SEPTEMBER 2014

Women in business:

the super-achievers

The danger of

Labelling

our children

How to

prevent

bullying

Your Free online Parenting magazine

Make-up

For working

mums

Contents

Special Features

22 24

Women in business Make-up for working mums

September 2014

Regulars

Letter from the Editor Monthly recipe - Nut free pesto Ask a professional - questions from readers Did you know? Make a change Your Story - Mother’s Intuition Mum’s & the City Something Extra Kids fun Community Noticeboard

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12

13 17 18 20 21 27 28

Articles

10 steps to prevent bullying for your child Top reasons to use cloth Labelling your children My 2014 money challenge

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8 14 26

Small Steps Parenting Magazine

www.smallstepsparenting.com

www.facebook.com/smallstepsparenting

Dear reader,

With spring in the air Small Steps

is bringing about some very excit-

ing changes. Over the next few

months you will be able to look

forward to two brand new regular

sections in the magazine and an

ever growing online community.

We will be creating a more inter-

active magazine allowing for you

to share your comments and con-

cerns with us via our social net-

works or our website. I would encourage you to join us and share your

thoughts on our articles and blogs and share your stories as we build this

community.

Thank you again for supporting us as we continue to bring you this free

publication.

Kindly,

Julie-Anne England

Letter from

the Editor

10 steps to prevent

bullying for your child Bullying occurs all around us; as a child in

the schoolyard, as a teenager in the Cyber-

world and even as an adult in the work-

place! As a society we need to raise aware-

ness around bullying, as the effects on both

the victim and bully can last a lifetime.

I am passionate about helping other fami-

lies to feel empowered over bullying. I

experienced bullying in my school years

and for many years after the bullying oc-

curred I suffered from feelings of low self-

worth and feelings of not being good

enough.

I believe that no child or adult should ex-

perience bullying or live from the long-

term effects of bullying like I did.

These 10 simple steps will help you to take

your power back and prevent bullying in

your child (as either a bully or victim of

bullying):

1. Deal with your personal issues: it is

important to get Mum feeling confident

and in control of her life first, which will

then flow down to her children. The more

we can look within and work on our own

stuff the less we will feel the need to put

others down to make ourselves feel better.

2. Create empathy: model and teach your

children to be empathetic and how to rec-

ognize emotions that are being experienced

by those around them. Be understanding

and empathetic towards your children for

what they are going through.

3. Communication: keep the lines of com-

munication open with your children, so

they are comfortable with talking to you

about what is really going on at school and

on social media.

4. Resilience: encourage resilience in your

children, modelling and talking them

through how they can ‘bounce back’ from

difficult times, setbacks, and other signifi-

cant challenges.

5. Attention: give your child quality one

on one attention. This is important to help

your child feel valued and worthy or your

time and love. By helping your child to feel

valued in the home environment will re-

duce the chances of them going outside the

home environment for validation.

6. Accept your child for who they are:

love and accept your child as they are right

now. If we can accept our children and

show this to them though love and feeling

proud of them.

7. Do not label your children: do not give

your children labels, like shy, rude,

naughty or terrible. This will on reinforce

the behavior that you are trying to avoid.

If you call someone a name long enough,

then that is what they will believe within

themselves.

8. Discipline your child with love: disci-

pline your child from a place of love, not

form a place of anger and frustration. It is

important to teach children how to deal

with their own anger through modelling

appropriate anger management within

ourselves.

9. Teach your children how to be so-

cial: model and teach your children to be

social through your own social relation-

ships. Children learn through our example

and need to know how to treat people

socially.

10. Encourage your children to be inde-

pendent: by encouraging your children to

be independent, we are putting our trust in

them and saying that we think they are

responsible enough and mature enough to

cope with a given task.

The most important thing for children

who are either experiencing bullying or

who are bullying is to look within and

underneath to see what is happening for

them inside emotionally. When we are

able to address these internal fears, anxie-

ties or sadness then their external behav-

iours will start to match their internal

feelings. When you only deal with the

external bullying it has a short-term ef-

fect, to make the changes long lasting we

need to deal with the internal emotions

that are causing the bullying.

Start today to implement these steps into

your life. Remembering to talk and ac-

knowledge what is going on with your

child and see it through their eyes.

Written by Debbie Rossi, speaker, kinesi-

ologist, mother of four and author of the

book “Beyond the schoolyard—End the

bullying forever.”

McGraths Hill Children’s Centre Inc

69 Andrew Thompson Dr, McGraths Hill Ph: 4587 7141 or email: mhcc@westnet.com.au

Open 6.30am-6.30pm

From birth to 6 years

Nutritious meals daily

Community based - Not for profit centre

Preschool transition programs

8

Top reasons to use cloth

Let’s face it, we all know cloth is better for

the environment. But did you know there

are MANY other reasons that more and

more parents are choosing modern cloth

nappies (let’s call them MCN’s) today?

Here are a few reasons why parents are con-

sidering cloth for their baby. I am sure you

will find out a whole lot more!

1. MCN’s have come a long way, baby!!

Chances are you wouldn’t even recognize

them today. Cloth nappies have evolved to

such an extent over the last ten years that

many rival disposables any day. In fact, if

you were to put a pocket cloth nappy next to

a disposable, you would find very little dif-

ference in bulk, size and function.

2. MCN’s are more economical!

Disposable nappies become very expensive

when you consider your child will

be in them for 2-3years. They

can only be used once and are

then tossed away. They cannot be

used for a second (or subsequent) child.

You can wrap your bubbas butt in MCN’s

for 3 years for as little as $400!! That’s a

savings of $2500 (considering the average

family spends $2800-3000 in disposables

over 3 years) for one child. Due to their

excellent resale value, you may be able to

get as much as half of the money spent on

cloth nappies back on an auction site. Try

doing that with your used disposables!

3. Babies are healthier in MCN’s

Disposables contain many chemicals, poi-

sons (TBT tributyl tin), dioxins (which are

highly carcinogenic) and

even perfumes and dyes that are all harm-

ful to your baby and lead to nappy rash. The

majority of babies in cloth tend to have less

nappy rash as MCN’s are more breathable

and have none of the harmful chemicals

or bleaches found in disposables. The gel

that is used in disposables to absorb and

hold in moisture is known as Sodium Poly-

acrylate. This substance has been found in

the urinary tract of babies and may cause

severe nappy rash, chemical burns, and

bleeding in the perineum and scrotal tissue.

4. MCN’s are more reliable and less

messy than disposables!

Yes, we are talking

about leaks!

With a correctly

fitted MCN the

majority of mums

experience less

leaking than using

disposables.

9

New, modern cloth nappies

and covers are so customizable that you

have the ability to get a perfect fit on your

baby each and every time. Think you will

have too much washing to do using cloth? I

guarantee it’s no more (maybe even less!)

than with disposables. It's a little known

secret that the “blow-outs” that occur from

leaky solids are actually contained better in

cloth. Disposables have a slippery surface to

them which causes a "slip and slide" effect

with messy, leaky solids. It's not pretty! The

textured fabric that MCN’s are constructed

of provides the perfect surface for leaky

messes to cling to.

5. Cloth is more comfortable!

Would you like to wear paper underwear all

day? Why would you think your baby

thinks any differently? Soft bamboo next to

a babies tender skin is much more comfort-

able than paper and plastic.

6. It is quick and EASY!

Yes, we said easy! The concept of conven-

ience is a marketing ploy that disposable

manufacturers use. They don't what you to

know how easy it is to use cloth! It takes no

more time to change your baby and pop

on a load of washing than it does to

change your baby, get baby dressed to

go out, fasten baby in car seat, get pram

out of car, take baby out of car seat, fas-

ten baby into pram, go into the mall, weave

through the aisle to get to the disposable

aisle...wait a minute? This seems like way

more work to me!

7. Babies look adorable in cloth!

Cloth nappies are a modern baby's fashion

statement! And modern mums love to shop

for cloth nappies. Have you ever noticed

how professional photographers use MCN’s

on their baby models? Cloth just looks bet-

ter on babies. There are so many choices in

cloth nappies today. With all the styles and

colors, babies look adorable in cloth! Show

your little one off in a soft, comfy, adorable

clothy bum!

8. Toilet Training is easier!

It is a little known fact that children in cloth

nappies potty train earlier and with less ef-

fort on the part of the parent. Again, cloth

nappies are saving our families time! As

children are actually aware of the sensation

of urinating, the average child that is in

cloth nappies typically potty trains faster

than their disposable friends.

Written by Natalie Tobin, mum of two and

owner of Bubeez Modern Cloth Nappies.

www.bubeez.com.au

info@bubeez.com.au

Did you

know it takes around 500

years to break down one

disposable nappy? So every

disposable nappy ever used is

STILL in landfill today!

www.bubeez.com.au

Affordable designs

Hemp & bamboo inserts

Newborn to toddler

Easiest style of cloth nappies

Saving baby’s

butts since

ages ago!

Combos Slides Obstacle Castles Slushie Machines

Phone: (02) 4571 1240 or 0402 100 681

Email: tomcatjim1@bigpond.com

Birthdays/Corporate Events/Preschools/Fetes/Christmas/New Years

Monthly Recipe

11

This recipe comes from Get Kids Cooking. For more healthy recipes check out their

website www.getkidscooking.com.au

Nut Free Pesto

There is nothing like the smell of fresh basil and it is so easy to grow in any garden or bal-

cony pot! This fresh pesto is perfect as a dip or stirred through pasta

Instructions

Place the basil leaves & spinach in a blender/food processor, add peeled garlic, chick-

peas, lemon juice and oil.

Blend until your desired consistency - some people like it really smooth, others love it

chunky

If too thick, use some of the reserved chickpea juice to thin to your preferred consistency

Mix in parmesan cheese and add salt and pepper to taste.

Optional Extra's Stir through fresh cooked pasta, add chicken and top with fresh grated parmesan

Lots of Kids love pesto through scrambled eggs to make green eggs and ham!

If you have no nut allergies in your family, you can use toasted pinenuts or cashews instead

of the chickpeas

Serves: 4

Ingredients

1 Bunch of basil

1 hand full of baby spinach

leaves

1 400g tin of chickpeas

(reserve the liquid)

1 clove of garlic

Juice of half a lemon

⅓ cup tablespoons rice bran

oil

100g fresh parmesan cheese

(block not grated)

Salt and Pepper to taste

Ask a Professional

QUESTION: I would love some information on exercising after a caesarean section. I hve

just had my third baby 15 weeks ago and for the first time ended up with an emergency c-

section after a 16 hour labour. I have been struggling a lot with back pain and have zero

stomach strength to even sit up. I need help with doing exercises to strengthen my core/

stomach area. Laura.

Dear Laura,

Firstly, congratulations upon your latest ad-

dition to the family! There are a few things

to consider:

1. Have you had your post -delivery check

up with your GP / OBS? Very often

mums get their bubs checked out but

become too busy with making sure all the

family is ok, to get their own check up! If

you have not had one, please proceed to

get one before commencing any exercise.

2. If you have had a check up, were your

abdominals checked for separation

(diastsis rectus). If you have a separation,

then no amount of crunches will help…in

fact it will create more problems! So

please get this checked by a health pro-

fessional or trained PT before you com-

mence any exercise.

3. Reflect upon your weight prior to your

recent pregnancy and the gain you had

during your prenatal period. Excess

weight and gain pre and during preg-

nancy can create core strain if it is not

being regularly conditioned.

4. Consider your physical ability and condi-

tion prior to your recent pregnancy, how

would you have rated your core strength

out of 10? If your core was say a 6 out of

10 (or less), during pregnancy, if you did

not engage in prenatal exercise, there is a

strong chance your transverse abdomi-

nals (on your sides) were and are still

weak. It is these muscles that support

your lower back during pregnancy and

these are the very first muscles that

should be addressed to begin strengthen-

ing your core.

After taking the above into consideration,

and gained your relevant check ups, my sug-

gestion would be to either find a Personal

Trainer qualified in post natal fitness or join

a group class for post natal women (ie Mums

and Bubs class), preferably based on Pilates.

To commence strengthening your core to

support your lower back, you will need to

work on your transverse abdominals (sides),

pelvic floor, glutes (butt) and hip action.

Here are 3 sample exercises:

Transverse Abdominal Draw In

Lie on the floor / bed on your tummy, face

down with your forehead placed on your

folded hands with legs outstretched. Lift

your pelvic floor and then simultaneously

draw your belly button up and bring it back

towards your spine…imagine lifting your

belly button up off the floor /bed. Hold for

count of 10 and release your navel and pel-

vic floor. Do this as many times a day as

possible.

Leg slide

Lie on the floor on your back, legs bent with

feet flat on the floor. Lift pelvic floor, draw

the belly button down towards the spine and

very slowly lightly slide one foot at a time

along the floor to full leg extension and re-

place. The whole time, hold your pelvic

12

13

floor and navel in. Repeat 10/leg.

Wall Squat

With your back to a wall, knees in line with

hips and hands on hips, feet away from wall

but in line with knees, lift pelvic floor and

slide down the wall into a squat – all the

while with your back to the wall. Squeeze

your buttocks to push your way up to a stand

– still with back to the wall, release pelvic

floor at full stand. Repeat 10 times. Your

core strength can return and your lower lum-

bar pain can go away – but you will need to

be diligent with appropriate exercise and

give it time to repair! Good luck and should

you need any further information please let

me know! Warm regards, Kirsten

Written by Kirsten Mitchell, mobile personal

trainer. Find out more about Kirsten on our

website or ask a question through our Face-

book page.

Did you know…?

Written by Simone Yuen, children’s book author, www.rainbowballs.com.au

Ask your child to help you set the table and count the num-

ber of plates and pieces of cutlery used. You can also intro-

duce the concepts of more and less/addition and subtraction.

“Auntie Sarah is joining us for dinner tonight can you please

add one more plate to make it 5 plates please”.

You can count with your child the number of buttons on his

pyjamas. At the same time you can develop his fine motor skill

by teaching them how to button up.

You can encourage your child to count the

number of pegs you are using to hang out the washing. By

involving your child to help you with chores at home you

are also teaching him life skills that will be beneficial to his

future.

Numeracy is an important concept to introduce to children from an early age.

One of the earliest skills children have to develop is counting and you can help your child develop this skill at home.

Labelling your kids

14

Last year, I started playing badminton with

my mum. Recently retired, twice my age

and a good six inches shorter than me, I felt

confident I could easily match her on court,

despite her own 30 years of league experi-

ence many decades before.

I had, however, conveniently forgotten that

Shakespeare’s famous words “though she

be but little, she is fierce” could have been

written about my mum! As I toiled and

traversed with all the grace of a headless

chicken on one side of the net, she deter-

minedly smashed shuttlecock after shuttle-

cock with the power and speed of a fero-

cious bulldog.

I ended up always losing. Badly. For no

reason other than the fact that my mum was

a heck of a lot better than me. And perhaps

her fiercely competitive nature played its

part too. But my mum had other ideas

about the reason for my losses. As I

knocked limp serve after limp serve into

the net, she kept telling me “The problem

with you is, you’re too impatient!”

“The problem with me is, I’m too impa-

tient. The problem with me is, I’m too im-

patient.” The words rolled around in my

mind, searching for evidence of this “fact”

that I was impatient.

As far as I’m concerned, I am fantastic at

demonstrating patience. My job requires

the highest level of patience when coaching

and training young people, I always work

patiently and diligently towards my long-

term goals, and I am a champion at waiting

patiently for the next series of Game of

Thrones to come to the screen!

Luckily I was able to identify enough

counter-evidence to refute my mum’s claim

of impatience, and point out to her confi-

dently and coherently that a few incidences

of me hitting the shuttlecock into the net

does not justify being labelled “impatient”.

It could simply have been down to a lack of

skill, a lack of concentration, a slip of the

hand, or it could have been down to a dif-

ferent reason on each of the occasions it

happened. Perhaps, sometimes, it was actu-

ally due to impatience. But just because I

might sometimes display impatient behav-

iours, it doesn’t mean I am an impatient

person.

Now, as an adult knowing what I know

about the workings of the human mind, it

was easy for me to avoid the consequences

that carrying forward a label of being

“impatient” could have had. But how many

times when I was a child did my mum im-

pose similar labels on me, which I didn’t

have the resources to provide counter-

evidence for? How many negative

“identities” did I carry forward with me

throughout my childhood, teenage years

and my 20’s, that affected how I perceived

myself and therefore how others perceived

me too?

The thing is, when we use labels such as

“lazy”, “shy”, “naughty” or “impatient” for

our children or our students, it is so easy

for them to quickly and easily become

these labels and live up to them. It can take

just a couple of instances of a young child

being given a label for them to make a hard

and fast decision about themselves, and

their clever young minds will then show

them countless evidence to back up this

decision, because we see in the world what

we focus on within ourselves. They will

suddenly start to interpret everything that

they do, everything that happens, according

to this label, becoming the label more and

more every day.

Take Kieran, a bright, adventurous and

15

curious 7 year-old, who was brought to see

me because he had started to display signs of

dishonesty both at home and at school. His

parents were concerned because it had

started to get him into trouble with his teach-

ers, and to cause problems with his class-

mates.

As I found out more about Kieran during our

consultation, I noticed that several times he

used the phrase “because I am a liar”. He

was talking about himself at an identity

level, in the same way as he would say, “I

am a boy”, rather than at a behaviour level,

in the way he might say, “I lied about doing

my homework tonight”.

Through a series of questions and chunking

down the experiences he had generalised to

come to the conclusion that he was “a liar”,

it became apparent that, over the summer

holidays, Kieran had noticed that his mum

seemed sad because his dad was always

working late and never seemed to have time

for them. In trying to help, Kieran had

phoned his dad late one afternoon and said

there was an emergency and he needed to

come home straight away. In Kieran’s mind,

this would make his mum happy, as his dad

would come home early.

However, on arriving

home to find all was

well, both his parents

reprimanded Kieran,

telling him “you are a

liar!”

In that moment,

Kieran started to

form the decision

that he was

“a liar” and,

when his

parents used

the same phrase

again during

another incident

soon afterwards,

it was enough to cement that decision and

for Kieran to take on the identity of being “a

liar”.

Seeing himself as a liar started to affect the

way Kieran felt, his behaviour, and the be-

haviour of others towards him, until it

reached the stage where his dishonesty was

becoming a cause for concern. Changing the

decision Kieran had made by helping him to

realise that he had occasionally told lies with

a positive intention, rather than him being “a

liar”, transformed the way he saw himself

and in turn transformed his behaviour and

his outcomes.

It is all too easy for us as adults, as parents,

and as teachers, to make what we see as a

throwaway or innocuous comment, which

our children and students then generalise and

distort within their complex inner worlds,

coming up with a stone-fast conclusion,

which can affect them and hold them back

for many years to come.

So how we can prevent this from happening?

How can we start to change these habits and

build new, better habits, which allow our

children and students to be free from labels

that do not serve them?

Accept the person: A child’s behaviour is

not their identity; it is simply the best

choice they have available to them with

the inner resources they have at that mo-

ment in time. If we can hold the belief that

children are always doing the best they can

in any moment, and that there is a positive

intention behind their current behaviour,

then it is much easier to accept that this

behaviour does not equal who they are at

an identity level.

Be mindful: Notice the language you are

using with your children and students.

Avoid making statements such as, “You

are rude” or “You are naughty”, as these

can be generalised and taken on board at

an identity level very quickly and easily by

young people. Instead, give a specific ex-

ample of the behaviour they have dis-

played that is unacceptable to you, and

give them a specific example of when they

have displayed a behaviour that is more

acceptable. For example, “This afternoon

you refused to help me with the washing

up and I found the way you spoke to me on

this occasion rude. Yesterday, when you

explained calmly that you had some urgent

homework to do before you could help, it

was a much better way of dealing with the

situation”.

Look within ourselves: If you are noticing

a particular trait within your child or stu-

dent, ask yourself the question, “How is it

true for me?” To identify what a trait is

like, we must have our own internal ex-

perience of that trait. What behaviours are

we displaying that our children are learn-

ing from? And how can we adapt our be-

haviours to provide more positive traits for

our children to model? Children are uncon-

sciously picking up on everything we do as

they navigate their way through their early

years of learning; so if you want to prevent

a child from taking on a label and becom-

ing their behaviour, don’t just tell them the

way forward – show them.

Encourage: Children thrive on encourage-

ment. They look to the adults and role

models around them to show them that

they are getting things right, that they are

on the right track. Instead of using nega-

tive labels, which will become their main

focus, encourage them to focus on every-

thing that’s good about themselves. Ask

them questions such as, “What are you

brilliant at?” and “What great things have

you done today?” Their clever young

minds will quickly start searching for an-

swers to these questions, and what will

they find? Evidence. Countless, unequivo-

cal evidence of everything that they’re

brilliant at and of all the great things

they’ve done. What wonderful gifts to give

to a child!

Children are a precious commodity. They

can also be delicate, sensitive and complex

beings. Their early experiences will shape

their life going forward, so give them the

best possible chance of success by avoiding

labels and encouraging open-mindedness,

curiosity, creativity and hope.

Brilliant Young People Founder, Melissa

Hughes, is a qualified NLP (Neuro Linguis-

tic Programming) Trainer, Master Practi-

tioner and NLP4Kids Practitioner.. You

can find out more by visiting http://

www.brilliantyoungpeople.com.

16

We would love to hear how you have helped someone in your community or hear how someone

has made a difference to you. Please write to us and share your story.

Make

As Crisis Foster Carers, Kelly and Glen experienced

firsthand the challenges faced by children entering the

foster care system in NSW and wanted to do something

about it. In early 2012, they founded Foster Care Angels.

Foster Care Angels (FCA) are a not for profit, 100%

volunteer run organisation passionate about supporting

positive foster care placements. Their services are pro-

vided free of charge and are designed to help empower

foster children, and support foster carers.

FCA run 3 programs and are always looking for opportu-

nities to expand their services.

1. Care Packages – Backpacks containing age and gender

appropriate essential and comfort items, such as toiletries,

school supplies, baby needs, toys, books, a soft teddy to cuddle and a small torch. These are

intended to create a sense of self-worth and independence for children first entering foster

care.

2. Computers 4 Kids – Computers (including software and technical support) provided to

Residential Care Facilities. This is to assist children and young people living in Residential

Care Facilities to have every opportunity to reach their full potential.

3. Respite For Carers – Opportunities for carers to have a quiet meal and weekend away.

Carers open their hearts and homes for children in need, and it can be a tough job. These

respite services can sometimes be the difference between a placement breakdown and posi-

tive placement that lasts for years to come.

The good work of Foster Care Angels, and their founder Kelly Doyle have been recognised

as finalists this year in the 2014 Body and Soul Extra-Ordinary Women Awards, The Daily

Telegraph Champions of The West Campaign, and Kelly has just been shortlisted as one of

three finalists in the 2014 Pride of Australia Medal in the Community Spirit Category.

If you would like to support their work, you can make a secure tax deductible donation via

their website. Corporate support is also welcomed. More information can be found at

www.fostercareangels.org.au

Change Change

18

Your Story

Stefanie’s Story - Mother’s Intuition

Life was pretty normal for me

and my little family when we

discovered in 2011 that we

were expecting again. I was

excited to give a sibling to my

first little boy and looked for-

ward to the new baby’s arrival.

In the meantime I had much to

keep me busy as I was in the

starting stages of forming my

own business while I was

pregnant. I had a "hobby" of

cake decorating and loved

making fun themed cakes for

my family and friends.

The pregnancy was relatively

uneventful until I reached 33

weeks gestation. Contractions surprised me

and I ended up in hospital on medication to

stop my premature labour. After the con-

tractions had settled I was able to return

home to await my due date.

Just a week later I found myself unable to

sleep in the very early hours of the morn-

ing. I had an "uneasy" feeling that some-

thing was wrong. I had some mild cramp-

ing but nothing that seemed out of the nor-

mal for me. I lay in my bed quietly trying

to will myself to sleep but the feeling that

something was wrong wasn’t going away.

With my husband & my then 2 year old

fast asleep I decided to drive myself to hos-

pital for a quick check up to put my mind

at ease.

Little did I know only moments after arriv-

ing at hospital I was being rushed in to

have an emergency caesarean - my baby

was in severe fetal distress. The hospital

called my husband to let him know what

was happening just as I was being wheeled

in to theatre. I was in complete shock, un-

able to wrap my head around what was

happening. My son was born moments later

& whisked away just as I caught a glimpse

of him as he wasn’t breathing.

I remained in theatre and underwent sur-

gery myself as it turned out my "uneasy"

feeling was in fact something life threaten-

ing. My uterus had ruptured top and bot-

tom, and my son had fallen through the

opening and was wedged in the lining of

my stomach.

I was so afraid after he was born and I

cried as I feared for this new little life. My

husband arrived after the birth and was

asked to choose between me in theatre or

our new son, Joey. I told him to go be with

our baby. I needed repair surgery and 2

blood transfusions to get me back on the

mend. Joey had breathing tubes inserted

and was on a ventilator for two days while

in a humidicrib. He also needed two blood

transfusions himself.

19

It was a few days before I got to see him,

and even longer before I was able to hold

him for the first time. After his breathing

tube was removed, he remained in his hu-

midicrib for a week and a half, still covered

with lines and tubes to monitor his oxygen

level, heart rate, blood pressure and general

wellbeing. He also needed light therapy for

jaundice.

He struggled with feeding and was tube fed

through his nose for the first 5 weeks.

Gradually he improved until he was able to

feed on his own and the hospital removed

all his tubes and wires. It was almost six

weeks in the hospital before I was able to

take him home. My husband really strug-

gled with our situation and needed to take

weeks off work to care for my first son,

Jack while Joey and I were in hospital.

Then after my discharge he drove me back

and forth from the hospital several times a

day to be with Joey.

Before my discharge the doctor’s explained

the severity of my situation to me. As it

turned out myself and my child would have

died if I hadn’t gone with my “mother’s

intuition”. With a ruptured uterus you bleed

out internally and they tell me that I would-

n’t have woken up the next morning had I

gone to sleep instead of driving myself to

the hospital. My bleeding meant that I had

only 30 minutes to live. My son had only

15 minutes.

The day I left the hospital I felt like my

heart would break, not having my baby in

my arms where he should be. Walking past

his empty room and not seeing him caused

me to worry about what was happening

while I wasn’t there. I felt completely torn

as I wanted to be with my newborn but

knew I was needed by my older son too.

The day I brought Joey home was the best

day ever! I felt an instant pressure off my

shoulders and I was finally able to relax

having my beautiful family all together

under one roof. Although I am never able

to have more children since the damage to

my uterus I am so grateful to have my boys

in my life and it was because of them that I

pushed on to create my home business.

Cake decorating is a passion of mine that

allows me to be creative in my own home

while I stay at home and take of my kids.

Now down the track we are very thankful

that we are celebrating Joey’s 3rd birthday

and he is doing so well. He has had no

complications and is a very happy healthy

cheeky boy. I feel so lucky to be a mum to

this wonderful family and so lucky to be

here to be fulfilling my dreams!

Written by Stefanie Hinkley, mum of two

and business owner of Fun Cakes.

20

This question raises its head quite a lot when it comes to

having children and with the recent buzz on the changes

to paid maternity leave (possibly) starting next year, I

realised I only had a very basic guesstimate on exactly

how old most women are these days when they had

children. What do you think it is, or when was the right

time for you?

Some would argue the best time is when they are financially stable, others only when mar-

ried, another group once they found The One and started going ga ga at babies or if you

were to follow the advice of Miranda from Sex and The City the answer would be when

they ‘just know’ regardless of all of the above.

For me, I was barely in my mid-twenties when we decided it was the best time for us to

experience the pitter-patter of little feet (now more like bang, thud, stomp), for my closest

friend she um’d and ar’d for many years until she came across the One (now devoted hus-

band) in another country in her mid 30’s until she was ready. And for my sister, she is still

deciding on whether or not to enter into the non-instructional baring world of motherhood

in her early 30’s.

So, what are the cold hard facts on this one? Well, to make sure I was telling you the truth

(a far cry from my guesstimate) I decided to consult - who else - but the Australian Bu-

reau of Statistics.

It would seem the latest statistics released earlier this year (tallied up to 2012) *show that

the median age of mums in Australia has increased over the last 40 years from 25.5 years

old back in 1972, to 30.2 years old in 2002, and then moving up again in 2012 to 30.7

years (for all registered births).

It will be interesting to find out when they do the next lot of statistics how much older the

average age will rise to. But with technology advances in the areas of IVF and egg freez-

ing it seems the skies the limit in some cases.

Whatever sparks the decision for women to bring a small person into this world, there is

no denying that the motherhood journey at any age is always memorable, and the first

time where you can’t get annoyed at your husband or partner for not reading the instruc-

tions, because they aren’t provided!

*Australian Bureau of Statistics

The right time

Singing made the difference. It relaxed me, relaxed my baby, and made breastfeeding a bet-

ter experience for us both. Interestingly, a study has just found that when mothers sang while

providing skin to skin to their premature babies, both experienced more regular heart rates

and were calmer. Isn't it great when science backs up personal experience!

Singing is a great bonding tool, and it is a great language development tool, too. Words are

repeated over and over again in song, often with actions, helping understanding. Often we

emphasise the important words and we slow down a bit too. Singing more slowly and paus-

ing to let the child finish the words for us are great ways to help children who need extra

language assistance.

Singing together and moving together to a beat are great for teaching children about being at

one with another person - especially for children who might have social difficulties. It

teaches kids to adapt their actions (such as the speed of their singing or bouncing) to fit in

with the other person. By deliberately altering the speed or direction which we move, or even

the words or key that we're singing in, we can help our children pay attention and make ad-

justments to the world around them.

Early reading is all about hearing sounds and rhythms in words, which is why children with

early music exposure have a head start with reading. Songs often have rhyming words, which

is a great way to listen out to word endings. And clapping along with a beat, singing count-

ing songs, being able to predict when a song is about to finish - all are great for early maths

skills, too.

You might come into parenting without a lot of exposure to children's music. My advice is to

go online and grab a copy of Merrily Merrily, a CD from the Australian Breastfeeding Asso-

ciation. It is simple and old-fashioned, but it has all the songs you will remember from kin-

dergarten, and the kids love it. There's also a book with the music and words in it if you'd

like. The Playschool CDs are also great for classic children's songs. You will find that most

of the songs that your kids learn at daycare, playgroup or preschool will be there - otherwise,

have a quick search on youtube.

Singing has been part of human learning forever, perhaps even before speech. It is a great

way to bond with your children, introduce them to language, reading, and maths, and to wel-

come them into the way we listen to each other.

Like many a new mother, I had some diffi-

culty in the early day establishing breastfeed-

ing. I was anxious, which made let down dif-

ficult, which made my baby cry from frustra-

tion, which made me anxious . . .

Women in business: the super-acheivers

Life has changed dramatically from years past when women stayed at home to care for their

families while their husbands worked.

These days it is difficult to draw a circle around what is defined as a family and the roles

and responsibilities have changed just as much.

There is a growing focus on the role of the woman and many women have chosen to em-

brace the freedom we have in this age to be both the person who raises a family and some-

one who also contributes to the family finances.

With this shift in family roles many women have chosen to take the money earning capac-

ity into their own hands and start their own business. This allows them to work around their

families and generate some extra income to send their kids to dance or soccer lessons, help

with the mortgage or even become the breadwinner.

During my time as a nominee of the Ausmumpreneur awards I had the privilege of connect-

ing with many amazing mums who run their own businesses. These incredible ladies not

only raise families but have become very successful in their chosen areas of business.

These women have made the discovery of how to have it all.

So how do they do it? Let me introduce you to some of the lovely Ausmumpreneurs who

will share with us what makes them superachievers and why they do what they do:

On being a mumpreneur: “I want to enjoy and

be a large part of my kids life without having to

totally forfeit my own career needs and ability to

contribute to the family. Working from home and

for myself allows me to do this. The business is

growing as I give time to it (I've been to book

parade this morning and loved that I could), the

older my kids get the more time I give to the busi-

ness.”

Jenny Southwood, Wholesome and Clean

On being a super achiever: “Being

a full time mum to two kids, running

a household and a business! I always

put my kids first, but by being organ-

ised I have been able to achieve har-

mony in the home and also success in

my business.” Caroline Africh,

Attipas Australia.

23

On success: “I feel successful when I manage to

juggle all of the balls of my life in the air at

once. From my business, my 2 toddlers, house-

duties etc. Occasionally I do drop a ball, but

that's OK. I pick it back up and start juggling

again. I have realised I don't need to be perfect

to feel successful, but I do need to have the right

attitude and keep pushing forward.” Amy

Luttrell, Mama Chic

Finding your own definition of success and aiming for it will make you a better and happier

person. If you are a business person or are wanting to be make sure you don’t miss out on

our magazine special issue Mum’s in Business coming out next month. In it you will find

how-to’s, Q&A’s from business owners, case studies on real businesses and articles that

will help you on your way. Subscribe on our website so you don’t miss out!

On being a mumpreneur: “I'm a HUGE safety advocate! I was a police woman, volunteered

for Red Cross and the State Emergency Services then became a school crossing supervisor

(Lollipop Lady). So when I created a road safety product for my children that other parents

wanted to use - I jumped at the chance to create a business that enables me to work flexibly

around my family from home.” Joanne Byron, Safe-T-Hand ~ Child Safety Around Cars

On being a super-achiever: “Not by

luck or fortune but by hard work, commit-

ment and resilience. My business has

never remained paused or stagnant. It

continues to advance and improve, it is

recognised for quality and utmost cus-

tomer service and it’s proven to be profit-

able.” Amberlea Henriques, Spoil’em

Definition of success: “Being able to do what I want and when I want for me and my family

without the restrictions of answering to a boss or financial restrictions.” Sarah Isabelle, Belle

Fever

On being a business owner: “I have always had

an interest in working for myself as my dad

owned his own business since I was a young girl

so I liked the idea of being my own boss. I also

liked the freedom of working for myself and what

it allowed me to do.” Deborah Brodie, Bop Along

Buddies

On success: “My definition of success is

being able to multitask & pull it off! If I

can take care of my children, do school

runs , make appointments and complete all

my cake orders - then I have had a com-

pletely successful week :)” Stephanie

Hinkley

24

Make-up for working mums The transition from stay at mum to working mum can be hard, and it is often

difficult to find the time to get yourself ready and feel like an attractive

woman again. Here are some tips from hair and makeup artist Sally Grieve

that you can do in a short time to get you feeling your best!

After cleansing your face apply your moisturizer.

Apply foundation or concealer under the eyes and to

any spots if necessary.

Use an eyeliner to give extra definition. Use under

eyes and add to top for an even deeper look.

If you like the smokey look simply blend with the

tip of a makeup brush.

Use a black or very black mascara to give your eyes

extra boldness for night.

Use a small brush to sweep eyeshadow across the lid

from the centre of the eye outward.

Add a bronzer for some colour

Use a shiny lip gloss or a bright lipstick like pink or

red for a great night time accent.

Use makeup wipes to remove makeup at the end of

the day - they are easy, quick and moisterizing.

Night

Wash your face when you get up in the morning and

apply moisterizer or tinted moisterizer. Leave for at

least 15 minutes before applying makeup - this is the

perfect time to attend to kids for breakfast or brush

your teeth.

Apply foundation or concealer under the eyes and to

any spots if necessary.

Use waterproof mascara to prevent unwanted

smudging. Use brown for a more natural look.

A bronzer is a nice way to add some colour to your

face. Simply use on cheeks and lightly across the

nose.

A simple lip gloss, balm or lipstick can complete

your look.

25

Day

Recommended Products:

Johnson and Johnson facial

wipes for cleaning skin

Sukin Rosewater Facial Spray

Sukin Rosehip oil

Napoleon or Revlon (2 in 1)

foundation/concealer

Benefix Paw Paw Ointment as a

lip balm

Maybelline Great Lash Water-

proof Mascara

26

My 2014

In case you have been wondering, I am

doing really well on my 2014 Money Chal-

lenge. I have managed to keep my grocery

bill down and I have been putting $300 into

savings every week (this is our savings plus

our money that we set aside for large bills

like water, electricity and rates). If you set

aside money every week for the large bills

they come as less shock at bill time.

So that got me thinking of other ways to

save money. For me the other large spend-

ing comes from our toiletries - shampoo,

conditioner, body wash, hand wash, lotions

etc. The fact that my daughter has quite bad

eczema means that I have to be very care-

ful about what I use on her skin and have

discovered that products for eczema suffer-

ers are very expensive. So I started re-

searching how I could both save money

and protect my child’s skin.

My first answer came in the form of virgin

coconut oil. Okay coconut oil is not exactly

cheap but it can be purchased in bulk and it

goes a long way.

Coconut oil has some great properties two

of which are that it works as both a mois-

terizer and a barrier, keeping the skin hy-

drated while also protecting it. It is also

completely safe and edible which makes it

safe for small babies who are likely to suck

their hands or feet.

I was able to get a litre of coconut oil for

$15.00 (you can get it even cheaper in bulk

or from websites like eBay). With this litre

I used it on my kids every night in the bath

for over a month plus I mixed a cup of it

with half a cup of sugar and some grated

lime rinds for an amazing body scrub for

myself (the full instructions are on our

blog). All that for under $20!

Previously I was spending over $15 on the

aveeno bath wash for the kids which al-

though good still has lots of additives and

weird names I can’t pronounce. And my

baby’s skin is better than it has ever been!

That got me thinking of products that I

could make myself that would save money.

Check out a few of these blogs if you like

the idea of making your own toiletries. I

haven’t yet tried these but they sound fan-

tastic and I can’t wait to start creating my

own.

http://livesimply.me/2013/07/14/

homemade-body-wash/

http://www.theconfidentmom.com/04/

essential-oils/diy-morning-citrus-blast-

body-wash/

http://youqueen.com/beauty/hair/diy-

homemade-shampoo-and-conditioner-for-

healthy-hair/

I would love to hear what you do to keep

your costs down or minimise your spend-

ing. Have you tried making your own body

wash, shampoo or conditioner and if so I

would love to hear the result. Join us on

Facebook to share your experience.

www.facebook.com/smallstepsparenting

Money Challenge

Kids Fun!

27

Need a quiet game to occupy the kids? Try this fun free

pom pom printable activity. Simply print out the pom pom printables available from the resources page on our

website www.smallstepsparenting.com

Give the printables to your child with a handful of coloured pom poms. You can

laminate the pages so you can use them over and over.

Encourage your child to select the pom poms and place on the correct colour circle

in each picture.

Ask them which colours they are using each time

Get them to count the number

of pom poms on a page or the

number of each colour pom

pom

Uses fine motor skills

Colour recognition

Counting skills

Community

Do you have a free playgroup,

event or program for families?

List them here on our

community noticeboard for

FREE! Email us.

RHYME TIME

Every Monday 10-11am

(except school holidays)

Rhymes, songs and craft for 18 months

to 3 years. Siblings welcome.

FREE - no need to book.

Central Library Windsor

Deerubbin Centre, 300 George Street,

Windsor (02) 4560 4460

PRE-SCHOOL STORYTIME

every Tuesday 11am-12noon

Richmond Branch every Thursday

11am-12noon

(except during school holidays) Themed

stories, rhymes & craft for 3 - 5 years

Siblings welcome

FREE - All welcome

Central Library Windsor

Deerubbin Centre, 300 George Street,

Windsor (02) 4560 4460

Twins and More The playgroup is for families/carers of twins or parents expecting multi-ple births. Hawkesbury Twins and More is a free Playgroup providing an informal wel-coming setting to socialize, interact & share experiences with others who have Twins and More. Bring a rug for babies to lie on & any-thing else you may need! For more information please call

Thursdays—Fortnightly 9.30am—11.00am

South Windsor Family Centre Greenhills Way, South Windsor

4577 9804

28

During school term South Windsor

Tuesday, 0-5 year olds, 9:30 –11am Hobartville

Tuesday, 0-5 Year olds, 9:15 - 11am Windsor South

Thursdays, 0-5 year olds 9:15-10:45am

Bookings phone 4577 9804

Playgroups

Meet & Greet Tuesday 1.00pm – 2.30pm

Informal group for mums & bubs birth – 18 months

Bookings phone 4577 9804

29

Noticeboard

Playtime@HVBC Are you looking for a safe, fun,

secure environment where your child

0-5 years can meet together with

other children? Do you need some

adult talk time? Come to Playtime at

HVBC!

Where: Hawkesbury Valley Baptist

Church, 14/26 Terrace Rd North

Richmond

When: Tuesday, Wednesday and

Thursday 9.30-11.30am during

school term Contact: Ph 4571 4963, txt or call

Deanna 0438 668 259

or check out our website www.hvbc.org.au

Hawkesbury Humbugs

Playgroup Join a relaxed group with babies

and preschoolers and meet for a

coffee, morning tea and a play.

First two visits free, just bring a

drink and a piece of fruit.

All welcome.

Thursdays

Glossodia Community Centre

9.30am-11.30am

For more info call Alana

0403354364

For Aboriginal Children and

their Parents/Carers.

Monday Morning

9.30am – 11.30 am

(During School term)

Windsor South Public School

(Entry from Cox St gate near the cor-

ner of Campbell St)

Morning tea provided.

For enquiries please call

Merana Aboriginal Association for

the Hawkesbury Inc.

4588 5144

All articles in Small Steps are for editorial purposes and not necessarily the opinion of the publisher. Small Steps

does not represent or endorse the accuracy or reliability of any of the information, content, or advertisements con-

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any kind whatsoever with respect to the service, the materials, and the products. You are encouraged to exercise

discretion while browsing the Internet. No part of this publication or the corresponding website is to be copied or

reproduced without permission.

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