Newsletter Volume 39 No. 9 September 2018

Jackson, MS Chapter: P.O. Box 1396; Jackson, MS 39215-1396; 601-713-4357

Web Site: http://www.tcfjacksonms.com Facebook Page: www.facebook.com/groups/JacksonTCF

National Office: P.O. Box 3696; Oak Brook, Il 60522; 630-990-0010; 877-969-0010

Web Site: www.compassionatefriends.org Editor: Paul A. Broome, paulabroome427@gmail.com

Chapter Board of Directors Chapter Leader: Marcia Lefteroff 601-937-1940 Long-term Support Coordinator: Corinne Watts 601-992-0642 Treasurer: Virginia Horton 601-500-1851 Librarian: Tina Taylor Children’s Memorial Maintenance: John Kessler

Bereavement Secretaries: Carolyn Buchanan & Jerry Wigglesworth

Newly Bereaved Support Coordinator: Carolyn Stewart Infant Support Coordinator: Sid Champion 601-925-0242 Chapter Web Master: Carolyn Stewart Regional Coordinators: Faye & Rex McCord

lanesmemory1998@att.net

Steering Committee: Sue Doucet, Wiley & Wanda Fisher, Albert and Shelly Hinson, Greg Little, John & Julia McFarland, Sandra Moffett, Bob and Carolyn Stewart, Ken &Trisha Zingery (Vicksburg Contacts) Professional Advisory Board: Bill Chancelor, Funeral Director; Chuck Prestwood, Founder Jackson Chapter; Rex & Faye McCord, Regional Coordinators

POSTAGE

PAUL BROOME in memory of CYNITHA BROOME ED and CAROLYN BUCCHANAN in memory of ASHLEY BUCHANAN

JERRY and CINDY WIGGLESWORTH in memory of LEE WIGGLESWORTH

SECURITY SERIVCE

WILEY and BETH GREER in memory of BENJAMIN QUIN (Ben) GREER

CHILDRENS MEMORAIL

PAULINE CORBAN in memory of KIM CORBAN (Birthday 08/22) DAN and GAYE STANCEL in memory of MARK ROBERT STANCEL (Heaven date 10/16)

LAUREN MCGRAW in memory of RIVERS MCGRAW SCOTT and NORA PINTER in memory of BRAD HOUSTON (Birthday 08/10)

GREG LITTLE in memory of DREW CHRISTOPHER LITTLE CHUCK and MARLISE PRESTWOOD in memory of KRISSY PRESTWOOD

JAMES and ANITA BENNETT in memory of SHANNON and BRANDON BENNETT

The Compassionate Friends THANK YOU for your donations They are tax deductible and deeply appreciated.

Printing of TCF Monthly Newsletter: Courtesy of BLUE CROSS/BLUE SHIELD OF MS

September 2018 The Compassionate Friends, Inc. Jackson, MS Chapter Newsletter

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TCF JACKSON CHAPTER NEWS TCF MEETINGS TCF meeting august 14th there were 35 persons present with two new sets of parents. Marcia welcomed everyone, and the special days were read by Tina Taylor and Virginia Horton. Our speaker was introduced by David Morgan, Nancy Dickens, LP Professional Counselor her office is located in Madison, Mississippi at 505 Cobblestone Ct. Nancy and her husband Bill have lost a son named Mitch. He was in a car wreck in 2008 with two other boys who also died. As a counselor Nancy can say, " I know how you feel." Nancy went back to college after her son’s death, first to Belhaven then to Mississippi College to earn her master’s degree in Social Services. Each person takes their grieving in different directions. Nancy's is in the service of others by counseling. A holistic approach which integrates the mind, body, and spirit. Nancy did an intern ship at the Mc Clean Fletcher center, it’s the only grief support program in MS for grieving children, ages 5 to 18, if you know a child who has lost a family member let them know. The center is a service of Hospice Ministries. Bill said he was on the computer the night before his son’s accident buying Taylor Swift concert tickets because Mitch was a big fan. Taylor Swift knew about the tragedy and Taylor Swift's mom contacted Bill and Nancy. At the concert Taylor Swift sung a special song for Mitch. A small gift from God? David Morgan thanks you for bringing this special guest to our group. David's wife and child died in a car crash 30 years ago. His daughter, Katie, would be 35 years old now. David has supported TCF group for all these years. David stated, "this group has been a life saver for me." Nancy and Bill gave us a list of books that may help someone. 1) SIT DOWN GOD I AM ANGRY by R.F. Smith 2) THE WOUNDED WOMEN by Dr. Steve Stephens 3) GRIEF OBSERVED by C.S. Lewis Thanks to everyone that came and thank you for the delicious food you brought and for your Presence. Each one helps another. TCF/Jackson, MS Virginia Horton , Treasurer

2nd Tuesdays monthly at 7:00 p.m.

Fondren Presbyterian Church – Fellowship Hall 3220 Old Canton Road, Jackson, MS

Directions: Take West Lakeland Drive exit off I-55 North until it

dead ends into Old Canton Road. Turn right, go to 2nd traffic light.

Fondren parking lot is on the right.

TCF Meeting

Meeting: Tuesday, September 11, 2018 Topic: Suicide

Facilitator: Albert Hinson

Albert and Shelly have lost a child to this. This loss is like everything else, we cannot totally empathize with how a person feels unless we have personally been affected by this. Albert always gives insight to the pain and devastation felt when you lose a child to suicide. In case Albert is unable to attend, we will have general sharing. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Although our meetings are held in donated church facilities, The Compassionate Friends is not a religious organization, and espouses no religion affiliation or doctrines. Persons of all faiths (or no faith), creeds, color, and race are welcome.

Prenatal Bereavement Support Group

*1st Wednesday/ Noon UMC Cong. Ctr. Jackson Medical Mall

For more information, call Kelly Hinson @ 601-815-7096

*If the meeting date falls on a holiday—the following

Wednesday

For Children Grieving the Death of a Loved One The McClean Fletcher Center–12 Northtown Drive, Jackson, MS offers peer support groups for children ages 4-18. This includes the child’s family and meets every other week. For more information call:

Jennifer at 601-206-5525 ……………………………………………………………………………..

MS SIDS ALLIANCE INFANT LOSS SUPPORT GROUP

Monthly 1st Tuesday – 7:00 p.m.

River Oaks Hospital Lobby Classroom

MS SIDS ALLIANCE offers education to the public and professionals on risk reduction of SIDS and bereavement

support. Cathy Files - 601 955- 1057

Leslie Threadgill – 601-573-1458 We normally have our balloon liftoff the 3rd Saturday in September to honor our children. This year that will be September 15th. (See form p. 6). However, since we are moving our children's memorial to Fondren Presbyterian Church, we are not sure where this will be held this year. We are still in need of donations for our new statue since the old one was stolen and vandalized. If you can give a donation, please send it to The Compassionate Friends, P. O. Box 1396, Jackson, Mississippi, 39215-1396. You can also give a donation at our monthly meeting. We appreciate these donations and they are used to continue to honor our children. Please make sure I have your email to update you on the balloon liftoff, etc. My email is mlefteroff@gmail.com. Thank you.

September 2018 The Compassionate Friends, Inc. Jackson, MS Chapter Newsletter

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AFTER 20 YEARS

AFTER 20 YEARS...there’s so much I want to

say that may make a difference in someone else’ life; something BIG with meaning; some gigantic truth to fill the void that our son, Lane left in our lives, in our world! The fact is, I could write every word in the dictionary, every thought I’ve ever thought, every truth I’ve ever read and there would still be that gaping hole in our lives and hearts that only our son Lane could fill.

In the past twenty years, there are some vital things that I have learned about grief and the pain of loss that I would never have learned any other way. What a price to pay! My tears could probably fill and overflow the Grand Canyon and it still could not paint the picture of how grief has changed me and what I have learned. I will mention only a few.

(1) You will survive even if you don’t want to at first. Your relationship with your child still exists, just in a different way.

(2) Give yourself permission to grieve, to cry! Don’t expect too much out of yourself. You have lost MUCH when you lost your child so allow yourself the luxury of “letting go” every once in a while. Be kind to yourself, even when others aren’t. You are not on a time-table where grief will end at some point. Grief is different for everyone and you can’t measure your grief or your feelings with that of others.

(3) Do whatever you have to do to to make it through the next moment of each day. Some days we may not be able to see past the next moment of gut-wrenching pain, but little-by-little, bit-by-bit, you will make it. So, whatever you have to do to help yourself get through the next moment is okay, as long as you don’t hurt yourself or someone else.

(4) Live your life with a new purpose, one that could involve living your life as a daily tribute in your child’s memory. One grieving mother helped establish a library in the school where her child had attended. The library has been named after her child. While I can’t claim anything this monumental as a tribute to Lane’s memory, I have found continuing to involve myself in our local TCF group has been a help and a life-line for myself and I sincerely hope it is continuing to help other grieving and hurting parents which leads to the next and perhaps most important thing I’ve learned.

(5) Be open to asking for help! Your help may come in unexpected places or from unexpected sources. Maybe something as small as rocking a baby or listening to a bird singing. Or it could be talking to a friend or inviting another grieving parent to come to our meetings at TCF where we experience the unspoken bond of grief, where sometimes words are not necessary. Where you know and understand what the other person is going through. Where grief as painful as ours needs to be shared and where our precious children are honored by the sweet memories we have of them.

Faye McCord TCF/Jackson, MS In memory of Lane McCord 1/26/65-9/13/98)

HOME

I write this article as a response to a dream I had last week. This dream, about home, seemed to have a real impact on me after I awoke the next morning. I believe we have the attribute like the homing pigeon to be able to locate and return home. I also believe, “our children who left too soon,” always knew where home was. Whatever the circumstance, they found their way home. Home was where our child lived, was protected and loved. This was part of his whole person and he was a piece of the family puzzle. The question now is what do we do when that ever- important piece is missing? Was that piece lost, dropped somewhere, or maybe stolen? The fact is we live with that piece missing from our puzzle every day. And another fact is that piece of the puzzle went home. Missing them is the great bond we have now with each other to continue our journey. A news program announced this week that the remains of fallen soldiers from the Korean War were to be sent home to their families. We know that home was always on those soldiers' minds, with visions of what they would do then, united with people they loved. Years ago, I was sent to Alaska for a year with the Air Force. Faye and I had been married only two months when I got the orders. Home seemed so far away then, but we wrote each other every day, and those letters helped to keep her and home closer. I marked the days on a calendar every day, and that last day was a Hallelujah time! When my airplane touched down in Jackson, and my feet touched the ground, and I saw my beautiful wife, I knew I was home. The day our son Lane was fishing alone on Dockery Lake, there were some boys on the shore who said they saw Lane fall backwards into the water and not come back up. Lane had just called his pregnant wife to say he was making one last cast and would be home. Their baby girl was born the day after Lane's funeral, and he never got to see her! What made him, a good swimmer, not get out, no one knows. One thing is for sure, he did go HOME. Our son, like the pilgrim in the book, Pilgrims Progress, was on a trek to his “Celestial Home”, but after many pitfalls as well as encouragements, his journey ended at HOME on September 13, 1998—20 years in his celestial HOME! Rex McCord TCF/Jackson, MS in memory of Lane McCord for his 20th anniversary in Heaven

Newsletter folding is scheduled for Saturday, September 22, 2018 @ 4:00 pm at the Church.

September 2018 The Compassionate Friends, Inc. Jackson, MS Chapter Newsletter

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Grief Can Be Bewildering

Grief affects literally everything we do. It can disrupt every aspect of our lives in ways we might not expect. When we are nearing an anniversary that has to do with our child, birthday, Heaven date, holidays, etc. we begin well before to dread having to go through those days without our child. What I have found and what others that have expressed this have found, that almost invariably the actual date is easier to deal with than the dreaded anticipation of that day. It is hard sometimes to do the everyday things that we have to do in life, the things that we have always done, even if we were always fastidious about these things. We are a group of lots of different people, personalities, and life experience but we all have one thing in common, we all know how it feels to have our heart ripped out and our lives forever altered. We will not always agree on everything, but each and every person who is a part of the Jackson Chapter of TCF makes a difference to someone. We may not always know it but we each help each other to cope with the unimaginable. So, when life is overwhelming, take extra time to get things done. Sometimes, just stop what you are doing and sit and be quiet and remember. Don't be discouraged when you find yourself disoriented or bewildered. Although it doesn't seem possible at the time, this too shall pass. I had a loved one tell me one time that he tries to be happy wherever he is at the moment, no matter what he is facing. That is often a hard task to accomplish. We also need to remember that our happy is different from what it used to be. Theodore Roosevelt said, “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” Marcia Lefteroff/ Director TCF/Jackson, MS ………………………………………………………..

Griefscape

Shadows play with the light here

And no matter the age gone Our arms ache

Wishing to cradle our child.

This land we now inhabit is Vast empty plain

Barrenness of the poles Harshness of deserts.

Grief rules

Taking all color with it Leaving us bruised and battered

Lost hopes and dreams Dark skies.

Melissa Anne Schroeter TCF Rockland County, NY Copyright 2011/Permission for TCF chapters to reprint granted by the author

JUST SO YOU KNOW

I CAN'T STOP GRIEVING JUST BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE IT IS TIME FOR ME TO MOVE ON. I CAN'T STOP HURTING JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE PIERCING PAIN IN MY HEART. I CAN'T STOP MY TEARS FROM FLOWING JUST BECAUSE THEY MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE. MY HEART IS NOT SUDDENLY MENDED JUST BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE THAT I HAVE GRIEVED LONG ENOUGH. I WILL GRIEVE THE LOSS OF MY LOVED ONE THE REST OF MY LIFE! JUST SO YOU KNOW …. IN LOVING MEMORY OUR SON, BRAD HOUSTON. HIS BIRTHDAY—AUGUST 10th.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

LOVE IS IMMORTAL Many of us will resent the lengthening of time between our child's life and our own present. Others may welcome the increasing distance in the hope that time itself will be a balm to pain. Yet, all of us perceive, beyond all the hype and expectations, that new years and seasons are merely calendar events. Whatever problems we have had in the past will follow us into the present. There is no inner demarcation with hurting behind and joy ahead. Each of us has the same opportunities now as we had before. We can permit time to simply pass, or we can work to mold its passage into constructive growth. In the deaths of our children we have discovered with certainty that we lack the means to control the most cherished elements of our lives. But we also know that within each of us is the potential to rise above the debilitating anguish we have experienced. Time continues to move forward and most of us have been too damaged to even play the games of resolutions and dance the rites of spring. We are beyond the futility of such exercises. But, let us each confront this moment and time with an inward commitment to recovery, to living the hours which comprise our existence with the fullness and love of which we are capable. Hurting will ultimately lessen. Pain will slowly become more bearable. Fears and guilt will gradually pass away. But love, that inner dance of the heart which leaps to our child's name or the memory of an especially close experience that bears only the mantle of endless joy, will not pass away. All else, fame, fortune, distress and dismay, wealth and power, even ourselves, will at last be done. But love…Love is immortal…May the immortality of love grow secure and healthy again within each of us. Don Hackett, TCF/Plymouth, MA From ALIVE ALONE

September 2018 The Compassionate Friends, Inc. Jackson, MS Chapter Newsletter

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Take Your Time

One of the hardest things about grief is the so-called “time table.” You are told you should be feeling one way or the other. You are given a time to mourn by the outside world, and then you must be “over it.” “Get on with your life.” “Count your blessings.” All of this can make you both angry and afraid. Angry because (a) you don't WANT to get over it,” (b) you are “getting on” with your life in the best way you know how, and (c) your “blessings” have nothing whatsoever to do with the pain of your loss! Afraid because you are not having some of the feelings you think you should be having because you are not reacting “normally.” There is a period of extreme shock that can last from a few weeks to several months; you may not feel anything except numbness for awhile. That's OK!

The best advice is…take your time. Be gentle with yourself. Do what you need to do, not what you think you should do. Don’t clutter up your life with things that will exhaust you physically and weaken you emotionally. Remember, you are fighting the hardest battle you will ever have to face, so give yourself the best weapons you can. Rest, get in touch with your feelings, and talk. Say your child’s name to anyone who will listen…take time…your time...to heal. Sandra Young TCF Knoxville, TN

…………………………………………………….

IT’S OKAY It’s Okay to Grieve:

The death of a child is a reluctant and drastic amputation, without anesthesia. The pain cannot be described, and no scale can measure the loss. We despise the truth that the death cannot be reversed and, somehow, our dear one returned. Such hurt! It’s okay to grieve.

It’s Okay to Cry: Tears release the flood of sorrow, of missing and of love. Tears relieve the brute force of hurting, enabling us to “level off” and continue our cruise along the stream of life. It’s okay to cry.

It’s Okay to Heal: We do not need to “prove” we love our child. As the months pass, we are slowly able to move around with less outward grieving each day. We need not feel “guilty,” for this is not an indication that we love less. It does mean that, although we don't like it, we are learning to accept death. It's a healthy sign of healing. It’s okay to heal.

It’s Okay to Laugh: Laughter is not a sign of “less” grief. Laughter is not a sign of “less” love. It's a sign that many of our thoughts and memories are happy ones. It’s a sign that we know our dear one would have us laugh. It’s okay to laugh. Marianne Waite TCF El Paso, TX

Little Baby Little baby who was not to be,

You were a person . . . at least to me.

Would your eyes be blue?

Or hazel and dark?

Would you caw like the crow?

Or sing like a lark?

Would you have ten little fingers and ten tiny toes?

A rosebud mouth, a turned up nose?

Would you be laughing and happy,

Or somber and quiet?

Would you run and jump or rather be still?

Would you like to read, or prefer to play?

None of my questions will have an answer.

Your chance to live will never be.

The only thing I truly know . . .

Little baby,

We would have loved you so!

Joan D. Schmidt TCF Spotswood, NJ

A Memory I Did Not Have

Many things have stepped off into half visibility Since my son was born, but images of his handsome Features, the smile that seemed always to be there

Even In the midst of great pain and sorrow, The sound of his laughter that could brighten

Any day, are not numbered among them.

After he died I insisted that everything be left just as He'd disarranged it...right down to the last conductor, Piece of duct tape, wire and connector. I move very

Slowly within the spaces he left....if eternity should move Even half so slowly as this day, it would be endless enough

To shadow and transform any mother's face.

Sometimes he visits me in my dreams but occasionally He returns to me in a fragrant memory that

I did not actually have, but cherish all the same. There are times I hear his voice so clearly I cry, and other Times I see him standing tall and still, smiling but mute....

One minute short of telling me who he really was.

Sharon Peeples TCF Longmont, CO In Memory of Rodney Alan Peeples

September 2018 The Compassionate Friends, Inc. Jackson, MS Chapter Newsletter

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OUR CHILDREN—LOVED, MISSED & REMEMBERED “They may be deceased by a few days or years, but we still miss them so much and still shed our tears.”

Birth Date Child’s name Parent’s name(s) Cause 09/08 Marilyn Yvonne Bennett-Roberts Walterine Bennett 09/09 James Shannon Bennett James/Anita Bennett Cancer 09/10 Michael Alan McNally Ann/Robert McNally Suicide 09/11 Travis Casey Macoy Mary Pierce 09/12 Jamel Jackson Rosie Martin (relation) Drowning 09/12 Sid Wesley Champion Sid/Janet Champion Respiratory Arrest 09/13 Larkin Powers Honea Dickey/Breck Honea Suicide 09/15 John E. Brown, Jr. Vincent/Dawn Venturini Auto accident 09/16 Lauren Ann Clement Bill/Hallie Clement Complications/Crohn’s 09/21 Alan Ebersole Bruce/Story Ebersole 09/22 Kim Corban Mickey/Pauline Corban Heart Attack 09/23 Kyle Horn Julie Diaz Drug Overdose 09/26 Destiny McDonald Pamela Hall 09/26 Eric McLaughlin Ethel Duke Automobile Accident 09/28 Debra Fortier Earl/Trudy Dawson Cardiac Arrest 09/29 John Charles Russel, IV Jack Russel Drug Overdose

We are still in the process of finding a place to hold our annual balloon lift-off this year since we no longer have the spot on 55 South for the Children’s Memorial. We will let everyone know as soon as we can.

In preparation for this, please fill out and return if you cannot attend but want your child’s name to be included with a brief message and lifted off on a balloon.

Please return to: The Compassionate Friends, Inc. Balloon Lift-off P. O. Box 1396 Jackson, MS 39215-1396

Our planned date for this is: Saturday, September 15, 2018 @ 6:30 pm.

Name:________________________________________________________________________________

From:_________________________________________________________________________________

Message:______________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________

September 2018 The Compassionate Friends, Inc. Jackson, MS Chapter Newsletter

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OUR CHILDREN—LOVED, MISSED & REMEMBERED

Heaven Date Child’s name Parent’s name(s) Cause 09/04 Aerica (Nikki) Robnett Brandi Robnett Unknown 09/06 Ryan DeWayne Thomas Dwayne/Linda Thomas Auto accident 09/06 Carl Gustave “Gus” Evers Jan Evers Suicide 09/08 Tyler Allen (T-Bug) Hinson Albert/Shelly Hinson Suicide 09/10 Daniel Merritt Fisher Wiley/Wanda Fisher Tractor rollover 09/13 Lane McCord Rex/Faye McCord Accidental drowning 09/17 Joshua Chase Taylor Tina Taylor Suicide 09/18 Timothy Lance “Tim” Rooker Sylvia Little Hit on Motorcycle 09/19 Sid Wesley Champion Sid/Janet Champion Respiratory arrest 09/27 Patti Lynn Gary Ms. Lynda F. Gary Automobile accident

REPLY FORM—IMPORTANT

It is important for our children to be remembered. Please understand that in order for your child to be on the “special days” list, you must fill out this form, which gives us permission to list this information. I/We are (__) bereaved Parents (__) grandparents (__)siblings (__) step-parents (__) friends (__) relatives (__) professional Please (__) add (__) remove (__) keep me on the mailing list. Remember my (__) Child (__) Sibling (__) Grandchild on Special Days. Please (__) have someone call me. Name_______________________________________________________________Phone__________________________________ Address_____________________________________________________ City__________________ State______ Zip___________ E-mail address_______________________________________________________________________________________________ Name of Child_______________________________________________________________________________________________ Age when deceased______________ Cause*_____________________________________________________________________ Child’s Birthday_____________________________________ Child’s Heaven Date________________________________________ *You need not list cause of death. We ask this only so that parents whose children have died in similar ways may reach one another. Optional: Your donations are tax deductible and allow us to reach to other bereaved parents. Enclosed is $____________________ given in memory of ____________________________________________________________ I would like my contribution used to fund: Check one: ____Postage ____Children’s Memorial ____Love Gift Mail to: The Compassionate Friends; P.O. Box 1396; Jackson, Mississippi; 39215-1396