The Toddler’s World and Toilet Learning…

General Guidelines(36 slides)

creatively compiled by dr. michael farnworth

What’s soooo terrible about “the terrible twos”

Maybe it’s...

• Their curiosity...

• Their mobility...

• Their getting in to everything...

• The fact they can “talk back” now...

• They take enormous time and energy...

• The fact they have a “will”...

• The feeling we are “losing control”.

The view of a toddler

• If we could re-experience the world from a toddler’s point of view we would treat them much much differently...

Maybe if the tables were turned...?

A new perspective...

Please Read

Sibling Rivalry

By Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

Imagine that your spouse puts an arm around you and says, "Honey, I love you so much, and you're so wonderful that I've decided to have another wife just like you."

When the new wife finally arrives, you see that she's very young and kind of cute. When the three of you are out together, people say hello to you politely, but exclaim ecstatically over the newcomer. "Isn't she adorable!

Hello sweetheart... you are precious!" Then they turn to you and ask, "How do you like the new wife?"

The new wife needs clothing. your husband goes into your closet, takes some of your sweaters and pants and gives them to her. When you protest, he points out that since you've put on a little weight, your clothes are too

tight on you and they'll fit her perfectly.

The new wife is maturing rapidly. Everyday she seems smarter and more competent. One afternoon as you're struggling to figure out the directions on the new computer... she bursts into the room and says, "Oooh, can I

use it? I know how."

When you tell her she can't use it, she runs crying to your husband. Moments later she returns with him. Her face is tear stained and he has his arm around her. He says to you, "What would be the harm in letting her have

a turn? Why can't you share?"

One day you find your husband and the new wife lying on the bed together. He's tickling her and she's giggling. Suddenly the phone rings and he answers it. Afterwards he tells you that something important has come up and he must leave immediately. He asks you to stay home with the new wife and make sure she's all right.

Compassion...

• To suffer with

Empathy...

• To understand another's situation and feelings

We need a lot of compassion and empathy to be good and loving parents!

Our children will invite us over and over to more compassionate, empathetic, sacrificing behaviors.

But will we accept the invitation?

An assignment for your journal.

• Draw a full body self portrait with your less dominate foot.

• Draw it in front of a critical friend (an older child or your spouse)

• Let them know they are supposed to be critical • Sign the portrait with your less dominate foot.

An example of the old paradigm and the energies.

Mollycoddling parents

In the latest potty-training debate among experts, brought on by Pampers’ revelation that it will now offer a size 6 diaper, data reveal that in 1957, 92 percent of children

were toilet-trained by 18 months. Today’s parents, determined to avoid a Nurse Ratched label, boast a success rate of 25 percent in that age group, with only 60

percent of their children potty-trained by age 3. Children tall enough for the scary rides at Disneyland are on Space Mountain in their diapers. Skilled at intricate

Nintendo 64 operation and skateboarding over curbs, these kids, with their parents’ blessings, remain unable to control bodily functions. Pediatricians report treating

many anxious children in their soiled Pull-Ups.

When are today’s parents going to figure out the two secrets to successful potty-training and parenting in general? 1. Children are difficult. 2. Parents are in charge. Children whine about potty training because it introduces a whole host of

responsibilities: interrupting play once in awhile, flushing, washing hands, and zipping clothing (a feat boys will not master until their sophomore year so if parents wait for that skill as

a prerequisite to potty training, Pampers will need a jock strap model).

Mollycoddling parents, with the ease of disposable diapers, are unwilling to see this aggravating process through. Potty training is not for children but for parents. It is the first great test of parenthood as well as of authority. Wait until the size 6 Pampers on this one, and you’ll find yourself with a teen who has parrot hair, a pierced chin and

misspelled tattoos. by Marianne M Jennings Arizona State University, Law Professor

What is really going on?

• The issue is not when or how they learn to use the toilet.

• The real issue is how they will be made to feel about their bodies, their power, their self-affection and competencies.

• This toilet learning process is a dramatic and powerful event in their young lives!

Toilet learning versus toilet training

• Learning implies a natural process that parents can enhance with encouragement and guidance

• Training implies that the parents are in control and can teach children when they, the parents, are ready to do so.

I don’t think parents would fall for crawling training or walking training for their 8-12 month olds.

Learning to recognize the sensations and body control for using the toilet (bladder and sphincter) is a biological process that is similar to body balance

and maturity for crawling or walking.

We are not in charge of the process.

Nature is and we can help the process along but we are not going to control it.

We can also create stress and anxiety about the learning that can complicate and demean the child and the process.

Toilet learning guidelines

• 1. The child needs to be developmentally ready. (They need to be old enough and communicating well)

• 2. Do not shame, scold, or punish the child. (pay no attention to accidents and mistakes)

• 3. Use proper vocabulary. (Use the proper terms and stay away from slang terms)

• 4. Provide modeling. (let them see you using the toilet and talk about it in positive ways)

• 5. Reinforce desired behavior with verbal praise and physical affection. (stay away from tokens like candy or stickers)

• 6. Let the child do as much as possible for themselves.

Learning to use the toilet

• Is a very rewarding experience for most children and is a strong indication of “growing up”!

Developmental issues of readiness...

• Wait until at least 24-30 months of age (longer if you want)

• The child expresses an interest in learning to use the toilet

• Wait until the relationship is good and your life is free of distracting stresses

Modeling issues

• Allowing your child to see you use the bathroom is important for their learning

• Talk about what you are doing and refer to the future when they will be old and big enough to use the bathroom just like you

Toilet learning hints:

• Let them buy exciting underwear as an incentive • Use the book: toilet training in less than a day ,by

Azrin and Fox

• Make sure the child is healthy before starting.

• If the child does not experience immediate success then back off and try at a later date.

Bathroom and toilet vocabulary...

• Vocabulary for the private body parts and processes are very important

• Practice the vocabulary so that you are comfortable (you would be surprised at how many adults are embarrassed about the

terminology for body parts and processes)

• Model the proper vocabulary for your child and stay away from slang terminology

Vocabulary words:

• Body parts:• Penis• Scrotum• Vagina• Vulva• Anus, anal hole• Breasts

• Toilet use:• Urinate, pee• Bowel movement, poop• Potty

Make it safe and fun...

• Realize that sometimes a child may be afraid of the toilet and do not force the issue

• Sometimes a separate smaller potty chair is better

• Make the toilet a secure place to sit by using a good learning device

My eccentric idea...

• To build a parent education house where everything was proportionally large...

• Large tables

• Large glasses

• Large silverware

• And a large, high, jet engine loud toilet and big enough they could fall in

Night time control...

• Typically night time bladder control comes 1-3 months after day time control.

• Long term bedwetting should be handled gently: first, consult your doctor for physical reasons.

• Then explore the possible emotional reasons via a therapist.

the end