AL Ever the "simple" phases of groawing up cobe matters of real concern to youngsters

When a Shaver Begins to ShaveLESTER A. KIRKENDALL

The author acknowledges the assistance of Anthony 1. Pulito, former student inthe Teachers College of Connecticut, who analyzed the autobiographical sketchesand prepared the first draft of this article. Mr. Pulito, incidentally, selected thetitle for the article, being one of the "shavers" himself.

THE PUZZLING SITUATIONS confront-ing a boy crossing the threshold from child-hood to adolescence have provided psychol-ogists materials for many a book. Yet in thenumerous discussions on adolescent psychol-ogy very little reference is made to the firstshaving experience-the object of desire forsome maturing youth, and the cause of worryand distress for others. The first shave may beconsidered of too little importance to wormits way into the literature of adolescent psy-chology, and when regarded as an isolatedincident, this evaluation is probably correct.But when it is recognized as a symbol of theanticipations,. joys, stresses, and strains ofgrowing up, it attains a new significance.

This article is based upon information ga-thered from 125 boys, ages 17 to 19, who eachwrote a short anecdotal story on "My FirstShaving Experience." This collection of pa-pers has been shown to a number of adults.Generally the anecdotes are initially greetedwith amused and indulgent smiles. That any-thing beyond amusement is involved does notoccur to most persons.

An examination of the anecdotes, however,leaves one wondering whether undue andneedless obstacles are not placed in the wayof maturing youth. If around so simple a proc-

Grown-ups sometimes take for granted phasesof maturing which may seem quite complicatedand insurmountable to a child. The (to an adultmind) undramatic accomplishment of shaving,for example, is one of the "little things" thatmoa temporarily make life difficult for an ado.lescent boy. To kelp us understand our task ofguiding youngsters through suck experiences.Lester A. Kirkendall, U. S. Office of Education.presents a series of statements from boys be.tmeen the ages of 17 and 19 in which they de.scribe emotional reactions to their first shave.

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ess as beginning to shave are built so manyemotional reactions, both desirable and un-desirable, what must be the circumstancescentering about the more complex aspects ofmaturation--as adjustment to the maturing sexdrive, to one's increased independence andresponsibility as an adolescent, or to one's ini-tiation as a full-fledged participant in the so-cial and vocational world?

By social custom the adolescent is expectedto shave when a certain stage of maturity isreached. The act of shaving in itself shouldbe nothing to worry about. Men shave everyday, doing it habitually and with littlethought. But when an adolescent fails to haveessential security and understanding and thesympathetic guidance of adults, situations andproblems incident to maturity are met withuncertainty and reluctance rather than assur-ance and confidence. When he does havethese essential psychological ingredients,growing up becomes an easy, joyous processwhich the boy and those around him regardas natural and desirable.

Of the 1z5 individuals, only some 2o percent found their first shaving experience anatural and even pleasant experience. For therest, negative emotional reactions of varyingdegrees and kinds were associated with thefirst shave. When the experience was an easyand natural next step toward maturity, itseemed definitely associated with the sympa-thetic understanding of adults-who made it so.

Let us take our evidence from the boysthemselves.

A Natural Phase of Growing Up

"This event does not stand out any tooclearly in my mind. The reason is probablydue to the lack of fuss made over it. Nofriend called attention to the growth of mosson my upper lip; it remained for my father

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to start the shaving process. He came homeone night with a safety razor and proceededto show me the tricks of using it. I succeededin getting through without a mishap and laterglowed with pride at the compliments of myfather concerning the way I handled the razor.I remember the next morning of remarkingto my friends that I had shaved the night be-fore, and though I took some kidding, I wasregarded more as a man in their eyes thanever before. I had the reaction that I hadfinally reached manhood."

"My first shaving experience was surpris-ingly free from emotional difficulties.' I hadnever associated the appearance of the beardwith any grand ideas of 'manhood' and withthe first growth of fuzz I merely accepted thefact that I now had another responsibility inthe maintenance of my personal appearance.No doubt my lack of emotion was due to thefact that my father spoke of my having toshave soon, in a very natural manner whichdid not emphasize the fact that I was ap-proaching any unusual stage in my life. I feltno different on that first day than I did thismorning as I scraped my chin."

A Pleasant Experience

Many boys look forward to shaving withanticipation. To them it means approachingmanhood:

"As a boy I had always wanted to shave;I knew that shaving would make me a manamong men. Each time that I washed my face,I looked carefully into the mirror to seewhether I had any evidence upon my facewhich would allow me to join the ranks ofmy much esteemed elders. Time marched on-11, iz, and 13, 14, 15, and W6-would I

never grow a beard?"

Sometimes the interested and sympatheticattitude of the parents toward the first shaveof their son transforms this event into a mem-orable occasion:

"I remember distinctly my father's teach-ing me to shave. There is nothing much torelate. As Dad shaved, I watched. 'See, youpull up here, and then come down over here.'On it went.

"'Now you try it.' With my father as aspectator I succeeded in plastering my facewith lather.... I took the razor as my fatherwatched closely. As far as I was concerned

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this was a piece of gold in my hands. Dadwatched me for a moment and told me thatit was all mine. 'Go right to it.'

"After cleaning my face and removing thesuds on the mirror and sink and puttingplenty of powder on my face, I opened thedoor and awaited the comment from the fam-ily."

One boy writes, "I had been in bed forsome days with scarlet fever. At the time Iwas 13 years of age.... The morning I wasto be allowed up, my mother brought me amirror and asked me to look at myself. Loand behold, upon looking into the glass I sawmy face covered with hair.... I spent thenext few days looking into mirrors wheneverI had the opportunity. I did not feel so badlynow that I had gotten from my illness some-thing I had wished for a long time....

"'Well, son, let's get that beard shaved offand have you look civilized again.' Thesewords were the ones I think I can rememberprobably more than any others used by myfather. I was seated in a chair directly be-neath the light in the kitchen, and my fatherprepared to remove my mask of hair. Herewas the moment I had waited for so long;now I could say I had shaved. After my fa-ther had applied the lather, he turned his backto me and stropped the razor. When he againfaced me, he held in his hand a long, sharp,gleaming razor, which, when I saw it, sentall kinds of thoughts through my mind. Whatif my father's hand slipped? What if heshould forget to stop at my ears? These andmany other gruesome thoughts flashedthrough my mind in a split second.... Thewhole operation took about fifteen minutes.. . . I still remember how proud I was to beable to say to my friends, 'I shaved yester-day.'"The Gang Is Impressed

It is quite evident that shaving means ap-proaching manhood to the boy's associatesand that he sometimes achieves or loses statusaccording to the evidence he carries of abeard. Here are some of the youngsters'worries on this score.

"My beard is extremely light and not verynoticeable. So I was not bothered so much byits presence as by its absence. This did causeme a slight feeling of inferiority, and I wishedthat I had a heavier beard too."

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"I wondered what was wrong with me-why I didn't have hair on my face. I worriedfor fear I would be called a baby or a'pansy.' I went so far as to make liberal appli-cations of hair tonic to my face to hasten myfaltering crop."

"If I had admitted that I had never shaved,I would have been subject to ridicule. There-fore, I chose the easiest way out. The discus-sions usually ran along these lines: someonewould remark how tough his beard was get-ting or how he hated to shave every day(when in reality he probably shaved once amonth) or what type of shaving cream heused. My own beard, if I may take the libertyto call it that, consisted of a few paltry hairs,but I considered this sufficient to heartilyagree with the boys that it was unlucky tohave a tough (!) beard. . . . I had read inthose glowing advertisements of men withtough beards and tender skin, and of courseI placed myself in this category."

"When I went to school the next Monday,I was quick to inform our gang that I hadtaken my first shave. I believe that I was inthe seventh grade at the time. None of theother fellows in the gang had shaved, al-though some of them needed to remove theirfuzz also. I considered myself as the first 'man'in our gang."

"I was quite proud of those cuts in schoolas they marked me as one who shaved....Being cut with that straight razor made methink that I had fully reached maturity, asI had shaved and cut myself as I had oftenseen my father do."

Fun-poking Doesn't HelpOn the other hand, emotionally sensitive

boys are affected by the joking and laughingabout the downy hair on their faces. When afather or mother wittingly or unwittinglymakes remarks of this nature, the outcomeusually helps to build a barrier between theboy and his parents. The boy feels unable toseek help not only with reference to shavingbut on any other matter that affects his per-sonal adjustment. Parents by lack of under-standing may weaken the bonds betweenthem and their son, preventing consultationand the sharing of confidences. The son es-chews his parents' guidance and seeks advice

May 1945

of friends and acquaintances, or personallycopes with the problem as best he can. Whenwe remember that about four-fifths of thegroup related reactions of this kind, there isevidence of a basically undesirable approachto maturity.

The following paragraphs illustrate thisclearly:

"My first shaving experience, when I wasabout i6, caused me much anxiety. My fatherused to 'kid' me with such remarks as 'putsome cream on your face and let the cat lickyour whiskers off.' He often told me to startshaving but never offered me any shaving sup-plies except advice. My face soon began tolook dirty all the time. I was secretly ashamedbut, at the time, saw no way to remedy thesituation."

"Remembering, midst happy reflections onmy first shave, that I shared the house withmy parents, pride turned to fear. How wasI to keep my 'Achievement' from the pryingeyes of my parents, especially my mother? Tobe sure, much to my embarrassment and dis-may, my mother noticed my raw, cut face up-on her arrival that night. I attributed the cutsto a football game early in the day, but uponcloser inspection, my mother knew of my at-tempt. I was so embarrassed that I left thehouse immediately, and did not come homethat night until all were asleep. There wasnothing much said, but for a few weeks Ifelt ill at ease."

One must not assume that boys can nevertake "kidding" about their embryo beardsand moustaches. It is not so much the kidding,as the spirit in which it is done, which de-termines the boys' ability to meet it.

"No one at home ever joked much aboutmy shaving, and when they did, we both tookit in a spirit of fun; therefore, I didn't mindat all."

"I remember my first shave very well. Itwas on December 26, 1937. I know this date,so exactly because I received the razor as myvery own on the day before as a Christmaspresent. I didn't shave on Christmas Day, asI wanted to, because my family prevailed onme to wait until the next day. I guess theydidn't want any blood shed on ChristmasDay."

Resorting to Desperate Measures

Of course, the adolescent may settle theshaving problems at home in his own waynotwithstanding the fact that he lacks instruc-tion or the confidence of his parents. Whensuch is the case, the pattern of behavior islikely to be this: Father's razor is borrowed;the shaving is done on the "sly"-by an in-experienced and unsteady hand.

One boy says, "I bought a razor, a mirror,and some hand-soap to school, and during thenoon hour the gang and I left the school yardand went down to a nearby stream. I wasafraid to shave at home because of the pecu-liar sensation that I was sure to create."

Another fellow wrote that because of poorrelationship with his father and mother hesettled the matter of shaving alone. Becauseof the conditions under which he began shav-ing, the incident remains clearly in his mem-ory. Reading his personal account, we see himcoming out of church one Sunday morningand swinging down Main Street to his father'sbarber shop. There the weekly ritual of clean-ing the shop takes place; he sweeps the floor,dusts the furniture, cleans the tools. But todayas he works, his mind relentlessly ticks offtwo sentences. Over and over again they run,"Put milk on it. Let the cat lick it off. Putmilk on it. Let the cat lick it off. Put milk-Let the cat lick-" Could he avoid this "razz-ing" by shaving?

He reports: ". . . and I felt pretty confidentthat I could handle a straight edge with ease.I made sure that the window shades weredrawn and the door locked, then proceededto make the lather.... After a great deal ofeffort I stopped the flow of blood and shame-facedly made my way home. Well, I didn'tmind my dad's remarks, but the 'razzing' thatI took at the dinner table was an insult to mypride. So in the middle of my meal I wentupstairs to my room. It was a long time be-fore I ventured to shave again."

A Social Handicap

Sometimes a socially inept boy is unable tocapitalize on his approaching maturity withfriends and is humiliated instead of proud.One senses in this description that the boy'ssocial ineptitude in the matter of meetingmaturity may be only a reflection of parentalineptitude in helping their son:

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"None of the other boys had come to thestage where they were faced with the prob-lem. For this reason I felt different from myfriends in some way, although I did not knowwhy. My playmates many times made fun ofme because of my fuzzy face. They wouldtease and plague me, until I would run awayto be by myself. I did not know what to do.

"For weeks this problem troubled me.Finally I forced enough courage to mentionthe matter to my father. He looked at mefrom all angles. He then told me that he sawno reason why the boys should bother me.This answer did not clear up the matter forme. I went about my school work and playwith the thought that people were looking atme and making fun of me. When I was askedto parties, I would not go because I thoughtthe others would make me the standing joke.This frame of mind held me in its grip for ayear and a half. I really did not know whatthe older people thought of me, because Iwas ashamed to ask. I knew what the otherchildren of my same age thought however."

Not a Matter to Call Forth "Discipline"

Sometimes an unexpected twist of eventswill transform the first shaving experience in-to so thoroughly a disagreeable experiencethat the boy remembers it with shame anddisgust, or possibly in retrospect, tolerantamusement. There seems no reason why aboy should need to write, "I look back to myfirst shave with disgust, because it was soembarrassing to me.

"Two other boys and myself having waitedin vain for a beard for several years came tothe conclusion that we would shave anywayand at least command the respect of our as-sociates at school and create an air of superi-ority among ourselves.

"As the possibility of shaving at home wasdefinitely out of the question, for quite obvi-ous reasons, the only alternative was school.We carefully made our plans and arranged to'borrow' shaving cream and razors from homeand to undertake a great step in the life ofany boy.

"Unfortunately, the results were altogethernegative, for having commandeered the envyand respect of our classmates, we were duefor a complete change of face. The shavingcream had through some strange coincidence

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managed to scatter itself quite widely overthe lavatory and with the aid of a 'tattling'classmate, whom we never forgave, ourteacher suddenly appeared on the scene. Theconsequences: We were obliged to lather ourfaces and sit in class in this condition for anhour, plus cleaning up the lavatory. The re-suit of this was a change from respect on ourclassmates' part to utter ridicule."

"After reaching the age of iS, I decidedthat it was about time I started to shave. Theparticular day I chose was on a Sunday whenthe rest of the family was downstairs. I madesure that the bathroom door was locked sothat nobody would interfere with this deli-cate operation. Then I took my father's new-est straight razor and decided that it neededsome sharpening. I had seen barbers sharpenrazors on a strop; so I knew just how to goabout this procedure. All went well until sud-denly the blade went through the strop. I wastoo deeply involved at this point to stop; soI kept right on. I then lathered my face welland rubbed the lather in briskly to loosen thefew scrawny whiskers on the side of my face.At first I couldn't find the whiskers but afterwiping off some lather I was able to see whereto start. I had hold of the razor as if I weregoing to butcher a cow instead of shavingmy face. I started to shave from my ear lobetowards my mouth. Without realizing thedanger, I kept right on through with onestroke until I came to my mouth. Suddenly,I saw red blood gushing from the side of mymouth. I dropped the razor, grabbed hold ofmy mouth and started to scream.

"My father and mother came rushing up-stairs, but instead of opening the door, I kepthold of my mouth and kept screaming. Fa-ther broke the door in, grabbed me andrushed me to the sink. Upon washing the cut,we found that there was more blood thandamage. I was more frightened by the sightof the blood than anything else. There wasmore to this experience than I had hopedfor. My father had different ideas about thebroken strop. The final result was that Iwasn't able to sit down for a few hours. I de-cided to grow up before shaving."

"Throughout my sophomore year I was thebutt of many jokes and comments on thepart of my fellow students because of my

May 1945

very dark moustache. Near the end of theyear I remember walking home one noonhour and overhearing two girls remark on thedarkness of my moustache. When I reachedhome, I went immediately to my father'sshaving set and after lathering my upper lip,I nervously shaved, hoping my motherwouldn't come into the room. When I satdown to dinner, my mother asked me if Iwere ill, and then it suddenly dawned uponher that I had shaved. Her only reaction wasto warn me not to tell my father, and I,knowing the excitability of his temperament,avoided him for two or three days after that.

"I had none of the feeling of becoming aman when I did this. My only feeling wasan intense relief that I had finally relievedmyself of a tiresome joke which I no longerwould be subjected to. However, my closefriends, realizing my reason for the act, re-marked on my sickly pallor and asked if Ihad used bleaching agents. When my fatherbecame aware of this first venture, he blamedit on the high schools and the attitude theyraised in students, and my companions. I don'tremember whether he chastised me manuallyor verbally, but it must have had an effectupon me, for I never shaved again until Iwas given a shaving set the following Christ-mas."

It Takes Confidence to Face Maturity

Sometimes the boy's reactions to the firstshave, if known, point to the need for him toface his maturity and the world with more as-surance and confidence:

"When I began to attain the 'peach fuzz'age, I started worrying. Contrary to the ma-jority of my boy friends, I did not want togrow up. I was happy at that age and didn'twish to change-I even feared growing up.Therefore, when people said that I was al-most 'a man' at the tender age of 13 or 14 be-cause my face looked a bit fuzzy, I hurried toremove this indication of age. At first I usedscissors. Then, as the hair became darker andmore obvious, I did the usual thing of takingDad's razor. He was very understanding andgave me an old razor and some used blades.But he told me not to shave any more thanwas necessary as the hairs had a tendency togrow in more rapidly when cut off. I will-ingly took his advice and tried keeping myyouth as long as I could. However, being

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dark-haired, I soon had a real problem on myhands. It became necessary to shave severaltimes a week-and now, darn it, every day."

" . . No comments were forthcomingfrom my family or friends in regard to myshaving, which apparently was accepted asa matter of course. However, I was not happy,for I felt as though my youth had vanishedwith each stroke of the razor, and I did havea fear of future evil. This apprehension thatI felt is inexplicable, but I have felt it oftenin regard to doing something for the firsttime...."

One interesting incident of identificationwith a fictional hero was cited:

"During one of my last fond reviewings of'Dick Merriwell' I ran across a phrase thatdecided the course I was to take. Dick veryemphatically stated that he wouldn't have anunhealthy, dirt-catching moustache on hisface, and I decided that I wouldn't either."

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I have sometimes thought if I were unableto ask directly about parent-son, and espe-cially father-son, relationships and could gainthe information only from a clue question,the one I would use is, "Under what circum-stances did your first shave occur?" The cir-cumstances surrounding this simple conse-quence of maturity are most revealing. Take,for example, the contrasts in father-son rela-tions provided by certain of these excerpts.Why cannot all parents take the pride andpleasure in their children's developmentshown by the parents of the boy recoveringfrom scarlet fever? Why make a perfectlynormal growth process difficult and unpleas-ant through chiding and physical punish-ment?

Surely, as teachers and parents these "firstshave" anecdotes should bring to us a keenerrealization of the need a youth has for ap-preciation and sympathetic understanding ofhis experiences during the time he isgrowing up.

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