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Shevat 5764 • February 2004U.S.A. $3.50/Foreign $4.50 • VOL XXXVII/NO. 2

Shevat 5764 • February 2004U.S.A. $3.50/Foreign $4.50 • VOL XXXVII/NO. 2

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CONTENTS

OBSERVEROBSERVERJewishJewishTHE

6 The New Ideology in Health Care… And How to Survive it, Rabbi Mordechai Biser

12 Working at Tefilla, Ovadya Hertzberg

CONFRONTING THE DANGERS OF THE INTERNET – REVISITED

19 I. Reactions and Responses, Reader’s Forum

24 II. Out of the Mouths of Our ChildrenThe Hazards of the Internet as Experienced

by Our Teenagers, Rabbi Shmuel Gluck28 Reader’s Forum

30 III. Over Our Shoulders and Looking Ahead, Reader’s Forum

SECOND LOOKS

32 “No” to Interfaith Dialogue, Yonoson Rosenblum

INSIGHTS AND IMPRESSIONS

34 Blessings, Mrs. Esther Wagner h”i

36 The Bicycle at the Beginning of Time, Mrs. Sarah Shapiro

46 Blocked View, Mrs. Nechama Ginzberg

POETRY

38 Shattered Memories, Etka Gitel Reich

BOOKS IN REVIEW

40 Facing Current Challenges, by Dr.Yehuda Levi,reviewed by Rabbi Moshe Eisemann

43 Letters-to-the-Editor

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An elderly man with health problemswas admitted to a major teaching hospi-tal. His son was shocked to find that a DNR(do not resuscitate) order had been enteredon his father’s medical chart. In responseto the son’s inquiry, the attending physi-cian said that the patient had told the doc-tor that he wanted a DNR order. The soninsisted that his father, being an OrthodoxJew, would want to be resuscitated if hislife were in danger. Neither the son nor thedoctor had anything in writing from thepatient, who was now incapable of com-municating his desires. The son managedto get his father’s care transferred to anoth-er physician, who removed the DNR orderand treated the patient. The father recov-ered, and had no recollection of any DNRconversation with a doctor.

An elderly woman was found uncon-scious and rushed to the hospital. Theexamining doctor told the woman’sdaughter that her mother was close to death,

that very little could be done to save her,and that the best case scenario was thatthe woman would survive as “a vegetable,”so there was no reason to put her on lifesupport. At the Rav’s instructions, thedaughter insisted that her mother be puton a ventilator. The woman revived, walkedby herself out of the hospital two days later,and went on to live another four years.

THE NEW IDEOLOGY

These two true stories, recountedby Rabbi Reuven Drucker of theAgudath Israel of Highland Park

at a roundtable discussion at the recentAgudath Israel of America convention,highlight a growing danger facing obser-vant Jews in health care facilities acrossthe country. While many people wereshocked recently at how doctors andjudges sought to aid and abet thedemise of Terri Schiavo, a brain-dam-aged woman in Florida whose husbandsought to end her life by depriving herof food and water, the reality is that thethinking that motivated those medicaland legal experts has made major

inroads in medical schools and hospi-tals across the country.

The new thinking in medical circles,often expressed in terms of the need to“ration resources,”essentially seeks to jus-tify letting patients die solely on the basisof the doctor’s personal view that apatient’s “quality of life” is so diminishedas to no longer be a life worth living. Dr.David Hoffman, a medical oncologistwho serves as Assistant Professor at AlbertEinstein Medical Center and attendingphysician at Einstein MontefioreMedical Center—and is thus well-placed to know how doctors and resi-dents view end-of-life issues—reportedat the Agudah convention that many res-idents and younger doctors now open-ly advocate this new approach. Dr.Hoffman added that many hospitals havealready adopted actual guidelines defin-ing quality of life that govern when tointervene and when not to, and that med-ical schools are teaching this material todoctors-to-be. Concludes Dr. Hoffman,“These disturbing trends… have madeand will make more inroads into ourmedical… practice.”

6 The Jewish Observer, February 2004

Rabbi Biser, Esq. is Associate General Counselof Agudath Israel of America. His article,“Shalom Bayis. The Need for Formal Hadracha,”appeared in JO, June ’01.

inHealthCare…AND HOW TOSURVIVE IT

Rabbi Mordechai Biser

TheNewIdeology

BEHIND THE NEW THINKING

One of the major forces driving thenew ideology is economics. Asexplained at the Agudah con-

vention roundtable by Betzalel Stern, aManaging Partner at StrategicHealthcare Solutions and former ChiefFinancial Officer at MaimonidesMedical Center, most hospitals get a sub-stantial percentage of their fundingfrom government, which pays “perstay” and not per day, with strict con-straints on the length of each staybased on the patient’s diagnosis and treat-ment.“Discharge planners” at hospitalsthus subtly, if not directly, influence healthcare decisions, not only about when todischarge patients, but if and when towithdraw life support, nutrition, andhydration.

But economics alone does notexplain the widespread acceptance of theview that it is legitimate for doctors toseek, by inaction or action, to hasten apatient’s death. That position is the prod-uct of a culture that has largely aban-doned the religious worldview ofprevious generations. If one believes onsome level that the ultimate purpose oflife is merely to maximize pleasure andminimize pain, that true happiness isdependent on physical comfort or at leastphysical activity, and that a person’sintrinsic worth is measured by his eco-nomic and social productivity, then thenew medical thinking follows logically.There is no good reason, in this view, fora person in pain with a terminal illness,or permanently confined to a hospitalbed and connected to machines that helphim breathe, or in an “irreversible”coma,or indeed anyone who will never againbe able to put in a day at the office oreven a few hours on the golf course, tocontinue to live.

The next step, one fears, is that deathitself will, in effect, be medically and legal-ly redefined so as to rationalize furthersteps to cut short the lives of the elder-ly and disabled. Some respected medicalexperts, albeit still a minority voice intheir profession, have publicly called fora move in this direction. Noting thatmany organs will no longer be in prop-

er condition for transplant purposes ifdoctors have to wait for a patient’s heartto stop beating, Drs. Robert Troug andWalter Robinson of Harvard MedicalSchool propose allowing doctors toremove organs from patients “who areeither neurologically devasted or immi-nently dying.” Writing in Critical CareMedicine, 2003, Troug and Robinsonattempt to justify their homicidal pro-posal by claiming that we already takethe organs of those declared braindead, which, they admit, is a highly ques-tionable definition of death.1

In short, as Wesley J. Smith, lawyer for

the International Task Force onEuthanasia and Assisted Suicide, observesin his book The Culture of Death,“[T]heattitude that it is better to die than to livecognitively disabled has triumphed socompletely in our medical culture thatsome doctors now report a rush to writeoff newly unconscious patients as dis-posable, and consign them to death bycutting off life support before they havea chance to recover.”We have heard reportsof pressure from hospital bureaucrats tohave elderly patients sign “do not resus-citate”(DNR) orders when they are admit-ted, thus giving their doctors free legalreign to let them die. It is therefore notalarmist to state that the lives of elderlyand disabled patients are at risk in manyhealth care facilities today.

THE TORAH PERSPECTIVE

Where do we, as Torah Jews,stand on this issue? The argu-ments that what matters is

“quality of life” and that people are enti-tled to “death with dignity” can soundcompassionate, ethical, and at timescompelling. To take the extreme case, whymaintain the “vegetable” existence (ahighly objectionable word which itselfdehumanizes a person) of someone inan irreversible coma?

For one thing, as pointed out in theintroduction to this article, the doctors

are occasionally wrong. Medical tech-nology is far from infallible, and all themore fallible are the technicians andphysicians who attempt to make defin-itive predictions and diagnoses. Thatthere are people walking around todaywho were once diagnosed as about to dieor in an irreversible coma should givepause to anyone contemplating “pullingthe plug” on a life support system.

More importantly, even where thereis no likelihood that the person will fullyrecover, we believe deeply that there isvalue to every precious moment ofhuman life, conscious or unconscious,a value that cannot be perceived, let aloneunderstood, by the world of modernmedicine. As my colleague Rabbi AviShafran has written,

Suicide is regarded by Jewish law asa sin, and “pulling the plug”of a patienton life-support machinery, even wherenatural death is imminent, is consid-ered the taking of a life. All the Torah’slaws, with the exception only of the

The Jewish Observer, February 2004 7

1 Indeed, Troug and Robinson’s analysis of braindeath provides medical support for the positiontaken by leading poskim that brain death is nota halachically acceptable definition of death. Seealso Gary Greenberg,“As Good as Dead: Is ThereReally Such a Thing as Brain Death?” The NewYorker, August 13, 2001.

It is not for family members or doctors

to decide that a patient has “suffered

enough,” and therefore should not

receive medical treatment.

three cardinal laws (idolatry, sexualimmorality and murder), are put asidewhen life – even for a limited period– is in the balance.

Whence comes Judaism’s exquisitevaluation of even momentary humanlife? A likely reason lies in a recogni-tion pondered by far too few, and fartoo infrequently…. Ours is a culture,after all, where human worth is oftenmeasured by intellectual prowess ormercantile skills – even by things likeyouth or physical beauty, or the capac-ity to convincingly impersonate a realor fictional character, or to strongly andaccurately hit, kick or throw a ball.

The too-little-pondered recognitionis that the true value of men andwomen lies elsewhere entirely, in men’sand women’s potential to do goodthings – to prepare, in fact, for an exis-tence beyond the one we know. Whenthat idea – self-evident to some, chal-lenging to others – is internalized, a verydifferent sensibility emerges. Andamong the perceptions it affords is thatthere is immeasurable value in humanlife itself – even in its minutes and sec-onds, and even when it is fettered byinfirmity, immobility or depression.

Basketball or dancing may nolonger be options in the confines of ahospital bed, and even tending to one’smost basic physical needs may beimpossible without help. But are actsthere of sheer will – like forgiveness,repentance, acceptance, commitment,love, or prayer – any harder to accom-plish, or any less meaningful? Are theycompromised in any way by tangles of

tubes and monitors?Not even lack of consciousness, at

least as medically defined, need hinderwhat humanly matters most. Wechoose to take electronic brain activ-ity as evidence of being meaningfullyconscious, of the ability to think andchoose, and then proceed to concludethat in the absence of such evidence,those abilities must no longer exist –without a thought (at least a consciousone) of the immense tautology we haveembraced.2 We do not know, cannotknow, when a human being is trulyincapacitated – when his or her soulhas been released. Only when a hearthas stopped beating can we be certainthat life in its truest sense has ended.And so hastening or abetting thedeath of even a physically or emo-tionally compromised human being isno less an abortion of meaningful lifethan gunning down a healthy one.

In this regard, Rabbi J. David Bleichwrites of visiting an elderly relative in crit-ical condition and in a coma on an ErevShabbos. He examined the patient’smedical chart and saw that his relativewas not being treated aggressively. Theattending physician informed him thatthis was because the doctors were unan-imous in their opinion that the patient’scondition was terminal, and they saw nopoint in trying to prolong her life. RabbiBleich insisted as a matter of halacha thatshe be administered the appropriate med-ication. When he returned on Shabbosafternoon to the hospital, he was told thatthe patient remained totally unrespon-sive. He nonetheless went to her hospi-tal bed and greeted her with a loud “GutShabbos.”Her eyebrows flickered, and shequietly responded “Gut Shabbos.” RabbiBleich recounts that at that moment thereflashed in his mind the comment ofRabbi Akiva Eiger (Orach Chayim271:1) that even the simple, standardShabbos greeting expressed by one Jewto another constitutes a fulfillment of themitzva of Zachor es Yom HaShabbosle’kadsho.“At that moment I realized notonly intellectually, but also emotional-ly, that every moment of life is of ines-timable value. Here was a dramaticunfolding of the lesson that everymoment of life carries with it theopportunity for the performance of yetone more mitzva.”3

For the family and friends of thepatient, there is also profound value inprolonging life that can’t be measuredor even fully described except by thoseliving through the experience. “I felt soclose to my mother when I visited herin the hospital in the days after the doc-


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2 Studies of those deemed to be in “persistent veg-etative states” have discovered significant mentalactivity and levels of conscious thought and action.See Carl Zimmer, “What if There is SomethingGoing On in There?”, New York Times Magazine,September 28, 2003, which reports that “a vastnumber of people who might once have been con-sidered vegetative actually have hidden reservesof mental activity.”3 J. David Bleich, “The Quinlan Case: A JewishPerspective,” Jewish Life, Winter 1976.4 Rabbi Becker adds that his mother lived closeto two years at home unaided, after doctors saidshe would no longer have any cognitive func-tioning.

There are a

number of things

that one can do

to protect one’s

parents and

oneself...


tors counseled us to give up hope,” saysmy colleague Rabbi Labish Becker.“Every moment with her was truly pre-cious. Our older children got to knowtheir Bubby better, and have memoriesthat our youngest will unfortunatelynever have”.4 Prolonging life also enablesfamily members to come to terms withthe impending death of a loved one ina way that is often forestalled if the dis-charge planners get their way. As a manwhose mother-in-law was in a comawrote me, because of Agudath Israel(which intervened to prevent the patientfrom being transferred to a hospice farfrom her daughter’s home) “my wife wasable to run to [the hospital], hold hermother’s hand, tell her ‘Good Shabbos,’and then at the end of her visit, hug hermother and tell her that if she had to go,she could, at which point my wife said‘Shema’ with her mother, cried, andkissed her goodbye.”

Fundamentally, we take quite a dif-ferent view than the thinking nowprevalent in the secular world. AsRabbi Drucker explained, the truenature of the conflict between theOrthodox Jewish outlook on health careand the secular outlook is that the sec-ular world views “personal autonomy”as an ultimate value, and thus holds thatan individual should have the right todetermine whether to receive medicaltreatment and what that treatmentshould consist of. We, on the other hand,believe that ein lanu reshus alatzmeinu—we do not have authorityover our very own bodies. A Jew maynot give another permission to harm himphysically5 because he is not the ‘baalhabayis’ over his own body; our Creatoris. Therefore, we are commanded to fol-low the Torah’s commands, as expressedin the p’sak of a Rav, regarding healthcare decisions that affect us.

Indeed, it is crucial to emphasize thatfamily members dealing with the typeof health care issues raised in this arti-cle should consult with a poseik experi-

enced in these matters. There are cir-cumstances where a poseik may deter-mine that a particular course of medicaltreatment is not required or not advis-able, such as where the risks of the pro-cedure are high, or even in some caseswhere the patient is in intractable pain.But these are decisions that must be madeby a Rav on a case-by-case basis. It is notfor family members or doctors to decidethat a patient has “suffered enough,” andtherefore should not receive medicaltreatment.

HOW TO SURVIVE

How, given the new health careideology, can we best protect ourparents, our relatives, ourselves?

How do we ensure that halacha, and nota doctor’s view of what constitutes “a lifeworth living,” will determine the courseof medical treatment for people no longerin a position to speak for themselves?

1. Obtain and sign a Halachic Living WillDr. Binyomin Sokol, Associate


THE VORT

• The Vort celebration is to bediscontinued. The L’chaim (held at the time that the engagement isannounced) should also not turn into aVort.

THE WEDDING

• Only 400 invited guests may be seated at the chassuna seuda.

• The kabbolas panim smorgasbordshould be limited to basic cakes, fruit plat-ters, a modest buffet, and the caterer’sstandard chicken or meat hot dishes.

• The menu for the seuda is limited to 3courses followed by a regular dessert.

• No Viennese table and no bar.

THE MUSIC• A band may consist of a maximum of5 musicians (one of the musicians may actas a vocalist) or four musicians and oneadditional vocalist.

• A one-man band is recommended.

FLOWERS & CHUPA DECOR

• The total cost of these items for theentire wedding should not exceed $1,800.

FOR THE FULL VERSION OF THE SIMCHA GUIDELINESAND THE ACCOMPANYING KOL KOREH,

please email [email protected] or call 212-612-2300

Simcha GuidelinesSimcha Guidelines

Rabbi Shmuel BirnbaumRosh Hayeshiva, Mirer Yeshiva

Rabbi Elya SveiRosh Hayeshiva, Yeshiva Gedola of Philadelphia

Rabbi Shmuel KaminetzkyRosh Hayeshiva, Yeshiva Gedola of Philadelphia

Rabbi Yaakov PerlowNovominsker Rebbe

Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak FeigelstockRosh Hayeshiva, Yeshiva of Long Beach

Rabbi Moshe WolfsonMashgiach, Yeshiva Torah Vodaas

Rabbi Aron Moshe SchechterRosh Hayeshiva, Yeshiva Chaim Berlin

Rabbi Yosef RosenblumRosh Hayeshiva, Yeshiva Shaarei Yosher

Rabbi Eli Simcha SchustalRosh Hayeshiva, Bais Binyomin, Stamford

Rabbi Yisroel RokowskyRabbi Yisroel Simcha SchorrRoshei HaYeshiva, Yeshiva Ohr Somayach

Rabbi Aryeh Malkiel KotlerRosh Hayeshiva, Beth Medrash Govoha, Lakewood

Rabbi Yisroel Tzvi NeumanRosh Hayeshiva, Beth Medrash Govoha, Lakewood

Rabbi Dovid Tzvi SchustalRosh Hayeshiva, Beth Medrash Govoha, Lakewood

Rabbi Yeruchem OlshinRosh Hayeshiva, Beth Medrash Govoha, Lakewood

Rabbi Mattisyahu SalamonMashgiach, Beth Medrash Govoha, Lakewood

Rabbi Elya Ber WachtfogelRosh HaYeshiva, Yeshiva Gedolah of

South Fallsburg

Rabbi Chaim Boruch WolpinRosh Hayeshiva, Yeshiva Karlin Stolin

Rabbi Zecharia GelleyRav, Khal Adas Jeshurun

Rabbi Lipa MarguliesRosh Hayeshiva, Yeshiva & Mesifta Torah Temimah

Rabbi Dovid KviatChairman, Conference of Synagogue Rabbonimof Agudath Israel

Rabbi Shlomo MandelRosh Hayeshiva, Yeshiva of Brooklyn

Rabbi Ephraim WachsmanRosh Hayeshiva, Mesivta Meor Yitzchok

We the rabbinical signatories — barring familial obligations — and unusual andextraordinary circumstances — will not participate in or attend a wedding celebration thatdisregards these guidelines. (Rabbinical Listing in formation)

5 See Shulchan Aruch, Choshen Mishpat 420:31;Mishneh Torah, Hilchos Chovel u’Mazik 5:1;Shulchan Aruch HaRav, Hilchos Nizkei HaGuf, 4(A person does not have the authority over his ownbody to strike it, embarrass it, cause any pain toit, or even to withhold food and drink from it.)

Professor of Medicine at ChicagoMedical School and Member of theEthics Committee at Mount SinaiHospital in Chicago, stated at the con-vention roundtable that the first step forall prospective patients (which is all ofus6) is to contact Agudath Israel ofAmerica (212-797-9000) to obtain andcomplete an Agudath Israel HalachicLiving Will. Dr. Sokol added,“It literal-ly can and has saved lives.”

What is the Halachic Living Will andhow does it work? This legally bindingdocument enables an individual todesignate an agent to make health caredecisions, should the signer becomeunable to make or communicate his ownwishes. The Halachic Living Will stip-ulates that all health care decisions areto be made in accordance with halacha,to be determined in consultation withthe Orthodox rabbi designated in thedocument. The basic text of theHalachic Living Will was reviewed andapproved by leading poskim, and newlyupdated and revised Halachic LivingWills are now available for many states.As Jonathan Rikoon, Esq., a partner inthe Trusts and Estates Department in theNew York law firm of Debevoise &Plimpton, who helped develop theAgudath Israel Halachic Living Will,emphasized at the convention round-table, the Halachic Living Will “isintended to be a legally binding docu-ment that doctors and hospitals mustrespect. No Orthodox Jew should bewithout one.”

Rabbinic authorities – amongthem Rabbi Yaakov Perlow,Novominsker Rebbe and RoshAgudath Israel – concur that obtain-ing and signing a Halachic Living Willis a vital requirement.

2. Pick doctors who will respect andcarry out your wishes.

In addition to executing a HalachicLiving Will, Mr. Rikoon advises indi-viduals to take steps now to ensure thatthey and their loved ones will receive themedical care and treatment that isneeded by choosing physicians andhealth care facilities that will be respon-sive to their wishes. There are many good

doctors who don’t subscribe to the newmedical ideology, and who will vigorouslystrive to preserve and prolong theirpatients’ lives.

3. Make sure you have an advocate.Betzalel Stern, cited earlier, says that

it is vital in this new environment forfamily members to be the patient’s vig-orous advocate. The reality, says Mr.Stern, is that “patients [who]… have fam-ily members [who]… are not availabledo not get the same kind of treatmentin institutions as patients whose advo-cates are available.” This is true not onlyfor patients who cannot speak forthemselves, but for everyone who isadmitted to a medical facility. It is thuswise to designate as health care proxy inthe Halachic Living Will someone whowill vigorously and aggressively act toensure that the patient’s wishes are car-ried out—not someone who will be eas-ily swayed by pronouncements fromanyone in a hospital wearing a white jack-et. Mr. Stern adds that it is important forfamily members of a patient to consultwith many advisors (rabbi, lawyer, otherdoctors) rather than on relying on onedoctor’s diagnosis and suggested courseof treatment.7

4. Stay on good terms with siblings andrelatives.

Aside from the general Torah obliga-tion of loving one’s brothers, there is yetan additional reason to strive to remainon good terms with siblings: otherwise,disputes over a parent’s health care canarise. This is especially important where


6 In almost all states, anyone 18 years old or oldercan make a valid Halachic Living Will. No one likesto think about it, but incapacitating accidents andillnesses can happen to anyone at anytime, andtherefore no one should take the approach of “I’llwait until I’m old” to obtain and sign a HalachicLiving Will.7 For example, at Agudath Israel we occasional-ly receive calls from distraught relatives that doc-tors are about to remove a patient declared braindead from life support systems. Despite the hos-pital administrator’s usual initial insistence thatnothing legally can be done to stop this, in eachcase in New York State that has come to our atten-tion, we have been able to persuade the hospital’slegal counsel to order that life support be main-tained until the patient’s heart stopped beating.

the person named as health care proxyis not necessarily sensitive to halachic con-cerns, as well as in cases where there isno health care proxy and one’s siblingsare not religiously observant.

In one case in which Agudath Israel wasconsulted, an elderly man living in Ohio8

was diagnosed as having Alzheimer’s. Hisnon-religious daughter felt that he wouldnot have wanted to live in such a condi-tion, and planned to “let him die” by notproviding him with nutrition and hydra-tion. His Orthodox daughter contacted usfor help. What made this situation diffi-cult was that the man had signed a stan-dard living will, which stated that he didnot wish his life prolonged if he becameterminally ill.We helped find an attorneyfor the Orthodox daughter, and put thelawyer in touch with a doctor recom-mended to us by the Alzheimer’sAssociation. The doctor was prepared totestify that Alzheimer’s is not by itself aterminal illness, and therefore the livingwill was not yet legally in effect. The lawyerwas able to get an emergency injunctionpreventing the withdrawal of food and

water. The patient continued to live untilthe time chosen by the Ribbono Shel Olamfor him to leave this world, rather thandying of dehydration earlier. 9

In this and many similar situations,the dispute could possibly have beenavoided had the observant child takensteps earlier to have himself or herselfappointed the health care proxy. Non-Orthodox parents who might be reluc-tant to sign a Halachic Living Will mightbe more amenable to a standard healthcare proxy that names the Orthodox childas proxy. Failing that, building and main-taining a better relationship between sib-lings, in addition to fulfilling a vital mitzvain its own right, can go a long way towardpreventing these type of disputes. Evenin situations where relations arestrained, Rabbi Shmuel Elchonon Brogof Yeshiva Rabbi Chaim Berlin suggests

that a genial postcard or at least an e-mail once every week from the moreobservant sibling can have a tremendousimpact on improving such relationships.

VENISHMARTEM ME’ODLENAFSHOSEICHEM

The bottom line is that despite thenew ideology in health care, thereare a number of things that one

can do to protect one’s parents and one-self long before anyone enters a medicalfacility. Our Torah commands us to guardand protect our health, and taking thesteps outlined above are now part of theway we need to fulfill this mitzva.Living in a society in moral freefall, whichincreasingly devalues life and seeks to has-ten death, we can and must do everythingwithin our power to embrace life. ■


8 Some facts have been changed to preserve con-fidentiality.9 In a similar case, an elderly woman in Floridahad designated her son to be her health care proxy.When she took ill, he thought she would want tobe removed from life support systems. Thewoman’s daughter contacted Agudath Israel. We

immediately put her in touch with Florida attor-ney Spencer Eig, Chairman of the Agudath IsraelCommission on Civic Action and Legislation ofSouth Florida, and a member of the Agudath Israellegal network, who together with his law partnermanaged to get an immediate court order pro-tecting the woman’s life.

REACTION TO JO ON THE INTERNET: AN ENIGMA

To the Editor:I cannot begin to tell you how much

you have accomplished with yourNovember issue of The Jewish Observercontaining several articles on theInternet. I must admit, however, that Istill have an enigma (“Perplexing, baf-fling or seemingly inexplicable matter,etc” – Webster’s Dictionary).

Recently, 82 principals of girls’

schools throughout North Americaundersigned an “Open Letter to all BaisYaakov Parents,” which outlined, amongother concerns, the dangers of theInternet in the home. The letter carefullydescribed the harm the Internetinevitably causes to hashkafa, tzenius,arayos, and how it endangers, with thesimple click of the mouse, our entireTorah lifestyle.

To our utter surprise, some educatorsrefused to participate in this letter,even though it was endorsed by the Boardof Roshei Yeshivos of Torah Umesorahand was published in The JewishObserver and The Yated. These educatorsfelt that the letter was too strong.

The first enigma to be faced is thatwe teach emunas chachamim, the prin-ciple of listening to the gedolei doreinu,and yet, find hair-splitting and torturedreasons not to listen to our chachamim

when it comes to allowing the Internetin our homes.

A well-known Chassidic Rav andDayan, speaking from the pulpit, stat-ed how he was mesader four gittin (offi-ciated over four divorces) over a shortspan of time due to the infidelity of oneof the partners, either husband or wife;this situation was brought about direct-ly by contacts established over theInternet. Why didn’t the entire com-munity ‘shry chai ve kayom’ and imme-diately remove the Internet from theirhomes? An enigma.

At a recent Torah UmesorahConvention, the Telshe Rosh Yeshiva ofChicago, Rabbi Avrohom Chaim Levinea”jyls, quoted the Novominsker Rebbea”jyls, Rosh Agudas Yisroel, as saying,“We should put an issur yichud (forbidisolation with a person or object) on theInternet in our businesses.” Despite this


I. Reactions and Responses

The November issue of The JewishObserver, dealing with “Confrontingthe Dangers of the Internet,” generatedan unusual flow of letters – critical andcomplimentary, confirming the message,yet challenging our treatment of the prob-lem, some praising the medium for itspublic discussion of the issue, othersdenouncing it for its detailing of the

harmful repercussions of the Internet.Some representative letters follow in thepages ahead.

In addition to the letters, a numberof articles were submitted expanding onwhat had already appeared in theNovember issue. Several have beenselected for publication because of thedifferent perspectives or additional

information they offer. We are groupingthe letters and articles according to topic.

I. Reactions and Responses

II. From the Mouths and Pens of OurChildren

III. Over Our Shoulder… And TwoSteps Ahead / Looking Back, Anticipa-ting The Future

Confronting the

Dangersof the Internet

– Revisited

clear instruction, many of us provideInternet access in our homes for our chil-dren to use right under our very ownnoses. Is this not an enigma?

A U.S. senator recently demonstrat-ed how after typing in a certain singleword, 110,000 web sites dealing withpornography and depravity will pop uponto the screen. It has also been shownthat a single typographical error madeon some web addresses can unwitting-ly open a pornographic minefield. Is thisnot an enigma? A U.S. senator must giveBnei Avraham, Yitzchak and Yaakov

hadracha and mussar (guidance andreproof) on the basics of our beliefs!

The Philadelphia Rosh Yeshiva, RabbiShmuel Kaminetsky a”jyls, told me hehas first-hand knowledge of a familydestroyed by the insidious effects of theInternet.Yet, I was asked by a great talmidchacham, “How can we asser (prohibit)the Internet in the home when somany talmidei chachamim have it in theirown homes?” Is anyone able to explainthis enigma?

Everyone knows that to asser every-thing is a simplistic and futile response,

since few will listen to blanket “no’s.” Aseducators, we believe that change is besteffected through a positive approachusing warmth, chizuk and reinforcement,not radical and harsh measures, whichmay alienate.Yet, in the face of such peril,how can one respond in a pleasant man-ner? One does not wish to react in a waythat is so shocking and vehement thatit appears to verge on hysteria. We knowpeople will not easily be receptive in thisnegative atmosphere; yet how can onehold oneself back in our fearful situa-tion? An enigma.

A girls’ school recently reported anincident in which a few high school fresh-men chatting with each other on InstantMessenger were joined on-line by someof their brothers. This led to a date forone of the girls, and a completely newlifestyle change for her. When all the setsof parents were called in to discuss theseriousness of the problem, a few stillinsisted on keeping the Internet intheir homes with excuses to justify theiractions that didn’t hold water.

Some of the schools that joined thegroup of principals in signing the“Open Letter” are still not able to stoptheir secular teachers from assigninghomework requiring Internet use,despite the clear, implicit dangersinvolved. An elementary school attachedto a yeshiva posts all of the homework,from all of the teachers (kodesh and chol)everyday on the Internet. Recently, amother discovered her eight-year-oldchild and a neighbor’s child on a web site,observing what the Torah calls “anabomination.” The mother was shockedbeyond words, and was at a loss at howto explain to the children what they wereseeing. However, she did not remove theInternet from her home.

It seems that the Internet has takensuch a strong hold in our community andis so difficult to eradicate that it canalmost be compared to a form of sub-stance abuse. In order to prevent furtheraddiction, we must listen to our Gedolimwithout question. The enigmas detailedhere will never be explained, and theproblem will not be conquered througheducation or seichel (intelligence). Weknow that the yeitzer hara can’t be edu-


It feels better just to talk about it. That’swhy we’re here. Our staff is made up of

caring and sensitive individuals. Together,we can help you explore your options. Wecan refer you to recognized professionals

for counseling, legal advice or help infinding a safe environment. We can alsoput you in touch with some very special

Rabbis. But in order for us to reach out toyou, you must first reach out to us.

Confidential Hotline

Do it for yourself.Do it for your children.

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cated.“Ein apotropos le’arayos,”and, there-fore, the only option is for it to bedestroyed.

For us to hope to emerge from thisquagmire, we must accept as a chok(decree) set by the Einei Ha’eida – “Thoushalt not have the Internet in thy home.

There is neither wisdom, nor under-standing, nor counsel against Hashem.”With the acceptance of this chok, we canthen move forward knowing that theseemingly insurmountable obstacles inour path can be breached, that the bat-tle is not lost, and that we can conquerthe view that the Internet is so essentialand pervasive, it cannot be eliminated.Once a foolproof method to eliminatethe undesirable material is found, it ishoped that the Gedolim will thenremove the issur.

Not everything one thinks should onesay; not everything one says should onewrite; not everything one writes shouldone publish (attributed to Rav YisroelSalanter). This wisdom certainly appliesto our subject. We can, however, think,say, write and publish a message con-sistent with the adage: “Listen to ourGedolim.” After all, the Talmud advisesus: “If youths tell you ‘build,’ and elderstell you ‘demolish,’ listen to the elders anddo not listen to the youths, for the build-ing of youths is destruction and thedestruction of elders is building.”

RABBI S. AISENSTARK

Principal of Beth Jacob D’Rav Hirschprung

Montreal

WWW.ENSNARED.COM

To the Editor:Your latest issue that featured the

Internet use must have been one of themost difficult for you to publish. Fourout of five featured articles contained sug-gestions for reducing risk and for shield-ing against damage, which is good forthose who need this advice. However, Iwas deeply saddened by the fact thatalmost every author wrote how impor-tant these measures are for us. That is,it is “we” who need the information, andnot “they” who need it.

I can’t imagine the pain and anguishthat our dear leadership and your edi-

torial board experienced in this publi-cation, for it reflects a somber recogni-tion of a widespread cancer ofdestruction within the crown jewel ofAmerican Jewry. In a community whereso many of us are children of survivorsof the physical Holocaust of the 1940sand who survived the spiritualHolocaust of the twentieth century, wesadly witness such a destruction, such adenigration.

The stories that are told by theRosehi Yeshiva and Rabbanim are hor-rific. The rate of devastation is horrif-ic. It is a loss of sanity, responsibility,self-respect. Such despair.

This was a bold and painful step formany. I take your hand in sympathy andsorrow.

Please allow me to provide some con-structive insight – perhaps for anotherissue, if needed.

Given the context, I did not think thatit was appropriate for one of the authorsto plug a web site in his article, and espe-cially by name. There are other venuesfor doing this. There are other times fordoing this.

I would like to have seen the contri-bution of someone with credentials ofa computer professional, for this personwould have addressed the need for pass-word and computer security. Also, noneof the authors suggested any tools forcoping with e-mail smut.

From the words of this issue, it appearsthat having Internet for the family is agrowing norm. However, I am assuredthis is not normal. Many resist this temp-tation. We are thriving, and so are ourchildren.

I share my following thoughts as anadditional source of strength:

Look around and take note of the per-centage of people who are of marriage-able age and who succeed in marrying.Baruch Hashem, they are well within themajority. Obviously, the merits that oneneeds to become married are easily with-in our reach. There are some exceptionsfor reasons that we are not privileged toknow. May Hashem bless us to make itunanimous.

Next, look around and take note ofthe percentage of people who are mar-ried and who succeed in having children.Baruch Hashem, they are well within themajority. Obviously, the merits that oneneeds to become parents are also with-in reach of most people. There are someexceptions for reasons that we are notprivileged to know. May Hashem blessus to make it unanimous

Then, project yourself back in timea hundred generations. I believe that youwill find these percentages to be the samefor them as they are for us.

And now do something painful. Makethe somber mapping between the fami-lies in that generation in our distant past


to their descendants who live with ustoday. Come up with a statistic for thosewho have descendents in our generation,and for those who didn’t make it.

I believe that you will conclude thatthe merits that one needs for his/her fam-ily to survive and endure through manygenerations of Jewish history are very elu-sive. They are not easily within our reach.And there are some exceptions for rea-sons that we are not privilege to know.

If I had evidence to prove that hav-ing the Internet in the family will defi-nitely hurt its chance of survival, thenI would tell you. But I don’t have any. IfI had evidence to prove that keeping theInternet out of the family will definite-ly increase its chances, then I would tellyou. But honestly, I don’t have this either.I just know that if this trend repeats itself,that many family lines that exist todaywill not survive Jewish history over thelong term. And I recognize the stress thatfamilies are experiencing by blocking outthe Internet. And I know that sacrificesare meritorious. And I now that Hashemcounts every merit.

And if you have the Internet in your

family, then I provide you with the fol-lowing opportunity for great merit. Don’ttalk about it in public, and tell your kidsto keep this quiet, too. In doing so, youwill make it easier for others in our com-munity to keep the Internet out of theirhomes.

Do not give up on yourselves. If nottoday, you will find the strength for repair,h”ya soon.

RABBI TZVI BLACK

Lakewood, NJ

REPRINTS FOR PARENT BODY OF SCHOOL

To the Editor:Thank you so much for permitting

us to reprint The Jewish Observer arti-cles on the misuse of computers and theInternet.

We have warned our parents aboutthe dangers of the Internet and we feelthat these excellent articles are veryimportant for them to read. Hopefullythey will encourage all parents toincrease their vigilance when allowingtheir children to use computers.

I am enclosing a copy of the coversheet which states that it is reprinted withpermission.

Kol hakavod.RABBI MOSHE ZWICK

Executive Director

MRS. SHULAMIS GOLDBERG

Associate Principal

MRS. BATYA NEKRITZ

Associate Principal

Shulamith High School, Brooklyn, NY

BREAKTHROUGH IN INFORMATION,BREACH IN PROTECTIVE BARRIERS

To the Editor:In the Cheshvan issue of The Jewish

Observer, a most important issue hasbeen addressed, that of the gidrei tzeniusu’kedusha (safeguards of modesty andsanctity) being breached.

Although I find all of the informa-tion discussed to be correct, both in itscontent and in its need to be addressed,I do have one major objection to this col-lection of articles. The fact that it isdescribed in such detail, which is, ofcourse, in order to issue a major wake-


up call to those who feel it is not harm-ful, is great cause for distress.

In many Torah homes, The JewishObserver is read by young and old alike.I can only see the reading of these arti-cles by our youth – especially our teen-agers – as a cause for those who are beingprotected to have their curiosity arousedby such detail. This seems to outweighthe benefits of such articles.

I feel that issues of The JewishObserver, such as this one, should pos-sibly carry a warning label, such as “Tobe read by mature adults ONLY.”

Aside from this, I feel that the JO doesa wonderful job at documenting theissues of the day, in a format to whichb’nei Torah can turn.

YECHEZKEL NUSSBAUM

Spring Valley, NY

EDITORIAL RESPONSE

The articles that appeared in theInternet Section in the November JewishObserver were all reviewed andapproved by our rabbinical advisors. TheShulamith School, which wrote theprevious letter, is one of a number ofyeshivos and day schools that eitherordered copies of the November issue orreceived permission to reproduce copiesof the Internet section for distributionto their parent body. N.W.

CONFLICT BETWEEN EDITORIAL MESSAGE ANDADVERTISEMENTS’ VALUES

To the Editor:Your carefully selected detailed arti-

cles on the dangers of the Internet leftme more than a little confused. You seethe same issue of The Jewish Observer,which spelled out the destructive pow-ers of the Internet, also containing noless than 8 advertisements which includ-ed web site addresses – not countinge-mail addresses. And one of these is afull-page announcement of a conventionto improve the quality of outreach(kiruv) work!

Your disclaimer that you take noresponsibility for the advertisements inyour magazine may be legally correct, but

it is inadequate in Jewish terms.A paper or magazine lends credence

to its contents, and anything printed init will be associated with the general atti-tude and message of the publication.After all, you have never advertised treiffoods or mixed dances or any other serv-ices that are obviously foreign to Jewishvalues or practices.

One is left with the very uncomfort-able feeling that you either do not quitebelieve the messages in your articles, orthat you lack the confidence to practicewhat you preach.

Whether an individual businessdecides to have/use an Internet facilityis between them and their daas Torah,but their web sites should be excludedfrom advertisements.

MRS. D. LEITNER

Salford, England

EDITORIAL RESPONSE:

The rabbinical leadership of Agudath Israelhas gone on the record,pointing out majormoral hazards that exist on the Internet,urging people to exercise caution, adoptsafeguards and impose limitations on itsusage, as the articles in the November JOhad conveyed.They did not,however, issuea blanket prohibition against use of e-mailor the Internet. While neither The JewishObserver nor any other Agudath Israeldepartment maintains a website,we do rec-ognize that many people are dependent onthe Internet for their business,professional,and even personal needs, such as pur-chasing and research. It is for those whodo use the Internet that websites are includ-ed in paid advertisements. Our rabbini-cal leadership has not prohibited JOfrom accepting such advertisements.N.W.


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HOW DIFFERENT IS YOUR CHILD?

Discussing the Internet with theintention to “scare” parents is adaunting and often impossible

task. Although the objective mind caneasily find many valid points thatemphasize the risks of the Internet, thepoints themselves are not a guaranteeddeterrent. For a combination of reasons,parents are likely to dismiss my con-clusions by responding that “My kidwouldn’t do that, my child is different.”If reasoning is not effective, how can Iconvey my experiences in a manner thatwould override the parents’ preconceivedopinions of their own child?

I realize that what is really needed isto bring to the public what our childrenthemselves are saying. Parents havesome very sensible views, but their viewsare based on assumptions. These viewsrepresent how they believe their childrenact and react to different situations. Mygoal is to convey what our teenage boys

and girls are actually thinking.I therefore sent an e-mail request to

about 45 of my teenage friends. My e-mail request said:

I have been asked to speak in a school,to parents, on the subject of the Internetand why it is not a good thing to havein the home. I am looking for someinsight on this from the teenage mind.I am also looking for horror stories, butonly those that involve kids whose par-ents are unaware of what is happening.The reason that I added the last line

was to highlight the point that parentsthink they know their kids, and on a basiclevel they do. Children, though, likeadults, are more complex than theyappear. This point brings us to our firstmisconception.

TO HONOR, TO VIOLATE – OR BOTH?

Parents would like to believe thatchildren live their lives in a moral-ly consistent manner. Let us accept

that our sons do learn two hoursstraight on a Shabbos afternoon withoutprompting. That does not exclude thepossibility that they desire to look atthings that they are not supposed to belooking at, such as pornography. What

should be mutually exclusive in the worldof logic is comfortably intertwined in thepractical world of human weakness. Manwas created with the ability and a desireto achieve greatness. Man was also cre-ated with the ability to sink to the depthof immorality.

I would like to submit that both theseurges can be found within each and everyone of us. Allow me to explain.

The majority of us perform well whenplaced in a positive atmosphere. The aver-age teenager will therefore do well inschool, behave in shul, and integrate wellwithin his or her family. The commonthreads in these few examples are thatthese environments support goodbehavior. Most people do not behaveagainst the system. Peer pressure is onereason, laziness is another, being inher-ently good is yet another.

This does not exclude that the sameperson, when in an environment thatsupports negative behavior, will not entera chat room. It does not exclude theteenage boy, when alone, from staringat something that popped up on hisscreen by mistake.

I am not criticizing anyone’s childwhen I state my belief that they will, whenit is accessible, take advantage. I am stat-


Rabbi Gluck is director of Areivim, an organi-zation that offers our youth advice and assistance,with a wide array of support systems. For edu-cational material or for assistance: 845-371-2760or [email protected]. His article, “ShalomBayis: A View From Your Child’s Eyes,” was fea-tured in JO Jan. ’02.

Rabbi Shmuel Gluck


II. Out of the Mouths of Our Children

The Hazardsof the

Internet– as experiencedby our teenagers.

ing that they are normal, and react nor-mally by demonstrating the typical lackof self control which almost all of us mayhave.

Here is the first of the several quotesthat I have based my conclusions on.

A young boy writes:I am a frum yeshiva bachur attend-

ing a very strict and a very famous yeshi-va. About one-and-a-half years ago, Iwas eager to look at pornography, butI never had the guts to do that aveira.One day, a kid in my class took me tohis house to delete the temporary inter-net files because he didn’t want to getin trouble. As I was erasing them, I wasalso looking at them and then we wentonto websites. And I REGRET SOMUCH, because it has changed my lifeforever.There is a misconception that girls

have more self control than boys and thatless control is needed for them. A BaisYakov girl e-mailed me the followingexperience:

I know a friend who went to BaisYaakov of ———-. She was smart, pop-ular and on the top of her class. I men-tion this to highlight that the Internetproblem is not limited to the under-achiever or the less popular girls. Thisgirl was just a healthy curious girl who,behind her parents’ back, met, andbecame heavily involved with a boy rightafter their first initial meeting. She wasreally broken after that. I don’t know ifshe went for help or what, but she begansmoking pot and suddenly went froma normal above-average girl to a prob-lem one. Today she is married baruchHashem to a good guy, but thereremains this real messed up look in hereyes where she looks like she still hasemotional issues

DEFINING “ACCEPTABLE RISK”

Before I continue with other exam-ples, I feel the need to bring up acommon response. It is true that

the previous example represents anextreme and small percentage of ourteenagers’ experiences, not the majori-ty of them. It could be said that enoughpeople get hit by cars while crossing the

street, to make it a hazard too great toignore. Yet we still cross the street. Logicshould then say that we should still allowour children to have access to theInternet.

I have put in a lot of thought into thispoint. It is a logical one and is based onthe fair assumption that everything inlife offers risks, yet we all recognize thatwe must continue to live our lives. Myresponse is to ask the reader to consid-er their definition of acceptable risk.

Acceptable risk is dependent on twothings that must be considered simul-taneously. We must weigh our anticipatedgain against the risk involved in attain-ing this goal. Because of the nature ofthe Internet, we must add one more fac-tor. In addition to the risk, we must beconcerned with the general, more sub-tle exposure that all teenage Internet usersare subject to.

The positive of the Internet is theaccess to necessary information, such asfor school reports, and the ability to keepour children busy with acceptable activ-ities such as sports, online purchasing,emailing and instant messaging with theirfriends.

The negatives are harder to discuss,as every family has their personal pointsystem. I personally would not want mychild to download music from theInternet, others might not be con-cerned with secular music. Parentsmust rate themselves, on a scale of oneto ten, if the following took place:

How upset they would be if their childsaw flashes of hard pornography twotimes a week. This happens constantly

through unsolicited pop-ups.How upset would they be if they were

certain that their child entered a chatroom often and once a week made smalltalk with a boy/girl? Adding to this con-cern, what would their thoughts be if itwas the same person each time? I am toldfrom teenagers that this, too, is a certaintyfor those that enter chat rooms.

How would they feel if one night everyweek or two their child was up until 4:00in the morning instant messaging?

Now let us consider the more extremepossibilities. I would suggest that anumber greater than one out of a thou-sand is dramatically affected by theInternet. I use this number because it ini-tially does not cause a stir in the heartsof parents. My experiences speak of a


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The productive kid learns the system well enough to never be caught. It is

often a single mistake, often years later,which makes their parents recognize thatthey have been misled during the past few years.

more serious danger. Let us substitute thisissue with a deadly sickness , G-d forbid.Who would consider it an acceptable riskto expose their children to a one-in-a-thousand chance of any terrible sicknesssimply to give them an opportunity tobecome more educated, or to be updat-ed with their favorite sports team?

Let us now consider that we mighthave two or three children with accessto the Internet. Please tell me, how impor-tant are these advantages when comparedto the certainty of the Internet’s subtleeffect, in addition to the more extremerisks of the Internet? Would anyone con-sider a one-in-a-250 chance acceptablerisk when it centers around such seri-ous issues?

THE UNACCOUNTABILITY FACTOR

There is another aspect of accept-able risk that must be considered.Acceptable risk must allow the

person to monitor and assess the risk ona constant basis. Because of the priva-cy your children have in regard to whatsites they see, because of their ability towipe off these addresses as soon as theyfinish viewing them, it is impossible toaccurately assess the risk.

Please consider this. Unlike yourchild’s bringing home a new friend, younever really have an opportunity to checkup on the advantages versus the risks.

Does it make sense that a single decisionshould decide your approach to par-enting, without your ability to make aknowledgeable and informed reassess-ment?

One boy wrote: By the way, there areother ways to track Internet usagebesides Temp files, but as the comput-er expert in my house, I know how toget around them all, so it’s not much ofa ‘worry’ for meAnother common misconception is

that parents are confident that if theymade the wrong decisions, there will beflashing lights warning them of any prob-lems. Parents believe that if their childis speaking to a girl then they will sud-denly stop doing well in class or maybesomething more extreme like put on anearring.

Sadly, this is not always true. In thesepast few years, I have spoken to manyparents who believe their child would notknow what to say to a girl, while the childhas admitted to me of aveiros chamuros(severe transgressions) that he or she hasdone. Teenagers consider it a challengeto be able to fool their parents.

As a matter of fact, the more puttogether the child is, the better he or sheis at keeping secrets. It is the immatureand unsuccessful child who gets caught.The productive kid learns the system wellenough to never be caught. It is often asingle mistake, often years later, which

makes their parents recognize that theyhave been misled during the past fewyears.

I am dealing with several cases of chas-sanim whose wives have found their hus-bands visiting pornographic sites. Canyou imagine what this does to a marriage?Can you imagine how ingrained itmust be within the boy to continue look-ing at such sites, even after marriage?

THE CHAT ROOM SCENE

Permit me a comment about chatrooms. I have a letter from a finegirl who, I believe, never met a boy.

She nonetheless utilized the chat rooms.She writes:

I’ve been so fed up lately about thewhole AOL online chatting issue. I couldsay about 90% of any frum communi-ty has access to the Internet, and prob-ably about 75% of the teens and kids thathave access to the net are chatting withguys and girls, mostly behind their par-ents’ backs. The reason I think it’s sud-denly bothering me so much is becauseI used to be involved with these kindathings, and now that I’m back from sem-inary, it disgusts me. For me, chattingwas a sort of an escape. I was a BaisYaakov girl – never would get involvedwith guys in the “real” world, but in achatroom, I could be whoever I want-ed and have the fun of talking to guys.So I was involved with things for a while,and it was so easy for me to getwrapped up in these “relationships” thatreally didn’t exist. I would never let aguy call me – or give out any real pri-vate info about myself – but I wouldthink about the guy for a lot and won-der if maybe I should.

It was so bad, and I realized howwrong it was, and now that I’m backfrom seminary it kills me even more. Ihear about little 12- and 13-year-oldsgetting involved online without theirparents’ knowing. When I was doing it,the youngest kids involved were like 14,15, and now the ages are gettingyounger and younger, and it’s upsettingme more and more. So many kids fromso many frum families – their parentsnever suspect a thing, because what do


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they know? And even if the parents knowabout the problem and are consciousabout it, if they go out one night to achassuna, the kid goes online.

Another girl wrote me:I know at least fifty kids that for a

period in their lives have gone onlineafter their parents are sleeping andSTAM DID NOTHING from mid-night to six AM, slug around school,don’t pay attention, are not happybecause they don’t sleep, and they needstructure and their PARENTS ARECLUELESS. You just SIT there forhours and stare at the screen. It is SOscary, addictive, that I can’t describe it.You can sit online until your eyes aretearing and flaming red, and yourwhole week is down the tubes, but youcan’t get off. Someone said a quote:“Logging off the internet is like pullingthe plug on a loved one,” and all the kidsin the room AGREED B’LEVSHALEM. Any kid will tell you it’s addic-tive. It’s really bad because this can hap-pen to the most yeshivish kids, and noone will chap that they are killing theirbrain cells slowly. And also they don’tfeel like a human when they cannot signoff when they want to.Also, if there is a BY girl who likes

boys, it could be that the reason she does-n’t deal with them is because she’s scared,of people or Hashem. But on theInternet, she can shmooze with guys andconvince herself it’s not a big deal. Thishas happened to the finest girls.

VACUUM AT THE TOP?

Iwould like to make one final point.Parents have a misconception thattheir children believe that there is

nothing wrong with the Internet and thatthey do not want their parents to inter-fere. We therefore conclude that our childwill be angry with us if we restrict theirprivileges. It is true that they will be angryat us. But at the same time, they will alsounderstand us. Even more, they want usto be firm because within every child isthe belief that their parents know bet-ter. Within every child is a very clearmoral guide. Believe it or not, our chil-

dren are often more shocked with ourpermissiveness than we can imagine.

Please read this last quote from oneof my e-mail friends!

It makes me sick that parents are soclueless. It pierces itself into theneshama and stays there always. Yourkids won’t respect you if you let them.They don’t know that you are unawareof the dangers of the net. They thinkthat you know and you don’t care. Nokid will respect their parents if theyallow this stuff. I mean it.

May I offer one more story, unre-lated to the Internet. A friendof mine who is a Rebbi in a

non-mainstream yeshiva related thefollowing incident to me. He was talk-ing to a student a few days before RoshHashana. He suggested that the talmidtake an English Siddur while daveningbecause “understanding what he was say-ing will at least remove the monotonyof the davening.”

The boy responded that ArtScroll hada Tehillim with the English translatedright under the Hebrew words. My friendwas surprised that he would ever havelooked into an English-translatedTehillim, and asked him where he cameacross such a Tehillim. The boy respond-ed, “I bought it for my mother, so thatit will be easier for her to daven for meto become frum.”

I would like to close with the fol-lowing plea: For those parents who feelthe Internet is either harmless or sim-ply unworthy of the large amount ofattention devoted to it by our Gedolim,please reconsider your stance. Do it foryour children. They themselves are ask-ing you to. ■


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NOTES FROM A RECOVERING VICTIM

To the Editor:In an important and sobering dis-

cussion of the dangers lurking on theInternet, one section from the piece byRabbi Aaron Twerski caught my eye (“AUbiquitous Challenge, An InsidiousTrap,” Nov. ’03). He recounts two sto-ries. In one, the wife of a man who fellinto the Internet trap “is convinced (withconsiderable justification) that herspouse’s moral compass has been dam-aged for life.”

In another instance, a woman whostrayed anguishes, “I was the frummestgirl in my class and I will never get backthere again.”

While both sentiments may indeed betrue, they need not be. As more and morepeople are – as your cover puts it, andas Gedolei Yisroel and professional fam-ily counselors have concurred –“ensnared” by the Internet’s dark side,it is imperative to remind the readershipof the power of the teshuva process.

I am a former yeshiva bachur and arecovering Internet addict. For someone

who had commanded a great deal ofrespect from chaveirim and admirationfrom younger bachurim, it was a greatfall. Today, I wake up many morningswith feelings of utter worthlessness.“Whoam I to go to shul today? Who am I tolearn today? After behaving in such a way,what a hypocrite I am! I’m not worthyof Torah. I’m not capable of kedusha.”

These are the most dangerousthoughts that can pass through a Jewishperson’s head. Even after escaping theclutches of the Internet, the climb backto frumkeit is daunting. It is virtuallyimpossible not to become ensnared infeelings of hopelessness and loss – notmerely of self-esteem, but of one’sentire sense of self. How he or sheresponds to these thoughts is the dif-ference between having sinned andbecoming a lifetime sinner.

The yeitzer hara’s most powerful toolis to have us wallow in self-denigratingpity, crumbling under the stares – realor imagined – of our family, paralyzedby unimaginable shame.

It is vital that we as individuals – withencouragement from rabbanim, coun-

selors and the com-munity at large – tapinto our yitzrei tovand remind ourselveswho we really are, and who we are capa-ble of becoming.

“Makom shebaalei teshuva omdin,tzaddikim gemurim einam omdin – Theplace where baalei teshuva stand, the per-fectly righteous do not stand” (Berachos34b). In other words, explains theRambam, the level of a baal teshuva ishigher than that of one who never sinned.

The aforementioned baal teshuva isnot the returnee to whom the term isapplied colloquially. Rather, the classicbaal teshuva is the subject of our dis-cussion – one who grew up with Torahvalues, who strayed, and who hasreturned. In these dangerous times, it isever more critical that the tenet of teshu-va be broadcast.

We live in the here and now. We muststruggle with society as it is. “Vigilance,vigilance and more vigilance is our onlyrecourse,” as Rabbi Twerski says. But forthose who weren’t vigilant enough, wemust at the same time remember that“Sheva yipol tzaddik vekam – The right-eous fall seven times and get up.”As onegreat Rosh Yeshiva put it, “The mark ofa tzaddik is not that he, too, falls, but thathe always gets up.”

May Hakadosh Baruch Hu give us thestrength to keep standing.

NAME WITHHELD BY REQUEST

A CONFESSION…AND A PLEA FOR SANITY

To the Editor:Sadly, the experience is almost com-

monplace, even in the dens and computerrooms of bnei Torah. I know this letteris not anything new to the now-awak-ened community at large. I am simplycrying out to the masses from my ownpersonal pain. It is from the realizationof the destruction that I find withinmyself that I request, for the benefit ofthe klal, and as a zechus for my eventu-al tikkun, that this letter be printed.

Entering my adolescent years, I wasa very good student, and a very pleas-



II. Out of the Mouths of Our Children (Continued)

ant person. I was among the cream ofthe crop. When I entered Mesivta in 9thgrade, everyone expected the best of me,and their hopes were fulfilled. In my firstcouple of years in Mesivta, I grew in ruch-niyus tremendously, in an extreme way,by leaps and bounds. In learning, in yirasShamayim, in middos. I had much to beproud of. I was alive, I had direction,goals. My Rebbe’im saw a success storyin me. It was through them that I hadcome this far, and they saw a future des-tined to be filled with continued success.

Skimming over the articles in thepages of November’s Jewish Observer, onesees a particular term repeatedly:sakanas nefashos. Over and over, the dan-gers of the Internet are described as such.But extreme terms in today’s day and ageare given very little respect. Somethingdescribed as “unbelievable” could be eas-ily fathomed.“Pilei pela’im” doesn’t nec-essarily indicate something particularlyextraordinary. I am writing to tell youraudience at large that in this case,sakanas nefashos means just that, the riskof death of a nefesh.

I fell into the grips of the yeitzer hara.It came in an instant, it was not intend-ed. In issues of kedusha, I was particu-larly careful. The temptation had comebefore, but I suppressed it. Just curious,“just this once,” my entire life turnedupside down in an instant. I fell, and haveyet to really climb back out.

When one falls like that, becomingquickly into what in many ways is an

addict, all else falls with it. It leads to atortured existence, to living two lives. Tothis very day, people think of me as a verygood bachur. My parents are proud ofme, my Rebbe’im don’t suspect that Icould possibly be involved in the mudof society. One face towards the worldand one face towards myself. Years ofpondering: Am I a yerei Shamayim ornot, a ben Torah or not – an adam kash-er or not? I still don’t have the answerto these questions. Maybe I’m just tooafraid to answer them.

• • •

Life has no meaning. I have becomea person full of only selfishness and self-indulgence. Such a life is worse thanworthless. I’ve tried to get out of the rutcountless times over the years. Picturesomeone who smokes, without anyoneknowing it. He can have a cigarette when-ever he wants, where no one will see. Thisperson is told to quit – without family,friends or a counselor, and definitely

without the luxury of a patch. I am anaddict, my insides destroyed. YirasShamayim is but a distant memory. I havebeen living like this for years, notmonths.Years. I feel directionless and seeno way out.

To the casual observer, I am a goodyeshiva bachur in a very prominent yeshi-va. I keep sedorim, daven with kavana,even do an occasional chessed. Inside Iam controlled, torn, hurt and semi-depressed. I ask you to ask yourselves,is that not sakanos nefashos? If that sakanawas a sakana for me, it is probably asakana for your son, husband, andbrother as well. If you wouldn’t put foodon his plate without a hechsher, if youpay thousands upon thousands of dol-lars in yeshiva tuition so that youshould see Yiddishe nachas, you shouldn’t, you couldn’t, knowingly allowthe smallest possibility of such an out-come. For his Olam Hazeh and OlamHabba – I beg of you! – don’t let it be.A house filled with only kedusha producesproducts of kedusha. A house where onefinds publications or opportunities thatdon’t fit with the ideals of the Torah willinevitably produce results in kind.

Years from today, people will look backon our generation and wonder – did peo-ple who were careful with kashrus allowthis? The generation of the Second BeisHamikdash was missing only one inte-gral factor. It was possible then, and itis still today. Hashem yeracheim.



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My parents are proud ofme, my Rebbe’im don’t

suspect that I could possiblybe involved in the mud ofsociety. One face towardsthe world and one facetowards myself.

MORE TECHNOLOGY STUMBLING BLOCKS AT HAND

To the Editor:Thank you for raising awareness

and openly discussing the risks faced byour communities in this era of moderntechnology. Clearly, awareness is the firststep in addressing this insidious dangerto our sacred way of life.

I have counseled numerous adoles-cents and families struggling with theaftereffects of various Internet-related dif-ficulties. I have also been involved in pre-vention, presenting an interactivedemonstration on this subject for mena-halim at last spring’s Torah UmesorahNational Convention, as well as for par-ents at schools nationally.

A common thought expressed by par-ents and mechanchim is that they can’tkeep up with the technology. Childrenand adolescents, however, are on the cut-ting edge in their understanding ofemerging technologies. As parents wehave a responsibility to be conscious ofour children’s interests and to stayabreast of their activities.

Perhaps the greatest risks to our yeshi-va bachurim and Bais Yaakov studentsare cell phones, laptops, PDAs andpager devices which have become “nec-essary” for many of our bnei Torah. Themost obvious threat of these items is sim-ilar to that of the computer. When thesedevices are wireless Web-enabled, theyinclude all of the same perils of the homecomputer, with an added dose of privacyand availability. Even when these devicesare not Web-enabled, they can be prob-lematic. It is not uncommon to see 5th-8th grade students with PDAs (the onesthat they “need” to record their home-

work) swapping (“beaming”) files atschool. Many of these files would be con-sidered innocuous, but some would not.For example, one popular PDA gameinvolves the glorification of drug use.Additionally, PDAs and cell phones arenow available in full color, and often havecameras built in. They can be used to cap-ture, view and trade images of any kind.

A pervasive yet under-emphasizedhazard for our youth, related to the tech-nologies listed above, is instant messaging(computer, cell phone and wireless ver-sions). While the dangers of chat roomsand communicating with anonymousstrangers have been addressed and arewell known, parents are less suspectingof children communicating with theirfriends via instant messenger. Childrenoften believe that “the friend of my friendis my friend.” They are frequently instantmessaging with those whom they havenever seen, yet they do not considerthem to be strangers. Even though theparticipants are frum and their realnames are known, the language and con-tent of online conversations may quick-ly cross the line of what is acceptable.This is due to the impersonal nature ofthe instant messaging medium. The pro-

gression of events in these exchangesoften spirals downward leading ourteiere kinder to inappropriate relation-ships and high-risk situations.

When access to instant messaging isextended to the cell phone or other wire-less device, these unhealthy interactionscan become addicting diversions thatcontinue 24 hours a day, perhaps evenwithin the hallowed walls of the beishamidrash.

RABBI NORMAN LOWENTHAL,M.S. ED., MSW

St. Louis, MO

INTERNET USAGE:CAUTIONARY ADVICE

To the Editor:There has been much talk and dis-

cussion regarding the Internet. Pages andpages have been written concerning thepotentially dangerous effects of theInternet. The articles that The JewishObserver featured were nothing less thanwonderful!

I would like to comment about thisvery important issue.We have faced manynisyonos (tests and trials) in the past. Forexample, the influence of television inthe Jewish home. There are many thou-sands of families that have not fallen preyto this problem, whereas the Internetseems to have become quite acceptablein many households. Why is this so?

Business. In order for most businessesto function properly today, they musthave Internet access. Many people havebusinesses in their homes. Therefore, theInternet has made it into their homes.Then the great nisayon arises. When isit really business-related and when is itunnecessary?

Schools. Many schools (especially highschools and seminaries, especially thosethat offer college credits) require infor-mation from the Internet. Again, this



III. Over Our Shoulders & Looking Ahead

poses a problem when such informationis required.

Torah. This perhaps is the greatesthechsher (certification of legitimacy) forInternet usage. Never has any authen-tic Torah organization made usage of tel-evision. The tv never received a Torahendorsement, whereas there are many,many Torah organizations that haveWeb sites. It is very difficult to encour-age people to refrain from Internet usage,when we provide and sometimes evenencourage its usage! This, in my opin-ion, is the greatest obstacle in besting thistremendous nisayon that is creating havocin Klal Yisroel.

We have to be very honest with our-selves, and if we really must make use ofthe Internet, it should be done with a reli-able shmira (safeguards). Here are somesuggestions that may help:

Do not place your computer near aphone line. Make sure every time you areconnected, a long phone line must bepulled across the house (dining room,living room, kitchen etc.). This way,whenever someone is online, others areaware. Of course, this means no wire-less access. (Even though this takes longer,it may save yourself and your children!)

A password must be used every timesomeone is online. Do now allow a childaccess alone.

Children (including older children)should not have their own e-mailaddress. The danger is just too great.

Every person must come up withsome idea to protect himself or herselfand his or her children from thistremendous nisayon. One who sincere-ly puts forth effort and seeks guidancefrom our Gedolim will h”ya see doryesharim u’mevorach.

Again, thank you for the wonderfularticles concerning this issue.

AVIGDOR NEINSTEIN

Baltimore, MD

“AND WRITE IT ON THE DOORPOSTS OF YOUR HOUSE”

To the Editor:Your Cheshvan issue concerning the

danger of the Internet leaves us with afeeling of defenselessness.

May I offer a simple suggestion to helpprotect ourselves and our friends, par-ticularly parents of young children,against this insidious threat to kedushaand tahara. True, its beneficial effectwould be slow in coming, but it can onlybe positive.

Under the mezuza on our doors, affixa small but clearly printed sign, such as“Our Home is Clean of TV and theInternet. Welcome!” or a similar signwithout the TV reference.

In addition to their sale in stores, suchpermanent signs should be offered forsale in synagogues and Jewish centers,and recommended by the Rabbi andother congregational leaders.

SAMUEL M. SCHWARTZ

Jerusalem

CONTROLLING THE INTERNET’SINFLUENCE: AN UNFINISHED AGENDA

To the Editor:Thank you so much for addressing

this important issue in such aninformed way! Up until this last issue,I never came across any rabbinic author-ity who was well informed on the var-ious issues involved with computers andInternet access. This had been a sourceof frustration to me.

We have a graphic design business inthe basement of our home, with childrenwho grew up in a very computer-savvyenvironment, so we definitely are veryconcerned with all the issues youaddressed! Your articles were very com-prehensive, and I was glad to see so manyof my thoughts reflected there.

Aside from my obvious need for thecomputer, e-mail and Internet, I do agreethat computers and the Internet are hereto stay. Although the comparison to thehistory of television is obvious, the dif-ference is that television is purely forentertainment and the computer isbecoming a way of life. The best defensewill be a good offense.

I’d like to stress the question of whoare we trying to shield – the people whoare specifically looking for trouble, or theaverage child/adult who natural curios-ity needs to be protected. I feel that nomatter what precautions we take, some-

one truly determined to look for trou-ble will find. It. Such people unfortunatelyalways did and always will find ways toindulge in forbidden activities. Whenestablishing barriers to the garbage outthere, we should bear that in mind.

I have a firewall which, for the ben-efit of your readers, is a box throughwhich all Internet activity must pass. Ihave a password-protected lock whichsimply turns off the Internet everyevening. Before Succos and Pesach Iadjust it to be off completely. I am theonly one with access to this firewall.Another idea for a business run by menis to have a two-part password. Both haveto present to type in their own password.

I definitely agree that children have nobusiness on the Internet, period!Browsing idly is also not a good thing foranyone! At best, we’re exposing anddesensitizing ourselves to a decadentculture.

Here are some ideas that are (unfor-tunately) very incomplete. I’d love to seea committee formed of informed indi-viduals to address all these problems andcome up with real solutions. I’d suggesta service provider that sends a weekly ormonthly statement to the user of all sitesaccessed. That immediately removes theprivacy issue. One who knows that hisactions are being tracked and will beplayed back to him will automatically actdifferently, even if he’s the only one see-ing it! I have a feature on my firewall thatgives me that list, but I’m sometimes lazyto read it through, so I’d go a step fur-ther and create an Internet provider witha hechsher! Filtering doesn’t really work,but let there be a panel of people randomlychecking through the lists of websites used.The problem with that would be the con-cern of privacy. For example, if someone’schecking up a medical condition, he maynot want that fact advertised.

I still feel that these solutions shouldnot preclude the strong advice to the gen-eral public to use the Internet sparing-ly. It should not be an entertainment tool.

Let me end by saying that by puttingour collective heads together, I’m fullyconfident that our community cancome up with viable solutions.



“No”“No”

Pointless… For Good Reason

The issue of interfaith dialogue isone of those hardy perennials. Arecent conference sponsored by

Boston College’s Center for Christian-Jewish Learning discussed the continuedapplicability of the ban posed on suchdialogue by Rabbi Joseph BerSoloveitchik, the towering figure ofModern Orthodoxy.

Atarah Twersky, Rabbi Soloveitchik’sdaughter, insisted that her father’s viewsnever changed, despite the changes in theattitudes of the Catholic Church in thenearly thirty years between the Churchencyclical Nostra Aetate and RabbiSoloveitchik’s passing. While her testi-mony may be dispositive as to her father’sviews, it is nevertheless worthwhilerevisiting the issue, if only to understandhow little such dialogue offers and thedangers it poses.

Interfaith dialogue is pointlessbecause it can change nothing. Halacha,or Jewish law, is the province of thosewith a full command of the vast halachic

literature. There is no more place in thehalachic process for the opinions of thoselacking such a grounding, be they Jewor gentile, than there is for polling syn-agogue members to determine halachicpractice.

Admittedly, it would be a great boonif Islamic imams could be convinced tostop issuing fatwas condoning suicidebombing. But only the most naivewould expect theological dialogue withrabbis to be the means of persuasion.

True, Catholic doctrine concerningthe traditional charge of deicideagainst Jews has changed greatly inrecent decades. (Unlike rabbis, the Popehas the power to enunciate new doc-trine.) Yet here, too, it is doubtful thatCatholic doctrine changed because oftheological arguments raised by rab-bis, whose area of expertise is pre-sumably not the Christian Gospels.Rather, it changed because of theChurch’s guilt over its complicity inHitler’s Final Solution and the legacyof Jew hatred based on millennia ofChurch teachings.

A Dangerously Blurring Influence

Interfaith dialogue is dangerousbecause such dialogue inevitably leadsto the blurring of Judaism’s own mes-

sage. The nature of dialogue is that oneelicits concessions and compromisesfrom the other side only by makingone’s own concessions. England’sChief Rabbi Jonathan Sacks’ compar-ison of interfaith dialogue to marriagecounseling is highly germane, for inmarital counseling both sides will beurged to make concessions.

The controversy surroundingRabbi Sacks’ book The Dignity ofDifference provides an object lesson inthe dangers inherent in interfaiththeological dialogue. Certainly, inter-faith dialogue has few more enthusi-astic proponents than Rabbi Sacks,who boasts of having met secretly witha leading Iranian imam and hasexpressed his desire to meet withShiekh Abu Hamzu, of the FinsburyPark mosque, a Taliban sympathizerwho admits to sharing the views ofOsama bin Laden.

The quest for interfaith dialogue ledRabbi Sacks to attempt to construct ageneral theory of religion in TheDignity of Difference. The result, how-ever, severely distorted central Jewishbeliefs, and forced Rabbi Sacks torewrite the book after not a singleBritish rabbi across the Orthodox spec-trum could be found to defend it.

In the process of constructing his


Rabbi Rosenblum, who lives in Jerusalem, is acontributing editor to The Jewish Observer. Heis also director of the Israeli division of Am Echad,the Agudath Israel-inspired educational outreacheffort and media resource. Versions of this arti-cle appeared in The Jerusalem Post and theBaltimore Jewish Times.

t o I n t e r f a i t hD i a l o g u e

Yonoson Rosenblum

general theory, Rabbi Sacks was forcedto deny the absolute uniqueness of theRevelation at Sinai. “G-d has spokento mankind in many languages:through Judaism to Jews, Christianityto Christians, through Islam toMuslims,” he wrote. The price ofsuch ecumenicism was to ignore theKuzari’s classic distinction betweenJudaism and any of the othermonotheistic faiths: Judaism alone ofthe monotheistic faiths is based on arevelation to an entire people, not onthe claims of a solitary figure. Nor didRabbi Sacks specify where, when, orhow G-d is supposed to have spokento Christians or Moslems.

Rabbi Sacks again failed to empha-size Sinai as a unique event in humanhistory when he blithely asserted thatno faith is complete and each has someshare of the truth. One wonders whata rabbi will tell a young Jew whodefends his decision to marry out onthe basis of Rabbi Sacks’ book:“What’s the problem? Each of ourfaiths has only part of the truth.Together we will possess more truth.”

“The G-d of the Hebrew Biblelov[es] each of his children for whatthey are: Isaac and Ishmael, Jacob andEsau, Israel and the nations…” is alovely, politically correct thought.But it is also hard to reconcile RabbiSacks’ words with a recent Haftorahreading – “Yet I loved Yaakov; but EsauI hated…” (Malachi 1:3), or theTorah’s description of Ishmael as a wildman, “his hand against everyone, andeveryone’s hand against him.”

“Yitz” Greenberg, another longtime enthusiast for interfaith dia-logue, went much further towardsheresy and blurring the distinctionsbetween Judaism and Christianity.(Rabbi Sacks did eventually release arevised edition absent the offendingpassages.) According to Greenberg,Jesus was a “failed Messiah,” just asAbraham and Moses were also “fail-ures.” Both Jews and Christians err inadvancing exclusive claims of cho-senness, according to Greenberg,because there is enough love in G-d “tochoose again and again and again.”

For What Function?

Finally, interfaith dialogue isunnecessary because its absence inno way prevents the develop-

ment of pleasant, fruitful relationsbetween people of different faiths.Religious people do, in fact, usually findlarge areas of commonality betweenthem. Orthodox Jews, for instance,experience a much higher comfortlevel with evangelical Christians than dosecular Jews, despite their eschewal oftheological dialogue.

The late Cardinal O’Connor would

effusively hug Rabbi Moshe Sherer, thelong-time head of Agudath Israel ofAmerica, whenever they met. UnderRabbi Sherer’s leadership, Catholicsand Orthodox Jews worked togetherproductively on a host of issues con-cerning non-public schooling and pub-lic morality, without ever engaging intheological discussions. Indeed, avoid-ing discussion of the chasm of beliefbetween them fostered the ability tomaintain a close alliance.

Pointless, dangerous, and unnecessary– those should be enough reasons foravoiding interfaith dialogue. ■


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