Dr. Mayer’s MemoOct. 2014 THE 3A’S

IN HOME & SCHOOLIn the last Memo my mention of the 3A’s-- Attitude, Approach, Atmosphere-- resonated with readers and social media. I have long advocated that these three simple changes can have powerful benefits both in our homes and our schools. I’ve talked about these important tools for years when discussing helping young people but never really gave them a separate explanation and focus. So here goes, here’s how to apply the 3A’s to your home or school:Attitude: Consider how you feel, what are your values and beliefs, then frequently EXPRESS your attitudes toward how you believe others should behave toward others and care for themselves. Don’t assume everyone ‘gets it’ by your actions. It is important to give voice your attitudes about how to live life. Your kids are listening.Approach: This ‘A’ is all about modeling, the most powerful tool adults can use to influence young people. Put-downs, insults, sarcasms don’t build rapport, don’t motivate or enliven young people and will only generate such behavior toward you and others in return. Such humor or motivation has been consistently shown to not work and it gives kids permission to spread negative, mean spirited approaches. Simply put-stop it!Atmosphere: It is one thing for YOU to change your attitude and approach and this will make a huge difference, but you can become even a more powerful results by standing up and making sure young people are surrounded by a healthy, positive lifestyle. You accomplish this by not having materials, products, messages or even people in your home or school that support negative or destructive behavior. Here’s how:

Schools : Join my career-long campaign to end sarcasm, student insults, etc. as allowable classroom techniques. Frequently send out reminders in staff emails, newsletters, even paychecks, that these practices are not tolerated at this school. Make this a part of staff evaluations.

Home : It should be zero tolerance at home when a family member is negative. This includes spouses, relatives, and visitors in your home. Example: Uncle Charley getting drunk at Thanksgiving dinner is not funny. Outside your home model this as well. Your children will be watching you with eyes wide open as you encounter others in the world. Your response/reaction will be powerful both on them and others. Your reaction doesn’t have to be a big confrontation, rather a non-tolerance of that person or situation by ending a transaction, walking away from an event, or otherwise not participating in someone or something that promotes destructive/negative behavior.

School and Home : I call this step-Stripping the Beds! Take an inventory of items in your home that promote negative/destructive behaviors and get rid of them. You may be surprised at what you find. Books, magazines, video games, CD’s, movies, decorations, unhealthy foods, clothing, etc. Schools: Posters and decorations in language labs, school mascots, names of clubs/organizations, etc. Schools: Ok, faculty may be on board with this attitude and approach, but is everyone in your building? Support staff? Seemingly unlikely sources-even vendors and/or maintenance staff can spread powerful modeling of unacceptable lifestyle and values. Take the inventory!

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