The Jayhawk WayThe Jayhawk WaySocial StylesSocial Styles

Develop strategies of communication for maximizing impact and to make interactions more productive.

Learn the characteristics of behavioral styles and determine how style differences impact interactions and relationships.

Learn the role that tension plays in interactions and determine how to leverage an understanding of style to best manage it.

Understand behavioral styles as viewed by others. Recognize the value of handling communication issues as they occur. Choose the most effective level of assertiveness based on circumstance and message that

maintains relationship and produces the desired result. Use a reliable formula to prepare and conduct a difficult conversation. Reduce the effect of difficult reactions that arise from mixed messages and lack of confidence in

the communicator. Understand the other person’s perspective during a conversation, regardless of the issue or

situation.

Develop strategies of communication for maximizing impact and to make interactions more productive.

Learn the characteristics of behavioral styles and determine how style differences impact interactions and relationships.

Learn the role that tension plays in interactions and determine how to leverage an understanding of style to best manage it.

Understand behavioral styles as viewed by others. Recognize the value of handling communication issues as they occur. Choose the most effective level of assertiveness based on circumstance and message that

maintains relationship and produces the desired result. Use a reliable formula to prepare and conduct a difficult conversation. Reduce the effect of difficult reactions that arise from mixed messages and lack of confidence in

the communicator. Understand the other person’s perspective during a conversation, regardless of the issue or

situation.

Learning ObjectivesLearning Objectives

Work differently from you when in groups

Plan differently when with others

Are motivated for different reasons

Differ in willingness to take risks

Make use of time differently

Make decisions differently

Manage tasks differently

Work differently from you when in groups

Plan differently when with others

Are motivated for different reasons

Differ in willingness to take risks

Make use of time differently

Make decisions differently

Manage tasks differently

Three Quarters of people With Whom You Work

Three Quarters of people With Whom You Work

Social Styles® are predictable patterns of actions that others can observe and agree upon for describing one’s behavior

All styles are successful and get results

We all have style range and the ability to flex or adapt based on the situation

Social Styles® are predictable patterns of actions that others can observe and agree upon for describing one’s behavior

All styles are successful and get results

We all have style range and the ability to flex or adapt based on the situation

Social Style ConceptSocial Style Concept

Actions - What we say or do

That can be seen or heard

Not the reasons or rationale behind those actions

Actions - What we say or do

That can be seen or heard

Not the reasons or rationale behind those actions

Observable BehaviorsObservable Behaviors

…that make us more like some than others

Quieter

Slower paced

Facially controlled

Monotone voice

Indirect eye contact

Casual posture

Leans back

Quieter

Slower paced

Facially controlled

Monotone voice

Indirect eye contact

Casual posture

Leans back

Social Style: Some Patterns of BehaviorSocial Style: Some Patterns of Behavior

Louder

Faster paced

Facially animated

Inflected voice

Direct eye contact

Rigid posture

Leans forward

Louder

Faster paced

Facially animated

Inflected voice

Direct eye contact

Rigid posture

Leans forward

Social Style…identifying my behaviors:Social Style…identifying my behaviors:

Analytical Driver

Amiable Expressive

ControlledFact

Less ExpressionMonotone

Moderate PaceTask

EmotiveFeeling EmotionMore Expressive

InflectedVaried Pace

People

Ask/ListenSofter

Moderate PaceLean Back

Less OpinionsSlower DecisionsLess Eye Contact

Tell/TalkLouder

Fast PacedLeans Toward

More OpinionsFaster Decisions

More Eye Contact

Communication Style StrengthsCommunication Style Strengths

Analytical Driver

Amiable Expressive

Controlled

Emotive

Ask/Listen Tell/Talk

ObjectivePrecise

ThoroughDetailedRational

Controlled

SupportiveEmpathic

LoyalGroup-Oriented

Team FocusSharing

DecisiveToughCandidEfficientResults-OrientedControlled

CreativeEnthusiasticHumorousEnergeticFocus on VisionPromoter

Communication Style GapsCommunication Style Gaps

Analytical Driver

Amiable Expressive

Controlled

Emotive

Ask/Listen Tell/Talk

SlowOvercautious

IndecisiveInflexible

UnfriendlyNit-Picky

Rigid

ComplyingPushoverFollower

Self-SacrificingPassive

Hesitating

AutocraticOverbearingInsensitiveImpatientPresumingRuthlessDominating

ExcitableHigh StrungEmotionalLoose CannonLacks DetailOver-CommitedNot Focused

Purpose: Gain insight into how each style prefers to be worked with or influenced

Timing: 60 minutes. Move to the corner of the room for your style

• Step 1: Small Group Activity (10 minutes)

Brainstorm your responses to each question and place the responses on the flip chart.

⁻ What approach makes you more receptive?⁻ What does your style find annoying or frustrating about an approach?⁻ What’s a great question to ask the other three styles to learn more about them?⁻ How does your style create tension?

• Step 2: Full Group Debrief (40 minutes)

⁻ Share your responses and rationale.

Purpose: Gain insight into how each style prefers to be worked with or influenced

Timing: 60 minutes. Move to the corner of the room for your style

• Step 1: Small Group Activity (10 minutes)

Brainstorm your responses to each question and place the responses on the flip chart.

⁻ What approach makes you more receptive?⁻ What does your style find annoying or frustrating about an approach?⁻ What’s a great question to ask the other three styles to learn more about them?⁻ How does your style create tension?

• Step 2: Full Group Debrief (40 minutes)

⁻ Share your responses and rationale.

Activity: Four Quadrant SummitActivity: Four Quadrant Summit

DriverWalk up, press the button repeatedly thinking that it will get the elevator to arrive sooner

ExpressiveLet others in…saying “always room for one more, we’ll wait for you”

AmiableWatch the whole elevator bank – never just that one elevator – so that you can get an “express” elevator just for your team

AnalyticalGet on the elevator, count the number of people, and guess their weight to determine if car is overloaded

Getting on an elevator…

A Little Styles HumorA Little Styles Humor

Styles Under StressStyles Under Stress

AnalyticalAvoids

Withdrawals

DriverCommandsTakes Over

AmiableAcquiescesGoes Along

ExpressiveAttacks

Confronts

Need Orientation Growth Edge

Expressive Recognition Spontaneity Restrain

Analytical Accuracy Thinking Decide Sooner

Amiable Harmony Relationship Speak Up

Driver Results Action Listen

Style AttributesStyle Attributes

Social StyleQuadrantsSocial StyleQuadrants

Analytical Driver

Amiable Expressive

Controlled / Task

Emotive / Relationship

Tell/TalkAsk/Listen

Temporarily adjusting your behavior to manage tension and to encourage others to behave more productively with you.

Temporarily adjusting your behavior to manage tension and to encourage others to behave more productively with you.

What is Style Flexing?What is Style Flexing?

Recognize the other person’s style

Plan your flex: content and delivery

Do the flex, hold the meeting

Evaluate how you did the flexing

Recognize the other person’s style

Plan your flex: content and delivery

Do the flex, hold the meeting

Evaluate how you did the flexing

Four Steps to Style FlexingFour Steps to Style Flexing

Flexing to Style PreferencesFlexing to Style PreferencesAnalytical Driver

Amiable Expressive

Controlled

Emotive

Tell/Talk

Don’t rush, don’t waste timeAnswer all questions

Give solid, tangible evidenceDo not push/hard sellDo not over-promise

Be relaxed, moderately pacedActively listen

Get to know themShow personal interest

Ask for their input/reaction

Be fast-paced, get to the point quicklyStart with business, give the bottom lineUse facts, not feelingsBe clear, concise, and briefDon’t waste timeOffer options with brief supporting data

Be upbeat, fast-paced, funLet them talkAllow time for socializingTolerate digressionsGive them choicesFocus on the big picture

Ask/Listen

Improving Your VersatilityImproving Your VersatilityAnalytical Driver

Amiable Expressive

Controlled

Emotive

Tell/Talk

Be more flexible, more open-mindedOpenly show more concern for other people

Be decisive with dataListen for people’s feelings

Be less sensitiveBe willing to take risks

Say “no” more oftenLet people know what you think

Acknowledge different points of viewShow more patienceTone down intensityPay attention to feelings

Talk lessSpend more time looking at factsControl time and emotionThink before you speak

DECIDE

DECLARE

LISTEN

RESTRAIN & CHECKAsk/Listen

The Spirit of the ConversationThe Spirit of the Conversation

Interrogation Interview Conversation

Delivering tough news

Enforcing policy

Developmental feedback

Conflicts and disagreements

Challenging others on their decisions

Delivering tough news

Enforcing policy

Developmental feedback

Conflicts and disagreements

Challenging others on their decisions

The Difficult ConversationsThe Difficult Conversations Discussing compensation

Handling complaints

Requesting help

Negotiating

Discussing compensation

Handling complaints

Requesting help

Negotiating

A process which allows two or more people to achieve mutual understanding in order to

exchange information, move toward a specific goal, resolve a situation, and/or build

relationships.

A process which allows two or more people to achieve mutual understanding in order to

exchange information, move toward a specific goal, resolve a situation, and/or build

relationships.

A Conversation Is...A Conversation Is...

Who– Who will be involved?– What are the communication styles involved, including you?– What can you do in advance to make each person more

comfortable?– What signs of tension should you look for?

Purpose– Why do you want to have the discussion/conversation “WIFM”– Goals

– What you both hope to achieve

Rationale and/or Issue(s)– What the critical issues are for you or the company (or both)– What’s the benefit of addressing this?– Why it might be a problem

Who– Who will be involved?– What are the communication styles involved, including you?– What can you do in advance to make each person more

comfortable?– What signs of tension should you look for?

Purpose– Why do you want to have the discussion/conversation “WIFM”– Goals

– What you both hope to achieve

Rationale and/or Issue(s)– What the critical issues are for you or the company (or both)– What’s the benefit of addressing this?– Why it might be a problem

Difficult Conversation Content – How to Plan for It

Difficult Conversation Content – How to Plan for It

Ideas– What ideas or solutions you have

Actions– What you need to get agreement

regarding– Follow-up actions to be taken

Reactions– How do you have to self manage?– What reactions do you think you’ll

receive from the other person?

Ideas– What ideas or solutions you have

Actions– What you need to get agreement

regarding– Follow-up actions to be taken

Reactions– How do you have to self manage?– What reactions do you think you’ll

receive from the other person?

PurposeFamiliarize yourself with a process for preparing for crucial conversations.

Timing 10 minutes.

Step 1Think of the crucial conversation you prepared as prework.

Make notes on the worksheet provided about major points that will help you in preparing for this conversation.

Step 2Discuss your thoughts with a partner and receive feedback from their perspective.

Activity:Activity:

The Communication ProcessThe Communication ProcessThe engine at the heart of every conversation. Speaker and Listener play active roles.The engine at the heart of every conversation. Speaker and Listener play active roles.

Your point is… Your concern is… You're asking…

My thought is… I'd like to see… My experience is…

How does this sound? What are your thoughts? How are you seeing this? What do you think about…

Open Discussion– Purpose for discussion (WIFM)

– Goals for discussion

Present Critical Issue and Rationale

– Issue to be addressed

– Rationale and reason behind issue

Open Discussion– Purpose for discussion (WIFM)

– Goals for discussion

Present Critical Issue and Rationale

– Issue to be addressed

– Rationale and reason behind issue

The Difficult ConversationThe Difficult Conversation

Ask for Reaction and Their Ideas

Present Potential Solutions

Close

– Actions to be taken and by whom

– Follow up to be done and by whom

Ask for Reaction and Their Ideas

Present Potential Solutions

Close

– Actions to be taken and by whom

– Follow up to be done and by whom

ReflectingThoughts

• You think…

• You believe…

• Your point is…

• You’d like to know…

• You’re asking…

• You’re wondering…

• Your concern is…

ReflectingThoughts

• You think…

• You believe…

• Your point is…

• You’d like to know…

• You’re asking…

• You’re wondering…

• Your concern is…

Reflective ListeningReflective ListeningReflectingFeelings

• You’re feeling…

• You sound…

• You look…

ReflectingFeelings

• You’re feeling…

• You sound…

• You look…

Reflecting Thoughtsand Feelings

• You sound…because…

• You’re feeling…about…

Reflecting Thoughtsand Feelings

• You sound…because…

• You’re feeling…about…

Automatic

“Fight or flight”

A predictable response

Driven by our need to protect ourselves

All about emotions

Automatic

“Fight or flight”

A predictable response

Driven by our need to protect ourselves

All about emotions

Nature of Stress & DefensivenessNature of Stress & Defensiveness

Styles Under StressStyles Under StressAnalyticalAvoids/Withdrawals

DriverCommands/Takes Over

AmiableAcquiesces/Goes Along

ExpressiveAttacks/Confronts

Controlled

Emotive

Ask/Listen Tell/Talk• Ask open questions about concerns• Allow them to express disagreement

• Restate their concerns• Offer options for moving forward• Recommit to results and time frame

• Logically discuss the issue• Acknowledge a need for time• Set a distance

• Acknowledge feelings and points of view• Separate emotions from facts

Speak: Send your message Ask: For reactions Listen: REFLECT, REFLECT, REFLECT reactions Response:

Options:– Clarify/elaborate– Ask questions– Restate points of view– Get agreement going forward– Think about it/stop discussion

Handling Stress ReactionsHandling Stress Reactions

Surprise– Confusion– Disappointment– Questioning

Anger/Hurt– Strong disagreement– Denial

Rationalization– Justification– Excuses

Surprise– Confusion– Disappointment– Questioning

Anger/Hurt– Strong disagreement– Denial

Rationalization– Justification– Excuses

Typical Stress ReactionsTypical Stress Reactions Apathy

– Resignation

– Silence

– Lack of caring

Acceptance– Acknowledging

– Showing a willingness to improve

Apathy– Resignation

– Silence

– Lack of caring

Acceptance– Acknowledging

– Showing a willingness to improve

One Key Action I Will Take Following This Workshop Is…

One Key Action I Will Take Following This Workshop Is…