The Pulse, Vol 6, Issue 22

TRUANCY AND TRASH • GIVE 5 • ENVIRONMENTAL ARTTRUANCY AND TRASH • GIVE 5 • ENVIRONMENTAL ART

News, Views, Arts & Entertainment • May 28 - June 3, 2009 • Volume 6, Issue 22 • www.chattanoogapulse.com • pulse news 95.3 WPLZ

The FutureThe Futurea look ahead with Hamilton County a look ahead with Hamilton County Commissioner John Allen BrooksCommissioner John Allen Brooks

by Louis Leeby Louis Lee

CONTENTST H E P U L S E • C H AT TA N O O G A , T E N N E S S E E • M AY 2 8 , 2 0 0 9 • V O L U M E 6 , I S S U E 2 1

COVER STORY page 11

Cover layout by Kelly Lockhart

ARTS & CULTURE

NEWS & VIEWS5 PULSE BEATSThe newsy, notable and notorious.

14 SHRINK RAPThe step before.

19 ON THE BEAT Time ravages, time reveals.

21 LIFE IN THE ‘NOOGChattaZooga.

22 SHADES OF GREENGreen light.

29 ASK A MEXICANSpecial cinco preguntas edition.

16 ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT By Stephanie SmithWhere and when will you fi nd more than 55 local musicians and artists performing and showing their work? On May 31, from 1 – 9 p.m. at three sites, Miller Plaza, Waterhouse Pavilion, and Market Street Tavern, as part of the Give 5 fundraising event.

20 FILM FEATURE By Damien PowerIt breaks my heart that a generation of moviegoers can only associate Sam Raimi with the Spider-Man franchise. Don’t get me wrong, I love the web-slinger (well, in the fi rst two movies at least), and I’m glad that Sam was able to break out of his indie-horror past and make some real money.

24 MUSIC FEATURE By HellcatYou know, one of my most common mistakes within the local music scene is overlooking the youngsters. The newbies, if you will. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not quite a geriatric myself, being a twentysomething, but I often forget those just-now-blossoming youths that might not be old enough to be in my typical venue range.

The entire contents of this publication are copyrighted and property of Brewer Media Group. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publishers. The Pulse utilizes freelance writers and the views expressed within this publication are not necessarily the views of the publishers or editors. The Pulse takes no responsibility for unsolicited manuscripts, photographs, artwork or other materials.

BEYOND VOLKSWAGEN: THE FUTURE OF HAMILTON COUNTYBy Louis LeeIn a recession-weary nation, Chattanooga and Hamilton County residents are surprisingly optimistic about their future. The announcement last year of Volkswagen coming to town was merely the most visible sign of an economic rebound. The “Dynamo of Dixie” has a new outlook on life and with a wary eye to the past, is making sure the future is not only prosperous, but green.

4 EDITOON 4 LETTERS TO THE EDITOR 5 CITY COUNCILSCOPE6 THE LIST6 POLICE BLOTTER 6 CHATTANOOGA STREET SCENES

8 NEWS FEATURE 17 A&E CALENDAR25 MUSIC CALENDAR 26 NEW MUSIC REVIEWS28 FREE WILL ASTROLOGY 28 JONESIN’ CROSSWORD

The Pulse 5.28.09 www.chattanoogapulse.com 95.3 Pulse News4

Letters to the Editor

by Rick BaldwinEditoon

PublisherZachary Cooper

[email protected]

Contributing EditorJanis Hashe

[email protected]

News Editor/Art DirectorGary Poole

[email protected]

Calendar EditorStephanie Smith

[email protected]

Advertising SalesRick Leavell

[email protected]

Editorial InternErica Tuggle

[email protected]

Contributing WritersGustavo Arellano, Blythe Bailey

Misty Brandon, Rob BrezsnyAaron Collier, Elizabeth CrenshawChuck Crowder, Michael Crumb

Rebecca Cruz, HellcatPhillip Johnston, Matt Jones

Rachael Kraemer, Jeremy LawrenceLouis Lee, Ernie Paik

Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D.Damien Power, Stephanie Smith

Alex Teach, Robert Yates

Art DepartmentSharon Chambers

Kelly Lockhart Damien PowerAlisha Whalen

Editorial CartoonistRick Baldwin

Staff PhotographerDamien Power

Contributing PhotographersBob Edens

Ray SoldanoTodd Staley

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Rejected Property Appraisal Several of my neighbors say their 2009 property appraisals spiked upwards of 38.5 percent higher than four years ago, despite the recession, and their appeals are being rejected. As of Friday, the county rejected my appeal for my modest home, which the county appraised at 15 percent higher than four years ago. Absurdly, the county appraised my home at more than my real estate agent told me it could fetch at the height of the housing market four years ago. And I’ve made none of the improvements

my neighbors have, such as a new pool or roof. It didn’t help our appraisal that County Commissioner Bill Hullander and son bought up property all around my neighborhood, which Hullander voted to rezone for high-density apartments when he rotated onto the Planning Commission for the vote. Allowing our county commissioners to have dual roles on the planning commission, city council and planning commission is being abused. They can use their leverage on all three bodies to buy and rezone commercial for a higher profi t, vastly affecting our home values/appraisals. Lana SuttonChattanooga

The Real Price Of Vice I read with interest the article by your Offi cer Teach about the “price of vice” in Chattanooga and am wondering just where he gets his information. If he can buy cocaine for $20 to $40 a gram, he obviously has a connection worthy of Tony Montana from “Scarface”. Maybe it was just a typo in the story, or he wrote down the wrong information in between stops at the various convenience stores during his late night shift, but there is just no way any coke dealer in this

town could afford to sell their product for such a low price.Anthony BordelliChattanooga

Door-To-Door ScammersThis is in reference to the door to door scammers [Police Blotter, 3/26]. We had such a case here in Tiftonia where a large white full size van full of people stopped on our street and left a few people out to go door to door here. A man and a woman came up to my porch carrying a can of Glade spray each. The male stated that they were a well known carpet/upholstery cleaning company named Venture and that door to door was their only form of advertising. He then said he would like to give me a free can of Glade and my response was (that’s odd) and ask him what he was selling. They didn’t have any brochures or anything to show who they were so right away I am suspicious enough to have an immediate need to get them off my property. I am just hopeful that no one else opens their doors to these thieves as there are numerous scenarios that could take place once they gain access to a home.Lisa BoydTiftonia

95.3 Pulse News www.chattanoogapulse.com 5.28.09 The Pulse 5

PulseBeats

Quote Of The Week:

“I’m amazed at how many people are here tonight. It’s like Chattanooga has been waiting for a big party and everyone all came out at once.”

— Jerry Sanders, one of the several thousand people who came to the opening of the Nightfall Concert Series at Miller Plaza.

Here are two of the more interesting agenda items set to be discussed at the June 2 meeting of

the Chattanooga City Council.

The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on the agendas, visit www.Chattanooga.gov/City_Council/110_Agenda.asp

A rundown of the newsy, the notable, and the notorious...

Questions For The 21st Century

Ross Hotel “We Speak” Teenage Mural Artists Gather For Celebration

5. Ordinances - Final Reading:a) An ordinance to amend Chattanooga City Code, Part II, Chapter 2, by adding a new Article XIV to establish an Audit Com-mittee and procedures for the City Council Auditor. (Deferred from 5/19/09.)

b) An ordinance to amend Chattanooga City Code, Part II, Chapter 38, Zon-ing Ordinance, Section 38-2, Section 38-185, and Section 38-527, rela-tive to the regulation of nightclubs. (Deferred from 5/12/09.)

This is busy week for the council, pro-vided it hasn’t deferred the ordinances yet again, as it addresses two of the more con-troversial issues in recent months. First, there is the end result of months of work and debate and controversy—and even some confl ict—between the council and the mayor’s offi ce over the position of city coun-cil auditor.

At issue is whether the current system of auditing city expenditures, run out of city hall under the supervision of the mayor, is acceptable to council members. The issue had been pushed in a large part by several now-former members of the council, so it will be interesting to see if the new ordi-nance makes it into law.

The second issue is the ordinance that would regulate nightclubs in the city as well as establishing a 1,000-foot exclusion zone that would prevent any new nightclubs and similar establishments from opening near a residential area. A number of property owners have questioned this ordinance, and feelings are running high, largely due to some undstrandable confusion over how the new exclusion zone would actually work and whether or not it would affect property values in the designated areas.

The last students have exited 21st Century Academy, one of two schools closed by the Hamilton County Board of Education in efforts to balance its budget. But what will happen to the 75-year-old building, which once housed Brainerd High, is unknown. Principal Wendy Jung, who took over at 21st Century just this year, told local residents that interest in the building has been shown by private schools, as well as by both a church and an organization that would create a German-language school.

Another idea, fl oated by a local resident to city council members Car-ol Berz and Russell Gilbert, is using the building to create a “nonprofi t in-cubator”, similar to the very success-ful for-profi t Business Development Center on the North Shore. (In fact, The Pulse was incubated in the BDC.) It’s worth noting that Knoxville’s Emporium Center for Arts & Culture, which currently houses offi ces/studios for more than 20 arts and cultural organizations, has been very successful in providing a “step up” for groups wanting to profes-sionalize.

Other cities have found that using a centralized loca-tion for other types of nonprofi ts, such as social services organizations, can assist them in getting off the ground.

In any case, the process of deciding what will happen to the former school plant should be open to comment and citizen proposals. After supporting the facility for so many years with their tax dollars, residents of Hamilton County should have a say in the decision-making process, which should be as transparent as possible.

Using a model that has already been shown to work in our community might well be an excellent way to contin-ue to use a beautiful old building that has seen so many dreams and aspirations over the years.

The historic Ross Hotel building at the corner of Georgia Avenue and Patten Parkway in downtown Chat-tanooga has undergone an amazing artistic transformation. The entire building has been covered with 50 four-by-eight-foot vinyl paintings by teens from Partnership for Fami-lies, Children, and Adults, CADAS Scholze Adolescent Center, and The Children’s Home/Chambliss Shel-ter.

Each teen was asked to complete the phrase: “I _____”, using a word which best represented what they would express to all Chattanooga and its visitors. Using mirrors, each teen drew and painted his or her mouth articulating that word. The result, when hung together, created a building that “speaks” words of empowerment.

Many downtown workers and visitors alike have been struck by the impact of the complete work.

“When I found out it was all done by teenagers, I was very im-pressed,” said Allison Hearn, who works in a nearby offi ce building. “It’s encouraging to know that teen-agers are not all into video games and computers and cell phones these days.”

The project, entitled “We Speak”, was funded by Selma Cash Paty, owner of the Ross Hotel, and Mark Making, a nonprofi t orga-nization that seeks to enhance our community through the creation of public art projects. And this Friday at 4:30 p.m., everyone is invited to come out to the building to meet the artists and help celebrate their work.


Chattanooga Street Scenes

A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned

from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s

Offi ce, the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

Photo by Shelia Cannon

The new Hamilton County Sheriff’s Equestrian Unit debuts.

Strangest Ingredients Found In Processed Foods

1. Fertilizer – Ammonium sulfate can be found inside many brands of bread, including those used at popular sandwich shops.2. Beaver Anal Glands – Listed as “castoreum”, they are sometimes used to enhance the fl avor of raspberry candies.3. Beef Fat – While this may not bother the most ardent omnivore, others are shocked to discover that their favorite childhood treats, such as Twinkies and Sno Balls, contain straight-up beef fat.4. Beetle Juice – No, not the creepy dead guy, but the sprinkles on cupcakes and ice cream sundaes that get their glaze from the secretions of the female lac beetle, known commonly as shellac.5. Sheep Secretions – The oils inside sheep’s wool are collected to create the goopy substance called lanolin—and from there it ends up in chewing gum as “gum base”.6. Duck Feathers – What’s in your morning bagel? Chances are it could contain duck feathers, known in the trade as “cystine” and used as a dough conditioner to produce a specifi c consistency.7. Coal Tar – Listed as number 199 on the United Nations’ list of “dangerous goods,” but that doesn’t stop people from using it in red-colored candies, sodas and other sweets.8. Sand – Yes, the stuff from the beach. Hidden in ingredient lists as silicon dioxide (remember high-school chemistry class?), it’s most commonly used as an “anti-caking agent” in fast-food chili.

Everyone now knows that processed foods are not bastions of nutrition, but that shouldn’t make the ingredients found inside them any less revolting. This list sends a clear message: When a packaged food contains more than fi ve ingredients and includes some that are diffi cult to pronounce, stay away. Make a beeline straight to the organics aisle.

• This past week was not a very good week for motorists or innocent buildings. A woman who suffered a diabetic episode lost control of her car and smashed into the front of a popular crafts store on Gunbarrel Road, only to have the car bounce back into the parking lot into a parked vehicle. While damage to the building was substantial, the woman suffered only minor injuries. Then, just hours later, a woman who was suspected of being under the infl uence smashed right into the living room of a North Quail Lane home, causing extensive damage to the house. Luckily, the resident was sleeping in a back bedroom and was not injured. The driver was arrested on DUI charges after offi cers “detected the presence of an alcoholic beverage”. And not to be outdone, Monday morning a truck careened into the bedroom of a house on Norcross Road, knocking a mother and her three-year-old daughter into the bedroom wall. Luckily, neither suffered more than minor injuries.

The driver of the truck was charged with DUI, reckless endangerment and driving on a suspended license.

• Some criminals come up with fairly imaginative explanations for why they committed their crimes. A man charged with carjacking told police, after he was caught in the stolen vehicle driving around Atlanta, that the owner of the car paid him to steal it. According to the victim, he gave a ride to a man in exchange for $10—only to have the man pull a gun on him and take the car. However, when the carjacker was caught two days later, he claimed the victim paid him $500 to take the car as part of an insurance scam. Investigators have serious doubts about the story, and have kept the accused car thief in custody.

• As many times as they caution people in television crime shows not to mess with a crime scene, people in the real world don’t quite understand why. Such was the case at a 14th Street Court residence last week when police were called by a report of burglary. The resident told offi cers

she had come home to discover that someone had removed the wall air conditioner, climbed in through the hole, then ransacked the place. A 27-inch fl at-screen TV was missing. However, by the time police arrived to investigate, the air conditioning unit had already been put back in place, pretty much ruining chances of fi nding any physical evidence.

• And fi nally, if you are like many people who enjoy taking an afternoon nap, you might want to fi nd a more discreet place to snooze away than your front porch. Especially if your neighbors are the type that help to keep an eye on the neighborhood, because odds are when one of them spots you sitting in a chair with your head tilted back and your mouth hanging open they are going to call 911. Which is exactly what happened over on Wilcox Boulevard when a women in a pink dress decided to nap in that position, causing neighbors to worry about her health and whether she was even alive. Authorities responded and quickly woke the woman up, who reassured everyone she was just fi ne.



A century ago, as urban areas beckoned the youth of rural America, a common lament was, “How do you keep them down on the farm?” Today, that lament has changed to, “How do you keep them in school?”

Truancy has returned to the spotlight in Hamilton County, largely due to an innovative suggestion out of the juvenile court system adopted by the county commission last week. The new program would punish not the truants themselves, but the parents, by making them give up a Saturday morning to pick up litter from area roadways and the schoolyards.

The thought behind the program is that by punishing parents of habitually truant children, the parents will take a much more active role in getting their children to school. And if that doesn’t work, according to Juvenile Court Administrator Chris Albright, the judges could then sentence the parents to jail, as is being done in Knox County right now.

Under current state law, a child is not classifi ed as a habitual truant until they have missed six

days of school without a valid excuse. This school year, the number of habitual truants was just under 11,000, down almost 9,000 from the previous year. Yet, even with a dramatic decrease in truancy, commissioners and judges still feel that there are far too many truants, and even more importantly, far too many lackadaisical parents.

Sheryl Randolph, director of student services for the county, noted that 1,364 parents have been brought before juvenile court this year to answer for the truancy of their children. These are parents who have already been contacted repeatedly by the school system. Many have also attended meetings with educators, with no effect on truancy.

“Children not being in school makes a tremendous impact on the ability of students to be successful,” said Assistant School Superintendent Dr. Rick Smith. “I applaud the commission. This will make a tremendous difference. I think you will now see parents step up.”

However, not everyone is pleased with the new plan. The program is targeted primarily towards the parents of elementary-school children, who

are almost entirely responsible for getting their children to school. But many parents of middle- and high-school students note that there is very little they can do about kids cutting classes or simply getting off the school bus and going somewhere other than school.

“I think a large part of the responsibility for keeping our kids in class comes from the schools themselves. It’s far too easy for kids to cut class and skip school these days, and many teachers don’t even seem to care,” said Leslie Whitaker,

NewsFeature

Truancy, Parents And Trashby Gary Poole


who has two children in Hamilton County schools. “I want to know what the schools themselves are doing to keep kids in class, instead of all the focus being on the parents.”

Another area of concern is whether the many private and parochial schools will be involved in the program. Although state law on truancy applies to all schools, public and private, there is a lack of information about attendance from the private schools. Dr. Smith assured the commission that his staff will be following up with all the schools in the county to make them aware that they need to provide truancy data and will need to alert offi cials of problems.

As for which schools are the most affected by truancy, fi gures provided by the school system show that Brainerd High, Howard High, Soddy-Daisy High and Ooltewah High had the highest reported rates of truancy, with Ooltewah leading the way with 675 habitual truants this year. Commissioner Beck had worried about the possibility of

racial bias in the implementation of the new truancy program, but was reassured when informed that, according to the statistics, more whites were truant than blacks, 5,834 to 4,333 respectively.

“I’m not worried about picking up trash, as my kids don’t skip school,” said Leslie Whitaker. “But what I do worry about is what happens to the kids who do. Is picking up trash really going to make a parent get their kid back into school, or is it going to make the problem worse?”

“Is picking up trash really going to make a parent get their kid back

into school, or is it going to make the

problem worse?”

NewsFeature



Cover Story

Beyond Volkswagen: The Future Of Hamilton Countyby Louis Lee


Cover Story

An apt description of Chattanooga, rising from the ashes of being one of the dirtiest and most industrialized cities of the mid-South, only to become a beautiful, shining example of sustainable development. But the name Phoenix was already taken. And, besides, Chattanooga suits us better and we can pronounce it properly.

In a recession-weary nation, Chattanooga and Hamilton County residents are surprisingly optimistic about their future. The announcement last year of Volkswagen coming to town was merely the most visible sign of an economic rebound. The “Dynamo of Dixie” has a new outlook on life and with a wary eye to the past, is making sure the future is not only prosperous, but green.

Brief reminder: After the Civil War, Chattanooga became a central location for manufacturing plants and foundries. Dirty factories belched thick, black smoke into the air 24 hours a day. By 1969, the federal government had declared Chattanooga’s air the worst in the United States. Drivers often navigated roads with their headlights on at mid-day because the air was so thick and dark. Even as recently as 1975, about half of all jobs in the area were in these factories.

phoe·nix (fē’nĭks) n. 1. Mythology A bird in Egyptian mythology that consumed itself by fi re, later to rise renewed from its ashes.

The de-industrialization in the 1980s sounded a death knell for many cities like Chattanooga. And the Scenic City could have suffered the same fate as Allentown, Pennsylvania, had it not been for forward-thinking entrepreneurs and some savvy public-private partnerships that created a vision of a clean, tourist-friendly city.

“We’re getting ready to go through a phase of some of the most dynamic growth since the late 1800s,” exclaims Hamilton County Commissioner John Allen Brooks. His Sixth District is mostly inside the city limits of Chattanooga and includes the communities of Lookout Valley, Eastlake and Missionary Ridge. “It’s a hard district to categorize. It is probably, ethnically, the most mixed of all the districts.”

That diversity gives Brooks a unique perspective on the future of our city and county. During a visit to the studios of WPLZ, Pulse News, Brooks shared his vision of what’s to come short-term and long-term for the Tennessee Valley.

Brooks points to all the talk and excitement surrounding the Volkswagen plant, which is currently under construction, and is quick to remind us that VW isn’t the only game in town these days. “This Alstom facility that’s coming in very close to where we are right now,” says Brooks, referring to the former Combustion Engineering site in the Southside, “is going to make a big

difference and add hundreds of jobs in an industry that’s coming back. They’re going to make the largest boilers for power generation in the world there.”

There are also all the suppliers that will be involved with VW and Alstom that count toward the area’s economic future. And these industries are fully aware that the Scenic City has no intention of reverting back to its dirty legacy. Both major employers have expressed their desire to be environmentally friendly corporate citizens. Volkswagen, in fact, has gone out of their way to make their Chattanooga manufacturing plant one of the most environmentally-transparent car builders in the world.

New employers coming to town is great news, but the city has some progress of its own to report. “If you look at Main Street,’ says Brooks, “they’re building a fi re station to provide that element of safety and suddenly you’re seeing everything growing up around it.”

Brooks say it’s no accident that the city is re-inventing itself. “Think when you’re looking ahead it’s planning. The reason [Chattanooga’s] growing is that 10, 15 years ago, there were plans made.” The commissioner points out that when the plans were originally unveiled, not everyone saw the logic of it. “They bought into the Volunteer Ammunition Plant. They built River


Park. They built the Aquarium. Sometimes investments take many years to come to fruition. And that’s an investment I think that in the long run, helps.”

It was about 30 years ago that the original ideas for revitalizing the riverfront were put on paper. A deteriorating bridge was saved from demolition by turning it into a walking bridge. That gutsy call would end up being the cornerstone for the entire revitalization project. The Walnut Street Bridge is now the elder statesman of the 21st Century Waterfront. Trendy shops, museums and all manner of cultural magnets now line the streets of downtown Chattanooga. And what worked for downtown can work anywhere else in the city.

No one says it will be easy, though. Some areas of town are mired in crime and urban blight. Brooks points to his district again, particularly Eastlake. “Eastlake is an area that could use assistance,” says Brooks, “It’s unfortunately a place where crime is extremely high. And we‘ve got a lot of wonderful old homes there, but they’re not being re-done and I think it’s because you need to have safety…or a feeling of safety before you go in and resuscitate and rebuild homes.”

Brooks has ideas for bringing this area of town back from the brink. “If I could do anything, I would like to see something built in Eastlake for the kids, where they could feel safe.” Brooks thinks youth will be the key in getting Eastlake back. “What I’m talking about is a place where there’s a playground…a place where the rec center is being used…something that ties in the Eastlake Middle School. And I think that would make all the difference in the world.”

A fi re station is already planned for the area. Brooks would like to see the playground located near that. “That would provide people there 24/7 to ensure that it’s not vandalized and torn up. And then ties in the neighborhood center there…I think that could create the oasis of safety where the kids could come and participate.”

The continuing success of the Main Street area could be an indicator of whether that idea will work. After building a new fi re station on Main Street, the area immediately surrounding the station came back to life. Each year, more businesses return to the area and the growth is radiating outward from that fi re station.

When a community experiences growth, there are, inevitably, growing pains. These have been seen in our city and county in the government. Decades ago there was talk of a metro-style government for Chattanooga/Hamilton County. It was struck down as unrealistic and un-necessary. However, with the increasing integration of the two governing bodies, the talk, like the city itself, is rising out of the ashes.

Stepping back to look, the Chattanooga and Hamilton County governments have been working together and even merging services for the last several years. For example, look at the

Combined 9-1-1 Center. Where once upon a time the city police, fi re and county sheriff and emergency services all had their own dispatchers, now everything has come together in one well-run body. There’s less confusion over who has jurisdiction, or who’s already sent an ambulance.

Another example of combining city and county efforts is the Department of Education. In the ’90s, the city decided to get out of the education business. An agreement was forged—and now schools are all run by the county with guidance and fi nancial support from the city.

While Brooks doesn’t advocate a metro government a la Nashville/Davidson County, he does hold these up as example of how merging duplicate services can be advantageous. “I think that in the public utilities, and in particular water and sewage, that’s an area where we could do a lot to unify the systems,” encourages Brooks. “We’ve got nine separated water districts and then Tennessee American.”

Brooks feels merging the water and sewer services would allow them to operate more effi ciently, and even borrow money at a cheaper rate, if needed. That would lead to lower rates for consumers and, arguably, better service. Brooks also looks at the relationship between the city

and the sewer and the Water and Wastewater Treatment Authority. “I’ve had some problems with the WWTA in the past, but the concept is good,” admits Brooks, “I just don’t think it was run well.”

Bringing in new jobs, cleaning up run-down neighborhoods and making government more effi cient. These are all things that are happening in Hamilton County right now and the proof is in downtown Chattanooga. “Downtown Chattanooga has a lot to offer. I mean, you can go out there right now and there are people on the street,” beams Brooks. “They’re going to be there tonight, there’s music being played, and they’ve done a great job in making downtown Chattanooga a place to come to.” Brooks just wants to see that joie de vive spread over a wider area. “I think a lot of people want to live close to the city, and it’s a lot cheaper if you talk about the costs of fuel and, if we want to be politically correct, it’s a lot greener.” He explains, “You don’t have to spend as much money buying the gasoline and the pollution that comes from it…so I think that resuscitating these inner-city neighborhoods, is a real key to the quality of life we want to have here in Hamilton County and in the city of Chattanooga.”

Cover Story

“[Alstom] is going to make a big difference and add hundreds of jobs in an industry that’s coming back. They’re going to make the largest boilers for power

generation in the world there.”— Commissioner John Allen Brooks


Dear Dr. Rick,I am someone who is not

comfortable with change, and now I seem to be in a chapter of life where change is all around me—regarding my relationship, my work, and my family. I’m not sure how to proceed with deciding which way to go with any of it, as I’m very afraid of making the wrong decision. I often end up letting life take its course, and hope the decision is made for me. But honestly, this is almost always an unsatisfying result at the least, or a disastrous one at worst. I’d like to “take the bull by the horns” and be proactive with my own decisions, but I don’t know how to even begin.— Leonard S., Chattanooga

Leonard, this is a great issue, as it is a predicament many, many people face throughout their lives. You’re not alone. In fact, I hear some version of the following quite often:

“I don’t know what to do about my relationship.”

“I’ve got to do something about my job…it’s driving me nuts!”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do with my roommate/boss/boyfriend/girlfriend/mother/father/kids…but something’s got to change!”

The famous and brilliant architect Frank Lloyd Wright said, “There is relief from anguish in action.” I very much agree. Jimmy Carter said that volunteerism will save this country. And Mother Teresa said that if you can’t help everyone, just help one person.

The point is that sometimes the best prescription for feelings such as depression, anxiety, frustration, fear, worry, hopelessness and helplessness is found in the act of doing. Doing something productive can take you out of yourself and put that unfocused energy toward accomplishing something—perhaps something good, for yourself or for another person.

Realistically, sometimes the doing is less about accomplishing and more

about distraction, and that’s OK, too. Distraction has its place. It’s not healthy to live in distraction mode, but it can be helpful to let a temporary distraction serve as a sort of breather, a time to calm down, get out of yourself, clear your head, and emotionally re-group.

But there’s obviously more to resolving life issues than merely doing something good, helping someone else, or distracting yourself. So let’s look more closely at “doing.”

When you fi nd yourself having thoughts like the above, i.e., I have to do something about my relationship, but I don’t know what to do, then you’re really not at the place of “doing” just yet. You’re at the place—the very important place—that is the step before doing.

You’re preparing.This is an important point, and

it’s important to be able to identify this for yourself. It boils down to this: If you don’t know what to do, you’re not ready to do. You are in the data-collecting phase. The sorting-through-your-feelings-and-thoughts phase. You’re in that place of preparing yourself for taking action, in whatever direction that may ultimately take you. Even if you end up not taking action right away, you’re still spending your time wisely by organizing your thoughts, getting in touch with your feelings, and using this information to help you navigate the issue so you can make the right decision for yourself when the time is right.

When you’re faced with an important crossroads, for instance staying in or getting out of a relationship, you want to be sure you do what is honest, integrity-fi lled, and healthy. You want to take the high road. And so, the decision-making process certainly isn’t something to be rushed into. The act of thoughtfully and fully exploring your options, the pros and cons, with special regard to what you are feeling, is an act of maturity. And this takes time. It is a process that will help you, ultimately, to do something.

When I give talks about this, I often describe this stage of the process as not only important, but necessary, because this is the stage that allows

you to move forward. Spending whatever time you need at this stage is what allows you to answer the question, “What would a wise and compassionate person do?”

And in my experience, that is a very helpful question indeed.

My suggestion is: When you fi nd yourself wondering, pondering, questioning, and deliberating, take the time you need, until you can move forward confi dently. This may be a decision that will affect the rest of your life. So doesn’t it just make good sense to give yourself permission to spend time listening to your wise and compassionate inner voice?

Until next week: “My mind is a garden. My thoughts are the seeds. My harvest will be either fl owers or weeds.” — Mel Weldon

ShrinkRap

The Step Beforeby Dr. Rick

“The act of thoughtfully and

fully exploring your options, the pros and

cons, with special regard

to what you are feeling, is an

act of maturity.”Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., is a

psychotherapist, minister, and educator, in private practice in Chattanooga, and is the author of “Empowering the Tribe” and “The Power of a Partner.” Visit his website at www.DrRPH.com where you can email your questions and comments.


discuss, create, BLOGa greener chattanoogasign up today


Where and when will you fi nd more than 55 local musicians and artists performing and showing their work? On May 31, from 1 – 9 p.m. at three sites, Miller Plaza, Waterhouse Pavilion, and Market Street Tavern, as part of the Give 5 fundraising event.

“This is our fi fth large event using local performers to raise money for local families,” says Shawnessey Cargile, founder of Give 5. “We’ve had nine families helped overall and six of them were single mothers, fi ve homeless. The mission of the event is to promote local musicians and artists from the area—not to use their talents to boast about themselves, but to use their talents to assist local people.”

Cargile held his fi rst fundraising event in December of 2006. “Through my day job at Goodwill, I met a woman who was about to be homeless and we—my friend Stewart King and myself—decided to try to help. That fi rst fundraising event wasn’t very successful,” he admits.

But Cargile and King decided not to give up.“In addition to the people I meet at Goodwill,

I have a network of social worker friends; also, we’ve worked a lot with Chattanooga Room In

the Inn [to fi nd families that need help]. We’d meet families and talk to them and if we thought it was worthwhile, we catered an event to fi t their needs. We have two events per year, in December and May. We thought it would be great to give to people, not an organization—someone we could see helped right there in front of us,” Cargile says.

“We went on the radio, and at fi rst had no name recognition, but then we moved to Barking Legs and saw bigger events—Give 1, 2, and 3—and fi nally to Miller Plaza [for] Give 4 and 5. Give 5 was set up to raise money to assist two local single parent families, one who’s homeless, and one who’s about to be,” he continues.

“We’re hoping to have 1,000 people at the event. That would cover several months rent and really be a start at helping these families out.”

Cargile says he had no trouble getting musicians and artists to participate in the event.

“At fi rst, I asked people I knew personally,” he explains, “but then I started spending time at open mics around town and meeting musicians. Fortunately, these people liked the idea of this benefi t. The size of the event grew from that and now it’s a lot easier to get people to want to do it.

“Also, we were able with this event to promote small businesses, too,” Cargile notes. “In the past we had gone to large businesses (for sponsorship) and had no luck, so we decided to try local businesses.”

This year’s sponsors include Re:Sound, Tremont Tavern, Market Street Tavern, JJs Bohemia, Mudpie, Heartwise Ministries, The Goodwill Assistance Dog Academy, and The Pulse.

When I compare Cargile to a modern-day Santa Claus, he laughs.

“I hope I don’t resemble the look of that [Santa Claus]. It’s been a fun thing. I’d like to turn this into a nonprofi t,” he muses. “One day it’d be great to see that happen. Chattanooga’s pretty good about turning out to support the events and giving money. Even if people don’t know that Give ‘5’ means it’s the fi fth event and think about giving

fi ve dollars for eight hours of entertainment, that’d be great.”

On event day, Miller Plaza and Market Street Tavern will have live music and artists will be set up in the Waterhouse Pavilion showcasing their art. The silent art auction will run from 1 – 7 p.m., with all money going to the two families. Give 5 is free to the public and donation boxes will be set up around the sites.

Arts&Entertainmentby Stephanie Smith

Artists Reach Out to Families in Need

“Even if people don’t know that Give ‘5’ means it’s the fi fth event and think about giving fi ve dollars for eight hours of entertainment, that’d be great.”

Give 5Free, but donations solicited for two families in need1 – 9 p.m.Sunday, May 31Miller Plaza, Waterhouse Pavilion, Market Street Tavern, 850 Market Street


“Jellies: Living Art”Must-see collaboration

between the Hunter Museum (glass artists, including local Thomas Spake) and the Aquarium (living jelly fi sh, natural works of art). This pioneering exhibit shows off the best of both these local institutions.

Hunter: $9.95/Aquarium: $21.95(Each institution offering 10 percent off admission to the other.)Hunter Museum, 10 Bluff View, (423) 267-0968. www.huntemuseum.orgTennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St, (423) 262-0695. www.tnaqua.org

“Art til Dark”Noon. Winder Binder Gallery of Folk Art, 40 Frazier Ave. (423) 413-8999. www.arttildark.com

“Zero Sum: Experiments in Game Theory”6 p.m. CreateHere, 33 E. Main St., Suite 105. (423) 648-2195.

Booksigning with See Rock City author Tim Hollis7 p.m. Rock Point Books, 401 Broad St. (423) 756-2855.

The Pirates of Penzance7:30 p.m. Ripple Theater, 3264 Brainerd Rd. (423) 475-5006.

“Jellies: Living Art”Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944.

Dan Mengini7:30 & 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch & Giggles Grille. 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com

“And the Iron Did Swim,” photography by Mary BarnettTanner Hill Gallery, 3069 S. Broad St., Suite 3. (423) 280-7182.www.tannerhillgallery.com

“The Untold Story of the Great Black Jockeys”Chattanooga African-American Museum, 200 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-8658.

Bob Dombrowski’s sculptureLinda Woodall Fine Arts, 7836 Ooltewah-Georgetown Rd. (423) 238-9985.www.crossline.com/lindawoodall

Chattanooga Market: EPB Big Band Day11 a.m. First Tennessee Pavillion, 1826 Carter St. www.chattanoogamarket.com

The Pirates of Penzance2:30 p.m. Ripple Theater, 3264 Brainerd Rd. (423) 475-5006. www.rippletheater.com

Dan Mengini8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com

Quilt exhibit featuring works of Phyllis Stephens and Lisa ButlerChattanooga African-American Museum, 200 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-8658.www.caamhistory.com

Reception for “Fine Art Bird Photography” by Dan Williams5:30 p.m. Bill Shores Frames & Gallery, 307 Manufacturers Rd., Suite 117. (423) 756-6746.

Sneak Peek of The Clear Story5:30 p.m. The Clear Story, 400 E. Main St. (423) 316-7391.www.theclearstory.com

Reception for “Sweet Dreams”, a one-woman show by Kimberly Dawn Clayton6 p.m. WinderBinder Gallery of Folk Art, 40 Frazier Ave. (423) 413-8999. www.winderbinder.com

The Pirates of Penzance7:30 p.m. Ripple Theater, 3264 Brainerd Rd. (423) 475-5006. www.rippletheater.com

“The Salty Side of Sweet: Works by Kirsten Stingle”10 a.m. AVA Gallery, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-4282.

Reception for Terry West5 p.m. Studio 2/Gallery 2, 27 W. Main St. (423) 266-2222.

Reception for “The Salty Side of Sweet: Works by Kirsten Stingle”5:30 p.m. AVA Gallery, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-4282.

Poetry Open Mic Night7:30 p.m. Barnes & Noble, 2100 Hamilton Place Blvd. (423) 893-0186.

Art by Terry WestStudio 2/Gallery 2, 27 W. Main St. (423) 266-2222.

Dan Mengini7:30 & 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch & Giggles Grille. 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

“Celebrate!”Hanover Gallery, 111 Frazier Ave. (423) 648-0533.

“A Barage of Butterfl ies”Houston Museum of Decorative Arts, 201 High St. (423) 267-7176. www.thehoustonmuseum.com

“All That Jazz” River Gallery, 400 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033. www.river-gallery.com

Coyee Langston’s “Inner Light” In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9214.

Thursday Friday

Saturday Sunday

The Pirates of Penzance

Gilbert & Sullivan fans have a chance to hum along with some of this operetta’s famous ditties, from “I Ama Pirate King” to “The Major General’s Song.” $157:30 p.m.Ripple Theater, 3264 Brainerd Rd.(423) 475-5006. www.rippletheater.com

“The Untold Story of the Great Black

Jockeys”Sculpture and paintings by George Nock, Tim Hinton and Audrey Menefee.$510 a.m. – 5 p.m.Chattanooga African-American Museum, 200 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-8658. www.caamhistory.org

Chattanooga Market: Big Band

DayAlways one of the favorite days of the Market season.Free11 a.m. – 4 p.m.Chattanooga Market, First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 Carter Street. www.chattanoogamarket.com

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Editor’s Pick: Featured Event Of The Week

A&ECalendar Send your calendar events to us at [email protected]

“New Work by Lorraine Christie and Bruno Zapan”Gallery 1401, 1401 Williams St. (423) 265-0015.

Art by Harry KippesLookout Mountain Gallery, 3535-A Broad St. (423) 508-8117.

Southeast Veterans MuseumChattanooga Ducks building, 201 W. 5th St. (423) 756-3825.

“Sweet Dreams” - a one-woman show by Kimberly Dawn ClaytonWinderBinder Gallery of Folk Art, 40 Frazier Ave. (423) 413-8999. www.winderbinder.com

Art by Terry WestStudio 2/Gallery 2, 27 W. Main St. (423) 266-2222.

Flick’s Café: Great Short Films: Love and War in Flims6 p.m. Downtown Public Library, 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-1310. www.lib.chattanooga.gov

ETC’s New Play Tuesdays: The Land of Royal Blood by Garry Lee Posey7 p.m. St. Andrews Center Theatre, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141. ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com

“Celebrate!”Hanover Gallery, 111 Frazier Ave. (423) 648-0533.

“A Barage of Butterfl ies”The Houston Museum of Decorative Arts, 201 High St. (423) 267-7176. www.thehoustonmuseum.com

Poetry Night7 p.m. CreateHere, 33 E. Main St., Suite 105. (423) 648-2195.

Annual Jewish Film Series7:30 p.m. Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 North Terrace. (423) 493-0270. www.jcfgc.com

“And the Iron Did Swim,” photography by Mary BarnettTanner Hill Gallery, 3069 S. Broad St., Suite 3. (423) 280-7182.

Bob Dombrowski’s sculptureLinda Woodall Fine Arts, 7836 Ooltewah-Georgetown Rd. (423) 238-9985.

“New Work by Lorraine Christie and Bruno Zapan”Gallery 1401, 1401 Williams St. (423) 265-0015.

Bella SeraAnnual wine-and-music

fundraiser for Chattanooga Endeavors, this year featuring Ogya.$60-$100Renaissance Park, North Shore (across from FoodWorks)www.bellaseraevent.com


NOTICEIn the most recent issue of The Pulse (Vol. 6, Issue 21, May 21-27), an advertisement for The Chattanoogan Spa was incorrect. The

copy in the advertisement directed readers to ask about “complimentary Blush Magazine spa upgrades”. This was in error and we regret any

problems or confusion this may have caused The Chattanoogan Spa and our readers.


I came off the third-fl oor balcony immediately after the unexpected crack of poorly-named “protective latticework”, and would have been terrifi ed the entire journey downward were it not for the just-as-unwelcome distraction of the second fl oor’s balcony rail striking my head on the way down. In fact, by the time I hit the ground I had completely forgotten that I was falling in the fi rst place, such was that second railing’s impact. Lucky me. I suffered a massive laceration and an untold loss of blood, but I otherwise stood up with little assistance and went back to work with nothing more than an embarrassing bandage and a series of dramatic stories I never tell the same way twice.

This was on three hours of sleep and without the hint of a hangover an otherwise normal man would expect from the night before, and this was just Wednesday. (I had driven the bartender home to help them out, if that helps illustrate the picture any better.)

Time went on, and I thought of that exact moment for the fi rst time in ten Christmases because I had just felt a distinct snapping sensation in my left shoulder. I realized I had injured myself more seriously than on that balcony night by simply having rolled over to grab a bottle of water from the bed stand after a rare full night of sleep. I mean, seriously…I hurt myself just waking up. Unbelievable. I nursed the new injury with the usual breakfast of multivitamins, aspirin, Prilosec and a dessert of Hydrocodone. I had been awake ten minutes.

I thought of a dozen more equally ironic instances, but the conclusion was still the same: My physiological warranty had been expired for some years and there were no extensions or rebates, or even notices that either was at an end. I thought about this as I studied a face in the mirror that

seemed familiar enough…but only the blue eyes remained the same, now that I thought about it. Even those seemed weird, though. I had been getting that a lot for the last few years, but why listen?

The thought haunted me more than usual at the job that night, but maybe that was the problem; much of the time was spent at a desk now instead of on asphalt, and it couldn’t be a coincidence. Blue-collar self-pity is an awful thing and I recommend those that can’t envision this to rent The Wrestler immediately and leave a ten-minute buffer afterwards for some quiet introspection. My own viewing had come weeks after my shoulder episode, but it was an appropriate visual depiction of what I felt and was infi nitely cheaper than the convertible sports car and extra-marital affair it took for most men to realize the same.

I was still noticing the telltale gray hair in the side burns and crow’s feet about the additional skin around my eyes in a 37-year-old city-installed mirror when I responded to a domestic the next district over and arrived to fi nd a no-nonsense man leaning against the steps of his front porch looking about in exasperation, still panting from recent aggressions. I signaled my arrival to both him and dispatch with one hand while resting the other on my pistol, and cleared the latter from its leather as I realized the man wasn’t so much resting as dealing with the butcher knife the ambient streetlight now more clearly showed protruding from the center of his chest. Two other offi cers arrived behind me and went in to clear the house he was in front of, and a rare fourth offi cer stopped beside me and went to his other side. “Don’t worry, fella,” the young cop said. “You’ll be OK.”

The victim cocked his head to his right, resting on his elbows and raising both hands to point inward towards the blade’s increasingly bloody handle, and said, “Mutha’ fucka’, does it look like I’m going to be ‘OK’?!” Then as if to prove his

point, he laid his head back on the edge of the porch and died without another word.

I had to hand it to him: I never really thought he was going to get better.

The crime scene cleared as they always do, and prosecutions were made and verdicts issued…but that was outside of my bailiwick and wasn’t what interested me just then. What interested me was in driving away, I noticed a guy in the rear-view mirror looking back at me that didn’t look so old and so broken as he did a few hours before. There were new scars, sure, some of which no physician could ever see…but he wasn’t the same guy that started the shift, that’s for sure.

Age doesn’t sneak up on us, my friends. Nothing so fi endish works with such stealth and guile, unnoticed for a decade at a time, outside of socialism and old white women. This kind of ignorance is only the fault of vanity and denial, and age is completely intolerant of both.

You have bad days, to be certain. Things don’t work as well or as fast as they used to…but when you see how much better things are without a knife protruding from your chest fi rst hand, things don’t seem too bad at all, do they? Perspective, Dear Reader. That’s why you love the cops you know well, and why you hate some as easily…but there is a distinct clarity to both when you see things from the Eye of the Pig.

I scratched absently at the center of my chest, and drove on. The moon was out tonight; maybe I’d treat myself to lunch. Was I so bad? No matter.

I only knew I felt good. And after the things that caused the crow’s feet to grow and the gray hair to spread more quickly…feeling good was good enough.

Pardon my selfi shness. Till next week, Dear Reader.

OnTheBeat

Time Ravages, Time Revealsby Alex Teach

Alexander D. Teach is an occasional student of the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga and a graduate of Central High. In his spare time he enjoys carpentry, auto mechanic work, boating, and working for the Boehm Birth Defects Center.

“I realized I had injured

myself more seriously than

on that balcony night by simply

having rolled over to grab

a bottle of water from

the bed stand after a rare full night of

sleep. I mean, seriously…I hurt myself

just waking up. Unbelievable.”


It breaks my heart that a generation of moviegoers can only associate Sam Raimi with the Spider-Man franchise. Don’t get me wrong, I love the web-slinger (well, in the fi rst two movies at least), and I’m glad that Sam was able to break out of his indie-horror past and make some real money.

“Glad” might be a bit too strong. I’m happy for him, but those of us who love a good zombie story will always look fondly on the adventures of Ash from S-Mart (“Shop Smart! Shop, S-Mart!”) from Evil Dead, Evil Dead 2 and my personal favorite Army of Darkness. These movies were not big-budget horror fl icks—they were the true rebirth of independent horror fi lms (you can go straight to hell, Blair Witch Project!)

Raimi and his good buddy Bruce Campbell set out with a miniscule budget, homemade effects, and the desire to make an awesome horror movie. They created a camp-tastic masterpiece (The Evil Dead), thanks in no small part to Campbell’s ability to over-act Bill Shatner’s pants off. Raimi, on the other hand,

has demonstrated that he can make a great movie without Campbell (although Bruce tends to show up anyways).

So—what is the best thing about Raimi’s return to classic horror? Originality. In a time when your only horror options are remakes and sequels, getting an injection of good old-fashioned Sam Raimi originality is just what the doctor ordered! The Raimi of old is back, and let’s hope that Drag Me to Hell inspires a generation of good horror movies!

Drag Me to Hell pits Christine Brown (Alison Lohman), a loan offi cer, against an old woman (Lorna Raver) whom she is ordered to evict. The old woman, who isn’t too happy about the situation, delivers unto Brown a supernatural curse which turns the woman’s life into a (literal) living hell. She desperately turns to a seer to try and save her soul, but evil forces are working hard to tear her and her boyfriend apart.

That’s right, it’s a date movie. It’s an awesome, horrifying, gory,

campy, hilarious date movie, with shocking scenes that have nothing to do with gore or violence. Raimi’s mastery of his style is imbued with a sense of fun that will supply you and your date with inside jokes for years

to come. “Hey, honey, remember when the ancient old gypsy totally made out with the hot girl after she took out her dentures? GROSS!” Yeah, that’ll happen.

However, don’t be confused. If you’re in the mood for a deep plot with deep thoughts, then you’ve come to the wrong shop. If you’re looking for memorable characters with which you’ll instantly fall in love (even a decent performance out of Mac-guy Justin Long), then Drag Me to Hell is the movie for you.

Film Feature

Raimi Returns To His Rootsby Damien Power

Drag Me to HellDirected by Sam RaimiStarring Alison Lohman, Lorna Raver, Justin LongRated PG-13Running time: I hour, 39 minutes

“The Raimi of old is back, and let’s

hope that Drag Me to Hell inspires a

generation of good horror movies!”


Last weekend I went to the Chattanooga Zoo’s “Spirits in the Wild” fundraiser, the title being a clever way of saying, “let’s get drunk with some animals.” The event was fun if you don’t mind sipping cocktails in a rain forest. In other words, it rained…a lot.

And that would have been all right, except the purpose of the event was for people to walk around and look at the animals which are all, of course, outside. Shuffl ing through the water-drenched walkways with whatever I could fashion as an umbrella, I made my way through each exhibit.

The wildest of them all was our poor old local band Up With The Joneses huddled on a makeshift stage under an Eazy-Up tent in ever-present danger of being electrocuted. Right next to them was an enormous mud puddle I pointed out to one patron as “the new mud duck exhibit still under construction.” Everyone was in good “spirits.”

All joking aside however, I was blown away by the ever-growing Chattanooga Zoo. It’s much bigger and better than I expected, given that it had been a few years since I last had occasion to visit.

The Chattanooga Zoo I remember looked more like a petting zoo. In fact, there was an actual petting zoo enclosure with sheep, goats and chickens (and surprisingly,

there still is). The main exhibits back then included a hyena, a camel and some prairie dogs in old-school dirt-and-concrete enclosures. I always thought the choice of animals was odd. And there were a few birds too, like a peacock and some sort of bird of prey in tall, ’70s-looking birdcages. The rest of the cages were fi lled with raccoons, deer, squirrels, snakes and other species you can see in your own back yard at any given moment.

Back then my daughter was a “friend of Hank.” Hank is of course the prized featured attraction, 300-pound chimp and mascot of the Zoo. I remember taking her down there each year when his “friends” were admitted free to help him celebrate his birthday. This consisted of three dozen fi ve year olds singing “Happy Birthday” in droning unison as Hank, unbeknownst to the kiddies, pleasured himself in the tall grass near the tire swing. Then, it was cupcakes and Kool Aid in the pavilion (without Hank).

I also remember around that time that the staff, volunteers and patrons of the Zoo were really trying to make a go of it as a viable local attraction and learning resource. Under construction when I last visited were spider monkey and jaguar exhibits that actually resembled the natural-looking habitats you see in much larger zoos. And I’m sure that’s because at the time our Zoo was getting a lot of pressure from vocal opponents to “go big or go home.”

Well, I’m happy to report they did it. They went big, and it looks fantastic. The two exhibits I just mentioned are fi nished, and there are many more just like them around the park.

In fact, the newest, most impressive section of the Zoo is the “Himalayan Passage”, which features red pandas, Indian muntjacs, snow leopards, languars and a bunch of other animals I’ve never heard of. I took it that the red pandas must be the latest addition because all of the VIPs got a chance to pet one between scotch n’ sodas.

They’ve also revamped the old chimp and hyena displays into a whole “Corcovado Jungle” section, and expanded other parts of the park—including most of the existing habitats, entrance area and gift shop. Bottom line is the Zoo is well on its way to becoming a great compliment to other top-notch local attractions like our aquarium and museums.

So whether it’s Hank’s birthday or not, grab a kid and head to the Chattanooga Zoo. It’s fun, educational, and right down the street in Warner Park. Who knows, you might just end up petting a red panda yourself…or at least a goat.

LifeInTheNoog

ChattaZoogaby Chuck Crowder

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be ure to check out his wildly popular website www.thenoog.com

“The newest, most impressive

section of the Zoo is the

‘Himalayan Passage’, which

features red pandas, Indian

muntjacs, snow leopards, languars and a bunch of other

animals I’ve never heard of.”


“Awareness” is a buzzword almost as common in the green community as “sustainability.” Something or someone is always trying to “raise it” about any number of issues on blogs, at rallies, and in e-mails. There is usually a petition or action meeting involved. Often, it is hard to drum up signatures and attendance, so important issues remain under the radar.

Environmental art is another means of communication, one the green community often overlooks. According to academics, the Environmental Art movement started in the late 1960s, but one could argue that environmental art has always been around. Artists have always tried to capture the beauty of the natural world, but what I fi nd interesting is art with an emphasis on man’s impact on nature. Art can also be a means to an end in getting things done.

In 2004, Xavier Cortada addressed deforestation in Florida by painting native trees on the concrete columns that hold up bridges along I-95 though downtown Miami. By 2006, the images had triggered an effort to restore a mangrove colony on South Florida’s Biscayne Bay.

Betsey Damon creates large-scale sculptures to bring awareness to water pollution. Damon’s piece, the da Vinci Water Garden, is a sculpture that redirects storm water from rooftops and a parking lot at a Portland, Oregon school. The artist is able to bring attention to the issue of contaminated water through something beautiful, transforming a problem into an opportunity.

Environmental art can also help you see issues and possibilities in obscure places. I have found that seeing issues illustrated through various mediums helps me think about them in new ways.

Local artist Michael Jenkins’ work advocates sustainability, though often not directly. You can fi nd his art all over town: Winder Binder Gallery, at the Chattanooga Market, and in Greenlife, to name a few. His paintings’ subjects are usually man-made and utilitarian—pieces of infrastructure so common, they blend in. Images like streetlights, water towers, power lines, smoke stacks, and nuclear cooling towers are common in Jenkins’ work.

Michael had a class in high school that changed how he thought about the environment. The program was called SAVE (Students Advocating Vital Environmentalism). “I noticed every little thing after that class,” says Michael.

Much of Michael’s material is green. He routinely uses discarded scrapes of wood as canvas. If he sees a pile of scrap on the side of the road, he’ll stop and take what he can use. He also prefers the texture, which gives his pieces unique character. “It’s cheaper, sure, but I like seeing things that are thought of as trash and making them into something interesting,” he says.

During the day, Michael uses his degree in horticulture to cultivate orchids for Lines Orchids in Signal Mountain. But you won’t see any fl owers in his art.

“It’s just not what I want to communicate,” he says, looking thoughtfully at one of his pieces. “Some people say my work is dark. But I don’t think so. It’s just there, you know?”

I can see why some people might come to that conclusion. But I get a

completely different message from his art. The subject matter is bleak, if that is how one chooses to view industry and modern life. One of his pieces features a section of vibrant power lines bathed in moonlight, a lone bird perched on the pole, illustrating how nature and the man-made work intersect. Another piece is of a brightly painted manufacturing facility—deep pinks and purples set against a blazing orange sky, while yet another features Alabama’s old Sloss Furnace in bright green.

Seeing objects usually thought of as polluting in a different light instills in me a sense of hope.

Modern life does not have to be inherently bad for the environment. We can change. Power can be clean. Manufacturing and industry can be revamped for the 21st century with new technologies; new technologies will help us live more effi ciently and in harmony with our surroundings. We can develop processes that reuse waste from industry; economic development can work with the environment, not against it.

We can make a new beginning using what we have learned and applying it to what we already have. The sheer magnitude of what we have built in this country—all the metal, cable, and steel, and the technology that is integrated into everything we do, can be given new purpose. We were smart enough to build all of this. We are smart enough to build it cleanly.

Art can be one vehicle for this message. Another should be what we do.

ShadesOfGreen

Green Lightby Elizabeth Crenshaw

“Modern life does not have

to be inherently bad for the

environment. We can change.

Power can be clean.

Manufacturing and industry

can be revamped

for the 21st century

with new technologies.”

Elizabeth Crenshaw is LEED accredited and works for EPB in Strategic Planning. Originally from South Carolina, Elizabeth moved to Chattanooga after graduating from Warren Wilson College in 2007.


dale deasonmornings, 5-9


You know, one of my most common mistakes within the local music scene is overlooking the youngsters. The newbies, if you will. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not quite a geriatric myself, being a twentysomething, but I often forget those just-now-blossoming youths that might not be old enough to be in my typical venue range.

I recently was drawn to a local band called Infi nite Orange, due to the fact that they have two summer shows posted up on their myspace page, and those shows are Riverbend and Nightfall.

Hmm. If there is a band in Chattanooga that can land those local festival favorites, then why don’t I know about them? Who are they? What is their story? The answer to this is simply that they are young and not allowed a very large slate of options of places to play. By young, I mean just turned 18 years old and just graduated from high school this month from the esteemed Soddy-Daisy High School. I know, that’s so young, right?

Actually, when I think about it, I’ve known many of the current scene’s musicians since they were right around that age, and I suppose it is because I grew up with them that I didn’t see it as young. Now, I just forget all about the new crop of talent, trying to keep up with the already present bands. I am trying to redeem myself for this oversight by now paying attention to the up-and-comers.

Infi nite Orange has been playing for the past six years or more. Yep, since the seventh grade. It kinda makes you feel like you should have been doing a little more with your middle-school career when you hear about people starting so early. It’s like they came out of the womb with instruments in their hands. Impressive. The band consists of Ryan Guza on drums, Austin Leavell on bass and backup vocals, and Nick Lutsko on guitar and lead vocals. A good old-fashioned three-piece. I approve.

Not only did these guys start young, but they already have two

CDs under their belt, which you can fi nd on CD Baby. The most recent of these two albums is called Dig It and came out this past fall. I listened to a few of their tunes and I can tell they have taken one of our local favorite bands, Up with the Joneses, on as a huge infl uence. They also mentioned that Sublime and Les Claypool, as well as Phish, are infl uential to their band and you can hear that when you fi rst sit down to listen.

When I talked to Austin, he wanted it to be said that they do have a sound for just about everyone, that they cannot be grouped in with a certain genre or specifi c cubbyhole of music classifi cation as they are “all over the place” offering a bit of folk and funk in their repertoire, as well as the obvious jam rock.

They are playing the opening night at Riverbend, June 5, at 7:45 p.m. on the Credit Union stage. I recommend you go check out these prodigies. Also they will be playing Nightfall on June 26.

Speaking of Nightfall, one of my personal favorites, The Nim Nims (you might’ve heard of them), will be playing Nightfall this coming weekend, on May 29. The Nim Nims, that I’ve previously called the greatest band you’ve never heard, have their chance to be heard by the likes of all of you Chattanoogans for free this Friday. They are the master of the cowbell, and the sultans of dance, as you can’t keep your seat for long when they play. Dance, dance,

dance! They’ll be opening for Nation

Beat, who have a cross-sound of Brazilian rock with the Southeastern United States overtones that make it sound familiar. The band boasts an endorsement from the popular show, All Things Considered on NPR, as being “the most original and alluring fusion group, I’ve heard in years.” That alone has my attention.

So, let’s recap: We have youngsters at Riverbend, which, as we all know, is hard enough for the established local players in the scene, who will also be gracing Nightfall. By the way, I should give props here to Carla Pritchard for booking yet another season of diverse and deserving artists to play our local Miller Plaza at the low, low price of free to us. Thanks, Carla! Also, The Nim Nims will be rocking our faces off with their infamous cowbell before they bring on some awesome Brazilian rock. Who is down for good free music? Me! You should be there. I will be.

MusicFeature

Infi nite Summer Musicby Hellcat

The Nim Nims(opening for Nation Beat at Nightfall)Free7 p.m.Friday, May 31Miller Plaza, 850 Market Street

Infi nite OrangeIncluded in Riverbend pin admission7:45 p.m.Friday, June 5Credit Union Stage


Preston Parris6 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com

Running Riot, The Seas Afl ame, Treephort, Doug Knight7:30 p.m. Club Fathom, 412 Market St. (423) 757-0019. www.clubfathom.com

Linda McRae8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-3109. www.christunity.org

Priscilla & lil Ricky8 p.m. The Foundry @ The Chattanoogan, 1201 S. Broad St. (423) 424-3775. www.chattanooganhotel.com

Open Mic hosted by Shawnessey Cargile9 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9043.

The Bohannons10 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St., (423) 634-0260

Dave Matthews Tribute Band10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644.

Wraith Manger, T’ Something Bro, Indian Friend, Neon Viking Funeral10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Nathan Farrow10 p.m. T-Bone’s, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com

Chattanooga Market:11 a.m. First Tennessee Pavillion, 1826 Carter St. www.chattanoogamarket.com

Open Jam with Jeff Daniels4 p.m. Ms. Debbie’s Nightlife Lounge, 4762 Hwy 58. (423) 485-0966.www.myspace.com/debbieslounge

Irish Music 6:30 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike, (423) 266-1996.www.tremonttavern.com

Robert Paulson7:30 p.m. Club Fathom, 412 Market St. (423) 757-0019.

Open MicGene’s Bar & Grill, 724 Ashland Terrace, (423) 870-0880.

Thursday FridayHotpipes, Prabir and the Substitutes5 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Jason Aldean7:30 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave.

Channing Wilson9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Convertibull9 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd #202. (423) 499-5055

The Corduroy9 p.m. The Lowdown, 306 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 468-3593.

Rhythm & Noon: Ralph James12 p.m. Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. (423) 265-0771.

Tim Hughes Quartet7 p.m. Blue Orleans Creole Restaurant, 3208 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 629-6538.

Sons of Cynics, Every Word a Prophecy, The Contortionist7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge.

Nightfall: Nationbeat with The Nim Nims7 p.m. Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. (423) 265-0771.

Blue Meets the Eye7:30 p.m. Club Fathom, 412 Market St. (423) 757-0019. www.clubfathom.com

Ocams Razor8 p.m. Ziggy’s Hideaway, 607 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 634-1074. www.myspace.com/ziggyshideaway

Priscilla & lil Ricky8 p.m. The Foundry @ The Chattanoogan, 1201 S. Broad St. (423) 424-3775.

Mudville Mafi a9 p.m. The Tin Can, 618 Georgia Ave. (423) 648-4360. www.thetincanchattanooga.com

Hudson K10 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St., (423) 634-0260

The Micks10 p.m. T-Bone’s, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com

Saturday Sunday

The Protomen, The Nim Nims

A band that plays videogame-inspired music while wearing Mega Man helmets is sheer brilliance. The Nim Nims will also do a set at Nightfall before they visit JJ’s.10 p.m.$7JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Outrun the Gun, I am alpha and omega, Oh

the Blood, PatriarchsMetal-driven melodic hardcore touring the countryside pops by Chattanooga for what is sure to be a loud and stellar show.7 p.m.$7The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd, East Ridge. www.myspace.com/warehousetn

Give5One of the “don’t miss”

musical events of the season, and for a very good cause.1 p.m.Free, but donations accepted for two local families.Miller Plaza, 850 Market Street.(423) 265-0771.

MondayThe Palms at Hamilton 6925 Shallowford Road,Suite #202.(423) 499-5055.www.thepalmsathamilton.com

Fireside Lounge4021 Hixson Pike,(423) 870-7078.

Lucky’s2536 Cummings Highway,(423) 825-5145.

Tremont Tavern1203 Hixson Pike,(423) 266-1996.www.tremonttavern.com

Blue Orleans Creole Restaurant3208 Amnicola Highway,(423) 629-6538.blueorleanscreolerestaurant.com

The Ben Friberg Jazz Trio7 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253.

Gravebound, Liquid Limbs, City of Ships9 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Spoken Word/Poetry NightThe Riverhouse, 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 752-0066.

Open MicTremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike(423) 266-1996.www.tremonttavern.com

DJ ScubaSteveFox and Hound Pub & Grille,2040 Hamilton Place Blvd #150, (423) 490-1200.

Jerry Fordham6 p.m. The Tin Can, 618 Georgia Ave. (423) 648-4360. www.thetincanchattanooga.com

The Ben Friberg Jazz Trio6:30 p.m. Market Street Tavern. 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260.

Aneirin, Arise the Rider, Ignite7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd.. East Ridge.www.myspace.com/warehousetn

Johnston-Brown8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd #202. (423) 499-5055.

Noah Collins w/ PeeWee Moore and Butch Ross9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644.

Tuesday Wednesday Editor’s Pick: Featured Event Of The Week

Jake ShimabukuroThis young gun uses

lightening-fast fi ngers on his ukulele to produce simultaneously soothing and enthralling sound.9 p.m$15Rhythm and Brews, 221 Market St., (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

MusicCalendar Send your calendar events to us at [email protected]

Dark Meat, Mixel Pixel, Forest MagicIf your ears ever bleed in a good way—this will be it. The energetic Athens collective Dark Meat promises chaos

and smiles.Wednesday, May 27, 9 p.m.$7JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia


It’s a sad fact that the cream doesn’t always rise to the top in the music world, but the Scottish band the Vaselines actually got a sporting chance, largely thanks to Kurt Cobain. It’s clear that Cobain has two musical legacies: Nirvana, of course, and also the underground bands he ardently

championed. The Vaselines—ostensibly a silly pop act—was so beloved by him that his daughter Frances Bean was named after Vaselines member Frances McKee, and Nirvana covered no fewer than three of their songs. Active in the mid-to-late ’80s and recently reunited for some live shows, the Vaselines made irresistibly catchy sing-along songs with a little more volume and fuzz than expected from an indie-pop group and an occasional bluesy touch. The core duo of Eugene Kelly and McKee sang gleefully about things like teenagers on LSD or obtaining sexual gratifi cation from a bicycle seat, and even a bleak and self-deprecating track like “No Hope”

was comical, because it was so exceptionally bleak and self-deprecating.

The new two-disc collection Enter the Vaselines replaces the studio recording compilation The Way of the Vaselines by adding a disc of demos and live recordings. These unreleased tracks are a bit sloppy and sometimes use a drum machine, but fans will be interested in hearing alternate lyrics (in “Son of a Gun” and “The Day I Was a Horse”) and several unheard numbers, including a live cover of a Gary Glitter song. Two unreleased originals, “Red Poppy,” and “Rosary Job,” are presented in live and demo versions, and it’s unfortunate that there aren’t proper studio recordings for these; the sing-songy girl/boy chorus of “Rosary Job” is particularly cute, although its title is surely a perverse nod to an infamous scene in the John Waters fi lm Multiple Maniacs. The demo/live disc is nice to have, but it’s not nearly as essential as the fi rst disc and certainly won’t be played as much. In retrospect, the Vaselines’ catalog has held up well and doesn’t sound terribly dated, like those of many C86 contemporaries, and it’s perhaps the perfect gateway drug from indie rock to pop, with cheeky takes on sex, drugs, and teenage rebellion. —Ernie Paik

Rick Bishop, formerly of Sun City Girls, is a guitarist with chops so impressive that the late, legendary

fi nger-style guitarist John Fahey commented to him, “You play like the devil.” Under the name “Sir Richard Bishop,” which is a tribute to the British explorer Sir Richard Burton, Bishop has mapped out various diverse lands and their music, from India to Spain to southern Appalachia, often using just a solitary acoustic guitar.

The latest album from Sir Richard Bishop, The Freak of Araby, is notable

for employing a four-piece backing band on several tracks, and as hinted in its title, it is centered on the music of North Africa and the Middle East, with a taste of western soundtracks. There is a logical fl ow to the album, which is evenly split between fi ve originals and fi ve covers and traditional song adaptations. It opens with the ominous “Taqasim for Omar” with Bishop on solo electric guitar, with nice, subtly rolling passages of tension and release, and the album gradually gets more animated as it progresses. The second track, “Enta Omri” introduces the band, which includes a second guitarist, a bassist, and two drummers/percussionists, and it slithers along enticingly, with all members playing note patterns in unison at choice times. One highlight is “Solenzara,” which could almost pass for a ’60s exotic surf-rock song, especially if it used a different production sheen, and the mid-

song fl urry of percussion keeps the song rooted in the album’s stylistic theme.

“Ka’an Azzaman” is as much a tribute to its composer, Elias Rahbani from Lebanon, as it is to Omar Khorshid, the Egyptian guitarist who covered it and whom Bishop cites as one of his favorite guitarists. Though solid throughout, The Freak of Araby ends with two of its best numbers—“Sidi Mansour” has a driving, kinetic energy, with quick, precise picking from Bishop and a shadowy middle section with squeaks and other disorienting sounds, and “Blood-Stained Sands” features a dense mix of drums, rattling percussion, and reverberating Moroccan chanters (think snake-charmer music) that threaten to spiral out of control. Although Bishop’s solo acoustic guitar work is excellent, this new chapter in his career is a welcome turn and a fascinating, transportive work.—Ernie Paik

NewMusicReviews

Sir Richard BishopThe Freak of Araby(Drag City)

The VaselinesEnter the Vaselines(Sub Pop)



GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Research shows that if a stranger gazes at you for at least 8.2 seconds, he or she is defi nitely interested in you. If, on the other hand, the look lasts 4.5 seconds or less, there’s no attraction. I’m guessing that the percentage of long scrutinies you receive in the coming weeks will be higher than usual. Your raw charisma levels will be up, as will your ability to make strong fi rst impressions. How do you plan to exploit the advantages this will give you, Gemini? According to my projections, it’ll be a good time to meet some allies of the future.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): One of the tastiest frogs in the world is at risk of dying out as a species. The “mountain chicken” frog, once a fi xture on the chain of Caribbean islands known as Montserrat, has become endangered through loss of habitat, disease, and over-hunting by humans. In response to the crisis, conservationists have airlifted a number of survivors to new homes, attempting to save their kind from extinction. I think it’s time for you to arrange a comparable intervention of your own, Cancerian. A sweet and delicious part of you or your world is not exactly thriving, and needs some strenuous help and care.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): A Florida woman, upset that her local McDonald’s had run out of Chicken McNuggets, phoned the 911 emergency service line for help. In an unrelated incident, a Florida man took the same action when Burger King told him it had no lemonade to sell him. I recommend that you not indulge in similar overreactions in the coming week, Leo. The Drama Queen or Drama King archetype is threatening to possess you, and I suspect you’ll have to act forcefully to keep it away. If you’re successful, you’ll be visited by a far more congenial archetype—the Social Butterfl y. And that would prove to be amusing and productive.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Most of you Virgos have built-in safeguards that ensure you won’t abuse power. That’s why I feel uninhibited about advising you to grab all the new authority and infl uence you can get in the next few weeks. It’s one of those phases in your astrological cycle when you’re more likely to be in line for promotions, new privileges, and increased clout. I hope you won’t be shy. You may have to be uncharacteristically aggressive as you claim your rightful potency and rewards.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In the coming days, the surprise and delight quotient will be way up. I bet you’ll be more prone than usual to uttering exclamations. There may also be a confounding “aha!” and a mind-wobbling “What the frack?!” mixed in there, although I think the emphasis will be on developments that educate and entertain you. Since you will probably be ushered in the direction of the frontier, I think you should fi nd new ways to express your amazement. Instead of cliches like “Jesus H. Christ!” or “Holy crap!”, why not try something fresh, like the following: “Great Odin’s raven!” . . . “Radical lymphocytes!” . . . “Cackling whacks of jibber-jabber!” . . . “Frosty heat waves!” . . . “Panoramic serpentine.” Any other ideas?

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): As I was driving out in the country, I spied a curious statement written in large crooked letters on a homemade sign: “I have seen the truth and it doesn’t make sense.” I’m guessing you might feel that way yourself right now, Scorpio. You have summoned the courage to see the deeper reality beneath the offi cial story, but that has made you more confused than you were when you only possessed a smattering of iffy facts. So you’re smarter and better informed, but are nonetheless feeling less secure. My advice: Don’t fl ee back into the fake comfort of comfy delusions. If you can maintain your poise in the face of the raging ambiguity, you will ultimately be rewarded with a big dose of cathartic clarity.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “Wisdom is knowing I am nothing,” said Indian philosopher Nisargadatta Maharaj. “Love is knowing I am everything. And between the two my life moves.”

According to my calculations, Sagittarius, you’ll be more on the “knowing you are everything” side of the polarity for the next few weeks. That’s because a fl ood is imminent. I expect you’ll be on the receiving end of a massive outreach from the universe—an infl ux of invitations, inquiries, and offers to make connection. You should also be prepared for the dizzying pleasure that comes from seeing how profoundly interlinked and interdependent you are.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): This is my pledge to you, Capricorn: I promise to use all my otherworldly connections to get your karmic debt reduced in the next few weeks. In return, I ask that you make these pledges to me: You promise not to be a self-pitying martyr or a cranky beast of burden or a willing victim of rank manipulation. You agree not to just follow sloppy orders or passively capitulate as some bad guy with a nice smile tries to lower your standards. And fi nally, you swear to feed a really healthy desire that will ultimately help give your other desires more integrity and nobility.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “We all have a blind spot in love,” says astrologer Jessica Shepherd at moonkissed.com. “Never simple to fi gure out and even harder to see head on, our blind spot is as unique and complexly layered as we are.” But it’s not a hopeless cause, I would add. In fact, you may ultimately be able to discern the contours of your special ignorance about romance; you may fi nd a way to fi x the unconscious glitch that has undermined your quest for meaningful intimacy. How should you proceed? Well, you will need skillful ingenuity, a willingness to gaze upon a fl ustering truth about yourself, and maybe a little miraculous grace. And now here’s the very good news, Aquarius: It so happens that all these things are available to you right now.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): It’s a ripe time to revise and rework your past, Pisces. I’ll trust you to make the ultimate determination about how best to do that, but here are some possibilities. 1. Revisit a memory that has haunted you, and do a ritual that resolves it and brings you peace. 2. Return to the scene of an awkward anomaly that remains unsettled, and fi nally do a duty you neglected. 3. Make your way back to a dream you wandered away from prematurely, and either re-commit yourself to it, or put it to rest for good. 4. Dig up and contemplate a secret that has been festering, and come to a decision about what you can do to heal it.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): While reading a crime report in the online version of Northern California’s Arcata Eye newspaper, I came across this entry: “A dreadlocked man attacked a lamp post on the Plaza with his mighty fi sts, punching it while yelling and, in the memorable description of a witness, ‘fi ghting amongst himself.’” I immediately thought of you, Aries. According to my analysis of the omens, you’ve been fi ghting amongst yourself with—how shall I say this?—crafty ferocity. I’d be ecstatic if I could convince you to call a truce, begin peace talks, and maybe even begin practicing some crafty tenderness toward yourself.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): When you Tauruses are at your best, you get into a groove but not into a rut—humming along with creative effi ciency, not just going through the motions or repeating the same old tired shticks. When you’re at the top of your game, it’s because you’ve surrounded yourself with stimuli that make you feel peaceful and comfortable. Other people may work well under pressure and accomplish most when they’re driven by stress, but you usually need to be at ease in order to access your deep brilliance. From what I can tell, everything I just said is a description of what will be happening in the coming weeks.

Homework: What are the fi ve conditions you’d need in your world in order to feel you were living in utopia? Testify online today at FreeWillAstrology.com.

JONESIN’ “That’s B.S.”–at least it’s broken up.

By Matt Jones

©2009 Jonesin’ Crosswords ([email protected]) For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0416.

Free Will Astrology By Rob Brezsny

Across 1 First name in daytime talk5 Salt, to a chemist9 “The Two ___” (Nicholson movie)14 Sexy Halloween costume option15 Bounce back16 University of Maine city17 Sit in with a worker, perhaps19 Thirst20 “Hinky Dinky Parlay ___” (WWI song)21 It includes bacon, lettuce and avocado23 Five-term Mexican president Benito26 Iguana, for some27 Growing sci.28 Drink that supposedly helps remove most stains31 Type of plane rescue over water33 “___ the Stockbroker” (“The Howard Stern Show” personality)34 Humor ending?35 Co. with a logo of a dog listening to a phonograph36 One whose habit may cause dental problems41 Rap sheet abbr.42 Part of some school addresses43 It’s cold in Koln46 1977 hit from George

Clinton and Parliament49 Tale lost on the heartless52 Weezer genre53 Actress Lucy55 Business section section56 It may be done inside a toolbar60 Govt. agency that addresses radiation protection61 Set ___ (plan for the future)62 They’re called in to check suspicious packages66 Blood___ (video game series with vampires)67 Burn soother68 ___ no good69 Curvy letters70 Word after empty or love71 “Bright ___” (Shirley Temple movie)

Down 1 Jaw-popping disorder, for short2 Ming of the Houston Rockets3 Rounded architectural framework in cathedrals4 Accumulate on the surface, like molecules5 Grant-providing org.6 Angus Young’s band7 Shoe designer Jimmy8 Healthy heart rate, on a

doctor’s chart9 Arcade game control10 Neighborhood11 Aussie cuties12 Make very mad13 Cliff Huxtable’s oldest18 They’re pulled through the dirt22 Den mother’s group23 They offer assoc. degrees24 Form fi nish25 Animal fanatic’s condition29 Reggae offshoot30 Numbnuts32 Singer Corinne Bailey ___37 Witchy woman38 Waikiki strings39 Actor Kier40 Settle back in the same place44 Bug the hell out of45 Part of PBS, for short46 Spooky warning47 Fraternity letters48 Louisiana sandwiches50 RR stops51 Engine force54 Country star Keith57 Aladdin ___ (David Bowie alter ego)58 Singer Natalie59 Some ins. providers63 Put chips on the roulette table64 Polished off65 Recommended styles, in fashion mags


Dear Mexican, My question is simple: can you

please confi rm the fact that there are doctors, lawyers and other professionals living in Mexico? I’m a Mexican-American woman living in Chicago who had a HEATED discussion about that topic. My friend who is a teacher at a local school was of the opinion that there really aren’t any. Her point was when we see immigrants on television, none are doctors, lawyers or any other professionals, for that matter. She believes that the only wealthy Mexicans are drug lords. There seems to be a lot of ignorance and confusion about this topic. Please enlighten her and those who think like her.— Incensed in Chicago

Dear Brazer, Por supuesto there are doctors,

lawyers, accountants, scientists and other professionals in Mexico—who do you think sews up the narcos after a gun battle, fi ghts off American extradition efforts, launders their money, and devises nuevas ways to smuggle?

Dear Mexican,Why do all Mexican restaurant

workers cram the napkin dispensers so full that you can’t possibly remove a napkin without a pair of pliers?— Messy Eater

Dear Gabacho, It’s called “refi lling a napkin

dispenser.”

Dear Mexican,Something I’ve never understood

about other Mexicans, as I am one…

when speaking to other Mexicans about higher education and its importance, they always interrupt me to place an emphasis on the Associates Degree. I’ve wanted to slap a primo/prima/amigo silly. Why the low standard? I’ve asked educators about this before and been told it was a low achievement standard that was placed on Mexican-American students in the 1960s and 1970s by mainly high school counselors. True?— Párate and Deliver

Dear Wab, Instead of giving your primo/

prima/amigo a cachetada, why don’t you help them transfer to a four-year university? Heaven knows America needs more of its Mexicans at institutes of higher learning—on top of our abysmal high school graduation rates, not enough of us go on to get a college diploma. The 2008 U.S. Census Bureau Current Population Survey’s Annual Social and Economic Supplement found that only 28 percent of Latinos who fi nished high school went on to earn at least a bachelor’s degree—and the percentage for Mexis is undoubtedly smaller (the Survey didn’t break down its fi gures by Latin American nationality). Why the low standard? Ignorance, silly! Not just limited to Know Nothings! Oh, and I don’t think there was a widespread gabacho counselor conspiracy in the 1960s to funnel Mexicans of that generation into community college—most encouraged their charges to not bother with education, period.

Dear Mexican, I recently worked security at

a Tumbleweeds concert here in

Albuquerque. I guess they are a very popular musical group with the Mexicans, but anyways: as I was checking ID’s and letting people into the beer area, I noticed that almost all of the Mexican guys held onto their wives/girlfriends/lady friends ID’s. The women don’t hold their own ID’s, the guys hold them, show them, then put the ID back into their own wallet. What’s up with that? I asked a co-worker about this and she told me it’s a power thing. So what’s the deal?— Curious Gringo

Dear Gabacho, Could be a power-trip macho

thing, but probably is that the chica didn’t want to carry a purse and would rather let her man carry the ID than stick it between her chichis. Sometimes, Mexicans aren’t rocket science.

Dear Mexican,Why are Mexicans so…laid back?

— Crazy and Lazy

Dear Gabacho, Mañana, mañana. Que será, será.

Mexicans sleeping under a cactus. All iconic American commentaries on our inherent relaxed nature. La verdad is, Mexicans are more neurotic than Woody Allen’s on-screen persona—and if you don’t believe me, you try living life avoiding la migra or knowing that if white teens in a Pennsylvania hick town murder you, they’ll get off with simple assault.

AskAMexicanby Gustavo Arellano

“Her point was when we see

immigrants on television, none

are doctors, lawyers or any other

professionals, for that matter. She

believes that the only wealthy

Mexicans are drug lords.

Special Cinco Preguntas Edition

Ask the Mexican at [email protected], myspace.com/ocwab, fi nd him on Facebook, Twitter, or write via snail mail at: Gustavo Arellano, P.O. Box 1433, Anaheim, CA 92815-1433!

The Pulse Real Estate GuideTo list your Residential or Commercial Real Estate, Contact Rhonda Rollins at (423) 242-7680

Documents

The Pulse, Vol 6, Issue 22