The Al-Anon Idiot’s Guide to the First

Three Stepsfor Controllers, Fixers, Obsessors,

& Chaos Creators

Idiots Guide to the Twelve Steps for Al-Anons: 2008, 2010, 2012 by Billiekai Boughton.: Billiekai@gmail.com © Billiekai Boughton 2008

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The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous never tells us directly how to work the first two steps. In the portion of "How It Works" read at many meetings, we hear “Our description of the Chaos Creator, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas. That we were Chaos Creators and could not manage our own lives, that probably no human power could have relieved us of our addiction to adrenaline, and that God could and would if He were sought.” [Pages 58-60] What is not read is the sentence which follows; "Being convinced, we were at Step Three.” Convinced of what? The answer is right there; "Convinced of these three pertinent ideas.” And how do we get convinced? We read the description of the Chaos Creator (or Excitaholic), the chapter to the agnostic, and the personal experiences before and after, that are specifically designed to “make clear these three pertinent ideas.” In the original manuscript, it read that if we were not convinced, “we ought to reread the book to this point or else throw it away.” We compare our experiences; the way we thought, felt, and used adrenaline with the experiences of the people described in the book, to see how they match up, this is how we take steps one and two. Relating to their experiences may create a problem for the modern reader. The English of today is significantly different from that of 1939 when this book was first published. If you have ever tried to read Shakespeare, you are perhaps aware of the effect time has upon language. Going through the Big Book in the way described here should help you overcome this language problem, and give you an understanding of the Big Book which is reflected in your own experience. You may begin to see the Big Book in a new light, and perhaps it will have real meaning in your own life today. Much of this workbook consists of statements from the Big Book which have been turned into questions. We found it helpful to view the book in this light rather than as a book of answers; the answers you will find only in your own experience, and within your own heart. For the sake of clarity, some questions are paraphrased rather than directly quoted. If there is something you relate to, describe it, and ask yourself “What was my experience with this?” “Did this happen to me? Did I feel like this?” “Think like this?” “Did I give into my addiction to adrenaline and create chaos in my life?” This is not a homework assignment where we try to get through it as quickly as we can with a minimum effort. If you are really a Chaos Creator/Excitaholic, having an understanding of these steps means the difference between life and death. This workbook is set up to be used by Chaos Creators/Excitaholics. However, some of us thought we were not addicted to excitement or were not creators of chaos, and later discovered we were. We ask you only to try to keep an open mind. This workbook is not meant to replace the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, it is meant to be used along with it. Read through the book as you answer each question. The authors hope you will find this way of working the steps as enlightening as we have. Because of the difficulty many of us have had in keeping an open mind, we began with this prayer:

The Set Aside Prayer “God please enable me to set aside everything I think I know

about myself, recovery, You and the Twelve Steps; that I might have an open mind and a new experience."

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Definitions:

ex·cite·ment Pronunciation: \ik-ˈsīt-mənt\ Function: noun Date: 1604 1 : something that excites or rouses 2 : the action of exciting : the state of being excited

ad·dic·tion Pronunciation: \ə-ˈdik-shən, a-\ Function: noun Date: 1599 1 : the quality or state of being addicted <addiction to reading> 2 : compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, adrenaline, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful 3 : anything you cannot quit of your own volition

adren·a·line Pronunciation: \ə-ˈdre-nə-lən\ Function: noun Date: 1901 : EPINEPHRINE —often used in nontechnical contexts <the fans were jubilant, raucous, their adrenaline running high — W. P. Kinsella>

epi·neph·rine Variant(s): also epi·neph·rin \ˌe-pə-ˈne-frən\ Function: noun 1: a colorless crystalline feebly basic sympathomimetic hormone C9H13NO3 that is the principal blood-pressure raising hormone secreted by the adrenal medulla and is used medicinally especially as a heart stimulant, a vasoconstrictor in controlling hemorrhages of the skin, and a muscle relaxant in bronchial asthma —called also adrenaline

cor·ti·sol Pronunciation: \ˈkor-tə-ˌso l, -ˌzo l, -ˌsōl, -ˌzōl\ Function: noun Etymology: cortisone + 1-ol Date: 1951 : a glucocorticoid C21H30O5 produced by the adrenal cortex upon stimulation by ACTH that mediates various metabolic processes (as gluconeogenesis), has anti-inflammatory and immunosuppressive properties, and whose levels in the blood may become elevated in response to physical or psychological stress —called also hydrocortisone

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What are some things that you do to create chaos in your life? Here are some examples:

• Being chronically late or regularly late • Over spending • Agreeing to do/take on too much • Not saying no when you know you should (no boundaries) • Knowing what is right for everyone else all the time • Worrying • Neglecting responsibilities or relationships • Ignoring physical problems hoping they will go away or fix themselves • Arguing with a drunk • Picking a fight • Fixing other people • Manipulating others to get what you want • Trying to control something or someone to get the outcome you desire • Attempting to make something (or everything) perfect • Obsessing • Projecting • Wallowing in self pity • Being a Martyr

Make a list of the things that you do here:

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The First Step The First Step - Part One the Physical Allergy: There are three parts to Step One. The first part deals with the physical allergy. This means that after we have given into the first small amount of adrenaline with an obsessive thought, argument (with yourself or someone else), or responded to the rapidly forming knot in the pit of our stomach, we lose control of our emotional sobriety. Many of us have experienced this when we decided we were only manipulating and controlling someone else for their “own good”, and wound up fueling our own addiction. As a Chaos Creator or Excitaholic, perhaps we decided we were going to meet with a certain person one more time. Vowing this time, “Things are going to be different. This time I will get the outcome I want.” We lied to others we cared for about where we were going and what we were doing, “for the weekend.” We fully indulged in our addiction to adrenaline and were amazed when the sun rose the next morning and our lives were crazier than ever! The Doctor’s Opinion Questions -Page xxiii to Page 1 The Physical Allergy 1.a.) Are you the type of Chaos Creator who failed completely with other methods of trying to stay permanently emotionally sober, or trying to control your addiction to excitement? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b). What are some of the methods you have you tried? ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page xxv, Paragraph 5 2. Were you ever told you could not control your emotions because you had some form of a mental disorder? ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Page xxvi, Paragraph 2 3. Does the Doctor's theory that you have an allergy to adrenaline explain why you cannot control how much chaos you create or not being able to stop the insanity once you start? What are some examples? ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page xxviii, Paragraph 1 4. a). When you put adrenaline into your body, or start some chaos, is there a craving for more? What happens to you? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________

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b). Has this craving happened to you with other behaviors? What are they? ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page xxviii, Paragraph 1 5. a). Was frothy emotional appeal enough to keep you emotionally sober permanently? (Like someone begging you to stop). ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) If something can keep you emotionally sober must it have depth and weight? (Do you believe, “Just Say No” or “Just don’t think about it” and “Don’t argue no matter what” is going to have enough depth and weight?) ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page xxviii, Paragraph 2 6. a.) Do I create chaos for the effect produced by adrenaline? What are some examples? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) What effect did addiction to adrenaline have on your life? Your body? What meaning does chaos creating have for you? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ c.) Was the effect so great that after a time, even though you knew it was bad for you, you could not stop and you could not tell the true from the false? (Examples: meeting that certain person one more time in secret, lying to people we care about, overspending, being chronically late, hiding things hoping not to get caught, trying to fix others, interfering, stealing, manipulating someone or something to get what you want or think you deserved, and then telling yourself that it was okay.) ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________

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d.) Did your life seem like the only normal one to you? (For example: The first time you wrecked a car, slept with someone in a relationship other than your own, stole, lost a job due to your attitude or performance, got someone else fired, woke up to a phone call in the middle of the night demanding you come and clean up someone else’s “problem”? These instances seem unhealthy and abnormal to you the first time, but by the twentieth time, it's normal.) ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ e.) Did you ever experience a “sense of ease and comfort” or familiarity when creating chaos or when indulging your addiction to adrenaline? Is this still working? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ f) Are you uncomfortable when things are running smoothly? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ g) Do you constantly anticipate problems? Are you always waiting for the other shoe to drop? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ 7. a). Have you ever said to yourself or someone else, "I must stop," but you couldn't? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b). Have you ever tried to stop, or control the when, where, and how you created chaos in your life or how often you indulged in your addiction? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ c.) What are some of the things you did? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page xxix, Paragraph 2 8. Are you the type of Chaos Creator with whom the psychological approach; treatment centers, detoxing, counseling, therapy, church/temple, retreats etc. failed? What are some examples? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page xxix, Paragraph 3

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9. Did you only create chaos or self sabotage when things were going badly, when you were under stress; or did you also invite crises when things were good? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page xxix, Paragraph 4 Pagexxx, Paragraph 1 10. a.) Can you start creating chaos or indulge in the addiction to adrenaline without developing a craving for more? (to test this, try starting an argument and stopping in the middle, or think about something that is disturbing you and then do not obsess over it, find someone that you think needs your help, spend some time with them, and don’t give them any advice at all, or don’t get involved in a heated debate that is going on right next to you.) ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) Did this seem strange to you, that what worked to control or manipulate a person once, may not work again? Were you frustrated when you did not get the outcome you desired? How many more tactics did you have to try before getting what you wanted? Or was just the process of trying to figure out how to manipulate someone exciting enough to fill adrenaline need for you? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ c.) Do you believe the only hope for you is to not create chaos in the first place? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page xxx, Paragraph 5

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The First Step Part Two -The Mental Obsession Questions: The second part of Step One deals with the mental obsession. This simply means that no matter how bad it was the last time we thought we knew best, no matter how much we have to lose, no matter how much we want to quit creating problems forever; on our own unaided will we will always strive to have chaos again by trying to fix, control and manipulate. Bill Wilson compares this to putting your hand on a hot stove over and over again. It is not a matter of “learning our lesson,” if it were, wouldn’t we have learned it long ago? This is the kind of lesson we never learn. We just keep doing it over and over again; until we kill ourselves. Before you move on to the mental obsession, make sure you are absolutely clear on the physical allergy. Remember, this is not about just telling other people what you think they want to hear, it’s about what you really believe is true for you. 1. Did you turn to creating chaos when you were lonely? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 1, Paragraph 1 2. Were there things which happened early in your chaos creating career that were, “ominous warnings,” which you failed to heed? What were they? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 1, Paragraph 3 3. When you were younger, did you think of yourself as a leader? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 1, Paragraph 5 4. a). Were you someone driven to succeed? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b). Did you feel like you had to “prove to the world that you were important?” ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ c.) Did you create chaos when you were in school or work, needing and demanding that you be heard or paid attention to? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________

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d.) Do you constantly feel the need to force people to hear you out, feeling like if they would just hear you that you would feel better? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ 5. a.) Did you develop theories about how you would be successful in life while trying to control people, places, and things? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 2, Paragraph 2 b.) Are you convinced you know what is best for other people? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ 6. a). Did your friends sometimes think you were crazy or emotionally unstable? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b). Did you enjoy some successes early in life? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 3, Top Paragraph 7. Did controlling people, places, and things or indulging the drama you created, become more important over time? In what ways? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 3, Paragraph 1 8. a). Did the crises you invited become serious during this time? How? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) Did you fight with your spouse, friends, parents, siblings, coworkers, or boss? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ c.) Did you become a loner? Did you isolate yourself? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 3, Paragraph 2

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9. Did you begin to create chaos or fantasize about a different life first thing in the morning? Would you wake up obsessing or angry with a knot in your stomach? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 3, Paragraph 3 10. Did you try to fix and control others or fantasize to escape from problems, sometimes brought on by the chaos you created? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 4, Paragraph 1 11. Did you become an unwelcome hanger on at your job? School? Friends, neighbors or ex-lovers’? Your child(s) school? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 5, Top Paragraph 12. a.) Did the knot in your stomach or other pain in your body at some point cease to be a luxury and become a necessity? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) Did someone in your life cease to be a luxury and become a necessity? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 5, Paragraph 1 13. a.) Did you feel a sense of impending calamity, like something bad was always about to happen? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) Did you have to focus on fixing someone/something else to be able to function at all? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 6, Paragraph 1 14. a.) Has this, or did this, go on for years? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) Did you think of suicide? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________

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c.) Did you try taking liquor or drugs yourself to escape the problems you had created? Did you call the police or treatment centers for another person even though you had a deep lingering feeling that something was wrong with you too? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ d.) Did you lose weight or gain weight? Stop taking care of yourself? What did your health and teeth look like? What did your finances look like? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ e.) Did the chaos you created effect how you interacted with your children, coworkers, family, friends, partners? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 6, Paragraph 2 Page 7, Top Paragraph Page 7, Paragraph 2 15. a). Did you seek help, gain knowledge about yourself, learn your adrenaline or “stress” triggers and try to get in touch with your feelings? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b). Did this “self knowledge” alone work, or did you create chaos again? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ 16. a). Do you now realize that self-knowledge did not, and never will, keep you permanently emotionally sober? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b). Were you told you would die if you didn’t stop? Or that you would kill someone? Go to jail? Be Committed? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 7, Paragraph 3 17. a). Did you feel loneliness, despair and self pity? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) Did you ever feel that your emotions or that living in crises were your masters? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ 12

c.) Did this (that you had no power) scare you? Were you afraid? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ d.) Did this fear get you or keep you emotionally sober? Did you invite chaos again anyway? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 8, Paragraph 2 18. a). Has your human will failed you? (Did you really “decide” to create chaos again, or did you just convince yourself that “life” was happening to you so you could feel sorry for yourself again? So you could be a Martyr or angry again? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) Have you been pronounced incurable? Do you feel unfixable? ______________________________________________________________________ c.) Are you ready to admit complete defeat? What meaning does this have for you? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 11, Paragraph 3 19. Do you understand the price of freedom will be the destruction of self-centeredness? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 14, Paragraph 1 20. Do you understand the absolute necessity of demonstrating these principles in all your affairs if you want to get and stay emotionally sober? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 14, Paragraph 6

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The Three Types of Chaos Creators: Type 1: The Moderate Chaos Creator. We have all known people who would have an argument over dinner and leave it at the table; or after a couple of minutes say something like, “Oh I see your point”, or “Maybe you are right.” There were also people who could make an effortless suggestion and let go of the outcome. 22. a.) Do you have little trouble letting go of a conflict entirely if given good reason? ______________________________________________________________________ b.) Can you give advice and then leave it alone? ______________________________________________________________________ c.) Does this describe you, or do you know people like this? ______________________________________________________________________ Page 20, Paragraph 5 Type 2: The Hard Chaos Creator. There were those people too, who we created excitement with, who were able to keep up with us. They created chaos as much as we did, used the same tactics we did, but something happened which caused them to stop or moderate on their own. Perhaps they got married, had a child, got hurt, or went back to school. They grew out of it, while we continued to grow into it. Though they may have indulged in excitement or controlled people, places and things as much or more than we did, they are very different from a Real Excitaholic. 23. a). If a Doctor, employer, judge or probation officer told you to stop worrying or “stressing” for good, could you do it? ______________________________________________________________________ b.) If you fell in love, and she/he told you to stop being so controlling for good could you do it? ______________________________________________________________________ c.) If you moved to a different place, could you stop trying to fix people forever? ______________________________________________________________________ d.) Does this describe you, or do you know people who did stop for reasons like these? ______________________________________________________________________ Page 20, Paragraph 6 Page 21, Top Paragraph Type 3: The Real Excitaholic/Chaos Creator 24. a). Did you at some stage in your constant use of adrenaline, lose control of your emotions? ______________________________________________________________________ 14

b.) Did you do absurd, incredible, and tragic things while drunk on adrenaline or creating chaos? ______________________________________________________________________ c.) Were you a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? ______________________________________________________________________ d.) Were you seldom mildly crazy, more or less insane all the time? ______________________________________________________________________ e.) Was the person you became when creating chaos very different from who you were when calm; if so how? ______________________________________________________________________ f.) Did you become dangerously antisocial when trying to controlling people, places and things? ______________________________________________________________________ g.) Did you have a knack for creating chaos at the worst possible time? ______________________________________________________________________ h.) Are you incredibly selfish and dishonest where addiction to excitement and obsessing are involved? ______________________________________________________________________ i.) Do you use your gifts to build up a bright future, just to screw it up by creating chaos again? ______________________________________________________________________ j.) Do you go to bed crazy, and wake up obsessing right where you left off the night before? Or wake up looking for someone/something to control or argue with? ______________________________________________________________________ k.) Did you stash money, phones, other people’s things, food, keep secrets, tell lies, argue, or be defensive so that nobody could really know you? ______________________________________________________________________ l.) Did you mix controlling people, places and things with manipulation and obsessive thinking? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ m.) Does this description of the Real Excitaholic or Real Chaos Creator [roughly] sound like you? In what ways? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 21, Paragraph 1

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25. Based on your own experience, have you discovered your own truth, are you a Real Excitaholic? A Real Chaos Creator? What does this mean for you? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ 26. Did you ever decide to quit for good, to not even obsess one more time, not create another problem, argument or issue? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 5, Paragraph 4 27. a). Did this work? (Deciding to quit for good) or did you become crazy again, even though you promised yourself you would not? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b). Did you begin to wonder if you were crazy? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 5, Paragraph 5 28. Were there times when you stayed emotionally sober, or controlled yourself, only to be followed by a worse relapse or emotional hangover? When? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 5, Paragraph 6 Page 6, Top Paragraph 29. a). Having acknowledged that you cannot control the amount of chaos you cause after you start, do you agree that this is all beside the point if you never start it? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b). Therefore, is it obvious to you then, that the main problem centers in your mind rather than in your body? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 23, Paragraph 1 30. Have you tried to assert your will power to stay stopped; did it work? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 23, Paragraph 3 31. Are you powerless over whether you will start? Have you lost control over staying stopped? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 23, Paragraph 4 Page 24, Top Paragraph 16

32. a) In the past, before you created the next problem, did the knowledge of what might happen stop you? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b). Based on your own experience, is there any reason why “thinking through the next problem”, will ever work in the future?” ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 24, Paragraph 2 33. a) Do you believe that a whole sale psychic change would be a miracle for you? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b) Do you believe anything less than a miracle (a spiritual experience) will save you? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 25, Paragraph 2 34. Do you have any choice but to die an Excitaholic’s Death or accept spiritual help? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 25, Paragraph 3 35). a) In the past, have you been unwilling to admit you are a Real Excitaholic or Chaos Creator? Meaning that you could not control the amount of chaos you created and stay stopped for good on your own power? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ 36. Do you have any reservations, or any lurking notion that someday you might be able to control yourself normally on your own will? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ 37. Did you read the “Jaywalker story” and if you apply it to your chaos creating/adrenaline career does it fit exactly? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 33, Paragraph 1 38. Do you believe you could stay stopped on the basis of self-knowledge, applying all these things you have learned about yourself and your disease up to this point? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 39, Paragraph 1

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39. Is it obvious to you that without spiritual help; the time and place WILL come and you WILL cause chaos, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO STAY EMOTIONALLY SOBER TODAY? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 41, Paragraph 2 Page 42, Top Paragraph The First Step Part Three -The Unmanageability of the Spirit We Agnostics Questions -Pages 44-52 The third part of the First Step deals with the unmanageability of the spirit. Why is it that no matter what the consequences, we always end up creating chaos? Without something to take the place of the adrenaline rush in our lives, we are doomed. Many of us thought that if we could just stay away from “him/her”, life would be wonderful; but we later discovered this was not so. Abstinence from “him/her”, without working the steps may feel good for a while. But it’s much like peeing in your pants on a really cold day; it feels nice and warm for a while, but when the cold wind blows it obviously is not a long- term solution. We become so “restless, irritable and discontent” that after a time, we cannot imagine how creating chaos could make us feel any worse, and so we do. We must somehow find a way to “experience a sense of ease and comfort” WITHOUT creating chaos. This “spiritual unmanageability” is what the other eleven steps treat. “When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically.” [page 64] This part of Step One, unmanageability, has nothing to do with God, just us on our own power trying to run on our own will. 40. a) Are you having trouble with personal relationships? With whom? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b) Can you control your emotional nature? How? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ c.) Are you prey to misery and depression? When? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ d.) Can you make a living? Even if you can, are you satisfied with it? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ e.) Do you have a feeling of uselessness? In what way, at home, work? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ f.) Are you full of fear? What are you really afraid of? 18

______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ g.) Are you unhappy? With what? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ h.) Do you seem unable to be of real help to other people? In what way? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ i.) Is a basic solution to these things more important than anything in the world around you? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 52, Paragraph 2 Summary the First Step: If you are really an Excitaholic the only solution to the physical allergy is to never create chaos. We cannot however apply this solution because of the mental obsession, which always leads us back to searching for what we can get through adrenaline, no matter how dangerous that may be. Rather than give us hope, the First Step is designed to utterly destroy whatever hope we may have left that we can stay emotionally sober without spiritual help. It means that for us, the war on excitement and adrenaline is over, and we lost. This is called surrender. In a very real way, the other eleven steps do the same thing for us slowly what the excitement did quickly; they give us a sense of ease and comfort, remove our loneliness and make room for the Sunlight of the Spirit. Once we have a spiritual awakening as the result of working these steps, the mental obsession is removed. The Twelve Steps are a recipe for a spiritual experience. What Does Surrender Mean? The 12 Steps as Ego Deflating Devices, excerpts of a letter from Psychiatrist Dr. Harry Tiebout M.D. Al-Anon, still very much in its infancy, was celebrating a third or fourth anniversary of one of the groups. The speaker immediately preceding me told in detail of the efforts of his local group -- which consisted of two men -- to get him to straighten up and become its third member. After several months of vain efforts on their part and repeated nose dives on his, the speaker went on to say: "Finally, I got cut down to size and have been emotionally sober ever since," a matter of some two or three years. When my turn came to speak, I used his phrase "cut down to size" as a text around which to weave my remarks. Before long, out of the corner of my eye, I became conscious of a disconcerting stare. It was coming from the previous speaker. It was perfectly clear: He was utterly amazed that he had said anything which made sense to a psychiatrist. The 19

incident showed that two people, one approaching the matter clinically and the other relying on his own intuitive report of what had happened to him, both came up with exactly the same observation: the need for ego reduction. It is common knowledge that a return of the full-fledged ego can happen at any time. Years of emotional sobriety are no insurance against its resurgence. No Al-Anon's, regardless of their veteran status, can ever relax their guard against a reviving ego. The function of surrender in Al-Anon is now clear. It produces that stop by causing the individual to say, "I quit. I give up on my headstrong ways. I've learned my lesson." Very often for the first time in that individual's adult career, he has encountered the necessary discipline that halts him in his headlong pace. Actually, he is lucky to have within him the capacity to surrender. It is that which differentiates him from the wild animals. And this happens because we can surrender and truly feel, "Thy will, not mine, be done." Unfortunately, that ego will return unless the individual learns to accept a disciplined way of life, which means the tendency toward ego comeback is permanently checked. This is not news to Al-Anon members. They have learned that a single surrender is not enough. Under the wise leadership of the Al-Anon founders the need for continued endeavor to maintain that miracle has been steadily stressed. The Twelve Steps urge repeated inventories, not just one, and the Twelfth Step is in itself a routine reminder that one must work at preserving emotional sobriety. Moreover, it is referred to as Twelfth Step work -- which is exactly what it is. By that time, the miracle is for the other person.” -Dr. Harry M. Tiebout, M.D.

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Step Two Step Two We Agnostics Questions/Pages 44-55 To begin with, list below the 10 most insane things you ever did when you were creating chaos. 1.____________________________________________________________________ 2.____________________________________________________________________ 3.____________________________________________________________________ 4.____________________________________________________________________ 5.____________________________________________________________________ 6.____________________________________________________________________ 7.____________________________________________________________________ 8.____________________________________________________________________ 9.____________________________________________________________________ 10.___________________________________________________________________ The Twelve Promises of Chaos. Many of us searched for years for the answer to the question of “Why did I create chaos?” Some of us found it the last place I ever thought to look: In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. We did have to rephrase a few lines though. (Thanks to Dan S. for the idea.) If we are painstaking about creating chaos, we will be amazed before we are half way through. When creating chaos, we are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. When creating chaos we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. When creating chaos, we will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, when creating chaos, we will see how our experience can benefit others. When creating chaos, that feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. When creating chaos, we will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. When creating chaos, Self-seeking will slip away. When creating chaos, our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. When creating chaos, fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. When creating chaos, we will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that chaos was doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. The problem with these promises was that in the end, they became lies. We had to seek a new Higher Power! 1. Do you have any other alternative besides being doomed to a miserable death (spiritual or physical) or living on a spiritual basis? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 44, Paragraph 2 2. Have you faced the fact that you must find a spiritual basis of life - or else? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 44, Paragraph 3

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3. a) Is a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life sufficient to overcome your Excitaholicism? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) If it was, why didn’t you stop long ago? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 44, Paragraph 4 Page 45, Top Paragraph 4. a.) Have you ever wished to be morally or philosophically comforted? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) Have you ever willed these things with all your might? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ c.) Did you find that the needed power wasn't there? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ d.) Have you found that such codes and philosophies did not save you no matter how hard you tried? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 45, Top Paragraph 5. a.) Is lack of power your dilemma? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) Do you have to find a Power by which you can live? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ c.) Does it have to be a Power greater than you? Is this obvious? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 45, Paragraph 1 6. a.) When God is mentioned, have we reopened a subject which you thought you had neatly evaded or entirely ignored? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) Does the word God bring up a particular idea which someone tried to impress upon you during childhood? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ 22

c.) Did you reject this idea of God and did you then think you had abandoned the God idea entirely? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ d.) Were you bothered with the thought that faith and dependence upon a power greater than yourself was somewhat weak and even cowardly? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 45, Paragraph 3 Page 46, Top Paragraph 7. Have you discovered that you do not need to consider another's conception of God? That you can create your own conception? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 46, Paragraph 2 8. a.) Do you have your own conception of God? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) Do you agree this is all you need to commence spiritual growth and to effect your first conscious relation with God? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 47, Paragraph 1 The “Second Step Question” 9. a.) Do you now believe or are you even willing to believe, that there is a power greater than yourself? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) Why? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 47, Paragraph 2 10. a.) Has even casual reference to spiritual things made you bristle with antagonism? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) Do you agree this thinking has to be abandoned? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 48, Top Paragraph

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11. Do you believe in many things for which there is good evidence, but no perfect proof? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 48, Paragraph 3 12. a.) Did you believe you already knew everything you needed to know about living life? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) Wasn't this rather egotistical of you? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 49, Paragraph 1 13. a.) Did you use the shortcomings of a few as a basis to condemn them all? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) Did you criticize them for being intolerant, while being intolerant of them yourself? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 50, Paragraph 1 14. In the past, have you stuck to the idea that self-sufficiency would solve your problems? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 52, Paragraph 4 15. Faced with the First Step; a self-imposed crisis you cannot evade, are you now willing to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or He is nothing? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 53, Paragraph 2

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Consider each of the following questions on the next page over the course of 2 days. 1. Day One: on each of the following questions, ask yourself “What are my prospects

for the future in this area of my life if God is nothing, and does not exist; if all I have is what I’ve had in the past to deal with these things?” Assert that every thought you have and everything you lay eyes on had nothing

to do with God or any kind of Devine Influence. Observe how you feel as a result.

2. Day Two: go back through these questions and ask yourself “What are my prospects for the future in this area of my life if God is everything, and does exist; and have God’s power will deal with them?” Assert that every thought you have and everything you lay eyes on had

everything to do with God or Devine Influence. Observe how you feel as a result.

a.) Are you having trouble with personal relationships? If God is nothing? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ If God is everything? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) Can you control your emotional nature? If God is nothing? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ If God is everything? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ c). Are you prey to misery and depression? If God is nothing ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ If God is everything ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ d.) Can you make a living? 25

If God is nothing ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ If God is everything ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ e.) Do you have a feeling of uselessness? If God is nothing ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ If God is everything ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ f.) Are you full of fear? If God is nothing ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ If God is everything ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ g.) Are you unhappy? If God is nothing ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ If God is everything ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ h.) Do you seem unable to be of real help to other people? If God is nothing ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ If God is everything ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________

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16. Do you believe the answer to these problems is inside rather than outside of ourselves? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 52, Paragraph 2 17. a.) Have your ideas been working as far as solving the problems listed above? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) Do you believe the God idea might, are you willing to try? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 52, Paragraph 3 18. Do you agree God either is or He isn't? What is your choice to be? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 53, Paragraph 2 19. Do you agree, that deep down within every man, woman and child is the fundamental idea of God? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 55, Paragraph 2 20. a.) Are you willing to search fearlessly within your own heart to find God, are you willing to believe He is there? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) Do you agree that it is only there that God can be found? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 55, Paragraph 3 Go back and review the list of the 10 most insane things you ever did when you were creating choas, which you made at the beginning of this step. The most insane thing you ever did is probably not on this list, because you did it while you were emotionally sober. In all likelihood the most insane thing you ever did was this: with the things on this list happening when you invited crises, you made a decision to do it again; and you made this decision when you were as emotionally sober as you are right now.* *I must credit Joe H. of Santa Monica, CA for this

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Step Three Step Three How it works: Questions - Pages 58-63 1. Have the description of the Excitaholic, the chapter “To the Agnostic” and your personal adventures before and after made clear these three pertinent ideas? a.) That you are a Chaos Creator and you cannot manage your own life? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) That probably no human power can relieve your addiction to adrenaline or chaos? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ c.) That God can and will if He is sought? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 60, Paragraph 2 2. a.) Are you convinced that your life, run on your will, can hardly be a success? (The first Requirement for Step Three). ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) Are you convinced that your romances, finances, friendships, marriage, career, your life, run on your will, can hardly be a success? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 60, Paragraph 4 3. On that basis (running your life on your will) are you almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though your motives are good? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 60, Paragraph 4 4. a.) Have you tried to live by self-propulsion? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) Are you like an actor who wants to run the whole show, are you forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery, and the rest of the players in your own way? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 60, Paragraph 4 5. a.) When life doesn't treat you right, do you decide to exert yourself more? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ 28

b.) Admitting you may be somewhat at fault, are you sure that other people are more to blame? _____________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 61, Paragraph 6. 6. Are you not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind? ______________________________________________________________________ Page 61, Paragraph 1 7. Have you been a victim of the delusion that you can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if you could only get life arranged to suit yourself? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 61, Paragraph 1 8. Are you not, even in your best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony? ______________________________________________________________________ Page 61, Paragraph 9. Do you believe selfishness and self-centeredness is the root of your troubles? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 62, Paragraph 1 10. Are you driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking and self-pity? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 62, Paragraph 1 11. Have you found that at sometime in the past, you have made decisions based on self, which later placed you in the position to be hurt? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 62, Paragraph 1 12. a.) Do you believe your troubles are basically of your own making, and they arise out of yourself? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) Are you an example of “self-will run riot?” ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ c.) If your problems are of your own making, why is this good news? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 62, Paragraph 2 29

13. a.) Do you believe, above everything, you must be rid of this selfishness or it will kill you? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) Do you agree you cannot do this on your own without God’s help? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 62, Paragraph 2 14. a.) Have you had moral and philosophical convictions galore? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) Could you live up to them, even though you would have liked to? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ c.) Can you reduce your self-centeredness by wishing or trying on your own power? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ d.) Do you have to have God's help? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 62, Paragraph 2 15. a.) Do you have to quit playing God? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) Does playing God work for you? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 62, Paragraph 3 16. Do you agree that from now on in this drama of life, God’s role is going to be the Director; your role is going to be an actor in His play? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 62, Paragraph 3 17. Are you willing to trust that He will provide what you need, if you keep close to Him and perform His work well? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 63, Paragraph 1 18. a.) Have you really thought about what this means before taking this step, are you sure you are ready? 30

b.) Are you at last willing to abandon yourself utterly to God? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ Page 63, Paragraph 2 The following is taken from the Big Book, and phrased in the first person. Read this out loud to someone each day for a week, and then decide if: a.) It applies to you. b.) You are ready to quit living like this. c.) You are ready to accept living on Gods terms. The first requirement for Step Three is that I be convinced that my life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis I am almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though my motives are good. I try to live by self-propulsion. I am like an actor who wants to run the whole show; I am forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in my own way. If my arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as I wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including myself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements I may sometimes be quite virtuous. I may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, I may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest. But, as with most humans, I am more likely to have varied traits. What usually happens? The show doesn't come off very well. I begin to think life doesn't treat me right. I decide to exert myself more. I become, on the next occasion, still more demanding or gracious, as the case may be. Still the play does not suit me. Admitting I may be somewhat at fault, I am sure that other people are more to blame. I become angry, indignant, self-pitying. What is my basic trouble? Am I not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Am I not a victim of the delusion that I can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if I only manage well? Is it not evident to all the rest of the players that these are the things I want? And do not my actions make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out of the show? Am I not, even in my best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony? I am self-centered - ego-centric, as people like to call it nowadays. I am like the retired businessman who lolls in the Florida sunshine in the winter complaining of the sad state of the nation; the minister who sighs over the sins of the twentieth century; politicians and reformers who are sure all would be Utopia if the rest of the world would only behave; the outlaw safe cracker who thinks society has wronged him; and the Excitaholic who has lost all and is locked up in a psych ward. Whatever my protestations, am I not concerned with myself, my resentments, and my self-pity? Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, I think, is the root of my troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, I step on the toes of my fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt me, seemingly without provocation, but I invariably find that at some time in the past I have made decisions based on self, which later placed me in a position to be hurt. So my troubles, I think, are basically of my own making. They arise out of myself, and I am an extreme example of self-will run riot, though I usually don't think so. Above everything, I, as an Excitaholic, must be rid of this selfishness. I must, or it will kill me! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. I had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but I could not live up to them even though I would have liked to. Neither could I reduce my self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on my own power. I have to have God's help.

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This is the how and the why of it. First of all, I have to quit playing God. It didn't work. Next, I will decide that hereafter in this drama of life, God is going to be my Director. He is the Principal; I am His agent. He is the Father, and I am His child. Most Good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which I will pass to freedom. When I sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. I have a new Employer. Being all powerful, He will provide what I need, if I keep close to Him and perform His work well. Established on such a footing I’ll become less and less interested myself, my little plans and designs. More and more, I will become interested in seeing what I can contribute to life. As I feel new power flow in, as I enjoy peace of mind, as I discover I can face life successfully, as I become conscious of His presence, I begin to lose my fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. I will be reborn. 19. Does this description fit you? How? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ 20. a.) Are you convinced that your life, job, relationships, marriage, friendships and everything else in your life run on self will is going to be a failure? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ b.) What meaning does this have in your life today? ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ I thought well before taking this step making sure I was ready; that I could at last abandon myself utterly to Him. I’ll find it very desirable to take this spiritual step with an understanding person, such as another member of program that has done this work or a spiritual advisor. But it is better to meet God alone than with one who might misunderstand. The wording was, of course, quite optional so long as I expressed the idea, voicing it without reservation. This was only a beginning, though if honestly and humbly made, an effect, sometimes a very great one, will be felt at once. 21. Are you willing to follow up this decision with the action required of you in Steps Four through Nine? If you are ready, do the Third Step Prayer (Page 63) ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ I am now at Step Three. I said to my Maker, as I understood Him:

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"God, I offer myself to Thee — to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!" Summary of Step Three: There is an old proverb from India which illustrates the point of the Third Step well. Two men were walking down an unpaved road, they were barefoot. The road was covered with small rocks which hurt their bare feet when they stepped on them. One of the men said to the other, “This journey would be much easier on our feet if this road was paved with leather.” The wiser of the two men replied, “Yes, this is true, but we could get the same effect by wearing a pair of shoes.” Excitaholic’s wish to pave the road with leather so they don’t need to wear shoes. The Twelve Steps are designed to become our shoes. The Steps help us change to fit into the world as it is, rather than continuing to try to get the world to change so we can be happy. The following joke illustrates the rest of Step Three: Question: Three bullfrogs are sitting on a log. One bullfrog makes a decision to jump in the pond. How many are left? Answer: Three. The bullfrog only made a decision, he hasn't done anything yet. The way we implement the decision we made in Step Three is to complete Steps Four through Nine.

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