent

1. nedu

i watch as you approach

you in your arroganceliving

my skin shiftsbones and muscles twisting what face shall i wear to bring you fear?

you who live this is not your place

i scratch your name in the walllost among billions of nameswho have passed this way before

your name is the first thing you lose

2. enkishar

even gods have felt my sharp fingersbetween their ribstearing

what need have you for heart or lungs here?no breath escapes your lips even nowno name binds you to the world

16

spill your blood hereamong the echoing cavernstheir walls have seen rising floods oceansnow dried brown

you must be hollow to enter

3. endashurimma

life is shit

you think you’ll walk away butif you pass my watch you’ll be gutless twitchingintestines glisteningstrung from stinking wallsstrewn as offal on the path

you’ve had your last meali know what you atethe smell of your fearthe dark earth of your shitmy food

you have no lungs to scream

4. enuralla

whowho are you child child who are child ild ild

17

hollow like bones sucked of marrow marrow echoing

without name you comewithout heart you comewithout bowels or lungs you come

and i will tear away your voice your tales your songsi will take them for my own to join my choir choir choir yeswhen you are silent then onlyyou may pass may pass pass

5. nerubanda

your flesh decays food for wormsyour very shape is lostconsumed

18

and i consume what eats youwigglingwrigglingfalling awayfat with your flesh

it is the perfect circle

what muscle is left stands here tremblingbefore my polished gatethin, bloody shreds on bone

my gate is black obsidianfiner than Ishtar’s blue enamels what you see reflectedis body-truthwrithing

worm-foodi will swallow you

6. endushuba

none who pass this way return

empty withinempty withouti take what sustains you

no breathno pulseno voice

no food

19

you starve for light and bread and musicyou starve for warmth and beer and incense

i take the grain of your soul you cannot sprout you will not rise the yeast of your hope dies in my hands

your drying bones rustledesolateas you pass

7. ennugigi

your dry bones clickand rustleon the path

you may go no further nameless breathless bodiless lifeless

i will carve your boneshollow your thighs to flutessever your joints with my blade

sharp obsidian markswhat’s leftwhittles bones to lace

20

flecks of bone dust falllike snow at my feetdrift in the slow dark air

only your dust may pass

138

About the Author

Erynn Rowan Laurie is a writer, poet, and professional madwoman living on the shores of the Salish Sea. Author of Ogam: Weaving Word Wisdom, she is inspired by the early Irish poetic tradition and the place of the geilt, the mad poet, in Irish myth and literature. Born in New England, she joined the Navy and traveled to Hawaii and the west coast, where she fell in love with western Washington and has spent the last three decades getting to know the land, the waters, and the dream scape of her chosen home.

Hiraeth Press is a pub lisher with a mis sion.

Poetry is the lan guage of the Earth — not just poems but the slow flap of a heron’s wings across the sky, the light ning of its beak hunting in the shallow water; autumn leaves and the smooth course of water over stones and gravel. These, as much as poems, com mu ni cate the being and meaning of things. Our pub li ca tions are all poetry, whether they are poems or non fic tion, and reflect the ideal that falling in love with the Earth is nothing short of rev o lu tionary and that through our rela tion ship to wild nature we can birth a more enlight ened vision of life for the future. We are pas sionate about poetry as a means of returning the human voice to the poly phonic chorus of the wild.

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