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The RITING ISSUU
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2015 -2016 The RITING ISSUU* *Material Taken from Virginia Beach Public Schools Curriculum and www.litx.weebly.com, the class study site., How to RITE a research paper, Objectives Pre-assessment Rationale Prompts Suggestions for Reflection Writing Goals SAT Essay Scoring Guide Two Folders, Both Alike in Dignity Informal and Formal Writing Dimensions and Standards Sentence Formation, Usage and Mechanics Writing Domains and Definitions Venn Diagram (Blank) Protocols Blogs Formal Letter ROSE Quadrant 6 + 1 Traits Peer Editing Iceberg Model Understanding the Question Understanding Word Choice
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OBJECTIVES
10.7.10 Revise writing for clarity and for relevancy, accuracy, and depth of content. (SOL
10.6f)
10.7.13 Proofread and edit final product for intended audience and purpose. (SOL 10.7h)
10.7.14 Use a Works in Progress (WIP) folder to compose and strengthen writing in various
stages of development.
PRE-ASSESSMEMT RATIONALE
Each beginning of the new school year, a prompt is given to students in order for the teachers to
have a “snap shot” of where students lay on writing skills spectrum. Given that writing
encompasses so many differing aspects, and often students are so varied in their
strengths and weaknesses, this pre-assessment is an essential element in understanding
how to proceed with the process of writing.
Although not going into the grade book for quality of writing, students are to do their best on the
task to give teachers a realistic starting point. Moreover, feedback may be given,
including a “potential score,” but any evaluation will not be reflected in the grade book.
For this activity, the pre-assessment will utilize the SAT rubric provided in this document,
however, over the course of this class, other rubrics may be used.
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WRITING PROMPTS
#1 In some countries every young person must serve two years of military service. Should
we have a similar policy in the United States? Write an essay stating your position on this
issue and supporting it with convincing reasons. Be sure to explain your reasons in detail.
#2 Your city council is considering a proposal that would ban the use of cell phones in
privately owned businesses such as restaurants, movie theaters, and retail stores. Violators
would be subject to a fine. What is your position on this issue? Write a letter in which you
convince the city council to support your position, giving strong evidence for your reasons.
#3 Occasionally, students in elementary school are advanced to the next grade even though
they have not successfully completed the lower grade. Advocates of "social promotion" think
that keeping a child in a grade for longer than a year hurts the child's development and self-
esteem. Write an essay stating your opinion on this issue, making sure to support your
opinion with convincing reasons.
#4 Your state legislature is considering a bill that would require a person to earn a high
school diploma before he or she could receive a driver’s license. What is your position on this issue? Write a letter to convince your state legislature to accept your point of view.
#5 A well-known football coach once said, "Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing." Do
you agree or disagree with this statement? Write an essay in which you state your position
and support it with convincing reasons.
#6 Your principal is considering a new grading policy that replaces letter or number grades
on report cards with pass or fail. What is your position concerning this issue? Write a letter
to your principal stating your position and supporting it with convincing reasons. Be sure to explain your reasons in detail.
#7 In an effort to save money, your local school board is considering eliminating elective
subjects such as art, band, and auto mechanics. What is your position on this issue? Write a
letter to the school board stating your position and supporting it with convincing reasons. Be sure to explain your reasons in detail.
Suggestions for Reflection
What do you like best about this essay?
What are your strengths as a writer? Your weaknesses?
What are some strategies you need to develop to address a timed writing?
If you were given the chance to revise this essay, what would you do to improve it?
On what ideas should you expand? What could you eliminate from this essay?
Using the rubric provided for College Board assessment, what score would you
assign your essay?
What are your writing goals for this year?
What three areas of usage and mechanics do you need to address the most this year?
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WRITING GOALS
Minimum one paragraph:
Considering your strengths and weaknesses, what goals do you have this year
regarding your writing? Your reflection should include support and details and can
surpass the one paragraph limit. Although there is no “magic number” of how many
goals you should have, three seems to be a good rule of thumb. The idea is that the
less goals you have, the more detailed they are, and the more goals you have, the
more broad they are.
Think about your weaknesses being a good starting point for your goals. If you are
excellent with ideas, there is no reason to have “I need better ideas” as a goal.
Think about your strengths as opportunities for enhancement and challenge. If you
are strong with vocabulary, maybe you wish to enhance this strength by attempting
different forms of the word.
The Writing goals will be visited and revisited through the year and be the heart of
conversation when Conferencing takes place.
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SAT Essay Scoring Guide
SCORE of 6 SCORE of 5 SCORE of 4 An essay in this category demonstrates
clear and consistent mastery, although it
may have a few minor errors. A typical
essay
An essay in this category demonstrates
reasonably consistent mastery, although
it will have occasional errors or lapses in
quality. A typical essay
An essay in this category demonstrates
adequate mastery, although it will have
lapses in quality. A typical essay
effectively and insightfully develops
a point of view on the issue and
demonstrates outstanding critical
thinking, using clearly appropriate
examples, reasons, and other
evidence to support its position
(SOL – 10.7a; 10.7b; 11.7e; 11.7g)
effectively develops a point of view on
the issue and demonstrates strong
critical thinking, generally using
appropriate examples, reasons, and
other evidence to support its position
develops a point of view on the issue
and demonstrates competent critical
thinking, using adequate examples,
reasons, and other evidence to support
its position
is well organized and clearly
focused, demonstrating clear
coherence and smooth progression of
ideas (SOL – 11.7a; 11.7d; 11.7g)
is well organized and focused,
demonstrating coherence and
progression of ideas
is generally organized and focused,
demonstrating some coherence and
progression of ideas
exhibits skillful use of language,
using a varied, accurate, and apt
vocabulary (SOL – 11.7f)
exhibits facility in the use of language,
using appropriate vocabulary
exhibits adequate but inconsistent
facility in the use of language, using
generally appropriate vocabulary
demonstrates meaningful variety in
sentence structure (SOL 10.7c)
demonstrates variety in sentence
structure
demonstrates some variety in sentence
structure
is free of most errors in grammar,
usage, and mechanics (SOL 11.7h)
is generally free of most errors in
grammar, usage, and mechanics
has some errors in grammar, usage,
and mechanics
SCORE of 3 SCORE of 2 SCORE of 1 An essay in this category demonstrates
developing mastery, and is marked by
ONE OR MORE of the following
weaknesses:
An essay in this category demonstrates
little mastery, and is flawed by ONE OR
MORE of the following weaknesses:
An essay in this category demonstrates
very little or no mastery, and is severely
flawed by ONE OR MORE of the
following weaknesses:
develops a point of view on the issue,
demonstrating some critical thinking,
but may do so inconsistently or use
inadequate examples, reasons, or
other evidence to support its position
develops a point of view on the issue
that is vague or seriously limited, and
demonstrates weak critical thinking,
providing inappropriate or insufficient
examples, reasons, or other evidence
to support its position
develops no viable point of view on
the issue, or provides little or no
evidence to support its position
is limited in its organization or focus,
or may demonstrate some lapses in
coherence or progression of ideas
is poorly organized and/or focused, or
demonstrates serious problems with
coherence or progression of ideas
is disorganized or unfocused,
resulting in a disjointed or incoherent
essay
displays developing facility in the
use of language, but sometimes uses
weak vocabulary or inappropriate
word choice
displays very little facility in the use
of language, using very limited
vocabulary or incorrect word choice
displays fundamental errors in
vocabulary
lacks variety or demonstrates
problems in sentence structure
demonstrates frequent problems in
sentence structure
demonstrates severe flaws in sentence
structure
contains an accumulation of errors in
grammar, usage, and mechanics
contains errors in grammar, usage, and
mechanics so serious that meaning is
somewhat obscured
contains pervasive errors in grammar,
usage, or mechanics that persistently
interfere with meaning
Essays not written on the essay assignment will receive a score of zero.
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Two Folders, Both Alike in Dignity
On the TAB of the WIP, have
OFFICIAL Name
(Name you prefer in parenthesis)
Block
Seat Number
Inside:
o Have the elements of a formal Letter (1-11) and placement for those items
o Have the Bans listed
o Have Thesis Format Listed
o Have ROSE Quadrant Listed
o Have 4 As Listed
o Have Transitional Phrases Listed
o Have 6+1 Traits Listed
o Have Three Writing Goals Listed
Back Cover:
o Vocab List throughout the year
The Writing Portfolio
Quarters 1-3 will be dedicated to the WIP folder, therefore embracing the concept that
writing is a process, and instilling a sentiment that final drafts need rough drafts to precede
them. Quarter 4, however, will be one that uses prior writings (the ones from Quarters 1-
3) and/or new writings to fulfill the requirements of the Finalized Writing Portfolio.
Traditionally, this includes 12 different types of pieces and includes a list of “rules to
adhere to”. The specifics of this will be included in an upcoming document. Students who
consistently revise their work (well before the fourth quarter) tend to get the quarter four
work done more efficiently, so they are advised to continuously be tweaking work they
feel has potential for making it into the final Writing Portfolio.
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ANALYZE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN AN INFORMAL AND FORMAL ESSAY
Characteristics (provide
examples from text)
Informal essay Formal essay
Point of view
Tone
Word choice
Organization
Examples, support
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Dimension and Standards in Writing
Dimension Basic Proficient Advanced
Presents a readable text
that follows
conventions
Writes legible text with
words spelled correctly,
sentence boundaries
marked; conforms to
text model (e.g., letter
format with salutations,
etc.)
Uses appropriate
grammar and syntax
with compounds; marks
paragraphs clearly; uses
graphics appropriately
Uses complex
sentences, varied
paragraphs; shows
evidence of sense of
rhythm in prose; breaks
conventions when it is a
stylistic advantage
Presents
information/ideas
clearly
Presents thesis, main
point, central
impression, general
feeling
Uses consistent terms;
defines terms and ideas
Presents ideas with
subclasses and multiple
parts; presents
information, ideas,
scenes with words that
vivify them
Presents an effective
voice for different
audiences
Present a consistent
point of view
Demonstrates audience
awareness across text
types; selects topic or
approach to reach a
goal
Selects topic or
approach to catch the
reader’s interest; notes
opposing views and
refutes if necessary;
uses irony where
appropriate
Uses appropriate
structures
Manages a simple
sequence
Manages complex
sequences; cause-effect,
comparison, etc.
Manages support for
hypotheses and
complex arguments;
mix modes or
organization to gain
effect
Elaborates a text with
examples, illustrations,
etc.
Gives a single example Provides multiple
details and illustrations
Uses analogy,
metaphor, and varied
illustrative devices;
where appropriate,
develops symbol or
vivid diction
Participates in a
community of writers
Edits to present an
attractive text
Revises a text on the
basis of feedback from
others
Revises voluntarily in
social or community
situations; writes in
order to play or
experiment with writing
Writes habitually Uses writing as an aid
to memory (lists, notes,
etc.); selects a variety
of words and
grammatical structures
Writes voluntarily
(journals, diaries,
letters); selects a variety
of topics, voices,
genres, etc.
Writes voluntarily
social or community
situations; writes in
order to play or
experiment with writing
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Sentence Formation, Usage, and Mechanics Skills List
Listed below are skills in the areas of sentence formation, usage, and mechanics (capitalization,
punctuation, formatting, and spelling) which may be addressed on both the multiple choice and
the direct writing components of the secondary English Writing test. This list is not intended to
be exhaustive but to provide examples of the skills which may be addressed on the writing
test at the secondary level.
Standard Sentence Formation
Use complete sentences
Avoid comma splices
Avoid fused sentences (run-ons)
Avoid dangling modifiers
Usage
Correct use of the following:
subject-verb agreement
“I” in compound subject situations
“Me” as a direct or indirect object
pronoun case
pronoun reference
pronoun antecedent agreement
adjective comparisons
adverb comparisons
adverbs instead of adjectives where appropriate
verb tense inflections such as –ed or use of helping verbs
plurals (-s, es, changes in spellings)
possessives (singular and plural)
plural inflections (-s, -es, irregular forms)
negatives (includes avoidance of double negatives)
frequently confused words (e.g., accept/except)
homophones
plural inflections (-s, es, irregular forms)
active/passive voice
Maintain consistent point of view
Maintain tense consistency
Avoid common usage problems (e.g., lie/lay; less/fewer)
Mechanics Punctuation
Correct use of the following:
colons
commas in dates, series, addresses
commas around interrupters (including but not limited to appositives)
commas and semicolons in sentence types
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punctuation of dialogue
commas with certain clauses
comma-splice avoidance
apostrophes in possessives
quotation marks around dialogue and titles
Capitalization
Correct capitalization of the following:
proper nouns and adjectives
academic subjects and classes correctly (e.g., history, sophomore)
title of works
Format
indent paragraphs or double space between them
paragraph dialogue correctly
divide words between syllables with a hyphen at end of line
Spelling
spell frequently used and common words correctly
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WRITING DOMAINS AND DEFINITIONS
Composing Written Expression Usage/Mechanics
The Composing domain
includes the focusing, structuring,
and elaborating that a writer does
to construct an effective message
for readers. It is the creation of a
product, the building of a writing
intended to be read. The writer
crafts his/her message for readers
by focusing on a central idea,
providing elaboration of the
central idea, and delivering the
central idea and its elaboration in
an organized text.
Features
Central idea
Elaboration
Unity
Organization
The Written Expression domain
comprises those features that
show the writer purposefully
shaping and controlling language
to affect readers. This domain
focuses on the vividness,
specificity, and rhythm of the
piece and the writer’s attitude and
voice.
Features
deliberate word choice
selected, precise information
sentence variety
tone
voice
The Usage/Mechanics domain
comprises the writer’s ability to
form competent, appropriately
mature sentences and the use of
word-level features that cause
written language to be acceptable
and effective for standard
discourse. This domain includes
the system of symbols and cueing
devices a writer uses to help
readers make meaning.
Features
sentence formation
usage
o standard inflections
o comparisons of
adjectives and adverbs
o agreement
mechanics
o capitalization
o spelling
o punctuation
o formatting
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Sentence Formation, Usage, and Mechanics Skills
Listed below are skills in the areas of sentence formation, usage and mechanics (punctuation,
capitalization, formatting, and spelling). This list is not exhaustive but is intended to provide
examples of the skills that students should acquire.
Sentence Formation Usage
Mechanics
In the area of sentence formation,
students should
use complete sentences
avoid comma splices
avoid fused sentences (run-ons)
avoid dangling modifiers
In the area of usage, students should
use the following correctly:
o the subject-verb agreement
o pronoun case
o pronoun reference
o pronoun-antecedent
agreement
o adjective comparisons
o adverb comparisons
o adverbs instead of
adjectives where
appropriate
o verb tense inflections, such
as –ed or use of helping
verbs
o possessives (singular and
plural)
o plural inflections (-s, -es,
irregular forms)
o negatives, including
avoidance of double
negatives
o frequently confused words
(e.g., accept/except)
o homophones
o active/passive voice
maintain consistent point of
view (In direct writing, a shift
in the writer’s point of view is
scored in composing; a shift in
person [e.g., “School is
important to students; you have
to do well to get a good job.”] is
considered a usage error.)
maintain tense consistency
avoid common usage problems
(e.g., lie/lay, less/fewer)
avoid faulty parallelism.
In the area of mechanics, students
should use the following correctly:
punctuation including
o colons
o commas in dates, series,
and addresses
o commas around
interrupters (including
but not limited to
appositives)
o commas and semicolons
in sentence types
o punctuation of dialogue
o commas with certain
clauses
o apostrophes in
contractions and
possessives
o quotation marks around
dialogue and titles
capitalization including
o proper nouns and
adjectives
o academic subjects and
classes (e.g., history,
sophomore)
o title of works
formatting including
o indenting or double
spacing between
paragraphs
o paragraphing dialogue
correctly
o hyphenating words at
ends of lines between
syllables correctly
spelling including
o spelling frequently used
and common words
correctly
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Venn Diagram
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PROTOCOLS
Academic Success often includes a structured ability to revise materials
in reading, in writing, and in note taking. Some of these protocols may
assist in the process. This certainly is not an exhaustive list.
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Blog Posts
Make Three TOTAL COMMENTS regarding the prompt(s) in the title of the blog, or regarding
the comments made by others. You may do more, but you'll only be graded on your first three.
Therefore, have well constructed responses that are "meaningful contributions" to the
conversation as a whole. This means the rules of the Socratic Seminar apply to the digital form
of communication. It also means that good form is expected in addressing others points. Please
read over the Peer Editing techniques in the Protocols and Format Tab.
For tracking purposes, please do the following:
Please label your comments thus:
FirstName Block Prompt# Referencing (Prompt #,Book, Comment of others, Outside
Knowledge)
This may look like:
Jimmy, 1A, Prompt#1, Re: Toby's Comment on Basho
or
Theodora, 4B, Prompt#2, Re: Light and Dark Imagery.
Be sure not to repeat anyone's message, always cite location of any passage / quote from the
book, and always use good peer editing technique. Use good grammar and complete sentences.
Abide by the "bans" rules as best you can to produce a clear message, but note that I am not
grading based on the bans. Think: Reduce the Use.
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Formal Business Letter
Note: There are plenty of templates out there. I am asking students to use this one, so that it can
be more "global" in aspect and reflect both American and British English. Formatting is
everything, including such minute details as spacing, font, and protocols of addressing others.
A few notes on prior to getting started.
-Formal Letters should be Times New Roman, 12 Point Font, with 1 inch margins.
-Block format for all text (including address, signature line, etc.), with left justification is more
standard than indented and varied justification. This isn't a set rule, but can reduce confusion
and spacing issues. This means the block text is SS in the body and DS between paragraphs.
-Formal Letters should be aware of spacing, there is single space (SS in my notations), double
space (DS in my notations)
-Dates should aim at clarity, therefore spelling the full name of the month is
paramount. American convention is month/date/year; British (and most other conventions in
other languages) is date/month/year.
-"Old School" or more traditional conventions will be more global than "newer practices", this
includes punctuation, etc.
For example, the comma (rather than the colon) is more traditional punctuation at the end of
salutations and closings. Oxford Commas are more traditional in listing items, as well.
The Format:
-------This is the top of the paper--------
Sender's address line one (Note: no sender's name)
Sender's address line two
space
date (e.g. 7 October 2014 OR October 7, 2014....note the commas)
space
Title, Full Name of Recipient
Recipient's address line one
Recipient's address line two
space
Salutation (e.g. Dear Mr. X,)
Subject line (optional/rarely used: 2-3 word description of the letter, should start with "RE:" and
be underlined)
space
Letter first paragraph (includes intent / purpose of the letter...could be as small as one line)
Letter second paragraph / or extended into more paragraphs (includes main point, explanations,
elaborations)
Letter final paragraph (includes showing of appreciation or recap of requested /required
action....could be as small as one line)
space
Closing (e.g. Yours truly, Yours faithfully, OR Yours sincerely, NOTE the "Si" Rule in British
English.)
space for signature (two lines empty/signed in pen)
Printed Name (Title)
Position (e.g. GSWLA Scholar)
Enc. (Optional, only use if there are enclosures, should be in list format on one line)
-------This is the end of the paper-----
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Rules and Comments:
1. Sender's address/ usually two lines/ does not include name of sender
2. Date either international version or US version. Note the use of commas
3. Title means that which comes before the full name (e.g. Dr. , Prof. , Capt. , Mr. , Miss, Mrs.,
Ms. etc.)
4. Salutation comes in two categories: those you know the name of and those you do not. This
will be part of the Si Rule later (See closing). For those you do know, it should read: "Dear Title
Last Name" and not have the first name included. For those you don't know: "To Whom It May
Concern," ; "Dear Sir," ; "Dear Madam," ; and (in British English) "Dear Sir or Madam," are the
options. Please note the commas, the capitalization in all these cases.
5. Subject line, if used, would be used for business type correspondance that is routine rather
than personal
6. All letter body should be in complete sentences. The introduction and conclusion can be
formulated. (e.g. "I am writing this letter to...." ; "It is my utmost pleasure to write this letter...."
for introduction (among many others); "I thank you in advance" ; "I look forward to ...." are two
examples from the conclusion, among many others.
7. Closing "Si" rule. In British English: If you don't know the person, you use "Yours
faithfully," if you do, you use "Yours sincerely"; or in British English if the "Si" appears in "Sir"
in the saluation, you don't get another "Si" from sincerely, or alternatively, if you've an "Si" in
sincerely, you should know the person and not have the "Si" of "Dear Sir,". In American English
you use either "Yours truly," or "Yours sincerely", or (if military) V/R (for Very Respectfully)
8. Leave enough space for a signature. Sign so that others can read it, but it is still your own.
9. The title that would go in the parenthesis after the printed name is only for earned titles. One
example may be "John Smith (Dr.). There is no need to put "Mr." or "Mrs." in the title
parenthesis.
10. Always leave some sort of position, often it would be affiliated with where you attend or
where you work.
11. Do not use enclosure line if you have no enclosures. Some would have this line at the
bottom of the page; typed on the 23rd line. One way around the enc. line is to mention what is
enclosed as part of the text, with a sentence such as: "please find enclosed the following: resume,
transcripts, library card, restaurant menu"
Finally always proofread for tone as well as obvious errors.
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R
S
O
E
ROSE
QUADRANT
The Rose Quadrant invites readers to go beyond the literature, and when used in note taking
encourages deeper understanding. It is very difficult to do a ROSE Quadrant on the entirety of a
piece, and it usually works better when focusing upon a one sentence author's message. This is
not exclusively true, however, and it can be used in other ways.
To explain the Acronym ROSE, placement is essential.
The R stands for Readings (as in Other Readings), the O stands for Observations, the S stands for
Studies, and the E stands for Experiences. When divided top to bottom, the R and the O share a
broader look, whereas the S and E focus on more specific examples. When divided left to right,
the R and S highlight others, whereas the O and E center around the personal.
Ideally, each quadrant should be filled out, however, this most likely will mean some additional
research on the part of the student, as Studies essentially means what research has to say on the
topic.
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6 + 1 Traits
The 6 Traits.
-Ideas: Details, Overall concepts, new ways / innovative ways to present ideas, new
juxtapositions
-Organization: an order that has a noticeable format and/or adds to the overall meaning
-Voice: the style, the tone, the "you" of the piece
-Word Choice: the appropriateness of the words used / does it fit, the sophistication of the words,
showing instead of telling words (i.e. active voice over passive voice)
-Sentence Fluency: the flow, the music, the rhythm of the piece, the variation of sentence
structure. Meaningful breaks of the "rules" if appropriate.
-Conventions: the grammar, the following of the bans, the mechanics
The Plus One.
-(Presentation): Often not counted, the formatting (font, size, margins, title page, accreditation,
citation)
-Scoring Guide: See 6 + 1 Traits for full explanation.
*See note on top.
For our purposes, look at the rubric and we'll match it as closely to the quick check 5/3/1 system
below.
5/3/1, No Middle Scores, Must obtain all bullet items to receive higher score.
A five is no errors in this category, a 3 is some room for improvement, and a 1 is little or no
evidence of this item.
CONCEPTS
-Work the Weakness: This means the first go through needs an all evaluative quick check. For
example, this may be that the work has a peer editor (or the writer) abbreviate the elements as I,
O, WC, SF, V, C and score each with the appropriate scores of 5, 3, or 1 mark. The writing
might be marked accordingly: I-3, O-5, WC-1, SF-1, V-3, C-3.
-Each student should pick THREE areas of Weakness to work on with their Peer Editor and
Rank them in order of urgency. This should be their guiding focus on all writings for a time,
because working the weakness means that they are moving out of their comfort area and working
on the items that will (and probably has for some time) brought their overall grade down. In the
example above, this student would work on the Word Choice and Sentence Fluency for sure
since both have been scored as 1s, but then would have to choose which item is most pressing of
the three 3 scores. If Voice and Conventions feel slightly better, for example, than Ideas, the
third item to work on would be Ideas, making WC, SF, and I the target elements. These items
should still be ranked by urgency.
-Focus on one Aspect NOT all. As a plan of improvement, writers should work on one element at a time. This
might mean that during one revision, the writer is only fixing the word choice in one revision, sentence fluency in
another, and tweaking the ideas in a third. The separation of the elements in the revision process is incredibly
important as it means studets will not be able to slip into the comfort zone of what they are good at.
Please NOTE: The three selected elements will be the focus of the grading of the writings. So, one student may be
attempting to improve Conventions, Word Choice, and Voice. That student's papers will be graded on those three
items. Another student has low scores in Organization, Ideas and Sentence Fluency. Grades on that student’s paper
will be based on that criteria.
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Peer Editing -Use Plus/Delta Chart: Plus means those impressive items; Delta (instead of Minus) means
things that should change somehow / somewhat.
-Compliment Strengths, then move on. The idea behind peer editing is to improve
writing. Therefore, recognize and compliment that which is good, but find ways to move on to
that which needs improvement. This is often dependent upon the ability for the writer to take
criticism.
-Point out weaknesses with kind words and strategies to improve. Identifying problems without
offering solutions produces only frustration.
-Avoid matching person to content (talk about literature's merits or content's faults rather than
character/morals/value of writer.) "This piece" is a neutral way of saying "your writing" and can
be used for negative / critical commentary. "Your writing" or "you write", etc. can be used for
positive commentary.
-Locate the error/issue: General comments without going back to the actual piece is only
commentary, and not helpful. Locating, excerpting, and replaying to the passage(s) instead of
"the whole thing" helps focus the improvement. All else is superficial commentary.
-Name the error/issue: Give the error/issue a name. If all are familiar with a grammar issue, a
reviewer can easily use words like "fragment", "run on", "comma splice", "dangling modifier"
etc. Combined with location, this should be an easily identified problem, the writer can
fix. Often errors come from quick entries rathar than lack of understanding. A speech therefore
is a waste of everyone's time. A prime example is the wrong use of a word commonly
confused. We all make mistakes, and in doing so, a pointing out of location, and naming the
error is enough. The words "your" and "you're" come to mind, and most would quickly and
easily fix the piece.
-Explain the effect of the usage: Often, especially for items that may not be understood, a
scripted explanation may be needed. Identify the error, name the error (if you can), and explain
how it effects the writing as a whole. These are often word choice errors, especially with words
that have slight differences in meaning or connotation. A writer, for example might say:
"Between Judy and her mom and day, the decision to move to Florida was evident." Most eyes
may pass by this sentence. Between, however, is reserved for two of something. Among is the
correct word for any number over two. This might take a sentence of explanation.
-Offer Sample Solutions: For more complex comments, do the items above of locate, name,
explain, then actually offer a potential fix. Preamble the comment with a word/phrase less direct
than a command, so that the writer knows there's still a choice in the matter. "You might think
about...."; "how's this for a try:....."; "maybe if you ..... or ......., it might be something like ....."
creates a friendlier tone than: "change .... to ..... "
-Use Sandwich Technique of Positive/ Constructive Criticism / Positive. For example: "I like
the way you work in a lot of popular culture references, it makes the piece really interesting
throughout. You may wish to tie the references in with the topic at hand. I know where you
were going with it, but a simple transition would fix the clarity. So, for example, you say: "The
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car swirved and ended up in the ditch. We looked up for a Superman to help us." As I read it, it
felt really abrupt, you could try: "The car swirved and ended up in the ditch. After a lot of effort
to get unstuck, we threw up a our hands in despair. We really needed a Superman to help
us." Just the same, I think the piece is great and I look forward to the next revision." I
underlined the positive remarks so you can see how Sandwich technique works much better.
-Tell the Truth: No matter what tell the truth, but remember that you are not looking at the piece
completely, only an element of the piece. This means you can remind the writer of this, as
in: "Your Ideas and Organization are great, and it's worth saying I love you mention of
......, today, however we're only looking at Voice." That comment will redirect the writer to
know that the criticism is not about the writing as a whole, but only the detailed look at the
weakness.
-More errors equal more explaining, but combined with telling the truth, there is such a thing as
too much. Writing is ultimately evolutionary, and needs time to ruminate, therefore, if there are
multiple errors, decide the limit you will stop at, especially if there is need for a lot of
comments. Otherwise, the comments may be larger than the piece itself, and the writer will be
stuck trying to fix everything...which is very much opposite the goal.
-Award Effort: near misses still had a process involved. Take note of this. "I see where you
were going here recognizes that the missed target wasn't due to lack of understanding or lack of
intellect or any other number of lackings, but rather because it didn't fit the model being
used. Recognize this, and redirect if needed.
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Iceberg Model (to be submitted to Academy Portfolio)
ICEBERG Format
This format is a way to deepen the study of a particular issue. THIS ITEM SHOULD BE
VISUALLY APPEALING AND END UP IN THE ACADEMY PORTFOLIO.
Essentially, it is a three paragraph analysis of a given issue.
1. The first paragraph "Event" summarizes the article and is only fact based. Be sure to
paraphrase or use direct quotations.
Event - Answers Questions:
what, who, when, where
.....................................Summary (knowledge from article)
2. The second paragraph "Examples" looks for "trends" or "patterns" in other news
articles/events.
Examples -
Answers Questions:where else,when else,who else, how
...................Other times this took place (comparison)
3. The third paragraph, the most analytical of the three offers "Reasons" for this type of event.
This is often speculative and filled with personal opinion or voice, but must (as always) be
backed up and relate to the issue at hand.
Reasons why..........................................Opinions
For example, you read an article on an oil spill.
Paragraph 1 summarizes the details of the article's events.
Paragraph 2 finds other articles/reports on oil spills. One students examples may/may not differ
from anothers.
Paragraph 3 answers a why question. For example, you may create the question: why do oil spills
happen? This is the question you must answer. Another student may ask: why do governments
not punish oil companies so that oil spills will never occur again? That student's third paragraph
will be vastly different from the first students.
Traditionally the entire iceberg should not exceed one typed page.
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KiSiN Chart(s)
A KSN Chart is for organizing study of vocabulary (or really any thing study worthy) so that it is
a non-redundant practice, and items already known are not overstudied (which by default,
suggests that those items not already known are understudied or not studied at all. For the
individual and for a group, the set up is the same: Item being studied(word, term, concept,
etc)/KNOW IT column/SEEN IT column/NEW TO ME column. When there are multiple items
to be studied, this system allows the student to separate that which is already known (and not
need to be studied extensively), and that which is known on a limited basis or not at all. A
sample might look like this.
Word Know Seen New
Hubris x
Opulence x
Pun x
For this individual, Hubris is Brand New and hasn't been seen before, Opulence is Known so that
it can be used in all levels (identified, defined, used in the student's own writing, varied in form,
etc.) Pun has been seen, and may have a limited understanding of the usages as descibed
regarding the Known column.
A group version takes a tad more effort and will have multiple people involved. In practice the
only difference is the amount of x's placed. However, these marks show what the group as a
whole needs to work on. One strategy is to group target any x in the New category, so that
everyone is at least having a K or an S marking. Another approach is to move the S's to K's, so
that these items are certain points on the test, then worry about the N's.
So with an example of 3 students, the chart may look like this:
Word Know Seen New
Hubris x x x
Opulence x x x
Pun x x x
This gives generic information, and is still useful.
Another way to do it is to use initials instead of Xs, so the group not only knows the general
knowledge of how many know a word or not, but also who needs the help. In one way the x's
allow for anonymous marking, and therefore may avoid embarrassment, and the initials would
allow for targeting the student to the word. The amount of students in a group may assist in how
to approach the K/S/N chart.
At any rate the chart may look like this:
Word Know Seen New
Hubris IP AV, CB
Opulence IP, AV CB
Pun AV IP CB
Whereas one student's initials appear in the Known column more than others, and one student is
hovering in the Seen and New columns, there can be a delicate balance between avoiding
embarrassment and engaging the material.
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RRR (Review, Rant, Rave)
The Three R's are ways of evaluating a selected event, creation, art form, etc. The Review is
balanced; whereas the Rant and Rave are biased, although all are structured and logical. Often
Rant is misused to now mean a barrage of emotional outburst. For our purposes, we will use
Rant in the traditional sense. All are meant for "public consumption," and are evaluative in
nature. Often The Three R's break up the event, creation, art form, etc. into its various parts and
comment individually on these aspects. Often audience/reader/target is considered as well.
The Review being balanced focuses on both the good and bad of the item, and describes it for
background information, as well as evaluates it in terms of the field it is in.
The Rave and Rant are opposites to each other. The Rave only highlights the positive aspects of
the item and does so in an exaggeratory manner. The Rant does the same, but in the
negative. Often this means the elements of the item are selected based on the intended bias.
A fourth item: a Point/Counterpoint is a short piece supporting one side (100-150 word abstract)
followed by another short piece opposing one side (100-150 word abstract). These are opposites
and can be thought of as a short argument for followed by a short argument against. The purpose
of the Point/Counterpoint is to practice the art of arguing both sides so that the argument is
convincing enough to sway the opinion of the reader. A strong Point/Counterpoint (as two
separate pieces) equally convinces a reader of two opposite points of view. Although these
generally aren't published, they are great for building arguments to use later for essays, etc.
To exemplify these items, first we need something to evaluate. Let's take this for our example: a
recording session of U2's "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" in
Harlem. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8Wt3dhF4fU
A Review might select three elements of this piece that can be discussed at length. Maybe the
use of instruments, the use of solos, and the use of a chorus. If the author has outside knowledge
(meaning outside the realm of what is seen in the link above), he/she may add commentary that
would enhance the overall evaluation. The first paragraph might be introductory in nature, and
include a hook, background info, but not a thesis (this isn't an essay, after all).
The body paragraphs can be organized in a number of ways, including breaking the paragraphs
into the chosen elements (one paragraph on instruments, one on solos, and one on the use of
chorus), or maybe what worked, what didn't work, and what worked in a limited way. Other
organizational patterns might include a focus on the type of reader/listener/viewer. Paragraph
one might be how one group would interpret, enjoy, feel about the item; the next paragraph
might change audiences, but keep the format. There would be no Conclusion paragraph,
although there may be a closer...a nice memorable ending (functioning as a hook, but at the end
of the piece).
A Rave of the same link would only highlight the positive. It is not simply celebrating the item;
it must give reasons for the "Rave reviews", must still break the piece into parts, and explain why
the item works so well. All paragraphs should ultimately prove the positive, however, it doesn't
mean the negative cannot be mentioned, it just means the negative needs to be
discredited. Moreover, since the Rave is a positive review (nearly hyperbolic in nature) the
elements to subdivide may be different than the balanced review, and most likely will be
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different from the negative rant.
A Rant of the same link would replicate the Rave, except in the negative. To emphasize the
negative, however, the writer may chose three different elements of the item.
Traditionally Reviews (which all three of these forms technically are) would be in a newspaper
and the length would be dependent upon the allotted amount of space, and often limits on size
are based on word counts. 450-1000 words might be a traditional range for this type of writing.
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Socratic Seminar
Discussion format.
Works best if prepared with pre-readings and/ or a set of prepared questions.
Circle, Nameplates, "According to" statements, No Repeating, Elaborations, Moving On
Summation Paragraphs / activities.
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Understanding the Question
from: http://www.uefap.com/writing/question/quesfram.htm
Understanding the question
Introduction
Much of your writing will be prompted by an assignment, essay or exam
question. Students often do worse than they should in examinations or when
writing assignments in English in the UK, not because their writing skills are
weak or because their knowledge of the subject matter is insufficient, but
because they have not fully understood what they have been asked to do. To
score high marks in an examination or an assignmnet, it is important to fully
understand what a question or brief means and how it should be answered.
In order to understand the question it is useful to analyse the questions and
to search for certain components. The following technique is very useful
(Swales, 1982).
The components of a question
Most assignment titles or examination questions contain the following
components:
1. Subject matter or topic. What, in the most general terms, is
the question about?
2. Aspect or focus. This is the angle or point of view on the
subject matter. What aspect of the subject matter is the question about?
3. Instruction or comment. This refers to the instruction word or
phrase. These instructions tell the student exactly what to do.
Some titles also contain the following components:
1. Restriction or expansion of the subject matter. This is the
detailed limitation of the topic. What, in specific terms, is the question
about?
2. Viewpoint. This refers to the requirement, in the question, that the
writer writes from - or evaluates - a point of view given by the setter of the
question.
Analysing the title
To analyse the title, it is useful to follow the following steps:
1. Identify the topic.
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2. If the topic has a restriction or expansion, identify
it.
3. Search for the aspect. This is the angle or point of view on the subject
matter. Often, the aspect is a phrase ending in 'of', e.g. 'the
importance of', 'the contribution of'. Be sure you are clear about how the
aspect relates to the subject matter. It can be an example of it, a stage
in its sequence, the cause or effect, one of the solutions to it as a problem
etc.
4. Identify the instruction (which often comes at the beginning) and
decide what it means and what it requires you to do.
5. Check whether there is a viewpoint and if so, if it the same as your
own.
The vocabulary of questions
Here is a list of the most common assignment instruction key-words
with an explanation for each.
Note: The explanations given for these words can be a rough guide only. You
must always go by the total meaning of the title or question. Read the question
carefully: do not jump to conclusions about what is required on the basis of
these words only.
Account for
requires an answer that gives the reasons for the subject of the question.
Analyse
requires an answer that takes apart an idea, concept or statement in order
to consider all the factors it consists of. Answers of this type should be very
methodical and logically organised.
Compare
requires an answer that sets items side by side and shows their similarities
and differences. A balanced (fair, objective) answer is expected.
Consider
requires an answer in which the students describe and give their thoughts on
the subject.
Contrast
requires an answer that points out only the differences between two items.
Criticise
requires an answer that points out mistakes or weaknesses, and that also
indicates any favourable aspects of the subject of the question. It requires a
balanced answer.
Define
requires an answer that explains the precise meaning of a concep. A
definition answer will include a definition, probably expanded.
Describe
requires an answer that says what something is like, how it works and so on.
Discuss
requires an answer that explains an item or concept, and then gives details
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about it with supportive information, examples, points for and against, and
explanations for the facts put forward. It is important to give both sides of
an argument and come to a conclusion.
Elucidate
requires an answer that explains what something means, makes it clear
(lucid).
Evaluate/Assess
require an answer that decides and explains how great, valuable or important
something is. The judgement should be backed by a discussion of the evidence or
reasoning involved.
Explain
requires an answer that offers a rather detailed and exact explanation of an
idea or principle, or a set of reasons for a situation or attitude.
Explore
requires an answer that examines the subject thoroughly and considers it
from a variety of viewpoints.
Illustrate
requires an answer that consists mainly of examples to demonstrate or prove
the subject of the question. It is often added to another instruction.
Justify
requires an answer that gives only the reasons for a position or argument.
Answer the main objections likely to be made of them. Note, however, that the proposition to
be argued may be a negative one (e.g. Justify the abolition of the death penalty.)
Prove/Disprove
both of these require answers that demonstrate the logical arguments and/or
evidence connected with a proposition prove requires the 'pro' points, and
disprove requires the 'contra' points.
State
requires an answer that expresses the relevant points briefly and clearly
without lengthy discussion or minor details.
Summarise/Outline
require an answer that contains a summary of all the available information
about a subject, i.e. only the main points and not the details should be
included. Questions of this type often require short answers.
Trace
is found most frequently in historical questions (but not only in History
courses); it requires the statement and brief description in logical or
chronological order of the stages (steps) in the development of e.g. a theory,
a person's life, a process, etc.
To what extent is X true?
requires an answer that discusses and explains in what ways X is true and in
what ways X is not true.
Sometimes you may find several different instruction words combined into one composite
question. For example:
Define financial accounting. Compare and contrast the Anglo-American and Continental
approaches to financial accounting. Explain the role that the invididual accountants play in each
approach.
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Some other important words used in questions.
concept
an important idea
concise
short, brief
in the context of
referring to, inside the subject of
criteria
what standards you would expect; what questions you would expect to be
answered
deduction
the conclusion or generalisation you come to after looking carefully at all
the facts
factor(s)
the circumstances bringing about a result
function
what something does its purpose or activities
implications
results that are not obvious, long term, suggested results
limitations
explain where something is not useful or not relevant
with/by reference to
make sure you write about the following subject
in relation to
only a certain part of the first topic is needed
role
what part something plays, how it works, especially in co-operation with
others
scope
the area where something acts or has influence
significance
meaning and importance
valid/validity
is there evidence and are there facts to prove the statement?
Examples of questions
1. Account for the large-scale immigration into Malaya in the
late 19th Century.
2. Analyse the changes in US policy towards China during the
1970s.
3. Assess the contribution of Asoka to the spread of Buddhism
in India.
4. Explain the concept of 'role'. Of what use is the concept to
a practising manager?
5. Compare and contrast cellulose and lignin decomposition in
soil.
6. List the criteria you would apply to the presentation of
government expenditure policy.
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7. Critically discuss economies and diseconomies of scale.
8. What deductions can be made after studying the cell
exhibited at C?
9. Evaluate the contribution of political parties to the
development of public policy in the United States and Canada.
10. To what extent does the British public participate in the
political process?
11. What factors determine the elasticity of demand curves?
12. Describe the histology and functional importance of striated
muscle.
13. Illustrate your answer by typical temperature profiles.
14. Discuss the implications of the Milgram and Zimbardo
experiments for understanding people's behaviour in situations involving
authority.
15. Discuss the use of behaviour therapy in clinical psychology
and comment on its limitations.
16. Illustrate the diversity of anaerobic bacteria by reference
to either practical importance or mechanism of energy generation.
17. Outline the requirements as to 'locus standi' in relation to
injunctives and declaratives.
18. Discuss the role of international capital movements in a
world payments system.
19. Define Administrative Law indicating its general scope and
function.
20. Consider the significance of the year 1848 for the Hapsburg
Empire.
21. Summarise the main requirements of the law in respect of the
employer-employee relationship.
22. 'They are often at a disadvantage in dealing with industry
at a technical level.' How valid is this criticism of British Civil Servants?
23. To what extent is an understanding of the various approaches
to industrial relations useful in allowing us to make better sense of the
changing nature of the employment relationship?
24. Discuss the extent to which Human Resource Management and
its associated individualism has led to a demise in collectivism and the role
of trade unions.
25. Discuss the respective influences of states and markets in
the contemporary world economy characterised by globalisation.
26. Analyse the process of transition from a command economy to
a market economy, drawing upon the many recent examples.
Planning the answer
In planning the answer, the instruction decides the text-type
(discussion, explanation, etc.); the topic (with its restriction
or expansion if there is one) determines the overall range of the
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subject matter but the aspect determines the particular content;
viewpoint dictates which arguments, for or against, to use. The
interaction between instruction and aspect will lead to decisions
about the organisation of the essay.
See Organising the answer for
more information on essay organisation.
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Understanding Word Choice
PASSIVE VOICE from: http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/passive-voice/
What this handout is about. This handout will help you understand what the passive voice is,
why many professors and writing instructors frown upon it, and how you can revise your paper
to achieve greater clarity. Some things here may surprise you. We hope this handout will help
you to understand the passive voice and allow you to make more informed choices as you write.
Myths
So what is the passive voice? First, let’s be clear on what the passive voice isn’t. Below, we’ll
list some common myths about the passive voice:
1. Use of the passive voice constitutes a grammatical error. Use of the passive voice is not a
grammatical error. It’s a stylistic issue that pertains to clarity—that is, there are times when using
the passive voice can prevent a reader from understanding what you mean.
2. Any use of “to be” (in any form) constitutes the passive voice. The passive voice entails more
than just using a being verb. Using “to be” can weaken the impact of your writing, but it is
occasionally necessary and does not by itself constitute the passive voice.
3. The passive voice always avoids the first person; if something is in first person (“I” or “we”)
it’s also in the active voice.
On the contrary, you can very easily use the passive voice in the first person. Here’s an example:
“I was hit by the dodgeball.”
4. You should never use the passive voice. While the passive voice can weaken the clarity of
your writing, there are times when the passive voice is OK and even preferable.
5. I can rely on my grammar checker to catch the passive voice. See Myth #1. Since the passive
voice isn’t a grammar error, it’s not always caught. Typically, grammar checkers catch only a
fraction of passive voice usage.
Do any of these misunderstandings sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone. That’s why we wrote
this handout. It discusses how to recognize the passive voice, when you should avoid it, and
when it’s OK.
Defining the passive voice
A passive construction occurs when you make the object of an action into the subject of a
sentence. That is, whoever or whatever is performing the action is not the grammatical subject of
the sentence. Take a look at this passive rephrasing of a familiar joke: Why was the road crossed
by the chicken?
Who is doing the action in this sentence? The chicken is the one doing the action in this
sentence, but the chicken is not in the spot where you would expect the grammatical subject to
be. Instead, the road is the grammatical subject. The more familiar phrasing (why did the chicken
cross the road?) puts the actor in the subject position, the position of doing something—the
chicken (the actor/doer) crosses the road (the object). We use active verbs to represent that
“doing,” whether it be crossing roads, proposing ideas, making arguments, or invading houses
(more on that shortly).
Once you know what to look for, passive constructions are easy to spot. Look for a form of “to
be” (is, are, am , was, were, has been, have been, had
been, will be, will have been, being) followed by a past participle. (The past participle is a form
of the verb that typically, but not always, ends in “-ed.” Some exceptions to the “-ed” rule are
words like “paid” (not “payed”) and “driven.” (not “drived”). Here’s a sure-fire formula for
identifying the passive voice:
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form of “to be” + past participle = passive voice For example:
The metropolis has been scorched by the dragon’s fiery breath.
When her house was invaded, Penelope had to think of ways to delay her remarriage.
Not every sentence that contains a form of “have” or “be” is passive! Forms of the word
“have” can do several different things in English. For example, in the sentence “John has to
study all afternoon,” “has” is not part of a past-tense verb. It’s a modal verb, like “must,” “can,”
or “may”—these verbs tell how necessary it is to do something (compare “I have to study”
versus “I may study”). And forms of “be” are not always passive, either—”be” can be the main
verb of a sentence that describes a state of being, rather than an action. For example, the sentence
“John is a good student” is not passive; “is” is simply describing John’s state of being. The moral
of the story: don’t assume that any time you see a form of “have” and a form of “to be” together,
you are looking at a passive sentence.
Need more help deciding whether a sentence is passive? Ask yourself whether there is an action
going on in the sentence. If so, what is at the front of the sentence? Is it the person or thing that
does the action? Or is it the person or thing that has the action done to it? In a passive sentence,
the object of the action will be in the subject position at the front of the sentence. As discussed
above, the sentence will also contain a form of be and a past participle. If the subject appears at
all, it will usually be at the end of the sentence, often in a phrase that starts with “by.” Take a
look at this example:
The fish was caught by the seagull.
If we ask ourselves whether there’s an action, the answer is yes: a fish is being caught. If we ask
what’s at the front of the sentece, the actor or the object of the action, it’s the object: the fish,
unfortunately for it, got caught, and there it is at the front of the sentence. The thing that did
the catching—the seagull—is at the end, after “by.” There’s a form of be (was) and a past
participle (caught). This sentence is passive.
Let’s briefly look at how to change passive constructions into active ones.
You can usually just switch the word order, making the actor and subject one by putting the actor
up front:
The metropolis has been scorched by the dragon’s fiery breath.
becomes
The dragon scorched the metropolis with his fiery breath.
When her house was invaded, Penelope had to think of ways to delay her remarriage.
becomes
After suitors invaded her house, Penelope had to think of ways to delay her remarriage.
To repeat, the key to identifying the passive voice is to look for both a form of “to be” and a
past participle, which usually, but not always, ends in “-ed.”
Clarity and meaning
The primary reason why your instructors frown on the passive voice is that they often have to
guess what you mean. Sometimes, the confusion is minor. Let’s look again at that sentence from
a student’s paper on Homer’s The Odyssey:
When her house was invaded, Penelope had to think of ways to delay her remarriage.
Like many passive constructions, this sentence lacks explicit reference to the actor—it doesn’t
tell the reader who or what invaded Penelope’s house. The active voice clarifies things:
After suitors invaded Penelope’s house, she had to think of ways to fend them off.
Thus many instructors—the readers making sense of your writing—prefer that you use the active
voice. They want you to specify who or what is doing the action. Compare the following two
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examples from an anthropology paper on a Laotian village to see if you agree.
(passive) A new system of drug control laws was set up. (By whom?)
(active) The Lao People’s Revolutionary Party set up a new system of drug control laws.
Here’s another example, from the same paper, that illustrates the lack of precision that can
accompany the passive voice:
Gender training was conducted in six villages, thus affecting social relationships.
And a few pages later:
Plus, marketing links were being established.
In both paragraphs, the writer never specifies the actors for those two actions (Who did the
gender training? Who established marketing links?). Thus the reader has trouble appreciating the
dynamics of these social interactions, which depend upon the actors conducting and establishing
these things. The following example, once again from that paper on The Odyssey, typifies
another instance where an instructor might desire more precision and
clarity:
Although Penelope shares heroic characteristics with her husband, Odysseus, she is not
considered a hero.
Who does not consider Penelope a hero? It’s difficult to tell, but the rest of that paragraph
suggests that the student does not consider Penelope a hero (the topic of the paper). The reader
might also conceivably think that the student is referring to critics, scholars, or modern readers
of The Odyssey. One might argue that the meaning comes through here—the problem is merely
stylistic. Yet style affects how your reader understands your argument and content. Awkward or
unclear style prevents your reader from appreciating the ideas that are so clear to you when you
write. Thus knowing how your reader might react enables you to make more effective
choices when you revise. So after you identify instances of the passive, you should consider
whether your use of the passive inhibits clear understanding of what you mean.
Summarizing history or literary plots with the passive voice: don’t be a lazy thinker or
writer! With the previous section in mind, you should also know that some instructors proclaim
that the passive voice signals sloppy, lazy thinking. These instructors argue that writers who
overuse the passive voice have not fully thought through what they are discussing and that this
makes for imprecise arguments. Consider these sentences from papers on American history:
The working class was marginalized.
African Americans were discriminated against.
Women were not treated as equals.
Such sentences lack the precision and connection to context and causes that mark rigorous
thinking. The reader learns little about the systems, conditions, human decisions, and
contradictions that produced these groups’ experiences of oppression. And so the reader—the
instructor—questions the writer’s understanding of these things. It is especially important to be
sure that your thesis statement is clear and precise, so think twice before using the passive voice
in your thesis. In papers where you discuss the work of an author—e.g., a historian or writer of
literature—you can also strengthen your writing by not relying on the passive as a crutch when
summarizing plots or arguments. Instead of writing
It is argued that…or Tom and Huck are portrayed as…or And then the link between X and Y is
made, showing that…
you can heighten the level of your analysis by explicitly connecting an author with these
statements:
Anderson argues that…Twain portrays Tom and Huck as…Ishiguro draws a link between X and
Y to show that…
By avoiding passive constructions in these situations, you can demonstrate a more thorough
understanding of the material you discuss.
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Scientific writing
All this advice works for papers in the humanities, you might note—but what about technical or
scientific papers, including lab reports? Many instructors recommend or even require the passive
voice in such writing. The rationale for using the passive voice in scientific writing is that it
achieves “an objective tone”—for example, by avoiding the first person. To consider scientific
writing, let’s break it up into two main types: lab reports and writing about a scientific topic or
literature.
Lab reports Although more and more scientific journals accept or even prefer first-person active voice (e.g.,
“then we sequenced the human genome”), some of your instructors may want you to remove
yourself from your lab report by using the passive voice (e.g., “then the human genome was
sequenced” rather than “then we sequenced the human genome”). Such advice particularly
applies to the section on Materials and Methods, where a procedure “is followed.” (For a fuller
discussion on writing lab reports, see our handout on writing lab reports.)
While you might employ the passive voice to retain objectivity, you can still use active
constructions in some instances and retain your objective stance. Thus it’s useful to keep in mind
the sort of active verbs you might use in lab reports. Examples include: support, indicate,
suggest, correspond, challenge, yield, show. Thus instead of writing
A number of things are indicated by these results.
you could write
These results indicate a number of things.
or
Further analysis showed/suggested/yielded…
Ultimately, you should find out your instructor’s preference regarding your use of the passive in
lab reports.
Writing about scientific topics In some assignments, rather than reporting the results of your own scientific work, you will be
writing about the work of other scientists. Such assignments might include literature reviews and
research reports on scientific topics. You have two main possible tasks in these assignments:
reporting what other people have done (their research or experiments) or indicating general
scientific knowledge (the body of knowledge coming out of others’ research). Often the two go
together. In both instances, you can easily use active constructions even though you might be
tempted by the passive—especially if you’re used to writing your own lab reports in the passive.
You decide: Which of these two examples is clearer?
Heart disease is considered the leading cause of death in the United States. (passive)
or Research points to heart disease as the leading cause of death in the United States.(active)
Alternatively, you could write this sentence with human actors:
Researchers have concluded that heart disease is the leading cause of death in the United States.
The last two sentences illustrate a relationship that the first one lacks. The first example does not
tell who or what leads us to accept this conclusion about heart disease. Here’s one last example
from a report that describes angioplasty. Which sounds better to you?
The balloon is positioned in an area of blockage and is inflated.
or The surgeon positions the balloon in an area of blockage and inflates it.
You can improve your scientific writing by relying less on the passive. The advice we’ve given
for papers on history or literature equally applies to papers in more “scientific” courses. No
matter what field you’re writing in, when you use the passive voice, you risk conveying to your
reader a sense of uncertainty and imprecision regarding your writing and thinking. The key is to
know when your instructor wants you to use the passive voice. For a more general discussion of
writing in the sciences, see our handout.
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“Swindles and perversions”
Before we discuss a few instances when the passive might be preferable, we should mention one
of the more political uses of the passive: to hide blame or obscure responsibility. You wouldn’t
do this, but you can learn how to become a critic of those who exhibit what George Orwell
included among the “swindles and perversions” of writing. For example:
Mistakes were made.
The Exxon Company accepts that a few gallons might have been spilled.
By becoming critically aware of how others use language to shape clarity and meaning, you can
learn how better to revise your own work. Keep Orwell’s swindles and perversions in mind as
you read other writers. Because it’s easy to leave the actor out of passive sentences, some people
use the passive voice to avoid mentioning who is responsible for certain actions. So when is it
OK to use the passive? Sometimes the passive voice is the best choice.
Here are a few instances when the passive voice is quite useful:
1. To emphasize an object.Take a look at this example:
100 votes are required to pass the bill.
This passive sentence emphasizes the number of votes required. An active version of the
sentence (“The bill requires 100 votes to pass”) would put the emphasis on the bill, which may
be less dramatic.
2. To de-emphasize an unknown subject/actor. Consider this example: Over 120 different contaminants have been dumped into the river.
If you don’t know who the actor is—in this case, if you don’t actually know who dumped all of
those contaminants in the river—then you may need to write in the passive. But remember, if
you do know the actor, and if the clarity and
meaning of your writing would benefit from indicating him/her/it/them, then use an active
construction. Yet consider the third case.
3. If your readers don’t need to know who’s responsible for the action. Here’s where your choice can be difficult; some instances are less clear than others. Try to put
yourself in your reader’s position to anticipate how he/she will react to the way you have phrased
your thoughts. Here are two examples:
Baby Sophia was delivered at 3:30 a.m. yesterday.(passive)
and
Dr. Susan Jones delivered baby Sophia at 3:30 a.m. yesterday.(active)
The first sentence might be more appropriate in a birth announcement sent to family and
friends—they are not likely to know Dr. Jones and are much more interested in the “object”(the
baby) than in the actor (the doctor). A hospital report of yesterday’s events might be more likely
to focus on Dr. Jones’ role.
Summary of strategies
Identify
Look for the passive voice: “to be” + a past participle (usually, but not always, ending in “-ed”)
If you don’t see both components, move on.
Does the sentence describe an action? If so, where is the actor? Is he/she/it in the grammatical
subject position (at the front of the sentence) or
in the object position (at the end of the sentence, or missing entirely)?
Does the sentence end with “by…”? Many passive sentences include the actor at the end of the
sentence in a “by” phrase, like “The ball was hit by the player” or “The shoe was chewed up by
the dog.” “By” by itself isn’t a conclusive sign of the passive voice, but it can prompt
you to take a closer look.
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Evaluate
Is the doer/actor indicated? Should you indicate him/her/it?
Does it really matter who’s responsible for the action?
Would your reader ask you to clarify a sentence because of an issue related to your use of the
passive?
Do you use a passive construction in your thesis statement?
Do you use the passive as a crutch in summarizing a plot or history, or in describing something?
Do you want to emphasize the object?
Revise If you decide that your sentence would be clearer in the active voice, switch the sentence around
to make the subject and actor one. Put the actor (the one doing the action of the sentence) in front
of the verb. Towards active thinking and writing. We encourage you to keep these tips in mind
as you revise. While you may be able to employ this advice as you write your first draft, that’s
not necessarily always possible. In writing, clarity often comes when you revise, not on your first
try. Don’t worry about the passive if that stress inhibits you in getting your ideas down on paper.
But do look for it when you revise. Actively make choices about its proper place in your writing.
There is nothing grammatically or otherwise “wrong” about using the passive voice. The key is
to recognize when you should, when you shouldn’t, and when your instructor just doesn’t want
you to. These choices are yours. We hope this handout helps you to make them.
Anson, Chris M. and Robert A. Schwegler. The Longman Handbook for Writers and Readers.
Second edition. (2000). Pages 118-120; 270-272; 262-64; 369-71; 448.
Baron, Dennis. “The Passive Voice Can Be Your Friend,” Declining Grammar and Other Essays
On the English Vocabulary (Urbana: NCTE, 1989), pages 17-22.
Hjortshoj, Keith. The Transition to College Writing. (2001). Pages 119-121.
Lanham, Richard. Revising Prose. Fourth edition. (2000).
Orwell, George. Politics and the English Language. (1946).
Rosen, Leonard J. and Laurence Behrens. The Allyn & Bacon Handbook. Third edition. (1997).
Pages 240-243; 326-327;
340-344.
Strunk and White. The Elements of Style. Third edition. (1979). Pages 18-19.
Trimble, John R. Writing with Style. Upper Saddle River, N.J. : Prentice Hall. (2000). Pages 55-
58.
Williams, Joseph. Style: Ten Lessons in Clarity and Grace. Sixth edition. (2000). Chapter 3 and
pages 70ff.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 License. You
may reproduce it for non-commercial use if you use the entire handout (just click print) and attribute the source: The
Writing Center, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill
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VERBS: The LINKING VERB from: http://www.chompchomp.com/terms/linkingverb.htm The Linking Verb: Recognize a linking verb when you see one. Linking verbs do not express action. Instead, they
connect the subject of the verb to additional information about the subject.
Look at the examples below:
Keila is a shopaholic.
Ising isn't something that Keila can do.
Is connects the subject, Keila, to additional information about her, that she will soon have a huge credit card bill to
pay.
During the afternoon, my cats are content to nap on the couch.
Areing isn't something that cats can do.
Are is connecting the subject, cats, to something said about them, that they enjoy sleeping on the furniture.
After drinking the old milk, Vladimir turned green.
Turned connects the subject, Vladimir, to something said about him, that he needed an antacid.
A ten-item quiz seems impossibly long after a night of no studying.
Seems connects the subject, a ten-item quiz, with something said about it, that its difficulty depends on preparation,
not length.
Irene always feels sleepy after pigging out on pizza from Antonio's.
Feels connects the subject, Irene, to her state of being, sleepiness.
The following verbs are true linking verbs: any form of the verb be [am, is, are, was, were, has been, are being,
might have been, etc.], become, and seem. These true linking verbs are always linking verbs. Then you have a list of
verbs with multiple personalities: appear, feel, grow, look, prove, remain, smell, sound, taste, and turn. Sometimes
these verbs are linking verbs; sometimes they are action verbs. How do you tell when they are action verbs and
when they are linking verbs? If you can substitute am, is, or are and the sentence still sounds logical, you have a
linking verb on your hands. If, after the substitution, the sentence makes no sense, you are dealing with an action
verb instead.
Here are some examples:
Sylvia tasted the spicy squid eyeball stew.
Sylvia is the stew? I don't think so!
Tasted, therefore, is an action verb in this sentence, something Sylvia is doing.
The squid eyeball stew tasted good.
The stew is good? You bet. Make your own!
I smell the delicious aroma of a mushroom and papaya pizza baking in the oven.
I am the aroma? No way! Smell, in this sentence, is an action verb, something I am doing.
The mushroom and papaya pizza smells heavenly.
The pizza is heavenly? Definitely! Try a slice!
When my dog Oreo felt the wet grass beneath her paws, she bolted up the stairs and curled up on the couch.
Oreo is the wet grass? Of course not!
Here, then, felt is an action verb, something Oreo is doing.
My dog Oreo feels depressed after seven straight days of rain.
Oreo is depressed? Without a doubt! Oreo hates the wet.
This substitution will not work for appear.
With appear, you have to analyze the function of the verb.
Swooping out of the clear blue sky, the blue jay appeared on the branch.
Appear is something a blue jay can do—especially when food is near.
The blue jay appeared happy to see the bird feeder.
Here, appeared is connecting the subject, the blue jay, to its state of mind, happiness.
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Banned Words List
In all submitted writings, do not use the following words, lest the teacher consider the submitted
writing as a NONSUBMISSION, and the homework/assignment as Not Done, and subsequently
a zero in the grade book. Students may resubmit the writing for a “regrade.” If Student X uses a
ban and gets a zero, then submits a revised piece that meet all the criteria, then the new grade
will replace the zero.
Do Not use: 1. These Eight Passive Voice Verbs:
Be, Is, Are, Am, Was, Were, Being, Been (as well as the contracted versions (such as "they're",
etc.).
2. Words labeled the "Thing Endings" words, meaning the following words:
thing or things, something, nothing, everything, anything, as well as someone, no one, everyone,
anyone, and somebody, nobody, everybody, anybody, (and NEW THIS YEAR!!!) nowhere,
everywhere, anywhere, somewhere
3. The word "people" or phrases such as "some would say"...
4. First person, except in reflective pieces, second person, except in instructional pieces.
5. Pronouns without antecedents
6. All non-purposed use of repetition of words as starts of sentences or paragraphs.
7. Use of "alot", "irregardless", "literally" when speaking figuratively, "and etc.", "hopefully"
when used as adjective, "in regards to", "kind of" and "sort of", "than" when used as chronology
8. "I think" or "I believe"
Exceptions: -Quoted material (I'm not asking you to rephrase a direct quote, however, before using it, ask
yourself if the quote enhances the overall writing).
-Discussion of these words as a topic (for clarity, these items can be italicized)
Rationale: Although historically the bans have definitely been a point of contention, the bans allow for the
following:
1. a larger exploration of active verbs,
2. the decrease dependency upon overused phrasings,
3. the need to have an "agent" in a sentence,
4. the increased need to take a stance,
5. the increase in varied sentence structure,
6. the avoidance of ambiguity in position papers,
7. the reduction in unevidenced, and essentially unprovable, generalities
8. the exploration of an often dormant writer's voice
9. an increase in the satisfaction that there is a difficult barrier that is overcome
10. a dramatic increase in writing scores in coursework outside of World Lit
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Techniques and Processes: Many approaches exist around the bans, however, the writer and peer editors should look at each
ban individually to really approach the revisions.
The following list represents a fragment of possibilities, rather than an exhaustive list.
The Be Verb Approaches I. Step One: identify the words.
Step Two: Replace the words with an equivalent word.
Good for quick fixes/ Not good if overused / If inappropriate, could lead to awkward sentences.
II. Step One: Identify the words.
Step Two: Ask yourself, is this sentiment needed....or does this sentence actually contribute to
the overall meaning of the piece. If yes, work on another of the suggested approaches. If no,
delete the sentence.
III. Step One: Write your piece first (with all the violations)
Step Two: Revise
Advantage: You don't freeze over one sentence. Disadvantage: You've a number of sentences to
go over as a revision.
Versus
Step One: Revise your sentences as you write.
Advantage: No need to go back. Disadvantage: Often leads to staring at the blank page in fear of
a violation.
IV. Step One: Identify the words.
Step Two: Rework the sentence order.
Step Two A: add an agent of the action via a prepositional phrase.
Step Three A: Place the agent at the front of the sentence, deleting the be verb and/or the
prepositional phrase.
Step Four A: Check for equality of meaning and/or enhancement of meaning.
Step Two B: remove the be verb and change the form of the active verb.
Step Three B: Check for equality of meaning and/or enhancement of meaning.
SAMPLE of the Above.
Type A
a. The window was broken.
b. The window was broken by Tom.
c. Tom broke the window.
Type B
a. The window was broken.
b. The window broke.
V. Step One: Identify the words.
Step Two: Get a fresh set of eyes from your house and/or Peer Editor grouping to assist.
VI. Step One: Identify the words.
Step Two: Aim at reducing the use and conquer each ban one at a time.
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Note: if typed, the FIND function on most programs will assist in locating the violations,
however do not forget that the contracted forms (such as "you're") will not FIND the full version
of the word. Moreover, you may find words that are not banned (e.g. “become”, “believe”, etc.)
The Thing Ending Approaches A. Step One: Attribute an action to a person, place, thing or idea.
B.
Find categorizations of the group by using adjectives.
Step One: “People know that the world is round” (a double violation with “people” and “is”)
Step Two: Add adjective: Educated people know…..”
Step Three: See if getting rid of the noun maintains the meaning. The educated know that the
world is round.”
Step Four: Final Check. Are there other violations?
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How to Rite the Research Paper
Virginia Beach Association of Teachers of English Fourth Annual Symposium March 17, 2012 Virginia Beach, VA, Landstown High School http://demott.weebly.com/how-to-rite-the-research-paper.html [email protected] Abstract “How to Rite the Research Paper” – Research paper writing is a standard form used by English teachers across the world. It should be a defining moment in the education of a young adult. Making the writing of the research paper a Rite of Passage involves examining the multiple layers of experiential learning. This presentation will take you through the steps taught at Tallwood High School’s Global Studies and World Languages Academy, focusing on the practical aspects of original research by looking at the use of cohort groups, a two-tiered rubric, panel assessment, and public showcasing of the work. Students' work will be available for perusal and a small panel will field any questions. Material Covered:
Concepts Process: Iceberg Model, Critical Review, Lit Review, Abstract Research: Website Analysis, Databases, Interviewing Writing: Paraphrasing, Grammar, Noodletools Editing: Six Traits, Cohorts Evalutaion: Two Tiered Rubric, Panel Assessment, Public Showcasing, Authenticity as an expert
Process Iceberg Model: http://careerswitcherssocial.wikispaces.com/Iceberg+Model Critical Review http://demott.weebly.com/critical-review.html Lit Review http://library.ucsc.edu/help/howto/write-a-literature-review http://writingcenter.unc.edu/resources/handouts-demos/specific-writing-assignments/literature-reviews Abstracts http://research.berkeley.edu/ucday/abstract.html
Research (Manual: http://demott.weebly.com/gcs---lessons2.html) Website Analysis http://prezi.com/uw7znyvuvwen/website-evaluation/ Databases
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http://scholar.google.com/ (scholarly research) http://www.eric.ed.gov/ (education) http://library.duke.edu/research/subject/guides/chemistry/science-databases.html (science) http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/DisplayJournalBrowse.cfm (social sciences) http://www.ircps.org/index.htm (classical philosophy) http://www.pbs.org/wnet/americanmasters/ (american culture / literature) http://ipl.org/div/litcrit/ (literary criticism) http://digital.library.upenn.edu/books/ (digital library) http://internetshakespeare.uvic.ca/ (internet shakespeare) Interviewing http://prezi.com/w9o4lwu8hdvv/interviewing-skills/
Writing (Manual: http://demott.weebly.com/gcs---lessons2.html) Paraphrasing (Have your students try their hand at these, change words / phrases / structure....but not the meaning) http://www.zelo.com/family/nursery/ Grammar http://bcs.bedfordstmartins.com/pocket5e/player/pages/login.aspx?sViewAs=S Noodletools http://www.noodletools.com/
Editing Six Traits http://educationnorthwest.org/traits
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