Strategies for Success. Chapter 10. Human Relationships. FRIENDSHIP Who wants more friends?. What qualities do you look for in A friend? Husband/wife? Business partner?. Different levels of relationships. F = FIRST TO BE FRIENDLY. The fastest way to make friends is to be one. - PowerPoint PPT Presentation
Strategies for Success
Strategies for SuccessChapter 10Human RelationshipsFRIENDSHIPWho wants more friends?What qualities do you look for in A friend? Husband/wife? Business partner?Different levels of relationshipsF = FIRST TO BE FRIENDLYThe fastest way to make friends is to be one.F = FIRST TO BE FRIENDLYAdvantages to Being Friendly First: friends sales job productivity promotions more money more effective teacher better grades
R=RespectA great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men~Thomas CarlyleR = RESPECTTreat everyone you meet as if they are important. How do you know youre in love?When they know the worst thing about you and they love you anyway. R = RESPECTIt is the mark of a superior person to be able to disagree without being disagreeable. ~ Ann LandersR = RESPECTRespect VALUES
Men respect standards - get some!~ Steve HarveyAct like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What men really think about love, relationships, intimacy and commitmentR=RESPECTSix degrees of separationR=RESPECTThere are 3 sides to every storyYoursTheirsThe truthR = RESPECTThe Golden Rule!
R = RESPECTFor I say to every man, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to thinkPaul of Tarsus
R = RESPECTHave no friends not equal to yourself.~ Confucius
I = Interested in OthersDale Carnegie: How to Win Friends and Influence PeopleAct interested in people and you can sell them anything. I = Interested in Others What is the most common word used in the world?II = Interested in Others When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion. I = Interested in OthersBe genuinely interested in people. If you try you can like everybody and everybody will like you
I = Interested in OthersFlattery is counterfeit, and like counterfeit money it will eventually get you into trouble if you try to pass it.I = Interested in OthersListenCommit yourself to learn how to listen
Great communicators are great listeners. They pay attention and ask questions until they gain a deep and textured understanding of whatever situations they find themselves in.
An intellectual understanding is not enough: great communicators listen till they feel it. They empathize.
If you want to be a better communicator learn to listen, and more importantly, listen to learn.As you talk to people, make it a habit to continuously check to confirm that you are understanding them correctly. The more questions you ask, the less tempted you will be to preach or prescribe solutions. How would you feel if your doctor prescribed medication before asking you about your symptoms? The more people talk to you, the more they will feel understood, and the more they will like you.
23Ten Commandments of ListeningEmpty your mind. Understand the context. Don't get distracted. Use follow trailsUse body language. Ask questions. Take notes. Confirm your understanding. Let the person finish before you speak. Don't judge too quickly. Here are the ten commandments of good listening:
1. Empty your mind. Try to begin with a blank slate. This will help you stay open to things you don't expect -- one of the most powerful things listening can do is open your mind to new ideas or reveal things that were formerly hidden.
2. Understand the context. Try to figure out what the person is trying to communicate and why. This will help you act in a manner that's appropriate to the context, and ask the right questions.- Are they just venting or do they want to change something?- What problem do they want to solve?- What result do they want?- Do they want you to do something? If so, what?
3. Don't get distracted. Your mind will have a natural tendency to wander, because we can think faster than people can talk. Knowing your your learning style can help: Are you visual (learn by seeing), auditory (learn by hearing) or kinesthetic (learn by doing)?
4. Use follow trails. A follow trail is a simple question that you can keep asking till you get to the root of something. Just continue to ask the question till you get to the source. You'll be surprised how powerful this one is. Here are some examples of follow trail questions:- And?/and?- Why?/why?- How?/how?
5. Use body language. Your physical behavior signals how well you're communicating. The most important signal is your eyes. Make steady eye contact and focus on the person's face. Nodding and leaning forward also signal attention.
6. Ask questions. Like a good detective, the art is in asking the right questions, and asking them well.
7. Take notes. It demonstrates that what the person is saying is important enough for you to write it down. Occasionally, verbally summarize your notes out loud, to show the other person you are hearing and understanding them.
8. Confirm your understanding. As you listen, think about how the person's thoughts would work in practice. play out scenarios in your mind and ask the person to confirm your understanding. For example, ask the person:- "So if I were to apply this, I would..."- "So what you are saying is..."
9. Let the person finish before you speak. We listen and process information faster than people can talk -- this can result in reacting or answering before someone is finished speaking -- your mind is racing ahead. Not to mention it's rude. Don't interrupt.
10. Don't judge too quickly. Suppress your own reactions -- remember to maintain that blank slate in your mind. Reserve judgment till the end of the conversation (or even later). If you keep an open mind you will reap the full benefit of the conversation and if you don't, you are limiting its potential.24I = Interested in OthersKeep skid chains on your tongue. Always say less than you think. Cultivate a low, persuasive voice. How you say it counts more than what you say.~ Ann LandersI = Interested in OthersBe there!E = Effort5 love languages
E = EffortFriendship is a verb. It takes effort.Make your friends Number One, preferring them above yourself.The Fine Art of Friendship~ Ted EngstromFriendship, then, can be just like the butterfly that lands on our shoulder. When it presents itself to us, we can seize it, smother it, and eventually kill it, or we can treat it with dignity, courtesy, and unfailing respect. That is why this eighth principle of the art of friendship is so important. 8. Make your friends Number One, preferring them above yourself. You may be saying, "Hold on a minute. That is not usually what is written on that subject these days. We are being told over and over again to 'look out for Number One,' to take care of ourselves and our own self-interests at any cost! We're reminded it's a jungle out there, where only the fittest survive and the winner takes all." How do we reconcile these two strains of thought? Of course we need to take care of ourself. I brush my own teeth, of course, put on my own socks, and tie my own shoelaces. Those are my responsibilities to myself. Yes, we do need to be our own best friend. In fact, until we're a true friend to ourselves we're not going to possess a great deal of self-worth, nor will we enjoy much of arelationships with others. (To say nothing of how little they are going to enjoy us.) Of all the books and articles I've read on the critical subject of self-esteem, psychologist Dr. Neil C. Warren in his tremendously helpful book, Make Anger Your Ally, says it best. In a chapter entitled "And a Close Friendship with Yourself," he writes: Page 102 No friendship you have is as crucial to your self-esteem as that friendship you maintain with yourself. In fact, all your other friendships combined are not as important to the way you feel about yourself as your internal friendship with you is. In support of this radical statement, consider the thousands of messages you send every day to your own self-assessment center. The content of these messages undoubtedly determines the way you evaluate your worth. And the evaluation you make of your worth invariably sets your self-esteem level. After suggesting we list what we like about ourselves as part of an objective personal survey, Dr. Warren concludes, But in the final analysis your appreciation of yourself will not depend on the length of your list of positive attributes. Rather, it will be due to your having been created unique and loveable. The fact is, that no one in history can replace you. And the clear word from the Bible is that you are enormously worthy solely on the basis of the magnificence of the created you."2 I'm glad my friend Dr. Warren wrote those words because they put the issue of "friendship with ourselves" in proper perspective. Once having established a friendship with ourselves, we can then, and then only, promote the good in others, look for ways to be genuinely complimentary, and be willing to take a back seat. After all, sitting in the back seat still gets us to our destination. When you find yourself more concerned with giving friendship than in simply receiving it, you will discover you are in a most enviable position: You will be one who has tapped one of the richest mines of human relationships. You Page 103 will have discovered the fine art of friendship. Don't be like the man who said to the old potbelly stove, "Come on, give me some warmth and then I'll add the wood." It doesn't work that way for stoves or people or friendship. One of the most moving books I've ever read is called Letters to an Unborn Child, written by David Ireland who, as he writes, is dying from a crippling neurological disease. David writes these letters to the unborn child still in the womb of his wife a child he may never see. He will be unable to take his child to either ball games or ballet lessons. There will be no romps in the park, no stories read on daddy's knee. Still, he wants that child to know th