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Sport Parenting and You . A Safety Guide for the New Millennium. So Who’s This Guy?. Middle school teacher – 3 years High school teacher – 11 years English, SS, ESL, Administration National Board Certified Teacher - English. Coached for 15 years. Head girls - PowerPoint PPT Presentation
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Sport Parenting and You
A Safety Guide for the New Millennium
Middle school teacher – 3 years High school teacher – 11 years
English, SS, ESL, Administration
National Board Certified Teacher - English
So Who’s This Guy?
Coached for 15 years.
◦ Head girls Broomfield, Legacy HS, BVC, Flatirons 18, 17
◦ Assistant girls Monarch, Nederland
◦ Head boys Nederland, Broomfield, Legacy
◦ Assistant boys Monarch, Johnson and Wales University
Coaching coordinator – Flatirons VBC Parent Liaison – Flatirons VBC
Not a personal decision
Little time for deep contemplation by coach Seeking best chance for team to win
◦ Breaking their momentum◦ Player mentally not there◦ Player not at same skill level
Substitution
Players rarely sense they are making mistakes.
Divide between players’ and coaches’ thoughts about “bad” mistakes.
When to “let them play through” and when….to not.
Kids’ and parents’ reaction to “being” subbed.
Issues with Subbing
Do you trust your child’s coach to these decisions or
do you not?
Comes Down to Trust
All parents love their children.
All parents want the best life for their children.
All parents want their children to be successful.
Guiding Beliefs
Parents and coaches have different roles in the “raising” of children.
Each child is different. Each parent is different. Each family is different.
For each sport experience, it is important to set goals to measure success.
Guiding Beliefs
Items for YOU directly, as parents
Items for you to help your daughters
Two Levels of Presentation
Finish this sentence with as many indicators as you feel you need.
At the end of the season, I (as a parent) will see it as a success
if……
Goal Setting
Outcome based?◦ Will win x amount of games / trophies /
scholarships?◦ Pay for college with this?
Process based?◦ Learn life skills?◦ Base athletic skills?◦ Have fun?
What are YOUR Goals for Your Children?
How might your student-athlete complete the same sentence?
At the end of the season, I (as a student-athlete) will see
it as a success if……
Goal Setting for Athletes
1. To have fun2. To make friends3. To improve my skills and learn to play softball the
right way4. For the excitement and challenge of competition5. To be part of a team and learn teamwork
To win was #9
Softball Poll
1. To have fun2. To make friends3. To improve my skills and learn to play
baseball the right way4. To stay in shape and get exercise5. To be part of a team and learn teamwork.
To win was #8.To earn a college scholarship was #10.
Baseball Poll
Are there discrepancies?
How you manage those gaps will define how you parent an athlete.
Take a moment to take the Parental Pressure Gauge Survey
Parental Pressure Gauge Survey
To what level of your sport did you achieve?
◦ Never played?◦ High School?◦ College (club or varsity)?◦ Semi-pro?◦ Professional?
Survey of Participation
We cannot be objective about our own kids.
Observation
Club’s working philosophy
1) Winning….
2) Teach life skills
Double Goal Coach
The Breakfast Club
Softball and Sportsmanship
Hard work can lead to something Commitment is important Communication is essential Lessons come from failure
Honoring the game
Lessons of Sport
1) Recreational, social, fitness2) Educational3) An honorable competitor4) Fit for life philosophy
Phases of Sport
Opportunity Unconditional support Motivation?
◦ Must come from athlete
NOT a coach
Our Role as Parents?
Surveyed group – more than 10 years coaching experience
84% - less parental interaction than in past 71% - “helpfulness” crosses into intrusiveness
◦ Favor seeking◦ Overly protective
Kids are tougher than we think. Just because they are upset does not mean we must swoop
in◦ Adversarial parents
Survey of Coaches
Your views and your athlete’s views on the balance of
◦ Winning and losing◦ Personal growth◦ Achieving goals◦ Taking risks◦ Correcting mistakes
What is a Good Team Experience?
Female brain in adolescence◦ Drama, drama, drama!
Loss of self-control Increase in impulsive behavior Known to become unreasonable,
uncommunicative, inconsolable, enraged
Curse of the Good Girl
Assume rather than ask / confront◦ Assume the worst
Try to read body language Friends – she should KNOW how I feel
Get friends on her “side” to pump her up Escalates a non-existent issue
Communication Rituals
“No offense but”….. ….. ”Just kidding” …. “Sorry”
Rather than be honest about feelings, they try to keep up the Good Girl image.
Hedging
“You’re playing poorly”
Males: look around and assume you are talking about SOMEONE else
Females: Assume the coach is talking about THEM in specific
Girls and Feedback
Apply friendship rules to coaches and teachers
See constructive criticism as negative criticism
Coach: Feedback isn’t direct, immediate Not as helpful Less honest picture of self / skills When do we become honest – “real job”?
Girls and Feedback
Coaches – first priority is to teach
Athletes – first priority is to learn
A “nice” relationship with someone is not a precondition for working with or listening to him or her.
Coaches and Athletes
When we were in school, if something was wrong, it was you. You were wrong.
Now, the parents come back at us. When we started teaching, that just didn’t happen. You were considered professional, and if my opinion about your paper was this, that was accepted because I’m the teacher and I’m the professional. And now everything is second-guessed
Quotes
Many teachers, especially those in more affluent communities, believe they are treated no better than a customer-service representative at a store. They are selling a product, and the parents are paying customers. When the parents aren’t happy, they complain. Their children watch and learn (Simmons 86).
Short-term success
Long-term failure
Effect?
Affirm our daughters’ emotions.
Consider how we teach our daughters to solve problems in our houses.
Talk through the emotions she’s having. Give permission to have those emotions.
For Parents
Push her toward speaking for herself to those that can affect change – coach.
Conflicts are opportunities for gain, not loss
Identifying the distorted thoughts
Checking the evidence
Redirecting
Dealing with Criticism
Accept consequences of actions
But..steer conversation toward an accurate explanation and a solution
Help them work through their denial.
Help nurture resilience
Help to tell the difference between a critique of work and a critique of self.
Danger or abuse: Talk immediately
OTHERWISE…….
Is there a life lesson the athlete can learn on HER OWN?
Let HER talk Be there to support the athlete, if needed (age)
When to Talk to a Coach
Wait 24 hours after tournaments Have athlete make an appointment
◦ Away from practice / games Pinpoint what is bothering the athlete Listen objectively Implement improvement plan
Process
100% support for athlete Let them talk about their issues
◦ What are THEIR issues? What are YOURS? Encourage them to talk directly to that
coach
Wanting to protect our children from anything uncomfortable!
Parental Challenges
All should be working toward same goals FOR and WITH athlete
Coach – Parent – Athlete Triad
“Siding” with athlete over the coach◦ Saying coach is “wrong”
◦ Feel free to think that on own.◦ Keep it to self, though!
Team dynamics?◦ Mental Skills Incident
Issue
Resources
This is just a game
Kids should be having fun – even up to that 18s age level!
Cheer and love them like mad!!!
Final Thoughts