Dr. Farida Virani
At war with Your Self ?
The greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within
Miguel De Cervantes
Almost all of us experience significant inner conflict (intra personal) causing
mental/ emotional discomfort from time to time. Individuals constantly have
to make choices in favor of one variant, rejecting the others e.g. love or riches,
family life or career, ethical business decisions or profitability. Through my
professional journey, I have been fortunate to have worked with both top
executives and middle management professionals, flourishing and successful
by outward appearances but stressed and carrying an immense baggage of
unresolved internal dilemmas within. Ironically, senior leadership segments
have higher incidences of inner conflicts. Students too face internal dilemmas
while trying to choose between values instilled by their family and peer
pressure to go against those values to fit- in.
Intrapersonal conflict involves an internal struggle to clarify contradictory
values and exists in both the cognitive and affective realm. The dilemma
posed by an internal conflict is usually some ethical or emotional question.
Most of the times, we reconcile the inner conflict preferring to do what we
must instead of what we truly want to do. When we frequently ignore or
stifle our true values or needs and opt to make a risk-free or politically
correct decision, we get progressively disconnected from our genuine selves.
Dr. Farida Virani
As a result, it becomes more difficult to know what our real needs are and
who we really are.
The intrapersonal realm is the area focused on our relationship to self and
our inner consciousness. It is the domain of our feelings and fantasies, our
intuition and imagination. It involves the capacity to understand oneself, to
understand ones feelings, fears and motivations. It allows us to have an
effective functional model of ourselves and enables us to use such information
to regulate our lives. In 1995 Daniel Goleman's best seller Emotional
intelligence EI was published. Goleman stated, the two components of EI
related to intra personal skills are; Self-awareness -the ability to recognize and
understand personal moods, emotions and drives, as well as their effect on
others. Self-regulation - the ability to control or redirect disruptive impulses,
mood, the propensity to suspend judgment and to think before acting. He
pursued in great detail the role of feelings in these intelligences.
If intra personal conflicts are not resolved or release is not sought, internal
pressure continues to amplify. When this pressure exceeds a certain threshold
(individual level of tolerance) there is a psychological failure and the person
appears bereft of composure resulting in psychological depression or
excessive aggression. Emotionally challenged is a terminology used to
identify this lack or inability of expressing appropriate emotions in specific
situations. Sometimes, intrapersonal conflict either contributes to or provokes
interpersonal conflicts. The consequences of intrapersonal conflicts are
(among other things) emotional flooding such as excessive crying, symptoms
of anxiety, depression , incapacitating thoughts , none or overwhelming
emotions, drug abuse, addiction to alcohol , insubordination as well as
absenteeism in professional life and inability to maintain personal relations.
Dr. Farida Virani
However, if managed positively an intrapersonal conflict promotes adaptation
and self-realization. Positively resolved intrapersonal conflicts build character
and form resoluteness. Intra personally strong professionals show confidence
that comes from deep introspection resulting in acceptance of strengths as
well as limitations. The opposite of blame and frustration is intrapersonal
intelligence that takes the good with the bad, and finds balance in both. The
qualities of intrapersonal magic show up in thoughtful communication, refusal
to speak poorly of others, deep reflections for growth from lessons learned
through personal mistakes, and willingness to facilitate and develop others.
These individuals are self-disciplined, open to new ideas and have the ability
to solve personal and transpersonal problems with ease.
The management of intrapersonal conflict involves diagnosis and intervention.
The diagnosis of intrapersonal conflict can be performed by self-report,
observation or talking to a therapist/counselor. Intrapersonal communication
includes articulating dreams, fantasies, talking out loud (self motivation) and
writing a journal. Awareness of ones personal inner conversation (chatter) is
the first step to improving intrapersonal ability. It includes moments of quiet
reflection about self, goals in life, beliefs, values and expectations. These
therapies encourage individuals to deal with unconscious issues by repairing
damage from earlier experiences, while attempting to help individuals think
differently (cognitive), to feel differently (affective) and to act differently
(behavioral). However if individuals and families are not equipped to manage
the crisis by themselves professional help should be sought immediately.
Nowadays, a greater number of people are willing to reach out to a mental
health professional for a myriad range of problems ranging from psychosis
to emotional disturbances and life- adjustment issues. Its your duty towards
yourself and your fellow beings; to increase the basic understanding of mental
health, to learn how to actively maintain your own mental health and treat
Dr. Farida Virani
those who may be suffering with empathy and respect without being
judgmental.
Dr. Farida Virani
HOD - Professor HR & Behavioral Sciences
MET - Institute of Management - Mumbai
Senior Member - HEF