You Professional !! Are you a Good Parent?...

Dr. SHAVINDRA R.DIASMBBS,MD Psych.(colombo)

Dip in Psychol.,BA(Oxon UK)Senior Lecturer in Psychiatry

Department of PsychiatryFaculty of Medicine

University of Peradeniya Kandy, Sri Lanka

What kind of a parent are you???

• Being a parent is a wonderful thing..

• However, it’s not always easy..

• We want our children to behave well, and to:

■ have respect for themselves and others; ■ be polite to others; ■ know how to behave in different situations; ■ be able to concentrate and pay attention; ■ share and to take turns; ■ know how to win and how to lose;

• But children often behave quite differently, and we may feel annoyed, frustrated and embarrassed.

• Parents of teenage children or children with a disability may face additional challenges and pressures.

Parenting Styles

Authoritarian Style

Parent

– Not involved or responsive, but set strict limits– Expect children to follow strict rules– Does not explain why rules should be obeyed– Punish children who disobey rules– Are controlling/power-oriented– Use verbal threats or spanking

Child

Children lack social competenceMental illness and abuseObedientProficient (Good at what they do)May view parent as enemyMay be confused about what is right/wrongHave levels happiness & self-esteem

Permissive Style

Parent

Child

– Very involved and responsive, but don’t set limits

– Has no firm rules, lenient – Accepts child as he/she is– Disciplines through love, praise and affection – Communicates and nurtures child– Acts more like a friend than parent

DependentIrresponsible / Lacks self-controlImmatureExperiences problems with

authorityExperiences problems in school

(i.e. completing projects)

Neglectful Style

Parent

Child

– Makes few demands– Low responsiveness to child– Detached from child, but fulfills his/her

basic needs– In extreme cases parents REJECT or

NEGLECT needs of child

Children not well adjusted; resentfulFeel neglected / abandoned, have self-esteemLack self-control

Authoritative Style

Parent

– Very involved and responsive, but set limits – Supportive of child’s decisions– Child centered; foster independence – Guides and shows by example– Willing to discuss choices they or their child

makes and the reasoning behind these choices– Disciplinary methods are nurturing & forgiving

Child

Well adjusted childrenGood decision makersIndependent, but seek help

when needed Happy Capable Successful

Parenting StylesDemandingness (control)

High

Low

Authoritative Permissive

NeglectfulAuthoritarian

High

Low

Resp

on

siv

en

ess (

involv

em

en

t)

You can be a good parent…

Tip 1: Talk and Listen

• Talking and listening to your child helps them to understand what’s going on.

• Do not expect the near impossible; be understanding.

Tip 2: Understand Changes As They Grow

• Exploring:• Independence:• Encouragement

• Consider the age of child. Use age-appropriate methods

Tip 3: Set Boundaries

• Set Reasonable limits; do not set them too high or too low

• Children need clear rules, boundaries and routine.

• Word the instructions positively.• Be consistent.• If you make promises keep them. Be true to

your word.

Tip 4: Reward and Notice Good Behaviour

• Rewards do not have to be material things.• Real praise and encouragement is the best

reward as it can boost a child and build self-esteem and confidence

Tip 5: Build Self Confidence

• Help them to try out new things, make friends and cope with the upsets and problems they meet as they grow up.

Tip 6: Have Realistic Expectations and Allow Consequences

• Children are children.• They will be messy, noisy and, at times,

disobedient.

• Give them the freedom to make mistakes.

• Encourage your child to think for themselves and take responsibility for their actions.

• Let the children know the consequences of their behaviour

Tip 7: When Things Are Getting Difficult

• Stay calm.

Porn films revealed!

• Think practically about the applicability of disciplinary actions, and let children know that you are serious.

• Flexibility is fine – life can be chaotic and having a flexible approach will help your children learn to do the same.

• Do not punish accidents.• Give a second chance. • Let bygones be bygones.

Remember

• All children are unique.

• The most important thing is that your child feels loved and happy even when sometimes things are difficult

THANK YOU…