Dr. Farida Virani

At war with Your Self ?

The greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within

Miguel De Cervantes

Almost all of us experience significant inner conflict (intra personal) causing

mental/ emotional discomfort from time to time. Individuals constantly have

to make choices in favor of one variant, rejecting the others e.g. love or riches,

family life or career, ethical business decisions or profitability. Through my

professional journey, I have been fortunate to have worked with both top

executives and middle management professionals, flourishing and successful

by outward appearances but stressed and carrying an immense baggage of

unresolved internal dilemmas within. Ironically, senior leadership segments

have higher incidences of inner conflicts. Students too face internal dilemmas

while trying to choose between values instilled by their family and peer

pressure to go against those values to fit- in.

Intrapersonal conflict involves an internal struggle to clarify contradictory

values and exists in both the cognitive and affective realm. The dilemma

posed by an internal conflict is usually some ethical or emotional question.

Most of the times, we reconcile the inner conflict preferring to do what we

must instead of what we truly want to do. When we frequently ignore or

stifle our true values or needs and opt to make a risk-free or politically

correct decision, we get progressively disconnected from our genuine selves.

Dr. Farida Virani

As a result, it becomes more difficult to know what our real needs are and

who we really are.

The intrapersonal realm is the area focused on our relationship to self and

our inner consciousness. It is the domain of our feelings and fantasies, our

intuition and imagination. It involves the capacity to understand oneself, to

understand ones feelings, fears and motivations. It allows us to have an

effective functional model of ourselves and enables us to use such information

to regulate our lives. In 1995 Daniel Goleman's best seller Emotional

intelligence EI was published. Goleman stated, the two components of EI

related to intra personal skills are; Self-awareness -the ability to recognize and

understand personal moods, emotions and drives, as well as their effect on

others. Self-regulation - the ability to control or redirect disruptive impulses,

mood, the propensity to suspend judgment and to think before acting. He

pursued in great detail the role of feelings in these intelligences.

If intra personal conflicts are not resolved or release is not sought, internal

pressure continues to amplify. When this pressure exceeds a certain threshold

(individual level of tolerance) there is a psychological failure and the person

appears bereft of composure resulting in psychological depression or

excessive aggression. Emotionally challenged is a terminology used to

identify this lack or inability of expressing appropriate emotions in specific

situations. Sometimes, intrapersonal conflict either contributes to or provokes

interpersonal conflicts. The consequences of intrapersonal conflicts are

(among other things) emotional flooding such as excessive crying, symptoms

of anxiety, depression , incapacitating thoughts , none or overwhelming

emotions, drug abuse, addiction to alcohol , insubordination as well as

absenteeism in professional life and inability to maintain personal relations.

Dr. Farida Virani

However, if managed positively an intrapersonal conflict promotes adaptation

and self-realization. Positively resolved intrapersonal conflicts build character

and form resoluteness. Intra personally strong professionals show confidence

that comes from deep introspection resulting in acceptance of strengths as

well as limitations. The opposite of blame and frustration is intrapersonal

intelligence that takes the good with the bad, and finds balance in both. The

qualities of intrapersonal magic show up in thoughtful communication, refusal

to speak poorly of others, deep reflections for growth from lessons learned

through personal mistakes, and willingness to facilitate and develop others.

These individuals are self-disciplined, open to new ideas and have the ability

to solve personal and transpersonal problems with ease.

The management of intrapersonal conflict involves diagnosis and intervention.

The diagnosis of intrapersonal conflict can be performed by self-report,

observation or talking to a therapist/counselor. Intrapersonal communication

includes articulating dreams, fantasies, talking out loud (self motivation) and

writing a journal. Awareness of ones personal inner conversation (chatter) is

the first step to improving intrapersonal ability. It includes moments of quiet

reflection about self, goals in life, beliefs, values and expectations. These

therapies encourage individuals to deal with unconscious issues by repairing

damage from earlier experiences, while attempting to help individuals think

differently (cognitive), to feel differently (affective) and to act differently

(behavioral). However if individuals and families are not equipped to manage

the crisis by themselves professional help should be sought immediately.

Nowadays, a greater number of people are willing to reach out to a mental

health professional for a myriad range of problems ranging from psychosis

to emotional disturbances and life- adjustment issues. Its your duty towards

yourself and your fellow beings; to increase the basic understanding of mental

health, to learn how to actively maintain your own mental health and treat

Dr. Farida Virani

those who may be suffering with empathy and respect without being

judgmental.

Dr. Farida Virani

HOD - Professor HR & Behavioral Sciences

MET - Institute of Management - Mumbai

Senior Member - HEF