theo-weektimes

Welcome, welcome thou innocent, doe-eyed

freshies! While you stand here holding this and

wondering what spirit possessed your more-than

-enthusiastic coaches, I might as well take this

time to say this, and trust me, this is not an over-

statement: You are going to have the time of

your life here.

Some of you adorable freshies may have

stepped in LUMS today knowing exactly what

you’re going to do in the four/five years at

LUMS. You know what major and minor you’re

going to pursue (hmm, let’s see how that works

out), you know where to get the best chai to

keep you from snoozing in early morning clas-

ses because ‘Oh please, who needs a map? I’ve

been here before for LUMUN, CARMA, Fi-

LUMS and all other events that have strange

sounding acronyms so I can navigate my way

through anything.’ Heard of academic block?

You know exactly what is required of you to

find a snug little place in the Dean’s Honor List,

and you are sure, what with all those fancy A*

and As up your sleeve, that you are going to take

LUMS by storm with your I’m-going-to-get-a-

Chauka-in-my-first-attempt attitude. Well, good

luck. Some of you may have ventured into this

university to find your significant other. Again,

good luck with that. Some of you don’t even

want to be here because ‘oh eem gee! Harvard

accepted me but my visa got kidnapped because

there was this raccoon… #Iambetterthanallofyou

#yahoodishazish #Joey #stuckhere’, and some of

you are not even sure if you are going to fit in at

all. And here’s where we come in.

While we take a certain pleasure watching you

all make fools of yourselves with those FUN

icebreaking activities that your EXCITED

coaches compel you to do and which you think

are close to torture because you know, social

suicide, we are not entirely sadistic. You will

find the coaches eager to join in the shenanigans

and you shall also soon see the wisdom of these

activities when you find yourself easing up to the

freshmen in your O-Week group. We are here

to give you a head start in LUMS, to make this

immense transitional moment in your life rela-

tively smoother, to bust the many myths you

have about LUMS, to ease you into the harrow-

ing world of deadlines and responsibilities, and

to tell you that while we might scoff at your

dreams of a 4.0, we know you can make it hap-

pen.

Because you are the batch of 2018! You are

here. This is it.

Good luck!

-Aisha Hamid

Publications at LUMS Monday, 25th August, 2014

EDITORIAL:

Hi There, Freshies!

Busting Myths

About LUMS

DO all the weird, fun stuff your coaches ask you to do.

DON’T be embarrassed thinking how your high school friends would react if they saw you doing

it.

DO try getting along with your O-Week group. Most of the people in your group will remain ac-

quaintances, if not friends, throughout college.

DON’T be crestfallen if these are not the friends you want for the rest of your stay at LUMS. You

have four years for making new ones!

DO ask your O-Week coaches to give you a treat.

DON’T insist on going to Andaaz.

DO go talk to the hot girl in the other O-Week group (yes, it’s always in the other group, never

yours).

DON’T ask for her number right after saying ‘hi’.

DO ask your O-Week coaches for help in stuff other than the O-Week activities.

DON’T call them in the middle of the night to do so.

DO become good friends with your O-Week coach. You will need their help in the initial months

of your freshman year.

DON’T ask him/her out. Also, please make sure he/she is not your first crush in LUMS.

DO enjoy the food at PDC.

DON’T bet money over how you will not get tired from it.

DO add the EMS (Emergency Medical Services) contact to your phone.

DON’T think a shaving cut is an excuse to dial it.

DO keep a map of the Academic Block in your pocket.

DON’T think a passing senior will be able to help you find A-9.

-Rana Musa Tahir

Do’s and Don’ts of O-Week

All of you who have had the chance of coming

to LUMS as high school students have certain

pre-conceived notions about it. You’ll invariably

observe that your experiences at this place end

up being vastly different from your expectations.

Right now, you might think you have this place

figured out, but chances are you don’t.

Every type of ‘haram’ thing goes on behind the

Sports Complex. We may have grown slightly

old, but we haven’t seen anything in particular

going on behind the complex other than people

sitting together in the window sills. Maybe they

have discovered new spots? Maybe. Of course,

we haven’t really explored past 4 am.

PDC has a different menu every day. Sometimes

it just feels like they’ve changed the name of yes-

terday's dish. The Chinese dishes, for instance,

taste exactly the same. Try telling the difference

between Chicken with onions compared to

Chicken with vegetables the next time you

choose to have Chinese at PDC. Not to mention

the element of surprise that some PDC dishes

have to offer. The Chicken Manchurian some-

times gets a bit ‘fishy’. You will know what I

mean pretty soon.

LUMS ‘ka mahol’ is very bad. It’s not as bad as

it seems from the outside. You’ll find people

from all walks of life at this place. You are free

to make yourself comfortable with the people of

your choice, without anyone imposing any deci-

sion on you. Fancy a smoke? Go to the LUMS

Continued on page 2

Publications at LUMS Page 2

The Labyrinth that is the

Academic Block

The Academic Block is like the rest of LUMS-

everybody is equal parts annoyed with and

proud of it. You'd do well to leave your dorm

room/house/the khoka five minutes earlier for

the first few classes each semester, to give your-

self enough time to run around the Academic

Block in circles (octagons, actually) until you

realize that NIB and A-13 are the same thing.

Once you've partially overcome your annoyance

with it, you'll realize that it's actually pretty im-

pressive for a building with a hole in its middle.

A few pointers, though -

1. The numbering of the auditoriums may

seem random, but it's actually pretty (evil)

genius.

A-1 to A-4 are on the ground floor

A-5 to A-8 are on the first floor

A-9 to A-12 go on the ground floor

A-13 to A-15 can be found on the first floor

And they put A-16 on the ground floor, just for

laughs.

Try showing this pattern (if you found it, that is)

to graduating seniors and watch them lose it.

Fun.

2. The DRs are numbered such that DRs 1 to

8 are on the ground floor and 9 to 16

are on the first floor. Considerably less dia-

bolical than the way the auditoriums are ar-

ranged.

theo-weektimes

Busting Myths About LUMS continued from

page 1

3. The PDC side is opposite the Library

side, and the REDC is opposite the out

gate, for when you want to take a short cut

to save that half-minute it takes your in-

structor to go from don't-know-don't-care

to somebody you wouldn't want to know.

4. As for the instructors' offices, the RO and

the Office of Student Affairs, they like to

move around quite a bit. The only way to

know where they are is to peer into every

wing until you find them.

Best of luck finding A-14, though.

-Amna Memon

Square. Fancy praying before your class? Rush to

the mosque.

The first semester is easy. “Calculus I? Phew. I

studied most of the stuff in A’ Levels. I don’t

need to attend classes.” I have heard countless

freshmen make this claim. Don’t worry! You’ll

soon realize the first semester might just be the

hardest of your (hopefully only) eight semesters

at LUMS. Still can’t wait for the classes to start?

- Junaid Aftab

LUMS is a total party place.

Whoever told you this has probably given you

horrible advice on other important matters as

well because this is a total and utter lie. So better

go back and reevaluate all they have ever told

you. This is what awaits you ahead: 8 a.m. clas-

ses, 3 quizzes a day, 4 exams in less than 48

hours, huge bags under your eyes, caffeine addic-

tion, the freshman 15, 6 hour gaps between clas-

ses for day scholars, project deadlines during fi-

nals’ week, overcrowded library, printer jams 10

minutes before a paper deadline, average food,

lack of interest in you from the opposite sex, DC

threats, enrollment fiascos, 80 page readings for

every session and the list goes on. It’s a beautiful

life, isn’t it? Don’t hate me! Just giving you a reali-

ty check as a helpful senior is all. On a serious

note, the point of this little memo is to tell you

that don’t expect that you can party 24/7 and

breeze through classes. Of course, if that is your

aim you can totally do it. But if you’d like a de-

gree in your hands after four year, striking a bal-

ance between play and work is extremely im-

portant. So, kids, let us not spoil an opportunity

of studying in one of Pakistan’s finest education

institutions. Okay? Okay. Good kids!

-Nimra Arshad

A not-so-good GPA (grade point average if you

didn’t know) in your freshman year will ruin your

chances of graduating with a good GPA.

During O-week, you will hear this statement from

your coaches, coordinators and just random sen-

iors eager to give out advice. Don’t listen to them!

Of course, it is true that a solid first year grade

point average can set you up for a decent GPA

throughout your four year stay here. However,

don’t let a GPA lower than your expectations

send you into a vault of misery akin to Gringrotts.

You can slay the dragon and zoom away on your

Firebolt to a commendable GPA! Just like the

writer of this anonymous but brilliant piece of ad-

vice who managed to push his or her GPA from

3.1 to 3.6 over the course of four semesters. So

study hard, party hard and don’t lose heart if you

struggle with studies a little bit at the start. It will

all work out.

Illustrations from the Strip Generator

One of the closest relationships you will nurture in the course of your

LUMS life will be with Zambeel, the online LUMS portal. Not in the

movie “Her” kind of way though; Zambeel would not talk to you or date

you as the operating system Samantha did in the movie. However, it will

do other important tasks such as manage your academic information, keep

academic records, and most importantly enroll you into courses with the

grace of the Registrar Office of course.

You will experience your campus-mail flood during the enrollment phase

in the beginning of the semester. There will be many creatively titled

emails begging for course swaps. You might also hear people debate the

correct pronunciation of ‘swap’ (it is better to look it up, tricky). You will

hear many horror stories regarding enrollment. It is very important to re-

plenish your luck if you have run out of it or you might not get the courses

you want. Worst case scenario, you might not get any course (for the initial

enrollment phase, not forever hopefully).

The first time yours truly enrolled, it went really well, too well. Remem-

ber, if it goes well for you, there’s probably someone staring at their laptop

screen, wincing and cursing Zambeel for ruining their life. I guess what’s

what you’d call survival of the fittest. Enrollment has a funny way of teach-

ing you the workings of the capitalist world. To be the fittest, you need

extensive preparation. Fill your cart with your desired as well as a back-up

course for each of your desired course. Start clicking ‘enroll’ at the speed

of lightening when the enrollment commences. However, you can never

be too careful with enrollment. Chances are you might end with a course

in the end that you never even considered. In the days that follow, you

might question a lot many things including your life. Demonic Zambeel

can do this to you. So as Imran Khan keeps saying in every interview,

“Hope for the best, prepare for the worst”; hope for the worst too. Just in

case, have your back up options ready in your enrollment cart. Don’t

sleep during enrollment time because then you can’t act like Godfather,

making people an offer they can’t refuse as no one will want to swap your

‘Arabic’ course with their ‘Intro to Management’. Hard facts. Let’s move

on.

Around the time your grades are being uploaded, you will check Zambeel

more than the total amount of time you check Facebook in a day and that

is a lot. It will cultivate a mix of patience and paranoia in you. However,

every time you have to squint to save yourself from the full glare of your

grades staring back at you, every name of any eye-related disease you stud-

Publications at LUMS Page 3

FRESHIES SAY THE DARNEST THINGS

Overheard a unique pick-up line, a strange exclamation, or a

fun rumor doing the rounds? Mail it in at

PLUMS@lums.edu.pk and it may just get printed !

theo-weektimes The demon that is Zambeel

and how to beat it

ied about in school will come to your mind like Cataracts or just eye cancer be-

cause you don’t remember anything.

For the day scholars; a lot of people will say that enrolling from the IST lab is

quicker and more reliable than enrolling from home. However, the sociological

concept of hoards of people coming together and releasing some collective pos-

itive energy may only be true in ‘V for Vendetta’ but not for Z for Zambeel. I

apologize for this one. One last thing, make sure to attend your IST infor-

mation session for Zambeel. May all the odds be in your favor.

-Manahil Mahmood Sardar

LUMS Square: There are three kinds of cats in this world- the adorable, furry

ones, the evil, sadistic ones and then there are the LUMS cats which are found

dominantly in the LUMS Square. If you plan to eat your food in this area, the

chances of success are pretty bleak because the cats shall not admit defeat till

they manage to nick a fair share of loot from you. With the option of eating

crossed off, you will resort to playing cards or indulge in pointless banter to kill

time while you wait for your next class or for the aesthetically pleasing guy/girl

(whichever one you prefer) you obsess over, to pass by.

LUMS Library: The place where even scratching your nose sounds very loud

but amidst the so called ‘theetas’ you will find a handful of people sprawled

across the floor in a corner, sleeping peacefully and contrary to popular belief,

this place can be ideal to ogle at your crush discreetly.

Discussion Rooms (DRs): These are anything but ‘discussion’ rooms and the

deceptive name conceals its true identity from the ones too coward to cross

over to the dark side. The walls of these tiny rooms have seen everything from

surprise birthday parties to highly inappropriate behavior.

-Azka Shoaib

Guest Contributor

A Walk Through the Campus

Ro

ham

a Malik

©

Ro

ham

a Malik

©

Hira Qureshi

President

Rohama Malik

Vice President

Natasha Barlas

General Secretary

Aisha Hamid

Editor-in-Chief

Ayesha Tahir

Treasurer

Amna Memon

Senior Editor

the PLUMS team

Publications at LUMS Page 4

theo-weektimes

Sana Haque

Editor-in-Chief

Junaid Aftab

Senior Editor

Nimra Arshad

Senior Editor

Rana Musa Tahir

Contributor

Manahil Mahmood Sardar

Contributor

Anam Amin Lakhani

Director Publicity

CALLING ALL FRESHMEN WRITERS, ESSAYISTS, CARTOONISTS AND DESIGNERS!

FRUSTRATED BY THE INDIFERENCE OF OTHERS TO THE IDEAS BUBBLING INSIDE YOUR HEAD?

EXASPERATED BY THE APATHY OF EVERYONE AROUND YOU?

NEED A PLATFORM TO UNLEASH THE BUDDING WRITER IN YOU?

LIKE SEEING YOUR NAME IN PRINT?

IF YES, DON’T MISS THE PLUMS ORIENTATION!

Time and venue will be announced on Campusmail!

From the people who bring you The LUMS Chronicle and The Luminaire.