Spilling the Beans - FrWagner.comfatherwagner.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Spilling-the-Beans.pdfSpilling the Beans: Surviving Life When it Grinds You Up Presents: Spilling the Beans:

1

http://www.FatherWagner.com/

“Nothing is Lost! Everything is Possible!”

Spilling the Beans: Surviving Life When it Grinds You Up

www.FatherWagner.com Presents:

Spilling the Beans: Surviving Life When It

Grinds You Up.

An E-Book

11 Stories to Help and Inspire You to Make the Most Out of Tough Situations!

By

Fr. Joshua Wagner S.T.B., M.A.

2




Dedication:

I would like to Dedicate this E-Book to the People of St. Brigid of Kildare Catholic Church in Dublin

Ohio, as well as St. Mary Catholic Church in Marion Ohio- two places I have had the privilege of

serving as a Roman Catholic Priest.

“Spilling the Beans: Surviving Life When it Grinds You Up”

Written by Fr. Joshua Wagner S.T.B., M.A.

Copyright 2009

Totalpossibility LLC

3




Table of Contents

Grinding Beans… .......................................................................................................................... 4

Black Nissan of Death ............................................................................................................... 6

Blue Light Special ....................................................................................................................... 9

Going Through Stuff… ............................................................................................................. 11

Unconsciousness........................................................................................................................ 13

A Celestial Taste (Opposites Attract?).............................................................................. 16

Supersaver Cinema ................................................................................................................... 19

The Magnum ............................................................................................................................... 22

Compliments and Complaints .................................................................................................. 25

Travelling… ................................................................................................................................. 27

Confidence and Achievement ................................................................................................. 29

About Fr. Joshua Wagner....................................................................................................... 32

4




Grinding Beans…

“This coffee falls into your stomach, and straightway there is a general commotion. Ideas begin to move like the battalions of the Grand Army of the battlefield, and the battle takes place. Things remembered arrive at full gallop, ensuing to the wind. The light cavalry of comparisons deliver a magnificent deploying charge, the artillery of logic hurry up with their train and ammunition, the shafts of with start up like sharpshooters. Similes arise, the paper is covered with ink; for the struggle commences and is concluded with torrents of black water, just as a battle with powder.”

~Honore de Balzac, “The Pleasures and Pains of Coffee”

For any of you who know me personally, there are three things that I need to survive. Air to breathe, tortillas to eat, and coffee to drink. I figured that very soon I would write something about coffee as it is probably the one liquid that has actually contributed to my successes in life.

How true is the above quite about coffee. I like to reminisce sometimes about my favorite coffee shop of all time, which is, sadly, defunct. It was the Caribou Coffee in Worthington, Ohio. Caribou Coffee itself is not defunct of course, and if it ever went that way, I would probably shrivel up and die. (Admittedly though, Duncan Donuts has the superior blend of coffee, but Caribou provides the atmosphere, and I believe that the employee handbook mandates that they say hello to every customer as they walk thought the door. At Duncan Donuts they just hurl donuts at my head. Which I catch and eat like a dolphin. Maybe it is just THAT Duncan Donuts. It is entertaining I must admit, but I digress).

The Caribou in Worthington was the caribou closest to where I went to school, and provided a safe haven where I could study and see people other than the ones I lived with in the dorm. It also provided the necessary white noise and unlimited caffeine necessary to write the hundred or so pages a semester that I had to write in college. For just $1.75 you could sit there for hours, and they would never kick me out or complain. Of course, I am extremely entertaining with a cup or 5 of coffee in me.

5




The way I see it in these coffee houses that serve a 10-cent cup of coffee for almost two dollars is that you are paying rent for the space, and you get a free cup of coffee. If you look at it that way, paying a couple of bucks for a place to plug in the laptop, or read with the added bonus of coffee isn’t a bad deal at all! Believe me I got my money’s worth. The flip side of this is why I never ever get coffee to go- that’s where they get you.

Once I get that sweet caffeine flowing through my veins I can conceive just about anything. I think I may have even invented time travel once while I was at caribou. But I wrote it on a napkin and accidentally threw it away. I can’t really see any useful applications for time travel anyway… except for very entertaining movies.

Coffee and coffee beans are a great analogy of life. See you can’t have coffee unless you grind beans. And only then with the water bring out the rich flavor, texture, and caffeinated power that that those beans contain. If you just pour water over uncrushed beans, all you will have is slightly discolored water. But if you pour them over crushed beans, you truly have something special.

Applied analogously to life, it is ok when we are crushed a little too. Hard times don’t mean then end, rather they give us an opportunity to unlock the great potential that is inside of us. Personally, there are times when I love to have to think on my feet and compensate for unknown events that seem difficult or impossible. Like the crushed coffee beans, the end product is more wonderful and glorious than I usually expected… a lot like that first wonderful steaming cup of coffee in the morning… or afternoon… or evening… Sleep is so overrated.

6




Black Nissan of Death

I lived in Rome for four years during my studies, so I had the benefit of not needing to own any sort of ground transportation. (I did own a motor-scooter in Rome, but guys with my substantial lack of coordination should never sit on anything with less than four wheels!)

Once I got back, and before I started making the big bucks, I had to drive around a large white Ford Aerostar mini-van. It looked either like a catering truck, or something a serial killer would use to go on a murderous rampage. Sufficed to say, it did not fit into the high class city where I was working and residing at the time. I was not a caterer and certainly not a serial killer.

I was however pressed by forces that were beyond me to sell the “Paraclete” as one of my friends called it. (Because it was big and white like the Holy Spirit). So I was forced to go out and find the right vehicle. Finding the right vehicle should be like finding the right girl. You take her out, see if it is comfortable fit, consider if you would like to journey through life before you sign on the dotted line. I got a 10 minute test drive.

I was impressed with the Honda CR-V and I wanted something that would handle well in the snow. It was a little underpowered, but that car eventually ended up saving my life.

May 5th 2005 I was driving home on my day off from my mom’s cabin near Lancaster. I had to get back to the other side of town, and it was only 3 o’clock, so I decided to take I-70 through town. If you don’t know Columbus, Ohio, I 70 crosses I 71 right in the middle of the city and causes a huge mess. They have tried to alleviate it, but people have stood in traffic so long that food begins to mold!

I was just about the hit the split, and traffic was going at a good clip (60-70 mph or so), when two cars in front of my came to a screeching halt for apparently no reason. I was listening to Beethoven at the time on my XM radio, I will never

7




forget. The car behind them screeched to a halt, and I of course screeched to a halt about 3 car lengths behind the next car up. All my stuff in my car flew to the front of the vehicle, and change was everywhere from my cup holder!

I sat there and watched as they got out of the car to see if there was any damage. I had to sit there because we were in the middle lane, stopped dead, cars whizzing past us. I had no where to go. I knew that I was going to get hit, and suddenly I saw a black car zipping around the corner- in my lane coming at a full rate of speed! It was the black Nissan of Death!

I thought it was the end… I just settled down in my seat and got comfortable and went limp, as I remembered that most injuries in a car accident happen when the person tenses up. Beethoven continued to play, and I heard the screech of her brakes. She hit me going 60 miles an hour or so, and the Honda saved my life! The ol’ car took the entire brunt of the impact.

I sat there for a few seconds to collect myself, and it seemed that I was fine. So I got out and looked at the young girl who hit me, and saw that she was on her cell phone. I thought,” oh good she called someone already,” and I praised her for her quick response. Turns out that was why she hit me- because she had been chatting on her phone at one the busiest intersections in Ohio!

I went up to the original set of cars who had stopped, and it seemed that they were fine- no damage to them at all!

It is funny where God puts us sometimes! If I hadn’t been there and stopped, that young girl that hit me would have hit the people who were standing in between their cars surveying the damage! They would have been crushed and probably killed!

Sometimes we have to take the brunt of pain to help save someone. Pain isn’t always a bad thing, especially when it saves a life or two. I think that if we really love someone that means that we are willing to suffer for their well-being. That sometimes means giving something up for their good, or even giving THEM up for their own good and putting distance between you and them. Sure that stinks, but a lot of good can come out of a situation like that.

8




I ended up having about 8,000 bucks worth of damage to my car, and two days after I got it out of the shop, I bought my used Sebring convertible. One, because I always wanted a convertible, and two, I couldn’t get back in my Honda without freaking out! It was a good little vehicle that was great on gas milage, great in snow, and resilient as hell!

9




Blue Light Special

When I was a young kid, I remember asking the age old question: “where did I come from?” to my mother. I am sure it is the question that all parents dread, but must at sometime face. Of course, being the 4th of four boys, I am almost certain that was not the first time mom got that particular question asked of me. I believe she even had an answer.

She simply looked at me and said: “why, we got you at K-Mart. You were the blue light special.”

I am not sure how many K-Marts there are left in the world, but the blue light special was one of those marketing gimicks to tell you where the bargains were in the store. It was literally a blue flashing light, kind of like you find on top of a police car. It indicated two things: it was on sale, and it may not have been the highest quality.

I know my mom was joking… well I know NOW that mom was joking. My brothers were in on the joke too, and I recall a brother and my mother taking me to K-Mart (not sure which brother by the way, but if I remember, I’m gonna get’cha) and he told me that they were going to trade me in for the next blue light special.

I was horrified! HORRIFIED! When I walked into the K-Mart I looked across the store, and I saw that flashing blue light of doom. I remember falling to the floor in some kind of tantrum, crying that I didn’t want to go back to the store room, where they would inevitably put me.

I believe we walked over the light and towels, not little kids, were on sale.

Still it is important to know where we came from. That requires us to look at a couple of aspects in our lives. First is, of course, God, who is the origin and source of the universe. Second is our family and friendships that give us the context in which we live, and finally, our own past and choices that bring us to where we are now.

10




The nice thing is that these relationships are not absolute determinates of how are lives are going. The thing that makes us human is our free will. Some of our wills are stronger than others. I always loved going to the gym the week after New Years, seeing that there were so many people that lines formed behind machines that were usually empty, just to have the place empty again in two weeks.

The idea is perspective I think. I believe in daily, incremental goals that are easily achievable. I read in a website once that the way Jerry Seinfeld was so successful was that he committed himself to writing one joke a day. ONE JOKE! Imagine that after one month he had 30 jokes- 365 in a year! Endless material!

If you want to read a book, commit to reading 10 pages a day. If you can’t do 10, then do 2, but do it every day without fail. It will be amazing how many books you will read in a year. Exercise 10 minutes a day- make that one phone call every day to advance your business.

So no matter what our past or our origins, or relationships are or have been, we do not have to be stuck in a rut, but we can walk out of the store knowing that we are “good stuff” as a friend of mine once said. Little by little we can change our situation in life for the better, and it feels good to accomplish something- whether it is building a house, or reading 10 pages of a book.

Our origins and our past do not determine our future!

11




Going Through Stuff…

I love to move homes every few years. Of course, it seems that I have moved every three or four years since I was 12. I was 12 when I moved to Texas, and when I was 16, moved to Ohio again. When I was at 18 I moved to college and then, of course, I spent a few years in Rome studying as well. Now, I have to tell you, I absolutely love to move. I don’t like the packing; I don’t like the moving and lifting of heavy boxes; I don’t particularly enjoy unpacking all of those things, but what I really like about moving is that you get to go through all of your stuff and purge.

Purging stuff is really great for a variety of reasons, because you have to look at what’s important to you. You keep the important stuff and you throw out the unimportant stuff and it’s really amazing what you accumulate over very short period of time. For instance, when I moved to Rome all I had was a suitcase. I didn’t have anything but three or four books, and some clothes, a couple of essential items and a computer… that was it. When I left Rome I left with a trunk that was 150 pounds, four pictures a couple of extra knickknacks and things I picked up from Rome, and it was amazing at the end of my time in Rome how much stuff I had actually throw away. All sorts of things that I didn’t actually need.

The other great thing about moving is that you can go through all of your stuff and find little treasures. Little things that you didn’t realize that you had that bring back wonderful memories. For instance, as I was cleaning up the boxes these last few days, I happened to come upon a bow tie and a vest. Now, you might think that’s a weird thing, but the bow tie and the vests were from my days working as a movie theatre usher at the super saver Cinemas in Westerville, Ohio. It was a great place to work. I really enjoy working and of course it was his rundown dirty old theatre. But I had all the popcorn I could eat and I got to watch all the movies over and over and over again. Of course, one of the movies was Tommy Boy. I could probably recite Tommy Boy, backwards and forwards because during be movie showing, I was in there every single time.

It is so liberating to throw this stuff out that you discover that you have hidden the boxes. Of course I keep all the really sentimental things, but it’s very easy to have everything be sentimental. And as I’ve had to move every couple of years, I

12




realize that I don’t want to haul a lot of the stuff the life and getting rid of books, and there are the papers and getting rid of some toys that carried around since I was five. It’s hard to part with these things, but it certainly makes life more streamlined.

So it’s good to do a little Spring-cleaning. It’ s goods to move could evaluate your life see where you’ve been see what you need for the journey ahead. To throw some stuff out is great, but you can save those vests and those bow ties and bring back so many great memories!

13




Unconsciousness

“Our unconscious is like a vast subterranean factory with intricate machinery that is never idle, where work goes on day and night from the time we are born until the moment of death.”

Milton R. Sapirstein, Paradoxes of Everyday Life (1955)

I wish I knew more psychology.

I had to take your typical psych 101 class back in college just like everyone else who passes through college. It was a funny class in a lot of ways. Because I was in such a small school, there were only 4 of us in the class. The 3 other guys that were in there happened to also be my 3 best friends at school. That is never good.

The teacher was a nice lady from OSU. We’ll change her name and call her Dr. Belt. Actually, for some reason, we called her Lt. Belt. She wasn’t particularly militaristic in how she presented the class, and she wasn’t gruff or tough like a lieutenant should have been- somehow the Lt. part just fit for her.

The class quickly deteriorated into a weekly self-help and self diagnosis seminar. Every time something came up in the book, one of us had it, and we decided to use Lt. Belt to help us sort through our problems. It all but ended in a group hug. The week we did abnormal psychology was a fun one. Sometimes I still hear the voices.

As much as we all liked the class, and Lt. Belt, none of us could get above a 70% on any of the tests in class. We would study and she would even give us help in the form of test questions before the test, and still, the best we could pull off was a 65%. She even graded on a curve! She pleaded with us, and asked us why we couldn’t do any better, and we just shrugged our shoulders and said we would try harder.

It isn’t that we didn’t respect Lt. Belt, but there was some kind of unconscious apathy toward the field of psychology. All of us were philosophy majors (whether

14




you liked it or not) and Lady Philosophy wasn’t going to abdicate her thrown to anyone or anything.

I think we all passed with C’s. Thank you Lt. Belt!

I wish we had taken it more seriously, but this story really shows that sometimes we do things for reasons that we only later understand.

I used to unconsciously eat. I would find myself picking and nibbling all the time without even thinking, probably as a stress reliever. Sure I ate formal meals, but it took everything that was in me to recognize that I was a grazer. It probably helped me lose 40 lbs when I did that!

We do the same thing in other areas of our life. Usually we don’t discover those things until we take a good critical look back at what got us here in the first place. That is hard to do too, because it may mean two things: facing something unpleasant in our past, and possibly becoming aware of our bad unconscious habits here and now.

I think this can manifest itself in all sorts of ways- in our habits, good and bad, in our relationships and how we handle them, even our sleeping patterns!

The good news is that we are not “determined” by these sub conscious habits and thoughts. I truly believe that we are creatures of free will, and while sometimes we act because of unconscious thoughts or feelings, it is possible to see their signs and head them off at the pass. Alcoholics and compulsive eaters (and gamblers and shoppers etc) all have to do this. Once they get to the bottom of their compulsions, it is easier to see the triggers coming. That takes a lot of soul searching, and it requires having someone to bounce things off of that we trust like a counsellor, mentor, clergy member, or friend.

As I like to say, “you can’t see your face without a mirror.” Someone who we trust is essential to tell us how we “look.” That is, someone who will point out to us some

15




of the goofy and unconscious things that we might be doing. That is a true friend indeed.

While I can’t control all of my unconscious desires, when they come now I can certainly have a better awareness of them, if even after the fact. That helps me to see them coming a little better in the future- it is a constant struggle to bring the unconscious into the conscious.

16




A Celestial Taste (Opposites Attract?)

A few years ago in Rome, I was out with a friend and classmate of mine, Daniel, and we decided to try my second favorite restaurant in Rome, La Fiammetta. If you ever get to Rome, I would highly recommend you try it sometime- it is a wonderful hidden place just beside the Hotel Genio outside of the north end of Piazza Navona. The pizza is especially tasty there, but I have never had a bad meal or experience there. They have outside seating as well- a total experience to be sure.

The best part was that La Fiammetta was completely unknown to the other guys I went to school with, so it was a perfect place to escape seeing the same people all the time.

Little did I know, Daniel was an aficionado of many things- especially food. This guy knew food, and where to get his food, and what combinations went well together. He introduced me to what was the best thing I have ever eaten- by far my favorite thing I have ever eaten.

At the end of our spectacular meal we decided to have some desert. There was the standard in Italy, tiramisu, crème brulee, frutta di Macedonia, and gelato. I didn’t know what to get, as I didn’t particularly want to have anything sweet. Daniel saved me… for the rest of my life.

He looked at mean and said,” Josh, you have to try the best desert ever- Gorgonzola and a pear.”

I was sceptical.

Gorgonzola is one of those “stinky” cheeses. And the Gorgonzola in Rome was especially stinky… I think the culinary term is sharp, but it was stinky. I liked pears just fine, but Gorgonzola was reserved, in my mind, to other things like steak or a particular kind of pasta.

17




I trusted though- why would my friend lead me astray?

The cheese and pear came out. The pear was already cut up for my convenience, and laid in a beautiful circle around the block of cheese. The smell of the cheese wafted up to my nostrils, but did not burn them- rather they were filled with the full aroma of the cheese.

Using a fork and knife I… well… cut the cheese, and a piece of pear and put both in my mouth. I was transported to another time and place.

The sharp flavor of the cheese mixed perfectly with the sweet of the pear. The creamy consistency of the cheese complimented the rough texture of the pear. It was a total experience, and like the fois gras in Paris that one night in April, flavor filled my entire head- nay, my whole being.

It is as close to heaven as I think I have ever been on earth- the mix of Gorgonzola and a pear- it might work with any sharp cheese and something sweet, like blue cheese and honey, but it won’t work nearly as perfectly as the pear and Gorgonzola. It is even better than peanut butter and chocolate. Really.

Here in the States it is hard to find the proper grade of cheese to go with the pears. It is worth the hunt though- you have to go to upscale places like Whole Foods or a real Italian run shop to find the proper cheese to find the flavor that gives the best experience.

It is interesting to look at this relationship of Gorgonzola and a pear. They are completely opposites of each other, yet it is the very fact that they are opposites that they work well together and become complimentary.

I have seen a lot of couples come and go in preparation for marriage- some of the times it was fun to see just how different the members of a couple could be- and often it was the couples that were completely opposite that worked the best because where one person was deficient, the other filled in the gaps.

18




Even in nature this principle is true- positive magnetic fields repel each other, while a positive and a negative attract.

I know that when I was in my 4th year of Rome there was another big funny guy that came into the seminary as a first year man. I did not like that guy whatsoever- he was good at everything I was! Probably, I didn’t like the things in him that I didn’t like in myself. I think that is often the case with people we don’t like: we tend not to like the things in other people that we don’t like in ourselves.

That means that when we encounter someone we don’t like we need to be more introspective and find what is in ourselves that we may not like in the other person.

Either way, we are defined by the relationships that we have, both good and bad, as we are beings in relationship by definition. They become mirrors of what we are and what we aren’t and we have to trust that sometimes the most unlikely combination, like Gorgonzola and a pear, might actually work out to be the best thing.

19




Supersaver Cinema

Since I am recounting a bunch of firsts in my life this week, I figure that I would recount my first official, having to fill out a w-2, paying job. It is funny, when you find that you want a car, you also need to find money to support that car, so after I acquired the keys to my somewhat new 87 Honda (see this blog for further details) I had to get a job to support her. She was by no means high maintenance beyond gas and oil, but still, that stuff ain’t free!

My first job was at the Supersaver Cinema in Westerville Ohio. It is still, by far, one of the coolest jobs I ever had! I was part of the glitz and the glamour of Hollywood itself! Surrounded by such stars as John Travolta, Babe the Pig, and even Chris Farely of happy memory. Of course I was at the very bottom rung of the glitz and glamour of Hollywood as Supersaver was a run down second run theatre, meaning we got the movies 4 or 5 months after they came out, and tickets were $1.50. (Of course, we did charge 2.12 for a small coke).

It was a neat place- even if it did smell mouldy after a rain- there were about 50,000 lights in the whole place- like Christmas lights- lighting the way down a silver sided tunnel. It was a like some kind of time warp that brought you all the way back to 1983. I personally changed about 5000 of those stupid lights during my time there. It ruined Christmas for me.

The other cool part was that there was a fog machine, and even disco lights! If they didn’t play Tom Petty and the Heart Breakers over the sound system all the time, it would have been a great place to hold a party. (Actually, after my Senior Prom, I opened up the theatre, and my group watched movies and played video games all night long… blasty blast!)

Eventually, I worked my way through the ranks to become middle management there at the old SSC, becoming Chief of Staff. I made a whopping $4.25 an hour. NIIIICE… but I got all the free popcorn I wanted. Super Saver ruined popcorn for me too by the way.

20




I was going through some of my things recently after my move, and I found the vest and bow tie that I wore to work there- they brought back fond memories, and even smelled a little like stale popcorn.

Eventually, the time came to leave Supersaver- once I got into the routine, and things began to get old, I had to step away. I knew that my life was not to be spent running movie theatres, as much fun as it might have been. So reluctantly, I stepped away to go to college. It was a tough change to make, but I knew that I had to do something more with my life.

See that is how motivation works- really motivation is a desire for change. It was certainly possible for me to stay comfortable at Supersaver, but my desire for change outweighed my desire to stay the same- and I realized something very important back in my youth- that if you aren’t growing, you’re dying.

I think that is what makes change so hard to deal with- we are comfortable in the place that we are- we are used to the surroundings, and even if we aren’t entirely happy, or happy at all, it is simply just easier to stay where we are, and keep doing what we are doing. I suspect all of us somewhere would like to change something in our lives, but our desire to stay the same outweighs our desire for change.

Sometimes we get too comfortable

How do we change that? If we are in a rut- if we need to lose weight or switch jobs, or change our lives in any way, how do we accomplish such a feat? How do we get motivated to change our lives?

Well, motivation has got to be a little like hunger- certainly we can eat junk food all day- and it will satisfy us for the time being, but in the end, it will simply make us weak. Eating good food, changing our lifestyle isn’t easy, but in the long run will help us to be better and feel better. The key is to change what we are hungry for.

See, motivation is really about hunger- when we are hungry, we are motivated to eat. That means going to the store, or cooking something up. It means we have to

21




change what we are doing to find the sustenance we need. In terms of other areas of our life, motivation simply becomes a hunger- a hunger that compels us to change our lives.

Even when we are eating junk food, our body is really hungry for good food. You can’t fool our bodies- likewise if we are living in an unhealthy situation, we really still crave the healthy situation- just not enough to change our lives.

So we have to first look at ourselves and see what we really need and want. That may be different from what we currently have. Then we set daily goals to achieve little by little whatever will satisfy that true hunger that we have in ourselves. In other words, we have to make ourselves hungry for what is better!

I know that a year ago when I gave up sugar it was a tough decision. I started eating vegetables, which I didn’t exactly want or crave. Now though, I crave vegetables and hate eating sugar. That sort of analogy is applied to anything we do- be it fitness or profession or relationships. Motivation is really realizing what we are really hungry for, and going to get it!

22




The Magnum

A few years ago, while my dad was still working for IBM, they had a IBM club gathering at Cedar Point, which is an amusement park in Northern Ohio halfway between Cleveland and Toledo. At that time they had just opened the Magnum, which they touted as the world’s tallest and fastest roller coaster. I believe it went up 6000 feet and passed the speed of light for a few seconds. My facts may be a little off on the specs of that particular ride.

I was only 11 at the time, and was privileged to be hanging out with my brother Mark the whole day. He is my older brother, and so the duty fell to him to try and get me on all the roller coasters. We arrived at the park, and among all the different roller coasters, the Magnum shot way beyond all the others. I believe that its summit was surrounded by clouds, and only visible with a high powered telescope, or at least that is how it seemed at the time.

My brother Mark pointed at the monster of a roller coaster and he said, “we are going to ride that one.” To which I promptly responded, “I would rather go to the Happy Friar and get some french fries.” (The Happy Friar is located near the Gemini if you are ever there- one of those places that puts french fries in a cup and serves them with vinegar. Heaven my friends. Heaven.)

Mark was a smart guy though- he took me on the smallest coaster first, the Blue Streak. It is a rickety looking thing just past the entrance, and is still the oldest coaster they have in the park. It was a wooden coaster, so part of the fun was that it violently shook you every inch. Nothing says good fun like a numb back and legs. When I look back on things, I would wager that the Magnum, with all of its steel and advanced design, was probably safer than the Blue Streak.

From there we worked our way up to the Iron Dragon, the Gemini, the Corkscrew etc etc. Each time I rode a bigger fast coaster, it seemed that I built more confidence.

23




Then it was time.

Mark looked at me and said, it’s time to ride the Magnum. I looked at him and the idea of french fries appeared back in my mind. We got in the line though, and we waited the obligatory hour and a half for a 4-minute ride. Each step brought us closer to that looming network of steel and cables.

We got to the loading dock and my brother got into the car first, probably so I wouldn’t just walk through. We had invested quite some time standing in line, and he wasn’t about to let me chicken out right at the end. He knew me too well.

The bar came down. That was it. I was trapped. I realized my doom, and as the train clanked up the first giant hill I started to cry. How embarrassing! The guy behind me started to make fun of me. But don’t worry- he got his.

I looked around and there was the ominous clank… clank… clank… that you always hear when you are being pulled up that first hill. Actually, that is a good thing because that means the emergency breaks are working, in case you didn’t know that.

I looked down and saw a seagull flying below us. I believe I saw Sputnik we were so high. Then that first hill- the drop- my tears turned to cries of exhilaration as we approached mach 7. It was a blast indeed! I screamed and yelled, and before we knew it the ride was over and I was shouting to my brother how I wanted to do it again! It was a pretty neat feeling.

Oh yea, and that guy that was behind me- scared the heck out of him. He was crying upon the return and he must have been 16 or 17. Told you he got his.

Life works the same way. There is a three-fold lesson to be learned here. One I suppose you could call a circle of achievement. Achievement builds confidence, and confidence allows us to achieve more. As I ascended the ranks of roller coasters I did get more confidence. There was no way that I had the confidence to ride that roller coaster at the beginning of the morning, but I had built up just enough by the end of the day to at least attempt it.

24




Second, we achieve goals in increments. The person that begins New Years saying that they are going to lose 50 pounds is probably not going to lose any. It is too big of a task, much like that roller coaster was for me at the beginning of the day. The person that says that they are going to lose 1 lb this week no matter what is likely to do it. I have a philosophy of following shorter daily goals. Sometimes I feel like I am spinning my wheels, but when I look back and see the collective progress in something I realize how far I had come. In terms of the roller coasters, the Blue Streak seemed like an anthill compared to the Magnum by the end. It is always neat to see where we have been when we don’t think we are going anywhere.

Finally, anticipation can be our worst enemy. The actual event of the roller coaster was a fun one. The anticipation was what was causing me the fear. I have avoided a lot of things in my life because the anticipation of a particular event causes me fear and anxiety. There are ways to work through that, and that fear and anxiety should not be a determining factor in our decisions. Sometimes you just have to live with it and push through. Usually the actual event isn’t as bad as the anticipation might make it seem. Certainly my first ride on the Magnum was more of a harrowing experience WHILE I WAS IN LINE!

After all that was said and done, Mark and I walked over the Happy Friar- and ate some vinegar covered french fries. Those WERE as good as I anticipated!

25




Compliments and Complaints

“People forget the good, because the bad has more punch.”

Louise Erdrich, “Mindemoya,” The Bingo Palace (1994)

It’s funny how after you do a great job at something, you can receive 10,000 compliments, but the thing you remember is the one person who didn’t like the smallest part of what you said.

I remember getting a nasty letter once a few years ago during an internship that I was participating in. I was a participant in a public event, and was responsible for coordinating various aspects of the production. I tried to stay out of the way myself, but during various parts of the event, I had to come out and make sure that people were in their right spots, and things were in their place.

At the end of the event several people came up to me and complimented me on how smoothly everything went. Everyone from the M.C. all the way down to some random member of the audience told me how nicely they thought everything had gone. I have to say that it felt pretty good to have accomplished such a feat, as the event was a long and complex one filled with a lot of ins and outs. I remember retiring for the evening falling into my bed, exhausted from having rolled with the punches, satisfied with a great days work.

A couple of days, and maybe even a week passed, and I got a letter in the mail from an undressed source. Of course, these days you wouldn’t open a letter without a return address, but those were simpler times. What I found inside was worse than any terrorist plot. It was a random letter from someone who was at the event who called me pampas, intrusive, and distracting during the event. In their two page hand written letter, they outlined how I had detracted from what was going on my constantly stepping out in between speakers and events to re-organize things. I thought I was being inconspicuous myself, or at least that was my intention. I am stealthy like a ninja after all! (For a 6’3” guy!) (OK not really…)

26




I took the letter to my supervisor who said that they always get some kind of bad letter or feedback after an event like that, simply because some people like to complain about anything. He told me that he had himself received other letters, mostly good about the event and even showed them too me. As it went, the event was an overwhelming success, thanks in part, he said, to my work behind the scenes.

Still I couldn’t shake it. All I could think about in the midst of all that was the one bad letter written by a person who didn’t have the courage to sign their own name!!! it bothered me for the rest of the internship (and possibly even a little today!) I was used to getting compliments, not complaints. Even though this one was clearly unjustified in the light of all the positive feedback, it is the one I remember to this day. This is a great tactic that the “evil spirit,” whoever or whatever that might be, to discourage us. Somehow we remember the disappointments and complaints rather than the 10,000 compliments. It sticks in our craw that we are not perfect people.

I for one am glad I am not perfect. I couldn’t handle perfection. We are beings that have to continually grow to be the best humans we can be. Leave perfection to God. Rather it is good to face criticism and complaints. We really have two options from those little pinpricks: let them bother us, or let them make us grow. Certainly, in any other event I have participated in, my presence and my appearance to the crowd is always in the back of my mind thanks to this person. It made me better, even if it hurt a little to do it!

27




Travelling…

“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.”

Russel Baker, “Summer in Florida,” All Things Considered (1962)

During my studies in Europe, a few of us from school got together and went on a little trip to France. We had all been together for over two weeks (15 days!) Our trip was coming to an end, and while we were all still getting along, it was time to get home and spend some time by ourselves.

We had been coming from Lyons by train, and had to change trains at Chambert, France to get to Milan and finally back to Rome. We were all standing on the platform when a train pulled up. Certainly it was a little bit early; maybe 5 minutes, but the sign clearly said Milan. So I jumped on the train with my backpack and my giant fuzzy Russian hat and made myself comfortable. I threw my bag up into the storage bin, and sat down to enjoy the baguette and coke that I had recently acquire in the train station. I was happy as a lark!

My three other friends decided to stay on the platform and finish their cigarettes, since the train wasn’t supposed to leave for another 5 minutes or so. As they enjoyed their cigarettes, I tore into my baguette. All of a sudden the train started moving, my friends still on the platform. You have to imagine a big pasty white guy (me) in a jet-black Russian babushka hat (flaps down) pressing his face against the glass in horror, gazing at the equally horrified looks of his companions as he pulled away.

Immediately I sprang into action and threw open the train door, and threw my backpack out on to the platform, which was passing by. I intended to follow suit, but the conductor came back and yelled, “STOP!” I stepped back, considering the severe injury I would have sustained. Turns out I am not Indiana Jones.

So I was in for a ride, all alone on this train. The conductor didn’t speak a lot of English, but he told me I would be on the train at least another hour or so. I sat down, and enjoyed my baguette and Coke. When the train stopped next, an hour and a half later (it was one of those fast bullet type trains) I emerged in a

28




wonderful place: Albertville, France, where the winter Olympics were held in the 90’s. The mountains shot up into the sky, and the air was so crisp and clean. It was like stepping into a postcard! It was one of the best mistakes I had made in my life!

Luckily all I did have on me was my cell phone, and it began to ring once I got off the train. My three friends in Chambert wanted to know what happened, and the only thing I could say was : “You guys need to get on a train and see this!” They persuaded me to come back- reluctantly. It was so beautiful there that despite the fact that I hate snow, I could have stayed there forever. I think it was like Narnia in the Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. (I did eat some Turkish delight, and saw Mr. Tumblis… hooves and all!)

I guess this goes to show that even mistakes can lead us to something great!

This is a picture of me from the actual trip… in the actual hat!

29




Confidence and Achievement

“Self trust is the essence of heroism.” — Emerson, “Heroism,” Essays: First Series (1841)

Confidence is a lot like money- the more you have the more you can get, and the less you have, the harder it is to make enough to survive. There are some people that I have encountered that are the “Bill Gates” of confidence. They have all the confidence in the world at their disposal, and they can seem to do anything. Our culture admires these people that seem to have bravado to accomplish whatever they want to, no matter how difficult or seemingly impossible.

Others who I have encountered have everything going for them, they are smart, funny, good-looking, come from means, etc., who have a hard time making it in this life. It is funny, confidence makes all the difference.

I remember the first time I asked a girl out- her name, let’s say, was Sandy. (It wasn’t Sandy, but let’s just say it was. I still remember her phone number by the way.) I was in Jr. High at the time in Texas- 9th grade I believe. I had a crush on this girl for a year or two before this, and finally, after a couple of years, got the gumption to ask her out. I had to have my best friend Daryl by my side as I picked up the phone and dialled those numbers. I remember we sat on the floor in my room. I trembled as I dialled the number- 354- etc etc etc. Sandy picked up, and in a weak trembling voice I asked her if she wanted to see a movie later that week. I had no game.

I wouldn’t have gone out with me either- timid shy- sort of like the character Gil on the Simpsons who totally lacks any kind of confidence at all. I believe Sandy said that she had to baby-sit or some other convenient excuse, to which I replied with a hearty “that works!” and slammed the phone down. Biology class was very awkward the next day.

30




Confidence in yourself, and your abilities, is essential for success in this culture and in this life. Again, confidence is like money- if you have lots of it, you can get more, and if you don’t have much you won’t find it on the street or growing on trees.

However, like money, it is possible to grow confidence- to earn more of it- to make it grow and to invest in yourself in order to be able to have more of it. Confidence in yourself, like money, opens the doors to more opportunities and options.

So how do we reach that brass ring of confidence if we have little or none? Simple- we have to accomplish something.

Achievement always leads us to more confidence- Achievement would be like a bank that we put our money into. If you wanted to save up for a new car or that house and have no money where do you start? You start by putting even just a little bit away. Save a dollar a day and at the end of the month you have 30- that thirty turns into 60 and then you have interest, which makes it grow even faster. The more you have in the bank, the more you make off of interest. Achievement is the same way.

Rather, the key to achievement is goal setting and accomplishment. If you don’t have much confidence in yourself at this point, set short-term goals that are easily accomplished. When you begin to accomplish small goals, it builds confidence, which in turn lets us accomplish more than we had before. Once that ball gets rolling, it begins to gain momentum, and the goals that we set and accomplish gets bigger, which in turn gives us more confidence.

So what would an appropriate goal be to accomplish if you don’t have much confidence- let’s say you want to read a book- you don’t like to read but you want to increase your knowledge about something, or read a novel for a study group. If you simply set the short-term goal of reading 10 pages a day, you will have a book read in two weeks. When you get that book read, it will give you the confidence that you can read another book, then another, then another. This example can be applied to just about any area of life.

31




The other side of this relationship between confidence and achievement is consistency. Consistency is absolutely essential. Cars move down the road because the engine runs consistency- if it doesn’t we have to take it to a repair shop. Likewise, we have to continually and consistency set daily short term goals to build up our confidence- goals that we can achieve on a daily basis. As time goes on, those goals can become loftier, and show us that we indeed can build an equity of confidence in ourselves. When we have more confidence, we can achieve more, which in turn leads to more confidence!

So the solution for those of you out there with low confidence is to set some short term goals and achieve them- don’t try and lose 100 lbs, but try and lose 1 lb this week. It is amazing what a little consistent achievement will do to build your confidence. As the Chinese proverb goes- the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step!

32




About Fr. Joshua Wagner

Fr. Joshua Wagner was born in Elida, Ohio, where he lived his first 12 years on a hog farm, teaching Wagner the value of hard work. But at the age of 12, he relocated to Texas with his parents Jerome and Josephine. His father Jerome was an executive with IBM in Ohio, and his mother Josephine is a registered nurse. Fr. Wagner then moved back with his parents and three brothers in 1993 to Columbus when his father retired from IBM. As an adolescent in Columbus, Wagner was part of the marching band, playing tuba, and also involved with Boy Scouts. He earned the Scouts’ highest honor, Eagle Scout, and his

culminating project was organizing and running a soup kitchen in Columbus.

A 1996 graduate of Westerville North High School, Fr. Wagner then entered seminary at the age of 18 at the Pontifical College Josephinum in Worthington. But he says he felt the calling to serve God early on in his life. “I knew at age 16, and I fought it all I could,” he says. “It was a good fit for me, to become a priest. I enjoyed seminary, enjoyed learning, and it was a lingering calling that truly does not ever go away.”

Wagner says he gave seminary one year, “I struck a deal with God, that I would go for one year, but he would not leave me alone.”

Education is a theme in this priest’s life. He earned his bachelor’s of arts degree in philosophy from the Pontifical College Josephinum, with minors in classical languages and literature. Wagner learned to speak Greek, Latin, Spanish and Italian, which helped when in 2000, Bishop Griffin approached Wagner about heading to Rome to study. In Rome, Wagner earned a degree in theology from the 400-year-old Pontifical Gregorian University. Later, he achieved a master’s degree in spirituality from the Pontifical University of St. Thomas, also located in Rome. Until 2004, he lived south of Vatican City, had four audiences with Pope John Paul, and also led tours around Rome, a side interest to his religious.

33




After returning to the United States, Fr. Wagner took a position at St. Brigid of Kildare in Dublin, Ohio where he worked for three years as priest to the parish, elementary school and also Bishop Watterson High School until 2007.

In 2008, Fr. Wagner was assigned to St. Mary Catholic Church in Marion, Ohio where he serves as the Parochial Vicar. He also helps at Marion Catholic High School, St. Mary Elementary School, is a regular columnist for the Marion Star Newspaper, as well as assists with Sacramental Ministry at Marion Correctional Institution.

When it comes to speaking, preaching, and counseling others Fr. Wagner says he truly enjoys his chosen profession.

“I love being there for people.”

Written by Nicole Scott

Fr. Wagner’s favorite pastime is playing “Stump the Priest.” Try to stump him at http://www.stumpthepriest.com/!

Listen to his Sunday homilies, read his inspirational articles, and invite him to speak to your group at http://www.fatherwagner.com/

Fr. Wagner also has a website that discusses Quantum Physics and its relationship to Catholic Theology: http://www.quantumcontemplation.com/

Documents

Spilling the Beans - FrWagner.comfatherwagner.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Spilling-the-Beans.pdfSpilling the Beans: Surviving Life When it Grinds You Up Presents: Spilling the Beans: