The Experience of Transitioning from Traditional ...files.meetup.com/12803/Thesis Final Paper.doc · Web viewMy mother did not say another word to me about this ... and there was

Christianity to Agnosticism 1

The Experience of Transitioning from Traditional Christianity to Agnosticism

By

Kelly Jean Mahla

A THESIS

Submitted to

Center for Humanistic Studies Graduate School

In Partial Fulfillment of Requirements

For the Degree of

MASTER OF ARTS

Humanistic and Clinical Psychology

2006


ABSTRACT

This study utilized the heuristic model of qualitative research to explore the question, “What is the experience of transitioning from traditional Christianity to Agnosticism?” The heuristic model was used so that the researcher could incorporate her own experience into the study. There were six phases of heuristic research that were used including: initial engagement, immersion into the topic and question, incubation, illumination, explication, and the creative synthesis. Six individuals who had transitioned from Christianity to Agnosticism were interviewed using the informal non-directed interview style. Included was the author’s own experience with this transition. The data that was obtained from these taped interviews were organized as required by the heuristic research model. Five themes were identified among the six interviews: required to be a part of an organized Christian dogma, questioned everything in regards to Christianity, multiple doubts about believing in the Holy Bible, the transition to become an Agnostic occurred over an extended period of time, and the personal beliefs that they were accepting and good people despite being an Agnostic. The findings of this study could be used by psychologists, theologians, other religious clergy, or lay people as a resource to further understand the experience of transitioning from Christianity to Agnosticism.


DEDICATION

To all the freethinkers in the world.


ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

To my co-researchers for sharing their experiences with me.

To Robert Shaw for believing in me and helping me believe in myself.

To my mother for putting up with me and giving me ideas.

To my dad – the Love of my life.

To Donna Rockwell – Thanks for the encouragement.

To Erin Zaleski – I could not have done it without you, thanks for putting this together.

To Renata – my bestest friend in the whole wide world – I love you.

To the entire class of 2006, you rock!


TABLE OF CONTENTS

Chapters Page

I. Meaning of the Research Question 6

II. Review of Literature 20

III. Research Model 33

IV. Methods and Procedures 41

V. Presentation of Findings 49

VI. Discussion and Conclusions 71

References 77

Appendix A: Flyer for Volunteers 80

Appendix B: Instructions to Research Participants 82

Appendix C: Participation-Release Agreement 84


CHAPTER I

Meaning of the Research Question

It was a dark fall night as I pulled into my driveway after a day of shopping with

my mother. She was sitting beside me in the car when I decided to tell her my secret. I

am not sure why I decided to tell her; I just did. I put the car in park, twisted my body

towards her and said, “I don’t think I believe in the Bible.” She turned and looked at me,

and I will never forget her words. She said, “That disappoints me.” This was not the

reaction that I wanted. I had put what I was feeling and thinking into words and said it

out loud but I did not know what to say after she said that she was disappointed in me. I

felt that she did not understand me and also that I could not bring this subject up again.

My mother did not say another word to me about this conversation until many years later.

“What is the experience of transitioning from traditional Christianity to

Agnosticism?” This was the question I researched in my thesis. While I knew what it felt

like to transition from traditional Christianity to Agnosticism, I wondered what other

people felt like during similar transitions. Since they believed in Christianity and were

raised that way, did they feel lied to by the Christian community when they discovered

that they no longer believed in that faith? During the process of discovering what they

believed in, did they feel lost like I had? After the transition, were they confident that

they no longer believed in Christianity, and did they feel like they could never find

religious faith again? Was there a definitive moment that changed their beliefs and

converted them to Agnosticism? Was there some kind of tragedy or life event that made

them become Agnostic? What was the reason that they had converted? I knew how I felt

when looking at most of these questions, and wondered what the experience was like for


other people who decided that they no longer believed in the religion in which they were

raised.

I was baptized in a Lutheran Church and was encouraged by my mother to go to

services regularly. Other members of my immediate family did not go to church. I went

to a Methodist church because it was close to home, and I could walk to it. I attended

Sunday school when I was very young and then changed over to the adult church services

when I got older.

When I was eleven years old, my parents sent me to a private school because they

felt that the public school in the area in which we lived was too dangerous. They were

able to afford the tuition at a local Baptist school, and I went there for five years before

the school closed down due to low enrollment. At this school, the students where required

to take Bible classes, as well as attend an assembly once a month. At these assemblies,

the school brought in guest speakers to preach to the students about the Bible and to

encourage us to be “saved” and to be “born again.”

During monthly assemblies, the student body was excused from their scheduled

classes. They had us pray for long periods of time while bowing our heads. This was

painful to our necks, and soon, a friend and I learned that if we bent at the waist instead

of the neck, it minimized neck pain. During these long prayers, it was preached to us to

come forward, to the front of the room and be “saved.” A friend and I were often bored

and would kick each other’s legs. We would push the limits of inflicting pain on one

another so that the other person had to bite her tongue to keep from screaming out in

pain.


Although I believed in God with all my heart and soul at that time, I felt bored

during these assemblies and was not learning anything from them. I felt no one was

teaching me what it meant to be a Christian. I was frustrated that these assemblies only

preached to be “saved” and no other message was conveyed. Since my friend and I were

not of the Baptist faith and did not believe in the rituals that they performed, we

dismissed the preaching.

Also during these assemblies, I remembered the preachers doing a lot of

screaming for us to be “saved.” They screamed that if you do not get “saved” you will be

“damned to hell for eternity.” The preacher would scream at the top of his voice to scare

us into coming up to the front “to be saved.” Often, students would come up to the front

just to quiet the preacher because the longer no one came forward, the longer the prayer

continued.

Once, I decided to go up. They told us we would remember this moment for the

rest of our lives. After this particular assembly they took the students who went up to the

front of the room into the back room, sat us down and pointed to a passage in the Bible.

They treated it like a secret. The passage was John 3:16: “For God so loved the world,

that he gave his only begotten Son, that whomsoever believeth in him should not perish,

but have everlasting life” (King James Version, 1977). I remembered thinking, “Is that

it?” I had heard this quote before. I thought that “being saved” would feel like a

revelation and I would be happier after the meeting in the back of the room. I definitely

did not remember the exact moment that I was saved, although there were several times

during my five years at the school that I was supposedly saved.


During the time I spent at this Baptist school some events were said to have

happened in the “name of the Lord.” I would often question why this was so and was told

by my mother, “It’s the religion.” The students at this school were preached to very

loudly and were often told to fear God. This was told to me over and over again in classes

and assemblies. Even then, I just did not understand why I should fear God when, on the

other hand, they would tell us that God was a loving God. I was confused since their

teachings seemingly contradicted one another. I never feared God and instead, thought he

was a loving God.

Coming from a family whose members never raised their voices, it scared me to

hear the preachers yelling. In this Christian school, to keep the students in line, they had a

paddle that they called “the board of the Lord.” Although I never experienced the board

of the Lord, plenty of my classmates did. They were taken out into the hallway and that

is where they were given their punishment: a certain number of spanks on the buttocks

with the paddle. I was terrified of getting the board of the Lord. You could hear the

smacks on student’s buttocks when they received them from inside the classroom, and

see their tear-stained faces when they re-entered the room.

The school was passionate about its beliefs. Some of those beliefs included: no

abortion, no drinking of alcohol, and no dancing. Because of the no dancing rule, the

school did not host a prom. However, every year students held a prom independently

without the school’s permission. Because of the no dancing rules I felt cheated out of

such dances as homecoming. It was confusing because every other school in the area had

dances. I just did not understand how it could be bad when the Bible stated in

Ecclesiastes 3:4 “A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to


dance” (p. 400). The Bible said there was a time to dance, so why could a person not

dance? Why was it bad to dance? I was confused; again, I thought, this school was

interpreting the Bible incorrectly.

One memorable event was when a fellow student stole a specimen from the

school’s science lab. This specimen contained a fetus. When the Principal’s assistant

found out about it, he was extremely angry with my class, yelling at us harshly. He pulled

us from our classroom, put us into another room, and literally screamed at us to return the

specimen. He lectured that this “is a living human being,” and then he took the board of

the Lord and banged it so hard on a desk that he broke both the desk and the paddle.

Also, in the middle of his tirade, he picked up a desk and threw it across the room. His

screaming was effective; the specimen was later returned. I remembered being in that

room, scared for my life, and wondering how someone could be considered an adult and

act that way over a specimen. I thought that the fetus was no longer living; it was up in

Heaven anyway so what did it matter? Although I had no knowledge of who took the

specimen, I did not think that it warranted frightening all of us to the point that I

remember it so vividly, as if it just happened yesterday.

The students at my school had Bible class everyday. We had an interesting Bible

teacher whose name, in fact, rhymed with “Bible.” To this day, I wonder if that was his

real name. This Bible teacher was a person everyone liked. Recently though, this Bible

teacher had been in a bad mood. On one occasion he called the whole high school into the

auditorium for a lecture and told the teachers and school administrators not to attend. As

we sat in the auditorium he told us during his lecture that he thought we were horrible for

not asking him why he had been in a bad mood lately. After this poignant lecture, most of


the girls were crying. I too was crying, through I was not sure why. I felt embarrassed for

crying over this teacher, and I was not sure why I felt so bad. Why did the other teachers

not see through him, and see that there was something wrong with this man?

Not long after this event two of my classmates were counting down days on the

chalk board. We all asked them why they were writing days on the chalk-board and they

answered, “You will see.” Then it happened. I got a call on a Saturday morning from my

school. I thought, “Its Saturday. Why are you calling me? School is closed today.” It was

the Assistant Principal asking if I had any information on two of my classmates who had

come up missing, as well as the Bible teacher that everyone liked. I told him about the

countdown on the chalk board, but that I knew nothing else. Our whole class could not

believe it. The Bible teacher had run off with two female classmates. Sometime later,

they were all found out West. They never returned to our school, and there was much

speculation about what had happened between the students and the teacher. I was in

denial. After all, he was the Bible teacher. Therefore, he had to be a good person. There

were rumors that he had sex with the girls: I could not accept that these rumors were true.

He was supposed to be trusted. How could I ever trust someone who preached for the

Lord again?

Soon after this event, another Bible teacher came to the school. We knew him

because he was one of the frequent guest speakers. He was up front and stated that he

realized that he had to be careful because of all that we had recently gone through. He

was “cool” like the other teacher, but he backed off when it appeared that he was getting

too close to the students, not wanting us to think he was like the other teacher who had


run off with our classmates. I did learn to trust him, and so did a lot of my other

classmates.

The school was closed after my sophomore year. My parents still did not want to

send me to the local public school and thus, found a private Catholic school that was

reasonably priced. This school was a transition for me. No one yelled. The student body

was still required to meet once a month in the church, but now for “Mass” rather than

“assembly.” As with most Catholic schools, there was a brief whispered mention of a

Priest molesting young boys. Despite all that I went through in the Baptist school and the

rumors at the Catholic school, at the time, I was still a devoted Christian. I believed in

Jesus with all my heart and soul, and even felt it in my heart when I prayed. Though,

when we went to the Church, I would sit in the back so as not to disturb the Catholics; I

did not believe in what they worshiped. I did not want to kneel. I felt that it was against

my belief to kneel in a church that was not my religion. While I did not consider myself

Catholic, I did not consider myself Baptist either. I considered myself Lutheran even

though I did not go to a Lutheran church or school.

I only spent two years in this school and I learned that I liked the Catholic school

approach a lot better then the Baptist method because no one yelled. Religion was not

emphasized, and I only had to take one semester of Bible class. To my relief, that teacher

was a good one. It was strange to go to a “Christian” school and have other students

swear in church, dance at Prom, and drink alcohol for communion. I felt confused again;

going from a Baptist school to a Catholic school was a big transition. After being raised

in such a strict educational environment, I had to learn to loosen up on my beliefs. I


graduated from the Catholic High School, went on to a community college, and began to

work.

On occasion throughout the next seventeen years, I would attend a Protestant

church. There was about a six month span that my mother and I went to a church together

because we really enjoyed the minister’s lectures. He seemed very educated, and each

sermon felt like he was talking directly to us about everyday life.

About five years ago, I decided to move back to my parent’s home because of

financial difficulties. Many things happened during the following year. First, my

grandmother could no longer stay in the assisted living home where she resided, and also

moved in with my parents. It was a challenge taking care of an elderly woman who had

dementia. A few months after that, my brother went through a divorce, had a stroke and

was mostly paralyzed on his right side. As a result of the stroke he could not talk, read, or

write. He also came to live with my parents, and this proved to be extremely difficult as

well. Tensions and anger were high because of all the negative events that seemed to be

happening to our family. That was during the same time that I gave the news to my

mother: I no longer believed in the Bible.

It was not like I just woke up one day and said, “I no longer want to be a

Christian.” There were many things I questioned about my religion with a lot of thought

and consideration. The aspect of Christianity I questioned the most was how a God could

do this to us and put so much misery in our lives. I was taught in religious schools that

God wanted us to be free, that and we made our own choices and therefore, things

progressed in life as they should. Another thing I really questioned was did Jesus actually

live? Jewish people did not believe in him as the son of God, and I too had a difficult


time believing that Jesus was God’s son. Here was this ordinary looking person

performing all of these miracles and yet, not everyone believed in him. I believed that

there was a man named Jesus Christ, but was he the savior? Could he forgive all our sins?

I could never make sense of it. Then I started questioning the entire Bible. Here was this

God, I thought, who killed many people in the Old Testament and then, in the New

Testament, he was all about love. If he was God, then he would not change from one part

of the Bible to the next.

The moment when I told my mother that I no longer believed in the Bible, was

when I finally admitted it to myself. At that time I did not go looking for things to

contradict the Bible, I just went about my life not thinking much about it. I felt alone in

the sense that I could not relate to anyone about my beliefs. Everyone else seemed to

believe in the Bible, except me. I had a sense of feeling lost. Then, I questioned: what

happens when I die? Does this mean that I will never again see those who have passed

away? At that time, I did not have anyone close to me who had died.

Then my father passed away, and it was the hardest time in my life. I could not

pray to God; I no longer believed in him. Although I did not believe in God, I did believe

in the afterlife. In my undergraduate classes, I did a research paper on people who have

had near-death experiences, which supported my belief in an afterlife.

A couple of years after my confession to my mother, we were driving, and she

turned to me and confided, “I don’t believe in Jesus, but I want you to just in case” so

that I do not go to hell for not believing. She had long forgotten about my confession. I

told her that I did not know if I believed in God, either. It felt good to be able to talk

about it to my mother. My mother did some research and decided that the Bible’s


authenticity was in question. She searched the internet and found many sites that

followed, word for word, with what the Bible said and specified why the authors believed

that it was not true. I also started looking up things on the internet for confirmation of

what I believed. To make it balanced, I also looked up Christian sites to find out what

they said about the Bible. I continued looking up things that the Bible supposedly

affirmed but had a hard time believing any of it to be true. I found several sites on the

internet highlighting contradictions in the Bible including current controversies.

I also knew of a person who was feeling guilty because she had gotten a divorce.

She believed that it was wrong because the Bible said that it was, even though her

husband had been verbally and physically abusive to her. I searched and searched and

found no passage to give her relief that God said it was okay to be divorced, even under

those circumstances. I found it difficult to believe that God would want people to stay

married even if there was abuse.

Last year, I attended a Christian College. Part of me was hoping that it would

change my mind, and another part of me had my defenses up and was afraid it would re-

instill the word of God in me. The curriculum required that I take a religious class. After

that class, I decided the Bible was a well-written book for teaching purposes, but that it

was not to be taken literally. The teacher of that class spoke of a mass killing from the

Old Testament, and he wondered why God would kill so many people, including

children. He came to the conclusion that God wanted to make sure that evil teachings

were not passed down from generation to generation so he had to rid the world of

everyone. I was upset that this teacher could not see that this was the work of an evil


God. I decided that there was no excuse for killing so many people, especially innocent

children.

During this class, the teacher showed a movie about Noah’s Ark and how Ron

Wyatt discovered where the real Noah’s Ark was. During this movie, Wyatt was showing

the site of Noah’s Ark, and many people were shown walking over the site. Wyatt stated

that he could not get permission from that country’s government to obtain the final proof

that this was indeed Noah’s ark. I was skeptical while watching the film. If this was the

real Noah’s ark, why was it not all over the news or on television? And again, if it was

the real Noah’s ark, why were people walking all over it?

I went home and looked up Ron Wyatt on the internet. I discovered he found a lot

of Biblical artifacts such as: a house that Noah built, Noah's grave, Noah's wife’s grave,

The Ark of the Covenant (under the exact spot where Jesus was crucified), Christ's blood

scraped off of the Mercy Seat of the Ark of the Covenant (according to Wyatt, DNA

analysis of the blood indicated that Christ was born of a virgin), the true site of Christ's

crucifixion and the stone socket in which the cross was placed, Moses' stone tablets

containing the Ten Commandments held together with golden hinges, and bones of giant

pre-flood people (Gunderson, n.d.). However, Wyatt was an amateur archeologist, and I

wondered how one man could find all of these ancient artifacts. On the internet, Wyatt

was deemed a fraud. This did not surprise me. Rather, it confirmed my beliefs. After this

experience, I no longer felt that I needed to believe in Jesus Christ; he was an ordinary

man. There may or may not have been a God, but for me, it was not the God written

about in the Holy Bible.


So, what do I believe in today? I believe that there might be a higher being,

although I am not sure. While I am not completely convinced, I do believe that there is an

afterlife and that we are re-incarnated into the next life when we are ready. I still respect

those who believe in the Bible and who are Christians. I do not advertise the fact that I

consider myself an Agnostic. I do not want to be lectured by people who would be

unaccepting of the fact that I do not believe in Jesus Christ. Likewise, I do the best I can

to avoid preaching to people why I do not believe the literal translation of the Bible says.

Defining the Question

This study focuses on the research question “What is the experience of

transitioning from Traditional Christianity to Agnosticism?” To have a better

understanding of what this question means, a break down of the key words will be

addressed. The terms I will define are: what, experience, transitioning, from, traditional,

Christianity, and Agnosticism.

According to The American Heritage Dictionary (2001), what is defined as “1a.

which thing or which particular one of many: What are you having for dinner? b. Which

kind, character, or designation: What are these objects? c. One of how much value or

significance: What are possessions to a dying man?” (p. 925). What in terms of this

research question is asking which feelings, thoughts, and associations are related to

transitioning from Christianity to Agnosticism?

Experience can be defined as “involvement in something over time: active

involvement in an activity or exposure to events or people over a period of time that leads

to an increase in knowledge or skill” (MSN Encarta, 2005, p. 1). In other words, the


thoughts and feelings that was associated with a person’s transitioning from traditional

Christianity to Agnosticism, the knowledge and skills that are gained.

Transitioning is defined as going from one event to another. An example of this

can be tears. Tears happen after an event, and often when one cries, a transformation

occurs. The tears mark the transition from one event to another. In Women Who Run with

the Wolves, Estes (1992) states: “Tears are a river that take you somewhere. Weeping

creates a river around the boat that carries your soul-life. Tears lift your boat off the

rocks, off dry ground, carrying it downriver to someplace new, someplace better” (p.

376). With my own transition from Christianity to Agnosticism, I shed a lot of tears,

because I felt alone in my beliefs. I also felt alone in this world. The tears helped me

understand the transition that I had to go through to evolve into a better person.

From means “A person, place, time, etc., that is the starting point of motion or

action, or of extent in place or time” (Oxford, 1998, p. 327). From is the starting place of

all actions. Often in our lives, we are asked where did we come from. When we answer,

we speak of a place where we were born or of our ancestors’ origin, it’s not a place that

we are currently. With religion, people often change their beliefs throughout their

lifetime. In this thesis, the changing from a religious belief to uncertainty is analogous to

the transition from where a person first originated to arriving at his/her current

destination.

The American Heritage Dictionary (2001) defines tradition as “1. The passing

down of a culture from generation to generation, esp. orally” (p. 863). Traditional

Christianity is an organized religion that follows the teaching of Jesus Christ as outlined


in the Holy Bible. The churches and schools that I attended had specific traditions to

abide by based on this, and they taught those beliefs to me.

“Christianity centers in the life of Jesus of Nazareth” (Smith, 1994, p. 206).

Christianity not only accepts the Old Testament of the Bible, but also the New Testament,

and believes that Jesus Christ is the son of God who came to earth to die on the cross so

that man may be forgiven of sins and have ever lasting life. Merriam-Webster Dictionary

(2003) defines Christianity as “the religion derived from Jesus Christ, based on the Bible

as sacred scripture, and professed by Eastern, Roman Catholic, and Protestant” (p. 220).

Agnosticism is a noun, defined as a belief, which states that a person can not

prove or disprove God’s existence. Agnostics are different from Atheists, who do not

believe in God at all. Agnostics, on the other hand, believe that there is a possibility that

there is a God, but that God’s existence is not provable. According to Scribner-Bantam

English Dictionary (1977), Agnostic is defined as “one who denies that man knows or

can know God or the final nature of things” (p.22). While an Agnostic does not believe

there is proof of a God, he or she is open to the possibility that there may be a God.

In summary, the research question asks which feelings or thoughts come to mind

when a person changes from believing in the existence of Jesus Christ as taught to them

by previous generations, to a person who believes it is not possible to prove, one way or

another, the existence of God.

In this chapter, I discussed why I am interested in the experience of transitioning

from traditional Christianity to Agnosticism. I also defined the thesis question and the

specific terms of that question. In the next chapter, I will review the relevant professional

literature pertaining to my research topic.


CHAPTER II

Review of Literature

“I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic.

I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure—that is all that agnosticism means.”

Speech at trial of John Thomas Scopes for teaching Darwin’s theory of evolution in school, 15 July 1925 (Knowles, 2002, p. 84).

The purpose of this chapter is to review the literature that is relevant to my

research topic: What is the experience of transitioning from traditional Christianity to

Agnosticism. This review should provide the reader with a familiarity of what has already

been written as it relates to my thesis topic. In this chapter, I will also demonstrate that

my research topic has not been specifically studied using heuristic methodology.

My search for relevant material on the transition from Christianity to Agnosticism

was both difficult and surprising. I first began my search on the computer at the Center

for Humanistic Studies using its electronic databases. Using the keyword Agnostic, and

limiting my search to full text articles only, the total number of returns yielded:

1. PsychARTICLES: 1

2. Psychology & Behavioral Science Collection: 18

3. Infotrac: 88

I then tried using the keyword word Agnosticism, again limiting my search to full

text articles only, and retrieved the following:

1. PsychARTICLES: 0

2. Psychology & Behavioral Science Collection: 22

3. Infotrac: 36


In reviewing the articles found on the databases, there were very few that directly

pertained to the subject matter that I was researching. Most of the articles were related to

health and economic topics, or were book reviews, essays, and poems. I then searched in

the First Search databases, which, again, retrieved very few usable articles. Since using

the term Agnostic and Agnosticism yielded very few results, I decided to expand my key

word search. Some of the subsequent key words and phrases I used were: unchurched,

faith to skepticism, Atheist, decline of belief in Christianity, secular, loss of faith,

conversion, deconversion, free-thinker, infidel, doubt and unbelievers, to name a few.

I then went to Macomb Community College and searched on its database, JSTOR,

which contained more information pertaining to philosophy and religion. I was able to

find more information that was relevant to my research topic. I also went to Rochester

College, a Christian school, and used its computer, which had more databases that

contained journals of religious matters including JSTOR. This search yielded some good

results that I was able to use.

I searched on the internet as well, using the Google search engine in an attempt to

find some additional journal articles. I was able to find a few scholarly journal articles,

but again, very few that I could use for my specific topic. While there were a lot of web

sites pertaining to Agnostics, I was surprised to find that there were not a great deal of

scholarly articles pertaining to Agnosticism.

In searching for books on the subject Agnosticism, I had much better results.

Using the key word Agnostic, I found four useable books at Macomb Community

College. Using the same keyword in a search of all of the public libraries in Macomb

County/Township, eleven items were retrieved. However, six were not books and one


was fiction. Using the same search criteria, but using the keyword Agnosticism, four

titles were found. Still, one was not a book, and one was a fiction novel. The public

libraries I visited to locate the books retrieved in my search were as follows: Clinton-

Macomb, Macomb, Roseville, Royal Oak, and Troy. When I searched for a specific

book, I also searched the surrounding shelves for books that might be relevant to my

research by looking in the index for the keywords Agnostic and Atheist.

I was unable to find much information about Agnosticism so I extended my

search to what I thought might help me understand why someone is religious or believes

in God. I researched the history of religion and Agnosticism, how faith plays a role in

believing in God, and what influences might persuade a person to believe in God or to be

religious.

Books

The main question that scientists ask is what is the origin of religion? According

to Schmidt (1980), there is no definite answer to when religion first appeared, but there is

some speculation as to how it began. Some scientists say that religion started because of

man’s fears of the unknown, such as death. Other scientists speculate that religion

originated from people hearing voices, seeing visions, and having ecstatic experiences

such as a calling from God, or a feeling of presence from a higher being. Scientists

hypothesize that these theories might be due to man using more of his right brain in the

early, primitive years. Because of this, man lacked rational ways of thinking or

organizing reality, which is the primary function of the left hemisphere of the brain.

Psychologists and theologians believed that most people had the capacity for

spirituality. Hamer (2004) declared: “It has been evident throughout recorded history in


every civilization and culture, in every nook and cranny of the globe. For many people, it

was the main focus of their lives” (p. 4). He also stated that Homo sapiens held spiritual

beliefs since the dawn of time. He referenced ancestral painting the walls of caves in

Europe, revealing strange chimeras with human bodies and animal heads.

Anthropologists speculated that these types of drawings were representations of sorcerers

or priests. Other evidence of spirituality was displayed in how these people buried their

dead. They often prepared the bodies for life after death by sometimes supplying them

with food and other items for the journey to the afterlife. Hamer (2004) also stated that

scientists have evidence pointing to the fact that these primitive men sometimes cut off

the hands and heads of enemies so that they would not return from the dead.

At one point in history, the organized religions that are common today came into

people’s lives. Johnson (1981) stated that religion began thousands of years ago when

people were primitive and uneducated. He indicated that the Jewish religion goes as far

back as six thousand years, while the Christian faith goes back only nineteen hundred

years.

According to Miller (1981), there are four sources of beliefs as Christians. The

first being tradition, which is the primary source of belief. The second is the Bible, which

is the source of traditions. The third is secular knowledge, specifically, that we must

know the world if we are to have accurate knowledge of God. The last is common

religious experience and how we interpret the human experience.

Atheism stands in opposition of Christianity, with some scholars linking

Agnostics and Atheists together. Stein (1985) stated that an Atheist is one who does not

believe in the existence of God. Since Atheists believe there is no God, and Agnostics


will not admit there is a God, some Atheists believe that Agnosticism is a sub-category of

Atheism. Although, according to Rinaldo (2000), there are other words that describe a

nonbeliever. Depending on the amount of belief or disbelief that a person has in God, a

nonbeliever could be labeled as Socinianism, Arianism, or Arminianism. If these words

sound unfamiliar, that is because they are no longer used in modern language. Another

word that describes a non-believer is a skeptic. This is someone who doubts the belief in

God, but again, like an Agnostic, does not know if there is a God. Dershowitz (2002)

describes a skeptic as such:

I am a skeptic about everything, including God and atheism. I am not certain about issues of cosmology. Sometimes I believed that there must be some order or purpose, though I do not begin to understand what or who it could be. I do not expect that these cosmic doubts will ever be resolved in my mind. I am more certain that the miraculous stories that form the basis of most religious beliefs are myths. Yet I respect the Bible and enjoy reading and teaching it. (p. 55)

There are also terms to describe those who had faith at one time, but lost that

faith. One term for this is deconversion. Smith (2000) describes it as such: “By personal

atheist, I mean an atheist who was formerly a religious believer of some kind. Personal

atheism is the outcome of a deliberative process-a mental transition from belief to

nonbeliever that I call deconversion” (p. 25).

According to the encyclopedia Britannica (2003), agnosticism comes from the

Greek word agnostos, which means unknowable. In the New Catholic Encyclopedia

(2003), Agnostic is a term that “has been used to designate anyone who denies

knowledge of immaterial reality, and especially of the existence and nature of God” (p.

180). There are two types of Agnostics. The first type makes no judgment as to whether

there is a God or not. The second kind of Agnostic believes that it is impossible to know


whether there is a God or not. Beattie (1981) describes this by referencing his own status

as an Agnostic leaning towards atheism:

I am an agnostic because no one at the present time can prove or disprove whether or not there is a cosmic spirit or mind at work in the universe. The atheist says either that he does not believe in God or that God does not exist. When he asserts that God does not exist, the atheist is making the same mistake as the theist – he is asserting something that cannot be proved. (p. 62)

One of the most famous Agnostics was Sigmund Freud. Freud confessed that he

did not know first-hand of God’s existence, but yet, he was unwilling to say there was no

God at all (Nicholi, Jr., 2002). While C.S. Lewis and Freud at one point agreed that the

universe just happened, Lewis began to doubt this belief. He questioned Freud with the

following: if the universe is so precise and orderly, could there not be a creator? Freud

answered no. Nicholi (2002) further explained:

The very idea of “an idealized Superman” in the sky-to use Freud’s phrase-is “so patently infantile and so foreign to reality, that . . . it is painful to think that the great majority of mortals will never rise above this view of life.” He predicted, however, that as the masses of people become more educated, they would “turn away” from “the fairy tales of religion.” He reminds us that “the world is not a nursery” and strongly advises us to face the harsh reality that we are alone in the universe. In short, he shouts, “Grow up!” (p. 36)

There are some influences that may explain why an individual believes in God.

One of those is fear. Russell (1957) phrases it this way:

It is partly the terror of the unknown and partly, as I have said, the wish to feel that you have a kind of elder brother who will stand by you in all your troubles and disputes. Fear is the basis of the whole thing-fear of the mysterious, fear of defeat, fear of death. (p. 22)

Freud also believed that fear had a lot to do with religious beliefs. He believed

religion frightened people so greatly that they were then too scared to act. “It filled

people with so much fear that they were imprisoned by their anxieties and so they lost

their freedom to act” (McBride, 1981, p.22). McBride also stated that Freud was


concerned with the concept that religion “inducing excessive guilt, was responsible for

the multitude of neurotic obsessions he found in his patients” (p. 22). McBride himself

believed that God wanted us to enjoy life and to be fulfilled, and this was evidenced by

God putting Adam and Eve in the garden of happiness. It was not God, but the sins of

Adam and Eve that brought about man’s unhappiness. Moreover, McBride stated that

Jesus treated people like adults, and he did not intimidate the people to whom he

preached. In fact, Jesus promised freedom from sin, guilt, and hopelessness.

Another reason so many people believe in God is the fact that it might be in the

human genes. Schmidt (1980) asks the question: are humans inherently religious? Could

man’s own genes be the reason why so many people believe in God? Religion has been

around from the earliest of times and it is universal. “People in every society, whether

primitive or modern, have some conception of a super empirical or non-ordinary reality,

such as gods, spirits, or impersonal forces, that they believe influences or governs human

existence” (Schmidt, 1980, p. 6). Schmidt states that the question of genetic involvement

in religious beliefs is a tough one to answer, since there really is no answer. It seems that

human beings have a need to have religion as a way of giving meaning to life, and this

could explain why so many people believe in God. According to Hamer (2004), the

genetic link is to spirituality, not to religion:

Spirituality is based in consciousness, religion in cognition. Spirituality is universal, whereas cultures have their own forms of religion. I would argue that the most important contrast is that spirituality is genetic, while religion is based on culture, traditions, beliefs, and ideas. It is, in other words, mimetic. This is one reason why spirituality and religion have such differing impacts on individual lives and society. (p. 213)

Faith is a necessary component for an individual to believe in God. Salzberg

(2002) stated that Buddhists believe that faith grows as people question what they are


told. Salzberg describes some of the experiences individuals have felt when questioning

their faith to others who have faith:

Many felt they had been forced to believe something that couldn’t be proven, and they had been discouraged from asking questions. “The authorities within my religion were very annoyed when I asked, ‘How do you know?’ one woman told the group. “They would just say, ‘Have faith,’ and I never could. Pretty soon I didn’t have any faith at all.” Many had been hurt by the religious teachings of their childhood, in which their degree of faith was the measure of their belonging; if they did not have enough there was something wrong with them or they would be condemned, maybe forevermore. Separating faith from intelligent inquiry casts it as a practice of the gullible. (p. 54)

Salzberg (2002) stated in a workshop that she gave that there were a number of

people who revealed that their lack of faith in childhood meant they had questions,

uncertainties, and “maybe even delighting in some aspects of their religious doctrine but

not others” (p. 54). These people were denied the opportunity to find their own religious

beliefs. They were told not to examine their beliefs, but instead, to have faith that what

they were being told was the truth.

Although a lot of Christians think losing one’s faith is a devastating experience,

going through the loss and confusion actually results in emotional satisfaction. Schmidt

(1980) states the following:

A loss of belief can involve a wrenching of one’s whole being… but it can also be a turning point leading to a more viable and emotionally satisfying belief system; thus in rejecting or withholding assent in the God of theism, the atheist and agnostic may be committed to a symbol system that lies outside of theism. ( p. 334)

According to Hamer (2004), spirituality is alive and well in society today.

“Surveys show that more than 95 percent of Americans believe in God, while 90 percent

meditate or pray, 82 percent say that God performs miracles, and more than 70 percent

believe in life after death”(p. 4).


Journal Articles

In reviewing the journal articles related to my research topic, I found additional

information about the transition from Christianity to Agnosticism, as well as about

religious beliefs, terms, and history. Specifically, Manning (2004) stated that religion was

based on a book:

Organized Religion is a collection of absolutes. Religion, in its institutional form, most often relies on a text. This is especially true of the three largest religions in the world. Christianity, Judaism, and Islam. What many fail to realize is that the text itself does not contain the truth. Whenever a human being reads a text, the text is being interpreted. This is impossible to avoid. (p. 6)

Cline (2006a.) states that the word Agnostic means “without the knowledge of

gods” (p.1). The word Agnostic can be broken into parts to understand the meaning. The

“A” means “without” and the “gnosis” means “knowledge.” It is important to note that an

Agnostic is someone who does not deny the existence of God or higher powers, but will

not acknowledge that there is a God or gods. Schurman (1895) phases it like this: “The

Agnostic is one who holds that he has no knowledge of God, or indeed, that the human

mind is incapable of reaching knowledge of God” (p. 241).

The term Agnostic was first used by Henry Thomas Huxley in 1869. According to

Wikipedia (2006), Huxley stated that agnosticism is a creed, not a method. This is further

explained by Huxley as the absence of belief. That is, “the half-way house between the

two, where all questions were ‘open.’ All that Huxley asked for was evidence, either for

or against; but this he believed it impossible to get” (p. 2).

Agnosticism goes far back in history, even before Huxley coined the term.

According to Cline (2006b.), there is evidence that some philosophers and scholars

insisted that they did not have knowledge of the ultimate reality and presence of gods.


These philosophers and scholars also stated that there was a possibility that no one had

this knowledge. This lack of knowledge may have affected the non-believers views on

religion.

Secular or Freethinkers were terms often used to describe non-believers. The

earliest movement of Freethinkers was founded in 1985, in Britain, and consisted of

people who were mainly from a working-class movement of militant Atheism. Budd

(1967) stated that meetings took place with most Freethinkers during this time, where

discussions of their conversion would take place. During these meetings it was revealed

that the loss of faith had been painful for most members of the group. According to Budd

(1967), “the conversion to Atheism usually followed two distinct phases: the conversion

from Christianity to unbelief or uncertainty, which is discussed here and then move from

uncertainty to positive commitment to Secularism” (p.108). This conversion usually

occurred early in life, between the ages of fourteen and seventeen. Between the ages of

thirty to forty, loss of faith usually occurred.

In the United States, between 1991 and 2000, adults who preferred no religion

doubled from seven percent to fourteen percent. A small segment of Americans were

being raised without religion and the number was growing (Hout & Fischer, 2002). There

was also evidence that people in the United States were distancing themselves from

churches but not necessarily from God. Most adults preferred no religion but continued to

believe in God and an afterlife. Thus, there were not many Agnostics or Atheists in the

United States. Most Americans thought of themselves as spiritual but did not consider

themselves religious. This was displayed by the fact that they hardly attended religious

services or read the Bible.


Later, in 1996, Need and De Graaf studied Dutch society focusing on the decline

in the amount of people going to church. This was during a time when there was a trend

of declining church goers in many different countries. In their study, Need & De Graaf

wanted to find out the reason for this decline in church membership. Their study did not

include whether the unchurched people had lost their faith in their respective religion.

Instead, this study revealed that education had an influence on whether a person remained

a member or left the church. It also showed that if a parent had a lower education level,

the child was more likely to attend church with twenty percent having left their faith.

Another factor of whether a person became unchurched was age. As a person aged, he or

she had a decreased likelihood of leaving the church, while a person who was fifteen to

twenty years old had a greater chance of leaving the church.

Other factors were also involved in a person’s religious beliefs as Flor & Knapp

(2001) found when they studied Caucasian families. The authors found that parental

modeling influenced an adolescent’s religious behavior. Also, if parents wanted their

children to be more religious, their children displayed more religious behavior. “It would

also predict the more negative association for importance of religion to child when

children experienced less frequent or more uni-directional transactions or both, combined

with lower parental desire for the child to be religious” (p. 640).

According to Need & De Graaf’s (1996) study, it was found that attending

religious services regularly during childhood decreased the likelihood of that person

leaving the church. A study by Kelley & De Graaf’s (1997) also showed that parental

religiosity mattered. People who were born into religious societies were more likely to

have those religious beliefs then those born into secular societies. It also showed that


these families were more successful in instilling their religious beliefs in their children.

Kelly & De Graaf (1997) sum up this concept as follows:

The religious environment of a nation has a major impact on the beliefs of its citizens: People living in religious nations acquire, in proportion to the orthodoxy of their fellow citizens, more orthodox beliefs than those living in secular nations. This is not because they come from more devout families (although most do), nor because religious nations differ from secular nations in modernization or exposure to Communism (although they do), or because of differences in an individual’s denomination, education, age, or sex (although such differences exist). Rather, the religious character of the nation itself matters. In some circumstances, national context is more important even than family background in shaping people’s beliefs. A nation’s culture and policies of its churches and government are part of the explanation. (p. 654)

Essential to Agnosticism is the idea of having and losing faith. These ideas play

an important role in the present study, which looks at transitioning faith from Christianity

to Agnosticism. As previously stated, faith is essential to a person’s religious beliefs. It is

the faith that people embrace, which gives meaning to their lives. Without this meaning it

appears that their lives may be experienced as meaningless or empty. As such, a problem

exists if one believes in the existence of God and someone else disagrees with that belief

(Manning, 2004). The person who believes in the existence of God often has the need to

prove to the non-believer that God does exist. However, Manning (2004) states that God

cannot be proven without faith and “it would seem to make sense that the one who

believes in God, instead of trying in futility to prove God’s existence, should simply

explain their belief as a matter of faith and leave it at that” (p. 9). He postulates that this

will solve the problems of trying to resolve the conflict of the existence of God.

The question still remains, however: when there is doubt in a belief system, what

does it mean? Snowden (1916) explains it like this:

Doubt is uncertain belief. It is the borderland between knowledge and ignorance, the twilight between light and darkness. It is therefore a mixed state of mind and


varies in degree from almost certain knowledge to the faintest belief or hope. It may be the morning twilight in which a doubtful truth or hope or speculation is growing into positive knowledge, or the evening twilight in which an accepted truth or theory is withering away. (p. 151)

Doubt is specifically mentioned and dealt with by Christ in the Bible when John

the Baptist doubted that Jesus was the Messiah. Snowden (1916) explained this by stating

that when John was placed in prison, his mood fell, and he subsequently doubted Jesus.

Word was sent to Jesus of this, and Jesus answered him. He did not judge John, nor was

he harsh with him. He simply told the messenger to tell John the facts. Similarly, many

Christians of today are told to stay away from questions, and basically, to stop thinking.

“But this is not the spirit of the Bible. Jesus did not stop John’s thinking, and mental

death is not the cure for our doubt” (p. 153). Doubt is a part of who we are as humans and

sometimes this doubt helps us to transition into a different way of thinking or believing.

My study, the experience of transitioning from Christianity to Agnosticism, has

not been previously researched using the heuristic model. Additionally, I was unable to

find any explicit research on why a person transitions from Christianity to Agnosticism,

and how that transition feels in great detail. I think it is important to study this topic

because it will not only help others cope with this transition, but it will also help those

who have not transitioned to understand what a person goes through when he or she

makes this change.

In this chapter, I researched and reviewed literature relevant to my thesis. In the

next chapter, I will discuss the concepts, processes, and phases of the heuristic research

model.


CHAPTER III

Research Model

In this chapter I will describe the heuristic research model that I used in this study.

Due to my personal experience with this topic, I have decided to use this methodology.

The research model that will be used to explore my research topic, the experience

of transitioning from traditional Christianity to Agnosticism is qualitative in design and

methodology. According to Graziano & Raulin (2004), the qualitative research method is

“a research approach that seeks to understand psychological operations by observing the

broad, interconnected pattern of variables, rather than the strength of the statistical

relationship of variables” (p. 424). The major goal of qualitative research is to describe

and analyze a person’s actions and feelings in everyday settings. Focusing on the ways in

which this is achieved Graziano & Raulin (2004) state that “the research methods include

naturalistic and participant observation, the use of questionnaires, and analyzing

conversations and social networks” (p. 135).

The qualitative research design that I will utilize in my thesis is the heuristic

model. The word heuristic comes from the Greek word heuriskein, which means to

discover or find. Hiles (2001) states the following about heuristic investigations:

Heuristic inquiry is an extremely demanding process, involving disciplined self-commitment, rigorous self-searching and self-reflection, and ultimately a surrender to the process…In essence, it is a research process designed for the exploration and interpretation of experience, which uses the self of the researcher. (p. 2)

The heuristic model uses ones internal search for the truth. As such, heuristic researchers

integrate their own personal experiences into their studies. “It requires a subjective


process of reflecting, exploring, sifting, and elucidating the nature of the phenomenon

under investigation” (Douglass & Moustakas, 1985, p. 40).

Concepts and Processes

Moustakas (1990) identifies seven concepts and processes involved in heuristic

research. These include identifying with the focus of inquiry, self-dialogue, tacit

knowledge, intuition, indwelling, focusing, and the internal frame of reference.

Identifying the focus of inquiry

While involved in this process, the heuristic researcher strongly identifies with

the topic. An example of this is when an actor has accepted a role portraying someone

famous. Before the actor plays the role, he or she learns all about the person that will be

portrayed. The actor will dress like that person, and act like that person by sounding like

him or her and having the same body movements. The actors do whatever they can to

understand the person that they are going to portray. In a similar sense, by identifying

with what is being investigated, the heuristic researcher gets closer to the topic.

Self-dialogue

Entering into a dialogue with one’s self about the subject gives a person a deeper

understanding of that subject. In this way, the heuristic researcher is able to interact with

his or her topic from the vantage point of different perspectives. “At the heart of

heuristics lies an emphasis on disclosing the self as a way of facilitating disclosure from

others – a response to the tacit dimension within oneself sparks a similar call from

others” (Douglass & Moustakas, 1985, p. 50).


Tacit knowing

This concept refers to a subconscious knowledge from an unarticulated source. It

is when a person knows what to do without thinking about it. For example, when a person

learns to ride a bike and is skillful at it, he or she no longer has to think about how to ride

a bike. The rider no longer has to talk him or herself through the steps, such as putting

one foot over the bar, hopping up onto the seat, putting the feet on the pedals, and moving

the legs, all while balancing the bike. One uses instinct rather than conscious thoughts,

and simply performs. According to Polanyi (1966), “we can know more than we can tell”

(p. 4). Palmer (2001) states this about Polanyi’s concept of tacit knowledge: “it isn’t what

we know more than we can tell, but how we know with what we know more than we can

tell that qualifies as tacit knowing” (p. 2).

Intuition

This concept is a process in which a person knows, not from the information

provided, but from what is at the instinctual level. As stated by Moustakas (1990):

Intuition makes possible the perceiving of things as wholes. For example, one can view a tree from many angles, sides, front, and back; but one cannot see a whole tree. The whole tree must be intuited from the clues that are provided by careful observation, experience, and connecting the parts and subtleties of the tree into patterns and relationships that ultimately enable an intuitive knowing of the tree as a whole. Every act of achieving integration, unity, or wholeness of anything requires intuition. (p. 23)

Intuition is akin to having a hunch in that a person goes with the “gut” feeling without

conscious thought. Estes (1992) explains, metaphorically, that intuition is “like the wolf,

intuition has claws that pry things open and pin things down, it has eyes that can see

through the shields of persona, it has ears that hear beyond the range of mundane human


hearing” (p. 89). Intuition relies on perception and observation, rather than the use of

conscious reasoning and logic.

Indwelling

This process refers to going deeply inside of oneself and lingering with one’s

topic as a way of achieving a further understanding. Moustakas (1990) phrases it this

way:

It involves a willingness to gaze with unwavering attention and concentration into some facet of human experience in order to understand its constituent qualities and its wholeness. To understand something fully, one dwells inside the subsidiary and focal factors to draw from them every possible nuance, texture, fact, and meaning. The indwelling process is conscious and deliberate, yet it is not lineal or logical. It follows clues wherever they appear; one dwells inside them and expands their meanings and associations until a fundamental insight is achieved. (p. 24)

This heuristic method, and specifically, indwelling are of crucial value to the researcher

who is attempting to obtain first-hand knowledge of an experience.

Focusing

Focusing is another important method utilized in the heuristic process. Focusing

requires that one use all of his or her senses. Moustakas (1990) states:

The steps of focusing as used in heuristic research include the clearing of an inward space to enable one to tap into thoughts and feelings that are essential to clarifying a question; getting a handle on the question; elucidating its constituents; making contact with core themes; and explicating the themes. (p. 25)

Focusing is similar to indwelling but is a more intense process. It facilitates attunement

with the research question, and maintaining focus on the question until all of the themes

can be identified.


Internal frame of reference

During this concept, which is essential to qualitative research and to the heuristic

model, one must rely on his or her own experience with the subject. Internal frame of

reference “highlights the point of view that knowledge of a phenomenon has to be

understood from the perspective of the experiencing person. This is an essential point for

qualitative research in general and for heuristic research in particular” (Craig, 2001, p.

37).

The concepts covered above provide opportunities to gather rich and essential

research data. They enable the researcher to move through the phases of the heuristic

model as described below.

Phases

There are six phases of heuristic research. These include: initial engagement,

immersion into the topic and question, incubation, illumination, explication, and the

creative synthesis (Moustakas, 1990).

Initial engagement

This is the phase in which the researcher chooses a topic of passionate concern or

interest. To discover the many facets and nuances of the topic, the researcher engages in

self-dialogue. Once the topic has been formed, a specific and researchable question can

be formulated.

Immersion into the topic and question

In this phase after the question is formed, the researcher becomes immersed in the

topic. The researcher’s thought are focused on the project that he or she is working on,

and he or she is constantly thinking about it. The researcher “carries the sense of total


involvement in a research theme or question in such a way that the whole world is

centered on it for awhile” (Douglass & Moustakas, 1985, p. 47).

Incubation

In this phase the researcher takes a break from the constant immersion in the

topic. Moustakas (1990) states this about incubation:

Although the researcher is moving on a totally different path, detached from involvement with the question and removed from awareness of its nature and meanings, on another level expansion of knowledge is taking placed. During this process the researcher is no longer absorbed in the topic in any direct way or alert to things, situations, events, or people that will contribute to an understanding of the phenomenon. (p. 28)

Moustakas (1990) further explains that during this phase an inner tacit dimension can

reach its full potential. During incubation, while there is no direct contact with the

research topic, growth is still taking place. This break can be anywhere from one hour to

multiple days. During this phase, the mind is able to rest and rejuvenate, and during this

time new ideas often surface. It is common for one to move back and forth between the

immersion and incubation phases several times during the research process.

Illumination

In this phase, the “ah ha” moment occurs in the researcher’s consciousness. The

researcher spends an enormous amount of time reflecting on the topic, and then all of a

sudden, a new theory, perception, or item that was previously missed suddenly appears,

and gives the researcher more knowledge of the topic. Moustakas (1990) states: “The

illumination process may be awakening to new constituents of the experience, thus

adding new dimensions of knowledge. Or, the illumination may involve corrections of

distorted understandings or disclosure of hidden meanings” (p. 29). It is during this phase

that the researcher discovers more about how the data fits together.


Explication

This phase follows the illumination phase in that the researcher studies the “ah

ha” moment in more detail. Moustakas (1990) explains it this way:

In the explication process, the heuristic researcher utilizes focusing, indwelling, self-searching, and self-disclosure, and recognizes that meanings are unique and distinctive to an experience and depend upon internal frames of reference. The entire process of explication requires that researchers attend to their own awarenesses, feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and judgments as a prelude to the understanding that is derived from conversations and dialogues with others. (p. 31)

The explication phase is meant to examine more deeply what has been uncovered in the

awakening consciousness. Explication “brings together discoveries of meaning and

organizes them into a comprehensive depiction of the essences of the experience” (p. 31).

After this phase is complete, the researcher is ready to move on to the final phase of the

heuristic process.

Creative Synthesis

In this final phase, the researcher is very familiar with all aspects of the topic. At

this time, the researcher can use creative means to express his or her topics in the form of

poetry, a descriptive narrative, photographs, or stories. Moustakas (1990) states “The

major concepts that underlie a creative synthesis are the tacit dimension, intuition, and

self-searching” (p. 31). In other words, the researcher lets go of the data and allows the

creative process to grow into an expression of the essence of the phenomenon.

Heuristic inquiry requires inner work on the part of the researcher as well as the

co-researchers. In the form of self-dialog, the researcher must ask himself or herself the

same questions that he or she will ask his or her co-researchers during the interviews. By

doing this, the researcher puts his or her own experience into this process of discovery,


and at the end of the research, will have a deeper understanding of the question his or she

wanted to examine. Research participants (co-researchers) enter into their own heuristic

process, which is very similar to the researcher’s in that they will also have a deep

understanding of their own process of the topic being discovered.

In this chapter, I have described the concepts, processes and phases of the

heuristic research model. In the next chapter, I will discuss the methods and procedures

used to research my inquiry into the experience of transitioning from traditional

Christianity to Agnosticism.


CHAPTER IV

Methods and Procedures

In this chapter, I will explain the methods and procedures that I used in

preparation for collecting the data from my co-researchers and in analyzing that data.

There are four main parts to the methods and procedures of the heuristic model including:

methods and procedures used in preparing to collect data, methods and procedures used

to collect the data, methods and procedures in a self-search, and methods and procedures

used in organization and analysis of the data.

During the research, I was extremely involved in the self-searching process. The

first part of this process was to determine a topic of research. I wanted this topic to

promote strong emotions within myself, so that during the research process, not only

would I not get bored with the subject, but I would stay motivated in learning about the

topic. I brainstormed several ideas but none of them resonated with me or invoked strong

emotions in me.

Most of my life, I did not experience any strong emotional or passionate

connection to any subject matter. It was not until the last couple of years that not only

religion caused me to express strong emotions, but also politics. In that moment of time,

with George W. Bush being the President, the two topics were very much related. That is,

religion was being linked with the government and the Republican political party. It

reminded me of my transition from being a very right winged Christian to becoming an

Agnostic. From this experience, came the question: “What is the experience of

transitioning from traditional Christianity to Agnosticism?”


Once I formulated this question, I was free to immerse myself in my topic with

my whole being. Due to previous undergraduate research that I had completed, I knew

that some resources would come to me automatically, just when I needed them. This was

illustrated in the entertainment industry. It often happened when films were released out

of Hollywood at the same time and with basically the same topic. During the beginning

of this research process, I had turned on the television to see information on Christianity

and Agnosticism. I was able to get connected more with my topic by watching the

program. Also, sometime after that, I went to the book store and was moved to purchase

former President Jimmy Carter’s book, Our Endangered Values. I had no desire to read

this book at this time in my life, but I bought the book anyway. I started to read it and

found it useful in helping me understand why I had been a Christian, as well as why I had

the Christian church.

Methods and Procedures Used in Preparing to Collect Data

In this section, the criteria are outline of who can participate in this study, as well

as how I contacted my co-researchers to schedule an interview.

My co-researchers were located through networking with other students and mass

through mass e-mails to my friends and family who then forward the emails to their

friends and family. I also personally handed out flyers describing my research project and

what it entailed (Appendix A). I handed out this flyers a couple of weeks before starting

my interview of my first co-researcher.

There were seven co-researchers that volunteered to participate. They were found

to fit the following criteria:

1. They were over the age of 18 years old.


2. They considered themselves Christians at one time in their lives.

3. They had a transition from traditional Christianity to Agnosticism and have a working memory of such a transition.

4. They were able to verbally articulate their experience of transitioning from traditional Christianity to Agnosticism.

5. They were willing to disclose their experiences verbally, as well as have the discussion recorded via audiocassette. Interviews lasted approximately one hour, and were no longer than two hours.

6. They were willing to sign a form to allow the information given anonymously to be used in this thesis and in other published materials.

Co-researchers were initially contacted either by phone, in person, or by e-mail.

During this initial conversation, I asked if they understood the criteria and if they thought

they were a fit. A verbal conformation was obtained when interested in becoming a co-

researcher was expressed. Possible co-researchers received a formal letter (Appendix B)

describing the research question in further detail, and what was required of them as co-

researchers. This letter also asked the possible co-researchers to reflect on their transition

from traditional Christianity to Agnosticism.

At this time I did have one person state that he or she did not want to be a co-

researcher, indicating that he or she did not believe he or she fit the criteria, and was in

the process of re-thinking his or her position in his or her faith in Christianity. This left

me with six co-researchers remaining which consisted of two males and four females.

The possible co-researchers were then either e-mailed or called on the telephone

to see if they were still interested in being co-researchers. All of the six co-researchers

were still interested. A date, time, and place were then set up for the individual

interviews. When the interview took place, the co-researchers were asked to sign the

Participation-Release Agreement form (Appendix C).


Methods and Procedures Used to Collect the Data

This section is in regards to collecting the data. This includes where the

interviews took place, what tools were used, and the type of questions that were asked.

This begins with a brief biographical sketch of each co-researcher that participated in this

study.

Elizabeth

Elizabeth was a 38-year-old Caucasian woman who had a Bachelors degree in

Counseling Psychology and was currently attending graduate school. Her job titles were

massage therapist, physical therapist assistant, and personal trainer.

Barbra

Barbra was a 66-year-old Caucasian woman who, for most of her life, was a stay

at home mother, as well as a home maker. She did graduate from high school.

Katie

Katie was a 35-year-old African American female. She had two bachelors’

degrees, one being in psychology and the other in electronic engineering. Her past jobs

included automotive engineers/managers.

Frances

Frances was a 45-year-old Caucasian woman. Her educational background

consisted of a bachelor of science, majoring in computer science. Her jobs included

computer programming and managerial work. She has since retired and became a stay at

home mom.


Michael

Michael was a 41-year-old Caucasian male. He had a bachelor’s degree in social

worker and a degree in physical therapy. His past job occupations included social work,

and he is currently a physical therapist.

Keith

Keith was 23-year-old Caucasian male. He had a bachelor’s degree in psychology

and was currently a graduate student.

After my co-researchers were selected and it was confirmed that they met the

criteria, I then gathered the tools I needed for the interviews. Additionally, I selected a

place where the interviews will be held.

The tools that I used during the interviews were a tape recorder, and paper and

pen to be used by the co-researcher. The atmosphere that I used for the interview was

comfortable for the co-researcher, as well as convenient. The environment was also free

of interruptions and private. Most often, the meeting place chosen was at a local library.

There was one phone interview secondary as the co-researcher lived out-of-state.

In collecting the data, I became focused on my topic and was able to get the

answers to the questions without adding own my personal beliefs of how the question

should be answered. I used informal conversational questions when interviewing the co-

researchers. Moustakas (1990) states this of the conversational interview:

The conversational interview or dialogue is most clearly consistent with the rhythm and flow of heuristic exploration and search for meaning. Dialogue is the preferred approach in that it aims toward encouraging expression, elucidation, and disclosure of the experience being investigated. (p.47)

Before the interview, I sat quietly for a few minutes to ground myself, calm my

nerves and to “be” with the person I was interviewing. I then told myself that I would do


everything I could to create a safe environment, and I hoped that both the co-researcher

and I could grow from this experience.

Moustakas (1990) stated this about interviewing a co-researcher:

In heuristic interviewing, the data generated is dependent upon accurate, empathic listening; being open to oneself and to the co-researcher; being flexible and free to vary procedures to respond to what is required in the flow of dialogue; and being skillful in creating a climate that encourages the co-researcher to respond comfortably, accurately, comprehensively, and honestly in elucidating the phenomenon. (p. 48)

The interview started with me asking permission to turn on the tape recorder.

After the co-researcher gave me permission to proceed, I began the discussion by asking

them “How are you doing?” After I felt the co-researcher was relaxed enough, I informed

them about what would be discussed during this interview. I then started the inquiry by

using the standardized open-ended questions.

Methods and Procedures in a Self-Search

During the next few months of this research, I used self-dialogued to learn of my

own experience. During this process, I interviewed myself and pretended that someone

else was interviewing me. Often this was done early in the morning while driving, and

also, when I had been immersed in the subject matter. This self-dialogue helped me to

organize my thoughts, and it gave me new ideas regarding where I wanted to go with this

research study.

During the initial engagement of my research, I was interested in the topic

because I had a first hand experience with it. Once I knew what the specific research

question was, it did not take me long to become immersed in the subject matter. I

constantly thought about all of the aspects of my topic throughout the day. I thought

about how I would approach my research and what steps I would have to take to create a


successful thesis. However, there were times when I had to take a break from thinking

about my thesis topic. I needed to incubate the whole process to give not only my brain a

rest, but also my emotions because it was a passionate topic for me.

Methods and Procedures Used in the Organization and Analysis of the Data

After each co-researcher’s interview, I transcribed the taped sessions. I decided I

needed to transcribe the tapes myself in order to be able to get a better understanding of

my co-researchers’ experiences. According to Moustakas (1990), “essential to the process

of heuristic analysis is comprehensive knowledge of all materials for each participant and

for the group of participants collectively” (p.49). Once all of the co-researchers were

interviewed and the tapes were transcribed, I then organized the data into themes, the

common factors that were identified by the co-researchers. In doing this, I first tried to

pick out themes manually, this was hard to do and not very efficient. I then tried

highlighting some possible themes. After a few pages of doing this, I found that it was

confusing for me. I then attempted writing each possible theme on index cards, but this

turned out to be time consuming. Finally, I took each transcribed interview that was on

paper and cut out the possible themes. I then piled possible themes using an index card to

name the theme.

I was able to find five common themes. After finding those themes, I looked at

the transcribed interviews again. I then incubated for a couple of days by taking a break,

and then, later, came back to this part of the procedure to see if any more themes emerged

from the qualitative data that might have been missed before. After reading the

transcribed notes two more times, and re-arranging the possible themes, I was unable to

find additional themes that were common among the co-researchers.


In the next chapter, Presentation of Findings, the themes will be identified that

were illustrated in most of the co-researchers’ experiences. In addition, a composite

depiction of the co-researchers and a creative synthesis will be created.


CHAPTER V

Presentation of Findings

In this chapter, the data was organized into themes. The themes were common in

all six co-researchers or common in the majority (five) of the co-researchers in their

experiences of transitioning from traditional Christianity to Agnosticism. After the

themes were identified and supporting data documented, a composite depiction of the

research participants was completed. Lastly, a creative synthesis was prepared to help

further understand what it was like to transition from traditional Christianity to

Agnosticism.

I interviewed six co-researchers, including myself, and independently transcribed

the tapes, so that I could be more immersed in each of their experiences. As I interviewed

each person, I was excited to hear about their experiences, and was interested in the fact

that each person experienced this transition differently from my own. I was able to

identify five common themes shared by the six co-researchers; they are as follows:

1. Required to be a part of an organized Christian dogma.

2. Questioned everything in regards to Christianity.

3. There were many doubts in believing in the Holy Bible.

4. The transition to become an Agnostic was over an extended period of time.

5. Personal beliefs that they were accepting and good people despite being an Agnostic.


Themes

Theme One: Required to Be a Part of an Organized Christian Dogma

During childhood, each co-researcher was required to attend a church, a religious

school, or both. Therefore, they were exposed to the traditional teachings of Christianity

and had no choice in the matter when it came to hearing Christian teachings. The

following are the experiences of attending religious schools:

Elizabeth: I went to a Baptist school and that is where I became very religious in that I read the Bible and was excited about knowing God and knowing God loved me. Although I didn’t believe in some of the teachings that the Baptist school taught me, that was okay, because I knew there was a God, I knew there was a Jesus, and that they loved me, and I could at times feel them inside my soul.

Barbra: I did go to a Lutheran school from the third grade through seventh. I did go to church on Sundays, went to Sunday school, but mostly Sunday school more than church. We didn’t have religion in school but it was a religious school. We did have to go to Sunday school and all that stuff, and on the holidays we celebrated.

Keith: In the Christian school I was being forced to believe. But the people around me, my parents, my best friend’s mom, no one was forcing me. My parents told me to find my own beliefs. Their initial response was we will tell you what we believe and you can decide for yourself. The only place I was really forced is at school.

When attending the Christian school, Keith also stated: “I ended up reading the

entire Bible and memorizing most of the New Testament, not on purpose, but because I

had to.”

Frances was the only co-researcher who attended both a religious school and

church. She stated: “My mother took us to church every Sunday and I attended Catholic

schools. I went through Baptism, First Communion, Conformation, and confession once a

week. I had a lot of Catholicism growing up.”


The other two co-researchers did not attend a religious school, but due to family

rearing, were required to attend church on a regular basis. This is how they described

their respective families’ religious upbringings:

Katie: It was probably when I was three or four when my family went to church, everyone but my dad. But it was more that we were forced to go because that’s just was what my mom believed.

Every Sunday and through the week, the kids [herself and siblings] where in the choir, we did after school activities, went to camp with the church, I mean we did everything with the church.

Michael: When I was growing up I attended Sunday school weekly. When I got to be in middle school and high school I joined the youth fellowship program which I avidly attended from seventh grade all the way through high school. For me this was important for me socially, we did a lot of Bible studies and a lot of out-reach stuff.

When I was a little kid, yes, [parents required him to go to church] that is what we did on Sunday mornings, went to church. Once we got into high school, I guess I was forced, it wasn’t like I threw fit, about going to church. That is what we did. When I got into seventh grade, the youth groups meet on Sunday evenings. I was given the option to not attend church on Sunday mornings if I did the youth thing in the evening. This is what I picked.

Theme Two: Questioned Everything in Regards to Christianity

Another theme the co-researchers had in common was that they questioned the

Christian faith. Co-researchers were not told that there was no God. They were able to

discover this on their own by starting to question their faith. Some co-researchers stated

that they researched their questions by either looking for references or asking people for

answers. The following was how some of the co-researchers described how and what

they went through when questioning their faith:

Elizabeth: I went on the internet. I just knew I didn’t believe in the Bible. And I just couldn’t specifically say why I did not believe in the Bible because when you go to church they only tell about the scriptures they want you to know about. I found a lot of sites that debunk the Bible, both Old and New Testament. I learned about the contradiction between the scriptures, which I already knew about some.


Like whether a person can be a head of the church if they are married or not. Depending on which scripture you are reading will tell you if you can or can not.

So when I was reading on the internet about this all this stuff, even about words in the Bible changing. I kind of got really upset and didn’t understand why people believe so strongly in it. And I know this sounds really bad, but am I the only smart one in this world that beliefs there might not be a God and not believe in this Bible? And even about one and half years ago, I had to take a Bible class in my undergrad. I was open minded to learn more and maybe get convinced that there is a God. But that back fired and the teacher convinced me even more that the Bible cannot be true.

Barbra: I felt excited about it [about questioning]. I felt good about it. I thought I was onto something. Yeah, it didn’t bother me to question it. Because questioning it was who I was anyway. Who I was brought up as. I learned in my childhood to always question everything. So it was a natural thing for me, it felt ok, good to search, I like to search.

Katie: I don't know weather or not I believed in him. I think it was to the point where you knew he existed because someone told you he did and because everyone talked about it. But I was always the kid that said…you know…you can give us a cabbage and we can pray to the cabbage and get the same results. You know, because that was the one question I always used to ask, how can you believe in the person that you didn’t know whether or not this person was real or really existed? It’s not that I don’t believe that there’s a higher power, I’m just saying I just don’t believe it’s a man, it could have actually been a women, and it could have been a goat.

[when asked how it felt to question] Please, I thought I was the smartest person on earth. You couldn’t tell me no wrong. I had my questions and I was hoping nobody can answer them. It still feels that way today. I have friends who are very big in religion and I will question them, they will ask me certain things, and I will ask them certain things. They always say Katie why do you read between the lines. I say, that is the way of life. That is how society works. That why we feed off of gossip. People are reading between the lines. You can’t stop someone from telling half a story. I like to know the other half.

I have questioned, every kid, when you ask a question and no one can answer, it makes you feel like your ego becomes huge. For me to be able to ask questions that no one had answers to, I thought I was smarter then they were. It made me feel smarter.

I was always told the dumbest question is the one that you never ask. So If I had a question, I was going to ask it whether or not it hurt someone’s feelings or whatever, and not to the point it really hurt someone’s feelings. If you want me to believe in something and I ask you a question, I expect a legitimate answer. I


don’t want you to say what verse it is or what passage in the book, just tell me. If you want me to believe in it, maybe you should know it enough to be able to explain a lot of my questions. I know pastors, deacons and others, and I ask the same question over and over about the Adam and Eve thing. You know how many different scenarios I’ve heard about this. Oh Katie they don’t tell you about Adam and Eve’s brother and sister, and I say what, where is that in that freak’n book? They must be talking about the Old and New Testament part II. I mean, everybody has their own scenario and it is just sad that everyone believes in this book and no one really knows what they are really saying. They are just talking because someone told them that those were the facts that this is the book to use as reference.

Michael: Even in Bible study we were allowed to question things, to make up our own mind of how things are. I stayed in the group [youth group] because it was a very open group and accepting group of people.

I think it all comes from not really getting it from the beginning [Christianity], but going along with it. As I studied it and learned more about it, the more questions I had about it, the more inconsistencies. Eventually, I said this flat out isn’t right. There is something just not right about it.

Keith: I guess I was confused for awhile [when he started to question]. When you start to question what you are given as a given. It’s really confusing. You feel who has the power; you don’t know who has the power. Is there power out there? Is there someone watching you? It’s really just questioning everything. Really I feel much more power as an Agnostic than I did as a Christian.

But the most popular one quote is John 3:16. “And God gave his only begotten son so the world can be saved.” My question to the church, to my mom, and to anyone was why would God need a sacrifice to save his own creation. No one had an answer. Of course no one had an answer. No one knows. I could ask church officials questions but they got pissed off because you are not suppose to question faith. Come on, It was just the why question. Why did this happen? Why would it have to happen? Why would God give blood to save? What is the purpose of it? Why would God create a hell? Why would there be someplace to punish his own creation when he can snap his fingers and it would no longer exist?

Questioning what they were told about Christianity came up for each of the co-

researchers. Michael and Keith questioned themselves and came up with the answers they

were searching for when questioning whether there was a God or not. Alternatively,

Elizabeth searched the internet, and Katie and Keith asked people at their church or

anyone who might have an answer to their questions.


Theme Three: There Were Many Doubts in Believing in the Holy Bible

Many doubts were detected in the research in consideration of the Bible’s content,

as well as in who wrote the Bible. The co-researchers found it hard to believe, word-for-

word, what was written in the Bible. Some co-researchers dismissed the Bible all

together, while others believed there might be truth to some of the Bible, but not to all of

it.

Elizabeth: You start to hear contradictions in the Bible……A lot of things are said in the Bible, like the great flood. But some part of the earth shows there was a great flood but others don’t. They talk about the big bang and that God created the world in seven days, they changed it, a day could be a million years. Just a lot of things change to fit science. In my job as a Physical Therapist Assistant, I’ve become more scientific. I just needed more proof of anything. So I read these things that are supposed to help you but if there is no scientific proof, there is no proof, and there is just one Bible and who knows where that came from as well. Since I can’t read the original writing I am not even sure what it really says.

I have a rough time believing the Bible is true at all. I believe it is a good teaching tool. I pretty much dismissed the Bible altogether. I just think that regular men wrote it for whatever reasons.

Barbra: You know, but I went along with all this stuff until just about a year or two ago when I came across or was directed to several passages in the Bible. One of them was in the Old Testament, where God commanded somebody or another, this army to go ahead slaughter, kill everyone in this city. Just kill everyone because apparently he didn’t like the way they were acting or whatever, they were enemies. God said kill them all but he said don’t kill any unmarried women. All unmarried women all those who has not slept with a man, the army could keep for themselves. And the thought came across that includes babies, and it was girl babies. And that includes teenage girls who weren’t married. All girls who weren’t married. And that right there clinched it for me and from then on I had no questions what so ever about the Bible, about Jesus, and about God. I of course don’t believe in the Bible’s God and I don’t believe in Jesus, but I am not sure about a God or a being of some kind. I’m not.

Katie: I don’t know, because I just believe the Bible was written by a man just like any fiction or non-fiction book. I am not saying that every story in there is false, but I’m just saying a lot of it was exaggerated and exacerbated. Just like any type of rumor, you start off at one end of the room tell somebody a piece of gossip by the time it gets to the end, and somebody writes it down, the story is totally different. There is some truth in there, but the whole entire thing I don’t think is


true. That is where I am.

Frances: I think the Bible has some interesting thoughts about how one lives one’s life in the sense that it has stories that have a message. But I don’t believe it word for word. I definitely don’t believe it word for word. I mean if you read like, who is that guy from Tibet, Dali Lama? If you read his books he has the same concepts where he is sending certain messages based on the stories he is telling. The Bible tells the stories too. They are different stories and slightly different messages. But the word Bible, the Adam and Eve stuff, Jonah got ate by a whale, and all that stuff, I don’t believe in that as facts, I believe it in terms of fiction as trying to convey a message.

Michael: It was through the Bible studies, the questioning, and discussions, I always found myself taking the view of, that’s not really reliable information. How do you know that? There is so much that is said and written in the Bible and then you find out you get little pieces of information about who wrote the Bible and where it really came from. And on top of that we were taught that the Bible is something that you did not take literally it is something you interpret. For one thing, this is hard for me to believe, through pure logic that anyone can take it literally. In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth, obviously a poet wrote that. There is nobody there, nobody saw it happen nobody knows exactly how it happened, I don’t care if God came down and told you exactly how it happened, you know. It’s written out very nicely, but you know it didn’t happen exactly like that whether there is a God or not. To me it just doesn’t make any sense. I believe that people who believe that need to believe it…

When I asked Keith about his current belief in the Bible now, his answer was

simply: “Best seller book. It’s fiction, as far as I am concerned.” Elizabeth, Barbra, and

Frances each related a story from the Bible in which they had difficulty believing it could

be true. Ultimately, each of the co-researchers did not believe in the Bible word-for-word,

and as you can see, some dismissed it altogether.

Theme Four: The Transition to Become an Agnostic Was Over an Extended Period of Time.

Another common theme was that each co-researcher stated that it took a long

period of time of questioning, before they started to become an Agnostic. They did not

give any indication that there was a tragic event in their lives that caused them to question


their faith in a higher being. Rather they described this extended period of time as

follows:

Elizabeth: It is hard to pin point [when she became an Agnostic]. Probably after I attended those churches and I can’t remember a specific time. It wasn’t like one day I woke up and decided to become an Agnostic. I just kind of doubted… I don’t have a specific date when I became an Agnostic. I didn’t just wake up one day and say I’ll become an Agnostic. Because it goes against what most society believes in.

I hear this all the time. I hear it especially from Christians, when they hear that I am Agnostic. I must have had a tragic event to make me doubt my belief in God. I don’t think there was but I do doubt. I don’t think there was. It happened in my late twenties. It wasn’t an overnight thing. I just starting doubting.

Barbra: About a year ago [when she became an Agnostic], or was it three years ago? I don’t remember. I was on the brink, I think, for a few years actually, wavering. I always questioned even when I was a child.

Katie: During my questionable period [is when she became an Agnostic]. Once I realized that things were not going the way that people where portraying it to be like. I said that was around six or seven years old. For a while I thought I was an Atheist. I had to sit back and accept the fact that I am an Agnostic. I am not a total Atheists, because I believe there is something. I don’t know, probably around sixteen or seventeen years old, probably a ten year period from me thinking I was an Atheist to an Agnostic.

Frances: Maybe it was 18 months ago [she became an Agnostic]. There was no particular event. It was a combination of a lot of things. I just completely lost faith. I had prayed to God and I prayed to God. I didn’t do the Catholic stuff but I prayed for my friends, and I prayed for myself. I wasn’t alert about it. It was a private relationship between me and God. It wasn’t necessarily praying in the traditional sense. It was more like talking to God, if I am going through this and I need some help. It was really more, I would say, I had hoped and believed in that. I waited for this private relationship to be different from the Catholic Church then. I had a lot of trouble relating the Catholic Church to God, quite frankly. It was the church thing. It was almost like this club I belonged to and God was a different thing. So I would say about eighteen months ago I decided I wasn’t sure if there’s a God or there wasn’t. But, if there was one, he wasn’t doing me any good.

Michael stated that there was not one particular event that made him question his

whole religious belief system. He also stated “it was kind of a slow progressive thing all

the way through” when describing his journey from Christianity to Agnosticism.


Keith was able to identify approximately how long it was before he finished his

journey:

I read up on Buddhism, Hinduism, Dualism, Judaism, and Christianity. It didn’t matter what it was. I read up on them and took what I liked from each one and formed my own beliefs. Right around fifteen or sixteen, I started doubting Christianity. A friend, who was hard core Catholic, told me if I didn’t believe in hell, that I was going to hell. My response to him was if I don’t believe it, it can’t hurt me. Right around there I stated forming my own beliefs. My process was staying up late at night. I was an insomniac. And just thinking, that was basically what I did. It was just working out. I had all this information to work with in my head. I needed some place to work it all out. Over the process of five to six months I came to the conclusion that there was no hell and I started doubting weather or not God really existed. I started doubting that anyone can actually know. By around seventeen or eighteen I was an Agnostic. I think up till about eighteen I still called myself a Christian, but I really didn’t believe it. It was more for convenience then anything else. Once I had left home at eighteen, and gone to college, I was an Agnostic. I identify as being Agnostic.

Both Keith and Katie stated that they became Agnostics when they were about

seventeen-years-old. It was difficult for most of the co-researchers to specify when they

labeled themselves Agnostic, as it happened over a long period of time. At the time of

their respective interviews all of the co-researchers labeled themselves as Agnostic

except Michael and Frances. Michael did not like to use labels and Frances stated she had

a change of heart and was now a Christian.

Theme Five: Belief that They were Accepting and Good People Despite Being an Agnostic

The last theme that I was able to identify was how my co-researchers viewed

themselves, the world, and Christians. They state that they had a better tolerance towards

people and believed that they were living their lives correctly, even though they had

doubts in Christianity.

Elizabeth: I try not to do that [convert Christians to become Agnostic] because I understand it is part of the Christian religion to convert people and to save people. That is their belief system. I don’t have to do that. There are times I really want to


try, but I know as hard as it would be for anyone to try and change me it would be just as difficult to change their belief. Not only that, I think it has to be a self discovery. I think that it is something that people have to discover. People have to fall into their own belief. I am envious of people who do have that strong belief in God. I don’t want them to convert, because converting is a very confusing almost painful thing and you feel alone. I didn’t feel lied to, but I felt I was the only one who believed this way. I felt like I was a bad person. It is just difficult. I didn’t know what to do. I still don’t know what to do at times, because everyone has a yes or no in their belief in a higher being. I don’t like gray areas. A lot of people don’t know what Agnostic is. I am not saying there is a God I am just saying there is no proof in it, we can’t say for sure. I just don’t have a problem questioning things. That is what life is about. Learning things.

Barbra: It took many years and then right towards the end it didn’t take me any time at all to drop the whole business. I don’t have that burden anymore, that burden of fear, of wondering if I am doing the right thing, or the wrong thing, or worried sick if I am going to make it to heaven or not. I don’t have to worry about any of that stuff. Of course the burden is all on me. I don’t have anyone to turn to now. I think that’s what people turn to if everything else goes wrong. If things go wrong in their life, they can turn to what they think is a God and ask Jesus and pray for help. But I found out it’s all in your own hands, no one else’s, you have to do it yourself, help yourself.

I’m probably more of understanding of people because I believe in humanity now. More so then before. I don’t know how it came about, that’s probably my belief system. Trying to be good to all people the best I can anyways. Trying to understand them more. Now that religion is out of the way it just freed me to look at people and humanity in a whole different way and I don’t know how that came about but it just has. I would strive now to be this good nice person rather then go to heaven and believe in all this stuff. I would strive now to believe in being good to people understanding people. I have sympathy in them. I am just trying to strive to be a nice person without the religion part because I want to be, not because I am going to be rewarded with anything or I have to. Just because I think it’s the right thing to do.

Katie: I am ok with it, I am happy. That is what I consider myself now, I am happy about it. I am grown. What other people think of me is not a concern of mine as can I look at myself in the mirror and admit and agree with the things that I think about for whatever reason. It has nothing to do with society. It’s just me personally.

I know a lot of Atheists. I cannot believe that there is no higher power. I see their point of view as well. I don’t treat those guys any different, and I don’t expect anybody else to treat me any different. If they don’t like what I have to say, we don’t have to talk about religion. I mean if they don’t like what I have to say, it’s like when you watch a program on TV. If you don’t like it, turn the channel.


Don’t complain about the channel, because of the program that is on TV. You don’t like it because it might be ok for everyone else. Just turn the freak’n channel. If people don’t like what I have to say, move. I am ok with it. I can live with myself everyday.

I think that the ones that preach the book and live their lives the opposite of what it says are hypocrites. Just like, you know, Dr. you know, what is her name she can quote the Bible to you, but they say it’s ok to drink as long as you don’t get drunk, or lies. She is going to school for theology, and I can’t tell you how many lies she told me and a lot of it, I have it in writing. That tells me a lot. I don’t like her any less. It just lets me know that she believes in something because someone else told her it’s the right thing to do. But you can’t live your life by the word and phrases that you use, why do you use them? I am not going to say, oh yeah, I am the most religious person out there, but I tell you one thing, I am not preaching one thing and living something else. I think those are hypocritical liars, to make the term simple.

Michael: I try to live my life the same, whether I believe in God or not. Whether or not there is a God, or whether or not I believe in a God should not make any difference. It’s irrelevant. If there is a God, he will accept me either way. Unless it’s one of those Gods that is going to judge me, there again is the conflict in Gods. Do you believe in God? Which God? The vengeful God or the loving God?

I am to the stage now where I am just quiet about it [being an Agnostic] and go about my business. This guy told me I was a dead man walking once and he was looking forward to life after death, I thought to myself, actually, you’re the dead man walking, because you are just waiting to die so you can have life after death. While I am living my life to the fullest. I don’t know how I am the dead man walking. Occasionally it happens. I don’t look for conflict and argument. It’s not my nature to be a confronting person. If it comes up, sure I’ll discuss it and I’ll argue it. I basically keep quite about it. It’s no body else’s business.

Keith: [when asked how it feels to be among the minority with his belief] Actually it felt good. You kind of step back. You step out of the group. You see all the worker ants and they follow along and you want to say hey, there is another world out here, there is another perspective. Every time you try, they fight you. Yes, I have tried, and I talked to people who believed it. “Can’t you see it from this perspective?” It’s always no.

I tried for a period of time to get people to see from my perspective, I suppose. I would only try that when people would try to force me to see their beliefs. Or see from their perspective. I never really tried to change anyone unless they tried to change me. It was kind of a retaliation thing. If you are going to try and put my beliefs down, then I can do worse to your type of thing [belief]. Defense I guess. Defense and attack. But really, I never really want to talk about my beliefs unless someone else wants to. It wasn’t something I brought up. Something I didn’t want


to bring out there. “Hey by the way, I’m an agnostic.”

Beliefs are personal. Religion is personal. I don’t think organized religion is a good idea. I think it is an inheritably corrupted idea. I think religion is something each person should find for themselves. If people want to know about my beliefs, sure I’ll tell them. If they don’t I have no reason to share.

I think society’s attitude towards religion has changed. I think for awhile there it was as long as I was a Christian. I was part of the group. But Agnostics now are being persecuted, George Bush and all. If they don’t believe in God they are not part of our country they are not patriotic or whatever. I don’t know. The world changes everyday.

The attitude of the co-researchers was that they were good people despite what

Christians believed them to be. Michael, Katie, and Keith stated that they did not bring up

their beliefs in religion and God unless they were asked. They felt it was not the business

of anyone else, and that they did not want to start a conflict.

Composite Depiction

Using these themes, I composed a composite depiction to provide a better

understanding of what it is like for someone to transition from traditional Christianity to

Agnosticism. While each of the co-researcher’s experiences were different, they did have

similar themes. Most of were grounded in their beliefs as Agnostics, but at the same time,

those beliefs were changing. The composite depiction was written in the first person so

that the reader can get a better sense of what a person goes through when transitioning.

This is simply a sense of what a person goes through, and not everyone transitions

through it in exactly the same way.

I started questioning whether or not there was a God at a young age when I was

required to attend a Christian school. The school was very strong in its faith, and being a

young child, I felt like I had no choice but to believe what the authorities told me.

Essentially, I felt as thought I was being forced to believe. My family was not very


religious, and I was the only one in the household who went to Sunday school as a child

and to Church as a teenager and adult. We did not discuss religion or God in the home

but it was understood that, as a family, we all believed.

The Christian school that I attended was very strict, and I often went to the

school’s church services, as well as being taught religion as part of the school’s

curriculum. I was required to attend its religious classes and learn about its religious

beliefs even though I was baptized under another religious faith. Sometimes, it was

overwhelming because I did not always believe in what the teachers told me to believe in,

and I felt like I was a bad person if I did not believe.

In my teenage years, I started questioning if God was real. I could not understand

why my prayers were not being answered since I prayed so hard. Especially considering

the fact that they say if you pray for things, they will happen. I would pray very hard

because I was told to pray for what I wanted. The church and school officials would say

that if you pray for certain things, certain things would happen. However, this was not so.

I was confused: I could not understand why God was not answering my prayers.

Due to this conflict, I started to ask myself many questions. The church officials

did not like that I asked questions about the Bible, and yet, in the regular classrooms, the

teachers encouraged us to ask questions. I could ask church officials questions, but they

got angry with me because I was not suppose to question faith. I had so many questions,

and no one had the answers. Multiple questions came to mind: Why would God have to

give his only son to save us? What is the purpose of it? Why would God create a hell?

Why would there be a place to punish God’s own creations when God could snap his

fingers and someone would no longer exist? I did not think they were hard questions;


they were just questions to ask when something does not make sense to you.

Most of the questions I had were in regard to the Bible. I had a difficult time

believing the Bible was true at all. Although I believed it was a good teaching tool for

moral lessons of life, I pretty much dismissed the Bible altogether. I simply thought that

regular men wrote it for their own reasons, which I was unaware of and no one could

explain. I just believed that it was a best selling book, and that it was fiction. It was hard

to believe absolutely in God when it was based on this book.

After a few years of questioning not only whether there was a God, a Jesus, or if

the Bible was factual, I decided I was an Agnostic. I do not remember exactly when I

became an Agnostic. I was on the brink of transitioning, I think, for a few years,

wavering.

Ultimately, I am a person who does not believe in everything that someone tells

me. I have to question things before I believe in them. I am a good person even though

Christians think I am not, due to my doubt in the existence of God. I try to live a good

life, and just because I do not believe in Jesus, this does not mean that I do not have

morals. I do not have the burden of wondering if I am doing the right thing, or the wrong

thing, and I am not worried sick questioning if I am going to make it to heaven or not. I

believe that I have to do it myself and be the person I want to be, not because I have to so

that I can go to heaven, or that I have to because some God will punish me. I am doing it

because I believe it is right.

I am a better person now that I believe differently than most people in my society.

I have a deep tolerance for all kinds of people and I do not discriminate against anyone

who does not fit an ideal profile. I want you to know that I respect Christianity and would


not be the person I am without it. Just because I am not a Christian today, does not mean

I am not spiritual. While I have doubts about whether there is a God or not, I am sure he

will accept me for who I am.

Creative Synthesis

The creative synthesis, comprising three parts, is the final section of this chapter.

The idea for it came to me a few weeks after one of my co-researchers mentioned Santa

Claus. When I started thinking about the creative synthesis, I remembered the co-

researcher said about believing in Santa Claus because that is what you are told, and I

thought it had relevant symbolism. When I went to sit down to actually write the creative

synthesis, I wrote Part III off of the top of my head. I was somewhat happy with it but I

knew I wanted to include Santa Claus. I then sat down again, began brainstorming, and

another idea came up, which developed into Part II. I was finally able to come up with

my original idea, Part I. I have included all three sections since they are a progression of

my belief.

Trilogy: Part I: Childhood reflections: First thought: Is there a Santa Claus?

My mama and I are standing in a long line, at the mall, waiting to see Santa Claus.

There are so many moms, dads, grandparents, and children waiting to see Santa. I can’t

wait to sit on his lap. I am going to tell him all the toys that I want for Christmas.

I am going to tell Santa Claus that I want a doll and a buggy to put my new doll

in. I also want to tell him I want a new dress with lace sleeves, roller skates, a puppy, and

a red tricycle with a bell on it. I hope I remember to ask for all this; I am so nervous in

seeing and talking to him.


I have been nice all year. My mama told me that Santa Claus knows when you are

naughty or nice, so I really tried hard to be nice. My mama also told me that Santa Claus

knows when I am sleeping and when I am awake. So on Christmas Eve, I have to make

sure I get to bed real early so that Santa will know that I am asleep. My mama also told

me he makes a list of all the little girls and boys in the world and puts next to their name

if they have been naughty or nice. He then checks this list twice! My mama also says that

if a little boy or girl is bad, they get coal in their Christmas stocking instead of presents. I

don’t want that to happen to me.

My daddy read The Night Before Christmas to me last night. I really liked that

story. Have you heard of it? You know it starts off “Twas the night before Christmas,

when all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.” Did you know

that Santa has eight reindeers named Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid,

Donder and Blitzen? I wonder how Santa keeps track of their names. I also wonder why I

never saw a deer fly like they do in that story. Everyone knows about Santa’s reindeers

but no one ever saw one fly in real life. And by the way, how do they fly? At the zoo, I

have never seen a deer with wings on its back.

In the story The Night Before Christmas, it describes Santa Claus’s sleigh as a

miniature sleigh. If it is small, how does he keep all the toys in the sleigh? Does he fly

back to the North Pole every few houses to fill up his sleigh with new toys?

I am sure tired of standing in line waiting to see Santa Claus. He’s a big guy; how

can he fit down a chimney like the story my daddy told me last night? What about the

houses that don’t have chimneys like my friend Amy’s house? She told me that Santa

comes through the front door. Why doesn’t he just come through all the front doors?


Wouldn’t it be easier for him and cleaner? And another thing, how does putting his finger

on the side of his nose make him rise up into the chimney? I’ve never seen anyone put

their finger on their face and rise up in the air like magic.

My mama and daddy always say I ask too many questions. I can’t help it. I just

want some answers, and often no one can answer them. I kind of think its funny that no

one can answer my questions. I feel smarter then my parents because I thought of these

questions and they can’t answer them.

I am next to see Santa Claus. I wonder if he is the real Santa Claus. I saw him on

the street when we were driving here to the mall. I also saw him standing outside the mall

ringing a bell. Now here he is, in front of me. Is there more then one Santa Claus? There

are so many Santa Clauses in the world, how do you know which one is the right one?

Does one of them have proof that he is the real Santa?

They called my mama up to Santa Claus. I crawled up onto his lap and started to

tell him all the presents I want for Christmas. When I finished telling him, he laughed his

hardy laugh. We then had our picture taken. I kissed him on the cheek, and said good-

bye. As my mother and I made our way through the crowd away from Santa Claus, I

looked back at the jolly old man, and thought to myself, “I don’t know if you are real or

not, but it does not matter, as long as I get my presents.”


Part II: Childhood reflections: second thought: Am I good enough?

You better watch outYou better not cry

Better not poutI’m telling you why

Santa Claus is coming to town

I will be good little girlI will not be mean to my brother

I want him to come to town I want Santa Claus to come to my house

He’s making a listAnd checking it twice;

Gonna find out who’s naughty and niceSanta Claus is coming to town

I will clean my roomI will take the dog for a walkI will eat my brussel sprouts

Santa Claus will see that I am nice and not naughty

He sees you when you’re sleeping He knows when you’re awake

He knows if you’ve been bad or goodSo be good for goodness sake!

I will go to bed when I am toldI will not lie because he is watching me

I want to be goodI want Santa Claus to give me lots of presents




I pouted a lot this yearI also screamed and cried because I was mad

What is going to happen?Will Santa Claus still come to my house?




I was not nice to my brother this yearI was mischievous according to my parents

I bet I will be on the naughty listSanta must know that I was disobedient



I tried really hard to be goodBut maybe he really doesn’t see me

Sometimes I was goodHow can this be, Santa still brought me presents this year?




If Santa Claus is coming to town, why do I have to watch out?Does he not understand what it is like to be a little girl?

I cried and pouted last year, nothing happenedI still got my presents



There are a lot of children in the worldHow can he keep track of them all?

How does he have time to check his list twice?How does Santa Claus determine who is naughty or nice?




How does he know that I am sleeping?How does he know that I am awake?

How does he know that I’ve been good or bad?I get presents either way from Santa Claus




I try to be good, because it feels goodI do not need anyone to tell me this

I am not sure if he is coming to townI am not even sure if Santa Claus exists



There is no listThat I am certain of

It’s alright that I am naughty or niceIf there is such a thing as Santa Claus, he will understand



I hope someone is watching over meBut it is okay if no one is

I am a good person even though…I question whether Santa Claus is real


Part III: Adult reflections: Last thought: Knowing my own heart

To my fellow Agnostic’s

I am here

you are not alone

I have faith that we will become what we are meant to be

To those who don’t know me

Don’t judge me because I don’t have your faith

Know that I have morals

Know that I can not be forced to believe

To those who want to know me

I am no different than you

I am open-minded

I will accept you and your beliefs

To those who want to change me

I respect your beliefs

I am grounded in my beliefs

Please respect me and my beliefs


To those who are questioning their faith

Talk to someone you trust

A minister, a priest, a deacon

Then go with your heart

In this chapter, the themes that were common in the co-researchers experiences of

transitioning from traditional Christianity to Agnosticism were identified. In addition, a

composite depiction of the co-researchers’ experiences was completed. Lastly, a creative

synthesis was written to further create an understanding of the participants’ experience of

transition. In the next chapter a discussion of implications and applications of the

research findings will be explored


CHAPTER VI

Discussion and Conclusions

In this chapter, a summary of each chapter is provided. In addition, implications

and applications of this study are addressed.

Chapter I

I identified my research question: “What is the experience of transitioning from

traditional Christianity to Agnosticism?” After the question was identified, I described

my own experience and knowledge of this transition. I then defined the key words

contained in my research question. These words were: what, experience, transitioning,

from, traditional, Christianity, and Agnosticism.

Chapter II

I reviewed relevant literature that pertained to my research topic. Although I was

unable to find any scholarly research studies that matched my exact question, I was able

to find literature that I could use to help answer my question. In this chapter, I also stated

where I found the relevant materials, as well as how difficult it was to find pertinent

information on Agnosticism.

Chapter III

In describing the research model used, I discussed what Heuristic research was, as

well as qualitative research in relation to the topic. I also identified the seven concepts of

this methodology and the processes involved in heuristic research. Finally, I pointed out

the six phases that are important in the heuristic model.


Chapter IV

In this chapter, I discussed the methods and procedures I used in conducting this

research. I indicated the manner in which I acquired my co-researchers’ participation, and

what was required from my co-researchers in order to be eligible to participate in my

study. I also identified the methods and procedures used to collect the data, which

included location of the interviews, the tools used, and the type of questions asked during

the interview. I also described how I organized and analyzed the data I collected.

Chapter V

Here, I identified the five themes that were common among my co-researchers.

The major themes were: was required to be a part of an organized Christian dogma;

questioned everything in regards to Christianity; there were many doubts in believing in

the Holy Bible; the transition to become an Agnostic was over an extended period of

time; and personal belief that they are accepting and good people despite being an

Agnostic. After the themes were identified, a composite depiction of the co-researchers

experiences was created, as well as a creative synthesis of the study.

My study, focusing on the experience of transitioning from traditional Christianity

to Agnosticism, has implications for Agnostics. As an Agnostic myself, it was frustrating

for me because I felt that I was the only one who was an Agnostic, and the only one who

felt like no one understood what I was experiencing. It is psychologically beneficial for

people who are going through this transition, or who have previously been through this

transition, to know they are not alone. It is also important for them to know that they are

not bad people for doubting what most of those around them believe. Although there was


no common feeling while going through this transition, there were common beliefs about

what they went through to become an Agnostic.

Another implication of this study is that psychotherapists need to understand the

questioning that an Agnostic goes through before they land on their belief. In

understanding this, the clinician can help his or her clients find out their own beliefs and

yet, understand that this evaluation of beliefs is not a decision a person comes to in a

short amount of time.

Another benefit of this study is for Christians to understand that the transition is

not something that is taken lightly and that it did not happen overnight. In recent time,

Agnostics have been viewed as being un-moral because they have no definite belief in

God. Because of this belief, Agnostics and Atheists feel like they are discriminated

against in that they are not allowed to voice their opinions or beliefs in fear of being

persecuted. Thus, with the knowledge that this transition is trying and difficult, Christians

might have a better understanding that Agnostics and Atheists did not transition over

night, but intellectually thought about it for a long period of time.

Based on the findings of this study, I feel that there is an immense need for further

research. By studying this question, I hope to help people understand the process of

becoming an Agnostic. I also believe that further research will benefit the religious

community in that it will help explain why a person does not have complete faith that

there is a God. Understanding this concept could possibly prevent some individuals from

becoming Agnostic.

I was surprised that I did not find any research on this subject at a Christian

College. My thought process was that if I was a devoted Christian, I would want to be


able to convert to Agnostic to a Christian and also prevent a Christian from becoming an

Agnostic. Continued research on this topic may help in this arena.

Many limitations were discovered during my research that were not initially

thought of at the start of the project. One of the limitations was the small amount of

sample population that I was able to locate. With only six co-researchers, I did find some

common themes, but I was unable to find a common theme involving how one feels

during the transition. I believed that this was due to the fact that these particular

transitions happened over a long period of time and none of the researchers had to face a

crisis situation, which might have made them change right away.

Another problem that might have skewed the results of this study was how “solid”

the co-researchers were in the fact that they viewed themselves as an Agnostic. Most of

my co-researchers were comfortable with being an Agnostic. However, during a pre-

interview with one co-researcher just two days before the actual interview, I discovered

she no longer considered herself an Agnostic because of a “miracle” incident that

happened to her. Since the criteria did not specify that one had to be an Agnostic at the

time of the interview, I decided she could proceed in the study.

An additional limitation was when a co-researcher started questioning when she

considered herself an Agnostic. Most of the co-researchers started questioning at a very

young age, while others took for granted what was being told to them as truth. In

questioning at a young age, most of the co-researchers did not completely believe in the

Christian faith, but still considered and called themselves Christians. Also, in questioning

at a young age, the co-researchers called themselves Agnostic mostly in their early

twenties.


If this research is to be further studied, a look into educational and professional

background, as well as family patterns of Agnostics and Atheists would be helpful. Since

I was unable to find any scholarly statistics or studies on Agnosticism, it would be

interesting to find reviews of further studies.

Ultimately, I was very surprised at my findings. I would not have guessed that all

my co-researchers would have some kind of organized religious dogma in their lives

where they were required to attend religious services regularly. I thought that being in a

faith-based church or school would have made them stronger in their Christian faith. I

was not surprised however, that it took my co-researchers a long period of questioning

before they came to view themselves as Agnostics. In my own experience it took years,

and there was no tragic event that shook my faith. In saying this, when I talked with

Christians about my lack of faith, they often said it was not unusual for someone to have

little faith after a tragic event. However, with all of my co-researchers, there were no

tragic events in their lives that made them question their faith. I was also not surprised

that most of the co-researchers considered themselves nice and caring people despite

what others might have thought of them. During the interviews, I did not have to prompt

the co-researches to state how they viewed themselves, they just offered this information

to me. In doing so, it was my belief that they, as well as I, felt from society that if one

does not have faith in Christianity, then one is an evil or a bad person.

After completing this study, I feel much more confident in my own lack of faith in

Christianity, and I now feel that I am not alone in my own struggles. If I should happen to

come upon people who are starting to question their faith, I would recommend that they

follow their heart. I feel that I should not direct their thought process since I am biased.


Instead, I would offer caring support in either path that they choose to take. In reacting in

any other way, I would be no better then the people who try to convince others forcefully

what to believe.


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APPENDIX A

Volunteers Needed

I am looking for volunteer participants for my thesis at the Center for Humanistic

Studies, as part of the academic requirements to obtain a Masters Degree. My thesis

question is “What is the experience of transitioning from traditional Christianity to

Agnosticism?” If you are currently an Agnostic and once considered yourself a Christian,

I need your help. The following are the criteria:

1. You must be over the age of 18 years.2. At one time in your life, you must have considered yourself a Christian.3. You are no longer a practicing Christian, but consider yourself an Agnostic.4. You must be able to talk about how you transitioned from Christianity to Agnosticism, and how you felt during that time.5. You are willing to tell me about your experience as well as let me record, via audio device, your experience during an interview lasting approximately one to two hours.6. You are willing to sign a form allowing me to use your experience in my thesis

as well as other published materials.

Personally, I have first hand experience with this subject in that I have

experienced transitioning from traditional Christianity to Agnosticism. Traditional

Christianity is an organized religion that follows the teachings of Jesus Christ as outlined

in the Holy Bible. Agnosticism defines a person who is not saying God does not exist, but

who neither believes nor disbelieves in the existence of God.

The research question asks which feelings or thoughts are experienced when a

person changes from believing in Jesus Christ, to a person who does not believe either

way in a higher being.

If you are interested, please contact me, Kelly Mahla, at (XXX) XXX-XXXX or

e-mail me at [email protected] and put “thesis” in the subject line. This research


study maintains strict confidentiality, so I will be discreet with the information that you

share.


APPENDIX B

Instructions to Co-Researchers

Dear ____________________________,

Thank you for agreeing to be a co-researcher for my Masters Thesis focusing on

“What is the Experience of Transitioning from Traditional Christianity to Agnosticism?”

The purpose of this letter is to prepare you for our interview about this subject. Enclosed

is a Participation-Release Agreement form that I will need you to sign. You can return

this form to me on the day of our scheduled interview.

The following is a definition of the research question that we will be exploring

together:

What in the research question is asking which feelings, thoughts, and associations

are related to transitioning from Christianity to Agnosticism?

Experience can be defined as the thoughts and feelings associated with a person’s

transitioning from traditional Christianity to Agnosticism? For example, what knowledge

and skills are gained?

Transitioning is defined as going from one event to another.

Traditional is defined as a custom that has been handed down from generation to

generation. Traditional Christianity is an organized religion that follows the teachings of

Jesus Christ as outlined in the Holy Bible.

Christianity not only referring to the Old Testament of the Bible, but also to the

New Testament, and believes that Jesus Christ is the son of God who he came to earth to

die on the cross, so that man could be forgiven of sin and have everlasting life. Different


churches consider themselves Christians because they believe in Jesus Christ despite the

fact that their rituals are different, as well as some of their beliefs.

Agnosticism is a noun that is defined as a belief, which states that a person can not

prove or disprove God’s existence. Agnostics are different from Atheists, who do not

believe in God at all. Agnostics, on the other hand, believe that there is a possibility that

there is a God, but that it is not provable. An Agnostic person is not saying that there is

no God, he or she is stating there is no proof, and that they are open to the possibility that

there might be a God.

The research question asks which feelings or thoughts come to mind when a

person changes from believing in Jesus Christ, taught to them by a previous generation,

to a person who believes it is not possible to prove, one way or another, the existence of

God.

I will be asking you about your religious background as well as what you believe

in now. I will also be asking you what made you change your religious belief and how it

made you feel to make that transition.

Thank you in advance for embarking on this journey with me. If you have any

artistic or personal journal writings that you would like to share with me as it relates to

your experience, please feel free to bring it to the interview.

Sincerely,

Kelly Mahla

Phone: (XXX) XXX-XXXX


APPENDIX C

Center for Humanistic StudiesInformed Consent for Research Participants

Principal Investigator: Kelly Jean Mahla, M.A. Candidate

Faculty Supervisor: Donna Rockwell, Psy.D.

PLEASE READ THIS DOCUMENT CAREFULLY. SIGN YOUR NAME BELOW ONLY IF YOU AGREE TO PARTICIPATE AND YOU FULLY UNDERSTAND YOUR RIGHTS. YOUR SIGNATURE IS REQUIRED FOR PARTICIPATION. YOU WILL BE GIVEN A COPY OF THIS DOCUMENT.

The policy of the Center for Humanistic Studies (CHS) is that all research participation is voluntary, and you have the right to withdraw at any time, without prejudice, should you object to the nature of the research. Your responses are confidential. Any report of the data collected will be in summary form, without identifying individuals. You are entitled to ask questions and to receive an explanation. You are free to withdraw your participation at any time.

If you have concerns about your participation in this study, you may contact:Principal Investigator: Kelly Mahla, M.A. Candidate Phone: (XXX) XXX-XXXXCHS Faculty: Donna Rockwell, Psy.D. Phone: (XXX) XXX-XXXX

Description of the Study:This is a study in which you will be asked to talk about your experience of

transitioning from traditional Christianity to Agnosticism in an informal interview.

Nature of Participation:Your interview will last approximately one to two hours and be tape recorded.

The interview will take place at ________________

Purpose of the Study:This study will focus on what it feels like for people to transition from

Christianity to Agnosticism.

Possible Risks:You will be asked to participate in an interview that requires you to share personal

information about yourself. It is possible that discussing your experience with religion and the existence of God may bring up uncomfortable feelings. If there are concerns or discomforts you may choose not to respond or withdraw entirely from the research at any time. Should you desire, a referral to a therapist unconnected with this study can be provided.


Possible Benefits:You will have an opportunity to contribute to psychological science by

participating in this research. You may find it interesting and enriching to share these experiences. This will be an opportunity to raise awareness of transitioning from Christianity to Agnosticism.

Confidentiality:All data will be kept in secured files until destroyed. Your name will not appear

on either the audio recording of the interview or in its transcription. Participants in this research will only be identified in general demographic terms (e.g. participant A was a 24-year-old female college student) in the thesis or dissertation manuscript and in any subsequent publications. A transcriptionist will hear your audio recording and could conceivably identify your voice if the transcriptionist were familiar with you. State law requires appropriate notifications of designated others in the event that you reveal that someone, including yourself, is in danger of serious harm.

Opportunities to Withdraw at Will:If you decide, at any point to withdraw this consent or stop participating, you are

free to do so without penalty or pressure. You are also free to skip specific questions and continue participating.

Opportunities to be informed of Results:If you wish to have a summary of the results complete the following:

Name__________________________________________________________________

Address or E-mail ______________________________________________________

______________________________________________________

Thank you for taking the time to share your experiences.

I have read the statements above, understand the same, and voluntarily sign this form. I further acknowledge that I have received an offer of a copy of this consent form.

___________________________________ ____________Signature of participant Date

___________________________________ _____________Signature of Person Obtaining Consent Date

Documents

The Experience of Transitioning from Traditional ...files.meetup.com/12803/Thesis Final Paper.doc · Web viewMy mother did not say another word to me about this ... and there was