THE PSYCHOLOGY OF HIGHEXPECTATIONS IN LEADERSHIP

Gabrielle K. Gabrielli, Ph.D.

13 November 2018

Leadership Academyfor Returning Leaders

Updates• Have you applied any strategies from the Intentional

Leadership session?• How are your mentor pairings going?• Any updates to share about your life (in 2-3 minutes)?

Learning ObjectivesBy the end of this session, you should be able to:•Determine root causes of high expectations.•Align priorities and commitments.•Describe ways to prevent burnout.•Discuss strategies to better manage expectations,priorities, and commitments.•Develop an action plan to determine next steps forsuccess.

Expectations

“Expectations are premeditated resentments.”

Psychological Facts about Expectations• Expecting something to happen will not make it

happen.• People have a natural tendency to pin their hopes for

happiness on fulfilled expectations.• Unspoken expectations usually result in

disappointment.

High Expectations

Answer the 1st two questions on your handout.•What do you expect of yourself?

•Why? From where do your high expectations arise?

High Expectations

Answer the next two questions on your handout.•What do you expect of others?

•Why?

Gestalt on Expectations• I do my thing and you do your thing.

• I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,

• And you are not in this world to live up to mine.

• You are you, and I am I,

• and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.

• If not, it can't be helped.Fritz Perls, "Gestalt Therapy Verbatim," 1969

Priorities and CommitmentsAnswer the final two questions on page 1 of your handout.

•List your priorities in order of what is important to you most.

•List your commitments and how you feel about each of them.

Common Causes of Overcommitment• Depression• Avoiding• Undercommitment• Lack of self-worth• Not knowing how to say “no”• False belief there will be more free time in the future

Thoughts on ExpectationsI do my thing and you do your thing.I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,And you are not in this world to live up to mine.You are you, and I am I,and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.If not, it can't be helped.

- Fritz Perls, "Gestalt Therapy Verbatim," 1969

13 Ways to Prevent Burnout Before It Happens

1.Watch for warning signs.2.Prioritize your time.3.Use your vacation.4.Work in alignment with your values.5.Make great self care a consistent priority.6.Seek joy.

Forbes Coaches Council, 28 September 2018

13 Ways to Prevent Burnout Before It Happens

7. Avoid overachievement.8. Draw strong boundaries.9. Take a hard look in the mirror.10. Be your most important client.11. Remove the badge of honor.12. Be grateful.13. Take five minutes.

Forbes Coaches Council, 28 September 2018

1. Watch for Warning Signs.

2. Prioritize Your Time.

3. Use Your Vacation.

4. Work in Alignment with Your Values.

5. Make Great Self Care a Consistent Priority.

6. Seek Joy.

7. Avoid Overachievement.

8. Draw Strong Boundaries.

9. Take a Hard Look in the Mirror.

10. Be Your Most Important Client.

11. Remove the Badge of Honor.

12. Be Grateful.

13. Take Five Minutes.

Managing Expectations, Priorities, andCommitments

• What do you need to do to better manageexpectations, priorities, and commitments?

• Write some action items on the final page of yourhandout packet.

ConclusionsYour website portal:http://gabrielleconsulting.com/leader2018R