Unconditional Space

from Risk to

Relationship & Resilience

A Burden at Every Airport

Me

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Lothian Villa

A Tapestry of Interventions -

1 Philosophy of Care

Pedagogy

CYC

Team Teach

Reclaiming

Philosophy of Care

Love and Kindness oriented Developmentally focused

Needs & Strength oriented Relationship focused Ecology oriented Trauma informed

Not 1 ...But

All

Care does not follow any simple formulaic regime Successful outcomes are achieved through

relationship building ...

purposeful activity ...

gives Looked after Children

optimism about their future life chances

(Smith 2011)

Road Map Needs

Spaces

Interventions

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Rethinking Effectiveness

If what we are doing for children is so good for them why do they fight us so much?

Roderick Durkin

Understanding

mastery

generosity

independence belonging

THE CIRCLE OF COURAGE

Not Seeing What’s There

Building Resilience “Increasingly more researchers are finding

that …

… fundamental human relationships are

foundational in creating resiliency”

(Brokenleg, 2010)

mastery

belonging

independence

generosity

Not Belonging

The Controlled

Dancing a Different Dance

“Emotional disturbance is not a solo performance but a dance with multiple partners” (Brendtro & Shahbazian, 2003).

“If this is the case, maybe it is time to dance a different dance”.

(Digney & Smart, 2014)

No Disposable Kids In a society that values children, there can be...

No disposable kids

(Brendtro,2005)

Challenging Serial Rejection

“Angry youth act in ways that can evoke serial rejection from adults who react with punishment and exclusion”

(Smart, 2012)

Sisters of Pain That defined us as juvenile delinquents and later helped us to fulfil that destiny

I’m not so sure that a child running away from something that is abusive and demeaning is being delinquent

Aliese (Fulcher & Moran, 2014)

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Deep Seated Pain

Trauma leads to repeated involuntary triggering of the stress reaction with feelings of overwhelming fear and helplessness”

Complex Trauma results from ongoing exposure to fear and

helplessness”

(Brendtro, 2011)

A Space - that’s unconditional

Unconditional Space Starts Where? The mind is

empty ....... desires expectation fears doubts .......Stay outside

Unconditionality?“Out beyond ideas of right and wrongdoing,.. there is a field. I will meet you there”

Rumi

Reaching – the Hard to Reach (1)

Who? Young people that seem to

evoke serial rejection by adults

Young People who have been through the full gambit of care provisions

Why Unconditional? “Unconditionality lies at the heart

of inner peace...

.....the prerequisite for an appreciating, loving relationship...

... first with self and consequently

with the mirrored outer world” (Allerstorfer, 2013)

Occupying the Space – U.S. is about US

Put simply, the unconditional space was to be protected—sheltered from rejection. Participation was not contingent on good behaviour. .... (Smart, 2012)

Needs not Behaviour Unconditional

space is designed around the needs of the youth and not problem behaviour

(Smart, 2012)

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Distrust, Discord, Disconnection

istrust – young person believes the adult won’t care, understand or be able to help

iscord – young person and adult don’t share goals e.g. the adult seeks control or change the young person wants autonomy

isconnection – joint conflict and avoidance characterise the relationship

(Brendtro, 2009)

A Space to Connect “We knew that if

our responses to this boy were based on his behaviour then we would never connect”.

(Smart, 2012)

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Survival Strategies “Remember that

the very behaviours which have kept your child alive in the past could be preventing him from being truly alive in the present”

(Archer, 1999)

Intervention

Belonging...“the love of a mother for her

child [could be] an example of unconditional love ...

...[which] relates the topic of unconditionality to “belonging”

...and defines it as a basic human need.

Ferrucci

If you don’t like where you have been,

and you don’t like where you are going,

then take a new pathway

Maya Angelou

It Started with .....

Kids who Keep us at a Distance

He displayed a range of behaviours to keep adults at a distance including verbal aggression, threat displays and

derogatory insults toward women These are the types of actions that often stir up frustration and even counter-

aggression in helping adults (Smart, 2012)

Unlocking the Potential

“I am of the opinion that every human being holds a special potential that wants to unfold itself”

(Allerstorfer, 2013)

MUSIC TO MY EARS 1-2

Unconditionality therefore

enables us to open up for unexpected and unintentional experiences.

It makes us open our fists in order to receive empathy.

It also allows us to open our hearts.

Creating Unconditional Space Allows...

It makes us open up...

it does not judge... it does not blame expect or weigh... it makes our

personality grow.

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A Changed Life When we respond

to needs... often problematic

undesirable behaviour diminishes or disappears altogether

(Garfat, 2011)

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Reflections