The Parrot April 2011

Inside: Local Guides • Lots of Great Jokes • Live Music • Events

Page 2 April Fools 2011 The Parrot

The Parrot April Fools 2011 Page 3


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Parrot Incoming Send Your Comments To [email protected]

Dear Parrot Magazine, I have been faithfully reading The Parrot ever since I moved to town 3 years ago. I hope this April issue will have all the April Fools jokes like it has in the past. I have gotten so many people with the help of The Parrot. You all are the BEST! And that’s no joke!! Ha Ha Ha!!! You keep us rolling! Thanks!Jim, T. Venice

Dear Staff, Unfortunately I do not live locally, I am in Texas. But I follow you each month online. I am planning a vacation to your area and I cant wait to hold a real copy of the parrot in my hands! You are all so fortunate to live in such a beautiful place with so much to do. See you all soon.Becky N. Tuff, TX

Hello Parrots! I am a big fan of yours and I wanted to thank you for bringing back puzzle page. My husband and I love to pick up a copy when we are out, its great especially when having to wait somewhere. Tell the bird hi and give him a treat for us! We look forward to seeing you out sometime. Bart and Carol M. Punta Gorda

Drive By Shooting

Peace River Gator ToursPeace River Gator Tours


Message Board

inside

Freelance Submissions: We welcome freelance writers, illustrators and cartoonists to submit material, but pleaseinclude sufficient return postage if you want your material returned to you.

Distribution: Business owners who would like to be added to our distribution list may call (941)323-4110. Our distributioncontinues to expand in the Port Charlotte area and Southwest Florida. We replenish supplies several times throughout

each month for total market saturation.Advertising: Classified ads must be mailed to us at the address shown below or dropped by our office by appointment.

A form is located in the Classified section of this issue. Additional forms are available at our office. For a complete displayadvertising Media Kit, please call our office or write to us at the address below.

Subscriptions: Although The SWFL Parrot is a free publication, many visitors and displaced Floridians want to keepabreast of current happenings in the area. To get each copy mailed to you, the cost is a mere $45 per year for 12 issues.Mail the above form along with your payment to The SWFL Parrot, 1001 Corporate Ave. Suite 111A North Port, Fl 34289.'Copyright 2008 by The SWFL Parrot. All rights reserved. Reprint rights must be granted by the publisher.

Write us orrequest reprint permission by email. The Parrot is published monthly and distributed free to our many thousands of loyal

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[email protected]

EDITORIAL: [email protected]

Beat The

FRIZZ with our

Happy Birthday Parrot Peeps!

Yes, it was on April 1st four years ago when The Parrot landed in SW Florida! That makes

April Fools Day and the April edition very special to all of us... Over the last four years our April issues have raised a lot of interest, and a few

eyebrows, but remember, it’s all in fun... So be sure to take a second look, and don’t take things

so damn seriously... Seriously!

From all of us here at The Parrot, to all our readers, advertisers, and friends, THANK YOU!

We hope you enjoy!

The Parrot Staff

P h o t o s A l s o C o u r t e s y o f :



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Twisted HumorThe Night Before Easter

‘Twas the night before Easter. All was calm and laid back. Fred, the mouse in the kitchen, snarfed down a late snack. The eggs were all dyed but still drippy and sticky... To be honest, they looked just a little bit icky. There were big jelly beans, chocolate bunnies and such, And as Fred stuffed his face, he sighed, “This is too much!” Matt and Tracy were in bed watching late night TV, While munching saltines with low-sodium Brie. Then a sudden commotion rang out in the night. It shook Matt and Tracy, really gave them a fright. Matt’s hair stood on end, and his eyes bugged out big... Tracy whipped off the covers and knocked off her wig. They lunged to the window, yanked open the blinds... What they saw was amazing; it boggled their minds: Across the night sky, with a rowdy spirit, Soared a golf cart drawn by eight overgrown parrots! At the wheel sat a bunny -- cute, fuzzy and fat -- In designer blue jeans and a Panama hat. Like a speeding space shuttle, those parrots they flew, As the golf cart driver called to each hen in his crew: “Now, Mitzi! Now, Carol! Now, Debbie and Jo! On Charlotte, Tonya! On Bonnie, on Flo!” The golf cart made its landing lickety-split ... Nearly wiped out the shrubs and the barbecue pit! Then up on the roof, much to Matt’s consternation, They squawked of egg prices and space navigation.They made so much noise that Matt started to stammer, “If you guys don’t shut up, we’ll get thrown in the slammer!” Fuzzy hopped down the chimney, amidst all

this racket, And emerged from the fireplace, adjusting his jacket. This bunny was chic, he had class, he had flair .. Not your average bozo, not your typical hare. His ears were enormous; his huge overbite Was right under a nose like a pink neon light. His manner was smooth, he was hip, he was cool; This floppy-eared bunny was certainly no fuzzy fool. “While I’m here,” he smiled, “Everybody relaxes ... I’m not selling storm windows, won’t audit your taxes. I’m just here to bring you some fun and delight. Eat, drink, and be merry! Let’s party tonight!” So they sipped captain and soda and swapped silly jokes, Those birds and their bunny just being plain folks. Then flop-ears said, “Hey, friends, we’ve had quite a ball, But my parrots and I are now due in St. Paul!” He crossed both his eyes. Then he wiggled one ear, And he yelled to his parrot team, “We’re outta here!” As the golf cart rose in the 3 a.m. sky, He called out, “Later, Matt! And to you, Tracy, good-bye!” As he sped out of sight, his two friends heard him say, “Happy Easter to all! Have a beautiful day!”

Happy Birthday

JuliaHappy Birthday

Julia

Love , Kevin

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mushroom tea in homage to the Party Gods – for their pirate pal, Leroy had drunk the sick and twisted Ol’ One Eye blind! Victory was theirs alright, as was the all-seeing eyeball, and a tumultuous buzz to boot! When the pirates turned back again Cujo and Ol’ One Eye were missing! And ever since that day, legend has it, that no matter where your travels may take you, if you keep your ear to the ground long enough you can hear the grinding discord of Ol’

Captain One Eye laboring away at calling the same repetitive 69 numbers from Bingo Parlor Hell.Not knowing if or when Cujo would return, the motley crew of pirates hastily retreated to their vessels and as if by some strange magic, one by one, they fell into a dream-like trance, where on the wings of cuckoos, boobies and loons they were safely transported back in time to their homeport.Islanders and landlubbers and tourist from near and far came

[When last heard from the Pirates of the Florida Keys they had chosen Leroy the Pirate with his secret hollow leg as their champion when challenged by the despicable Ol’ Capt One Eye in a double or nothing drink off. At stake is a purple Crown Royal drawstring pouch, bulgding with ill-gotten gains. Slash for slash Leroy and One Eye are trading shots] *Episode 1 and 2 on-line in Feb. and Mar. issues of the Parrot*

The competition was fierce and the momentum swung back n’ forth like a hypnotic game of double-jointed Chinese ping pong. No words were ever spoken, just a good old fashion stare down between Leroy the Pirate and Ol’ Captain One Eye. The two saltwater vermin were psyched, and it was nothing short of a carnival atmosphere!To break up the guzzling monotony bystanders gambled and wagered bets on whether or not bad boy Pete Rose (Inmate # 01832 - 061) would be inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. While some of the pirates chowed down on funnel cakes and were henna tattooed, others waited patiently in line for their turn to ride the pony and have their pictures taken. It was nearing dawn on the third day of the competition when a sudden, all too familiar, low tide stench of rotting vegetation rolled in over the spectacle. “It’s Aga-Ou!” the midget from “Nowhere” screamed. “He’s back!”

Out to settle a score and to collect the soul of the loser, stood none other than the vile and vicious, bipolar Cujo – and still plastered to its evil face was that same hideous Jegermeister grin! The devil’s surprise appearance startled Ol’ One Eye. The two locked eyes and, in a lucid moment of madness, and with great arrogance, Cujo vehemently stated, “Go ahead, Captain...drink up!” It was evident that the Ol’ Captain was having trouble keeping his only eye on Cujo and on the game at the same time. Yep! Eternity was at hand and it seemed that the old curmudgeon was just a shot away from having made two really bad mistakes: ripping off the devil and challenging an Olympic drinking team to a drink off!The barkeep poured the umpteenth round and then, with his perception already askew and competitive edge lost, Ol’ One Eye made the only real fatal mistake a one-eyed pirate could make – he blinked!!!Now in this warped universe everybody knows that when a one-eyed pirate blinks, he’s blind – and so with a toss of the Captain’s scurvy head he knocked back the shot, wobbled ‘round and ‘round and ‘round on his seat, and down for the count Ol’ One Eye went!Realizing they had won, the Pirates of the Florida Keys turned to high-five one another and raise their bamboo mugs of Bomba’s

to celebrate the triumphant return of the heroes, and to bear witness to the passing of the Crown Royal Pouch. The Party Gods gazed down on the Captain and Crew with favor, and reallocated their blessings; for the Pirates of the Florida Keys had saved the Wild Bird Sanctuary from extinction!Upon their arrival, standing at the top of the dock, was Mayor Gonzo who had been ordained by the Gods to present a special proclamation: “As Honorary

Mayor of Key West and the fabulous Florida Keys – for honoring the “Party with a Purpose” creed, and for just being goodhearted pirates – with so many islands and so many bridges and so many weird wonderful people…may this rubber chicken on a lanyard – the international symbol of mirth and of the Office of the Gonzo Mayor – be your key to Key West and to all the fabulous Florida Keys – opening doors you never knew existed!From this day forward and forever more, it is my order, and I do hereby declare, that ye shall be known as Parrot Heads of the Florida Keys!!!

Part 3: The Final Episode

The Parrot April Fools 2011 Page 9The Parrot Page 9


Twisted HumorGrandma and grandpa were watching a religious healing program on tv. The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed, to put one hand on the tv and the other on the body part they wanted healed. Grandma hobbled to the tv and put one hand on the tv and the other on her arthritic hip. Grandpa made his way to the set and put one hand on the tv and the other on his crotch. Grandma looked at him with disgust. “you just don’t understand, you old coot... The purpose of this program is to heal the sick, not raise the dead.”

INTERESTING OBSERVATION 1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL. 2 The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.3 The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL. 4 The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL. 5 The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS. And.... 6 The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF. THE AMAZING

CONCLUSION: The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

Thomas, a 70 year old, extremely wealthy widower shows up at the country club with and absolutely gorgeous, breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year old brunette. She hangs onto his arm and listens intently to his every word. His usual playing partners and fellow members of the club are baffled and shocked. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask. “Thomas, how did you get the amazing trophy girlfriend?” To which he replies, “Girlfriend? Hell, She’s not my girlfriend, she’s my wife!” Disbelieving Thomas, they ask. “So how did you persuade her to marry you?” “I lied about my age”, he replies. “What you told her you were only 50?” Thomas smiles and says, “Nope, I told her I was 90.”

DISNEYLAND Two blondes were going to Disneyland. They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They

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started crying and turned around and went home.

FLORIDA OR MOON Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, ‘Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?’ The other blonde turns and says ‘Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????’

CAR TROUBLE A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, ‘What’s the story?’ He replies, ‘Just crap in the carburetor’ She asks, ‘How often do I have to do that?’

TexanA Texan walks into the Tamiami Bar and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500 to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.” The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan’s offer.One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is your bet still good?”, asks the Irishman. The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, “If ya don’t mind me askin’, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?”. The Irishman replies, “Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first”.

What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet? Last year’s hide and go seek winner.

KNITTING A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, ‘PULL OVER!’


First I would like to thank Robert and Kristen for encouraging me to write some of my drink and food ideas for the Parrot.

There are many drinks that come to mind,but the Rum Jumbie seemed to be the most appropriate. I had my first Jumbie drink about 10 years ago at the The Nav-a-gator. I was hooked! Rum Jumbie liqueur is an aged Caribbean Rum with Tropical Fruit Flavors added.

To make a Rum Jumbie Cocktail,Start with a short glass. Muddle a slice of lime, add ice and 1 ½shots of Jumbie. Then top off with chilled club soda, stir and enjoy.

The Jumbie has such a unique flavor that I decided to experiment with it. I came up with Grilled Jumbie Peaches.

Grilled Jumbie Peaches.Start by putting your grill on medium heat. Cut ripe peaches in half, remove seed. Coat lightly with spray oil. Place flat side of peach down over direct heat for 5 minutes with lid closed. Turnpeaches over, after 5minutes, sprinkle with brown sugar and cinnamon Pour a small amount of Rum Jumbie in seed hole, closelid, and continue cooking for approximately 30 minutes. Place hot peaches in serving bowls and top with vanilla ice cream. You’ll be grinning !

Live EntertainmentEvery Thursday-Sunday


April Fools Pranks

Drive By Shooting

Written by Charlotte Lanier aka Charlie Rose

Hey Charlotte Harbor Parrotheads, what tiiiiiime is it? It’s time to sign up for our club’s cruise to Antarctica. Yep, we’ll be headin’ south, waaaaay south! Seven glorious days on the Icebreaker Caribbean Snow. No frozen boat drinks needed…we’ll be surrounded by ice. No need to pack your parka (they will be provided onboard), but you may want to stock up on Kahlua to put in the wonderful GanoCafe coffee and hot chocolate I sell. Yep, gonna be a frigid, um, I mean friggin’ blast. See Chilly Charlie Rose or Frozen Margarita Dave to sign up. Speaking of Headin’ South, at the meeting on 3/8 we had the

fab Jack Mosley entertaining us. Always great to see the boy, especially when yours truly doesn’t get down PC way as often as in the past. I think he pulled in a record crowd at the meeting. According to MAL Dave McBride we had approximately 220 folks in attendance. Our theme for the evening was Shrove Tuesday, Mardi Gras and/or St. Patty’s Day, just to name a few. Willis came up with a whole list of goings-on in the e-mail preceding that meeting. It was quite hilarious. There was a contest and the winners were Cindy Bickford, Debbie & Steve Johnson and George Jurco & Amanda Alberts. A big thanks to our judges Brenda and Debbie. There was also a 50/50 and the winner of $219 was Lorraine Wiegner, and Skip Hunt won a massage. Congrats to all.

It was also announced that none of the election positions were contested, so Tracy still reigns over the club, yours truly is

still Dir. of Membership, Karen Powers is MAL and we want to welcome Pat Brady as our new Secretary along with thanking Squid for his loyal service in the first three+ years of our club’s existence. And we now have over 500 members for the first time ever!! Just think, if every member brought in a new member we could beat those Village people!! Hmmm.

At the meeting in April we will be collecting items for the Crisis and Rape Emergency center (CARE). Please see you weekly club e-mail for details on what to bring, in addition to your pop-tops, cans

and pill bottles. The entertainer for the meeting will be John Reno. There is also a concert going on in Tampa on 4/16. Some guy named Jimmy Buffett. I guess if you know about this you already have your tickets in hand and details finalized. I know Willis and team have put together some tailgating plans. Yours truly was planning on going to a beach bar that day, but

looking at the schedule turns out I’ll have to work since I’ll have that Tuesday off to come to the meeting on 4/12. And no, we are not planning a club cruise to Antarctica. April Fools! BUT, I really do sell some wonderful coffee called GanoCafe. See me for a sample and check it out

for yourself. Ok, that’s it for now. Our website is www.chphc.com. If you want to join this crazy club you can print out an app and mail it or join us at the next meeting, the second Tuesday of the month at the Coral Rock Tiki Bar (NE corner of Kings Hwy & US41). Some folks start getting there around 5:30, and the “official stuff” starts around 6:00. Hope to see you there. And remember, “Wrinkles only go where the smiles have been”.

Photos by Second Parrot

Minor Accident

Put a note on your victim’s car that says “Sorry about the dent. Call me so we can swap insurance information.” Include a fake name and phone number. Be sure to hide nearby so you can watch them search in vain for the “dent.”

Force Field

Block off a door with plastic wrap. When the victim opens the door and tries to walk through, they will bounce right off.

I See It

Enlist the help of a few friends. Go to a busy street corner and begin pointing up to the top of a tall building, or just point up to the sky. Watch to see how many people try to see what you are looking at. This is sooo much more fun if you have already had a few drinks! ; )

Special Delivery

Fill the mailbox with packing peanuts or ping pong balls and then send your victim out to get the mail (make sure to do this after the mail has been delivered --- don’t prank the mail carrier!!)


Down Town Punta Gorda

Farmers Market



Twisted Times

Photo Above: Gaddafi in disguise at local Englewood event

OVER-THROWN RULER RETIRES IN PLACIDA, FL

It looks like we have a new Florida resident amongst us. It has been discovered through public records and insiders that Muammar Gad-dafi has purchased a home in Placida. He and his family are in the process of moving into says spokes person for the Gaddafi family.

For those of you living under a rock, Gaddafi's gov-ernment was associated with oppression of opposition, acts of state-sponsored ter-rorism in the 1970s and 1980s, assassination of ex-patriate opposition leaders, and crass nepotism, amassing a multi-billion fortune for himself and his family.After the 1986 bombing of Libya and the 1993 imposi-tion of UN sanctions, Gad-dafi gradually sought more benign relations with the west, resulting in the lift-ing of UN sanctions in 2003.In early February 2011, major political protests (inspired by recent similar events in Tunisia, Egypt and other parts of the Arab world), which quickly turned into a general uprising, broke out in Libya against Gaddafi's government. By February 26, 2011, Gaddafi was reported as having lost control of much of the country.

Planetary Alignment De-creases Gravity The British astronomer Patrick Moore has announced that at April 1, 2011 9:47:08 AM a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event will occur, something you can experience in your very own home. The planet Pluto will pass behind Jupiter, tempo-rarily causing a gravita-tional alignment that will counteract and lessen the Earth's own gravity. If you jump in the air at the exact moment that this planetary alignment will occur, you will experience a strange floating sensation

The "Black River Monster" was an unidentified creature that was spotted up the Peace River in Arcadia last March 2011. The identity of the creature, and the verac-ity of stories surrounding it, have been the subject of unresolved controversy and speculation. Although the creature has been spotted several times in the past few weeks, there is no solid evidence recovered or physi-cally examined. Palaeozoolo-gist Darren Naish studied the photograph and concluded from visible dentition that the creature may have been a scale covered Honey Badger, he believes it may be a sci-ence experiment gone terri-bly wrong.

Once-in-a-Lifetime Experience

New sizes at Starbucks

Forget about Tall, Grande and Venti, Starbucks has two new sizes: Plenta and Micra. The Plenta is a 128-ounce drink for caffeine addicts who can't get enough coffee,and for those who need just a tiny sip, you can get the2-ounce Micra. And don't worry about all that paper waste from the new Plenta sized-cup, Starbucks says you can reuse your gigantic Plenta cups in a number of use-ful ways including as a planter, lampshade or yoga block.

Your Monthly News Update


Charlotte HarborVisitor & Convention Bureau

Charlotte County Searching for a #Winning Spokesperson Jennifer A. Huber

April means sumptuous warm days and evenings kissed with a hint of coolness here in Charlotte Harbor & the Gulf Islands. It’s an invigorating time of renewed energy and opportunity to enjoy everything the area has to offer. Visit www.CharlotteHarborTravel.com for a complete list of activities and here’s what’s been happening recently

in regards to tourism in Charlotte County.

Paddle to Say I DoHere’s something I’m sure most of you haven’t tried and that’s getting married by kayak. Already married? Then renew your marriage vows. Phoenix Rising Kayak Tours recently launched a new option to its kayaking services, wedding by kayak. The bride didn’t wear a dress with a long train and the groom didn’t wear a tuxedo. Attire was eco-casual. As I watched the couple exchange vows, my bare feet sunk into the soft sand as the Gulf of Mexico surf washed over them.

Last month I had the opportunity to witness a vow renewal ceremony which began at Don Pedro Island State Park Land Base. Warren Resen and his bride, Jeanne

O’Connor, have been married for about 8 months but when I told Warren about this new service, he and Jeanne were game to renew their vows.

Chris Warren, owner of Phoenix Rising (www.prkayak.com), fixed us up with kayaks and we paddled the Intracoastal Waterway for Don Pedro Island State Park, which is only accessible by boat. As we made our way across, fish occasionally splashed and an osprey soared overhead. A dark gray snout popped out of the water, it was a manatee making a brief and surprising appearance.

Arriving at the state park, we walked along a trail through native vegetation and met two gopher tortoises who were happier going about their business than posing for the camera.

We reached the beach and with

the surf washing over their feet, the couple renewed their wedding vows. It was definitely a chamber of commerce type day with a stunning blue sky, blue-green waters and a light breeze. Under the shade of the park pavilion we

enjoyed fruit and cheese before heading back to the mainland. A pit stop was made in a secluded lagoon which required a paddle through the “Tunnel of Love.” No, it didn’t have a tacky neon light. It was a tunnel formed by the joining of mangrove trees and was just wide and deep enough to navigate through.

The trip also included a champagne toast (off the island, because on state park property is not legal) while floating in our kayaks. Yeah, definitely beachy-bliss. Hope you’ll take advantage of the opportunity for something new, different and romantic. Don’t worry, if you’re not

ready to take the plunge into “I do,” Phoenix Rising offers a variety of kayaking options for all skill levels.

Wanted: One #WINNING Spokesperson*The visitor’s bureau is seeking a destination spokesperson, someone easily recognizable, can shake things up and has a #WINNING personality. Rumors are circulating that actor/warlock Charlie Sheen is seeking a new gig and county staff are combing through the advertising budget to determine if funds can be pooled to bring him on board. If $233,849.02 won’t woo Sheen to Charlotte County, the majority of county commissioners have unofficially agreed to give the unemployed actor 438 acres of Charlotte Harbor in exchange for his endorsement of the destination. Staff are optimistic there won’t be any curveballs in negotiations.

Welcome to the New Tourism DirectorIf you haven’t heard, the Charlotte Harbor Visitor & Convention Bureau has a new chief. Her name is Lorah Steiner who comes to Charlotte County from Columbia, Mo., where she led the city’s bureau for 24 years. She’s bringing a fresh perspective and has hit the ground running by meeting with members of the community and tourism industry and has made several presentations to various organizations.

*Don’t forget to like us on Facebook.com/charlotteharbor and tweet with us at Twitter.com/chgiflorida. Wishing everyone a happy April Fool’s Day!

http://www.CharlotteHarborTravel.com

http://www.prkayak.com

http://www.prkayak.com

http://Facebook.com/charlotteharbor

http://Facebook.com/charlotteharbor

http://Twitter.com/chgiflorida



Twisted Humor

Drive By Shooting

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.” Her neighbor asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” The little silver haired lady says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.” Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster. “He takes her hand and says, “Secondly, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then,” he said with a deep sigh ............ “Let’s put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.”

After a relaxing bath...Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself, nude in a mirror...Her frustration over her lack of ability to lose weight, was depressing her....In an act of desperation, she decided to call on God for help... ‘God....If you take away my love handles, I’ll devote my life to you,’ She prayed...And just like that... Her ears fell off...

IN A VACUUM A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, ‘If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?’ She thought for a time and then asked, ‘Is it on or off?’

April 2: 1st Annual Shitzu Parade 1 - 4 p.m. starting at Paws & Claws April 2: Cruzin’ on Dearborn 5 - 8 p.m. Cars & Oldies April 9: Saturday Nite Live 5 - 9 p.m. Dine, Shop, Play April 27 - May 15: “The Dixie Swim Club” at the Lemon Bay Playhouse

UPCOMING EVENTS

I know where Beaker is!Down at the Portside fooling around with my wife… and if I ever catch that bird I will pluck him feather by feather!Portside Joe

HOW IS NORMA? A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph ‘s Hospital. She timidly asked, “Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?” The operator said, “I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the name and room number of the patient?” The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, “Norma Findlay, Room 302.” The operator replied, “Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse’s station for that Room.” After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow.” The grandmother said, Thank you. That’s wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good News.” The operator replied, “You’re more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?” The grandmother said, “No, I’m Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me shit.”


APRIL

Live MusicSchedule

pizzeria restaurant

Friday 1st

Swamp Donkey - Siesta Key Oyster Bar ~ 2-6 pmCharlie K. – Bubba’s Roadhouse ~ 8:30pmThose Guys – Harpoon Harry’s ~ 9-12:30amReconnections Band – Fishermen’s Village ~ 5-9pmBackdraft – Englewoods on Dearborn ~ 7pmStorm Surge – Banana Factory/Bradenton ~ 9:30-2amSaturday 2nd

Swamp Donkey - Boca Grande Prix ~3 – 6pmSwamp Donkey -Ice House ~ 7 - 10The Yard Dogs – Miceli’s ~ 6:30pmThose Guys – Harpoon Harry’s ~ 9-12:30amJim Morris – Nav-A-Gator ~ 2-5pmRon Harrison – Nav-A-Gator ~ 6-9pmTropical Ave. – White Elephant Pub ~ 7-11pmCarol and Johnnie – Fishermen’s Village ~ 5-9pmLatitude – Farlow’s on the Water

~ 6:30pmGary & Kerri – Lock N Key ~ 8-11pm41 South Band – Englewoods on Dearborn ~ 7pmStorm Surge – Looney Bin ~ 9-1amPaul Strowe – Waterside Grill ~ 1-4pmSunday 3rd

Brown Sugar – Nav-A-Gator ~ 2-5pmJeff Hughes – Lido Key Tiki Bar ~ 3-7pmCindy Walsh – Ragged Ass Saloon ~ 2-5pmKenny Rose – Waterside Grill ~ 1-4pmMonday 4th

Charlie K. – Woody’s Waterside ~ 6pm

Johnny Fusco – Visani’s Comedy Theater ~ 7:30pmWednesday 6th

Charlie K. – Twisted Conch ~ 6:30pmCheeky Monkey – Coral Rock ~ 6:30pmJohn Reno – Farlow’s on the Water ~ 6-9pmBeau & Becca – Waterside Grill ~ 6-9pmThursday 7th

Jeff Hughes – Flounders ~ 5-9pmCheeky Monkey – Snook Haven ~ 5:30pmFriday 8th

Swamp Donkey - Siesta Key Oyster Bar ~ 2-6 pmThe Yard Dogs – Old Fish House Marina ~ 6pmSlick Willy – Harpoon Harry’s ~ 9-12:30amBeans and Seeds – Saltwater Café ~ 7-11pm

Tropical Ave. – White Elephant Pub ~ 7-11pm

The Top Hats – Fishermen’s Village ~ 5-9pmLatitude – Stump Pass Grille ~ 7-10pmMoving on Band – Englewoods on Dearborn ~ 7pmStorm Surge – Calico Jacks ~ 9:30-1:30amMike Hirst – Waterside Grill ~ 6-9pmSaturday 9th

Swamp Donkey - Ice House ~ 7 – 10pmThe Yard Dogs – Fishermen’s Village ~ 5-9pmSlick Willy – Harpoon Harry’s ~ 9-12:30amSunny Jim and Skeet Mavis – Farlow’s on the Water ~ 6:30pmGary & Kerri – Bert’s Bar ~ 7:30-11pmBoca Band – Englewoods on Dearborn ~ 7pmStorm Surge – Calico Jacks ~ 9:30-1:30amSunday 10th

Gary & Kerri – Nav-A-Gator ~ 2-5pmBeans and Seeds – Woody’s Waterside ~ 2-5pmTrio De Janeiro – Lock N Key ~ 4-8pmPaul Cottrell – Waterside Grill ~ 1-4pmMonday 11th

Charlie K. – Woody’s Waterside ~ 6pm“Almost Abba” – Visani’s Comedy Theater ~ 7:30pmJohn Reno – Honoluana Island Grill ~ 6:30-9:30pmMark Dupuy – Waterside Grill ~ 1-4pmTuesday 12th

BIKINI CAR WASH!Sat April 16 11am – 4pm

Happy Birthday Donna!!Come by and say happy birthday to the best bartender in town.

April 15th.


Live MusicSchedule

APRIL

Al Holland – Visani’s Comedy Theater ~ 6-9pmJohn Reno – Coral Rock CHPHC Social ~ 6-9pmWednesday 13th

The Yard Dogs – Bert’s Bar ~ 6:30pmCheeky Monkey – Coral Rock ~ 6:30pmGary & Kerri – Lock N Key ~ 7-10pmKenny Rose – Englewoods on Dearborn ~ 6:30pmBeau & Becca – Waterside Grill ~ 6-9pmThursday 14th

Swamp Donkie – Nav-A-Gator ~ 6-9pmJeff Hughes – Flounders ~ 5-9pmJohn Reno – Friendly Fisherman ~ 1-5pmLatitude – Farlow’s on the Water ~ 6-9pmFriday 15th

Charlie K. – Bubba’s Roadhouse ~ 8:30pmSoul Machine – Harpoon Harry’s ~ 9-12:30amLatitude – Nav-A-Gator ~ 6-9pmTropical Ave. – Slip-Not ~ 8-MidMagen & Mike – Fishermen’s Village ~ 5-9pmJohn Frinzi – Skipper’s Smokehouse/Tampa ~ 7pmJack Mosley – Royal Palm Marina ~ 7-10pmJohn Reno – Danny’s Deep Creek ~ 8-11pmCindy Walsh – Bert’s Bar ~ 7:30-11:30pmGary & Kerri – Farlow’s on the Water ~ 6:30-10:30pmBandana – Englewoods on Dearborn ~ 7pmStorm Surge – Stump Pass Grille ~ 7-10pm

Paul Cottrell – Waterside Grill ~ 6-9pmSaturday 16th

Swamp Donkey - Ice House ~ 7-10pmThe Yard Dogs – Punta Gorda Block Party ~ 7pmSoul Machine – Harpoon Harry’s ~ 9-12:30amSunny Jim – Nav-A-Gator ~ 2-5pmTropical Ave. – White Elephant Pub ~ 7-11pmDestined – Fishermen’s Village ~ 5-9pmTuk’r Hill – Englewoods on Dearborn ~ 7pmPaul Strowe – Waterside Grill ~ 1-4pmSunday 17th

John Reno – Nav-A-Gator ~ 2-5pmTrio De Janeiro – Lock N Key ~ 4-8pmJohn Frinzi – The Linger Lodge/Bradenton ~ 7pmGary & Kerri – Bert’s Bar ~ 2-6pmStorm Surge – Snook Haven ~ 1:15-5pmFremont John – Waterside Grill ~ 1-4pmMonday 18th

Charlie K. – Woody’s Waterside ~ 6pmElvis Tribute Show – Visani’s Comedy Theater ~ 7:30pm

John Reno – Honoluana Island Grill ~ 6:30-9:30pmTuesday 19th

Elvis Tribute Show – Visani’s Comedy Theater ~ 7:30pmJohn Reno – Friendly Fisherman ~ 1-5pmWednesday 20th

Charlie K. – Twisted Conch ~ 6:30pmCheeky Monkey – Coral Rock ~ 6:30pmBeau & Becca – Waterside Grill ~ 6-9pmThursday 21st

Jeff Hughes – Flounders ~ 5-9pmCheeky Monkey – Snook Haven ~ 5:30pmFriday 22nd

Boogiemen – Harpoon Harry’s ~ 9-12:30amJohn Frinzi – Nav-A-Gator ~ 6-9pmBeans and Seeds – Saltwater Café ~ 7-11pmTropical Ave. – Joe Cracker ~ 8-MidFremont John – Fishermen’s Village ~ 5-9pmJack Mosley – Englewoods on Dearborn ~ 7-11pmStorm Surge – Neighbors Grill & Bar ~ 7-11pmBeau & Becca – Waterside Grill ~ 6-9pmSaturday 23rd

The Yard Dogs – Stump Pass Grille ~ 3pmBoogiemen – Harpoon Harry’s ~ 9-12:30amJim Morris – Nav-A-Gator ~ 2-5pmThe Doo-Wop Crew – Fishermen’s Village ~ 5-9pmHigh Tide – Englewoods on Dearborn ~ 7pmPaul Cottrell – Waterside Grill ~ 1-4pmSunday 24th

Jay Crawford – Nav-A-Gator ~ 2-5pmBeans and Seeds – Woody’s Waterside ~ 2-5pmJeff Hughes – Lido Key Tiki Bar ~ 3-7pmFremont John – Waterside Grill ~ 1-4pmMonday 25th

Charlie K. – Woody’s Waterside ~ 6pmTuesday 26th

Maurice LoMonoco – Visani’s Comedy Theater ~ 7:30pmWednesday 27th

The Yard Dogs – Bert’s Bar ~ 6:30pmCheeky Monkey – Coral Rock ~ 6:30pmKenny Rose – Englewoods on Dearborn ~ 7pmBeau & Becca – Waterside Grill ~ 6-9pmThursday 28th

Latitude – Nav-A-Gator ~ 6-9pmJohn Reno – Friendly Fisherman ~ 1-5pmFriday 29th

Swamp Donkey - Siesta Key Oyster Bar ~ 2-6Charlie K. – Bubba’s Roadhouse ~ 8:30pmThe Crashers – Harpoon Harry’s ~ 9-12:30amJohn Reno – Nav-A-Gator ~ 7-10pmTropical Ave. – Sharky’s ~ 8-Mid“McCarthy” – Fishermen’s Village ~ 5-9pmGary & Kerri – Farlow’s on the Water ~ 6:30-10:30pmFremont John – Waterside Grill ~ 6-9pmSaturday 30th

The Crashers – Harpoon Harry’s ~ 9-12:30amSunny Jim – Nav-A-Gator ~ 2-5pmBeans and Seeds – Fishermen’s Village ~ 5-9pmTropical Ave. – White Elephant Pub ~ 7-11pmGary & Kerri – Dean’s South of the Border ~ 7-11pmBackdraft – Englewoods on Dearborn ~ 7pmKenny Rose – Waterside Grill ~ 1-4pm

Insurance subject to availability and qualifications.Allstate Insurance Company and Allstate Fire andCasualty Insurance Company, Northbrook, Illinois © 2009 Allstate Insurance Company.

Matthew A Lehn941-698-88771357 McCall Road SouthPort [email protected]

I can help you make sure yourcoverage is up-to-date. Call me today.


FeaturedBandBy Jack Gray

Swamp Donkey

This month’s feature band is rather new to the local music scene, but they have certainly made their mark... Swamp Donkie is a unique blend of talent, comprised of international recording artist John Whiteleather; South Carolina’s own Mary Beth Ponder; and from the shores of Lake Michigan, Mike Carden. Since returning to the US after spending the last 20 years living in Sweden and touring Europe, John Whiteleather has found a home and a following here in SW Florida. I had a chance to catch up with John, and find out a little about him, his background, and what he’s been up to lately...

John grew up in Pennsylvania, then moved to LA where he met and made friends with some folks from Sweden. “I found out that Europeans are really into American music, cars, motorcycles, and really like Rockabilly and 50’s genre music. So, I ended up going over there to play, and got a couple record deals. My first record I made in Finland and then a couple CD’s in Germany.” John played with his band King Rats throughout Scandinavia, Holland, and Germany in the early 90’s till 2005. Then he played solo for about 5 years, until finally coming back to the US to form Swamp Donkie about a year and a half ago.

“I hit Florida and was kinda lucky. Even though I’m not a country band, the hard core county people like us, and even though I’m not Trop-Rock, the Trop-Rock people like us... We like to make friends where we play and some of these people have just turned into family for us... They’re so nice, these Trop-Rockers man. Trop-Rock people want to know everything about you. That’s their world... It’s all about the band and the musicians and that’s the way it was in Europe too... When you went somewhere to play, they wanted you to play your own music... Originals... They wanted to know where you were from and your whole background... There’s a difference... They’re real music people, and that’s what I enjoy about the whole area where you are at (SWFL)... Especially the Port Charlotte Parrothead people.”

Swamp Donkie’s musical arrangement is rather unique, “We don’t have a drum set, or electric guitar, or a bass... Basically we are an acoustic trio, but we do get the energy going and we get the people up dancing. We play anything ROCK, anything ROLL, and everything in between: Our acoustic

remixes AND originals are incredibly eclectic, influenced by classic rock, country, rockabilly, swing, rock-n-roll, blues, and even Irish/Celtic... We play classics from the 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, 80’s, all the way up to modern day.”

In the short time they’ve been together, they’ve created quite a buzz among a growing audience and venues alike. Delivering a raw, energetic, and at times, humorous approach to music, Swamp Donkie’s spontaneity keeps folks coming back, knowing that each performance will be a fresh and unique experience. Whether it’s classic rock-n-roll, rockabilly, Celtic, or originals worth dancin’ to, this talented acoustic act will definitely keep you entertained and wanting more. “Those who come as strangers always leave as friends”, John says.

John’s original music is across the board, and he considers it “Good Old Americana”. Many have characterized his sound similar to Springsteen or Mellencamp with a Rockabilly /Rock-N-Roll/Tex-Mex/Country twist. “A lot of people compare me to Mellencamp. My originals are very

songwriters oriented... They are stories about characters that are down on their luck, making way though life, basically blue-collar workers... No matter what country your form everyone has a job, everyone gets in trouble, and everybody gets bad luck...” John derives his lyrics from a very broad, global perspective of life.

“Living in Europe, I’d live over there 8 to 9 months at a time, then I’d come back over here for a only a month at a time. So I got a lot of information and inspiration from the news and documentaries.”

“I had a Trop-Rock dream of coming from Sweden to Florida to sit a Tiki bar, and just sit and play all the songs from the 60’s and 70’s with palm trees around in the sun.... And here I am playing at Siesta Key Oyster Bar (SKOB) and The Nav-A-Gator, making my dreams come true! Then all of the sudden Sally York comes up to me and says, ‘We really love your band but we want to hear some of your original music’, and something just clicked... I’ve got a ton of original music. I’ve just put it all away and burred it because I made those records in Europe, and in Europe they like a certain sound that’s kind a raw. They (the songs) were produce kinda raw, not pretty and soft with a lot of effect. Well, I started pulling them out and people started requesting my songs, even though there was no CD.”

John has several favorites that are real crowd pleasers like; American Rebel, Rockabilly Girl, and Sweet Virginia. “I never

thought I could cut the grade here (in the US), and all the sudden I’m getting good response and request for those tunes. I don’t have any really new original material so I recorded the old tunes, in a Swamp Donkie style. They’re acoustic versions of my original stuff.” John has revisited some of the music he wrote and produced overseas, and has found a new sound and an audience for his originals here in SW Florida. “I am making a CD right now. These are songs I’ve written between 10 and 15 years ago that I’ve recorded, but I felt like the recordings didn’t do them justice. So I decided re-record them and make a 7 song CD of originals written between 1991 and 2002. The new CD is due to be released by the end of April. Our basic goal put this record out and sell enough to go back in the studio with a fresh batch with songs inspired by my new Florida life.”

You can catch Swamp Donkie every Friday at Siesta Key Oyster Bar (SKOB), Tuesdays at Pelican Pete’s in Bradenton... “The majority of our gigs is in the Punta Gorda and Port Charlotte area, Dean’s South of the Border, The Nav-A-Gator, The Icehouse and we also do an occasional house party.” Swamp Donkie will also be playing on Saturday April 2nd at the after party and celebration during the Boca Grande Prix from 3pm till 6pm at the lighthouse on the beautiful island of Boca Grande. To find out more about Swamp Donkie visit their website at www.swampdonkie.com where you can check their complete schedule, watch some videos, and even get the official Swam Donkie T-shirts and cozies.

Swamp Donkie Members: John Whiteleather (vocals, guitar, and harmonica) - Mary Beth Ponder (fiddle/violin, vocals) - Mike Carden (percussion, vocals).


Don’t forget Mom

this year!

Mother’s DayMay 8th

www.jdsbistroandgrille.com

1951 Tamiami Trail

Port Charlotte, Fl 33948

(941) 255-0994

Cooking with Chef Bob

Ingredients:2 Racks of lamb trimmed

(Frenched to leave rib bone clean)4 Lamb chops per Tapas

Marinade(Place the following ingredients in to a food processor and blend

into a loose paste)1 /2 Cup White sesame seeds

1 pobalano pepper (rough chop)1 Jalapeno (chopped)

1 Red pepper (rough chop)2 roma tomatoes

Handful of cilantroHead of garlic (Fine dice)

2 Tablespoons each red and Green curry powder

1 Teaspoon of cayenne powder¼ Tablespoon cumin

¼ Cup Honey½ Cup of soy½ Cup ponzu

1 Teaspoon of sesame seed oil

Let’s get started: You’ll need a medium sized plastic mixing bowl.Simply place the chops in the marinade, for at least 2 hours in a refrigerator.Overnight is best. Grill your chops to medium rare. Let the chops rest before plating.Spoon the Couscous mixture on to the plate. Place chops neatly on top.A great garnish is from Indian cuisine simply place sliced tomato and onion on the plate.Maybe a few sprigs of cilantro. Sprinkle with sugar and ground cumin. Simply amazing…

Couscous

2 Cups of cooked cous-cous

Fine diced peppers red yellow and green

Orange zest, Supreme of same orange �ne dice

Yellow raisins

Cayenne pepper

Salt and pepper to taste and a dash of honey fro

sweetness.

SPICY LAMB CHOPS(Over sweet and tangy Couscous)


1071 Tamiami Trail N, Nokomis FL

941-488-3775

Photographs Courtesy Saltwater Cafe

Bacon Wrapped BBQ Shrimp!Weekly Specials

(All Day Long)

Amazingly even with this the prices still allow everyone to enjoy Chef Rolfs cuisine. There are daily lunch specials including a choice of 5 express lunches for only $5.99. Monday is lobster day, with live Main lobster for $16.99. Tuesday has the steam pot special for only $12.99. Wednesday is crab day with a pound of snow crab for $14.99. On Thursday locals enjoy a whole pound of prime rib for only $16.99. One of the new additions to the menu is a sirloin and shrimp combo for $16.99 or a entire 3 course meal for 2 people including a bottle of wine is only $39.99. It is truly amazing. With all this it is no wonder the Saltwater Cafe is thriving.

.

One of Sarasota’s best restaurants - �ne dining in Florida

Monday-Happy Hour Al Day! Lobster Feast! Whole Maine Lobster just $16.99! Served with homeade Swiss bread, Corn on theCob and Red Skin PotatoTuesday- STEAM POT PARTY!!Petite $12.99,Regular $18.99 $16.99; for two$26.99! What's in a Steam Pot? Oysters, Mussels, Shrimp, Snow Crab Cluster, Corn onThe Cob, Red Skin Potato.Wednesday- CRAB SPECIALS! Snow Crab 1 Lb. $14.99, 1 1/2 Lb. $ 16.99, with Prime Rib just$26.99! Ladies’ Night 6:00 PM-One Free UV Martinifor every Lady! Live Music!Thursday- 12 oz. Prime Rib $16.99 - with Beer Shrimp $19.99Friday- TGIF PARTY!! Six Fresh Fish, Live Musicstarting at 7 PM Great food & Drink Specials!!Saturday- Live Music! Starting at7:30 PM Put YourDancing shoes on!! Get ready to ROCK & ROLL!!Sunday-Sunday Brunch 11:30 am-2:30 p.m. Live Music & FREE Mimosa! All day Gourmet Pizza areONE DOLLAR OFF on any Pizzas and TWO DOLLARS OFF on any whole Pizzas!

x


& Waterside Grill

15001 Gasparilla Road Placida, FL

941-697-2280/941-697-0724 www.gasparillamarina.com

Waterside Grill 6:30 a.m.—11:00 p.m.

Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner Daily Specials, Happy Hour

Live Entertainment

Red Marker 20 on the ICW

Bring in this months Parrot Ad and receive $25.00 off on a full day Boat Rental!

Exp: 12/31/2010

1-866-213-2033Call Today

Lisa Blanchard 941-916-5629

FLLANDMARKREALTY.COM

Punta Gorda • Port Charlotte • Englewood

Hometown brokerage offering exceptional services.

Whether you’re purchasing or selling, let us help make your dreams a reality.

Certified Short Sale Specialist

MONEY MAGAZINE

Named Port Charlotte

the #1 PLACE to retire,

October, 2009

Bonnie Carries:

BirdsBird Supplies

Bonnie’s Services:

Bird GroomingBird Boarding

Behavior-training

West Tarpon Commons2695 B Tamiami Trail

Port Charlotte, Fl 33952 Bonnie’s Birds on Facebook

941-979-8295

BONNIE’S BIRDS

"Cruiser" is a 1 year old Indian Ringneck that was parent-raised

and worked with in store for 6 months. He is a big personality, already starting to talk and give kisses. He knows his manners and loves to "cruise" the shop looking for trouble!~ Won't you

consider giving "Cruiser" a lifetime home??

Avalible for Adoption

APRIL SHOWS

9191

The Comedy Zone starts at 8PM

Sunday-

4

Maurice LoMonoco

“Elvis Tribute”

26

Mike W. Armstron Warren B. Hall

Frankie Paul Jamie Morgan

5

Johnny FuscoVegas Legends Show

"Almost Abba"

MOTOWN TRIBUTE SHOW

DIVA & THE ITALIAN GUY

11

18-19

APRIL 1st - 2nd

APRIL 6th - 9th

APRIL 13th - 16th

APRIL 20TH - 23RD Dale Jones Juanita Lolita

APRIL 27th - 30th Michael Mack Todd Link

Tim Walkoe D Cameron

12Al Holland


By John Wright“Your” Chamber

annual Dragonboat Festival – War on the Peace! - at Laishley Park Punta Gorda. Dragon Boats are a 20-person craft, which need to be paddled down a 400 meter course in a series of heats. The festival combines teams that are both professional and amateur and provides each team a great opportunity to raise money for their favorite charity. Each team will be provided with a “boat” and training, so all you have to do is get a group of 20 keen community-minded folks together and register at www.puntagordachamber.com All you need to participate are 20 coworkers, good friends or fellow students. Dragon boating is a team sport, 20 people paddle the 40’ long dragon boat 400 meters (in approximately 2 ½ minutes!) to a fast and furious finish. It is fun and rewarding. Included in your entry fee are two practices, each of one hour length in the week before the race. Then on Saturday you are ready to compete. In addition to competing in a fun sporting event, you are aiding a charity right here in our Punta Gorda Community. Together with the Punta Gorda Chamber of Commerce, the Charlotte Harbor Paddlers, a local dragon boat club, plan to make this an annual event showcasing Punta Gorda’s waterfront and the introduction of a water sport where co-ed teams of all ages can participate.

This year’s 18th Annual Kix Country Fest is scheduled for Sunday April 3rd at the Charlotte County Fairgrounds. Stay tuned to KIX Country or wikx.com for details of he acts. Gates open at 10AM, Tickets are $35 for adults at the gate, kids 12 and under free. There will be lots of Kids games, pony rides, laser tag, rock climbing, giant slides, bounce house and more. Big variety of foods, bar-b q, hamburgers, chicken, hot dogs,

seafood, corn on cob, ice cream, fresh lemonade, lots of ice cold Budweiser! Arts, crafts and merchandise vendors under the trees. Bring blankets and lawn chairs, NO umbrellas NO coolers NO pets.

The American Cancer Society Relay For Life of Punta Gorda will hold its Relay event on April 9th at Charlotte High School track. While the entire event is open to the public, all are invited to enjoy three special events: the Cancer Survivor’s Lap, Caretaker’s Lap, and the Luminaria Ceremony. Cancer Survivor Recognition. Cancer survivors (anyone who has ever been diagnosed with cancer) from the Punta Gorda/Charlotte County area are invited to walk in the first lap of the American Cancer Society Relay For Life of Punta Gorda to celebrate their victory over cancer. The event and Survivors Lap will be held at Charlotte High School track on April 9th at 3:00 p.m. Each cancer survivor will receive a free T-shirt to wear while walking the track. There is no cost to participate. Cancer survivors need to call the American Cancer Society at 941-627-3000 to register and request their T-shirt size. Families are welcome to attend.

Caretaker Recognition. Anyone who has ever cared for a cancer patient is invited to walk in the second opening lap of the American Cancer Society Relay For Life of Punta Gorda to honor their dedication to caring. The event and Caretakers Lap will be held at Charlotte High School track on April 9th at 3:00 p.m. Each caretaker will receive a free pin to wear. There is no cost to participate. Caretakers need to call the American Cancer Society at 941-627-3000 to register. Families are welcome to attend.

“Your” Chamber of Commerce in Punta Gorda

Spring is in the air and Punta Gorda continues to shine in the tropical sunlight. April also sees a citywide program to test all the one-way systems around our downtown area. Starting at midnight on April 1st, for 24 hours, Marion Avenue, Olympia, Sullivan and Taylor will all switch over to the opposite direction of right-of-way to allow FDOT (Florida Department of Transportation) to assess the impact of the one way systems through our city. We envisage light confusion, but AF signs will be positioned at each intersection to assist you in proceeding the correct way. Saturday April 9th look out for the Kiwanis’ Taste of Punta Gorda event in Laishley Park, which is always great fun, with refreshments, local restaurants and local non-profits all there to tell you what they are all about.Our citywide Block Party is Saturday April 16th, so be prepared for road closures in the downtown area. The fun starts at midday and swings through to the late hours. For more information visit www.puntagordablockparty.com

The Chamber is also in the final stages of putting together a new Festival for our city, that will truly be a exciting spectator and participant treat. On Saturday April 23rd we present our first

Luminaria Ceremony. The American Cancer Society will conduct their Relay For Life of Punta Gorda Luminaria Ceremony to recognize those touched by cancer in Punta Gorda and Charlotte County. Individuals or companies can make contributions in memory of those who have lost their fight with cancer and in honor of those who have survived. Each will be recognized by a lighted luminaria displayed at the Relay For Life of Punta Gorda event. The Luminaria Ceremony will take place at 9:00 p.m. on Saturday, April 9th at Charlotte High School track. Luminaria contributions (suggested $5 donation per bag) can be made by calling the American Cancer Society at 941-627-3000. Thanks to Relay participants, we are creating a world with more birthdays a world where cancer can’t claim another year of anyone’s life. To make a donation to Relay for Life of Punta Gorda, visit www.RelayForLife.org/PuntaGordaFL. For more information, contact the American Cancer Society at 941-627-3000.

For a full listing of events as well as to search for our approved Chamber members’ details, please visit www.puntagordachamber.com The events and calendar link is a great page, but also visit the Friday Facts link – this is a weekly e-news publication which you can sign up for FREE, so that the latest and most up-to-date information on everything that is going on in both the City and the Chamber can be emailed to you every week. You’ll never be out of the loop again!

By the way, AF signs are April Fool signs!

http://www.puntagordachamber.com

http://www.charlotteharborpaddlers.com/

http://www.charlotteharborpaddlers.com/

http://www.puntagordablockparty.com

http://www.puntagordablockparty.com






Home Town Chelsea, MA

Why did you start the SWFL School of Bartending? I wanted quality service, the area could benefit from.

How long has the school been in operation? Almost 1 year.

How long is a class? We offer day and evening classes, they run for two weeks.

What did you like about bartending? It’s fun, you have a pocket full of cash and its like going out every night.

What do you see in the future for the school? Getting bigger and better every year!

Kerri - Gatorz Bar & GrillBlue Hawaiian½ oz. light rum1 oz coconut rum½ oz blue curacaoFill with pineapple juiceShake – Garnish

DennisMojitoSplash simple syrup 4-6 mint leaves2-3 lime slicesMuddle and fill with ice1 ½ oz. light rumHalf with sodaHalf lemon lime soda

Staci -Coyote UglyYbor CitySeabreeze 1 ½ oz vodka Fill ¾ grapefruit Top with cranberryLime wedge garnish

Michelle Holland

941-505 BARS(2277)[email protected]

212 W. Virginia Ave. Unit 12,1Punta Gorda

SWFL

School of BartendingSWFL

School of Bartending

Cristina-Riverside BarBahama Mama½ oz. coconut rum½ oz. light rum½ oz. crème de banana Half orange juiceHalf pineapple juiceSplash grenadineShake and flag garnish


Intimate Private Dining Experience• Anniversary • Birthday• Engagement• Out of Town Guest

Departs Cape Harbor MarinaCape Coral

941.204.4102fabaffair.com

RATESVoyage Fee............................400Dinner Package/Couple.......150 OptionsOvernight Stay/Couple........150Dock Party w/guests.........Quote

Gourmet MenuSteak, Lobster, Shrimp, Fresh Fish....

Overnight Stays Includes Breakfast

1-3 Couples Private Luxury Yacht

Nick To�ni at the Piazza de

Spangna, in Rome Italy.


More April Fools Pranks

Happy 4th Birthday to the staff of the Par-rot Magazine from the Sarasota Bay Parrot Head Club. It has been a pleasure to be al-lowed to report on our club’s activities thru out the year, and we thank you for the op-portunity.

April is a busy month for us; April 2nd is the Great American Clean-up on Edwards Island and Bay Island park; April 9th is the Relay for Life Event for team Sarasota Bay Parrot Head Club; April 15th is our Happy Hour at Bentleys Tiki Bar in Osprey; April 16th - is the Buffett con-cert in Tampa – 49 of

us will be taking a bus up; April 29th is Night Golf – so much to do, so little time! Join the club and join the fun!

We are gearing up for our 15th Birthday Bash, held the weekend of June 10th, 11th, and 12th. The theme for this year’s Bash is “License to Chill”. The host fa-

cility is Bentlys Resort in Osprey. Our line up of bands is outstanding – check it out; Homemade Wine, Calypso Nuts, Jim Asbell and the Tropi-holics and Brent Burns. We will also be having pool games, a Jello Shot Volley Ball Tournament, a Chill – Drink

Mixology Contest, a balcony decorating contest, Chinese Raffle/Silent Auction and a Toga Contest! This is always a fun party, any parrot head wishing to attend go to our web-site: www.SBPHC.com and download the reg-

istration form, fill it out, and get it and your check in the mail – you snooze, you loose!

Plans are also being made for the Survivor VIII Games. On May 7th - 48 contestants will take part in Survivor – SBPHC style. This is an annual event which pits teams against each other to see which team can outparty, out-drink and passout and be the ultimate SBPHC survivor. If you are in-terested in participat-ing email Al Palumbo @:

[email protected]

Join the fun, our So-cials are held the last Thursday of every month in the Court-yard of the Saramana Eagles. Check out our website: www.SBPHC.com.Till next time re-member: We’re growing older, but not up!

Sherry Swartz

Pop Pop Plot

Put some bubble wrap (the kind with the BIG bubbles in it) in front of or behind the tires of the victim’s car. When they back out of their parking space a large pop will be heard, and then he/she will wonder what they hit.

Parking Pranking

Google a picture of a parking ticket. Edit it with a photo editing program and add in the victim’s VIN #, plate number, make, model, color, etc. Write a ridiculous violation and write a high, but believable fine. Place ticket under the victim’s windshield wiper.

Mouse Trap

Cover several grains of uncooked rice with black paint and let it dry. What will it resemble? Yes, mouse poop! Carefully place the “mouse poop” in places the victim might be less then delighted to find poop. Some good places are: in their drawer, corners of the house, in their bed...etc. When they find it they’ll think they have a terrible mice problem!

Drive By Shooting

http://www.SBPHC.com

mailto:[email protected]




Hey Tampa Bay Parrotheads, what tiiiiiiiime is it? It’s time for FREE Buffett tickets. Yep, you read that right. Yours truly got a call from Fin-Land that they are giving out free tickets to the first 100 people that call (212)660-2245 on April 17th. Hey, maybe I’ll get to go to the concert after all.

At our March 2nd meeting we had the pleasure of listening to the Caribbean Chillers. Always

a treat even if you do get the feeling that lead singer Jason might believe he is JB on occasion. Some of our folks hopped on a bus March 5th and headed south to support the Trop Rock Junkies (a local band) and have a great time at the Englewood Music Festival.

Our March 16th meeting had lots of leprechauns out and about,

including the very first TBPH member EVER. Patti Girard, the original Queen of Fucking Everything, was

Special THANKS to our sponsors & all those who helped make this event happen!

Paradise Tree (941) 270-0559


Tampa Bay Parrot Heads in Paradise Club Written by Charlotte Lanier aka Charlie Rose

Punta Gorda (Corner of Marion Ave & 41 South)

in attendance. Mikeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee also shared some sad news that another original member, Kathleen, had recently passed away. He said she had a wonderful free spirit and it was a loss to all. She is pictured in the blue shirt up front from the second ever TBPH meeting at the original Whiskey Joe’s.

Coming up in April are lots of fun events. On Saturday 4/9 we’ll be at Quaker Steak & Lube for the SMC pre-concert fundraiser with Jimmy Parrish and the Ocean

Waves. $18 at the door if you didn’t already pre-pay includes entrance, a donation to SMC and a wonderful buffet. Then Skippers is hosting a concert on Friday 4/15 with many of the Coral Reefer band members and a few other locals. $28 night of the show. Yours truly imagines it will be quite packed. There’s the Welcome to Finland concert on 4/16 then we have a beach clean up on Saturday 4/23 with the after party at the Freaki Tiki.

We are also holding the annual Pig

Roast on Saturday May 21st at Kahuna’s. Music by Tropical Brain Freeze. Always a good time and a great way to support Tampa Bay Watch. And mark your calendars for Sarasota’s 15th Birthday Bash on June 10-12. Go to www.sbphc.com for more info and the registration form. They have a musical line up again this year and it’s always a blast. Yours truly is absolutely going to find a way to be there!

Ok, I think that’s it for now. And no, there are no free Buffett tickets. If you’ll look at the phone number it spells April Fools. And April 17th is the day AFTER the concert. Sorry! In the meantime you need to join us at our next Parrothead meeting. You can find us at Whiskey Joe’s (on the Tampa causeway next to the public parking for Ben T. Davis beach) on the 1st

and 3rd Wednesdays of the month. Check out the e-mails or our website at www.finsup.com for more details about the club or any of our upcoming events (click on the “Calendar” banner and go to the month in which you need info). And remember, “Wrinkles only go where the smiles have been.”

Roving Photographer Jersey Jim Tizzano

http://www.sbphc.com

http://www.sbphc.com


It’s All About Fun in Tampa Bay!

We’ll head inside for some of the best entertainment you’ll find in the Tampa Bay area, and it’s all taking place at the St. Pete Times Forum. There’ll be rock bands, hockey pucks, bulls and more rock bands appearing at the Forum throughout April. Stop by and catch a Tampa

Bay Lightning hockey game, see some professional bull riding, get your “rock-on” with 98ROCKFEST, or go gaga over Lady Gaga. It’s all coming and waiting for you.

Next is an event that I know I wait for each and every year – the annual running of the chicken in historic Ybor City. But in addition to that, the Outback Steakhouse Pro-Am will be entertaining onlookers, as they spend the day walking the 6,638-yard, par-71 TPC Tampa Bay. This year’s event will take place from April 11-17, and will include some of the

Let me begin this by making two points – (1) if there’s one thing that Tampa Bay knows how to do, it’s entertain; (2) let’s face it, the weather isn’t going to get any better. That being said, it’s time to get out and start enjoying everything that Tampa Bay has to offer – beautiful beaches; first-class premier sporting options; and some of the best ski slopes the country has to offer.

Let’s start this little trip around Tampa Bay with an event that happens every April – the legendary Bern’s Steak House annual Winefest! This year the excitement takes place from April 8-11, giving you plenty of time to enjoy some great food and wine. At this four-day event, guests will have the opportunity to experience extraordinary food and wine tasting, educational seminars and winemaker dinners. Just visit www.bernswinefest.com to get more details.

best golfers in the world.

And like always, it’s for a great cause! Charity contributions to the community have steadily increased since Outback Steakhouse became title sponsor six years ago, and Special Operations Warrior Foundation and The Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s Research (with contributions going to The Parkinson’s Progression Markers Initiative at University of South Florida) will share in the proceeds from the 2011 Outback Steakhouse Pro-Am. So make sure you head out there this year!

And speaking of sports, April also means the start of baseball season and cheering the Tampa Bay Rays on to another league championship. Head over to Tropicana Field and you’ll see the Rays taking on team including the Baltimore Orioles, Minnesota Twins, Los Angeles Angels, and Chicago White Sox. The Rays have had some success the past few years, and with the addition of Manny Ramirez and Johnny Damon, this year

is looking pretty good!

And there are plenty of other ways to get out and enjoy everything that the Tampa Bay area has to offer. If you haven’t done so, head in to downtown

Tampa and check out Curtis Hixon Waterfront Park. While you’re there, take a stroll along the Tampa Riverwalk, take the dogs to the dog park, play in the water fountains, or just toss a Frisbee around. It’s a great way to spend a relaxing day in the sun!

And now that water slides have been installed along the Hillsborough River near the Tampa Convention Center, everyone has the opportunity to take a dip on a warm afternoon. But if that’s not for you, the 30-acre Adventure Island has officially opened for the season, so check out some of their water slides as well.

And as always, you can log on to www.VisitTampaBay.com to get the latest updates, things to do, and even information. But, no matter what you do, get out there and have a great time!

http://www.bernswinefest.com

http://www.bernswinefest.com

http://www.VisitTampaBay.com


Send us your ideas for a funny caption for this photo and we will print the winner along with the winners name in our next issue.

E-mail us at [email protected] or mail entries to The Parrot, 3280-55 Tamiami Trail

Suite 165 Port Charlott, Florida 33952

Photo Caption Contest

This Month

Last MonthYou cant get me now!!

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APRIL EVENTSFriday 1st KATHY GRIFFIN appear-ing at the Van Wezel Performing Arts Hall in Sarasota at 8pm. For more info visit www.vanwezel.orgFriday 1st CHARLOTTE STONE CRABS REGULAR SEASON! At the Charlotte Sports Park on El Jobean Rd. Seat prices range from $5-$11. Visit www.stonecrabsbaseball.comFriday 1st & 2nd LIVE COMEDY AT VISANI’S COMEDY THEATER WITH FRANKIE PAUL/JAMIE MORGAN for more information visit us www.visani.netFriday 1st – 10th “ROMEO AND JU-LIET” AT THE VENICE THEATRE’S STAGE II Come see Shakespeare’s timeless classic brings romance to the Venice Stage. Tickets can be purchased online at www.venicestage.com or by calling 941-488-1115.Saturday 2nd SAVE THE DATE – BAR STOOL OPEN BACK NINE in the Charlotte Harbor Area. We will be raising money for the Home-less Coalition Children in Need. The nine restaurants/bars will be: Goal Post, Wally’s, Luigi’s, Chubbyz, Coral Rock, Q’s, Gatorz, Portside, Dean’s North of the Border. Wrap up party at Coral Rock at 6pm. Trol-leys will be going all day. Just get a team of 4 “putters” and sign up. The cost is $100 a team. Call Denise Dull @ 626-9439, Kris Peterson @ 815-1888 or email Jill Ferguson @ [email protected] 2nd BOCA GRANDE PRIX!! The Poker Run will start at The Amory Chapel at Boca Grande Lighthouse at 11am and run until 3pm. To register contact Thorough-bred Golf Carts @ 941-698-1010. A Party celebration from 3-6pm with food, drinks, music, and a silent auction.Saturday 2nd FARMER’S MARKET DOWNTOWN IN PUNTA GORDA on Taylor St. and Herald Court by the Historic court House. From 8-1pm. There’s local farm fresh fruits and vegetables, live entertainment, fresh baked goods & fresh seafood, lo-cally homemade soups-to-go, fresh cheeses & fresh ground coffee, fresh cut flowers & potted plants and cre-ative demonstrations & performers. Come One Come All!Saturday 2nd& 3rd RELAY FOR LIFE OF PORT CHARLOTTE at the Port

Charlotte HS on Cochran Blvd. Walk-Light the Way-Donate. Celebrate, remember, and fight back! Visit us at www.relayforlife.org/portcharlottefl.comSaturday 2nd PUNTA GORDA SPEEDWAY – Pro trucks, rookie trucks, TQ midg-ets, pro 4, fab 4, road warriors, legends, bandolero. For more info visit www.puntagordaspeedway.comSaturday 2nd CRUIZIN’ ON DEAR-BORN from 5-8pm in Englewood. Oldtime Cars-and oldtime tunes. Hundreds of old car enthusiasts and scores of old car brighten Dearborn Street. Music will flood the street and most restaurants and shops are open late! For more info visit our website at www.oldeenglewood.comSaturday 2nd 98ROCKFEST! Feaur-ing 3 doors down, Seether, Stone Sour and more at the St. Pete Times Forum at 6:15pm. www.stpetetimesfo-rum.comSaturday 2nd SARASOTA’S FARMERS MARKET EVERY SATURDAY from 7am to Noon. On Lemon Ave. & Main Street. Rain or Shine. Visit www.sarasotadowntown.com for more details.Saturday 2nd CITY WIDE GARAGE SALE IN PUNTA GORDA from 8-Noon in the parking lot of Centen-nial Bank.Saturday 2nd VENICE FARMERS MARKET in Centennial Park Down-town from 8am-Noon. Every Satur-day. Local produce, plants, flowers, imported oils, pastries and so much more.Sunday 3rd COUNTRY FEST!! At the Charlotte County Fairgrounds. Gates open at 10am. Tickets are $35 for adults and kids 12 and under are free. There will be lots of kids games and a big variety of foods and lots of ice cold Budweiser. Bring blankets and lawn chairs. No umbrellas, no coolers, and no pets. Sunday 3rd SIESTA KEY FARMERS MARKET every Sunday from 7-1pm at Davidson’s Plaza on Ocean Blvd.Monday 4th LIVE MUSIC WITH JOHNNY FUSCO VEGAS LEG-

ENDS TRIBUTE SHOW AT VISANI’S COMEDY THEATER at 7:30pm. Visit www.visani.net for more information.Tuesday 5th DIVA AND THE “ITAL-IAN GUY” AT VISANI’S COMEDY THEATER in Port Charlotte. Show time at 7:30pm. For more informa-tion visit www.visani.netWednesday 6th & 7th COMMUNITY AFFAIRS FINE ARTS & CRAFTS SHOW at the Gilchrist Park in Punta Gorda. Free admission.Wednesday 6th DAYTIME DIVA AT VISANI’S COMEDY THEATER in Port Charlotte. Show time is 1pm. Visit www.visani.netWednesday 6th-9th LIVE COMEDY WITH PAUL LYONS/WARREN B.HALL AT VISANI’S COMEDY THEATER in Port Charlotte. For show times visit www.visani.netThursday 7th HARRY CONNICK JR. appearing at the Van Wezel Perform-ing Arts Hall in Sarasota at 8pm. For more information visit www.vanwezel.orgThursday 7th MUSEUM OF ART & CIRCUS MUSEUM PRESENTS ART AFTER 5: COCKTAILS & OBSERVATIONS every Thursday from 5-8pm. Enjoy the Museum of Art permanent collection and special exhibition galleries, cocktails and great conversation on the loggia. Bring the family and explore the Cir-cus Museum’s miniature circus and Wisconsin railroad car. After hours discounted admission are adults are $10, children ages 6-17 are $5, and under 5 are free. For more info go to www.ringling.orgThursday 7th-17th SARASOTA FILM FESTIAL 2011 for a list of events and times visit www.sarasotafilmfestival.comFriday 8th-10th SHARKS TOOTH FESTIVAL IN VENICE at the Venice Airport. Arts, crafts, fossil vendors, children’s games, live entertainment, and delicious food. Friday 8th & 9th TASTE OF PUNTA GORDA at Laishley Park from 11-4pm. Lots of music, food, beer &

wine, sodas and attractions for the children.Friday 8th BIG CRUSH’ FUNK FEST II in downtown Punta Gorda at 5pm. The mummies will return! To get tickets visit our website at www.herecomethemummies.comSaturday 9th 2ND ANNUAL “EAS-TER BONE HUNT” at Fishermen’s Village in Punta Gorda. This event is to benefit EARS Animal Sanctuary. For more info visit www.fishville.comSaturday 9th MARC & RIO perform-ing at the Lemon Bay Playhouse in Englewood at 7:30pm. Available as a dinner/show combo. For more information visit www.lemonbayplay-house.comSaturday 9th SOUNDS OF NEW ORLEANS at the Charlotte Harbor Event Center at 7:30pm. Presented by the Charlotte Symphony Orches-tra. Tickets on sale now. Visit www.charlottesymphony.comSaturday 9th &10th SPRING SPEC-TACULAR ARTS & CRAFTS SHOW at the Charlotte County Fairgrounds.Saturday 9th FARMER’S MARKET DOWNTOWN IN PUNTA GORDA on Taylor St. and Herald Court by the Historic court House. From 8-1pm. There’s local farm fresh fruits and vegetables, live entertainment, fresh baked goods & fresh seafood, locally homemade soups-to-go, fresh cheeses & fresh ground coffee, fresh cut flowers & potted plants and creative demonstrations & perform-ers. Come One Come All!Saturday 9th & 10th PROFESSION-AL BULL RIDING at the St. Pete Times Forum. For show times and tickets visit www.sptimesforum.comSaturday 9th PUNTA GORDA SPEEDWAY – sportsman, dwarf cars, pro 4, fab 4, super stocks, strictly stock V6, mini stocks. For more info visit www.puntagordaspeed-way.comSaturday 9th SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE ON DEARBORN in Engle-wood. From 6-9pm. Shops will open late. Shop, dine, and play on Dearborn Street! Visit www.oldeengle-wood.comSunday 10th FISHERMEN’S VIL-LAGE BRIDAL EXPO For more details visit www.fishville.com for more info.

http://www.vanwezel.org

http://www.stonecrabsbaseball.com

http://www.visani.net

http://www.venicestage.com

http://www.venicestage.com

mailto:[email protected]

http://www.relayforlife.org/portcharlottefl.com

http://www.puntagordaspeedway.com

http://www.oldeenglewood.com/

http://www.stpetetimesforum.com


http://www.sarasotadowntown.com







http://www.ringling.org

http://www.sarasotafilmfestival.com

http://www.sarasotafilmfestival.com

http://www.herecomethemummies.com

http://www.herecomethemummies.com

http://www.fishville.com

http://www.lemonbayplayhouse.com

http://www.lemonbayplayhouse.com

http://www.charlottesymphony.com

http://www.charlottesymphony.com

http://www.sptimesforum.com



http://www.oldeenglewood.com

http://www.oldeenglewood.com

http://www.fishville.com


APRIL EVENTSMonday 11th LIVE MUSIC “AL-MOST ABBA” TRIBUTE TO ABBA AT VISANI’S COMEDY THEATER show time is 7:30pm. For more infor-mation visit www.visani.netTuesday 12th LIVE MUSIC WITH AL HOLLAND AT VISANI’S COMEDY THEATER in Port Charlotte from 6-9pm. No cover. Visit www.visani.net for more information.Wednesday 13th-16th LIVE COM-EDY WITH DALE JONES/JUANITA LOLITA AT VISANI’S COMEDY THEATER for more information visit www.visani.netThursday 14th MIRANDA LAMBERT with special guests Justin Moore and Josh Kelley performing at the Germain Arena at 7:30pm. For more info visit www.germainarena.comThursday 14th A CHORUS LINE at the Van Wezel Performing Arts Hall in Sarasota at 8pm. For ticket info visit www.vanwezel.orgFriday 15th BEACH BOYS LIVE IN CONCERT at the Ruth Eckerd Hall. For more information visit www.rutheck-erdhall.comSaturday 16th RALPHIE MAY ap-pearing at the Ruth Eckerd Hall at 8pm. For more information visit www.rutheckerdhall.comSaturday 16th FARMER’S MAR-KET DOWNTOWN IN PUNTA GORDA on Taylor St. and Herald Court by the Historic court House. From 8-1pm. There’s local farm fresh fruits and vegetables, live entertain-ment, fresh baked goods & fresh seafood, locally homemade soups-to-go, fresh cheeses & fresh ground coffee, fresh cut flowers & potted plants and creative demonstrations & performers. Come One Come All!Saturday 16th SUNCOAST BBQ BASH at the Venice Airport from 10-4pm. Saturday 16th JIMMY BUFFETT & THE CORAL REEFER BAND performing at the Ford Amphitheatre in Tampa at 8pm. For tickets call 1-800-ASK-GARY.Saturday 16th PUNTA GORDA SPEEDWAY – open wheel modified 50, road warriors, TQ midgets, pro 4, fab 4, mini stock, cowboy Cadillac. www.puntagordaspeedway.comSaturday 16th LADY GAGA THE MONSTER BALL TOUR 2011 per-forming at the St. Pete Times Forum

at 8pm. Visit www.stpetetimesforum.com for more info.Saturday 16th 25TH ANNIVERSARY PUNTA GORDA BLOCK PARTY!! from 11am-10pm. Entertainment will start at 1pm. Come celebrate with us!Saturday 16th & 17th CHARLOTTE COUNTY NAUTICAL FLEA MAR-KET AND SEAFOOD FESTIVAL at the Charlotte County Fairgrounds from 9-6pm. Come all Bargain Hunt-ers!Sunday 17th IRON MAIDEN THE FINAL FRONTIER WORLD TOUR 2011 at the St. Pete Times Forum at 8pm. For more information visit www.stpetetimesforum.comMonday 18th&19th ELVIS TRIBUTE SHOW WITH DWIGHT ICENHOW-ER AT VISANI’S COMEDY THE-ATER in Port Charlotte. Show time is 7:30pm. Tickets are $12. For more info visit www.visani.netTuesday 19th CIRQUE DREAMS ILLUMINATION at the Van Wezel Performing Arts Hall in Sarasota at 7:30pm. For more information visit www.vanwezel.orgWednesday 20th & 21st MONTY PYTHON’S SPAMALOT at the Van Wezel Performing Arts Hall in Sara-sota at 8pm. For ticket information visit www.vanwezel.orgWednesday 20th-23rd LIVE COM-EDY WITH MICHAEL MACK/TODD LINK AT VISANI’S COMEDY THE-ATER in Port Charlotte. For show times visit www.visani.netThursday 21st ART AFTER 5: JAZZ ON THE BAY AT THE JOHN AND MABLE RINGLING MUSEUM OF ART in Sarasota from 5-8pm. Join us for sunsets, cocktails and jazz on the bay featuring live en-tertainment from The Jazz Club of Sarasota featuring The Organic Trio. Visit www.ringling.orgThursday 21st CHICAGO appearing at the Ruth Eckerd Hall at 8pm. For more information visit www.rutheckerd-hall.comThursday 21st GALLERY WALK IN PUNTA GORDA from 5-8pm. The

Punta Gorda Downtown Merchants Association brings you art, music, live demonstrations, shopping and food, and a free trolley. What a better way to spend an evening strolling through downtown Punta Gorda.Friday 22nd PUNTA GORDA EARTH DAY at Laishley Park in Punta Gorda.Saturday 23rd FARMER’S MAR-KET DOWNTOWN IN PUNTA GORDA on Taylor St. and Herald Court by the Historic court House. From 8-1pm. There’s local farm fresh fruits and vegetables, live entertain-ment, fresh baked goods & fresh seafood, locally homemade soups-to-go, fresh cheeses & fresh ground coffee, fresh cut flowers & potted plants and creative demonstrations & performers. Come One Come All!Saturday 23rd PUNTA GORDA SPEEDWAY – Goodyear late model 100 6 pack series #2, pro trucks, rookie trucks, legends, bandolero, outlaw modified, pro 4, fab 4. For more information visit www.puntago-rdaspeedway.comSaturday 23rd CHARLOTTE COUNTY EARTH DAY & SPRING FESTIVAL at the Charlotte County Fairgrounds. For more information visit www.thecharlottecountyfair.comSaturday 23rd PUNTA GORDA DRAGON BOAT FESTIVAL at Laishley Park. This is an official SRDBA points race, bringing Dragon Boat paddlers from all over the state of FL and beyond. The Dragon Boat Float wins Rose Bowl Parade. This is a Punta Gorda community event. For registration information visit our website at www.puntagordachamber.comSaturday 23rd 11TH ANNUAL EASTER EGG HUNT & GAMES IN SIESTA KEY for children ages 1-6. Each child will receive a goody bag and much more. Fun activities! For more information call Roz at 941-349-2770 Ext.227Sunday 24th TRANS-SIBERIAN ORCHESTRA at the Germain Arena. Show time is 7:30pm. For more infor-mation visit www.germainarena.com

Sunday 24th EGGSTRAVAGANZA-EASTER EGG HUNT in Venice at the Centennial Park from 9-11am.Tuesday 26th ITALIAN MUSIC EVENT WITH MAURICE LOMONO-CO AT VISANI’S COMEDY THE-ATER in Port Charlotte. Show starts at 7:30pm. For ticket information visit www.visani.netWednesday 27th-30th LIVE COM-EDY WITH TIM WALKOE/D CAM-ERON AT VISANI’S COMEDY THE-ATER in Port Charlotte. For show times and tickets visit www.visani.netFriday 29th EMOTIONAL TRAFFIC TOUR: TIM MCGRAW W/LUKE BRYAN & THE BAND PERRY performing at the Ford Amphitheatre in Tampa at 7pm. For tickets call 1-800-ASK-GARY.Friday 29th THINK PINK OF THE PIER AT FISHERMEN’S VILLAGE this is an all day breast cancer awareness event featuring Memo-rial Survivor Walk, “Save the Ta-tas, Registration forms available at Mer-chant stores or visit www.fishville.com/events or call 941-575-3067 for details.Saturday 30th FARMER’S MAR-KET DOWNTOWN IN PUNTA GORDA on Taylor St. and Herald Court by the Historic court House. From 8-1pm. There’s local farm fresh fruits and vegetables, live entertain-ment, fresh baked goods & fresh seafood, locally homemade soups-to-go, fresh cheeses & fresh ground coffee, fresh cut flowers & potted plants and creative demonstrations & performers. Come One Come All!Saturday 30th PUNTA GORDA SPEEDWAY – open wheel modified 50, sportsman, TQ midgets, pro 4, fab 4, road warriors, strictly stock V6. For more informa-tion visit us at our website at www.puntagordaspeedway.comSaturday 30th MARCH OF DIMES-MARCH FOR BABIES at the Peace River Regional Medical Center in Port Charlotte. Walk begins at 9am-snacks & celebration ceremony to follow. 8am registration. Raise funds at www.marchforbabies.orghall.comSaturday 30th & May 1st HOME & GARDEN SHOW at the Charlotte Harbor Event Center from 10-5pm. Visit www.expotradeshows.net




http://www.germainarena.com


http://www.rutheckerdhall.com












http://www.ringling.org





http://www.thecharlottecountyfair.com


http://www.germainarena.com



http://www.fishville.com/events or call 941-575-3067

http://www.fishville.com/events or call 941-575-3067



http://www.marchforbabies.org


http://www.expotradeshows.net

http://www.expotradeshows.net


Aries (March 21-April 19): Every time someone says your name, you must respond, “I see Hot Dogs!!” It’ll be good luck. Taurus (April 20-May 20): Paint your face to look like a clown. Then go out to church! Gemini (May 21-June 21): It’s Eat Cake for Dinner Day! Go home and make a mess of your kitchen when baking the cake. Then the clean-up fairy will come. Careful… She might be mad. Cancer (June 22-July 22): You have super-powers from 6am to 6:10am. Use them wisely! Leo (July 23-August 22): It’s National Chicken Wings Day! Go home and tell your significant other to buy some for dinner, or else you’ll have bad luck forever! Virgo (August 23-September 22): At 9 o’clock tonight, go out and sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star at the top of your lungs. Then a shooting star will fly by and you can make a wish. Watch out though… Don’t mistake a star for a rock. Libra (September 23-October 23): See how long you can

go without breathing. Maybe you’ll break the world record! Don’t be afraid to pass out. Scorpio (October 24-November 21): Go to the movie theater with your pajama’s inside out and backwards for luck. Don’t forget your favorite teddy. Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Go fishing, use the fish you catch as bait to catch a bigger fish, then use that fish to catch a bigger fish, just keep doing it! I hope you like fish for dinner. Capricorn (December 22-January 19): Today you must hop to work. It is good exercise and it will put you in the spotlight. Everyone will be talking about you!! Aquarius (January 20-Fedruary 18): Take a trip to the mall sometime in the next two weeks. Run around the stores. If you get yelled out 5 times or more, or even get kicked out, you will win the grand prize! Pisces (February 19-March 20): Take your credit card and buy everything you want. It’s you don’t have to pay it back month!



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Documents

The Parrot April 2011