Volume 42 • Number 1 Fall 2015

The Society of Saint John the Evangelist 3©2015 by The Society of Saint John the Evangelist, North America

Cover photo:The Emery House bell, which calls Brothers and guests to the Chapel for services.

IN THIS ISSUE

In the Monastic Wisdom for Everyday Living insert, Br. James Koester marvels how Living in Rhythm with the creation can draw us into deeper life with God and greater balance within ourselves.

SSJE Brothers Keith Nelson and John Braught share how their season at Emery House has shaped their vocation and prayer.

This year’s Grafton House Interns reflect on the graces and joys of their internship experiences, living surrounded by the beauty of creation.

Do you embrace change or resist it? In an interview, Br. Luke Ditewig narrates his journey to the Monastery and looks forward to a lifetime of change.

Letter from the Superior | Notes from Retreatants | Spotlight on Community Life

To follow the latest news from the Brothers, visit www.SSJE.org where you can listen to weekly sermons and view photo galleries of the Monastery.

We would welcome hearing what you think of this issue of Cowley magazine. Visit www.SSJE.org/cowleymagazine to share comments, ask questions,

or see Cowley in color!

Update your address with us! See the postcard inside. To remove your name from our physical mailing list and sign up for our electronic mailing list,

please call 617.876.3037x55, or email friends@ssje.org.

Dear Members of the Fellowship of Saint John and other Friends,

A Letter from the SuperiorGeoffrey Tristram, SSJE

A Letter from the Superior

As I write this letter, the splendor of summer is all around us. After

such a stark and challenging winter, it is a joy to experience the signs of God’s abundance. As the poet Gerard Manley Hopkins puts it, “The world is charged with the grandeur of God,” and we Brothers feel blessed daily by the sight of young plants springing up in the clois-ter garden, or by walking through the meadows at Emery House. We sense the presence of our Creator surrounding us.

Poets and theologians throughout the ages have liked to call the natural world the “second book of God,” since nature, like the scriptures (God’s “first book” in this analogy), is well versed to teach us about God. We are often in such a hurry that we miss the lessons the natural world has to teach us. But if we slow down and learn to pay atten-tion, to gaze and truly see, we can rather wonderfully, as William Blake puts it, “See a World in a Grain of Sand / And a Heaven in a Wild Flower / Hold Infinity

in the palm of your hand / And Eternity in an hour.”

No wonder then, that, when Jesus wanted to teach his listeners about the Kingdom of God, he so often chose to tell them parables drawn from nature: the mustard seed, the garden, the lilies of the field.

Over the next year, we Brothers will be reflecting, praying, and teach-ing together around the theme of our relationship with creation, which is also the topic of this issue of Cowley. In the Monastic Wisdom insert, Br. James Koester draws upon his years of experience at Emery House to reflect on what it means to live “in rhythm” with nature, suggesting ways that we all can grow from following nature’s rhythms. Two of our Brothers, Br. Keith Nelson and Br. John Braught, share the theological lessons they have taken away from their time up at Emery House. And we are pleased also to include reflections from this year’s three

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Geoffrey Tristram SSJESuperior

Faithfully,

Grafton House Interns, as they meditate on the gifts and graces they have reaped from their internship experience.

This has been both an exciting and challenging year for our community, and many of the year’s most memorable events have taken place at Emery House. God has blessed us richly, in times of joy and times of grief, and the beautiful land at Emery House has provided a back-drop of consolation and grace in both. Most notably we grieved and continue to grieve the loss of our Brother Tom Shaw, who died last October. It was a time when we, like any family, needed to gather together – and we did so at Emery House. And Emery House has been the site of great joys as well: Last year we were thrilled to acquire the beauti-ful eighteenth-century house which we have called ‘Grafton House,’ to house our Emery House Interns. We have been immeasurably enriched as a community by the presence of Sarah, David, James, Dave, and Rachael over the past year, and we are excited now to welcome eight new interns this fall: four at the Monastery, and four at Emery House. We hope that, if you know of any young people who might benefit from a period of intentional formation in community, you will share word of this opportunity with them.

In this kind of advocacy and in so many other ways, we know that we depend upon you, our Friends. We’ve seen this quite concretely this year, when so many of you made gifts of furniture for Grafton House, which is now beautifully adorned in period furnishings. We’ve experienced this in everyone who volunteers alongside us, laboring in the gardens, pruning trees, making communion bread, and work-ing in our libraries. We are also most grateful to all you who volunteer your wisdom and counsel: our financial advi-sors, investment advisors, buildings and grounds advisors, stewardship advisors. Above all, we know that you pray for us. This is something we feel – not just at very difficult times, as during Tom’s illness and death. We feel it every day. It is a constant source of strength, encour-agement, and hope.

That mission to which we believe we have been called is only possible because of all our Friends and supporters who share our life. Thank you for being partners with us in this great work to which all believers are called: the building up of God’s Kingdom on earth.

I had never been on a retreat before and was a little anxious that I might do something wrong – sneeze resoundingly during the service or hiccup during the silent meal! I soon realized there is no “wrong” and settled down to be filled by the experience.

The hermitages nestled in the countryside were perfect, attractive, and very comfortable accommodations. Meals prepared at the Monastery were gourmet presentations, and I came to appreciate the silence as we ate. The services were

beautiful, and I truly felt Christ’s gift of enduring love.When I returned home, it was strange to leap back into that life. I missed the days of

prayer and silence, and now am trying to instill quiet moments for prayer and reflection into my home life. I hope I return some day. – Betsy Wilder

For those who ask “How is the silent guided retreat at the SSJE Monastery?” My response is that I didn’t want to leave when it was over. That’s how much I enjoyed it. My SSJE retreat with the Brothers was an engaging and unex-pected juxtaposition of experiences: following the Brother’s defined worship schedule, I felt liberated from my usual cares. Despite very limited talking, we fellow retreatants developed a sense of community and connection. With an initial goal of only rest and quieting the mind, new revela-tory feelings and insights percolated up from deep inside. And even though there wasn’t a lot of interaction with the Brothers, I found them thoughtful, kind and easy-going. My room was comfortable, the food healthy and tasty, and the community rooms and worship spaces inspiring. Now, I cannot imagine going through a year without taking a retreat at the Monastery. – Anne Webber

A Letter from the SuperiorOur ministry of hopsitality is at the heart of our life as a community. As we read in our Rule, “We welcome men and women of every race and culture, rejoicing in the breadth and diversity of human experience that they bring to us. Their lives enlarge our vision of God’s world. The stories of their sufferings and achievements and their experience of God stir and challenge us. If we are attentive, each guest will be a word and gift of God to us.” We are so grateful to those guests who have recently shared with us words about their experiences at our Guesthouses in Cambridge and West Newbury. We invite you to consider a retreat with us in the coming year.

Notes from Retreatants

In today’s kinetic world, the experience of sanctuary is more important than ever. This was my first such retreat experience, and I was grateful for the opportunity to be so warmly welcomed in the process of restoration for myself. From quiet reflection to the kindness of the Brothers, I found my time at SSJE a tremendous gift. – Erik M. Gregory, PhD

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Praying in Context

John Braught, SSJE

On a recent visit to Emery House, a friend humorously remarked

that waking up to his dawn simulator alarm clock with recorded birdsong is not quite the same as the real thing. What my friend said is funny, because it goes without saying. Of course it’s not the same! There is a lot more to the early mornings at Emery House than the gradual light of the sunrise and the frenetic clamor of birdsong. Waking up in clear and observable nature gives a person an awareness of being part of something larger, greater than one’s self. That’s why I like to pray here.

Daily, when I look at the grass, observe the breeze blowing the leaves of the birch trees, see the wildlife scamper and the birds soar, I reconfirm my own communion with nature. In recogniz-ing this abundant beauty of my world at Emery House, I know conclusively that I am part of something more, that I am an element of God’s created and resplendent order. As a result, I have come to real-ize, to believe, that no human is or ever will be the Creator. God has graciously crowned us with glory and majesty; the capability and the glory belong to God. And therein lies the problem with dawn simulators and other artificial re-creations of nature which continue to pop up all around us in shopping malls, natural his-tory museums, video games, theme parks, science fiction, and other representations

of our affected and exaggerated tem-poral existence. We have taken nature out of context. We no longer view it as a Masterly flow; instead, we think of nature as an easy selection from sundry conditions that we can turn on or off, just as one presses the control button on the dawn simulator. In taking nature out of context, we do the same to ourselves. Our sense of being one with the process, progression, and pattern of our natural world is lost, and the illusion of personal control is given.

The human urge to control nature is no surprise. God gave human beings stewardship of the environment. But rather than try and adapt it for our own purposes, to satisfy personal com-forts and individual needs, we have a responsibility to work assiduously to live in harmony and joy with nature. The natural world is more than the sum of its parts: Each part is splendid and necessary in and of itself, but when combined within the context of our earthly life, creation gives meaning, dimension, and flavor to daily living. It directly points us toward the reality of a divine and excellent Creator. Once we discover or reconfirm the existence of our Creator, it is instinctive that we want to pray.

Our chapels, churches, and cathe-drals, when done right, are man-made

I want to thank the Brothers for a meaningful weekend of deep prayer and meditation facilitated by your godly, unintrusive hospitality.

The thought and care and prayer that went into making our time at Emery Farm deeply nourishing to the soul was gently conveyed in every aspect of our time with you.

Ample simple silence at meals and in your brotherly example of life in community was heartening and soothing to a weary soul.

Being included in all the offices of prayer promoted a profound sense of connection to God and Christ. The wings of my soul were rejuvenated by the holiness of place, your practices in maintaining the farm, your care for us, each other, and the world. Delicious food at meal times was food to spirit and body.

Thank you for inviting us to share the Peace of God at Emery Farm. I hope to return some day soon. And for a bit longer, next time! – Barbara Filleul

A Letter from the SuperiorNotes from Retreatants

Program retreats at the monastery, Fall ‘15 and sPring ‘16

Oct 23-25, 2015 – Ask, Search, Knock: A Retreat for Young AdultsNov 20-22, 2015 – First Time in Silent RetreatDec 11-13, 2015 – Threshold of Grace: An Advent RetreatJan 8-10, 2016 – Seekers’ RetreatMar 11-13, 2016 – A Retreat in LentApr 8-10, 2016 – My Beloved, Arise: An Eastertide RetreatMay 20-22, 2016 – First Time in Silent RetreatMay 24-27, 2016 – Pre-ordination Retreat

Program retreats at emery house, Fall ‘15 and sPring ‘16

Nov 13-15, 2015 – Living in the Real PresenceDec 4-6, 2015 – A Child of God: An Advent RetreatJan 22-24, 2016 – First Time in Silent RetreatFeb 26-28, 2016 – He Giveth His Beloved Sleep: A Lenten RetreatMar 18-20, 2016 – Palm Sunday WeekendApr 5-9, 2016 – Come Away and Rest a While: A Clergy Renewal RetreatApr 29-May 1, 2016 – Eco-theology 101Jun 3-5, 2016 – Embodied Spirituality: Cultivating Body-Centered Awareness

For more information on these programs, visit SSJE.org/retreat. To book a retreat, at either the Monastery Guesthouse or at Emery House, please contact the Guesthouse Manager/Receptionist by e-mail at guesthouse@ssje.org or by telephone at (617) 876-3037 ex. 10.

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extensions of the natural world. Sky, earth, seasons, and a celestial energy pervade worship-done-well. We see the statues, crosses, and pictures; the light and shadows of the naves, transepts, and buttresses; the sounds of the clergy, choir, and congregation working in accord to praise and thank God. At Emery House, the Chapel and nature are one. Large windows let an abundance of light inward, yet perpetu-ally draw the eye outward toward the meadow and the river beyond. When we worship in our Chapel, we do so in communion with nature, praising God and honoring God’s creation by this process. Indoors or out, good days and bad, we lift our voices to our Creator to acknowledge all that God has given to us; it is our thanksgiving for the life we have been granted to live in God’s world. This worship experi-ence de-centers me; it takes me out of self-absorption and pride and guides me toward reflection and prayer. It brings to mind that this is our Creator’s domain, and God is in charge. I am glad to remind myself that this is true.

Our world is a complex place. More and more people are living in situations where their contact with

nature is limited. Just take a walk down a major avenue in a city on any continent. The honking of car horns, whirring of fire or police alarms, clang-ing of industrial machinery – they overwhelm the ear and sometimes the mind, body, and spirit, as well. That is why many city dwellers leave town to go hiking or kayaking on the weekend. It is why they grow herbs on their window sills or install a table-top fountain in their entry areas. It is why they purchase the dawn simulator alarm clock with recorded birdsong. Humans adapt and find ways to bring nature in some makeshift form into their lives. But that is not the same as living with nature. Waking up near the pastures of West Newbury, or any natural setting where God’s glory shines through, has its benefits for those seeking a life con-nected to prayer because being one with nature reminds us that we are part of – and actually dependent on – creation. I like living up here; I like praying here; I like rediscovering God here. I have no need for the dawn simulator alarm clock with recorded birdsong. Emery House is as close to nature as you can get. Emery House brings me closer to God, too.

Creation Shapes Vocation

Keith Nelson, n/SSJE

Living at Emery House for a time is something of a rite of passage for

every SSJE novice. Here are some reflec-tions on my experience of prayer and life here as this season of my formation draws to a close.

Framed Spaces

It’s been said that monastic life is simply the ordinary Christian life but lived within a uniquely intentional “frame.” That frame consists of a particular Rule of Life, the vows, the ancient wellspring of monastic tradition, a definite charism, and the collective experience of a particular community. Physical space is another such vocation-shaping frame.

For example, the central location of the cloister garden and fountain in Cistercian monasteries is meant to recall Eden, a Paradise in miniature at the heart of the monastery. While we are not Cistercians, our Cloister Garden and fountain at the Monastery in Cambridge also occupy a prominent place, nestled between our Enclosure and the foot-and-car traffic of Memorial Drive, and spanning the Cloister walk between the Chapel and the Refectory. It’s a lush oasis of green amid a sea of buildings. The sound of the fountain, audible from our cells, refreshes the ear. The colors in blossom beckon the eye outdoors.

At Emery House, this “frame” is reversed, in a manner of speaking. Here, the human-made and human-inhabited structures are surrounded on all sides by a “Paradise” of meadow and forest. In place of a central fountain, the Artichoke and Merrimack bound us on two sides. While we don’t live in a remote wilderness, the wild space asserts its presence and spirit everywhere – and I’d say our domestic space acquiesces happily to that arrangement. The holy water stoop outside the Chapel is little sister to the living river below the bluff; the iris in the vase by the Tabernacle remembers its roots in the flowerbed out front; the white fair linen on the

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altar echoes the blanket of snow in the meadow. Even the quacks of our domesti-cated ducks seem to pay homage to their wild brethren beyond the barnyard. We human creatures and our dwellings here are striving to honor the dance between domestic and wild, with the latter part-ner leading.

Simple Gifts

Framed spaces seem to transfigure the life of objects: the objects are no dif-ferent than they were before they were “framed,” but we are given eyes to see them differently, perhaps a bit closer to the way God sees them. I experience this in a poignant, personal way in the simple goodness of our eggs. I am a stu-dent iconographer and use egg tempera paint – raw mineral pigments mixed in a solution of egg yolk and white wine. Gathering and using our chicken eggs whilst getting to know our chickens has blessed me with new gratitude for this process. I’m not sure how the chickens feel, but I feel like I’m a humble co-creator in an interspecies collaboration! And this is exactly what an iconographer is meant to feel.

“Peace-Making Noise”

There is a phrase I cherish from a Russian Orthodox litany of thanksgiving: “I have heard the peace-making noise of the forest.” At Emery House, there are layers, almost veils, of such ambient sound produced by living things: the soft drone of insects, the chorus of peepers in early spring, the warble of birdsong, the sigh and whoosh of wind through trees.

I can say I am well-acquainted with silence – it has been a central language of prayer for me for the past ten years. But my prayer in and prayer of silence, my simple “beholding” of God in word-less and imageless Love have been

shaped by the “peace-making noise” of Emery House in ways that have been unexpected and healing. The deep embrace of this natural, sonic tapestry seems to do two things. It absorbs the impact of much human-made “outer noise” – after all, we still get our fair share of motorboats and lawn-mowers and planes overhead. As Maggie Ross has noted, nowhere on Earth can pure “outer silence” be found. But the other, more significant thing it does is that it softens and polishes the edges of my own, human-made “inner noise,” however incorrigible or ancient. The combined effect is that it can sometimes, by God’s grace, lead to a threshold where “outer” and “inner” noise no longer bicker or flirt or war with one another, but are recon-ciled and released. A “broad, open place” emerges where God delights to lead me now and again. A gentle Voice can speak truth to me in that place.

Interdependence

As a child of globalization (born in 1982), I think interdependence – the mutual dependence and reciprocity nec-essary for humans and most other species to genuinely flourish – is a concept I take very much for granted and value. On the other hand, I see myriad ways in which I have been conditioned to be strongly individualistic, independent, and self-suf-ficient. At times, this sets up an interior conflict for me, a conflict only framed more clearly by the daily, unavoidable interdependence of monastic life. For instance, I confess that I am not very good at asking others for help! That is a crucial survival skill for an SSJE novice, so I am slowly opening to the fact that I really am dependent upon my Brothers, not to mention our Interns, our staff, our benefactors and consultants, and so many others. All that mutual dependence is good practice for the radical dependence that God desires of me.

At Emery House, interdependence is a given. Our compost fertilizes the gardens, and our table scraps feed the pigs. There are just few enough of us Brothers and Interns that clear com-munication, strong accountability, and abundantly expressed appreciation are vital for our daily ministry. If I don’t ask for help when I need it, it effects more than just me. This has always been true, of course; but it can take a “village” like Emery House to throw that into visible relief.

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Monastic Internship Program

This year, three exceptional young people took part in the Monastic Internship Program at Grafton House, living, worshipping, and working together for nine months. We asked them to reflect on what they will take away from the experience.

Above All I hAve been completely and utterly overjoyed by the people with whom I’ve shared this internship experience. We only have six people living here on the Emery House property: three Brothers and three Interns. It’s a much smaller community than at the Monastery, more like being part of a tight-knit family.

One of the greatest surprises of this experience has been just how close I’ve become with the other two interns, Rachael and Dave – in large part because we didn’t start out this way! We come from different backgrounds. We operate with dif-ferent perspectives. All three of us have a completely different view of life. And, honestly, at first it seemed just awful; it seemed insurmountable. Having already moved away from my home and the security of everything I knew, into this whole new life, it seemed too much to ask that I find a way to live with these other people who were so utterly different from myself. I was already on edge and, in the beginning, I often felt that this friction in our little community was too much.

Living in community, you don’t get to choose the people you live with, and it can be hard to deal with people who rub you the wrong way. But what I’ve learned from this experience – and what I appreciate so much now – is that it’s not them who are actually driving me crazy. The people who irritate us are teaching us about who we are.

I will value everything that I’ve experienced here with the two other Interns – probably for the rest of my life – because they were my greatest spiritual teachers. We’ve become a real community: We communed with each other. We were there for each other when we were struggling. We lightened the load when we could or did some task for the other that they couldn’t get through alone. When I look back now, I just see all these moments of pure affection and joy. We’ve forged a lifelong bond from so much shared experience – the kind of experience you might accumulate in ten years in the more ordinary way people make friends. I just can’t imagine this experi-ence without them, because every day brings a new joy. – James Dunford

Monastic Internship Program

WhIle I’ve AlWAys loved nAture and being outdoors has always given me life, I’ve never truly lived in the country. I grew up in a small town and I enjoyed that more than living in large cities, which is where I was for the two years leading up to my time at Emery House. I was surprised at how much more alive I’ve become since starting this internship. Becoming part of the community at Emery House, being constantly surrounded by the beauty of nature, has really helped me live into my true self. It’s been rejuvenating in a way beyond description. I don’t go through a day without being grateful for the nature that surrounds us here.

Being outside in the country hasn’t changed the way I pray, but it does change how often I pray and how much I’m filled with gratitude. It has also fostered a deeper relationship with God through the constant awareness that this is God’s beauty, God’s art, God’s creation and gift to us all. It is hard not to see God all around us, unlike my experience in cities surrounded by brick walls, where it has often been difficult for me to see God. It’s an incredibly intimate spiritual connection for me to be alone in the woods or working in the garden with the earth, God’s creation, at my fingertips. Living in the country, I have become more intimate with God.

Nature has always been a truly sacred place for me, but now I’ve actually lived in that sacred space. Any place where a person connects with God is sacred for that period of time; my father, being an outdoorsman at heart, taught me that at a young age. This internship has given me the gift of living that truth. It’s our connection with God that creates sacred space. For some people that might happen most easily in a city; God isn’t confined to one type of place. I count myself extremely blessed to have had this experience, which has revealed to me new ways to connect with God by giving me the natural space to open up to God.

I have also been transformed by living in this community through praying the Office together and having Eucharist daily. It has really changed the way I look at living overall. More than a few times I’ve gone into service in a foul mood and through reflecting on God with everyone, I see things in a different light and my mood lifts. Our focus here is always on serving God, even when we’re doing mundane tasks. This has helped me to see that living into myself, living into my passions and what makes me alive, being fully alive, is praising God. Looking at life through that lens has changed a lot of my criticisms of life into gratitude.

– Rachael MacLagan

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somethIng AmAzIng Is tAkIng plAce in the gardens at Emery House. Whoever has done the gardening is just phenomenal: Flowers are constantly showing up. There’s something really remarkable about how there are always new rounds of flowers just showing up in the perennial gardens, taking the place of the old flowers and present-ing a whole new kind of beauty. I don’t know much about gardening, or perennials, but this makes me want to learn, because I want to do more of this. I want to create that kind of surprising experience. I’ve come to care for the flowers in a way that is really a blessing, by seeing how land can be maintained in a way that’s actually quite beautiful. It’s inspired me and it’s something I want to take away with me when I leave: this desire to create beautiful landscapes around where I live. I also hope to keep going to church. The liturgical life was something I hadn’t really experienced before, because I hadn’t been attending church before the intern-ship began. In the beginning, it was so foreign to me, I had to rely on the other Interns to help explain what was going on. But now, after months of meeting in the Chapel three times a day, I love going to church! I don’t necessarily know what I believe about what’s going on in there, but I’m really into it. We’ve had weeks where we’ve been “off” from chapel services, and I’ve found I really missed them. I’m hoping to keep going to church when I leave here. On the whole, I hope to take things less seriously. You know, I had some ideas about the spiritual life coming in, and now they have a softer feel to them – which I think is good. The most transformative thing about this whole experience has been being able to escape into my own space, wandering the grounds, being on my own. I’ve been doing a lot of work pulling up invasive plant species in the area: starting with Bittersweet, now a little bit of Japanese Knotweed. Just going out and getting into my own rhythm, trying to clean up the property, has been a real joy for me. I think there’s something profound about making a choice to actually kill some plants in order to give space for others. I’ve found it really powerful, this work of cleaning up space, cre-ating space to let something else breathe. When I pull up the invasive species, I feel that I am giving the native plants more space to show up and thrive. I think there’s a part of me that wants to be more free or more expansive, to feel less crowded out by invasive and stifling thoughts. Maybe it’s healing in that way. There’s also a growing desire to provide a more balanced or clean environment for the people who come here after me and for the future. I know I can leave the place more open for them. And in the process, I feel more open, too.

– David Anick

Monastic Internship Program

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2016 Lenten SeriesBegins Ash Wednesday: February 10, 2016

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A Lifetime of Change

A conversation about vocation with Br. Luke Ditewig

Q: When did you first begin to have a sense of a monastic vocation?

I went to seminary right after college because an internship made me think I wanted to be a hospital chaplain. After my first year I got a real taste of chap-laincy in Clinical Pastoral Education and found I did not want to be a hospital chaplain. It was quite a shock: every-thing I had expected – the very reason why I’d come to seminary – turned out to be not as I thought.

I continued my seminary studies and chose a full-time, year-long intern-ship so that, like CPE, I could learn and discern further by doing ministry outside the classroom. I’m from California and studied near Boston and in Princeton. God sent me on a cross-cultural adven-ture of parish ministry immersion in western Nebraska. I returned for a second year after seminary alongside a different priest. Then I moved to a desert island. Campus by the Sea, a Christian camp on Catalina off the coast of Los Angeles, is a special home and thin place where I’ve encountered God all my life. I grew up frequenting it as my dad led collegian retreats, later volunteering as a teenager. Leaving Nebraska, I followed a long-held dream by returning to camp for a whole year on staff.

After I left camp, I could say that year was amazing, not simply for living at my favorite place, but because I

learned I’m passionate about corporate hospitality and thrive on being care-taker of a sacred place where people come away to encounter God. I learned it’s good for me to live in community and that I desire more peers with whom to share spiritual leadership like the camp director. Daily devotions and evening Bible study with staff weren’t enough. I knew now that I needed the rhythms of traditional worship and the church year. When I said this to my dad, he replied, “What you want sounds monastic: a worshipping community with pastoral identity who offers hospi-tality in a sacred space.”

That was really an “Ah-ha” moment for me. I answered him, “Yes, that’s what I want.” Almost in the same sentence I said, “But that’s impossible.” It was outside of my reference and context. I went to Princeton Seminary. I was ready to be a Presbyterian pastor. Presbyterians don’t have monaster-ies. Though monasticism seemed to integrate my desires in a wonderful way, I assumed it couldn’t be true.

My one monastic experience offered a glimmer: I had attended a weekend retreat at Order of the Holy Cross in West Park, New York, with a group from Princeton Seminary. I don’t remember it, but that visit planted a seed that came to life later when my dad said, “What you want sounds monastic.” That there are Episcopal

monks gave me hope that maybe, just maybe, this surprising idea might be possible.

I needed more convincing, and God gently wooed me. A colleague from Princeton went back to visit the Order of the Holy Cross. Afterward she called me and said, “You kept coming to mind while I was there, and I could imagine you as a Brother. Have you ever thought of that?” I said, “Well, actually, just in the last month. This is so bizarre!” I had to admit, “Okay, this is real. It’s beyond me. I have to explore this.”

Q: Were there challenges as you began to accept the idea of this vocation?

The biggest challenge I faced was that I thought my path was already clear and defined. I’d gone to Princeton, was looking for placement as a Presbyterian pastor – that’s what my friends were doing, that’s what I’d been preparing for. Even though I always had lingering questions about if I fit in parish ministry, I’d followed all the steps to pursue it. This seemed like a radical departure. It

was hard to let go of my assumptions and imagine a broader picture.

As I kept letting go, I found more connections. I had led the camp staff in discussing a book on Benedictine hospitality. Living and working with the same twenty people in a remote camp has a lot of overlap with the Monastery. I had long been compelled and delighted to serve and encourage my peers in their leadership roles. At seminary I wondered how to care for and host pastors without being a therapist. Now I’m blessed to welcome and listen to many, including clergy. Guests often come hurting, bear-ing heavy burdens, seeking safety and healing. The Monastery has echoes of a hospital and, as in CPE, the caregivers are also being changed. I find a key chal-lenge is acknowledging that my rational categories and expectations are so limited. God’s plans and perspective are bigger, broader, and better. My past does not hinder but rather prepares and keeps inviting who I can now become.

Thankfully, my parents were – and continue to be – incredibly supportive. My dad has served in Christian ministry

The Society of Saint John the Evangelist 18 SSJE 19

his whole career, both para-church and parish-based. My mom is a spiritual director and trains new directors in a program alongside Catholic Sisters. Both of them had been on retreats to monasteries before. Their own journeys made it easier for them to support me and for me to explore this path.

I learned in an article by Richard Rohr that most people who go to monasteries don’t stay. That’s been true down through history. Monasteries are really communities of intensive forma-tion, for becoming more fully oneself and becoming more like Jesus. Most stay for six months to two years, and all are changed by the experience. This fact encouraged me to risk coming. Many opportunities are not for the long-term, but trying them out and being present to the moment can be transformative. Seminary, CPE, the parish in Nebraska, and the island camp all shaped me and prepared me for monastic life.

Q: So how was the transition when you finally arrived at SSJE?

My first six months – and really the first two and a half years – were quite easy. Well, maybe easy isn’t the best word for it, but enjoyable, without much

challenge. I was the only new man as a postulant. For most of my novitiate, I was alone with the life-professed Brothers. Practically, this made sense as it was amid the Cambridge renova-tion. While learning our worship and routines, I did what I already enjoyed: cooking, housekeeping, and caring for guests. Later, getting ready for initial vows, I returned to Cambridge from Emery House, received more responsibility, and had the blessing and challenge of a peer group, in other newcomers who provoked and encour-aged me as I had not known before. Engaging life together with them was the more significant and transforming transition.

Q: How do you understand vocation? What is it?

I resonate with Frederick Buechner’s definition: “Vocation is the place where our deep gladness meets the world’s deep need.” Our own desires and joys fit within the larger call and context of what God is doing in the world. Our common call as Christians varies in how it is expressed by our own diversi-ties of desires and deep gladness and how we change as well. There are certainly other things I could have

done, which God would have used for good and glory. Part of the challenge and limitation of being here at the Monastery is to let go of those other possibilities and just be here, now. The longer I’m here, the more possibility there is in this context. So while my vocation could perhaps have developed somewhere else, I find myself here.

Saint Irenaeus wrote: “The glory of God is a human being fully alive.” Paying attention to what brings us to life, what delights us, what we’re most thankful for, leads us to becoming more fully human. We may be called to go somewhere else, but I think we’re usually called into more wherever we are. God uses bits and pieces, weaves tapestries from many colors, places, rela-tionships, experiences, using our diverse backgrounds and indeed what we have lost and lack, our wounds. To my sur-prise, I found the Monastery is not only or primarily a place to apply my gifts and interests but rather a school and clinic for my healing and conversion, as it is for each guest. Vocation is how God calls to heal us, and then through us to heal others. First, vocation is for our own conversion.

I am privileged to listen to many people seeking and being found by God

here. I’m learning about vocation from lis-tening to guests on retreat, walking with Interns in their immersion alongside us, and in friendship with a former Brother. Each seeks companionship in listening for what God invites and noticing what God is doing. What we need to know is often only revealed at the moment when it can be received, when God chooses. Companions help us ask, wait and listen for answers to: “Who am I becoming?”

Q: What’s been your greatest joy in finding yourself here?

It’s a joy to share this pilgrimage circle with so many guests. I love our minis-try. We gather around two tables, in the Chapel and in the Refectory, and find Jesus in breaking bread together. But the greatest joy is experiencing God’s radi-cal hospitality myself, being welcomed, known, and loved. I have changed in ways I never imagined. I am more aware of my shadows, and I am more alive and free. My Brothers have patiently loved life into me through the blessing and challenge of sharing life together. I am becoming more, and so are they. That’s the joy: witnessing conversion and potential. As I look at my older Brothers, I anticipate a lifetime of change, of becoming.

20 SSJE

Voices oF Friends

Why SSJE? Because Home. Because over the years I’ve felt blessed to walk alongside Br. Curtis on a dusty hospital road in rural Kenya, alongside Br. James at the Sea of Galilee, alongside Bishop Tom as we prepared for a mission trip to El Salvador – and I’ve felt humbled to pray with most of you at both Emery House and the Monastery. Now, because of distance and finances, your internet ministries sustain me. Every single experi-ence with SSJE has been a treasured gift that has brought me Home again to the heart of God. “I thank God continually for you...” (Philippians 1:3).

– Dianne Smith, RN

Why SSJE? What’s your answer?

Share your story at www.SSJE.org/voices, or email us at friends@ssje.org.

Sow Love: Make an Annual Gift

The gifts of Friends grow the resources that perpetuate the Brothers’ life and love. In this, the Brothers are upheld in the cycle of their ministry by the generosity of those who have experienced their love and care. They are upheld by our prayers and our love, but they count on our generosity. Our generosity is like food that feeds the Brothers as they do their work.

Please enter the cycle of love that flows from Christ and out through the hands of the Brothers, by joining the Friends of SSJE and making a gift.

Name the Love: Remember SSJE in your WillAll gifts, because they come out of love, never simply stop. A bequest lasts even longer, because it is not just a now gift, it is a forever gift. After you leave this world, a bequest can continue radiating love, leaving a mark of love on your life. If you want to leave a mark of love behind, no institution we know of radiates love the way the Brothers do.

www.SSJE.org/support | friends@ssje.org | (617) 876-3037 ex. 55

Participate in the Anglican Communion’s Global Advent Calendar

During Advent, we anticipate the coming of Christ, an event that awakens our deepest desires and longings. The Anglican Communion with the SSJE Brothers invites you to:

Pray through Advent.Use your phone camera.Help create a Global Advent Calendar.

1. Sign up and receive the daily #AdventWord email meditation.

2. Tweet, Facebook or Instagram an image each day #AdventWord.

3. Watch the Advent Calendar grow each day.

Thousands of people will be sharing their personal images in response to the daily meditations.

AdventWordStarts November 29

anglicancommunion.org/adventword adventword.org

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In the church, We thInk And prAy A greAt deAl About themes of AbundAnce and thriving. “I have to come to give you life,” Jesus promised us, “and life in abundance.” God’s hope is that we will not merely live, but thrive, knowing life in abundance. Out at Emery House, this thriving has come to take on a very vibrant – and sometimes noisy – presence, in the non-human companions alongside whom we live! At the moment, we Brothers share the property with six geese, seven ducks, about thirty laying hens, and several hives of thousands of bees. As recent visitors can attest, these critters make for a very abundant neighborhood.

In the gardens too, we meet abundance in the ongoing cycle of produce blossoming, thriving, and fading. In the late spring, we feasted on asparagus and rhubarb (stocking the freezer with enough rhubarb to make at least thirty pies), and now the raspberries have begun to come in. The plants now grow-ing will offer us an incredible late-summer harvest: varieties of tomatoes, three kinds of dry beans, scarlet runner beans and a yellow pole bean (both of which attract hummingbirds), garlic and various kinds of perennial onions, along with pumpkins, acorn and butternut squash, cucumbers, radishes, and lettuces. A dehydrator we purchased last year will allow us to take advantage of all the herbs we’re growing – tarragon, oregano, spearmint, basil, thyme, and sage, as well as fresh lavender – as we can dry them to use throughout the year.

All of this good food, grown here, supports our life in rich physical and spiritual ways. What a gift to be able to tell guests what we’re serving for supper, adding that “it comes from this property.” People’s eyes really light up. (We’ve all heard of the “hundred mile diet,” well there is something truly special about being able to offer the Emery House “hundred yard diet.”) We Brothers are also pleased to be able to share this food in our local community. We have an informal relationship with Saint Paul’s in Newburyport, providing them with some fresh food and eggs for the food pantry.

Lately, I’m also feeling fed by the way that this garden connects us, histori-cally, to those who worked this land before us. While I’m certainly not trying to create an historical garden, the question, “What would the Emery family have grown here?” does shape my decisions when I look at the seed catalogs and pick plants for the coming year. I like to think that we’ve created a garden the Emery family would have recognized. – Br. James Koester

Thriving in the Emery House Gardens

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LIFEfrom the vIsItors Who enlIven our WorshIp In the chApel And shAre our Guesthouse tables, to the advisors who help us shape our future, to the Friends who sustain our life financially, we Brothers recognize with gratitude how we depend on countless supporters to make our life possible.

In fact, without the advocacy of Friends of SSJE, most of us Brothers would not even be monks! If you’ve been reading the vocation stories in each of the past issues of Cowley, you might have noticed a common thread: Someone had to plant the seed in that man’s mind that a “monastic vocation” could be right for him. For Br. Nicholas Bartoli, that voice came from a Friend of SSJE who is a pastor in the United Church of Christ, Jason Hays.

Jason explains: “As I was listening to Nicholas share his faith journey, I kept hearing something that was unique from the call stories I heard from other seminarians. In stories of call to monastic vocation, there is a theme of being in love with God, a desire to be in prayer all the time, and a sense of calling to the vowed life. Those of us who feel nourished by the monastic life out in the world have an important responsibility to listen to the narratives of people who might be called to it and refer them. The monastic vocation has so much to offer back to the Church as a gift.”

Without Jason’s guidance, Nicholas admits he would never have known monasticism was even a possibility. “I was starting to feel God’s pull, really strongly, toward radical simplicity – including being celibate in the world – concentrating on God as my primary relationship. When I shared this desire with Jason, and he suggested a monastic vocation, I was totally dumbfounded! I thought monks were guys who lived in the Middle Ages. His perspective helped me to know that I was going along a path that had been trod by others.”

Nicholas urges, “Don’t assume that people who are exploring their voca-tion have all the options at their fingertips, or even know what’s possible. Sometimes the Holy Spirit moves us to say something to them, and we silence that urge. I say just go for it. It never hurts to put the idea out there.”

For Jason, the outcome of his comment has been rewarding. “I feel very blessed that the Holy Spirit is continuing to work through Nicholas’ life, and that he has found, for this season in his life, a community and vocation that seem to be enlivening for him. Those of us who make referrals to the monastic life need to let go of attachment to any outcome. We need to refer and pray, and then let go, trusting that the Holy Spirit is working out the next step.”

Nurturing Monastic Vocations

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