The Not So Sane Chronicles Book 1:

Sitting in a strait jacket staring at the wall may be fun for some people, but not for

me. I hate my steel room in the mental hospital (formally called a psychiatric ward), I

hate my stupid guards, and I hate….. Sorry I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me tell you

how this all started. My name is Alexis and I am the supreme ruler of the world. At least

I should have been if not for those insolent brats. Let me warn you this isn’t one of those

happy ending books…at least for me. I mean who likes heroes. They always beat up

the bad guys. It’s totally unfair. We bad guys always lose. Look at me. How do you think

I’m here in this mental hospital (formally called a psychiatric ward)? This place is like a

prison. When I break out and become the supreme ruler of the world the first thing I will

do is burn this place to the ground and chuck Tom, Jason, George and Reynolds in

prison. Take that back. Ill feed them to the wolves. Then I’m going to chuck these

guards in Alcatraz... Whoops sorry Joe (the guard) I didn’t know you could hear me.”

“You won’t be able to hear me for long,” Joe said, “I’ll make sure of it! Oh and

Alexis, you better close your mouth before it gets you in trouble. By the way you are

being transferred to Alcatraz. So much for throwing me in Alcatraz you lunatic.”

“At least I have a home Joe,” I told him.

“Yeah you have a home…good joke. Maybe it’s the trashcan….if you’re lucky!

You know what…. You look so natural in a trash can… no one will know you are there.

Guess why…. You’re a piece of trash!” Joe taunted.

“At least I’m not a lunatic Joe.”

“Ha! You not a lunatic…. Then I’m Zeus.” Said Joe sarcastically!

“Hi my name is Drew. I’m the split personality of Alexis! He’s a lunatic and I’m a

terrorist! Don’t let the lunatic or the deranged guards tell you the story. The lunatics a

well… he’s a ….lunatic! So it all began in the forest….” A voice inside of me said!

“Shush Drew. Let the supreme ruler of the world tell the story. You are just a

lowly millionaire.” I said to the voice inside of me! I hated it when he argued with me!

“Ha! At least I’m a millionaire. You only have pennies. You’re not the supreme

ruler of the world. More like the King of Lunatics. Take that back… you’re the Queen of

Lunatics… Or a drama Queen. You’re almost as annoying as my imaginary

brother….almost.” the voice continued! I hate Drew! I must come back with a comeback!

“No way! No one beats Alexis at anything! Alexis is the best.” I said!

“Yes…The best…the best at losing!” Drew snapped back.

“I agree; I am the best at…. Hey that’s not nice!” I countered.

“Do you think I care?” It was still Drew speaking through me!

“No?” I said quietly.

“Exactly, now go cry about it!” Drew can be cruel. So very, very cruel!

“Wait…so you are telling me you have a split personality that is cruel to you and

you expect us to feel sorry! No wonder you’re stuck in this steel cell! Loser!” said Joe!

Anyways this all started in a national park with a polluted river running through it.

Josh Shields, a government environmental official, was doing his annual check on the

park. Everything was in order until he checked the river. The river had mercury lead and

oil traces in it. It was a poisonous mess. Pretty soon he traced the chemicals to a plant

30 miles away. Guess who owned it? Me! Drew and I decided to silence those puny

government officials….forever! We hired some professional assassins! In the forest

when a few government officials were recording some official data (they were the only

people who knew about my factory plants pollution) .There was a sudden noise! Bang,

Bang, Bang. Josh sees some snipers. After the shooting stopped only a few

government officials were alive. Then a machine gun and a few grenades finished the

rest of the officials off.

One year later when the next checkup occurred the police find the dead bodies.

It’s all over the news. A $500,000 reward is offered to the person who can catch the

murderers. Still no one suspects me (I’m just boss like that). At the time I was running

for New York Governor and I was expected to win.

Meanwhile at a mental hospital (formally called a psychiatric ward) four friends

are at work. They are all doctors. It’s a normal day at the mental hospital. A patient

escapes and threatens everyone with a knife and another patient “dies” and is taken for

his burial where he “magically” comes back to life and runs away. All in a day of work for

Tom, Jason, George and Reynolds; the brats who ruined my plan for world domination!

“Shush Alexis! Give up! My turn to tell the story!”

“They don’t even know who you are Tom!”

“They know me better than you.”

“My name is Tom and I’m going to tell you a….”

“Shush Tom! Just tell the story!”

“Fine!”

“While we were walking home we walked by the Green Industry chemical plant.

We saw a tanker leaving the compound. We followed it out of curiosity. Little did we

know that that tanker would lead us on the adventure of our lives. The tanker stopped at

the river and dumps out the chemicals it contained. This isn’t some random "helpful"

chemical. These are some seriously dangerous chemicals! They can kill you! The Deer

River also flows into Niagara Falls! This will ruin the pristine natural environment.

Thankfully this is all filmed by Reynolds iPhone.

“Yes!” says Reynolds! “We are going to be rich. There’s a $600,000 dollar reward

for reporting illegal dumping. Let’s inform the government.”

The following day at the City Council meeting we saw Alexis.

Reynolds was the first to speak. “Hey Councilman Alexis Martinez, we just

caught Green Industries dumping chemicals into the Deer River.”

“Okay guys. Thanks for the information. I will report this to the Environmental

Protection Agency (EPA).” Alexis said.

“Hey Tom now can I speak.” (Alexis)

“Sure. Sike! Your voice is horrible!” (Tom)

“Don’t listen to that brat Tom! Listen to the supreme ruler of the world, Alexis!”

“Fine! You can speak, Alexis.”

“I’m like ha…no one’s going to know about this. Bye, bye fellows. The next two

days will be the last days of your lives. I will make sure of it. When I arrived home at my

mansion I called up Riley Andres. He’s an ex-military seal and he is a professional

assassin. I called him and then told him hey Riley; I need you to take care of a few

people…permanently. Little did I know this scam artist would become an enemy.

The next day Riley arrived at my house. I gave him all the information he needed

and some cash. He was now my hired goon.”

“Hey Alexis my turn to talk.”(Riley)

“Don’t even talk to me Riley!” (Alexis)

“Hi Alexis” Riley said.

“Grrrr”

“Ha! I win! My turn to speak”, said Riley.

“Anyways…My name is Riley and I’m like okay let’s blow things up (as in

people), scam everyone (including the deranged politician Alexis) and get rich. It’s like a

quote of mine. To live life to the fullest blow things up, scam everyone , and get rich. To

Jason’s house I go.”

“My turn Riley! You don’t get to talk about the part where you blow my house up! I want

to tell the part where the police chase me thinking I'm a terrorist, my life gets ruined, and

my house blows up but not necessarily in that order.” (Jason)

“The next events are like the three little pigs. Except for the fact there were four of us

so more like the four little pigs. As I was saying…

I get home and go inside. Time to watch some TV. It’s a normal day. Suddenly

boom. Was that a grenade? I ran outside with a Nerf Gun. My house collapses.

Noooooo! Who did this. I’m going to kill you.

“I did”, says Riley holding up a machine gun.

Never mind… I won’t kill you. I picked up my Nerf Gun and then I took off like a

man getting chased by a guy with a gun! I shot Riley 20 times with my automatic Nerf

Gun.

He stood there and said "Hey! That hurt!”

Those Nerf bullets probably saved my life.

I finally reached Toms house. Boom. Riley blows it up with some grenades. Why

does he get grenades? He’s chasing us again. What is his problem! Why can’t he move

more slowly! He blows up my house and starts chasing me! Why should he blow up my

house when he can blow up his car or something! I mean can’t he chase someone else

and since when can u buy flamethrowers at Walmart. I mean Riley had a flamethrower

with a Walmart sticker on it! What has the world come to!

Tom and I finally arrived at George’s house. We see a B-2 bomber above us. It

was obvious what would happen next. Abandon ship, I yell!

“You mean abandon house.” Said George

“Whatever!” I told him!

Now Riley’s chasing us with a water gun. Assassins these days! We arrive at

Reynolds house. At least what used to be his house. A plane had just crashed into it!

That must have been a bad pilot to crash into a house. It could have been a bad plane

though. I hear police sirens. Phew, we were saved. At least that’s what I thought!

“Put your hands up. You are all under arrest for being terrorists.” Said the police!

Riley and I look at each other. We know what to do. Fight! Its Nerf Guns and

flamethrowers against a SWAT team armed with AK-47s and pistols. We were so going

to lose! Then Reynolds takes out a pen. Seriously! When people are trying to kill you

with Ak-47s you take out a pen! What are you going to do to them! Write on them?

Maybe you could throw it but what would that do. Probably would just make them mad!

What are you going to do with that I asked Reynolds? Throw it?

“Yes!” he said.

Boom! It was a grenade. Yay! Nerf guns win. Riley slips and falls over a banana

peel! My leg “accidently” tripped him making him fall on it. Yes! He’s unconscious. Now

we can run away I told everyone! To the forest! ”

“The forest was awesome…”

“Shush Jason! It’s my turn to talk. My name is Reynolds. I was having a rotten

day. A plane crashed into my house and destroyed my cellphone. It was so sad. My

cellphone. My only friend in life… I didn’t even get time to bury him! Jason needs a

brain check. The forest was horrible. There were so many trees. Forests should have

skyscrapers and buildings.”

“That’s a city, Reynolds.”

“Shush Tom. No one asked you to talk. Anyways then Jason had the brilliant idea

of building a tree house. Guess who got the job of building it. Me! I always have to do all

the work! Do you know how hard it is to sit on a rock and play with grass? It’s so much

work! ”

“Reynolds! Be quiet! My name is Tom and….”

“No one asked you to talk Tom!”

“No one asked you to talk Reynolds.”

“That’s why George gets to talk! My name is George.”

“They already know that.”

“Oh. My name is George and….”

“They already know that George. Tell the story. No one cares about you.”

“You made me sad Reynolds. I’m not your friend.”

“You don’t have friends George.”

“That’s not nice Reynolds.”

“Do you think I care George?”

“Yes.”

“Guess what! I don’t, so go cry about it!”

“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”

“I didn’t mean literally. George can be so stupid!”

“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”

“Shush George! Shut your mouth before I shut it for you”

“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”

“Fine you can tell the story George.”

“Finally! Anyways the forest was okay. We raided the supermarket and we were

stocked up on food. We were desperate. Then we built a bowling alley in the

treehouse. Reynolds didn’t even help at all! He was complaining about how hard it was

to move grass. Weakling! We had a lake nearby. We went swimming there. It was like

a mansion…made of sticks!”

“Then it got destroyed.”

“Because of me (Riley)”

“No one likes you Riley.”

“It was fun burning your house.”

“It was not a house! It’s a treehouse made of sticks! It was like a house!”

“So what! Anyways… I got my flamethrower (from Walmart) and tried to find

them. Some dummy called the cops on me and I had to go hide in the forest. Before I

hid I got revenge! I burned down his house! Then I saw their lame excuse for a tree

house and I thought, time to play with fire. You know when your parents tell you not to

play with fire. They lied! Well then how did we discover fire? Guess what! When they

were younger they probably played with fire! I go to the nearest tree and try to start my

flame thrower. It doesn’t work. Walmart stuff. They are all the same. They never work. I

then stole a truck (it was a Cadillac) and drove it into a tree. Looks like someone going

to need to get a new truck. Then I put a match in the gas tank it was fun. I sang….

“(Let em burn Lyrics)

The volcano glows red and everyone’s dead

Not a body to be seen.

A nation of ash and cinders

And it looks like I’m the queen (I’m a king).

The flames keep roaring like the furnace that’s inside.

Couldn’t keep it, only knows I’ve tried.

Don’t let them in don’t let them see,

be the good girl you always have to be,

conceal don’t feel, don’t let them learn,

well now they’ve learned!

Let them burn, let them burn!

They’re no longer my concern!

Let them burn, let them burn!

Time to show the world it’s my turn!

I won’t care how they’re going to scream!

Let the fire rage on.

Flames never seemed to bother me.

Its funny how this inferno

Makes everything look bright

And the fear that once controlled me,

Set everything alight!

It’s time to see what I can do,

to test the limits and break through.

No right, no wrong, when it’s only me!

So I’m free!

Let them burn, let them burn!

See my fire across the sky!

Let them burn, let them burn!

Like a rocket I can fly!

I won’t care how they’re going to scream!

Let the fire rage on.

My power surges through the air and all around.

My soul’s the engine that will burn this world down to the ground!

And one move sparks ignition of my vengeful wrath!

I’m never going back; the future’s all I have!

Let them burn, let them burn!

Raining down Armageddon,

Let them burn, let them burn!

Their precious world is gone!

I won’t care how they’re going to scream!

Let the fire rage on.

Flames never seemed to bother me.”

“The fire was huge. The trees exploded. It was fun. Of course the police arrived.

They always ruin the fun. I was about to throw a grenade at them and then I realized I

was on fire literally. I just jumped into the lake. ”

“It was common sense. Sadly the others had some common sense and were in

the lake too. Every time I try to destroy them it always backfires on me. It’ll be worth it in

the end.”

“People just don’t like dying these days. I mean what’s so bad about it.”

“Everything Riley! No one wants to hear you talk. We would rather listen to

Reynolds singing!”

“Shut up George! Reynolds sing!”

“Okay Riley. Tralalalalalalalal!”

“Never mind. We would rather listen to you talk Riley. Anyways I (George) was in

a bad mood. I don’t like getting wet. I can’t swim. Amazingly I didn’t drown. At least I

recorded what Riley did. Not that it would help. My phone was in the bottom of the lake

and I wasn’t going to get it out. Someone else can do that! We finally got out of the lake

6 hours later when the police were gone. Ahhh I screamed. It’s a spider.”

“Don’t worry it’s smaller than you. (Tom)”

“Yeah! So is a grenade.”

“Is little George scared of a teeny weeny spider.”

“Yes! You got a problem with it.”

“Not really…it’s funny!”

“What were you saying?”

“Nothing….nothing... I was just saying how scary spiders were.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“I feel miserable! (Reynolds)”

Thank you Captain Obvious! (Tom)

“You’re Welcome!”

“I wish we could throw Alexis and Riley in prison.”

“We could ruin Alexi’s political career.”

“That’s a great idea. We’ll just attend one of his big political meetings and show a

video of doing something really bad.”

“I’m, on it! I’ll do some editing of a video I have of him polluting a river. He shall

be ruined. Revenge is sweet! Hey! Did any of you guys realize that Riley heard

everything we just said? (Reynolds)”

“You mean everything YOU just said. (George)”

“We could bribe him. (Reynolds)”

“And get arrested.”

“We could torture him.”

“He’ll probably beat us up.”

“You know I can hear you people. (Riley)”

“Uh…Oh sorry Riley. We were talking about you. I mean we were talking about

another Riley. Yes….another Riley. Right guys...(Reynolds)”

“Yes we were talking about another Riley. You know the one in a lake. Another

lake...(George)”

“You dimwit! You gave it away. (Reynolds)”

“Quite everyone! I’ll join your plot! On one condition...I get to scam and keep all

of Alexi’s money. (Riley)”

“Deal! (Everyone else)”

“Time to get scamming, hacking and blowing things up! Yes!”

“Who said anything about blowing things up Riley? (Tom)”

“I did! You got a problem with it. (Riley)”

“Yes I do.”

“Ok, then go cry about it!”

“Waaaaaaaaaaaa!(Tom)”

“Shush!”

“The day of the campaign opener...Fox News. Alexis Martinez the expected

winner of this year’s election for President is kicking of his campaign now live. Let’s see

what promises this new leader could bring us!”

“My name is Alexis Martinez and I am running for Governor of our beautiful state

New York. I am committed to helping out the unemployed and recognizing our veterans.

I am committed to help make New York a green state. As Founder and CEO of Green

Industries I know how to make industry and nature work together.

Now let me present a video of what I can do to make New York a better state.

(Live on Fox)”

“We are halfway through the video when there's an interruption. Its fire works!

Yay! Wait there’s more. Someone in the crowd appears to have gone mad. Live in New

York this is Fox News. (Reporters)”

“This is bull! This is what Alexis really does. (George)” “

“The video suddenly changes. Has someone hacked the computer? My name is

Alexis Martinez and I like destroying the Earth. I dump chemicals from Green Industries

into rivers! My company has too much waste so I’m going to dump it in Niagara Falls. I

send goons to burn forests and carjack people. Here is some evidence I do this. People

are horrified! Boo! Tree Killer! Don’t harm trees! Harm Alexis Martinez! It’s a full scale

riot! Wait! A helicopters coming... The guy in side has a machine gun. Bam! Bam! A few

shots have been fired. This whole area is a stampede. Police reports say that helicopter

belonged to Green Industries and that gunman was one of Alexis' goons. So much for a

good leader! Looks like someone is going to get arrested! Tune in later for some new

information in the Alexis Martinez case.! (Reporters)”

“Fox News. Have you ever heard of scams? We all know of some dirty politicians

who scam people like the infamous Alexis Martinez. Have you seen politicians get

scammed? Well todays your lucky day. You’ll see some CIA footage of Alexis Martinez

getting scammed by his security advisor! (Reporters)”

“Hey Alexis! I saved you from the mob! You owe me money. Fine I’ll write a

check! No that’s okay. I’ll take the money from your bank account. It’s less hassle for

you. I just need your bank account number, credit card and password.”

“Here you go.”

“Chase Bank says all of Alexis' money was transferred to a bank account. That’s

10 billion dollars gone. That’s the biggest scam by one person! You scam you get

scammed! Along with this authorities have tracked down Alexis Martinez. Here’s the

chased live at Niagara Falls! (Reporters)”

“You are under arrest Alexis Martinez. Drop your gun and tell your henchmen to

do the same. (Police”(

“Never! I shall never be captured alive. (Alexis)”

“Then we’ll capture you dead! (Police)”

“Not today you won’t! Bam, Bam, Bam. (Riley)”

“The henchman just fired his machine gun! We need backup. (Police)”

“Alexis and his henchmen are trapped. They are at the edge of the falls. This part

you are about to hear is hilarious. People can be so stupid. (Reporters)”

“No! I shall never be captured. I shall escape all of you! Even the police by

jumping of Niagara Falls. (Alexis)”

“Good luck with that genius. (Police)”

“Boom, Boom! Whee! Lets blow things up! Boom, Boom. (Riley)”

“Someone shoot the bozo which is throwing the grenades! Bam! (Police Chief)”

“Ouchy that hurt! (Riley)”

“Hah Ha. I shall make my escape like batman! Batman! (Alexis)”

“Can’t fly genius! (Riley)”

Boom, Smash, Crack!

“He died! Good riddance to bad luck! (Police)”

“I told you batman can’t fly but superman can! Superman! (Riley)”

“Isn’t real Genius! (Police Chief)”

Smash Crack!

“Riley’s dead. Finally there will be world peace. (Tom)”

“I am alive yes! Now I just need to climb up the falls and kill all of you! You will

face the wrath of Alexis! (Alexis)”

“Take that back! There will not be world peace! Alexis is still alive. (Tom)”

“Take him to jail or a mental hospital (formally called a psychiatric ward). Get that

bozo out of my face! (Police Chief)”

That’s all folks. Signing off Chirag Bangera Fox 2 news reporter and author of

The Not So Sane Chronicles.

“Now do you see! I shouldn’t be here! I’m an innocent person who got framed by

that numbskull Riley! All Riley did was swim out of there and change his name! He’s a

billionaire! Look at me! I’m in a cell! When I get out I’m going to…. (Alexis)”

“You are never going to get out! Except for now! Get out of your cell (Police

Officer)”

“Yes I’m free! Now I will have revenge! (Alexis)”

“No you are not free! You are being moved to Alcatraz! (Police Officer)”

“So long sucker! (Joe the guard)”

“Come on! Get In the truck! (Police Officer)”

“1 hour later…. Here’s your lunch Alexis! A candy bar! Alexis! Alexis! Where are

you! (Police Officer)”

“Dang it! Where did he go!”

“He escaped you idiot we are doomed! (Police Chief)”

Boom!

“Eat grenades sucker! (Alexis)”

“Now I shall get my revenge!”

“Time to walk back to New York!”

“Take that back!”

“Taxi! (Alexis)”

“Give up your car or I’ll throw my two grenades!”

“They are totally fake! (Taxi Driver)”

“Oh yeah! Watch this! I’m going to throw this at a semi! Boom! (Alexis)”

“Okay here are the keys! Here you go! (Taxi Driver)”

“Nah, take the keys back! Call any limousine driver you know! Okay! (Alexis)”

10 minutes later…

“Lincoln Limousines at your service! (Limousine Driver )”

“Get out of the limo! (Alexis)”

“What! (Limousine Driver )”

“I said get out of the limo before I blow you till kingdom come!”

“Now give me the keys! (Alexis)”

“No! (Limousine Driver )”

“Give me the keys!”

“ Fine! (Limousine Driver )”

“Yeah! Riding in style…(Alexis)”

1 day later…..

“Now with Alexis in jail we can live life comfortably. We all get free limousines and

mansions! Life is sweet. Nothing could get better than this! Nothing wrong could ever

happen now! Ever!”

“Don’t jinx it Reynolds! (Tom)”

Ring, Ring! (The Phone)

“Tom pick up the phone! (Reynolds)”

“Okay…. “

Alexis is back and he’s coming to get you! (Alexis)”

“Hey Drew is back too and he doesn’t want to kill you…take that back I’m going to kill

you! Alexis just bribed me with ice-cream!” (Drew)

“When we find you we will…” (Alexis)

We already found them! (Drew)

Oh yeah! (Alexis)

Told you guys! I’m smarter than Alexis! (Drew)

Shut up Drew! (Alexis)

No! I’m’ a terrorist (Drew)

Anyways whoever is on the phone tell your friends that when we arrive you and

everyone who tries to protect you will be very sorry…very sorry (Drew)

“Hi guys…miss me? Cause we are going to get you…. (Alexis)

Out of the frying pan into the fire! Killing you is our hearts desire! We are going to kill

you with… (Drew)

Coming soon… The Not So Sane Chronicles

Book 2: Alexis’ Revenge!

Preview!

Let me guess…fire.

“We don’t miss you Drew… we miss Alexis. Sike! You both are losers! You aren’t

allowed to call in jail fools! What did you do! Bribe the cops? (Tom)”

“I’ve escaped and I’m coming to get you!” (Alexis and Drew)

“Darn it! (Tom)”

“Look up Tom! (Alexis)”

“Guys it’s a B-2 bomber…with a bomb (Tom)”

“Whee…Lets have some fun! Your house is going to explode in 3….2…..1…. (Alexis

and Drew)”

Read the Book to find out what happens next!

The Not So Sane Chronicles Book 2: Alexis’ Revenge Coming Soon….

The Not So Sane Chronicles® , Lets Pollute, Scam People And Blow Things Up®, and

Alexis’ Revenge® are protected under copyright laws! All rights belong to

Chirag Publications®. All Rights Reserved.