ES Counseling and Guidance
Steve Hisler
1st, 3rd, & 5th
Grades
Room 15b in the Inner Circle
Ext. 527
Naho Kikuchi
KG, 2nd & 4th Grades
Room 218, 2nd floor in the Cafeteria building
Ext. 529
Elementary SchoolCounseling and Guidance
FRIENDSHIP
Elementary School Friendships
• Development stages of friendships• Social cruelty• What parents can do• What we do in Guidance
Developmental Stages of Children’s Friendships
• Children possess different capacities for friendship
• Children grow at different rates• Differences do exist between boys
and girls• Children change as they grow; they
are not static
Key Points about Social Cruelty
• Children’s need for connection, recognition and power place them in naturally opposing positions with others, creating interpersonal conflict.
• “Children…act differently when they are with their peers.”
Group ThinkDiffusion of Responsibility Risky Shift
More About Social Cruelty
*Teasing and Name CallingExperiment in social power
*Rejection and ExclusionCardinal rule of the group:
“Be like everyone else”
*Bullying“…all children experiment with power and find it exciting.”
That said….KIDS DO MANAGE!
“Conflict is inevitable in friendship” but friends have the ability to resolve troubles.
“…the need for connection triumphs over conflicts,” but often not without time and suffering.
Children’s capacity for reconciliation is just as strong as the capacity for aggression.
Children are nicer to each other more than they are cruel – “99% of the school day is made up of cooperative acts!”
What Parents Can Do:Basic Assumptions:• We are trying our best as parents.• All of our kids are “good” and
“nice”.• We need to concentrate on our
own children.
What Parents Can Do
Don’t Worry So Much! • This doesn’t mean that the pain our
children suffer isn’t real.• Our worry is usually out of proportion
to the real danger• It works best if we get involved with
relaxed confidence rather than panic.
What Parents Can Do
Don’t Worry So Much! (cont.) • Children get over their pain
quickly (most of the time).• Interview for coping and
strategies; avoid interviewing for pain.
• Use a problem-solving model.
What Parents Can Do
Support Children’s Friendships• Set up play dates and monitor for
polite play• Know how your child and his/her
friends spend their time together• Socialize across cultural or racial
lines.
What Parents Can Do
Be a Good Friendship Model and Teacher
• Children need to see what a dedicated, loyal friendship looks like.
• Show what you do for a friend.• Live with respect and tolerance.• Teach that asking for help is OK!
What Parents Can Do
Make Friends with the Parents of Your Child’s Friends (and enemies)
• Make friendly conversations with other parents whenever possible.
• Avoid making a phone call in anger.
What We Do In Guidance
Active Listening Skills Feelings
Anger Management Friendship
Problem Solving Refusal Skills
Self- Esteem Cyber Safety
Teasing and Bullying
Our goals for students:
1. To take responsibility for their actions.
2.To understand the concept of respect andtolerance for self and others.
3. To teach healthy ways to
manage everyday life skills(communication, problemsolving, refusal skills,
conflictresolution, and use oftechnology.)