'li'ans latcd by

EI izabeth Rotten berg

Stanford

1/iIJaS;ty

Press

Stflnford

California

THE INSTANT

OF MY DEATH

Maurice BLartchot

DEMEURE FICT ION A N D TESTIMONY

Jacques Derrida

§ L'insrant de ma mort

JI': ME SOU\ '/ FN S d'ULl jeune homme-un homme en­core jeune- empeche de mou l'il' par la mort I\\eme- er peu r-erre l'el'reur de ['injusrice.

Les Allies avaienr reuss i a prendre pied sur Ie sol fra n<;:a is. Les Allema nd s, deja vain cus , lur[aiC'llr en vai ll avec une inurile ferocir e.

Dans une grande maison (Ie C hareau , disa il -on), on frappa a la pone pluror rimid emen r. .Ie sais que Ie jClIlle homm e vinr ouvrir a des hores qui sans dOLll l' del1l an­daien r secours.

Ce[(e foi s, hurlemenr: "Tous dehors." Un lieurenanr nazi, dans un fi'anc;:ais honreusemenr nor ­

mal, fi r soni l' d 'abord les perso nnes les plus :i~~cc s , puis deux jeunes femmes.

"Dehors, dehors." Ccrre fois , il hurlair. Le jeu ne hOlTI me ne cherchair pourranr pas afuir, mais avanc;:air lenrcmcll(, d'une maniere presque sacerdorale. Le li eurenanr Ie scc­oua, lui monrra des douilles, des ba lles, il y ava il ell malli ­fes(emem combar, Ie so l e(ai( un sol guerrier.

Le lieu(enanr s'errangla dans un langage bi l.J ITc, e( Illcr­

§ The Instant of My Death

1 REM I M[\ER a youn man-a man srill young-pre­vented trom ying by dearh itse lf- and perhaps (he error

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-cfhe Attie'S had succeeded in ge rrin g a foorhold on French so il. The Germans, already vanq uished, were strug­gling in vain wirh useless ferocity.

In a large house ((he Chatea u, ir was called), so meon e knocked ar rhe door ra(her rimidly. I know tbar rhe young man came ro open rhe door ro gues rs who were presum­ab ly asking for help.

This [ime, a howl: "Everyone ourside. " A Nazi li cu(enant, in shamefu lly norma l French, made \

rhe oldes( people exi r fi [Sf , and (hen rwo young women. "Oursid e, outside. " This time, he was howling. The

r young man, howeve r, did nor rry ro Ree bur advanced slowly, in an almosr pries rl y mann er. The Iieurenanr ~\ shook him , showed him rhe casin gs, bullers; (here had ob- ( ) viously been fighring; rhe soil was. a..waLSoL

The li eurenant c110Ked in ablZarre language. And pu r­ring rhe casings, rhe bulbs, a grenade underme nose of

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4 L'instant de rna mort

tam sous Ie nez de l'homme deja moins jeune (on vieillit

vite) les douilles, les ball es, une g renade, cria distinc te­me nr: "Voila aquoi vous etes pa rvenu."

Le nazi mit en rang ses hommes POl![ atteindre, se lon les regles, la cible humaine. Le jeune homme dit : "Faites

au moins rentJ°er ma famille." So it: la tante (94 ans), sa

mere plus jeune, sa seeur et sa bell e-seeur, un long e t lent

cortege, sil encieux, co mme si tour etait deja accompli.

Je sa is-Ie s~lis-j e-que celu i que visa ienr deja les Alle­

mands, n'a rtendanr plus que I'ordre fin al, eprouva alors un

sentim ent d e legere te extraordinaire, un e SOlore d e beati­

tud e (ri en d 'heureux cependam),-a ll egresse souve,'aille? La rencon tre de la mort et de b mort?

A sa place, je ne chercherai pas aanalyse r ce senrim em

de lege re teo II etait peut-etre tout a coup invin cibl e.

Morr-immone!. Peut-etre l'ext<1se. Plutot Ie sentiment

d e com passion pour I'huill anite souffranre, Ie bonheur de

n'ctre pas immonel n i eter nel. Desormais, il fut li e a la mort, par une amitie subreptice.

~((:t ins t~lnt, brusque retour au monde, echl(a Ie bruit

considerable d'un e proche bataille . Lcs camarades du

maquis voulaiem poner secours acel ui qu'il s s<lva ienr en

danger. Le lieutell anr s'elo ign,!1 pour sc rend~colllpte. Les

Allemands resta ienr en ordrt~ , prets ademeurer a in si dans ull e im mobilitc qui a rretait Ie te ill-pS.

Mais vo ici que l'un d'eux s'approcha et dit d'une voix

ferme: "Nous, pas al lemands, russes," et, dan s une Sorte

de rire: "armee Vlassov, " et iI lui fit signe d e dispa ra[tre.

Je cro is qu' iI s'eloigna, toujours dans Ie sentim ent de

legere te, au poin t qu'il se re trou va dans un bois eioigne,

nomme " Bois des bruyeres," 0l.1 il demeura abritt par Jes

arb res qu' il connaissait bien. C'est dans Ie bois epais que

tou t acoup, et apres combi en de temps, iI toetrouva Ie sens

d u reel. Panout, des incendies, une suite de feu conrir1U,

The Instant of My Death 5

<.::-.~~.::::..;..:..:~=e:::s -i:-.:.r ung (one ages quickly), he dis­I s::. o:.:tinct y s outed: "This is w at you have com e to."

T he N azi placed his men in a row in ord er to hi~ cordin g to the rules, the human ta toger. The young man ,

sa id , "At least have my family go in sid e." So it was: the

aunt (n inety-four years old); his mo ther, you nge r; his sis- I

te r and his sister-in-law; a long, slow process ion , sil ent , as ( 1

if everything had already been done. -­

I know- dol know tr dTInl'ie o ne at whom the Ger­

mans were already aiming, awa iting bu t the final order,

experienced then a feeling of extraordinary li ghtn ess, a

so rt of beat itude (nothing happy, however)-sovereign I elation ? The encounter OJ death with death' -­

In hi s place, I willfiOt try ro analyze . H e was perhaps

suddenly invincible. D ead- immo rtal. Perhaps ecs tasy.

Rathe r the feel ing of compassion for suffering humanity,

the happi ness of no t being immortal or ete rn al. H en ce­

forth, he was bo und to death by a surrep titious friendship.

At that instant, an abrupt retum to the world , the con­

sid erab le noi se of a nearby batrle exp loded. Comrades

from the maquis wanted to bring help to one they knew

ro be in danger. The lieutenant moved away to assess the

situation. Th e Germans stayed in order, prepared to re­

main rhus in an immo bilii-y that arres ted time.

T hen one of them approached an d said in a firm voice ,

:'We're no r Germans. RLlss ii!D~d , with a so rt or laugh,

"Vlassov auuy~d made a sign ro r him to disa ppea r.

I think he moved away, still with the reeling of light­

ness, until he found himself in a d ista nt fores t, named the

"Bois d es bruyeres," where he remain ed sheltered by trees

he knew well. In the dense forest suddenly, after how

much tim e, he rediscovered a sense of the reaL Every­

where fires, a contin uous succession of nres; all the farms

\~,'C...b urning o A littl e later, he lea rned that three young ~~

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6 [ 'i nstant de ma mort

roures les fermes brCII aienr. Un peu plus rard , il appe ir que rroi s jeunes ge ns, fils de fermi ers, bi en errangers a rour co mb ar, er q ui n'avaienr pour rorr que leur jeune sse, avaienr ere aba rrus.

M eme les cheva ux gonRes, sur la rou re, dans les champs, arres raienr une guerre qui ava ir dure. En rb lire, combien de remps s'erair-il ecoule Quand Ie li eurenanr erair revenu er q u'i l s'e rair rend u compre de la dispar iri on du jeune charelain , pourquoi la co lere, la rage, ne I'ava ienr-ell es pas po usse a brCIler Ie Cha re,lu (i m mobi le er majesrueux); Cest qu e c'e rait Ie Chatea u. Sur la fa~ade crair inscrire, co mm e un souven ir indesr ru crib le, 1<1 dare de 18°7 . Erair­il assez culri ve pour savoir qu e c'era ir I'a nnee fameuse de fena, lorsque Napo leon, sur son peril' cheval gris, passair so us les fencr res de Hegel qui reco nnur en lui ''['a me du monde," ai nsi qu ' ill 'ecrivir J. un am i' Menso nge cr veri re, car, co mme Hegell'ecr ivir aun <turce ami, les Fran~ais pil ­leren r er S<lccagere nr sa demeure. Mais H ege l savai r dis­ringu er I'empirique er I'essellri el. En ce rre annee 1944, Ie li eurenanr nazi eur pour Ie C hare,1 u Ie res pecr ou la con­side rar ion que les fer mes ne susc iraiem pas . Pourranr on fo ui ll a parrout. 011 pr ir quelque arge nr; dans un e pi ece se­paree, "Ia chambre haure," Ie li eurenalll rrouva des papiers er une sorre d'epais manuscrir-qui conrenair peu(-(~ rre des plans de guerre. Enfln it parrir. Tour brCIiair, sa uf Ie Chareau. Les Seigneurs avaienr ere epargnes.

Alors commen~a sa ns doure pour Ie jeune hom me Ie rourmenr de I'injusrice . Plus d'exrase; Ie se nrimcnr qu'il n' erair vivanr que parce yu e, meme <l U X yeux des Ru sses, il apparrenair aune classe noble.

Cerair cela, la guerre: la vie pour les uns, pour les au ­rres, la .cru<lut&de l'"dssassinar.

Demeurail.cependenr, au momenr 0l.1 la fusillade n' erair plus qu'en arrenre, Ie senrimelH de lege rere que je ne sa u­

.,rt The Instant of My Detlth 7

men, SO I1 S of farme rs ­ rru ly srt·angers ro all co mbar, whose only Fa ulr was rh eir yourh-had been slaughrned.

Ev en rhe bloa red horses, on the road, in rh e fields , ar­res ted ro a war rhar bad go ne on. In realiry, how much rime bad elapsed? \Vh en rhe lieure[lanr reruwed an oDe cam e aware rhe yo ung charelaine had disappeared, wby did an ge r, rage , [lor prompr him ro burn down rhe Cha­rea u (i mmobile and majestic) (..I3ec<luse it was rhe Chatea u. O n the facade was insc ribed, like an indcsrructible n;~ mind er, [11 l: dar~ i"Roi Was h~;:;hi va tedcnO:gh r; know tlli"! \vas the fa mous year of jena, when l'Ia po leon, on his J

small gray horse, passed under the windows of Hegel, who recognizcd in him (h c "sp irit of rhe wo rTcr" as he wrote to a !"riend; Lie an d tru th: ror as Hegel wrote to another rri~nd , the French pillaged an d r,ln sacked hi s horne. But Hegel knew how to distin gui sh the em pirica l and rhe ~s­sentla!. In th ar yea r 1~+4, (he N:rl.i li eutenant had for thc C h:lteau a respect or consideration that the Emns did not amuse. Everyrhing was searched, howevcr. Some mo ney

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vas laken; in a se parare roo m, "the hi gh chamber," th e li eu tenanr found papers and a son ot~ thi ck manuscrpt­whic h perhaps co IH<1 i ned wa r plans. hna ll y he leff. fve ry­ring was bu rn i~g, e xcept rT1C T~l1a reau . Thcrse i ~neurs\had been sparea.---­- ..No dOUb t what rhen began for rhe yo un g man \-\:IS th e to rmenr of inju stice. N o more ecstasy; the feel ing thal he

, W~IS on ly li vin g. hccausc. e\·en in~e cyes of t he ~si;ln s l. he belono.,,1 ' " '' 1\~b+t'<1iss. -----~ -This was war:lifero??c;"me, for oth ers, the cruelty of

,lSSaSS ll1allon. There re mained , however, ar th e moment when rhe

shooti ng waS no longer but to come, rhe feeling of lighr4 ness that I would not know how to rransbre: freed fro m ,li fe; the infinire opening up? Neit;her happ iness, nor un -

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L'instant de rna mort

ra is rraduire: Iibere de la vie;> l'infini qui s'ouvre;> Ni bon­hem, ni malheuf. Ni l'absence de craime er peur-eu e deja Ie pas au-del a. ]e sa is, j'imagine que ce senriment in­analysab le changea ce qui lui resrait d 'exis tence. COl11me si la mon hors de lui ne pouvair desorma is que se heurrer a la mort en lu i. "]e suis vivam. Non, ru es morr. "

The Instant ofMy Death

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10 II

L'instant de ma mort

Plus lard, n~venu aParis, il l'enCOnt ra Ma lraux. Ce!ui-ci lui raconta qu' j[ avail ere rai r priso nn ier (sa ns erre re­connu), qu' iJ ;1Va ir reussi a~ 'echa pper, ro ur en perdant un malluscrir. "Cc n'eraienr que des reAex ions sur l'<lIT, fac iles ;\ recons ri rue r, randis qU'lIl1 mallll scrit ne salll'air I'er re." '\v('c Paulhall , il fir ra ire des recherches qui ne pouvaienr q li e rcstcr valn es .

Qu' illlporrc. Seu l dcmeure Ie senriment de legerere qui est Ia 1110rr m cm e au, pour Je dire pl us p l'CciSt l-~ent, I'in ­stant de ma mort desormais roujours ell insrance-

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The Instant ofMy Death

Larer, having returned ro Paris, he mer Malraux, who - sa id rhar 1he had been taken pl-i soner (with out be in g rec­

ogn ized) and rhar he had succeeded in escap ing, losing a manu script in the process_ "Ir was only reFrecri~~s ~n an,

' casyFO tl'cons rirure~whc reas a manuscri£fwoulcfno~e.» \'(Iirh Pa ulh~e made inquiri~1ich cc:uTd only re­mai n In va in.

Whar does ir man er. AJI rh ar remains is the reeling of lighrness rhar is death irself 0 [, ro pllT1r---more precisely, [he insrant of my dea rh henceforth ahvays in abeyance.

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