PraiseforTheZenLeader

“Inanoisyworldofleadershipblogs,books,ideas,andprescriptions,GinnyWhitelaw’sTheZenLeaderprovidesacalmandreassuringvoice—tellinguswhatisimportantaboutleadershipandaboutourselves.Shedistillsleadershiptoitsessence,andofferssimple,easilyunderstandabletoolsforanycurrentoraspiringleadertounderstand,use,andbuildonhisorherownnaturalgifts.”

—DavidDotlich,chairmanofPivotandcoauthorofWhyCEOsFail;Head,HeartandGuts;andotherbooksonleadership

“TheZenLeaderiswithineachofusifwejustexerciseourcourage.Thechapterentitled“FromControllingtoConnecting”willchangehowyouinteractwithothers,andwillenrichyourlife.Youwillseethevisionofwhatyouwantourworldtobeandhelpstrengthenthebusinessconnectionsweallneed.”

—BlytheMcGarvie,authorofShakingtheGlobe

“TheZenLeaderinvitesusintoexquisiteterritory,aprovincewhereawarenessisasnecessaryasair.Providingtheoxygenofhopeandpossibility,thisbookshouldberequiredreadingforanyonewhowantstobefullyhuman,fullyspirit,fullyawake.”

—Dr.GloriaJ.Burgess,best-sellingauthorofLegacyLivingandDaretoWearYourSoulontheOutside

“Beforeyoucaneffectivelyleadothers,youmustbeabletocontrolyourselffirst.Dr.Whitelawinvitesusonajourneyofself-discoveryusingeasy-to-followexercises.Bylearningtoexperienceforyourselfthepowerofaunifiedmindandbody,youwillbegintotasteyourfullpotential.”

—DavidShaner,authorofTheSevenArtsofChange

“Ginny’sinsightandtools,whichshesharesinTheZenLeader,haveempoweredourleadershipteamstofliptheirwaytomoreauthentic,focused,andeffectiveleadership.TodayBigThoughtcanseefarther,worksmarter,andaccomplishmoretowardourmissionthanwecouldeverhaveimagined!”

—GigiAntoni,president/CEO,BigThought

“TheZenLeaderwillmakeyou‘flip’fromtheinsideout!Useittoshiftyourmind-set,heart-set,andself-setintoanew,authenticwayofleadingandliving.The10waysto‘flip’intoleadingfearlesslyarebrilliant.”

—KevinCashman,seniorpartner,Korn/FerryInternational,best-sellingauthorofLeadershipfromtheInsideOut

“Inaworldwhereleadersareunderconstantpressuretobefaster,better,leaner,Whitelawcompassionatelypressesthepausebutton.TheZenLeadergoesbeyondthe‘why’and‘what’ofleadership,tothe‘how,’showingusthatmovingfromcopingtotransformingisaspersonalasitisprofessional.Today’sleadersmustmaketheflip—andindoingsocanopenthemselves,theirteams,andtheirorganizationstopreviouslyunimaginedfutures.Aspragmaticasitisinspirational;anessentialreadfortoday’sleaders.”

—SuzanneRotondo,executivedirector,TeleosLeadershipInstitute

“Mostconsultantswriteaboutwhattheyknow;onlyaselectfewcanwritewellaboutwhattheylive.Ginnylivesthematerialinthisbook,andanyonefortunateenoughtoparticipateinoneofherleadershipworkshopswillfindthisbooktobeastimulatingreminderofthekeylessonslearnedthere.Forthosewhohaven’tparticipatedinherworkshops,thisbookwillgiveatasteofwhatitlooksandfeelsliketobeafocused,groundedleaderinanageofgreatspeedanddistraction.Highlyrecommended!”

—EricOlson,PhD,GlobalPracticeManagingPartner,Heidrick&Struggles

“TheZenLeaderisanempoweringguideforanyoneinbusinessorpublicservicewhowantstoexpressaneffective,inspired,full-bodiedstyleofleadershipthatbothengageshumanityandpreservessanity.”

—LisaSarasohn,authorofTheWoman’sBellyBook

“Thisisawonderfulbook—agreatcontributiontothefield!”—Dr.StephenRhinesmith,authorofAManager’sGuidetoGlobalization

“Timelyandrelevant,TheZenLeadersuggestsaprofoundshiftinourthinking.Whitelaw’sparadigmshifttransformsusfrombeingproverbialhamstersinsuitstoactuallythrivinginthemidstofchaos.Thisshouldberecommendedreadingforleadersinallcategories!”

—JaneM.Stevenson,vicechairman,board&CEOservices,Korn/Ferry

International;authorofBreakingAway

“Dr.WhitelawbringstogetherherexperienceasaPhDbiophysicist,aleaderatNASA,andaZenMastertoprovideauniqueandpracticalperspectivetothejugglingactcalledleadership.InTheZenLeaderDr.GinnyWhitelawshareswithreadersherpassionandcommitmenttosupportingleadersinachievingabalancebetweentheirdoingandtheirbeing.WithaverypracticalapproachsheinterweavestheoriesandtechniquesthatcombinethechallengesandrealitiesofleadershipwithanunderstandingofBuddhistprinciplesthatallowonetostepbackandcontemplateandseekhigherlevelsofconsciousnessandawareness.Herexplanationsandacknowledgmentofourphysicalbodiesandsensationsasstressbarometersisofparticularinterestasoneofthemanyexamplesofsimpleindicatorsofimbalancesandextremes.”

—BettyShotton,CEOandfounderofLiftoffLeadership,LLC,leadershipspeaker,andauthorofLiftoffLeadership

“…anincrediblejourneythroughsoul-searchingideas,criticalleadershipissues,andpracticalexercisesthatembedtheunderstandingandabilitytomaketheflipatourverycore.Fascinating!”

—VirginiaMcLaughlin,OliverWymanLeadershipDevelopment

“…craftsmanshipofahighorder.Thewritingisoriginal,creative,penetrating,insightful,humane,andgroundedinthebody…itgoesfarbeyondordinaryadvice.”

—GordonGreene,Roshi,Chozen-jiWisconsinBetsuin

TheZenLeader

TheZenLeader

10WaystogofromBarelyManagingtoLeadingFearlessly

GINNYWHITELAW

Copyright©2012byGinnyWhitelawAllrightsreservedunderthePan-AmericanandInternationalCopyrightConventions.Thisbookmaynotbereproduced,inwholeorinpart,inanyformorbyanymeanselectronicor

mechanical,includingphotocopying,recording,orbyanyinformationstorageandretrievalsystemnowknownorhereafterinvented,withoutwritten

permissionfromthepublisher,TheCareerPress.

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Toorderthistitle,pleasecalltoll-free1-800-CAREER-1(NJandCanada:201-848-0310)toorderusingVISAorMasterCard,orforfurtherinformationonbooksfromCareerPress.

LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationDataWhitelaw,Ginny.

TheZenleader:10waystogofrombarelymanagingtoleadingfearlessly/byGinnyWhitelaw.

p.cm.

Includesbibliographicalreferencesandindex.ISBN978-1-60163211-1--ISBN978-1-60163-604-1(ebook)1.Leadership-Psychologicalaspects.2.Management--

Psychologicalaspects.3.ZenBuddhism.I.Title.

HD57.7.W4762012658.4’092--dc23

2012000055

totheoldmaninthewoods

whohasnowheretogo,andtoyou

whoaregoingsomewhere

Acknowledgments

IAMSOgratefultothepeoplewhohavemadethisbookpossible:tomyteacherandfriends,GordonGreeneRoshi,PatGreene,KenKushnerRoshi,EverettOgawa,AlexGreene,andXimenaPrudencio:thefireofoursharedtrainingsurelygerminatedtheseedofthisbook.Iamgratefultomyearlierteachers,TanouyeRoshi,HosokawaRoshi,andToyodaRokoji,whosecompassionateedgeslicedthroughtheclay.DeepthanksalsogototheDaihonzanChozen-ji,andYokoyamaRoshi,TsuhaRoshi,andHondaRoshi,whoinspiremeagainandagain.

Fortheleadershiplearningsandinspirationofthisbook,Ioweagreatdealtomyclientsandaterrificgroupofcolleagues:StephenRhinesmith,YolandaHofer,GavinWallbridge,LarsCederholm,AliciaDahill,EricOlsen,VirginiaMcLaughlin,AgnesMura,SusanDunn,CaroleFrance,MichaelHansen,GyongyiKallai,andBobCaron.Foropeningthisentirepathandpavingitwithenormousjoy,Ithankmyremarkablehusbandandpartner,MarkKiefaber.IalsothankAnthonyAttanforthegreatgrowthhe’sbringingtoourworkatFocusLeadership,andWillKiefaberforskillfullyservicingit.

Whenthisbookstartedtosprout,IwrotetopublisherConstanceKellough,whocouldhaveignoredme,butinsteadbecameaterrificguide.Ithankherandthechainofcatalystswhobroughtthisbookintobeing,fromHollyKerbytoDavidDotlich,BarbaraMonteiro,LeahSpiro,MaryannKarinch,andfinally,MichaelPyeandthegreatpublishingteamatCareerPress.Extrathankstomymulti-talentedsister,DianeChencharick,forherinsightfulreviews,cleverillustrations,andwebsiteartistry.IfurtherthankDiane,Barbara,Anthony,Mark,andtheteamnowhelpingtogetthisbookouttotheworld.

Andfinally,Isodeeplyappreciatethefamilythatletmesprout:myparents—JohnandBettyWhitelaw—MaryWhitelaw,JeanLane,andLarryWhitelaw.

Contents

Introduction1|FromCopingtoTransforming2|FromTensiontoExtension3|FromOrtoAnd4|From“OutThere”to“InHere”5|FromPlayingtoYourStrengthstoStrengtheningYourPlay6|FromControllingtoConnecting7|FromDrivingResultstoAttractingtheFuture8|From“It’sAllAboutMe”to“I’mAllAboutIt”9|FromLocalSelftoWholeSelf10|FromDelusiontoAwakeningNotesIndexAbouttheAuthor

Zenistotranscendlifeanddeath(alldualism),totrulyrealizethattheentireuniverseistheTrueHumanBody

throughthedisciplineofmindandbodyinoneness.

MiyomotoNiten(Musashi)calleditIwonomi(bodyofa

hugeboulder—

goingthroughliferollingandturninglikeahugeboulder);YagyuSekishusainameditMarobashinomichi(abridge

likearoundball—

beinginaccordwiththemyriadchangesoflife).

Besidesthisactualrealization,thereisnothingelse.

—fromtheCanonofDaihonzanChozen-ji,Honolulu,HawaiiOmoriSogenRotaishi

October1,1979

Introduction

ReachingtheBoilingPoint

IT’SSUNDAYNIGHT,andI’mwelcomingagroupofhigh-potentialleaderstoafive-dayexecutiveleadershipprogram.“Howmanyofyouseriouslydoubtedthatyouhadtimetobeherethisweek?”Iask.Everyhandshootsintotheairwithacollectivemoanofacknowledgment.AnypauseintheactionandBlackBerryspopfromtheirholsters:scroll,scroll,check,scan,thumb,thumbafive-wordresponse,hitSend,nowbackwithyou,didn’tmissathing.AsIgettoknowtheseleadersIlearnwhat’stopofmind:Wherearewegoing?Howcanthiscompanyexpectmetokeepdoingmorewithless?Whydidn’tIgetthepromotionI’dbeenpromised?HowmuchmoreofthiscanItake?Theseareincrediblytalentedleaders—consummatemultitaskers—yettheywouldtellyouthatkeepingupwiththepaceisarelentlesschallengeand,mostofthetime,they’rebarelymanaging.

It’saweeklaterandI’mholdingacoachingsessionwitharecentlypromotedVP,oneofthesuccessstoriesofhercompany.“Ifthereweretwoofme,Icouldn’tgetthisjobdone,”shesays,givingmearapid-firerundownofherreality.“I’mbeingaskedtodoublethebookofbusiness,innovatenewproducts,developmypeople—andoh,bytheway,cut20percentofthem—buildthisglobalbrandteamwithpeopleI’venevermet,andlet’snotforgetthesecondjobIgohometo.”Mypulsehaspickedupfivebeatsaminutejustlisteningtoher.Apictureflashesinmymindofthoseflat,littletilepuzzlesIusedtoplaywithasachildthathad16spacesand15tiles,andthegamewastorearrangethemintoapicture.Exceptherswasa16-tilelife—nospacewhatsoever,nowaytomove.Thisissuccess?Isensethewonderfuldisciplineanddriveforachievementthathasbroughtthiswomansofar.Andyetshe’snowlivingalifethatismoresuffocatingthanrewarding.Byherownaccount,she’sbarelymanaging.

Examplessuchastheseareneitherisolatednorunusual,butratheraproductofourtimesandourstateofdevelopmentcollidinginaseeminglyunsolvabletensiontodomore.Technologyhassuperchargedthepaceoflifeandbusiness,asevidentinhowquicklynews,products,andjobsmovearoundtheworld,andinthehigh-frequencyelectronicmessagingthathasus,onaverage,parsing176e-mailsaday1—nottomentiontweeting,streaming,andLinkingIn.

Moore’sLawtellsustechnologyiscapableofdoublingitscapacityeveryfew

years.We,too,areincreasingourcapacity,especiallythemostachievement-drivenamonguswhotendtolandinlivesofleadership.We’reworkingfaster,moreefficiently,longer,andharder.Allofwhichisreachingaboilingpointevidentinmeasuresofworkplacestress:75percentreporttheirjobsare“verystressful”;1in3saythatthey’reheadingforburnout;261percentsayheavyworkloadhasasignificantimpactonstresslevel,withexecutivesandmanagershavingthemoststressfuljobs.3TheU.S.BureauofLaborStatisticsestimatesjobstresscostsbusinessesmorethan$300billiondollarsayear.4Asoneleaderputittome,“Atfirstwerespondedtothepressurebyworkingweekends.Butwhatdoyoudowhenweekendsareusedup?”Ifspeedingupisouranswer,faceit,we’llneverkeepupwithMoore’sLaw.

Forgoodreason:speedleadstomorespeed.Astechnologiesacceleratedthepaceofbusiness,forexample,itwasnaturalthatleaderswouldspeedup,maybegetamobiledevicetoreade-mailsinthe13secondsspentwaitingforanelevator,andnow—surprise!—everyoneisdoingthesamething,anorderofmagnitudemoremessagesareflowing,andthecycleescalates.Businessescouldusetechnologytoreplacecustomerservicepeoplewithkiosks,settingnewcompetitivestandardsthatsqueezedoutentireindustries,andnow,evenmorehastobedonewithevenless.Leaner,smarter,faster,cheaperhavebecomecommonwatchwordsinthestrategiesofcompaniesandthetacticsofleaders.

Asleaders,wemightrespondwithone-minutemanagementtechniques,speedytweets,andtechnology-turbochargedmultitasking,whichallworkforawhile,evenastheythinoutourlifeexperience,asweflitfromonethingtothenext.What’smore,webecomeremarkablyunconsciousofthepricewe’repayinginattentionspan,health,relationships,andevenintelligence.AstudydoneattheKingsCollegeofPsychiatryinLondonshowedthatwhenpeoplemultitasked,theyfirmlybelievedtheirperformancewasn’taffectedatall,whileobjectivemeasuresshowedtheireffectiveIQdropped10points!5

Yetlikefrogsinapotofslowlyheatingwaterwhoneverdetectthetrendandleaptosafety,ourtendencyistostayinthegame,putupwiththepressure,andfindbetterwaystomanageit.Wetrytomanageourtime,quietourminds,controlourtempers,dullthepressurewithdrinkordrugs,escapefromittemporarilyonatriporaweekend(stillregularlycheckingoure-mail),andthrowourselvesatitagainonMondaymorning.WemighthaveevenpickedupTheZenLeaderhopingitwillshowushowtobepeacefulinallthischurn.Andinonesense,itwillfulfillthatpromise.Butifwetaketothisbookasjustanotherstress-reductiontechniquetocopewithpressure,itwillfailtoserveus

asfullyasitcould.Becauseifwe’rejusttryingtomanagethepressure,nomatterhowwellwedoit,asitheadstowardtheboilingpoint,weheadtowardtrouble.Dowebreakdown?Dowegiveup?Thosemayfeelliketheonlychoices,andsurelymanyhavemadethem.

LeadersforaBetterWorld

Butthelifeofleadershipdemandsanotherchoice.TheZenLeaderopensupanentirelydifferentpossibility:tousethepressure,ratherthanbeusedbyit.Yes,pressurecanfeelterrible.Itiswhat“necessity”feelslike,asinnecessitybeingthemotherofinvention.Youcanbetthatthefirstcreaturestoclawtheirwayontodrylandweren’tfindingtheoceantobeaperfectlycomfortableplacetolive.Buttheupsideofpressureisthatitcanpropelbreakthroughdevelopmentandleapstonewconsciousness.Einsteinoncesaid,“Wecannotsolveproblemsatthesamelevelwewereatwhenwecreatedthem.”Ifourstageofdevelopmentisnotuptothechallengeswehavecreated,ouronlyhealthyalternativeasleadersistobreakfreeandfliptothenextstage.

Itisperhapsnoaccidentthatthispressureshouldshowupheaviestontheshouldersoftoday’sleaders,fortheverywordleadersuggestsonewhogoesfirst.Leaderswhocanusethispressuretopropeltheirdevelopmentcreateabetterworld,orwhatEckhartTollecalls“anewearth.”Theyareleadersinwhomaradicallynewconsciousnessbeginstoemerge—notallatonce,butinwavesofincreasingeffectandendurance—wholeadbeyondtheirownegos,whocanattractthefuturewithjoyandenthusiasm,ratherthanexhaustingthemselvesandtheirpeople.Theyarepeoplewhomaynotevenconsiderthemselvesleaders,butthroughtheirauthenticself-expression,theyaddvalue,createbeauty,orsetothersfree.Theyarethosewhohaveleaptfromtheproverbialfrog’spot,onlytofindthateventhisleapdoesn’t“take”thefirsttimeit’stried.Yetneitheristhisdevelopmentonesafe,ploddingstepafteranother.Ratherit’sdiscontinuous,nonlinear,aphaseshiftfromthistothat,fromnot-seeingtoseeing,fromin-the-pottofree.Whereasthisdevelopmentmaybesupportedbyprocessandpractice,itisnotitselfaprocess,butmoreofaradicalreframing,aninversion:aflip.Itisaflipthattakesmanyforms;forexample:

fromcopingwithpressureoutside-in,todivingrightinandtransformingsituationsfromtheinsideout.fromexhaustingoneselfandothersinthedriveforresults,toattractingthefutureandpeoplewhohelpcreateit.frombeingone’spersonality—playingonlytostrengths—toseeingone’s

personalityandapplyingtherightkindofenergytoanysituation.Theseflipsinconsciousnessareallgroundedinthehumanbody,wherethey

manifestasvariousenergypatterns,musculartension,thoughts,emotions,bodylanguage,leadershippresence,style,andbehaviors.Eachoftheseflipsisanexperience—notjustaconcept—andeachflipunfoldsmoreofthenaturalZenleaderinyou.

Inme?Yes.Forhereisthetruthofit:TheZenleaderisnotsomemodel“outthere”foryoutoemulate.Rather,itisyourowndynamicBeing,leadingbeyondtheego,creativelyadaptingmomentbymoment—likeaballonfast-movingwaters.Torealizethisleader,eachchapterguidesyouthroughaflipthatisbothinwardlyprofoundandoutwardlypractical.Notonlywillyoufindyourenergyandpresencetransformedbytheseflips,butthetoolsofleadershiparetransformedaswell:howyousetvisionandstrategy,createthefuture,developandinspireothers,andoptimizehardchoices.You’lllearnhowtoreframeproblemsintoopportunities,shiftvictimsintoplayers,andturnpressureintoprogress.Farfrombarelymanaging,you’lldiscoverhowtoleadfearlessly,usingjoyandenthusiasmasyourguides.Ifthissoundslikesomekindofnirvana,that’snocoincidence;theseflipsbuildononeanotherandleadtotheultimateinversioninconsciousness—thefinalchapter—fromdelusiontoawakening.

Thepressurewillnotgoaway.Buthereisawaybeyondgivinguporgivingin.Rather,givewayandrevealtheZenleaderinyou.Doweeverneedit!

1FromCopingtoTransforming

“CALMUNDERPRESSURE.”“Aquietmindwithwisdom.”“Peaceful,aboveitall.”ThesearetheanswersI’mhearingfromagroupofleaderswhohavejoinedmeforaworkshoponZenandLeadership,afterI’veaskedthemtodescribea“Zenleader.”Theyhavecomehereforperhapsthesamereasonsyoupickedupthisbook:Theywanttobemoresuccessfulintheirwork,happierintheirlives,andmorepeacefulinthemselves.DoIhavesomethingtogivethem—sortoftheZenequivalenttonoise-cancelingheadphones—thatwillhelpthemcopewiththeirchallengingdays?No,thisisnotaboutcoping.WillIhelpthemriseaboveitall?No,thisisnotaboutbecomingaloof.WillIgivethemanything?

“No,”Itellthem,asItellyou:Youalreadyhaveeverythingyouneed.WhatIwillhelpyoudoisclearoutwhatyoudon’tneed.Breakfreeofthepointswhereyou’restuck.Seebeyondwhatboxesyouin.Iwillshowyouhowtofliptonewlevelsinyourdevelopmentwheretheuntenableproblemsofthelastlevelbecomeaseasyaschild’splay.Icallthese“flips”becausetheyinvertordinarywaysofthinking,andradicallyreframeyoursenseofselfandtheworld.Theseflipstransformyourleadershiptotrulyservingothers,andnotyourownneedsforsecurity,achievement,andsoforth.Flipbyflip,youunfoldthedynamic,boundlesscapacitythatistheZenleaderinyou.Getoutofyourownwayandwhatremainsis—yes—calm,wise,andpeaceful,andalsoagile,creative,andextremelypowerful.

Areyouin?Thatmayseemlikearhetoricalquestion,butit’sreallyattheheartofourfirstflipfromcopingtotransforming,andthefoundationofleadership.It’saflipfromstandingonthesidelinestowhatKevinCashmancalls“leadingwithcharacter,”1inwhichwefullyenterthesituationwiththebestwe’vegot,transformingitasweaddourvalue.Itisafeltshiftinthebodyfromoutside-intoinside-out,fromputtingupwithforcesorpeople“outthere,”apartfromourselves,todivingrightin,becomingapartofthechaoticdance,andextendingourenergytocreatevalue.Itisaflipfromvictimtoplayer,fromobservertoparticipant.

Thisflipisthefoundationofrealleadershipaswe’llusetheterminthisbook.BorrowingfromCashman,wedefineleadershipnotasoccupyinganelevatedslotonanorganizationchart,butasextendingone’sauthentic,

transformativeenergytocreatevalueforothers.Whetherathomeoratwork,evenhighlyskilledleaderswillrecognizemanytimesinwhichtheycope,ratherthantransform.Thischapterwillhelpyourecognizethosecopingminefields,andfeelintotheflipthatisyourownenergyfortransformation.

NotJustWords

“Okay,restthebladeofyourhandonmyshoulder,”Isaytothestudent,facinghermaybeafootaway.Thisisn’tamartialartsclass,thoughItaughtAikidoformanyyears.ThisisaleadershipprograminwhichI’mintroducingasimpleexercise—“unbendablearm”—thatembodiestheflipthatisessentialtoAikido,andalsoinmovingfromcopingtotransforming.IcupbothofmyhandsoverthecrookofherarmanddemonstratethatImeantopressdown,bendingthearm.“Atfirst,justresistthepressure,”Itellher.Twoarmsagainstone,ifwe’reofreasonablythesamesize,eventuallyherarmgivesway.“Howdidthatfeel?”Iask,andhearanswerssuchas:

“Prettyawful.”“Tense;wonderinghowmuchIcouldtake.”“FeelinglikeIlost.”That’swhatcopingfeelslike:asensethatforcesarebearingdownonus.

Evenifwe’reholdingupfornow,we’restrugglingwiththepressure,andwhatwe’redoingcanhardlybecalledleadership.

“Shakethatout,”Itellher,andaskhertoreplaceherhandinthesameposition.“Butthistime,don’tresist,”Isay.“Instead,imagineafireonthatoppositewallandyourarmisthefirehose.Water—orenergy—flowsfromyourfingers.Orimagineyourvisionisonthatwallandyouareextendingtowardit.”Toheramazement,shefindssheismuchstronger.“Howdidthatfeel?”Iask,andnowhearthingslike:

“Effortless!”“Stronger,moreintegrated.”“Ican’tbelieveit—whatkindoftrickisthis?”That’swhatextendingenergyintoasituationfeelslike,whichishowwe

transformsituations.That,wecanrightfullycallleadership.ThisflipissosimplethatmypartnerintheexerciseIjustdescribed—and

you,ifyouhadapartnerrightnow—coulddoitinstantly,andyetitcanbeso

subtlethatwemissit.Itismorethanwords,moretangiblethanaconcept:itisafeltshiftinthebodyfromdefensiveresistancetorelaxedextension.Youcangetafeelforitifyoustubbornlyfoldyourarmsformomentandtakeonthemostdefensive,hunkered-downpostureyoucanimagine.Nowshakethatout,extendarelaxedarm,palmupandopen,andimaginealineofenergy(orwater,ifyouprefer)runningthroughyourarmandoutyourfingers.Comparingthesetwopostures,noticewhichonefeelsmorereadytolisten,engage,orhelpanotherperson.

Althoughnotquiteattheseextremes,momentbymoment,wedomakeachoicethatfavorseithercopingortransforminginourposturetotheworld.

TheCopingTrap

I’m14yearsold,playingtheoldfamilypiano.My7-year-oldbrotherhassnuckupbehindmeand—gitch!—jabsmeintheribs.Ifreezeaseverymusclecontractswithbeingstartled.Thisismycopingreaction,and,asyoumightimagine,themusicgetsprettyawful.

Fast-forward20yearsandI’mashiny,up-and-comingmanagerontheSpaceStationProgramatNASA,tryingtoinfluencethe20-yearveteraninfrontofmetogethispartofthecommunicationsystemtoworkwiththepartIrepresent.“No,wecan’tdothat,”hesaystomyproposedinterface.“Ourdesignisfixed.”Mindyou,theseareearlydaysinthedesignprocess;thestationwon’tflyforanother12years.Buthisdefensesareup,shieldsinplace:“No,theanswerisno,”hesays.Ihadnoideahowtoinfluencehim,andIrecallthefrustrationtothisday.

Whetheramomentarystartleoralong-termdefense,copingisourwayofregisteringanovote:no,Idon’tlikethis;no,Idon’twanttodothis;no,thisisn’treallyhappening.Whining,worrying,complaining,defending,denying,resisting,tolerating,stormingout,blowingup,foldingourarmsindefiance—copingtakesmanyforms.Itcanbeloudanddramaticorpassivelyresistant.Itcanbejustified—someonehasjuststolenourwallet,trashedourcherishedproject,orhiredawayourbestemployee—andweoftentakegreatpainstoexplainjusthowjustifiedweareinourcoping.Yetthismodeisfundamentallydefensive,reactive,andnegativelytinged,asin,“HowmuchofthiscanItake?”Atitsrootisasimpleprotest:SomethingishappeningtomeandIdon’tacceptit.

Outside-in.That’swhatwecouldcalltheenergeticdirectionofthismode:aforceoutthereisimpingingonmeinhere,stickingmetothespot,or,aswesay

inZen,“stoppingthemind.”Ifyoucloselyobserveyourselforanyoneincopingmode,you’llseesignsofthisstoppingorstuckness(trytheGotcha!exercise).Physicallyitmightregisterasfreezing—ifonlyforamoment—oratightlyheldposture,afrozenjaw,orrepeatingthesameanimatedgesturesagainandagain.Inthought,it’sastorylinethatkeepsreplaying,aneuroticloop—“…afterallI’vedoneforthiscompany…”—thatre-justifiesitself.I’vecometorecognizementalreplayasanearlywarningsignofcopingmode.Ifthatlittlevoiceinmyheadreplaysthesametapetwice—asinwhysomeone’sbehaviorhaseveryrighttoangerme—IknowI’mincopingmode.

Gotcha!Imagineyou’reinaplay,askedtodepictacharactersuddenlystartledby

verybadnews.Howdoyoushowtheaudienceyou’restartled?What’sthefirstthingyourbodydoes?What’syourfacialexpression?Whathappenstoyourbreath?

Nowshakethatout,rewindtheplay,andimagineyourcharacterisstartledbynewsthatturnsouttobegood.Afteryourinitialstartlereaction,howdoyoushowyourtransitiontorealizingthenewsisgood?

Youmaynoticethatthestartlereactioninbothcaseshasaqualityoffrozenness,indicativeofcoping.Whenthenewsturnsouttobegoodinthesecondcase,noticehowacceptancemeltsorrelaxesthebody.One’ssenseofwhetherthenewsisgoodorbadcanhaveagreatdealtodowithhowquicklywemovetoacceptance—orwhetherwegetthereatall.

“Getoverit,”wemightsaytoshakeourselvesoutofcopingmode.Orevenmoretruthfully,“Getoveryourself,”aswesensethatcopinghasusstuckinaselfthatissmallandoutofsyncwithwhat’sgoingon.Copingpinsustoaspot—howeveruncomfortable,atleastweknowwherewestand.Asweplayoutourvariouscopingdramas—beingoverworked,underappreciated,double-crossed,undercut,cutoffonthefreeway—weincreasinglyidentifywiththem(inotherwords,theegoidentifiesitselfwiththespottheystickusto),makingthemmorelikelytorepeatagain.Whichiswhy,eventhoughcopingfeelssomewherebetweenneutralandawful,wedoitsomuch.Evenifitdrasticallylimitsourlife,we’restilldrawingasenseofidentityfromit,howevertwisted.AstoryIheardearlyinmycoachingcareerillustratesthispoint.

I’minafive-dayleadershipprogramwithGary,oneofthehandfulofpeoplewithwhomI’llbehavingseveralone-on-onecoachingsessions.Thepointofthesesessionsistohelppeoplemakesenseofallthefeedbackthey’regettingintheprogramandfigureouthowtouseit.Gary’sfeedbackisterrible.Hispeopledon’tknowwherethey’regoing,he’snothelpingthemdevelop,andhe’snegativeandcomplainingallthetime.Ifcopingwereanoccupation,he’dbefulltime.Inmysecondcoachingsessionwithhim,whenwe’resupposedtobeconnectingthedotsinthedata,he’smentallysomewhereelse.Armscrossed,reportclosed,hedoesn’tevenwanttolookatthedata.Idon’tknowwhattosay,soItossinaquestionandlisten.Hewandersaroundinhisanswer.Ilisten.Hewandersmore.Ilistenmore.ThesessionendsinwhatIjudgetobecompletefailure.Ihavenoideahowtobeuseful.

Thenextdaywehaveourthirdandfinalcoachingsession.Garystridesintotheroom,slapshisreportdownonthetableinfrontofus,andannounces,“MymotherdiedwhenIwas4yearsold.Everyonefeltsorryforme.IlearnedveryquicklythatifIplayedvictim,IcouldgetwhatIwanted.Well,mypeoplearetellingmethatIcan’tleadasavictim.Andthey’reright.”Myjawdropswiththesuddeninsightcomingfromthisman.Icansensehisnewfoundfreedom;it’sasthoughhe’sexpandedintoalargerversionofhimself.

Thisexperiencetaughtmesomuchasacoachaboutthepoweroflisteningandnottryingtobesousefulwithallmyanswers.Butitalsotaughtmehowcopingmodecanbecomeaninsidioushabitthatweavesitswayintooursenseofwhoweare.Foryears,Garyhadstoppedhismindonbeingthelittleboywhosemotherhaddied,andhe’dfoundallthewaystobeavictim.Hegotsomethingoutofit,tobesure—includingasenseofidentity—butitwastoosmallanidentityfortheroleofaleader.Inaflip,hesawit.

Likewise,ifyoureflectonthecopingmodesormomentsinyourlife,you’llseethatcopingarisesfromandreinforcesafreeze-frameidentity—aselfthatsomethingishappeningto.Butaren’tweselvesthatstuffhappensto?youmightask.Theanswer,whichwe’llplaywiththrougheveryflipofthisbook,andwhichyoumustnottakemywordforbutratherexperienceforyourself,isyesandno,andneitheryesnorno.Theinsidioustrapofcopingmodeisthatitmakesusthinkthisdotofegoisallthatweare.Stucktothisdot,wecannotleadeffectivelybecausewe’renotgoinganywhere.We’restuckdefendingthedot.Worseyet,mistakingadottobeourself,wemissourboundless,flowingnaturethatcanentercircumstancesandforevertransformthem.

TheChallengeofTransformation

Idon’tknowexactlywhatGarywentthroughbetweenoursecondandthirdcoachingsessions,butIimagineitwentsomethinglikethis:He’stryingtoignorethedata,butitkeepshauntinghim.Itmakeshimmad;howdaretheysayallthosebadthingsabouthim,blah,blah,blah.Hegetsalltightandanxious,andthenatinyvoicewithinclearsitsmetaphoricalthroatandsays,“Excuseme.Haven’tyouheardsomeofthisbefore?”Atsomepointawallofdefensecrumbles,andthelightofacceptanceshinesovertherubble.Thetinyvoicegetsbolder:“Theymayhaveapoint…theyknowI’mnothelpingthem…they’reright!”

Acceptanceisalwaysthefirstlightoftransformativeenergy.Acceptancedoesn’tmeanwehavetolikewhatwe’redealingwith.Itmeanswedon’tgetstuckinwhetherwelikeitornot,wesimplyworkwithit.Garycertainlydidn’tlikethefeedbackhewasreading.Buthegottotheplaceofaccepting“Itiswhatitis,”or“Thisiswhat’strueformypeople.”Assoonasacceptancestartsworking,itopensupthepossibilityoffurthertransformation,asitdidforGarywhenacceptingthefeedbacklethimseeadeepertruthabouthisownlife.

Acceptancemarkstheflipbetweencopingandtransforming(seeFigure1.1onthenextpage).

Figure1.1

Theflipfromcopingtotransforming.

Itdiffersfromtolerating,whichisasgoodascopinggets,stillholdingthesituationatarm’slengthassomethingwehavetoputupwith.Acceptanceceasestoresist.Bysettingasideitsopinions,agenda,likes,anddislikes,acceptanceisabletochannelourfullenergyintoworkingwiththesituation.Thelessenergygetssiphonedoffinreaction,themoreenergyisavailableforproaction.

Butitgetsbetteryet,fortheenergyoftransformationisfundamentallypositive,joyful,andenthusiastic,whichishighlycontagiousandreadilyamplified.I’msurethatpositiveemotioniswhyIremembertheconversationwithGarylikeitwasyesterday.Whenhewalkedintothatthirdcoachingsession,hewaspositivelytriumphant.AsIfeltthereliefinhimregisterinmy

ownbody,thesensationwassheerjoy.Thisjoyisnoaccident,butratherareliableindicatoroftransformativeenergy

actingthroughus.Whenweflipintotransforming,wefeelmorealive,present,connected,andconscious.Nolongerstucktoonepoint,we’refreetomaneuver,create,andexplore.Whathappenstotheselfweweredefending(anddefining)incopingmode?Suddenlyitflipsfrombeingablackholeofworrytoasourceofpossibilityaswetap,howeverbriefly,ourinfinitenature.TheZenleaderinuspoursforthasweflipintobeingagenerativehub,radiatingfrominsideoutthebestwehavetooffertotheperson,theproblem,thesituation.Wemaynotregisterthisflipconsciouslyorhavewordstoexpressit,butwewillfeelthejoytranscendingoursmallness.

Thisjoytellsussomethingbeyondaself-servingegoisatwork.EckhartTollecallsjoy“thedynamicaspectofBeing.”2AsweexperienceandexpressouruniversalBeing,joynaturallyarises.Enthusiasmfollows,attractingothers;whenourinspiredactslineuptowardavisionorpurpose,thiswecancallZenleading.Acceptance,joy,andenthusiasmarethehallmarksoftheZenleaderfunctioninginus.They’resoessentialtoaddingrealvalueintheworldthat,asTolleadvises,ifwe’redoingsomethingnotinoneofthesestates,weshouldjuststop.Stop.Forotherwise,we’reactingincopingmode,creatingproblemsforourselvesandothers,whetherweknowitornot.

Acceptance,joy,andenthusiasmmayseemliketallorders—especiallyamidstthecacophonymostleadersfaceeveryday.Yetmostofushavetastedthispossibility,andsomemakeasteadydietofit.Ioftenaskleaderswhatgivesthemjoyintheirwork—notthebigego-strokingmoments,butintrinsic,day-to-dayenjoyment—androutinelyhearanswerslike,“theworkitself,”“gettingstuffdone,”“seeingtheteamsucceed,”or“watchingmypeoplegrow.”Doingworkweenjoy,wemayslipintoasortof“workSamadhi,”orflowstate;whenweloseourselvesinthetask,timedisappears,andweonlyrecognizewe’vebeeninthisstateonceweleaveit.Workingwithpeoplewecareabout,towardmeaningfulgoals,wemayfinditeasyforourenergytoflowfrominsideout,addingvaluetothoserelationships,makingprogresstowardthosegoals.Anyconcernsforselfseeminglydisappear.

Untilsomethinghappens.Anirritatinge-mail,afinancialsetback,anunrealisticdemand,orallofthese

atonce,andsuddenlywecanfindourselvesinapitofworry,anger,orindignation—thatis,coping.Howlongdowestayherebeforewecanflipbackintotransformationandre-enterthesituationwithacceptance?Giventhatcoping

feelsbadandtransformingfeelsgreat,you’dthinkwe’dmaketheflipinstantly.Butmanyofusdon’t,andmostofustakeourtimeaboutit.Becausetoflip,wehavetoletgo—letgooftheonewhoisworried,angry,indignantorself-berating.Evenifwewanttoletgoataconsciouslevel,we’reworkingagainstabodyofhabitsthathasbeentrainedbythecyclesofdramawe’velivedup‘tilnow.Whichiswhytomakethisflip,likeallflips,wehavetoengagethebody.Wecan’tjustthinkourwaythere.Theclearintentofthoughtcanhelp,butgraspingisdeepinourmusclememory—startingwithourgraspforlifeorsurvivalinstinct—andrightbeforeweletgo,evenifexperiencetellsusitwillfeelgreatontheotherside,itfeelsasthoughwe’relosingsomething:alittledeath.

Goodnews:Themorewepracticeflippingfromcopingtotransforming,theeasieritgets,andthemoreconfidentwebecomethatitwillleadtosomethinggood.Thistransformativefliptakesusdownthepathoftranscending“I”-centeredconsciousness,whichisahugeleapinhumandevelopmentaswellasleadershipdevelopment.Likeplantsgrowingtowardthesun,ourverynaturepullsustowardthepossibilityofthistranscendence,evenastheimpossibilityofcopingwithevermorepressurepushesusoutofoldwaysofthinking.Enoughpush,enoughpull,andwe’rereadytoflip.

Howtodoit?

TheZenLeaderFlip1:CopingtoTransforming

Perhapsyou’vemadethisflipthousandsoftimes—unwittingly,unconsciously.Butlet’steaseapartwhatmakesitwork,sothatyoucanmakeitareadycompanion:aconsciouscompetence.We’llbreakitintothreeparts,thoughinpracticetheseflowseamlesslytogetherandarisealmostatonce:relax,enter,addvalue.

Figure1.2

Relax.Youcansimulatecopingmodeinstantlybyraisingyourshouldersuptowardyourears(thewaytensepeoplelookallthetime).Ifyoudothatforamomentandthendropthattension—tryit—youinstantlyfeellesstight,lessstuck.Youmightalsonoticethatyousimultaneouslyexhale,andyoufeelasenseofdroppingdowninthebodytowardyourcenter,orlowerabdomen.What’shardertodoisrelaxtheresidualtensionyouunconsciouslycarryallthetime,butbreathingdeeplytoandfromyourcenterisagreatwaytoapproachthis.Thekeytocenteringistogetoutofyourhead,andallowtensionintheupperbodytodropaway—asinasighofrelief:ahhh!Asanimage,youmightthinkofabigthermometerinwhichthebulbisyourbelly,filledbyeachbreath(seeFigure1.2).

Themorecenteredandrelaxedyouare,themorecompletelyyoucantakethenextstep,whichistoenter.

Enter.Toenteristobecomeonewithwhateverisgoingon,tomergewithitinacompletelyrelaxedstate.Itisnotatentativedippingofone’stoeintothewater,butinsteadacompleteimmersion.Itisnotbeingbuffetedbythefrayededgesofasituationalhurricane,butrathermovingrightintotheeyeofthestorm.Fear,anger,confusion,andothercopingreactionsmayarise,butifyoucanfeelintowhateverresistanceariseswithawillingnesstoacknowledgeit,andnotletitstopyou,you’vefoundthedoortoentering.

Toenteristobecometheentirepicture;animageforthisstageisthatofanall-embracingcirclethatisbothyouandthesituation—subjectandobject—atonce.Ifyouimaginetheflowstateyouenterwhendoingoneofyourfavoriteactivities,youcangetasenseofhowtotalenteringletsonedisappearintoanactivity.Enteringislikeachildplayinginasandbox,orakayakerdeftlypaddlinginwhitewater—noselfstandsapart.Togetafirsthandexperienceofcenteringandentering,trytheChapter1exercisesdownloadablefromourWebsite(www.thezenleader.com).Themorecompletelyyouenter,themorecompletelyyoucanaddyourvalue.

Addvalue.Attheeyeofthestorm,theonlydirectionforyourenergyisout.Havingfullyentered,yourenergycanflowfrominsideout,addingyourvaluetothesituation,transformingitthroughyourpresenceasmuchasthroughanythingyoumightdo.Youcanfeelthisextensionofenergybyimagining—asmypartnerintheAikidoexercisedidearlier—yourarmsasfirehoses,andthewater(yourenergy)pouringforthtoputoutflames.Animageforthisstageistheradiantsun,extendingitsenergy,transformingeverythingthatbasksinitslight.

Ifyouhaveasenseofthisflip,youknowhowempoweringitis.Ifyoudon’tquitefeelityet,yousurelycanwithpractice,andtheWebsiteexerciseswillhelp.Youmayfindthisflipbecomesevenmoreclearandusefultoyouinactualapplication,whichweturntonow.

PuttingIttoWork:LeadershipthatTransforms

Oneofthegreatestchallengesfacingleaderseverydayis,well,reframingchallenges.Isitachallengeoranopportunity?Thisismorethanrhetoric,forthisfliphastohappenfirstinthemindoftheleader.Tofindtheopportunitiesinproblemsisaqualityofcan-dooptimismthatcharacterizesthemostmotivatingleaders.Whileothersarestandingonthesidelinescaughtupintheirfault-findingandblame-placing,theleaderwhocanmakethisflipshowsaway

forward.Accepting“itiswhatitis,”theZenleaderinusflipsfromdefensivenesstocuriosity,fromresistancetocreativeengagement.Whatcanwelearnfromit?Howdoweuseit?Howdowefixthedamage,changethegame,orleveragelargerforcesatwork?

Toseehowthisflipmightapplytoyou,thinkofaproblemthathasbeentroublingyouorkeepingyouupatnight,andtrythisexercise:1.Writedownastatementoftheproblemstartingwiththewords“The

Problemis…”Forexample:Theproblemiswelostakeycustomerandwemaynotmakeourrevenuenumberthisquarter.

2.“Hold”thisproblemstatementandnoticewhattightensinyourbody,andwhatthoughtsandfeelingsarise.Jotdownwhateverreactionsyounotice.Thesearethesignaturesofcoping,andthemoreyoucangettoknowtheminyourself,theeasiertheybecometoworkwith.Noticeoneplaceoftightnessinyourbodyandbreatheintoit,releasingit,relaxingit.

3.Gobacktoyourproblemstatementandinviteabitofbrainstorming.Startingwiththephrase“Therealproblemis…,”restateyourproblemsixto10differentwaysfrominsideout—thatis,usingonly“I”-or“we”-basedstatements(noblamingothers!).Forexample:Therealproblemiswearen’tsurethatourpeopleareproperlytrained…wedon’thaveenoughcustomersinthepipeline…wedon’tknowifourcustomersarehappy…we’renotreachingcustomersthewayweusedto…we’renotsolvingourcustomers’realproblems.

Youmaynoticethatasanswerstumbleout,newthemesemergeandyourinitialstorygiveswaytosubmergedinsights.Keeprestatingtherealproblemuntilyousensethatyou’vehituponsomethingimportant;somethingnew.

4.Relax.Letgooftheproblem.Letgooftheselftheproblemishappeningto.Youmightimaginethatself-who-has-the-problemasaplayeronaboardgameandnowyouwanttobecometheoneplayingthegame.Youmightthinkofthisassteppingbackfromaproblemtogainperspective,orenteringbeyondtheproblem,whereyoubecometheentirepicture,andcanseetheentireboard,nowwithwisdomforyourlittleboard-playingself.

5.Withthisrelaxedsenseofbigness,lookoveryourrestatementswithaneyeforwhattheopportunitiesarehere.Againspeakingfrominsideout,startingwiththephrase“I(orwe)havearealopportunityhereto….”Fill

intheendofthesentencewithasmanyopportunitiesasyoucanspot.Forexample:Wehavearealopportunityheretogetclosertoourcustomers…learnwhat’snotworkingforthem…helpthemmoveforward…honeourcoachingskills…findpeoplewhoneedusonsocialmedia…givethemsomethingusefulforfree.…

6.Lookoveryouropportunitiesandpickoneortwothatseemmostpromisingtopursue.

Thisisoneempoweringflip.Itreframeseverythingfromafocusontheself-having-a-problemtothecreativeagentwholearnsfromwhat’sgoingonandoftenchangesthegame.Thisflipwon’tsupplyalltheanswers,butitwillgetyourenergygoingintherightdirection,whichisfrominsideout—addingthebestvalueyouhavetooffer.

Problemsrepeatwhenwerespondtothembycoping.Whenwerespondinthespiritoftransformationandpickoneortwopromisingwaystodothat,we’renolongerinthesameplacethatallowedtheoldproblemtoappear.Evenifwhatwetrydoesn’tworkexactlyasplanned,we’velearnedsomething.Evenifacomparableproblemarisesagain,wewon’tbeinthesameplaceweoncewerefordealingwithit.Ourtransformationalleadershiphastransformedus.

Ifthisflipstillfeelselusive,oryoufindyoucan’tstayhereforlong,havepatience.Thenextchapterwillguideyoudeeperintotheunderlyingphysicalflipthatmakestransformationpossible.Ifcopingmodeisareadycompanion,atleastnowyouhavemoreinsightintowhat’sholdingitinplace.Ifyoufindithardtoletgooftheanger,indignation,blaming,orself-righteousnessthatmakesacceptanceimpossible,you’reingoodcompany.Copingmakesforgooddrama,andwe’resurroundedbyit,from“notourfault”finger-pointingto“it’sgoodfortheratings”politicaltalkshowswiththeirendlessstreamofattackandcounter-attack.Ormaybeforyou,copingmodetakestheformofselfflagellation,asin,“I’mnotgoodenough,”“I’mascrew-up,”or“Everyone’srightandI’mwrong.”This,too,isgooddrama,andnolessthanself-righteousness,itsticksustothedotofself.

Whatweknowwithcertaintyisthatalthoughcopingmaymakelifeinteresting,itdoesn’tmakeforgoodleadership.Neitherdoesitleadtojoy,enthusiasm,noranyplacethattrulyservesus.Forthat,weneedtoflip.

TheZenLeader

Flip1Takeaways

CopingtoTransformingCopingisstuck.Transformingcreatesmovement.Acceptanceisthe

turningpoint.Thisflipisthebeginningofrealleadership.Acceptanceallowsyoutorelax,engage,orenterasituation,andadd

valuewhereyoucan.Applythisflipusing5stepstoconvertproblemstoopportunities:1.Problemstatement.“Theproblemis…[stateyourissue].”2.Hold.Noticewhattightensortensesasyou“hold”thisproblem.3.Restatements.“Therealproblemis…[brainstormsixto10“I”-or“we”-

basedanswers].”4.Relax.Letgooftheproblem,letgoofyourselfhavingit;comeupa

level.5.Opportunities.Reframeyourrestatements:“I(we)haveareal

opportunityto…[chooseoneortwothatarepromising].

2FromTensiontoExtension

“I’MNOTTENSE,”Robprotestedatmysuggestionthatheseemedaboutreadytoexplode.Hewasedgedforwardinhischairduringourcoachingsession,rightlegvibratingsixbeatsasecond,shouldersuparoundhisears.Ipulledoutmycellphoneandsnappedaquickpictureofhim,settingitdownonthetablebetweenus(lovethattechnology!).“Takealookatthispictureandtellmewhatvibeyougetfromthatleader,”Isaytohim.“Intense,”heresponds.Iencouragehimtokeeplooking.“Hashismindmadeup…notlistening…nervous…atimebomb.”Exactly.

That’swhattensiondoes:itmakesussmall,edgy,andnervous.What’smore,mostofusdon’tevenrecognizehowmuchtensionwe’recarrying,andhowmuchthattensionlocksusintoacellofourownmaking.Trythisexperiment:Sitforwardinyourchair,pressyourfeetintotheground,makefistsofyourhands,tenseyourforearms,andboreyoureyesintothispaperisiftheywereburninglasers.Whatdoyounotice?Almostcertainlyyounoticethepaper.Butdoyounoticewhat’shappeningoutthewindow?Probablynot.Doyounoticehowtensionspreadsthroughthewholefrontofyourbody,makingeverythingtight?Isthefeelingexpansiveorsmall?Connectedorseparate?Experiencesvary,butmostofusfindthisisafasttracktoourmostisolated,tense,anddefendedself.

Nowflipthataround.Letoutadeepsighofreliefandsitbackinyourchair.Letyoureyesdriftintoperipheral,180-degreevisionbyextendingyourarmstoyoursides,palmsupandopen,andseeingbothhandsandeverythinginbetween.Letyourarmsdriftdowncomfortably,andimaginealineofenergyflowingdownthebacksofyourarms,andoutthroughthebacksofyourfingertips.Checkoutthefeeling:Isitlargerthanbefore?Moreflowing?Moreconnected?Yes,youmaysay,butitalsofeelslesssharplyfocusedand…well…lessproductive.Andthereinliesakeytensioninleadership:it’seasiertotrustwhatwecancontrolandgetdoneusingtensionthanitistotrustwhatcomeswhenweletgo,andletextensionoperate.

Thissimpleflipbetweentensionandextensionshowsupnotonlyinthebody,butalsoinemotions,thoughtprocesses,andeverydayleadershipbehaviors.Inthischapter,weexplorehowsustainedtensioncanleadtobarely

managing,careerderailment,andburnout,whereasextensionisbasedinthemuchmoresustainablerhythmofdriveandrecovery.Extensionenablestheawarenessandsensitivitythatletsustransformsituations,ratherthancrashingintothemwithunsustainablechangeefforts.Extensiongivesrisetonaturaldurabilityinourenergy,andinallthatitcreates.BuildingontheflipofChapter1,welookatthree“laws”ofenergymanagementthatfliptensionintoextensionandallowthetransformationalZenleaderinustospringforth.

TensionProducesMovement—UntilitDoesn’t

Tensionisnotallbad.Thetruthis,wecouldn’tmoveasinglemusclewithoutit.Initssimplestform,inthesimplestanimals(andevenafewplants),tensionisacontraction:fibersslidingpastoneanother,liketheclosingofafan.Whentheendsofthosefibersareconnectedtodifferentpartsofabody,tensionpullsthosepartsclosertogether.Relaxation,likeopeningafan,letsthemreturntofulllength.Alternatingtensionandrelaxation,abodycanstarttowiggleandmove,fromthesimplest,squirmingparamecium,tothecomplexhumanbody.Everymuscleinourbodylinkingeveryboneofourskeletonoperatesonthisprinciple:Whenittenses,thingscontract;whenitrelaxes,thingsmovefurtherapart.Wealsohavemuscles,suchastheheart,thatoscillatewiththeircyclesoftensionandrelaxationtomoveourblood.Tensionproducesmovement;that’snotabadthing.

Thestartoftroubleiswhentensiondoesn’tletgo—whenit“forgets”howtorelax.Thishappensinmusclefiberswhenthelittletracksthatallowfiberstoslidepastoneanothergetstuck.Thesetracksrequireenergy(likelubrication)tooperate,andwithoutit,theysimplyfreeze,likeaslidingglassdoorstuckslightlyoffitstrack.Asamusclegetsmorefibersstuckinthiscondition,itsstartstofeelharder,lesssupple,andittakesmoreenergytogetitmovingatall.AsoneofmyZenteachers,TanouyeRoshi,usedtosay,“Thebodyofababyissoftandpliable.Thebodyofacorpseisstiffandrigid.We’resomewhereinbetween.”

Justwhereweare“inbetween”hasagreatdealtodowithourenergy.Themorewearelikeababy,themoreenergyflowssmoothlythroughourbody,theeasierwemove,andthemoreenergywehaveavailabletoaddvalueintheworld.Thetighterweare,themorethattightnesstrapsenergy,keepingitfromgettingtoallthemusclesthatneedit,leadingtoaviciouscycleofmoretightnessthatrequiresmoreefforttoovercomeinordertomakemovementpossible.Thinkhowmuchenergyittakestoopenaslightlystuckslidingglassdoor.Ineffect,whenourmusclesaresomewhatstuckwehavetodothesame

thing—putalotofenergyintoovercomingourownresistance!Worseyet,we’renotevenawareofituntilsymptomsareacute,andwedon’t

knowwhy.Weonlynoticehowtiredwearebytheendofaday,howpersistentcertainachesandpainshavebecome,orhowwedon’thavetheenergyforanotherproject,adifficultconversation,orpatiencewithourchildren.Thistensiondoesn’taffectmerelymovingourbodiesthroughspace.Itaffectseverything:ouremotions,thoughts,andbehaviors.Copingmodeexactlyexpressesthisstuckness,registeringitsvoiceofno.Notmoving.Blamingothers.Remainingthevictim.

Stucktensioninthebodyweighsintoeverydecisionregardingwhetherwehavetheenergytoactfreelyinthesituationandaddourvalue.Sowhenwetalkabouttensionassomethingtoflipoutof,we’renottalkingaboutthehealthycycleoftensionandreleasethat’sattheheartoflife’smovement.We’retalkingabouthabitualtensionthatdoesn’treleasefullyand,intime,ossifiesbodyandmind.

Thishabitualtensioncanresideanywhereinthebody,butifweweretolocateafundamentalsource—theprimalcontraction—itwouldbeinthedeepmusclesliningthefrontsideofthespine.Youcanseethisprimalcontractioninthesimplestseacreaturesthatcurlupwhenprovoked,orlittleinchwormsthatbecomeinstantcircleswhentheysenseathreat.Thisbiologicalversionof“circlingthewagons,”betheysegmentsofaninchwormorourownvertebrae,isacopingmechanismofanimalslargeandsmall.Inhumans,weseeitintheextremesamongthemostdowntroddenanddepressed,hencephraseslike“huddledmasses”and“curledupintoafetalposition.”Butinmoresubtleways,weallcarrysomeofthistension,whichyoucanexperience(notthatyou’dwantto,buttomakethepoint)ifyoufeelintoyourbody’sresponsetodeflatingnewsoranemotionalsocktothegut.Infact,thesedeep,frontalmusclesaregreatatstoringpainanddifficultemotions,asanyonewhohasexperienceddeepbodyworktoreleasethesemusclescouldtellyou.Bodytherapistscallthesemuscles“core”forgoodreason.

Itdoesn’tstopthere.Becausetensioncontractsmuscles,heldtensiondistortsthebody,andthentheopposingmuscleshavetostartworkinghardertocompensate.Generallywhatweexperienceasbackpainoriginatesfromover-taxedmusclesinourbackcompensatingforover-tightmusclesinourcore.Tensionbegetsmoretension,mostofwhichpassesbeneathourconsciousawareness—untilitpainfullydoesn’t.Theearlywarningsignsaremostlybenign:headaches,stiffnecks,sorebacks,achyshoulders,gastrointestinal

discomfort,elevatedpulse,higherbloodpressure.Butmostbusypeople(includingmyselfforagooddealofmylife)powerthroughthosesignalswithanaspirinhere,anantacidthere,soofcoursethesymptomshavetogetworsetogetourattention.Andwhyareweputtingallthistensionintoourbody?Becauseit’sthenaturalcompanionofcopingmode.Wheneverwe’reinthegrip(eventhephrasesuggestsacontraction!)ofanger,indignation,worry,oranyofthefacesofcopingmode,tensionisboththebyproductandexactlywhatholdsitinplace.

ThePriceofTensionforLeaders

“Containthevein!”laughsoneofthemorevocalteammemberswhenaskedwhatit’sliketoworkforElliot,aseniorvicepresidentofproductdevelopmentknownforhisangryoutbursts.I’vebeenElliot’scoachforacoupleofmonths,andI’mmeetingwiththepeoplewhoreporttohimtoseehowtheyhandlehisvolatility.“Wewatchhimclosely,”thepersonwenton,andwhentheveininhisforeheadstartstopulsate,weknowhe’sabouttoblow.”They’vemadeitsomethingofajoke—“Containthevein!”—andwhentheveiniswell-contained,Elliotlaughsalongwiththem.Heknowshehas“atemperproblem”;itwaswhythecompanysuggestedheworkwithacoachinthefirstplace.Whathedoesn’tknowishowmuchtheteammembersshadewhattheytellhim,protectthemselvesinpartialtruths,andcarefullypickwhentofeedhiminformationsoasnottosetoffthevein.ThemoreItalktotheteam,themoreIseehowthey’remanagingElliot,ratherthanhimleadingthem.

Energyiscontagiousingeneral,butaleader’svolatilityisdoublyso,firstbecauseitsignalsdangerandfearand,second,becauseitcomesfromtheverypersontowhomotherslookforsafety.Atadeep,brainstemlevel,aquestionwe’realwaysaskingaboutleadersis,“DoIwanttofollowyou?”Aleader’svolatilityquicklyspreadstensioninthelandandraisesdoubts.

Inadditiontovolatility,thereisahostofwaysleaderspaythepriceoftension,perhapsbestcharacterizedbypsychologistRobertHogan,andappliedtoleadersbyDavidDotlichandPeterCairo.1Theyidentify11waysthatleadersunderstresssabotagetheireffectivenessorderailtheircareers—acatalogueofcopingmechanisms.Forexample:

Thecynicwho’salwaystryingtofindfaultandcastblameTheworrier,whoagonizesovereverydecisionorplaysitsafeThecenterofattentionwhoseinsecuritydemandsthespotlightThearrogantonewhomustberightandlongagostoppedlistening

Theperfectionistdeterminedtogetrealityundercontrol

CharadesInthegameofCharades,weuseonlygesturesormovementstowordlessly

portraysomething.Takeafewsecondstoportrayeachofthefive“derailing”characters

describedinthelist,enoughsothatsomeonecouldguesswhatattitudeyou’redepicting.

Noticewhattensesinyourbodyandhowyourposturechangestocreateeachimpression.Noticewhattensionpatternsarecommontoallcharactersandwhatchangesgoingfrom,say,theworriertothearrogant.

IfyouwereplayingagameofCharadesandwereaskedtoportrayanyofthesecharacters(trytheexercisetotheleft)youwouldinstantlyfindthattoactitout,youwouldstarttensingyourbodyinspecificways:afurtive,eye-dartinglookforthecynic,apuffedupchestforthearrogantperson,andsoon.Thesegesturesarenotaccidental;inthegameofCharadeswemightexaggeratethemtomakethemmorevisible,butevenwhenheldinside,thesesamesubtletensionsareatwork.

FromtheresearchthatHoganandothershavedone,weknowthateveryonehaspotentialderailersthataremorelikelytosurfacewhenwe’reunderstressorlowonenergy.Inotherwords,thesecopingmechanismsfunctionatamacrolevelmuchthewayourmusclesfunctionatamicrolevel:likeslidingglassdoorsthatcangetstuckorderailwhenenergyisscarce.Thecosttothehumanbeingisavicious,energy-drainingcycle.Thecosttoleadershipisthatitstopsdoinganythingproductive.

Unfortunately,thatdoesn’tmeanwestopdoing.Ifwesimplypausedwhenwesensedourtensionortiredness,wewoulddolessdamageandreturntoarelaxedstatemorereadily.But,no,wetendtokeepongoing—we’resobusy,afterall,andthere’ssomuchtodo.Besides,thefirstthinglostinourspun-uptensionistheclear-flowingawarenessthatcouldseewe’rediggingourholedeeper.Spunupintension,ourmindcanlockontoaparticulargoalandlockoutthebiggerpicture:Hitthistarget,catchthisflight,getthroughthisagendaitem.Or,ifwe’relessfocused,beforewegetthroughoneitem,ourmindhasdaisy-chainedontoanotherandweleaveafrenetictrailofhalf-doneness.Inour

tension,peoplecanbecomeobjectstouse,ameanstoourends:GetthispersontodowhatIwant,ignorethatpersonwhodoesn’tserveme.Welistenlessandpushmore,focusingontasks,numbers,andspeed.Wemayfindourselvestakingwhateverwecanget,spewinganger,shadingthetruthtoanoversightcommittee,orturningablindeyetocorruption.Inthegrip,ourawarenessshrinkstoafear-drivendotofself,andwefeelsomehowseparatefromthechainreactionswe’resettingoff.Leadersinthegripcreatesmall,brutishworlds.

LeadingWithExtension

Iftensionmakesussmaller,extensionmakesuslarger,or,moreaccurately,returnsustoournaturalstate.Extensiondoesn’tmeanwe’realwaysreachingforsomething.Ratheritistheabsenceofcontractionandthepresenceofopenness,sometimessimplycalledpresenceitself,whichplugsusintothefree-flowingenergyoftheearth,oftheuniverse.Thismayseemlikewishful,woo-woothinkingtothepragmaticleader,yetthroughoutthestoryofhumanity,thisprofoundconnectednesshasbeenthewondrousskillofgreatwarriors,thecompassionofsaints,theinsightofmystics,thewisdomofshamans,thegeniusofgreatartists,thegiftofhealers,andtheprescientintuitionofgreatleaders.ItistheZenleaderinyou,rollingthroughlifelikeahugeboulder,accordingthemyriadchanges—actingwithgravitasandcompleteagilitywithwhateverisgoingon.Thisagilegravitasisyouleadingwithextension.

Extensionistheoppositeofbeingstuck.Itisamindandbodyflowingnaturallywiththecircumstances.Ourself-in-our-skinisnotsomuchthesourceofthatenergyasanopenconduitforit,addingouruniquevalueasitpassesthrough.Farfrombeingsomekindofmiraculouschanneling,thisstateofopennessisourmostnatural,unstuckself.Intheabsenceoftension,thereissimplynothingtoblocktheflow.

Havingsaidthat,itisalsoinevitablethatwegetstuckonthings,bigandlittle:asongwecan’tgetoutofourhead,areplayedsnippetofconversation,arecurringfear—themindiseasilytrappedineddiesofthought.Thoughtswhiraroundlikebladesofafan,andifthesamethingisn’trepeating,onethingleadstoanother.“HavetofollowupwithJane…shenevergotbackwithme…Ihateitwhenpeopledon’tgetbackwithme…what’sthisotherirritatinge-mailabout?…oh,I’mlateforameeting…wheredidIleavemynotes?…”Addsomeemotiontothemix,asinadollopoffearaboutmakingourbudget,orasprinklingofnervousnessaboutspeakinginfrontofagroup,andwegetevenmoretense,morestuck.

Sotosayextensionisourmostnaturalstateisnottosaytensionissomehowunnatural.Itispartofhowwe’reputtogether,andacceptingthewholepictureofwhoweare—copingandtransforming,tenseandextended—allowsustomoreeasilyrelaxintoourtransformative,extendedselves.Forifweberateourselvesforgettingstuckintension,allwedoiscreatemoretension,plungingourselvesintoourowncivilwar.Justasacceptanceisatthecuspwherecopingturnstotransforming,italsoflipstensiontoextension.Theactionsthatflowthroughextensioncomeout“clean”:Theydon’tleaveascentofegoorsmallness.AsfreeexpressionsoftheZenleaderinus,theycreateopeningsintheworldandfreeupothersaswell.

Ifyouneedanimageofaleaderwhohasexemplifiedthiscontagiousopenness,NelsonMandelawouldcertainlybeagoodone.Insmallness,hecouldhavesoughtrevengefor27yearsspentinprison.ButinsteadheextendedforgivenessandopenedaspiritofforgivenessthroughoutSouthAfrica.Hecouldhaveappropriatedhispowertotheneedsofhisego,assomanypoliticalleadershavedone.Butinsteadheapplieditinthespiritofservice,inspiringasimilarspiritineveryonefromrugbyplayerstobusinesspeople.WriterJohnSimpson,attendingabanquetinhonorofMandelasomeyearsago,watchedhowthisopennessirresistiblydrewpeopletoMandela:“Itwasthewayhelookedyoustraightintheeyeandspokejusttoyou—tothepersonyouwantedtobe,perhaps,ratherthantheoneyouactuallywere.”2JohnsawthecontagiousspiritofservicewhenhisSouthAfricanwifespontaneouslygreetedMandela.Mandelastoppedandlistenedasthoughnooneelsematteredandtimestoodstill.Aftershefinishedhesaid,“WeneedyoubackinSouthAfrica.Whenareyoucominghome?”Whocouldresistsuchaleader?

Opennessbegetsopenness,freeingotherstobemoreofwhotheyare.Leadingwithextensionextendsourvalueintotheworld.

TheZenLeaderFlip2:TensiontoExtension

Youcanmakeaminiversionofthisflipinanymoment—asyouhadachancetodoatthestartofthischapter.Buttomakeitawayoflifeandleadership,youneedenergy.SoherearewhatI’vecometocallthe“3LawsofEnergyManagement.”Ifyoufollowthem,you’llhaveenergytoburn.

Rhythm,notrelentless.Wakingandsleeping,inhalingandexhaling,eventhebeatofourheartremindsus:asbiologicalsystems,we’remadetooperatewithrhythm.Stretchandrelease.Driveandrecover.FromtheworkofYerkesDodsonintheearly1900s,extendedbyJimLoehrandTonySchwartz,3we

knowthebestwaytomanageourenergyisonandoff,notonandon.Ioftenaskleaders,“WhatdoyoudowhenyouriPhoneshowsalowbattery?”

“Plugitin.Rechargeit,”theysay.

“Whatdoyoudoforyourselfwhenyou’reatlowcharge?”“Keepgoing!”theylaugh.Buttheygetthepoint.WeoftentakebettercareofouriPhones—alittlepiece

oftechnologythatwillbeinthetrashheapinafewyears—thanwetakecareofourpriceless,irreplaceableselves.

AsLoehrandSchwartzemphasizeintheirworkwith“corporateathletes,”thispulseofdriveandrecoveryisalsothekeytofullengagement.4Steadystresspushesasystemtohabituateandrundownovertime.Pulsingitkeepsthesysteminastateoffreshactivation.What’sourequivalenttoplugginginorrecharging?Whatwedomayvary,butinvariably,energycomesthroughthebody:wehavetodosomethingphysicallyrenewing.Abestpracticecombinesbrief(two-minute)breaksevery90minutesorso,withlongerbreaks(30minutes)formeditationorexerciseonceortwiceaday.Youmayalreadyknowoftheperfectpulsepracticeforyou,butifyou’dlikeagoodsuggestion,seetheCenteringminibreakattheendofthischapter.Youcanalsodownloadfurther

ideasforminibreaksandrenewingactivitiesfromwww.thezenleader.com.Inadditiontocreatingthismacropulseinourday,thereisanotherkindof

rhythmwecansenseinthedayitself.Thisismoresubtle,andrequiresagooddealofsensitivity.Ifyou’dliketotryit,standoutsideforacoupleofminutes,openyoursenses,andtakeintheday.Slowlyclapyourhandsataboutawalkingpace,makingthepacefasterandsloweruntilyoucometoarhythmthatsomehowtakeslessefforttomaintain.5Thisistheenergyorrhythmoftheday.Ifyoupaceyourselftoit,youwillfindyourenergygoingmuchfurther.

AsIsaid,thisrhythmissubtle,andI,myself,misseditformanyyearsbecauseofmyhurry-uphabits.Ithoughtifsomethingisdoneinhalfthetime,that’stwiceasgood.Iseethishabitinleaderswhomovethroughtheirdaysoquicklythatotherscan’tkeepup.Peoplegetintoarefractorystatetoprotectthemselvesfromawhirlwindleader,whiletheleadergetsfrustratedthatmessagesaren’tbeingheard,delegationisn’tworking,andpeoplearen’tfollowing.“Slowdown,”Inowtelltheseleaders.“Findtherhythmwherepeoplecanmovewithyou,oryou’regoingtobestuckdoingeverythingyourself.”Theeasiestrhythmtofindwithagroupistherhythmofthedaywe’reallexperiencingtogether.Ifyoucansensethissubtlepulseandletitbeasoundlessdrumbeatunderlyingyouractions,youwillnoticeyourenergyisbettersupported,andothersaremoreabletomovewithyou.Butdon’ttakemywordforit;senseityourself.

Down,notup.Thesecondlawofenergymanagementisalreadydeeplyembeddedinourlanguageandcommonsense.Wehavenumerousexpressionsforwhathappenswhenwe’retense,andtheimageisalwaysofenergyrisingup:spunup,upset,uptight,hotheaded.Flipthataroundandyoufindexpressionslikesettledown,calmdown,pipedown,groundyourself,andtheimageisalwaysofenergydroppingdown.

Figure2.1

Down,notup;developsenergyinthehara.

Inourphysicalbodies,thisprincipleplaysoutwhenweletenergydropdownintoourlowerabdomen,ratherthanriseupintoourheads,asinFigure2.1.Evenasyoureadthesewords,noticeyourbreathandrelaxanytensioninyourshouldersandribcage.Inviteyourbreathenergytodropmoredeeplyintothelowerabdomen.Thisarea,whattheJapanesecall“hard”andwhatwelikenedtothebulbofalargethermometer,isthecenterofourmostpowerfulactions,ournucleusforbalanceandnaturalcontrol.“Naturalcontrol”isnotaforced,taking-matters-into-my-own-handskindofcontrol,butratheraconfidentcenterednessthatreadsthesituation,sensestheopeningsforchange,andusesthemappropriately.Thisdeeper-than-consciousintuitionthatappropriatelyandspontaneouslyextendsourenergycomesfromharamorereadilythanfromthehead,becauseintheheaditcangetsecond-guessedandcaughtupinallthewhirlingfanblades.DevelopingtheharagivesmoreopportunityforthisspontaneousZenleadertoarise.TheCenteringminibreakattheendofthischapterisagreatpracticefordevelopingyourbreathandhara.

Breathedeeplytoandfromyourhara,andenergywillnaturallydevelopin

thiscenter,alongwiththeintuitiontouseitwell.Out,notin.YouknowtheimportanceofthisenergydirectionfromChapter

1,butnowyoucanexperiencethephysicalessenceofhowtosendyourenergyout,notin.Trythis:Raiseyourleftarmouttoyourside.Thefrontofyourarm—theflexorside—iswhattightenswhenyoumakeafist(seeFigure2.2a).

Figure2.2

Energyextendsalongthebackside.

Relaxyourhandandfeelalineofenergyrunningalongthebackofyourarm—ontheextensorside—runningthroughthebackofyourhandandoutthroughyourfingers(Figure2.2b).Similarlyextendyourrightarm,andmakethesamefliptoalineofenergyrunningalongtheback,extensorside.Feelintoyourspineandsimilarlyrelaxthemusclesalongthefrontofthespineandextendslightlyalongthebackofthespine,feelingaliftthroughthebackofyourneck,therimsofyourears,andoutthetopofyourhead.Sensethislineofenergy

extendingdownthroughyourlegs,gentlyextendingtheballsofyourfeetintotheearth.6Nowdialbackthegainonallofthisuntilyoujustbarelyfeeltheselinesofextensionandyouhavetheideaofthisthirdlawofenergymanagement:out,notin.Thisextensionmanifestsphysicallybyrelaxingofthefront,flexorsideofthebodyandextendingthroughtheback,extensorside.

“Out,notin”givesanaturaldirectiontoourenergy.Italignsouractionsalongavectoremanatingfrominsideout,anddirectedtowardwherewewanttogo.Aswe’llsee,leadershipvision,mission,andgoalsarebutpracticalexpressionsofthissenseofdirection.Incombinationwithasustainablerhythmandcenteredness,thisflipintoextensiongivesusmoreenergy,betteraligned.Whowouldn’twantthat?

PuttingIttoWork:MoreEnergy,BetterAligned

Applyingthisflipinyourlifeandleadershipmakeseverythingelsepossible,foritisthefuelyourunonandtheauthenticextensionofthatenergyintotheworld.Thereflectionquestionsthatfollow,whichIoftenaskleadersindevelopmentprogramsorcoachingsessions,willhelpyouconnectwithyourownwisdomregardingwhatbestpracticeswillsupportyouinbuildingenergy,andwhatyouknowaboutthevisionorpurposetowhichyou’dapplyit.Beforestarting,youmighttakeamomenttorelax,openyoursenses,centeryourbreath,andeversoslightlyopenthebacksideextensorchannels.Onceyou’recentered,evenifyou’renotsurewhattowrite,readthequestionsandstartwritingwithouthesitation:1.Whatisanearlywarningsignforyouthatyourenergyislow?2.Whatcouldyoudoinatwo-minuterecoverybreakthatwouldhelpyou

most?3.Tobetterpaceyourselfintherhythmoftheday,whichofthesedoyou

generallyneedtodomost?(A)slowdown,(B)speedup,(C)stabilize,or(D)betterfocusyourenergy.

4.Ifyoucouldprescribeanenergy-renewingactivityyoucoulddomaybe30minutesperdaythatwouldhelpyouinwhateverwayyoujustidentified,whatwouldbeyourbestprescriptiontoyourself?

5.Writedownsixthingsyoudo—insideoroutsideofwork—thatmakeyoufeelmostenergized,satisfied,and“onpurpose.”

6.Writedownsixthingsyouknowaboutwhatyou’recreatingandwantingto

createthroughyourpresenceandleadership.7.Lookingovertheprevioustwolists,craftastatementthatcapturesyour

leadershipvisionorpurpose.Writeasecondsentencethatcapturesakeywayyouwillgoaboutit(forexample,animportantstrategy).

Weknowthatvision,purpose,andstrategyareimportantforinspiringandaligningfollowership.Butperhapsnowyoucanalsoappreciatethatonlytransformation-gradeenergy(asopposedtocoping)givesrisetoavision,purpose,orstrategyworthfollowing.Evenwithinus,moreenergy,betteraligned,feedsavirtuouscycle.Withmoreenergy,it’seasiertoremainunstuck;there’smorelubricationforthetracksofourinternalslidingglassdoors.Whenwe’reunstuck,energynaturallyflowstorejuvenateus.Whenthatenergyisalignedtowardavisionandwayofworking,it’sbetterfocusedandlessdrainedbydistractionsandirritations.Finally,whenourvisionandwayofworkingarisefromwhatwefindintrinsicallyenergizing,wegetmoreenergyaswego.

Theflipfromtensiontoextensionisthephysicalrealizationofmovingfromcopingtotransforming.Beingabletobuildandalignenergyisalsothefoundationaltoolforsustainableleadershipandalltheflipstofollow.Ifyou’reeverstuck,drained,frustrated,tormented,indignant,frightened,defensive,dull,ordepressed,comebackhere.

Flushwithenergy,we’rereadytodivedeeperintothecomplexitiesofleadershiptoday,mostofwhichcanbecharacterizedbyasingleword:paradox.

TheZenLeader

Flip2Takeaways

TensiontoExtensionTheThreeLawsofEnergyManagement:1.Rhythm,notrelentless.Buildarhythmintoyourday,including

practicesthatstretchandrenew.Senseandmatchtherhythmoftheday.2.Down,notup.Settledownandbreathedeeplytoandfromyourcenter.3.Out,notin.Extendyourenergythroughtheextensorsideofthebody,

relaxingthefrontflexor-side.Applythisflipto:

Buildenergythroughphysicalpractice.Mindfulpracticefreesupenergy.Alignenergyonavisionorpurpose,andawayofworkingthatisintrinsicallysatisfying.

TheZenLeader

CorePractice:CenteringMiniBreakTensionflipsintoextensionwhenwehaveenoughawarenessandenergyto

letgoofwhat’sstuck.Wecandothisbypunctuatingworkactivitieswithmini-recoverybreaksand,onceortwiceaday,engaginginaphysicallyrenewingpractice.YoucanusetheCenteringMiniBreakwheneveryouneedtogetunstuckfromyourheadandcenteredinhara.Otherminibreakideasareavailableonline(atwww.thezenleader.com),aswellasahostoflonger-termpracticesthatmaybecomepartofyourpersonalprescriptionforbuildingandsustainingyourenergyovertime.1.Standcomfortably,feetshoulder-widthapart.Shrugyourshouldersas

highuptowardyourearsaspossible,andthendropthem,asinFigure2.3a.Repeatseveraltimes;noticethatyouautomaticallyexhaleasyoudropyourshoulders.

2.Loosenupyourface.Dothisbyopeningyourjawaswideaspossibleandclosingitafewtimes,movingyourlowerjawlaterallybackandforthafewtimes,openingyoureyesaswideaspossibleandclosingthemafewtimes;makeafewcrazyfaces(Figure2.3b).

Figure2.3

3.Loosenupyourneck.Stretchingyournecklong,layyourleftearovertowardyourleftshoulder.Rollyourheadforwardandaroundlikeafree-swingingpendulumuntilyourrightearistowardyourrightshoulder.Stretchyournecklong,androllbacktheotherway.Repeatafewtimes.

4.Standcomfortably,withtheweightontheballsofyourfeet.Letyoureyessoften,usingperipheralvisiontosee180degreesaroundyou—allatonceandnothinginparticular.Pictureyourtorsointheshapeofathermometerbulb,clearandrelaxedintheshouldersandribcage,withyourbellyfreetoexpandwitheachbreath.Placeyourhandsonyourlowerbellyandbreatheslowlyinandoutthroughyournose,lettingtensiondropawaywitheveryexhaleuntilyoucanfeelyourbreathmoveunderyourhands(Figure2.3c).

5.Onyournextinhale,letyourhandsrise,palmsup,toyoursolarplexus,allowingthebreathtofillyourbellyfromthebottom(Figure2.3d).

6.Asyouexhale,turnyourpalmstothegroundandgentlypushthemdown,alongwithyourbreath.Atthesametime,imaginetinyrocketsfiringoutoftheheelsofbothfeetandnoticehowthisextendsthebacks

ofthelegs,bringingtheweighttotheballsofthefeet(Figure2.3e).

7.Releaseandrelaxontheinhaleashandsriseup.Extendthroughtheballsofthefeetontheexhaleashandspressdown.(Figure2.3dandealternating).Repeat,everslower,forfiveto10breaths.

3FromOrtoAnd

JOINMEATNASAforamoment,aswegobackafewyearsandanewAdministrator,DanGoldin,hasenteredwithastormofchallengestothespaceagency.“Faster,better,cheaper!”heextolsthetroopsattheJohnsonSpaceCenterauditorium,repeatinghismantraforhowourprogramsneedtoimproveonallfronts.Thefrustrationintheroomgrows,asthecollectiveengineeringmindsetgrappleswiththisapparentcontradiction.“Icangiveyoutwooutofthree,”mutterstheengineernexttome.He’sstuckinthisseeminglyunsolvablepuzzle.“Whichonedon’tyouwant?”heasksunderhisbreath,lookingfortheindignant,head-nodagreementaroundhim.Nothingcanthrowusintocopingmodefasterthanbeingaskedtodotheseeminglyimpossible.

Andyet,isn’tthatwhatleadersareincreasinglybeingaskedtodo?Technologyaccelerates,andcompetitionraisesthebar,evenasitdrivespricesdown.“Faster,better,cheaper”ishardlyapressureuniquetoNASA.AndwhileNASAneverfullyrealizedGoldin’scharge,that’snottosayit’simpossible.Onlythatitrequiresafliptoadifferentmindset:fromOrtoAnd.

Costorquality?Asimilarchoicereignedintheautoindustryforyears.Ifyouwantedlowcost,youhadtoacceptthatyourcarwindowswouldleak,oryourtransmissionwouldseizeupinafewyears.Ifyouwantedgoodquality,youhadtopayCadillacprices.Consumers,notunlikeDanGoldin,wantedboth.SowhentheJapanesecarmanufacturersfiguredouthowtogiveittothembycombininglowcostandmassproductionfromthequalitymovement,thosecompaniessoaredinmarketshareandsetanewstandard.Costandqualitybecameareality.

Figure3.1

Theparadoxicalnatureofrealityisdepictedintheyin-yangsymbolofTaoism,inwhichemptiness(black)givesrisetoform(white),formtoemptiness,andeachcontainstheother(thedotswithin).Imaginethissymbolinconstant

transitionofwhiteintoblackandblackintowhite,andyouhaveafeelfortheunendingmovementofparadox.

“Onlyparadoxcomesanywhereneartocomprehendingthefullnessoflife,”CarlJungoncesaid.Hewasn’tateenagerwhenhesaidit,though,forevenCarlJunghadtodeveloptoastagewherehecouldflipfromOrtoAnd.Dowefocusontheshorttermorthelongterm?Yes.Dowefocusongrowthorreducecosts?Yes.Whenweteachparadoxmanagementinourleadershipprograms,westillcomeuponleaderslockedontotherightnessofoneperspective—somethingthenervoussystemisverygoodatdoing:lockon,lockout,thatis,lockononething,lockouteverythingelse.Or,iftheyadmittomultipleperspectives,they’re

stillconvincedasingle,staticsolutionexists—a“happymedium”—ratherthananendlessdynamismbetweenforces,neithercompletewithoutitsapparentopposite.

Ourcollectiveconsciousnessisbarelyatthecuspof“getting”paradox.Youcanseeusfallingshortwheneverapoliticiantriestolayoutbothsidesofanissueandgetsattackedfor“flip-flopping”or“speakingoutofbothsidesofhismouth.”Wepreferthesimpleclarityof:“Here’sthetruth.Areyouwithmeoragainstme?”It’sadevelopmentalleaptobeabletodynamicallyoptimizemultipletruths—or,putinbusiness-speak,todynamicallyoptimizemultipletruths.Yetthisiswhatleadersareincreasinglycalledtodointradingoffcostandquality,short-termandlong-term,pushingforresultsandtakingtimetodeveloppeople.Althoughtheremaystillbeaplaceforsimpleanswerstocomplexproblems,theZenleaderinusknowstheyaresolutionsforthemoment,notplacestodwell.Inaccordtothemyriadchanges,theZenleaderplaysinparadox.

Thatsaid,noteverydecisionhastobetreatedasaparadox.Therearestillsomegarden-varietyproblemsthathavepointsolutionsandcanbecheckedoffthelist:respondingtoapowerfailure,ordecidingwhethertohireJane.OnceIdecideonJane,Iprobablydon’thavetokeepcomingbacktoit.Trythatwithsomethinglikework-lifebalance(“Oh,IfixedthatonTuesday”)andyou’llseeit’sadifferentkindofanimal.Yet,oncewehaveaneyeforparadox,weoftenseethatevensimpleproblemsareapartofalargerpicturethatisparadoxical.Forexample,IcanmakeahiringdecisionaboutJaneandcheckitoffmylist.ButImaybebasingmydecisiononbroaderconsiderationsaboutmyoveralltalentpool:Isitrightfortheshorttermandthelongterm?Doesitcreatetherightbalanceoftechnicalskillsandpeopleskills?ImayrecognizethatthedecisiononJanehasbroaderimplicationsforthetypeofpersonIhirenexttime.

Inthischapter,you’reinvitedintothepsychologicalandphysicalflipfrom“lockon,lockout”toawayofseeingparadox.WedrawontheworkofBarryJohnsontoshowasimpleframeworkformanagingparadox,andunderstandingwhenaleaderneedstoshiftfocus.Likeputtingonapairof3Dglasses,onceyouhaveaneyeforparadox,themovieoflifewillneverbethesame.

LockOn,LockOut

Whatmakesparadoxdifficulttograsp?Well,let’sstartwiththefactthatit’sungraspable.Ithasnosingleanswerforalltime.Andhereweare,wiredwithanervoussystemthatsearchesforasingleanswertolockonto,becausethenit

canstopsearching.Ourschoolingaschildrenreinforcedthishabit:gettingtherightanswerfor5+7,theproperspellingofhippopotamus,orthecorrectdateoftheNormanConquest(1066,incaseyou’rewondering).

Figure3.2

LockOn,LockOut.What’sfigure,what’sground?

Evenourschoolingisbutamirrorofhowournervoussystemlikestoseizeuponasingle,“right”answerandcannotholdtwodifferentanswersatexactlythesamemoment.This“lockon,lockout”phenomenonhasbeenstudiedmanyways,includingthroughambiguouspicturessuchasthoseinFigure3.2.

AsyoulookatFigure3.2a,yourmindwillflipbackandforthbetweenseeingtwofacesandseeingavase.Youmightthinkyou’reseeingthematthesametime,butactually,yourmindisalternatingwhatitlocksonto(whichiswhythispictureismorevisuallyfatiguingthanaregularpictureofavase).

Ifwemaketheflipalittlehardertodo,youcancatchyourmindintheact.LooknowatFigure3.2b.Ifyouseeanoldwomanlookingoutofthepage,thatiscorrect,butnotcomplete.Doyoualsoseetheyoungwomanlookingintothepage?Becauseyouneedtorearrangemorelinesandchangescale,thisflipinperceptiontakeslonger,andit’seasiertonoticethatlockingonto“oldwoman”locksout“youngwoman.”

Figure3.3

Whatyouseedependsonyourpointofview.

Addedtoour“lockon,lockout”tendencyisthecomplicationthatwhatwelockontocomesfromourownparticularperspective.Itmay,innoway,representthewholepicture,asintheoldanecdoteofeightblindpeoplefeelinganddescribingthecontoursofanelephant:Eachonehasacompletelydifferentexperienceandeachonecanbecorrectwithoutbeingcomplete.OrtakealookatFigure3.3.

Ifyouseeafrog,thatiscorrect,andnotcomplete.Whatelseisinthepicture?

I’veheardleadersmakeupallkindsofsecondaryimages,soperhapsthisisaRorschachtest.Buteverysooften,someonechangeshisperspective,tipshisheadtotheside,andseesitinstantly:ahorse!

Theimportanceofperspectivealsoplaysoutinbusinessandorganizationsallthetime.Oneleaderatheadquartersseeswhat’srightfromaperspectiveofcostcontrolandstandardization,whileanotherleaderinthefieldseeswhat’srightfromtheperspectiveofmeetinguniquecustomerneedsandbeatinglocalcompetitors.Whichoneisright?Oronedayaleaderisbesiegedbyshareholderswhowantgreaterprofits,andthenextdayfacesarelieforganizationthatwantsaproductdonatedacrossAfricaforthecommongood.Whichisright?Both;neither;youcan’tsplitthedifference,andyetyouhavetoact.Thisisaheftychallengeforamindthatgravitatestofindingrightanswers,andgrewupwithabsolutecertaintythatrightanswersexist.

Stepbackintimetowhenwewereyoungchildrenlearningtocount.Youmightrecallhowliteralandphysicalwemaketheprocess:touchingeachfingeraswecount—1,2,3—beinghappilycertainwhenwenamedtherightnumber.Theseprimitive,literalthoughtpatternsthatweallhadaschildren—andcarryvestigesofintoadulthood—workagainstcomprehendingparadox.Thefactthatwedogrowup(inotherwords,becomemoremature)meansthatonlygraduallyareweabletothinkinmoreempathetic,abstract,andrelativeterms,andwe’realwaysabletoregress.Moreover,bythetimeourmindhasdevelopedenoughtocomprehendparadox,wealreadyhavesomeprettystrong“lockon,lockout”habitsbuiltupfromallthoseyearsofcheckingourarithmetic,correctingourspelling,andknowingwhentheMagnaCartawaswritten(1215,fortherecord).

Paradoxtakesusintotherealmofnotknowing,ofnotsolvingaproblemonceandforall,butrathermanaginganongoingdynamicbetweentwo(ormore)“right”answers,neitherofwhichissufficientbyitself.Toembraceandworkwithparadox,wehavetosuspendourmind’spulltonaildownananswer.WehavetoacceptthemorecomplexdynamismofAnd,whilerelinquishingourgrasponthesimplestasisofOr.

AParadoxYou’reGettingRightWithoutEvenKnowingIt

Thegoodnewsiswedothisallthetime—withouteventhinkingaboutit—andcancalluponareadyexampleofhowtomakethisflipfromOrtoAnd.Consider“inhaleandexhale”:whichisright?Okay,stupidquestion.Weknowourverylifeissupportedbyahealthyoscillationbetweenthesetwo,neitherofwhichwouldsupportusbyitself.Intruth,thisisthenatureofallparadox:a

greatergoodisservedthroughahealthytensionbetweenthepoles.Fromourperspective,purpose,orpersonality,however,wemaybehighlypartialtoonlyoneside.Butplayalongwiththisexample,anditwillguideyouthroughmuchtougherones.

Let’ssaywe’reonthesideofinhale:it’sourfavoritepartofbreathing.Takeinadeepbreathandallthatoxygenrushesin,fillingthelungs,replenishingtheblood—obviouslyinhaleiswhereit’sat.Keepholdingthatinhale,inhale,inhale,and,afterenoughstubbornpersistence,youmaynoticeabuzzoflightheadednessandotherphysiologicalsignalsthataresaying,“Enoughalready!”Andnaturally,allyouwanttodoisletgoofallthatholding…

Andbreatheout…exhale.Whatwerewethinking?Exhaleisthemostexcellentpartofthebreathcycle.Itletsoutallthatcarbondioxideandtoxins,andrelaxesthemindandbody.Recallingtheunpleasantnesswejustleft,ofcourse,thisiswhatweshouldkeepdoing:exhalingonandonandon,untilasenseofutterdepletionisnowfillingourbody.Wecannolongerspeakormoveasagraspinggaspbeginstoformdeepwithinus,andallwewanttodois…

Breathein,atlast!Ofcoursewedon’tnormallydriveourbreathtosuchextremes,becausewe

knowbothsidesareequally“right”andnotsufficientbythemselves.Moreover,we’retunedtosubtle,physiologicalsignalsforwhentomakeaswitchfrominhaletoexhale,exhaletoinhale,withoutdrivingtounnaturalextremes.Recognizingthatbothsidesarevaluable(andproblematicifheldtoolong),andhavingawaytosensewhenit’stimetoswitch:thesearetwoprinciplesformakingtheflipfromOrtoAnd.

BarryJohnson,inhisgroundbreakingbook,PolarityManagement,1offersasimplewaytodiagramtheAnd-nessofparadoxandgetahandleonmanagingit.Wecandepictaparadoxasoppositepolesonagraph,asinFigure3.4aonthenextpage.

Oneachside,wecanidentifyafewthingsthatare“right”aboutattendingtothisside,aswellaspotentialconcernsifweoverdoit.Figure3.4bfillsinthisdiagramforoursimplebreathingexample.

Forinhalevs.exhale,thispicturemayseembanalandobvious.Butforthemorecomplexparadoxesleadersareforeverfacinginbusiness(forexample,short-termvs.long-term,globalvs.local),inpolitics(nationalinterestsvs.localinterests,rallyingthebasevs.nonpartisanpragmatism),orbetweenworkandhomelife,evendrawingthispicturecanbeabreakthroughinunderstanding.

ThinkoftheIsraeli-Palestinianconflictandstill,asofthiswriting,whatabreakthroughitwouldbetogettoadiagramlikethis,orhaveeachsideacknowledgetherightnessoftheother!Yet,inthispoliticallychargeddebate,ifyouseeonlyonesideas“right”you’llbebackin“lockon,lockout”simplicity.Stirinplentyoffieryemotion,attacksandcounterattacks,andyouhavewhathasbeenappropriatelycalledthe“tyrannyoftheOr.”Ittearsapartfamilies,companies,countries,andlargeswathsofourworld.Theleaderwhoisbigenoughtoholdbothsides,seewhat’svaluableandconcerningabouteach,andoptimizethetwotowardagreatergood,istheleaderwhocanbuildbridgesofunderstandingandhealthewoundsoftheworld.TheZenleaderwhocanflipOrtoAndhelpseveryonebreathealittleeasier.

Figure3.4

Amapoftheparadoxofbreathing.

HealthyTensionIsthePoint

AswesawinChapter2,tensioncanbehealthyornot.Ahealthyalternationoftensionandreleaseistheprincipleofallmusclemovement.Ontheotherhand,unhealthy,stucktensionistheseedoftrouble.LikewiseinmakingtheflipfromOrtoAnd,we’renottryingtofindsomestaticcompromisewherenotensionexists.Ifthetensionbetweeninhaleandexhaledidnotexist,thatwouldbetheequivalentofnotbreathingatall!Rather,it’sthehealthytensionortugofwarbetweeninhaleandexhalethatservesagreatergood—namely,keepingus

alive.Thatsameprincipleappliestoallparadox.Inalmostallcasesofnavigating

paradox,atanymomentwearefavoringonesideortheother,justaswhenwebreathe,weareeitherinhalingorexhaling.Butintime,ifwebalanceourattentiontobothsidesappropriately,wecanmaintainahealthytensionbetweenthetwo.Similartohealthytensioninourmuscles,thehealthytensionbetweenpolesofaparadoxisexactlywhatpropelsmovementtowardagreatergood.

Nowwhatconstitutesappropriatebalance?That’sthequestion.It’sansweredprettysimplyforinhaleandexhale,beingwiredintoournervoussystem.Moreover,weownbothsidesoftheinhale-exhaledebate:Wedon’thavetoinfluencetheDepartmentofInhalethatit’stimetofreeupsomeinhaleresourcesforourbreathingproject;wedon’thavetoscamperovertotheMinistryofExhale—thosesluggards—andpersuadethemtogetbackonthejob.Yetinorganizationallife,mostparadoxeshavesideswithdifferentowners,oftenoperatingwithdifferentincentives,indifferentsubcultures,withlittleunderstandingbetweenthem.Inbusiness,wemighthaveasalesorganizationpushingforgrowthacrosstheglobe,andafinanceorganizationputtingthebrakesongrowthinunprofitablemarkets.Oranorganizationcouldhavemarketingteamspushinganewproduct,whilesafetyteamsareclamoringtobeheardontherisks.

Goodmindscanandwilldisagreeonwhatconstitutesanappropriatebalancewhenaparadoxspreadsacrosspeople.Eveninmanagingourownparadoxes—forexample,inwork-lifebalance—thepeoplearounduswouldrarelyagreeonhowweshouldmanageit,andevenwesecondguessourselves!Yetsurfacingthetrade-offsthroughgenuinedialogueorreflectionispartofwhatkeepsparadoxicaltensionhealthy.Onceweletgooftheideaofoneappropriatebalanceoronerightanswer,wecanharnessthishealthytensiontowardagreatergood,navigatinginsteadbylisteningtosignalsorreadingmeasuresfrombothsidesthattelluswhentoshift.

Figure3.5

Thepitfallsofparadox.

Inthecaseofbreathing,subtle,physiologicalsignalstelluswhentoswitchsides.Ifweignorethesesignals,moredramaticalarmsstartfiringoff,asinaracingheartorlightheadedness,andwefalldeepintothedownsideofoverdoinginhale.WecoulddepictthisonourparadoxdrawingasinFigure3.5a.

Deepintotheconcernsofinhale,it’seasytooverreact,racetotheotherside,andoverdoituntilwe’redeepintothedownsidedramaofexhale.Figure3.5bdepictsthisdrivingtoextremesinwhatisknownasthe“psychoticbutterfly.”Onewouldhavetoworkhardtomakebreathingthisdifficult,butunmanagedparadoxesinbusinessandorganizationallifetendtogotoextremes,simply

becausethebenefitsofonesidegainmomentum,andthoseinpowerignorethesubtlesignalstoshift.Asoneofmyclientsdescribesthevalue-destroyingmanagementstyleinhercompany,“Wegoguardrailtoguardrail.”

Backtoourbreathingexample,wecanalsoerronthesideofshiftingtooquickly.Ifwegobackandforthbetweeninhaleandexhaletooquickly,wedon’tgetmuchbenefitfromeitherone(seeFigure3.5c).This,too,willstartsignalingthatsomethingiswrong,aswefindourselvespantingorhyperventilating.Andthis,too,happensinorganizationallife.Asanotherclientdescribedit,“Wechangesooften,peoplearenumbandconfused.They’velearnedtheycanwaitoutanychangetheydon’tlike,andwearen’tgettingtractiononmuchofanything.”This,too,isawaste.

Thehealthyalternativeforanyparadoxwe’renavigatingistolookforsignals,measures,andthresholdsthattelluswhentoshift.Wecanidentifytheminimalupsidewe’llsettlefor,thedownsidewe’lltolerate,theedgesoftheenvelopewe’llpush,andthenflyourparadoxlikeaplanebetweentwoaltitudes(Figure3.6).

Figure3.6

TheFigure-8ofartful“And-ness”:navigatingbetweenthethresholds,withmoreupsidethandown.

Johnsoncallsthesesignalsorthresholds“flags”:greenflagswhentheymeasurewhat’sgoodenough,redflagswhentheymarkdownsideconcernswedon’twanttofallbelow.Toconcludeourbreathingexample,agreenflagtoswitchfrominhaletoexhalemightbeathresholdof“enoughoxygen.”Aredflagtoswitchfromexhalebacktoinhalemightbeathresholdfor“needoxygen.”

Inbreathing,wemightnotbeawarethatthesesignalsareoperating,butyoucanappreciatetheimportanceofhavingsignalsonbothsidestomakethewholecyclefunctionwell.ThebiggestmistakeleadersmakeinmanagingthehealthytensionofAndistheymeasureonlyoneside—whicheverOrtheyarepartialto.Soasalesorganizationmighthavemeasuresofrevenueagainsttheirsalestargets,butnotpayattentiontoprofitmargins.Orafinanceorganizationmaybecloselytrackingprofits,butmissimportantflagsaroundgrowth,suchasmarketshare.Bringthesetwoorganizationsintoadialoguearoundanoptimalwaytomanageahealthytensionbetweengrowthandprofit,identifyingupsides,downsides,andmeasuresonbothsides,andonecanmovebeyondchoosingbetweengrowthOrprofitstowardthegreatergoodofsustainable,profitablegrowth.

EnemiesofAnd:OverreactionandUnder-reaction

Aroomfulofleadersinthepharmaceuticalindustryhavehadthesameintroductiontoparadoxyou’vejusthad.Nowwewanttoapplytheirlearningtoarealsituationfacingtheircompany:namely,thetensiontobewellrun,safe,andreliable—undeniablynecessaryintheirhigh-risk,highlyregulatedindustry—andtheneedtobemoreinnovative,notonlyinnewdrugs,butalsoinallaspectsoftheirbusiness.We’vetalkedabouthowinnovationitselfisaparadoxbetweencreatingideasandhavingthedisciplinetomovethebestideasthrougharesistingbureaucracy;thatitrequiresahealthytensionbetweenflexibilityandcontrol.Wantingtoexplorehowthisparadoxiscurrentlyplayingoutinthecompany,we’vestartedaparadoxmap(asinFigure3.4),notonlyonachartinthefrontoftheroom,butusingtheroomitself.We’vemarkedtwoaxeswith“Flexibility”ononesideoftheroom,“Control”ontheother,upside“Values”representedatthefrontoftheroom,anddownside“Concerns”totheback.I’veaskedtheleaderstoconsider,fortheirpartofthebusiness,whichoftheseforcesneedsmoreattentionrightnow,andtostandupandmovetothatsideofthe

room.Ontheirfeet,theleadersmakeamassmigrationtothesideofFlexibility.Ina

roomof42leaders,only3havechosenthesideofControl.Iftheseleadersweresuddenlytheonlydecision-makersinthecompany,it’seasytoseehowtheymightleadtheorganizationintoanoverreactiontowardflexibility.ThisisthefirstenemyofAnd:overreaction.Thisisexactlywhat’sbehindthe“guardrailtoguardrail”managementstylethatbedevilsmanyacompany.Wegetsosickoftheissueswe’vebeendealingwithrecently—thereportingtoheadquarters,theendlessformstofillout,theobtusedecision-makingpaths—wewouldthrowitalloffinadeclarationofindependencebeforerememberingalltheupsidesthesecontrolshavebroughtabout.

Throughtheweightoftheirvote,theseleadershavealsodiagnosedwherethecompanycurrentlyisinthiscriticalparadox:namely,experiencingthedownsidesoftoomuchcontrol.Earlier,intheclassroom,theywerelaughingatmeholdingmyinhaletoextremes,butinasimilarsense,thecompanycouldbesaidtobeholdingitsbreathofcontroltoolong.Weturntohowtheycancreateanoasisofgreaterflexibilityfortheirpeoplethatstillrespectsthevalueofcontrol.

Workingthroughthequadrantsoftheparadoxmap,IaskthemobofleadersonthesideofFlexibilitytomovetowardthe“Value”frontoftheroomandtellmewhatvaluetheyhopetoachievebymakingthingsmoreflexible.“Greaterresponsivenesstocustomerneeds,”“Takingadvantageofnewopportunities,”“Bettermoraleandengagement,”comethefirstfewanswers.Askingthemtonowshuffledowntothe“Concern”backoftheroom(whichtheyarevisiblyreluctanttodo),Iquerythemonwhattheymightseeonthedownsideifthey’retooflexiblefortoolong.“Missedcommitments,”“Toomuchstarted,toolittlefinished,”theyoffer.“Safetyissues,”oneofthelonelythreeleadersontheControlsidecontributes.It’snotsurprisingthatthisissueisvoicedfromsomeonefavoringtheothersideoftheparadox,forwhicheversidewefavor,weseetheothersidefirstintermsofitsconcerns.Moreover,ifwelockontothoseconcerns,we’lllockoutanypossiblebenefits.

One-sidedvoicesareheardallthetime:“Ifwegodownthatpath,it’saslipperyslopetolettingthefoxesguardthehenhouse.”“Thelasttimewedidthat,wehadadrugrejectedbytheFDA.”Byimaginingonlytheextremedownsideoftheoppositeforce,westaylockedontotherightnessofouroneside.Theleaderwhocanseeandshowothersthatwe’renotdealingwitha“slipperyslope”somuchasa“figure-8”ofmanagingahealthytensionwithin

boundswecanagreeupon,movesthedialogue—andthecompany—toahigherlevel.Theleaderwhocanteaseapart“whatexactlydidwedolasttimethatcausedproblems?”andidentifythresholdswithinwhichwecanmaneuversuccessfullyraisesthebarofperformance.

Indeed,thisraisingofthebarisexactlywhyparadoxisbecomingthe“newnormal.”Companieshavegottensmarterandmorecompetitiveasthey’velearnedtobecome“glocal”—managingtheparadoxesofglobalscalewithlocalfamiliarity,ofstandardizedcontrolsandflexiblecustomization,andsoon.Asoneexecutiveofacompanythatglobalizedearlyandconsidereditselfprettygoodatitsaid,“We’vecometothinkofglobalizationasakindofquicksandwe’velearnedtoswimin.Wealmostwanttolureourcompetitorsintoitwithus,becauseweknowhowharditis,andiftheydon’tlearnhowtoswim,theywon’tsurvive.”

Backintheroom,weturntoourthreeleadersontheControlsideandaskthemwhatvaluetheyhopetocreatewithmorecontrol.“Deliveringoncommitments,”“Consistentquality,”“Protectingourreputation,”theyanswer.Someoftheseitemsareoppositestotheconcernsoftheotherside,andotherscarvenewterritory.Eventhoughwecouldsimplyfliparoundtheconcernsononesidetobethebenefitsontheother,it’ssurprisinglyinstructiveto“stand”ineachquadrantseparatelyandsenseitspotential.

“Andthedownsideofcontrol?”Iinquire.“We’relivingit!”pipesuponeofthemob.“Tooslow,lackofresponsiveness,can’tgetanythingdecided,andwe’relosingsomeofourbestandbrighteststars.”Again,notsurprisingthatamemberoftheFlexibilitytribecaninstantlypointoutallthat’swrongwithControl.Ifinishoutthemap(Figure3.7)andask,What’sthepointofmanagingthisparadoxwell?Whatistheoverarchinggoal?

Afewanswerssurfaceimmediatelyaroundbeing“safelyinnovative,”butthisquestionofoverarchinggoalisworthdeeperreflection,foronebeginstosensehowthetwoforcesnotonlybenefitfrom,butrequireeachotherinordertofunctionattheirbest.Tocreateabusinessthatisbothagileandstable,flexibilityneedscontrolandcontrolneedsflexibility.Whatabreakthroughofunderstandingthisisforleaderswhopreviouslydefendedonlyoneside.

Figure3.7

Themapofflexibilityandcontrol.

Thenextstep,andtherealartinmanagingparadox,istoidentifymeasuresonbothsidesthattelluswhentoshift.Intheroom,leadersclusterintosmallgroupstofocusonmeasuresspecifictotheirpartsofthebusiness.Onegroupsuggestswecangetatemployeeengagementusingaclimatesurveyandsetgreenflags(forexample,a4.2ona5-pointscaleisgoodenough)andredflags(3.8outof5isalevelwedon’twanttosinkbelow)forwhentoshift.Anothergroupproposesawaytomeasurethetimespentinboardsandreviewsinadecision-makingprocess;whenitgetsaboveacertainlevel,it’stimetosimplifysomecontrols.

Neartheendofthesession,wegatherintoaconversation.Why,weask,giventhatnearlyeveryleaderintheroomseestheneedforgreaterflexibility(andthisisthecasethroughoutthecompany),it’snothappening.Somepeopleofferanswersthatplaceblamehigherup,andyes,thetoneinthecultureissetatthetop.Buthowdoesthisgroupplayintoit?“Welikecontroltoo,”someoneobserves,and,havingseenthepersonalityprofileofthegroup,Iknowhowrightheis.“We’vebeensuccessfulasacompany,”anothersays,“ifwe’vebeenholdingourbreathoncontrolwe’renotdizzyenoughyet.”AndhereinliesthesecondenemyofAnd:under-reaction—whenwekeepourselvescomfortable,orthingsaregoingalongwellenough,andearlywarningsignsofimbalanceare

ignored.Ifwewaitforacrisisbeforeshiftingourfocustotheotherside,wecreatetheconditionsforlateroverreacting,andit’sonlyamatteroftimebeforewe’rerewardedwiththecrisiswe’vebeenwaitingfor.

Wecandobetter.KnowingthedualenemiesofAnd—theoverreactionandunder-reactionthatleadtoextremes—wecannavigateamiddleway.

TheZenLeaderFlip3:OrtoAnd

Thebasicprinciplesofthisfliparesimpleindeed,andcanbepracticedagainandagain.Whereasagooddealofintellectiseventuallyinvolvedinmanagingparadox,thisflipbeginsinourphysicalsenses.Justasinthefrogandhorsepictureearlier,theflipfromOrtoAndistriggeredbyaflipinperceptionthatfreesuptheZenleaderinus.

See2.Unlockfromthecertaintyofarightanswertoexploreanotherpossibility:thisiswhatunlockstheflipfromOrtoAnd.It’sfairlyeasytopracticeonunemotionaltopics,suchasseeingbothfrogandhorse.Wecanflexour“See2”musclesbynoticingthecompetingforcesintheorganizationswe’reapartof,inthetrade-offswefaceasparents,orinthecompetingclaimsonourtime.Inamatrixorganization,forexample,wemightnoticehowthecustomerservicegroupgetspulledbytheforcesofefficiencyontheonehandandcustomersatisfactionontheother.Inourfamilies,wemightseetheforceofdisciplineinatugofwarwiththeforceofleniency.

ToSee2becomesevenmorechallengingandrewardingwhenyou’redeeplypartialtooneside,asinseeingthelocalviewwhenyou’reatglobalheadquarters,seeingawoman’sperspectivewhenyou’reaman,orseeingaliberalviewwhenyou’reaconservative.Seeingatleasttwosidesofanyissue(oftenyou’llseemorethantwosides),andidentifyingtheforcesatworkoneachside,createsanopeningofmind.

“Idon’tcareaboutanopenmind,”wemayhearthelittlevoiceinourheadprotest.“I’mcertainaboutthisandIwanttostaythatway.”Whenwemeetsuchresistance,thisisexcellentprogress,forwe’vecomeupagainstoneofour“lockon,lockout”blindspots.Evenifwecan’tgetpastit,seeingitisusefulawareness.

AnotherwaytoincreaseourabilitytoSee2istoexaminesomethingthatseemslikeagarden-varietyproblemforthelargerparadoxitmaybeapartof.TheexampleweusedearlierwasthedecisiontohireJane,andhowitcouldbepartofalargerparadoxofmanagingourtalentpoolfortheshorttermandthelongterm.Similarly,youmightconsideranimportantproblemyou’ve“solved”recently,andwhetheryourapproachfavoredonlyonesideofalargerparadox.Thatdoesn’tmakeitwrongbyanymeans.Similartobreathing,ourdecisionsinthemomentalmostalwayslandusononesideortheother.It’sbeingawareof

thebiggerpictureandmanagingthedynamicofAndthroughtimethatmovesourthinkingtoanewlevel.

Map4.OnceweSee2forceswewanttomanageahealthytensionbetween,wecanMap4:thatis,drawamapoftheupsideanddownsideofeach.Wemayseemanymorethantwoforces,butsoasnottoovershootourcognitive(orartistic!)skills,we’lltaketwoatatime.

ToMap4,westartwithourfirstforceandask,“Whatisthevaluewehopetoachievebyfocusinghere?”andidentifytwoorthreeitems.Wethenask,“Whatmightbethedownsideifwestayheretoolong?”andagainidentifyafewitems.Toaddresstheseconcerns,wewouldnaturallywanttobringinsomeoftheoppositeforce.Movingtotheupsidequadrantofforce#2,weask,“Whatdowehopetoachievebyattendinghere?”Finally,tocompleteourmapweanswer,“Whatmightstarttohappenifwestayonthissidetoolong?”

Thissequentialprocess—anditreallyhelpstodoitinthisorder—isdepictedinFigure3.8.

Figure3.8

Map4bymovingthrougheachquadrantsequentially,andidentifyingafew

itemsforeach.

Somepeoplefindthatphysicallychangingtheirseathelpsthemshifttheirfocusfromforce1toforce2.Thisisespeciallyusefulifwe’repartialtooneforceovertheother.Justastiltingourheadenabledustoseeahorse,ratherthanafrog,changingourseatoftenmakesiteasiertoseeorimagineadifferentperspective.

WhenweMap4,wedon’thavetokeepitasoloexercise.Indeed,thisexercisecanmakeforexcellentdialoguewithanotherpersonordiscussionwithateam,especiallyifweinvolveplayerswhocanspeakpassionatelyforeachside.Map4isjustthebeginning;itcanopenupagenuinedialoguewherebeforetherehadbeenonlyattacksandcounterattacks.Italsoallowsthenextstep.

ManagetheFigure-8.Oncewecanacknowledgewhat’srightandpotentiallyconcerningaboutbothsides,we’rereadyfortheartformofmanagingthefigure-8ofAnd.Twoquestionswillhelpusinthisprocess:1.What’stheoverarchinggoalservedbymanagingthistensionwell?Anoverarchinggoalcanbeassimpleas“keepingusalive”inthecaseofinhaleandexhaleor“sustainablegrowth”inthecaseofflexibilityandcontrol.Knowingthislargerpurposecanguideusinthe2ndquestion,whichis:

2.Whenisittimetoshift?What’sgoodenoughtoserveourpurpose?Andwhendoweknowwe’reenteringdangerousterritory?ConsideringthetwoorthreeareasweidentifiedineachquadrantwhenweMap4,welookforthosewecanmeasureorsignswecanwatchfor.Ideally,wecansetsomethresholdsfor“goodenough”(greenflags)and“wedon’twanttosinkbelowthis”(redflags).

Forexample,ifwe’reacustomerservicegrouptryingtomanagetheAndofbeingefficientenoughandresponsiveenough,wemightmeasureourcostsontheonehandandourcustomersatisfactionontheother.Forcustomersatisfaction,wemightsetagreenflagof4.2ona5-pointscalethatsays,“Goodenough;turnbackandfocusnowoncosts.”Onthesamescale,wemightsetaredflagof3.8thattellsus,“Warning:Evenifitcostsalittlemore,improveyourcustomerservice.”Oneithersidewe’llfindthevoiceswhowouldsay,“Dobetter.Ifyoucanget4.2,whynotshootfor4.5?”Butwewillgenerallyfindthatimprovingonesideworsenstheother.Havingmeasuresonbothsidesletsuspushthetensionasfaraswe’rewillingtogo,andstillkeepithealthy.Ontheotherhand,ifourcostsarestillinanacceptablerangeandourcustomer

satisfactionratingisonly4.0,weknowtokeeppushinghigher.Inthisway,wedon’tshifttooearly.

Aboveall,wewanttoavoidthemistakeofmeasuringonlyoneside.Inexampleslikethis,manyleaderserrbymeasuringonlycosts,andignoringcustomersatisfaction.Eveninmanagingourownwork-lifebalance,manyofuserrbynoticingonlythesignalsthatpertaintowork,whileignoringearlywarningsignsinourfamiliesorhealth.TomanagetheFigure-8,weneed“timetoshift”signalsonbothsides.Ifwe“own”bothsidesoftheparadox,someofthesesignalscanbeimplicitorintuitive.Butwhenweneedagreementsfromothersonwhenit’stimetoshift,objectivemeasuresarebest.“Ifyoucanmeasureit,youcanmanageit,”goesthefolkloreofthequalitymovement,whichcouldjustaseasilyapplytonavigatingtheFigure-8.

AndsWellWorthManagingShortterm–LongtermFlexibility–ControlCreativity–DisciplineGlobal–LocalDoing–BeingIndividual–GroupCost–QualityCost–PerformanceSpeed–QualityEfficiency–ResponsivenessCentralized–DecentralizedGrowth–ExpenseControlPeople–TaskWork–FamilyFamily–PersonalCompete–CollaborateLiberal–Conservative

Outcome(what)–Process(how)Shareholders–CustomersCustomers–EmployeesAction–ReflectionProfits–Purpose

PuttingIttoWork:AParadoxYouNeedtoManageWell

Nomysteryinhowtoapplythisflip,forparadoxesaboundinleadingtoday’scomplexorganizations—nottomentionourcomplexlives.Pickone.Pickaparadoxthatisparticularlyrelevanttoyourightnow.Itcouldbeatrade-offinhowyouspendyourtime,whatyoufocuson,orabiasinhowyoumakedecisionsthatcouldbenefitfromcounterbalance.Ifyouworkinamatrixorganizationandreportmorethanoneway,youmightconsiderthetensioninwhateachofyourreportinglinesexpectofyou.Ifyou’reachievementdriven,almostcertainlywork-lifebalanceisatensionforyou.

SomeAndsworthmanagingwellaregiveninthesidebartostimulateyourthinking.

See2.Startyourdiagram.Identifyyourtwoforcesasendpointsofthe“x”(horizontal)axis.

Map4.Startingwiththeupperleft-handquadrant,identifyafewthingsyouhopetoachievebyfocusingonforce#1.Then,movingtothelowerleft-handquadrant,answerwhatconcernswouldariseifyouover-focusonforce#1.Continuethrougheachquadrantsequentially(asinFigure3.8)—reallyfeelingintothatrealityorpotentiality—untilyou’veidentifiedkeyelementsfortheupsideanddownsideofeachforce.Youmayfinditusefultophysicallychangeyourpositionasyouconsidertheopposite-sideforce.

ManagetheFigure-8.ThefirstpartofmanagingthisAndartfullyistounderstandwhatit’sgoodfor.Stepbackfromthediagramandaskanoverarchingquestion,suchas:“Whatarethesetwoforcestryingtoachievetogether?”Or,“WhatmightbepossibleifIcouldgetthebestoutofboth?”Writedownanoverarchinggoaltomanagingthistensionwell.

Considertheelementsyou’vewrittenineachboxforwhatcouldbesomemeasuresonbothsides,orearlywarningsignsoftrouble.Basedonyouroverarchinggoal,seeifyoucanidentifysomethresholdsforwhat’sgood

enough,andwhatlevelsyoudon’twanttosinkbelow.Playingwithseveralmeasuresandthresholds,identifysomemaneuveringroom:“altitudes”betweenwhichyoucan“fly”thisparadox.Remembertheimportanceofhavingmeasuresonbothsides,becausethekeyquestioninmanagingAndisnotwhichsideisright,orevenbetterthantheother.It’sknowingwhentoshift.

TheflipfromOrtoAndstartssimplyenough—breathein,breatheout—butitopensustoamostvaluablewayoflooking,ofthinking,ofkeepingourmindsinmotion,ratherthanstuckonasinglerightanswer.Withthisflip,wetranscendthedualismofthisORthat—askillwecannowapplytofarweightiermatters,andournextflip.

TheZenLeaderFlip3TakeawaysOrtoAnd

Understandingparadoxisaleapindevelopmentinwhichweletgoofsinglerightanswersandplayinthepullofmultipleforces.

Toapplythisflip:See2.Identifyanongoingchallengeandtwoopposingforcesthatkeepitinplay.Map4.“Stand”ineachquadrantintheordershowninFigure3.8,andfeelintotheupsideanddownsideofeachforce.ManagetheFigure-8.Writeanoverarchinggoalthatunitesthetwoforces:What’sthebestofboth?Thenidentifymeasuresandflagsonbothsidesthatindicateit’stimetoshift.

4From“OutThere”to“InHere”

I’MATAweek-longZentrainingsession,intenseforitslongperiodsofmeditationthatbothclearthemindandexhaustthebody.I’mafewdaysintoit,andagood45minutesintothisparticular“sit”whenmybodystartstoshake.Aquakefirststartsatmybase,andthenradiatesthroughmyspine,legs,arms,andmyhands,asIbothexperienceandwatchwithcuriosity,hopingI’mnotdistractingmyfellowmeditators,orvibratingrightoffthiscushion.Animagecomestomindofbeingbuffetedbytheatmosphere,andsuddenlyI’minacapsule,experiencingthedreamofmychildhood:beinganastronaut.Thebuffetinggetsmoreintense,andnowI’mshakingalloverandit’sallIcandotohangon.Andthen,suddenly—flush—nothing.Completesmoothness,asifI’veclearedtheatmosphereandamdriftingintoouterspace.TearsflowfrommyeyesasIrecognizeinaflashthatthis—thisexperience—waswhyIwantedtobeanastronaut:tobreakallbondsandbefree.AndnowIseethattheouterjourney—allthatweseekanddoandstrugglewith—isaperfectmirroroftheinnerjourney.Likewise,theinnerjourneyistheouterjourney;thereisnorealinorout.

Inthousandsofways,IhavewatchedthistruthplayoutthroughtheleaderswithwhomIwork.Forexample,theleaderwho

thinkslargeandcreatesagrand,overleveragedlife.thinkssmallandcreatesatiny,safelife.seeksoutergreatnessinanswertoinnerdoubt.isoutwardlyimpatient,becauseit’shardtocontrolinnerimpulses.isrelentlesslydrawntowhat’snewtostaveoffinnerboredom.

Whoweareshowsupinhowwelive,whatweseek,andwhatworldwecreatearoundus.Conversely,theissuesweattributetothepeopleandsituationsaroundusaremirroredinourowninternaltensions,where—goodnews—wealwayshavethepowertoattendtothem.“Driveallissuesintoone,”ZenteacherCharlotteJokoBecklearnedfromherteacher,meaningtodrivethemintooneself,seewhereoneisplayingintothem,andgettotheirinevitablysingularroot.

Thischapterguidesoneintotheflipofseeingwhereanouterdrivehasan

innersource,whereadifficultrelationshiphasaninnercause,andwherethethingswedon’tlike“outthere”aremirroredinwhatwefear“inhere.”Withthisflip,oneisfreedfromfear,andtheZenleaderinusemergestocreateanewworld.

SlipperyGround

“Shithappens.”Greatbumpersticker;greatphrase.It’stheunlikelymantraofaformernun,Joyce.She’sawonderfulteacherI’mgettingtoknow,whohasararecirculatorydiseasethatcroppedup10yearsago.She’llbedeadinfiveyears.She’sinherearly40s,andIattributeherremarkablepresencetothisbasicacceptancethat,sometimes,shithappens.Thereisnofairnessinherdisease.Shedidn’tdoanythingtobringiton.Andapparentlythereisnothingthatcanbedonemedicallytostopitsprogression.Itiswhatitis.

ButJoycehasthedisease;thediseasedoesnotgetallofJoyce.InthisweekthatI’mwithher,sheneverplaysvictim.Indeed,herenergyisbeaconbright.ShehassoimpressedmewithherskillfulguidanceofthisgroupofNASAmanagers(myselfincluded)thatIwilleventuallychangecareerstofollowherexample.Sheisalsolivingthewisdomthatwecannotalwayscontrolwhathappenstous,butwecanalwayscontrolourresponsetoit.AprotégéofthegreatpsychologistWillSchutz,shehasopenedmyeyestothemind-bodyconnectednessofillness1:howhercirculatoryillness,forexample,relatesto(whichisnottosaywascausedby,butsimplyrelatesto)mattersoftheheartandissuesaroundopenness.Sheopensupthepossibilitiesof“choice”withsuchoddquestionsas,“Whydidyouchooseyourparents?”Andbywayofsofteningourstartledgazes,adds,“Orifyouhadchosenyourparents,whatwouldyouhavegottenoutofmakingthatchoice?”

Greatquestion,Irealize,asIcaninstantlythinkofadozenreasonsIwouldhavechosenmyparticularsetofparents,andrealizehowtheverymindthatisconceivingtheseanswerswasshapedbythat“choice.”(Tryit!)Thegroundisgettingslipperyundermyfeet,asmyordinarywayoflookingataworld“outthere”isgettingturnedonitshead.DidIchoosemyparents,ordidtheychooseme?DidJoycechooseherillness,oronlyherresponsetoit?

Nowthatyou’vebeentunedtoparadox,youknowtheanswersareneithersimplenorstatic,anddeepertruthscanbefoundinallpossibilities.

AWorldofOurMaking

Theideaofaworldofourmakingdoesnotmeanwecanconsciouslycontroleverything.Whetherit’swinningthelotteryorshithappening,eventsinthismomenthavebeenpreconditionedbythepast.Winningthelottery,forexample,isonlypossibleifsomegrouphasalreadyorganizedalottery,soldtickets,andweacquiredone.Joyce’scirculatorydiseasewasapparentlygenetic.Theideathatthepastconditionsthepresentisoldandfamiliar,variouslyexpressedaskarma,actioncreatingreaction,energybeingneithercreatednordestroyed,oreven“whatgoesaround,comesaround.”Ourchoicesinthemomentareshapedbythepast,andeventheusthat’schoosingispreconditionedbyallmannerofnature,nurture,andpreviousexperience.Soconstrainedcanourchoicesseemattimes,thattheycanfeellikenochoiceatall,andphilosophersforageshavetakenupthismatterinweightydiscoursesonfreewillanddeterminism.Whichoneisright?

Surelyyou’reontoitbynow:it’sanotherparadox.Yes,wearecreativeforcescapableofimaginativeleaps,awakenedconsciousness,andchangingthecourseofhistory.Andyes,wearecorporealbeingslivinginaworldwherematterisgovernedbylawsandcauseshaveeffects.Inmakingtheflipfromaworld“outthere”happeningtoustoaworld“inhere”ofourmaking,wecomeupalevelinthegameoflife,dancinginaparadoxofseeminglycontradictoryforces,inwhichwebecomenotmerelytheonewhohasfreewillorisdetermined,buttheZenleaderplayingthegame,freetouseboth.

Theflipfrom“outthere”to“inhere”startsbyacceptingthatrealitycontainsmuchmorepossibilitythan,asaboardplayerinthegameoflife,wecansee.Forexample,mostofuscanthinkintwodimensions;reallyskilledspatialthinkers,suchasarchitects,canthinkinthreedimensions.Althoughtheoriestounderstand“outthere”—so-calledunifiedfieldtheoriesinphysics—varyinthenumberofdimensionstheyattributetotheuniverse,theyagreeit’ssomewherearound10.Ten!Wedon’tseeallthesedimensions.Wecan’tthinkinallthesedimensions.Whatwedoseeandthinkis“real”ismorelikeathree-dimensionalshadow(likeaprojection)ofa10-dimensionaluniverse.

Considerforamomenttheenormityofwhatthismeans.Ifyouholdyourhanduptoalightsothatitcastsashadow,youcangetanideaofhowmuchinformationislostingoingfromyourthree-dimensionalhandtoitstwo-dimensionalshadow.Ifyouwiggleyourfingers,you’llseethatsomeformandmovementinformationispreservedasyoumovefromthreetotwodimensions,butcolorinformationislost,asisdepth.Imaginehowmuchmoreinformationislostingoingfrom10dimensionstothree!Theflipto“inhere”startswiththehumblerecognitionthat“outthere”isvastlymorecomplexandinterestingthan

wecancomprehend,andthatweownthelimitedsensorswithwhichwe’resamplingthisvastpool,andthesensewe’remakingofit.Becauseeverythingweexperienceiscomingthroughourownfilters,bythetimeitgets“inhere”ithas“me”writtenalloverit.Inthebroadestsense,thesefilterscanbeashumanlycommonaseyesthatregisteronlycertainfrequenciesthatwecallvisiblelight.Becausemostpeoplehavesimilareyes,billionsofpeoplearoundtheworldcanroughlyagreeonwhat“blue”is,althoughtheirwordforitmayvary.

Somewhatmorespecificarefiltersthatcomefromoursociety.Forexample,ifwe’vegrownupinAmerica,wehaveaculturalfilter(whetherwepersonallyagreewithitornot)thatassertstherightsoftheindividualaheadofthegroup(suchasthestate).Ifwe’vegrownupinChina,ourfilterwouldsaytheharmonyofthegroupismoreimportantthantherightsoftheindividual.Withinourrespectivesocieties,wemightnotevenbeawareofthesefilters,because“weallknow”that’showitis.Butbringourtwosocietiesintocontact,andwecanhavegravemisunderstandingsaboutwhatitmeans,say,toprotecthumanrights.

Butpotentiallythemostdistortingfiltersarethosespecifictoone’spersonality.Forexample,ifIhaveanissueaboutbeingcontrolled,whensomeonetellsmetodosomething,Imaythinkthey’retryingtocontrolme.Theycouldjustbetryingtosparemefrommakingastupidmistake,butseeingtheworldthroughthelensofmyowndistortingissue,Iwillmisinterpretothers’actions,andthismaytriggerachainofdefensivereactionswithinme.Thismistake,whichhappensallthetimeinrelationships,iscalledfalseattribution:Ifalselyattributeaspectsofmyownpersonalityormotivestoothers.Asthesedistortingfiltersbecomemorespecific,andlesswidelyshared,moreroomopensupformisunderstandingandfalseattribution.IfIwereatapathologicalextremeofmentalillness,virtuallynoonewouldunderstandoragreewithmyinterpretationof“outthere.”

Evenwellshortoftheextremes,ourlayersofdistortingfiltersbasedonourhumanlimitations,culture,family,gender,age,strengths,weaknesses,experiences,fears,positioninlife,andonandon,createourperceptionsandthemeaningwemakeof“outthere.”Notonlydoesthismakeforplentyofmisunderstandingsbetweenpeople,butthesefiltersalsogiverisetoanevenmoreinsidiousproblem.Becauseweareneverwithoutthem,evenoncewebecomeawareofthesefilters,it’ssurprisinglyeasytoforgetwehavethem.Weforgetthatwe’relivinginaworldofourmaking.Weactuallyconvinceourselvesthatit’s“outthere.”AsthebrilliantphysicistDavidBohmobserves,“Themindcreates‘reality’andthensays,‘Ididn’tdoit.’”2

Intheflipfrom“outthere”to“inhere,”weopenuptothepossibilitiespresentinallthatwedon’tknow,andrecognizethatwhatwedoknowabout“outthere,”andwhatwedowiththatknowledge,comesfrom“inhere.”

WhatWorldAreYouMaking?

Perhapsyou’veneverthoughtofyourselfasmakingaworld.“Ididn’tmakethisworld,”ourordinarymindmightsay,“Isteppedintoit.Andit’llallbeherewhenI’mgone.”Inaparadoxicalsense,thatwouldbecorrect,andnotcomplete.True,theentireworldisacompositeofthecontributionsfrommanypeople,manyforces,andmanycausesandconditionsallpouringintonow.Butwecouldjustaseasilyflipthataroundandsaytheworldisunalterablydifferentbecauseyouareinit.Nowhowdoyouwanttousethatpower?Dependingonyourself-image—consciouslyandsubconsciouslyheld—youwillcastanetacrossthevast-nessanddefineyourworld.

Ifyouregardyourselfassmallandpowerless,youwillcreateatinyworldinwhichyouareoftenvictimizedbylargeandpowerfulforces.

Ifyouregardyourselfasapersistent,creativegenius,likeWaltDisney,you’llcreateaworldoffancifulcharacters,transformingtheentertainmentindustry.

Ifyouregardyourselfasahighlyresponsiblepersonwithsomethingtoprove,youwillcreateaworldwherepeoplerelyonyou,andlifeendlesslypresentsyouwithmountainstoclimbandchallengestoovercome.

Ifyouregardyourselfasadramaticperson,youwillcreateaworldwithplentyofupsanddowns,conflictedrelationships,andboldmoves.

Ifyouregardyourselfasadisruptivelycreativeentrepreneurwhocheateddeathwellbeforehesuccumbedtoit,likeSteveJobs,you’llfearlesslycreateaworldwherewholeindustriesleaptoanewparadigm,andmakea“dingintheuniverse,”asJobswasknowntosay.

“Yourstoryisyourdestiny,”proclaimsJimLoehrinThePowerofStory,3whichaboundsinexamplesofhowourdeeplyheldselfimage—our“story”—createsourworld.Jimhelpspeoplere-createtheirworldbyrewritingtheirstory.Similarly,BettyEdwards4helpspeopleconnecttheirstorytotheirworldbyhavingthemwriteanimportantepisodeoftheirlife,firstfromtheperspectiveofavictim,andthenfromtheperspectiveofahero.Nosurprisethattheyfindthesecondversionvastlymoreempowering.

Thesearebuttwoofthevoicesandbodiesofresearchpointingtoaworldof

ourmaking.WecouldaddtothemtheworkofMartinSeligmanandthePositivePsychologymovement,theLawofAttraction,the“ifyoubuildittheywillcome”promiseofapositivevision,andtheonlythingoptimistsandpessimistsagreeupon:optimistshavebetterlives.Yes,weliveinaworldofcausesandconditions.Andyes,wedefinethescale,slice,orsliverofthatworldweoperatein.

Sowhatworldareyoumaking?Thefollowingexercisegivesyouachancetothinkthroughsomekeyelementsofyourpersonalityandhowtheyshowupinyourworld.

WhatWorldDoYouMake?Wedon’tnormallylookforconnectionsbetweenhowweareontheinside

andoureverydayworldontheoutside,butwhenwedo,theconnectionscanbesurprisinglyrevealing.Trythis:

Startwithyourstrengths.Listfivethingsyouknowyou’regoodat,whichmightbespecificskills(forexample,mathormusic)ortraitsthathavesupportedyouthroughyourcareer(forexample,beinggoodwithpeople).

Thenlistfivecorevaluesorbeliefs—thingsthatyoustandfor;qualitiesthatevenotherswouldrecognizeasyour“LeadershipBrand.”

Part1:Consideryourtypicalweek,includingbothworkandpersonaltime.Howdoestheweekreflecttheitemsonyourtwolists?Considerpositive,satisfyingconnections,aswellasthingsthatirritate.Findaconnectiontoeachitemonyourlistand,whereoneisnotobvious,forceaconnection(atechniqueknowntostimulatelateralthinking).Asyouwrite,alsonoticeanyfeelingsthatarise.

Part2:Consideringyour10itemsasawhole,answerthefollowing:Howbigorsmallismyworld,andhowdomyitemsplayintothis?Howfastorslowismyworld,andhowdomyitemsplayintothis?Whatroledopeopleplayinmyworld,andhowdomyitemsplayintothis?

Thiskindofawarenessisinvaluable,forithelpsusseehowwe’replayingintosituations,evenifwe’renotcausingthementirely.Italsohelpsusknowthedistortionsofourfilters,whatwemightbemissing,andhowwemight

misinterpretthings.Justasnavigatorsofthesealearnedhowtocorrectforthedistortingdifferencebetweentruenorthandmagneticnorthintheircompassreadings,sowecanapplyconsciouscorrectionstoourfilters:forexample,knowingwehaveahairtriggerforthinkingpeoplearetryingtocontrolusandthattheymayhaveotherintentions.

AWorldinOurImage

“Whatarethepeoplelikeinthistown?”theallegoricaltravelerasksavillageelder.

“Whatweretheylikewhereyoucamefrom?”theelderasks.“Oh,theywereverygoodpeople,”answersthetraveler.“You’llfindthepeopleherearethesame.”Lateron,asecondtravelerarrives,meetsthesameelder,andasksthesame

question.“Whatwerethepeoplelikewhereyoucamefrom?”theelderasksinanswer.“Theywerescoundrelsandthieves!”saysthetraveler.“You’llfindthepeopleherethesame.”Thisoldstoryspeakstothewayweunconsciouslyplayintosituations,giving

rolestoothersthatwe,insomeway,expectthemtoplayaspartofourdeeplyheldself-image—ourstory.Andbecauseahumanbeingislikeamultifacetedgem,thepartthatweexpecttoseeisoftentheonlypartthatwedosee.Nowandthenwemightcatchasurprise,butexpectationsareanotherwayofsayingthat“inhere”we’vepre-tunedoursensestonoticeonlycertainthingsandtoplacecertaininterpretationsonthem.

I’vejusttoldthisstorytoJaninourcoachingsessionbecauseshe’sthinkingofleavingherjob.I’mnotsosurethatchangingjobs—the“geographicalcure”—isgoingtofixwhatshewantsfixed.Shesaysthepeoplewhereshecurrentlyworksarealignedagainsther.Theremaybesometruthinthat,butI’mencouraginghertoexploreherownroleinthesituation,herexpectations,andwhatshegetsoutoffeeling“alignedagainst.”“Ican’timaginewhatI’mgettingoutofit,”shesays,“Ifeelsoalone!”Ipointtothereportinfrontofus—aprofileofherpersonalityandleadershipstylethathighlightsherhard-chargingways.“Thistypeofleaderprefersworkingfastandalone,”Itellher.“Maybeyou’regettingjustwhatyouwant.”

Wereviewwrittenfeedbackfromothersthatshehasalsoreceivedthisweek,andthecommentsfromherdirectreportsareparticularlysevere.“Shedoesn’tmaketimeforus,”onesays.“She’sputsherownambitionsovertheteam,”saysanother.Onthepositiveside,everyoneagreesthatJanisarealgo-getter,“anachievement-drivenmachine.”“Ilovetogetstuffdone,”Janagreesinpart.“It’snotthatIdon’tcareaboutmypeople,butthey’reold-fashionedanddon’thavetheattitudetolearn—especiallyfromme!Iusedtobetheirpeer,andtheyresentthatIgotpromotedabovethem.”

Becomingabossofformerpeersisachallengingrole.Butaswetalk,Janseeshowshewentintotheroleexpectingproblems,andwhenshesensedsomething“off”inherearlyinteractions,shewasquicktoreadherexpectationsintoit,asin:“Theyresentme;they’reliningupagainstme,”not“They’refeelingtheirwaythroughanewrelationshipwithmeandrightnowthey’renotfeelingverygoodaboutthemselvesbecauseIwastheonepromoted,”whichcouldhavebeenanothercompletelylegitimateinterpretation.Whetheritwastrueforthemornot,Janwaschoosingtoreadresentmentandretaliationintotheiractions.

Janisalsoseeingtheeffectofherrapid-fireachievementdriveonothers,“Nooneelsethinkstheycankeepup,sotheygiveup,andI’mstuckdoingthework.”

“Perfect!”Isay.“Hereyouare,apersonwhoneedstoachievealot,andyou’vecreatedaworldwhereyouneedtoachievealot.”She’sstillnotconvincedthatthisisherdoing,butherpuzzledexpressiontellsmethatshe’sbeginningtodoubtthatallofthisissimplyhappeningtoherfrom“outthere.”Apossibilityisdawningthatshemaybeabletochangesomething“inhere”thatwouldchangeherunpleasantworldofwork.Bytheendoftheweek,shewillhavebuiltaplanofactioninwhichshestillexploresotherjobs,butalsocommitstoabraveexperimenttotransformtheroleshe’scurrentlyin,andleaveherdirectreportsbetteroffforhavingworkedwithher.

What’stheRealBattle?

Markisspeedingalongintheleftlaneoftheexpressway,doingtheexpected10mphoverthespeedlimit,catchingupwithadriverwhoclearlydidn’tgetthememo,andiscreepingalong.“WhosaiditwasSlowDriverintheLeftLaneDay?!”hebellows,poundinghisfistonthesteeringwheel,flashinghislights.“Getthehelloutofmyway!”Hedoesittoblowoffsteam,hesays,anddoesn’tmeanathingbyit.Buthe’svisiblyupset,asisnowthedriverinfrontofus.And

I,sittinginthepassengerseat,amgettingthatoldfamiliarwalking-on-eggshells-around-conflictfeelingthatIabsolutelyhate.

Let’sfreezetheframeandask,What’sgoingonhere?Notintheusualblame-placingperspective—what’shappening“outthere”isnotthestorythatinterestsus.Let’slookinsteadathoweachofusinthislittlesceneiscreatingourworldfrom“inhere.”

Firstthere’sMark,drivingalongwithanexpectationthat“weallknow”drivingintheleftlanecallsforgoingfasterthanthespeedlimit,andirritationflasheswhenthatexpectationisnotmet.Markhasafunny,boisterous,dramatictemperament,andhisirritationtriggersallofthosetraits.Hehasnodoubtlearned(he’sapsychologist,afterall)thatbigreactionslikethismakehimthecenterofthedrama,putotherpeopleonguard,andmaylessenthechancethathisexpectationswillbedisappointedinthefuture.Letotherpeoplereactastheywill;he’sstakedouthisterritory.

Meanwhile,I’mridingalong,Iseethesceneunfoldingintheleftlane,andsuddenlythecarisfilledwithsoundandfury.Instantly,responsiblemethinksIhavetodosomething;calmthissituationdown,talksenseintothisperson.Why?What’smyrealbattle?It’swithconflictitself,andallthefearitunleasheswithinme.Asachild,itwouldliterallymakemyskincrawlandtakemybreathaway(Ihavealonghistoryofeczemaandasthmatoshowforit).I’msureoneofthereasonsIspent30yearsinmartialartsisthatIhadtogetahandleonmyreactionstoconflict.GoodthingIdid.Sittinginthecar,Icanstillfeelthesevestigialpressuresinside—dosomething!—butnowinmyworld,theygetverylittleofme.AnearlierversionofmeinthecarwithMarkwouldhavecreatedamuchmoreargumentativeworld.

Andwhatofthepersoninthecarinfrontofus?Hewasjustdrivingalong,mindinghisownbusiness,perhapsmoretunedintohisinnerlifethantoouterconditions.AlongcomessomespeedingJeeponhistail,lightsflashing,withthedrivergesticulatingwildly.Whatworldwillhecreateinthismoment?Ifhe’saneasy-goingfellowwhoknowshetendstodaydreamwhiledriving,hemightofferupashrug,asiftosay,“Sorry,spacedout,”moveoutofthelane,andreturntohisdreamyworld.Ifhe’sanangrydriver,pronetoroadrage,hemightjusthavetoshowMarkathingortwo,slowdownevenfurther,rolldownhiswindow,andjamaone-fingersaluteintotheair.Asitturnsout,he’ssomewhereinbetween—acautiousfellowwhohaslookedoverhisshouldernowthreetimestoseeifit’ssafetomoveintothemiddlelane.Buthedoesn’tlikewhatMark’sdone,orhowMarkhasmadehimfeelabouthimself.He’sgrim-facedand

determined,eyesstraightahead,aswesailby.Alatereport,aninfuriatinge-mail,awarmexchangewithanoldcolleague,a

seriousmeeting,ajam-packedschedule,aslowcarintheleftlaneoftheexpressway…ourdayisfilledwithscenesthattriggeremotionalreactionswithinus.Thesceneisjustthescene.Wheretherealstoryand,inmanycases,therealbattleunfoldsis“inhere.”Howdoesitmakeusfeel?Whatdowefearmayhappen?Whatdowefearmaybetrueaboutus?Byreactingacertainway,whatfeardowereinforce?Wemaynotnormallyreflectoneverydaysceneswiththisdepth,butit’ssurprisinglyinstructivewhenwedo.Forwhatwelearnisthatanyouterconflicttracesitsrootstoaninnerfear.Andoncewecanstandinthatfear,gettoknowit,andmakefriendswithit,ourworldbecomesavastlybigger,freer,happierplace.

TheZenLeaderFlip4:“OutThere”to“InHere”

Thisflipisbestmadeinthespiritofopencuriosity.Wedowelltosuspendjudgment,setasideanyexpectationsofwhatwe’llfindwhenwestartdiggingaround“inhere,”andbeguidedbyasincerewantingtoknow—andagoodsenseofhumor!Bringalongyourlaughter.Asyouseeintothemirrororfindtherootofdifficulties“outthere,”youmaythinkyou’retheonlypersoncarryingsuchbaggage.Thegreatjokeiswe’reallbornbaggagecarriers,andwealsohavethepotentialtobefreeofourbaggage.Evenbaggageitselfisneithergoodnorbad;thetermmaysoundnegative,butifyou’veevertakenatripandhadtheairlineloseyourbaggage,youknowhowcomfortingbaggagecanbe.Ontheotherhand,carrytoomuchofit,andyoudon’tgoveryfar.

Seeintothemirror.Weenterthisflipbyshiftingourperspectivefromsomethinghappening“outthere”toinquiring:Whatisitrelatedto“inhere”?HowamIplayingintothis?If,atsomelevel,Ichosethis,whatmightIbegettingoutofit?Anytimewecatchourselvesenteringcopingmodeisagreattimetopracticethisflip.Forwhateverhastriggeredourcopingreactionistheverysituationwewanttoexplore,notintermsofhowitappearsintheworld,buthowitappearsinthemirrorofourself.Wecansupportourinquiryphysicallybypracticingtheflipswe’velearnedsofar.Intime,wecanvastlyaccelerateour“inside”insightthroughmeditationandotherpractices(seeSittingMeditationattheendofthischapter,aswellastheChapter4exercisesonline).Inthemoment,wecansimplyrelax,centerourself,releasetensioninthefrontofthebody,andallowasenseofextensionthroughtheback,throughourlegs,arms,andfingers.We’rereadytoseeintothemirror.

Themirror,ofcourse,isametaphor.Andseeingintoitcallsforabitofabstractthinking,inwhichwecomeupaleveltomakeconnectionsthatmaynotseemobvious.Asaplayerontheboard,Jan,forexample,couldn’timagineatfirstwhatshewasgettingoutofthinkingpeoplewerealignedagainsther.Butasshecameupaleveltolookatherselfplayingthegame,shecouldseethatherpreferredstylewastoworkfastandalone,thatshevaluedachievementmorethanshevaluedrelationships,andthatsheneverfeltthatshehadenoughtime.

Shecouldseehowbelievingthatpeoplewerealignedagainstherjustifiedthewayshewantedtoworkanyway.

Earlieryouhadachancetowritedownseveralstrengthsandelementsofyour“leadershipbrand”andconnectthosetoyourworld.Seeingintothemirrorisbeingabletomaketheseconnectionsfromselftoworld,aswellasfromworldbacktoself.Whenwenotice,forexample,thatwe’reirritatedbyatalkativevisitorwhohaspoppedintoouroffice,wecanaskourself:whatisitrelatedto“inhere”!Wemightnotregisterthesetrifleirritationsasfull-blownfear,butwewillalmostalwaysseetheyrepresentaviolationofsomethingwevalue.Ah,wemayseeourvisitorviolatesoursenseoforder,ourexpectationthatwecontrolourschedule.Ourknee-jerkreactionmightbetodismissthisperson,whichwouldreturnustoourorderlyworld.Thistalkativepersoncouldbeanirritatingdistraction,orcouldbebringingusagame-changingbusinessidea;onlybyseeingintothemirror,andcorrectingfor“orderdistortion,”dowehaveachanceoftellingthedifference.

Seeingintothemirrorisnotmeanttoignorethatthereareotherplayersandotherforcesshapingthepresentmoment.Butitismeanttodiscoverhowwe’replayingintothecontoursofourworld,andthechoiceswe’renowmaking.Bysincerelyinquiringintohowwe’replayingintothesituationsweface,andwhattheyrelatetoinus,weseemoreclearlyhow“outthere”ismirrored“inhere,”wherewehaveallthepowerintheworld.

Findtheroot.Seeingisalwaysthestartingpoint,butbeforeouractionscancomefromadeeper,fuller,freersenseofself,wehavetofindtherootofwhat’sholdingourcurrentstoryinplace.Wedon’thavetofreeupourwholestoryinonefellswoop,thoughtherearesystemicwayswecanadvanceourfreedominleapsandbounds,especiallythroughthecorepracticeofmeditation.Butonecanregardthesortofcopingsituationforwhichthisflipisparticularlyusefulasalittleweed—somethingthatcropsupthatwedon’tlike.Andsimilartopullingaweed,ifwedon’tfindtheroot,oureffortsaresuperficial,andtheproblemwillcroprightbackup.Butalso,wedon’thavetouneartheveryrootinouryardtodealwiththisweed.

Rootsareourunderlyingfears.Thesefearsmightbethatwe’renotgoodenough,lovableenough,strongenoughtobepresentwithdifficultemotions,orname-your-ownenough.ThesefearsunderliewhatHubertBenoitnailedas“TheGreatLawsuit”;5thatis,theunwinnablecasetojustifyorsecureourego’sexistence,tomakethislittle,fragileselffeelsafe.Truly,aslongasweregardourselfasseparate,wecannever,onceandforallfeelsafeenough.Hence,ourlittle

ego-tokenonthegameboardoflifeisboundtohavefears.Lotsofthem.Tofindtherootistoinquiredeeplyintothisquestion:WhatdoIfearinthis

situation?Positive,go-gettingpeoplemayatfirstthinktheydon’tfearanything,whichwasJan’sfirstreaction.Butcopingmodeisitselfevidenceoffear.Peoplewhohavetrulymasteredtheirfearsdon’tspendmuchtimeincopingmode.InudgedJantogodeeperwiththequestion,“Whatdoesthissituationmakeyoufearthatyoumaynotbeenough?”“Likeableenough,”sheansweredinstantly.“WhatkindofleadercanIbeifpeopledon’tlikeme?”Thisisfindingtheroot.

MichaelO’Brien,coauthorofQuicksilver,6helpshisclientsfindtherootallthetime.He’scategorizedfourofthemostcommonfearsasbeing:

StupidFoolishIdiotic(notsmartenough)APretender/AFraud(notgoodenoughorauthenticenough)AnOutcast/Rejected/Unlovable(notlikeableenough)Powerless/Weak/Ineffective(notstrongenough)

Thisisagoodlisttostartwithanytimewewanttofindtherootthatisinformingourstoryinacopingsituation.Thesefearsarecrucialtorecognizeandname,becausetheyareoperatingwhetherwerecognizethemornot.Thesefearsarethetoolstheegousestokeepitsgamegoing—forbetterorworse.Thefearofdeathisperhapsthemostobviouswaytheegokeepsitsgamegoing.Butinsubtleways,allofthesefearscantriggerourego’sfearofdeath.

Forexample,youcanimagineinthewanderingtribesofourhumanancestors,notbeinglikeableandbeingbanishedfromthetribewasavirtualdeathsentence,givenallthepredatorsreadytopounceonsoloprey.Ournervoussystemdevelopedthroughhundredsofthousandsofyearsofthissortoflearning,passedfromonesurvivortothenext.Littlewonderthatthefearthatwe’renotlikeableissoprimal.Likewisewithnotbeingstrongenough,smartenough,andsoon.Atthesametime,ifouregovaluesachievementoverbeingliked,wemightsubtlysabotagerelationshipstokeepourachievementgamegoing.Sometimesourpoor,confusedego—ourlittletokenonthegameboardoflife—doesn’tknowwhichfearitfearsmost,orwhichwaytoturn.

Tofindtherootistodigdownandnametheunderlyingfearsinourcopingsituations.Oncewecanseeourfears,theycannolongergetallofus.Forhere’sthegoodnews:theawarenessthatseesthefearisnotitselfafraid.ThisawarenessistheZenleaderinus,cominguptothelevelofplayingthegame,andclaimingourpower.

Claimyourpower.Thetruthaboutfearisthatitcanonlydoitsdirtyworkundergroundandfromadistance.FromFranklinRoosevelt(“Wehavenothingtofearbutfearitself”)toHenryDavidThoreau(“Nothingissomuchtobefearedasfear”)toFrancisBacon(“Nothingisterribleexceptfearitself”),itseemswe’veknownforsometimethatfearattacksinthedark.Inthelightofawareness,whichisnotitselfafraid,fearlosesitsforce.That’snottosayitdisappearsaltogether,butwhenwestandinourfear—moveintotheverythickofit—andactanyway,itlosesitsleverageoverus.Leverage.Thewordhasbecomeequatedwithfinancialmeltdowns,butifyou

thinkbacktoaplaygroundseesawfromyourchildhood,youknowtheprincipleofleverage:thefartherawayyouarefromthepivotpoint(thefulcrum),themorecounterbalancingweightisneededontheotherside,andashortdroponthatendthenputsyouwayupintheair.That’salsohowourfearsfeelandfunctionfromadistance:likeahugeweightthatwetrytokeepawayfrom,andthatsomehowhasusstuckupintheair(asinFigure4.1a).Imaginethefulcrumrepresentsourfear,andtheweightrepresentshowstrongthatfearisforus,whichcounterbalanceshowfarwearefromit.Thecloserwemovetoourfear,findingtheroot,gettingitoutintheopen,thelighteritgets(Figure4.1b).Claimingourpower,wemoverightintoit,standrightontopofourfear-fulcrum,andnowourfearhardlyweighsanythingatall(Figure4.1c).We’refreetoact.Frominsideout,wecanextendourenergyintothesituation,andaproblem“outthere”istransformedbytheZenleaderemanatingfrom“inhere.”

Figure4.1

Movingtowardthefulcrumofourfears,theirweightlessens.Standingrightinthefear,wearefreetomove.

Howdoesthisworkinpractice?InJan’scase,shewasabletoclaimherpowerbyaccepting(there’sthatwordagain—alwaysthehingepointbetweencopingandtransforming)that,okay,maybeherpeopledon’tlikeher,ortheydon’tlikehowtheyfeelaboutthemselvesaroundher.Afterall,shehasn’tbeengivingthemmuchattention.Butnowshewantstohelpthemfeelmorecapable—shecaresaboutthesepeople.Janknowsshecan’tcontrolwhethershe’sliked,butshecancontrolwhethersheinvestsinherpeople,andletthelikingfallwhereitmay.She’sdeterminedtomaketheinvestment,notforthesakeofbeingliked,butbecausesheknowsit’srightforthepeople,rightforthecompany,and

rightforher.It’sasifaweightshe’sbeenavoidingsuddenlylightens.Here’sanotherexample.I’minaconversationwithaprospectiveclientwho

wantsaleadershipprogramfor100high-potentialdirectors—andIwanttosellittoher.We’retalkingaboutpossibledesignsandIkeepbringingupouruniqueapproachtowholeleadershipandmind-bodyoneness,whichisthereasonIthinksomeonewouldcometomeforaleadershipprogram.ShekeepsdismissingwhatI’msaying.Ireword,tryagain,andgetthesamedismissal.I’mfeelinglikeI’mpushingupstream,andI’mgrowingmoreuncomfortableintheconversation.IcanseehowI’mplayingintothis:themoreIpush,themoreshepushesback.IbelieveinthevalueofmyworkandIwanthertoseeittoo.Whatismyfear?Thatshewon’tseeit;myworkwon’tbevaluabletoher;Iwon’tbevaluable—andI’lllosethedeal.Claimingmypower,Istandinthemiddleofthesefearsandsaytoher,“MaybeI’mnotfullyunderstandingwhatyouwant,andI’mjusttellingyouwhatwe’regoodat.Tellmewhatyou’rereallygoingafterhere,andifIcan’tdeliverit,IknowIcanconnectyouwithsomeonewhocan.”Completelydifferentconversation.

Fortheleaderwhothinkssmallandcreatesatiny,safelife,claimingyourpowermightbetostandinyourfearofthingsgettingoutofcontrol,oryourfearofnotbeing100-percentdependable,andmakingalargerdecisionanyway.

Fortheleaderwhoseeksoutergreatnessinanswertoinnerdoubt,claimingyourpowermightbetostandinthemiddleofyourfearofbeinginsignificantandstillmakingthemostvaluable,seeminglyinsignificantcontributionyoucanofferinthemoment.

Fortheleaderwhogetsimpatientlisteningtoothers,claimingyourpowermightbetoownyourdesiretoblowuporrunaway,andstillchoosetobepresent.“I’mafraidifyoumakethistoolong,I’lltuneout,”youmightsay,“SopleasemakesureIhearyourmostimportantpoint.”

Claimingyourpowerismovingintothespaceyourfearwouldotherwiseoccupy.Itisbringingyourfearsocloseitcannolongeroperateonyou.Itisregardingyourselfwiththedeepestcuriosityandcompassion—yourego-tokenonthegameboardoflife—seeingyourfears,andbringingtheegoandfeartogether,revealingthere’snothingthere,exceptgreaterspaceforfreeraction.Thisisleadingfearlessly,whichdoesn’tmeanfearsneverhappen,butthatbymergingwiththem,youbecomebiggerthantheegothathadbeenavoidingthem.Throughthismerge,yourZenleaderemergestochangetheworldfrom“inhere.”

PuttingIttoWork:TurningaDifficultRelationship

Agreatplacetoapplytheflipfrom“outthere”to“inhere”iswheresomethingseemstobehappening“outthere”thatwedon’tlike.Difficultrelationshipsareperhapsmostinteresting,becausetheyinvolveanotherpersonontowhomwecanprojectourfears,assignarole,andengageinstaggeringmisunderstandings—allsubconsciously!Sostartbythinkingofarelationshipthatyoufinddifficult,orthatisimportanttoyoutomakeevenstrongerthanitis,andjotdownanswerstothefollowingquestions.1.Describethecurrentrealityoftherelationship.What’satypicalexchange?

Wheredothingsgowrong?Whatpatternrecursthattroublesyou?Howdoyoufeelaboutthisperson?Howdoesheorshefeelaboutyou?

2.Seeintothemirror.Lookingoverthecurrentreality,answerthefollowing:HowamIplayingintothewaythingsgowrong?Whatpatternkeepscroppingupinme?WhereinmylifehaveIseenthispatternbefore?Howdoesthispersonmakemefeelaboutmyself?IfIhadchosentoputthispersoninmylifetolearnanimportantlesson,whatwouldIbelearning?

3.Findtheroot.Whataresomeofthefearsthisrelationshiptriggersinyou?Eitherthingsyoumaybeafraidaretrueaboutyourself,orfearsabouttheconsequencesorthefuture.Answer:WhatamIafraidwillhappen?Whatwillthatleadto?Andthatleadto?WhatdoIfearmaybetrueaboutme?WhatamInotenough?(Forexample,notstrongenough,smartenough,likeableenough…)

4.Claimyourpower.Lookoveryourlistoffears,recognizingthatthesearediscoveriesaboutyourself;it’simpossibletosaywhethertheyhavetruthbeyondthat,buttheirpoweroveryoucomesfromthefactthatthey’reyourfears.Rememberthatfearsarethewaytheegokeepsitsgamegoing.Withthatinmind,gothrougheachofyourfears,standinthemiddleofeachone,completelyacceptingthatit’safearoperatinginyou,andwriteastatementofintentforhowyouwillactintherelationshipregardlessofthefear.Howmightyouchangethegameyouregohasbeenplaying?Forexample,ifthisdifficultrelationshipmakesmefearthatI’mnotlikeable,astanding-on-my-fearstatementofintentmightbe,“Iwillhelpthisperson

besuccessful,whethersheendsuplikingmeornot.”Orifoneofmyfearsisofbeingweakinconflictsituations,mystatementmightbe,“Iwillberealandpresentintherelationshipandlettempersfallwheretheymay.”Completelymoveintothefear,anddeclarewhatfreedomyoufindthere.Remember,youaremorethantheegowhohasthesefears.Theawarenessinyouthatcoulduncoverthesefearsisnot,itself,afraid.Usingthatawareness,standonthefearanddeclareyourlargerintent.

Becauseyou’rereadingabookatthemomentandprobablynotengagedinthatrelationship,youmayhavetowaitabittoputtheseintentsintopractice.Butperhapsyoucanalreadyfeeltheempoweringpossibilitytheyrepresent.Youcandothesethingsandnoonecanstopyou!Suchisthepowerofactingfrom“inhere.”Andbecauseyou’vefreedupafearthathadbeenoperating“inhere,”youwillseethatthecontoursofyourworld“outthere”cannowchange.That’snottosayeverythingyouwanttohappenwillautomaticallyhappen;thingstaketime,causeshaveeffectsthathavetoplayout,andeverypersonaroundyouwillbeinhisorherownstateofreadinesstoacceptsomethingnewfromyou.Butintime,you’llnoticethatthingsthathavebecomenon-issuesforyoualsoceasetobeissuesinyourrelationshipswithothers.

Wecouldrunthroughthissameprocess(includingmostofthequestions,slightlyreworded)toexploretransformingadifficultsituation.Forexample,saywe’reworriedaboutmoney,orirritatedbythemanydemandsonourtime.Howareweplayingintoit?Whatareweafraidwillhappen?Whatdowefearaboutourselvesinthissituation?Andhowcanwemoveintothatfearandclaimourpoweranyway?

Inapplyingthisflip,weneednotlimitourselvestodifficulties.Myopeningstoryaboutmyexperiencewhilemeditatingshowswhatinsightwecangainfromseeinghowouroutwardgoalsrelatetoinwardyearnings.Whatdoyouseek“outthere?”Whatdoesitrelateto“inhere?”Inthecaseofagoal,wemightask,“IfIattainthisgoal,whatwillthatdoforme?WhatfearsaboutmyselfdoIhopetolaytorest?”Achievement-drivengoals,forexample,oftenfindtheirrootinprovingwe’regoodenough,smartenough,orpowerfulenough.There’snothingwrongwiththis,butonlybyfindingtherootofevenworthwhilegoalsinourlifecanweusethemproductively,ratherthanthemusingus.

Wecanalsoapplythisfliptoconsidergreatopportunities“outthere”forwhatneedstochange“inhere”totakeadvantageofthem.Seeingintothemirror,wemightaskwhatstrengthsorvalues“inhere”wouldbeservedbymovinginthisdirection.Whatwoulditcalloutfromus?Howsatisfyingwould

itbe?Findingtheroot,wecouldprobewhatfearsmightholdusbackorsabotageoursuccess.Howarewelikelytogetinourownway?Claimingourpower,wecanmoveintothosefearsanddecidewhethertomoveforwardontheopportunity.Ifwedomoveforward,weknowwhatfearswehavetomastertomovefearlessly.

Theflipfrom“outthere”to“inhere”iswidelyapplicableandendlesslyempowering.Inmakingthisflip,itbecomesincreasinglyclearthatthereisnoreal“outthere”separatefrom“inhere,”butonlyonethinggoingon,inwhichwe’reacreativeplayer.Inmakingthisflip,theZenleaderinusisabletousebothwhat’sfreeandwhat’sdeterminedinanymoment.It’sasifwe’reabletoshiftoutofbeingmerelyatokenonthegameboardoflifetobeingtheoneplayingthegame,usingbroaderawarenesstoilluminateanddissipatethefearsthatarepartofthegameasweknowit,andthensendinabettergameplantoourtoken-selvesontheboard.Intheflipfromblaming“outthere”toclaimingourpower“inhere,”wecultivatefearlessness.Wealsodeveloptheextraordinaryawarenessthatallowsusnotonlytoplaytoourcurrentlyunderstoodstrengths,butalsotovastlystrengthenourplay,whichweturntonext.

TheZenLeaderFlip4Takeaways

“OutThere”to“InHere”Whatweseekoravoid“outthere”relatestoyearningsandfears“inhere,”

wherewehavethepowertomasterthem.Tocultivatefearlessness:Seeintothemirror.Ask,HowamIplayingintothis?Whatisthisrelatedto“inhere”?Findtheroot.Ask,WhatamIafraidof?Whatmaybetrueofme?WhatamInot“enough?”Claimyourpower.Mergewiththefear,acceptingit,notasajudgment,butasadiscoveryaboutyourself.Findyourfreedomtoactanddeclareyourintent.

TheZenLeaderCorePractice:SittingMeditation

Ourabilitytoseeintothemirrorandfindourrootfearscanbeacceleratedbypracticesthatbuildawarenessandrelaxationinthebody.Sittingmeditationisacorepracticefordoingthat.Inmeditation,sittingstillwithalloursensesopen,wecancultivateaconditionofcompleterelaxationandcompleteawareness,insideandout,allatthesametime.Afterabout20minutesof“sitting”(thatis,“sittingmeditation,”),peoplecommonlyexperienceanabruptdropintension.Thebestwaytolearnmeditationiswiththeguidanceofaskilledteacher.Buttogetstartedonyourown,orrefreshwhatyoualreadyknow,thefollowingwillguideyou.1.Loosenupyourneckandshoulders,shakingoutanysuperficialtension.

Sitonacushionorchair,withyourspineasnaturallystraightasitwouldbeifyouwerestanding.Yourhipjointsshouldbeslightlyhigherthanyourknees(seeFigure4.2aandb)Eyestakein180-degreevision,withyourgazesplashingoffthefloorafewfeetinfrontofyou.

2.ArcyourarmsintoletterCs,withyourshouldersrelaxedandthebladesofyourhandsonyourcenter(hara),palmsup,onehandontopoftheother,slightlybelowyournavel.Here,yourhandscanfeelthebreathmovetoandfromyourhara.Foldinthethumbofyourlowerhandandcloseyourupperhandaroundit.

3.Breathequietlyinandoutthroughyournose.Asyoustarttoexhaleimaginetwothings:first,aslightcurrentofenergyextendingthroughtheballsofyourfeet(orthroughyourknees,ifonacushion)downintotheearth.Withthisslightextension,you’llnoticea“thereness”orsetfeelinginyourhara,andasenseofextensionthroughyourspineandoutthetopofyourhead(Figure4.2c).Second,inyourmind’svoice,linkyourexhalewithadeepvowelsound,startingwith“ahh,”andworkingthrough“ay,”“ee,”“oh,”and“uu”onsuccessivebreaths.Lettheimaginedsoundpenetrateallthewaythroughyourexhale,makingitaslongandslowasyoucomfortablycan.Afteryoufinish“uu”(orifyouloseyourplaceatanypoint),gobackto“ahh.”

4.Attheendofyourexhale,relaxcompletely(quitextendingenergy)andallowtheinhaletohappenonitsown,fromthebottomup(Figure4.2d).Continueinthisway,alternatingslightextensionasyouexhaleandrelaxationasyouinhale.Asthoughtsorimpulsesarise,simplywatch

themwithoutgettinglostinthem,andblendthemwithyourbreathandvoicelessvowelsound.Sitfor20minutes.

Figure4.2

Postureforsittingmeditation.

5FromPlayingtoYourStrengthstoStrengthening

YourPlay

“THEPURPOSEOFHojotrainingistodropeveryhabitfromthedayyouwereborn.”Sayagain?WelcometomyconfusionwhenIfirstheardthislinefromTanouyeRoshi,abrilliantZenmasterwhoheadedupChozen-ji,whereIdidmuchofmyZentraining.Confusionnotwithstanding,Ikneweverythinghesaidmattered,soitlodgedinmybrainasariddletobesolvedlater.HojoisanobscurebranchofKendo,withfourswordkata(forms),eachnamedforaseasonandmanifestingaspecifickindofenergy.Whywashesoenamoredwithit?Whatdidthishavetodowithhabits,andwhydidhabitshavetobedroppedanyway?

TrainasImightinHojo,itwouldbeyearslaterand4,600milesaway,inadancestudiowithchoreographerBetsyWetzig,whenthelightwouldgoon.Betsy’slifelongworkwithmovementhadledhertolearnaboutfourmovementpatternsbasedinthenervoussystemandknownsincethe1930s,buthardlyknownintheeverydayworld.Weallhaveaccesstoallfourpatterns,fromnature,nurture,andyearsofconditioning,andwealsohaveapreferredpatternorder.Betsyrecognizedthesemovementpatternsrelatedtopersonality—or“habits,”touseTanuoye’sword—andshecataloguedmanyoftheirpsychophysicalconnections.Isawtheyweretheessenceofevery“personalitytest”I’devertaughtortaken.Theywereapowerfulframeworkforconnecting“being”and“doing”—thatis,howweareontheinsidewithhowweshowupintheworld.Theyweretheperfecttoolforhelpingleadersgrowauthenticallyandembodylearning,or“bethechange.”TheyweretheunderpinningofeverybusinessandorganizationalneedI’dbeenaddressing,fromstrategytocommunication,toteamclimate,culture,andhandlingconflict,and,yes,theyweretheenergypatternsoftheHojo.Ifyoucouldbefacileinanyofthem,youwouldflipfrombeingaprisonerofpersonalitytobeingabletouseyourpersonalityfully.ToparaphraseTanouyeRoshi,youwouldbeasflexibleasthedayyouwereborn!

Throughouttheyears,thefieldofleadershipdevelopmenthasgonebackandforthonwhetherleadersshouldfindandfixtheirfaults,orplaytotheirstrengths.Whichisright?Asusual,agreatertruthismoreparadoxical.Between

theseforces,ahigher-levelgoalispossible:Playtoyourstrengths,butdon’tbecomeavictimofthem;gettoknowallfacetsoftheZenleaderinyou,andfieldtherightplayerforthesituation.

Inthischapter,you’llmeetfouraspectsofyourself;fourenergypatternsthatrepresentwaysyournervoussystemcanfunction.You’llfindthatsomeofthemyouknowquitewell,whereasoneortwomightfeellessfamiliar:1.TheintensityoftheDriver2.ThestabilityoftheOrganizer3.TheengagingfunoftheCollaborator4.TheflowoftheVisionaryYou’llfirsthaveachancetodiscoverwhatstrengthsyounormallyplayto,

andthenlearnhowtomaketheflipthatvastlystrengthensyourplay.

PuttingtheWholePersonBackIntoPersonality

MaybeitwasDescartesandhisfamousdictum,“IthinkthereforeIam,”thatpropelledusdownthepathofregardingpersonalityasonlya“headthing.”Ormaybeitwastheideathatthoughtiswhatsetsusapartfromanimalsthatmadeitthefocusofourinquiryintohumanpersonality.Howeverwegothere,it’sclearthatmostmodelsofpersonalityfocusontheneckup.Throughthestagesofdevelopment,whichwegrowthroughindividuallyandsocietiesgrowthroughcollectively,we’vegonebackandforthbetweenemphasizingthebody(basicsurvival,“mightisright”)andemphasizingthemind(becominglogical,rational:“IthinkthereforeIam”).Nowthatyouknowthepowerofparadox,youcanappreciatethatwereachanevengreatertruthwhenweembracetheAndofboth.Butthatmeansintegratingthewholeperson—bodyandmind—inourviewofpersonality.Fortunatelyweliveinatimewhenalltheingredientsfordoingthatareinplace.

Wecanstandontheshouldersofancientwiseones,suchasHippocrates,whocharacterizedfour“humors”relatedtotypesofpeopleandtheirphysicalhealth.Welearnfromarchetypesembodiedinmythandstory(“thewarrior,”“themagician”),whichendurethroughtimebecausetheyspeaktoaspectsofallofus.WehavethewisdomofCarlJung,whoturnedarchetypestotemperaments,andKarenHorney,whonoticedthatsomepeoplepushagainsttheworld,otherswithdraw,andathirdgroupgoesalong.1Wecanbuildontheworkofthosewhocharacterizedpersonalitytypesandgaveuswaystomeasurethem,suchas

IsabelMyersandKatherineBriggs,andthepopularMBTI(Myers-BriggsTypeIndicator).2

Ascomputersbecamecommonplace,researcherscoulddiscernwhichpersonalitytraitsgrouptogetherintofundamentalfactors—“primarycolors”—ofpersonality.Theso-calledfive-factorpersonalitymodelsemerged,whichmightbetterbedescribedas“fourfactorsplusabasketofthingsthatcouldgowrong.”Instrumentstomeasurethesefactorslikewiseemerged,suchastheNEOPI(Neuroticism-Extroversion-OpennessPersonalityInventory),3theHoganSuite,4andtheHBDI(HerrmannBrainDominanceInstrument).5Eventhoughwe’vementionedthebodyonceortwicehere(itwouldbehard,afterall,topushwithoutabody),thisisallprettymainstreampsychologicalstuff,focusedonthemind.

Rewindthetapetothe1930s,andwecantracethebodysideofthisstory.WefindJosephineRathboneatColumbiaUniversity,6usingsomeprettyrudimentarytechniques—movingpeople’sarms—yetnoticingsomethingveryinteresting.Hersubjectsareallrelaxedandinthesameposition,butassherotatestheirarms,shedetectsfourdifferentunconscious,residualtensionpatternsintheirmuscles.Knowingthatmovementhappensthroughthecoordinationofopposingmusclegroups—whatwemightthinkofasengine(“agonist”)andbrakes(“antagonist”)—shediscernsfourdistinctpatternsofneuromuscularregulation.Paraphrased,onewouldbe:“Applyengineandbrakesatexactlythesametime.”Anotherwouldbe:“Justgowithyourengineandgettothebrakeifyouneedit.”Youcanimagineifthesewererealdriversontheroad,theirdrivingpatternswouldlookverydifferent,fromthecautioustothecavalier.Andsotheydoinmovementaswell.

Fast-forward30years,andRathbone’sresearchresurfacesinthelaboratoryofValerieHunt,whereelectroderecordingsarenowpossible.7HuntandhercolleaguesareabletomeasurefourpatternsofneuromuscularfiringcorrespondingtoRathbone’spatterns.Huntspeculatesontheconnectiontopersonality,asdidRathbonebeforeher,butherresearchgoesoffindifferentdirections.AgraduatestudentinHunt’slab,SallyFitt,isinvitedtospeakonthismovementresearchatanationaldanceconferencein1977.Theaudienceisfilledwithchoreographersandpeoplewholiveintheirbodiesandmoveforaliving.OneofthemisBetsyWetzig,andherworldwillneverbesame.

Ourworldisbetterforit.ForBetsyfindsinthesepatternstheanswerstoquestionsshe’spuzzledaboutforyearsworkingwithherdancers.Forexamplewhythisonepracticeswithsuchdiscipline,andissogoodattheprecisionof

ballet,butcan’tgettheflow,whilethatonegetsthefloweffortlessly,butcan’tgettorehearsalsontime.Betsyrecognizedthesewerepatternsofbodyandmind,patternsofpersonalityallthewaythrough,andshestartedmappingthelinksbetweenthem.

Then,20yearslater,I’mmeetingBetsyinadancestudiooutsideAtlanta.I’vecomefromadojowhereIteachAikidoandZenwhenI’mnotontheroaddoingleadershipprograms,andI’vebroughtsomestudentswithme.ThelightbulbsstartgoingonasBetsyleadsusintoeachofthe“CoordinationPatterns,”8asshecallsthem.I’mwatchingmystudentsandseeingwhatBetsymusthaveseeninherdancers—howthepatternstheymoveinmosteasilymatchtheirpersonalities.Iknowfrommyleadershipworkhowimportantitistoknowandbuildonone’sstrengths.AndthenIremembertheHojo,andTanouye’sdescriptionofitspurpose:tomakeoneagileinanyenergy.Bytheendoftheday,I’mnearlyburstingwiththepossibilitiesthesepatternspresent.“Thesepatternscanreallyhelppeople!”IblurtouttoBetsy,asifshedoesn’talreadyknowthat.“Whereisthebookonthis?”

“Whydon’twewriteit?”sheanswers,whichledtoMovetoGreatness,9andbegananewphaseinmyworkwhenIstartedwriting,living,breathing,teaching,andseeingpatterns—patternseverywhereinleadership,teams,organizations,businessmodels,markettrends,culturaldifferences…younameit.Intheworldofmanagement,wheremeasurementmatters,developingatoolformeasuringthesepatternsbecameespeciallyimportant.WorkingwithMarkKiefaber,mypsychologisthusbandwhomyoumetbehindthewheelinthelastchapter,wedevelopedtheFEBI10(“fee-bee,”whichstandsforFocusEnergyBalanceIndicator).Inresearchingandvalidatingthisinstrument,11weputtheFEBIthroughallthestandardpsychometricpacesandfound,indeed,thatitmeasuredfourdistinctfactorsofpersonality,andpredictablycorrelatedwiththe“mind”aspectsofotherpsychologicalinstruments.

WhatDoyouKnowAboutyourStrongestGame?Inthelastchapter,youhadachancetobuildalistofyourstrengths.You

canrefertothatordevelopitfresh.1.List5thingsyouknowyou’regoodat,whichmightbespecificskills

(suchasmathormusic)andalsotraitsthathavesupportedyouthroughyourcareer(forexample,beinggoodwithpeople).

2.Describeatimewhenyoufeltcompletely“inyourgame”—thatis,

completelyengagedandabletobringoutyourbest.Whatskillsandattributeswereyouabletobringtothatsituation?Howdidyoufeel?

3.Listonethingyou’veoftenwishedyouwerebetterat.

Sonowallthepiecesareinplaceforthesetwostreamstocometogether—thepsychologicalandthephysiological,mindandbody—inawayofunderstandingpersonalitythatintegratesthewholeperson.Aswe’llsee,thisintegratedviewhasmanyadvantagesoveramind-onlyviewwhenitcomestomovingfromawarenesstoaction,fromtalktowalk,andfromplayingonlytoourstrengthstostrengtheninghowweplayourbestgame.

WhatStrengthsDoYouPlayTo?

Beforewedelvefurtherintotheenergypatterns,it’susefultopauseandrecallwhatyoualreadyknowaboutyourstrengths.Youmayhavestartedbuildingalistofyourstrengthsinthelastchapter;thesidebarexercisegivesyouachancetotakethatfurther,andalsoconsidersomethingyou’vealwayswantedtobebetterat.We’llusetheseanswerslaterwhenwelookatthefliptostrengtheningyourplay.

Maybeyouhavestrengthsthatyou’renotconsciousof.OnereasoninstrumentsliketheFEBIaresousefulisthattheymakeconnectionsyoumaynotbeawareof.Ifyou’dliketotaketheFEBI,visitwww.focusleadership.com;ifyou’vealreadytakenit,great!Pulloutyourreport.Otherwise,youcangetasenseofyourstrongestpatternsbycompletingthemini-FEBIthatfollows.

Thisisallgoodfuelforthejourneyonwhichwe’renowembarking:ajourneyintoyourownnervoussystemwhereyou’llfindyoucanplayanyofthesefourenergypatterns,justasaradioplaysmultiplestations.

Mini-FEBIOnascaleof1(never)to10(always),indicatehowtrueeachstatementis

foryou.Useasmuchofthe10-pointscaleasapplicable.A“5”meansaverage;inotherwords,thisstatementisaboutastrueforyouasyouthinkitisforpeopleingeneral.(Scoringisgivenonpage114.)

ExperiencethePatterns

Heavymetal,countryandwestern,NewAge—justasdifferentradiostationsspecializeindifferentkindsofmusic,soeachoftheenergypatternshasitsownspecialties.Justaswehavepreferencesforwhatmusicwelistento,sowehavepreferencesamongthefourenergypatterns.Thepatternwemostprefer(ourfavoriteradiostation)iscalledtheHomepattern.Notonlydoweplayitthemostoften,butevenwhenwe’replayingtheotherpatterns,it’sstillhummingalonginthebackground.Thepatternweleastprefer,orpatternsthatareparticularlyweakforus,arepotentialriskareas,aswemightnotusethosepatternswhenthey’recalledfor,andinsteadstumblearoundmisapplyingourstrengths.

Misappliedstrengthsarenotstrengthsatall.Whenwebringthewrongenergytoasituation,it’slikeplayingChristmascarolsonthe4thofJuly—somethingdoesn’tmatchanddoesn’twork.Soit’sgoodtoknowwhateachoftheseenergypatternsisessentialfor,andthebestwaytobuildthatunderstandingisfrominsideout.Let’sgo.

PushintotheDriver.Sitforwardinyourchairandpushyourfeetintotheground.Stareintothispageasthoughyoureyeswerelaserstryingtoburnaholeinit.You’llnoticeafurrowcomesintoyourbrow,asyourconcentrationintensifies.Youcantakethisfurther—butyou’llhavetosetdownthebook—bystraighteningyourarmsoutinfrontofyou,pressingyourpalmstogether,pointingyourindexfingersstraightaheadlikeagun,andinterlockingtherestof

yourfingers.IfyounowfeellikeDirtyHarryreadytotellsomeoneto“Makemyday,”you’vegottherightattitude.Andyoumightnoticehowyourattitudeitselfhasshiftedfromjustamomentagowhenyouwerecasuallyreadingabook.Wordslikeaggressive,angry,anddeterminedcomeupwhenpeopledescribehowtheyfeelinthispattern.

Howdoesthispatternmove?IfyoutakeafewstepsinyourDirtyHarryposture,you’llfindyourmovementsareclear,fast,straight,anddirect.Thiscouldjustaseasilydescribethethoughtprocessofthispattern:nononsense,gettothepoint,let’smoveon.ThisistheDriverpattern,basedinpushingorthrusting.Physiologically,ournervoussystemhasputonthebrakesandthengunnedourenginesintooverpoweringstrength(sortofthewayadragracestarts).Beingallaboutpushing,thispatternpushesagainstgoals,pushesotherpeople,andpushesagainsttheclock.It’sapatterninahurry,makingittheacceleratorpedalofbusiness.Itcanalsobeimpatient,pooratlistening,racingaheadorrunningoverpeople.Invariousstagesoflife,itisthepatternofearlydefiance(asinthe“terrible2s”),teenagerebellion,thewarrior,thefiercecompetitor,and,initsmostmaturephase,thegreatprotector.

Mini-FEBIScoringTocalculateyourtotalsforeachpattern:Add#2,4,8,13,18,and24forDriver:__________Add#1,5,12,16,20,and23forOrganizer:_________Add#3,6,10,11,19,and21forCollaborator:__________Add#7,9,14,15,17,and22forVisionary:__________Yourhighest-scoringpatternismostlikelyyourHomepattern.Yourtwo

highest-scoringpatternsmakeupyourprimarystyle,andthelowest-scoringpatternisapotentialriskarea.

Ifyou’reracingtogettothenextparagraph,thispatternprobablyfeelsfamiliar.

StepintotheOrganizer.Situpstraightinyourchairandplaceyourkneestogether,feetflatonthefloor.Holdyourheadhigh,asifitcouldbalanceabook,andholdthisbookhighasyoureadit,asifyouwereinachoir.HoldthispostureforabitandyoucanfeeltheuprightcharacterandpropernessthatistheOrganizer.NoticehowdifferentthisisfromtheDriver:muchquieter,more

composed,andyetallwe’vedoneischangedpostures.TheOrganizerpatternisbasedinholdingformandgivingshapetoamessy

world.Physiologically,thenervoussystemisgivinginstructionstotheengineandbrakemusclestoproceedtogether,step-by-step,andgetthisthingright,whichmakesforprecise,disciplinedmovement.Picturearegalprocession,orbetteryet,standupandtakeafewmeasured,regalstepsyourself,drawingupyourbackfootbeforesteppingagain.Thismaynotbethefastestwayyoueverwalked,and,initsneedtobecorrect,thispatternsometimesstrugglestokeepupinanever-quickeningworld.Butbecauseit’salsodisciplinedaboutdeadlinesandcorrectaboutcommitments,itwilltryandtrytokeepitsword.

Thisisthepatternofconscientiousness.Itisapatternofplanningthework,workingtheplan,makingthelist,checkingthingsoff,takingbigthornyproblemsandbreakingthemdowninto—whatdoyouthink?—steps,thatcanbeactedupon,managed,andmeasured.Organizerenergyisthevoiceofoperationalexcellence,safety,quality,andethicsinanorganization.Businesscouldn’tevenfunctionwithouttheOrganizerkeepingthingsrunningontime.Ontheotherhand,thisenergycangetstuckinitswaysastheworldchanges,orworrysomuchaboutgettinglittlethingsrightthatitgetsbigthingswrong.Invariousstagesoflife,itisthepatternofearlyritual(“theTeddybeargoeshere,notthere!”),theboyscoutorgirlscout,thegoodsoldier,thedutifulwifeorhusband,theuprightcitizen,and,initsmostmatureforms,thematriarch,thepatriarch,theresponsibleruler.

Nowthatyou’vecheckedoffthispattern,you’rereadytogotothenext.SwingintotheCollaborator,baby.Forgetallthatstillstuffandloosenupa

little.Startrockinginyourseat,leftandright,goingalittlefarthereachtime,andlettingyourheadandshouldersgetintothemotion(hint:relaxyourneck).Youmightstartnoticingarubberyfeelinginthebody.Youcanfeelthisthroughyourwholebodyifyoustandup,andkeepshiftingyourweightfromfoottofoot,relaxingintoeveryshift.Youmightrecognizethisrhythmisthebasisofagilityinmanysports,andtheabilitytomoveeasilywithothers,asinAikidoordance.Theback-and-fortheaseofCollaboratorenergynaturallyengagesothers.Andifyou’relikethethousandsofleadersI’vewatchedmoveinthispattern,thesmileonyourfaceisnoaccidenteither.Thisisahappypattern.

TheessentialmovementoftheCollaboratorpatternisback-and-forth,to-and-fro,orswinging.Fromhandshakegreetingstorockingababy,thispatternconveysthewarmthofhumanconnection.Physically,thenervoussystemhasletuponthebrakes(relativetotheOrganizerpattern),goingintooscillationand

triggeringenginethenbrake,enginethenbrake.Infindingthisrhythm,it’seasyforthispatterntoplayinthegive-and-takeofrelationships,tospinamarvelousstory,todeliverapunchlinewithjusttherighttiming,toseemyway,andalsoyourway,tofindironyandhumorinthemostridiculoussituations,andhencetorollwiththepunches,finditswayaroundobstacles,andtalkonandoninrun-onsentences.

Intheworkplace,Collaboratorenergystrengthensthebondsbetweenpeople,makingteamsworkbetter,influenceworkatall,andworkalotmorefun.LiketheDriver,it’sanextrovertedenergy,butorientedtopeople(whereasDriverisfocusedongoals).Longunder-appreciatedintheworldofbusiness,it’snowapatternontheriseascompaniestrytogetclosertocustomersandkeeptheiremployeesengaged.It’snocoincidencethatsomeofthebestsalespeoplehavestrengthsinthispattern,enablingthemtoeasilyconnectwithothers.Toomuchofthispattern,andone’sliferesemblesacornucopiaoverflowingwithrelationships,distractions,andcommitmentsthatcannotallbemet.TheCollaboratormighthaveahardtimebeingtakenseriously,orhaveahardtimebeingserious.AnddidImentionthispatternlikestotalk?Invariousstagesofdevelopment,Collaboratorenergyemergesaslearningtoplaywithothersinthesandbox,thesocialbutterflyornetworker,theclown,thelover,theentertainer,themagician,and,ultimately,thecharismaticsavior.

WiththeCollaborator,we’vemovedovertotheso-calledright-brainpatternsofthinking(DriverandOrganizerbeingsolidlyintheleft-braincategory).Youmightnoticethataswe’veprogressedthroughthesethreepatterns,we’veletuponthebrakes,whichreducesthe“front”sidetensionwedroppedearlierinourflipfromtensiontoextension.Sowhatdoyouthinkhappenswhenwetakethebrakeoffaltogetherandgowhereitgoes?Whoknows?

DriftintotheVisionary.TheexperienceofthispatternisallthemorestrikingincontrasttotheDriver.Foramoment,re-assumetheDirtyHarryposition.Sightdownyourgun-barrelindexfingersasifyourlifedependedonit,handspressedtogether,feetpressedintothefloor,focus,focus,focus,andthen—poof!—letthatgo.Letyourhandsdrifttothesidesofyourheadin(asinFigure5.1),seeingbothatthesametimeinyourperipheralview.Alreadyyoumaynoticeafeltdifferenceinyourheadasthebloodflowshiftstothebrain’slaterallobes;imagineyoucouldseethroughyourears.Sitbackinyourchair,relax,andletyoureyesdriftwherever,asyourearsregistereverysoundandyouseetheentiredomearoundyou.Letyourhandsdriftdown,supportedbyair,torest,palmsup,wherevertheylight.Openyourmouthslightly,andletairtrickleinonitsownandoutwhenit’sready—soveryslowlyandsilently…theairitself

isnotdisturbed.Figure5.1

Visionaryhandsopento180degrees,asdoeyesandallthesenses.

Open,boundless,andfreearewordspeoplefrequentlyusetodescribethisenergyflowingthroughthem.Visionaryisthepattern-of-no-pattern;itsessenceisspontaneous,non-repeatingmovementsthatextendthroughthebody…drifting,hangingintheeternalNow.Thisenergygivesrisetoleapsinimagination,connectingideas,andtrulyseeingthebigpicture(whichmostleadersthinktheydo,butfaceit:inDriverenergy,you’relookingthroughaperiscope).Itsensesthelargerforcesatwork,andnaturallymovestoharmonizewiththeminsettingavisionandleadingonpurpose.

Inbusinessesandorganizations,theVisionaryisgreatatdreamingthingsup,findingthefuture,andleapingtothenextgame-changingparadigm.Likethe

Collaborator,thisenergypatternisalsoontherise,evidentinbroader,“greener”thinking,andincreasedemphasisonpurposeandinnovation.Aninsatiablelearner,theVisionarydoesn’tattempttokeepupbymovingfaster,butinsteadbyscanning,connectingideas,andsensingtheessential.Buthangoutinthispatterntoomuch,andyoumayhaveamillionideasthatgonowhere.Throughoutdevelopment,theVisionaryenergyemergesastheinquisitivelearner(“wheredostarscomefrom?”),theexplorer,thephilosopher,thesensitiveartist,poetornaturalist,thecounselor,and,initsObi-wanmaturity,thesage.

You’venowexperiencedallfourenergypatterns,soyouknowthatthe“radio”thatisyournervoussystemcanplayanyofthem.Youprobablyalsohaveasenseaboutyourfavorites;canyouguesswhichpattern(s)underlieyourstrengths?Orwhichonecouldhelpyoumostintheareayou’vealwayswantedtobebetterat?SayyourHomepatternisDriverandyouneedmorestrategicthinkingandgame-changingboundlessness.HowdoyougetyournervoussystemtoplayVisionary?CoulditbeaseasyasaflipfromaDirtyHarrystancetoopen-palmedextension?

Yes.Butnotatfirst.

FlippingPatterns,ChangingStyle

Earlyresearchonthesepatternsshowedthatwhenonepartofthebodymovesintoapattern,therestofthemindandbodyfollows.Youmayhaveexperiencedthismomentsagowhenyouconsciouslymovedintoeachofthepatternsandnoticedsimultaneouschangesinemotionsandthoughtprocesses.Thisconnectednessthroughthelayersofourwholeselfisexactlywhatmakesthepatternssopowerfulinworkingwithourlifeandleadership.

Thatsaid,wearemorethanaconsciousmind.Atanunconsciouslevel,ourHomepatternisstilllurkingaroundinthebackground,inthesamewaythatourmusclescarryresidualtension,evenwhenwetrytorelaxthem.Aswemoveintodifferentpatterns,thepartswecanconsciouslyaccesschangetheirfunctioning,andthepartswedon’thaveaccesstostayinwhateverpatterntheywerein—generallytheHomepattern.Theresultiswhatwecall“style,”whichisablendofourHomepatternwithanotherpattern.Musicisagoodexampleofhowenergypatternsblendtogetherinastyle(seethesidebar“IfYourNervousSystemWereaRadio”).

IfYourNervousSystemWereaRadio…Here’showthefourenergypatternsmightshowuponyourradiodial:Driver:JamwithWDRVasitblastsoutheavymetal,theROCKinrock

androll,orthethump-thumpofhip-hop;musicthatmakesyoustomporthrustonthebeat.

Organizer:TuneintoWORG,andentertheorderlyworldofBachandMozart.Youmightalsohearfolkballadsandsongsofsimplesymmetry,forwhichyousteporplaceonthebeat.

Collaborator:RollondowntoWFUNforgoodtimes,gooddancetunes(swingonthebeat!),rhythmicjazz,orswing-your-partnercountryandwestern.

Visionary:CatchthedriftonWFLOforsomeNewAgebigness,orjazzthatgoesallovertheplace;ifyoucanevendetectabeat,justflowwithit.

Similartopeople,mostmusicdrawsfrommultiplepatternsinaparticularorder.Thestrongestpattern,whatwemightcallthemusic’sHomepattern,iscarriedinthebeat(andifyoucan’tpickoutthebeat,it’sprobablyVisionary).Themusic’sstylecomesfromthecombinationofHomeplusthesecondstrongestpattern(forexample,rockandrollreflectsDriver-Collaborator).

Theenergyofmusicismorethananinterestingmetaphorforthepatterns.Indeed,musicisaparticularlygoodwaytosenseoraccesstheenergypatterns,becausesoundfrequenciescreatematchingresonanceinthehumanbody.

UsingYourStrengthsasaSpringboardHerearesomewaysyoumightusethestrengthsofyourHomepatternto

approachpractice.Driver:Useyourspeedandcompetitiveedgetopracticeinshortbursts;

setatargetandkeepscore;makeabetwithafriend,ormakeafriendlycompetitionoutofreachingyourgoals.

Organizer:Drawonyourdisciplined,orderlynaturebysettingaregulartimeforpractice,practicinginbite-sizedsteps,keepingalogofyourpracticeandprogress,andcheckingoffactivitiessuccessfullydone.

Collaborator:Engageyourplayfulness,sociability,andsenseofrhythmto

playwithyourpractice—turnitintoagame.Makeitfun;involvefriends.Alternatebetweenacoupleofactivitiestofindtherightrhythm.

Visionary:Useyourimagination,curiosity,andrisk-takingtopracticeasanexplorer,pushingtheenvelopeofyourcomfortzonetoseewhathappens;trydifferentthingsandexplorewhatpracticeworksbest.

Agilityinthepatternscomeswhenwe’reabletousenotjustourfavoritecoupleofpatterns(ourprimarystyle),butanypatternwhenit’scalledfor(backupstyles).Forexample,ifourusualDriver-Organizerstyleisn’tappropriateforthebrainstormingsessionwe’vejustentered,wecouldcallonourVisionarypattern,andengageinamoreDriver-Visionarystyle.Ourabilitytofullyanddeeplyaccessweakerpatternsimproveswithtwothings:awareness,whichishowwemaketheunconsciousconscious,andpractice.

Awarenessinourbodygivesusconsciousaccesstomoreofitsmovingparts.That’swhymindfulnessinthebodyisthefoundationoftraininginanymartialartorsport,aswellasdance,yoga,music,physicaltherapy,bodytherapy,meditation,relaxationtechniques,andonandon.Awarenessisthekeytounlockingmoreofourselves.Themoreawarenesswedevelopinthebody,themoreweresemblethe“softandpliable”baby(thinkofapracticedyogi)andthemorefullywecanexpressanypattern.Wefurtherincreaseouragilitybybecomingawareofhoweachpatternfunctionsinus,andflippingbetweenpatternsasthesituationdemands.

Thesecondrequirement,practice,isneededtolaydownnewpathsinthenervoussystemasalternativestotheold,well-traveledpathwehavebeenusing.Ifwedon’tpractice,wecanstillconsciouslyaccessaweakpattern,butassoonasourconsciousmindmovesontothenextshinything,ournervoussystemrevertstoitssameoldstyle.Foraperiodoftime—generallythreetosixweeks—wehavetopracticethroughaphaseof“consciouscompetence”inordertobuildanewunconsciouscompetenceinaweakpattern.Whatwepracticeshouldmatchtheenergypatternwe’dliketocultivate.For

example,wemightdofast,clear,score-keepingactivitiestobringouttheDriver,whereas,ifwewanteasieraccesstoCollaborator,we’ddothingsthatarefun,social,orrhythmic.Table5.1givesanumberofwaysofusingworkbehaviors,oursenses,orphysicalmovementtostimulateanyofthepatternswe’dlikeeasieraccessto.12

Howwepracticeshouldbuildonourstrengths.KnowingthatourHome

patternwillstillbeplayinginthebackground,we’remorelikelytostickwithourforayintoadifferentpatternifithassomevestigeofthefamiliar.IfyourHomepatternisOrganizer,forexample,thewholeideaofdisciplinedpracticespeakstoyou:setupascheduleforit,putitonyourlist—it’llgetdone.ButifHomeistheVisionarypattern,youmightwanttomakeamoreopen-endedexplorationofpractice:whenisthebesttime?Whichofthreeorfourdifferentactivitiesworksbest?Thesidebar“UsingYourStrengthsasaSpringboard”givessomeideasforhowyoucanuseyourHomepatterntoadaptyourpractice.

Table5.1WaystoDevelopAnyPattern

Withawareness,weseethepatternsfunctioninginus—ratherthanjustunconsciouslybeinginthisorthatpattern.Withpractice,wemakeiteasierto

playanypatternweneed.Ifwethinkofthesepatternsasmakingupourowninnerteam,withpractice,webuildourbenchstrength.Withafullycapableinnerteam,wecanfullyshowupasweneedtoinanysituation.

“MakestheNumbers,RoughonPeople”

That’sthebuzzonJohn,whichiswhyhe’saskedmetobehiscoach.Forthepastseveralyears,he’sbeentargetedforpromotiontotheexecutiveteamofthis$10billioncompany.Butthepromotionisn’tgoingtohappen,theheadofHRtellsme,untilJohnlearnshowtobuildbridgeswithhispeersanddevelopthepeoplewhoworkforhim.

Johnisgreatguy:sharpasatack,energetic,andwitty.Peoplewhohaveworkedforhimforalongtimearedeeplyloyaltohim.“Buthepushestoomuch,”theytellmeininterviews.“Hetriestodotoomuchhimself.”Meanwhile,hispeersaresaying,“Hedoesn’tlisten.”“He’salwaysinahurry,andyougetasensethathedoesn’thavetimeforyou.”Andthenthere’sthetemper.“Bureaucracydrivesmecrazy,”Johnadmits.“Weneed20peopleintheroomtomakeadamndecision!”You’veonlyjustmetJohnandjustlearnedaboutthepatterns,butperhapsit’salreadycleartoyouthathe’squitetheDriver,andthekeytohisfuturesuccessismoreCollaborator.

AsIgettoknowJohn,it’sclearthatmorethanapromotionisatstake.Hehashighbloodpressureandahistoryofhearttrouble—allthatDriverpushingtakesitstoll.Evenwithoutthepromotion,he’salreadytoobusy.Therelentlesspacemakeshimmoreimpatientandill-tempered.“Ifeellikeaone-armedpaperhanger,”hetellsmeduringoneofourearlycoachingsessions.“Ican’tkeepdoingthis.I’vegottochange.”

Johnisripetoflipfromplayingtohisstrengthstostrengtheninghisplay.AswereviewhisFEBIreportinwhichCollaboratorshowsupastheweakestenergy,weexplorewayshecouldbuildthisbenchplayer.Johnquicklyrulesoutdance(“Noway!”),butnotices“golf,”whichhehasenjoyedinthepast,thoughhe’smadeitahighlycompetitive,smash-the-ballgame.He’dhavetoworkwithagolfproforawhiletogetoutofhisoldDriverhabitsandintoaneasy,Collaboratorswing,buthelikesthatidea.Ialsoencouragehimtoreallyslowdownwhenheplays,andusehisDriverstrengthtoprotecthisgolftimeassacred.

Theidealpracticecombinesphysicalactivities—suchasgolf—withdailyworkbehaviorsthatalsoreinforcethedesiredenergy.Johnagreestotryapracticeborrowedfromimprovisationalcomedy,whichwecall“Yes,and.”His

usualwaywithpeoplehadbeencloserto“No,but,”asin“No,weconsideredthat,butwedon’thavetheresources.”LittlewonderpeersneverfeltheardbyJohn.Inthisnewpractice,whichhegood-naturedlytellsseveralpeersabout,Johnpromisestostarteveryresponsewith“Yes,”andfigureouthowtobuildonit.Sometimesitwillcomeoutalittleodd,asin,“Yes,andIhavenoideahowyoucametothatview.Willyouexplainittome?”Butthiswayofspeakingalwayscreatesanopening.John’schallengeisthathenormallydoesn’tfeelhehastimetoopenupdialoguewithhiscolleagues.Whathe’sstartingtoseeisthathiswholerelationshiptotimehasbeenconditionedbytheDriverpattern:hurry,hurry,hurry.It’salegitimatewayofbeing,butit’snotthefuturehewantsforhimself.

Afewweekslater,JohnisonalayoverintheCharlotteairport.Henoticestherockingchairsintheterminalandpeoplerockinginthechairswhereyou’dnormallyfindonlyMadHattersrunningthiswayandthat.Itgiveshimanidea,andafewdayslater,acoupleofrockingchairsarriveinhisoffice.“Theyremindmetoslowdown,”hetellsme.They’vealsobecomethesettingforrealconversationsbetweenJohnandhiscolleagues.ItseemspeopleactuallywanttocomeintoJohn’sofficenow,andratherthantreatingthoseconversationsasawasteoftime,Johnislearningtobuildoneachoneasatoolofleadership.He’sgettingmoredonenowthroughothersthanheeverusedtogetdonethroughspeed.And,unlikespeedingup,thismethodscalesup.Canyoufeeltherelief?

TheZenLeaderFlip5:PlayingtoYourStrengthstoStrengtheningYourPlay

Thisflipstartsbypoppingupaleveltoseeingyourpersonality,ratherthanjustunconsciouslybeingyourpersonality.Toborrowanimagefromfootballorsoccer,inthisflipwemovefrombeingjustasoloplayeronthefieldtoalsobeingaplayer-coachwhoisseeingthewholefieldandfieldingtherightplayer.First,wehavetoknowournormalplayerstrengthsandwhenwearelikelytogetintotrouble.Theenergypatternsprovidetheperfectframeworkforseeingthis.Plustheyhelpustakethenextstep,whichisshoringupourbenchstrengthofotherplayerswhocantakethefieldasthesituationcallsforit.Thisisnotbeingotherthanweare,somuchasreclaimingmoreofwhoweare.Ultimately,wecanreadthesituationunfoldingonthefieldandauthenticallyshowupasourbestplayerbyflippingintotheappropriateenergy.Tryit.

Beingtoseeing.Youmayhavestartedthisflipearlierwhenyoureflectedonyourstrengthsandtheareayou’veoftenwantedtoimprove.UsingtheFEBI,aswellasyourownexperienceofthepatterns,perhapsyoucanalreadyidentifyyourstrongandweakpatterns.Ifnot,youmightbuildthispatternawarenessbyaskingpeoplewhoknowyouwellwhichpatternstheyseeyoufunctioninginmostandleast.Orreflectonthevoiceofeachofthesepatternsinyou;whichones“speak”allthetimeinyourmindchatter,andwhichonesgetlittlevoice?

Buildingthisawarenessistheseeing.Awarenesstranscendsourordinary

patternmindsettoseewhatisgoingon.Theenergypatternsgiveusasimpleframeworkforunderstandingtheenergywe’reexpressing,andawarenessletsusseewhereweareinthatframework.Althoughtherearenogoodorbadpatterns,allpatternprofileshaveimplications.Patternstrengthscanbecomeweaknessesifusedatthewrongtime.Andallweakpatternscanbecomestrengthsifwecultivatethem,whichleadstothenextstep.

Buildyourbench.Onceyoucanseethepatternsfunctioninginyou,it’seasiertoidentifythepatternyou’dlikeeasieraccessto.Itmightbethepatternthatbestsupportsthatthingyou’veoftenwantedtobebetterat.Oritcouldbeapatternyousimplywantmoreofatthisstageinyourlife.Buildingthisbenchplayerisnotmeanttodetractfromyourstrengths;rather,it’sonlybybuildingyourwholeinnerteamthatyourstrongestpatternscanfullyflourish.Wefocusonstrengtheningaweakplayersimplybecausethisishowwecreatenewcapabilityinthenervoussystem.It’snotenoughtoremindourselvesnottooverdoormisapplyourstrongestpatternsifwe’vegivenourselvesnoalternative.

Pickapatternyou’dlikemoreofandflipintoitrightnow.Youmightre-readtherelevantparagraphthatintroducedthepatternsearlierandrepeatthecoremovementofyourdesiredpattern:push,hold,swing,orflow.Asyouthinkaboutit,youcanmakethisflipinstantly—atleastpartofyoucan.Youmaynotice,forexample,ifyouflipintoCollaborator,onlypartofyougetsintotheback-and-forthrhythm;yourneckisstillstiff,yourribsaren’tmoving,andyourmindissayingThisisjustplainsilly.Buildingyourbenchissystematicallylettinggoofwhatever’sstuckorresistinguntilCollaboratorisjustCollaborator,andyoucancompletelygothere.FlippingintothecomposureoftheOrganizer,jumpyyoumaynoticeit’shardtositstill;you’reapersonofaction,andmaybeyouresentallthatrule-followingforceduponyouasachild.Buildingyourbenchisenteringthisresistance,untilOrganizerisjustOrganizerandcalmcomposurecanpervadeyournervoussystem.

Ifyou’dlikefulleraccesstoaweakpattern,evenwhenyou’renotthinkingaboutit,you’llwanttobuildapractice.Youcanbuildapracticefromamongyourhobbies,workhabits,orthepracticesuggestionsinTable5.1(pages122-123):pickoneortwoactivitiesintherightpatternandmakeapracticeofthem.Themorewebuildourbench,themorecomfortablewebecomemovingintoanypatternatamoment’snotice.Onlywheneverypatternisreadytoplaydowehavetheoptiontofieldthebestplayerforthesituation.

Fieldthebestplayer.Ifallwehaveisahammer—asthesayinggoes—

everythinglookslikeanail.Putitintopatternterms:Ifallwenormallydoispush,everysituationlooksasthoughitcanbehandledbypushing.Butoncewehaveawell-roundedinnerteamofpatternplayers,wearemorereadyandabletoreadlifesituationsforthebestwaytoapproachthem.

Howdoweknowthebestapproach?Intime,thisintuitiongrowsaswelearntoreadtheenergyofsituations.Butwedon’thavetogethunguponfindingtheperfectenergyforeverymoment.Allwehavetonoticeiswhenourusualapproachisn’tworking;whenourusualplayeronthefielddoingitsusualplayerthingisgettingintotrouble.Thenwewanttoask,What’sanotherwaytoplaythis?Ifpushingisn’tworking,maybetryengaging,andfieldourCollaborator.Ifthat’snotworking,maybethetimingiswrongandwehavetohanglooseforabit;putintheVisionary.Fieldingourvariousplayers,we’lleventuallyhitonthebestplayerforthesituation.

Mysistertellsagreatstoryofhownoticingwhensomethingisn’tworkingandfieldinganewplayersavedameetingandagooddealofbusiness.Thepresidentofanadvertisingagency,sheandherheadofbusinessdevelopment,Tim,werecallingonamarketingdirectorwhowasoneoftheirregularclients.Asshetellsit,“BothofuswereDriversandhadworkedtogetherinthepastatthesepitcheswithreasonablesuccess.Butthistime,itwasn’tgoingsowell.ThemarketingdirectorwasshuttingdownthemoreTimpushed.Hewasstartingtoback-pedaloninitiativeswethoughtwerealreadyconcrete.Heevenstartedshowingphysicalsignsofirritation,whichpromptedmetotaketheleadonthismeetingandswitchintoCollaboratormode.‘Ihearwhatyou’resaying…let’stalkaboutthismore.’”

FieldingherbestCollaboratorenergy,sheshiftedtheenergyofthemeetingtopositive,we’re-all-on-the-same-pagecollaboration.Themoreshelistened,themorethemarketingdirectortalkedhiswaybackintotheinitiativesthey’dbeendiscussing.Onthewaybacktotheoffice,evenTimremarkedonthedramaticturnthemeetingtook,and,asshesays,“Itwasanextraordinarylessonforbothofus.”

Anotherwaytobuildourintuitionaboutfieldingthebestplayeristolearnfromthesuccessofothers,andnoticehowtheyblendthepatterns.Wemightnotice,forexample,howaskilledCEOturnsaroundlacklusterperformancebypushingacultureofaccountability(Driver,Organizer),evenashecreatescommunity(Collaborator)andinstillsasenseofpurpose(Visionary).OrwemightstudythephenomenallysuccessfullaunchofApple’siPad,andnoticeamixofvisioningthefuture(Visionary),ripeningthemarket(Driver,

Collaborator),buildingsuccessfulpartnerships(Collaborator),andmanagingtimelyexecution(Organizer,Driver).

Themoresensitivewebecometotheenergypatternsaroundus,thebetterwereadsituations,andfieldourbestplayer.Eachtimeweexperienceabitofsuccess,abitoflearningcomeswithit,andweprogressivelybuildacatalogofwhatworksbestwhen.Indeed,we’reoperatingwithsuchacataloguerightnow;it’sjustthatourunconsciouscataloguedevelopedbyhabitandhappenstance,andmaynotdrawuponourfullinnerteam.Butoncewe’vebuiltourbench,fieldingthebestplayerforthesituationbecomesasnaturalaschoosingtherightgolfclub,ordancingtothebeatofasong.

Oncewecanfield…theDrivertoprotect,focus,orpush.theOrganizertoplan,orderandgetstuffdone.theCollaboratortoengage,influence,andplaywellwithothers.theVisionarytoletgo,sensetheessence,andmakeconnections.

whatcouldpossiblystopus?Flippingitaround,whichofthesecouldwepossiblyignoreandstillplayourbestgame?Frombeingasoloplayeronthefieldoflifewithhabitualpatternstrengths,wecanfliptobeingtheoneplayingamuchstrongergame.

PuttingIttoWork:BuildYourBench

Whichpatterncouldhelpyoumostrightnow?Itmaybetheoneyoulikeleast.Orperhapsit’soneyouenjoy,butdon’tfeelyouhavetimefor.Ourlikesanddislikes,andoursenseoftime,allrelatetothepatternsthemselves,sotheyarenotreliableindicatorsofwhichpatternwouldhelpusmost.Butlookatyourlife,orthatareayouidentifiedearlierthatyou’veoftenwantedtobebetterat,andpickoneofyourbench-playerpatternsthatyou’dliketostrengthen.

Tobuildapracticeforthispattern,whatyoudoshouldbesomethingthatletsyouaccessthisenergy.Table5.1givesyouagoodstartinrecognizingwhatsortsofactivitiesletyouaccesseachofthepatterns.HowyoupracticebestbuildsuponyourHomepatternstrengths.Theidealpracticecombinesaregular,physical/sensoryactivity(forexample,John’sgolf,ortherockingchairs)withaworkbehavior(forexample,his“Yes,and”practice)thatyoucandoagainandagain.

“Dosomethingthatmakesyouuncomfortable,”TanouyeRoshiusedtosay.

Or,asArnoldSchwarzenegger(fromhisbodybuildingdays)advisedinhisdistinctAustrian-English:“Youmuhhstconfuuuusedabody.”Theironyofpracticeisthatifit’stoocomfortable,we’renotlearning,andifwe’relearning,it’snottoocomfortable.Yet,ifpracticeistoouncomfortable,wewon’tstickwithitlongenoughforittotakeeffect.Ifyoucanfindthatplaceintheparadoxwhereyouwillconsciouslyacceptthediscomfortoffunctioninginaweakpatternforthreetosixweeks,itwillbeweaknolonger.

Expectthediscomfortofpracticetoarriveinsneakyforms.FortheOrganizer,doinganythingremotelyunproductivewillbringanxiety,whereasfortheVisionary,anythingroutinemaybringdiscomfort.SlowingdowncanfeelexcruciatingtotheDriver,andshuttingupcanbepurehellforaCollaborator.Farfrombeingsignstogiveupinourpractice,suchinnerresistanceisagoodsignthatsomethingnewishappeningwithourinnerteam.Abenchplayerwhodidn’tusedtoseemuchactionisbeingcalledupon;astrongplayerwhousedtodominateisrelinquishingthereins.Inthisway,webuildourbench,andourentireteamisstrongerforit.

Usingyourstrengthsasaspringboard,youcanadoptandadaptthesethreepointsfordesigningapracticeastheyworkbestforyou:1.Aworkbehavior.Identifyaspecificwork(ornon-work)behavioryoucan

dodailyinthedesiredpattern.ConsultTable5.1(pages122-123)forideas—includingtheideasthatpopintoyourmindasyoureadtheseideas.Don’tbetimidabouttryingafewbehaviorsonforsizebeforeyoufindonethatfits.

2.Aphysicalway.Identifyonetothreespecificsensoryorphysicalwaystoaccessyourpatternthatyoucoulddoseveraltimesaweek,oraddtoyourenvironment.Itmightbepracticingasuitablemartialart,sport,oryoga.Youmightchangeyourofficespacetoincludemoreclarity,order,fun,ornature.Callingthisa“Way”(asin“Tao”or“Do”)isnoaccident,forthedeeperthetraining,thegreaterpossibilityyouopenupinyourself.Ideally,workwithateacherorcoachinyourphysicalpractice,soyoucanmovebeyondyourusualhabitsinhowyouapproachit.Thisunderlyingsupporttoyourdesiredpatternwillnotonlyhelpyousticktoyourbehavioralpractice,butwillalsohelpmakeitauthenticallysuccessful,ratherthanaperfunctorysurfaceact.

3.Asymbol.Createorselectatokenorsymbolthatremindsyouofyourintent—somethingyoucankeepinfrontofyouthatcontinuallyrefreshesyourcommitment.OnmydesksitsasmallPlay-Dohsculpturethat

remindsmetoplay,alongwithatinyPost-Itnotethatasks,“Who?”toremindmetoalwaysengageothers,andnotdotoomuchbymyself.TheseareacoupleofthesymbolsthathavesupportedmyCollaboratorpracticethroughouttheyears.Sitback,relax,andimagineasymbolthatwouldsupportyourpractice.

Buildyourpractice;buildyourbench.You’llfindanaturalbalance,asenseofease,withtime,andthingsthatyoucouldn’tdowellinthepastbecomeevereasierinthepresent.“Doingexcellentthingstheeasiestway”ishowBetsydescribesthefunctioningofthepatterns.Butdon’ttakeherwordforit;runyourownexperiment.

Evenmoreimportantthanthespecificactivitieswechooseforpracticeistheawarenesswebringtodoingthem.Awarenessgrowsaswebringmindandbodytogetherinthepresentmoment,feelingourentirebodyallatonce.Makingtheseinnershiftsbetweenthepatterns,beingtheonewhoshiftswhatplayerwefield,ratherthanbeingthecluelessplayeronthefield,allowsustoplayamuchstrongergame.Italsoloosensupourselfconcept.Inplayingwiththesepartsofourselves,wediscoverwearemorethanwethoughtwewere.Yes,wearetheonesendowedwithsomenaturalstrengths,butwearealsotheoneswhoseethosestrengthsandknowhowtousethem.Wearenotonlyourthoughts,buttheonewhoseesourthoughts.Wearenotonlyouremotions,buttheonewhoseesthoseemotions.Strengtheningourplay,wecanmoveeffortlesslyamongthesefouraspectsofourself.Thisisgreatfreedomindeed,yetflippingbetweenthesepatternsisbutalimberingupforevengreaterflipstofollow.

TheZenLeaderFlip5Takeaways

PlayingtoYourStrengthstoStrengtheningYourPlay

Awarenessandpracticearekey.Beingtoseeing—Seethepatternsyou’reusing,ratherthanblindlybeing

inapattern.Buildyourbench—Designapractice.

Workbehavior.Forthepatternyouwanttodevelop,identifyawork(ornon-work)behavioryoucoulddoeverydaytoaccessthatpattern.Aphysicalway.Augmenttheabovewithaphysicalactivityyoucould

dointhatsamepatternseveraltimesaweekand/orsensorycuesinyourenvironment.Symbol.Selectorcreateasymbolofyourintenttokeepinfrontofyou,refreshingyourcommitment.

Fieldyourbestplayer—Readtheenergyofthesituationandenterwiththerightpattern.Noticewhenyou’regettingintotroubleandflipintoadifferentpattern.

6FromControllingtoConnecting

LYNNISAperfectionist,whichshethinksisagoodthing,buteveryonewhoworksforherseesitdifferently.“Shegetsstuckinthedetails,”saysoneofherpeopleinafeedbackreportthatI’mreviewingwithLynn.“It’salmostlikeshe’slookingforthefaultineverythingyoudo,”saysanother.“Sheover-controlseverything.”

“Idon’twanttobethatperson!”Lynnprotests.“ButeverytimeIletup,Igetburned.Theysaytheywantmeoutofthedetails,butwhenIbackout,nooneelsestepsin.”Anotherexample,Itellher,ofhowtheworldwecreatearoundusmirrorsourownissues.Fromherownneedtocontrolshehascreatedaworldsheneedstocontrol.Perfect!

Nowthatyoucanworkwiththeframeworkoftheenergypatterns,it’snothardtoseethathighcontrolneedsandtheneedtogetitright—twocomponentsofperfectionism—emergefromtheDriverandOrganizerpatterns.NorwouldyoubesurprisedtolearnthatthosetwopatternsdominateinLynn’sFEBIresults.Inthebody,thesearethetwopatternsthatcreatethemostphysicaltensionandmakeusfeelmostseparate:apartfrom,notapartof.Withthatseparationcomesalargelysubconsciousfearthatonehastoprotectorsecurethatseparate,littlebeingagainstwhateverforces“outthere”couldthreatenit.Letthe“takecharge”gamebegin!

RatherthanmisapplyherDriver-Organizerstrengths,LynnseesthatshecouldplayamuchstrongergamebyengagingherCollaboratorandVisionary.Insodoing,she’dbemakingaflipfromcontrollingtoconnecting,asthesepatternsimpartasenseofconnectedness,beitinarelationshiporgroup,(Collaborator),ortheweboflifeoruniverse(Visionary).Lynnwantsthisconnection,andstartsusingherfiercedeterminationtohaulherselftoAikidoclassseveraltimesaweek,eventhoughshe’safraiditcouldbeawasteoftime.Intime,shelearnshowtoconnectwithandleadothers’energy.Shelearnsthatover-controllinganAikidotechniquedestroysit.Perhapswhatsurpriseshermostisshe’shavingfun.LynnisstillLynn,andhercontrollingwaysarestilladeeppartofherpersonality.Butnowsheknowshowtoflipintoconnectingmode.Andherownexperiencetellsherthatshefeelsstronger,happier,andmorecapablewhenshedoesit.

Similarly,thischapterinvitesyouintotheflipfromcontrollingtoconnecting,firstasaphysicalsensation,andthenasempathyandjoy,whicharisefromtheconnectedstateandtheplayoftheZenleaderinyou.Althoughcontrolmayfeellikeasurerbetwhenitcomestogettingthingsdone,whatbecomesclearisthatourcontrollingselfdrivesresultsfromtoosmallaplace,whilekeepinguslockedintotoosmallasenseofself.

ControlasCamouflage

Self-control.Qualitycontrol.Spanofcontrol.Insomanyways,weregardcontrolasdesirable:thatwhichmakesusfeelincharge,secure,orconfident.Toexploretheflipfromcontrollingtoconnectingisnottodoawaywithcontrolforever,anymorethanwecoulddowithouttheDriverandOrganizeraspectsofourself.Butforthoseofuswhostriveforcontrol,andattempttocontrolourworld,thefliptoconnectingisfreedom,indeed.Itopensupvastnewterritoryforhavingabroader,moresustainableimpactintheworld.

Why?Becauseaswepeelbackwhat’sreallybehindourneedtocontrolwefindafrightenedego.Itmaynotappearfrightenedatfirst—sofullofitself,seeminglyconfidentandstriving—butcontrolisitscamouflagetokeepitsgamegoing.IfIcontrolmyincome,Icanpaymybillsandnothaveanxietyaboutgoingbroke.IfIcontrolmytemper,Icangetthroughthismeetingwithoutangeringpeopleandjeopardizingmycareer.IfIcontrolthequalityofmywork,Icanreceivepraiseforit,orpeoplewillrewardme.Controlimpliesan“I”controlling,andthat“I”isfundamentallyaboutpreservingitself.Notthatself-preservationiswrong;it’sourmostbasicinstinct.Butthesmalleroursenseofself,themorevulnerablewefeel,andthemoreoureffortstocontrolcomefromtoosmallaplace.

Now,aswe’llsee,oursenseof“I”isalwayschanging.Asyoungchildren,oursenseofselfisnobiggerthanourself-in-our-skin.Thecenteroftheuniverse,wemakeeverythingaboutus;weseeourshadow,forexample,andthinkthesunisfollowingus.Thisstageofdevelopment,whatpsychologistscallnarcissism,isnaturalforchildren,butvestigesremainwellintoadulthood.Theegohatesgivingupitsstarringrole.

Aswegetabitolder,somewhereintherangeof6to9yearsold,ourmindsdevelopthecapacityforthinkingmoreabstractly,andwestarttosensehowotherpeopleseeandfeelaboutthings.Thisisthebeginningofempathy,and,likethesecondchildinafamily,ithastofinditsplacealongsideitsoldersibling,narcissism,inournowlargersenseofself.“IfeellikeIhavealittleelf

oneachshoulder,”asafriendoncedescribedthisuneasyalliance,“Onevoiceissaying,‘sharethecookie,’andtheothervoiceissaying,‘eatityourself.’”Bothvoicesweidentifyas“I,”butonespeaksfromempathy,theotherfromnarcissism.

Thisisbutoneexampleofhowoursenseofselfnaturallyexpandsaswedevelop.Intheflipfromcontrollingtoconnecting,weinvitethisexpansiononanever-granderscaleuntilitembracestheuniverse.

TheIllusionofControl

Writeyourname.Really.Findapenandapieceofpaper,andwriteyournametwodifferentways.Onthefirstside,takecontrolofthepen,gripitgoodandtight,and,makingsureyoudon’tslipinanystraymarksorslightlymisshapenletters,writeyourname.Now,turnthepaperover.Rockgentlyinyourchair,and,holdingthepensolightlythatitbarelystaysinyourhand,writeyournamelikeacloud.

Didyounoticehowsmallandtightyoufeltinyourhighlycontrollednamewriting?Andhowasenseofbignessandopennesscameinwhenyouturnedthepaperoverandwrote“likeacloud?”Ifyouwereahandwritingexpertanalyzingthepersonalityoftheside-1writer,whatwordswouldcometomind?Asyoulookatthenameonside2,howwouldyoudescribethatcharacter?Ifyougotintothespiritofthissimpleexercise,youfoundyourselfflippingfromDriver-OrganizertoCollaborator-Visionary.DependingonyourHomepattern,inmakingthisflip,youwereeitherleavinghomeorenteringit,soyoumayfindoneofthesidesclosertoyournaturalhandwriting.Regardlessofwhichsideyoulikebetter,it’sprettyclearthatthenameonside1ismorereproducibleandeasiertoread,andwouldnetyouahighermarkonpenmanshipfromyour2nd-gradeteacher.You’vealreadyproventoyourselfhowquicklyandinstantlyyoucanflipfromthecontrollingpatterns(Driver,Organizer)tothepatternsofconnection(Collaborator,Visionary).Intheradioanalogy,it’sassimpleaschangingstations.Whatmakesthisflipdifficultisrelinquishingawayofbeingthathashistoricallynetteduslowerrisk,higherquality,andgreaterrewards.

Sowhybotherwiththisflipatall?Maybewedon’tcareaboutexpandingoursenseofself;we’realreadyhavingenoughtroublenavigatingthespeed,complexity,andsheerbusy-nessofourday.Butthatpressureisexactlywhat’spointingtotheshortcomingsofcontrol.Becauseitshowsusthatwecan’tkeepplayingthegamethewaywehavebeen,andthatwedon’tcontrolallthatwethinkwedo.Evenwhenwecancontrolasituation,wecan’tcontrolits

consequencesastheychainreactintothefuture.Considerforamomentthespeed,complexity,andbusy-nessofyourday,as

comparedwith,say,thedaysofyourancestorslivingaroundtheyear1800.In1800,itwouldtakesixweeksforaletterwritteninEnglandtoreachMassachusetts.Mostpeopleconcernedthemselveswithgrowing,gathering,andpreparingfood.Andinthosesimpler,slowerdays,peoplecouldprosperwherevertheclimatesupportedafairlyreliablelinkbetweenplantingandharvesting.Ourforbearersmighthavefeltasenseofcontrolplantingseedinthespring,witheveryreasontoexpectaharvestinthefall.Ofcourse,notallplantingsledtoharvests,andnaturehasawayofremindingushowlittlewetrulycontrol.Buttheillusionofcontrollingerslongerwhenlessisgoingon.Whenthingschangeslowly,ourpredictionsaremorereliable,andwegetthesensethatwecancontroloutcomes(theharvest)bycontrollingwhatwedo(planting).Wemightlikentheseearlydaystoaslow,lazyriver,withasmooth,predictablecurrent;Icanfloatareedintheriveratonepoint,andpredictwhereitwillbeinafewmoments.Perfectcontrol.

Butnowlookattoday.Inthetimeit’stakenyoutoreadthissentence,morethan6millionmessageshaveflowedfromEnglandtoMassachusetts.Morethan6millionpeoplehavepickedupfastfoodatMcDonald’s.Iftodaywereariver,itwouldbewhitewatereverywhere,tumblingandboilingamongpebblesandrocks,constantlychanging.ImightbeabletocontrolhowIplaceareedinthewater,buthowcanIsaywhereitwillbeinevenafewmoments?Replacethereedwithsomethingyoutrulywanttocontrol—yourchildren’sbehavior,makingyournumbersinthethirdquarter,havingenoughmoneyforretirement,whatever—andyoucanappreciatehowmanytumblingforcesstandbetweenanythingyoudoandanyoftheseoutcomes.Let’ssayyou’vedoneeverythingpossibletomakeyourthird-quarternumbers:you’veplanned,you’vesegmentedthemarket,you’veshownyourpeoplehowtofocusonthebestcustomers,you’vedoneitall.Andthenacompetitor’sproductgetsafavorablebuzzonTwitter.ThenavirusinfectsthemanufacturingplantofyourChinesesupplier;they’reforcedtodelayshipments,creatingstock-outsintheMidwest,andhalfofyoursalespeoplehavenothingtosell.

Yikes!Areyougoingtogiveup?Notifyou’retheDriver-Organizerachievementmachinethattoday’sfastcompaniesrewardyoutobe.You’renotgoingtotakesetbacksittingdown.Why,you’regoingtomakewaronthosethird-quarternumbers!Controlling-youtakescharge,andforcesyourownbuzzontoTwitter(Followme!),putsacontingencyplaninplacewiththreenewsuppliers(twoofwhichyou’lldropinamonth),relentlesslypushesondecision-

makersinyourcompanytoredistributestockfromCanada,andworksyourpeople12to14hoursaday.And,afterallthat,youcanproudlyannounceatthenextquarterlyreviewthatyou’vetakenalltheseextraordinarystepstoclosethegaptoyourthird-quarternumbers.Youregoissovindicated.Butifwewerealsotofollowanyofthechainreactionskickedoffbyyourwar,we’dfindanendlessstreamofunintendedconsequences,frombadpublicitytobrokenrelationshipstoburnt-outpeople.Ifyoucanfeelatighteninginyourselfevenasyoureadthiswayofworking,that’snocoincidenceeither.Forcedcontrolmakesustenseandtight.Althoughitmayseemasthoughwe’rewinningthebattle,infact,we’vecreatedthewar.Wemaythinkit’scomingfrom“outthere”andallthosemarketconditionsandcompetingwarriors.Butthemomentwe’reinit,it’sourwar,fedby“inhere”—whateverouregoisafraidof.

Doesthatmeanwhenthegoinggetstoughthetoughgiveup?Ifwe’renotgoingtomakeourthird-quarternumbers,orwhateveritiswe’retryingtocontrol,dowejustsay,“toobad?”Donothing?Givingupisnomoreanoptioninbusinesstodaythannotplantinginresponsetoabadharvestwouldhavebeenforourancestors.Asalways,agreatertruthisfoundinparadox.Wehavetorecognizethatourusualwayofcontrollingisnot,andcannotbeascompleteinourworldtodayasitwasinsimpler,slowertimes.Wehavetofindadifferentwaytofunction,somethingbiggerthannarcissisticcontrol.Andthatcomesthroughconnecting.

TheConnectionofEmpathy

Anythingwe’retryingtomakehappenasaleaderinvolvesotherpeople,andthefactis,mostpeopledon’thavetofollowus.Theydon’thavetobelieveinourgreatideas,buyourgreatproducts,ordowhatwewantthemtodo.Evenwhenwehaveauthority—asparentsofteenagerswilltellyou—ourpowerdoesn’tgoveryfarwithoutothersbelievingthatwhatwewantthemtodoisintheirbestinterests.Thepullofconnectingtoothersandtheirinterestsisfarmorepowerfulthanthepushofcontrol,especiallywhenwefindtheintersectionbetweentheirinterestsandourgoals.Howdoweknowwhat’strulyinsomeoneelse’sinterests?

“Becometheotherpersonandgofromthere.”It’sthebestpieceofcoachingadviceIeverreceived,comingfromTanouyeRoshi,anditappliesequallytoinfluence,negotiation,conflict,sales,teaching,andcommunicationofallkinds.Tobecometheotherpersonistolistensodeeplythatyourownmindchatterstops;tolistenwitheveryporeinyourbodyuntilyoucansensehowtheother’s

mindworks.Tobecometheotherpersonistofeelintoheremotionalstate,seethroughhereyes,thinklikeshethinks,andseehowsheviewsyou,yourproposition,andthesituationathand.Towriteitoutorreaditinserialfashionmakesitsoundlikealengthy,time-consumingprocess,butinfact,deepempathyconveysitsinsightsinaflash,andourabilitytoempathizedeepenswithpractice,aswelearntoquietourowninnerstate.

Oncewebecometheother,wecansensewhat’sinherinterests,andinfluencebecomesamatterofshowinghowourideaconnectswiththoseinterests.Thatdoesn’tmeanshewillalwaysagreewithusordowhatwewant,butitdoesmeanthatourthoughtsandactionsarenowcomingfromalargerplace:onethataccordsbothourinterestsandhers.Extendingthisempatheticapproach,personbyperson,groupbygroup,throughyourworld,youcanseewhereyouractionsstarttobeinformedbyaneverlargercontext.Consequently,yourideas,actions,anddirectionwillstarttoresonatewithinthatlargercontext.Youcanstartmakingbigthingshappen,notbycontrolling,butbyconnecting;notbymakingwaronthem,butbybecomingthepeoplewhoseinterestsareservedbythosebigthings.

Inapatternsense,wecanmakethisflipbystartinginaquiet,listening,Organizerplace,andthenrelaxcompletely.Weinviteakindofpermeabilityintotheboundaryofourself-in-our-skinandsenseanother’srhythm.Wecanlistenfortheirbreathing,theirpulse,sensetheirentirebeingallatonce,andweentertheCollaborator’sempatheticengagement.IfthetalkativeCollaboratorisHomeforyou,yourchallengemightbetoaccessthequietlisteningoftheOrganizerasastartingplace.IfyounormallyliveattheDriver’sspeed,youmayfindithardtoslowdownenoughtosensedepth,ratherthanracingoverthesurface.IfyounormallylivewiththeVisionary’sexpansiveness,youmayneedenoughcenterednesstoconnectwithoutlosingyourself.Whateveryourchallenge,younowknowhowtoaccesstheenergypatternthatcansupportyouinbuildingapracticeofconnectingwithempathy.

Becometheother,anditopensupaworldofunderstanding,inwhichcommunicationbecomesnaturallyinfluential,andinfluencebecomesjustanotherauthenticdialogue.We’llreturntothismatterofinfluencewhenwelookatapplyingtheflipfromcontrollingtoconnecting.Butfirst,let’slookathowbigconnectingcanget.

BecomeOneWithEverything

Theflipintoconnectingcanembracenotonlypeople,butallkindsofthings

andideasaswell.Becomeonewiththekeyboardyou’retypingonandyourfingersnaturallyfindtherightkeys.Becomeonewithavisiontobringbooksandliteracytotheworld,asJohnWooddidinLeavingMicrosofttoChangetheWorld,1andyoufindaworldofdonorsandsupporters.Becoming“onewith”issuchacommonexpressionofaZen-likestate,it’sbecometrite,evenapunchline(asin,WhatdidtheZenmastersaytothehotdogvendor?“Makemeonewitheverything.”).Becauseit’ssocommon,wemaythinkthatweknowwhatitmeansandmissitaltogether.Indeed,ifwethinkweknowwhatitmeanswearemissingitaltogether.Forthisonenessisnotastateofknowingatall,butaconditionofnot-knowing,non-thought,andnon-self-actionthatweattempttodescribeastheboundlessexpressionoftheZenleader.

ThissenseofconnectednesswitheverythingisaflipintotheVisionary’sbigness,whichmaystartwiththeintentionof“I”makingtheflip,butevolvesintosimplybeingthewholepicture,whereno“I”standsapart.InbecomingonewithNow,wemightsensethecausesandconditionsthathavepouredintoNowfromthepast.Wemightsensethecontextandconsequencesthatwillcreatethefuture.Wemightsensehowtwoseeminglyunconnectedideasconnect.Thisinsightwillcome,notwitheffort,notwithorder,butinaflash,beforethoughthastimetothink.Justasourlefthanddoesn’thavetoseekourrightinordertoclapwithit—theyare,afterall,partofonesystem—aswemergewiththemomentwedon’thavetoseekanythingforwisdomtoarise.Whatwesenseandwhatsensewemakeofitwilldependonourconditionandhowcompletelywemakethisflip.Butitsurelyincreaseswithpractice.AndtheonlytimetostartisNow.

TheZenLeaderFlip6:ControllingtoConnecting

Thisflipcallsonustorelinquishasenseofself-in-our-skincontrol,andtrustthatalargersenseofselfandgreatercapabilitywillemergebyconnecting.Itisdifficultbecauseitfeelslikealittledeathfortheego,andouregowillalwaysputupresistancetochangesinthegameasitknowsit.Yetyou’llfind,ifyouhaven’talready,thattheegoisremarkablyadaptivetoalargersenseofself,likeasnailsheddingoneshelltogrowanother.Youcantrustthateventually,theegowilltakeprideinthisgrowth—eventakecreditforit.Sneakyego.

Theenergypatternsprovideaconvenientframeworkformakingthisflip,becausetheyhelpusflipintodifferentmodesinwhichwecanplayournervoussystem.Aswe’veseen,thisfliptakesusfromtheDriverandOrganizerpatternsthatconcernthemselveswithI-centeredcontrol(beingincharge,self-control)to

theCollaboratorandVisionarypatternsthatconnectwithpeopleandpossibilities.

ThisisamoredifficultandrealflipforthoseofyouwhonormallyliveintheDriverandOrganizerpatterns,andthischapterisparticularlydedicatedtoyou.ButevenifyouclaimtheCollaboratororVisionaryasHome,thatdoesn’tmeanyou’vebeensparedtheneedtocontrol.Weallpassthroughstagesofdevelopmentwhereweattempttocontrolourworld.ButifCollaboratorandVisionaryareyourstrongestpatterns,youmightfindthisislessofaflipandmoreofanapplicationofexistingstrengths.Foryou,thechallengemaybehavingenoughgroundingtobefullypresentwhenconnecting,andyoumaywanttofocusoncenteringandmeditationpractices(suchastheonesattheendofChapters2and4).

Inmakingthisflip,I’vepairedthepatternsinaparticularway—OrganizerflippingtoCollaborator,DriverflippingtoVisionary—becausethesepairingsrepresentphysiologicalopposites,andmoreeasily“undo”oneanother.ButtheflipintomoreCollaboratororVisionaryenergycanstartinanypattern,includingyourHome.

LessOrganizer,MoreCollaborator.WeenterthisflipfromtheOrganizer’sconsummateself-control.Foramoment,situpstraight,placeyourkneestogether,feetflatonthefloor,andholdthisbookateyelevel,asifyouweresinginginachoir.Feeltheheldstillnessofthisposture,andjustlistentothesoundsaroundyou.Youmaynoticethatit’seasiertolistenwhenyou’reholdingasenseofquietudeontheinside.Thisabilitytolistenisanessentialstartingconditionformakingthisflip.

Continuingtolisten—pausingasyoureadwordsonthispage—graduallylessentheOrganizerasyourelaxyourbody,andletgoof“holding”stillnessinplace.Particularlyrelaxyourshoulders,softenyourribcage,relaxyourheart,letoutasighofrelief.Fromtheverybonesyou’resittingon,feelagentle,rockingrhythmstarttocomeintoyourbody.Don’ttrytoforceit;simplyinviteit,andletCollaboratorenergyengagemoreofyourbody,untilyourtorsoisrocking,andyourrelaxedneckislettingtherockingcomerightupthroughthetopofyourhead.ThisflipintotheCollaborator’seasyrhythm,withoutlosingtheOrganizer’skeenlistening,isperfectphysiologicalsupportforconnectingwithotherpeople.

Thatdoesn’tmeanweliterallyrockourwaythrougheveryconversationwithothers,somuchasapplythissenseof“listeningrhythm”tosensetherhythmofothers.Ifwelistenforit,we’lleasilysensetherhythmoftheirspeakingandgestures,whichrelatestotheirrhythmofthought.We’llsenseifthisistherighttimeforadifficultconversation,oriftheiremotionalstateistoovolatile.We’llsensethepatternsthey’refunctioninginandwhetherthisisaconversationthatneedstogettothepointquickly(Driver)orexplorepossibilities(Visionary).Ifwetrytoohardorthinkaboutit,we’llbefallingbackintocontrollingways,andoureffortswillbeunsuccessfulandexhausting.Butifweplaywithit,makeagameofit,andgetinsatiablycuriousaboutsensingtherhythmandmindsofthe

peoplewe’rewith,we’llfindwecanbuildthissenseassurelyaswecanbuildaneyeforgoodartoratasteforgoodfood.

Whatwe’rebuildingisempathy.Youmaynotbeabletopracticewithanyoneinthismoment,butyoumightpickafewpeopleinyourlifewithwhomempathyisparticularlyimportantandpracticewiththemasoccasionsarise.Playingwiththispractice,youmightnoticeaquietjoyariseswhenyou’repartytothishumanconnection.That’snocoincidence,forjoyaccompaniesthesheddingofseparateness,andanytimewefeelmoreconnected,wemoveclosertothetruth.

LessDriver,MoreVisionary.Thesecondstageofthisflipcomesasweshedourneedtocontroloutcomes,andconnectwithabroadersenseofpossibility.Togetafeelforthisstage,startwithsomething(orsomeone)you’vebeentryingtocontrolthat’snotgoingsowell.Itcouldbetheworkofadirectreport(orfamilymember)you’vebeentryingunsuccessfullytoturnaround,orathornyissuethatyoucan’tquiteputtorest.Thinkofsomepersonorsituationyou’vebeenpushingon,tryingtogethim,her,orittogoyourway.Foramoment,setyourjaw,boreyoureyesintothispagewiththeDriver’sdeterminationandgettothepoint:Whatdoyouwanttomakehappenhere?Asrapidlyaspossible,jotdownafewwordsthatcapturetheoutcomeyou’redrivingtoward.

Now,sitback,relax,letoutasighofrelief,andletgo,openingyourhands,palmstotheceiling.Takeinthetwoquestionsthatfollow,andthenletyoureyesdriftuptotheceiling,asthesequestionsdriftthroughyouropenmindforafewmoments.

Whatarethelargerforcesatworkthatyoucouldworkwith?Whatwantstohappenhere?

Regardlessofwhatinsightoranswerscometomind,noticehowtheconditionofyourbodyandmindhaschanged:morerelaxedandbigger,lesstightandseparate.Asyouregardsomeofthelargerforcesatworkwithyourpersonorsituation,whichofthesecouldyoumergewith?Notasseparatefromyourself,butasanaturalextension,inthesamewayasgreatsailorsbecomethewindtogetwherethey’retryingtogo.Asyouregardwhatwantstohappen,howwoulditchangeyou—andhowmightyouchangetoaccordit?

Lessismore.Whenbecomingotherpeople,mergingwithlargerforces,ouractionsnaturallybecomeinformedbyalargersenseofself,inwhich“I”embracesabiggerpicture.Lessself-in-the-skineffortismoreenduringintheworld“outside”ourskin.LessI-centeredtryingismoresupportedbynatural

law.Lessismore.Wecanexperiencethisflipwhenwedolessourselvesandreachouttoothers

more.WhenleadershavedelegatedawaymanyoftheireverydaytasksinordertoattendtheprogramsIteach,IalwayscautionthemabouthowmuchtheytakebackwhentheyreturnonMondaymorning.Whocanhelp?Whocanlearnfromthis?Whereelseintheorganizationcouldwegetsupport?Themorewecanconnectwithpeopleandideasaroundus,themorewescalebeyondthecapacityofbeingmerelya“one-man-band.”Notonlydoesconnectionhelpleadershipscaletogreaterlevels,butit’sevenessentialfortheuptakeofourindividualefforts.

“Ihavesomanygreatideasandtools,butnobodyatthiscompanywantstohearaboutthem,”lamentsaconsultingfirmmanagerinoneofourcoachingsessions.Iaskhimwhyhedoesn’tdevelopthoseideasandtoolswiththepeoplewhocouldusethem.Whynotgettheminvolvedearlyon,letthemtestearlyversions?Headmitsthatheprefersworkingalonebecausehegetstocontroltheentireproject“withoutinterference.”Theflipsideof“withoutinterference,”Itellhim,is“withoutbuy-in.”Whoneedstogiveinputtothis?Whocanhelp?Askingourselvesquestionslikethesecanflipusoutofcontrolmodeintoconnectmodewherewerememberthatbeautyisintheeyeofthebeholderandusefulnessisintheexperienceoftheuser.

Wecanexperiencethisflipwhenwedoless,period.Slowdownfrom40furiousactivitiesperdaytoafewbigthingsdonewell.Slowdownfromspeakingfivewordspersecondtothreewordspersecond.Slowdownfrombreathing10timesperminutetothreetimesperminute.Allofthesearefrequenciesinourbody,mind,andlife,andwhenwedoless,wedropintoalowerfrequencythatcanbemoresettled,impactful,andenduring.Wecouldevengoalloutandstopfor20minutesinmeditation.Slowingdownourlifebythismuchislikeslowingdownthebladesofafanuntilwecansee,notjustawhir,butthroughthebladesofthefanitself.Doingless,wesensemore.

Wecanexperiencethisflipwhenweownless.Owningisanotherformofcontrol,andmanypeopleseektocontroltheirlivesbyowningagreatdeal.Thisshowsupinorganizationallifeasmanagerswantingto“own”people(andnot,heavenforbid,havetoworkthroughpureinfluence).Thisshowsupineverydaylifeaswantingtoownstuff(asin,“thepersonwhodieswithmosttoyswins”).Butthetruthis:Thatwhichweownalsoownsus.Ifweownthreehouses,threecars,orhavethreedirectreports,everyoneofthesedefinessomethingabouthowwethenliveourlife.Owninglessopenstheopportunitytoconnectmore.

Forexample,insteadof“owning”asmallgroupofpeopleintheorganization,Imightconnectacrosstheorganizationandleadprojectsthroughfarbroaderinfluence.

Irecallasayoungchildbeingasked—no,told—bymyparentstocleanthebasement.Itwasamess,andtheyhadeveryrighttoinsistthatIcleanitup.ButIdidn’tfeellikedoingit.Iwasangry,resistant,andjusthatedallthisstuffIhadtocleanup.SoIputallmytoysinacoupleoflargecardboardboxesanddraggedthemupthestairs,throughthelivingroom,pastthewatchfulwarningsofmyparents(“You’llregretthis”;“Ifyouthrowthoseout,we’renotreplacingthem”),straightouttothecurbtobecollectedasgarbage.Icamebacktothebasementandfeltpositivelyfree!Spaceallover.AndeventhoughIcouldn’tarticulateitthen,somehowIfeltmorespacetogrowinto—notlikeakidwithabunchoftoysI’doutgrown.Lesspast,morepossibility.

Wecanexperiencethisflipwhenweknowless.“Iknow”ispossiblythemostself-limitingphraseinanylanguage,foritstopsourmindonan“I”thatiscertainofaconventionaldelusion.Seriously,that’sallwecanbesureof.Notbecausewe’restupid,butbecausewe’reworkingwithlimitedsensors,vaguelygraspingathree-dimensionalprojectionofanat-least-10-dimensionaluniverse,throughthebiasesofpersonality,culture,andsoon,selectingwhatwenoticeandhowwemakemeaning.Inconventionalmatters,suchasknowingtherulesoftheroadorwherewekeepourtoothbrush,conventionalknowingworksjustfine,andwe’dexhaustourselvesifweconstantlyquestionedit.Butinassumptionswemakeabouttheworld,ourcustomers,thefuture,thepeopleclosesttous,orthepossibilitiesforinnovation,wecangethugemileageoutofknowinglessandlearningmore.Suspendknowing.Hangoutinnot-knowing,anddissolveintoboundlesspossibility:connected,asifinsolution,before“I”hasachancetodistilloutandmakeaclaimto“know.”

Toknowlessistobemore.Tohavelessistobemore.Todolessistobemore.Whenweceasetocontrolfromtheself-we-think-we-are,wefliptoconnectingmoretotheself-we-truly-are.Howcanwesensewhenwe’vemadethisflip?Joyinvariablyarises.

PuttingIttoWork:ConnectingforInfluence

Asbigandboundlessasthisflipcanbe,itisalsothemostpracticalflipaleadercouldmake.Foritistheflipthatgetspeoplemovingwithus,notbecausetheyhaveto,butbecauseourconnectednessbringsthemalong.Moreover,howwemovewithconnectednessisnaturallymodifiedtoaccordalargerpicture.

Influenceisatwo-waystreet,agiveandtake,amutuallearning.IfIthinkinfluenceisaboutgettinganotherpersontoacceptoractuponmyidea,andthatIwillcomeawayunchanged,I’vemistakenitforcontrol.Theless“I”ininfluence,themorelikelyinfluencewilloccur.Influencehasnothingtodowiththestrengthofmyargument,mydata,eloquence,howloudorlongItalk,howrightIam,orhowmanybigandpowerfulpeopleIhavebehindme.Influenceisnotaboutme-in-my-skinatall.ItisaboutthepersonIwanttoinfluenceperceivingthatmyideaisinhisorherinterests.2That’sit.Andaswe’vesaid,thesurestwaytodothatistobecometheotherpersonandgofromthere,apracticeyounowhaveachancetoapply.

Togetstarted,thinkofapersonyouwanttoinfluenceonanimportantmatter.Itcouldbeapersoninvolvedinthesituationyoustartedthinkingaboutearlierthat’snotgoingsowell.Itcouldbeamanagerorcoworkerwhosesupportyouneedonaproject.Itcouldbeafamilymemberwhoselifemaygoofftherailsifshedoesn’tchangeherways.Pickaparticularpersonandwritedownhisorhername(forsimplicity,I’lluseauniversal“she”inwhatfollows).Thesestepswon’tguaranteeyou’llgetexactlytheresultsyoudesire,butalmostcertainlyyou’llgetatleastonenewangleonhowtoapproachthisperson.3

1.Deeplyunderstandyourownneedsandinterests.Whatdoyouwantfromthispersonandwhy?Beclearaboutyourownneedsandinterestsinthissituation.Trytodigbeneathyoursurfaceposition,towhyyoureallywantthis,andwhatitwillreallydoforyou.Indiggingbeneathyoursurfaceposition,youmaystarttoseesomeneedsthatarenotsoimportant,oralternativewaystogetsomeneedsmet.Whetheranyinsightscometoyouatthispointornot,writedownasmuchasyoucanunearthaboutwhatyouwantfromtheotherpersonandwhy.Whenyou’redone,setthisaside.

2.Becometheotherperson.Sitback;relax.Fromtheverybonesyou’resittingon,inviteasubtlerockingrhythm.Imagineyourselfbecomingthepersonyouwouldinfluence:seethroughhereyes,hearwithherears,thinkwithhermind,andlookbackatyourselfandthewholesituationasthatpersonregardsit.Howdoesshefeelaboutyouandyourproposition?Howdoyoumakeherfeelaboutherself?Whatelsedoesshecareabout?Feelingintowhatit’sliketostepintohershoes,writedownasmuchasyoucanabouthowherworldlooksatthistime,andhowyourpropositionfitsintoherworld.

3.Finally,considereachenergypatternasyoubecometheotherperson,andsensetheextenttowhichsheoperateswith:

TheDriver’ssenseofurgency,loveofnumbers,andneedtowin.TheOrganizer’ssenseoforder,rationality,andtheneedtodotherightthing.TheCollaborator’sconcernforpeople,loveofstories,andtheneedtoplaywithideas.TheVisionary’sbigthinking,senseofpossibility,andneedforpurpose.

Identifywhichoneortwoofthesematchesherbest.4.Gofromthere.Startingwithwhatyounowknowaboutyourperson’s

interests,lookbackatwhatyouwantfromherandask,Howisthistrulyinherinterests?Youmayseeseveralpossibleconnections.Additionally,youmaysurfaceotherwaystogetyourneedsmet,otherwaysthispersoncouldhelpyou,orotherthingsyoumightdoforherinexchangeforherhelp.Eventherelationshipwithyoumaybesomethingshetrulyvalues.Thestrongeryourconnectionwithher,themorelikelysheistohelpyouforthesakeoftherelationshipalone.Conversely,thestrongeryourconnection,themorelikelyanythingyou’retryingtogethertodoreallyisinherinterests.Onceyoucanseehowyouridea—orsomethingyoucantrade—isintheotherperson’sinterests,theonlyremainingpieceforinfluencetoworkistoshowitinawaythatiscompellingandovercomesherresistance.Theenergypatternsareagainasourceofinsightintohowtoshoweffectively:ForaDriver,don’twastehertime;gettoyourpointwithnumbers,andshowhowyourideaisawinforher.ForanOrganizer,givehertimetothink,perhapsrelevantinformationtoread;showhowyourideaistherightthingtodo.ForaCollaborator,letherplaywithyourideaandmakeitherown.Lethertalkitthrough,andbereadyforsomegiveandtake.Showhowthiswillstrengthenyourrelationshiporbegoodforpeople.ForaVisionary,expecttowanderaroundabitandletherconnectyourideatograndideasofherown.Gowhereitgoes;helpherimaginethefuturewithyourideainit,orhowitisanelegantoressentialsolution.

Sowhat’sthebestwaytoshowthatyourideaisinherinterests?Writedownacoupleofideasforhow,havingbecometheotherperson,youcangofromthere.

Sittingherereadingabook,youcan’tbecertainoftheoutcome.Butalmostcertainly,youwillhavereachedthegoalofhavingatleastonenewangleonhowtoapproachyourperson.Itmightalsochangeyourwholeattitudeofapproach,andtheconfidenceandcaringyouexpress.

ThisisexactlymyexperiencewithJimLoehr.It’s2007,andI’vejustfinishedwritingMovetoGreatnesswithBetsyWetzig.MypublisherhasaskedmetocontactthemostfamouspeopleIknowtoaskthemtowriteanendorsement,whichIlookforwardtoaboutasmuchasIdoarootcanal.ButJimissomeonewhoseworkI’velongadmired.He’sauthoredandco-authoredmanybooks,includingThePowerofFullEngagement,whichbecamewildlypopular,andputforwardtheimportanceofmanagingenergy.Yes,Jim’sendorsementwouldmeanagreatdealtome.AlthoughIsortofconnecttoJimthoughmynetwork,heandIhaveneveractuallymet.AsIpickupthephone,I’mthinking,HereIam,callingapersonwho’snevermetme,andaskinghimtoendorseabookhe’sneverread.Thisisaboutascoldasacallgets!Iputthephonedown.

AndIdothisexercise.IthinkthroughwhatIreallywantandwhy.Yes,theendorsement,butitalsobecomescleartomethatourworkreallydoesconnectaroundthethemeofenergy,andtherearewaysourcombinedworkcouldhelppeople.AndthenIbecomeJim.Nothavingmethim,I’mworkingonlyfromhiswriting,butIcantellhe’saDriver(histagline,“Accomplishthemission!”wasahint).Don’tbeataroundthebushwithJim,Idecide;putitoutthereandshowhowthiscanbeawinforhim.Whichgetsmethinking,HowcouldthisbeawinforJim?Well,becausehislastbookwassopopular,Iimaginehisbusinessisreallytakingoff,andperhapsthingsarebitdiscombobulatedaroundtheoffice;Icouldoffertodoateambuildingsessionwithhispeople.Icouldalsoshowhowmyworkhelpshiswork,andhowthepatternshelppeoplemanagetheirenergy.AfteronlyfewminutesinJim-mode,I’mactuallylookingforwardtothiscall.

Adifferentmepicksupthephone—notsoweakorempty-handed.AndtheJimwhoanswersthephoneissharp,vibrant,andwonderful.Heappreciatesthepotentialconnectionofourworkandmyoffertodoasessionwithhisteam.“Perhapssometimeinthefuture,”hesays.“Ofcourse,sendthemanuscript.I’llreaditover.”Onreadingitover,ofcourseheseeswhereitaddstohisworkandhewritesawonderfulendorsement.Ihaven’tdonethesessionforhisteamyet(theofferstillstands,Jim),butinsomanyways,Ifindmyselfpromotinghiswork,recommendinghisbooktoclients,andsinginghispraises(IthinkIjustdiditagain).Sohisendorsementtrulydidturnouttobeinhisinterestsaswell.

ThisiswhatIcontinuallyfindwithconnectingandinfluence:thingsnever

turnoutexactlyasIexpect,buttheyalwaysturnout.Theoutcomesofconnection—groundedincontext,reality,andtherealneedsofothers—areboundtobemoreconnectedandenduringthanthesoloeffortsofaseparate“I.”

Thatsaid,let’salsorememberthatthefliptoconnectingdoesn’tmeanwecan,foreverafter,dowithouttheDriverandOrganizer’ssenseofcontrol.DriverandOrganizerstillhavetheirplace,andnoleader,team,orbusinesscouldfunctionwellwithoutthem.Thebeautyoftrulyunderstandingconnectingmodeisthatwecan—atlast!—givecontrolitsrightfulplace,andnotmisapplyit.Wanttofindaninnovativesolutiontoanintractableproblem?Don’tstartinDrivermode;you’llracerightpastasolutionwithoutrecognizingit.FlipintoVisionarymode,becomethewholepicture,thewholeproblem,andsensewhat’spossible.Onceyousenseasolution,nowisthetimetoapplyyourDriver’ssenseofurgencytomakeithappen.MaybethenyouwanttoflipbackintotheCollaborator’sconnectingmode,engageothersinthissolution,andletthemmakeittheirown.NowbringinenoughoftheOrganizer’sprocessandplanningtokeepeveryone’seffortsaligned.Andsoon,endlessly,likeinhaleandexhale,nowafternow,naturallyoperatingwithasustainablerhythm.

Themorecompletelywemaketheflipfromcontrollingtoconnecting,thedeeperwe“breathe”inthisrhythm.Moreover,flippingfromcontroltoconnectextendsthesenseofselftowarditstrueboundlessness.Whenwefirstapproachthisflip,connectingisbutanotheractoftheego.“I”flipfromlessOrganizertomoreCollaborator.“I”flipfromlessDrivertomoreVisionary.That’scompletelynatural,buteventually,welosethesenseof“Iconnect”tosimplyconnect.Thisiswhere“Iunderstandyou”shiftstotrueempathy;where“Iamdealingwiththischange”becomessimplyaccordingthemyriadchanges.Thisiswhere“I”disappears—notpermanently;itwillbeback—butforthismoment,dissolvingusintoastateofcompleteconnectednesscalledSamadhi.

Despitetheforeign-soundingword,thisisnotaforeignconcept—onlyanoldone—availabletoyouhereandnowandeverytimeyouflipintocompleteconnectedness.Ifyou’dliketoinviteordeepenyouraccesstothisSamadhicondition,thebreathingseriesattheendofthischapterisanespeciallyusefulpractice.4TheeverydaypracticeofbecomingonewithpeoplewewouldinfluenceorproblemswewouldsolvealsoinvitesanddeepensthisSamadhiconnectedness.Goodthing,too,forweneedthisconnectednessforeveryflipthatfollows.Startingwithattractingthefuture.

TheZenLeader

Flip6TakeawaysControllingtoConnecting

ConnectinghappensthroughmoreCollaborator(lessOrganizer),moreVisionary(lessDriver).

Lessismore.Ifyoudo,know,orhaveagreatdeal:doless,knowless,andhaveless,toconnectmore.

Influenceworksthroughconnection:Deeplyunderstandyourownneedsandinterests:Gobeneaththesurfacetounearthwhatyoureallywantandwhy.Becometheother.Seethroughhereyes,thinkwithhermind;senseitspatterns.Considerwhatistrulyinherinterests.Gofromthere.Showhowyourideaisinherinterests,eitherdirectlyorthroughanexchangeyouoffer.

TheZenLeaderCorePractice:InvitationtoSamadhi

Samadhiisastateofcompleteconnectedness,inwhichthoughtissuspended,asno“I”standsaparttothink.Thisconnectednessisnotanexoticcondition,butanaturalstatethatariseswhenwe’reabsorbedintooursetting.Forexample,inathrillingbaseballgamewhenthepitchisthrown,thebatisswung,amomentofcollectiveSamadhiarisesintheabsorbedtrackingoftheball.Orattheendofamomentoussymphony,inabrilliantperformancethathascapturedtheaudience,thequietofSamadhiridesontheendoftheclosingnotebeforethunderousapplauseerupts.

Astheseexamplesillustrate,Samadhiarisesonitsown.Itcannotbewillfullyentered,becausethatwhichwould“will”itisnoneotherthanthestand-apart“I.”Thatsaid,thebodyandbreathcanbedevelopedinwaysthatbecomeconducivetothisconditionarising.Andtheexercisesthemselvesarerelaxingandrejuvenating.Withouttryingtomakeanythinghappen,inviteyourbodyandbreathintotheexercisesthatfollow.LetthequietofSamadhicometoyou.

First,EstablishtheCenter1.Standwithfeethip-widthapart,armsatsides(Figure6.1a).Beginninga

long,slowinhalethroughyournose,letyourarmsdriftstraightupinfrontofyou(Figure6.1b).Whenthey’reparalleltothefloor,movingeversoslowly,openthearms180degrees,lettingyourvisionexpandatthesametime(Figure6.1c).Continuetoinhale,andliftyourarmsoverhead,palmstothesky.Stretchslightlytowardstheskyattheendofyourinhale,slightlyliftingyourheels,shiftingyourweighttowardtheballsofthefeet(Figure6.1d).

2.Set(meaningsetdownyourheels),maintainingaslightpressurefromtheballsofyourfeetintotheearth,andfeelaconnectiontothebaseofyourhara.Exhalingslowlythroughyourmouth,makethesoundof“aaay”(longā)asiffromtheharaitself.Throughthebaseofbothpalms,extendoutward,turningthewristsback90degrees,andslowlyarcyourarmsbacktocenter(Figure6.1e).Attheendofyourexhale,relaxcompletelyandbeginagain.Repeatforfiveto10breathcycles.

Figure6.1

Second,ReleaseWhat’sHolding1.Standwithfeetinawide,butcomfortablehorsestance.Inhaling

throughyournose,andhunkeringdownslightly,gatheryourforearmstogetherinthemiddleofyourchest,asiftometaphoricallygatheranyworry,concern,orthoughtofanykind(Figure6.2a).

2.Exhalingthroughyourmouth,makethesoundof“ahhh”asyoustraightenyourlegs,openyourarms,andreleaseanyandallholding.Letthesoundof“ahhh”resonatethroughyourentirebeing,withnothingheldbackorbound.Asyourarmsopen,letyoureyesalsodriftto180

degrees,and“see”withyourears.Attheendofyourexhale,pauseforamomenttohanginthisopen-endedNow.(Figure6.2b).Drawinyourarmsandinhaleforthenextcycle;repeatforfiveto10breathcycles.

Figure6.2

Third,Hear/FeelYourEntireBodyAllatOnce1.Standwithfeetinawide,butcomfortablehorsestance,shoulders

relaxed,eyestakingin180degreesofyoursurroundings.Lightlypressyourpalmstogetheratyourhara,fingerspointingdownward(Figure6.3a).Breatheinandoutquietlythroughyournose.Asyoubegineachexhale,slightlyextendtheballsofyourfeetintotheearth,andmaintainthisextensionthroughalong,slowexhale.Relaxontheinhale,andletithappenonitsown.Repeatseveralbreathcycles.

2.Continuebreathingthesamewayasabove.Leavingyourlefthandwhereitis,rotateyourrightelbowsothatyourrighthandpointsupward,thumbsidetouchingyourchest.Asyoufeelthecontactofyourhand,releaseanytensioninyourchest,sothatthetouchcanbe“felt”allthewaytoyourspine(Figure6.3b).Repeatseveralbreathcyclesinthisposture.

3.Continuebreathingthesamewayasabove.Leavingyourlefthandwhereitis,extendyourrighthandjustoveryourhead,pointingupward,nearthebackofyourskull,whereyourspinewouldextendifyouhadafewmorevertebrae(Figure6.3c).Asyouexhale,feelboththe

groundednessofharaunderyourlefthandandtheextensionofyourspinalenergythroughyourrighthand.Repeatseveralbreathcyclesinthisposture,openingyoursensesandfeeling/hearingeverythingwithinyouandaroundyou.

4.Continuebreathingthesamewayasabove.Leavingyourlefthandonthehara,rotateitsothatthepalmfacesup.Drawyourrighthandbackdowntochestlevel,fingerspointingupward,asinthesecondposture(Figure6.3d).Again,asyoumakecontactwiththechest,emptyanytensionthathasaccumulated,feelingthecontactallthewaytoyourspine.Repeatseveralbreathcyclesinthisposture,feeling/hearingyourentirebodyallatonce.

5.Continuebreathingthesamewayasabove.Leavingyourlefthandonthehara,palmup,rotateyourrightelbowsothatyourrighthand,alsopalmup,comestorestonyourleft.Foldinthethumbofyourlefthandandgentlycupitintheright;thisisthesamehandpositionasforsittingmeditation(Figure6.3e).Repeatseveralbreathcyclesinthisposture,feeling/hearingyourentirebody,yourentireworld,allatonce.

Figure6.3

7FromDrivingResultstoAttractingtheFuture

“DRIVESFORRESULTS.”“Results-oriented.”“Makeswaronhisnumbers.”I’mreadingthecommentsona360-degreefeedbackreportforaleaderI’mworkingwiththisweek,andthesearehisstrengths.Ireflectontheassumptionthatmakingwaronnumbersisunquestionablyagoodthing.Businessridesonthisassumption,yetit’snotwithoutconsequence.IcanalmostpredictwhatI’llreadnextdescribingthisleader’sweaknesses:“Doesn’tlisten.”“Doesn’thavetimeforus.”NearlyhalfofthereportsIreviewforthisweekstrikeasimilartheme.IknowtherewillbeagoodmanyDriversintheprogram:peoplewhohavebeenrewardedtheirentirecareersfordrivingresults—otherwisetheywouldn’tbehere.Butjustastheshellofasnailisperfectforonestageandtoosmallforthenext,theseleaderswilllearnthattheenergyoftheDriver,althoughindispensablefordrivingresults,lacksthelargerviewofwhatkindoffutureisworthdrivingtoward.

Contrastthedriveforresultswiththeso-calledLawofAttraction,whichdidn’tpassmyphysics-trainedlitmustestofbeingareal“law”whenIfirstheardofit(morelikeNewAgemumbojumbo):Whocouldbelievethatbysimplyvisioningafuture,aleadercouldattractthepeopleandconditionsthatwouldbringaboutthatfuture?ImagineaCEOdeclaringatameetingwithanalysts,“Thesearethenumberswe’revisioningfornextquarterandwe’llattractthefuturetothem.”Inoureverydaywayoflookingatthings,thisisnonsense.

Butitisoureverydaywayoflookingatthingsthatistheproblem.Rootedindualism,evenourconceptofa“LawofAttraction”isofthisattractingthat,wherethisandthatareseparate.Dotheleftandrighthandattractoneanotherinordertoclap?Wecouldthinkofitthatway,orwecouldjustsaythey’repartofonesystem,operatingfromthesameprogram.Aswesawinthelastchapter,inflippingfromcontroltoconnect,weopenupthepossibilityofsensingamuchbiggerpicture,whetherit’sthesubtlesignalsofthecolleagueswewouldinfluence,ortheunmetneedsofcustomerswewouldserve—notapartfromanyofthese,butapartofthesamevibrantoceanofenergy.If,inastateofcompleteconnectedness,thethoughtarisestoformabusiness,onecouldsayI’mattractingthatfutureasIstartthebusiness,oronecouldsaythefutureisusingmetobringthebusinessabout.“I”and“thefuture”arenottwoseparatethings.

Buildingonconnectedness,inthischapterweexplorethefurtherflipbywhichthefuturebecomesthepresent,notbydrivingthepresenttowardthefuture,butbyattractingthefutureintoNow.ThisisaflipfromI-pushingtomanifestingaconnectedpull,fromdrivingmyagendatosensingthelargerpictureandlettingitactivatemydoing.Wecanapplythisfliptoourownvisionandpurpose—revisitingtheonewedevelopedinChapter2—andask:WhatfuturedoIattract?HowdoIknowthisisright?Althoughattractingthefuturecannotbefaked,thepotentialforself-delusionandtheegore-assertingitselfisever-present.You’lllearnareliablelitmustestfortellingthedifferencebetweennecessaryendurancetowardaworthygoalandworthlessdrivingtowardanunrealisticvision.

Figure7.1

Drivingthepresenttothefuture.

Theconnectionbetweenleadersandthefutureisnotasmallorincidentalmatter.Somewouldsayfindingthefutureistheveryessenceofleadership.AsRichardStrozziHecklerputsitinhisbook,TheLeadershipDojo,“Aleaderdeclaresthefuture.”Putanotherway,ifaleaderdoesn’tmatchasliceofthefuture,isheorsheleadingatall?Intheflipfromdrivingresultstoattractingthefuture,theZenleaderinusbringsthatfutureintoNow.

DrivingResultsDrivesBusiness…SortOf

It’saclassicbusinessanalysis:What’sourtarget?What’sourcurrentreality?

Whatdowehavetodotoclosethegap?Whetherwe’reclosingagapinourbudget,inournumberofcustomers,orintheskillsofourpeople,thiswayofthinking—aso-calledgapanalysis—issocommonitwouldbehardtoimagineworklifewithoutit.WemightdepictitasinFigure7.1a,whereourtargetexistsasadesiredfuturestate,andcurrentrealityiswherewearetoday.

Figure7.2

Attractingthefuturethroughpersonaltransformation.

Toclosethegap,wepushthatrealitytowardourtarget(Figure7.1b),and,ifwe’resuccessful,we’dsaywe“hitourtarget”(asinFigure7.1c).ThereasonI

teaseapartthiscommonexampleinsuchdetailisthateveryaspectofthiswayoflookingatthings—nomatterhowcommonitisandhowmuchitdrivesbusinessthinking—isbackwards,startingfroman“I”that’sdoingtheanalysisandendsupdoingthepushing.Itis,atbest,aonesidedstory.

Wecouldfliptheentireanalysisaround,takethecontrolling“I”outofit,enterastateofcompleteconnectedness,andsensethefuture,thepresent,andourentireexistenceallatonce(asinFigure7.2a).

Insightarises,translatesintothought,anddifferentiatesintoavisionofthefutureontheonehand,andclarityaboutthepresentontheother(Figure7.2b).Inthesameflashofinsightarisestheinternalunderstandingofthepersonaltransformationrequired—theknowledge,attitudes,andactions—toworkwiththepresentandmanifestthefuturestate.Throughthispersonaltransformation,theselfbecomes“larger”andthefuturebecomesNow(Figure7.2c).

Intheconventionalwayoflookingatagapanalysis,arelativelyfixedplayer—“I”—pushesrealitytowardadesiredtarget.Intheconnectedwayoflookingatit,thetransformationofself,whichistheworkingoftheZenleaderinus,isexactlywhatbringsthefutureintothepresent.Whenselfchanges,anewworldispossible.Intruth,selfisalwayschanging,whichshouldgiveusahintastowhichoftheseviewsisclosertoreality.Butitisthenatureofourdevelopmentashumanbeingsthatwealwaysstartoutconceivingofarelativelyfixed“I”atthecenterofthings—it’sournarcissisticheritage.Soit’snotsurprisingthatagooddealofconventionalbusinessthinkingwouldfunctionatthislevel.Andifitworkswellenough,whymesswithit?Whybendourmindswiththisflip,whenwecangoondoingconventionalgapanalysesanddrivingresults?Becausedrivingresults—pushingthepresenttothefuture—isbutanotherformofcontrol,which,aswe’veseen,doesn’tholdupaswellaswellasitusedto.ToomanyforcesconvergeevermorequicklybetweenthepresentmomentandanyfutureImighttarget.Intheroilingwhitewateroftoday,assumptionsaboutthefuturegetdashedontherocksfasterthanyoucansay“There’snoreasonforanyindividualtohaveacomputerinhishome”(which,infact,KenOlsen,theCEOofDigitalEquipmentCorporation,didsayin1977).

Moreover,drivingresultsisinadequateforfindingthefuturebecause,thinkaboutit:Drivingcomesfrombehind.Ifacowboyisdrivingaherd,he’sbehindtheherd,pushingitforward.Ifwe’redrivingacar,we’rebehindthewheel,pushingonthegaspedal.Indrivingmode,allwefocusonisthegoalinfrontofusandgettingthere.

Ofcourse,intheworldofwork,therekeepschanging.Hittingabusinessgoal

isnotaone-timeevent.Rather,onegoalmorphsintothenext:Mythird-quartertargetbecomesafourth-quartertarget,getsresetbycurrencyfluctuationsorthelaggingperformanceofasisterdivision,andmorphsintoastretchtargetfornextyear;nosoonerhavewereachedthistargetthanthattargetiswhatweneedtobedrivingtoward.

Inotherwords,weneverarriveonceandforall.Werarelycatchup,muchlessleapaheadtoseewhatfuturemightliebeyondourpresent-mindedassumptions.Howoftenhaveyouheardabusycolleaguelamentthatheorsheissobehindandracingtocatchup—orfeltthiswayyourself?Thisendlessfootraceagainsttimebecomeshabitualandexhausting,andmayevenleadustoquestionwhetherit’sworthit.Justasthetargetswepursueinthiswayaregenerallysetbyothers,wealsocometoexpectourrewardsforhittingthemtocomefrom“outthere.”Thoserewardsoftendocomeforawhile:fromgoodgradesinschooltoagoodjob,araise,abonus,andapromotionortwo.Butwewillalwaysencounterplaceswhereoureffortsoutpacetherewards.Thenit’seasyfordissatisfactiontosetin,asin,“AfterallI’vedoneforthiscompany,allIgotwas...,”fillintheblank:alousybonus,acrappyrating,morework,whatever.Thiscanleadtoadownwardspiral,alltraceabletoourownbackwardthinking.Wemistookourselvesas(relatively)fixedandtimeasmoving—alltoofast—andthoughtthetrickwastocatchupwithourgoals.Flipthataround,andyoucometoamuchdeepertruth:TimeisNow—period—andwe’rechanging;ourgoalsarerealizedaswemanagethatchangeinourself.

Inadditiontotheexhaustionanddisillusionmentthatcancomefromdrivingthepresenttowardthefuture,evenmoreproblematicisthefactthatthisisnowaytofindthefuture.Ifwe’veacceptedatargetthatrepresentsadesiredfuturestate,suchastograduatefromschool,increaseourmarketshareby3percent,ordeveloparazorwithsixblades,thenDriverenergymightworkjustfine.Itwillhelpuspushpastourfatigueordiscouragement,pushourpeople,orpushtechnologicallimits.Butitwillnevertelluswhetherthisfutureisworthdrivingtoward:whetherourschoolingisinlinewithourpassion,whetherthismarketisworthgrowingin,orwhethertheworldreallyneedsarazorwithsixblades.Forfindingafutureworthcreating,weneedadifferentkindofthinking,onethatdoesnotcomefrombehind;onethatisnotbasedonan“I”pushing.

BeingNow

Thisdifferentkindofthinkingarisesfromaconnectedstate.Atitsbest,it’snotsomething“I”thinkatall,butratheraSamadhi-arisinginsightthatwe

translateintothought,muchasavisualartistmighttranslateavisionintoamarvelouspainting.Thoughthappenssoquickly(comparedto,say,painting)thatwecommonlyequateinsightwiththought,butinsight-derivedthoughtisday-and-nightdifferentfromordinaryI-basedthinking.Toflipfromdrivingresultstoattractingthefuture,wehavetoflipintothisconnectedstate,whichalsoflipsourrelationshiptotime.Whatdoesourrelationshipwithtimehavetodowithattractingthefuture?Ifyouimmerseyourselfinthisnextexperiment,you’llsee:everything!

Oftentimes,leadershipprogramsstartwithanexerciseofbuildingatimelineofone’slifeandcareer,notingsignificantmilestones,events,andpeoplealongtheway.Iinviteyoutobuildsuchatimelinenow,butinaparticularway:

Figure7.3

1.Takeablankpieceofpaperandputadotdead-centerthatrepresentsNow(Figure7.3a).

2.Drawahorizontallinethroughthatdot,representingthepasttotheleftandthefuturetotheright(Figure7.3b).

3.Now,usingjustafewinchesofthelinetotheleftofyourdot,locateaseconddotwhereyouwereborn.Betweenthatdotandthepresent,createacompressedtimelineofyourlifeandcareer,notingafewofthemostpivotalpeople,events,ormilestonesthathavemadeyouwhoyouaretoday(Figure7.3c).

4.UsingafewinchestotherightofNow,locateathirddotrepresentingyourdeath.Betweennowandthen,fillinseveralfuturemilestonesyou’dliketoattract.Thesecouldbegoals,achievements,oritemsonyour“bucketlist”(thingsyouwanttodobeforeyoudie,or“kickthebucket”;Figure7.3d).

5.Now,steppingbackfromyourindividuallife,putyourlifeintoabroadercontext.Usingthewholerestofthetimelineandpaperhoweveryoulike,fillinsomeeventsfromyourfamily’spastandfromhistorythatshapedtheconditionsofyourbirth.Fillinsomeeventsthatmayfollowinyourfamily,inyourbusiness,orintheworldafteryoudie—evenlongafter.Speculate

freely!(Figure7.3e).Let’spauseforamoment.Thisishowwe’reusedtothinkingabouttime:

somethingthatflowsalongalinefromthepasttothefuture,likearoadwe’redrivingalong,withthepastbehindusandthefutureahead.

ButnowIinviteyouintoadifferentperspective:Breakintoyourtimeline.ImagineyourselfstandingatthedotofNow,mergedrightintoyourtimelinepage,lookingatthepastandfuture“endon.”Lookingdownthepast,allthehistoricandfamilyevents,allthepivotalpeopleandmeaningfulmilestonesaresuperimposed,oneontheother,allspiralingintoNow.Sightingalongthefuture,allpossibilitiesyouwishfor—thosethatcouldarisenextmonthandthosethatmighthappenacenturyfromnow—areallvisible,connectedtowhereyoustand,spiralingoutofNow.Standhereforamoment,beingNow.Whatyouseeisthateverythingfromthepastfeedsintowhereyoustand,andeverythingthatistohappenflowsoutofit;endlesschainsofcauseandeffectinterconnectthroughNow.Throughyou.Perhapsyou’veleftoutsomeimportanthistoricalcauses,orareoffinyourspeculationonfutureeffects,butthedetailsarenotimportant.What’simportantistheflipinperspective.BeingNow,youseeallpossiblethingsandallthingspossibleariseinyou.

Instantly,yourheadmaystarttothrobwiththemind-bogglingpossibilitiesthatbeingNowpresents.Hey,waitaminute!yourrationalmindmayprotest,andstartinwithsuchquestionsas,IfFmNow,whoareyou?AndwhoisJaneoverthere?HowcanweallbeNow?Mind-bendingasitis(sortoflikephysicsnearthespeedoflight),wemightthinkofNowasaninexhaustibleflamethatcouldlightcountlessnumberofcandles.You’relitbyNowand,nolessthanyou,I’mlitbyNowtoo.OrwecouldthinkofNowasaninfinite,inexhaustibleInternetinwhichyoucandoyoursearchesandfeelasthoughyou’reatthecenterof,justasIcan:YouruseoftheInternetNowdoesn’tprecludemine.Indeed,thefactthatwe’rebothhereisperfectproofthatwecancoexistinNow,bothbeingNow.It’ssoin-your-faceobvious,wemissit(Imisseditforyears!).ButthemorewestandatthedotofNow,themorethekaleidoscopeofpastandfuturepossibilitiesbecomesasourownarmsandlegs.

Soontheonehandwehaveaviewofourselvesintheordinary,everydayworld,whatwemightcallaspatialworld:anominalthree-dimensionalworld(whichhasmanymoredimensionsthatwedon’tsense).Weseeourselvesasan“I”movingthroughspace;timeflowsby,“I”getsolder,butit’sstill“I,”andwecandepictthisprocessbydrawingatimeline,aswedidamomentago.

Ontheotherhand,wecanexperienceourexistenceasbeingtime,orsimply

beingNow.IfyoucanimagineyourselfbeingNow,youwillnoticethatallthingsariseinyou,allthingsintertwinethroughyou,andnothingexistswithoutyou.ApplyingabitofmemorytoyourNowness,youwillalsonoticethateverythingchangesfromoneNowtothenextinaccordancewithitsnature(inotherwords,peoplechangemorequicklythandorocks),includingthebodywithwhichyou’reconductingthisthoughtexperimentrightnow(hey,there’sanotherthought,anotherchange!).YetNowitselfdoesnotchange,whilesupportingallthingschangingwithinit.Itisneverthen;itisalwaysNow.

Thisistheessentialflipbywhichwebecomeanyfuturewewouldattract:frombeingarelativelyfixed“I”movingthroughtimetobeingNowinwhichaconstantlychangingpicture—including“I”—unfolds.BeingNow,Iamconnectedtothewholepicture.Connectedtothewholepicture,insightarisesthatisnotyetrealized—itiseitherafantasyorthefuture.IfIbringitthroughme,becauseIamNow,Iattractitintothepresent.Intheordinary,spatialworld,itfeelslikeI’mmovingtowardit.Inreality,I’mmanifestingitthroughmyexistenceinNow.

Inadditiontoourboundlessconnectedness,wealsoliveintheordinaryworld.Andinthatordinaryworld,notallvisionsofthefuturecanbemanifest.Thebiggermyvision,idea,ordream—thebroaderitshorizon,themorepeopleitinvolves—themorebroadlyithastoresonatewithinacommon,sharedrealityinordertocomeabout.Ifmyvisioninvolves10otherpeople—suchasthedirectionofasmallbusinessoraspecialThanksgivingdinner—itneedstobeinaccordwiththerealityofthose10people;ithastobecomepartoftheirworldtoo.Ifmyvisioninvolves10millionpeople—suchasintroducinganewproductorbuildinganewcitycenter—ithasto“click”andfindsupportwithinabroadlysharedreality.Leaderswhocanattractgreatvisionsintothepresentcreateanewsharedrealityamongagreatmanypeople.Inorganizationallife,thisshowsupasachangeinculture.

AttractingtheFuturetoXLCapital

Foryears,XLCapitalhasbeenagreatplacetowork,committedtodevelopingitsleaders,whichishowI’vegottentoknowthisrelativelysmall,specialtyinsurancecompany.Buthereitis,2008,andthecompanyhasgottenhammeredbythreeyearsofgravemisfortune,fromthreemajorhurricanesinoneseasontoapartlyownedsubsidiarycompletelymeltingdowninthefinancialcrisis.Aresilientcompanyofgreatpeople,XLCapitalshoulderedthesedifficulties,butisnotthriving.Inoneofourleadershipprograms,

participantsaredistractedbyever-worseningnewsontheirBlackBerrys,astheywatchtheircompany’sstockpricetumblefrom$15to$10tolessthan$5inoneweek.Peoplearescared.

IncomesanewCEO—MikeMcGavick—withanimpressiveresumeofbusinessandpoliticalleadership.Aconsummatecommunicator,fromdayoneheisbothreachingoutandlisteningtothepeopleinandaroundXL.Hespeakstotheleadersinourprogram,andtellsitlikeitis—whichisn’tpretty—evenashechargesthemtoactwithaccountabilityandownershipforthisgreatcompany.Hebringsabuzzintotheroom,whichremainsevenafterheleaves(thehallmarkofleadershipthatendures).Later,overdinner,I’mtalkingwithseveralparticipantswhotellmehow,inthespaceofafewmonths,Mikehassignaledaseachangeinaccountability.“IneverthoughtIhadabudgettomanage,”onemanagertellsme.“NowI’mscrutinizingeveryline.”

Thismaysoundlikejustanother“greatleader”story,butwhatstrikesmewhilewatchingMikeisthatmorethanbeingagreatleader,heistherightleaderforXL.Why?Becausehesincerelywantsthejob,andhastakenitwithacrystal-clearvisionofthebrighterfuturethatcouldbecomeXL’spresent.“Iseethisasaplacewherethebestunderwritersintheindustrycometopracticetheircraft,”hetellspeople.Onlyafewmonthsearlier,competitorswereraidingXL’sbesttalent,andnowtheCEOisdeclaringtheculturethatwouldattractthebestandbrightest.

Cultureislikethecollectivepersonalityofanorganization,andMikeknowsthatthepersonalityofthecompanyneedstopersonifysuccessinordertobringthatsuccessintothepresent.So,forexample,heredefinesthemodelXLleaderintermsofthebehaviorsandattitudesthatwillbeemphasizedandrewardedgoingforward.Thisis,toparaphraseGhandi,beingthechangeyouwanttoseeintheworld—whichMikeembodies,notonlyasanindividualleader,butalsobytransformingthecollectivepersonalityofthecompany.

Wouldthecompanybeacquired?Coulditmakeitonitsown?FromadistanceitseemsthatMikefacessomemightystrugglesinhisfirstyear,andsomeofthedirectionshetriesturnouttobeblindalleys,buttheyneverbecomestickingpoints;onlytemporaryexperiments.Thisabilitytolearnandmoveonisthesignatureofleaderswhoattractthefuture,whereasleaderswhoonlydriveresultstendtokeeppushing,evendownblindalleys,fartoolong.Thebeautyofattractingthefutureisthatoneneverstopslisteningforthefutureandlearningfromthepresent.

PartofMike’stremendouseffectivenessisthatit’snotaboutMike.Isendhim

anoteafteroneofourprograms,thankinghimforhisparticipationamidstallthefireshewasattendingto.Hisnotebacktomesaysitall:“Iwillworktirelesslyforthepeopleofthiscompany,andbeingwiththemlastweekremindsmewhyit’sallworthwhile.”

In2009,XLCapitalwasoneofthebiggeststockmarketsuccessstoriesoftheyear,upbymorethan500percent.Justsaying.

PumpingtheSwing

Notallfuturesweattractwillnecessarilybelucrative.Afterall,the“I”thatmaybeattractedtolucreistheverypartofusthatletsgoinmakingthisflip.Attractingthefuturecomesfromtheinherentconnectednessofwhoweare,butthatdoesn’tmeanthatinsightaloneisenough.InsightalonewouldnothavegivenXLCapitalabrighterpresent.Qualityinexecutionisalsoneeded—theDriverandOrganizergettingstuffdone.Butthisqualityofexecutiondiffersfromtheblinddriveforresultsintwoimportantways:First,itarisesfromandhenceservesourboundlessconnectedness,notmerelyourlocalegotryingtomakegoodforitself.Second,itisnotblind.Rather,it’sconstantlylistening,sensing,becomingonewiththelargerforcesatworkandusingthemtogreateffect.Withthisopennessofmindandintentionalityofvision,synchronicitycanoperate.ThisisthequalityofactionthatLaoTzucallsnon-actionbecausethereisnoactorstandingapart:“Innon-actionwedoeverything.”

Inadditiontoconnectedness,thisqualityofactionmanifestswhatTanouyeRoshicalled“drivingrhythm,”whichisperhapseasiesttounderstandinthecontextofmusic.Mycolleague,RogerNirenberg,isasymphonyconductorwhoapplieshisarttoleadership,andvividlydemonstratestheroleofdrivingrhythm.Hegivesanorchestraapieceofmusictoplay—aMozartsymphony—andleavesthepodium.He’sgone.Theyplayalongwithoutleadership.Theirperformanceistechnicallycorrect,butthereisafeltflatnesstothemusicanditgrowsperceptiblyslower.Hethenreturns,andwithtempo-drivingbatonandgestures,themusicspringstolife,fillswithenergy,andturnsonadime.Roger’sdrivingrhythmmakesthedifferencebetweenanuninterestingperformanceandanoutstandingone.

Youknowaboutdrivingrhythmfromtheplaygroundofyourchildhood.Remembersittingonaswing?Ifyoustartoutbyjustrapidlypumpingyourlegs,nothingmuchhappens,eventhoughyou’reworkingveryhard.Butifyoustraightenyourlegs,pushyourbodyback,andstarteventhesmallestoscillation,youcangrowitbytimingyourpumpingtoitsleadingedge.

Inphysicswecallthissympatheticvibration,andit’sawaytobringaboutbigeffectsthroughthetimingofsmallones.Tocreatesympatheticvibration,wehavetosympathize—catchtherhythmof,becomeonewith—thelargerforcesatwork.Ittakesonlyabitoftrainingtolearnadrivingrhythmforpumpingaswing.IttookRogeryearsoftrainingtosympathizewiththecomposers,orchestras,andaudienceswhosetraining,tempo,andtemperamenthefactorsintohisconducting.MikeMcGavick’sleadershiphasmaturedthroughyearsofsensingthetimingandlargerforcesatworkinthecomplexworldofbusinessandpolitics.Heunderstandsthattocreateadrivingrhythminanorganizationistoworkwithitsculture.

Thetrickwithsettingadrivingrhythm—aswithusinganyaspectofDriverenergy—istodosoinawaythatkeepslistening(Organizer),connectswithothers(Collaborator),andisinaccordwiththewholepicture(Visionary).Inotherwords,itistoengageourDriver’sedge,evenasweremainourconnectedselves.Ifwecandanceinthisparadox,wewillfindinexhaustiblesupportforourvision,becauseourvisionitselfwillnaturallytransformasconditionschange.Moreover,asweapplyourdrivingrhythmtothecurrentconditions,ourimpactwillgrowinawaythatdoesn’texhaustus,anymorethandoespumpingaswing.

Themorefacileandself-awarewebecomewiththeenergypatterns,themoreeasilywecanlivethisparadox.TheexerciseattheendofthischapterandadditionalChapter7exercisesavailableatwwm.thezenleader.comgiveyouachancetosimultaneouslyexperience(orquicklyflipbetween)allfourpatterns,andplaywithcreatingadrivingrhythmfromaconnectedstate.Youmightwanttofliptotheendofthischapterandtrytheexercisesnowtoprimethepump—orpumptheswing—intomakingthisflip.

TheZenLeaderFlip7:DrivingResultstoAttractingtheFuture

Todriveresultsistopushthepresenttowardthefuture.Aswe’vesaid,italwayscomesfrombehind,andarelentlesshabitofitmakesusfeellikewe’realwaysbehind.

Toattractthefutureistocreatethepullofworkingwithlargerforces.Inonesense,creatingpullisnothingnewtoleaders.Basicmarketing,forexample,teachestheimportanceofcreatingpullfromcustomers,notmerelypushingone’sproductsandservicesontothem.Butwhatmanyleadersdofindnewinthisflip,especiallyDriverleadersinfastcompanies,isslowingdownenoughtoactuallysensethemarket—notonlywhat’shappening,butwhat’smissing.

That’swhywestartbyslowingdown,andstopping,ifonlyforamoment,togivethemindachancetochangegears,andsenseopportunities.Wethenwanttolistenforthefuture,whichrequiresrelinquishingthesafetyofknowing,andhangingoutinnot-knowing,ifonlyforawhile.Finally,ifwearerewardedwithinsightthatresonateswithusasaworthyvision,goal,orevendirectionfortheday,wecometothefinalstep,whichistransformingourselvestorealizethatintention.

Attractingthefutureisnotaheroicact,somuchasunifyingourintentionwithwhat’sreadytohappen,andbringingitaboutthroughouractions.Ineffect,we’recreatingsympatheticvibration—pumpingtheswing—aswelistenforandworkwiththeneedsofpeople,thesurroundingcontext,thetimingofsituations,andevennatureitself.Becausewe’reworkingwithlargerforces,wecanenablebiggereffectsthatarenon-exhausting,non-depleting,andmoresustainable.Farfrompropagatingapreconceivedagenda,weattractthefuturebysimultaneouslylisteningforit,andtransformingourselfinthepresent.Luckissometimesdefinedasopportunitymeetingthepreparedmind.Inthisflip,wepreparethemindtosenseopportunityandcreateitsluck.

Slowdown…stop.Thefliptoattractingthefutureissimplyconnectednessappliedtosensewhatfutureispossibleandhowtobringitintothepresent.Isay

“simply”becauseit’snotcomplicated,butitissubtle.Ifwe’redrivingresultsfullsteamahead,andnotgettingwherewewanttogo—ornotwantingwhatwe’regetting—wehavetoslowdowntoevenapproachthisstateofconnectednessinwhichacutesensitivitygivesrisetoinsight.Betteryet,stop.AlreadyourlisteningimprovesaswegiveournervoussystemachancetocomeoutofDrivermode.

Wecanslowourselvesdownintothisflipasathoughtexperiment,aswedidinbecomingthedotofNowinourtimeline.Steppingintothisdot,lookingatthepastandfuture“endon,”weseeallpossibilitiesintersectingthroughus.Thefutureisbutanotherlegofourboundlessexpanse.

ThemorewecanfullyimmerseourselvesinthisdotofNow,themoreaSamadhistateofconnectednessarises.Wecannotwillthisstate,forthe“I”thatchasesthisconditionisthevery“I”dissolvedbyit.Butwecan,withpractice,createtheconditionsinourbodyandmindwherebythisconnectednessarisesonitsown.Itisexactlytheconditioncultivatedinmeditation,andpeoplehavebeencultivatingitforthousandsofyears.ItisexactlythecultivationoftheZenleaderinyou.

Wecanslowourselvesdownintothisflipbyslowingdownourbreath.Breathfunctionsbothconsciously(wecancontrolit)andunconsciously(it’sstillfunctioningwhenwe’renotthinkingaboutit).Henceitplaysaspecialroleinourmind-bodysystembecauseitcanreachintopartsofourselfthatwecannotconsciouslyaccess.Slowingdownourbreathreducestherateofmindchatter.Whenwebreathejustafewtimesaminute(asopposedtotheaverage12timesperminute),inaphysicssense,welowerouroverallfrequencyintoamorestableandsensitiverange.Tryit.

Slowingdownourthoughtshelpsusseemoreclearly.Ifyouimagineeachthoughtasarippleinthepoolofmind,high-frequencythoughtislikeajumbleofripples,allcollidingwithoneanotheranddistortinganyimagetheyreflect.Asthoughtsslowdown,thereislesscollisionandthewavesformamoreevenpattern.AlthoughI’mspeakingmetaphorically,thesesmootherwaveformsareexactlywhatneuroscientistsfindintheEEGsofseasonedmeditators1:morecoherence,lessnoise—whichprettymuchmatchesone’spsychologicalexperience.Inthismorecoherentstate,wecansensemoresubtlethings,justaswecanseemoredetailreflectedinacalmpondthaninaturbulentone.

Slowingdownalsohelpsusfindthenaturalfrequenciesforgettingotherpeopleandsituationsworkingwithus.Havingonlyonespeedislikerapidlypumpingourlegsaswesitonaswing;wecanworkveryhardtoverylittle

effect.Inanenergypatternsense,whenweslowdown…stop,wemoveoutof

DrivermodeandintothequieterpatternsofOrganizerandVisionary.TheOrganizerisagoodlistener,anditsquietcenterednesswillserveuswell,butwecannotsensethefuturebystoppingwithinthewallsandassumptionsthattheOrganizerknows.Wehavetoleavetherealmofknowing,andopenintotheVisionary.Even“I”enteringVisionaryisnotthesameasSamadhiconnectedness,butitmovesusintherightdirection.IntheVisionary’sboundlessness,dissolveintoessence;beNow.

Listenforthefuture.Listenwithyoureyes,witheverypore,curiousandopen.Whatyou’relisteningforisnotyourusualmindchatter;it’sadifferent-qualitysignalthatseeminglypopsupoutofnowhere.“CallAuntJean”poppedupasIwaslisteningthismorning,andIknowtodaytocallmywonderfulaunt.“Thefuture”isnotconfinedtograndiosevisions,thoughtheotherthingthatpoppedupformethismorningwashowtotellthestorythatwillhelppeopleunderstandthisbook.Icouldhavelaboredforhourswritingpromotionalpabulum,butitneverwouldhavebeenasclearaswhatpoppedoutonitsown.

IusemyselfasanexamplebecauseIcan’ttellyouhowmuchI’vecomplicatedthingsthroughouttheyears,withallmyeffortandstrivingforachievement.Thismake-it-happenmindsetisalsocommonamongtheleadersIworkwith.Butinlisteningforthefuture,wesuspendtryingtomakeanythinghappen,andtrust.Thismorning,Ididn’tneedtomakeanythinghappen,soitwaseasytotrust,easytolisten.Ihadaquestionconcerningthedayandthisbook,butIdidn’tgraspitassomekindofproblemtosolve.Morelike…Whatwantstohappenhere?Surpriseme!

Inlisteningforthefuture,weopenourselvestosurprise—andluck.Wemaygetabrilliantideaforamobilephonewithnobuttons.Wemaygetamarketinginsight.Wemayget“callAuntJean.”Whoknows?Thispop-upexperienceisnotforeigntous.“Whereareyouwhenyougetyourbestideas?”I’veaskedleadersonfourcontinents.Andthewinninganswer?Youguessedit:intheshower.Mostpeopledon’ttakeashowerinordertomakesomethinghappenorgetagoodidea.Yet,whenthewarmwaterhitsourskin,ourbodyrelaxes,weopenup,and—voila!It’swhathappenswhenwequittryingtomakesomethinghappen.WhatI’venoticedisthatifI’mquietenoughtotrulylistenforwhatwantstohappen,it’salwaysthere,alwaysplaying.Butinmyeverydaymind,myusualmindchatterplaysoverthissignal—likeoneradiostationplayingoveranother—andIcanmissit.IfItrytoforceit,it’s“I”forcingandImissiteven

more.Weallcanmissit.Slowdown…stop,dissolvethe“I,”andlisten:wecanallhearit.

Inlisteningforthefuture,wearealsolisteningtoourselves,becauseweandthefuturearenottwodifferentthings.Wearelisteningforourinterests,passions,perhapsasenseofcalling,orthejoythatcomeswithexpressingourgifts.Wearelisteningforwhatholdsusbackfromthefutureweaspireto,whatistoostuck,toosmall,ortooafraidtomoveforward.Asourself-awarenessgrows,thefuturewewishtoattractnaturallybecomesamorerealisticmatchtowhoweare.Howcoulditbeotherwise?

Inlisteningforthefuture,questionsthathelpuslistenfromaconnectedstatearebest:Whatarethelargerforcesatwork?Whatwantstohappenhere?Ormyquestionthismorning:Whatwantstohappentoday?Ourquestionmayevenbesubconscious.I’msurethismorningadeeperquestionwaslurkingregardinghowtospreadunderstandingofthisbook.Itwasn’tconscious,butitdidn’thavetobe.Pouringmyselfintothisbookdayafterday,Icantrustthatthisquestionisoperating.

Thesameistrueforyou.Listenforthefuturewithquestionslike,What’snext?What’sreadytohappen?Listentoyourselfwithquestionslike,Whatholdsmeback?What’sthenextthingthatneedstoopenupinme?Listenandbesurprised.

Transform[in]thepresent.Ofcourse,notallsurprisesarepleasant.Andevenpleasantsurprises—brilliantinsights—arenotalwaysconvenient,andmaycallonustoexertagreatdealofenergytobringthemabout.Butthatisattractingthefuturetothepresent:thetransformationbeginsinhere.Thedifferencebetweenagreatideathatbecomesabreakthroughinnovationandonethatdiesonthevineistheabilityoftheleaderwhohasittotransformthepresent,whichistosay,transformhim-orherself.

Notallideascanorshouldberealized.Ideasthatcomefromadisturbedmindmaynotresonatewithenoughpeopletoevercomeabout.Evenideasfromagreatmindareadimeadozen,andmostofthemarefantasy.Butwhodecides?Thefirstdecideristheidea-haver.Ifweareonlylukewarmaboutanideaanditwillrequirered-hotlevelsofeffort,itdiesanaturaldeathinourownmind.

Butsaywe’recompletelyexcitedaboutanideaandwanttopursueit.Thenwegotothenextleveloftransformingthepresent:Canwegenerateinterest?Canwepumptheswingonthis?Inthiswaywestarttotestwhetherthisideacanorshouldberealized.Inadrivingrhythm,wetransformabitofouractivitytotestwhetherouridearesonateswithinalargercontext,beitfamily,friends,

customers,colleagues,communities,orwhateversliceoftheworldourideaappliesto.Perhapsourtransformingactivitycreateschangesintheclimateofagroupweleadorinthecultureofanorganization,inwhichcaseitwillstarttospreadtoothers.Orperhapswewillpursueourideaassomethingofaskunkworksbecausethelargercontextisnotyetprimedforit.Perhapsournextsetoftransformingactivitiesplantstheseedsthatgetpeoplereadyforouridea.ThisisexactlywhatAppledidwiththeiPhonetomovepeoplebeyondkeyboard-basedcomputersandreadythemfortheiPad.Prettysmart,huh?

Again,notallideasarebrilliantfutureproductsandnotallfuturesweattracthavetobegame-changing.Some“futures”maybeasshort-termaswhatwe’regoingtodotoday.Butwhenideasarelarge,long-term,andinvolvemanyothers,thekeytoattractingthemistomaintainadrivingrhythminformedbylisteningandlearning.Thisishowwewilltellwhetherourideaisfantasy,orthatourideamaybesoundbutwe’vegonedownablindalley,orthat—wonderofwonders!—ourideaisstartingtosprout.

Ourtransforminginthepresentissupportedbyaperfectlyreliableindicatorofwhetherwe’reontherighttrack:joyarises.Joydoesn’tcomefromanyoldthingthatwedo.Rather,whenourdoingarisesfromconnectedness,joyariseswithit.Thisjoymaybemoresubtlethanthe“jumpforjoy”variety.Itmayfeellikefullengagementinwhatwedo,andaquietsatisfactionarising.Itmayfeellikeenergythatkeepsrenewingitself,muchaspumpingaswingseeminglygivesusmoreenergythanittakes.

Thisjoyismightycontagious,attractive,andimpossibletofake.Ifourideainvolvesothers,joywilldrawthem,andenthusiasmwillbuild.Thewordenthusiasm,whichcomesfromtheGreekwordforGod,speakstotheembodimentandexpressionofuniversalitythroughourbeing.AsEckhartTolleobserves,“Withenthusiasmyoufindyoudon’thavetodoitallyourself.Infact,thereisnothingofsignificanceyoucandobyyourself.Sustainedenthusiasmbringsintoexistenceawaveofcreativeenergyandallyouhavetodothenis‘ridethewave.’”2

Ridingawaveisnotapassiveact,butaconsummateexampleofdrivingrhythm.Torideawaveistostayonitsleadingcrestanduseitsenormousforcewithagility.Thisdrivingrhythmisastateofcompletesensitivityandperfecttimingthatuseslargerforces,oftenpullingothersalong.It’swhatallowsaleadertochangethedirectionofagroupwhencircumstanceschange.It’swhatallowsRogertogetanorchestraturningMozartonadimeanddeliveringamostenthusiasticperformance.It’swhatallowsMiketopushacultureofgreater

accountabilitythatmeetswithenthusiasmfrompeopleatXLbecauseitmatcheswhotheywanttobe.

Transforminginthepresentwithanintentionaboutthefuture,wewillencounterobstacles.Abigobstaclewillbewhenwegetinourownway,whichwe’lltalkaboutmoreinthenextchapter.Justaswegetturnedoffbyleadersifwesensethey’reinitforthemselves,sowealsostinkupourownideaswhenwecontortthemtoserveourneeds.Beingawareofthispossibility,watchingforit,wecanremindourselves(orre-experience!)thatinconnectedness,noselfarisestotakeorneedcredit.

Otherobstacleswe’llencountercomefromotherpeopleandsituations.Theymaynotberipeforouridea.Theymayhavecompetinginterests.Afewstepsintoexecution,newinformationmaytellusthatthingsarenotproceedingquiteasweexpected.Ifwearestillclearandconvincedbyouridea,wecannegotiateeveryoneoftheseobstacleswithlisteningandfurtheradjusting.Becauseevenwhatweregardasanobstacle(thisgoesforourselfaswell)assumesaparticularintentordirection.Itmaybethatwehavetoadjustourdirection,orpace,ormakesomechangebywhichanobstaclebecomesaspringboard.Thehistoryofinnovationisrifewithstoriesofhowthefirsttimesomethingistrieditdoesn’tworksowell,andonlyinthelearning,adjustment,andre-launchdothingscometogether.

Theobstaclesmaybesooverwhelmingthatwefindourenthusiasmwaning.Thismaybeasignthatweneedtore-energize,thatourideaisunrealistic,orthatourapproachneedsadjustment.If,asamatterofcourse,ourenthusiasmdisappearsandjoyisreplacedbystrainandeffort—notmomentarily,butasacommonoccurrence—it’stimetogobacktothebeginning:slowdown…stop.Whateverfuturewe’reattracting(forexample,aperformancebubblewithbrokenrelationshipsandhighbloodpressureontheside)isnotonewetrulywant,andourownlackofjoyandenergyaretellinguswiththeutmostclarity.

PuttingIttoWork:YourVisionRevisited

We’vecoveredsomedistancesinceChapter2,when,bywayofaligningenergy,youwereinvitedtocraftastatementofyourvisionorpurpose,andhowyoumightapproachit.Hopefullyyoucanfindorrecallwhatyouwrote,becausenowisagoodtimetorevisitthatvisionandapplythisflip.We’llalsousethetimelineyouhadachancetobuildearlier.Reflectingonyourvisionforthenextfewyears,andopeningtotheconnectedstateavailabletoyounow,youcangetasenseofhowpushingtowarditcontrastswithattractingit.

1.Slowdown…stop.Tostart,writedownafewthingsyouknowaboutyourvisionandhowyouaregoingaboutrealizingit.YoucanusewhatyoudevelopedinChapter2,orstartfresh.Nowrelax.Breathedeeplyandevermoreslowlyintoyourhara.“See”throughyourears.Opentothisstateforafewminutes.(Hint:Putthebookdown.)Bringyourawarenesstothevisionandapproachyoujustwrote,andidentifyafewconcretegoalsormilestonesthatyouwanttomaketruesometimefromnow—sixmonths,ayear,ornomorethanthreeyearsout.Using(orre-creatingasimplifiedversionof)yourtimeline,statethemasrealitiesandlocatethemasentriesinthefuture.Identifyafewconcretethingsyou’vedonesofartorealizeyourvision,andlocatethemasentriesinthepast.

2.Listenforthefuture.StepintoNow.Inyourimagination,enteryourtimeline,beNow,andconsiderpastandfuture“endon.”AllthatyouhavedonetowardyourvisionpoursintoNow.ThefuturevisionyouwouldattractflowsoutofNow.Restinthisopenstateforamomentandlisten.Listen.Whatwantstohappen?What’snext?What’strueaboutyourself?Don’ttryforanyanswer.Simplylisten.Youmayhearnothing.Youmaysensethatsomethingyouwroteearlierisoff.Youmaysenseadifferentgoal,adifferentfuturepossibility.Youmayremembersomethingthatseemscompletelydisconnected.Don’tloseit.Itmaylaterconnectinsurprisingways.Youmaysenseanextstep.Youmaysenseresistanceorfearregardinganextstep.Youmaybefloodedwiththoughts;relaxyourbreathingandleteverythingflowthroughyouwithoutobstruction.

Ifanythingnoteworthyarises,honoritwithanote.Butdon’tforceit.Nothingnecessarilyhastohappeninthismoment.Ifyoucanrememberandreturntothisgeneralprocess,whensomethingneedstoarise,you’llbelisteningforit.

3.Transform[in]thepresent.AsyoucontinuebeingthedotofNow,ask:Regardingthepast,whathaveyoubeendoingtodriveresultstowardthisvisionthatisnotworking,thatfeelslikestrainandeffort?Whatcanyou

stopdoing?Regardingthefuture,whatcouldyoudodifferentlythatmightwork?Howcanyou“pumptheswing”andworkwithlargerforces?What’sthenextthingyouneedtolearn,letgoof,oropenupto?

Recognizethatwhatistransforminginthepresentisyou.Andwhenyouexactlymatchtheyouofyourvision,thatfuturewillbeexactlyNow.Betweenthatmomentandthis,changesinwhatyouvalue,howyouspendyourtime,whatyoulearn,andwhoyouconnectwithandhoweffectively,willpercolateintochainreactionsofcauseandeffect.Ifyourfuturevisionisabletoberealized,joywillaccompanyyourprogress,andawaveofenthusiasmwillbuild.Ifyourvisionisunrealistic,youwillhitstuckpointswhereyourdrivingrhythmhasnomoreeffectthanawoodpeckerattackingstainlesssteel;wherethere’snopathforward,nolearningistakingplace,andnojoyispresent.Conversely,ifyoukeeplisteningfromaconnectedstate,yourvisionwillauto-adjusttotheonenessthatisyou,andwillinformyourrationalmindwhattodonext.

Afterwritingyouranswers,takeanotherlookatyourvisionstatementandcurrentapproachandseeifyou’dmakeanyadjustmentsthatmatchyoubetter.Inthebackandforthbetweentransforming“inhere”andlisteningto“outthere,”wearebothbeingandcreatingthechangewewanttoseeintheworld.Allowingabitoftimeforconsciousreflectionhelps,notbecauseitdrivestheprocesssomuchasalignsourconsciousmindwiththeprocess.

Attractingthefuturedoesn’tmeanweforeverstopusingtheDriver’spushortheOrganizer’splan;bothareindispensabletogettingstuffdone.Buttheyareinfinitelymoreusefulwhentheyservetheinsightandvisionarisingfromtheconnectedstate,ratherthanblunderingalongblindlyontheirown.Conversely,theinsightsoftheconnectedstatecanbeallideaandnoactionwithoutthedrivingrhythmthatsetsapaceandgetspeoplemovingwithus.Learningtofunctioninthisparadoxicaltension,weappropriatelyflipbetweentheconnectednessoftheVisionaryandCollaboratorandtheget-it-done-nessoftheDriverandOrganizer.Themoreweengageeachofthesepatterns,themoreunconsciouslycompetentwebecomeatflippingbetweenthem,untilmomentbymomentwemanifestwhateverenergyisneeded.Thecorepracticeattheendofthischapter(“AllPatternsatOnce”)invitesyouintothisstateofspontaneousagility.

WitheverypatternavailabletousrightNow,whatcanpossiblystopus?Wearethefutureweattract,abletosenseitscontours.WeareNow,abletosensethe

heartsofpeople,thepracticalitiesofcauseandeffect,andthenaturaltimingofsituations.Wearethetransformingagent.Wearethedrivingrhythm.WeareLaoTzu’snon-actor,and,“Innon-action,weaccomplisheverything.”

Andyet.Evenifwehavecaughtglimpsesofourboundlesspossibility,therealityformostofusisthatsomethingholdsusbackfrommanifestingthisclarityinourdailylives.Anego-body,fullofneeds,assertsitselfinthemoment,asking,eveninsisting,thatwhateverisgoingon,Makeitallaboutme.Howdoweflipthataroundandcometoagreaterpeaceinthisparadoxofhumanexistence?HowdowegetoutofourownwayandlettheZenleaderinusemergeinserviceofothers?Weturntothatnext.

TheZenLeaderFlip7Takeaways

DrivingResultstoAttractingtheFutureYouareNow.Youarethetransformingagent.Asyoumatchthefuture,you

bringitintoNow.Torealizethis:Slowdown…stop.Entertheconnectedstate,beingNow.Listenforthefuture.Throwinanopen-endedquestion:Whatwantstohappen?What’snext?Orsimplytrustthatdeeplyrootedquestionsarefunctioning.Listenwithanopenmind;invitesurprise.Transform[in]thepresent.Testapossibleafutureideafirstinthebodyofyourowninterest.Manifestadrivingrhythm,listeningandlearning,tobuildmomentum.Letjoyandenthusiasmbeyourguides.

TheZenLeaderCorePractice:AllPatternsatOnce

Hopefully,you’vealreadyexperiencedallfourenergypatterns,andhaveasenseofhoweachofthemplaysdifferentlythroughyou.Themoreeasilyandinstantlyyoucanmovebetweenanyofthem,themoreallofthemaresimultaneouslyavailabletoyourightNow.Thisexercisehelpsyouexperienceallfourpatternsatonce.It’ssimple,butsubtle,anddeepenswithpractice.Additionalexercisesusingallpatternsatonceareavailableonwww.thezenleader.com.

1.Establishthecenterandextension.StartwiththecenteringbreathingexercisethatwasthefirststeptotheInvitationtoSamadhi(endofChapter6;seeFigure6.1).Thistime,asyoupresstheballsofyourfeetintotheearthandextendyourpalmsupward(Figure6.1donpage154),payparticularattentiontothebaseoftheabdomen.ThisistheDrivercenter(lowest“star”inFigure7.4onpage184),andyoucanfeelitfiringwheneveryoupush.Asyouopenyourarmsontheexhale(Figure6.1e),noticeenergymovingoutthetopofyourspineandthroughthetopofyourhead.ThisistheVisionary“center,”whichisnotfixedinthebody,butextendsupwardandoutward(the“star”abovethetopoftheheadinFigure7.4).Noticebothsolidfoundation(Driver)andextension(Visionary)atthesametime.Repeatseveraltimesuntilyoucanfeelbothpatternsatonce.

2.Addrhythmandstillness.Breathinginandoutthroughyournose,startshiftingyourweightfromfoottofoot,feelingagentlerhythmcomeupfromtheearththroughyourentirebody(Figure7.4a).Letyourheadmoveaswell,andyourhandsmakefigure-8s(Figure7.4b).PayparticularattentiontoyourbellyasthecenterofthisCollaboratorswinging(thebelly“star”inFigure7.4c).Keepsensingthatbellycenterasyoucutthemotionbyhalf,andhalf,andhalfagain,likeastringdampingout,butstillcapableofvibration.Inthisdynamicstillness,touchyourpalmstogetherjustaboveyoursolarplexus(don’tpress),withyourforearmsmakingastraightlinefromelbowtoelbow.NoticetheuprightnessandcalmofthisOrganizercentercomingtolife(theheart“star”inFigure7.4d).FeeltherhythmicpotentialoftheCollaboratorandthestillnessoftheOrganizeratthesametime.

Figure7.4

3.Allatonce.Breatheoutthroughyournose,extendthroughtheballsofyourfeetintotheearth,openyourarmswide,andfeelyoureyes,ears,andallsensesopen(Figure7.4e).Relaxontheinhaleandcontinuebreathinginthisrhythm:extendontheexhale,relaxontheinhale(Figure7.4f).FeeltheDriver’spower,theCollaborator’srhythm,theOrganizer’scalm,andtheVisionary’sextensionallatonce.

8From“It’sAllAboutMe”to“I’mAllAboutIt”

“I’MNOTSUREwhatIwanttogetoutofthisprogram,”saysGlennquitehonestly.He’soneofthepeopleI’mcoachinginthisweek’sleadershipprogram,andhe’snotsurehewantstobehere.“Ithinkthecompanywasjustthrowingmeabone,puttingmeinthisprogrambecausetheydidn’tgivemethepromotionI’dbeenpromisedandthey’reafraidI’llleave.”

“Soit’sallaboutthepromotion?”Iask.AndGlennunleashesallthereasonshedeservesthepromotion,thepoliticalintriguethatkepthimfromgettingit,andtheundeservingpeoplewhogotoneinstead.Forthepastsixmonthshe’dbeenworkingwithacoachwhohadgivenhimadviceabouthowheshouldshowupinmeetingsinordertoimpresstherightpeople.Nowitallfeelswasted.“Don’tyouwanttobefreeofallthisbaggage?”Iask.“Absolutely!”heanswers.Isuggestthatfreedomshouldbehisgoalfortheprogram.Heagreestentatively,notsurethatsuchathingispossible.“Forgetthepromotion,”Itellhim.“Focusonthevalueyouwanttocreateintheworld,andlettherestfallintoplace.”

GlennlooksatmeasthoughI’vejusttrickedhim.Forgetthepromotion?“Forgetit.”Irepeat.“Aslongasyou’relockedontowhetheryou’regoingtogetthispromotion,you’redrawingeveryoneintothequestionwithyou.Isheready?Whyhasn’tithappenedalready?Meanwhile,noone’spayingattentiontothevalueyou’recreating—notevenyou.Onlyafteryouletgoofthequestionwillothersletgoofit,andwillyourfullvaluebeapparent.”Glenn’sfacevisiblysoftensandhisshouldersdrophalfaninch.“YoumeanIcanjustforgetit?”herepeats,moretohimselfthantome.Andfortherestoftheweek,heseemslighter,moreengaged,comingtomorningmeditationsessions,exchangingeasybanterwithhiscolleagues,notwithsomekindof“hasn’tbeenpromotedyet”cloudhangingoverhim.Glennisajoytoworkwith,andthroughtheweekhebuildsavision,andcommitshimselftothisnewfoundfreedomandapracticetosustainit.Promotionornot,Glennleavestheweekahappier,moreeffectiveleader.

AsGlennlearned,thisflipfrom“it’sallaboutme”andtheneed,inhiscase,toberecognized,appreciated,andpromoted,to“I’mallaboutit”isafliptofreedom.Theboundlesspersonaltransformationthatattractsthefutureisstuntedwhenwegettrappedbytheissuesofourselfinthemoment.Weloseouragility

andfallintocopingmodewhenwe’restucktothedotofself,reactingtosomething“outthere”thatdoesn’tserveus.Moreover,the“self”thatwe’restucktoisyesterday’snews.It’shabitandbaggagefromthepast,butnotnecessarilywhatthismomentcallsfor.Howdoweapproachthismomentwithfreshness?Wecanneverdoitbyfocusingonaselfthatbecomesstalethemomentwefocusonit.

Thisflipfrom“it’sallaboutme”andmyneedsto“I’mallaboutit”isaflipfromnarcissismtoservingothers.Wemightatfirstapproachthissenseofserviceinordertobeseenasagoodperson,orbecausenarcissismsoundsbadandservingotherssoundsgood.Butironically,thisflipto“I’mallaboutit”isn’tjustforthesakeofothers.Itis—asGlennfound—whatfreesusfromourownsmallness.“Wherefocusgoes,energyflows,”quipsAnthonyRobbins.Whenourfocusisrivetedonourlittle,localselves,ourenergygetsdraineddownthathole.Unawareofallthatcouldreplenishus,wegrowsmallerandweaker,completelyblindtoourtrue,universalnature.

Thischapterservesuptheflipfrom“lifeshouldserveme”to“Iservelife.”We’llexplorehowthisflipfreesupthevaluewecanaddandchangesourwayofleadingfromregalgoverningtoempoweringothersandformingpartnerships.We’llalsolookatwhatmakesthisflipdifficult,whichisthefearthatourpersonalneeds(forapproval,safety,andsoon)willnotbemet,andhowwecancausethisfeartoloseitsgrip.Itisthroughthisflipfrom“it’sallaboutme”to“I’mallaboutit”thattheZenleaderinusemergesboundlessly,andwithoutchains.

It’sLikeHighSchool

It’scompletelynaturalthatwestartoutintheplaceof“it’sallaboutme.”Aswesaidearlier,it’sthenaturaljourneyofdevelopmenttoformanego(we’dbepsychoticwithoutone),andtostartoutbyviewingeverythingfrom“I”atthecenter.Evenforhumanityasawhole,thiswasourfirstviewoftheuniverse,attributed(intheWest)toPtolemy.Theearthwasatthecenterandeverythingrevolvedaroundit;thatis,aroundus.Youngchildrensimilarlyseetheworldasrevolvingaroundthemselves,whichishowa3-year-oldchildcanclosehereyesandsaywithsincerity,“Youcan’tseeme.”Thisisthestageofnarcissism,namedafterthemythologicalGreekhunter,Narcissus,whogazedintoapondandfellinlovewithhimself.

ButjustasPtolemygavewaytoCopernicusinthe16thcentury(notwithoutupheavalfromthethreatenedestablishment,mindyou),andthetruthemerged

thatwerevolvearoundsomethinglarger,sothatsameawarenessbeginstoforminus(oftenwithgreatupheavalfromourownthreatenedestablishment).First-bornchildrenareoftenjoltedintothebeginningsofthisawarenesswhenayoungersiblingcomesalong,andsuddenlytheyfindthemselvessharingthestageoftheirparents’attention.Arudeawakening!Parentsmaytrytohelptheirchildrenbondandminimizetherivalry.Butrivalryisnaturalwhen“it’sallaboutme”collideswith“it’sallaboutmetoo”!Littlebylittle,webecomeawareofthethoughtsandfeelingsofothers,andthefactthatourliferevolvesaroundalargercontext.Welearn,aswegrow,thatactionshaveconsequences,thattheworldfollowsrulesnotofourmaking,andthatotherpeoplefeelpain.

Thisgrowingempathy,aswesaidearlier,islikeasecondchildhavingtofinditsplacealongsideitsoldernarcissisticsibling.Andforsometime,thevoiceoffeelingforothershasahardtimestandingupto“it’sallaboutme.”Moreover,nomatterhowdevelopedweare,wecanalwaysregresstothisleastcommondenominatorinhumanexperience.It’sthebasisofgreedandfear.It’ssocommon,infact,thatpopulistpoliticiansinvariablyplaythiscardinspeeches:“It’saboutyou!Yourmoneyshouldcomebacktoyou!”Andcountlessadsremindyoudailyofproductsandservicesthatareallaboutyou.

Soyes,it’snaturalthatweenterthisstageof“it’sallaboutme”,butjustlikehighschool,wedowelltograduate.It’spartofthejourney,butwedon’thavetomakeitastoppingpoint.Fornothingmakesourlifesmallerthanrevolvingaround“I.”Nothingmakesleadershipsmallerthanan“I”thatservesitselffirst,andneverquitemakesittowhat’ssecond.AsforNarcissus,itdidn’tendwellforhimeither.Unabletotearhimselfawayfromhisownimage,hewastedawayandfinallydied.

TheManyFacesof“It’sAllAboutMe”

Idon’thearmanyoftheleadersIworkwithsayit’sallaboutthem.Nowgranted,I’mfortunatetoworkwithafairlymaturelotofleaders.Theytakeaninterestinthelearningjourneyofleadership.Theyengageindevelopmentprogramsandcoaching.They’vegenerallyhaddistinguishedcareersinchallengingcompanies,andhavebeenbattle-testedthroughupsanddowns,promotionsandlayoffs,andgoodbossesandbad.BythetimeIworkwiththem,mostleadershavecastawidernetofconcernthanpurelythemselves-in-their-skin.Theymaybeaboutwinningforthecompany,developingtheirpeople,creatingjobsintheircountry,providingfortheirfamilies,andsoon.Hardlyanyofthemwouldsay,“I’mouttogetmyownneedsmet.”

Andyet.Andyet,theneedtomeetourownneedsisdeeplyhuman,anddoesn’tdisappearthemomentwestartcaringaboutothersorconnectourselvestocauses.Wespeakofsurvivalasaninstinct,notanoption,becausetheseneedsaredeeplypervasiveandmostlysubconscious.TanouyeRoshijoltedmeintoadisturbingawarenessofjusthowdeepandpervasivetheseneedsrunwhenhespokeonceaboutthe“deathseat.”

Wedon’tusethistermsomuchanymore,nowthatseatbeltsarewidelyused.ButwhenIwasgrowingupinthe1960s,seatbeltswerenotcommonandtrafficfatalitieswere.Itwascommonknowledgethatthepersonmostatriskinanautoaccidentwasthepassengerinthefrontseat;hencetheterm,“deathseat.”Andwhywasthis?Thecommonlyacceptedreasonwasthatthesteeringwheelsomehowprotectedthedriverfromflyingheadlongintothewindshield.ButTanouyeRoshisawthroughthisflawedreasoning.Sure,forslightbumps,thesteeringwheelmightprovideastabilizinghold.Butforthesortofimpactthatcausesfatalities,thesteeringwheelisjustanotherhardobjecttobeblastedagainst.Thereasonthepassengerendsuptakingthebruntoftheimpactisbecausethelastpersontodecidethedirectionofthecar,theonewhomakesthefinalswerve,isthedriver.Wow,Ithought.Couldwereallybesoselfish?CouldIreallybesoselfish?Of

courseIwantedtobelievethatI’dmakeadifferentdecisioninthemomentoftruth,butdon’tmostofuswanttobelievethataboutourselves?It’snotpolitetoputourselvesfirst—mostofuslearnedthataschildren.ThefirsttimeIsaid,“MeandDianearegoingouttoplay,”Iwaspromptlycorrectedthatit’s“DianeandI.”ThefirsttimeIhadteawithmygrandmotherandservedmyselffirst,Iwastaughttoserveothersfirst.Ourculturesandlanguagearefilledwithwaystomitigatethisinstinctiveme-first-ness.Wemightthinkwe’vesotranscendedthatself-in-the-skinselfishness,butitonlygoesunderground,andsurfacesassomanydisguisedfaces.Thosefacesdon’tliterallyspeakthewords,It’sallaboutme,butthat’swhatthey’resayinginsomanyways.Here’sasmatteringIhearallthetimefromhigh-flying,highlyskilledleaderswhoindeedcareaboutthepeoplearoundthem.

OnlyIcandothis(fastenough,correctenough,andsoon).I’mright.I(ormyteam)wantcreditforthis.Ineedtomarketmyselfbetter.I’mworriedaboutmoney.

Ifourgroupsgetmerged,Imaybeoutofajob.Idon’tcarewhatyouthink(orI’mjustnotlistening).Howdoesthisaffectmybonus?We’reonlyrewardedforournumbers,soI’mnotgoingtocollaboratewiththatotherdepartment.Ididn’tgetasmuchofaraiseasthatothergroup,soIdon’twanttocooperatewiththem.Itbothersmethatmypeersdon’tlikeme.I’mburningout;Iworktoohard.Idon’tcarewhatourloftymissionsays,theonlythingthatmattersiswinning.Ineedtobeheard(orrespected,orpromoted,andsoon).Imakeadecisionaboutpeopleandthoseinmy“in”groupI’llhelp.

Isitwrongtothinkthisway?No.It’scompletelynatural,andincertaincontexts,theselinesofthoughtmaybeappropriate.Butagain,aswithhighschool,thesearenotplaceswherewewanttohangoutforever.Perhapsevenreadingthroughthatlistyoucouldfeelthetensionforminginyourbodyandthesmallnessofmindcreatedwhenwe’relockedintothesewaysofthinking.Yetwedon’tmovebeyondthesethoughtsbydenyingorignoringthem.Rather,byknowingourselvesdeeplyandseeinghowwetendtoself-in-the-skinneeds—orthefearsthatarisewhenwe’renotsurewecangetourneedsmet—dowefindpeacewiththeseneeds,andknowtheydon’thavetodefineusanymorethandoesourshoesize.

ThegreatpsychologistAbrahamMaslowrecognizedwellthedepthofthesehumanneedsandgaveusasimplewaytounderstandhowtheybuildononeanother.Maslow’shierarchy1(depictedinFigure8.1)restsonthefoundationoflower-levelneeds(forexample,physicalneeds,andtheneedforsecurity)thatmustbemetatsomelevelofsufficiencybeforewecanmaturetotendingtohigher-levelneeds(forexample,personalpowerandself-actualization).Asdynamic,biologicalsystemslivinginadynamic,unpredictableworld,wedon’tscalethishierarchyonlyonce,orinasimple,linearfashion.Rather,we’realwaysgoingbackandforth—downtothephysicallevelwhenwe’rehungry,uptoself-actualizationwhenwe’redoingourbestwork,downtosecuritywhenaterroristattackthreatensourcity,uptopersonalpowerwhenwe’repassedoverforpromotion,andsoon.

Figure8.1

Maslow’sHierarchy.

Mappingthemanyfacesof“it’sallaboutme”intoMaslow’shierarchy,wecanseesomeofthehumanneedsbehindthesesentiments.Forexample:

OnlyIcandothis(fastenough,correctenough,andsoon).→self-actualizationHowdoesthisaffectmybonus?→personalpowerItbothersmethatmypeersdon’tlikeme.→affiliationI’mworriedaboutmoney.→securityI’mburningout;Iworktoohard.→physical

Indoingthismappingforyourownfavoriteneeds,whichthesidebarexerciseguidesyouthrough,youmayfindastatementmappingtoamorethanoneneed.

Forexample,“I(ormyteam)wantcreditforthis”maymaptotheneedforpersonalpoweraswellastoaffiliationforateamyoucareabout.“I’mburning

out;Iworktoohard,”canrepresentatugofwarbetweenphysicalneedsandself-actualization.

Reallyunderstandinghowourneedsfunction,notasajudgmentagainstourselvesbutwithcuriousexploration,movesthemfrombeingfacesindisguisetofaceswerecognize.Inlightofthisawareness,wecanstarttosee,“ThereIgoagain,meetingmyownneedforself-actualization.”Or,“ThereIgoagain,tryingtobesomething.”Oncewecanseewhereourownneedscolorourresponsetoasituation,wecanstarttoask,“Whatreallyserveshere?What’sreallybeingcalledfor?”Inlightofthisawareness,wearereadyforthegreatflipintousingourneeds,ratherthanthemusingus.

BeAllYouCanBe

Thetinypinnacleofself-actualizationatthetopofMaslow’shierarchyrepresentsacreative,recursiveprocessinwhichselftransformsandtranscendsitsearlierself.Whereaswearealwayschanging,thefullyactualizedselfisforevergrowinginawaythat,say,aselfstucktendingtoitssecurityneedsisnot.Inthissense,being“selfish”canbeagrowingactifitcomesfromaplaceofactualizingagrowingself.HencetheDalaiLama’ssageadvice:“Ifyou’regoingtobeselfish,besmartselfish,notdumbselfish.”Beingselfishforourself-in-our-skin,wecangetstuckin“highschool,”feedingourinsecuritiesandtakingthingspersonally,whichmakesthem“allaboutus.”Beingselfishonthelargestpossiblescale,webecome“allaboutit,”whateveritweembraceasourworld.

WhichFaceof“It’sAllAboutMe”DoYouRecognize?ReadthroughthelistofI-centeredstatementsandmakeanoteofthosethat

youcatchyourselfsayingorthinkingmostoften.AddtothislistanyotherI-centeredconcernthatisoneofyourpersonal

favorites—thatcomesupforyouagainandagain.Mapthesestatementstotheneed(orcombinationofneeds)inMaslow’s

hierarchythatistryingtogetmetorisafraiditwon’tgetmet.Gettoknowthesefacesof“it’sallaboutme”sothatwhentheysurface

youcanmakeachoiceaboutthem.AndgettoknowthisspotinMaslow’shierarchywhereyouhaveatendencytogetstuck.Awarenessdoesn’tmaketheseneedsdisappear,butitdoesmakethemprogressivelylessconsuming.

Thisexpansivepossibilityisnotforeigntous;itisourverynature,andcanbebroughtoutundertherightintentionandconditions.“Beallyoucanbe,”goestheU.S.Armyrecruitingslogan,withtheimpliedpromisethatmilitaryexperiencepushesonebeyondpurelyself-in-the-skinconcerns.Ayoungmilitaryrecruitentersbootcamp,andimmediatelyhisheadisshaved,hisclothesarethesameaseveryoneelse’s,hisprivatespaceandtimearegone,andhebeginsarigorousbattleoftrainingwithcohortshewillcometorelyon.Thisde-individualizingprocesscreatesacadrethatcaresforoneanother,oftenmorethanforpersonalsecurityorphysicalneeds.TothepointwhereasoldierlikePrivateFirstClassRossMcGinnisliterallylaysdownhislifeonalivegrenadetosavehiscrew.2

OrayoungAlbaniannunhearsa“callwithinthecall”toleaveherconventandliveamongthepoor.Sheforgoespersonalcomforts,promotions,andannualbonusesandstartsaschoolforthedestituteandstarving.Othersaredrawnbyherexample.Sheopensanorphanage,ahospiceforthepoor,andahomeforthosewithleprosy,andherworkexpandstoothercountries.Adocumentarycoversherjourney,andtheworldtakesnotice.Thesupportshereceives,includingtheproceedsofherNobelPeacePrize,areplowedbackintohermission.Throughherprominence,shebrokersatemporaryceasefireintheSiegeofBeruit,andrescues37childrentrappedinahospital.3Bytheendofherlife,MotherTeresa’sMissionariesofCharityareoperatingmorethan600missions,schools,andsheltersin120countries.

“Saints”and“heroes,”wecallpeoplesuchasthese.Thewordsnotonlypraisethem,butalsoelevatethembeyondourseeminglymoremeagerselves.Butwearenotmoremeager.Thepeoplewewouldpraise,likeus,operatefromahierarchyofhumanneeds.Whattheirexampleshowsusishowcompletelythetopofthatpyramidcansupersedethebottom:howactualizingaboundlessselfputsone’sphysicalexistencetoitsfullestuse.

Andwhatisthatfullestuse?It’sdifferentforeveryoneofus,basedonournature,development,corecompetencies,andconditionsofourlife.Butactualizingourauthenticselfforthebenefitofothersisnotmerelytherealmofsaintsandheroes,butthefunctioningoftheZenleaderinus.Ratherthanlifebeingaboutsecuringourphysicalexistence—whichcannotultimatelybesecured(IhopeI’mnotthefirstonetobreakthatnews)—weflipintousingourphysicalexistencetoservelife.Ifwe’reasoldier,wemightsaywe’reservingourcountry.Ifwe’reMotherTeresa,wemightsaywe’reservingGod.Because“God”and“country”canholddifferentmeaningsforeachofus,we’llspeakof

thisflipassimplyconnectedwithBeingandservinglife.Inmakingthisflip,weconvertanendlessbattletowardalosingpropositionintotrulybeingallwecanbe.Whatcouldpossiblymakemoresensethanthat?

It’sAllAboutMyDream

Buttheegoistricky.Itidentifieswithsomething—adream,acause,avision—andconvincesitselfthatit’sallaboutthatthingwhen,inreality,ithasmadethatthinganextensionofitselfbyidentifyingwithit!

Idon’tspeakintheabstract.Ilivedthiswayforyears.Inmycase,thedreamwastobeanastronaut—achildhooddream,fueledbyhoursgazingatthestarsandsquintingatgrainytelevisioncoverageoftheearlymannedspaceflights.Thedreamwascompletelysealedinmy7-year-oldmindwhenmydadsaidtomeoneday,“Youcanbeanastronaut.”

“Really?!”Ipopback,tryingtoabsorbthatthisthrillingexperienceI’mwatchingontelevisioncouldbemyown.“Sure!”hesays,“Youcangointospacerightnow.”“Really?!”Isaymoreincredulously,stillatthatagewhenI’mnotsurejusthowmuchmyparentscanpulloff.Wehaveasmallclosetinourkitchen—abroomcloset—thatistallandnarrow,vaguelyshapedlikearocket,andmyparentshavetakenoutthemopsandvacuumanddustragsandwhatnot,andencouragemysisterandmetogetin.Boom!Thedoorisclosed.We’resquishedshoulder-to-shoulderinthisskinnyblacknessandmydadstartswiththeNASAcountdown:“TEN…NINE…EIGHT…”I’msoexcitedIcanhardlystandit.“THREE…TWO…ONE…BLASTOFF!”Andsuddenlyaroaremerges,thedoorstartsvibrating,andIsaytomysister,“Ithinkwe’regoingsomewhere!”

Theyhavepushedthevacuumcleanerupagainstthedoorandturnediton.Cleverparents!Butfromthatdayforward,thisismydream.Notanordinary,lightweightdream,butanall-consuming,passionatedreamthathasmewritingtoNASAattheageof13,askingwhichcoursesIshouldtakeinjuniorhighschool,tobestprepareformylifeasanastronaut.NASAwritesback—aletterItreasure—sayingitdoesn’tmuchmatter,butbythetimeIgettocollege,Ishouldbemajoringinaeronauticalengineeringoraphysicalscience.Thatdoesit.Istarttakingeveryscienceandmathclassunderthesun,majoringinphysics,movingfromhigh-energyphysicstobiophysicsforgraduateschool,andwouldn’tyouknowit:bythetimeIgraduate,NASAisacceptingwomenintotheastronautprogram.Isubmitmyapplication.

I’moverjoyedthedayI’mcalledforaninterview.At29yearsold,Itrot

downtotheJohnsonSpaceCenterinHouston,Texas,tofacetheastronautcandidateselectioncommitteeandconvincethemthatI’mtheperfecthumanspecimentosendintospace.Nowifyouweretoaskmeinthismoment,Isthisallaboutyouorareyouallaboutit?Iwouldhavetoldyou,withoutadoubt,Iamallaboutit!Iamallaboutbeinganastronaut,exploringspace,servingNASA,givingbacktopeopleonEarth—allthat.Andinsomesense,allofthatwouldhavebeentrue.Butitwasnotthedeepesttruth.ThedeepertruthIhadtolearnthehardway.

SoI’mfacingtheastronautcandidateselectioncommitteeandtheystartaskingmequestionslike,“Ifyouwereananimal,whatanimalwouldyoube?”AmIabletogiveanauthentic,straight-from-who-I-amanswer?No,I’mgamingit.Tryingtofigureoutthewinninganswer.Withmentalcycleswhirringmadly,inthespaceofmillisecondsI’mthinking,Hmmm,animal…sincethisisaflightjob,itshouldbeaflyinganimal,probablyonewithamilitarybearing…andoutpopsmyanswer:“Eagle.”Probablythesameanswer80percentoftheothercandidatesgive,andmaybeforsomeofthemit’strue.Butifyouwereintheroomthatday,youwouldknow,assurelyasthecommitteeknew,thatthisanswerdoesnotmatchme.

Inadditiontotheinterview,thisselectionprocessinvolvescountlessquestionnaires,someaboutpersonality,someabouthealth.AndasI’mfillingouteachone,Ikeepsearchingforthe“right”answer.Doyoualwaystellthetruth?asksoneofthequestions.Yes,always,Ianswer,whichisalie.ThisisfurtherconfirmedwhenIfilloutthehealthquestionsandleaveoutthefierceallergytocatsthatturnsmeintoawheezing,asthmaticmess.I’mgamingthewholething,myOrganizerselftryingtobewhatitthinksistheperfectastronautcandidate.AndwhyamIdoingthis?Becausethisismydream,Itellmyself,andthisnobleendjustifiesshadingatruthhereorthere.surelyeveryoneelseisdoingthesame,aren’tthey?

Ifthishadjustgoneonforoneweek,foroneastronautapplicationprocess,itmightnothavesunkitsteethintomesodeeply.Butitwentonforyears.NASAdidn’tchoosemeinthatfirstround,butsaidIlookedinterestingenough,sowhynottakeagroundjobattheJohnsonSpaceCentertogetoperationalexperience?Absolutely!Isay.AnddownIgotoHouston,Texas,inpursuitofmydream.WhoamIconcernedwith?Myself.AndimpressinguponeverypersonaroundmethatIamtheperfectcandidatetosendintospace.Butnowit’snotasingleinterviewI’mfacing,butrathereyesallaround.HowdoIimpressthisperson?Aremyactionsonthisprojectgoingtobeviewedfavorablybythepowersthatbe?Whatdoyouthinkofme?AmIperfectenoughforyou?Daybyday,I’m

givingawaymypower,losinganysenseofwhoIambytryingtobeallthingstoallpeople—notfortheirsake,butforthesakeofmydream.Formysake.

That’showtrickytheegogetsinthesematters.Foryears,Idon’trealizewhatanuttywaythisistolive.Ikeepgoingthroughtheastronautselectionprocesswhenitcomesupeveryyearortwo.Igetsoclose…tothepointofbeingtold,“Ifwehadtakenonemoreperson,itwouldhavebeenyou.”Oh!JustalittlemorepushingonthisdreamandI’llgetthere,Ithink.Butmeanwhile,myheartisnothappy.Itstartsregisteringabitofarrhythmia.Nevermind,pushonthrough.Itgetsworsewitharapidpulse,whichItrytomanagewithjoggingandmeditation.Can’tmentionthatonmynextastronauthealthquestionnaire.I’vetrainedtobeaprivatepilot,andhavetopassaroutinephysicalexamtokeepflying.MypulseisnowsouneventhatIfailanordinarypilotphysical.Can’tletNASAfindthatout.Isitinabathtubofcoolwaterfor45minutesbeforeretakingmypilotphysicalandsqueakby.

Myheartisgoingcrazy,uponedayanddownthenext,andnowapressureismountinginmychest.Iignoreit;I’vebeenpromotedinmySpaceStationroleatNASAandthere’ssomuchtodo,somuchtoprove.Iawakeat3:27onemorningwithmypulseracingover200beatsperminuteandpainshootingdownmyleftarm.I’m34yearsold,havingwhatforalltheworldfeelslikeaheartattack.Scared,Igotothephoneandcallthehospital,stillnotregisteringthatIwouldneedtogotothehospital—afterall,NASAmightfindout.“Getinhere,”theytellme.“Doweneedtosendanambulance?”“No,no,no,”Iassurethem,decidingtodrivemyself,becauseIdon’twanttohavetolieaboutanambulancerideonmynextapplication.

Igettothehospitalinfearfuldenial,toathankfullyemptyemergencyroom,andsuddenlyitallcrashes.WhatthehellamIdoing!?Astheyhookmeuptoaheartmonitoranddrawmyblood,mythoughtsarescreaming,Fmruiningmylife!Ithoughtmylifewasaboutbeinganastronaut,butapparentlyit’snot!AndhereIamgivingawaymyactuallifeinserviceofafiction!Stop!Stoprightnow!Withutterdeflation,mydreamslipsaway.Iguessit’snotmylife.Ineedtofindwhatmylifeis.Aspaciousfreedomwellsupinside.Thedoctortellsmethere’snodamagetomyheart,andapparentlyIhadapanicattack,notaheartattack.I’mreleasedacouplehourslater,andgotoworkaslightasafeather.ItmaybethefirstdayIdoanytrulyusefulworkforNASA.

Whatwasmymistake?WasIwrongtofollowmydream?No.ButIcertainlywasn’tlisteningtolife.AndifIreallylookedbeneaththesurfacetoseewhatwasunderneaththisdream,Iwouldhaveseenthatitwasmaskingaquestionof

self-worth,aneedtoprovemyself.Whenthisdreamformedinmyyoungmind,astronautsweretheheroesoftheday.Why,ifIcouldbeallthat,Ithought,Iwouldbesofarbeyondthequestionofbeinggoodenough,smartenough,ormakingmyparentsproudenough—allthingsthatmatteredtome.Allthingsthatwouldmakemefeelbetteraboutmyself.EvenifIcouldnotarticulatethesethoughtsfullyasa7-year-old,there’slittlesurprisethatadreamformedatthisyoungstagewouldessentiallybe“allaboutme.”

Andsoitisformuchofwhatdrivesthe“high-needachievers”leadersIworkwithineveryleadershipprogram.Thereisnothingwrongwiththeneedtoachieve—excellenceineveryareafromartstozoologyarisesfromit,andhighperformanceinbusinessabsolutelycountsonit.Butifwhatwe’refundamentallyservingisaninnerhunger,wedowelltolookatthat.Acknowledgeit.Cometoknowit.Ourawarenessofthehungerdoesnotmakeitgoaway,anymorethanawarenessofourgrowlingstomachmakesthehungerforfoodgoaway.Butonlywithawarenesscanweletthisneedtakeitsplaceamongalloftheneedsinourpresent-momentcontext.Itmaystillprevail,oritmayhavetowaitjustabitasthesituationcallsforsomethingdifferent.Wemayfindnowisagoodtimetouseourneedtoachievetogetsomethingdone.Butwithoutawareness,weblindlyservethisneedlikeahungryghost,anditisneverdoneeating.

EatJustEnough

Eatingisactuallyaprettygoodmetaphorforgettingahandleonourneedsforthepurposeofmakingthisflipto“I’mallaboutit.”It’snotthatinmakingthisflipourneedsgoaway;wearebiologicalsystems,andwewillkeepgettinghungry,wewillbecoldwhenit’scold,andwewillhungerforlove,appreciation,andsoforth.Butinmakingthisflip,ourneedsnolongerconsumeus.Theyareforcesweneedtotendtoandenergywecanuse.

PartofthemessageofMaslow’shierarchyisthatlower-levelneedsmustbemetatsomelevelofsufficiencybeforewecantendtotheneedsthatrestonthem.Physicalneedsarerockbottom,andeatingiscertainlyonewaywemeetourphysicalneeds.Ifweeatjustenough,we’llhavefuelforourjourney,andcangetonwithmeetingotherneeds.Ifnotmuchfoodisavailable,orwecan’taffordit,wemaybecomeconsumedwiththeneedtofindenoughfood.Iffoodisplentifulandweenjoyeating,orwefindthatitmakesuslessanxious,wemighteattoomuch,which,accordingtotheCenterforDiseaseControl,nearlytwo-thirdsofAmericansdo,tothepointofbeingoverweightorobese.4Atthismost

basiclevel,wecanseeourbuilt-intendencytowardgreed.Andit’snotlimitedtophysicalneeds.

Eatingtoomuchortoolittlebothpresentproblems,buteatingjustenoughquietsthisphysicalneedwithoutlettingitrunawaywithus.Wecouldlookatourneedforsecuritythesameway:Toolittlesecurity,andwemaybeinfearforourlivesorfearfulthatwewon’thavearoofoverourheads.Butifsecurityisavailable,wemayhaveatendencytooverdoit,getgreedy,andtrytomakeourlifesosafethatitbecomessuffocating.Instead,wewantjustenoughsecuritytotakefearoffthetablesowecangetonwithothermatters.

Likewisewithaffiliationandpersonalpower:Ifwe’restarvingforthesethings,thathungerwillbeanundercurrentinoureveryaction,andeverysituationwillbecomeanotheropportunitytogettheseneedsmet.Butifenoughisavailable,wemaystillhaveatendencytooverdoitandwantmore,more,more.Howmuchapprovalisenough?Howbiganofficedoweneed?Justaswedon’tserveourselveswellbyovereating,wedoourselvesnofavorsbyover-indulgingtheseneeds.Webecomemuchsmarterinmeetingourneedswhenwecanask,What’sreallybeingservedhere?AmIreallyservingotherpeopleorsimplymyownneedforaffiliation?Isgettingthispromotionrightformeandthecompany,orisitsimplymeetingmyneedforpower?Whenwecanaskquestionslikethis,it’slikethepausebeforedessertwhenweask,DoIreallyneedthis,orhaveIeatenenough?Thatpauseforawarenessgivesusachoice.Wemaynotactinserviceofourneedthistime,oratleastifwedo,wedon’tdoitblindly.

Evenatthelevelofself-actualization,wecanapplythe“justenough”ruletokeepourneedforachievementincheckandallowtheselfthat’sactualizingtokeepgrowing.Whenwejumpinanddoataskthatwe’recomfortablewith,butsomeoneelsecouldbedoing,wemightask,AmIreallytherightpersontodothis,oramIdoingitonlytosatisfymyownneedforaccomplishment?Whenwepushourselvestoohardandedgetowardburnout,wemightask,Doesthissituationcallforthisextremeresponse,oramIdoingthisbecauseFmonlyhappywhenFmachieving?

Theanswerstoourinquirieswon’talwaysbethesame,butpowercomesfromaskingthequestionandlisteningfortheanswer.Onereasonthatpeoplewhoneedtobehigh-achieversoftengettoaplaceofbarelymanagingisthattheykeepdoingthingstheyknowhowtodotokeepfeedingthebeastofachievement.Ifwecanpauseandask,AmIreallythebestpersontodothis?wemaysensethatthistaskisaperfectopportunityforsomeoneelsetolearn,orto

partnerwithanothergroup.Whenwedon’thavetobeatthecenterofthings,wehavemuchmorefreedomasleadersinhowwegetthingsdone.Whenwedon’tneedcredit,thepossibilitiesforcollaborationareboundless.Whenwedon’tneedtobetheoneachieving,thepossibilitiesfordevelopingothersopenbeforeus.Westarttonoticenewpotentialinpeople.Welistendifferentlyinmeetings.Wefocusmoreenergyonthepeoplewe’redevelopingandthevisionwe’rerealizing.Plus,wecreatemorefollowershipwhenthoseweleadsensethatwearefundamentallyforthem.Nothinglimitsaleadermorethanblindlyservingtheinnerbeast.

Pausingtofaceourneedsatanylevel,andensuringwe’remeetingthemjustenough,andnottothepointofgreed,wemaketheflipfromcompulsivelyusinglifetoserveourneedsintousingourneedstoeffectivelyservelife.BypullingourneedsuptothetopofMaslow’shierarchy,whereself-actualizationkeepsgivingusroomtogrow,weuseourneedsinthesmartestwaypossible.

Makingtheflipfrom“it’sallaboutme”to“I’mallaboutit”invertsourwaysoftalkingandthinkingfromaself-servingfocustoaselfthatfocusesonserving.Torevisitsomeofthefacesof“it’sallaboutme,”flippingthemaroundmightlooksomethinglikethis:

OnlyIcandothis.→I’denjoydoingthis,butwhoelsecouldlearnfromthis?Ineedtomarketmyselfbetter.→HowcanIaddrealandvisiblevalue?I’mworriedaboutmoney.→IcanbeprudentaboutmoneyandresourcefulaboutlivingwithjustenoughifIhaveto.Ifourgroupsgetmerged,Imaybeoutofajob.→Ourgroupsmergingmaysignalthatit’stimeforanewchapterforme.Ineedtobeheard.→Ineedtolistenmorewithdeeprespecttounderstandhowtoputmymessageacrosstoothers.

Readingthroughtheselinesagain,canyoufeelthespaciousnessofflippingthemaround?Maybethinkingalongtheselinesseemstoogoodorperfect.Forgetaboutbeinggoodorperfect!Justexperiencethejoyofit!JoyisthatreliablesignthatourboundlessZenleaderisfunctioningfreely,withoutthestickinessofegotuggingthiswayorthat.Joywilltelluswhenwe’reontherighttrack.Nowit’syourturn.

TheZenLeaderFlip8:“It’sAllAboutMe”to“I’mAllAboutIt”

Ontheonehandthisflipisthesameforallofus,asweinvertourthinkingfrom“lifeshouldserveme”to“Iservelife.”Ontheotherhand,thecompulsiveneedswehavetountangleinordertodothiswillbedifferentforeveryoneofus;thereisnosingleformula.Justasyoumayhaveresonatedwithsomeofthefacesof“it’sallaboutme”morethanothers,soeachofusgetsstuckatdifferentpointsinMaslow’shierarchy.Gettingunstuckisentirelypossible,butittakessomeenergy,whichiswhythefirststepofthisflipistomakesurewehavesomeenergytoworkwith.Wethenmovetoservingthesituation,whichmayalsoserveourself-in-our-skin,orbetheoppositeofwhatservesourself-in-our-skin,orsomewhereinbetween.Wecanmoreeasilysensewhat’sappropriatebyaskingwhat’sbeingservedhere,andfocusonmeetingourownneedsjustenough,andnotwithgreedycompulsion.Andfinally,bylisteningandlearning,weletjoyflowinandhoneourresponsesforthefuture.

Manageyourenergy.It’snocoincidencethatthebehaviorsthatderailcareerssurfacemoreunderstress,whenleadersaretiredandtheirenergyislow.It’seasiertobeatourbestwhenwehaveplentyofenergy.That’swhytheThreeLawsofEnergyManagement(introducedinChapter2)supportsomanyflips,butespeciallythisone.Toenterthisflip,startwithafullcharge.Remember:

Rhythm,notrelentless:Findarhythminyourdaythatstretchesandrenews,includingmini-breaksandrenewingpractices.Down,notup:Centeryourbreathinthelowerabdomen;allowittoslowdownandstabilize,especiallyasthepacepicksuporemotionsarise.Out,notin:Allowyourenergytoflowout—throughyourfingertips,outthetopofyourspine—releasingtensiononthefront,flexorsideofthebody.

AsMaslow’shierarchyremindsus,it’shardtomakethisself-actualizingflipinto“I’mallaboutit”ifwe’restrugglingtogetbasic,physicalneedsmet.Butgiveusafullchargeandtheideaofeating“justenough”tomeetourneedsatanylevel,andwehavefuelandfreedomforthisprofoundflip.

Servethesituation.Situationsunfoldmomentbymoment,andit’snotpossibleornecessarytobringavoiceoverofawarenesstoeverymoment.Butforsituationsinwhichyouknowyou’vegottenseriouslystuckinthepast—stuckonyourdream,orneedingtoproveyourself,feelsecure,feelloved,whatever—inthosemoments,ask,HowcanIservethesituation?What’sbestforthewholepicture?Imaginetakingyourselfoutofitandask,IfIweredeadandyetstillabletoact,whatwouldIdo?Orsimplyshowup,andengageinthespiritofserviceandtrustintuitiontoguideyouractions.

Ifyoustartdownthislineoffullyawareinquiryandyourinnervoicecomesroaringbackwithresistance,asin,“Idon’tgiveadamnaboutallthat,Ijustwant[fillintheblank]!”thatisyourspringboardforthisflip;you’vecometotheicyknotthatwillhavetomelttomakethisflippossible.Seeifyoucannamewhatneedisscreamingtobemet,andgettoknowit.Shinesomeawarenessonit;itmaynotmeltinthefirstlight,butneitherwillitgetallofyou,becausethepartthat’sawareisnotitselfneedy.Heardeeplyyourinnervoiceofresistanceandimagineflippingit.ExamplesaregiveninTable8.1.

Table8.1FlippingtheVoiceofResistance

Themoreyoufliparoundresistantneeds,themoreyou’llunderstandyourownstuckpoints,thelessthey’llgetallofyou,andthelesspotentthey’llbecomeovertime.Theneedswillnotgoaway,butyou’llbebetterabletomeetthemjustenoughtogetthemoffthetable.

Youmaystartdownthislineofinquiryorenterasituationinthespiritofserviceandstillhavenoideawhattodo.You’renotsensingresistance;you’renotsensinganything.Inthatcase,wait.Donothing.Listen.Thesituationmaybebestservedbystayingoutofit.Beopentothatpossibility.

Finally,youmaystartdownthislineofinquiryorenterasituationinthespiritofserviceandfindthatcertainactionssuggestthemselves.Enterthemcompletely,extendyourenergy,andservethesituation.You’vemadetheflip.

Listenandlearn.Asyouact,payattention.Listentolife.Listenforwhetheryouractionscomefromaplaceofeasyacceptance,orevenjoy.Aswe’veseenbefore,thesearereliablemarkersofconnectedness.Youcanalsolistenforwhetheryouractionsgeteasierorharder,whethertheygiveyouenergyordrainyourenergy.Youcannoticewhetheryou’reactingfromthebestwithinyou,andwhetheryou’refeelingasenseofprogress.Forsituationsinwhichinfluencingothersisinvolved,youcanlistenforresonanceandwhetheryoureffortsarecatchingonwithmorepeople.

Notlisteningwasperhapsmybiggestmistakeinmyblindpursuitoftheastronautdream.IfIhadbeenlisteningtolifeIwouldhavenoticedthatmyactionswerenotbringingjoy,butrathermoretensionandasenseoflivinganimposter’slife.Iwouldhavenoticedmyheartwasworsening.Iwouldhavesensedthatifthisdreamwastrulyrightforme,itwouldn’trequiremetoviolatemyvaluesandhidetruths.Iwouldn’thavehadtolistenallthosehard-to-catchthesesignals;indeed,Ihadtovirtuallyplugmyearsandgo“La,la,la,la,la”tomisslifescreamingatme.Butsoitgoes.

Learningcomesfromthatbitofreflectionthatletsusseehowweservedthesituation,figureoutwhathappened,andmakeanyadjustmentsforthefuture.Thefocusonlearningiseversomuchmoreproductivethanafocusonjudging—anotherthingittookmeyearstolearn.AsaconsummateOrganizer,Iwasalwaysjudgingmyselfandwantingtobeperfect.Ididn’treflectinaneasyspiritoflearningbecauseitmightrevealthatIhadn’tperformedperfectlythefirsttime.Butself-judgmentisanotherwaytogetcaughtupinourownneediness—meetingourownneedtoberight,haveself-esteem,besafe,whatever.Excessiveself-judgmentservesusaspoorlyasdoesexcessiveeating.

Flipjudgmenttolearningandtheenergyturnsaroundfromneuroticself-focustoanexplorationofourengagementwithlife.Weareboththeexperimentandtheexperimenter,andeverysituationcanshowussomethingnew.

PuttingIttoWork:GettingOutofYourOwnWay

Throughoutthisbookyou’vehadseveralchancestoreflectonyourdirectionasaleader:yourvisionandapproach,theworldyouwouldmanifest,andwaystoconnect,attract,andbringthatabout.Applyingthisflip,wepullthosethoughtstogetherintotheclearestarticulationofwhatitisthatyou’reaboutrightnow.Recognizing—asinthecaseofmydreamtobeanastronaut—thatthis“it”canstillbeladenwithself-doubtsandpersonalneedsthatmakeitstillsomehow“allaboutus,”wedowelltopeeltheoniondownanotherlayerandseeifwecangetoutofourownwayinserviceof“it.”Ifwe’reusing“it”toserveourneeds,atbest,itwillonlyaddanotherpieceoftemporaryevidenceintheendlesslawsuitofself-worth;thatis,theendlesscaseweargueagainstourselvestoprovewe’resmartenough,goodenough,safeenough,orwhatever“enough”tosettleourfears.Ifwecangetoutofourownway,theZenleaderinusserves“it”forthesakeofthewholepicture.Theresultsarecleaner,andthejoyoffunctioninginthiswaybecomesitsownreward.

Perhapsyoualreadyhaveinsight,fromthereflectionatthestartofthis

chapter,intotheneedsthatcreatethegreatesthungerforyou.Bringthatinsighttobearnow,asyouexploreaneedyouwouldliketomelt,andhowthatmayopenupevengreaterspaceforthe“it”youareabout.Grabsomepaperandgiveyourselfachancetospeaktothesequestions:1.WhenI’matmybest,howdoIservelifetoday?WhatvaluedoIcreate?

HowdoIcreatethatvalue?2.Howdomyneedssupportmeinaddingthisvalue?Howdotheygetinthe

way?Physical(needforrest,food,health,energy,sex)Security(needforsafety,protection,money)Affiliation(needforfriendship,love,approval,warmth)Personalpower(needtoprovemyself,dominate,berecognized,berespected)Self-actualization(needtoachieve,accomplishamission,create)

3.WhatneedamImostlikelytoover-indulge?WhatisatypicalthingItellmyselfwhenI’minblindpursuitofmeetingthisneed?

4.WhatarethreewaystofliparoundandrestatethattypicalthingItellmyself?

5.IfIweretofollowthisflipped-aroundadvice,howmightIcreateevengreatervalue?IfIweretotakemyneedsoutofit,howcouldIbetruly“allaboutit”?

Youcanrunthroughthesequestions,notonlyfortheBig“It”youwouldserve,butalsoforthepracticalgoalsandactivitiesinfrontofyoueveryday.Ifyoustartintothesequestionsanddon’tknowhowyouservelife,orcan’tthinkofthegreatestvalueyoucouldadd,comedowntoapracticallevelandasksimply,WhatamItryingtoaccomplishrightnow?AndhowamIgoingaboutit?Thentakealookathowyourneedshelporhinder.Considerwhereyougetstuck,andwhatyoutellyourselftoreinforcethatstuckness.Thenseehowyoucanflipthataroundbyinvertingit,shiftingitsfocus,orassumingtheopposite,andseeifthatapproachwouldn’tgiveyoumoreroomtopursueyourpresentgoals.

AlthoughIdidn’taskthesequestionsexactly,theyrepresenttheprocessGlenn—whowantedsomuchtobepromoted—wentthroughinourcoaching.Somewherebetweentheneedforpersonalpowerandachievementhewasstuck

onthepromotionasawaytoeatagainatthetroughofbeingaffirmedforhisachievementandheldinhighesteem.Thingshewouldtypicallytellhimselfranalongthelinesofhowmuchhehadtodo,whyhehadtotakeonthisnewassignment,andhowhardhewasworking.WhenIaskedhimhowhe’dworkdifferentlyifhesuddenlydidn’thavetoworryaboutthepromotion,hisfirstanswerwas,“Iwouldn’tdosomuchmyself.I’dgetotherpeopletodothings.”

Hello!Somepeoplemightevencallthatadefinitionofleadership.Whynotdothatnow?“Forgetthepromotion?”herepeatedwithfadingdisbelief.Andthennewinsightsstartedtumblingoutofhismouth:Yes,hecouldforgetaboutbeingnoticed,andenableothers.Hecouldforgetaboutwhogetscredit,andhelptherightthingshappen.Hecouldleadthewholecontext—theentiretyofwhat’shappening,ratherthanonesmallpointorarea—andletthechipsfallastheymay.He’dbegunasacasestudyofhowleadershiplookssmallifitgetsstuckonvalidatingone’sself-in-the-skin,andmomentslater,hisfacesoftened,hisshouldersrelaxed,andheexpressedthepossibilitiesofleadershipforthesakeofothers.Glennmadetheflip.

Leadershipforthesakeofothersmightsoundnoble,butforgetaboutbeingnoble—thatmightbejustanothertraittheegowantstotakecreditfor.Thefactis,whenleadershiptrulyisforthesakeofothers,it’sawin-win.It’smoreeffectiveandwefeelmorejoy.Wefeelmorejoybecausewe’renotstuck.It’smoreeffectivebecauseitsettlesaprimal,brainstemquestionthatisalwaysbeingaskedaboutleaders:“DoIwanttofollowyou?”“DoItrustthatinthemomentoftruth,youwon’tbeinitjustforyourself?”Ifwesensethataleaderisstillprincipallybuildingherowncase,meetingherownneeds,somethinginusdoesnotwanttofollow.Wedon’twanttobeinthedeathseat.

Conversely,whenweworkwithatruesteward,onewhoiscreatingamorevaluableworldforthesakeofothers,itbringsoutthebestinusandwegetbigger.WhenagreatleaderlikePresidentKennedyremindsanation,“Asknotwhatyourcountrycandoforyou;askwhatyoucandoforyourcountry,”hepullspeopleupMaslow’shierarchytowardagreatersenseofwhotheycanbeinservicetoothers.Bycontrast,thepoliticianwhopromisesit’sallaboutyou,andthathe’llgotheCapitalto“bringbackyourmoney,”drawspeopledownintoangryselfishness.Asleaders,wearenotonlytendingtoourownhierarchyofneeds,butinspiring(ordragging)othersup(ordown)Maslow’shierarchyaswell.Aswedrawmorepeopleuptowardtheirself-actualizingpotential,weseemorecreativity,agility,spontaneity,andbroad-basedthinking,andlessfear.

Whenwefollowaleaderwhois“allaboutit,”wearelarger.Wecommit

more,weengagemore,weexpressthatdiscretionaryeffortthatnoonecancommandfromus.Whenwearethatleaderwhois“allaboutit,”“it”manifestsmorecompletelythroughusintheNow,withoutthefootprintsofself-doubtorself-glorification;withoutalegalcaseforself-worthbeingfoughtontheside.Withoutsiphoningoffexcessenergytofeedourself,moreenergygoestoservingthesituation.Asournetofconcernexpandsbeyondtheself-in-our-skin,webecomelesspartialtoourownneedsandmoreavailabletothewholepicture.

Frompartialtowhole,fromservingourlocalselftofreelyactualizingourwholeself,wecouldsaythisistheultimateflipofleadership.Aswe’llsee,itisnotanewflipaltogether,butratherawayofputtingtogetherourwholejourney.

TheZenLeaderFlip8Takeaways

“It’sAllAboutMe”to“I’mAllAboutIt”Manageyourenergytohavefuelforthisflip,andkeepanawarenessof

servingyourneeds“justenough”atanylevel.Servethesituationwithaquestionlike,HowcanIaddvaluehere?Listenandlearnforinsight,progress,orjoy.Gettingoutofyourownway:Takestock.HowdoIcreatevaluetoday?Howdomyneedssupportthatandhowdotheygetintheway?Targetaneed.Whichneedmostgetsinmyway?WhatdoItellmyselfwhenIgoafterthisneed?Flipit.Whatarethreewaystorestatethatneed?HowwouldIinvertit,letitgo,orassumetheopposite?Explore.WhatnewvaluecouldIcreateifIlivedthisway?

9FromLocalSelftoWholeSelf

THEDEFINITIONOFa“wholeleader”isthetopicI’veposedtoagroupofexecutiveswhohavecometoaprogramforDevelopingtheWholeLeader.Agrocerylistoftraitsareservedup:getsthebigpictureandthedetails,drivesresults,getsitdone,isgoodwithpeople,thinksshort-termandlong-term,hasaclearfocusbutstilllistens,balancesworkandlife,canhandleambiguity,workswellwithdiversepeople…andsoon.Basically,someonewhocandoawholelot,whosegrocerybagofabilitiesisstuffedwitheverypossiblefoodgroup.

Fromtheperspectiveofthelocalself,becomingawholeleadercanfeellikeendless(andexhausting!)shoppingfornewskills—whatever’salltherageinleadershipbooksorbusinessschoolsthisyear.Flippingintotheperspectiveofthewholeself,there’snothingtoacquire;no“becoming”isrequired,becauseonealreadyis.Fromthisperspective,what’swholeaboutwholeleadershipissimplybeingthewholepicture.

TheskepticsintheWholeLeaderprogramarenotconvinced.“Soundstooeasy,”theysay.Theybelieveit’seasybecausetheyseeitasathoughttothink,oraclaimtomake,asin,“IthinkI’mthewholepicture,thereforeIam,”tomangleDescartes.Intruth,it’smoreakinto,“Iamthewholepicture,andoneofthethingsIdoisthink.”Seeingthiscallsfordeepwork,becauseatthesurface,theonly“I”werecognizeisourlocalego.Thisself-in-the-skin,thistokenplayeronthegameboardoflife,initiallyconsumesourattention,commandsthatitsneedsbemet,andcausesakindofamnesiainwhichweforgetthatwearealsothewholepicture.

But,aswe’llreview,severalthreadsofexperiencepointtoourintrinsicwholenesswheneverweseebeyondtheboundaryofourlocalself.We’llalsoseethateventheboundaryofourlocalselfkeepsexpandingaswedevelop.Evenwithouramnesia,thisfliptowholenesscanbehelpedalongbyimaginingwearethewholepictureandasking,HowwouldIhandlethissituation?Forexample,imagineyou’reimplementinga15-percentcostreduction.Ifyouworkitfromtheperspectiveofthelocalself,evenifyoutrytobefair,youwillgenerallyservethelocalself(includingitsneedtobeseenasfair).Butifyouimagineyou’rethewholepicture—thepeoplewhowillbelaidoff,thepeoplewhowillremain,thecustomersandcommunitywhowillbeaffected,theoverall

companywhosehealthyouwanttoensure—you’llacttothebestofyourabilitiestocreatethebestsolutionforthewholepicture.

Ifwethinkweareleadingsomethingotherthanourselves,we’reconstantlyfumblingaroundinourgrocerybagofskillstryingtofindonethatwillhavethedesiredeffect.Butifweknowwe’rethewholepicture,wecandrawonanyaspectofourself,andcreateshiftsinthatpictureasnaturallyasifwe’reworkingwithourownbody.Thatdoesn’tmeananythinggoes,justasworkingwithourbodydoesn’tmeanwecanlandabackfliponabalancebeamorfixafailingkidney.Butitdoesmeanweactintherealizationthatonlyonethingisgoingon,andwe’reapartofit,whichisourfunctioningasaZenleader.

Thischapterappliestheflipoflocalselftowholeself,whichtiestogetherourwholeflippingjourney.We’llexplorehowthefliptowholenesstransformseverydaychallengesleadersface,suchascutbacks,growth,ortoughperformanceconversations.You’llfindthatthisflipisanaturalextensionofadevelopmentprocessthat,allalong,hasbeencastingawidernet.Intheflipfromlocalselftowholeself,thatnetbecomestheuniverse,ourwholeselfisNow,andthechangewewouldleadismanifestthroughourowntransformation.

InthewordsofLaoTzu,“Bereallywhole—thevalleyoftheuniverse—andallthingswillcometoyou.”

What“Self”DoYouKnow?

“Knowthyself”ishowPlatoputit.PlatoandLaoTzuwerenearcontemporariesindifferentpartsoftheworld,anchoringwhatcametobeWesternandEasternwaysofthought.Theypointtothesametruthfromoppositedirections.WemayequatePlato’sadvicewithknowingourstrengthsandweaknesses,ourheritage,ourculture,whatwestandfor,andsoon.Thiskindofself-awarenessisimportant.“Thedifferencebetweensuccessandfailureinleadership,”JosephBadaraccowrites,“isnotskill,technique,credentials,networking,orevenexperience.Itistheclarityaboutwhooneis.”1Butclarityregarding“whooneis”goesfarbeyondtheego’sself-appraisal.Intheend,to“knowthyself”istoknowwearetheentireuniverse.Butalongtheway,weseeonlythepartialview,notthewhole.Whenwelookatwhowearethroughthelensoftheego,everythingweseeisanotherpartofego.Itislikelookingattheworldthroughatelescope;everythingweseefitsintoasetcircle.Thinkingwefitintothatcircle,wemissourboundlessnatureandthinkwe’refarmorefixedthanweare.

“Howmanyofyouthinkthatpeoplecanchange?”IasktheWholeLeadergroup,andonlyafewhandsareraised.“Sure,wecanchangesomebehaviors,”someoneoffers,“Butwe’reprettyfixedunderneath;we’restillourDNAselves.”Really?I’mthinkingbacktobiochemistryclasseswhereIlearnedhowmutableDNAistocosmicrays,howdifferentpartsofageneareexpressedunderdifferentconditionswithradicallydifferentresults—includingcancer.Granted,personalityismoreenduringthanmood,butasIaskthegroup,“Howcanwenotbechanging?Namemeonethingintheuniversethatisnotchanging.”Silence.Ipickupachairandask,“Isthischanging?”Yes,slowly,theyacknowledge.Howmuchfastermustwebechangingwithallourbiologicalmovingparts,newthoughtsbythemoment,learninglessons,livinglife?Okay,we’rechanging,butstilltheythinkthere’ssomecorethatis“me”—mycircle,eventhoughthetelescopicscenekeepschanging.Wemightflipthequestionaround,Isuggest,andask,“Ifsomething’snotchanging,what’sholdingitinplace?”

Whatmakesourlocalselfseemstaticisourframeofreference,whichisourlocalself!It’sakintonotnoticingtheEarthismovingbecauseourframeofreferenceisstandingontheEarth.Sowemakethesamemistakeinourself-conceptaswemadeinourearlyastronomy:assumingwe’refixedandatthecenter.Butifwelookmorecloselyandconsiderourpast,wewillnoticethatourself-imageandclarityaboutwhowearehaschangedeverystepoftheway.Youcanseethisforyourselfasyoureflectonyourowndevelopment,ajourneywecanguidewithagreatdealofresearch.2

Picture2-year-oldyou,withyournewlymintedegoandtwoofyourfirst,mostmightywords:“Mine!”foreverythingyouwantedand“No!”foreverythingyoudidn’twant.Theemergenceofthesewordscomeswiththeformationofanegoboundary,andprettystrongfeelingsaboutwhatgetstocrossthatboundary.Youronlyidentificationwaswiththeself-in-your-skin.Youlearnedtoidentifyyourselfwithaname:Jean,we’llsay.Butyoucouldn’tyetreasonorempathize.Yournarcissisticworldwasprettysimpleandsmall.

Addafewmoreyearsoffamilyrelationshipsandsocialization,andyoursenseofwhoyouareexpandstoincludeidentificationwithacertainfamily,acertaincommunity.Insomeculturesthataremoregroup-oriented(forexample,organizedbyfamily,tribe,orcaste)thisidentificationwithgroupbecomesevenmoreimportantthanwhoyouareasanindividual.ButeveninindividualisticsocietiessuchastheUnitedStates,thissenseofbelongingsurroundstheself-in-one’s-skinwithabroadenedsenseofidentity.It’snotjust“Jean”anymore;it’s“JeanJones.”

Waitjustaminute,individual-youmayprotest.Evenaswedevelopasenseofbelongingandloveforourfamily,wedon’tthinkwearethatparentorsister.We’restillme-in-my-skinwhohasaparentorsister.Butthisislikesaying,“I’mstillthecircle,”eventhoughthescenehaschangedconsiderably.Lookmorecloselyandyou’llseethatyourself-concepthasaddedsomethingnew:You’renotallaloneanymore,isolatedandvulnerable.Therearepeoplewholoveyou,peopleyoucancounton,andyoursenseofselfabsorbsthisbiggerpicture;yournetisalittlewider.Ifthisweren’ttrue,youwouldn’tbereadingthisbook:Childrenwhopassthroughthisstageunlovedandunconnectedtootherhumanbeingsdonotdevelopnormallyorbecomeleaders.

Belongingtoagroup,youlearnthatithasrules,order,asenseofrightandwrong.Youlearnaboutconsequencesasyoudo(ordon’t)followthoserules.Youbegintothinkabitmoreabstractly;youcancountinyourhead.Yoursenseofselfstartstoincludemoreabstractideas,suchas“I’mJeanJones,andI’magoodgirlwhomakesmommyanddaddyproud.”Afewyearsago,youdidn’tevenknowwhatgoodorproud-makingwas,andnowyouareit.

Addsomemoreyears,andlogicandempathyhaveachancetodevelop.Yourself-conceptmaygrowfromconformingtorebelling,frombeinganobodyinschooltobeing“classclown”or“thesmartkid.”Increasingly,youlearnwhatyou’regoodatandbadat,andwhatyouloveandhate,andyourself-conceptkeepsexpandingtoclaimtheseelementsaspartofitspersonality.Lookingcarefully,you’llnoticethatyourcircleofcaring,concern,andpoweralsokeepsexpanding.Youcannowcareaboutstarvingchildreninanotherpartoftheworld,worryaboutthefuture,orjoinastudentprotestoncampus.You’recastingawidernet.

Keepgoing,andyou’readdingskills,experience,andtitlestoyourself-concept,someofwhichmakeitontoresumesandintojobinterviews.It’snotjust“JeanJones”anymore;it’sJeanJones,withadegreeinpharmacologyandaHarvardMBA,whocanspeakfluentMandarin,andhas367followersonTwitter.Ifyou’vebeenpromotedinyourcareer,you’llseethateachlevelfurtherexpandsyournetofconcernsandsenseofwhoyouare.Atfirstyou’reanindividualcontributor,concernedwithyourownperformanceandbuildingrelationships.Asateamleaderormanager,yourconcernswidentothecombinedperformanceofateamandthedevelopmentofitsmembers.Youmaygoontobecomeamanagerofmanagers,theheadofabusinessunitoracompany,witheachrole,castingawidernet.

Consciousnessitselfdevelopsthroughthisprocess,aswhatyou’reawareof

andmightcallthe“bigpicture”itselfgrowsbigger.Atfirstyoumightcelebrateonlyyourownsuccess.Butafterrunningateamforawhile,youmightbecomeevenmorepleasedtoseeotherssucceed.Ifyou’readistrictsalesmanager,yournetofconcernmightbehelpingyourteamhitsalestargetsdespiteregionaldownturns.Ifyou’reanationalsalesmanager,yournetofconcernmightexpandtoincludetheeconomicconditionsoftheentirecountry,andwheretomakestrategicinvestments.

Butagain,youmayprotestthatthesearejustwiderconcernsthat“I”have—Theydon’treallychange“me”;somehowI’mstillunderhere,likeafixedmannequinwhohasputonmorelayersofclothes.Yetreadbackthroughtheseparagraphs:Wherewasthereevera“you”thatwasn’tchanging?Themoreyoulookforthisfixedmannequin,themoreyouseeitdoesn’texist,can’tpossiblyexist,andthatyouonlythoughtitexistedbecauseyoumistookyourselfforthe“circle”ofthelensyouwerelookingthrough.

TheWholeSelfRevealed

Still,aslongasegoisstrongandlifeisbusy,amnesiaissteadilyreinforcedandweforgetthatweareanymorethanthesmallcircleofourlocalself.Butifyoulookatpeoplewho,foronereasonoranother,havehadtheexperienceoftheboundaryoflocalselffallingaway,whatremains,andwhattheymayattempttoexpress,istheirwholeself.

ForJillBolteTaylor,itcamequiteliterallyasastrokeofinsight,3and,asaneuroanatomist,shehadunusualinsightintoherexperience.Sheunderstoodwellthedifferingcharacteristicsofthebrain’stwohemispheres:theserial-processinglefthemisphere,whosefunctioningismorelikeDriver-Organizer,I-centered“doing,”versustheparallel-processingrighthemisphere,morelikeCollaborator-Visionary,“being.”Ontheleftwehaveacalculatingintelligencethatthinksinlanguage,whichitendlesslychattersin,and“I”ammostdefinitelyseparatefromyou.Ontherightweexperiencetheworldkinesthetically,sensingimagesandinterconnectedwavesofenergycomprisingawhole.4

Itwasthis“I’mincontrol”lefthemispherethatJillBolteTaylorlostinasuddenstroke.Shedescribesherexperiencevividly:“Ilookedatmyarmandcouldn’tdefineitsboundary…allthemoleculesrantogether,allwereenergy.”Shefeltcompletelyonewiththeenergyaboundingthroughher,andmindchatterceasedasifsomeonepressedamutebutton.Thisgorgeous“lalaland”wasinterruptedwiththethought,“Wehaveaproblem.”Whileonepartofherwaseuphoricallyshedding37yearsofemotionalbaggage,anotherpartwas

registering,“Wehavetogethelp.”Noteasytodowithoutbeingabletodiscernphonenumbers,orspeakbeyond

thegarbleof“rahRAHrahrahrah.”Buteventuallyshesucceededandhelparrived.Intheambulanceridetothehospital,shefelt“thelastbitofairsqueezedoutofaballoon.”Herspiritsurrenderedandsheknewshewasnolongerincontrolofherlife.Driftingbetweentwoplanesofreality,shefelt“liberatedlikeageniefromherbottle,”andthatshecould“neversqueezetheenormityofmyselfbackintothislittlebody.”Sheisshockedtofindoutlaterthatsheisstillalive.“Isthispossible?”shewondered.Isitpossiblefor“peopletopurposelychoosetostandtotherightoftheirlefthemispheres?”Bringingthepossibilityofthisinsighttopeoplegaveherthewilltogetwell.Foryearsshehasbeensharingherstory,perfectlyexpressingtheparadoxofhumanexistence:“Wearethelifepoweroftheuniversewithmanualdexterity.”

BrendonBurcharddescribesasimilarexperiencefollowingaterriblecaraccidentfromwhichhebarelyemerged,brokenandbloody,throughwhatwasoncethewindshield.Helookedupandsawafullmoon,butnoordinary“I”wasseeing.Asherecountsit,“…soclose,sobigandbright,sobeautiful.Ifeltliftedfromthewreckageofmylifeanddeeplyconnectedwiththeheavensandwavesofbluestreakingacrossthenightsky…anothingnessofsilence….Andthen,slowly,afeelingofcenteredness…IneverfeltmoreconnectedtowhoIwas.”5Hewentontoputhis“secondchance”atlifetoextraordinaryuseinhelpingotherssharetheirexpertiseandbecomingquitetheMillionaireMessengerhimself.

Remarkableasthesestoriesare,they’renotunique.Theymatchtheexperiencesofmanyotherswhoarestillconsciousneartheirdeathastheegostructuredissolves.Withthedissolutionofego,sogoestheboundaryofour“circle”andourusualself-concept.What’sleftisanall-pervasive,peacefuloneness,variouslydescribedinthedeathbedutterancesoftheenlightenedmindas“meltingintoallthisbeauty.”6

Thethirdstreamofexperienceinwhichpeopleseebeyondtheirlocalselvesisthatofcountlessmysticsandmeditatorsfromeverycultureandspiritualtradition.Thoseinwhomconsciousnessunfoldstoitsfullestallhavethesameawakening:“Iamthat,”inthewordsofGautamaBuddha;“BestillandknowthatIam[God],”inthewordsofPsalm46:10.Inourordinarythinking,weinterpretthePsalmfromtheperspectiveofthelocalselfhearingGod“outthere.”Yetwhenwedissolvetheboundaryofthelocalself,thereisno“outthere.”Suchistheexperienceofoneness,ofBeing,ofmysticsthroughtheages.

NotethatthePsalmdidnotsuggest,“RunaroundlikeacrazypersonandknowthatIam.”Likethewhirringbladesofafan,thefasterwego,themoresolidweseem.Butwhenweslowdownourlocalselfenoughtoseethroughthebladesofthefan,thewholeviewemerges:Iam.

CastingaWiderNet

Thisentirejourneyofdevelopmentisnotonlyourspersonally,butalsotheevolutionarystoryofourspecies,oursocieties,andourcultures—astorybrilliantlyintegratedbyKenWilber7andsummarizedinTable9.1.SomeofthestagesthatWilberandothersdefinehavebeencombinedforsimplicityinmytable,andI’veaddedsomeexamplesofhoweachstageexpressesitselfinleadership.What’sevidentthroughthesestagesofdevelopmentisthat“I”castsanever-widernet,startingwiththedotof“I”survivinginadangerousworldandculminatingin“Iam”—onewitheverything.

Table9.1DevelopmentofIndividuals,Societies,andLeaders

That’snottosayweallmakeitthroughallofthesestages—certainlywedon’talllivetotellaboutit.AswesaidwithMaslow’shierarchy,wedon’tscalethesestageslinearly,onceandforall,orallatonce.Rather,ourprogressishalting,backandforth,coveringseveralstagesatthesametime,andisunevenwithinourself(forexample,ourintellectualdevelopmentmaybewellaheadof

ouremotionaldevelopment).MostadultsmostlyfunctioninthestagesofMythicOrderandRationality,andthesearethedominantlevelsofconsciousnessseeninmassmovements,betheyreligiousfundamentalism,politicaldemagoguery,orWallStreetcapitalism.About15percentoftheadultpopulationcentersinthestageoftheSensitiveSelf,andlessthan2percentinstagesbeyondthat.8

Yetonlyattheselatterstagesdoesatrulyglobalmindsetemerge,onethatmakestheflipfromOrtoAnd,from“it’sallaboutme”to“I’mallaboutit,”andthathonorsandworkswithalloftheenergypatternsandthediversityofhumanityatallofitsstages.Aswe’veseen,theselatterstages—theleadingedgeofourcollectiveconsciousness—isexactlywhereleadershipismostsuccessfulinourspeedy,complex,interconnectedworld.Thepressuretodomoreandbemorethatisfeltbythebestleadersisexactlythenecessityfuelingtheflipsintothesestages.Evenifwe,orthepeoplewelead,don’tfunctionhereallthetime,wecanstillbepulledup(andpullothersup)towardthebestwithinus—asinPresidentKennedy’scalltoservice—orbepulleddown(andpullothersdown)toourlowestcommondenominator.Ohyeah?Upyours.

Leaderswhofunctionatthesehigherstagesofdevelopmentrarelyexperiencethemselvesasbeingwholeenoughtosay,“Iamthat.”Buttheywillfrequentlysaythingslike,“Icaremoreaboutmypeoplethanmyself.”Or,“Iamcommittedtodoingtherightthingforourcustomers,andtherewardswillfollow.”Expansivestatementsliketheseattractpeoplewhowanttobepartofaworthyundertakingorgloriousvision.Peoplearedrawntoleadersfromwhomtheysenseareciprocalcaring;theyfeelsaferwithleaderswhoseethebiggerpictureandarenotafraidtofaceit.Andfearhasnoroomtogrowinleaderswhofeelapartof,notapartfrom,thewholecontextinwhichtheylead.

Bycontrast,theleaderaboutwhomotherssay,“He’sonlyinitforhimself,”speakstothefear-producingsmallnessofapersonwholeadsbeyondwhathetrulycaresabout,whoseself-conceptismostlyself-in-the-skin.Thismindsetwreakshavocinourworld,settingoffchainreactionsofnegativeconsequencesfrombrokeeconomiestobrokentrusttoburnout.Ascollectiveconsciousnessedgesforward,morepeople—especiallytheyoungergenerations—cansensethatthissmallnessdoesnotserve,andtheywantnopartofit.Turnthataround,lettheZenleaderemerge,andoneexpandstoaboundlessclarityaboutwhooneis,encompassingtheentiretheworldoneiscreating.

EnergyPatternsShowtheWay

AsnotedinTable9.1,variousenergypatternscanbeidentifiedwitheach

stageofdevelopment.That’snottosayonepatternismorematurethananother;asagecanstilluseDriverenergy.Butwecancharacterizeeachstageofdevelopmentascenteringonaparticularpattern.It’susefultoknowthisconnection,fornothingacceleratesourdevelopmentthroughthesestagesmorethanmindfulnessinthebody,andthepatternscanshowtheway.

AsyouexperiencedearlierinflippingfromDrivertoVisionaryenergy,Visionarycallsforlessphysicaltension.Theconnectiontoself-conceptissoobviousit’seasytomiss:Themoretensethebody,themoreone’ssenseofselfislocalizedandtightlyfocused.Ifyoutenseyourwholebodyforamomentandburnyoureyesintothispaper,you’llfeelacontractionanddensitythatmakesyoursenseofselfsolidandseparate.ContrastthatwiththelanguidexpansivenessoftheflowingVisionary—goahead,relaxandfeelenergyflowthroughyourentirebeing.You’llfeelyourselfdiffusingandexpandinggenerously.

Sojustasoursenseofselfchangesaswedevelop,sodoesitchangeaswemovethroughthevariouspatterns.Formostpeople,theirstrongestoneortwopatternsreflectthesenseofselftheyliveinandworkfrommostofthetime.Doyourecognizeyours?

Driver:Amostlyin-the-skinsenseofself:anindependentagentandself-starter;maybepooratlisteningtoothers;likescompetingandwinning.Organizer:Anindividualsenseofself,butorientedbyastrongmoralcompassandconscientiousdutytoothers;relatestoothersbestonepersonatatime.Collaborator:Sensesselfmoreinrelationtoothers,andlessasanindividual;isorientedtowardpeopleandgroups;buildsconsensus;engagesandempathizes.Visionary:Sensesselfmoreincontext,forexample,asapartofsociety,history,ornature;afluidsenseofself,orientedtowardessence,thefuture,andnaturalharmony.

Torecapourjourneyintermsofthesestagesofdevelopment,clearlyonewaytoexpandone’ssenseofself,especiallycomingfromthestageofRationalityoraDriver-Organizermindset,istomoveintoCollaboratorandVisionary.Weputthisexpandedsenseofselftogooduseintheflipsfromcontrollingtoconnecting,fromdrivingresultstoattractingthefuture.We’vealsoseenhowthepatternssupportusinourownauthenticexpressionoftheparadoxicaltraitsofwholeleadership:beingsteady(Organizer)yetagile(Visionary),shrewd

(Driver)yettrustworthy(Organizer-Collaborator),andsoon.Beingabletostrengthenourplaybyusinganypatternasit’scalledforpropelsustowardtheIntegrativestageofdevelopment.It’snoaccidentthatonlywhenwemakepeacewithanduseofthesefourenergiesinourselfdoweembracethediversityofhumanityandhonorthepatternsandstagesofallpeople.AttheIntegrativestageandbeyond,wecanbe“allaboutit,”connectedwithlife,andrecognizethatallpossibilitiesexistwithinourboundlessself.

LeadingtheWholePictureofNewark

GeoffColvinisinterviewingNewark,NewJersey’smayor,CoryBooker,forFortunemagazine.9Bookerhasrecentlymadeheadlines,alongwithFacebook’sMarkZuckerberg,announcingthelatter’s$100millionpledgetorevitalizeNewark’sschools.“Howdidyoudoit?”ColvinasksBookeraboutlandingthismostgenerousdonation.Booker’sfirstresponseis,“Idon’tthinkitwasme.”HegoesontoexplainthatZuckerberghadbeenindependentlycomingtotheideaofamajorphilanthropicactandconcludessimply,“…itwastwomenwiththesameideameetingup.”

Nochest-thumping.No“it’sallaboutme.”WhetheryoulikeCoryBookerornot,isitnotutterlyrefreshingtohearapoliticalleaderpassontakingcredit?Itinstantlyinspiresakindoftrustaswesensealeaderwho’sbiggerthanhimself-in-his-skin.Howironicthatinpromotingourlocalself,wemakeourselfsmallerintheeyesofothers,andineffacingourlocalself,othersglimpsethebignesswithinus.

WhatcomesacrossintheColvininterviewisthatBookerhascastawidenetofwhathelovesandcaresaboutthatembracesallofNewark,andheisleadingasthoughhe’sthatwholepicture.HedescribeshisOfficeofReentry,forexample—aninnovativesupportnetworkformencomingoutofprison—withempathy,notjudgment,forthehumanbeingsitserves.“Weorganizedsortofafraternity…tosupportourmeninreducingtheirrecidivism,butreallyconnectingtotheirfamiliesbecausethechildrenmostlikelytogotoprisoninAmericaarethechildrenofincarceratedadults.”Theresultofthiscaring?“Ourfatherhoodprogramhasabouta3percentrecidivismrate,”Bookersays,comparedwiththenationalaverageof65percent.

Booker’snetofconcernssomehowmatcheshim.Hisself-imageexactlymatcheshiscurrentrole.Whenhe’saskedabouttakingonanationalrole,hesays,“Ireallyfeel…there’snobetterplacetobethandoingwhatI’mdoingrightnow.”Whenweflipfromindulgingthelocalselftoservingthewholepicture,

synchronicityhasroomtooperate,like-mindedsupportcoalesces,andthecalculusofwhat’spossibleistransformed.AsBookergoesontosay,“We’retakingontheproblemspeoplesayareimpossibletosolve,andwe’reshowingthatyoucancreatehopeanddotheimprobable,maybeeventheimpossible.”CoryBookermaynotexperiencehimselfaswholeenoughtosay,“Iamthat,”buthecertainlyrecognizeshecanaccesssomethinggreaterthanhislocalself.“I’mastrongguy,”hesays.“ButwhenIjoinwithotherpeople,Ifeelthatwe’remanifestingsomeinvincibility.”

TheZenLeaderFlip9:LocalSelftoWholeSelf

Still,solongastheegoisstrongandourlivesarebusy,wemaynotexperienceourselvesasthewholepicture.Rather,we’remorelikelytoexperienceasomewhatfixedselfdoingawholelotofthings.Butwecanapproachthisflipassomethingofathoughtexperiment,usingourimagination.Castingawidernetofconcern,imaginingwearethatentirepicture,wewillgaininsightthatislesspartial,moreenduring,morewhole.Themorewepractice,eveninourimagination,themorewe’llnoticeoursenseofselfbecomingmorefluid,lessrestricted,untilimaginationbecomesreality.AsAlbertEinsteinobserved,“Yourimaginationisyourpreviewoflife’scomingattractions.”Inthisflipweputthatimaginationtogreatuse.

Widenthenet.Ifyouweretoslapyourselfintheface—trythisatyourownrisk—you’llnoticethatyoudon’tactuallyhurtyourself.Evenbeforeyourhandstrikesyourfaceandtriggersyournervoussystem,there’salreadyanimplicit“knowing”thatregulateshowhardyoustrike.It’sasifyourhandknowsit’spartofabiggerpicturethatincludesyourface.

Likewise,wecanapplythismindsettodailybusinesschallengesandleadershippracticesbyfunctioningaspartofthebiggerpictureinwhichwe’reacting.Howbigisthispicture?Itdependsonthesituation,oursensitivity,andtheextentofourimagination,butwecanstartwithknowingit’sbiggerthanourself-in-our-skin,andwidenthenet.

Ifwearedealingwithapoor-performingemployee,wecanwidenthenettobecomethatperson,andsensewhatistrulyinherinterests.

Ifwearepartofateamthatneedstobecomemorecohesiveandhigh-performing,wecanwidenthenettoincludethecustomersandstakeholderstheteamserves,thesituationit’sfacing,theteamitselfasawhole,andeachmemberindividually.Inviewofallofthis,wecancreateprogress.

Ifwearetryingtolaunchorrevitalizeabusiness,wecanwidenthenettoincludeourcustomersandwould-becustomers,ourcompetitorsandpartners,ourproductsandservices,andouremployeesandculture,andsensewhatservesthewhole.Thewidenetwecastcanembraceanything:peopleandsituations,abstractconcepts,datafromthepast,andpossibilitiesfromthefuture.Whoa!youmaybethinking,Tha’salottohold.Howdoweevermove

forwardtakingallthatintoaccount?Butthisisanexampleofhowleadersthemselveshavetotransformtobecomeasbigasthesituationinwhichthey

lead.Consciousnessitselfhastoexpandtofunctioneffectivelywithexpandedresponsibilities.Thatmayseemliketoomuchwork,butthealternativeisworse:ifwethinksmallwhileholdingbigjobs,wefindourselvescontinuallyblindsidedandbarelymanaginginaworldthatseemstobehappeningtous.Whenpeoplesayofaleader,heorsheis“notstrategicenough,”they’resensingthismismatchbetweentheleader’sconsciousnessandthesizeofthejob.

Ontheupside,wideningthenettobeasbigasthesituationswefaceishowwefindourpowertoplaywiththem.Anditismoreofanongoingplaythanaone-timetask.Foronceweconsiderawidenetofinterests,wewillfindmorethanonerightwayofdoingthings.We’llhavetoapplyourabilitytothinkinparadoxandholdambiguity.We’reneveronce-and-for-allright,becauseournethasembracedasystemthatneverstops,inwhicheveryactioncreatesachainreaction.Butwhatwecandoismakeourbestjudgment,takeourbestaction,listen,learn,andadjust—theverythingswe’vebeenpracticingthroughourflipstoconnectingandattractingthefuture.

Whenwewidenthenet,wedowellto“hold”itscontentslightly—thewayyoumight“hold”theInternetasaseaofpossibility.Wecannotholditliterally,anymorethanwecangettothesquarerootof2bycountingonourfingers.Weneedourimagination,whichiswherethefliptomoreVisionaryenergycanhelp.Evenvisually,asyoumovefromtheDriver’stight,single-pointfocus(remembersightingdownyourfingers?)totheexpansive(handsatthesidesofthehead)Visionary,youwidenyournet.You’llnoticethatyoucannot“hold”thewholepictureastightlyasifyouzeroedinonjustonething,butyoucansensethewholevisualcontextallatonce.Withpractice,you’llcometotrustthisperspective,notasawaytothreadaneedle,butasawaytosenseconnectionsandlarge-scalepatterns.Thissimplephysicalpracticewillsimilarlyopenyourmindtocastawidernetandtrusttheintuitionthatemergeswhenconsciousnessexpandsbeyondtheconcernsofthelocalself.

ThefliptomoreCollaboratorenergyalsohelpswidenthenet,asitconnectsuswithalltheplayersinthepicturetothepointatwhichwecan,likeCoryBooker,manifestinvincibilitywithothers.AwaytouseCollaboratorenergytowidenthenetistogetafeelforthestoriesofthevariousplayersinthepicture:Whataretheypassionateabout?Whataretheirneeds?Whatistheirdaylike,andhowisthesituationwe’reconsideringplayingintothat?Youcanuseyourimagination,butwhenpossible,actuallyexperiencetheirreality,andletitinformyourempathyandintuition.Feelingintothestoriesofothers,andthestoriesofthefuturewewouldcreate,wewidenthenet.

Imaginewhatif…Whatifyouarethatwholepicture?Withyournetcastwide,imagineyouarealltheplayersandconditions.Aswesawintheflipfrom“it’sallaboutme”to“I’mallaboutit,”thisnetisnotsomekindofseparate“it”youwouldserve;itisyou.Nowhowwouldyouserveyou?

Perhapsyourfirstreactionisconfusion:somanyconflictingperspectives,needs,desires!Somanywaysyoucan’tgettherefromhere…itcanallseemparalyzing.Butthisistheanxiousthinkingofthelocalself,whichisexactlythefuelforthisflip,becausewhenwe’rethinkinglikeourlocalself,itistoomuch.Soletgoofthelocalself.Relax,andentertheCollaborator’ssenseofplay,andtheVisionary’sabilitytoholdthingsloosely.Relax,imagineyouarethewholepicture,andletintuitionoperatewithyourgoodintentions.Youdon’thavetobeperfect,becausethereisnosingle“perfect”oncemultipleagendascometogether,butthat’sokay.Justknowyoucancontinuetolisten,learn,andadjustasyougo.Youcandothis.

So,forexample,sayyou’rehandingdownanewpolicyforexpensecontrol.Youknowit’snecessaryforthehealthofthecompany,butyoualsoknowitwon’tbepopular.Widenyournetandimagineyouarethepeoplewhowillreceiveit.Thinkingastherecipientsofthispolicy,whatwillbeyour(inotherwords,their)firstreaction?Whatareyourconcerns?Whatwouldhelpyouunderstandwhythispolicyisinyourlong-terminterests?Reflectingonanswerstothesequestions,youmightrecognizethatfairnesswillbeabigissueinpeople’sminds,andtheymightbewonderingiflayoffsarenext.You’llknowtoaddresstheseconcernswhenyoucraftandcommunicateyourmessage.

Imaginingyourselfasthewholepicture,theneedsofthelocalselfwillstillemerge.You’llstillgettiredandneedtorest.You’llstillfindyourselffallingintocopingreactionsnowandthen.Thisisallpartofthewholepicture,andhavingthesethoughtsisnotwrong.Yetifyou’reabletotendtotheneedsofthelocalselfjustenough,andifyoucanremindyourselfthatyourgreatestneedistobeyourgreatestself—inotherwords,thewholepicture—youwillkeeppullingyourselfupMaslow’shierarchy,uptowherewholeself-actualizationbecomeslocalself-transcendence,uptowhereyouactasthewholepicture.Uptoleadingfearlessly.

Imaginationbecomesreality.Whatstartsasathoughtexperimentbecomesahabit.Whatstartsasarm’s-lengthunderstandingbecomesdeeplyinformedempathy.Whatbeginsasanetthatincludesoneortwootherseventuallyincludesmultiplestakeholdersandcomplexscenarios.Justaswehoneoursensitivitytomusicbylisteningtomanyvarietiesofit,sowehoneour

sensitivitytobeingthewholepicturebylisteningtoallofitsfacets.Aswecaremoreaboutthewholepicture,we’lllistenmoretootherpeople,recognizingthattheyrepresentcrucialperspectivesinthewhole.Asoursensitivityincreases,ourimaginationandintuitionbecomebetterinformedandmorerealistic.Evenifthisflipstartsinimagination,asourimaginationbecomesmorerealistic,ouractionsarebettertuned,andmoreresonantwithinthewholecontext.

Throughthisprocessofflippingtoourwholeself,ourlocalselfischanged.Wearechangedinwhatwenotice,whatwethink,andhowweact.Becausewearechanged,anewrealityispossibleintheNow.Asweflipfromlocalselftowholeself,wemanifestawholenewpicture.Andeventually,wedon’thavetoimaginewhatifwewerethewholepicture.Wecansaywithutterclarity,“Iamthat!”

PuttingIttoWork:LocalSelftoWholeSelf

Whatchallengingopportunitydoyouface?Youcanapplythisfliptosituationsbigandlittle,fromgrowingyourbusinesstoimprovinganimportantworkdynamic.Tomakethisfliputterlypractical,startbythinkingofanutterlypracticalgoaltowhichyou’dliketoapplyit.Itmaybeagoalthatsupportsthevisionyouwanttoattract.Itmaybeagoalabouthowyoucanaddevengreatervalue,ordealwithacurrentproblem.Pickagoalyou’dliketoputtothisflip.

Stateyourgoal.Startwiththewords,Howto…,andstatewhatitisyou’retryingtoaccomplishorbringabout.

Writedownyourcurrent“localself”answertothisquestion.Whatareyoudoingnowwithrespecttothisgoal?

Ifyou’vepickedabroadgoal,suchas“Howtogrowmybusiness,”youranswersmightbeelementsofyourcurrentstrategy;forexample:

Deepencurrentcustomerrelationships.Advertisemore.Createstrategicpartnerships.

Ifyou’vepickedaspecificgoal,suchas“HowtocoachSallytohelpimproveherperformance,”yourcurrentlocal-selfanswermightbestepsyou’vetaken,suchas:

Monthlymeetings.On-the-spotfeedback.

Showingherhowtodothingsright.Youdon’thavetobeexhaustive;afewanswersareenough.Youjustwantto

captureyourcurrentanswersorseehowtheymightchangefromawiderpointofview.

Widenyournet.Drawapictureoffourconcentriccircles,asinFigure9.1.

Figure9.1

Atthecenter(Circle1)isyourlocalself,or“me.”Inthefirstcircleout(Circle2),identifytheplayerswhoaredirectlyconnectedtoyourgoal.Thesecanbeindividualsorgroups;peoplewhomyouconsidertobeinyour“innercircle”relatedtothisgoal.

Inthenextcircleout(Circle3),identifyafewotherplayerswhoarerelatedtoyourgoal,butlessdirectly.Theymightbefuturecustomers,orpeoplewhomightblockorsupportyou;generallythoseyouwouldconsiderinyour“outercircle”relatedtothisgoal.

Intheoutermostcircle(Circle4),write“wholeself”or“alloflife.”Figure9.2offersexamplesofwhatthesecirclesmightlooklikeforagoal

regarding“Howtogrowmybusiness”(Figure9.2a),oramorespecificgoalsuchasimprovingSally’sperformance(Figure9.2b).

Figure9.2

Fourcirclesrelatedto(a)growingbusinessor(b)improvingSally”sperformance.

Imaginewhatif…Usingyourpenasanarrow,landononeofthenamesinCircle2or3and,speakinginthevoiceofthispersonorgroup,completethefollowing:

“Speakingas[namethepersonorgroupyouarespeakingas],oneofmymainissuesis[fillinaneedofthisperson/group].Thisgoalcouldbeinmyinterestsif[fillinhowthisgoalcouldserve].Mybestadvicerightnowwouldbe[fillinbestadviceforpursuingthisgoal].”Intheexampleofhowtogrowmybusiness,Imightlandon“current

customers,”imaginemyselfasmyowncustomer,andsay:“Speakingasyourcurrentcustomer,oneofmymainissuesishowtogrowmyownbusinessinatougheconomy.Thisgoalcouldbeinmyinterestsifyourgrowthhelpedmegrow.Mybestadvicerightnowwouldbetospreadthewealthandhelppeoplelearnaboutmethroughyou.”IntheexampleofSally’sperformance,ImightlandmypenonSally,andsay:“SpeakingasSally,oneofmymainissuesisIdon’tlearnthewayyoudo,

andIdon’tthinkIcansucceedbyyourstandards.Thisgoalcouldbeinmyinterestsifyoucouldhelpmelearnmywayandbemoreflexibleaboutwhatgoodperformancelookslike.Mybestadvicerightnowwouldbelet’sfocusonwhatyouneedmetodoandletmedoitmyway.”Pickupyourpenandlandonadifferentnameineithertheinnerorouter

circle,andrepeat,inthisnewvoice,akeyneed,howthisgoalcouldserve,andwhatwouldbeyourbestpieceofadvicerightnow.Jotdownyouranswers.Repeatseveralmoretimesandnoticehowtheresponseschangeorreinforcecertainthemesasyoumovetodifferentgroupsorbetweentheinnerandoutercircle.Noneoftheseanswersisnecessarilymore“right”thanwhereyoustartedwithyourlocalself,butifyougetintothespiritofthisexercise,you’llcertainlynoticethey’redifferent,anditmaybroadenyourperspective.Moreover,theadvicedoesn’thavetobeforalltime.Youcouldrepeatthisexerciseafewmonthsfromnowandgetadifferentsetofperfectlyworthyanswers.

Finally,landyourpenintheoutermostCircle4andanswerinthevoiceoflifeitself:

“Speakingasthewholepicture,oneoftheneedsinthissituationis[fillinfromabird’s-eyeview].Thisgoalcouldmaketheworldabetterplaceif[fillinhowthisgoalcouldserve].Mybestadvicerightnowis[fillinbestadviceforpursuingthisgoal].”Returningtothe“Growmybusiness”example,speakingaslifeyoumight

say,“Speakingasthewholepicture,oneoftheneedsinthissituationistoshowhowyourproducthelpsyourcustomersbesuccessful.Thisgoalcouldmaketheworldabetterplaceifmorepeopleknewhowyoucouldhelpthem.Mybestadvicerightnowistoshowcasepeoplebenefitingfromyourproduct.”TocoachSallyonimprovingherperformance,yourwholeselfmighthave

thistosay:“Speakingasthewholepicture,oneoftheneedsinthissituationistomeetSallywhereshe’sat.ThisgoalcouldmaketheworldabetterplaceifyouhelpbringoutSally’sgreatnesswithouttryingtomakeherintoyourimage.MybestadvicerightnowistogiveSallyachancetobegreatatsomething.”Ifyoucompareyouranswersfromthebeginningandendoftheexercise,you

maynoticeasubtle,evenstrikingshift.EvenintherealexamplesIworkedout,

youcanseehowthelocal-selfanswerstendtobemoretactical(“advertisemore”;“monthlymeetings”)whereasthewhole-selfanswerstendtobemoreinspirationalorstrategic(“showcasebenefitstoothers”;“letSallybegreatatsomething”).Thewhole-selfanswersdon’tnecessarilycontradictthoseofthelocalselfsomuchasaddnewdimensions,orbroadentheapproach.Theymayevenrevealabetterwaytostatethegoal,oranoverarchingissuethathastobedealtwithfirst.

Becauseyou’rereadingabookatthemoment,thisexerciseisanactofimagination.Butindailylife,youhavecountlessopportunitiestoengagepeopleinyourgoalandlandonthedotofhearingtheirperspectives.ThisexercisehaschangedthewayIlisten,especiallytofeedbackorperspectivesthatmylocalselfdoesn’tparticularlywanttohear.FornowIknowthattheyrepresentadotinthefieldofpossibilitysomewherebetweenlocal“me”andmywholeself.ThemoreIunderstandperspectivesIneverwouldhaveimaginedonmyown,themorerealisticmyimaginationbecomes.Andthatisthekindofimaginationmostlikelytosee,asEinsteinwouldsay,life’scomingattractions.

Sowhat’sthedefinitionofwholeleadership?Wecanreturntowherewestartedwithperhapsdeeperappreciationofthetruthbehindtwoanswers:Ontheonehand,itisanexpansionofthelocalselftocastawidernet,engagewithempathy,anddevelopthroughthevariousstagesthatleadfromour“terrible2s”tothewisdomofthesage,withourleadershipgrowinglargerandmorecapableateveryturn.Ontheotherhand,itisnoneofthat.Itisaflip,aflashofseeingpastthelocalselfaltogethertothewholeselfthatweare.Itisaflip…

Figure9.3

FromseeingourselvesasaspeckofdustintheuniversetoseeingtheuniverseexpressedthroughthisspeckofdustFromneedingtoproveone’sselftohavingnoselfstandapartinneedofproofFromtakingcareof#1tobecomingoneandtakingcareoftheentirepictureFrommakingtheworldabetterplacetotransformingone’sselftoabetterplacethroughwhichabetterworldmanifestsFromalocalselfbarelymanagingtoawholeselfleadingfearlessly,asnothingstandsaparttobeafraid

ItisaflipsimilartotheonewemakeinviewingtheclassicgestaltdrawingofFigure9.3—thevaseandthefaces.Perceptuallywedecidewhatisfigureandwhatisground,andthatdecisionconstructsourlocalreality.Wemightnormallyregardourselvesasarelativelyfixedvaseinaseaoffaces.Flipthataround,becomethefaces,andwebecomeallaboutothers.Atfirstwemayexperiencethisasasenseofservingothersorbeingastewardofsomethingbeyondourself.Butifwekeepimaginingourselfasthewholepicture,we’llnoticetheboundariesofselfbecomemorefluid,andourpowertotransformseemstogobeyondourskinaswemanifestinvincibilitywithothers.Becomethewholepicture,andwecanuseourvasetoplayagreatroundoflife.Thisisreallywholeleadership.

Ifitalsosoundslikeenlightenedleadership,thatisnoaccident,forthemagneticpullofawakeninghasguidedourjourneyallalong,andwenowclosewiththefinalflip.

TheZenLeaderFlip9Takeaways

LocalSelftoWholeSelfWholeleadershipisleadingasthewholepicture.Toapproachgoals/challengesasyourwholeself:Widenthenet.Becomealltheplayersandfactorsinthesituation,usingempathyandimagination,“holding”themalllightly.Imaginewhatif…Youarethiswholepicture;howwouldyouserveitbest?Hearorimaginetheperspectivesaroundyou,includingtheall-embracingviewofyourwholeself.Imaginationbecomesreality.Keeppracticingandeventuallynoselfstandsapart:youarethat.

10FromDelusiontoAwakening

OKAY,YOUCANstopnow.You’veexplorednineflipsthatservebetterleadership,whichismoreanyoneoranycompanyintheworldwouldaskofyou.ButiftheZenleaderinyouisdeterminedtoemergeevenmoreclearly,morefully,readon.Inaway,ourentirejourneyhasbeenpointingtothisflip,andthischapterwillgiveyouachancetoseethatjourneyinitstotality.Butthisfinalfliptoawakeningissofundamentalandsosubtlethatyoumayreadthesepagesandstillfinditeludesyou.Oryoumayreadthemnow—orcomebacktotheminafewyears—andfindthatsomethingclicks!

That’swhathappenedtomeinAugust1998.I’minthewomen’sdormatChozen-ji,catchinguponsomereadingwhileattendingaZenpriestseminar.Forthepastyear,TanouyeRoshihasbeensystematicallyguidingusthroughallthe“best-selling”sutras.I’vereadthemall(andforgottenmuchofthem),andnowI’mreadingtheSurangamaSutra.Herewegoagain.ButasIread,Ican’tbelievemyeyes.It’slikebeingbackinthirdgradewhenyoupickupyourteacher’sarithmeticbookandfindthatithasalltheanswersintheback!Howcanthisbe?!Abookthatcompletelyspellsoutthefliptoawakeningandhowtorealizeitinyourownlife!TheSurangamaSutragrabsmebythethroat.

Anddoesn’tletgoforyears.Ireaditagain.Andagainandagain.UntilI’vecompletelyboredallmyfriendswhoaskmewhatI’mreading:“StilltheSurangamaSutra.”It’snotaneasyread.Thelanguageandimageryisold,comingfromanancientSanskrittext.1Iasktheindulgenceofitsauthorsandtranslatorsbackthroughtimetobringituptodateforyou.TherearethreepartsofitIwanttoshareforyourfinalflip;theyreallydidchangemylife.

EverythingInverted

Imaginewe’vejustenteredalarge,openroom,crowdedwithpeople.StudentsandfollowersofagreatZenleaderhavegatheredforaQ&Aaboutlife,delusion,andawakening.TheLeaderasksoneofthestudents—we’llcallhimJoe—aquestionalongthelinesof,“Whoareyou,really?”

Joegivesthecommon-senseanswerofbeinghisbasicthoughtsandmovingparts:theeyesthatseetheLeader,theearsthathearhim,andsoon.“Hey!

That’snotwhoyouare!”theLeaderthunders.“That’syourfalsethinking,arisingfromwhatyouthinkis‘outthere.’Ithasdeceivedyoufromthebeginningintomistakingathiefforyourownson!”HegoesontoexplainthatJoehaseverythingbackwards:Whathenoticesandtakestobehimselfisnotreal,andinallthatdistraction,hemisseshistrueself.

“Fromthebeginning,”theLeadercontinues,“Wegetcaughtupintwobasicinversions.First,wemistakeourclingingmind—ourlocalself—aswhoweare.Second,becausewethinkweexistassomekindofsemi-fixedobject,weobjectifyeverythingaroundusandmissitsbrightessence.Weallowourselvestogetturnedaroundbyobjectswheninstead,wecouldturnobjectsaround.”

Joeandothersarelookingconfused,asperhapsyouareaswell.SotheLeadertriesametaphor.“Ifyoucometoaninn,”heasksoneofthesagesintheroom,“wouldyousaytheowneristhehostoroneoftheguests?”Thesageanswersthatbecausetheguestcomesandgoes,theguestcouldnotbetheowner,andthattheownerwouldbethehost,whohasnowheretogo.“Exactly,”saystheLeader.“Anditisthesamewithus:Wehavemanypartsthatcomeandgo,betheyfleetingthoughts,sensations,orourmortalbody,butsomethingnoticesthesethings,andthathost—thatfoundationalconsciousness—hasnowheretogo.”

Andhere’swherewemaketheinversion,ourcrucialmistake:ournervoussystemclingstomovement.It’sdrawntoshinyobjects,andrespondstochange.We’rewiredfromheadtotoetonoticewhat’smoving—notwhat’sstill.Soaswemakeourunconsciousgestaltdecisionaboutwhat’sthefigureofourlifeandwhat’stheground,weassumethefigure—thecentralstaroftheshow—iswhat’smoving!Wegetitexactlybackwards.Whenwefliptobecomethebackground—whenawarenessbecomesawareofitself—onlythendowerestinourtimeless,boundlessself:ourhost.

Thesecondinversionfollowsfromthefirst.Becauseonceweexistasadotofself,webringallotherthingsintoexistence.Howcanweseethis?Asweexploredintheflipfrom“outthere”to“inhere,”everythingweexperiencefrom“outthere”has“inhere”writtenalloverit,fromthelimitationsofoursensors,tothecolorsweregister,andevenwhatcatchesourattentioninthefirstplace.Allthingsexistinrelationto“me.”

Therawdatawetakeinhasonelevelof“me”writtenalloveritbyoursensorylimitations.Butwherethisinversionreallymuddlesmattersiswhenitcomestodiscerning,judging,andmakingmeaning.Forthemeaningwemakehaseverythingtodowithourclarityaboutwhoweare:guestorhost.Ifwethink

weareaguestoflife,atemporarypasserbyinthecycleofbirthanddeath,wearealwaysonthealertforfriendorfoeoranythingthatcanthreatenus.Ifweknowwearethehostwhohasnowheretogo,fearhasnotoehold.

It’sAlwaysAboutFear

Now,beforeyouthinkwe’vemovedintosomeesotericrealmfarremovedfromyoureveryday,let’sreturntotheworksettingforamoment.You’llseethateveryboneheadedbusinessdecision,everypettyofficedispute,andeveryass-coveringorass-kissingactrelatestofear.Wemaynotconsciouslyregisterthatalittlefearofdeathisoperating,butinaworldofwinandlose,gainandloss,hiringandfiring,everyoneofthosedownsidesfeelslikealittledeathtoaguest.Andaguestgoesthroughgreatgyrationstoavoidthem.Ifyou’veworkedinoracrossanumberoforganizations,you’veseendozensofstorieslikethese:

TheCEOandexecutiveteamofahugebutflounderingcompanygathertohearstudyresultsfromitsbestandbrightestyoungleaderswhowerecommissionedtofindanewfuture.Theyoungleadersrecommendworkingacrossorganizationalsilosinteamstocreatenicheproductsfordifferentcustomersegments.Theirrecommendationswouldradicallychangethewaythecompanyfunctionsandthewaypeoplearerewarded.TheCEOandtheexecutiveteamthankthemheartilyfortheiroutstandingwork,andcommittotakingactiononit.Thennothinghappens.Rumoristhatthethreestrongestmembersoftheexecutivecommitteewhorunthethreebiggestsiloswon’tcooperate.Alltheyseeisdownside.TheCEO,whocan’tpossiblymakethisyear’snumberswithoutthem,relents.

Alltheyareisafraid.Theyprobablydon’tknowit,andtheordinarydiscourseofbusinesswillmasktheirfearwithendlessdataandrationalarguments,butthesesilo-leadersareafraidofloss:ofhavinglesspowerthantheyoncedid,lessbonustotakehome,lesscertaintyabouthowtooperateacrossthecompanywhentheyknewperfectlywellhowtorunasilo.Whatthey’lltalkaboutisloss“outthere”:lossofshort-termrevenue,lossofwhat“madeusgreat,”whichcouldalsohappen.Indeed,pushthemagainsttheirwill,andaworldoflossiswhatthey’lllikelycreate.

Anotherleaderfailstostandupforhisteaminatensemeetingwithseniormanagementwhentheteam’sjudgmentischallenged.Hethoughthisteam’sjudgmentwassound,butaVeryImportantPersonhasdeclaredthatonlyamoronwouldagreewiththeteam.

Yetanotherleadergetsane-mailfromasisterdivision,sayingthata

promiseddeliveryisgoingtobethreeweekslate.Shefiresoffablamingresponse,copyingtwolevelsofmanagementaboveher,makingclearthatanyscheduleslippagewillnotbeherfault.

Alltheyareisafraid.Afraidforaguestwhodoesn’twanttobedismissedasamoron.Afraidforaguestwhodoesn’twanttobeleftholdingtheblame.Whenthenextroundofperformancereviews(orlayoffs!)happen,theydon’twanttobeonthedeath-sideofthatcalculus.

Inonesense,thesepeopleareallbehavingrationally,doingwhatseemstobebestfortheguest,evenastheyreinforcearatherbrutishworldofgreedandfear.Indeed,theconsciousnessofourmodernagecentersonthisrationalstageofdevelopment(recallTable9.1),wheregreedandfearoperateourmarkets;ourWall-Streetthinking.Butevengreedisaresponsetofear,aswewantmoreandmoretoprotectaguestfrompain,loss,andeventualdestruction.

Wearemightilyreinforcedinthiscyclebyourownchemistryofemotion.Wegetalittleendorphinjoltwhenwehaveanapparentgain,andwe’rehitwithalittlecorticosteroidbombbyloss.2Thisemotionalchemistryisbimodal:it’sthumbsuporthumbsdown.Ourgood/bad,life/deathresponsesvaryonlyindegree.Thereisasenseinwhichastockmarkettumblefeelslikealittledeathtoaninvestor.Furthermore,emotionsealsmemoryandcontributestolearning.Welearntomovetowardswhatmakesusfeelgoodandawayfromwhatmakesusfeelbad.Allofwhichisperfectlyrational.Allofwhichlocksourguestintoaperfectlyrationalprisonofitsownmaking.

WeAreMoreThanaGuests

Althoughwecertainlyliveaguest’slifeinabodythatwilldie,evennow,wecouldbeawareofthataspectofourselfthatismorethanaguest—ourhostselfthatisnotaging,wasnotborn,andwillnotdie.Howcanweseethis?Here’sthesecondscenefromourtownhallmeeting.

Joehassatdowntorestforabit.AwiseandseasonedCEOstepsforward—sortofaWarrenBuffettypewhoiswidelyreveredforhisgreatbusinesssuccessandphilanthropy.He’sgettingupinyears,andhe’sawareofhismortality.“I’vebeentaught,”hesaystotheLeader,“thatwhenthebodydies,everythingjustends.Annihilation.Fullstop.NowyoutalkaboutsomethingbeyondbirthanddeathandI’mnotsoclearaboutthis.”

TheLeaderaskstheCEO,“Tellme,isyourbodypermanentorisitchanging?”

“Oh,it’schanging,allright,”theCEOresponds.“It’sagingallthetime.WhenIwasachild,myfacewassmooth;nowit’sallwrinkled.I’mnotasstrongasIusedtobe.Thisbodyisdecaying,nodoubtaboutit.Eventually,likeafire,itwillgoout.”

“Youarerightthatthebodyisinconstantchangeand,likeafire,willeventuallygoout,”theLeaderacknowledges.“Butdoyouknowthatpartofyouthatisnotchangingandcannotdie?”

“No,Ireallydon’tknowthatpart,”TheCEOadmits.“Thinkbackoveryourlife.Canyourecallascenefromyourchildhoodthat

youstillseetoday?”askstheLeader.“Sure,”saystheCEO.“AsachildgrowingupinMichigan,myfamilywould

traveltotheUpperPeninsulaforvacation.IstillrecallhowexcitedIwouldbetocatchmyfirstglimpseofLakeSuperior.AndIstilltravelbacktoMichigantoseeittoday.”

“Excellent,”saystheLeader.“Andtellme,whenyouseeLakeSuperiortoday,isyourseeingofitany‘older’thanitwaswhenyouwereachild?”

“Well,myeyesaren’tasgoodastheyusedtobe.Butmyseeingofitisthesameasalways…italwaystakesmeback.”

“Younotethatyourfacehaswrinkles,”theLeadercontinues.“Doesthisessenceofyourseeinghavewrinklestoo?”

TheCEOlaughs.“Ofcoursenot!Myeyesareworseforwear,buttheessenceofmyseeingdoesn’thaveanyageatall.”

“That’sright,”agreestheLeader.“Sowhydoyouconcernyourselfwithannihilationwhenyou’realreadyawareofanaspectofyouthatisnotagingatall?Itislikeatornadoasking,‘WhathappenstothewindwhenIquitspinning?’Itislikeawaveasking,‘WhathappenstotheoceanwhenIcrest,crash,andrecedeontheshore?’Knowthataspectofyouthathasnowheretogo.”

TheCEOinthestoryismuchrelieved.Buthowaboutyou?Ifyouthinkbacktoascenefromyourchildhoodthatyoustillseetoday,canyoualsosensethattheseeingitselfhasnotaged?Thatbrightawarenessthatallowsustoseehasnoagewhatsoever.Infact,itissoboundlessandever-presentthatitfailstotriggerournervoussystemintheordinarywaywithanedgeoraflickerthatweregisteras“something.”Becauseitisnotsomethingatall,butratherthevast“nothingness”inwhichall“somethings”arise,includingthemovingpartsweidentifyasourself.Soevenaswesensethisboundlessawarenessthatmakes

everyperception,thought,andmovementpossible,itdoesn’tinterestus.Itdoesn’tgrabourattention.Rather,itremainshiddeninplainsight;weeitherfailtoseeit,or,seeingit,wefailtorecognizethatitisalsous.Ourhost.

SustainingtheFlip

Joe,too,isskeptical.He’sanhonestguy,andalthoughtheideaofbeingmorethanafleetingphenomenonhasgreatappeal,heknowsthathedoesn’ttotallybuyit.“Yourteachingiswonderful,”hesays,gettingtohisfeet.“I’veheardyousayitmanytimes.Rightnow,Ibelieveit.Butafewdaysfromnow,I’llberightbacktomyusuallocalself.HowdoIseethisthroughandthrough?”Here’sthethirdpartofthestory.

“You’rerightthatknowingsomethingasatemporarythoughtisdifferentthanexpressingitthroughyourwholebeing,”theLeadersays.“Toseeitthroughandthrough,youmustengageyourentirebody.Forthatiswherethebackwardlearningsofthelocalselfarestored,wherealltheknotsandtensionreside,whereallthedistractioniscreated,andwherethefanbladesspintooquicklytoseethroughandthrough.”

“ButhowdoIdothis?”Joepleads.WhereupontheLeaderspeakstomeditationandinvitesJoeintoareal-time

practiceofmeditatingonthe“nothingness”outofwhichallthingsarise.“Asyousitquietly,awareofyourbreath,awarethroughallofyoursenses,asthingsariseinyourawareness,invertthemandsendthembacktotheirsource.Youwillseethatallthingscomefromotherthingsanddecayintootherthings.Yourownbreath,forexample,issupportedbylungs,madefromtissue,organizedbycells,builtupfrommoleculesandatoms,madeofsubatomicparticlesthatarealsowaves,whicharefundamentallyempty.Wheredoestheemptinessreturnto?Restinthatwhichhasnowheretogo.”

Joehasaninklingofthisexperience,buthe’sstillconfused,whichisnaturalbecauseintegrationthroughtheentirebodyisnottheworkofasingleexampleorthereadingofasingleparagraph.Sustainingtheflipofawakeningtakespractice.Agooddealofpractice.TheLeadercallsuponotherteachersintheroomtosharetheirownpracticesforawakeningtotheirwholenature.

“Iusedmysenseofsmell,”oneteacheroffers.“Whilemeditatingoneday,thesmellofsandalwoodincenseenteredmynose.Ienteredthesmellcompletely,findingitneithersandalwoodnornothing,neitherherenorthere,neithercomingnorgoing,whereuponmyusualknowingvanished,andIreached

astatebeyondbirthordeathoranyduality.”Anotherteacherusessight,andsoon.EventuallytheLeadercallsonthe

wisestoftheteacherstosumupwhat’sbeensaidandofferthebestandfinalpieceofadvice.Thisteachersummarizeshisadviceinmemorableverse,concludingroughlyasfollows:Thewaysofpracticearemany.Someworkbetterthanothers,andsomeworkbetterforcertainpeoplethanothers.Butifyouaskmewhatworksbestingeneral,IwouldhavetosaySound.Forsoundisever-present,Andoursenseofhearingiseveravailabletoteachus.TohearyourownnatureInvertthatfacultyusedtoheareventhewisestwords.Flipyourhearingaround,ReturnallsoundstotheirsourceUntiltheheardandthehearinghavenowheretogo.Whereverthereismotion,Looktowhatpullsthestrings.WhenthepuppeteerstopsThepuppetshavenonature.Likewisewhenevenonesensestops,Theemptynatureofallothersisrevealed.Delusionvanishes;

Awakeningremains?3

PlayItBackward

Doyoufeelasthoughyoujustlookedattheansweratthebackofthebook?Ifmycoarseretellingpiquesyourinterest,Iencourageyoutocheckoutthereal

SurangamaSutra.ItrecountsanallegoricalmeetingbetweenGautamaBuddhaandhisfollowers.OurJoeisAnandainthesutra,whospeaksthecommonviewofeverymanorwoman.Thisstoryisnotaboutaparticularbeliefsystem;rather,itspeakstotheunderpinningofhumanbeliefsandexperience,whichis,toparaphraseBadaracco,clarityaboutwhoweare.Unfortunately,whatmostofusareclearaboutisbackwards.Whatwetaketoberealisadream,andinthedistractionofthedream,wemisswhat’sreal.

Recountingthisancientstoryalsounderscoresthefactthatawakeningtoourwholeselfisnotthenew-fangledideaofaNewAge.Ithasbeenpartofourcollectivehumanexperienceformorethan2,500years,andyetignoredbymostofus.Whydoweignoreit?Onereason,aswe’vesaid,isthatournervoussystemiswiredtonoticetheshiny,newobject,nottheemptyessenceoutofwhichitarises.Italsotakesyearsforustogrowthroughenoughstagesofdevelopmenttothinkabstractlyorsensetheessenceofsomething.Similartowhatwedescribedearlierwithempathyhavingtoedgeinalongsidenarcissism,bythetimewematureenoughtobeabletosensetheprofundityofthe“background,”our“figure”isfirmlyincontrol.Wecanmaketheflip,butwedon’tdoitsolongasthedreamisprettymuchworking.Ifit’sanice,comfortabledream,whywakeup?Evenifthedreamisnotworking,wecometoidentifysodeeplywithourdramathatlettingitgowouldendlifeasweknowit:anothermini-death.

Asaresult,thisfliponlyhappenswhenthelocalselfgetsgoodandsickofthedream,andhasnootherchoiceforreachingthehappinessandfulfillmentitsensesispossible.Inthatsense,beinginastateofbarelymanaginginourdreamservesuswellbypushingustowakeup.Butbythetimethedreamisn’tworking,wemaybesoentangledinitthatwehavenoideathatawakeningispossible,muchlesshowtodoit.

I’mremindedofabrilliantmoviethatcameoutsomeyearsago:Memento.It’sachallengingmovietowatchbecauseittakesusintothemindofaprotagonist,Leonard,whohasamemorydisorderthatcauseshimtoforgetthingswithin15minutes.SotomakeourviewingasconfusingasLeonard’sworld,theentirestoryistoldbackwards.Itstartswiththeend,atwhichLeonardhaskilledamanwhohadkilledLeonard’swife—ordidhe?Wedon’tknowwhatreallyhappened.LikeLeonard,wegobycrypticnotesscrawledonPolaroidsandclueshehastattooedontohisskin—mementosofpeopleandfactsthatseemimportantinthiscat-and-mousegame,tracingbacktothedeathofhiswife.Whoisfriend?Whoisfoe?Clearlypeopleareshootingathim,butwhy?It’sallaconfusingmess.Asthestorybacksupfurther,wepiecetogether

Leonard’searlierlifeandscenessurroundinghiswife’smurder.Finally,neartheendofthemovie—whichisthebeginningofthestory—wegettothepivotalsceneonwhichallofthisdramawillhinge.IsupposeIshouldraiseaspoileralert,butthissceneiswhatmakesthismovienotonlyanexcellentshoot-em-upthriller,butalsoabrilliantstoryaboutyouandme.ForatthispointLeonardreceivesacrucialpieceofevidenceabouthiswife’sdeath.Ifheacceptsthetruthoftheevidence,there’snothingtodo—nooneuponwhomtoexactrevenge.Butinsteadheignoresit,“tohavesomethingtolivefor,”andabackwardstorybegins.

Exactlythesamethinghappenstous:weignorethetruthtohavesomethingtolivefor,andthebackwarddreamofourlifeensues,reinforcedbyakindofamnesia.I’dreadforyearsthatignoranceistherootofdelusionandsuffering,andmistakenlyequated“ignorance”with“stupidity.”Ithoughtwejustweren’tsmartenoughtogetit.Notso;we’replentysmart.Theevidenceofourboundless,immortalnatureisavailabletousallthetime,astheLeaderwasabletopointouttotheCEOinthestory.Butweignoreit;weareignor-ant.Ourboundlessnaturedoesn’tinterestusbecauseitdoesn’tmove(thoughallmovementariseswithinin).It’snotastorywithabeginning,middle,anddramaticend(thoughallstoriesarisewithinit).Weignoreit,andchooseastoryinstead:ourstory.Me.

LikeLeonard,wesufferasortofamnesiainforgettingwhoweare.Wegettoowrappeduptoseeclearly,andmaybepeopleareshootingatus,metaphoricallyspeaking,orasenseofurgencygrabsourattentionhere—no,there!LikeLeonard,manyofusliveinaworlddemarkedbyfear,whereonlytheparanoidsurvive.Orwegetensnaredincopingmodebytryingtoplease,appease,orprotectourselvesfrompowerfulothers.Thepacepicksup,resourcesshrink,deadlinesloom:wethrowourselvesatitdayafterday.Oncewe’reinthethickofit—dreamornightmare—it’sself-feeding.Tofliptoawakening,wehavetopausethedreamandinvertourordinarywayofthinking.

Wehavetorunthestorybackwardstothepivotalpointbeforethoughtandthinkerexist,returninganythingtowhatitcomesfromuntilwegettoall-abidingawarenessthathasnowheretogo.Wecaneitheracceptthetruththatthisawarenessisalsoourself,orwecanignoreitandgobacktoourdream.Butthemorewecometothiscusp,themoreourlocalselfrestsinourwholeself,andthemoreweunderstandwearenottwoseparateparts—apieceandawhole—orwarringfactions,butrathertheentireuniversewithmanualdexterity.Thisiswhererealclarityaboutwhoweareblossoms.

TheZenLeaderFlip10:DelusiontoAwakening

Sohowtogettothatcusp?Inmakingthefliptoawakening,becausewe,ourselvesareflippedinthemaking,ordinarytacticswillnotbeuptothejob.Insteadwehavetotemporarilystop—hitthepausebuttononthedream—sitstill,breathe,andcompletelyenterthestreamofenergyflowingthroughus,andinwhichweparticipate.Formostpeople,soundenergyiseasiesttoworkwith,becausemanypartsofourbody(inadditiontoeardrums)resonatewiththefrequenciesofsound.Dissolvingintothestreamofsound,boundariesandtensiondisappear.Asthoughtarises,forexample,“acarhonking,”weflipournormaltendencytothinkaboutthesound,andsimplysendthethought,thesound,thevibrationbacktotheemptinessfromwhichitcame.Restinginthatwhichhasnoplacetogo,guestandhostunite.

Slowdown…stop.You’veseenthisstepbefore,asitsupportssomanyflips.Indeed,themeditationpracticeattheendofChapter4isthebestwayIknowtoslowdown…stop.Youmightreviewthatnow,andthenbecomeawareofyourbreathing,allowingyourbreath,yourthoughts,yourworldtoslowdown.Sitformaybe20minutesandeventensionyou’renotawareofhasachancetofallaway.

Enterthestream.Whilestillsittingquietlyinmeditation,letyoursensesopenfully.Letyoureyestakein180degreesandnothinginparticular.Similarlyletyourearshearallfrequenciesandseizeonnothing.Enterthestreamofsoundcompletely,asifyouwereimmersedinabeamofsunshine,lettingtheenergygorightthroughyou.Enterthisstreamofsoundwithempty,openawareness.Ratherthanpickingoutsoundsandnamingthem,feelallsoundsasnamelessvibration.Nodiscerningjudgmentrequired.

Restinthatwhichhasnoplacetogo.Still,judgmentwillarise,becauseourmindsarebusyandwehaveplentyoflanguagetoapplytoourperceptions.Asjudgmentarises,asin,“What’sthatracketoutthewindow?”ratherthannamingitorreactingtoit,returnthesoundtoitsbasicvibration,andsendvibrationbacktoitssource,asin“airdisturbance,emptywaves,outofnothing.”

Orifemotionarises,forexample,“Ihateloudnoises,”send“Ihateloudnoises”backtowhereitcamefrom,asin,“childhood…frightenedbysharpnoises…danger…beforeknowledgeofdanger…unformed,unborn…nothing.”

Thesefree-associatingsentencesarenotmeanttobelogical;thisisnotanintellectualexercise.Thisisnotthinkingaboutsendingsomethingbacktoitssource;itissimplysendingsomethingbacktoitssource—likeaninstantaneousrewindofamovie.Buttogiveyouafeelforitinabook,Ihavetouseclunky,linearwords.

Yourwordsandimagesmaydifferfrommine.Thissendingbackmayfollowanynumberofpathways.Forexample,wecansendthingsbackintimetowhatcamefromwhat,asin:

parents,grandparents,ancestors…cavedwellers,animals,plants,single-cellorganisms…originoflife,theearth,theuniverse,thebigbang,emptypotentialitybeforethebigbang

Wecansendthingsbackinspaceinthesenseofbuildingblocks:

bigthings,builtfromlittlethings,frommolecules,atoms,subatomicparticles,whicharealsowaves,whicharefundamentallyempty

Wecansendthingsbackpsychologically:

thisissuecamefromthatone,fromchildhood,towhenImadethatinterpretation,tobeforeIknew,tobeforeanyknowing,empty,unbornpotential

Nomatterwhatpathwaywefollow,ifwegofarenough—beforesubjectandobjectseparate,before“I”distillsouttomistakethinkingasitsessenceand

createsaworld“outthere”—weendupinthesameplaceofnothing,emptiness,all-abidingawarenessofthatwhichhasnowheretogo.Restinthisall-abidingawareness.ItisnoneotherthanyourownBeing:boundlessemptinessinwhichallformtakesshape.Boundlessselfinwhichtheimpulsetobe“I”arises,atwhichmoment,adreambegins.

What’sthepointtoallthissendingbackorrestinginoneness?“IstillhavetogotoworkonMonday,”youmaybethinking.“Istillhavetoomuchtodo.WhatdoesitmatterifIrestinthisstillnessforaminute,anhour,oraday?”

Well,firstthere’sthejoy.We’vealmostallexperiencedthisjoyintheletting-gomomentsofourlife:fromsheddingemotionalbaggagetosurrenderingtophysicalpleasure.Almostalwayswefindatthatmomentoflettinggo,newspaceopensupandjoyarises.Imaginelettinggoofallofit!Imagineifweshedourdramaaltogetherorsurrenderedcompletely,asJillBolteTaylordescribedthatlastbitofairsqueezedoutintheambulance.Surrenderingthelocalselfflipstoaffirmingthewholeself—liberatedlikeageniefromabottle.Theself-destructionwefearedflipstoaffirmingtheselfthatisbeyonddestruction!Weflipfromusinglifetopostpone,preserve,orotherwiseprotectourselvestogivinglifetoallthings.

Theyouthatre-entersMondaymorningischanged,astheZenleaderyouarefunctionsfullyandfreely.Youknowyouaretheentirepicture:thegame,themakerofthegame,andtheplayerontheboard.Nowdon’tyouthinkyoumightliveandleadalittlemorefearlessly?

Nothingstandsinyourway!

PuttingIttoWork:Good,Better,andBestPractices

Theflipfromdelusiontoawakeningis,ontheonehand,instantaneous:theinsightdeliveredinanaha!momentiswondrousindeed.Andthenwegobacktoeverydaylife,frompressingdeadlinestodishesinthesink,andallthataha!fadestomemory.Wemighttrytocallitback,butit’snotthesame—likerememberingadeliciousmeal:wemightrecallapleasantcircumstance,butitdoesn’tprovidenutrition.

IusedtogetsofrustratedinmyZentrainingwiththison-again,off-againinsight.Theintense,week-longtrainingofsesshinwouldinvariablyinvitetheconnectednessofSamadhiandflashesofseeingmywholeself.Attheendofsesshin,HosokawaRoshiwouldalwayssay,“maintainthiscondition,”andIwouldgobacktomyeverydaylifeandtrytodothat,sittingeverymorning,

doingAikidoatnight.ButIfoundIcouldn’tmaintainthatcondition.Onetimehesaid“maintainthiscondition,”anditmademesoangry,Ithrewitbackathim.“Youalwayssay,‘maintainthiscondition,’andI’vetriedandtried,butIfinditimpossible!”

“That’sright,”hesaid.“Butyouhavetotry.”Andthat’sit.Thepointisnotmaintainingsomemagicalstate;asdynamic

biologicalsystemswedon’tmaintainanystateindefinitely.Wewillalwaysgobackandforthbetweenboundlessawarenessandourlocalselfpayingthebills.Thepointissimplytocomebacktopracticeagainandagain.Ifyouwanttoflipfromdelusiontoawakening—fromamnesiatoremembering—yousimplyhavetogiveyourselfachancetodoitagainandagain.

Howyoudothatandhowmuchyoudothatisuptoyou.Thelocalselfmustbeawillingparticipantinthefliptoawakening,asitrequires“greatdoubt,greateffort,andgreatfaith.”4Thedoubtfuelsourmotivation.Wemayexperienceitasquestions,dissatisfaction,barelymanaging,orworkthatisn’tworking.SometimesIhearpeoplecomplainabouttheirdifficultlives.They’rebetweenarockandahardplace,andsomuchisgoingwrong.Andyettheyhavereasonafterreasonwhytheycan’tmakeeventhemostobviousstepstochange.Whattheydon’tseeisthatthey’recopingwiththeirdissatisfaction—lettingthesteamoutofit,sotospeak—ratherthanusingitasfuelfortransformation.Thegreaterthedoubtordissatisfaction,themoreitcanchargeupoureffortstoresolveit.

Theeffortiswhatwemaketocomebacktopracticeagainandagain,and,inourpractice,topracticesincerely.Therearemanywaysofpractice.Butifyouhavefoundtheflipsofthisbookuseful,thenextsectionlaysoutthreestreamsofpractice—whatwemightcallgood,better,andbest—forcomingbacktothemagainandagain.

ThreeStreamsofPractice

Good(20–40mins/day)

Agoodpracticeconsistsof:1.Mini-breaks,tointerruptthecycleof“busy.”2.Aworkbehaviorthatletsyoupracticeadesiredflip.3.Aphysicalactivitythatgivesyoumoreenergyortherightkindof

energy.4.Reflection,tolistenandlearnfromyourexperience.ThecorepracticesattheendofChapters2,4,6,and7,aswellasthose

onlineatwww.thezenleader.comareavailabletosupportyou.Mini-breaks.Thesemaybeonly2minuteslong,andarebestdonetwice

adaytorefreshduringlongstretchesofwork(forexample,mid-morningormid-afternoon).Agreatwaytousethesebreaksistocyclethroughtheflip-supportingbreathingexercises(Centering,InvitationtoSamadhi,AllPatternsatOnce).

Workbehavior.Applyadesiredflipinyourwork,makingahabitofoneoftheapplicationswe’veexplored;forexample,thinkinginparadox(Chapter3)orpracticinginfluence(Chapter6).Youcanmovethrougheachflipsystematically,spending,say,amonthwitheach.Orlookatyourlifeandleadershipnowandpickaflipthatwouldhelpyoumost.Identifyapatternthatwouldsupportthatflip,andthenselectaworkbehaviorinthatpatternfromTable5.1.

Physicalactivity.Whetherit’saworkout,ahobby,oracreativepursuit,useaphysicalactivitywithawarenesstogeteithermoreenergyortherightpatternofenergy.Youmightconsiderphysicalactivitiesthatsupporttheflipyou’reworkingon(seeTable5.1).

Reflection.Takemaybe15minuteseachweektolistenandlearn.Youmightusethistimetorevisitreflectionexercisesinthisbook,suchasyourvision(seeChapters2and7)oranimportantgoal(seeChapter8).

AgreatreflectionpracticeistoLookBack,LookForward.Lookbacktotheweekbehindyou:Wereyouabletodowhatyouintended?Whatworked,whatdidn’twork,andwhatdidyoulearn?Looktotheweekahead:Whatdoyouintend?Listennotonlytosurfaceanswers,butalsoimaginedifferentperspectivesorhear“alloflife”speaking(asinChapter9).

Better(40–60mins/day)

Abetterpracticestartswithagoodpracticeandadds20minutesadayofsittingmeditation(seeChapter4).

Intime,trydifferentworkbehaviorsandphysicalactivitiesasyouchange

andasyourneedschange;letyourexpandingawarenessguideyourpractice,inadditiontoteacher(s)inwhomyoutrust.

Best(60–80mins/day)

Thebestpracticebuildsonthebetterpracticebyexpandingthesittingmeditationto40minutes,givingyoutimetoenterthestreamofsoundenergy,andsendthingsbackinthewaydescribedinthischapter.Keepreturningtorestinthatwhichhasnowheretogo.

Thesestreamsbuildononeanother,andcanbemadetofitanylife.You’llfindwaystotailorthemtoyourownneedsandinterests.Morethananything,you’llfindyourlife,yourwork,andyourleadershipre-energizedeverytimeyoureturntopracticeandrememberwhoyoutrulyare.

Theguidanceofateacherisusefulalongtheway,forwe’llneedhelpconfrontingthemanytricks,turns,andevasivetacticsofthelocalself.Ourlocalselfmaybemakingasincereefforttopractice,butitwillalsogetthreatenedandwanttorunaway.Andthat’swheregreatfaithortrustcomesin.It’snotfaithinsomethingoutsideourwholeself(where’soutside?),butinsomethinggreaterthantheimmediateperceptionsofourlocalself.Faithistrustinginthepowerofpractice,evenwhenwedon’tseemtobemakingalickofprogress.Faithisknowingitisournaturetoreintegratewithourwholeself,evenasitisinthenatureofaflowertoturntowardthesun.

TheZenLeaderFlip10Takeaways

DelusiontoAwakeningI-centeredthoughtisalreadytoosmall.Findthatplaceofstillnessinwhich

“I”andallthingsarise.Thekeyinpracticeistoreturnagainandagain:Good.Use(a)mini-breaks,tointerruptthecycleof“busy,”(b)aworkbehaviorthatletsyoupracticeadesiredflip,(c)aphysicalactivitytogetmoreenergy,ortherightkindofenergy,and(d)reflectiontolistenandlearn.

Better.Buildonagoodpracticeandadd20minutesadayofsittingmeditation.Findtrustworthyteacher(s).Best.Expandyourmeditationto40minutestoenterthestreamofsoundandsendthingsbacktoemptiness,restinginthatwhichhasnowheretogo.

Movedbygreatdoubttomakegreateffort,supportedbygreatfaith,thefliptoawakeningbecomesourownexperience.Ajourneythatbeganwithbarelymanagingculminatesinthefearlessleadingofonewhohasnowheretobelostto,andnothingtoprove.Allthatwefearedmightdestroyusflipstosettingusfree!Whereuponwecanfliparoundandplaybackourentirejourney,chapterbychapter:

NINE—Wholeselfandlocalselfmutuallyinterweave;notasingleactfailstoservethewholepicture.

EIGHT—Itisnolongeramatterofgenerositytobe“allaboutit”somuchasboundlessself-expression;whyonearthwouldwemaketheinfinite“allaboutthefinite”?Rather,weuseour“manualdexterity”whilewehaveit.

SEVEN—Naturallyweattractthefuture,becausewenolongerignorewhat’sreal,andoursensitivityisfar-reaching.

SIX—Connectedaswavesaretowater—apartof,notapartfrom—wenolongerwrestletocontrollifelikeaforeignobject.

FIVE—Wehaveahealthyawarenessofourpersonality,butwearenotaprisonerofit;wecanstrengthenourplayusinganykindofenergy.

FOUR—Transcendingtheboundarybetween“inhere”and“outthere,”weownandtransformourreactionsandfears,andourcapacitygrows.

THREE—We’renolongerconfinedbythelimitsofthisOrthat;weplayinthepowerofAnd,transcendingthedualityofopposites.

TWO—Includingthedualityoflifeanddeath,whichnolongerholdsusinthetensionofitsgrip,wearefreetoextendourenergyinalldirections,accordingthemyriadchanges.

ONE—WhichisthetransformingfreedomoftheZenleaderinus.Blastoff!

Notes

Introduction

1.“Internet2009inNumbers,”RoyalPingdom,January22,2010.http://royal.pingdom.com/2010/01/22/internet-2009-in-numbers/(accessedJanuary27,2012).

2.MarlinCompanyPoll,“AttributesintheAmericanWorkplace,”2004–2008,GallupPollresearchonemployeeengagement,2007.

3.AmericanPsychologicalAssociationSurveyofWorkplaceStress,2004.

Chapter1

1.Cashman,K.,LeadershipfromtheInsideOut(Provo,Utah:ExecutiveExcellencePublishing,2000).

2.Tolle,E.,ANewEarth(NewYork:PlumePenguin,2005).

Chapter2

1.Dotlich,David,andPeterCairo,WhyCEO’sFail(SanFrancisco:JosseyBass,2003).

2.Simpson,John,WhenSimpsonMetMandela(HighLifeMagazine,June2010).

3.Loehr,Jim,andTonySchwartz,ThePowerofFullEngagement(NewYork:Simon&Schuster,2003).

4.Ibid.5.IthankWayneHondaRoshiforsharingthismethod.6.The“front-back”designationforlegsissomewhatreversed,asthebackofthekneeistheflexorside,akintothecrookofthearm.

Chapter3

1.Johnson,Barry,PolarityManagement:IdentifyingandManagingUnsolvableProblems(Amherst,Mass.:HRDPress,1992).

Chapter4

1.Schutz,Will,TheTruthOption(Berkeley,Calif.:TenSpeedPress,1984).2.Loehr,James,ThePowerofStory(NewYork:FreePress,2007).3.Edwards,Betty,DrawingontheRightSideoftheBrain(NewYork:Tarcher/Putnam,1999).

4.Benoit,H.,ZenandthePsychologyofTransformation(Rochester,Vt.:Pantheon,1955).

5.O’Brien,Michael,andLarryShook,Quicksilver(Spokane,Wa.:SombreroPress,2010).

Chapter5

1.Horney,K.OurInnerConflicts(NewYork:Norton,1945).2.BriggsMyers,I.,IntroductiontoType(PaloAlto,Calif.:ConsultingPsychologistPress,1998).

3.Costa,P.,andR.McRae,TheNEOPersonalityInventory(Odessa,Fl.:PsychologicalAssessmentResources,1985).

4.Hogan,R.,HoganDevelopmentSurvey,PersonalityInventory,Motive,ValueandPreferenceInventory(Tulsa,Okla.:HoganAssessmentSystems,1997,1999).

5.Herrmann,N.,TheCreativeBrain(LakeLure,N.C.:TheNedHerrmannGroup,1989).

6.Rathbone,J.,ResidualNeuromuscularHypertension(NewYork:ColumbiaUniversityPress,1936).

7.Hunt,V.,andM.Weber,“ValidationoftheRathboneManualTensionTestforMuscularActivity,”ArchivesofPhysicalMedicineandRehabilitation45:525–529.

8.CoordinationPatterns™isatrademarkofBetsyWetzig.9.Whitelaw,G.,andB.Wetzig,MovetoGreatness(Boston:NicholasBrealey,2008).

10.FEBIisaregisteredtrademarkofFocusLeadership,LLC.11.AnthonyAttanledmuchofthisvalidationresearch,alongwithBobCaron,

andgreatsupportfromourPerformanceProgramspartner,PaulConnelly.

FormoreinformationonresearchbehindtheFEBI,ortheFEBIitself,visitwww.focusleadership.com.

12.Formorewaystodevelopaccesstopatterns,seeMovetoGreatness.

Chapter6

1.Wood,J.,LeavingMicrosofttoChangetheWorld(NewYork:HarperCollins,2006).

2.Dwyer,C.,TheShiftingSourcesofPowerandInfluence(CITY:ACPEPublication,1992).

3.ThesestepsareadaptedfromCohen,A.,andD.Bradford,InfluencewithoutAuthority(NewYork:JohnWiley,1991);andFisher,R.,andW.Ury,GettingtoYes(NewYork:Penguin,1991).

4.ThesebreathingexercisesareadaptedfromharadevelopmentexercisestaughtatChozen-jiandfromLisaSarasohn’sexercisesinTheWoman’sBellyBook(Novato,Calif.:,NewWorldLibrary,2006),usedwithpermission.Igratefullyacknowledgethesesources.

Chapter7

1.See,forexample,Lutz,A.,L.Greischar,N.Rawlings,M.Ricard,M.,andR.Davidson,“Long-termmeditatorsself-inducehigh-amplitudegammasynchronyduringmentalpractice,”TheProceedingsoftheNationalAcademyofSciencesUSA101.46(2004):16369–16373.

2.Tolle,E.,ANewEarth(NewYork:PlumePenguin,2005).

Chapter8

1.Maslow,A.H.,“ATheoryofHumanMotivation,”PsychologicalReview50.4(1943):370–396.

2.PFCRossMcGinniswasawardedtheMedalofHonorforhisself-sacrificingservice.Seehttp://cmohs.org/recipient-detail/3459/mcginnis-ross-a.php.

3.CNNStaff,“MotherTeresa:AProfile,”retrievedfromCNNOnline,May30,2007.

4.SeetheCDC’sWebsite,http://www.cdc.gov/obesity/data/trends/,fordataonobesityinAmerica.

Chapter9

1.Badaracco,JR.,Jr.,DefiningMoments(Cambridge:HarvardBusinessSchoolPress,1997).

2.See,forexample,Kohlberg,L.,ThePhilosophyofMoralDevelopment:MoralStagesandtheIdeaofJustice(NewYork:Harper&Row,1981);Beck,D.,andC.Cowan,SpiralDynamics(Cambridge:BlackwellPublishers,1995);Wilber,K.,ATheoryofEverything(Boston:Shambala,2000);Wilber,K.,ABriefHistoryofEverything(Boston:Shambala,1996).

3.BolteTaylor,Jill,MyStrokeofInsight(NewYork:Penguin,2008).Thequoteisfromanonlinevideobythesamename.

4.Thismappingtothepatternsisaccurateintermsofso-calledleft-andright-brainthinking.Buttheenergypatterns,likeactualthoughts,involvebothhemispheres,evenifoneisprimary.Whereaseachpatternhasadifferentego-concept,itisnotthecasethatthemoreright-brainpatternsofCollaboratorandVisionaryareego-free.Indeed,theegoisexpressedinallofthepatterns,appropriatetoitsstageofdevelopment(forexample,teenagervs.sage).

5.Burchard,B.,TheMillionaireMessenger(NewYork:MorganJames,2011).

6.See,forexample,Singh,Kathleen,TheGraceinDying(SanFrancisco:HarperCollins,1998).

7.Wilber,K.,ATheoryofEverything(Boston:Shambala,2000);Wilber,K.,ABriefHistoryofEverything(Boston:Shambala,1996).

8.Wilber,K.,ATheoryofEverything,pp9–13.9.Colvin,G.,NewarkMayorCoryBooker,interviewinFortune,November15,2010.

Chapter10

1.SeeTheSurangamaSutra,translatedbyCharlesLuk(NewDelhi:MunshiramManoharlalPublishers,2001).

2.Pert,C,TheMoleculesofEmotion(NewYork:Touchstone,1999).3.Adaptedfrom“Majusri’sGathaTeachingtheAppropriateMethodforHumanBeings,”inTheSurangamaSutra.

4.AsarticulatedbythegreatZenmaster,Dogen.

Index

Activity,physical,255advertising,232Aikido,25,109AttractingtheFuture,fromDrivingResultsto,159Awakening,fromDelusionto,239backward,playit,247-250Bacon,Francis,94Battle,whatisthereal,89-91Beck,CharlotteJoko,80BecomeOnewithEverything,140-141Behavior,work,255Bench,BuildYour,129-131Benoit,Hubert,93Best,256Better,256BlackBerry,17Bohm,David,84boilingpoint,reachingthe,17-20Briggs,Katherine,107Cairo,Peter,44Calmunderpressure,23Capital,AttractingtheFuturetotheXL,168-170Carta,Magna,62Cashman,Kevin,24Castingawidernet,220-225Centeringmini-break,54-55

Challengeoftransformation,the,29-32Charades,44Connectingforinfluence,146-151Connecting,fromcontrollingto,133Conquest,Norman,60Controlascamouflage,134-136Control,theIllusionof,136-138ControllingtoConnecting,from,133convertproblemsintoopportunities,5stepsto,37

Copingmechanisms,44toTransforming,from,23-37trap,the,26-29

CorePractice,AllPatternsatOnce,183-184CenteringMini-Break,54-55InvitationtoSamadhi,153-157SittingMeditation,101-103

DelusiontoAwakening,from,239Developmentofindividuals,221-223leaders,221-223societies,221-223

Dodson,Yerkes,47Dotlich,David,44Down,notup,203Driver,pushintothe,113

DrivingResultsanddrivingbusiness,161-164toAttractingtheFuture,from,159

Dynamicandunfoldingflipbyflip,24EatJustEnough,199-201Edwards,Betty,85Empathy,theConnectionof,139-140Energypatternsshowtheway,225-226everythinginverted,240-242ExperiencePatterns,113-118Extensions,leadingwith,45-47fear,It’salwaysabout,242-243FEBI,109Flip1Takeaways,3710Takeaways,2572Takeaways,533Takeaways,784Takeaways,1005Takeaways,1326Takeaways,1527Takeaways,1828Takeaways,2119takeaways,238

flip,20-21sustaininga,245-247

Flippingaroundyourjourney,258Patterns,ChangingStyle,118-123

thevoiceofresistance,204-206FocusEnergyBalanceIndicator,109Fortunemagazine,226Gettingoutofyourownway,208-211goal,stateyour,232-233Goldin,Dan,57Good,better,andbestpractices,253-258Gotchaexercise,27guests,wearemorethan,244-245hara,49-50HBDI,108HealthyTensionIsthePoint,65-68HerrmanBrainDominanceInstrument,108Highschool,It’slike,187-188Hogansuite,108hold,37Horney,Karen,107Image,WorldinOur,87imaginationbecomesreality,231-232“I’mAllAboutIt”,from“It’sAllAboutMe”to,185Influence,Connectingfor,146-151“InHere,”from“OutThere”to,79inverted,everything,240-242“It’sAllAboutMe”to“I’mAllAboutIt,”from,185“It’sAllAboutMe,”themanyfacesof,188-192JohnsonBarry,63Journey,flippingaroundyour,258Jung,Carl,107

Kiefaber,Mark,109Law,Moore’s,18leadersforabetterworld,20-21Leadershipthattransforms,34leadership,thebeginningofreal,37Leadingwithextensions,45-47localselftowholeself,213,232-238Lockon,LockOut,60-62Loehr,Jim,47,85Lookback,lookforward,255MagnaCarta,62Management,ThreeLawsofEnergy,53Mandela,Nelson,47MBTI,107Mini-breaks,255Book3.indb267Mini-FEBI,111-112Scoring,114

Moore’sLaw,18Moreenergy,betteraligned,51-52Myers,Isabel,107Myers-BriggsTypeindicator,107Mythicorder,222NASA,57NEOPI,108Net,castingawider,220-225net,widenthe,228-230,233Neuroticism-Extroversion—OpennessPersonalityInventory,108

Newark,LeadingtheWholePictureof,226NormanConquest,60O’Brien,Michael,93opportunities,37OrtoAnd,from,57Organizer,stepintothe,114Out,notin,203“OutThere”to“InHere”,from,79Overreactionandunder-reaction,68-72ParadoxYou’llNeedtoManageWell,a,76-77ParadoxYou’reGettingRightWithoutEvenKnowingIt,A,62-64paradox,52partnerships,createstrategic,232Pattern,WaystoDevelopAny,122-123Physicalactivity,255Pitfallsofparadox,the,66playitsafe,247-250PlayingtoYourStrengthstoStrengtheningYourPlay,from,105Practice,threestreamsof,254-256Practices,good,better,andbest,253-258Priceoftensionforleaders,the,43-45problemstatement,37Pumpingtheswing,170-172PuttingtheWholePersonBackIntoPersonality,107-110Radio,IfYourNervousSystemWerea,119

reachingtheboilingpoint,17-20

realleadership,thebeginningof,37reality,imaginationbecomes,231-232Reflection,255Relationship,turningadifficult,97-100relationships,deepenyourcurrentcustomer,232relax,37Resistance,flippingthevoiceof,204-206Revealed,thewholeself,218-220Rhythm,notrelentless,202Roosevelt,Franklin,94Rorschachtest,61Roshi,Tanouye,41Samadhi,31Schwartz,Tony,47Selfactualization,209“Self”doyouknow,What,215-218Shook,Larry,93Slipperyground,80-81Springboard,UsingYourStrengthsasa,120statement,problem,37Stream,enterthe,251StrengtheningYourPlay,PlayingYourStrengthsto,105

sustainingaflip,245-247Swing,pumpingthe,170-172Tensionandmovement,41-43Thoreau,HenryDavid,94ThreelawsofEnergy

Management,53streamsofpractice,254-256

Transformation,thechallengeof,29-32Transforming,fromcopingto,23-37Transforms,leadershipthat,34trap,thecoping,26-29Value,add,34VisionRevisited,your,179-182Voiceofresistance,flippingthe,204-206Way,energypatternsshowthe,225-226Way,gettingoutofyourown,208-211WaystoDevelopAnyPattern,122-123Whatdoyouknowaboutyourstrongestgame?,110Wholeselfrevealed,the,218-220wholeself,localselfto,213,232-238words,notjust,24-26Workbehavior,255Worldareyoumaking,what,84-87Worlddoyoumake,What,86WorldinOurImage,87WorldofOurMaking,a,81-84yin-yang,58ZenLeaderFlip,32-35,47-51,72-75,91-97,125-129,141-146,202-207,228-232,250-253Zuckerberg,Mark,226

AbouttheAuthor

DR.GINNYWHITELAWdidn’tdreamshe’dbecomeaninnovatorinleadershipdevelopment.Shedreamtofbeinganastronaut,andwroteNASAattheageof13toaskaboutthecoursessheshouldtakeinjuniorhighschooltobestprepare.Treasuringthelettertheysentback,shefolloweditsadvicetostudyscience,whichledtothreeyearsinahigh-energyphysicslab,adoctorateinbiophysics,andalifelonginterestinenergyandthehumanbody.

Alongthewayshealsostartedintensephysicaltraining,firstinmartialarts,andtheninZen,whichledtoa5th-degreeblackbeltinAikidoandherbecomingaroshi(ZenMaster)intheChozen-jilineofRinzaiZen.ShealsofoundherwaytoNASA.There,shewentintomanagement,notspace,eventuallybecomingtheDeputyManagerforintegratingtheSpaceStationprogram,andreceivingNASA’sExceptionalServiceMedalforherefforts.Allofthiscametogetherinanewway,however,whensheattendedherfirstNASAleadershipprogramanddiscovered,toherownsurprise,thiswasherwork.ShecontinuedtolearneverythingshecouldaboutleadershipdevelopmentandcombineitwitheverythingsheknewaboutZen,biophysics,andthehumanbody.

Forthepast16years,Dr.Whitelawhasbroughtthisrichbackgroundtotheserviceofleadersallovertheworld.ShecofoundedFocusLeadershipwithamind-bodyintegratedapproachtodevelopingtransformationalleadersandtheirteams.TogetherwithMarkKiefaber,shedevelopedtheFEBI(FocusEnergyBalanceIndicator)tomeasuretheenergypatternsofpersonality,andshetrainspractitionersallovertheworldinhowtoapplytheFEBIintheirwork.Shehasalsoled,coached,andtaughtincountlessprogramsforGlobal1000leaders,inpartthroughheraffiliationwithOliverWymanLeadershipDevelopment,andasadjunctfacultytoColumbiaUniversity’sSeniorExecutiveProgram.Sheistheco-authorofMovetoGreatness(withBetsyWetzig,2008),andcontinuestoteachZenapplicationstoleadership,inwhichtheideasofTheZenLeaderhavemetwithsuchenthusiasm,theyneededtobewrittendown.